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Speaker 1: Hey, this is any Samantha, and welcome to stuff I've

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Speaker 1: never told to you production of I Heart Radio. And

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Speaker 1: it is Thursday as this is first release, which means

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Speaker 1: it is time for another happy hour slash kind of

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Speaker 1: unhappy hour, an open space space for discussions. I like it.

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Speaker 1: I like it. Yes, And what's that being said? A

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Speaker 1: rare trigger warning in these brief mentions of sexual trauma

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Speaker 1: and eating disorders, very very brief, but I just want

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Speaker 1: to put that in there also, as always drink responsibly

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Speaker 1: if you choose to do so. We would love for

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Speaker 1: you to join us and just take a moment to relax,

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Speaker 1: however that means to you. So is Amantha, what are

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Speaker 1: you sipping on? You know what? I'm keeping it easy.

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Speaker 1: I got a truly hard lemonade. I love their lemonades.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, it just feels so like refreshing, especially

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Speaker 1: during the hot weather. And y'all it's hot and I

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Speaker 1: have my air conditioning off in Sealanta and it's humid,

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Speaker 1: so gross. But I don't like the regular lemonade, so

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Speaker 1: I've had to like sparkle it up with some flavoring.

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Speaker 1: I put some a little bit raspberry flavor, so it's

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Speaker 1: raspberry lemonade. Nice. Yeah, yeah, So I'm keeping it chill

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Speaker 1: very you know, I did. I like, I like to

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Speaker 1: make fancy what about you? I kind of fancied it

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Speaker 1: up too, I need I can't remember the name of

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Speaker 1: this cocktail and it's very basic coin but whiskey and

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Speaker 1: fresh lemon and I leave out the sweetener because I'm

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Speaker 1: fine with it, and then a little bit of ginger

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Speaker 1: and nutmeg and it is so delightful and a lot

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Speaker 1: of a lot of sparkling water. A lot fan of sparkles.

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Speaker 1: M h me too. So today, since it is Pride month,

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Speaker 1: we thought that we kind of would check in on me.

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Speaker 1: I guess yes. And what's been going on with me

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Speaker 1: as I've been trying to get more comfortable with claiming

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Speaker 1: my sexual orientation and how I identify, and especially with

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Speaker 1: the added layer of working through trauma that I've experienced

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Speaker 1: both from a really young age and at multiple formative

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Speaker 1: periods of my life, which makes me feel really insecure

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Speaker 1: and uncertain and accepting this part of myself, which is

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Speaker 1: not a great way to feel. But that's been through

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Speaker 1: the pandemic and I know some of you listeners have

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Speaker 1: written in about this of having these questions and and

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Speaker 1: for me, this has been a time of being really

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Speaker 1: mindful and I have done a lot of work through

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Speaker 1: therapy and trying to figure out these pieces of myself

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Speaker 1: and why I react in certain ways. So a lot

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Speaker 1: of that work has been done and I continue to do,

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Speaker 1: but I still have like real insecurity around all of this.

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Speaker 1: And another thing is I have experienced pain because of

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Speaker 1: how I identify, but most of it was confusion and

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Speaker 1: trying to fit in feeling wrong or other, which is

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Speaker 1: something I could do and did easily do, but it's

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Speaker 1: also something that I could hide and compensate for. So

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Speaker 1: I don't feel great about claiming the queer label, even

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Speaker 1: though I'm positive I am. And it's like that feeling

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Speaker 1: of you haven't suffered enough, which is kind of a

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Speaker 1: messed up way to think, but I think a lot

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Speaker 1: of people can connect to feeling feeling like that. At

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Speaker 1: the same time, maybe I haven't been open enough about

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Speaker 1: it when it's really nobody's business. But at the same time,

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Speaker 1: I feel like I should be visible to help destigmatize

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Speaker 1: and hopefully provide an example to someone younger who was struggling.

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Speaker 1: And I have felt experience of being a race, even

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Speaker 1: from within the LGBTQ plus community, and that's been painful.

