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Speaker 1: The nick Here's Nikki here I am. Hey guys, welcome

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Speaker 1: to Nicki Glazer Podcast Wednesday edition. We got a special

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Speaker 1: guest on the show today, Lisa Lamponelli is going to

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Speaker 1: be here with us. Um My policy on the show

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Speaker 1: regarding guests is like only the best, right, Like, um,

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Speaker 1: you know, I I love Lisa so much. She is

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Speaker 1: someone who, ironically enough after my It's just perfectly timed

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Speaker 1: because after I shared on the show, I think it

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Speaker 1: was yesterday that I was thinking about getting into more

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Speaker 1: like self help talks, public speaking, like away from just

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Speaker 1: the cynicism and the escapism and the kind of, uh,

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Speaker 1: what's it the insincerity of stand up comedy that is

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Speaker 1: so much of what attracted me to it initially because

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Speaker 1: you can cut everything that's painful with a joke and

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Speaker 1: then you don't have to like go to the pain.

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Speaker 1: And now that I've like been more into going to

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Speaker 1: those places, like it makes sense that comedy from stand

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Speaker 1: up comedy for me was the perfect outlet to tell

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Speaker 1: the truth that was in my heart but also not

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Speaker 1: really go to the painful places, because what what is comedy?

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Speaker 1: I mean it helps us cope with pain by like

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Speaker 1: not actually addressing it if you're being honest with yourself,

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Speaker 1: like yes, it's very therapeutic. Clowns and hospitals, like kids

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Speaker 1: need to laugh, Like laughing is good for your stress

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Speaker 1: and your um just everything your health. But I think

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Speaker 1: that a lot of times it's a defense mechanism. And

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Speaker 1: I found that that's one of my biggest pet peeves

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Speaker 1: of hanging out with comics is that you can't get

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Speaker 1: a real conversation off the ground because there's always someone

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Speaker 1: that's gonna throw a joke in Everyone laughs, and then

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Speaker 1: everything resets, and so you can go back into that

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Speaker 1: uncomfortable nous that was just there, you know, like life

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Speaker 1: is so uncomfortable that you know we I and I

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Speaker 1: hate to reference Louis here, but I mean Louis c

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Speaker 1: K actually did give me so many things in life

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Speaker 1: that um I refer back to. Um. He also taught

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Speaker 1: me to that I was very lucky to not have

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Speaker 1: penises pulled out in front of me. But because of

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Speaker 1: all the guys I hung with out with after shows

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Speaker 1: and went up to their hotel rooms to like smoke

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Speaker 1: pot or just hang out and write jokes, like, I

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Speaker 1: just got lucky that no one did that to me, um,

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Speaker 1: but there's like pieces of wisdom. I remember reading something

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Speaker 1: about like he was just talking about phone screens. Maybe

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Speaker 1: it's in his bit about like his kids on phones

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Speaker 1: and something him being uh, just an amazing dad um,

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Speaker 1: which is always the you've ever noticed with certain comedians,

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Speaker 1: like the world arounds them is crazy, but they're a

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Speaker 1: good person and when they do reveal at things they do,

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Speaker 1: there never they're always it's well. Actually for him, he

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Speaker 1: Louis did actually admit to some things that I'm like, wow,

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Speaker 1: that's it's great to hear you say that you're a

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Speaker 1: bad person. But the extent of it, I don't think

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Speaker 1: was we ever really reached that aside? Did he owe

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Speaker 1: it that to us? I don't know. Um. My point

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Speaker 1: is he once I was reading an article about how

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Speaker 1: he would run five miles every day and not to me,

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Speaker 1: I'm not into that, but what he said was like

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Speaker 1: there would be a point in it that he would

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Speaker 1: want to quit, Like there's when you're running five miles

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Speaker 1: no matter how like, especially someone with his build like

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Speaker 1: he's always he knows that that is the amount of

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Speaker 1: miles where there's always going to be a point where

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Speaker 1: he's like, fuck this everything. My body is telling me

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Speaker 1: to quit, the uncomfortable bullness where it's like you can

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Speaker 1: you know you have it in you to get through

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Speaker 1: it because you've done it before. But you've got to

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Speaker 1: persevere your past that and that that doing that every

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Speaker 1: day would teach him that he you know, when there

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Speaker 1: was a time on set where he would want to

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Speaker 1: throw in the towel after a long shoot day, or

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Speaker 1: there's like you know sometimes I'm I. I referenced that

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Speaker 1: all the time. It just taught him he can persevere,

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Speaker 1: like I know that seals. I remember there was something

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Speaker 1: about like the Seal team or something. They always say

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Speaker 1: that when you want to quit, like when you're working

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Speaker 1: out and you're in like a spin class, let's say

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Speaker 1: one of those insane classes that I refused to take,

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Speaker 1: that it's just makes you want to pass out and

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Speaker 1: like vomit because you're so exhausted. You have seven times

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Speaker 1: that amount in you before you really your body will

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Speaker 1: really quit. They say it's just so much, it's mental fatigue.

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Speaker 1: And I always referenced this, but I love this. There

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Speaker 1: was a radio lab about an endurance runner, this woman

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Speaker 1: who would run you know these hundred and twenty two

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Speaker 1: hundred mile races, and she was a runner before that,

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Speaker 1: but never competed at that level. She was in a

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Speaker 1: carson or something happened to her brain where a part

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Speaker 1: of her brain was injured. That had to do with

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Speaker 1: short term memory, so she was regenerating, you forget where

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Speaker 1: she was constantly. She had long term memory, but her

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Speaker 1: short term memory was constantly restarting, and so she all

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Speaker 1: of a sudden was able to do endurance runs out

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Speaker 1: of nowhere. Like she went from being like maybe a

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Speaker 1: half marathon runner to like these two and she could

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Speaker 1: just go. And the thing that they discovered was that

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Speaker 1: so much of our exhaustion when we're working out is

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Speaker 1: because we know how long we've been doing it. So

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Speaker 1: when you think it's the beginning, constantly you have this

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Speaker 1: energy of it's the beginning. And when you don't know

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Speaker 1: where you are in something, you know a road trip,

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Speaker 1: saying you're in the last hour and you're just like

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Speaker 1: or you have two hours left. The two hours always

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Speaker 1: the worst because it's not an hour hour. You get

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Speaker 1: like a surge because you're like still in the end.

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Speaker 1: But let's say it's like halfway through and it's maybe

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Speaker 1: a ten hour road trip if you. Sometimes when I'm

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Speaker 1: on a run or a road trip like that, or

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Speaker 1: a long trip or an exhausting day, I think about

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Speaker 1: what's the energy I can bring to this that I

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Speaker 1: had when I first started. That's more for runs I did.

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Speaker 1: The other day, I was at the last mile of

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Speaker 1: my run and I was really trying to clock in

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Speaker 1: at a speed I wanted to do. I wanted to

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Speaker 1: beat the speed, and I don't look at my time.

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Speaker 1: I'm just kind of like, wait until it's over, and

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Speaker 1: I go, did I do it? And this last mile,

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Speaker 1: I was like so tired. I was like, just give

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Speaker 1: up and just know that it's going to be slower.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, wait a second, let me just

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Speaker 1: pretend like I just started running. And I swear to god,

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Speaker 1: I looked at my map later on where it shows

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Speaker 1: how fast you were that moment, because I remember where

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Speaker 1: it was, the tree I was looking at when I go,

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Speaker 1: just pretend it's the first one. Remember that Radio Lab

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Speaker 1: episode where that girl at a short, short memory and

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Speaker 1: she could do infinite amount of miles. And I was

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Speaker 1: able to like conjure some speed that I didn't know

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Speaker 1: I had. And that brings me back to the Louis

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Speaker 1: thing of like the uncomfortable, Like we just don't want

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Speaker 1: to be uncomfortable ever, And that's what's so helpful about

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Speaker 1: our screens. It offers us an immediate distraction from whatever

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Speaker 1: feelings bubbling up inside when I reach for that, like

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Speaker 1: a handful of food that I'm just gonna mindlessly eat

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Speaker 1: when I'm watching like the things we do, we were

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Speaker 1: checking out because we don't want to feel, because feelings

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Speaker 1: are scary and like they're the worst and we don't

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Speaker 1: know what's going to happen on the other side of them.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm like, if I start crying, I'll never stop

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Speaker 1: crying and then I'll drown in my tears um, which

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Speaker 1: doesn't happen. You don't die from feelings. No one's ever

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Speaker 1: died from feelings, although maybe maybe there's some research behind that.

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Speaker 1: But I just feel like I'm really excited to talk

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Speaker 1: to Lisa today because she's someone who was I'm like, you, guys,

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Speaker 1: I'm not kidding you when I say her and Louis E.

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Speaker 1: K are the two people I went to go see

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Speaker 1: live when I was in Kansas City going to school

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Speaker 1: in Lawrence, Kansas. A comic at the Stanford and suns

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Speaker 1: Camp Comedy Club as you know, uh An m C.

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Speaker 1: There I would get to go to shows for free.

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Speaker 1: And Lisa Lambinelli was one of the first comics I

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Speaker 1: am seed for. But before that, she came through the club,

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Speaker 1: you know, and I went to go see her with Kirsten,

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Speaker 1: my friend who you know, and I remember just how

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Speaker 1: rapid fire this woman was in a way that you know,

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Speaker 1: it wasn't me being naive and like wow, like I

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Speaker 1: could tell the difference between good and bad comedy back then,

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Speaker 1: I really could. And she was just someone that was

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Speaker 1: head of line for everything. And you know, she probably

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Speaker 1: had the most of the room convinced that she was

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Speaker 1: coming up with the stuff on the fly, including me.

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Speaker 1: But even looking back, thinking how did she have a

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Speaker 1: line for that guy and that guy and that guy's

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Speaker 1: shirt and that guy's hair and that girl's top and

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Speaker 1: like just NonStop jokes And it was because, I mean

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Speaker 1: she had written written those jokes and used them and

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Speaker 1: crafted over time. But there was no one I could

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Speaker 1: say that killed harder than her that I've witnessed. There's

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Speaker 1: been very few. It is Louis and her that I

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Speaker 1: witnessed there that like blew the roof off the place,

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Speaker 1: and my my, I was gasping for air. There's few

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Speaker 1: comedians that make me gasp, and she's been one of them.

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Speaker 1: And she also would say the most offensive things. I mean,

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Speaker 1: very much cancelable for the stuff that she used to say,

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Speaker 1: the slurs she used to like, she used to really

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Speaker 1: go there. And and then you know the roast. She's

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Speaker 1: a redecessor of mine. That is was someone I watched

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Speaker 1: when I would prepare for the roast and say if

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Speaker 1: I could only get to that level. And then someone

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Speaker 1: else who take a took a lot of ship on

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Speaker 1: the roast. It's one thing to be a woman on

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Speaker 1: these roasts. It's one thing to be an older woman

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Speaker 1: who um is like the one that's going to be

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Speaker 1: the brunt of all fat jokes because she's a size

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Speaker 1: bigger than the other girl on stage. So like one

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Speaker 1: girl has to be fat, you gotta have a fat

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Speaker 1: woman on the days because well that's just such a

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Speaker 1: gold mine. So she took a lot of abuse. Um,

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Speaker 1: she gave it back. She obviously was in a lot

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Speaker 1: of pain. She um. And then I did the roast

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Speaker 1: of Ronnie the Limo Driver with her on stern and

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Speaker 1: This was the first time I had really come in

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Speaker 1: contact with her since I worked with her in Kansas City,

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Speaker 1: and I avoided her when I worked with her because

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Speaker 1: I was not one of these comedians that was like,

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Speaker 1: well you watch my act? Can I even bunce. I

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Speaker 1: was just like, I suck. I'm gonna stay out of

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Speaker 1: the way and just learn what I can. And um,

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Speaker 1: I met her at Stern. I was so nervous. I

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Speaker 1: was doing the roast of Ronnie the limo Driver. It

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Speaker 1: was my I think, first appearance on the show itself,

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Speaker 1: and um, it was Jim Brewer, me and Lisa backstage,

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Speaker 1: and Lisa was so nice. She had like a short haircut.

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Speaker 1: She dyed her hair green or blue or something, and

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Speaker 1: she was like, this is my last roast, this is

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Speaker 1: my last time. I'm quitting stand up and I'm announcing

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Speaker 1: it on the show. I was like, you're what are

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Speaker 1: you talking about? Your quitting stand up? She's like, you'll

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Speaker 1: hear all about it. And then she goes up there.

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Speaker 1: She slays on the roast um and then announces on

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Speaker 1: Howard Stern while I'm sitting there, but she's quitting stand

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Speaker 1: up and getting into self help. She has a new

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Speaker 1: podcast coming out UM called what is it called something? Losers?

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Speaker 1: It's out. It's called Losers with a Dream, Losers with

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Speaker 1: a Dream. I'm so excited um about this podcast. But

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Speaker 1: she's doing it with two know what, correct me if

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Speaker 1: I'm wrong. She's doing it with two up and coming

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Speaker 1: stand up comedians and Losers with the Dream. First of all,

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Speaker 1: her use of the word loser, she's a loser, Like

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Speaker 1: she used to say that all the time in her

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Speaker 1: act of like she was brutal man. No one scared

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Speaker 1: me more with how she could talk. Now this this

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Speaker 1: podcast is about her kind of discovering her coming out

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Speaker 1: stand up comedy and and and kind of talking to

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Speaker 1: them through the lens of like I've been through it,

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Speaker 1: and and maybe tempering some of their enthusiasm or giving

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Speaker 1: them lessons for what comes is coming, and probably having

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Speaker 1: a little bit of like, oh god, I kind of

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Speaker 1: miss it. What's it like out there? And maybe I

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Speaker 1: want to ask her about that too, Because as much

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Speaker 1: as I worry about stepping away from stand up comedy

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Speaker 1: ever in my future because I've known nothing else, there's

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Speaker 1: part of me that goes I can always go back

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Speaker 1: LISTA can always go back These farewell. We can all

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Speaker 1: have shares first, farewell to her. You know what I'm saying, Um, so, uh,

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Speaker 1: Losers with a Dream is that it Losers with a Dream.

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Speaker 1: Guys subscribed to this right away, Like right now, stop

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Speaker 1: everything you're doing, subscribe to Losers with the Dream. We're

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Speaker 1: gonna ask Lisa how this came about what the show is,

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Speaker 1: because I think it's right if you're listening to my podcast,

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Speaker 1: Lisa's doing what I'm kind of like headed towards and

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Speaker 1: whatever you think about Lisa Lampanelli. Put it aside for

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Speaker 1: a little bit, and maybe you already know her through

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Speaker 1: my up podcasts threw you up on serious, but put

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Speaker 1: it aside and um, and maybe go familiarize yourself with

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Speaker 1: her a little bit and watch some of her roasts

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Speaker 1: and see how much this woman has changed. And I

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Speaker 1: just I don't know. I'm this is all I hate.

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Speaker 1: I don't believe in I do believe in signs, and

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Speaker 1: I believe in God and a higher power. And that

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Speaker 1: to me means like no free will more than more

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Speaker 1: than like a guy in the sky. But I take

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Speaker 1: my life like I things have been happening to me

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Speaker 1: that are ships that are sending me in the direction

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Speaker 1: that I'm meant to go in. And guess it all

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Speaker 1: came from it all came from a bunch of hate

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Speaker 1: I got on the worst night of my life. And

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Speaker 1: it's all everything that has precipitated that worst night of

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Speaker 1: my life was a week and less than two weeks ago,

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Speaker 1: has been all of these signs that, um, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: be doing. I'm I'm going towards what is good and

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Speaker 1: if you don't want to come with me, that's fine,

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Speaker 1: And I'm excited to get advice from Lisa about this.

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Speaker 1: Don't worry, besties, I'm not going anywhere. Um, this is

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Speaker 1: the most gratifying thing that I do. And uh, that

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Speaker 1: is not taking away from my life performances, which you

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Speaker 1: should all get a ticket to, because who knows If

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Speaker 1: this is my farewell to our who the hell knows.

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Speaker 1: But I'll tell you one thing. I'm free as hell

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Speaker 1: on stage. I'm excited. And Andrew knows none of that. Well,

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Speaker 1: he knows a little bit of this. We talked about

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Speaker 1: it last night. Andrew and I had a great night

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Speaker 1: last night with our besties. Was bringing Andrew Andrew, Hey, Andrew,

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, the color scheme over there is popping off. Dude.

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Speaker 1: I like colored green hat, the purple shirt. You got

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Speaker 1: a lava lamp in the foreground of look like you

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Speaker 1: kind of do the boy so funny the girls in

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Speaker 1: Cosmo magazine. You read about what kind of shape you are,

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Speaker 1: and it's like apple pear lava lamp. But it should be.

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Speaker 1: I do feel like my body depending on like the

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Speaker 1: the amount of soy sauce I have or the amount

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Speaker 1: of water I drink. And I know a lot of

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Speaker 1: it could be in my mind looking in the mirror,

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Speaker 1: but I feel so much softer within minutes of treating

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Speaker 1: my body like ship like it's like instant for my body.

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Speaker 1: It's weird. Why do we do it then? Because it

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Speaker 1: tastes so good? I know, you know my body also

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Speaker 1: goes through like softer phases, but it's always associated with Yeah,

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Speaker 1: because I've been eating more, or it's because I've been

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Speaker 1: eating Um. I can't know what I crave. Sometimes you

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Speaker 1: just crave soy sauce or like something salty, and you

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Speaker 1: know what if it makes your body puff up as

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Speaker 1: long as you doing it, and it's painful as you're

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Speaker 1: doing it. I think that a lot of or the

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Speaker 1: pain on the other side becomes It is like if

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Speaker 1: if you can handle being a little puffy, then eat

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Speaker 1: your you know, like if it's causing you so much

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Speaker 1: immense pain on the other side that then you might

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Speaker 1: need to take away that pleasure that you get from

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Speaker 1: the soy sauce. Right. But like I got a question

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Speaker 1: when you used to drink, if I had, I swear

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Speaker 1: to god, if I had two beers and one shot,

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Speaker 1: you know, like something not crazy. I would wake up

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Speaker 1: in the morning and look like I got ran over

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Speaker 1: by a marching band that was on top of a train.

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Speaker 1: It was there we go. There's a classic. I saw

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Speaker 1: you and you got nail this. You gotta stick this, baby.

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Speaker 1: I could feel it. You did you said when you

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Speaker 1: said marching band. I was like, he's already got it,

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Speaker 1: He's going to do it. It was almost like watching

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Speaker 1: a gymnast, like like you know how sometimes the commentators

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Speaker 1: when gymnastics know they're going to stick it before I

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Speaker 1: knew you gonna stick it because I have eyes like

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Speaker 1: I was the coach. I was Katie Lettikey's parents. You

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Speaker 1: know where they go in the stands. Have you ever

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Speaker 1: seen that footage? I think it's her parents. They would

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Speaker 1: be like, but dude, there's some there's some people that

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Speaker 1: can drink like they're like they look like a million bucks.

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm puff daddy today. My face like, it's just

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Speaker 1: I was on a I was on a FaceTime earlier

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Speaker 1: with a friend and I was like, it was hard

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Speaker 1: to look at my face. It was causing me to

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Speaker 1: have all of these kind of like you know, everyone

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Speaker 1: watching at home or listening at home. You know when

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Speaker 1: when your face isn't what you want your face to

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Speaker 1: look like. It's that that hungover kind of face, too

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Speaker 1: much salt, like didn't get enough sleep, maybe got too

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Speaker 1: much sleep face. And I'll tell you, man, like I

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Speaker 1: just I just laugh at it now, like the the

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Speaker 1: the acceptance over it leads to so much less because

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Speaker 1: you know what, this is my fucking face. There's literally

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Speaker 1: nothing I can do about it right now today. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I can drink more water today, but nothing in the

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Speaker 1: immediate moment is going to change my face. And I

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Speaker 1: just gotta laugh because instead of going like, oh, I

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Speaker 1: look disgusting, because I'll tell you that was my first

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Speaker 1: instinct this morning. You know, I wasn't in the best mood.

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Speaker 1: I had to get on this call. I didn't want

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Speaker 1: to be on. Then I see my fucking pale face,

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Speaker 1: that's puffy, and I look like all the things that

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Speaker 1: I I see myself turning into that I'm scared of.

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Speaker 1: It was on that camera, and I just didn't let

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Speaker 1: myself go down there because I go I got a

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Speaker 1: podcast to do, I got an interview to do. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna maybe try to go rollerbading with a friend. This

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Speaker 1: whole day will be fucking ruined if I let myself

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Speaker 1: go to a place where I go, you are disgusting,

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Speaker 1: and I let that in instead. Listen, I did disgusting,

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Speaker 1: but to be you got to be a good mood.

