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Speaker 1: This is Unbreakable with Jay Glacier, a mental wealth podcast

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Speaker 1: Build you from the inside out. Now here's Jay Glacier.

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Speaker 2: Welcome into Unbreakable, a mental wealth podcast with Jay Glazer.

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Speaker 2: I'm Jay Glazer. Really excited for my guest today because

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Speaker 2: she is a very empowered woman who Rosie and I

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Speaker 2: actually lean into for help with our relationship now that

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Speaker 2: we've gotten going and Rosie really looks up to her,

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Speaker 2: and I'm going to get her really quick year. But

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Speaker 2: before that, if you're like many people, you may be

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Speaker 2: surprised to learn that one in five adults in this

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Speaker 2: country experienced mental illness last year, yet far too many

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Speaker 2: fail to receive the support they needed. Carolyn Behavioral Health

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Speaker 2: is doing something about it. They understand that behavioral health

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Speaker 2: is a key part of whole health, delivering compassionate care

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Speaker 2: that treats physical, mental, emotional, and social needs in tandem.

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Speaker 2: Carolyn Behavioral Health raising the quality of life from empathy

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Speaker 2: and action. Really honored to have our new gun. We've

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Speaker 2: had her husband on twice. The amazing John Gordon wrote

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Speaker 2: The Energy Bus. The reason why John is as successful

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Speaker 2: as he is is because he has this gangsterble woman

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Speaker 2: behind him and in front of him and each side

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Speaker 2: of him, pulling him up, and she's now doing it

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Speaker 2: for Rosie and I as well. The one only Catherine Gordon.

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Speaker 2: She is a wife, mother, businesswoman, movie producer, and the

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Speaker 2: best selling author of a book called Relationship Grit and

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Speaker 2: the host of the Catherine for Real podcasts and The

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Speaker 2: Relationship Grit is an amazing book. And again, Rosie fifty five,

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Speaker 2: I'm fifty four. It's the first time we've really found

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Speaker 2: true love. And no matter who you are on your life, folks,

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Speaker 2: we need to find a coach. But how do we

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Speaker 2: find a relationship coach? Well, good thing, one of my

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Speaker 2: best friends is married to one, and that's Catherine Gordon.

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Speaker 3: How are you, hey, Jay, Thanks for having me on.

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Speaker 3: You know, I love you and Rosie and I especially

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Speaker 3: love that you are willing and open to look at

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Speaker 3: yourselves and find ways to help improve your relationship.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we have too, because it's we don't know what

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Speaker 2: we're doing. But also, obviously I've been really bad at

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Speaker 2: it in the past. You know, I was married for

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Speaker 2: a very short period of time and didn't go well.

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Speaker 2: And I've had three or four engagements. I knew those

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Speaker 2: who aren't right and like, I've just always been kind

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Speaker 2: of looking for love in the wrong places and I

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Speaker 2: finally found somebody that, Wow, I really am, like truly

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Speaker 2: in love it. I've never experienced this before, and I

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Speaker 2: don't want to mess it up. So how do I

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Speaker 2: not mess it up? Because obviously I've been bad about

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Speaker 2: it in the past. So that's why I always I

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Speaker 2: look at anybody like a coach. But to have somebody

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Speaker 2: like you in our lives where she could look up

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Speaker 2: to walso like Catherine, I can't tell you how much

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Speaker 2: you've helped us.

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Speaker 3: Thank you so much, Jay, And you know, it is interesting.

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Speaker 3: One of the biggest compliments I've ever received, besides what

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Speaker 3: you just said, was I got an email from an

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Speaker 3: eighty year old woman and I didn't know she was

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Speaker 3: eighty at the beginning of the email, and she starts

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Speaker 3: telling me that she read my book and was you know,

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Speaker 3: started saying our prayer and we could we'll talk about that,

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Speaker 3: and was complimenting her husband and that her husband didn't

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Speaker 3: know what was happening with her. And she said her

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Speaker 3: husband was turning ninety five that like that summer, and

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Speaker 3: so I'm like, oh my gosh, here's this eighty year

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Speaker 3: old woman, ninety five year old man, and they're using

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Speaker 3: things to help their relationship get better. Right, So you

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Speaker 3: can improve your relationship no matter where you are in it.

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Speaker 3: And that's really what I love about the book and

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Speaker 3: the feedback that I get from it.

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Speaker 2: I also love the fact that I could look at

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Speaker 2: this go wow, man, this ninety five year old gud

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Speaker 2: I got some game. He's getting so many fifteen years

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Speaker 2: younger than them. I like it.

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Speaker 3: I love it. That's that's so funny. You did the

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Speaker 3: math on that right away.

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Speaker 2: That's what my brain goes through, right, all right, So

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Speaker 2: let's you got it right behind your relationship grit, let's

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Speaker 2: dive in. Tell me tell everybody what that is.

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Speaker 3: I agree, it is so relationship grit is basically our story.

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Speaker 3: And I always have to tell people it's not a

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Speaker 3: story of oh my gosh, look at us, We're so great.

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Speaker 3: We've made it this far and everything's been perfect. You'll

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Speaker 3: read in the book we go back and forth and

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Speaker 3: it's Catherine's side and John's side, and it's the ugly truth.

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Speaker 3: I mean, it is the struggles of depression, addiction, infidelity.

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Speaker 3: I mean, we really kind of kind of ran the

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Speaker 3: gamut in our relationship. And the surprising thing is we

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Speaker 3: made it through all that and we're still together and

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Speaker 3: our relationship is stronger than it's ever been. And we

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Speaker 3: realized as we started talking to couples that we had

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Speaker 3: a framework, and I thought, you know, John, I think

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Speaker 3: we really need to put this framework into a book

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Speaker 3: and share it with everyone. And that's how the book

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Speaker 3: came about. And so the GRIT, which is you know

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Speaker 3: in the title of my book, is actually an acronym

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Speaker 3: and it's grit and the is for God, the R

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Speaker 3: is for resolve, the I is for invest, and the

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Speaker 3: TEA is for together. And I can walk you through

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Speaker 3: those if you want.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I want you to walk me through it, absolutely right,

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Speaker 2: because Rosie reads it and you know me, I'm like,

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Speaker 2: and then I go to my you know, the stuff

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Speaker 2: that just calms my brain, which is you know, like

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Speaker 2: shoot them off, thang about you know, Spiana stuff and

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Speaker 2: stuff like that. But she gets it do so and

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Speaker 2: I'm like, man, I gotta read this with you. I

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Speaker 2: really got to read this with you. And then but

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Speaker 2: she'll share some things. But if it helps us, again

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Speaker 2: we're in our fifties, it could definitely help the rest

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Speaker 2: of the world.

