Speaker 1: Welcome everyone to something that you've never heard before, and
Speaker 1: maybe never even heard of before, because this is going
Speaker 1: to be something brand new. It's not just a podcast,
Speaker 1: it's an interactive social experiment, and we're going to bring
Speaker 1: all of you into our world. Those of you who
Speaker 1: are looking for love, who've been burned by love, we
Speaker 1: know what you're feeling. We've walked down that road. In fact,
Speaker 1: some of us are still walking down that road. So
Speaker 1: welcome everyone to the brand new podcast called I Do
Speaker 1: Part two. I am one of your hosts, one of
Speaker 1: four hosts, Amy Roeboch, along with my partner, the love
Speaker 1: of my life, Jay Holmes.
Speaker 2: After that intro, I didn't feel like the level of
Speaker 2: your life. It seemed like.
Speaker 1: I'm still on the road on my journey.
Speaker 2: There was some journey I didn't think, ooh, we were
Speaker 2: on one together. Maybe I didn't realize you just picked
Speaker 2: me up along your journey and then I guess you'll
Speaker 2: drop me off at the next exit and continue your journey.
Speaker 1: Perhaps, well, we're on a journey, we're on our dating journey.
Speaker 1: We'll see where the road takes us.
Speaker 3: Good Lord, I.
Speaker 1: Want to introduce our other esteemed hosts who have lived
Speaker 1: to tell a lot that we'll be sharing with you.
Speaker 1: The one and only Jenny Garth, who needs no introduction.
Speaker 1: Hello Jenny, Hi everybody. I am so excited. I'm fangirling.
Speaker 4: Oh right, this is gonna be so fun. Yeah, this
Speaker 4: is something that I don't think there's ever been a
Speaker 4: podcast like this before. We are taking love to the
Speaker 4: next level, you guys, and we're really excited to be
Speaker 4: doing this with you.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, we can't wait to hear everything that you
Speaker 1: all are feeling. We'll share what we've been going through
Speaker 1: so you can well you won't feel so alone.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: Also, our fourth and you know, certainly not last, Save
Speaker 1: the best for last, right, Jana Kramer. It also needs
Speaker 1: no introduction. Actress, singer, podcast host Jana You you've lived
Speaker 1: a lot of life and you still have a lot
Speaker 1: more to go.
Speaker 5: You know, what I've realized is that we all have.
Speaker 5: And this is what I love about this show is
Speaker 5: we all have a past. We all want one thing, right,
Speaker 5: it's love. And so I think with all of us
Speaker 5: having a podcast and sharing our stories on the podcast
Speaker 5: that we do, we want to help other people through
Speaker 5: our stories. And with this podcast, the fact that we
Speaker 5: get to be interactive. Is why I was like, sign
Speaker 5: me up.
Speaker 1: Yes, we're all excited because look, we've all we've all
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's fair. We've been unlucky in love.
Speaker 1: We've learned a lot of lessons along the way through
Speaker 1: some loves, many loves. But this is a chance for
Speaker 1: all of you who are listening, who've had a rough patch,
Speaker 1: or who have had troubles in their love life. If
Speaker 1: it didn't work out the first time, if it didn't
Speaker 1: work out this second time, the third time, whatever, this
Speaker 1: is your opportunity to have another shot at love.
Speaker 2: And Jenna, it's it's what first, second time, third time?
Speaker 2: What's the charge?
Speaker 5: Why do we have to keep count? That's the thing, like,
Speaker 5: I don't why are we keeping up?
Speaker 6: I'm with you, Janna, It's not necessary. It's so not necessary.
Speaker 3: Is that always a part of it?
Speaker 2: Because I know I have felt the shame that a
Speaker 2: marriage didn't work out in the second marriage, But with Jenna,
Speaker 2: to you kind of make a really good point. There's
Speaker 2: too much emphasis been on, well you didn't get it
Speaker 2: right the first time. Something's wrong with you, not the
Speaker 2: second time. Oh, something's really wrong right?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think where my situation because on paper it
Speaker 5: shows that I've been married four times. And I think
Speaker 5: that's the piece where for many years I was trying
Speaker 5: to defend that piece, because when I look at my past,
Speaker 5: I'm like, I didn't have like when I look ago, Okay,
Speaker 5: I really was married in my mind once. It was
Speaker 5: a six year struggle. I'm married now to the absolute
Speaker 5: love my life. But those first two I mean, I
Speaker 5: don't get to have that. I don't get to explain it.
Speaker 5: I did when I wrote my book. But you know,
Speaker 5: when I was nineteen, I met my abuser, and I
Speaker 5: don't to me, that wasn't a marriage. No one even
Speaker 5: knew we got married. I knew him for two weeks.
Speaker 5: We went to Vegas, said I do so silly, And
Speaker 5: you know, no one knew we got married until we
Speaker 5: went to court when he tried to kill me. So
Speaker 5: he was off to jail for attempted murder. So, oh
Speaker 5: my god, there's I know, sorry not to like, but
Speaker 5: there there is a story within all of our dating lives.
Speaker 5: And so you know, that's the asterisk that when people
Speaker 5: talk about it, I'm like, it is not fun to
Speaker 5: see my abuser's name every time they talk about my
Speaker 5: relationship history. You know, everyone's like, oh, you were married
Speaker 5: to this person. I'm like, that was my abuser, and
Speaker 5: that set the stage for my relationships after that. And
Speaker 5: you know, I married someone for the neck. The second
Speaker 5: one was a week. I'm like, I don't call those marriages.
Speaker 5: I knew I was trying so hard, and I was,
Speaker 5: you know, early twenties, to be chosen and to be loved.
Speaker 5: And by the time that after three years of him
Speaker 5: just being like of me, saying love me, love me,
Speaker 5: love me, love me, love me, he finally said, okay,
Speaker 5: I love you. And then I realized, wait a minute,
Speaker 5: I never actually loved him. I just wanted to feel
Speaker 5: chosen and loved. So I married a man for a week.
Speaker 5: And when at my wedding, I cried in the bathroom, going, wait,
Speaker 5: this is not what I wanted, this is this was
Speaker 5: not it. And I don't want to have a broken family.
Speaker 5: I don't want to have kids with this man and
Speaker 5: then be divorced like my parents. And so, you know,
Speaker 5: did more work and all the healing, and then I
Speaker 5: married my last ax, who you know, he had multiple
Speaker 5: multiple affairs for six years, and at that point I'm like, people,
Speaker 5: I'm like, do people honestly think that I wanted to
Speaker 5: get divorced. I didn't want to have kids to get divorced,
Speaker 5: and I could not stay in something that was unhealthy
Speaker 5: for myself and for the kids, so I had to leave,
Speaker 5: and so on paper, it looks terrible, but I also
Speaker 5: me at a point now where I'm like, yes, I
Speaker 5: just spent the last two minutes defending my past, but
Speaker 5: also there's a piece of it where it's like I
Speaker 5: have dropped the shame because I know what the truth
Speaker 5: is in those situations, and people are always going to
Speaker 5: look at someone's past and just see the cliff notes
Speaker 5: of it, but they don't know the story. They don't
Speaker 5: know what actually was, actually what happened, And my heart
Speaker 5: in it was I the bottom lines. We all want love,
Speaker 5: and I just went a long route to find it.
Speaker 7: Right.
Speaker 4: Well, that's the cool thing about this show, I think,
Speaker 4: is taking people's stories and turning them around and using
Speaker 4: it for positive reasons.