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Speaker 1: A lot of consternation, the idea of like, I got

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Speaker 1: a puffy face, I can't rollerblade like but you know,

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Speaker 1: that's so funny. I used to in high school my friends.

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Speaker 1: I remember the first time my friends this was. I mean, now,

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Speaker 1: I think this is probably a regular occurrence for girls,

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Speaker 1: but I remember my friends did not have body image

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Speaker 1: issues like I did. I was the first one to

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Speaker 1: get them. And I remember there was a pair of

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Speaker 1: jeans that just for the first time, they weren't fitting,

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Speaker 1: and I was putting them on to go to the

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Speaker 1: mall or go do something with my friends, and I

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Speaker 1: threw myself on my bed and I was sobbing because

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Speaker 1: these jeans were so tight. They just felt uncomfortable, and

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Speaker 1: I just yeah, and that might have been the problem, honestly,

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Speaker 1: as I was trying to get those wheels past the knee.

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Speaker 1: This was and this was in the age of like,

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Speaker 1: you know, wide leg um no that they were just

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Speaker 1: I remember. I remember they were expressed brand jeans, and

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Speaker 1: they were they had a stretch in them already, and

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Speaker 1: they were so tight. And it was just a month

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Speaker 1: before that, yeah, I mean maybe a day before. It

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Speaker 1: was just you know, I was probably ovulating, my body

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Speaker 1: was puffing up whatever it was. And I remember hurling

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Speaker 1: myself on the bed, sobbing, and my friends I could

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Speaker 1: hear I get this a lot. I hear the silence

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Speaker 1: from people who are trying to comfort me of like

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Speaker 1: this is out of our realm, of we need to

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Speaker 1: call him a specialist, because this is I mean, I've

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Speaker 1: heard it from you before. You've heard the sobbing, the

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Speaker 1: like wild hate and it always stems from my looks

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Speaker 1: like you've witnessed it, and that was the first time

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Speaker 1: I remember going, I can't go to the mall because

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Speaker 1: my jeans are too tight. And it wasn't because they

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Speaker 1: didn't fit or that there weren't other genes that could

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Speaker 1: put on. It was those genes and it wasn't like

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Speaker 1: I needed to wear those genes. It was just I

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Speaker 1: knew I was fat and I was uncomfortable with my body,

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Speaker 1: and I said, I can't go to the mall. And

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Speaker 1: I remember the how dumb that is because my body,

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Speaker 1: it moves, I have clothes to wear. That doesn't make

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Speaker 1: sense to not be able to go rollerblade because I

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Speaker 1: feel ugly today. But I would say most most everyone

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Speaker 1: understands that feeling of like I'm so fat and ugly,

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Speaker 1: whatever that means for you. It could be too skinny,

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Speaker 1: like there are days when I feel like I'm too

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Speaker 1: skinny or I'm too old looking to go out, like

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Speaker 1: my mom, I know, feels that way sometimes of like

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Speaker 1: I can't go to this party because I look too old,

398
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Speaker 1: and it's like, well, you're sixty five, so you're you're old.

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Speaker 1: But it is a college part, it's a fresh house's

400
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Speaker 1: but you know she's a fun lady and blur your

401
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Speaker 1: eyes she as the you know, the stature of and

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Speaker 1: the kind of freshman of a freshman. Yeah, you can

403
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:32,480
Speaker 1: take advantage of because listen, um, anything I was conceived. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know what I've done recently is I stopped with

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Speaker 1: the mirror, Like I'm not. I feel like like Instagram,

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Speaker 1: like if you could lower we should look at our

407
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:44,160
Speaker 1: usage of mirror time, because I think if you can

408
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Speaker 1: lower your percentages a mirror time of like looking at

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Speaker 1: yourself and dissecting yourself or whatever that is, it's not healthy.

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Speaker 1: There were mirrors back in the day. They would have

411
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Speaker 1: to look out of like a shadow and like the

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Speaker 1: in the your reflection in the pond. That's Narcissius. You

413
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:03,119
Speaker 1: know that he saw his reflection in the water and

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00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,080
Speaker 1: it was like that was the only mirror, and he

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00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:07,879
Speaker 1: became obsessed in wouldn't eat and like just and he

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00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:10,080
Speaker 1: got really cut and like super hot, and then he

417
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,960
Speaker 1: couldn't stop looking at how sucking his jawline popped out

418
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Speaker 1: even the finish and so many disciples, so many fucking disciples,

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Speaker 1: And uh, I was trying to think of something likes

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Speaker 1: in that trained Ham drip. And but it's so interesting

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Speaker 1: because I just was saying before you got in here,

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Speaker 1: how I am really tired of how comedy just takes

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Speaker 1: the sincerity out of everything. I love comedy because it's

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00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,239
Speaker 1: helped me deal with so much pain, just like my

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Speaker 1: because I'm good at it. But like I'm good at

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Speaker 1: I was also good at binging because that got rid

427
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Speaker 1: of the pain. Like I was good at that too,

428
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Speaker 1: and it and it served me. Like I'm grateful that

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Speaker 1: I was able to have anorexia and my binge eating disorder,

430
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:58,800
Speaker 1: because I don't look at that as like or the

431
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,800
Speaker 1: fact that I would abuse hot in alcohol. Thank God

432
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:04,280
Speaker 1: for those things, because the other side, if I wouldn't

433
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,399
Speaker 1: have had those things, I had no way of coping

434
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,600
Speaker 1: with it, or like I would have reached for something

435
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:11,960
Speaker 1: more dangerous. Those were always the lesser things because I

436
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,640
Speaker 1: was trying not to die. But I think those were

437
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,320
Speaker 1: I reached for those instead of a gun or instead

438
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:21,760
Speaker 1: of a bridge, saying, when you're really in pain, yeah,

439
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:25,120
Speaker 1: comedy was the first thing people are in pain, and

440
00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:28,080
Speaker 1: I'm tired of I don't want I want to sit

441
00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:30,240
Speaker 1: in that uncomfortable nous. I want to get through the pain.

442
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:31,880
Speaker 1: I don't want to need to cut it with a punchline.

443
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:33,280
Speaker 1: I want to be able to present things to an

444
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:36,000
Speaker 1: audience and have them sit in it. And and that's

445
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:37,560
Speaker 1: the thing. I can sit in it. But I want

446
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:39,960
Speaker 1: to protect other people from being in pain. So that's

447
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:42,280
Speaker 1: why I always have to go j K. But I'm

448
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:43,680
Speaker 1: tired of doing that and I kind of want to

449
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:46,720
Speaker 1: force people to be more uncomfortable. However, I'm not ready

450
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:48,680
Speaker 1: to do that yet. But what I was just saying

451
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:51,440
Speaker 1: was interesting because you said get rid of mirrors. To me,

452
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:54,959
Speaker 1: that's locking up the food and preventing yourself from doing

453
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,879
Speaker 1: the thing you want to do where's opposed to or

454
00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,719
Speaker 1: that that is looking right in the mirror right out

455
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:03,520
Speaker 1: yourself and being like this is who I am and laughing.

456
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:06,479
Speaker 1: I laughed like that. I just want to give this

457
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:08,800
Speaker 1: tool to someone because I thought it would never work

458
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,480
Speaker 1: for me. And maybe and you definitely use this a lot,

459
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:14,200
Speaker 1: because you use humor with your body, like used to

460
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:17,040
Speaker 1: pull up your shirt and show your your tummy when

461
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:19,000
Speaker 1: it wouldn't be like an attractive stance. You'd have your

462
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,159
Speaker 1: gut out. You try and it was like you were

463
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,480
Speaker 1: leaning into the joke of your body, which you know

464
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:25,119
Speaker 1: you don't want to go too hard into that because

465
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:27,800
Speaker 1: then you are you're just always a joke. But you

466
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,520
Speaker 1: know on days when you just have a puffy face

467
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,160
Speaker 1: or a puffy body, and you know that those days

468
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:35,560
Speaker 1: are going to come, and they're also they can go away.

469
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,680
Speaker 1: It's not like you're just I don't want you to

470
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:39,919
Speaker 1: accept it or for myself to accept it, like this

471
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:42,439
Speaker 1: is the way you are forever. That's not it. But

472
00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:46,040
Speaker 1: I just go, dude, you look like a man today.

473
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,080
Speaker 1: Like I'll look in the mirror and go, like, you're

474
00:23:48,119 --> 00:23:50,919
Speaker 1: looking like a dude today, And it's funny, Like it

475
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,320
Speaker 1: can be funny that, like my face looks puffy. It

476
00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:56,560
Speaker 1: doesn't need to be a tragedy that like I'm a

477
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,040
Speaker 1: burn victim that has to come to grips with the

478
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:01,840
Speaker 1: fact that this is my new face. And even if

479
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:03,720
Speaker 1: I were a burn victim, I think at first I

480
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:06,040
Speaker 1: would have a little bit of humor about it. But

481
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,879
Speaker 1: I just think that the next time I'm just talking

482
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:10,480
Speaker 1: to bust is now the next time you look in

483
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:13,960
Speaker 1: the mirror and you want to say uh or and

484
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,560
Speaker 1: and and like pull out your skin, do all of that,

485
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:20,960
Speaker 1: pull up your shirt, like see the problem areas that

486
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,160
Speaker 1: fat like you don't need to do that, but like,

487
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 1: let's take it back as pull it over your your

488
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:32,160
Speaker 1: screwed them over your penis, guys, But I just try

489
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:33,840
Speaker 1: this for me today. And I know it feels stupid,

490
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:36,240
Speaker 1: but if if you're my friends, I just wanted you

491
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:38,359
Speaker 1: to do this because when I started doing it, it

492
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,520
Speaker 1: just I never thought it would work. And I just

493
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:42,520
Speaker 1: want to say I'm skeptical about any of the self

494
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:45,399
Speaker 1: help like easy tricks. This one's a good one. The

495
00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:46,879
Speaker 1: next time you look in the mirror and you like

496
00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:49,639
Speaker 1: are going like or like I hate this part, just

497
00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:54,320
Speaker 1: go well, that's just well that looks hilarious, and just

498
00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:56,520
Speaker 1: like make fun of yourself, go like, well, today is

499
00:24:56,560 --> 00:25:01,080
Speaker 1: not my best day, but we're living, like laugh about it,

500
00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:04,640
Speaker 1: Like just just give yourself a little ease with it.

501
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:06,639
Speaker 1: But that's the thing. We would write jokes about it,

502
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:08,520
Speaker 1: I know, And that's why I'm saying it's so funny

503
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:09,760
Speaker 1: that I just said I want to get away from that.

504
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:13,760
Speaker 1: But I'm telling people with myself, but I swear there

505
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:18,399
Speaker 1: is lefter. I'm so so grateful for jokes and that ability.

506
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,879
Speaker 1: Why have I not employed it when I'm alone with

507
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:23,240
Speaker 1: myself in the mirror before. I always use it for

508
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:25,320
Speaker 1: other people before they can make fun of me, I

509
00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:27,680
Speaker 1: make fun of myself. Why don't I use it before

510
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:30,320
Speaker 1: I can badger and beat up myself and hate myself?

511
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:33,040
Speaker 1: Why don't I use it to to lessen the blow?

512
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:36,600
Speaker 1: And there is a big difference between making a joke

513
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:41,160
Speaker 1: about yourself and really like owning it and like making

514
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:44,200
Speaker 1: it making yourself feel better as opposed to just making

515
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 1: a joke and still being sad about it. There, Oh,

516
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:49,360
Speaker 1: I think it's I don't think it's different. No, no,

517
00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:51,560
Speaker 1: no, no no, I'm not saying that. I'm saying that those

518
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:54,520
Speaker 1: two things are different. Like comedians are like, oh, they're

519
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,479
Speaker 1: so open and vulnerable. They could joke about themselves. They

520
00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:00,399
Speaker 1: must be fine with themselves, right, But there's a difference

521
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:05,160
Speaker 1: between making a joke about yourself and not really feeling

522
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:08,719
Speaker 1: the the you know, the release from it, as opposed

523
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:12,800
Speaker 1: to really feeling to release from, really like finding them,

524
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:14,879
Speaker 1: not even saying you can find you. You have to

525
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:16,680
Speaker 1: feel the release. I want to be very clear about

526
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:18,600
Speaker 1: that because that's something that helped me up of like

527
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:20,920
Speaker 1: look in the mirror and love yourself and tell yourself

528
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,159
Speaker 1: you're great and just like, you know, I would have

529
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:26,520
Speaker 1: heard this podcast and got Nikki. It's it's I'm I'm

530
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:28,200
Speaker 1: gonna laugh at myself and I'm still gonna hate my

531
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 1: arms and think they're fat. You're allowed to. You're allowed

532
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:32,920
Speaker 1: to still walk away from the mirror and just sucking

533
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:34,880
Speaker 1: at your arms. All I'm asking is that you try

534
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:37,960
Speaker 1: to make one. You just you just tease yourself very

535
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:40,600
Speaker 1: lovingly for just one and it doesn't even need to work.

536
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:44,399
Speaker 1: But I swear over over time it will work. And

537
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 1: You're right. There is a difference because sometimes I go

538
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:48,119
Speaker 1: on stage and I talk about what a slut I

539
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:51,439
Speaker 1: am uh that I have, Like I I insult myself

540
00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:53,320
Speaker 1: and then someone will say it to me off stage

541
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:55,840
Speaker 1: and I'm like no, no, no, no, no, Like you

542
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:57,760
Speaker 1: don't get to talk. It's almost about like when you

543
00:26:58,119 --> 00:26:59,919
Speaker 1: bad mouth your family and then your friends do it.

544
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:02,159
Speaker 1: You're like, wait what and they're like, I was just

545
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:04,120
Speaker 1: repeating what you said and you're like, I can do that.

546
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:07,480
Speaker 1: You can't. So everyone today, if you hate something about

547
00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:11,000
Speaker 1: your body, look down, just go well. I picked a

548
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:13,280
Speaker 1: ward on my leg and now I have a really

549
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:17,000
Speaker 1: bad scar and I bought some maderma earlier at Walgreen's,

550
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:21,280
Speaker 1: and let's talk to Lisa Lampanelli about it. Lisa, Oh

551
00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:25,959
Speaker 1: my god, Hi babe, We're gonna get right into it.

552
00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:29,480
Speaker 1: Lisa Lampanelli, thank you so much for being here. I'm

553
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,760
Speaker 1: so excited to talk to you. You can't even imagine

554
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:33,880
Speaker 1: the podcast you're coming into. In the subject matter we're

555
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,879
Speaker 1: talking about. Andrew Colin is here, who you've met before

556
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:40,720
Speaker 1: and had a great like back and forth with you

557
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,560
Speaker 1: kind of like roasted him last time we were on

558
00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:46,119
Speaker 1: Wasn't you up? Yeah? It was you up? I I

559
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:50,159
Speaker 1: fell down, but it was great after well, you know,

560
00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:53,800
Speaker 1: you know, as a retired comedian and retired roaster, just

561
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 1: to get little shots in on a podcast is my

562
00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:59,760
Speaker 1: only fixed for pleasure right now in life. So I'll

563
00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 1: try I to resist, We'll let it fly, because I've

564
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:05,320
Speaker 1: been backing off recently because it's just it's become too

565
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:07,520
Speaker 1: much for me to do it every day with him,

566
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:10,879
Speaker 1: and it sometimes because we live together, it has a

567
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:13,879
Speaker 1: lot more. It's not so funny as real and like

568
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:16,840
Speaker 1: has resentment underneath it, and that's just that's not good

569
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:19,560
Speaker 1: for anyone. And so I'm gonna rely on you to

570
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:22,480
Speaker 1: just like you know, uh, just come in and say

571
00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:25,719
Speaker 1: what I can't. I'll text you what I do. There's

572
00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:29,920
Speaker 1: issues recently. It's really really interesting because if I had

573
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:33,320
Speaker 1: to live with someone, I would kill them then myself.

574
00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:36,120
Speaker 1: I don't understand how anyone leaves with anyone. I think

575
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:40,280
Speaker 1: it's it's just disgusting. And I feel lived with someone before.

576
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:46,040
Speaker 1: Oh yeah yeah. And I would say to them, I'd go,

577
00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:48,720
Speaker 1: why the funk are you always here? And they'd be like,

578
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:50,640
Speaker 1: because I live here, And I'm like, but I pay

579
00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:52,520
Speaker 1: all the bills, so get the funk out, like I

580
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:57,600
Speaker 1: can write. Okay, Lisa, I just I'm just gonna right now.

581
00:28:57,680 --> 00:29:01,040
Speaker 1: I want to just quickly go over some some things

582
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:03,440
Speaker 1: that people need to know. Sure well, I already set

583
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:04,920
Speaker 1: this up in the top of the show, and I

584
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:07,280
Speaker 1: want you to just know that, um, you were one

585
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:09,640
Speaker 1: of your one of the funniest people that's ever lived,

586
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:12,960
Speaker 1: one of the best comedians, the sharpest, the the fastest,

587
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:18,640
Speaker 1: the quickest, the just the wittiest, just elite level, Olympic level,

588
00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:22,360
Speaker 1: like Simone Biles. And and you know what, like Simone Biles,

589
00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:26,320
Speaker 1: you go, this isn't working for my mental health. I'm out,

590
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:31,400
Speaker 1: And um, I and I talked about how I got

591
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:34,440
Speaker 1: to know you closely. I was kind of overly intimidated

592
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 1: by you. You come off you know, a lot of

593
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:38,160
Speaker 1: people have a lot of preconceived notions about you being

594
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:42,080
Speaker 1: mean and like, you know, just someone that you don't

595
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 1: want to cross paths with because you might be in

596
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:45,360
Speaker 1: the line of fire. And I kind of felt that

597
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:47,160
Speaker 1: way about you, even though I had seen you and

598
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:48,800
Speaker 1: know as a comedian that you're not the same on

599
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:51,000
Speaker 1: stage whatever. And I had worked with you at Sanford

600
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,840
Speaker 1: Sons years before, and you were nothing but nice to me,

601
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:55,920
Speaker 1: even though I boided you because I just knew as

602
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:57,720
Speaker 1: an m C. You don't want to be like we

603
00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:00,440
Speaker 1: want me said least like I was not that kind

604
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:02,600
Speaker 1: of comic, and if you're a comic listening, don't be

605
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:07,120
Speaker 1: that comics never um but Lisa, I said, I met

606
00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:09,040
Speaker 1: you at Stern. You were so nice to me, and

607
00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:10,840
Speaker 1: then you told me backstage as we were about to

608
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:13,400
Speaker 1: go on, I'm announcing my retirement, and I was like,

609
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:16,200
Speaker 1: it was news to me. So you announced on the

610
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:19,040
Speaker 1: show you're retiring from stand up. I know you've covered

611
00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:22,320
Speaker 1: this a lot before. What led to that decision? Oh

612
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:24,520
Speaker 1: my god, Nikki, I can't even tell you. I've been

613
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:26,800
Speaker 1: talking about this and I love it because it really

614
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:31,360
Speaker 1: helps me figure out why. And I retired before cancel

615
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:33,960
Speaker 1: culture was a thing, so thank god I kind of

616
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:37,600
Speaker 1: got out before I was so gone girl. God. Yeah,

617
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:42,240
Speaker 1: it's literally I canceled myself before they get me. The reason,

618
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:44,440
Speaker 1: the reason I really was nicky. I think this is

619
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:47,160
Speaker 1: really important. And because I went pretty deep with this,

620
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:50,400
Speaker 1: I just started to notice my life, like we get

621
00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 1: on autopilot from age whatever whatever age somebody gets achievedment

622
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:57,400
Speaker 1: oriented or hey like me, like me, hey, mommy noticed me,

623
00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:02,160
Speaker 1: And we get on that find something that works, feeds

624
00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:05,040
Speaker 1: that hole inside, and we just stick with it. And

625
00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:08,440
Speaker 1: at about age fifty ish, I think, which is like

626
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:11,800
Speaker 1: ten years ago, I said, Oh, I noticed I kind

627
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:13,960
Speaker 1: of get bummed out every Thursday when I have to

628
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:17,560
Speaker 1: pack and go away. Oh I notice I don't love

629
00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:20,560
Speaker 1: doing this kind of humor anymore. Oh I notice I

630
00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 1: want to talk deeper with people. I want to connect

631
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:26,000
Speaker 1: and I'm only using comedy to connect and not connecting

632
00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:27,840
Speaker 1: in my real life. So I was like, oh, I

633
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:29,720
Speaker 1: call my business manager. I was like, oh, I don't

634
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:31,920
Speaker 1: like this anymore. When can I get out, when will

635
00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 1: I have enough money? And because I'm smart, I don't

636
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:37,000
Speaker 1: want to be poorer. So I just said, you know,

637
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:40,600
Speaker 1: we made a plan, and luckily I was very blessed

638
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:44,440
Speaker 1: with parents who were depression ERA taught us how to save,

639
00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:47,320
Speaker 1: and I was like, dude, fifty seven, I'm out. And

640
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:51,160
Speaker 1: I was stoked because everyone, thank God for Stern, took

641
00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:53,360
Speaker 1: it very seriously and I've been allowed to just kind

642
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:56,280
Speaker 1: of do what i want. So you put this plant

643
00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:58,800
Speaker 1: into place at fifty and then seven. You knew that

644
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:01,960
Speaker 1: in seven years you could have the amount of money

645
00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:04,600
Speaker 1: that you needed to say goodbye and and and pursue

646
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:07,280
Speaker 1: something else that might bring you also a lot of money.