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Speaker 3: So if the floor is yours, well okay, so I'm

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Speaker 3: going to encourage you to actually listen to it on audio.

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Speaker 3: Then it's I mean, the whole book really will take

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Speaker 3: you about two hours to read listening to it, right, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: you can drive, But what's fun about it?

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Speaker 2: Books, by the way, her and John Gordon by the way,

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Speaker 2: and you've heard me bring up the Energy Bus and

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Speaker 2: me with my ADHD, they're all really small, very ADHD

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Speaker 2: books that are like, how many pages is your book?

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Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, let me see. My book is a

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Speaker 3: total of a hundred and fifteen pages.

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Speaker 2: Right, but it's small, yeah, small little books. So right,

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Speaker 2: if there's a normal book size, it's like fifty pages, folks.

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Speaker 2: So like, dive in. It's easy and right, I do

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Speaker 2: Energy busts in you know, like two hours.

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Speaker 3: No, all of his books are like that, and we

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Speaker 3: wanted to do that with the really with Relationship Grit too,

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Speaker 3: just because I wanted it to be a book that

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Speaker 3: people are going to pick up and get through. So yeah,

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Speaker 3: and so if you listen to the audio, it's actually

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Speaker 3: me and John going back and forth. Oh wow, you

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Speaker 3: know us, it's even more fun Okay, I do drop

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Speaker 3: a couple f bombs in there, and.

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Speaker 2: You know I'm not that Yeah, all right, so let's.

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Speaker 3: You know, I'll say this. So being married to John Gordon,

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Speaker 3: you know, and he's known as the positive guy now,

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Speaker 3: but he really wasn't. And he was very negative and

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Speaker 3: suffered from depression and really hard to be around. I mean,

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Speaker 3: we got married, we had kids really really quickly. He

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Speaker 3: was not a good husband, you know, And so it

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Speaker 3: got to the point, this is when.

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Speaker 2: He was a businessman, right, not a motivational speaker and empower.

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Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, he actually he owned a couple

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Speaker 3: bars when I met him, and then you know, yeah,

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Speaker 3: and so we moved to Atlanta and opened up a

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Speaker 3: chain of restaurants called Moe's Southwest Girl. We didn't start it,

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Speaker 3: we were the franchise and so, you know, but he

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Speaker 3: was always like struggling to be something else. Does that

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Speaker 3: make sense? Like he had all these ideas and all

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Speaker 3: these things going in and he was young and he

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Speaker 3: had two young children, and you know, it's really hard

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Speaker 3: to go after your dream when you have to pay

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Speaker 3: the mortgage, right, right. But I did finally get to

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Speaker 3: a point where I said, I can't do this anymore,

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Speaker 3: like you got to get out. And I kicked him out,

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Speaker 3: and you know, first he was blaming me, saying I

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Speaker 3: was the reason for him being miserable, right, but it

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Speaker 3: was really about the fact that he wasn't able to

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Speaker 3: realize and do the things he wanted to do in

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Speaker 3: his life. He was, you know, had to pay the bills.

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Speaker 3: And so he realized he was wrong and came back

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Speaker 3: and apologized. And I said to him, one of the

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Speaker 3: things you need to do is I really need you

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Speaker 3: to go on medication. Like that's you know, one of

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Speaker 3: the things you need to do to help yourself and

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Speaker 3: for him. And I don't recommend this for everybody, by

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Speaker 3: the way, I'm big on if you need to take

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Speaker 3: what you need to take to help yourself. He said,

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Speaker 3: just give me six months. I have a plan. And

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Speaker 3: he started walking every single day, He started journaling every

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Speaker 3: single day. He changed his health, he started eating healthy.

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Speaker 3: It was like a whole thing that he did, and

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Speaker 3: he did become a better person. He was able to

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Speaker 3: deal with his depression better. Didn't go away, but you know,

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Speaker 3: he was able to manage it and really started working

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Speaker 3: on himself. And so in that process, and Jay he's Jewish,

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Speaker 3: I mean by birth and you know he's Jewish. And

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Speaker 3: he started listening to a bunch of tapes and for him,

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Speaker 3: he discovered Jesus. So he became a Christian. And I'm

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Speaker 3: not saying you have to become a Christian to be

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Speaker 3: a great.

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Speaker 2: Clatly, I'm not so yeah right no, no.

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Speaker 3: No, no, no, no no, And you know, but I'm saying, but.

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Speaker 2: He found faith.

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Speaker 3: It's a spiritual part of that, right, the God. And

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Speaker 3: that's where the g comes in.

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Speaker 2: And I'm a huge God guy, as you know, yes, yes.

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Speaker 3: You know, right mine and mind you And I love

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Speaker 3: when you say that I've talked to my best friend

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Speaker 3: in the morning, right, I love that you say.

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Speaker 2: And I don't push religion or enything on anybody else,

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Speaker 2: Like it's my choice to believe that God is my

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Speaker 2: like a best friend type parent, and like what do

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Speaker 2: you want from your best friend parent? Your best friend?

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Speaker 2: You just really want them to listen. I don't go

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Speaker 2: to my best friend all the time. Go man, can

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Speaker 2: you get me this job? Can you make me rich?

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Speaker 2: Can make sure this happens. You make sure that happens.

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Speaker 2: And then I don't blame my best friend when it

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Speaker 2: doesn't happen. And that's what too many of us do

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Speaker 2: with God. So that's not really faith. That's a one

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Speaker 2: way street. That's asking. And also like, if I'm someone's

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Speaker 2: best friend, all they're doing is asking for stuff for

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Speaker 2: me and getting pissed to me when it doesn't happen

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Speaker 2: and blaming me. Are they really my best friend? Like,

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Speaker 2: am I looking I'm going to get my best friend?

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Speaker 2: So no. I My relationship that I have with God

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Speaker 2: is when I was on my journey of trying to

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Speaker 2: get up the ladder and get a full time job,

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Speaker 2: I was like, God, I got it, but I'm going

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Speaker 2: to get rejected a ton on the journey. I may.

