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Speaker 1: Welcome everyone to something that you've never heard before, and

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Speaker 1: maybe never even heard of before, because this is going

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Speaker 1: to be something brand new. It's not just a podcast,

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Speaker 1: it's an interactive social experiment, and we're going to bring

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Speaker 1: all of you into our world. Those of you who

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Speaker 1: are looking for love, who've been burned by love, we

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Speaker 1: know what you're feeling. We've walked down that road. In fact,

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Speaker 1: some of us are still walking down that road. So

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Speaker 1: welcome everyone to the brand new podcast called I Do

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Speaker 1: Part two. I am one of your hosts, one of

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Speaker 1: four hosts, Amy Roeboch, along with my partner, the love

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Speaker 1: of my life, Jay Holmes.

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Speaker 2: After that intro, I didn't feel like the level of

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Speaker 2: your life. It seemed like.

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Speaker 1: I'm still on the road on my journey.

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Speaker 2: There was some journey I didn't think, ooh, we were

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Speaker 2: on one together. Maybe I didn't realize you just picked

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Speaker 2: me up along your journey and then I guess you'll

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Speaker 2: drop me off at the next exit and continue your journey.

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Speaker 1: Perhaps, well, we're on a journey, we're on our dating journey.

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Speaker 1: We'll see where the road takes us.

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Speaker 3: Good Lord, I.

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Speaker 1: Want to introduce our other esteemed hosts who have lived

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Speaker 1: to tell a lot that we'll be sharing with you.

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Speaker 1: The one and only Jenny Garth, who needs no introduction.

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Speaker 1: Hello Jenny, Hi everybody. I am so excited. I'm fangirling.

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Speaker 4: Oh right, this is gonna be so fun. Yeah, this

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Speaker 4: is something that I don't think there's ever been a

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Speaker 4: podcast like this before. We are taking love to the

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Speaker 4: next level, you guys, and we're really excited to be

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Speaker 4: doing this with you.

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Speaker 1: Oh yes, we can't wait to hear everything that you

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Speaker 1: all are feeling. We'll share what we've been going through

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Speaker 1: so you can well you won't feel so alone.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 1: Also, our fourth and you know, certainly not last, Save

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Speaker 1: the best for last, right, Jana Kramer. It also needs

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Speaker 1: no introduction. Actress, singer, podcast host Jana You you've lived

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Speaker 1: a lot of life and you still have a lot

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Speaker 1: more to go.

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Speaker 5: You know, what I've realized is that we all have.

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Speaker 5: And this is what I love about this show is

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Speaker 5: we all have a past. We all want one thing, right,

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Speaker 5: it's love. And so I think with all of us

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Speaker 5: having a podcast and sharing our stories on the podcast

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Speaker 5: that we do, we want to help other people through

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Speaker 5: our stories. And with this podcast, the fact that we

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Speaker 5: get to be interactive. Is why I was like, sign

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Speaker 5: me up.

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Speaker 1: Yes, we're all excited because look, we've all we've all

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Speaker 1: I don't know if it's fair. We've been unlucky in love.

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Speaker 1: We've learned a lot of lessons along the way through

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Speaker 1: some loves, many loves. But this is a chance for

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Speaker 1: all of you who are listening, who've had a rough patch,

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Speaker 1: or who have had troubles in their love life. If

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Speaker 1: it didn't work out the first time, if it didn't

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Speaker 1: work out this second time, the third time, whatever, this

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Speaker 1: is your opportunity to have another shot at love.

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Speaker 2: And Jenna, it's it's what first, second time, third time?

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Speaker 2: What's the charge?

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Speaker 5: Why do we have to keep count? That's the thing, like,

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Speaker 5: I don't why are we keeping up?

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Speaker 6: I'm with you, Janna, It's not necessary. It's so not necessary.

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Speaker 3: Is that always a part of it?

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Speaker 2: Because I know I have felt the shame that a

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Speaker 2: marriage didn't work out in the second marriage, But with Jenna,

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Speaker 2: to you kind of make a really good point. There's

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Speaker 2: too much emphasis been on, well you didn't get it

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Speaker 2: right the first time. Something's wrong with you, not the

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Speaker 2: second time. Oh, something's really wrong right?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I think where my situation because on paper it

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Speaker 5: shows that I've been married four times. And I think

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Speaker 5: that's the piece where for many years I was trying

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Speaker 5: to defend that piece, because when I look at my past,

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Speaker 5: I'm like, I didn't have like when I look ago, Okay,

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Speaker 5: I really was married in my mind once. It was

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Speaker 5: a six year struggle. I'm married now to the absolute

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Speaker 5: love my life. But those first two I mean, I

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Speaker 5: don't get to have that. I don't get to explain it.

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Speaker 5: I did when I wrote my book. But you know,

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Speaker 5: when I was nineteen, I met my abuser, and I

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Speaker 5: don't to me, that wasn't a marriage. No one even

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Speaker 5: knew we got married. I knew him for two weeks.

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Speaker 5: We went to Vegas, said I do so silly, And

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Speaker 5: you know, no one knew we got married until we

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Speaker 5: went to court when he tried to kill me. So

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Speaker 5: he was off to jail for attempted murder. So, oh

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Speaker 5: my god, there's I know, sorry not to like, but

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Speaker 5: there there is a story within all of our dating lives.

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Speaker 5: And so you know, that's the asterisk that when people

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Speaker 5: talk about it, I'm like, it is not fun to

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Speaker 5: see my abuser's name every time they talk about my

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Speaker 5: relationship history. You know, everyone's like, oh, you were married

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Speaker 5: to this person. I'm like, that was my abuser, and

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Speaker 5: that set the stage for my relationships after that. And

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Speaker 5: you know, I married someone for the neck. The second

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Speaker 5: one was a week. I'm like, I don't call those marriages.

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Speaker 5: I knew I was trying so hard, and I was,

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Speaker 5: you know, early twenties, to be chosen and to be loved.