647
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:09,600
Speaker 1: But who knows you're going to try something new. Well,

648
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:12,040
Speaker 1: I really thought that I would want to do like

649
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:15,440
Speaker 1: coaching and um storytelling events and things like that. And

650
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:18,480
Speaker 1: the hardest part of retiring. I just wade a book

651
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:20,400
Speaker 1: on this because it's so hard to find support about

652
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:23,440
Speaker 1: retiring if you already have. It's not about planning financially,

653
00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:27,040
Speaker 1: it's about what's the emotional impact of retiring. It's like, oh,

654
00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 1: you do it wrong three times before you get it right.

655
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:32,280
Speaker 1: So it's been three years of experimenting what do I

656
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:34,840
Speaker 1: want to do or do I want to do anything? Dude?

657
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:39,200
Speaker 1: Yesterday I literally ran six hours of errands and it

658
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:41,200
Speaker 1: was the best day of my life. So I'm like,

659
00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:45,440
Speaker 1: my God, but it's a balance. It's a huge balance,

660
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:48,120
Speaker 1: because I said ran six six hours, and I was like,

661
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:52,640
Speaker 1: I think that's what you should be doing. Don't worry.

662
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:56,240
Speaker 1: I physically hate to move, so I just I just said, well,

663
00:32:56,440 --> 00:32:58,640
Speaker 1: but if I did that for a week straight, I

664
00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:01,720
Speaker 1: feel purposeless. And I think what I figured out in

665
00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:04,280
Speaker 1: retirement is, and it's taken me a lot of tries,

666
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:09,760
Speaker 1: three whole years of trying and failing, is do everything

667
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:13,800
Speaker 1: with a small, purposeful feeling, and you don't have to

668
00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:17,360
Speaker 1: have purpose with a capital P. So basically, if I

669
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:20,280
Speaker 1: live without a goal with a capital G and purpose

670
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:22,960
Speaker 1: without a capital P, then I get to just enjoy

671
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:26,240
Speaker 1: everything in my life with purpose. So if I'm doing

672
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:29,560
Speaker 1: a podcast, or if I'm coaching some comics with writing,

673
00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:32,200
Speaker 1: or I'm playing with my dogs or gardening or whatever,

674
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:36,240
Speaker 1: it all has purpose. But it doesn't it doesn't look

675
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:39,240
Speaker 1: like a huge life purpose, which is exactly how we

676
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 1: should all live. It doesn't look like um, you're going

677
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 1: to egot with that. There's no Emmy's Grammys, there's no

678
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:51,320
Speaker 1: Mark Twain Prize or red carpets with coaching comics and

679
00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:54,320
Speaker 1: and I know what you're saying that, you know, we

680
00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:56,280
Speaker 1: we hear a lot of these things and self help

681
00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:58,760
Speaker 1: speak of like the capital P, and it's like, well,

682
00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:00,840
Speaker 1: what does that really mean? Like and what you're saying

683
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:06,280
Speaker 1: is these things that these tangible medals and honors and

684
00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:10,480
Speaker 1: likes and followers and all the things that obviously we

685
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:13,320
Speaker 1: got into comedy to get in the first place. Was

686
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:15,840
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know about you. I wanted to

687
00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:18,520
Speaker 1: be popular in high school. I want people to like me.

688
00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:22,239
Speaker 1: I And it's so ironic, though, to be someone that

689
00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:24,440
Speaker 1: all I want is for people to like me. And

690
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:28,719
Speaker 1: so much of my act and my persona is that

691
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:31,320
Speaker 1: people that don't really know me, not listeners of this podcast,

692
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:33,160
Speaker 1: but people think I like to offend people, and that

693
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:35,800
Speaker 1: I'm you know, and YouTube as a roaster. That was

694
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:39,920
Speaker 1: never the goal is to alienate or offend. It was

695
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:43,760
Speaker 1: to It was me what was the exact opposite, Because

696
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:46,480
Speaker 1: it was the exact opposite, It was going, how can

697
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:49,160
Speaker 1: I connect? Oh my god, look, I just insulted them,

698
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:51,920
Speaker 1: and they liked me more because we have a gift

699
00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:54,600
Speaker 1: to do that. Not all comics can do that. So

700
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:57,520
Speaker 1: if you have that innate likability, they go with it.

701
00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:04,440
Speaker 1: But here's the problem. You do not ever get enough achievement, accomplishment,

702
00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:08,680
Speaker 1: Grammy nominations, whatever it is that I got. Nothing filled

703
00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:11,239
Speaker 1: the whole. And the fact is when you take it

704
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:15,000
Speaker 1: all away, you have a huge loss. Because even with

705
00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:20,000
Speaker 1: a positive change like retiring, comes loss. So any change

706
00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:22,279
Speaker 1: is loss and you work through the loss. So I

707
00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:24,960
Speaker 1: had a huge thing in the last three years not

708
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:28,640
Speaker 1: knowing who I was, lack of identity. Wow, I'm walking

709
00:35:28,719 --> 00:35:31,560
Speaker 1: around going what do I do? Do I have enough purpose?

710
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:34,279
Speaker 1: And it's like, oh wait, I don't need any I

711
00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:37,640
Speaker 1: get to actually live and not prove myself. So these

712
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:40,440
Speaker 1: next thirty years, if I have that, I'm like, oh

713
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 1: my god. Can you imagine if I walked around every

714
00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:45,480
Speaker 1: day and I didn't have anything to prove to anyone

715
00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 1: except like, I'm like a nice person. Those are the

716
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:50,200
Speaker 1: best you ever noticed. Those are the best people to

717
00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:53,400
Speaker 1: be around. And when people start talking about achievement, you

718
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:55,239
Speaker 1: just want to like cut them off and go. Doesn't

719
00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:57,759
Speaker 1: feel at all like, I have a lot of young friends. Yeah,

720
00:35:57,920 --> 00:35:59,440
Speaker 1: And I'm always like I'm bringing with a lot of

721
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:02,120
Speaker 1: millennials because I really think they get it and they

722
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:05,520
Speaker 1: understand how to change the world way better. My generation blows.

723
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:07,399
Speaker 1: So I was just like, Okay, you don't want any

724
00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 1: friends with the millennials on the world's old, this millennial.

725
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:12,720
Speaker 1: So I hear them talking about because they're all theater

726
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:14,800
Speaker 1: days and they're like, oh my god, we want a

727
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:17,680
Speaker 1: Grammy and a Tony and like, inside, I'm going, yeah,

728
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:21,080
Speaker 1: you'll still hate yourself. So I think it's like, can

729
00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:22,600
Speaker 1: I just stop real quickly? Can we go get the

730
00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:24,560
Speaker 1: charger for the computer because we're I forgot to charge

731
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:26,279
Speaker 1: the computer. It's about to die. And I just I

732
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:28,080
Speaker 1: want to hold this thought, but you hold the thought

733
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:31,239
Speaker 1: that you were just about to ask, Okay, um, well,

734
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:34,160
Speaker 1: I just want to say, Lisa, that's interesting to me

735
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 1: that I thought you only entered retirement with the plan

736
00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 1: of like knowing exactly like I'm ready to fulfill this purpose.

737
00:36:42,719 --> 00:36:46,239
Speaker 1: So you you you quit before you even knew what

738
00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:48,440
Speaker 1: was going to fill that hole, because you would you

739
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:51,480
Speaker 1: you're you're you're you let your you quit because you

740
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:54,000
Speaker 1: realize you weren't happy anymore, Like that's what that was

741
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:56,120
Speaker 1: the first thing, you're packing, you realize, I don't want

742
00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:58,040
Speaker 1: to do this. This isn't bringing me the happiness it's

743
00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:00,960
Speaker 1: supposed to. Yes, um, sorry wan topreat that? So you

744
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:03,080
Speaker 1: you you're packing, you realize this isn't bringing me the

745
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:05,520
Speaker 1: happiness it's supposed to. Then you come up with a plan,

746
00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:07,759
Speaker 1: you call your business editor. Seven years later, you get

747
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:10,120
Speaker 1: the money, you get secure enough to be able to quit.

748
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:14,879
Speaker 1: Then it's another three years or so before you even

749
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:19,799
Speaker 1: find the thing that you feel actually fills the hole

750
00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:22,440
Speaker 1: that you weren't even really filling anyway with stand up

751
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:25,839
Speaker 1: or any of these achievements. And that is But I'm

752
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:28,879
Speaker 1: wondering someone like you, you prepared with a safety net

753
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:33,160
Speaker 1: financially you enter. Did you not did you not foresee

754
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:37,279
Speaker 1: the emptiness you might feel of Did you think the

755
00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:39,320
Speaker 1: only problem was that it wasn't making you happy anymore?

756
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:41,000
Speaker 1: And if you just stopped then you would be happy?

757
00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:44,320
Speaker 1: Was that? I thought? Yeah, I I when I was

758
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:46,719
Speaker 1: on stern. I think you might remember, Um, I had

759
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:51,320
Speaker 1: thought the things I I thought I wanted to coach

760
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:54,360
Speaker 1: people life coach, and I thought I was on good workshops,

761
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:56,640
Speaker 1: food and body image workshops, and I did some of that,

762
00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:58,919
Speaker 1: and then I was like, oh wait, I'm just trying

763
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:02,279
Speaker 1: to get achievement from that. I'm just trying to be

764
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:05,000
Speaker 1: like working at all these high end yoga places and

765
00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:07,880
Speaker 1: be like little miss food and you know, you know,

766
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:10,560
Speaker 1: food and Body Image consultant. Then all this crap. And

767
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:12,719
Speaker 1: then I'm like, oh, I'm just doing the same thing

768
00:38:12,880 --> 00:38:16,080
Speaker 1: insert different career, and I go, you gotta stop all

769
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:18,920
Speaker 1: of that. And thank God for the pandemic in a

770
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:21,960
Speaker 1: way for me, because it was like, oh, all that stops,

771
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:25,640
Speaker 1: and you got to see what comes in, because what

772
00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:29,800
Speaker 1: comes in is the connecting to the right things and

773
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:32,359
Speaker 1: noticing what does give you a little bit of joy.

774
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:35,960
Speaker 1: And again, your life isn't happy all the time, but

775
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:38,680
Speaker 1: it's like oh today, for instance, okay, this is my

776
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:42,839
Speaker 1: day today, Okay, I got to. I mean, it's it's

777
00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:45,239
Speaker 1: so like ingrained in me say to say I got

778
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:47,360
Speaker 1: to and said I had to. It just gets ingrained

779
00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:51,839
Speaker 1: when working yourself. I was trying to come common knowledge. Yeah.

780
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:55,319
Speaker 1: The thing that's is hard to change, those those things

781
00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:57,160
Speaker 1: that people go don't say you have to say you

782
00:38:57,239 --> 00:38:59,880
Speaker 1: got to, You go Okay, yeah, I'll never actually just

783
00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:03,200
Speaker 1: say that on my own, but if oh my god,

784
00:39:03,239 --> 00:39:06,759
Speaker 1: I don't have to anymore, Like it's really yeah, it well,

785
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:10,080
Speaker 1: it works because you do it and you finally clear

786
00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:13,160
Speaker 1: out enough of the trauma that you know was holding

787
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:15,439
Speaker 1: you back and kept you a victim and you felt

788
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:18,480
Speaker 1: put upon. So like today, for instance, my day is, oh,

789
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:20,960
Speaker 1: I get to I'm like painting this door in my

790
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:23,560
Speaker 1: house very badly. There's no way I don't have to

791
00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:26,120
Speaker 1: call a professional painter after this ship that I did today.

792
00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:28,040
Speaker 1: But it was fun and I go that was cute.

793
00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:32,040
Speaker 1: But also, Nikki, I was shocked. Grief came up because

794
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:34,880
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I bought my parents house and

795
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:36,880
Speaker 1: I live in my childhood home and I love it,

796
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:41,880
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, could dad have painted that better?

797
00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:44,000
Speaker 1: Like I felt like I was letting my father down.

798
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:46,600
Speaker 1: So the grief comes up. Oh my god, I got

799
00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:49,520
Speaker 1: to feel my feelings. That was cool. Then I got

800
00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:52,520
Speaker 1: to talk to you despite Andrew being there. What do

801
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:56,000
Speaker 1: you I got you with that grief? Let's go back

802
00:39:56,040 --> 00:40:00,120
Speaker 1: to you literally, yes, okay, what did you did just

803
00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:02,719
Speaker 1: sit there and paint and cry? Or did you take

804
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:04,920
Speaker 1: a breather and sit down did you call someone? Did

805
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:07,000
Speaker 1: you journal? And like, I want to know when that

806
00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:09,880
Speaker 1: pain comes up, what do you do with it? Like

807
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:12,759
Speaker 1: how do you release it? Okay, I literally I'll tell

808
00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:14,279
Speaker 1: you a step by step. It just happened like two

809
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:17,120
Speaker 1: hours ago. Okay. So I paint the door because I

810
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:19,239
Speaker 1: read all about how to paint a Bill Coo door,

811
00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:21,720
Speaker 1: which is a metal door. So I got this cool

812
00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:24,480
Speaker 1: lime green paint. I'm like, yes, girl. So I got

813
00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:27,800
Speaker 1: my painting clothes and my freaking mask and big lesbian

814
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:30,160
Speaker 1: lock and I was like, okay, here, I'm doing it.

815
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:32,120
Speaker 1: And I looked at it. I was like, I gotta

816
00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:35,040
Speaker 1: call a painter. So I called my friend Cindy had

817
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,719
Speaker 1: called me about something. She's really spiritual and cool, and

818
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:40,600
Speaker 1: I go to, dude, I think I have to retire

819
00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:43,239
Speaker 1: the idea of me being an outdoor painter. And she

820
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:45,680
Speaker 1: started cracking up and she's like why, and I just

821
00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:48,319
Speaker 1: started crying. It just came up because I'm very ever

822
00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:50,040
Speaker 1: since the last three years. I mean, I've just been

823
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:52,520
Speaker 1: working with trauma therapists and getting so much access. The

824
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:55,560
Speaker 1: feeling is just ump. So I just go, dude, I

825
00:40:56,200 --> 00:41:00,239
Speaker 1: I I'm terrible at it. The doors ruined. I she

826
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:02,439
Speaker 1: was what's coming up? I said, I that the thought

827
00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:04,239
Speaker 1: that my dad would be able to do it better.

828
00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:07,480
Speaker 1: I'm sad he's not here. He'd probably be not disappointed

829
00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:10,520
Speaker 1: to me, but like my father would always be like, oh,

830
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:13,360
Speaker 1: why even bothering doing that? You have money, pay somebody

831
00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:16,640
Speaker 1: to do it. So the fact is it just came up.

832
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:19,480
Speaker 1: I cried a little. I was like, Wow, that was

833
00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:22,920
Speaker 1: very cool and just the understanding of it doesn't mean

834
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:25,320
Speaker 1: it will never happen again, but it helps you just

835
00:41:25,680 --> 00:41:28,479
Speaker 1: pass through it because you, as we know, you can't

836
00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:30,880
Speaker 1: go around it. You got to go through it. So

837
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:33,239
Speaker 1: then I was able to call you. I was like,

838
00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:37,520
Speaker 1: this is fantastic. So your day kind of does always

839
00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:40,200
Speaker 1: look good if you just feel the feelings. I do

840
00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:42,880
Speaker 1: cry a lot. I credit every episode of ted Lasso,

841
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:45,360
Speaker 1: even the happy one. I mean, I was watching it

842
00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:47,960
Speaker 1: last night and you're That's what I was gonna just

843
00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:51,000
Speaker 1: get to about ted Lasso. Thanks for bringing that up.

844
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:54,480
Speaker 1: Is that why why you know you found yourself going

845
00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:55,920
Speaker 1: into the self help You want to get all in

846
00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:59,560
Speaker 1: the best yoga self help studios and you're looking to

847
00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:02,640
Speaker 1: achieve these um the Grammys of the self help world,

848
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:08,040
Speaker 1: let's say, and the oscars. So why can't it be both?

849
00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:12,359
Speaker 1: Why can't you help people through those classes and coach

850
00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:15,480
Speaker 1: people through that while also making the big bucks operating

851
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:19,600
Speaker 1: at this like elite level of that? Um, why can't

852
00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:23,000
Speaker 1: I understand that it's kind of like a gross thing

853
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 1: too and and superficial to to be motivated by those

854
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:29,000
Speaker 1: things more than the helping. But clearly you were still

855
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:32,040
Speaker 1: helping people in those seminars that you were giving. So

856
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:34,800
Speaker 1: what was it that made you abandon that entirely and

857
00:42:34,880 --> 00:42:36,840
Speaker 1: go I want to shift into something that's maybe not

858
00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:39,879
Speaker 1: as lucrative or as esteemed. Well, I think it took

859
00:42:39,920 --> 00:42:42,440
Speaker 1: me twenty I was in comedy thirty one years, so

860
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:45,239
Speaker 1: it took me about twenty one to figure out that

861
00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:49,880
Speaker 1: it wasn't fulfilling anymore. It I found it unfulfilling to

862
00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:51,640
Speaker 1: do the other show. I was good at it, but

863
00:42:51,719 --> 00:42:53,759
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I noticed a lot quicker. So

864
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:57,680
Speaker 1: now I noticed quicker. What doesn't work? So I was like, oh,

865
00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:00,800
Speaker 1: that was fun. All those women gave me great feedback

866
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:02,840
Speaker 1: on that it helped them that weekend, that that we

867
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:04,960
Speaker 1: can retreat I gave or whatever. But then I was

868
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:07,040
Speaker 1: like oh, you know what, it's not right for me

869
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:10,879
Speaker 1: right now. And it's cool because you get to example, like, look,

870
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:13,400
Speaker 1: I discovered within an hour that I can't paint and

871
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:16,680
Speaker 1: I don't like it. I so you just get this

872
00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:18,759
Speaker 1: isn't you didn't take them on the whole house and

873
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:21,760
Speaker 1: decided to paint it and and and start taping everything

874
00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:24,920
Speaker 1: and go. Now you're realizing you get one side of

875
00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:27,400
Speaker 1: the door done, you go, this ain't for me, and

876
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:29,640
Speaker 1: you can you can find but if you painted for

877
00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:32,600
Speaker 1: twenty years, you'd become a hell of a painter's exactly.

878
00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:34,840
Speaker 1: And I also was a hell of a comic. But

879
00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:37,840
Speaker 1: what what you want to know? What's interesting? If you

880
00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:40,120
Speaker 1: asked me what I accomplished in my life that meant

881
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:42,560
Speaker 1: something to me? And again I think I didn't tell

882
00:43:42,560 --> 00:43:44,080
Speaker 1: you this. I don't think. But a girl was doing

883
00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:46,760
Speaker 1: her master's thesis one year when I was very famous.

884
00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:49,640
Speaker 1: She did a paper on me and my style of comedy,

885
00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:52,080
Speaker 1: and she asked me my ten biggest achievements and I'm

886
00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:54,719
Speaker 1: just naming them, and she goes, do you realize all

887
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:58,080
Speaker 1: ten things you said? We're about family and friends that

888
00:43:58,120 --> 00:44:00,239
Speaker 1: had nothing to do with career. So that's part of

889
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:03,600
Speaker 1: noticing going, oh my god, I'm not even naming the

890
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:07,520
Speaker 1: big stuff. So it's not that it was meaningless. I

891
00:44:07,640 --> 00:44:10,239
Speaker 1: still get letters from especially like gay guys and into

892
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:12,640
Speaker 1: racial couples and all saying it really helped them to

893
00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:15,080
Speaker 1: laugh at themselves and thanks for calling me out and

894
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:17,920
Speaker 1: this and that. But so I get it. I was

895
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:20,880
Speaker 1: really good. I was a badass. When it came to roasting.