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Speaker 2: All I'm asking is when I do, just pick me up,

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Speaker 2: brush me off, un let's walk this walk together so

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Speaker 2: I never feel alone. It's all I ask of God,

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Speaker 2: nothing else. And that's my choice, folks. That's just that's

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Speaker 2: my faith. And then the same way, it's great to

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Speaker 2: wake up every morning to say hey, I love you

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Speaker 2: to someone, and that's what I do to God.

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Speaker 3: That's beautiful. I always journaled and I need to get

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Speaker 3: back to that. My word for the year, by the way,

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Speaker 3: is faith. Every year we pick a word. And because

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Speaker 3: I've lost that. I used to wake up every morning

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Speaker 3: where you would talk to God. I would talk, but

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Speaker 3: I would also write to him. For me, that was amazing.

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Speaker 3: So I'm going to get back to that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, okay.

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Speaker 3: So, and you know what I say to people when

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Speaker 3: I actually talk on my book is you know when

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Speaker 3: I say God, I know everybody has. You know, we're

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Speaker 3: all on different spiritual paths, so you know it can

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Speaker 3: be a higher power. I mean, if you think about

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Speaker 3: twelve step programs, they all, you know, say a higher power,

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Speaker 3: just something bigger than yourself, right, because we can't do

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Speaker 3: it alone, right.

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Speaker 2: And we can't be God.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, we do.

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Speaker 2: That's where we get in trouble.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 3: And so in the book, as I talk about and

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Speaker 3: well in our life, we went through a period where

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Speaker 3: well John had I had went out to lunch with

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Speaker 3: some girlfriends and I was not feeling connected to John.

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Speaker 3: We weren't in a bad spot, but I just wasn't

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Speaker 3: feeling connected. But I go out to lunch with some

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Speaker 3: girlfriends and one of my girl girlfriends starts telling me

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Speaker 3: that she's having an affair on her husband, and another

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Speaker 3: one of my friends tells me her and her husband

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Speaker 3: are getting divorced. And this was like the husband and

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Speaker 3: wife that when we would go play tennis and we were,

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Speaker 3: you know, crossing each other on the on the court,

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Speaker 3: they kiss and hold hands and John and I stand around.

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Speaker 3: They're getting divorced now, So I was like, oh my gosh.

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Speaker 3: So John gets home that afternoon from work and we're

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Speaker 3: we go for a walk on the beach and I'm

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Speaker 3: kind of sharing with him, like, you know, I'm just

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Speaker 3: not feeling really connected and you know, so and so

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Speaker 3: and so and so getting divorced. And he literally stops

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Speaker 3: dead in his tracks, turns, looks at me, and says,

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Speaker 3: I have something to tell you. And my heart dropped.

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Speaker 3: And he said, back fourteen years when we first got married,

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Speaker 3: I cheated on you. And I I mean it was

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Speaker 3: like the breath just was knocked out of me. And

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Speaker 3: you know, he was telling me the very thing that

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Speaker 3: I was afraid of. Right, so now I want to

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Speaker 3: divorce him, and so that kind of we we we

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Speaker 3: were on the outs for sure, and so he was

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Speaker 3: fighting so hard to get us back. Okay, so he's

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Speaker 3: on a plane.

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Speaker 2: Wait what prompted him to tell you fourteen years later right.

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Speaker 3: There, you know, when he became a Christian. So this

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Speaker 3: was his spiritual walk with God. He just said he

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Speaker 3: kept feeling like it was the one thing that was

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Speaker 3: still between us that he needed to share. And He'll

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Speaker 3: tell you this. It's the truth. I mean, honestly. Even

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Speaker 3: my father in law said to him, Sehn, why you

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Speaker 3: gotta tell her that? I mean, honestly, in a way,

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Speaker 3: I was kind of like really like, you know, I

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Speaker 3: asked him, I go, how would you even think that

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Speaker 3: would be okay now? But you know, in his mind

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Speaker 3: he said, well, it was so long ago, like no.

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Speaker 3: So so anyway, he's on a plane and sit next

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Speaker 3: to some guy, you know, and starts pouring his heart out.

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Speaker 3: It's like my wife's gonna leave me, you know, telling

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Speaker 3: the story. And the guy said, you know what, something

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Speaker 3: very similar happened to me and my wife, and I'm

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Speaker 3: going to suggest that you come up with a prayer

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Speaker 3: that you two can say together so under God. When

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Speaker 3: I say, bring God into your relationship, it's whatever it

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Speaker 3: looks like for you. But for us, one of the

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Speaker 3: things we did was John came up with a prayer

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Speaker 3: and it is a prayer that we still say every

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Speaker 3: single night. Do you want to hear what it is?

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Speaker 2: Yes?

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Speaker 3: Okay, God, we invite you into our marriage and family

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Speaker 3: to love us, to heal us, to unite us, to

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Speaker 3: strengthen us, so we can grow strong together and serve

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Speaker 3: you together and raise children that glorify and honor you.

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Speaker 2: Love that yep, okay, all right?

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Speaker 3: And we say it every night. If John's traveling, he

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Speaker 3: will call me. Some nights when we don't get to talk,

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Speaker 3: I'll say it just to myself, or he'll say it,

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Speaker 3: and so it's really interesting. So in the beginning, when

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Speaker 3: he came up with his prayer, by the way, he

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Speaker 3: would say this prayer at night when he was still

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Speaker 3: fighting for the marriage and I had kicked him out

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Speaker 3: on the couch. I finally let him back into the bedroom,

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Speaker 3: but I wasn't really speaking to him. And every night

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Speaker 3: he would say this prayer and I would not say

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Speaker 3: it with him. But after a while I started to

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Speaker 3: kind of memorize the prayer, right, but I was he's

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Speaker 3: definitely not going to give him the satisfaction again of

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Speaker 3: saying it out loud. So one night, and this was

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Speaker 3: a couple months in, he starts saying the prayer and

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Speaker 3: I literally reached over and grabbed his hand and started

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Speaker 3: saying it with him. I cry every time I think

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Speaker 3: about this.