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Speaker 1: I don't think even knew how to put it into

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Speaker 1: words before, where you'd have this moment of like, oh right, yeah,

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Speaker 1: and and in case anyone's listening to this and it's like,

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Speaker 1: what are you talking about? I So through the process

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Speaker 1: of being on the show, this show has really helped

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Speaker 1: me like learn words about how people identify, and that's

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Speaker 1: how I went on this journey. I've been pretty open

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Speaker 1: about it on the show that I identify as ACE

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Speaker 1: or perhaps to my sexual I'm still working through that

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Speaker 1: because I don't have a lot of experience with that,

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Speaker 1: which I'm going to talk about more later, right, But

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Speaker 1: you're not the only one. And we've heard from so

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Speaker 1: many listeners how this this resonates whether they are identifying

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Speaker 1: as bisexual and filling a race, because there's a lot

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Speaker 1: of a ratio within that community as well as ACE

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Speaker 1: not understanding what that was and and trying to figure

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Speaker 1: that out for yourself, and then the subcategories within being

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Speaker 1: a So there's a lot to get I'm still trying

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Speaker 1: to learn it. You give me new things to learn,

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Speaker 1: and I think it's beautiful as you learn for yourself

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Speaker 1: who you are and how you feel and how you're growing,

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Speaker 1: and it changes, it can change, and that's okay too. Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And honestly, listeners, I know we say it all the time,

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Speaker 1: but it has been so rewarding and validating to hear

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Speaker 1: from you all, um, wherever you are in this process

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Speaker 1: of learning about yourself and how you identify. It really

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Speaker 1: has been quite a moving and powerful experience for me.

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Speaker 1: So thank you, thank you, thank you for being open

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Speaker 1: with that and sharing that with us. And I think

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Speaker 1: one of the big things I've felt through this is

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Speaker 1: it has been a lot of things in my past

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Speaker 1: and perspective, certainly my desperation to fit in, to want

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Speaker 1: to want to have sex, my willingness to settle down

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Speaker 1: to make my parents happy, which now I'm like, well,

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Speaker 1: they would never want that for you. Why we right

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Speaker 1: thinking that was the thing you should do? And yeah,

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Speaker 1: none that that was really about what I wanted, not

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Speaker 1: really at least, or is what I thought I wished

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Speaker 1: I wanted at best. I know that it's really confusing,

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Speaker 1: but there's a very strong For a long time, there

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Speaker 1: has been a very strong wish to be quote unquote

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Speaker 1: normal and to want those things. And I think that's

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Speaker 1: been really painful too with this whole trauma aspect is

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Speaker 1: it makes me doubt. I feel like I can't separate

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Speaker 1: those things. But the more I've thought about it, the

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Speaker 1: more I feel like it's twofold, like can I went

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Speaker 1: through these traumatic experiences that yes, did mess up like

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Speaker 1: trust and my views on sex, But that can be

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Speaker 1: true and it can also be a sexual and so

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Speaker 1: it's like a too trauma kind of situation instead of

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Speaker 1: one or the other, which is how I was kind

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Speaker 1: of framing it before, where I couldn't know for sure,

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Speaker 1: do you not want to have sex because you're a sexual.

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Speaker 1: Do you not want to have sex because you have

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Speaker 1: all these bad experiences from such a young age with sex?

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Speaker 1: But I remembered that even like my first traumatic experiences

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Speaker 1: at floor but even like around that time. This sounds terrible,

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Speaker 1: but that memory, like the traumatic thing, it was very traumatic.

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Speaker 1: But what really messed me up more was that we

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Speaker 1: moved like that around that time. That's just how my

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Speaker 1: kid brain was like, Oh, I'm losing all my friends,

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Speaker 1: but this guy's like kid, it was my age tried

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Speaker 1: to kiss me at a birthday party, and I remember

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Speaker 1: being like, I don't like this. I don't want this

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Speaker 1: one's happening. So I think for me, even a pretty

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Speaker 1: young age, I was like, no, not into it. Of course,

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Speaker 1: as a child, you you do change these ancients, but ye.