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Speaker 5: And by the time that after three years of him

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Speaker 5: just being like of me, saying love me, love me,

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Speaker 5: love me, love me, love me, he finally said, okay,

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Speaker 5: I love you. And then I realized, wait a minute,

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Speaker 5: I never actually loved him. I just wanted to feel

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Speaker 5: chosen and loved. So I married a man for a week.

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Speaker 5: And when at my wedding, I cried in the bathroom, going, wait,

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Speaker 5: this is not what I wanted, this is this was

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Speaker 5: not it. And I don't want to have a broken family.

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Speaker 5: I don't want to have kids with this man and

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Speaker 5: then be divorced like my parents. And so, you know,

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Speaker 5: did more work and all the healing, and then I

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Speaker 5: married my last ax, who you know, he had multiple

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Speaker 5: multiple affairs for six years, and at that point I'm like, people,

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Speaker 5: I'm like, do people honestly think that I wanted to

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Speaker 5: get divorced. I didn't want to have kids to get divorced,

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Speaker 5: and I could not stay in something that was unhealthy

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Speaker 5: for myself and for the kids, so I had to leave,

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Speaker 5: and so on paper, it looks terrible, but I also

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Speaker 5: me at a point now where I'm like, yes, I

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Speaker 5: just spent the last two minutes defending my past, but

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Speaker 5: also there's a piece of it where it's like I

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Speaker 5: have dropped the shame because I know what the truth

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Speaker 5: is in those situations, and people are always going to

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Speaker 5: look at someone's past and just see the cliff notes

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Speaker 5: of it, but they don't know the story. They don't

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Speaker 5: know what actually was, actually what happened, And my heart

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Speaker 5: in it was I the bottom lines. We all want love,

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Speaker 5: and I just went a long route to find it.

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Speaker 7: Right.

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Speaker 4: Well, that's the cool thing about this show, I think,

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Speaker 4: is taking people's stories and turning them around and using

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Speaker 4: it for positive reasons.

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Speaker 5: Well and hearing their stories, you know, giving them the

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Speaker 5: opportunity instead of just reading the headlines, because that's what

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Speaker 5: drives me nuts, and like, you have no idea those

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Speaker 5: headlines are.

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Speaker 1: Well, don't have anything it's so unfair. I love what

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Speaker 1: you said, Janna, because it's so easy to look at

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Speaker 1: especially I think people in the public eye and say,

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Speaker 1: you know, and almost laugh at it. But these are

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Speaker 1: anyone who goes through. We're all human beings, and any

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Speaker 1: sort of breakup with ether it's a marriage or a

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Speaker 1: boyfriend or a girlfriend, it hurts the same. And to

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Speaker 1: see the headlines, it doesn't even get into any of

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Speaker 1: the details of what all of the parties were actually feeling.

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Speaker 1: So I think that's it's such a good point. And

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Speaker 1: I think everybody, if they're honest with themselves, knows what

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Speaker 1: it feels like to have a heartbreak or to have

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Speaker 1: a break up.

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Speaker 4: So when you're in that heartbreak, it's like you don't

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Speaker 4: think you're ever gonna feel love again, or you don't

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Speaker 4: want to.

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Speaker 5: My last divorce I was because I'm like, all right,

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Speaker 5: now I've been married three times. Who is going to

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Speaker 5: love me? I've got two kids. I must be the

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Speaker 5: common denominator. I mean, I'm bawling in my bad in mind.

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Speaker 5: I'm like, no one's gonna love me. And I'm you know,

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Speaker 5: three years later, I'm married and I have a baby,

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Speaker 5: like and I have found the love of my life.

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Speaker 5: But you truly, like you think that you are, You're

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Speaker 5: done for and people are just gonna look at your

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Speaker 5: past and be like, you're you're not worthy of love?

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Speaker 3: Do you still find it? Jenna?

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Speaker 2: And listening to you, do you maybe you're trying to

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Speaker 2: break the habit, but you say it looks bad on paper,

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Speaker 2: But when folks see it on paper, do you find yourself?

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Speaker 3: Okay?

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Speaker 2: But let me explain those first two? Do you find

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Speaker 2: yourself still trying to?

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Speaker 6: I mean, I did it here, you did it here,

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Speaker 6: but I.

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Speaker 2: Mean for the sake of conversation is one thing. But

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Speaker 2: it's it struck me that I wonder, do you still

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Speaker 2: feel like you have to explain it? Because in some

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Speaker 2: way it's still on paper looks bad.

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Speaker 6: You know what?

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Speaker 5: The first time I didn't feel like I had to

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Speaker 5: explain it was actually to my now husband. He was

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Speaker 5: just like, I don't And I always felt like I

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Speaker 5: had to with previous relationships, be like, oh, this is

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Speaker 5: what happened here, and he was just like he did

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Speaker 5: not care. He saw me for me and thought my

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Speaker 5: past was strength as opposed to you know, He's like

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Speaker 5: you you fought and you you know you you love,

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Speaker 5: and I think that's that's a beautiful quality. Like you know,

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Speaker 5: people always want to talk about Jay Low. I'm like, listen,

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Speaker 5: she loves you know, she's just trying. And it's like

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Speaker 5: she said, she even said she had a bad picker.

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Speaker 5: But it's like, you know, yes I have too, But

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Speaker 5: I was also broken in those pieces too. So I mean,

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Speaker 5: to answer your question, I think it's one of those

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Speaker 5: things where I don't call those marriages.

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Speaker 1: I really don't.

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Speaker 5: I say, now, I've been married twice, because those are marriages.