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Speaker 2: That was the night.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that was the night that I resolved to stay

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Speaker 3: in the marriage. And that's where the R comes in

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Speaker 3: for resolve. You know, so many times people think the

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Speaker 3: grass is greener on the other side. No, the grass

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Speaker 3: is greener where you water it, right. And so you know,

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Speaker 3: you have to fight for your relationship and you're both

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Speaker 3: going to do things that are going to, you know,

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Speaker 3: make you not want to be in the relationship. And

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Speaker 3: now when I say this, and I always have to

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Speaker 3: make sure I say this, physical abuse, things like that,

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Speaker 3: that's that's a deal breaker. I'm not saying stay in

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Speaker 3: a relationship like that, but I mean, if you are

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Speaker 3: having issues, you know where it's normal really to have

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Speaker 3: different issues about money and sex and you know, unfortunately infidelity.

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Speaker 3: But you know what, if you really really love each other,

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Speaker 3: stick it out, stay together because it's so worth it.

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Speaker 3: And so that's the R for resolve. And so John,

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Speaker 3: I also like to say in the relationship, that was

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Speaker 3: him fighting and resolving to keep me in that I

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Speaker 3: stands for invest So Jay, you'll understand this I mean,

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Speaker 3: you are so busy, you are all over the place,

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Speaker 3: and you know it's in segments, right, it's like football season.

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Speaker 3: But it's about during that time making sure that you

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Speaker 3: are investing in your relationship. And it doesn't have to

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Speaker 3: be quantity, doesn't have to be a week. It might

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Speaker 3: be you're sending a text to Rosie, hey, thinking about you.

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Speaker 3: I love you little things, right, So like a bank account, right,

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Speaker 3: you just got to keep putting it in.

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Speaker 2: You know what I've realized also like part of my

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Speaker 2: investment too, is my communication with her. It's like at

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Speaker 2: the end of football season, like week eighteen huge obviously

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Speaker 2: a week for me where we have we're going to plays,

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Speaker 2: but that's also the time where I'm doing all the

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Speaker 2: coaching firings and who's who's staying, who's not, all that stuff.

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Speaker 2: And I explained that Rosie. I said, Hey, I'm I'm

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Speaker 2: probably not going to be present even when I'm here

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Speaker 2: with you, but I want you to know like I'm

355
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Speaker 2: with you. But I hope you can understand, like I

356
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Speaker 2: what in the past, I've probably just been me and

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Speaker 2: it wouldn't I never invest in that person's feelings, let's say,

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Speaker 2: But now I say, babe, I like, I'm gonna be working,

359
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Speaker 2: I'm gonna be on a phone calls non stop, non stop, NonStop,

360
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Speaker 2: and I'm gonna be here with you, but I'm probably

361
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Speaker 2: not gonna be present. So just understand, Like I like,

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Speaker 2: I love you like crazy. I'm just saying it so

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Speaker 2: you can understand me. So you're not like, oh, Manscut's

364
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Speaker 2: not present with me, which I've never done with anybody.

365
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Speaker 2: And now she's like, oh, no, I saw you like

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Speaker 2: shoot Bowl last year. She's like, no, I get it,

367
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Speaker 2: I understand, and we're good. But I was like an

368
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Speaker 2: investment time, like, how can I again change some things

369
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Speaker 2: that are doing in this relationship, which I didn't do

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Speaker 2: in the past. In the past, it was just hey,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, hey, I'm doing my job, I'm going after,

372
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,080
Speaker 2: I'm getting scoops, I'm doing all this in boom boom,

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Speaker 2: and that's just most important. Without ever considering another one's

374
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:21,399
Speaker 2: feelings of man, this person, if she doesn't feeling being president,

375
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Speaker 2: or feels like she's you know, last on the totem pole,

376
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Speaker 2: or feels like she doesn't matter, I never took that

377
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Speaker 2: person's feelings into consideration. And now I know too well yeah.

378
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Speaker 3: You know what's funny. In my book Under invest I

379
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Speaker 3: talk about the four seas? What are the four seas?

380
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Speaker 3: You just said it communicate, commit, connect and care and

381
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Speaker 3: that communication. Oh my gosh, it's so important. But I

382
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,359
Speaker 3: know and I get it, like I you know, John

383
00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:53,520
Speaker 3: was the same way when he was busy creating and

384
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Speaker 3: doing it. He didn't take the time. But it's just

385
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Speaker 3: even just turning to Rosy and saying hey, because I too,

386
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Speaker 3: like I know.

387
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Speaker 2: In my mind there's no malice. Yeah, that other person

388
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Speaker 2: does know. The other person's like, man, this guys, and

389
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Speaker 2: I've had dude trends of mind too going by, You're

390
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,439
Speaker 2: fucking not present with us, And I'm like, what are

391
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:14,080
Speaker 2: you talking about? Like you're texting. I'm like, you guys know,

392
00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:16,159
Speaker 2: I'm texting with coaches and GM's my job. They're like,

393
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Speaker 2: you're not present with us, Like it's still we know,

394
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Speaker 2: And so even though they know what it's my job,

395
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Speaker 2: what I'm doing, they communicated that's pissed them off. So

396
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Speaker 2: at least for this relationship with Rosie, I'm I've taken

397
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Speaker 2: it all into account and I've definitely I don't think

398
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Speaker 2: there's such a thing as over communicating. Yeah, like I said,

399
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Speaker 2: Like in the past, I've just assumed everybody, Oh, you

400
00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:36,119
Speaker 2: just know what I do, you're fine with it, and

401
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,960
Speaker 2: now over communicat because they don't always know they're not

402
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:39,679
Speaker 2: always fine with it.

403
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Speaker 3: Well, there's a guy, John Gordon, and he has a

404
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,800
Speaker 3: quote and it is my favorite quote. Where there's a

405
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:52,400
Speaker 3: void and communication negativity will fill it. Right, think about it, Yes, exactly,

406
00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:54,879
Speaker 3: when you're not hearing from someone, you're not thinking, oh,

407
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:57,119
Speaker 3: I bet they're thinking great thoughts about me. Why do

408
00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:00,640
Speaker 3: we never fill it with positive? We never do, right,

409
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:02,360
Speaker 3: it's always negative.

410
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Speaker 2: It's always like, oh, this person doesn't calling back. I

411
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Speaker 2: must have pissed them off. Yeah, someone say, don't like me.

412
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:10,040
Speaker 2: I do it every day. It's every day. That's my anxiety.

413
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,919
Speaker 2: It's an everyday thing. And it's like, oh man, this

414
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:15,960
Speaker 2: is this person. Oh my god, and it's so bad.

415
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:20,280
Speaker 2: And it's nine percent of the time. Folks, it's not real.