Speaker 5: Well and hearing their stories, you know, giving them the
Speaker 5: opportunity instead of just reading the headlines, because that's what
Speaker 5: drives me nuts, and like, you have no idea those
Speaker 5: headlines are.
Speaker 1: Well, don't have anything it's so unfair. I love what
Speaker 1: you said, Janna, because it's so easy to look at
Speaker 1: especially I think people in the public eye and say,
Speaker 1: you know, and almost laugh at it. But these are
Speaker 1: anyone who goes through. We're all human beings, and any
Speaker 1: sort of breakup with ether it's a marriage or a
Speaker 1: boyfriend or a girlfriend, it hurts the same. And to
Speaker 1: see the headlines, it doesn't even get into any of
Speaker 1: the details of what all of the parties were actually feeling.
Speaker 1: So I think that's it's such a good point. And
Speaker 1: I think everybody, if they're honest with themselves, knows what
Speaker 1: it feels like to have a heartbreak or to have
Speaker 1: a break up.
Speaker 4: So when you're in that heartbreak, it's like you don't
Speaker 4: think you're ever gonna feel love again, or you don't
Speaker 4: want to.
Speaker 5: My last divorce I was because I'm like, all right,
Speaker 5: now I've been married three times. Who is going to
Speaker 5: love me? I've got two kids. I must be the
Speaker 5: common denominator. I mean, I'm bawling in my bad in mind.
Speaker 5: I'm like, no one's gonna love me. And I'm you know,
Speaker 5: three years later, I'm married and I have a baby,
Speaker 5: like and I have found the love of my life.
Speaker 5: But you truly, like you think that you are, You're
Speaker 5: done for and people are just gonna look at your
Speaker 5: past and be like, you're you're not worthy of love?
Speaker 3: Do you still find it? Jenna?
Speaker 2: And listening to you, do you maybe you're trying to
Speaker 2: break the habit, but you say it looks bad on paper,
Speaker 2: But when folks see it on paper, do you find yourself?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 2: But let me explain those first two? Do you find
Speaker 2: yourself still trying to?
Speaker 6: I mean, I did it here, you did it here,
Speaker 6: but I.
Speaker 2: Mean for the sake of conversation is one thing. But
Speaker 2: it's it struck me that I wonder, do you still
Speaker 2: feel like you have to explain it? Because in some
Speaker 2: way it's still on paper looks bad.
Speaker 6: You know what?
Speaker 5: The first time I didn't feel like I had to
Speaker 5: explain it was actually to my now husband. He was
Speaker 5: just like, I don't And I always felt like I
Speaker 5: had to with previous relationships, be like, oh, this is
Speaker 5: what happened here, and he was just like he did
Speaker 5: not care. He saw me for me and thought my
Speaker 5: past was strength as opposed to you know, He's like
Speaker 5: you you fought and you you know you you love,
Speaker 5: and I think that's that's a beautiful quality. Like you know,
Speaker 5: people always want to talk about Jay Low. I'm like, listen,
Speaker 5: she loves you know, she's just trying. And it's like
Speaker 5: she said, she even said she had a bad picker.
Speaker 5: But it's like, you know, yes I have too, But
Speaker 5: I was also broken in those pieces too. So I mean,
Speaker 5: to answer your question, I think it's one of those
Speaker 5: things where I don't call those marriages.
Speaker 1: I really don't.
Speaker 5: I say, now, I've been married twice, because those are marriages.
Speaker 5: Those first ones were not marriages.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and Jenny, do you I mean, you've obviously been
Speaker 1: in the public guye since you were young. I told
Speaker 1: you I was fangirling because I grew up with you
Speaker 1: watching alongside. We went to high school together, didn't Yeah
Speaker 1: we did, right, I feel like that. I feel like, yes,
Speaker 1: but to have you were married young, tej and I
Speaker 1: were both married very young. We both got married at
Speaker 1: twenty three. You were in the public guy from the
Speaker 1: very beginning. What were your What was your experience getting
Speaker 1: divorced and being a mom and then finding love again.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I got married at twenty one. My
Speaker 4: situation was I had my father was sick for years
Speaker 4: and he was my hero, and I was looking for
Speaker 4: somebody to keep me safe and protect me from this
Speaker 4: insane world that I was living in, and I needed
Speaker 4: somebody to be a rock for me, and I was
Speaker 4: trying to fill that position. And I made some hasty
Speaker 4: decision on that first marriage, and also doing it so
Speaker 4: young and not having a lot of people around me
Speaker 4: that asked me to really look at that decision. And
Speaker 4: before I knew it, it was happening, and then before
Speaker 4: I knew it, it was over. And before I knew it,
Speaker 4: I was having, you know, onto my next relationships. So
Speaker 4: I feel like that was just too young for me personally.
Speaker 4: But I did learn from it, for sure, And I
Speaker 4: think that's the beauty of Jana, of everybody's journey here,
Speaker 4: is that the lessons we have learned, the things we've
Speaker 4: learned about ourselves that we want in a relationship, the
Speaker 4: things we learned that we don't want in a relationship.
Speaker 4: So we have gotten to get so clear about what
Speaker 4: works for us and what doesn't. And it's that's a
Speaker 4: great position to be in for people to really define
Speaker 4: what they're looking for and what's not acceptable to them.
Speaker 4: And to really focus on that. And I hope that
Speaker 4: in this show that's what people will will learn to
Speaker 4: do while you know, having fun, dating, figuring it all out,
Speaker 4: and also learned to just cut themselves some slack because yeah, Janna,
Speaker 4: we made bad choices, things didn't work out, you know whatever,
Speaker 4: It doesn't really matter, but you're right on paper, it
Speaker 4: can be a little bit like, ooh, that's doesn't look great.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we have been talking about that. There are four
Speaker 1: divorces between the two of us. But Annie, I even
Speaker 1: hate to use the word failure or mistake because I
Speaker 1: got two beautiful girls out of it. Out of my
Speaker 1: first marriage and the second one, all of those missteps
Speaker 1: created I am who I am today because I went
Speaker 1: through that, and I had I not gone through that,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be where I am now. Tj I mentioned
Speaker 1: you got married at twenty three eighty.
Speaker 2: Three, and Jenny, I was hearing you say twenty one
Speaker 2: and not being ready some of the mistakes. I can
Speaker 2: look back now and say I had to go through this,
Speaker 2: and I needed to learn this in this But how
Speaker 2: is there any way or any of the four of
Speaker 2: us could say to a young person who's in twenty
Speaker 2: twenty one, twenty two, twenty three, anything that's going to
Speaker 2: keep them from making right the mistakes that we already made,
Speaker 2: or do you have to, Jenny, just go through that.
Speaker 4: You've got to learn it yourself. I mean, even now,
Speaker 4: I have adult women as my children who are my
Speaker 4: best friends, and I look at that a lot, and
Speaker 4: I think, Okay, two of them would already be married
Speaker 4: if if I don't know, if things were different if
Speaker 4: they had lived my life. But I look at them
Speaker 4: and I say, they're not living my life. They have
Speaker 4: to make their own choices, they have to learn their
Speaker 4: own mistakes. But and I've been asking myself this question
Speaker 4: a lot. Will I tell them the truth about how
Speaker 4: I really feel? Or will I hold back and let
Speaker 4: them make their mistakes. I don't know the answer to
Speaker 4: that honestly yet, because I haven't.
Speaker 1: Been through it.