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Speaker 5: Those first ones were not marriages.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and Jenny, do you I mean, you've obviously been

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Speaker 1: in the public guye since you were young. I told

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Speaker 1: you I was fangirling because I grew up with you

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Speaker 1: watching alongside. We went to high school together, didn't Yeah

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Speaker 1: we did, right, I feel like that. I feel like, yes,

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Speaker 1: but to have you were married young, tej and I

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Speaker 1: were both married very young. We both got married at

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Speaker 1: twenty three. You were in the public guy from the

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Speaker 1: very beginning. What were your What was your experience getting

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Speaker 1: divorced and being a mom and then finding love again.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I got married at twenty one. My

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Speaker 4: situation was I had my father was sick for years

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Speaker 4: and he was my hero, and I was looking for

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Speaker 4: somebody to keep me safe and protect me from this

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Speaker 4: insane world that I was living in, and I needed

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Speaker 4: somebody to be a rock for me, and I was

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Speaker 4: trying to fill that position. And I made some hasty

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Speaker 4: decision on that first marriage, and also doing it so

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Speaker 4: young and not having a lot of people around me

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Speaker 4: that asked me to really look at that decision. And

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Speaker 4: before I knew it, it was happening, and then before

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Speaker 4: I knew it, it was over. And before I knew it,

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Speaker 4: I was having, you know, onto my next relationships. So

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Speaker 4: I feel like that was just too young for me personally.

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Speaker 4: But I did learn from it, for sure, And I

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Speaker 4: think that's the beauty of Jana, of everybody's journey here,

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Speaker 4: is that the lessons we have learned, the things we've

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Speaker 4: learned about ourselves that we want in a relationship, the

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Speaker 4: things we learned that we don't want in a relationship.

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Speaker 4: So we have gotten to get so clear about what

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Speaker 4: works for us and what doesn't. And it's that's a

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Speaker 4: great position to be in for people to really define

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Speaker 4: what they're looking for and what's not acceptable to them.

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Speaker 4: And to really focus on that. And I hope that

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Speaker 4: in this show that's what people will will learn to

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Speaker 4: do while you know, having fun, dating, figuring it all out,

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Speaker 4: and also learned to just cut themselves some slack because yeah, Janna,

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Speaker 4: we made bad choices, things didn't work out, you know whatever,

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Speaker 4: It doesn't really matter, but you're right on paper, it

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Speaker 4: can be a little bit like, ooh, that's doesn't look great.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we have been talking about that. There are four

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Speaker 1: divorces between the two of us. But Annie, I even

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Speaker 1: hate to use the word failure or mistake because I

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Speaker 1: got two beautiful girls out of it. Out of my

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Speaker 1: first marriage and the second one, all of those missteps

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Speaker 1: created I am who I am today because I went

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Speaker 1: through that, and I had I not gone through that,

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't be where I am now. Tj I mentioned

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Speaker 1: you got married at twenty three eighty.

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Speaker 2: Three, and Jenny, I was hearing you say twenty one

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Speaker 2: and not being ready some of the mistakes. I can

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Speaker 2: look back now and say I had to go through this,

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Speaker 2: and I needed to learn this in this But how

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Speaker 2: is there any way or any of the four of

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Speaker 2: us could say to a young person who's in twenty

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Speaker 2: twenty one, twenty two, twenty three, anything that's going to

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Speaker 2: keep them from making right the mistakes that we already made,

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Speaker 2: or do you have to, Jenny, just go through that.

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Speaker 4: You've got to learn it yourself. I mean, even now,

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Speaker 4: I have adult women as my children who are my

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Speaker 4: best friends, and I look at that a lot, and

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Speaker 4: I think, Okay, two of them would already be married

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Speaker 4: if if I don't know, if things were different if

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Speaker 4: they had lived my life. But I look at them

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Speaker 4: and I say, they're not living my life. They have

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Speaker 4: to make their own choices, they have to learn their

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Speaker 4: own mistakes. But and I've been asking myself this question

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Speaker 4: a lot. Will I tell them the truth about how

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Speaker 4: I really feel? Or will I hold back and let

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Speaker 4: them make their mistakes. I don't know the answer to

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Speaker 4: that honestly yet, because I haven't.

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Speaker 1: Been through it.

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Speaker 4: I'm pretty sure I'm on the cusp. And you know,

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Speaker 4: on the twenty seven, even the twenty one year old,

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Speaker 4: they're in relationships, and I don't know what will happen

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Speaker 4: with that, but I know it will all work out,

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Speaker 4: because there's that risk, you know, as a mom, like

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Speaker 4: do I tell them what I really think? Or do

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Speaker 4: I hold back and let them make their mistakes.

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Speaker 3: That's tough for parents been stand by.

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Speaker 4: And yeah, because honestly, at the end of the day,

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Speaker 4: I don't know, they could be making the absolute best

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Speaker 4: right choice. I really don't know.

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Speaker 1: It's funny because I had joked with my daughters, and

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Speaker 1: I think they've lived a lot of life with me,

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Speaker 1: especially in the last two years. They're twenty one and eighteen.

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Speaker 1: But I used to joke and say, if you want

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Speaker 1: me to pay for your wedding, you have to be

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Speaker 1: twenty eight when your adult brain has formed, because if don't,

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Speaker 1: they say, at twenty seven, that's when you actually have,

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Speaker 1: you know, adult capacity brain waves going through. So I

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Speaker 1: joked with them about that. But then I want to

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Speaker 1: point out my brother and his wife were middle school

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Speaker 1: high school sweethearts, got married at twenty two and they

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Speaker 1: have one of the strongest, most beautiful marriages I've ever

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Speaker 1: personally seen. And my parents got married at eighteen and

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Speaker 1: had me at nineteen and are still together and just

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Speaker 1: celebrated their fifty second wedding anniversaries. So a race you

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Speaker 1: never know, you know, I don't think I'm not here

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Speaker 1: to say, Oh, the mistake was that I got married

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Speaker 1: at twenty three. I don't think we know who we are.

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Speaker 1: And my mom will say she got lucky that she

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Speaker 1: married someone who had similar values, who they had similar backgrounds,

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Speaker 1: and it just they grew up together and that can work.

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Speaker 1: So I'm not here to say wait until you get older.

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Speaker 6: Right.

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Speaker 5: The timeline of things are is interesting because a lot

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Speaker 5: of people now are like, oh, well, here you go again.

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Speaker 5: You got engaged and had a baby so quick and

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Speaker 5: got married so quickly after you know, meeting, And I'm like, listen,

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Speaker 5: when you're in your forties, things move a little quicker too.

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Speaker 5: You know it's and you know you know, so it's

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Speaker 5: for us. I was like, I don't think there's a timeline.