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Speaker 1: And I remember him saying, but I might not ever

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Speaker 1: get a chance to and I was like, well, that's

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Speaker 1: too bad, not into it, and yeah, they think this

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Speaker 1: whole thing of I feel like I'm not able to

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Speaker 1: put myself first, and that's been a problem, and that

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Speaker 1: makes me afraid of myself and not standing up for

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Speaker 1: myself and what I want. So not being in a relationship,

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Speaker 1: even if I do want some form of relationship, is

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Speaker 1: just safer because I'm afraid I'll just go along with

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Speaker 1: what the other person wants. And it is all. It's

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Speaker 1: sad when I hear people say things like someone who

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Speaker 1: is a sexual is just someone who can't find anyone

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Speaker 1: willing to have sex with them, which I have heard,

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Speaker 1: so they just say they're a sexual. And another thing

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Speaker 1: I've been thinking about recently is how messed up it

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Speaker 1: is that I don't want to attract anybody, but a

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Speaker 1: part of me still associates my value with being attractive

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Speaker 1: and specifically men wanting to have sex with me. So

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Speaker 1: I feel like I have to have the body and

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Speaker 1: attract people even though it's not a thing that I want.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, I get I hate this too, but I

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Speaker 1: get embarrassed for past x is having to explain to

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Speaker 1: people that I don't want to have sex, which is

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Speaker 1: something I shouldn't even worry about, but I do of

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Speaker 1: just like you know that kind of do things like

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Speaker 1: have you have you hit it yet and it's like nope,

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Speaker 1: she's still holding out and all that kind of that

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Speaker 1: kind of stuff. Yeah. Yeah, And then also I've been

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Speaker 1: thinking about this entertainment wise, because of course I have

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Speaker 1: I like it when characters don't end up with anybody

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Speaker 1: or it's not a focus. So I like that Luke

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Speaker 1: Skywalker didn't end up with anyone, that Ray didn't end

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Speaker 1: up with anyone. So when we have conversations of food

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Speaker 1: they should end up with, I'm always kind of like

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Speaker 1: I have to end up with anybody. And I get

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Speaker 1: that I'm a super minority in this, but it is

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Speaker 1: nice to see and I think there is this sort

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Speaker 1: of background thing to you of if you look at

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Speaker 1: like our Sharing Carter episode for example, there has to

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Speaker 1: be romance with Steve Rogers with a woman, or people

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Speaker 1: might start questioning his sexuality. Wouldn't that be terrible? Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, it can't be this big, strong hero and

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Speaker 1: be gay or ace or what have you, or they

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Speaker 1: can even be a doubt about that. So they are

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Speaker 1: kind of jokes about it throughout those movies that he

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Speaker 1: hasn't kissed someone in so long that he might be

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Speaker 1: a virgin, that he needs to be set up with somebody,

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Speaker 1: which isn't bad necessarily. It just feels like, in general,

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Speaker 1: there has to be some level of usually heterosexual romance

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Speaker 1: or something is wrong with that character. But at the

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Speaker 1: same time, their fictional characters, and I want them to

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Speaker 1: be happy. So if they want someone, then I want

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Speaker 1: them to find the very best person for them. It's

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Speaker 1: a strange place to be, so that the it's an

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Speaker 1: interesting place to be. I guess I've never really thought

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Speaker 1: through that deep thing. I do have the moments of like,

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Speaker 1: this is a really force and it's unnecessary, let's not

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Speaker 1: do this. Um, this is absolutely click maybe, I guess

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Speaker 1: for the lack of better terms, and this is definitely sensessionalism,

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Speaker 1: And so it's unnecessary. I think with any trope, it's

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Speaker 1: kind of that level of why do they pair the

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Speaker 1: only gay people, they obviously have to be together instead

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Speaker 1: of just being friends. Why can't we just leave them

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Speaker 1: be Why does the mainly have to be with someone immediately?

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Speaker 1: And if they're alone, like the sidekick is alone, that's sad,

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Speaker 1: so let's give them a dumpy chick to make them

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Speaker 1: feel better. It's so necessary. So it's definitely this ingrained

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Speaker 1: thing that if you're alone that means you're sad and pathetic,

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Speaker 1: and that's just uh again, you and I talked about

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Speaker 1: this where we're like, oh, maybe we're just not normal, right. No,

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Speaker 1: I'm actually happier single most of the time. And the

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Speaker 1: only reason I would be in a relationship is because

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Speaker 1: it's worth it. If I'm in this, just because I'm

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Speaker 1: just in this, I'm not. No, I've seen that I

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Speaker 1: can handle being alone, and I like being alone, and

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Speaker 1: I like the freedoms of being own. So knowing that

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Speaker 1: I could do that, why would I put myself through