Speaker 4: I'm pretty sure I'm on the cusp. And you know,
Speaker 4: on the twenty seven, even the twenty one year old,
Speaker 4: they're in relationships, and I don't know what will happen
Speaker 4: with that, but I know it will all work out,
Speaker 4: because there's that risk, you know, as a mom, like
Speaker 4: do I tell them what I really think? Or do
Speaker 4: I hold back and let them make their mistakes.
Speaker 3: That's tough for parents been stand by.
Speaker 4: And yeah, because honestly, at the end of the day,
Speaker 4: I don't know, they could be making the absolute best
Speaker 4: right choice. I really don't know.
Speaker 1: It's funny because I had joked with my daughters, and
Speaker 1: I think they've lived a lot of life with me,
Speaker 1: especially in the last two years. They're twenty one and eighteen.
Speaker 1: But I used to joke and say, if you want
Speaker 1: me to pay for your wedding, you have to be
Speaker 1: twenty eight when your adult brain has formed, because if don't,
Speaker 1: they say, at twenty seven, that's when you actually have,
Speaker 1: you know, adult capacity brain waves going through. So I
Speaker 1: joked with them about that. But then I want to
Speaker 1: point out my brother and his wife were middle school
Speaker 1: high school sweethearts, got married at twenty two and they
Speaker 1: have one of the strongest, most beautiful marriages I've ever
Speaker 1: personally seen. And my parents got married at eighteen and
Speaker 1: had me at nineteen and are still together and just
Speaker 1: celebrated their fifty second wedding anniversaries. So a race you
Speaker 1: never know, you know, I don't think I'm not here
Speaker 1: to say, Oh, the mistake was that I got married
Speaker 1: at twenty three. I don't think we know who we are.
Speaker 1: And my mom will say she got lucky that she
Speaker 1: married someone who had similar values, who they had similar backgrounds,
Speaker 1: and it just they grew up together and that can work.
Speaker 1: So I'm not here to say wait until you get older.
Speaker 6: Right.
Speaker 5: The timeline of things are is interesting because a lot
Speaker 5: of people now are like, oh, well, here you go again.
Speaker 5: You got engaged and had a baby so quick and
Speaker 5: got married so quickly after you know, meeting, And I'm like, listen,
Speaker 5: when you're in your forties, things move a little quicker too.
Speaker 5: You know it's and you know you know, so it's
Speaker 5: for us. I was like, I don't think there's a timeline.
Speaker 5: I know people that have dated for years and are
Speaker 5: an unhappy marriage. I know people that had dated for
Speaker 5: two months and got married and are in a beautiful relationship.
Speaker 5: So I don't think that tap that timeline. I do
Speaker 5: agree on the age piece of it, because at nineteen, yeah,
Speaker 5: that was stupid to go off to Vegas with someone
Speaker 5: I didn't know. But also I look at it as
Speaker 5: a childhood stamp too, where I didn't feel like I
Speaker 5: could go to my parents to talk to them about that.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I think it's a beautiful thing when I
Speaker 1: see some people may call it foolish or stupid, but
Speaker 1: I tend to be someone who looks at it through
Speaker 1: more of a romantic lens. I think it's a beautiful
Speaker 1: thing that you feel that passionately about somebody that you
Speaker 1: want to commit to them, and there's a real love
Speaker 1: of love in a weird way, and sometimes that creates
Speaker 1: rash decisions and maybe you're not thinking it through the
Speaker 1: way you should. And I point to myself as well,
Speaker 1: because I only had on paper for six months between
Speaker 1: my two marriages, neither of which worked out. So I didn't,
Speaker 1: you know, take a beat.
Speaker 5: Would you get married again? Because that was the question
Speaker 5: that people always ask me, And I'm like yes, I'm like, yes,
Speaker 5: absolutely love. I love the concept and the idea and
Speaker 5: I want That's what I've wanted for so long.
Speaker 6: I just got it wrong.
Speaker 1: Isn't it funny I have said the same thing. I
Speaker 1: have always wanted a life partner. I have always wanted
Speaker 1: to be married. I never wanted that single, care free thing.
Speaker 1: It wasn't something I ever aspired to do, or to
Speaker 1: live alone or any of those things. So I think
Speaker 1: that is why maybe we have been in multiple marriages,
Speaker 1: because there's been this desire to have a partner and
Speaker 1: a desire to make it work. Both of my marriages,
Speaker 1: I mean, technically I think ended up being thirteen years,
Speaker 1: but we left after twelve years. In both of them,
Speaker 1: I tried. That's another not that you don't try if
Speaker 1: you actually I knew much earlier, much much earlier. But
Speaker 1: you stay because you want it to work. You love
Speaker 1: the idea marriage, But yes, I do want to I
Speaker 1: do want to be married, and I do love the
Speaker 1: idea of having a partner and sticking with each other
Speaker 1: through the good days.
Speaker 6: And the bad. TJ you feel the same.
Speaker 3: I was about to say, I'm right here, guys, Okay.
Speaker 5: Let me just make sure this is aligned, because this
Speaker 5: is what we're going to do on the show, right,
Speaker 5: We're going to make sure people are are aligned.
Speaker 6: Right.
Speaker 2: We are so perfectly aligned in that regard. And I
Speaker 2: suppose I am. I'm like I talk about it. I
Speaker 2: don't like rom coms and whatnot, but I am such
Speaker 2: a fan of love. There is nothing I love more
Speaker 2: than a wedding. It's just the idea of somebody making
Speaker 2: that commitment and a new beginning and building something together.
Speaker 2: I absolutely love it.
Speaker 6: I love weddings too, even if it's not my wedding.
Speaker 6: I always crack even.
Speaker 3: If it's not my wedding.
Speaker 4: I hope we get to have a wedding here.
Speaker 7: Let's do that, you guys.
Speaker 6: Let's have the and then we have to get That's
Speaker 6: the thing.
Speaker 5: So whoever like they actually get married, we're all going
Speaker 5: to their wedding, are your guys?
Speaker 1: So you have to invite at the last wedding. I'm
Speaker 1: just putting this out there that TJ and I went to.
Speaker 1: TJ gave the blessing. He also can be inefficient, so
Speaker 1: he could step up in a couple roles if we
Speaker 1: have any lucky couples that come out of this podcast.
Speaker 2: I can only marry people in New York and in Madison, Wisconsin.
Speaker 2: I'll explain later why those are the two places.
Speaker 5: Can I throw a question to you guys really fast
Speaker 5: about the timeline to a wedding or or engagement. Is
Speaker 5: there something where's are you guys wanting to wait a
Speaker 5: longer time? Are you wanting to or is it like
Speaker 5: do do you feel like you don't have to answer this?
Speaker 6: If you don't want.
Speaker 5: I'm just kind of curious, like because of you know,
Speaker 5: the divorce on both side. I remember talking to my
Speaker 5: now husband about it, and it's just is there something
Speaker 5: where you're like, all right, we've already have grown kids,
Speaker 5: We're not trying to have more, so we can wait
Speaker 5: or is it do you have to check bock is
Speaker 5: off first? Like what's kind of that journey at the
Speaker 5: stage you guys are at with where your kids are
Speaker 5: at too?