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Speaker 5: I know people that have dated for years and are

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Speaker 5: an unhappy marriage. I know people that had dated for

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Speaker 5: two months and got married and are in a beautiful relationship.

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Speaker 5: So I don't think that tap that timeline. I do

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Speaker 5: agree on the age piece of it, because at nineteen, yeah,

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Speaker 5: that was stupid to go off to Vegas with someone

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Speaker 5: I didn't know. But also I look at it as

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Speaker 5: a childhood stamp too, where I didn't feel like I

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Speaker 5: could go to my parents to talk to them about that.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I think it's a beautiful thing when I

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Speaker 1: see some people may call it foolish or stupid, but

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Speaker 1: I tend to be someone who looks at it through

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Speaker 1: more of a romantic lens. I think it's a beautiful

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Speaker 1: thing that you feel that passionately about somebody that you

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Speaker 1: want to commit to them, and there's a real love

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Speaker 1: of love in a weird way, and sometimes that creates

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Speaker 1: rash decisions and maybe you're not thinking it through the

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Speaker 1: way you should. And I point to myself as well,

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Speaker 1: because I only had on paper for six months between

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Speaker 1: my two marriages, neither of which worked out. So I didn't,

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Speaker 1: you know, take a beat.

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Speaker 5: Would you get married again? Because that was the question

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Speaker 5: that people always ask me, And I'm like yes, I'm like, yes,

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Speaker 5: absolutely love. I love the concept and the idea and

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Speaker 5: I want That's what I've wanted for so long.

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Speaker 6: I just got it wrong.

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Speaker 1: Isn't it funny I have said the same thing. I

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Speaker 1: have always wanted a life partner. I have always wanted

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Speaker 1: to be married. I never wanted that single, care free thing.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't something I ever aspired to do, or to

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Speaker 1: live alone or any of those things. So I think

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Speaker 1: that is why maybe we have been in multiple marriages,

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Speaker 1: because there's been this desire to have a partner and

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Speaker 1: a desire to make it work. Both of my marriages,

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Speaker 1: I mean, technically I think ended up being thirteen years,

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Speaker 1: but we left after twelve years. In both of them,

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Speaker 1: I tried. That's another not that you don't try if

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Speaker 1: you actually I knew much earlier, much much earlier. But

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Speaker 1: you stay because you want it to work. You love

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Speaker 1: the idea marriage, But yes, I do want to I

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Speaker 1: do want to be married, and I do love the

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Speaker 1: idea of having a partner and sticking with each other

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Speaker 1: through the good days.

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Speaker 6: And the bad. TJ you feel the same.

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Speaker 3: I was about to say, I'm right here, guys, Okay.

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Speaker 5: Let me just make sure this is aligned, because this

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Speaker 5: is what we're going to do on the show, right,

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Speaker 5: We're going to make sure people are are aligned.

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Speaker 6: Right.

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Speaker 2: We are so perfectly aligned in that regard. And I

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Speaker 2: suppose I am. I'm like I talk about it. I

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Speaker 2: don't like rom coms and whatnot, but I am such

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Speaker 2: a fan of love. There is nothing I love more

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Speaker 2: than a wedding. It's just the idea of somebody making

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Speaker 2: that commitment and a new beginning and building something together.

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Speaker 2: I absolutely love it.

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Speaker 6: I love weddings too, even if it's not my wedding.

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Speaker 6: I always crack even.

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Speaker 3: If it's not my wedding.

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Speaker 4: I hope we get to have a wedding here.

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Speaker 7: Let's do that, you guys.

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Speaker 6: Let's have the and then we have to get That's

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Speaker 6: the thing.

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Speaker 5: So whoever like they actually get married, we're all going

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Speaker 5: to their wedding, are your guys?

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Speaker 1: So you have to invite at the last wedding. I'm

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Speaker 1: just putting this out there that TJ and I went to.

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Speaker 1: TJ gave the blessing. He also can be inefficient, so

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Speaker 1: he could step up in a couple roles if we

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Speaker 1: have any lucky couples that come out of this podcast.

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Speaker 2: I can only marry people in New York and in Madison, Wisconsin.

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Speaker 2: I'll explain later why those are the two places.

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Speaker 5: Can I throw a question to you guys really fast

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Speaker 5: about the timeline to a wedding or or engagement. Is

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Speaker 5: there something where's are you guys wanting to wait a

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Speaker 5: longer time? Are you wanting to or is it like

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Speaker 5: do do you feel like you don't have to answer this?

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Speaker 6: If you don't want.

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Speaker 5: I'm just kind of curious, like because of you know,

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Speaker 5: the divorce on both side. I remember talking to my

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Speaker 5: now husband about it, and it's just is there something

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Speaker 5: where you're like, all right, we've already have grown kids,

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Speaker 5: We're not trying to have more, so we can wait

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Speaker 5: or is it do you have to check bock is

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Speaker 5: off first? Like what's kind of that journey at the

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Speaker 5: stage you guys are at with where your kids are

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Speaker 5: at too?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So I just sent my baby off to college,

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Speaker 1: so I am now officially an empty nester. Tej has

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Speaker 1: an eleven year old who we love, and it's actually

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Speaker 1: it's an amazing It actually makes me want to cry

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Speaker 1: at how beautiful it all is. Like that is all

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Speaker 1: we needed to get all of that in line and

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Speaker 1: everybody on board, and they are. But in terms of

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Speaker 1: there is no urgency in the sense that, yes, I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm fifty one years old. I don't need to rush

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Speaker 1: into anything, and I think I have rushed into everything

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Speaker 1: in my life up until now. But he knows I

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Speaker 1: want to get married, and I know he wants to

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Speaker 1: get married, and we've both said to each other and

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Speaker 1: publicly that we want to live our lives together. So

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Speaker 1: we haven't put a timeline together. And I don't think

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Speaker 1: we you know, we talk about it all the time.

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Speaker 1: I don't think a week goes by where we don't

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Speaker 1: discuss like should we should we?

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Speaker 3: We were talking about it today.