896
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:23,239
Speaker 1: I cracked up because I had a game night for

897
00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:27,000
Speaker 1: Labor Day and I print on the back of old

898
00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:29,360
Speaker 1: roasts and things like that because I don't want to

899
00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:32,960
Speaker 1: waste paper. I'm so woke now. So I um had

900
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:34,759
Speaker 1: people keeping score and they go, what is that on

901
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:37,560
Speaker 1: the back and they're reading like thank God for the Jews,

902
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:41,360
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, that's like stuff. But so I

903
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:44,880
Speaker 1: recognize how freaking badass I was, Like I'm and I

904
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:48,759
Speaker 1: really had embraced whether anyone knows it or not. I

905
00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:54,360
Speaker 1: literally think I'm a retired legend. Like I literally I

906
00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:58,120
Speaker 1: think so too. And what you don't retire just because

907
00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:01,120
Speaker 1: they're good at something and could still do it doesn't

908
00:45:01,160 --> 00:45:03,320
Speaker 1: mean you have to keep doing it, like you've already

909
00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:06,760
Speaker 1: proven yourself. What I was thinking that with Simone Bibles,

910
00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:09,320
Speaker 1: like she already has how many? At what point do

911
00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:14,239
Speaker 1: we go enough? Golds like or oscars. I remember when

912
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:16,799
Speaker 1: I had a conversation with Jennifer Lawrence once and after

913
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:18,879
Speaker 1: she won an oscar, she was like, I was really

914
00:45:18,960 --> 00:45:22,280
Speaker 1: having this moment of like, what next job do I accept?

915
00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:25,000
Speaker 1: Do I chase the oscar? The one that's gonna win

916
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:26,879
Speaker 1: me an oscar? I already have one? Is it going

917
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:28,840
Speaker 1: to Am I going to double the feeling that I

918
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:31,680
Speaker 1: got that night? And by the way, the feeling that

919
00:45:31,920 --> 00:45:35,120
Speaker 1: night isn't that great. It's not like, let me tell

920
00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:37,279
Speaker 1: you the best part. Let me tell you the best

921
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:41,319
Speaker 1: part of being nominated for Grammys. I Okay, the first time,

922
00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:44,120
Speaker 1: I fucking hated it because I made a big thing

923
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:45,520
Speaker 1: out of it and I had to get the big

924
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:48,759
Speaker 1: dress and to bring the whole family. The second time

925
00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:50,640
Speaker 1: I got nominated for Grammy, I said, I'm not even

926
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:53,279
Speaker 1: gonna go. It's so stupid. It's never fun. And then

927
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:55,160
Speaker 1: I go, wait a minute. My dad had just passed

928
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:57,600
Speaker 1: about six months before. I said, I'm gonna bring my

929
00:45:57,640 --> 00:46:00,560
Speaker 1: little niece and nephew. We're gonna get some my dad's

930
00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:03,560
Speaker 1: suits tailored to look like for the Red carpet, and

931
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:07,280
Speaker 1: we all wore like my dad's clothes, all like judged

932
00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:10,080
Speaker 1: up from a tailor, and we all lied and said

933
00:46:10,560 --> 00:46:14,319
Speaker 1: we were nominated for Best Swedish Folk Band because they're

934
00:46:14,360 --> 00:46:16,759
Speaker 1: so blond and at the time, so a night and

935
00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:21,840
Speaker 1: so we're a great night. So in other words, people listening,

936
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:26,239
Speaker 1: all you have to remember is I don't like platitudes,

937
00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:29,919
Speaker 1: but you have to sometimes just saying we are enough,

938
00:46:30,160 --> 00:46:33,719
Speaker 1: we are born perfect, We don't have to prove one

939
00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:37,920
Speaker 1: more thing. If I never was a comic, I earned

940
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:42,040
Speaker 1: a life. And yes I was, I never will shoot

941
00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:44,680
Speaker 1: on comedy has given me a great career, and thank God,

942
00:46:45,160 --> 00:46:50,560
Speaker 1: financially at least I'm stable. But Jesus Christ enough nothing

943
00:46:51,719 --> 00:46:56,799
Speaker 1: like connection do you feel like though without chasing those

944
00:46:56,880 --> 00:47:00,360
Speaker 1: goals of a Grammy or being a legend, you know

945
00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:03,040
Speaker 1: you you got fulfilled in so many other ways because

946
00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:06,239
Speaker 1: of chasing these even if they don't fulfill you at

947
00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:08,440
Speaker 1: the end, Like if you're telling a young comic like, hey,

948
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:12,000
Speaker 1: don't chase this, then maybe they won't be as motivated

949
00:47:12,080 --> 00:47:16,400
Speaker 1: to be a great comic. And and and you know, no, no,

950
00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:20,640
Speaker 1: I I get that totally. And what I say to

951
00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:24,080
Speaker 1: the guys I coach because I I'll plug shamelessly plug

952
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:27,560
Speaker 1: my podcast. I do have party done it. But yeah,

953
00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:29,600
Speaker 1: like I talked about the top, but I want to

954
00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:31,920
Speaker 1: get into your I can't wait. This is what podcast,

955
00:47:32,120 --> 00:47:34,759
Speaker 1: this is what's important, exactly what Andrew said. I'm so

956
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:40,759
Speaker 1: thankful Andrews proving himself useful once. Um that door really

957
00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:43,600
Speaker 1: affected me and it came out on my head. No,

958
00:47:43,760 --> 00:47:45,839
Speaker 1: I love you man, You know you know I love

959
00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:48,640
Speaker 1: you best know the way the way I bring it

960
00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:51,040
Speaker 1: up the pot. I brought the podcast up because the

961
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:54,960
Speaker 1: way it developed was I coached these two guys and

962
00:47:55,120 --> 00:47:57,239
Speaker 1: they are I would say, two three years into it,

963
00:47:57,320 --> 00:47:59,120
Speaker 1: so they're funny and I know they're funny, or else

964
00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:02,080
Speaker 1: I couldn't coach them in comedy. Well, the way I

965
00:48:02,200 --> 00:48:05,680
Speaker 1: look at it is I never tell them chase a high.

966
00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:08,880
Speaker 1: Thankfully one of them and one of them is in recovery,

967
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:11,840
Speaker 1: so he already gets the chasing the highest bullshit. So

968
00:48:12,760 --> 00:48:17,799
Speaker 1: I go chase connecting with that audience. Chase the fun,

969
00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:20,279
Speaker 1: the fun, the fun. I said, if we don't have

970
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:22,719
Speaker 1: three listeners to that podcast, I don't give a ship.

971
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:25,919
Speaker 1: Because Nikki, I have loved two things in my life

972
00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:28,640
Speaker 1: as far as loved every minute of dot dot dot.

973
00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:31,440
Speaker 1: When people say that I loved every minute of plan

974
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:33,560
Speaker 1: in my wedding because I didn't have a budget and

975
00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:35,840
Speaker 1: I was fucking rich and I didn't care, and it

976
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:38,120
Speaker 1: was so much one to war that wedding. And I

977
00:48:38,239 --> 00:48:41,360
Speaker 1: love every minute of recording this podcast because it's deep,

978
00:48:42,200 --> 00:48:45,960
Speaker 1: because it's funny, and it's a lot of depth with

979
00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:49,319
Speaker 1: two friends. And here's what I think. Instead of telling

980
00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:52,520
Speaker 1: them to chase listeners and likes and downloads, I go,

981
00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:55,839
Speaker 1: don't even look at how many listeners. It doesn't matter

982
00:48:55,960 --> 00:48:59,319
Speaker 1: if we make one penny. I'm already rich. I'm having

983
00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:02,920
Speaker 1: a good time with you guys. So I discourage having

984
00:49:03,080 --> 00:49:06,840
Speaker 1: big goals. I encourage the small goal of connecting with

985
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:10,719
Speaker 1: that audience and having somebody go, oh my god, I

986
00:49:10,840 --> 00:49:13,480
Speaker 1: learned a little about myself. Oh you help lighten my day.

987
00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:16,520
Speaker 1: It feels really good. So that's why what happened was

988
00:49:16,640 --> 00:49:20,000
Speaker 1: so to to segue in, I had met these two comics.

989
00:49:20,719 --> 00:49:22,360
Speaker 1: My niece had asked me to go see them. Now,

990
00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:25,640
Speaker 1: I do anything for my nieces and nephews, so I said, okay,

991
00:49:25,760 --> 00:49:27,719
Speaker 1: even though you know when a niece or nephew says,

992
00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:29,319
Speaker 1: come see my friend is a comic. You know you're

993
00:49:29,320 --> 00:49:31,920
Speaker 1: gonna want to kill yourself because they're gonna suck. But

994
00:49:32,040 --> 00:49:34,359
Speaker 1: I go to see these guys and they're actually pretty good.

995
00:49:34,719 --> 00:49:37,839
Speaker 1: I start coaching them, but then I overhear their conversations

996
00:49:37,920 --> 00:49:41,839
Speaker 1: and they're two straight millennial guys, and I'm thinking, I've

997
00:49:42,040 --> 00:49:46,480
Speaker 1: never heard deep conversations like this from straight men. It

998
00:49:46,600 --> 00:49:49,759
Speaker 1: is ridiculous. That's a podcast, and I walk away. That's

999
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:51,840
Speaker 1: all I said, And then I start thinking, I go,

1000
00:49:52,040 --> 00:49:54,279
Speaker 1: that's a fucking podcast. And I want to go on

1001
00:49:54,440 --> 00:49:56,480
Speaker 1: and read them the Riot Act and coach them after

1002
00:49:56,520 --> 00:49:58,600
Speaker 1: they talk about deep ship. But if they won't talk

1003
00:49:58,640 --> 00:50:01,520
Speaker 1: about deep ship, I don't want to freaking participate. So

1004
00:50:01,640 --> 00:50:04,239
Speaker 1: they committed to talking about a huge issue every week,

1005
00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:09,560
Speaker 1: like acceptance, um, vulnerability, fear of success, like all the

1006
00:50:09,640 --> 00:50:12,800
Speaker 1: stuff we really need to unearth within ourselves, and I go,

1007
00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:14,480
Speaker 1: if you can't go deep, then we're not doing it.

1008
00:50:14,719 --> 00:50:18,680
Speaker 1: And dude, every second I have such a blast. And again,

1009
00:50:18,800 --> 00:50:21,359
Speaker 1: of course, like with Andrew, you know, the roasting comes

1010
00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:24,440
Speaker 1: out a little one night. You gotta temperate with jokes.

1011
00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:27,360
Speaker 1: But it really is the reason I like it. And

1012
00:50:27,480 --> 00:50:29,520
Speaker 1: by the way, it is once again called Losers with

1013
00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:31,800
Speaker 1: a Dream available everywhere. And that's, by the way, a

1014
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:34,480
Speaker 1: roast line. If you remember, I used to it gonna

1015
00:50:34,560 --> 00:50:37,880
Speaker 1: say you you you use the word loser so um

1016
00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:41,799
Speaker 1: so artistically that like I when I read that title,

1017
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:45,840
Speaker 1: I heard you going lose. Like it almost hurt my

1018
00:50:45,920 --> 00:50:48,560
Speaker 1: soul to hear because it's such the way you would

1019
00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:51,920
Speaker 1: brand us. That word was well, you know, it was

1020
00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:53,800
Speaker 1: from an actual we're sitting down and trying to figure

1021
00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:56,680
Speaker 1: out what to call the podcast. I'm like, well, you know,

1022
00:50:57,280 --> 00:50:59,719
Speaker 1: because you're both a couple of losers in every way.

1023
00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:03,400
Speaker 1: I said, I'm a loser too, because I don't know

1024
00:51:03,480 --> 00:51:05,360
Speaker 1: what I want to do with my life. If anything,

1025
00:51:05,440 --> 00:51:06,759
Speaker 1: maybe I just want to sit on my ass and

1026
00:51:06,800 --> 00:51:09,360
Speaker 1: paint the fucking door. I said, you know what, in

1027
00:51:09,480 --> 00:51:12,400
Speaker 1: the comedy roast, Nick, you'll remember you make fun of

1028
00:51:12,440 --> 00:51:14,600
Speaker 1: the whole day is first everybody on the stage, then

1029
00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:19,040
Speaker 1: get the roast. Uh subject, So I would go, but

1030
00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:25,319
Speaker 1: enough about these losers with a Dream? How about William Shatner? Yes, yes,

1031
00:51:25,719 --> 00:51:28,320
Speaker 1: so I said, you just can take my title because

1032
00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:30,560
Speaker 1: I just think that's such a funny phrase. So that's

1033
00:51:30,920 --> 00:51:34,279
Speaker 1: it's great. It's a great Martin Luther King saying the

1034
00:51:34,400 --> 00:51:38,240
Speaker 1: same things with a dream like it's a different speech,

1035
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:42,960
Speaker 1: it's a different it's I'm still motivated. It's everything about

1036
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:45,239
Speaker 1: your podcast is what we do here on this show.

1037
00:51:45,360 --> 00:51:47,480
Speaker 1: And that's what this was all built around, was I.

1038
00:51:47,719 --> 00:51:50,440
Speaker 1: I just wanted to create a podcast that had no

1039
00:51:50,880 --> 00:51:53,880
Speaker 1: agenda of like having to be comedy. It could be

1040
00:51:54,239 --> 00:51:57,000
Speaker 1: it days, there's days that is not that funny. That's

1041
00:51:57,000 --> 00:52:00,279
Speaker 1: why I have Andrew here, because he is uh, He's

1042
00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:04,360
Speaker 1: less comfortable in the uh moments going really deep, so

1043
00:52:04,480 --> 00:52:06,560
Speaker 1: he'll cut it with humor in a way that relieves

1044
00:52:06,640 --> 00:52:10,399
Speaker 1: everyone listening. And sometimes I forget that person listening needs

1045
00:52:10,520 --> 00:52:14,520
Speaker 1: just something to to make to levitate the moment from

1046
00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:16,840
Speaker 1: this depth of like sadness, because sometimes I get on

1047
00:52:16,920 --> 00:52:18,719
Speaker 1: here and I like will cry and and get really

1048
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:22,840
Speaker 1: sad and and and it doesn't like. That's my problem

1049
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:24,759
Speaker 1: with like therapy and self help is that it just

1050
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:28,120
Speaker 1: has to be all or nothing, and it can't be both.

1051
00:52:28,200 --> 00:52:31,400
Speaker 1: And when you do inject too much comedy, it comedy

1052
00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:33,239
Speaker 1: for me. I look, I was just saying, Lisa, I

1053
00:52:33,680 --> 00:52:35,920
Speaker 1: because I look at my eating disorder, which I've been

1054
00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:38,040
Speaker 1: in recovery from for a year and a half. Now

1055
00:52:38,600 --> 00:52:42,200
Speaker 1: I thank you. I Um, I look at that. I

1056
00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:44,400
Speaker 1: never look back and go, God, that sucks that you

1057
00:52:44,480 --> 00:52:46,719
Speaker 1: lost all those years with it. Like I now look

1058
00:52:46,760 --> 00:52:49,440
Speaker 1: at my addictions is like thank god I had them.

1059
00:52:49,840 --> 00:52:51,640
Speaker 1: And I look at comedy like that too, like I'm

1060
00:52:51,800 --> 00:52:55,479
Speaker 1: if when I i'm I'm veering towards retiring from stand

1061
00:52:55,560 --> 00:52:58,080
Speaker 1: up as well. And I'm just starting to like wrap

1062
00:52:58,160 --> 00:52:59,880
Speaker 1: my head around that because when you first told me

1063
00:53:00,000 --> 00:53:02,480
Speaker 1: about that, I thought there's no way I'll ever do that.

1064
00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:04,440
Speaker 1: I would never want to do that. I'm too competitive.

1065
00:53:04,480 --> 00:53:08,080
Speaker 1: I can't let these young people who are right in

1066
00:53:08,160 --> 00:53:11,520
Speaker 1: my like right behind me do better than me. But

1067
00:53:11,640 --> 00:53:13,840
Speaker 1: you know what, they've people have always been funnier than me.

1068
00:53:13,960 --> 00:53:15,799
Speaker 1: People have always been achieving more than me. It's going

1069
00:53:15,840 --> 00:53:18,759
Speaker 1: to keep happening. And honestly, I don't. The pandemic made

1070
00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:21,560
Speaker 1: me not care anymore. Like I mute the people that

1071
00:53:21,640 --> 00:53:24,439
Speaker 1: trigger me and I forget they exist and the ones

1072
00:53:24,600 --> 00:53:26,120
Speaker 1: and then when I do remember they exist, I go,

1073
00:53:26,200 --> 00:53:28,840
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm not really jealous of that person anymore.

1074
00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:31,840
Speaker 1: I like wish her a lot of success actually, and

1075
00:53:32,440 --> 00:53:37,239
Speaker 1: that's myself doing the work. Well, it is the internal work.

1076
00:53:37,360 --> 00:53:41,280
Speaker 1: It's all an inside job, and we're you've seen early

1077
00:53:41,400 --> 00:53:43,440
Speaker 1: on by the way, you referring to someone as a

1078
00:53:43,520 --> 00:53:46,520
Speaker 1: young comedian makes me laugh because you're the young comedian

1079
00:53:48,400 --> 00:53:57,399
Speaker 1: now you know you're I know that, but right now

1080
00:53:58,880 --> 00:54:04,879
Speaker 1: I'm going to replace you with a rum. But yeah,

1081
00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:08,160
Speaker 1: I mean, I think what's great is you are. I

1082
00:54:08,280 --> 00:54:10,200
Speaker 1: said to you last year on the podcast you and

1083
00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:13,480
Speaker 1: me did one during the heat of code, and I

1084
00:54:13,640 --> 00:54:15,399
Speaker 1: was in a lot of I was going through deep

1085
00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:18,160
Speaker 1: trauma therapy at the time, so that's kind of helped

1086
00:54:18,200 --> 00:54:20,759
Speaker 1: me a lot, because when you have to go really

1087
00:54:20,880 --> 00:54:23,520
Speaker 1: deep about like what your real issues are, and I

1088
00:54:23,560 --> 00:54:26,080
Speaker 1: think me and you really talked deeply about I said

1089
00:54:26,120 --> 00:54:30,279
Speaker 1: to you, I said, Nikki, please do a better job

1090
00:54:30,719 --> 00:54:33,840
Speaker 1: than I did at setting up your life for a

1091
00:54:34,160 --> 00:54:39,400
Speaker 1: better outcome when you're done with this, because I hadn't

1092
00:54:39,760 --> 00:54:43,040
Speaker 1: been as close to people as I want should have been. Um,

1093
00:54:43,480 --> 00:54:46,440
Speaker 1: I didn't. The only rewards I think I reached from comedy.

1094
00:54:46,560 --> 00:54:49,200
Speaker 1: For sure, we're a good living But I had to

1095
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:51,680
Speaker 1: miss these birthday parties of the kids. I had to

1096
00:54:51,760 --> 00:54:53,680
Speaker 1: miss this, I had to miss that, And I'm like

1097
00:54:53,800 --> 00:54:56,640
Speaker 1: man from age fifty on is when I actually started,

1098
00:54:56,920 --> 00:54:59,600
Speaker 1: you know, being president lives of other people and showing

1099
00:54:59,680 --> 00:55:02,520
Speaker 1: up and working on the big, big issues that are

1100
00:55:02,600 --> 00:55:05,920
Speaker 1: buried down there. So I think it's great that you're

1101
00:55:05,960 --> 00:55:10,280
Speaker 1: thinking of the next step. I can see. I'm grateful

1102
00:55:10,320 --> 00:55:12,000
Speaker 1: for you to pave the way. It's so funny to

1103
00:55:12,080 --> 00:55:14,359
Speaker 1: always have reference to you as someone paid the way

1104
00:55:14,400 --> 00:55:16,200
Speaker 1: for me and stand up and for you to pave

1105
00:55:16,320 --> 00:55:18,680
Speaker 1: the way as like a Simone Biles, Like I was

1106
00:55:18,760 --> 00:55:21,799
Speaker 1: really moved by Simone Biles being like this is too much.

1107
00:55:21,840 --> 00:55:23,719
Speaker 1: I already have, like I don't need to do this event,

1108
00:55:23,920 --> 00:55:25,759
Speaker 1: or like I'm gonna just drop out. And it's like

1109
00:55:25,960 --> 00:55:28,680
Speaker 1: the Limpics. You can't drop Nikki. You couldn't drop out

1110
00:55:28,719 --> 00:55:31,120
Speaker 1: of stand up pay when you are getting you know,

1111
00:55:31,600 --> 00:55:36,200
Speaker 1: given specials and TV shows, it's like I, yes, I can, yes,

1112
00:55:36,280 --> 00:55:40,400
Speaker 1: I can. Well, well, no, of course not. And the

1113
00:55:40,480 --> 00:55:47,480
Speaker 1: great thing is you will have again. It's going to

1114
00:55:47,560 --> 00:55:50,640
Speaker 1: be it's not going to be an easy transition. But

1115
00:55:50,880 --> 00:55:54,440
Speaker 1: what I know about you is you can't hide anything.