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Speaker 1: misery because I'm afraid to be alone. It's just that

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Speaker 1: that's the whole level. But that's beyond just sexuality. That's

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Speaker 1: just that level of security. But again, yes, you if

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Speaker 1: you're trying to prove yourself as something that's considered for

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Speaker 1: the longest time shameful, which is so sad to be

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Speaker 1: closeted in any way, then yeah, that's a whole other

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Speaker 1: layer that definitely I don't understand, Like as a female,

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Speaker 1: I don't get that completely, but I can imagine, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's that's a whole level that I won't have to

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Speaker 1: deal with or I don't currently deal with. Who knows

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Speaker 1: things may change that I do find the fact that

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Speaker 1: if I'm no longer with my partner, that I find

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Speaker 1: a woman to be a person I want to be with,

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Speaker 1: then that's gonna be wonderful. And I'll talk about my

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Speaker 1: identity there. But today as as we're speaking, you know

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Speaker 1: what it is. But I do really appreciate and maybe

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Speaker 1: because again I'm right at that line, I'm apparently geriagric millennial,

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Speaker 1: which by the way, whoever did that, whoever invented that term,

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Speaker 1: because I'm very angry about that you. But but the

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Speaker 1: whole level of the fact that I come right between

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Speaker 1: the gen X and millennial. I was born in a

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Speaker 1: nineteen eighty like people coming out in my generation was

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Speaker 1: still newer and was still a novelty. And don't get

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Speaker 1: me wrong, it's not easy. It's still the lgbt Q

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Speaker 1: plus community. They're marginalized for a reason that they are

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Speaker 1: a community that still has to stand up for the rights.

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Speaker 1: The fact that they have to continually defend who they

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Speaker 1: are to the government and being acknowledged as people in

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Speaker 1: general with basic human rights is beyond infuriating and just heartbreaking.

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Speaker 1: But it's really beautiful to see as the younger generations come.

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Speaker 1: And I'm talking about like kids that are just now

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Speaker 1: graduating college, that's just now going to college, just getting

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Speaker 1: into the workforce, being able to be like I'm by,

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Speaker 1: I'm paying, I'm all these things. I'm just fluid because

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Speaker 1: i want to love who I want to love. And

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I love that, And that's become a little

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Speaker 1: more normalized, and I would love to see it, Like

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to still wrap my head around what that is,

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Speaker 1: but I love it. It's such a like if it

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Speaker 1: wasn't Aura, it's like bright pink and yellow and purple.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, gives me such a kind feeling, like

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Speaker 1: in the field in the sun where there's no bugs,

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Speaker 1: and no humidity, and I'm just basking in that beautiful

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Speaker 1: moment that this is. But we can't ignore the level

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Speaker 1: of still hypocrisy within even the marginalized communities we know,

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Speaker 1: as you were talking about trying to figure yourself out,

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Speaker 1: being invalidated because maybe some people have not had a

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Speaker 1: relationship with the same sex as about like that beans

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Speaker 1: that means you're not by Well, that's not true, that's

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Speaker 1: not true, as well as people who are married to

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Speaker 1: like a man, If a woman is married to a man,

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Speaker 1: saying that you're not by that's not true. Or if

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Speaker 1: you're with a woman or with the same sex that

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Speaker 1: you're not you're you're just gay and you're not this.

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Speaker 1: It's so sad to see that dismissed in general in

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Speaker 1: any way. But Hollywood's narrative does not help when they

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Speaker 1: realize it or make it click bait or make it yeah,

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Speaker 1: all these things that you're like, why did you do this? Yeah? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And it's it's one of those things where I've been

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Speaker 1: very privileged in a lot of ways, but I was

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Speaker 1: kind of like similarly Sabanter, I was like, oh, I'm

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Speaker 1: so invigorated by seeing more and more young people be

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Speaker 1: open about it. We're having more conversations about it, and

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Speaker 1: then you'll have kind of this moment of like, oh,

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Speaker 1: reality check, we still don't have like a gay couple

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Speaker 1: in these big, you know, franchises. They're just not there.