416
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Speaker 2: That story that you're telling yourself is not true.

417
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Speaker 3: That is exactly right, yep. So communicate, communicate, communicate, communicate,

418
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Speaker 3: love it all right. So it's funny you said that

419
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Speaker 3: under invest and then the tea is four together and

420
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Speaker 3: I know that sounds obvious, like, well, yeah, because it's

421
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Speaker 3: a couple and they're together. But I mean, like, you

422
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,679
Speaker 3: both have to want it, and it doesn't mean it

423
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Speaker 3: has to be even. Sometimes one of you is going

424
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Speaker 3: to be giving a lot more than the other. When

425
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Speaker 3: you're in football season, Rosie's gonna have to be the

426
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:56,800
Speaker 3: one given a little bit more. It goes back and forth.

427
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Speaker 3: But I also like to say the tea stands for tea.

428
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Speaker 3: You have to remember that you're on the same team.

429
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:06,359
Speaker 3: So if you're on the same team, you don't keep score,

430
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,320
Speaker 3: right because if you do, you both lose.

431
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:13,120
Speaker 2: Wow, Okay, yeah, so yeah, I would. I would think

432
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:15,680
Speaker 2: that's a hard one for people, Like I think everybody

433
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,160
Speaker 2: does that in every relationship, right, So I've never heard

434
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:21,080
Speaker 2: that before. I think that's fantastic advice. Yeah.

435
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:25,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know. Another way I like to to say

436
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,120
Speaker 3: it is just think of it almost like tug of war.

437
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:27,400
Speaker 1: Right.

438
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:29,840
Speaker 3: With tug of war, if you are on one side

439
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:32,199
Speaker 3: of the rope, Rosie's on the other, or you know

440
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,240
Speaker 3: who's ever listening, your partner's on the other, and you're

441
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:38,240
Speaker 3: both pulling, and you're pulling against against each other, your

442
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:42,560
Speaker 3: strength is cut in half. But if you're both on

443
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:46,680
Speaker 3: the same side pulling against you know, the world, pulling

444
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:49,480
Speaker 3: against your opponent, whatever it is, your strength isn't cut

445
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:53,600
Speaker 3: in half. Your strength is doubled, right, So make sure

446
00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:57,840
Speaker 3: you're pulling for each other. And it's the weirdest thing

447
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:00,800
Speaker 3: the more that I did this with John. So when

448
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:02,919
Speaker 3: we were raising the kids and John was traveling all

449
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:07,200
Speaker 3: the time, there was one particular moment when I was

450
00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:10,920
Speaker 3: standing in my kitchen. The kids are running late for school.

451
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:15,800
Speaker 3: I'm in my nightgown, my hair's disheveled. John comes sauntering

452
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:20,560
Speaker 3: into the kitchen in this suit with his suitcase, and

453
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:25,879
Speaker 3: he looks so handsome. And I'm telling you, Jay, all

454
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:29,320
Speaker 3: I wanted to do was cut him down. And I

455
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:33,160
Speaker 3: knew that the reason I wanted to cut him down

456
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:37,960
Speaker 3: was because I wasn't feeling good about myself. And something

457
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:40,800
Speaker 3: clicked in me and I said, give him a compliment.

458
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:43,520
Speaker 3: And I turned around and I looked at him and

459
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:47,760
Speaker 3: I said, John Gordon, you better watch yourself. You look

460
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:51,320
Speaker 3: so handsome. The ladies are going to be checking you

461
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:56,720
Speaker 3: out today. And Jay, he got this smile, this little

462
00:22:56,800 --> 00:23:00,159
Speaker 3: kid smile on his face. That was so it's so

463
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:04,880
Speaker 3: big and that energy, like something about it just made

464
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:07,639
Speaker 3: me realize like, oh my goodness, I need to do

465
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,240
Speaker 3: this more often. And so I always say it's like

466
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:14,199
Speaker 3: a muscle. The more you start to give the compliments,

467
00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:17,320
Speaker 3: the more you're lifting each other up, the more you

468
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,280
Speaker 3: you know, let each other know you're on the same team,

469
00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:20,719
Speaker 3: the easier it gets.

470
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,240
Speaker 2: Wow. Right, I love that.

471
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:23,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it takes.

472
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:27,119
Speaker 2: It, you know. So by Jim Unbreakable. Let's based for

473
00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:29,840
Speaker 2: all the coaches a ten point system like man. When

474
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:32,520
Speaker 2: everybody comes in the door, we scream their name like

475
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:35,160
Speaker 2: norm from Cheers, because all people are successful. And half

476
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:37,479
Speaker 2: the time they're like, hey, do I want to get

477
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:38,720
Speaker 2: in the gym? Do I want to give up an hour?

478
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:40,000
Speaker 2: Do I got it? And they're on the phone, on

479
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:41,680
Speaker 2: the phone, on the phone. So the moment they get

480
00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:43,600
Speaker 2: in there, the first thing we do is screaming at

481
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:46,800
Speaker 2: Catherine right everybody because they're like, oh wow, because I'm

482
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,280
Speaker 2: trying to we build community over there. But the last

483
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:51,800
Speaker 2: thing we do, I tell everybody when our clients leave,

484
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:56,280
Speaker 2: make sure you compliment them, because no matter what, we

485
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:59,360
Speaker 2: want somebody leaving these doors feeling better about themselves. And

486
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:01,280
Speaker 2: a lot of time. You know, we beat up in

487
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:04,359
Speaker 2: ourselves all Today today's workout wasn't as good, or today

488
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:06,359
Speaker 2: it wasn't as good as yesterday, whatever, it was no

489
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:08,920
Speaker 2: every day that you're in there, it's it's a plus.

490
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:13,480
Speaker 2: We've invested, as you're saying, right, and we're you know

491
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:18,240
Speaker 2: that compliment. It goes so far in how a lot

492
00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:19,960
Speaker 2: of our clients would spend the rest of their day,

493
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,200
Speaker 2: Like if you walk out of that gym and go, oh, man,

494
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:25,280
Speaker 2: today was crappy because I was worse today, sparn than

495
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:28,359
Speaker 2: I was yesterday. Today's bad day, or man, a great

496
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,240
Speaker 2: job today? We do mean a great job. Man, you

497
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:32,199
Speaker 2: fought through you weren't You weren't feeling great and you

498
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:34,879
Speaker 2: weren't this and you fought through it. So think about that,

499
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:38,400
Speaker 2: like you, you showed so much resiliency today. Great job,

500
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,840
Speaker 2: great job. Can't wait to see Tomark and just changes

501
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,640
Speaker 2: everybody's mindset. It makes you feel great about this community.