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Speaker 1: We actually we're just talking about it twenty minutes ago.

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Speaker 2: Thirty minutes ago, Jenna, no kidding. We were sitting outside

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Speaker 2: of the studio where we are just having a conversation,

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Speaker 2: and I said, you know what, how would this day

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Speaker 2: be different if we were married?

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Speaker 1: Right? Yeah?

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Speaker 6: And does it change? Does it?

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Speaker 5: You know, like if there's no urgency, then then do

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Speaker 5: you just life partner it?

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Speaker 6: Like Goldie and Kurt.

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Speaker 1: So it's so funny. I talk about Goldie and Kurt

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Speaker 1: all the time because I love the idea of choosing

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Speaker 1: someone every day. However that's scary is to me too

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Speaker 1: at the same time, so there is a safety and

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Speaker 1: there is a comfort, and there is an ease and

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Speaker 1: knowing that person has publicly and legally committed to working

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Speaker 1: it out with you, that they that walking away is

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Speaker 1: something that doesn't seem like such an easy option. And

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Speaker 1: that's always the fear of things get tough, if things

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Speaker 1: get hard, if you know, you can just walk away.

435
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:56,000
Speaker 1: That's a scary thing on one hand, but on the

436
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:58,720
Speaker 1: other hand, it's also a beautiful thing that you continue

437
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:02,120
Speaker 1: to choose each other. So I'm I do I do

438
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,600
Speaker 1: think that there would be I think I would feel

439
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:12,160
Speaker 1: just safer and a little bit more comfortable eventually if

440
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:15,000
Speaker 1: we married. Like that's just me being honest. I even

441
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,159
Speaker 1: hate admitting that, but that's just the truth. But I

442
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:18,680
Speaker 1: don't think it would change who we are.

443
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:23,720
Speaker 5: I think it's a beautiful thing that having that safety is.

444
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:26,800
Speaker 5: That's not a you don't need him, but that feeling

445
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,520
Speaker 5: of safety is with all of it is a beautiful thing.

446
00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:31,800
Speaker 5: It's I don't look at that as a bad thing.

447
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:32,960
Speaker 5: I wouldn't be embarrassed.

448
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,400
Speaker 2: To make sure I'm being clear here, I do want

449
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:40,040
Speaker 2: to marry Robot here. But it's a weird thing too.

450
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:42,359
Speaker 2: There are some points in my life where I wanted

451
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:44,879
Speaker 2: to get married, like I want to get married. Sure,

452
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,680
Speaker 2: this is the first time where I can actually say

453
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:52,400
Speaker 2: I want to marry her. It's it's a little different mentality.

454
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:55,800
Speaker 2: People always I like to get married one day, and no,

455
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:58,760
Speaker 2: I it's it's different for me this time around, where

456
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:00,880
Speaker 2: it's marriage is not suppose to be the It doesn't

457
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:02,560
Speaker 2: feel like it's the next step or what needs to

458
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:04,960
Speaker 2: be done. It's been so long now, and no, I

459
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 2: just want to marry her.

460
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,719
Speaker 5: I feel that so much in my bones. Because I

461
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,320
Speaker 5: cried to my now husband. I was like, I wish

462
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:14,800
Speaker 5: I would have saved that walk just for you. Like

463
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:19,280
Speaker 5: if I am like I it hurts that I I've

464
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:22,720
Speaker 5: done it before because I was just checking that box, like, Okay,

465
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:24,240
Speaker 5: we had the I couldn't cancel the wedding because we

466
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:25,720
Speaker 5: had an Okay Magazine exclusive, you know.

467
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:26,000
Speaker 3: What I mean.

468
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:26,919
Speaker 1: Like I'm like, oh, I no.

469
00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:28,119
Speaker 6: I didn't even want to do it.

470
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:29,760
Speaker 1: You know, I get it, So I get it.

471
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:32,040
Speaker 6: This is just like I can't cancel them.

472
00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:33,800
Speaker 5: I will just divorce them a week later because that

473
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:36,240
Speaker 5: sounds better, you know, Like that's where my twenty something

474
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:39,200
Speaker 5: brain was at, you know, like how ridiculous.

475
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:40,720
Speaker 6: But I'm like, I just want.

476
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:43,560
Speaker 5: To walk to you, like I wish I saved that

477
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:45,640
Speaker 5: for you because I'm like, I want to marry you.

478
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:47,200
Speaker 6: Yeah.

479
00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:50,240
Speaker 1: I think that's so funny because before you know, that's

480
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:53,080
Speaker 1: public pressure, the Okay magazine thing, which I totally get.

481
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:53,879
Speaker 1: I experienced it.

482
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:55,520
Speaker 6: I paid half the wedding. I had to do it,

483
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:57,600
Speaker 6: Like how could cancel people's plans?

484
00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:00,840
Speaker 1: But even you know, when I was twenty three and was,

485
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:04,240
Speaker 1: you know, a budding journalist, the pressure of the invitations

486
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:07,200
Speaker 1: having gone out, the pressure of knowing people were and

487
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:10,679
Speaker 1: me knowing already that I probably didn't want to do this,

488
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:12,720
Speaker 1: but it was too afraid. I told my mom the

489
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:16,280
Speaker 1: night before, I don't know that I love this person,

490
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:19,560
Speaker 1: and yet the pressure once the wedding's on, once the

491
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:23,280
Speaker 1: invitations are sent out, once you know people are expecting

492
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:26,679
Speaker 1: you to get married, to call it off, it was

493
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,040
Speaker 1: just too daunting. And I don't know if any of

494
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,000
Speaker 1: you all experience that, but you know, I think and

495
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,280
Speaker 1: everyone says, oh, it's just pre wedding jitters, but I

496
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:37,080
Speaker 1: think sometimes you know, and you just can't stop the

497
00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:38,439
Speaker 1: train from leaving the station.

498
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:39,960
Speaker 6: Jenny feels this one.

499
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:41,040
Speaker 1: I know.