1116
00:55:54,520 --> 00:55:56,120
Speaker 1: And I like this and I'll tell you why I'm

1117
00:55:56,239 --> 00:55:59,880
Speaker 1: bringing this up. When we were in that documentary Hysteria

1118
00:56:00,040 --> 00:56:04,000
Speaker 1: Goal um a great documentary. Jesus Christ, you were great

1119
00:56:04,000 --> 00:56:07,919
Speaker 1: and that thank you well. I had many friends call

1120
00:56:08,040 --> 00:56:13,080
Speaker 1: me and say, Nikki was so fucking cool when right

1121
00:56:13,120 --> 00:56:16,440
Speaker 1: after you said your retirement they cut to something of

1122
00:56:16,600 --> 00:56:20,239
Speaker 1: you saying, oh my god, she escaped, she got out

1123
00:56:20,440 --> 00:56:25,040
Speaker 1: something like that, and being like like, I was a prisoner,

1124
00:56:25,400 --> 00:56:27,920
Speaker 1: so meaning that you feel that way too, And I'm like,

1125
00:56:28,120 --> 00:56:30,040
Speaker 1: all I wish for her because I send you such

1126
00:56:30,280 --> 00:56:32,520
Speaker 1: love all the time, just in my mind, and I'm like,

1127
00:56:32,640 --> 00:56:35,400
Speaker 1: oh my god, I hope she knows she doesn't have

1128
00:56:35,520 --> 00:56:38,320
Speaker 1: to do anything she doesn't want to do. And the

1129
00:56:38,440 --> 00:56:42,040
Speaker 1: fact is money is great, but does it ever do

1130
00:56:42,360 --> 00:56:44,600
Speaker 1: anything for you other than pay for seven days a

1131
00:56:44,640 --> 00:56:47,759
Speaker 1: week therapy if you need not really like you know,

1132
00:56:48,040 --> 00:56:50,480
Speaker 1: it's just it makes it so if my parents get cancer,

1133
00:56:50,719 --> 00:56:53,560
Speaker 1: they won't get worse cancer worrying about bills. That to

1134
00:56:53,680 --> 00:56:55,960
Speaker 1: me is what money gets me. Is like my mom

1135
00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:58,359
Speaker 1: when she eventually gets something that's going to take her down,

1136
00:56:58,440 --> 00:57:03,360
Speaker 1: because everyone does that. I know. Stress when you're physically

1137
00:57:03,440 --> 00:57:06,839
Speaker 1: sick makes your sickness worse. And so whenever we get

1138
00:57:06,880 --> 00:57:09,840
Speaker 1: a diagnosis in the family for someone, the fact that

1139
00:57:09,920 --> 00:57:12,520
Speaker 1: I can maybe bail them out financially will make them

1140
00:57:12,760 --> 00:57:15,239
Speaker 1: live longer. And that's why I accept gigs like that.

1141
00:57:15,480 --> 00:57:18,480
Speaker 1: Is it like? And well, well, I think I just

1142
00:57:18,760 --> 00:57:22,400
Speaker 1: go seven year plans with my businessman. When you let

1143
00:57:22,440 --> 00:57:24,800
Speaker 1: me say really quickly, I'm sorry, I apologize. Um. I

1144
00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:27,160
Speaker 1: just want to say about that whole money thing. First

1145
00:57:27,240 --> 00:57:31,080
Speaker 1: of all, I had the same goal of you as

1146
00:57:31,120 --> 00:57:33,400
Speaker 1: you did. I remember when my dad got sick, he

1147
00:57:33,520 --> 00:57:36,520
Speaker 1: had like, oh my god, seven months that they didn't

1148
00:57:36,560 --> 00:57:38,800
Speaker 1: have the money to pay for twenty four hour nurses.

1149
00:57:39,360 --> 00:57:41,800
Speaker 1: So I paid for that, and of course my father

1150
00:57:41,920 --> 00:57:44,840
Speaker 1: insists to pay me back out of the will or whatever.

1151
00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:47,080
Speaker 1: Who gives a ship. So I you and I are

1152
00:57:47,160 --> 00:57:51,080
Speaker 1: motivated from the same uh in a same similar way.

1153
00:57:51,160 --> 00:57:54,120
Speaker 1: We wanted to take care of and hand love. And

1154
00:57:54,400 --> 00:57:58,040
Speaker 1: I see that I'm just kidding. I know, I know

1155
00:57:58,160 --> 00:57:59,760
Speaker 1: you're not like that at all. But what's funny is,

1156
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:07,120
Speaker 1: I guess true people don't understand how how I how

1157
00:58:07,520 --> 00:58:09,960
Speaker 1: the people don't understand how I sold all the purses

1158
00:58:10,040 --> 00:58:12,600
Speaker 1: and shoes and furniture, like all the stuff that was

1159
00:58:12,720 --> 00:58:15,960
Speaker 1: that bought out of lack, you know. And I listened

1160
00:58:16,000 --> 00:58:18,080
Speaker 1: to the minimalists a lot, this podcast that I love

1161
00:58:18,400 --> 00:58:21,200
Speaker 1: and this is so true. They go, you don't have

1162
00:58:21,280 --> 00:58:24,080
Speaker 1: a better life by adding things. You have a better

1163
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:26,320
Speaker 1: life by subtracting things. And I'm like, wait a minute.

1164
00:58:26,320 --> 00:58:29,400
Speaker 1: If I think back to the things I've subtracted a husband,

1165
00:58:30,160 --> 00:58:38,800
Speaker 1: three houses out of four, a career, bad friends, impulsive,

1166
00:58:38,920 --> 00:58:42,320
Speaker 1: social media bullshit, I'm like, wow, oh my god, my

1167
00:58:42,480 --> 00:58:45,600
Speaker 1: life is better by taking things out, so and taking

1168
00:58:45,640 --> 00:58:47,560
Speaker 1: out the purses and the shoes, and then you can

1169
00:58:47,640 --> 00:58:49,640
Speaker 1: do something with that money that helps your dad or

1170
00:58:49,680 --> 00:58:52,520
Speaker 1: your mom, and you just go, man, how the hell

1171
00:58:52,640 --> 00:58:55,560
Speaker 1: is my life this happy? So it's through struggle of

1172
00:58:55,680 --> 00:58:58,720
Speaker 1: working on yourself. That stuff doesn't come easy. Those lessons

1173
00:58:58,760 --> 00:59:01,520
Speaker 1: are hard one. But you're already on the track at

1174
00:59:01,560 --> 00:59:04,320
Speaker 1: your young age. I always picked you. I imagine you're

1175
00:59:04,320 --> 00:59:08,160
Speaker 1: about thirty. Are you about thirty? I'm thirty seven, okay,

1176
00:59:08,440 --> 00:59:11,240
Speaker 1: So you are so ahead of the game. I am

1177
00:59:11,440 --> 00:59:15,080
Speaker 1: so happy for you to even be having this in

1178
00:59:15,240 --> 00:59:19,440
Speaker 1: your consciousness at all right now, because thirty seven I

1179
00:59:19,640 --> 00:59:23,240
Speaker 1: wasn't even I hadn't even made it yet. So I'm

1180
00:59:23,320 --> 00:59:26,320
Speaker 1: really I I feel I lost some years, but damn it,

1181
00:59:26,320 --> 00:59:28,320
Speaker 1: I'm making up for it now just by sitting around

1182
00:59:28,360 --> 00:59:30,800
Speaker 1: and trying to paint the fucking door. That's what my mean.

1183
00:59:31,240 --> 00:59:33,920
Speaker 1: It just proves that I don't think there's nothing. You know,

1184
00:59:34,080 --> 00:59:36,280
Speaker 1: before you retired, there was a little bit of me

1185
00:59:36,400 --> 00:59:38,080
Speaker 1: being like, well, we'll see if she likes this and

1186
00:59:38,160 --> 00:59:40,320
Speaker 1: if she's really I mean, she's making a move here,

1187
00:59:40,360 --> 00:59:42,600
Speaker 1: but is it? Is it because she is not as

1188
00:59:42,640 --> 00:59:44,480
Speaker 1: famous as she was anymore now she wants to get

1189
00:59:44,480 --> 00:59:47,480
Speaker 1: out because it's like, you know, I didn't even think

1190
00:59:47,520 --> 00:59:49,680
Speaker 1: those things, but people could have said those things about

1191
00:59:49,840 --> 00:59:52,080
Speaker 1: your choice at that moment to get out, like you know,

1192
00:59:52,240 --> 00:59:55,560
Speaker 1: your star was huge, and like everyone in the business.

1193
00:59:55,800 --> 00:59:59,120
Speaker 1: That's another fear of mine, is this this being built

1194
00:59:59,200 --> 01:00:01,280
Speaker 1: up and there's always is gonna be the roller coaster

1195
01:00:01,400 --> 01:00:03,640
Speaker 1: has to go back down, you know, like they're the

1196
01:00:03,720 --> 01:00:05,760
Speaker 1: pendulum always swings the other way. So when I get

1197
01:00:05,840 --> 01:00:08,400
Speaker 1: things and people go second season of f we Island,

1198
01:00:08,440 --> 01:00:10,800
Speaker 1: oh my god, Nikki, you were killing it, You're on tour,

1199
01:00:10,960 --> 01:00:14,520
Speaker 1: selling out theaters, I'm just like, it's gonna go away.

1200
01:00:14,720 --> 01:00:16,840
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that to be a pessimist. I'm

1201
01:00:16,880 --> 01:00:19,600
Speaker 1: just saying I can't get too excited because when it

1202
01:00:19,680 --> 01:00:21,720
Speaker 1: goes away. If I'm if my word is based on

1203
01:00:21,840 --> 01:00:24,800
Speaker 1: that or my looks, which are also going to go away.

1204
01:00:25,000 --> 01:00:27,120
Speaker 1: What do I have? So I just like to keep

1205
01:00:27,200 --> 01:00:30,640
Speaker 1: it like just like, yeah, I'm happy about f we

1206
01:00:30,680 --> 01:00:33,320
Speaker 1: Island season two, but that show will be canceled someday

1207
01:00:33,320 --> 01:00:36,200
Speaker 1: because it's called f boyfucking Island. You know that can't

1208
01:00:36,280 --> 01:00:39,560
Speaker 1: that's not gonna be Survivor or you know Seinfeld where

1209
01:00:39,600 --> 01:00:42,520
Speaker 1: we walk away graciously that I'll be taken from us

1210
01:00:42,600 --> 01:00:47,040
Speaker 1: from our cold dead hands. So Andrew, before we go

1211
01:00:47,120 --> 01:00:48,479
Speaker 1: to break, I want you to get in your question

1212
01:00:48,520 --> 01:00:50,720
Speaker 1: and then we won't answer it and go to break. Yeah, yeah,

1213
01:00:50,840 --> 01:00:53,720
Speaker 1: so you know, just stop me before and we can

1214
01:00:53,760 --> 01:00:56,280
Speaker 1: go to break before I'm done even asking. Um so

1215
01:00:56,760 --> 01:00:59,160
Speaker 1: I was gonna do that. You just ruined my joke.

1216
01:00:59,320 --> 01:01:03,400
Speaker 1: But ask your question. Let's go to break. We'll be

1217
01:01:03,520 --> 01:01:11,840
Speaker 1: right back, Andrew. Welcome back, Andrew. Let's let's hear your

1218
01:01:11,920 --> 01:01:13,280
Speaker 1: question for Lisa that you've been trying to get out

1219
01:01:13,320 --> 01:01:15,840
Speaker 1: for the past hour. No, so you know you guys

1220
01:01:15,920 --> 01:01:18,720
Speaker 1: talk about like all or nothing. You don't like the

1221
01:01:18,800 --> 01:01:20,880
Speaker 1: fact that it's all or nothing. We live. We have

1222
01:01:21,000 --> 01:01:23,640
Speaker 1: a profession, right, Like if you wanted to do stand up,

1223
01:01:23,720 --> 01:01:27,240
Speaker 1: let's say once every three months or once every two

1224
01:01:27,360 --> 01:01:30,520
Speaker 1: months and just get that feel of selling out a show,

1225
01:01:30,920 --> 01:01:34,280
Speaker 1: fucking crushing. Granted, you might not be as good because

1226
01:01:34,280 --> 01:01:37,400
Speaker 1: you're not writing as much, you're not performing as much,

1227
01:01:37,440 --> 01:01:40,160
Speaker 1: so you won't feel as great about your own you know,

1228
01:01:40,280 --> 01:01:42,720
Speaker 1: your own jokes. Maybe, but maybe you write some new

1229
01:01:42,800 --> 01:01:45,240
Speaker 1: bits and you just get that feeling of like that

1230
01:01:45,440 --> 01:01:48,360
Speaker 1: high again, right, Like why do we have to say

1231
01:01:48,880 --> 01:01:53,480
Speaker 1: I'm retired. It's over done when we're in a profession

1232
01:01:53,560 --> 01:01:55,520
Speaker 1: that like, because like my dad was a doctor, right,

1233
01:01:55,600 --> 01:01:59,439
Speaker 1: my dad's an oncologist. He retired, he ended up getting cancer.

1234
01:01:59,480 --> 01:02:02,680
Speaker 1: Actually he's fine now. Uh, he had breast concer, he

1235
01:02:02,760 --> 01:02:06,000
Speaker 1: had big tits and had the cut one off, but whatever,

1236
01:02:06,360 --> 01:02:08,400
Speaker 1: So he has it in his fanny pack, don't or

1237
01:02:09,240 --> 01:02:14,160
Speaker 1: she carries it around now Andrew so so. But my

1238
01:02:14,320 --> 01:02:17,520
Speaker 1: point is is like he couldn't then go hey, I'm

1239
01:02:17,520 --> 01:02:20,520
Speaker 1: gonna go into the hospital in every three months and

1240
01:02:20,640 --> 01:02:23,400
Speaker 1: just get that feel of like connecting with his patients. Again,

1241
01:02:23,800 --> 01:02:27,960
Speaker 1: we have a job. So you like a long question,

1242
01:02:28,040 --> 01:02:30,600
Speaker 1: which I respect? What was more of us A little quick?

1243
01:02:31,040 --> 01:02:33,800
Speaker 1: I do? I like it? I like it. Your monologue

1244
01:02:33,880 --> 01:02:37,240
Speaker 1: was terrific. You don't get the part if you cut

1245
01:02:37,280 --> 01:02:42,000
Speaker 1: me do I not bleed. Okay, here's my feeling. Why

1246
01:02:42,840 --> 01:02:46,160
Speaker 1: why is somebody allowed to do anything because they want

1247
01:02:46,280 --> 01:02:49,480
Speaker 1: to or don't want to? So I could tomorrow? My

1248
01:02:49,560 --> 01:02:51,800
Speaker 1: manager says to me, She goes, you know, you're hilarious

1249
01:02:51,800 --> 01:02:54,720
Speaker 1: because I told her only accept gigs where I can

1250
01:02:54,880 --> 01:02:58,400
Speaker 1: talk about myself constantly. So I do a lot of podcasts.

1251
01:02:58,480 --> 01:03:00,720
Speaker 1: I don't want to go on stage anymore. Are yes,

1252
01:03:01,320 --> 01:03:04,920
Speaker 1: maybe I can't even imagine wanting to do it again.

1253
01:03:05,480 --> 01:03:08,200
Speaker 1: But if I did, I could be like, let's do it.

1254
01:03:08,520 --> 01:03:10,920
Speaker 1: But you don't do it for the high. I think

1255
01:03:11,040 --> 01:03:13,240
Speaker 1: that's where you and I are making a disconnect here.

1256
01:03:13,920 --> 01:03:16,600
Speaker 1: I don't want to do anything for a high. I

1257
01:03:16,800 --> 01:03:20,880
Speaker 1: want the highest I want wait, wait, wait, let me finish.

1258
01:03:21,160 --> 01:03:26,360
Speaker 1: I want peace contentment. Does that come from chasing anything? No.

1259
01:03:27,920 --> 01:03:29,760
Speaker 1: I read a quote that was so beautiful I cut

1260
01:03:29,840 --> 01:03:31,800
Speaker 1: it out. I was like, oh my god, how beautiful

1261
01:03:31,840 --> 01:03:34,960
Speaker 1: it is to not be chasing anything or working, working

1262
01:03:35,040 --> 01:03:38,040
Speaker 1: for acceptance at anything. And yeah, I do a killer

1263
01:03:38,120 --> 01:03:41,000
Speaker 1: job on that podcast. Believe me. We prepare, We fucking

1264
01:03:41,040 --> 01:03:43,360
Speaker 1: have meetings every week. I'm like, you guys are gonna

1265
01:03:43,360 --> 01:03:45,640
Speaker 1: get deep. So I have a great time with it.

1266
01:03:46,240 --> 01:03:49,160
Speaker 1: But I'm like, the high is just being like, oh man,

1267
01:03:49,280 --> 01:03:53,320
Speaker 1: that was really fun. So I've never been a risky person.

1268
01:03:53,400 --> 01:03:56,480
Speaker 1: I've never done anything physically risky. All my risks are

1269
01:03:56,560 --> 01:03:59,720
Speaker 1: on stage. All those risks are kind of bullshitty because

1270
01:03:59,760 --> 01:04:04,400
Speaker 1: it's like trying to prove what's the difference though, because

1271
01:04:04,400 --> 01:04:06,120
Speaker 1: I think this is what Andrews getting at. What's the

1272
01:04:06,240 --> 01:04:10,040
Speaker 1: difference between having fun on a podcast and feeling that

1273
01:04:10,280 --> 01:04:12,440
Speaker 1: that joy that you get from having a deep conversation

1274
01:04:12,520 --> 01:04:24,400
Speaker 1: with your friends. One second, Okay, go ahead, what's the

1275
01:04:24,480 --> 01:04:28,400
Speaker 1: difference between having fun on a podcast and Andrew? You

1276
01:04:28,480 --> 01:04:30,760
Speaker 1: know Andrew someone who goes on stage and he really

1277
01:04:31,200 --> 01:04:34,600
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm numb to the audience loving me, or

1278
01:04:34,880 --> 01:04:37,960
Speaker 1: the applause or the massive crowd. It's not then I

1279
01:04:38,040 --> 01:04:39,840
Speaker 1: don't want people coming to see me thinking like she

1280
01:04:39,880 --> 01:04:42,360
Speaker 1: doesn't even appreciate us. I appreciate it so much that

1281
01:04:42,400 --> 01:04:44,040
Speaker 1: I feel like I don't deserve it, you know, Like

1282
01:04:44,240 --> 01:04:46,200
Speaker 1: that's kind of how I num myself because I just

1283
01:04:46,320 --> 01:04:49,280
Speaker 1: feel like an impostor. Right. It's not because I resent

1284
01:04:49,440 --> 01:04:52,160
Speaker 1: the audience or think that whatever. Um, I just don't

1285
01:04:52,160 --> 01:04:53,480
Speaker 1: want the audience to hear that be Like, why would

1286
01:04:53,480 --> 01:04:55,040
Speaker 1: I take it to her show. If she doesn't feel it,

1287
01:04:55,280 --> 01:04:56,800
Speaker 1: I just can't let it in because it's too much

1288
01:04:56,800 --> 01:04:58,600
Speaker 1: and I feel like I don't deserve it. Andrew will

1289
01:04:58,600 --> 01:05:01,160
Speaker 1: get off stage and he'll hill for ten minutes and

1290
01:05:01,160 --> 01:05:03,240
Speaker 1: get off stage and being a really good mood only

1291
01:05:03,680 --> 01:05:08,160
Speaker 1: because he had fun and because they liked you. I mean, like,

1292
01:05:08,560 --> 01:05:10,840
Speaker 1: whether you're fun is based on if they like you.

1293
01:05:10,920 --> 01:05:14,400
Speaker 1: Let's be honest, it's not. You can't rarely do people

1294
01:05:14,440 --> 01:05:17,160
Speaker 1: bomb and have fun still, And I'm not a truth teller.

1295
01:05:17,200 --> 01:05:19,120
Speaker 1: I'm not like, oh, I got out what I needed to.