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I just sent my baby off to college,
Speaker 1: so I am now officially an empty nester. Tej has
Speaker 1: an eleven year old who we love, and it's actually
Speaker 1: it's an amazing It actually makes me want to cry
Speaker 1: at how beautiful it all is. Like that is all
Speaker 1: we needed to get all of that in line and
Speaker 1: everybody on board, and they are. But in terms of
Speaker 1: there is no urgency in the sense that, yes, I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm fifty one years old. I don't need to rush
Speaker 1: into anything, and I think I have rushed into everything
Speaker 1: in my life up until now. But he knows I
Speaker 1: want to get married, and I know he wants to
Speaker 1: get married, and we've both said to each other and
Speaker 1: publicly that we want to live our lives together. So
Speaker 1: we haven't put a timeline together. And I don't think
Speaker 1: we you know, we talk about it all the time.
Speaker 1: I don't think a week goes by where we don't
Speaker 1: discuss like should we should we?
Speaker 3: We were talking about it today.
Speaker 1: We actually we're just talking about it twenty minutes ago.
Speaker 2: Thirty minutes ago, Jenna, no kidding. We were sitting outside
Speaker 2: of the studio where we are just having a conversation,
Speaker 2: and I said, you know what, how would this day
Speaker 2: be different if we were married?
Speaker 1: Right? Yeah?
Speaker 6: And does it change? Does it?
Speaker 5: You know, like if there's no urgency, then then do
Speaker 5: you just life partner it?
Speaker 6: Like Goldie and Kurt.
Speaker 1: So it's so funny. I talk about Goldie and Kurt
Speaker 1: all the time because I love the idea of choosing
Speaker 1: someone every day. However that's scary is to me too
Speaker 1: at the same time, so there is a safety and
Speaker 1: there is a comfort, and there is an ease and
Speaker 1: knowing that person has publicly and legally committed to working
Speaker 1: it out with you, that they that walking away is
Speaker 1: something that doesn't seem like such an easy option. And
Speaker 1: that's always the fear of things get tough, if things
Speaker 1: get hard, if you know, you can just walk away.
Speaker 1: That's a scary thing on one hand, but on the
Speaker 1: other hand, it's also a beautiful thing that you continue
Speaker 1: to choose each other. So I'm I do I do
Speaker 1: think that there would be I think I would feel
Speaker 1: just safer and a little bit more comfortable eventually if
Speaker 1: we married. Like that's just me being honest. I even
Speaker 1: hate admitting that, but that's just the truth. But I
Speaker 1: don't think it would change who we are.
Speaker 5: I think it's a beautiful thing that having that safety is.
Speaker 5: That's not a you don't need him, but that feeling
Speaker 5: of safety is with all of it is a beautiful thing.
Speaker 5: It's I don't look at that as a bad thing.
Speaker 5: I wouldn't be embarrassed.
Speaker 2: To make sure I'm being clear here, I do want
Speaker 2: to marry Robot here. But it's a weird thing too.
Speaker 2: There are some points in my life where I wanted
Speaker 2: to get married, like I want to get married. Sure,
Speaker 2: this is the first time where I can actually say
Speaker 2: I want to marry her. It's it's a little different mentality.
Speaker 2: People always I like to get married one day, and no,
Speaker 2: I it's it's different for me this time around, where
Speaker 2: it's marriage is not suppose to be the It doesn't
Speaker 2: feel like it's the next step or what needs to
Speaker 2: be done. It's been so long now, and no, I
Speaker 2: just want to marry her.
Speaker 5: I feel that so much in my bones. Because I
Speaker 5: cried to my now husband. I was like, I wish
Speaker 5: I would have saved that walk just for you. Like
Speaker 5: if I am like I it hurts that I I've
Speaker 5: done it before because I was just checking that box, like, Okay,
Speaker 5: we had the I couldn't cancel the wedding because we
Speaker 5: had an Okay Magazine exclusive, you know.
Speaker 3: What I mean.
Speaker 1: Like I'm like, oh, I no.
Speaker 6: I didn't even want to do it.
Speaker 1: You know, I get it, So I get it.
Speaker 6: This is just like I can't cancel them.
Speaker 5: I will just divorce them a week later because that
Speaker 5: sounds better, you know, Like that's where my twenty something
Speaker 5: brain was at, you know, like how ridiculous.
Speaker 6: But I'm like, I just want.
Speaker 5: To walk to you, like I wish I saved that
Speaker 5: for you because I'm like, I want to marry you.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think that's so funny because before you know, that's
Speaker 1: public pressure, the Okay magazine thing, which I totally get.
Speaker 1: I experienced it.
Speaker 6: I paid half the wedding. I had to do it,
Speaker 6: Like how could cancel people's plans?
Speaker 1: But even you know, when I was twenty three and was,
Speaker 1: you know, a budding journalist, the pressure of the invitations
Speaker 1: having gone out, the pressure of knowing people were and
Speaker 1: me knowing already that I probably didn't want to do this,
Speaker 1: but it was too afraid. I told my mom the
Speaker 1: night before, I don't know that I love this person,
Speaker 1: and yet the pressure once the wedding's on, once the
Speaker 1: invitations are sent out, once you know people are expecting
Speaker 1: you to get married, to call it off, it was
Speaker 1: just too daunting. And I don't know if any of
Speaker 1: you all experience that, but you know, I think and
Speaker 1: everyone says, oh, it's just pre wedding jitters, but I
Speaker 1: think sometimes you know, and you just can't stop the
Speaker 1: train from leaving the station.
Speaker 6: Jenny feels this one.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 4: I just think that that's what's so cool about this
Speaker 4: podcast is that we are going to be able to
Speaker 4: use our wisdom's our expertise, if you will, just our history,
Speaker 4: the things that we have learned to help other people make,
Speaker 4: you know, intentional decisions that they are well thought through
Speaker 4: and they can learn from our experience hopefully, because you know,
Speaker 4: sometimes people that are close to us, like our moms
Speaker 4: or our sisters, or somebody's gonna tell us, you know,
Speaker 4: like I was talking about before not to do it
Speaker 4: or thinking about it, or this isn't going to change.
Speaker 4: Bringing these things to their awareness, I think that's super important,
Speaker 4: and I think that I would. I would be so
Speaker 4: excited to be a person that gets to have this
Speaker 4: experience with all the four of us and actually be
Speaker 4: making decisions that I feel really good about.
Speaker 5: Well. Also on top of that, too is and I
Speaker 5: don't want to speak for everyone, but I've done a
Speaker 5: crap ton of therapy. So just like my mom, I
Speaker 5: was helping her with her marriage the other day. She's
Speaker 5: on her second and you know, I was telling her,
Speaker 5: my right, Mom, you gotta set up these boundaries. And
Speaker 5: she's like, man, that therapy really helped you, didn't it.
Speaker 5: Jan I'm like, well, yeah, Mom, you should should also
Speaker 5: give it a try, you.
Speaker 7: Know, like, yeah, it helps you can help people in
Speaker 7: that Harriet too, I have a question for you guys,
Speaker 7: what do you think people do wrong when they're picking
Speaker 7: a partner, like just in general, not us, but like,
Speaker 7: what do people do wrong when they're picking a partner.
Speaker 1: I think you're basing a decision on a feeling, and
Speaker 1: feelings change, and I think you have to have I
Speaker 1: think the biggest mistake I can only speak for myself
Speaker 1: that I made is not looking for a friend first
Speaker 1: and a partner and a lover is obviously an important
Speaker 1: part of the equation, but I think you get caught
Speaker 1: up and swept up in catching feelings and you don't
Speaker 1: see things clearly. You are blinded by love or lust.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's not even love, and I think that is
Speaker 1: what can steer people in the wrong direction.
Speaker 2: I picked wrong, a different type of wrong partner between
Speaker 2: twenty and twenty five, a different type of five. It's
Speaker 2: sometimes depends on where people are and the older. We
Speaker 2: had this conversation with a friend of ours, a grown
Speaker 2: ass woman who's doing her thing, and it was amazing
Speaker 2: to hear how she was, how she was not so
Speaker 2: sure or confident in her dating life as his grown
Speaker 2: powerful woman. But in talking to her and hearing the
Speaker 2: type of person and people she was picking, it was like,
Speaker 2: you know better. I think folks know better at a
Speaker 2: certain stage in their life, and they make an excuse
Speaker 2: for Uh, well, okay, maybe he'll want kids later. Oh okay,
Speaker 2: maybe maybe she'll come around to this or that. I
Speaker 2: think we get to a certain point where you just
Speaker 2: don't trust those instincts.
Speaker 3: But that's thirty five and above.
Speaker 2: From Yeah, once you get twenty to thirty, make all
Speaker 2: the mistakes you want.
Speaker 3: You got some time to recover from them.
Speaker 1: And I think we think we can change people. I
Speaker 1: think we like something and we think, oh, I can
Speaker 1: I can change Maybe women think this. I don't know
Speaker 1: if men think that, but I know that I thought,
Speaker 1: well I can, I can change him. I can, And
Speaker 1: that is the biggest mistake.
Speaker 3: Are you thinking you could do that? Now?
Speaker 1: No, I'm not.
Speaker 5: I'm not giving Well here's here's the deal too, though.
Speaker 5: I think it's not even so much about Yes, yes,
Speaker 5: I think we think we can change them, but we
Speaker 5: we hear what they say, not what they do. So
Speaker 5: they're saying I won't do this again. So I think
Speaker 5: we're going off of or you know they. I'm not
Speaker 5: just saying like he or she, but like the person
Speaker 5: that says like, oh the I'm not going to do
Speaker 5: this anymore, and then they do it.
Speaker 6: And that's where I love this show.
Speaker 5: For the idea of helping people find the red flags
Speaker 5: and someone too, because I'm very much now on Okay,
Speaker 5: are they saying what are they doing?
Speaker 6: What they say? They walk and matching?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Are they are their words and actions matching? Because if not,
Speaker 5: that is the biggest flag for me moving forward in
Speaker 5: any relationship.
Speaker 4: I think people also have an idea of what they
Speaker 4: want for their life and they try to fit it
Speaker 4: in that It's like you're putting an actor in the role,
Speaker 4: you know, And I think that sometimes we have to
Speaker 4: let go of that concept. And when it also in referencing,
Speaker 4: you know, you think you can change people. I think
Speaker 4: we all have learned. I feel like most of us
Speaker 4: have learned that we can't change people. I feel like
Speaker 4: we need to learn that we don't want to waste
Speaker 4: our time make that decision about like I don't want
Speaker 4: to live my life trying to change someone. Because if
Speaker 4: that's how they want to live their life, go do it.
Speaker 1: Be you.
Speaker 4: But at the same time, you just need to really
Speaker 4: define what it is that you want. And I've fallen
Speaker 4: guilty of and I don't think it's a bad thing,
Speaker 4: like seeing potential in people and not necessarily wanting to
Speaker 4: change them. But knowing TJ what you were just talking about,
Speaker 4: we grow and we change, and our definition of what
Speaker 4: we want and what we need and what is acceptable
Speaker 4: changes as we get older.
Speaker 6: And it's more than just the idea of them.
Speaker 2: And Jenny playing on what Jenna was saying a second
Speaker 2: ago about red flags and helping people on this podcast
Speaker 2: identify potential red flags.
Speaker 3: Do you all go back?
Speaker 2: I mean all of us in our relationships we could
Speaker 2: see the red flag now in hindsight, but did we
Speaker 2: not want to see it in real time? Jenny? Do
Speaker 2: you look back at our relationships? We actually think, man,
Speaker 2: I can see that in real time? Or we did
Speaker 2: see it in real time?
Speaker 6: We saw we saw it.
Speaker 5: I mean my ex husband cheated within two weeks of
Speaker 5: us dating, and I'm like, it's fine, Oh.
Speaker 6: What's nervous?
Speaker 1: It's just nervous.
Speaker 4: Oh he was just nervous.
Speaker 1: You know, like he was.
Speaker 5: He loved me so much as what he said that
Speaker 5: he just didn't know how to control that feeling.
Speaker 6: So you know he has I'm just but like we
Speaker 6: all see it. We just go again.
Speaker 5: We love to Jenny's point again, why is we love
Speaker 5: the idea? I loved the idea of him, you know,
Speaker 5: and so then you hear their words they'll never do
Speaker 5: it again. And that's the point again, going back to
Speaker 5: making sure, like the flags, that we can help people
Speaker 5: go okay, watch this, you know, because we want help
Speaker 5: to help people.
Speaker 4: Do you guys think age and age difference play a
Speaker 4: part in a successful pairing because for me, for in
Speaker 4: my situation, I'm married to a man that's nine years
Speaker 4: younger than me.
Speaker 1: Oh well TJ is four and a half years younger
Speaker 1: than me.
Speaker 3: Wow, that half is the half, is what really?
Speaker 1: I always say, though I my friends are usually younger
Speaker 1: than me. I am fifty one going on thirty. Like
Speaker 1: that's just I've always felt and just been a younger person.
Speaker 1: So and I've gone older and it actually the energies
Speaker 1: don't match TJ. I don't know. I think we are
Speaker 1: both really young at heart, and I think it does
Speaker 1: the age for me, the number you have, I don't
Speaker 1: think it matters. I think it's more if you enjoy
Speaker 1: doing the same thing, if you have the same level
Speaker 1: of energy about certain activities, like we just loved doing
Speaker 1: things together and love to laugh, and so I don't
Speaker 1: I don't know, would you have been if I had
Speaker 1: been older or young, like, would that.
Speaker 3: Have mattered to you older than you are now?
Speaker 5: Yes?
Speaker 1: Yes, exactly.
Speaker 4: On the spot.
Speaker 2: I know I never thought about your age. For the
Speaker 2: eight years that we were good friends and best friends,
Speaker 2: it was never an issue. We just were great friends,
Speaker 2: so it was never a matter. I never thought. I
Speaker 2: never had a chance to go, Okay, she's at age,
Speaker 2: and is that is that okay with me? I never
Speaker 2: got a chance to do that. So this is a
Speaker 2: non issue for us now.
Speaker 1: But you know what bothered me at first? I kept
Speaker 1: saying to you. I was like, does it bother you
Speaker 1: that I'm older than you? Like, I've never been.
Speaker 4: The older one in the relationship.
Speaker 1: I just I was like, what about when my number
Speaker 1: has a six in years, isn't a five?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: I don't know, Like, does that is that mentally an
Speaker 1: issue for men?
Speaker 3: That geriatric bridge?
Speaker 1: I don't like that I'm in my fifties and you're
Speaker 1: in your forties. That does bother me. I don't love it.
Speaker 2: It's not it's not a it's I'm sure you all experience.
Speaker 2: You have to have someone with the same energy, you
Speaker 2: have to have someone with the same interest, but you
Speaker 2: can also be the exact same age, and somebody be
Speaker 2: severely emotionally immature compared to the other. You can be
Speaker 2: wildly no matter what the age is. That could be
Speaker 2: a huge difference. That's the big gap I usually see
Speaker 2: more often than anything, certainly in our jobs, our professions.
Speaker 2: Sometimes people aren't on the same level career wise. It
Speaker 2: doesn't even have to be financial, but at least in
Speaker 2: terms of ambition, at least in terms of what they're
Speaker 2: doing in a career. Those things are factor into the
Speaker 2: age as well as I see.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Jenny, what about for you, because you said you
Speaker 5: had that eight year gap, nine year, nine.
Speaker 1: Years, because it's very important.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that people, You're right, age is just
Speaker 4: a number. It's about your spirit and how you feel,
Speaker 4: and how you guys align and how you get along
Speaker 4: and what you enjoy and do together. Those are all
Speaker 4: more important than the number. But I do feel like
Speaker 4: as I age and as he ages, we're both going
Speaker 4: through different things in our lives. We're in different developmental phases,
Speaker 4: we're in different we have different needs, and it's about
Speaker 4: finding if you're able to find a common ground with
Speaker 4: that person. Because it's very easy to be like, oh,
Speaker 4: we're in different places in our life, and you know,
Speaker 4: I've I have lived all of that up and down
Speaker 4: all around, and I don't want to have to like
Speaker 4: guide him or teach him every step of the way.
Speaker 4: I want him to develop on his own. But at
Speaker 4: the same time, I know how much people change in
Speaker 4: their forties to their fifties, and I hold on to
Speaker 4: like I look forward to watching that growth for him.
Speaker 4: I enjoy seeing him evolve. And for me, it's a
Speaker 4: matter of, like you said, Amy, like wait, when I'm
Speaker 4: I do this in my head a lite, like when
Speaker 4: I'm sixty two, you're gonna be fifty three, And you know,
Speaker 4: like I do the math a lot, which is weird
Speaker 4: for me because I hate math, but I it does
Speaker 4: creep into the back of my mind sometimes, and I
Speaker 4: absolutely do notice differences in where we are in our lives,
Speaker 4: and then I have to do that thing where you're like, hmm, okay,
Speaker 4: you do that eighty twenty thing where eighty I gotta
Speaker 4: find eighty percent that I love and then there's going
Speaker 4: to be that twenty percent that I have to ask
Speaker 4: myself is this acceptable? Is can I survive with these differences?
Speaker 4: And I think that that's important for people to ask
Speaker 4: themselves those questions going in because it does become part
Speaker 4: of the reality of a relationship.
Speaker 5: Yeah, to your point, what I'm I think now this
Speaker 5: day and age of eight of dating. You know, when
Speaker 5: I was single, mom in it the last few years
Speaker 5: and I'm on the apps and swiping, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 5: there's a model after a model. I'm like, all these
Speaker 5: looks very green on the single side of things, but
Speaker 5: it is once you get into those relationships, it's everyone
Speaker 5: has their past, everyone has their stuff. So it's sometimes
Speaker 5: I think people are like, I've got a few friends,
Speaker 5: my call it must be so, you know, great to
Speaker 5: be single and dating. I'm like, it sucks, like you know,
Speaker 5: I'm like, being single is tough. Being in a relationship
Speaker 5: is tough. Everyone has their stuff, so it's like, you know,
Speaker 5: I think it's also pointing that out where it's not
Speaker 5: always greener. Sometimes you need to put in the work too.
Speaker 1: Jenny, you said the eighty twenty rule. I was not
Speaker 1: familiar with that. Is that a thing.
Speaker 4: It's something that I've learned in some of the work
Speaker 4: that I've done over the years. Yeah, that's something that
Speaker 4: I think is a realistic thing to consider. Because we're
Speaker 4: we're all our own people. And I also have this
Speaker 4: concept of there's there are two circles in every equation
Speaker 4: of a relationship. There are two circles. There's one person
Speaker 4: and then person, and they are two complete in whole circles.
Speaker 4: And in the middle of those two circles is a square,
Speaker 4: and that is the relationship. That's where the relationship lives
Speaker 4: and breathes. And the two circles have to put equal
Speaker 4: amounts into that square to make that square contain its
Speaker 4: shape and remain whole. And while doing that, those other
Speaker 4: two circles continue to be independent of the square. And
Speaker 4: I think that there's so many different ways of learning.
Speaker 1: Like.
Speaker 4: How to hope and how to try and how to
Speaker 4: work for a successful relationship, there are a lot of
Speaker 4: different formulas eighty twenty circle, square circle, Like I have
Speaker 4: a lot of different concepts, but I've learned that all
Speaker 4: through therapy and through work, and just like wanting so
Speaker 4: desperately to be successful in a relationship like love is
Speaker 4: very important for me. I do want to grow old
Speaker 4: with someone and I feel like it takes work. It's
Speaker 4: not for me, it's not just a magical you wear
Speaker 4: a ring and I wear a ring and we're forever together. Like,
Speaker 4: I want our relationship to be fulfilling, so I'm willing
Speaker 4: to put in that work and fill up that square
Speaker 4: even when I don't want to, you know.
Speaker 5: Do you guys think it's a deal breaker if someone
Speaker 5: doesn't want to go to therapy, because I have very
Speaker 5: strong opinions about therapy. I mean, It's changed me, my life,
Speaker 5: my relationships. So I would really struggle if my partner
Speaker 5: said that he wouldn't do therapy. Whether it's I'm not
Speaker 5: saying together, I'm but you know, even just for his
Speaker 5: own self right discovery and going and just talking to someone,
Speaker 5: whether it's once a month or every other month or whatever.
Speaker 4: I think that's individual because like I think that's individual
Speaker 4: because everybody's different on that front, you know, and some
Speaker 4: people don't they don't believe in it, they don't need it,
Speaker 4: they're doing fine, whatever, Like I'm always like you do you.
Speaker 4: But for me, personally, I love to grow, and I say,
Speaker 4: if I'm not growing, I'm slow and I want to
Speaker 4: keep growing until the last breath of my life. And
Speaker 4: for me, it's important to have a partner that recognizes
Speaker 4: that in me and loves that about me and also
Speaker 4: says that's inspiring, and I kind of want to be
Speaker 4: I want to do that too, because I see the
Speaker 4: fruits of your labor. I see how I mean, how
Speaker 4: much I've changed from the beginning of even this relationship
Speaker 4: to where we are today. There's so much. There's a
Speaker 4: lot of change and a lot of growth that happens,
Speaker 4: and I feel like having a partner that wants to
Speaker 4: grow personally and together is really important, whether it's therapy
Speaker 4: or whether it's whatever.
Speaker 3: What Jenna, were you saying, You.
Speaker 2: Like, a problem doesn't necessarily have to present itself in
Speaker 2: the relationship. It's just something you recommend and you would
Speaker 2: like for your partner to do as a regular checkup.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, I think it's listen because I think
Speaker 5: we all have stuff. It's you know, they say a
Speaker 5: lot in those places like don't wait until something happens
Speaker 5: to go should always kind of be refining and growing,
Speaker 5: and you know, I think I definitely was like, it's
Speaker 5: not it's not a deal breaker, but if something was
Speaker 5: to come up and it was his decision because he's
Speaker 5: dealing with, you know, being away from his son and challenges,
Speaker 5: it's good to talk to someone, and so I strongly
Speaker 5: encouraged it. But if someone was straight up like, no,
Speaker 5: I won't go ever, that would be like, oh man,
Speaker 5: that's that to me shows that they don't even want
Speaker 5: to try.
Speaker 4: Are you talking about like personal therapy versus couples therapy.
Speaker 5: I think it's a little bit about like if we
Speaker 5: have when we get into trouble or maybe some communication issues,
Speaker 5: you know, there might be a time where I'm like, hey,
Speaker 5: can we walk can we talk this out with a therapist?
Speaker 5: And if my partner was to say no, that would
Speaker 5: that would really that would really make me go, wait
Speaker 5: a minute, like this isn't this Why wouldn't you want
Speaker 5: someone to help us walk through something that we can't
Speaker 5: walk through together?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Jenny, Jenna, Is there something both of you all
Speaker 2: have done or continue to do couples therapy?
Speaker 5: No, we've never done couples therapy, but I mean he's done,
Speaker 5: He's started his own journey because he's had things that
Speaker 5: he wanted to personally work on, and that's it was
Speaker 5: his you know, I mentioned like, hey, maybe you should
Speaker 5: talk to someone, and you know the fact that he
Speaker 5: was open to it made me, you know, love him
Speaker 5: even more the fact that he was willing to go
Speaker 5: talk to someone. But I would never force someone. But
Speaker 5: if that person gave a I don't like therapy, I
Speaker 5: would never go. That would kind of make me go, eh,
Speaker 5: I don't know if I like that.
Speaker 3: What about you, Jenny.
Speaker 4: I've been in that position where I didn't even at
Speaker 4: that time my development, know how beneficial therapy could be
Speaker 4: for me personally. So I wasn't like pushing for us
Speaker 4: to go to therapy or or anything like that. But
Speaker 4: when someone shows that they are too afraid to grow,
Speaker 4: and they're too afraid, afraid to look inside and find
Speaker 4: the answers within, that for me is a red flag
Speaker 4: because I don't want to be blamed for their problems,
Speaker 4: you know, I don't want to be the reason that
Speaker 4: they're not happy. I want them to make themselves happy
Speaker 4: and for us to both be happy moving forward individually.
Speaker 4: And that's really important to me.
Speaker 5: TJ as a guy, though, what are your thoughts? I
Speaker 5: feel I feel you bowing up a little bit. What
Speaker 5: are we feeling about therapy over there?
Speaker 3: No quin I grew up.
Speaker 2: I never knew people went to therapy until maybe I
Speaker 2: was in my late thirties.
Speaker 3: I grew up.
Speaker 2: I'm a black man in the South. We don't then
Speaker 2: know talk about. There's just some things that did not
Speaker 2: get discussed and never heard about. And you just my
Speaker 2: granddad had a third grade education and he raised seven
Speaker 2: kids on his own and all of them got college degree.
Speaker 2: So what the hell I got to complain about. It's
Speaker 2: that kind of thing.
Speaker 3: This is why I grew up around.
Speaker 2: So it wasn't until recent years I was the height
Speaker 2: of my professional success, but it was the lowest I'd
Speaker 2: ever been in my personal life. And I finally just
Speaker 2: hit a wall and somebody who wasn't even that close
Speaker 2: to me recognized identified. It immediately got me into therapy
Speaker 2: and it it. It's true that they say it's like dating, right,
Speaker 2: you got to go around to therapist, the therapists and
Speaker 2: fuying one that.
Speaker 3: Work for you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I had to do that little that got
Speaker 2: exhausting for a little while. But yeah, it has been helpful.
Speaker 2: It's not something I keep up, but it was helpful
Speaker 2: for some of the darkest periods of my life. So absolutely,
Speaker 2: I haven't done couples therapy with Robot yet. We've talked
Speaker 2: about doing so. We don't know why. We just want
Speaker 2: to go what's like me?
Speaker 5: But there's something to it though, because so I think
Speaker 5: there's I think there's a little bit I think too much.
Speaker 5: So I think I had too much therapy with my
Speaker 5: last husband because we talked so much that I think
Speaker 5: it caused some more issues too.
Speaker 6: So there's a.
Speaker 5: Piece of that where I thought it was a where
Speaker 5: I almost am like, now we're fighting more going to therapy.
Speaker 5: But I do think there's something where it is helpful
Speaker 5: when you know we might have different communication styles where
Speaker 5: it can be helpful for someone to go, Okay, let
Speaker 5: me help you walk through this piece and or let's
Speaker 5: just get some tools. Because that's the thing too where
Speaker 5: you know, my my therapist even said to me the
Speaker 5: other week, she's like, you know, she's like, I'm not
Speaker 5: breaking up with you. She's like, but you're not in
Speaker 5: crisis anymore. You're You're good. She's like, you don't have
Speaker 5: to come as often as you want. I'm like, no,
Speaker 5: I love coming, like I want to keep like growing
Speaker 5: and learning. And you know, she's like, but you don't
Speaker 5: need to come every you know, two weeks. She's like,
Speaker 5: let's space it out some more.
Speaker 4: No, bless her. I love this therapist for you.
Speaker 5: But you know, when it comes to like you know,
Speaker 5: my husband and stuff, I've I've taken a few tools
Speaker 5: that we've which i'd love to tell you know, someone
Speaker 5: when they when they we help someone on the show
Speaker 5: and they find a partner. But there was a check
Speaker 5: in that I stole from therapy from my last couple
Speaker 5: sessions with my ex. And it was this check in
Speaker 5: that we did, and I just I sprinkled it in
Speaker 5: the other night with my husband and it's like, hey,
Speaker 5: do you mind if we do this check in just
Speaker 5: to you know, kind of feel it out, and he
Speaker 5: was like, wow, that was really helpful. So just having
Speaker 5: tools to have that healthy relationship and communication I think
Speaker 5: is great and things that we can bring to people
Speaker 5: too that you know, come on the show and help
Speaker 5: them find love with Ah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean. And I was very much like TJ
Speaker 1: where I grew up in a family where I didn't
Speaker 1: know anyone who went to therapy. Nobody went to therapy.
Speaker 1: We went to church, and it was also just buck up,
Speaker 1: suck it up, you know, stop complaining and thinking about
Speaker 1: yourself and what you need is selfish you need to give.
Speaker 3: It to God.
Speaker 1: And so that's just kind of how I was raised.
Speaker 1: But I first went into therapy right after I knew
Speaker 1: my first marriage was not something I wanted to be
Speaker 1: in and I didn't have the tools and how to
Speaker 1: communicate what I wanted or needed for myself, how to
Speaker 1: send boundaries I had. I learned a lot about myself
Speaker 1: and I've been in I've been in therapy. I'm not
Speaker 1: in it right now, but I spent a year of
Speaker 1: this past two years weekly sessions just working on myself,
Speaker 1: figuring out why I made the decisions I made and
Speaker 1: why I couldn't make the decisions needed to have made.
Speaker 1: So those I think it's I'm a huge fan of it.
Speaker 1: I do think there could be too much of it,
Speaker 1: and so you know, there's a way to strike a
Speaker 1: healthy balance. But yes, TJ and I have even talked
Speaker 1: about do we need to we have communication issues. I
Speaker 1: don't know a couple who doesn't, and I think a
Speaker 1: lot of times it's just about misunderstanding intent and the
Speaker 1: ego gets involved, and it's just a way to learn
Speaker 1: how to trust your partner, I think in a lot
Speaker 1: of ways, or how to talk to your partner in
Speaker 1: a way that they can understand, like you understand, right,
Speaker 1: but getting your significant other to understand sometimes I make
Speaker 1: it worse when I try to explain. Sometimes when I'm
Speaker 1: trying to explain how I feel, now, we just got
Speaker 1: into a worse fight.
Speaker 5: Well, this is why I always say to my husband
Speaker 5: when we're we're talking and walking through something, I'm like,
Speaker 5: before you respond, what did you hear me say? Because
Speaker 5: I need to see if you can if you actually
Speaker 5: heard what I said. So you're almost affirming what you heard.
Speaker 5: So I'm like, what did you know? I'm like, I'm like,
Speaker 5: don't even don't debate it, don't come back at me.
Speaker 6: What did you hear?
Speaker 5: And then he's like, I hear that you feel overwhelmed
Speaker 5: and you know, stressed. And I'm like, okay, so once
Speaker 5: you feel heard, then the the energy of the room
Speaker 5: starts to calm down.
Speaker 4: That good, that's good advice. I love that, Jenna.
Speaker 6: It's been very helpful.
Speaker 1: I think that's amazing. But if we did that, we
Speaker 1: would not hear at all with the other person.
Speaker 2: But Jenna, you ask your husband like, what did you
Speaker 2: hear me say? I have to ask Robot, sweetheart, do
Speaker 2: you know what you just said?
Speaker 1: He is a literal you know, what I meant. No,
Speaker 1: I don't know what you meant. I know what you said,
Speaker 1: and I you know, I think I don't want to
Speaker 1: put all women in this category. But I mix and
Speaker 1: blend the emotion with logic, and sometimes the emotion is
Speaker 1: it overwhelms the logic and so when I communicate it,
Speaker 1: it doesn't come out in the way he can hear it.
Speaker 4: And I think that men are more linear. Yeah, they
Speaker 4: want they're more they want to.
Speaker 1: Hear Mine is like, well, you know what I saying.
Speaker 1: He's like, I don't, and so that's frustrating to me.
Speaker 1: I'm like, but on an emotional level, you know, we're
Speaker 1: on company. No, I do not.
Speaker 5: That's so that's where the check in will be really
Speaker 5: good for you guys too. And and for that I
Speaker 5: do to listeners, because those that can't do or teach,
Speaker 5: you know, those that can't teach, this is what we're
Speaker 5: going to be yes, and we'll be taking that. And
Speaker 5: when I do the check in, I think you guys
Speaker 5: will really when we talk about that one, you guys
Speaker 5: really like that one.
Speaker 6: It's really good.
Speaker 1: I'm excited about all the people who we can potentially help.
Speaker 1: I know that we just want to let everyone know
Speaker 1: who's listening. It's going to be happening over the next
Speaker 1: couple of weeks. We're going to introduce you to our
Speaker 1: panel of celebrity experts, and then we're going to ask
Speaker 1: that you all check in with us. We want to
Speaker 1: hear from you. We want to hear your stories. We
Speaker 1: want to hear where you are in your love life
Speaker 1: and what you need, what you want, what you're looking for,
Speaker 1: and we want you to let us help you. And
Speaker 1: you know, I I We've lived a lot of life,
Speaker 1: We've traveled a lot of roads, and we are on
Speaker 1: the same road together. Just just to be clear, Just
Speaker 1: to be.
Speaker 6: Clear, what did you just hear? TJ? What she just said?
Speaker 6: What did you just hear? I need you to repeat that.
Speaker 3: One.
Speaker 2: Do you all have the same communications issues? This sound
Speaker 2: familiar to you?
Speaker 3: Two?
Speaker 4: Oh yes, yes. Women are so different in how they
Speaker 4: hear and process and feel. We have to really acknowledge
Speaker 4: that sometimes, and remember we're all different.
Speaker 5: We're so different exactly. So if you guys are looking
Speaker 5: for love, call us one eight four four four. I
Speaker 5: do pod guys, this is going to be so much fun.
Speaker 5: I know, I love love. I love helping find people
Speaker 5: find like guys I set up. I'm trying to set
Speaker 5: up my ex husband right now. I've set up other
Speaker 5: you know, Like I'm always like, oh, I dated this guy,
Speaker 5: do you want to date him?
Speaker 6: Like he's great?
Speaker 5: Here just wasn't for me, Like this is I love
Speaker 5: to set people up.
Speaker 1: We I do too. So my best friend I set
Speaker 1: up with one of my producers at ABC News and
Speaker 1: now they just moved in together. I'm so excited a
Speaker 1: matchmaking success. I actually set up my first ex husband
Speaker 1: as well with his wife. It was a friend of
Speaker 1: a friend and I said, do you have anyone that
Speaker 1: he can just, I don't know, hang out with? And
Speaker 1: she said, are you serious? You really want me to
Speaker 1: set your ex husband or soon to be ex husband
Speaker 1: up with one of my friends. And I said, exactly,
Speaker 1: I do.
Speaker 5: Well when you've got kids too, that's the thing. I'm like,
Speaker 5: I want to pick someone that's going to be helping
Speaker 5: you raising my children.
Speaker 1: That's such a good point.
Speaker 5: No, it's true though, like not to control it, like
Speaker 5: I want to control it.
Speaker 1: You are the potential step mom, not for me, not
Speaker 1: for me.
Speaker 4: I was like, you are on your own, you go,
Speaker 4: you are on your own.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think if you get to a point like
Speaker 1: where I was in my first marriage divorce. We were
Speaker 1: friends and that was that was kind of it. So
Speaker 1: it was an easy thing to do, and I wanted
Speaker 1: the best for him, And yes, I did want to
Speaker 1: know that the person who my daughters at the time
Speaker 1: were two and five, this woman who they're gonna that
Speaker 1: she she kind of got a stamp of approval from
Speaker 1: my other friends. So it made me feel better about
Speaker 1: the whole thing. And just turns out that it worked.
Speaker 1: So right now I have two matchmaking successes. How about you, TJ.
Speaker 1: You were working on one the other day.
Speaker 3: I don't hook people up.
Speaker 2: I got enough problems in my own personal life and
Speaker 2: my relationships just through somebody else.
Speaker 1: Now what, you're taking a step into the matchmaking business.
Speaker 3: And I got you here to make you.
Speaker 6: We got your back. I love it. Guys.
Speaker 5: Well, should you send us off to UH to let
Speaker 5: people know how they can find love again?
Speaker 1: Yes, you can email us. We gave you the phone number.
Speaker 1: I'll say it again one eight four four four, I
Speaker 1: do pod pod. You can email us at I dopod
Speaker 1: at iHeartRadio dot com. You can follow us on Instagram.
Speaker 1: D m us put a message in the replies at
Speaker 1: I do Part two pod. I do Part two. That's
Speaker 1: the number two pod. Wait can you just can you
Speaker 1: just translate that for me? PJ.
Speaker 3: You want me to tell people what you are trying to?
Speaker 1: Please? Please do you.
Speaker 2: Instagram and I do Part two pod. It's the digit too, Okay,
Speaker 2: I do Part two pod. As in the number, don't
Speaker 2: spell out t w O. It's two two okay, all right,
Speaker 2: So I love this. This is I'm gonna this is
Speaker 2: a fun tagline. I do Part two an iHeartRadio podcast
Speaker 2: where falling in love is the main objective.
Speaker 5: That's kay kay, And we're here to help you through
Speaker 5: all of our mistakes, all of our lessons.
Speaker 1: Do as we say, not as we did.