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Speaker 1: And because the company in question is afraid of backlash,

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Speaker 1: are they you know, are trying to protect themselves. But

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Speaker 1: at the same time they want to give like hints,

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Speaker 1: where see you, We're cool. You know it's there if

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Speaker 1: you squint right right, if you imagine it. Yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: why I love bad fiction. It is fair, your your ace,

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Speaker 1: romance of bounds and bandiction. One thing I have been

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Speaker 1: dealing with that I'm kind of surprised at is jealousy.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not a naturally I don't really get jealous,

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Speaker 1: but I have been finding myself I get jealous with

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Speaker 1: people who just know how they identify and feel confident

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Speaker 1: in themselves. I'm jealous of that. I don't get lonely.

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Speaker 1: That's not really a problem I have, but I do

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Speaker 1: feel like that's a problem with me, like I should

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Speaker 1: get lonely, and I know it's not, but it is

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Speaker 1: a hard thing to shake. And I do get fleeting

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Speaker 1: moments of jealousy. When I see people happy together, I'm

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Speaker 1: happy for them, but I'm also jealous. I think that's

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Speaker 1: just normal, but it's just all like I haven't really

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Speaker 1: experienced that before, and I it's just this whole like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm not trusting myself or other people, and that kind

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Speaker 1: of sucks, right, kind of sucks, right, And then I

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Speaker 1: do get like one thing of some of my friends,

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Speaker 1: I've started asking them questions like what is it like

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Speaker 1: to feel this like overwhelming attraction to someone? And I

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Speaker 1: think Hollywood has been a big part of that for

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Speaker 1: me as well, of of like I get jealous of

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Speaker 1: what I see in the movies, of like your heart

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Speaker 1: stops and you just they feel flesh and your your

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Speaker 1: stomach flutters, and these are things that I've felt, but

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Speaker 1: it's not I don't know. I think that the narrative

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Speaker 1: of you know your one true love is beautiful, but

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Speaker 1: it's also been damaging. Right. Well, again, I'm with you

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Speaker 1: with that because even just recently watching The Conjuring, you know,

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Speaker 1: the warrants being painted as this connected, spiritually connected, emotionally

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Speaker 1: connected people that they can just connect to each other

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Speaker 1: in such a way and everything's about each other. And

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Speaker 1: and bringing each other for a purpose. And I'm like,

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Speaker 1: that's cute, you know, And I guess maybe I'm just

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Speaker 1: a cynic because we have seen amazing couples. And when

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Speaker 1: I see amazing couples, it floors me. I'm like, wow, wow,

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Speaker 1: that that exists. But again, yeah, part of that is

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Speaker 1: the fed lie that this you have to have the

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Speaker 1: perfect blah blah blah, and if you don't have the

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Speaker 1: perfect blah blah blah, then it's not working. Get out.

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Speaker 1: So instead of realizing this isn't about a lot of work,

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Speaker 1: relationships in general, like friendships are a lot of work.

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Speaker 1: You have to maintain things, but for such a long time,

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Speaker 1: it's like if it's not an easy fit, then why

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Speaker 1: would you be there? Right again, I said, like previously

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Speaker 1: when I said, you know, I'm happy alone. It's fine.

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Speaker 1: It's not good for us, it's not I'm not saying

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Speaker 1: that there's not hard times and I'm not saying you

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Speaker 1: know you can't work through things. You have to work

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Speaker 1: through things, but you need to know that it's a

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Speaker 1: value to work through things. Those two levels. And I

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Speaker 1: think that's the same way about like when I I

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Speaker 1: was so confused because I truly never said I love

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Speaker 1: you too, anyone romantically until recently. And again I'm in

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Speaker 1: my forties that I have not had my share of,

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Speaker 1: like a lot of relationships, so foreign to me to

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Speaker 1: stay with someone for a long period of time, like

336
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Speaker 1: it's still does not register. So marriage does not register

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Speaker 1: in my head at forty years old, I'm still like, no,

338
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Speaker 1: I'm good marriage. No, Why why would I do that?