1296
01:05:19,600 --> 01:05:23,640
Speaker 1: What's what's the difference between what he's doing and the

1297
01:05:23,760 --> 01:05:27,080
Speaker 1: feeling the joy he feels after that, and something that's

1298
01:05:27,120 --> 01:05:30,720
Speaker 1: an unhealthy pursuit of Is that a healthy pursuit is

1299
01:05:30,800 --> 01:05:32,880
Speaker 1: that he's getting a high and a and a joy

1300
01:05:33,120 --> 01:05:37,360
Speaker 1: from I think. I think the only unhealthy thing Andrew's

1301
01:05:37,400 --> 01:05:42,720
Speaker 1: done here today is to think said he to think

1302
01:05:42,840 --> 01:05:46,600
Speaker 1: that I am saying everyone should retire. So he's taking

1303
01:05:46,680 --> 01:05:48,760
Speaker 1: it personally, which is one of the four agreements. You're

1304
01:05:48,760 --> 01:05:55,440
Speaker 1: not supposed to take anything from No No, you are

1305
01:05:55,640 --> 01:05:58,760
Speaker 1: no no. In other words, I'm saying I am happier

1306
01:05:58,880 --> 01:06:02,160
Speaker 1: this way I'm not prescribing this for you, but you

1307
01:06:02,800 --> 01:06:10,800
Speaker 1: are very angry that I'm saying, Oh, but I don't

1308
01:06:10,840 --> 01:06:15,640
Speaker 1: have enough money yet, Lisa. He has been conditioned. He's

1309
01:06:15,680 --> 01:06:18,600
Speaker 1: pavlof dogs by me because I have a lot of

1310
01:06:18,680 --> 01:06:21,680
Speaker 1: the same kind of things, a lot of the things

1311
01:06:21,760 --> 01:06:24,240
Speaker 1: you're saying. My listeners have heard me say in the

1312
01:06:24,360 --> 01:06:28,000
Speaker 1: less articulate ways, more clunkly ways. But I don't have

1313
01:06:28,200 --> 01:06:30,880
Speaker 1: what you just describe. So much of is which this

1314
01:06:31,080 --> 01:06:33,120
Speaker 1: is what works for me. I often come from a

1315
01:06:33,280 --> 01:06:35,240
Speaker 1: you should perspective, and he hears that all day, so

1316
01:06:35,280 --> 01:06:38,240
Speaker 1: I think that's what that is why he's interpreting it

1317
01:06:38,360 --> 01:06:39,920
Speaker 1: that way. I've conditioned him to be that way, and

1318
01:06:39,960 --> 01:06:42,360
Speaker 1: I gotta take responsibility for my part in that. But

1319
01:06:42,480 --> 01:06:45,880
Speaker 1: you're right, but I also took that that way too.

1320
01:06:45,920 --> 01:06:48,640
Speaker 1: When I heard that Lisa retired, I was like, boy,

1321
01:06:48,720 --> 01:06:50,640
Speaker 1: that looks nice. And I even remember doing the interview

1322
01:06:50,680 --> 01:06:53,280
Speaker 1: for Hysterical and saying she got out, knowing that I

1323
01:06:53,320 --> 01:06:57,640
Speaker 1: would never get out, because it's not. I was not

1324
01:06:57,800 --> 01:07:00,880
Speaker 1: in a place ever that I really as anything in

1325
01:07:00,960 --> 01:07:03,720
Speaker 1: life could bring me as much joy as working myself

1326
01:07:03,800 --> 01:07:06,720
Speaker 1: to the bone and being the best and and and honestly,

1327
01:07:06,880 --> 01:07:11,240
Speaker 1: never feeling like the best. No no special, no review,

1328
01:07:11,920 --> 01:07:15,200
Speaker 1: no no um comedian who I was super like, like,

1329
01:07:15,360 --> 01:07:18,720
Speaker 1: no Gary Goldman telling me that I was a great comic,

1330
01:07:19,040 --> 01:07:21,360
Speaker 1: no other great comics who I put on a pestle

1331
01:07:21,520 --> 01:07:25,280
Speaker 1: complimenting me. None of it ever landed. I'm not kidding you,

1332
01:07:25,600 --> 01:07:29,600
Speaker 1: none of it. Never did. I actually think, like, you know,

1333
01:07:29,800 --> 01:07:31,480
Speaker 1: because people would say it was funny, and I could

1334
01:07:31,480 --> 01:07:33,160
Speaker 1: always go, well, they're not a comedian, they don't really know.

1335
01:07:33,240 --> 01:07:35,280
Speaker 1: They're like, yeah, I've tricked the masses. But when a

1336
01:07:35,360 --> 01:07:38,200
Speaker 1: comedian like Gary Goldman or like you know you or

1337
01:07:38,480 --> 01:07:40,880
Speaker 1: anyone would say it was funny, I would still think

1338
01:07:40,920 --> 01:07:42,920
Speaker 1: that I tricked you. You you haven't seen me enough.

1339
01:07:43,000 --> 01:07:44,240
Speaker 1: He was just like, because I was nice to you

1340
01:07:44,280 --> 01:07:46,160
Speaker 1: in a green room, and so you're gonna say I'm funny,

1341
01:07:46,480 --> 01:07:49,360
Speaker 1: Like I never let it in even the Netflix specials.

1342
01:07:49,560 --> 01:07:51,440
Speaker 1: The people at Netflix I tricked them. They saw one

1343
01:07:51,520 --> 01:07:54,120
Speaker 1: good set where I followed someone who kind of set

1344
01:07:54,160 --> 01:07:56,760
Speaker 1: me up to kill like it was always an excuse.

1345
01:07:57,040 --> 01:07:58,800
Speaker 1: And whether or not that's true, which, by the way,

1346
01:07:59,000 --> 01:08:01,520
Speaker 1: it can be true. Those things could have been true,

1347
01:08:01,600 --> 01:08:04,080
Speaker 1: they're probably not because that would be insane coincidences that

1348
01:08:04,200 --> 01:08:06,360
Speaker 1: everyone that's like me has been tricked, but it could

1349
01:08:06,400 --> 01:08:09,640
Speaker 1: be true. Let's just say that even given that, I

1350
01:08:09,760 --> 01:08:13,760
Speaker 1: think that I've realized and and this is so interesting

1351
01:08:13,880 --> 01:08:16,040
Speaker 1: and the part the point you made about like me

1352
01:08:16,160 --> 01:08:19,120
Speaker 1: being pretty young to discover these things. My friend of Milwaukim,

1353
01:08:19,160 --> 01:08:22,880
Speaker 1: he's twenty three years old. He is just such a

1354
01:08:23,000 --> 01:08:26,960
Speaker 1: great comedic mind, diligent kind, just one of my best

1355
01:08:27,080 --> 01:08:29,439
Speaker 1: one of our closest friends, young comic that I just

1356
01:08:29,640 --> 01:08:31,680
Speaker 1: was like, Oh, this guy's gonna if he sticks at it,

1357
01:08:31,760 --> 01:08:34,799
Speaker 1: he's going to be famous no matter what. He recently

1358
01:08:34,920 --> 01:08:39,080
Speaker 1: got a commercial and uh jf L and all these things.

1359
01:08:39,360 --> 01:08:40,840
Speaker 1: And he said to me, I saw him recently, and

1360
01:08:40,880 --> 01:08:42,880
Speaker 1: he goes, can you just talk to me about like

1361
01:08:42,920 --> 01:08:44,560
Speaker 1: what it's like to get things for you and like

1362
01:08:45,120 --> 01:08:47,200
Speaker 1: how it it made you feel to like start getting

1363
01:08:47,240 --> 01:08:49,559
Speaker 1: things when you started getting things. And I was like, honestly,

1364
01:08:49,680 --> 01:08:54,000
Speaker 1: it just I know this is such a platitude, so trite,

1365
01:08:54,040 --> 01:08:56,120
Speaker 1: but it doesn't it doesn't make you happy. And I

1366
01:08:56,520 --> 01:08:58,599
Speaker 1: truly know that now, And that's why I'm I started

1367
01:08:58,600 --> 01:08:59,720
Speaker 1: to talk to him about like I want to get

1368
01:08:59,760 --> 01:09:01,720
Speaker 1: away from it. It's not doing it for me, and

1369
01:09:01,800 --> 01:09:04,679
Speaker 1: he goes, I gotta be honest, I feel that way

1370
01:09:04,840 --> 01:09:06,639
Speaker 1: like and I don't want to burst. I don't want

1371
01:09:06,640 --> 01:09:09,439
Speaker 1: to say something that he wasn't I'll check with him

1372
01:09:09,479 --> 01:09:10,720
Speaker 1: to make sure it's okay to say this. But he

1373
01:09:10,760 --> 01:09:13,400
Speaker 1: said to me, I was just like blown away that

1374
01:09:13,479 --> 01:09:15,360
Speaker 1: a twenty three year old had this kind of perspective.

1375
01:09:15,400 --> 01:09:18,200
Speaker 1: He goes, When I got JFL, when I got this commercial,

1376
01:09:18,760 --> 01:09:22,120
Speaker 1: I felt like an impostor. I felt the stress of

1377
01:09:22,200 --> 01:09:24,920
Speaker 1: having to live up to the expectations. My life is

1378
01:09:25,040 --> 01:09:28,439
Speaker 1: so much more worse, not like my stress levels and

1379
01:09:28,560 --> 01:09:32,320
Speaker 1: my discomfort and my sleeplessness and my anxiety are so

1380
01:09:32,520 --> 01:09:34,800
Speaker 1: much worse because of these things that I thought I

1381
01:09:34,920 --> 01:09:37,439
Speaker 1: always wanted. And he goes, this is not a harbinger

1382
01:09:37,960 --> 01:09:41,360
Speaker 1: of good of good news for my future, of my goals,

1383
01:09:41,640 --> 01:09:47,439
Speaker 1: and and yes, you see it. You're you've acknowledged it, right,

1384
01:09:47,560 --> 01:09:52,280
Speaker 1: But that's only part of the work, because step you

1385
01:09:52,360 --> 01:09:54,760
Speaker 1: don't need to quit something. He doesn't need to now,

1386
01:09:55,080 --> 01:09:57,360
Speaker 1: you just need to acknowledge it. You need to get

1387
01:09:57,439 --> 01:10:01,040
Speaker 1: it and go to figure out why you have imposter

1388
01:10:01,200 --> 01:10:04,880
Speaker 1: syndrome and why you, Nikki have imposter syndrome. Still, after

1389
01:10:05,000 --> 01:10:08,200
Speaker 1: all that stuff because none of that. I mean, we

1390
01:10:08,280 --> 01:10:11,439
Speaker 1: all have imposter syndrome. Definitely. If you don't, then you're

1391
01:10:11,479 --> 01:10:16,439
Speaker 1: just some self sociopath. So the fact is we're all

1392
01:10:16,680 --> 01:10:19,800
Speaker 1: enough as we are, and that to me, Lisa, enough

1393
01:10:19,880 --> 01:10:21,599
Speaker 1: as we are. I gotta stop you because I hear

1394
01:10:21,640 --> 01:10:23,760
Speaker 1: that all the time in my recovery, and I hear

1395
01:10:23,800 --> 01:10:26,679
Speaker 1: that in every book I read. Got you know, whether

1396
01:10:26,760 --> 01:10:28,200
Speaker 1: or not you believe in God, A lot of it

1397
01:10:28,360 --> 01:10:30,680
Speaker 1: is the way you were born is the way you're

1398
01:10:30,720 --> 01:10:34,000
Speaker 1: supposed to be, your perfect way you are. Now let

1399
01:10:34,080 --> 01:10:36,519
Speaker 1: me I have I've I've arrived there. I don't know

1400
01:10:36,640 --> 01:10:39,000
Speaker 1: how it's been through a lot of step work, a

1401
01:10:39,080 --> 01:10:42,800
Speaker 1: lot of you know, meet different things. I've It's just

1402
01:10:43,120 --> 01:10:47,160
Speaker 1: it's gotten in, you know. Um. But for someone, for

1403
01:10:47,240 --> 01:10:49,280
Speaker 1: the for someone who doesn't do that work, or maybe

1404
01:10:49,360 --> 01:10:52,040
Speaker 1: doesn't have an addiction where they find themselves in a

1405
01:10:52,160 --> 01:10:54,200
Speaker 1: room that they can get that kind of work done.

1406
01:10:54,680 --> 01:10:56,679
Speaker 1: How do you get to a place where you even

1407
01:10:56,760 --> 01:10:59,120
Speaker 1: can grasp the concept that how you came out is

1408
01:10:59,160 --> 01:11:00,639
Speaker 1: the way you're supposed to be. What if you came

1409
01:11:00,680 --> 01:11:03,360
Speaker 1: out of pedophile? Well, you know what I did, and

1410
01:11:03,439 --> 01:11:06,080
Speaker 1: I worked on it, and I no longer molesque children.

1411
01:11:06,520 --> 01:11:08,760
Speaker 1: So honestly, though, what if you come out and you

1412
01:11:08,760 --> 01:11:11,439
Speaker 1: didn't have to fully retire though? What did you come

1413
01:11:11,439 --> 01:11:14,640
Speaker 1: out a bad person? I love that Andrew is going

1414
01:11:14,720 --> 01:11:19,599
Speaker 1: to give me career and no, no, I'm saying the kid,

1415
01:11:22,080 --> 01:11:28,200
Speaker 1: tell your manager you're open to auditioning. But honestly, what

1416
01:11:28,720 --> 01:11:30,760
Speaker 1: does that mean for someone who Let's not say let's

1417
01:11:30,760 --> 01:11:32,800
Speaker 1: say pedophile, Let's say, um, someone who I used to

1418
01:11:32,880 --> 01:11:35,240
Speaker 1: feel ugly. Let's say someone is ugly and like they

1419
01:11:35,320 --> 01:11:38,240
Speaker 1: just are because some people are ugly. What if you

1420
01:11:38,360 --> 01:11:39,960
Speaker 1: feel ugly and you go? I used to say to

1421
01:11:40,000 --> 01:11:42,639
Speaker 1: my mom, how could you have sex with dad knowing

1422
01:11:42,760 --> 01:11:46,080
Speaker 1: that somewhere your your lineage could mix and make a

1423
01:11:46,160 --> 01:11:48,200
Speaker 1: child as ugly as me? Why would you inflict that

1424
01:11:48,640 --> 01:11:50,240
Speaker 1: on a human? And my mom used to be like,

1425
01:11:50,600 --> 01:11:53,639
Speaker 1: that is the weirdest thing. And I go, I'm so ugly?

1426
01:11:53,840 --> 01:11:55,800
Speaker 1: Why did you make me? How could you have done this?

1427
01:11:56,479 --> 01:11:59,000
Speaker 1: When and and you you you aced it with Lauren,

1428
01:11:59,439 --> 01:12:03,120
Speaker 1: your DNA met mixed together. My sister got it. I

1429
01:12:03,280 --> 01:12:05,880
Speaker 1: was I felt so ugly. And there are times though,

1430
01:12:06,080 --> 01:12:08,280
Speaker 1: and I talked about this earlier with my body image,

1431
01:12:08,320 --> 01:12:11,080
Speaker 1: that I you feel like and I think a lot

1432
01:12:11,120 --> 01:12:13,760
Speaker 1: of people who are you know, trans, or who just

1433
01:12:13,960 --> 01:12:16,800
Speaker 1: have like a body that they don't feel comfortable in.

1434
01:12:17,000 --> 01:12:19,240
Speaker 1: Which that's why I've always related to the trans community,

1435
01:12:19,360 --> 01:12:22,400
Speaker 1: is because I truly feel like I wasn't supposed to

1436
01:12:22,479 --> 01:12:23,960
Speaker 1: be born in this body. I was supposed to be

1437
01:12:24,000 --> 01:12:26,639
Speaker 1: a supermodel. And I know that sounds nothing like trans

1438
01:12:27,000 --> 01:12:28,519
Speaker 1: gonna be like, yeah right, that's I just want to

1439
01:12:28,560 --> 01:12:31,040
Speaker 1: be who I am. I truly felt like I deserved

1440
01:12:31,080 --> 01:12:33,360
Speaker 1: to be Gizelle, like have her body. And I felt

1441
01:12:34,240 --> 01:12:37,320
Speaker 1: so angry at God, my parents, whatever it was that

1442
01:12:37,520 --> 01:12:40,080
Speaker 1: I had to be put into this earth not that

1443
01:12:41,120 --> 01:12:43,840
Speaker 1: where how can I or how can someone who's born

1444
01:12:43,880 --> 01:12:46,439
Speaker 1: without legs say I'm perfect as I am when truly

1445
01:12:46,560 --> 01:12:49,000
Speaker 1: I'm not. You know, I don't think it's perfect. I

1446
01:12:49,080 --> 01:12:52,000
Speaker 1: think that's what people get mixed up. No, I think

1447
01:12:53,520 --> 01:12:55,640
Speaker 1: I had a shrink in my twenties, and again, I

1448
01:12:55,800 --> 01:12:58,040
Speaker 1: just turned sixties. We all had to shrink in our twenties.

1449
01:12:59,520 --> 01:13:06,080
Speaker 1: I we all thought that fresh. I've had a shrink

1450
01:13:06,160 --> 01:13:09,599
Speaker 1: for like forty years, like different ones. And the first

1451
01:13:09,760 --> 01:13:12,280
Speaker 1: one had said to me, and it finally got in

1452
01:13:12,400 --> 01:13:15,840
Speaker 1: there somehow when I was about fifty. Um, she said

1453
01:13:16,400 --> 01:13:19,120
Speaker 1: you're never gonna be the best, You're never gonna be worst.

1454
01:13:19,280 --> 01:13:21,000
Speaker 1: You're never gonna be the prettiest, you're never going to

1455
01:13:21,040 --> 01:13:25,479
Speaker 1: be the ugliest. But you're enough. And finally, after thirty

1456
01:13:25,560 --> 01:13:28,599
Speaker 1: more years of trying to do it with achievement everything,

1457
01:13:29,240 --> 01:13:32,479
Speaker 1: I literally always kind of just think I'm enough, and

1458
01:13:32,560 --> 01:13:35,840
Speaker 1: I'm always sometimes i'm too much, Like I know I'm

1459
01:13:35,880 --> 01:13:37,960
Speaker 1: too loud, and I'll notice myself at a party going, oh,

1460
01:13:38,000 --> 01:13:40,559
Speaker 1: why do I need attention? Like gosh, let the other

1461
01:13:40,640 --> 01:13:43,880
Speaker 1: people talk? Or why am I introverting myself and not

1462
01:13:44,040 --> 01:13:47,240
Speaker 1: speaking at all? So it's adjusting every day and just

1463
01:13:47,520 --> 01:13:52,000
Speaker 1: noticing how you act and it's okay, it's I need

1464
01:13:52,080 --> 01:13:54,679
Speaker 1: to tell you this. You're never gonna be the prettiest,

1465
01:13:54,880 --> 01:13:58,560
Speaker 1: you're never gonna be thet My therapist Donna, you're not

1466
01:13:58,840 --> 01:14:01,880
Speaker 1: a borting. You're never going to be a model, your

1467
01:14:01,960 --> 01:14:03,760
Speaker 1: average looking and that's fine. And I used to go,

1468
01:14:03,880 --> 01:14:06,160
Speaker 1: don't think, how could you say that to me? But

1469
01:14:06,320 --> 01:14:08,600
Speaker 1: I think I don't think she was right because I

1470
01:14:08,680 --> 01:14:13,439
Speaker 1: don't think there are it's subjective, this is not math.

1471
01:14:13,800 --> 01:14:15,439
Speaker 1: But you just said there's the best and the worst.

1472
01:14:15,520 --> 01:14:17,400
Speaker 1: Let's be honest, Like you just said You're not gonna

1473
01:14:17,400 --> 01:14:20,600
Speaker 1: be the best or the worst because it's an artist someone. No,

1474
01:14:20,960 --> 01:14:25,320
Speaker 1: there's an artificial construct. It's not no one. You could

1475
01:14:25,479 --> 01:14:27,639
Speaker 1: you could name who to you is the best looking,

1476
01:14:27,880 --> 01:14:30,560
Speaker 1: and I could disagree, and he could degree and it

1477
01:14:30,600 --> 01:14:33,920
Speaker 1: would be totally someone different and the ugliest. I know

1478
01:14:34,200 --> 01:14:38,320
Speaker 1: couples who trump. We all agree. I mean, like I

1479
01:14:38,400 --> 01:14:42,160
Speaker 1: think that what actually were We're all right on that. Yeah,

1480
01:14:42,200 --> 01:14:44,400
Speaker 1: I just think we're in other words, all she was

1481
01:14:44,479 --> 01:14:47,719
Speaker 1: trying to say was to try to think of yourself

1482
01:14:47,880 --> 01:14:49,960
Speaker 1: as because we go from I'm the worst human being,

1483
01:14:50,040 --> 01:14:52,680
Speaker 1: the ugliest, most disgusting piece of ship too, I'm the

1484
01:14:52,760 --> 01:14:55,560
Speaker 1: best on the fine Sometimes I'm the funniest and no

1485
01:14:55,640 --> 01:14:58,080
Speaker 1: one can touch me, and I'm the best You can

1486
01:14:58,160 --> 01:15:01,960
Speaker 1: do is when you notice yourself thinking. Notice if anybody

1487
01:15:02,040 --> 01:15:05,280
Speaker 1: does nothing from this podcast other than notice and go high,

1488
01:15:05,320 --> 01:15:07,200
Speaker 1: I notice. I'm having that thought that I'm like, I'm

1489
01:15:07,240 --> 01:15:11,160
Speaker 1: the fucking best. You noticing you know what? Yeah, you're

1490
01:15:11,200 --> 01:15:14,400
Speaker 1: really good. And that's what I said earlier, Lisa, I've

1491
01:15:14,400 --> 01:15:16,519
Speaker 1: been doing this thing for my body image where when

1492
01:15:16,600 --> 01:15:19,080
Speaker 1: I see my leg and it's bigger than I want,

1493
01:15:19,160 --> 01:15:22,160
Speaker 1: or paler or something, or my face is puffier. I

1494
01:15:22,280 --> 01:15:24,439
Speaker 1: told the I told her our listeners. I said, this

1495
01:15:24,560 --> 01:15:26,439
Speaker 1: new thing I've been doing, I've been doing it a while,

1496
01:15:26,479 --> 01:15:29,160
Speaker 1: and now it's become like you said, the changing the

1497
01:15:29,280 --> 01:15:30,760
Speaker 1: I have got to do, I have to and now

1498
01:15:30,840 --> 01:15:33,040
Speaker 1: you just say I got I get to and it's

1499
01:15:33,120 --> 01:15:35,320
Speaker 1: now it's just you, you work. You don't have to

1500
01:15:35,360 --> 01:15:37,640
Speaker 1: try it anymore. I used for a while, I was

1501
01:15:37,720 --> 01:15:39,519
Speaker 1: forcing myself every time I would have a thought, a

1502
01:15:39,560 --> 01:15:42,960
Speaker 1: negative thought in the mirror, to just go, well, you

1503
01:15:43,080 --> 01:15:45,600
Speaker 1: kind of look like a man today, and that is hilarious,

1504
01:15:45,720 --> 01:15:48,000
Speaker 1: and you know what, it's not really gonna just to

1505
01:15:48,080 --> 01:15:50,439
Speaker 1: like have a sense to just go, oh, buddies, look

1506
01:15:50,479 --> 01:15:52,519
Speaker 1: at you look at like a man, to not deny

1507
01:15:52,600 --> 01:15:57,080
Speaker 1: it and go, no, you're beautiful, you have yourself. I'm

1508
01:15:57,120 --> 01:15:59,880
Speaker 1: so tired of that ship of like love your body.

1509
01:16:00,200 --> 01:16:03,560
Speaker 1: You gotta like be like Lizzo, like be like I

1510
01:16:03,720 --> 01:16:05,880
Speaker 1: can't overnight just love my Boddy. And I'm not gonna

1511
01:16:05,960 --> 01:16:09,280
Speaker 1: lie to women and create because I feel threatened when

1512
01:16:09,280 --> 01:16:12,320
Speaker 1: I see a woman who is like, you know, someone

1513
01:16:12,439 --> 01:16:15,200
Speaker 1: that I would assume has body image issues and they're like,

1514
01:16:15,280 --> 01:16:17,519
Speaker 1: I love every part of myself, and I go, do

1515
01:16:17,680 --> 01:16:19,960
Speaker 1: you because you're in a juice cleanse two weeks ago,

1516
01:16:20,120 --> 01:16:24,120
Speaker 1: and that you're lying to me be honest, that somebody's

1517
01:16:24,120 --> 01:16:26,479
Speaker 1: you don't love your body, but like be light about it.

1518
01:16:26,760 --> 01:16:30,320
Speaker 1: Is that like, well, I think I think you noticing,

1519
01:16:30,479 --> 01:16:33,840
Speaker 1: And then if humor helps you, that's a great tool

1520
01:16:34,160 --> 01:16:36,640
Speaker 1: because you know, I always joke on myself about what

1521
01:16:36,760 --> 01:16:39,400
Speaker 1: a big lesbo I look like. I don't care. I'm

1522
01:16:39,479 --> 01:16:42,439
Speaker 1: never gonna win a beauty contest. But sometimes I look

1523
01:16:42,439 --> 01:16:45,160
Speaker 1: in the mirror because I dress, you know, cool, I'm

1524
01:16:45,200 --> 01:16:48,120
Speaker 1: like freaking nailing it, so you just go, yeah, but

1525
01:16:48,160 --> 01:16:51,200
Speaker 1: I'm not nailing it like for everybody else out there,

1526
01:16:51,240 --> 01:16:53,559
Speaker 1: I'm nailing it for me. So if I'm walking around

1527
01:16:53,600 --> 01:16:56,800
Speaker 1: at sixty years old thinking I'm okay, because really it's

1528
01:16:56,840 --> 01:16:59,920
Speaker 1: just like I'm okay, I'm fine, And the humor does help.

1529
01:17:00,040 --> 01:17:04,360
Speaker 1: But I think the stuff about affirmations I love myself.

1530
01:17:04,600 --> 01:17:06,880
Speaker 1: You can't go from my hate my body to I

1531
01:17:07,000 --> 01:17:12,200
Speaker 1: love my body lying to yourself. But also it's another

1532
01:17:12,320 --> 01:17:15,200
Speaker 1: thing not to live up to you in another false expectation.

1533
01:17:15,640 --> 01:17:18,920
Speaker 1: So it's looking in the mirror going I'm okay today,

1534
01:17:19,200 --> 01:17:23,400
Speaker 1: I'm fine as I am today, and again eventually maybe

1535
01:17:23,479 --> 01:17:25,720
Speaker 1: when I'm made. He I'll look in the mirror and go, oh,

1536
01:17:26,160 --> 01:17:28,720
Speaker 1: I love every part of me, not today, and that's

1537
01:17:28,760 --> 01:17:31,360
Speaker 1: all right. So I think it's taking all that pressure

1538
01:17:31,400 --> 01:17:34,479
Speaker 1: of the platitudes off you, the positive vibes only all

1539
01:17:34,560 --> 01:17:39,360
Speaker 1: that ship that doesn't work, and going oh, I'm not great,

1540
01:17:39,560 --> 01:17:45,839
Speaker 1: I'm not terrible, but I'm fine, and about that about aging,

1541
01:17:46,000 --> 01:17:54,480
Speaker 1: about uh looking, abandoning the pursuit of being sexy sexually desirable,

1542
01:17:56,080 --> 01:18:01,679
Speaker 1: because Lisa, you have been fuckable before, like like, yes

1543
01:18:01,920 --> 01:18:07,120
Speaker 1: you have, you have, well, I already I always had

1544
01:18:07,240 --> 01:18:09,840
Speaker 1: both at least were like you would you would embrace

1545
01:18:09,920 --> 01:18:13,200
Speaker 1: that find side of you. Yes, I always had boyfriends

1546
01:18:13,240 --> 01:18:16,160
Speaker 1: and husbands. So I always said there's nothing better than

1547
01:18:16,200 --> 01:18:19,240
Speaker 1: the dead husband because it's proof you had you were

1548
01:18:19,280 --> 01:18:20,920
Speaker 1: hot enough to get somebody, and then you don't have

1549
01:18:20,960 --> 01:18:23,479
Speaker 1: to live with the fucking asshole. So I'm at the

1550
01:18:23,600 --> 01:18:27,000
Speaker 1: dead husband place right now because I'm like, I freaking

1551
01:18:27,360 --> 01:18:29,760
Speaker 1: have proof that I falked before, but I don't have

1552
01:18:29,880 --> 01:18:32,200
Speaker 1: to like, wait, they're not dead though, your ex husband,

1553
01:18:32,240 --> 01:18:34,759
Speaker 1: you're dead in your mind? No, no, no, no, they're okay.

1554
01:18:35,280 --> 01:18:37,439
Speaker 1: I know one that speaks so highly of you and

1555
01:18:37,520 --> 01:18:39,560
Speaker 1: just has so much love in his heart for you.

1556
01:18:39,800 --> 01:18:42,680
Speaker 1: And so that's so let me let me ask you

1557
01:18:42,720 --> 01:18:45,640
Speaker 1: about that. What about? What about that? Real quick? The

1558
01:18:45,760 --> 01:18:49,360
Speaker 1: aging part is so funny because I always said, you know,

1559
01:18:49,960 --> 01:18:52,920
Speaker 1: I'll never have surgery above the neck or botox or anything,

1560
01:18:52,960 --> 01:18:56,120
Speaker 1: because I'm like, I can accept the face like I

1561
01:18:56,240 --> 01:18:59,120
Speaker 1: think women have. I'm an easier time accepting their face

1562
01:18:59,560 --> 01:19:02,040
Speaker 1: because there's it's a very weird process to have to

1563
01:19:02,080 --> 01:19:03,960
Speaker 1: go through a lot of stuff up here. So we're

1564
01:19:04,160 --> 01:19:06,080
Speaker 1: stuck with the same face the rest of our lives.

1565
01:19:06,400 --> 01:19:08,240
Speaker 1: So I just had the weight loss surgery from the

1566
01:19:08,320 --> 01:19:10,160
Speaker 1: neck down. I said, that's the only surgery I'll ever have.

1567
01:19:10,640 --> 01:19:13,920
Speaker 1: So I I think, because I have a sorry, he's

1568
01:19:13,960 --> 01:19:17,040
Speaker 1: gonna just never. So what was the weight lass surgery?

1569
01:19:17,280 --> 01:19:19,400
Speaker 1: Remember I had weight laws surgery eleven years ago. I

1570
01:19:19,479 --> 01:19:21,680
Speaker 1: lost a hundred and seven Was it the lap band

1571
01:19:21,800 --> 01:19:24,040
Speaker 1: or was it like, no, it's called the sleeve where

1572
01:19:24,040 --> 01:19:27,519
Speaker 1: they sleep. Did you have like surgery for the skin

1573
01:19:27,640 --> 01:19:30,799
Speaker 1: or anything like that. Okay, so that's not like cosmetic surgery,

1574
01:19:30,880 --> 01:19:32,960
Speaker 1: but I guess it was trying to achieve a cosmetic

1575
01:19:33,160 --> 01:19:37,599
Speaker 1: thing and health too. I mean I didn't but mostly health. Yeah,

1576
01:19:38,200 --> 01:19:42,080
Speaker 1: So what happened was I accept aging so easily because

1577
01:19:42,120 --> 01:19:45,080
Speaker 1: I think I just was like, what's gonna happen? Like,

1578
01:19:45,160 --> 01:19:46,600
Speaker 1: I'm not going to try to be something I'm not,

1579
01:19:47,160 --> 01:19:50,479
Speaker 1: so I think I don't shoot on people who get surgery.

1580
01:19:50,560 --> 01:19:53,280
Speaker 1: It just to me seems like a sad pursuit that's

1581
01:19:53,360 --> 01:19:56,480
Speaker 1: never gonna end. Well. It'd be like if I pursued

1582
01:19:57,160 --> 01:20:01,479
Speaker 1: being a violinist right now, that's a sad pursuit that's

1583
01:20:01,520 --> 01:20:03,840
Speaker 1: not gonna end well. No, my neighbors would hate me.

1584
01:20:03,960 --> 01:20:06,160
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be good at it, and why the funk

1585
01:20:06,200 --> 01:20:09,880
Speaker 1: am I doing it? That's to the I just started

1586
01:20:09,920 --> 01:20:12,559
Speaker 1: pursuing guitar at a right bulled age, and I love

1587
01:20:12,640 --> 01:20:15,640
Speaker 1: it so much. If it's honestly what I want to do.

1588
01:20:15,840 --> 01:20:17,840
Speaker 1: I want to transition to be a singer songwriter. But

1589
01:20:17,960 --> 01:20:20,400
Speaker 1: I hear what you're saying in terms of like you're you,

1590
01:20:20,880 --> 01:20:23,559
Speaker 1: You're never what what you're looking to get from violin

1591
01:20:23,760 --> 01:20:26,440
Speaker 1: or from fixing your face, which is love and acceptance

1592
01:20:26,439 --> 01:20:28,720
Speaker 1: of If you're just fixing your face because you want

1593
01:20:28,760 --> 01:20:31,400
Speaker 1: to look like a shiny cat, like that's your goal,

1594
01:20:31,520 --> 01:20:34,040
Speaker 1: then yes, like do that. But if you're doing it

1595
01:20:34,160 --> 01:20:37,600
Speaker 1: to be more fuckable, that's gonna have diminishing returns. And

1596
01:20:38,200 --> 01:20:40,120
Speaker 1: and this is the thing I talk about on stage

1597
01:20:40,160 --> 01:20:42,240
Speaker 1: a little bit, and it's actually giving me hope about

1598
01:20:42,280 --> 01:20:44,439
Speaker 1: stand up right now because the things we've talked about,

1599
01:20:44,439 --> 01:20:46,320
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, you know what, I can talk about

1600
01:20:46,360 --> 01:20:47,720
Speaker 1: these things that I want to talk about it and

1601
01:20:47,880 --> 01:20:51,280
Speaker 1: still be funny about them and ease into more serious stuff.

1602
01:20:51,280 --> 01:20:53,439
Speaker 1: But one of the points I'd make too, because I

1603
01:20:53,520 --> 01:20:56,400
Speaker 1: remember being in my twenties and just thinking looking at

1604
01:20:56,439 --> 01:20:58,519
Speaker 1: older women or women in their thirties, forties and and

1605
01:20:58,600 --> 01:21:01,040
Speaker 1: so on, not really beyond that, because that's just like,

1606
01:21:01,200 --> 01:21:03,200
Speaker 1: so I'll kill myself before that, because I was always

1607
01:21:03,200 --> 01:21:06,679
Speaker 1: just so depressed, but um, seeing women and just going

1608
01:21:07,240 --> 01:21:09,280
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm not gonna I'm just not gonna do that,

1609
01:21:09,520 --> 01:21:11,680
Speaker 1: like almost like you have a choice of like I'm

1610
01:21:11,720 --> 01:21:13,519
Speaker 1: not going to age. And I know that people in

1611
01:21:13,560 --> 01:21:16,240
Speaker 1: their twenties think they can opt out somehow, and with

1612
01:21:16,360 --> 01:21:20,160
Speaker 1: Bezos and his new like experiments he's doing, that potentially

1613
01:21:20,240 --> 01:21:22,280
Speaker 1: might be the case that there's no more aging. But

1614
01:21:23,040 --> 01:21:27,160
Speaker 1: it will it isn't it. It's inevitable and unless you die,

1615
01:21:28,439 --> 01:21:30,519
Speaker 1: I want to go into our final thought, this will

1616
01:21:30,560 --> 01:21:33,600
Speaker 1: take us out the thing that I really struggle with

1617
01:21:33,800 --> 01:21:37,400
Speaker 1: with aging is that there's always something you can do

1618
01:21:38,120 --> 01:21:41,000
Speaker 1: that isn't the surgery, but it's something like it's a

1619
01:21:41,200 --> 01:21:43,639
Speaker 1: laser facial that's let's not say you're going on it's

1620
01:21:43,640 --> 01:21:49,000
Speaker 1: a knife, but there's makeup. Makeup is great because to

1621
01:21:49,160 --> 01:21:52,200
Speaker 1: me wise makeup okay. For me, it is because it's

1622
01:21:52,240 --> 01:21:56,240
Speaker 1: not invasive. I'm not hurting myself. God I don't. I

1623
01:21:56,320 --> 01:21:59,880
Speaker 1: would feel I'd be hurting myself physically because I'm I.

1624
01:22:00,000 --> 01:22:02,280
Speaker 1: I told you I'm adverse to physical risk. I think

1625
01:22:02,320 --> 01:22:03,920
Speaker 1: it would hurt too much. Like I have to get

1626
01:22:03,920 --> 01:22:05,840
Speaker 1: a call on oscarpy next week and I don't even

1627
01:22:05,880 --> 01:22:07,920
Speaker 1: want to go. I will, but I know it's for health,

1628
01:22:08,880 --> 01:22:12,680
Speaker 1: so yeah, I can't wait. Um, But I feel like,

1629
01:22:13,000 --> 01:22:15,479
Speaker 1: here's the thing. It's everybody's own choice. I have to

1630
01:22:15,520 --> 01:22:19,439
Speaker 1: say that because I'm woke, but I will say. All

1631
01:22:19,560 --> 01:22:22,320
Speaker 1: people have to do is question why if you're doing

1632
01:22:22,360 --> 01:22:25,360
Speaker 1: it only for you, and being brutally honest and really

1633
01:22:26,120 --> 01:22:28,120
Speaker 1: say I'm doing it for me. If a guy on

1634
01:22:28,200 --> 01:22:30,960
Speaker 1: a desert island wants plastic surgery because and just for him,

1635
01:22:30,960 --> 01:22:32,760
Speaker 1: because he and he doesn't see anyone, you go, oh,

1636
01:22:32,840 --> 01:22:35,719
Speaker 1: he's telling the truth. If I get it, I would

1637
01:22:35,760 --> 01:22:38,920
Speaker 1: be maybe thinking what other people thinking of me. So

1638
01:22:39,040 --> 01:22:41,680
Speaker 1: I have to look at my calendar every day. I

1639
01:22:41,800 --> 01:22:43,920
Speaker 1: have to the why is more important than the how.

1640
01:22:44,280 --> 01:22:46,640
Speaker 1: So if I'm looking at my calendar every day and

1641
01:22:46,680 --> 01:22:49,400
Speaker 1: I'm going, why am I doing Nikki's podcast, I'll be

1642
01:22:49,439 --> 01:22:51,479
Speaker 1: a hundred percent off to you. I'll give you in

1643
01:22:51,640 --> 01:22:55,400
Speaker 1: order why. Let's go. I love Nikki. I feel like

1644
01:22:55,560 --> 01:22:59,559
Speaker 1: we're kind of aunt and niece in a way because

1645
01:23:00,040 --> 01:23:04,160
Speaker 1: older sister younger sister's cute. I just for me, I

1646
01:23:04,320 --> 01:23:07,120
Speaker 1: just see I wanted to be that because I want

1647
01:23:07,120 --> 01:23:10,880
Speaker 1: to be at your left. I want to like, okay, no, well,

1648
01:23:10,960 --> 01:23:12,840
Speaker 1: I just feel like i'm some old count to like

1649
01:23:13,880 --> 01:23:17,080
Speaker 1: not to me, So I feel like, okay, first it

1650
01:23:17,240 --> 01:23:19,600
Speaker 1: was Nikki. The second reason I do the podcast is

1651
01:23:19,800 --> 01:23:23,840
Speaker 1: it's fun. The third thing is I'm trying to help

1652
01:23:23,920 --> 01:23:27,360
Speaker 1: these two comics with the podcast. We're doing Jameless plug

1653
01:23:27,400 --> 01:23:30,640
Speaker 1: Losers with a Dream available everywhere, so that those are

1654
01:23:30,720 --> 01:23:34,639
Speaker 1: fucking three great reasons to do this. Because I also

1655
01:23:34,800 --> 01:23:38,040
Speaker 1: I love talking about myself and my journey because I

1656
01:23:38,120 --> 01:23:41,080
Speaker 1: think it might help someone. Plus I'm incredibly self centered.

1657
01:23:41,080 --> 01:23:44,280
Speaker 1: Where am I on this leg, your fifth, your fifth,

1658
01:23:46,040 --> 01:23:51,400
Speaker 1: it's gonna you keep going. I really wanted you to

1659
01:23:51,520 --> 01:23:57,160
Speaker 1: keep going to see if I ever even today, No,

1660
01:23:57,280 --> 01:23:59,040
Speaker 1: I was happy. I I get to stare at your

1661
01:23:59,080 --> 01:24:02,080
Speaker 1: sassy legs as men sometimes have terrible eggs in yours.

1662
01:24:02,120 --> 01:24:04,760
Speaker 1: You know, he has great legs. They're enviable at least.

1663
01:24:04,840 --> 01:24:09,280
Speaker 1: I love love that everything has intentions. None of that

1664
01:24:09,600 --> 01:24:13,640
Speaker 1: was outer focused in a negative way. So yes, you

1665
01:24:13,720 --> 01:24:16,000
Speaker 1: might say, well, you're trying to help those guys on

1666
01:24:16,080 --> 01:24:18,519
Speaker 1: the podcast. Isn't that focused on them? I guess, But

1667
01:24:18,600 --> 01:24:20,360
Speaker 1: it makes me feel good to help, so I guess

1668
01:24:20,439 --> 01:24:23,160
Speaker 1: there's a zero game. It's going to help people. Like

1669
01:24:23,320 --> 01:24:26,280
Speaker 1: that's I listened to some Sam Harris podcasts long ago

1670
01:24:26,439 --> 01:24:29,560
Speaker 1: about what your purposes with your work and if you

1671
01:24:29,720 --> 01:24:32,880
Speaker 1: can't look and see how it's helping others and making

1672
01:24:32,920 --> 01:24:35,960
Speaker 1: the world a better place, Like what do you do

1673
01:24:36,200 --> 01:24:38,800
Speaker 1: what you do? And I really and we can always

1674
01:24:38,880 --> 01:24:40,760
Speaker 1: argue that like comedy people go, oh my god, you

1675
01:24:40,840 --> 01:24:42,840
Speaker 1: got me through the pandemic your roast clips, and I'm

1676
01:24:42,880 --> 01:24:45,880
Speaker 1: just like listen to my like when people That's the thing.

1677
01:24:46,120 --> 01:24:48,920
Speaker 1: I want to just be clear. When people compliment me

1678
01:24:48,960 --> 01:24:51,040
Speaker 1: about my stand up, it doesn't get in because I

1679
01:24:51,120 --> 01:24:54,080
Speaker 1: just feel like it is a magic act um and

1680
01:24:54,200 --> 01:24:56,920
Speaker 1: I have a harder time acceecting those compliments. When I

1681
01:24:57,240 --> 01:25:00,439
Speaker 1: get compliments about this podcast, it is it fills my

1682
01:25:00,560 --> 01:25:03,160
Speaker 1: soul in a way that I've never had it filled.

1683
01:25:03,479 --> 01:25:07,599
Speaker 1: And that is why I this podcast has changed everything

1684
01:25:07,640 --> 01:25:10,559
Speaker 1: for me because it was conceived of the same reasons

1685
01:25:10,720 --> 01:25:12,960
Speaker 1: that you just listed. I want it to be fun.

1686
01:25:13,200 --> 01:25:14,479
Speaker 1: I want to do it with my friends. That's why

1687
01:25:14,479 --> 01:25:16,080
Speaker 1: I do it every day. They didn't even ask me

1688
01:25:16,160 --> 01:25:17,519
Speaker 1: to do it every day. I could have gotten paid

1689
01:25:17,560 --> 01:25:19,320
Speaker 1: the same to do it once a week for an hour,

1690
01:25:19,400 --> 01:25:21,599
Speaker 1: and I do an hour and twenty plus minutes four

1691
01:25:21,680 --> 01:25:25,120
Speaker 1: times a week because it fills my soul and and

1692
01:25:25,520 --> 01:25:26,960
Speaker 1: and I didn't even know that it was going to

1693
01:25:27,080 --> 01:25:28,880
Speaker 1: turn into something where we had a fan It was

1694
01:25:28,920 --> 01:25:31,000
Speaker 1: always my like dream to have a fan base of

1695
01:25:31,080 --> 01:25:32,960
Speaker 1: people that And that's why I'm so glad to have

1696
01:25:33,040 --> 01:25:35,880
Speaker 1: you on the show, because your podcast is exactly what

1697
01:25:36,080 --> 01:25:39,120
Speaker 1: my listeners are into. So I implore you, all right now,

1698
01:25:39,280 --> 01:25:42,559
Speaker 1: just give it a subscribe. Like Lisa and I when

1699
01:25:42,600 --> 01:25:44,519
Speaker 1: we quit Stand Up, we could always go back to it.

1700
01:25:44,560 --> 01:25:46,479
Speaker 1: You could subscribe to this and you can always unsubscribe.

1701
01:25:46,479 --> 01:25:48,559
Speaker 1: If you don't like it, just give it. You don't.

1702
01:25:48,920 --> 01:25:51,599
Speaker 1: If you don't, I blame you because not you NICKI

1703
01:25:51,720 --> 01:25:54,760
Speaker 1: your listeners, because you should like to go deep and

1704
01:25:54,960 --> 01:25:56,800
Speaker 1: laugh at the same time. And I think that's what

1705
01:25:56,960 --> 01:25:59,800
Speaker 1: the future of comedy really is. So yeah, it's what

1706
01:26:00,240 --> 01:26:03,120
Speaker 1: I'm going to give it a subscribe, and if you

1707
01:26:03,240 --> 01:26:05,880
Speaker 1: have time in your podcast life gives a subscribe, listen

1708
01:26:05,920 --> 01:26:08,120
Speaker 1: to it and see if you like it, because honestly,

1709
01:26:08,479 --> 01:26:10,920
Speaker 1: I'm so glad to have you on because this is

1710
01:26:11,720 --> 01:26:15,639
Speaker 1: you were. I realized when you mentioned that hysterical documentary, which,

1711
01:26:15,640 --> 01:26:17,000
Speaker 1: by the way, if you have not seen that, it's

1712
01:26:17,000 --> 01:26:19,880
Speaker 1: an f X documentary. It's on Hulu. It is so good.

1713
01:26:19,960 --> 01:26:21,600
Speaker 1: I'm so proud to be in it. And there's a

1714
01:26:21,640 --> 01:26:25,560
Speaker 1: lot of documentaries and men, you know, we get have

1715
01:26:25,720 --> 01:26:27,400
Speaker 1: to do a lot of these things, so this one

1716
01:26:27,600 --> 01:26:31,000
Speaker 1: is truly done so well, and um is so beautiful.

1717
01:26:31,040 --> 01:26:33,120
Speaker 1: And I even I watched my own scenes in that

1718
01:26:33,280 --> 01:26:35,880
Speaker 1: and I cried because I was like this poor girl,

1719
01:26:36,120 --> 01:26:38,760
Speaker 1: like I got to see myself in third person. But

1720
01:26:39,000 --> 01:26:41,639
Speaker 1: what I want to say is like you, I'm realizing

1721
01:26:41,680 --> 01:26:43,840
Speaker 1: it now. You were the first one that planted the

1722
01:26:43,920 --> 01:26:45,719
Speaker 1: seed in my head that I could do something else

1723
01:26:46,120 --> 01:26:48,960
Speaker 1: and and not have it come from a place of like,

1724
01:26:49,880 --> 01:26:52,160
Speaker 1: I'm just not this isn't giving me what I want

1725
01:26:52,280 --> 01:26:54,920
Speaker 1: career wise anymore. It's about it's not giving me what

1726
01:26:55,080 --> 01:26:57,280
Speaker 1: my soul needs, and what my soul needs is not

1727
01:26:57,560 --> 01:27:01,840
Speaker 1: love and like acceptance from others. It's that I know

1728
01:27:02,280 --> 01:27:05,960
Speaker 1: from recovery that giving back and being of service to

1729
01:27:06,040 --> 01:27:08,839
Speaker 1: others and trying to make people feel good about themselves

1730
01:27:08,920 --> 01:27:11,800
Speaker 1: and feel as good as I feel is the only

1731
01:27:11,840 --> 01:27:14,719
Speaker 1: way I feel good, Like I can't feel good unless

1732
01:27:14,760 --> 01:27:17,040
Speaker 1: I give it back. And it took me so long

1733
01:27:17,120 --> 01:27:19,680
Speaker 1: to figure that out, but this podcast has allowed me

1734
01:27:19,800 --> 01:27:22,240
Speaker 1: to do that. And that's why I'm so freaking grateful

1735
01:27:22,320 --> 01:27:24,840
Speaker 1: for the listeners and that they get that. And we

1736
01:27:24,920 --> 01:27:28,040
Speaker 1: have some that don't and I'll lose them, but you know,

1737
01:27:28,880 --> 01:27:31,240
Speaker 1: I'm gonna lose fans. You probably have fans that are like,

1738
01:27:31,320 --> 01:27:34,760
Speaker 1: what the funk are you doing? What did you abandoned us?

1739
01:27:35,080 --> 01:27:37,160
Speaker 1: How do you deal with that? Oh? I crack up

1740
01:27:37,160 --> 01:27:40,360
Speaker 1: because I'm like, well, I'm a secretary is allowed to retire,

1741
01:27:40,560 --> 01:27:43,160
Speaker 1: a businessman is allowed to retire, Like why wasn't I?

1742
01:27:43,760 --> 01:27:45,840
Speaker 1: And I go there are plenty of comics out there

1743
01:27:46,200 --> 01:27:48,800
Speaker 1: who are really funny. I hope you enjoy some of them,

1744
01:27:49,200 --> 01:27:51,960
Speaker 1: because it's like, I can't control what people think. Uh.

1745
01:27:52,080 --> 01:27:54,320
Speaker 1: And the old days with my comedy, I always like

1746
01:27:54,479 --> 01:27:56,320
Speaker 1: that it was loved me or hate me. I wasn't

1747
01:27:56,320 --> 01:27:58,200
Speaker 1: ever I like her. It was like I love her,

1748
01:27:58,280 --> 01:28:00,960
Speaker 1: I hate her. So I always like that. So it's polarizing.

1749
01:28:01,280 --> 01:28:03,760
Speaker 1: Now it's just like, oh, I don't have to be polarizing.

1750
01:28:03,760 --> 01:28:05,280
Speaker 1: I could just be like, oh, that's fine if you

1751
01:28:05,320 --> 01:28:08,320
Speaker 1: don't like me. It's really and it comes really hard.

1752
01:28:08,560 --> 01:28:11,280
Speaker 1: I think. I think it comes with age because you know,

1753
01:28:11,560 --> 01:28:14,280
Speaker 1: I'll see a comment. I rarely look at social media

1754
01:28:14,320 --> 01:28:16,800
Speaker 1: other than Instagram because it's fun, and if i'll see

1755
01:28:16,800 --> 01:28:19,439
Speaker 1: a bad comment, I'm like, okay, that's okay. They don't

1756
01:28:19,439 --> 01:28:21,640
Speaker 1: like me, and I just deleted or whatever. So I

1757
01:28:21,680 --> 01:28:24,880
Speaker 1: think it's very interesting. It's it's working on yourself so

1758
01:28:25,120 --> 01:28:31,200
Speaker 1: much that you inarguably can like yourself a majority of

1759
01:28:31,320 --> 01:28:35,040
Speaker 1: the day. It's never gonna be and the mood, by

1760
01:28:35,080 --> 01:28:37,840
Speaker 1: the way, liking every mood that comes in. I could

1761
01:28:37,840 --> 01:28:40,559
Speaker 1: be happy one minute crime you know, over painting the door,

1762
01:28:40,680 --> 01:28:42,280
Speaker 1: then sad the next time because I feel I let

1763
01:28:42,320 --> 01:28:45,200
Speaker 1: my dad down. So you embrace all the feelings. You

1764
01:28:45,280 --> 01:28:48,360
Speaker 1: have all the feelings and they and they all pass eventually.

1765
01:28:48,840 --> 01:28:51,120
Speaker 1: So I think that's the stuff I like to talk

1766
01:28:51,160 --> 01:28:53,400
Speaker 1: about now a while, like having a little platform for it.

1767
01:28:53,479 --> 01:28:56,120
Speaker 1: And I'm glad you do that on here and don't

1768
01:28:56,160 --> 01:29:01,160
Speaker 1: just have some surfacing funny podcast, because you know I've

1769
01:29:01,200 --> 01:29:03,880
Speaker 1: done it before. It was I want it served me

1770
01:29:04,040 --> 01:29:06,320
Speaker 1: and I'm so grateful I had comedy to like cut

1771
01:29:06,400 --> 01:29:08,320
Speaker 1: thir and not feel the pain, because the pain would

1772
01:29:08,320 --> 01:29:10,080
Speaker 1: have killed me if I felt it back in the day.

1773
01:29:10,520 --> 01:29:12,479
Speaker 1: I can handle it, you know what. You know what

1774
01:29:12,560 --> 01:29:15,160
Speaker 1: they say, people can't be at their best when they're

1775
01:29:15,200 --> 01:29:18,040
Speaker 1: in survival mode. And you were in survival mode, so

1776
01:29:18,160 --> 01:29:21,439
Speaker 1: you weren't at your best, meaning you've defined be where

1777
01:29:21,479 --> 01:29:24,719
Speaker 1: you was soul filling. It's not always funny, funny funny.

1778
01:29:25,280 --> 01:29:27,400
Speaker 1: I was in survival mode up on that stage and

1779
01:29:27,520 --> 01:29:29,880
Speaker 1: on the TV appearances. I mean I did the Tonight

1780
01:29:29,960 --> 01:29:34,320
Speaker 1: Joe thirteen fourteen times panels just on the couch, just

1781
01:29:34,400 --> 01:29:37,280
Speaker 1: bang bang bang, like you know, Rickles, Rickles, Rickles, and

1782
01:29:37,360 --> 01:29:39,680
Speaker 1: I was like that survival mode, So of course I

1783
01:29:39,800 --> 01:29:41,640
Speaker 1: wasn't at my best. And then I wasn't at my

1784
01:29:41,720 --> 01:29:45,000
Speaker 1: best off stage, but now I feel like, oh, probably

1785
01:29:45,000 --> 01:29:46,720
Speaker 1: at least sixty percent of the time I could be

1786
01:29:46,760 --> 01:29:49,400
Speaker 1: at my best in my life, and I'm like, wow,

1787
01:29:49,479 --> 01:29:51,640
Speaker 1: that feels pretty good. Hopefully when I'm eighty it'll be

1788
01:29:51,720 --> 01:29:54,280
Speaker 1: eight percent. And you know you're right. It's like, I

1789
01:29:54,400 --> 01:29:56,959
Speaker 1: think that so much of self help people get discouraged

1790
01:29:57,000 --> 01:30:00,040
Speaker 1: because they're like, I I had a bad mood, I

1791
01:30:00,040 --> 01:30:03,040
Speaker 1: I yelled at my spouse, I I hated my body

1792
01:30:03,120 --> 01:30:05,080
Speaker 1: that day, I ate too much, and it's like you're

1793
01:30:05,120 --> 01:30:07,720
Speaker 1: gonna have slips, and it's about just being like, ah,

1794
01:30:08,280 --> 01:30:12,519
Speaker 1: well that happened, and being gentle, being nice. You wouldn't

1795
01:30:13,120 --> 01:30:15,880
Speaker 1: you know. I always go back to if you overeat like,

1796
01:30:16,000 --> 01:30:20,080
Speaker 1: which is my you know, uh coping mechanism, doujure now

1797
01:30:20,200 --> 01:30:23,200
Speaker 1: instead of going you mother, you dumb fat piece of ship.

1798
01:30:23,360 --> 01:30:26,280
Speaker 1: You lay you knew like now you feel sick. Instead

1799
01:30:26,320 --> 01:30:28,800
Speaker 1: of that, I just go, oh, babe, that was you

1800
01:30:28,880 --> 01:30:31,320
Speaker 1: had some feelings just now and this helped you, and

1801
01:30:31,479 --> 01:30:34,320
Speaker 1: that is that's what you needed. And maybe don't do

1802
01:30:34,439 --> 01:30:36,320
Speaker 1: that next time, but if you do, it's okay. Why

1803
01:30:36,320 --> 01:30:38,720
Speaker 1: don't you just go right? Why don't you sing a song?

1804
01:30:38,920 --> 01:30:40,560
Speaker 1: Or listen to one song, and if you want to

1805
01:30:40,560 --> 01:30:42,280
Speaker 1: go back to the food, you can, but just listen

1806
01:30:42,360 --> 01:30:46,599
Speaker 1: to one song three minutes. And it's just it's being gentle,

1807
01:30:46,800 --> 01:30:51,800
Speaker 1: because it's it's just people were people, it's practice. No one,

1808
01:30:52,000 --> 01:30:55,240
Speaker 1: No one ever made permanent change by yelling at themselves

1809
01:30:55,400 --> 01:30:59,880
Speaker 1: or being yelled at. You make permanent change by being gentle.

1810
01:31:00,400 --> 01:31:04,679
Speaker 1: But parents, the right parents understand that. So when we're looking,

1811
01:31:04,760 --> 01:31:07,160
Speaker 1: I over eat at least one at least once a day.

1812
01:31:07,320 --> 01:31:10,200
Speaker 1: I I eat the small meals because of my stomach size,

1813
01:31:10,400 --> 01:31:12,080
Speaker 1: I have to eat like six seven times a day,

1814
01:31:12,200 --> 01:31:15,280
Speaker 1: very very tiny amount. At least one of those times

1815
01:31:15,320 --> 01:31:18,120
Speaker 1: out of six, it'll be two three bites too much,

1816
01:31:18,120 --> 01:31:19,720
Speaker 1: and I'll be like Jesus Christ. And then I go,

1817
01:31:20,360 --> 01:31:23,040
Speaker 1: M I guess you needed it. Okay, I want you

1818
01:31:23,120 --> 01:31:27,320
Speaker 1: want and one meal at a time. And you know what,

1819
01:31:27,600 --> 01:31:31,479
Speaker 1: I missed my smoothie yesterday. Oh no, am I gonna die. No,

1820
01:31:31,800 --> 01:31:35,000
Speaker 1: I'll have one today. So it's you needed to miss it.

1821
01:31:35,200 --> 01:31:36,960
Speaker 1: I get like that that I guess you needed it

1822
01:31:37,040 --> 01:31:38,880
Speaker 1: is the perfect thing. Like I guess you needed to

1823
01:31:39,040 --> 01:31:40,960
Speaker 1: just yell at yourself in the mirror, like be gentle

1824
01:31:41,040 --> 01:31:43,639
Speaker 1: with even the abuse of things we do. I guess

1825
01:31:43,720 --> 01:31:45,560
Speaker 1: you needed that to smoke that weed. I guess you

1826
01:31:45,640 --> 01:31:48,439
Speaker 1: needed to slam that door or honk that horn or

1827
01:31:48,520 --> 01:31:50,880
Speaker 1: yell fuck you to that guy, like I guess I

1828
01:31:51,000 --> 01:31:53,920
Speaker 1: needed it forgive yourself and then it will lead to

1829
01:31:54,040 --> 01:31:56,920
Speaker 1: less behavior like that. We've learned so much. Thank you,

1830
01:31:57,040 --> 01:32:00,000
Speaker 1: Lisa lamp and Elly. Please please go subscribe to her podcast,

1831
01:32:00,360 --> 01:32:02,720
Speaker 1: Losers with a Dream. I can't wait to give it

1832
01:32:02,760 --> 01:32:04,880
Speaker 1: a listen myself. Lisa, thank you so much for being

1833
01:32:05,000 --> 01:32:07,720
Speaker 1: here today. You just echo everything that I believe in

1834
01:32:07,880 --> 01:32:10,680
Speaker 1: and and and there's gonna make me go paint all

1835
01:32:10,720 --> 01:32:13,080
Speaker 1: the doors in my apartment and cry while I do it.

1836
01:32:13,240 --> 01:32:15,920
Speaker 1: And Nicky, I knew. I knew when I met you

1837
01:32:16,040 --> 01:32:18,719
Speaker 1: at Stern. I actually I met you in Stanford and Son's.

1838
01:32:18,720 --> 01:32:20,880
Speaker 1: I didn't know because you were shy. But when I

1839
01:32:21,000 --> 01:32:23,719
Speaker 1: met you at Stern, I said, she's somebody I'm gonna

1840
01:32:24,000 --> 01:32:26,839
Speaker 1: have deep connection with. And I always am so grateful

1841
01:32:26,840 --> 01:32:30,080
Speaker 1: because there's so few comics that you can really talk

1842
01:32:30,120 --> 01:32:31,960
Speaker 1: about this stuff with, and I'm not friends with a

1843
01:32:32,040 --> 01:32:34,320
Speaker 1: lot of comics. So when I saw you on Bill Maher,

1844
01:32:34,479 --> 01:32:36,000
Speaker 1: I reached out to you. I was like Oh my god.

1845
01:32:36,080 --> 01:32:39,559
Speaker 1: That was so great, and I'm just thrilled for every

1846
01:32:39,640 --> 01:32:42,400
Speaker 1: step you're taking. I'm so fucking proud of your emotional

1847
01:32:42,560 --> 01:32:46,280
Speaker 1: growth and your stick tuitiveness with that, and also just man,

1848
01:32:46,800 --> 01:32:49,559
Speaker 1: if you could just be easy on yourself, it's fine. Andrew.

1849
01:32:49,680 --> 01:32:59,280
Speaker 1: I even love you because Nikki loved you. Thank you

1850
01:32:59,360 --> 01:33:01,400
Speaker 1: for listening. See you tomorrow on this show. Don't be

1851
01:33:01,520 --> 01:33:01,720
Speaker 1: cut