502
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:46,080
Speaker 2: So exactly what you're saying to it, and you're right,

503
00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:48,320
Speaker 2: it's like this keeping school. I've seen a lot of couples, right,

504
00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:50,359
Speaker 2: and they get pissy with each other and they're not

505
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:52,680
Speaker 2: willing to do that. And I haven't even said something like, way,

506
00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:54,600
Speaker 2: why don't you why don't you give him or you know,

507
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:56,040
Speaker 2: don't you tell them to give him out of boy

508
00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:58,680
Speaker 2: whatever like ah, they don't deserve it or something like that.

509
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:01,040
Speaker 2: But yeah, you're in this same team and you do this.

510
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:05,200
Speaker 2: Every compliment builds that that other person up and it's

511
00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:08,160
Speaker 2: it can't be an ego thing. It's got to be like, hey,

512
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 2: I'm just I'm giving out free compliments and they don't

513
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:11,199
Speaker 2: have to come back to me.

514
00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:13,399
Speaker 3: You know, That's it. And I and I always say

515
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:16,439
Speaker 3: this too, is be that person, like don't leave for

516
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,359
Speaker 3: someone else to do it. Sometimes you have to be

517
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:23,240
Speaker 3: the bigger person, right and just say it. You'd be surprised.

518
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:25,879
Speaker 3: And so I love that you do that. Yeah, you

519
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:29,360
Speaker 3: do this at the gym, you're yes, yes, never.

520
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:31,520
Speaker 2: I want you guys compliment them. I don't know how

521
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,439
Speaker 2: much my staff doesn't, but we're supposed to.

522
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:35,240
Speaker 3: I love it.

523
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:36,439
Speaker 2: Yep, go ahead.

524
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:38,720
Speaker 3: Well no, I'm going to say that's the GRIT framework.

525
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:41,800
Speaker 3: The g R I T this is something you can

526
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:45,119
Speaker 3: use this framework not just in relationships. I mean you

527
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:47,960
Speaker 3: can really use it with your co workers, with your friends, right,

528
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:53,560
Speaker 3: I mean, it's it encompasses everything right, spirituality, a resolve

529
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:56,480
Speaker 3: to you know, not walk away when things go bad,

530
00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:01,320
Speaker 3: invest in your relationship and don't score do it together.

531
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:05,000
Speaker 2: Tell me some of the like the feedback you've gotten right,

532
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:06,919
Speaker 2: you told me about the one couple, but other like

533
00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:09,359
Speaker 2: just you know one or two other amazing series like man,

534
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:13,359
Speaker 2: someone's marriage or business whatever was going one way and

535
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:17,360
Speaker 2: use these and now resounding success.

536
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:21,960
Speaker 3: Some testimonies, there's a lot of them, thank goodness. Here's

537
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:26,320
Speaker 3: the really interesting thing. There was one couple, okay, And

538
00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:28,040
Speaker 3: the other thing that kind of blows my mind is

539
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 3: some of these people have actually stayed together for twenty

540
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 3: or twenty five years but been miserable.

541
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 1: You know.

542
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:36,560
Speaker 3: That's ye. I don't know if I could do it

543
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:40,000
Speaker 3: that long, but it's been the littlest things I find

544
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:43,480
Speaker 3: has moved the needle the most. So one couple that

545
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,920
Speaker 3: were on the verge of divorce, and it goes back

546
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:50,320
Speaker 3: to something you said in that they didn't communicate. She

547
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,600
Speaker 3: started telling me some of the things that were happening.

548
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:54,440
Speaker 3: He was telling me some of the things that were

549
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:56,680
Speaker 3: happening that he didn't like. And I'm like, oh, are

550
00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:58,760
Speaker 3: you sharing that? Are you guys? Talking about how to

551
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:02,800
Speaker 3: work that out. Very basic things they weren't doing, so

552
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:05,240
Speaker 3: they start communicating. Oh, as a matter of fact, I

553
00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:08,960
Speaker 3: have a free journal, oh my gosh, on my website.

554
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:12,280
Speaker 3: I have a free action plan that really should should

555
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:14,800
Speaker 3: be like a whole marriage course, to be honest. But

556
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 3: I also have just a free journal and it's something

557
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 3: like at night it's three prompts that you guys could

558
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:24,280
Speaker 3: just right before you go to bed, look at each

559
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:27,359
Speaker 3: other and ask these three questions and answer them. So

560
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:32,000
Speaker 3: it's little things like that communicating. Here's another one on communication.

561
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:36,000
Speaker 3: Ask your partner, on a scale of one to ten,

562
00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:40,520
Speaker 3: how well do I communicate? And what would make it

563
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:40,880
Speaker 3: a ten?

564
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:45,000
Speaker 2: Wow? Do you ask, scale one to ten? How am

565
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:47,560
Speaker 2: I as a partner? Or is that sure?

566
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:50,240
Speaker 3: I mean it's yeah, I mean that encompasses a lot, right,

567
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:52,199
Speaker 3: And then you can go into that what would make

568
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:53,080
Speaker 3: me a better partner?

569
00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 2: Okay? I like that?

570
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:55,199
Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, I like that.

571
00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:58,040
Speaker 2: I like that. I love that. I love that, absolutely

572
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:00,879
Speaker 2: love that. Yeah, it's interesting. Yeah, Rosie and I had

573
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:03,359
Speaker 2: a thing again, you'd be proud of me. Well, and

574
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:06,880
Speaker 2: then so I'm not. I had a crazy, crazy, crazy

575
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,919
Speaker 2: work weekend work, but and she was dealing with her

576
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,879
Speaker 2: own stuff at work, but with her because she has

577
00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:14,840
Speaker 2: an identical twin. A lot of times she'll lean in

578
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:16,720
Speaker 2: to Renee and call her and she'll go, I don't

579
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:19,080
Speaker 2: want to bother you with things, so I don't know

580
00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:21,760
Speaker 2: what's really going on. And then so I'm I know,

581
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:24,800
Speaker 2: I popped off about something, and then she started crying,

582
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:27,480
Speaker 2: and I'm like, where the fuck is this coming from.