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Speaker 1: Why would I get married? Other than you need insurance? Great,

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Speaker 1: then we'll talk about that. That's the only reason in

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Speaker 1: my mind. Again, beautiful couples, we have no beautiful kilps

342
00:18:23,119 --> 00:18:25,680
Speaker 1: were married and happy, but all of that to say,

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Speaker 1: it just doesn't register. And so I started asking a

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Speaker 1: lot of my friends. I think it's just like three

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Speaker 1: years ago, four years ago, maybe five years ago, when

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Speaker 1: they told me they love someone. I was like, you did, Okay,

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Speaker 1: why how explained? And they couldn't. They couldn't other than

348
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Speaker 1: you just know or it's just worth here. But and

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Speaker 1: they would come back like that was wrong, that wasn't love,

350
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Speaker 1: And I'm like, ah, apparently I had caught what I

351
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:59,040
Speaker 1: asked them that question. It brought a spotlight and that

352
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:02,520
Speaker 1: didn't mean to write, but it is it's like one

353
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Speaker 1: of those things that just doesn't completely registered. And you

354
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:06,680
Speaker 1: might be right, it might be something between both of

355
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,560
Speaker 1: us having to go through our trauma that we understand

356
00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:14,040
Speaker 1: familial love, we understand friendship love, but sort romantic love

357
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:18,280
Speaker 1: because romance associated with sex as associated with abuse, is

358
00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:23,680
Speaker 1: associated with mobulation to us. So there's just so many

359
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:28,359
Speaker 1: lingering things. Yeah, yeah, and I definitely, I definitely do

360
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Speaker 1: you want to say, I have seen couples that I

361
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Speaker 1: believe feel this this thing, but I think we don't

362
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Speaker 1: see the hard work in um this thing being like

363
00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:38,480
Speaker 1: the once we love, but we don't see the hard

364
00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:42,480
Speaker 1: work aspects, so which makes sense. It's entertainment, but that

365
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,440
Speaker 1: kind of paints it in a way that makes it

366
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Speaker 1: feel impossible sometimes. But also yeah, yeah, it's just not

367
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Speaker 1: that much representation otherwise when it comes to romance and

368
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Speaker 1: especially yes to healthy relationships that don't have a sex component.

369
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Speaker 1: I know we talked about that in our episode about

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Speaker 1: does sex required for love? Which isn't, But that's how

371
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Speaker 1: I felt, That's what I thought that you had to

372
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Speaker 1: have that part of it. And I will say occasionally

373
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Speaker 1: do get really horny and I try to convince myself

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Speaker 1: I want to have sex, which isn't healthy. It feels

375
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:15,119
Speaker 1: very self destructive, like I'm just going to pull the

376
00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:18,560
Speaker 1: trigger and do this um and it feels like rejecting

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Speaker 1: a part of myself. On the other hand, when I

378
00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:23,240
Speaker 1: feel this with someone I am emotionally romantically attracted to,

379
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Speaker 1: it makes me think I might be dimnisexual. That's only

380
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:29,000
Speaker 1: happened like twice so and I can't It was so

381
00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:32,160
Speaker 1: long ago that I don't know. I can't say for sure,

382
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:35,000
Speaker 1: but yeah, it's not consistent at all. Sometimes I have

383
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,359
Speaker 1: a strong emotional bond with someone and I don't feel

384
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,080
Speaker 1: any sort of sexual attraction. Uhoual. I feel something like

385
00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:44,320
Speaker 1: almost a affectionate attraction, like I love every part of you,

386
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:48,280
Speaker 1: but it's not really physically, it doesn't I'm not explaining

387
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,080
Speaker 1: it well, but essentially, like it's not like I'm like, oh,

388
00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:52,159
Speaker 1: you're so hot, I'm like I love this about I

389
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,400
Speaker 1: love every piece of you, or something like I want

390
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,520
Speaker 1: to know all your freckles. I mean, that's the depth

391
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,920
Speaker 1: of like friendship to me, that I'm like, I look

392
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:00,159
Speaker 1: at you and I don't think you that you one

393
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:01,879
Speaker 1: of the most beautiful people in the world. That I

394
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:05,239
Speaker 1: just cannot believe you know you, but I don't want

395
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:06,800
Speaker 1: to have sex with you. I don't really want to

396
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:08,320
Speaker 1: kiss you, but I want you to be president, and

397
00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:11,560
Speaker 1: I am very joyful that you are there. Right. Well,

398
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:16,560
Speaker 1: that's actually a good segue. It's just something else I've noticed. Yeah,

399
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,440
Speaker 1: because I do want companionships, and sometimes I get overwhelmed

400
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:21,840
Speaker 1: with love for somebody, usually a female friend, and I

401
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:24,639
Speaker 1: think we should just get married, are settled down, or

402
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:27,200
Speaker 1: a friend equivalent, and if they want to have sex,

403
00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:29,080
Speaker 1: I would do that for them because I love and

404
00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:31,000
Speaker 1: trust them and I want to give that to them.