500
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:42,919
Speaker 4: I just think that that's what's so cool about this

501
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:44,679
Speaker 4: podcast is that we are going to be able to

502
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:49,120
Speaker 4: use our wisdom's our expertise, if you will, just our history,

503
00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:52,880
Speaker 4: the things that we have learned to help other people make,

504
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:57,760
Speaker 4: you know, intentional decisions that they are well thought through

505
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:01,359
Speaker 4: and they can learn from our experience hopefully, because you know,

506
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:04,560
Speaker 4: sometimes people that are close to us, like our moms

507
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:08,320
Speaker 4: or our sisters, or somebody's gonna tell us, you know,

508
00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:10,480
Speaker 4: like I was talking about before not to do it

509
00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:12,480
Speaker 4: or thinking about it, or this isn't going to change.

510
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:15,400
Speaker 4: Bringing these things to their awareness, I think that's super important,

511
00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:19,679
Speaker 4: and I think that I would. I would be so

512
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:22,760
Speaker 4: excited to be a person that gets to have this

513
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:27,159
Speaker 4: experience with all the four of us and actually be

514
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:30,600
Speaker 4: making decisions that I feel really good about.

515
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:32,960
Speaker 5: Well. Also on top of that, too is and I

516
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:34,719
Speaker 5: don't want to speak for everyone, but I've done a

517
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:37,280
Speaker 5: crap ton of therapy. So just like my mom, I

518
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:39,680
Speaker 5: was helping her with her marriage the other day. She's

519
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,080
Speaker 5: on her second and you know, I was telling her,

520
00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:43,560
Speaker 5: my right, Mom, you gotta set up these boundaries. And

521
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:45,359
Speaker 5: she's like, man, that therapy really helped you, didn't it.

522
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,480
Speaker 5: Jan I'm like, well, yeah, Mom, you should should also

523
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:48,560
Speaker 5: give it a try, you.

524
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:52,000
Speaker 7: Know, like, yeah, it helps you can help people in

525
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:54,240
Speaker 7: that Harriet too, I have a question for you guys,

526
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:57,280
Speaker 7: what do you think people do wrong when they're picking

527
00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:00,359
Speaker 7: a partner, like just in general, not us, but like,

528
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:03,399
Speaker 7: what do people do wrong when they're picking a partner.

529
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 1: I think you're basing a decision on a feeling, and

530
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 1: feelings change, and I think you have to have I

531
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 1: think the biggest mistake I can only speak for myself

532
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:17,960
Speaker 1: that I made is not looking for a friend first

533
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:22,320
Speaker 1: and a partner and a lover is obviously an important

534
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 1: part of the equation, but I think you get caught

535
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:28,119
Speaker 1: up and swept up in catching feelings and you don't

536
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:33,520
Speaker 1: see things clearly. You are blinded by love or lust.

537
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:36,919
Speaker 1: Maybe it's not even love, and I think that is

538
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:40,560
Speaker 1: what can steer people in the wrong direction.

539
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 2: I picked wrong, a different type of wrong partner between

540
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:59,440
Speaker 2: twenty and twenty five, a different type of five. It's

541
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:02,080
Speaker 2: sometimes depends on where people are and the older. We

542
00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:04,080
Speaker 2: had this conversation with a friend of ours, a grown

543
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:07,600
Speaker 2: ass woman who's doing her thing, and it was amazing

544
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:12,560
Speaker 2: to hear how she was, how she was not so

545
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:16,920
Speaker 2: sure or confident in her dating life as his grown

546
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:21,000
Speaker 2: powerful woman. But in talking to her and hearing the

547
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:23,560
Speaker 2: type of person and people she was picking, it was like,

548
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,720
Speaker 2: you know better. I think folks know better at a

549
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:29,800
Speaker 2: certain stage in their life, and they make an excuse

550
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:34,440
Speaker 2: for Uh, well, okay, maybe he'll want kids later. Oh okay,

551
00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 2: maybe maybe she'll come around to this or that. I

552
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 2: think we get to a certain point where you just

553
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:41,359
Speaker 2: don't trust those instincts.

554
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:44,560
Speaker 3: But that's thirty five and above.

555
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:48,399
Speaker 2: From Yeah, once you get twenty to thirty, make all

556
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:49,200
Speaker 2: the mistakes you want.

557
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:50,920
Speaker 3: You got some time to recover from them.

558
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,480
Speaker 1: And I think we think we can change people. I

559
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:56,640
Speaker 1: think we like something and we think, oh, I can

560
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:58,879
Speaker 1: I can change Maybe women think this. I don't know

561
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:01,400
Speaker 1: if men think that, but I know that I thought,

562
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:04,119
Speaker 1: well I can, I can change him. I can, And

563
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:06,320
Speaker 1: that is the biggest mistake.

564
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:07,760
Speaker 3: Are you thinking you could do that? Now?

565
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:08,280
Speaker 1: No, I'm not.

566
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,760
Speaker 5: I'm not giving Well here's here's the deal too, though.

567
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,360
Speaker 5: I think it's not even so much about Yes, yes,

568
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:16,640
Speaker 5: I think we think we can change them, but we

569
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:19,800
Speaker 5: we hear what they say, not what they do. So

570
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:23,520
Speaker 5: they're saying I won't do this again. So I think

571
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:25,720
Speaker 5: we're going off of or you know they. I'm not

572
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:27,800
Speaker 5: just saying like he or she, but like the person

573
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:29,800
Speaker 5: that says like, oh the I'm not going to do

574
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:31,520
Speaker 5: this anymore, and then they do it.

575
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,240
Speaker 6: And that's where I love this show.

576
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:35,399
Speaker 5: For the idea of helping people find the red flags

577
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:39,480
Speaker 5: and someone too, because I'm very much now on Okay,

578
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:41,400
Speaker 5: are they saying what are they doing?

579
00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:43,120
Speaker 6: What they say? They walk and matching?

580
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:43,560
Speaker 1: Yeah?

581
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 5: Are they are their words and actions matching? Because if not,

582
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:50,199
Speaker 5: that is the biggest flag for me moving forward in

583
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:51,160
Speaker 5: any relationship.

584
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 4: I think people also have an idea of what they

585
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:58,040
Speaker 4: want for their life and they try to fit it

586
00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:01,120
Speaker 4: in that It's like you're putting an actor in the role,

587
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:04,159
Speaker 4: you know, And I think that sometimes we have to

588
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:08,960
Speaker 4: let go of that concept. And when it also in referencing,

589
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:12,200
Speaker 4: you know, you think you can change people. I think

590
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:15,360
Speaker 4: we all have learned. I feel like most of us

591
00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:18,679
Speaker 4: have learned that we can't change people. I feel like

592
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:22,000
Speaker 4: we need to learn that we don't want to waste

593
00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:25,400
Speaker 4: our time make that decision about like I don't want

594
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:27,879
Speaker 4: to live my life trying to change someone. Because if

595
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:30,120
Speaker 4: that's how they want to live their life, go do it.

596
00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:30,480
Speaker 1: Be you.

597
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:33,120
Speaker 4: But at the same time, you just need to really

598
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:37,040
Speaker 4: define what it is that you want. And I've fallen

599
00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:39,200
Speaker 4: guilty of and I don't think it's a bad thing,

600
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:42,840
Speaker 4: like seeing potential in people and not necessarily wanting to

601
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 4: change them. But knowing TJ what you were just talking about,

602
00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:49,280
Speaker 4: we grow and we change, and our definition of what

603
00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:51,360
Speaker 4: we want and what we need and what is acceptable

604
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:52,560
Speaker 4: changes as we get older.

605
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:57,160
Speaker 6: And it's more than just the idea of them.

606
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:58,680
Speaker 2: And Jenny playing on what Jenna was saying a second

607
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:02,960
Speaker 2: ago about red flags and helping people on this podcast

608
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:04,880
Speaker 2: identify potential red flags.

609
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:05,920
Speaker 3: Do you all go back?

610
00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:09,480
Speaker 2: I mean all of us in our relationships we could

611
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:12,440
Speaker 2: see the red flag now in hindsight, but did we

612
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:15,720
Speaker 2: not want to see it in real time? Jenny? Do

613
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:18,280
Speaker 2: you look back at our relationships? We actually think, man,

614
00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:20,200
Speaker 2: I can see that in real time? Or we did

615
00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:21,000
Speaker 2: see it in real time?

616
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:22,960
Speaker 6: We saw we saw it.

617
00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:25,520
Speaker 5: I mean my ex husband cheated within two weeks of

618
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:28,000
Speaker 5: us dating, and I'm like, it's fine, Oh.

619
00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 6: What's nervous?

620
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:30,960
Speaker 1: It's just nervous.

621
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:34,120
Speaker 4: Oh he was just nervous.

622
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 1: You know, like he was.

623
00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:36,880
Speaker 5: He loved me so much as what he said that

624
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:39,280
Speaker 5: he just didn't know how to control that feeling.

625
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:45,040
Speaker 6: So you know he has I'm just but like we

626
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:46,800
Speaker 6: all see it. We just go again.

627
00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:50,040
Speaker 5: We love to Jenny's point again, why is we love

628
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:52,840
Speaker 5: the idea? I loved the idea of him, you know,

629
00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 5: and so then you hear their words they'll never do

630
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:58,040
Speaker 5: it again. And that's the point again, going back to

631
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:01,080
Speaker 5: making sure, like the flags, that we can help people

632
00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:05,480
Speaker 5: go okay, watch this, you know, because we want help

633
00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:06,240
Speaker 5: to help people.

634
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:09,760
Speaker 4: Do you guys think age and age difference play a

635
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 4: part in a successful pairing because for me, for in

636
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:17,120
Speaker 4: my situation, I'm married to a man that's nine years

637
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:17,640
Speaker 4: younger than me.

638
00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:22,440
Speaker 1: Oh well TJ is four and a half years younger

639
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:22,720
Speaker 1: than me.

640
00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:26,400
Speaker 3: Wow, that half is the half, is what really?

641
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:31,520
Speaker 1: I always say, though I my friends are usually younger

642
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 1: than me. I am fifty one going on thirty. Like

643
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:41,440
Speaker 1: that's just I've always felt and just been a younger person.

644
00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:46,760
Speaker 1: So and I've gone older and it actually the energies

645
00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:51,160
Speaker 1: don't match TJ. I don't know. I think we are

646
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:53,240
Speaker 1: both really young at heart, and I think it does

647
00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:56,120
Speaker 1: the age for me, the number you have, I don't

648
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:59,040
Speaker 1: think it matters. I think it's more if you enjoy

649
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:01,080
Speaker 1: doing the same thing, if you have the same level

650
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:05,560
Speaker 1: of energy about certain activities, like we just loved doing

651
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:08,960
Speaker 1: things together and love to laugh, and so I don't

652
00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:10,440
Speaker 1: I don't know, would you have been if I had

653
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:12,160
Speaker 1: been older or young, like, would that.

654
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:13,840
Speaker 3: Have mattered to you older than you are now?

655
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:14,240
Speaker 5: Yes?

656
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:16,560
Speaker 1: Yes, exactly.

657
00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:18,680
Speaker 4: On the spot.

658
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:22,160
Speaker 2: I know I never thought about your age. For the

659
00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:25,560
Speaker 2: eight years that we were good friends and best friends,

660
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 2: it was never an issue. We just were great friends,

661
00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:30,760
Speaker 2: so it was never a matter. I never thought. I

662
00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:33,160
Speaker 2: never had a chance to go, Okay, she's at age,

663
00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 2: and is that is that okay with me? I never

664
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:37,720
Speaker 2: got a chance to do that. So this is a

665
00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:39,080
Speaker 2: non issue for us now.

666
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:41,080
Speaker 1: But you know what bothered me at first? I kept

667
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:42,920
Speaker 1: saying to you. I was like, does it bother you

668
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:44,960
Speaker 1: that I'm older than you? Like, I've never been.

669
00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:46,640
Speaker 4: The older one in the relationship.

670
00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:49,400
Speaker 1: I just I was like, what about when my number

671
00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:51,480
Speaker 1: has a six in years, isn't a five?