583
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:29,479
Speaker 2: She's like, I told you how a bad day. I'm like, no,

584
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:31,480
Speaker 2: you you said you didn't like where you were, but

585
00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:34,679
Speaker 2: you didn't you lean into Renee, not me, So am

586
00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:37,920
Speaker 2: I supposed to know? And it Rosie. She's the happiest

587
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:39,760
Speaker 2: girl in the world. And it just came and i

588
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:42,760
Speaker 2: was in my own entitled space. So I'm gonna kind

589
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:45,560
Speaker 2: of unload here because I'm just so stressed in that

590
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:48,240
Speaker 2: and she just started crying. But one of the things

591
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 2: we did come up with, I'm like, hey, babe, it's

592
00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:54,800
Speaker 2: you've gotta let me, not your sister me. I'm gonna

593
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:57,560
Speaker 2: be your husband. You'll let me know what's really going

594
00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:00,160
Speaker 2: on so I could be there. Future goes well, I

595
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 2: don't want to bring you down. I say, no, you

596
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:04,880
Speaker 2: have to understand the more I could be there for you,

597
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:08,000
Speaker 2: the happier that more that lifts me up. I'm able

598
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:09,640
Speaker 2: to be of service to you. Like I always talking

599
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:11,360
Speaker 2: about being of service to help us with our mental

600
00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:14,560
Speaker 2: health issues. That doesn't always mean charity. I mean it's

601
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:16,440
Speaker 2: I could be of service to you that lifts me

602
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 2: up to be there for you. And Kevin, I had

603
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:22,160
Speaker 2: a conviction for like ten, like ten minutes, like like prosy,

604
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:24,360
Speaker 2: let me be of service to you. Lean into me

605
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:27,640
Speaker 2: and you make me feel better no matter how crazy

606
00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:30,520
Speaker 2: my work day is. This is what makes me feel great.

607
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:33,520
Speaker 2: And you know you're my, my everything. So we kind

608
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:36,280
Speaker 2: of we talked that out, but it's like came out

609
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:38,600
Speaker 2: of kind of kind of nowhere of like I said,

610
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:42,480
Speaker 2: like the communication part you're talking about, Like I think

611
00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:45,320
Speaker 2: Catherin and I are both saying like, lean in your partner,

612
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:48,600
Speaker 2: tell them like they deserve it, they deserve to be told.

613
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:51,520
Speaker 2: And again like you're saying, hey, how am I On

614
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:54,320
Speaker 2: a scale of one to ten, If I'm a fot,

615
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:57,040
Speaker 2: I may think of a ten. I don't know, right,

616
00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 2: I may think we all think we're doing great. Hey,

617
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:01,840
Speaker 2: I'm great. Oh I'm doing this and this is she

618
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:04,080
Speaker 2: the only thing that matters what she thinks? She thinks

619
00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:06,240
Speaker 2: I'm a five. I've gotter know it, but I deserve

620
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:06,680
Speaker 2: to know it.

621
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:09,960
Speaker 3: I love that. You know. The other thing that I

622
00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:11,920
Speaker 3: always talk about and John talks about it a lot

623
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:15,360
Speaker 3: too in his book. The one truth is you heal

624
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:19,600
Speaker 3: in relationship. Right. We can do all the work in

625
00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:24,480
Speaker 3: the world and it's all good, it's great, but once

626
00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:27,400
Speaker 3: you're in relationship, all your stuff really does kind of

627
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:29,040
Speaker 3: come out. So then how are you going to deal

628
00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:32,280
Speaker 3: with it? And it's about healing in that relationship. And so,

629
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:36,040
Speaker 3: like you're saying, learning teaching, you're teaching each other how

630
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:39,040
Speaker 3: to communicate with you with each other, right, you're teaching

631
00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 3: each other how to support each other. And so it

632
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:45,880
Speaker 3: takes that. And so you know, even like this older

633
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,400
Speaker 3: I'm not going to say old, but older couple. You

634
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:50,480
Speaker 3: know they've been married and matter of fact, they're married

635
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 3: forty six years. Right, all of a sudden, she's decided

636
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:56,960
Speaker 3: she's going to start complimenting him every day. Right, So

637
00:30:57,080 --> 00:31:01,160
Speaker 3: it's never too late to change to do, you know,

638
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:03,480
Speaker 3: something to help your relationship, and if you're in it,

639
00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:04,160
Speaker 3: you might as well.

640
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:06,760
Speaker 2: Make the best of it right, like you're in it together.

641
00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:08,920
Speaker 2: So let's let's let's shoot for the stars here.

642
00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:12,680
Speaker 3: And hey, I think this is really funny. During COVID,

643
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:15,640
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. We wrote this book right before COVID,

644
00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:18,920
Speaker 3: and when it came out during COVID, I mean it

645
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:20,880
Speaker 3: was needed more than ever. And so you know, we

646
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:23,120
Speaker 3: were on I think it was Good Morning America or

647
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:26,000
Speaker 3: no Today's Show. And one of the tips, and in

648
00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:28,440
Speaker 3: the back of the book, John and I both give

649
00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:31,440
Speaker 3: our eleven tips. I have mine and he has his,

650
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:34,760
Speaker 3: and one of mine is to flirt in the kitchen

651
00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:36,959
Speaker 3: or just flirt, like flirt with your spouse. So when

652
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 3: John travels all the time, I will just send him

653
00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:43,080
Speaker 3: a text. I can't wait to see you pay handsome.

654
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:50,920
Speaker 3: Sometimes it might be a little bit more, yeah, I

655
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:54,560
Speaker 3: just you know, it's the it's these little things. So

656
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 3: so during COVID, right nobody was traveling, so I said,

657
00:31:57,760 --> 00:31:59,800
Speaker 3: flirt in the kitchen. That was one of my tips.

658
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:04,280
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, that went viral. Like the simplest thing.

659
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:08,719
Speaker 3: You don't think about looking over at your partner and

660
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:13,360
Speaker 3: just sporting with them, you know, because we all really

661
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:16,200
Speaker 3: want to feel wanted no matter what. I don't care

662
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:19,000
Speaker 3: who you are. I don't care how famous, I don't care.

663
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:22,520
Speaker 3: We all want to feel wanted and desired.