405
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:33,720
Speaker 1: Only women, never for men. Have I thought this, But

406
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:39,720
Speaker 1: what does that say? That makes sense? I think it's

407
00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:42,840
Speaker 1: just yeah, it's just, you know, it's un It doesn't

408
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:46,320
Speaker 1: have the same level of trauma over it, and it

409
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:48,880
Speaker 1: feels much more of like an act of friendship, which

410
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:54,280
Speaker 1: again we should. Sex doesn't have to be romantic. It's

411
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:55,960
Speaker 1: hard for me to even think that, even though I

412
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:59,000
Speaker 1: truly do believe it. But it's just so counterintuitive to

413
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:03,360
Speaker 1: every like every piece of media I've ever concerned. Right, Well, yeah,

414
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,960
Speaker 1: sex has become dirty and or a power and we

415
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:11,320
Speaker 1: know this as they are. And I say the overall

416
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:15,360
Speaker 1: they the patriarchy in general, want to maintain control over

417
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:18,760
Speaker 1: the female anatomy. So if female anatomy and pleasure means

418
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:23,440
Speaker 1: that disqualifies men, oh my god, he'll no. So that's

419
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,800
Speaker 1: definitely not going to be something that's talked about. But

420
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:30,800
Speaker 1: beyond that, like that sex is for babies, and that's it, Like,

421
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:32,800
Speaker 1: that's what we know, that's what we've been taught, that's

422
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:35,840
Speaker 1: what we've been sold for essentially for years and years,

423
00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:38,800
Speaker 1: and it's kind of still that kind of level is

424
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:42,720
Speaker 1: a whole different maintaining of understanding what sex was. And

425
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:46,640
Speaker 1: I don't even know, do you know the origins were

426
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:49,480
Speaker 1: being talked about love came from because for the longest time,

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Speaker 1: it never was about love. It was all about ownership

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Speaker 1: and unity. When I say unity, ownership of women's bodies

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Speaker 1: and saying claiming them as theirs. So that's I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's still fair a new concept. So we can't get

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Speaker 1: beyond sex pleasure love to equate sex and pleasure, so

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Speaker 1: that means pleasure and sizes power. Someone has power, who

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Speaker 1: has you know, all of these ways. It's such an

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Speaker 1: intricate level of like understanding sex is just nice and

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Speaker 1: it's just kind of like, hey, hugs. You know, of

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Speaker 1: course there's a lot more things to it. We know

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Speaker 1: that there's a conversation about this and this level of

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Speaker 1: intimacy and trust, but yeah, sometimes the only people you

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Speaker 1: trust are those you are closest to, and that might

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Speaker 1: be your friends. M hmmm, what does that mean? What

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Speaker 1: does it mean? Well, yeah, that's actually a good place

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Speaker 1: to add because basically I'm still working through stuff and

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Speaker 1: I have a lot of questions but not the only one,

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Speaker 1: but yeah, and I have made a lot of progress

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Speaker 1: I think, um ever since we first started this journey

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00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,520
Speaker 1: for me a couple of years ago, and that's been

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Speaker 1: heartening for me. And it's again hearing from your listeners

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00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:03,119
Speaker 1: has just been so wonderful and validating and comforting and

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00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:08,639
Speaker 1: just beautiful. So thank you for listeners for writing into us.

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00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:11,920
Speaker 1: If you would like to send us even more messages,

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00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,720
Speaker 1: you can. Our email is step Media mom stuff at

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00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:17,040
Speaker 1: iHeart media dot com. You can find us on Instagram

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00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:18,959
Speaker 1: at stuff I Never Told You or on Twitter at

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00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:21,920
Speaker 1: Moms TOFF Podcast. Thanks as always to our super producer, Christina,

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00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:25,280
Speaker 1: Thank you and thanks to you for listening. Stephone Never

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00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:27,320
Speaker 1: Told You's a production I Heart Radio for More, podcast

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Speaker 1: for my heart Radio busit, the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast,

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Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows,