WEBVTT - Welcome to I Do, Part 2 0:00:15.160 --> 0:00:19.520 Welcome everyone to something that you've never heard before, and 0:00:19.560 --> 0:00:23.239 maybe never even heard of before, because this is going 0:00:23.320 --> 0:00:27.560 to be something brand new. It's not just a podcast, 0:00:27.640 --> 0:00:31.760 it's an interactive social experiment, and we're going to bring 0:00:31.960 --> 0:00:35.760 all of you into our world. Those of you who 0:00:35.800 --> 0:00:39.440 are looking for love, who've been burned by love, we 0:00:39.840 --> 0:00:42.959 know what you're feeling. We've walked down that road. In fact, 0:00:43.040 --> 0:00:45.240 some of us are still walking down that road. So 0:00:45.400 --> 0:00:49.440 welcome everyone to the brand new podcast called I Do 0:00:50.200 --> 0:00:54.600 Part two. I am one of your hosts, one of 0:00:54.680 --> 0:00:58.720 four hosts, Amy Roeboch, along with my partner, the love 0:00:58.760 --> 0:01:00.720 of my life, Jay Holmes. 0:01:00.760 --> 0:01:02.680 After that intro, I didn't feel like the level of 0:01:02.680 --> 0:01:03.840 your life. It seemed like. 0:01:04.560 --> 0:01:06.200 I'm still on the road on my journey. 0:01:06.240 --> 0:01:09.319 There was some journey I didn't think, ooh, we were 0:01:09.360 --> 0:01:13.160 on one together. Maybe I didn't realize you just picked 0:01:13.160 --> 0:01:15.039 me up along your journey and then I guess you'll 0:01:15.080 --> 0:01:17.200 drop me off at the next exit and continue your journey. 0:01:17.200 --> 0:01:20.120 Perhaps, well, we're on a journey, we're on our dating journey. 0:01:20.200 --> 0:01:21.480 We'll see where the road takes us. 0:01:21.560 --> 0:01:24.039 Good Lord, I. 0:01:24.000 --> 0:01:28.280 Want to introduce our other esteemed hosts who have lived 0:01:28.280 --> 0:01:31.240 to tell a lot that we'll be sharing with you. 0:01:31.600 --> 0:01:34.800 The one and only Jenny Garth, who needs no introduction. 0:01:35.000 --> 0:01:40.000 Hello Jenny, Hi everybody. I am so excited. I'm fangirling. 0:01:40.080 --> 0:01:42.399 Oh right, this is gonna be so fun. Yeah, this 0:01:42.560 --> 0:01:45.040 is something that I don't think there's ever been a 0:01:45.080 --> 0:01:49.120 podcast like this before. We are taking love to the 0:01:49.160 --> 0:01:51.400 next level, you guys, and we're really excited to be 0:01:51.440 --> 0:01:52.040 doing this with you. 0:01:52.280 --> 0:01:55.120 Oh yes, we can't wait to hear everything that you 0:01:55.200 --> 0:01:57.600 all are feeling. We'll share what we've been going through 0:01:57.640 --> 0:01:59.440 so you can well you won't feel so alone. 0:01:59.560 --> 0:01:59.760 Right. 0:02:00.520 --> 0:02:05.320 Also, our fourth and you know, certainly not last, Save 0:02:05.400 --> 0:02:08.440 the best for last, right, Jana Kramer. It also needs 0:02:08.440 --> 0:02:13.760 no introduction. Actress, singer, podcast host Jana You you've lived 0:02:13.760 --> 0:02:16.960 a lot of life and you still have a lot 0:02:17.040 --> 0:02:17.440 more to go. 0:02:17.800 --> 0:02:19.720 You know, what I've realized is that we all have. 0:02:19.919 --> 0:02:21.519 And this is what I love about this show is 0:02:21.560 --> 0:02:23.560 we all have a past. We all want one thing, right, 0:02:23.560 --> 0:02:26.200 it's love. And so I think with all of us 0:02:26.280 --> 0:02:28.760 having a podcast and sharing our stories on the podcast 0:02:28.800 --> 0:02:31.000 that we do, we want to help other people through 0:02:31.040 --> 0:02:33.760 our stories. And with this podcast, the fact that we 0:02:33.800 --> 0:02:36.480 get to be interactive. Is why I was like, sign 0:02:36.520 --> 0:02:36.880 me up. 0:02:37.480 --> 0:02:41.200 Yes, we're all excited because look, we've all we've all 0:02:41.200 --> 0:02:43.240 I don't know if it's fair. We've been unlucky in love. 0:02:43.480 --> 0:02:47.120 We've learned a lot of lessons along the way through 0:02:47.280 --> 0:02:50.040 some loves, many loves. But this is a chance for 0:02:50.080 --> 0:02:53.200 all of you who are listening, who've had a rough patch, 0:02:53.320 --> 0:02:56.919 or who have had troubles in their love life. If 0:02:57.080 --> 0:02:59.360 it didn't work out the first time, if it didn't 0:02:59.360 --> 0:03:02.400 work out this second time, the third time, whatever, this 0:03:02.680 --> 0:03:05.639 is your opportunity to have another shot at love. 0:03:06.000 --> 0:03:09.240 And Jenna, it's it's what first, second time, third time? 0:03:09.280 --> 0:03:10.160 What's the charge? 0:03:10.400 --> 0:03:12.800 Why do we have to keep count? That's the thing, like, 0:03:12.840 --> 0:03:15.520 I don't why are we keeping up? 0:03:15.520 --> 0:03:19.360 I'm with you, Janna, It's not necessary. It's so not necessary. 0:03:20.080 --> 0:03:21.520 Is that always a part of it? 0:03:21.560 --> 0:03:23.760 Because I know I have felt the shame that a 0:03:23.840 --> 0:03:26.919 marriage didn't work out in the second marriage, But with Jenna, 0:03:27.000 --> 0:03:29.320 to you kind of make a really good point. There's 0:03:29.360 --> 0:03:32.640 too much emphasis been on, well you didn't get it 0:03:32.680 --> 0:03:34.280 right the first time. Something's wrong with you, not the 0:03:34.320 --> 0:03:36.160 second time. Oh, something's really wrong right? 0:03:36.360 --> 0:03:40.880 Yeah, I think where my situation because on paper it 0:03:40.960 --> 0:03:42.960 shows that I've been married four times. And I think 0:03:43.000 --> 0:03:47.160 that's the piece where for many years I was trying 0:03:47.200 --> 0:03:50.200 to defend that piece, because when I look at my past, 0:03:50.280 --> 0:03:53.400 I'm like, I didn't have like when I look ago, Okay, 0:03:53.600 --> 0:03:56.320 I really was married in my mind once. It was 0:03:56.360 --> 0:03:59.760 a six year struggle. I'm married now to the absolute 0:03:59.800 --> 0:04:02.720 love my life. But those first two I mean, I 0:04:02.760 --> 0:04:04.840 don't get to have that. I don't get to explain it. 0:04:04.880 --> 0:04:07.480 I did when I wrote my book. But you know, 0:04:07.480 --> 0:04:10.560 when I was nineteen, I met my abuser, and I 0:04:10.600 --> 0:04:13.400 don't to me, that wasn't a marriage. No one even 0:04:13.480 --> 0:04:15.720 knew we got married. I knew him for two weeks. 0:04:15.720 --> 0:04:20.400 We went to Vegas, said I do so silly, And 0:04:20.720 --> 0:04:23.760 you know, no one knew we got married until we 0:04:23.800 --> 0:04:26.600 went to court when he tried to kill me. So 0:04:26.680 --> 0:04:29.159 he was off to jail for attempted murder. So, oh 0:04:29.320 --> 0:04:32.480 my god, there's I know, sorry not to like, but 0:04:32.520 --> 0:04:35.360 there there is a story within all of our dating lives. 0:04:35.360 --> 0:04:37.880 And so you know, that's the asterisk that when people 0:04:37.920 --> 0:04:39.520 talk about it, I'm like, it is not fun to 0:04:39.600 --> 0:04:42.200 see my abuser's name every time they talk about my 0:04:42.320 --> 0:04:44.840 relationship history. You know, everyone's like, oh, you were married 0:04:44.839 --> 0:04:47.080 to this person. I'm like, that was my abuser, and 0:04:47.080 --> 0:04:50.200 that set the stage for my relationships after that. And 0:04:51.160 --> 0:04:54.480 you know, I married someone for the neck. The second 0:04:54.480 --> 0:04:56.880 one was a week. I'm like, I don't call those marriages. 0:04:57.000 --> 0:05:00.599 I knew I was trying so hard, and I was, 0:05:00.720 --> 0:05:03.840 you know, early twenties, to be chosen and to be loved. 0:05:04.400 --> 0:05:07.160 And by the time that after three years of him 0:05:07.200 --> 0:05:09.279 just being like of me, saying love me, love me, 0:05:09.320 --> 0:05:11.960 love me, love me, love me, he finally said, okay, 0:05:12.000 --> 0:05:13.720 I love you. And then I realized, wait a minute, 0:05:13.800 --> 0:05:16.440 I never actually loved him. I just wanted to feel 0:05:16.600 --> 0:05:19.160 chosen and loved. So I married a man for a week. 0:05:19.640 --> 0:05:22.080 And when at my wedding, I cried in the bathroom, going, wait, 0:05:22.120 --> 0:05:24.359 this is not what I wanted, this is this was 0:05:24.440 --> 0:05:27.320 not it. And I don't want to have a broken family. 0:05:27.360 --> 0:05:29.280 I don't want to have kids with this man and 0:05:29.320 --> 0:05:33.000 then be divorced like my parents. And so, you know, 0:05:33.120 --> 0:05:34.919 did more work and all the healing, and then I 0:05:34.960 --> 0:05:39.200 married my last ax, who you know, he had multiple 0:05:39.279 --> 0:05:43.360 multiple affairs for six years, and at that point I'm like, people, 0:05:43.400 --> 0:05:45.680 I'm like, do people honestly think that I wanted to 0:05:45.680 --> 0:05:48.280 get divorced. I didn't want to have kids to get divorced, 0:05:49.160 --> 0:05:51.640 and I could not stay in something that was unhealthy 0:05:51.720 --> 0:05:53.880 for myself and for the kids, so I had to leave, 0:05:53.960 --> 0:05:58.039 and so on paper, it looks terrible, but I also 0:05:58.120 --> 0:06:00.680 me at a point now where I'm like, yes, I 0:06:00.800 --> 0:06:03.280 just spent the last two minutes defending my past, but 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:05.360 also there's a piece of it where it's like I 0:06:05.400 --> 0:06:08.200 have dropped the shame because I know what the truth 0:06:08.279 --> 0:06:10.479 is in those situations, and people are always going to 0:06:10.480 --> 0:06:14.200 look at someone's past and just see the cliff notes 0:06:14.200 --> 0:06:15.880 of it, but they don't know the story. They don't 0:06:15.920 --> 0:06:20.840 know what actually was, actually what happened, And my heart 0:06:20.839 --> 0:06:23.800 in it was I the bottom lines. We all want love, 0:06:23.960 --> 0:06:26.680 and I just went a long route to find it. 0:06:27.040 --> 0:06:27.240 Right. 0:06:27.560 --> 0:06:29.560 Well, that's the cool thing about this show, I think, 0:06:29.640 --> 0:06:32.599 is taking people's stories and turning them around and using 0:06:32.600 --> 0:06:34.320 it for positive reasons. 0:06:34.400 --> 0:06:36.640 Well and hearing their stories, you know, giving them the 0:06:36.680 --> 0:06:39.359 opportunity instead of just reading the headlines, because that's what 0:06:39.440 --> 0:06:42.000 drives me nuts, and like, you have no idea those 0:06:42.040 --> 0:06:42.720 headlines are. 0:06:42.640 --> 0:06:45.359 Well, don't have anything it's so unfair. I love what 0:06:45.440 --> 0:06:50.160 you said, Janna, because it's so easy to look at 0:06:50.279 --> 0:06:52.479 especially I think people in the public eye and say, 0:06:53.160 --> 0:06:55.880 you know, and almost laugh at it. But these are 0:06:56.200 --> 0:06:58.919 anyone who goes through. We're all human beings, and any 0:06:59.200 --> 0:07:01.000 sort of breakup with ether it's a marriage or a 0:07:01.040 --> 0:07:06.159 boyfriend or a girlfriend, it hurts the same. And to 0:07:07.000 --> 0:07:10.200 see the headlines, it doesn't even get into any of 0:07:10.240 --> 0:07:13.080 the details of what all of the parties were actually feeling. 0:07:13.080 --> 0:07:14.560 So I think that's it's such a good point. And 0:07:14.600 --> 0:07:17.000 I think everybody, if they're honest with themselves, knows what 0:07:17.080 --> 0:07:19.240 it feels like to have a heartbreak or to have 0:07:19.280 --> 0:07:19.960 a break up. 0:07:20.080 --> 0:07:22.440 So when you're in that heartbreak, it's like you don't 0:07:22.440 --> 0:07:25.360 think you're ever gonna feel love again, or you don't 0:07:25.400 --> 0:07:25.840 want to. 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:28.520 My last divorce I was because I'm like, all right, 0:07:28.600 --> 0:07:30.920 now I've been married three times. Who is going to 0:07:30.960 --> 0:07:33.680 love me? I've got two kids. I must be the 0:07:33.680 --> 0:07:36.120 common denominator. I mean, I'm bawling in my bad in mind. 0:07:36.160 --> 0:07:39.280 I'm like, no one's gonna love me. And I'm you know, 0:07:39.320 --> 0:07:41.040 three years later, I'm married and I have a baby, 0:07:41.160 --> 0:07:42.640 like and I have found the love of my life. 0:07:42.680 --> 0:07:45.480 But you truly, like you think that you are, You're 0:07:45.520 --> 0:07:48.080 done for and people are just gonna look at your 0:07:48.080 --> 0:07:50.680 past and be like, you're you're not worthy of love? 0:07:51.440 --> 0:07:52.640 Do you still find it? Jenna? 0:07:52.680 --> 0:07:55.040 And listening to you, do you maybe you're trying to 0:07:55.080 --> 0:07:57.840 break the habit, but you say it looks bad on paper, 0:07:58.320 --> 0:08:00.640 But when folks see it on paper, do you find yourself? 0:08:00.680 --> 0:08:00.920 Okay? 0:08:00.960 --> 0:08:02.760 But let me explain those first two? Do you find 0:08:02.800 --> 0:08:04.080 yourself still trying to? 0:08:04.720 --> 0:08:06.720 I mean, I did it here, you did it here, 0:08:06.800 --> 0:08:07.240 but I. 0:08:07.160 --> 0:08:09.360 Mean for the sake of conversation is one thing. But 0:08:09.400 --> 0:08:13.080 it's it struck me that I wonder, do you still 0:08:13.160 --> 0:08:15.240 feel like you have to explain it? Because in some 0:08:15.280 --> 0:08:17.520 way it's still on paper looks bad. 0:08:18.160 --> 0:08:18.520 You know what? 0:08:18.920 --> 0:08:20.520 The first time I didn't feel like I had to 0:08:20.560 --> 0:08:22.760 explain it was actually to my now husband. He was 0:08:22.840 --> 0:08:25.080 just like, I don't And I always felt like I 0:08:25.120 --> 0:08:27.520 had to with previous relationships, be like, oh, this is 0:08:27.520 --> 0:08:29.320 what happened here, and he was just like he did 0:08:29.360 --> 0:08:31.760 not care. He saw me for me and thought my 0:08:31.840 --> 0:08:36.040 past was strength as opposed to you know, He's like 0:08:37.120 --> 0:08:41.200 you you fought and you you know you you love, 0:08:41.320 --> 0:08:44.120 and I think that's that's a beautiful quality. Like you know, 0:08:44.160 --> 0:08:46.280 people always want to talk about Jay Low. I'm like, listen, 0:08:46.360 --> 0:08:48.760 she loves you know, she's just trying. And it's like 0:08:49.360 --> 0:08:51.080 she said, she even said she had a bad picker. 0:08:51.120 --> 0:08:52.960 But it's like, you know, yes I have too, But 0:08:53.000 --> 0:08:56.600 I was also broken in those pieces too. So I mean, 0:08:56.640 --> 0:08:58.400 to answer your question, I think it's one of those 0:08:58.400 --> 0:09:00.800 things where I don't call those marriages. 0:09:00.840 --> 0:09:01.440 I really don't. 0:09:01.840 --> 0:09:04.440 I say, now, I've been married twice, because those are marriages. 0:09:04.520 --> 0:09:06.880 Those first ones were not marriages. 0:09:07.480 --> 0:09:09.839 Yeah, and Jenny, do you I mean, you've obviously been 0:09:09.840 --> 0:09:12.600 in the public guye since you were young. I told 0:09:12.640 --> 0:09:15.040 you I was fangirling because I grew up with you 0:09:15.160 --> 0:09:18.880 watching alongside. We went to high school together, didn't Yeah 0:09:18.880 --> 0:09:21.520 we did, right, I feel like that. I feel like, yes, 0:09:22.480 --> 0:09:25.480 but to have you were married young, tej and I 0:09:25.520 --> 0:09:27.240 were both married very young. We both got married at 0:09:27.240 --> 0:09:29.640 twenty three. You were in the public guy from the 0:09:29.760 --> 0:09:33.680 very beginning. What were your What was your experience getting 0:09:33.720 --> 0:09:36.480 divorced and being a mom and then finding love again. 0:09:37.000 --> 0:09:39.640 Yeah, I mean I got married at twenty one. My 0:09:39.760 --> 0:09:43.880 situation was I had my father was sick for years 0:09:44.080 --> 0:09:46.720 and he was my hero, and I was looking for 0:09:46.800 --> 0:09:50.000 somebody to keep me safe and protect me from this 0:09:50.120 --> 0:09:54.360 insane world that I was living in, and I needed 0:09:54.360 --> 0:09:56.319 somebody to be a rock for me, and I was 0:09:56.960 --> 0:10:01.240 trying to fill that position. And I made some hasty 0:10:01.280 --> 0:10:04.880 decision on that first marriage, and also doing it so 0:10:05.080 --> 0:10:08.319 young and not having a lot of people around me 0:10:08.480 --> 0:10:14.120 that asked me to really look at that decision. And 0:10:14.240 --> 0:10:16.600 before I knew it, it was happening, and then before 0:10:16.600 --> 0:10:18.560 I knew it, it was over. And before I knew it, 0:10:18.600 --> 0:10:21.760 I was having, you know, onto my next relationships. So 0:10:22.360 --> 0:10:26.679 I feel like that was just too young for me personally. 0:10:28.200 --> 0:10:29.920 But I did learn from it, for sure, And I 0:10:30.000 --> 0:10:34.240 think that's the beauty of Jana, of everybody's journey here, 0:10:34.400 --> 0:10:37.640 is that the lessons we have learned, the things we've 0:10:37.720 --> 0:10:40.240 learned about ourselves that we want in a relationship, the 0:10:40.240 --> 0:10:42.600 things we learned that we don't want in a relationship. 0:10:42.640 --> 0:10:46.600 So we have gotten to get so clear about what 0:10:46.679 --> 0:10:48.960 works for us and what doesn't. And it's that's a 0:10:49.000 --> 0:10:53.400 great position to be in for people to really define 0:10:53.800 --> 0:10:56.400 what they're looking for and what's not acceptable to them. 0:10:57.040 --> 0:10:59.920 And to really focus on that. And I hope that 0:11:00.160 --> 0:11:03.240 in this show that's what people will will learn to 0:11:03.360 --> 0:11:07.000 do while you know, having fun, dating, figuring it all out, 0:11:07.880 --> 0:11:10.920 and also learned to just cut themselves some slack because yeah, Janna, 0:11:11.080 --> 0:11:15.600 we made bad choices, things didn't work out, you know whatever, 0:11:15.760 --> 0:11:18.440 It doesn't really matter, but you're right on paper, it 0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:21.240 can be a little bit like, ooh, that's doesn't look great. 0:11:22.200 --> 0:11:25.440 Yeah, we have been talking about that. There are four 0:11:25.480 --> 0:11:28.360 divorces between the two of us. But Annie, I even 0:11:28.480 --> 0:11:31.600 hate to use the word failure or mistake because I 0:11:31.640 --> 0:11:34.520 got two beautiful girls out of it. Out of my 0:11:34.559 --> 0:11:40.000 first marriage and the second one, all of those missteps 0:11:40.720 --> 0:11:44.480 created I am who I am today because I went 0:11:44.520 --> 0:11:46.160 through that, and I had I not gone through that, 0:11:46.200 --> 0:11:49.120 I wouldn't be where I am now. Tj I mentioned 0:11:49.160 --> 0:11:51.480 you got married at twenty three eighty. 0:11:51.400 --> 0:11:53.640 Three, and Jenny, I was hearing you say twenty one 0:11:53.760 --> 0:11:56.839 and not being ready some of the mistakes. I can 0:11:56.840 --> 0:11:58.680 look back now and say I had to go through this, 0:11:58.720 --> 0:12:01.320 and I needed to learn this in this But how 0:12:01.480 --> 0:12:04.120 is there any way or any of the four of 0:12:04.200 --> 0:12:07.000 us could say to a young person who's in twenty 0:12:07.040 --> 0:12:10.320 twenty one, twenty two, twenty three, anything that's going to 0:12:10.480 --> 0:12:14.280 keep them from making right the mistakes that we already made, 0:12:15.760 --> 0:12:17.720 or do you have to, Jenny, just go through that. 0:12:18.160 --> 0:12:20.600 You've got to learn it yourself. I mean, even now, 0:12:20.679 --> 0:12:24.440 I have adult women as my children who are my 0:12:24.520 --> 0:12:27.760 best friends, and I look at that a lot, and 0:12:27.800 --> 0:12:32.160 I think, Okay, two of them would already be married 0:12:33.000 --> 0:12:34.920 if if I don't know, if things were different if 0:12:34.960 --> 0:12:37.000 they had lived my life. But I look at them 0:12:37.040 --> 0:12:39.440 and I say, they're not living my life. They have 0:12:39.520 --> 0:12:41.520 to make their own choices, they have to learn their 0:12:41.520 --> 0:12:44.400 own mistakes. But and I've been asking myself this question 0:12:44.440 --> 0:12:47.600 a lot. Will I tell them the truth about how 0:12:47.600 --> 0:12:51.959 I really feel? Or will I hold back and let 0:12:51.960 --> 0:12:54.240 them make their mistakes. I don't know the answer to 0:12:54.280 --> 0:12:56.120 that honestly yet, because I haven't. 0:12:55.800 --> 0:12:56.400 Been through it. 0:12:57.160 --> 0:12:59.920 I'm pretty sure I'm on the cusp. And you know, 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:02.920 on the twenty seven, even the twenty one year old, 0:13:02.960 --> 0:13:05.880 they're in relationships, and I don't know what will happen 0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:08.120 with that, but I know it will all work out, 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:10.600 because there's that risk, you know, as a mom, like 0:13:10.679 --> 0:13:14.400 do I tell them what I really think? Or do 0:13:14.480 --> 0:13:17.360 I hold back and let them make their mistakes. 0:13:17.960 --> 0:13:20.680 That's tough for parents been stand by. 0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:23.440 And yeah, because honestly, at the end of the day, 0:13:23.480 --> 0:13:25.840 I don't know, they could be making the absolute best 0:13:25.960 --> 0:13:28.320 right choice. I really don't know. 0:13:38.480 --> 0:13:41.760 It's funny because I had joked with my daughters, and 0:13:41.800 --> 0:13:44.040 I think they've lived a lot of life with me, 0:13:44.400 --> 0:13:47.720 especially in the last two years. They're twenty one and eighteen. 0:13:48.120 --> 0:13:49.920 But I used to joke and say, if you want 0:13:49.920 --> 0:13:51.440 me to pay for your wedding, you have to be 0:13:51.480 --> 0:13:54.680 twenty eight when your adult brain has formed, because if don't, 0:13:54.679 --> 0:13:57.839 they say, at twenty seven, that's when you actually have, 0:13:58.080 --> 0:14:02.280 you know, adult capacity brain waves going through. So I 0:14:02.360 --> 0:14:03.920 joked with them about that. But then I want to 0:14:03.960 --> 0:14:07.600 point out my brother and his wife were middle school 0:14:07.679 --> 0:14:11.040 high school sweethearts, got married at twenty two and they 0:14:11.080 --> 0:14:13.880 have one of the strongest, most beautiful marriages I've ever 0:14:13.920 --> 0:14:17.560 personally seen. And my parents got married at eighteen and 0:14:17.600 --> 0:14:19.360 had me at nineteen and are still together and just 0:14:19.400 --> 0:14:22.520 celebrated their fifty second wedding anniversaries. So a race you 0:14:22.640 --> 0:14:25.080 never know, you know, I don't think I'm not here 0:14:25.120 --> 0:14:27.200 to say, Oh, the mistake was that I got married 0:14:27.200 --> 0:14:30.280 at twenty three. I don't think we know who we are. 0:14:30.320 --> 0:14:32.840 And my mom will say she got lucky that she 0:14:32.920 --> 0:14:37.080 married someone who had similar values, who they had similar backgrounds, 0:14:37.120 --> 0:14:40.440 and it just they grew up together and that can work. 0:14:40.520 --> 0:14:43.960 So I'm not here to say wait until you get older. 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:44.320 Right. 0:14:44.440 --> 0:14:47.160 The timeline of things are is interesting because a lot 0:14:47.160 --> 0:14:49.560 of people now are like, oh, well, here you go again. 0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:52.120 You got engaged and had a baby so quick and 0:14:52.160 --> 0:14:55.280 got married so quickly after you know, meeting, And I'm like, listen, 0:14:55.560 --> 0:14:57.880 when you're in your forties, things move a little quicker too. 0:14:58.080 --> 0:15:02.240 You know it's and you know you know, so it's 0:15:02.280 --> 0:15:04.120 for us. I was like, I don't think there's a timeline. 0:15:04.320 --> 0:15:06.360 I know people that have dated for years and are 0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:08.360 an unhappy marriage. I know people that had dated for 0:15:08.360 --> 0:15:10.760 two months and got married and are in a beautiful relationship. 0:15:10.840 --> 0:15:14.560 So I don't think that tap that timeline. I do 0:15:14.640 --> 0:15:17.000 agree on the age piece of it, because at nineteen, yeah, 0:15:17.040 --> 0:15:20.840 that was stupid to go off to Vegas with someone 0:15:20.880 --> 0:15:23.560 I didn't know. But also I look at it as 0:15:23.600 --> 0:15:26.960 a childhood stamp too, where I didn't feel like I 0:15:27.000 --> 0:15:28.960 could go to my parents to talk to them about that. 0:15:30.240 --> 0:15:33.240 So yeah, I think it's a beautiful thing when I 0:15:33.280 --> 0:15:36.160 see some people may call it foolish or stupid, but 0:15:36.360 --> 0:15:38.600 I tend to be someone who looks at it through 0:15:38.600 --> 0:15:40.880 more of a romantic lens. I think it's a beautiful 0:15:40.880 --> 0:15:43.960 thing that you feel that passionately about somebody that you 0:15:44.000 --> 0:15:47.280 want to commit to them, and there's a real love 0:15:47.360 --> 0:15:51.240 of love in a weird way, and sometimes that creates 0:15:51.680 --> 0:15:54.640 rash decisions and maybe you're not thinking it through the 0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:57.360 way you should. And I point to myself as well, 0:15:57.400 --> 0:16:03.320 because I only had on paper for six months between 0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:07.040 my two marriages, neither of which worked out. So I didn't, 0:16:07.120 --> 0:16:08.840 you know, take a beat. 0:16:08.960 --> 0:16:11.280 Would you get married again? Because that was the question 0:16:11.280 --> 0:16:13.360 that people always ask me, And I'm like yes, I'm like, yes, 0:16:13.440 --> 0:16:16.960 absolutely love. I love the concept and the idea and 0:16:17.080 --> 0:16:19.640 I want That's what I've wanted for so long. 0:16:19.760 --> 0:16:20.720 I just got it wrong. 0:16:21.160 --> 0:16:23.360 Isn't it funny I have said the same thing. I 0:16:23.400 --> 0:16:26.560 have always wanted a life partner. I have always wanted 0:16:26.600 --> 0:16:30.400 to be married. I never wanted that single, care free thing. 0:16:30.440 --> 0:16:33.200 It wasn't something I ever aspired to do, or to 0:16:33.240 --> 0:16:35.400 live alone or any of those things. So I think 0:16:35.440 --> 0:16:39.600 that is why maybe we have been in multiple marriages, 0:16:39.720 --> 0:16:43.960 because there's been this desire to have a partner and 0:16:44.160 --> 0:16:46.320 a desire to make it work. Both of my marriages, 0:16:46.680 --> 0:16:49.080 I mean, technically I think ended up being thirteen years, 0:16:49.120 --> 0:16:52.080 but we left after twelve years. In both of them, 0:16:52.560 --> 0:16:56.120 I tried. That's another not that you don't try if 0:16:56.200 --> 0:17:00.440 you actually I knew much earlier, much much earlier. But 0:17:00.480 --> 0:17:02.840 you stay because you want it to work. You love 0:17:02.880 --> 0:17:07.280 the idea marriage, But yes, I do want to I 0:17:07.320 --> 0:17:09.639 do want to be married, and I do love the 0:17:09.720 --> 0:17:12.440 idea of having a partner and sticking with each other 0:17:12.560 --> 0:17:13.640 through the good days. 0:17:13.400 --> 0:17:15.520 And the bad. TJ you feel the same. 0:17:16.560 --> 0:17:19.520 I was about to say, I'm right here, guys, Okay. 0:17:20.119 --> 0:17:21.800 Let me just make sure this is aligned, because this 0:17:21.880 --> 0:17:23.040 is what we're going to do on the show, right, 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:25.760 We're going to make sure people are are aligned. 0:17:25.840 --> 0:17:26.000 Right. 0:17:26.160 --> 0:17:28.919 We are so perfectly aligned in that regard. And I 0:17:29.000 --> 0:17:31.280 suppose I am. I'm like I talk about it. I 0:17:31.320 --> 0:17:33.960 don't like rom coms and whatnot, but I am such 0:17:34.000 --> 0:17:36.480 a fan of love. There is nothing I love more 0:17:36.520 --> 0:17:40.000 than a wedding. It's just the idea of somebody making 0:17:40.000 --> 0:17:43.000 that commitment and a new beginning and building something together. 0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:44.160 I absolutely love it. 0:17:44.320 --> 0:17:49.399 I love weddings too, even if it's not my wedding. 0:17:49.400 --> 0:17:51.600 I always crack even. 0:17:51.440 --> 0:17:52.520 If it's not my wedding. 0:17:52.960 --> 0:17:54.360 I hope we get to have a wedding here. 0:17:54.520 --> 0:17:55.480 Let's do that, you guys. 0:17:55.600 --> 0:17:58.400 Let's have the and then we have to get That's 0:17:58.440 --> 0:17:58.760 the thing. 0:17:58.920 --> 0:18:01.840 So whoever like they actually get married, we're all going 0:18:01.880 --> 0:18:04.680 to their wedding, are your guys? 0:18:04.720 --> 0:18:07.280 So you have to invite at the last wedding. I'm 0:18:07.280 --> 0:18:09.239 just putting this out there that TJ and I went to. 0:18:09.400 --> 0:18:12.760 TJ gave the blessing. He also can be inefficient, so 0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:15.880 he could step up in a couple roles if we 0:18:16.040 --> 0:18:19.639 have any lucky couples that come out of this podcast. 0:18:19.720 --> 0:18:22.959 I can only marry people in New York and in Madison, Wisconsin. 0:18:23.400 --> 0:18:25.840 I'll explain later why those are the two places. 0:18:26.119 --> 0:18:28.639 Can I throw a question to you guys really fast 0:18:29.560 --> 0:18:34.840 about the timeline to a wedding or or engagement. Is 0:18:34.840 --> 0:18:38.040 there something where's are you guys wanting to wait a 0:18:38.400 --> 0:18:40.960 longer time? Are you wanting to or is it like 0:18:41.000 --> 0:18:43.159 do do you feel like you don't have to answer this? 0:18:43.160 --> 0:18:43.640 If you don't want. 0:18:43.640 --> 0:18:46.280 I'm just kind of curious, like because of you know, 0:18:46.720 --> 0:18:48.560 the divorce on both side. I remember talking to my 0:18:49.240 --> 0:18:52.679 now husband about it, and it's just is there something 0:18:52.680 --> 0:18:54.400 where you're like, all right, we've already have grown kids, 0:18:54.440 --> 0:18:57.120 We're not trying to have more, so we can wait 0:18:57.280 --> 0:19:00.320 or is it do you have to check bock is 0:19:00.320 --> 0:19:02.720 off first? Like what's kind of that journey at the 0:19:02.760 --> 0:19:04.639 stage you guys are at with where your kids are 0:19:04.680 --> 0:19:05.040 at too? 0:19:05.480 --> 0:19:09.120 Yeah, So I just sent my baby off to college, 0:19:09.160 --> 0:19:11.520 so I am now officially an empty nester. Tej has 0:19:11.560 --> 0:19:16.320 an eleven year old who we love, and it's actually 0:19:16.880 --> 0:19:20.120 it's an amazing It actually makes me want to cry 0:19:20.160 --> 0:19:22.160 at how beautiful it all is. Like that is all 0:19:22.680 --> 0:19:26.240