664
00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:25,360
Speaker 2: But you're also you sat here and it's like you're like,

665
00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:28,000
Speaker 2: oh my gosh when filet. People don't know because we

666
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:30,640
Speaker 2: don't know where to turn. Like if I didn't meet

667
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:33,000
Speaker 2: you and John, I wouldn't know where to find a

668
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:35,080
Speaker 2: relationship coach. Like I look for coaches, I look for

669
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:37,280
Speaker 2: people I can learn from. And it's just not so

670
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:38,840
Speaker 2: I love what you're doing. I love that you're on

671
00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:42,040
Speaker 2: here because where do we know, especially me and the

672
00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:44,360
Speaker 2: center of dudism over here where a bunch of meats.

673
00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:46,440
Speaker 2: I don't know where to go, and so it's it's

674
00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:48,800
Speaker 2: great to have somebody like you that we can learn from.

675
00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 2: And all the men out there, listen to this, so

676
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,520
Speaker 2: you could be better to your wives or fiancee, is

677
00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:57,160
Speaker 2: a girlfriend, because they deserve it and we deserve it.

678
00:32:57,360 --> 00:32:59,520
Speaker 2: But all the women out there take note. You have

679
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:01,800
Speaker 2: someone here you could look up to, a very empowered woman.

680
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:03,720
Speaker 2: You said your website, tell everybody your.

681
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:08,160
Speaker 3: Website, soh Catherinefurreal dot com. Okay, I'm just going to

682
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:10,760
Speaker 3: tell you this real quick. End with this I'm telling you,

683
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:14,800
Speaker 3: if you flirt with your partner, you're gonna have more sex.

684
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:16,880
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm writing a whole book on it, and

685
00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:20,080
Speaker 3: I don't mean that inappropriately. It's the truth, right it

686
00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:25,320
Speaker 3: just I mean it's known to like stimulate different oxyto

687
00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:29,440
Speaker 3: toasted and all that, so you know, get back to that.

688
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:33,040
Speaker 3: But yes, you can reach me Catherinefurreal dot com and

689
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:36,120
Speaker 3: on Instagram at Catherine Gordon.

690
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 2: Love it all right. Last question, I asked all my

691
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 2: guess give me the one thing in your life that

692
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:45,400
Speaker 2: should have could have broken you and didn't, and as

693
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:47,520
Speaker 2: a result you came through the other side of that tunnel.

694
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:48,520
Speaker 2: I'm breakable.

695
00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:51,000
Speaker 3: Okay, I can think of a couple things, but I'm

696
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,800
Speaker 3: gonna give you this one. So I moved out of

697
00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:56,600
Speaker 3: my house at sixteen years old. I had alcoholic parents.

698
00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:59,240
Speaker 3: My dad tried to strangle me. Long story. I moved

699
00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:03,800
Speaker 3: in with my dealing boyfriend and he always told me

700
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,480
Speaker 3: you're never gonna amount to anything. You can't do anything.

701
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:09,560
Speaker 3: And it was through that that one day on this

702
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:13,359
Speaker 3: like crazy binge that we did where I said, that's it,

703
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:15,279
Speaker 3: I'm getting out of this. I'm getting out of it,

704
00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:18,040
Speaker 3: and he would beat me, he would just really it

705
00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:21,600
Speaker 3: was very violent and I got out of that relationship

706
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:24,400
Speaker 3: when everybody thought, first of all, they didn't think I

707
00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 3: was even gonna live, and I said, you know what,

708
00:34:27,239 --> 00:34:30,000
Speaker 3: I'm changing my whole life. Nobody in my family had

709
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:33,680
Speaker 3: ever gone to college, and I literally went in. I

710
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:36,640
Speaker 3: got alone, and I went to college and I turned

711
00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:39,560
Speaker 3: it all around. I left that town. I never went back.

712
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:42,720
Speaker 3: So I think it had to be yeah, going from

713
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:43,200
Speaker 3: you know.

714
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:47,239
Speaker 2: Being unbreakable. Absolutely, yeah, but it's that truck A lot

715
00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:49,600
Speaker 2: of people. Oh my god, I love this because so

716
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:53,239
Speaker 2: many people think they're trapped. You're not You're not right,

717
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:53,960
Speaker 2: you can get out.

718
00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:57,600
Speaker 3: I thought you also said trash for a minute, and

719
00:34:57,640 --> 00:34:59,880
Speaker 3: I'm going to tell you that I did, But no,

720
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:03,200
Speaker 3: I want to say something. You know that those thoughts

721
00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:05,799
Speaker 3: came into my head, that I that I that I

722
00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:09,839
Speaker 3: was trash right right, and I just just I had

723
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:12,759
Speaker 3: to break out of that. So yeah, you're right, Well,

724
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:15,920
Speaker 3: you can change it. You can change your destiny, you

725
00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:17,720
Speaker 3: can break those chains.

726
00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:21,080
Speaker 2: And you can make that at least try immediately, like

727
00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:24,120
Speaker 2: start putting things down. What can I do to change

728
00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:27,399
Speaker 2: my trajectory or what I'm not happy with, Whether it's

729
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,919
Speaker 2: something as vicious as what you went through or love

730
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:32,319
Speaker 2: or business or anything like that. Catherine, I am so

731
00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:34,520
Speaker 2: proud to have you on. I'm so proud to call

732
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:37,160
Speaker 2: you a friend and a mentor and so glad you're

733
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:40,319
Speaker 2: there for definitely for Rosie also, so we can She

734
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:43,600
Speaker 2: and I could walk this walk together forever. So thank you.

735
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:46,719
Speaker 3: I love you guys. I can't wait to celebrate you.

736
00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:49,799
Speaker 3: Thank you and all the fun stuff you guys are

737
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:50,360
Speaker 3: doing ahead.

738
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:53,200
Speaker 2: We're planning on a loping in the Mouthfee coast like July,

739
00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 2: and that's it, where just the two of us because

740
00:35:57,200 --> 00:35:58,840
Speaker 2: and neither of us really do stuff for ourselves, so

741
00:35:58,840 --> 00:35:59,759
Speaker 2: we're going to do this for us.

742
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:01,400
Speaker 3: I think that's fantastic.

743
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:04,120
Speaker 2: I love it. I appreciate you. Thank you so much

744
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:07,640
Speaker 2: for everything and for you know, being a part of

745
00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 2: this journey on everywhere with me. Go to her website now.

746
00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:14,560
Speaker 2: Love you, Catherine, Love you,