672
00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:51,640
Speaker 3: Like?

673
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:53,760
Speaker 1: I don't know, Like, does that is that mentally an

674
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 1: issue for men?

675
00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:56,560
Speaker 3: That geriatric bridge?

676
00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:01,320
Speaker 1: I don't like that I'm in my fifties and you're

677
00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:04,160
Speaker 1: in your forties. That does bother me. I don't love it.

678
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:07,280
Speaker 2: It's not it's not a it's I'm sure you all experience.

679
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:09,280
Speaker 2: You have to have someone with the same energy, you

680
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:12,600
Speaker 2: have to have someone with the same interest, but you

681
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:14,840
Speaker 2: can also be the exact same age, and somebody be

682
00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 2: severely emotionally immature compared to the other. You can be

683
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:21,920
Speaker 2: wildly no matter what the age is. That could be

684
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:24,480
Speaker 2: a huge difference. That's the big gap I usually see

685
00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:27,520
Speaker 2: more often than anything, certainly in our jobs, our professions.

686
00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:30,920
Speaker 2: Sometimes people aren't on the same level career wise. It

687
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:32,640
Speaker 2: doesn't even have to be financial, but at least in

688
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:35,000
Speaker 2: terms of ambition, at least in terms of what they're

689
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:37,920
Speaker 2: doing in a career. Those things are factor into the

690
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:38,960
Speaker 2: age as well as I see.

691
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:41,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, Jenny, what about for you, because you said you

692
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:44,760
Speaker 5: had that eight year gap, nine year, nine.

693
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:50,720
Speaker 1: Years, because it's very important.

694
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:56,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that people, You're right, age is just

695
00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:58,840
Speaker 4: a number. It's about your spirit and how you feel,

696
00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 4: and how you guys align and how you get along

697
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:03,520
Speaker 4: and what you enjoy and do together. Those are all

698
00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:06,280
Speaker 4: more important than the number. But I do feel like

699
00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 4: as I age and as he ages, we're both going

700
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 4: through different things in our lives. We're in different developmental phases,

701
00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:18,160
Speaker 4: we're in different we have different needs, and it's about

702
00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:21,040
Speaker 4: finding if you're able to find a common ground with

703
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:23,840
Speaker 4: that person. Because it's very easy to be like, oh,

704
00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:26,239
Speaker 4: we're in different places in our life, and you know,

705
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:28,600
Speaker 4: I've I have lived all of that up and down

706
00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:32,000
Speaker 4: all around, and I don't want to have to like

707
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:35,720
Speaker 4: guide him or teach him every step of the way.

708
00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:40,040
Speaker 4: I want him to develop on his own. But at

709
00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:42,480
Speaker 4: the same time, I know how much people change in

710
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:46,720
Speaker 4: their forties to their fifties, and I hold on to

711
00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:51,040
Speaker 4: like I look forward to watching that growth for him.

712
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:55,040
Speaker 4: I enjoy seeing him evolve. And for me, it's a

713
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:58,600
Speaker 4: matter of, like you said, Amy, like wait, when I'm

714
00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:00,400
Speaker 4: I do this in my head a lite, like when

715
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:06,040
Speaker 4: I'm sixty two, you're gonna be fifty three, And you know,

716
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 4: like I do the math a lot, which is weird

717
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:11,839
Speaker 4: for me because I hate math, but I it does

718
00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:15,319
Speaker 4: creep into the back of my mind sometimes, and I

719
00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:19,080
Speaker 4: absolutely do notice differences in where we are in our lives,

720
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:23,120
Speaker 4: and then I have to do that thing where you're like, hmm, okay,

721
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:26,479
Speaker 4: you do that eighty twenty thing where eighty I gotta

722
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 4: find eighty percent that I love and then there's going

723
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:30,480
Speaker 4: to be that twenty percent that I have to ask

724
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:35,759
Speaker 4: myself is this acceptable? Is can I survive with these differences?

725
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,319
Speaker 4: And I think that that's important for people to ask

726
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:42,840
Speaker 4: themselves those questions going in because it does become part

727
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:46,040
Speaker 4: of the reality of a relationship.

728
00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:49,279
Speaker 5: Yeah, to your point, what I'm I think now this

729
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:52,000
Speaker 5: day and age of eight of dating. You know, when

730
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:54,320
Speaker 5: I was single, mom in it the last few years

731
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:56,319
Speaker 5: and I'm on the apps and swiping, I'm like, oh,

732
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:58,880
Speaker 5: there's a model after a model. I'm like, all these

733
00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 5: looks very green on the single side of things, but

734
00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:06,960
Speaker 5: it is once you get into those relationships, it's everyone

735
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:10,200
Speaker 5: has their past, everyone has their stuff. So it's sometimes

736
00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:12,600
Speaker 5: I think people are like, I've got a few friends,

737
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:14,279
Speaker 5: my call it must be so, you know, great to

738
00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:17,400
Speaker 5: be single and dating. I'm like, it sucks, like you know,

739
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:20,480
Speaker 5: I'm like, being single is tough. Being in a relationship

740
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:23,360
Speaker 5: is tough. Everyone has their stuff, so it's like, you know,

741
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:26,840
Speaker 5: I think it's also pointing that out where it's not

742
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:29,960
Speaker 5: always greener. Sometimes you need to put in the work too.

743
00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:33,480
Speaker 1: Jenny, you said the eighty twenty rule. I was not

744
00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:35,719
Speaker 1: familiar with that. Is that a thing.

745
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:39,279
Speaker 4: It's something that I've learned in some of the work

746
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 4: that I've done over the years. Yeah, that's something that

747
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:48,480
Speaker 4: I think is a realistic thing to consider. Because we're

748
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:52,600
Speaker 4: we're all our own people. And I also have this

749
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:57,240
Speaker 4: concept of there's there are two circles in every equation

750
00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:59,520
Speaker 4: of a relationship. There are two circles. There's one person

751
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:02,200
Speaker 4: and then person, and they are two complete in whole circles.

752
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:04,840
Speaker 4: And in the middle of those two circles is a square,

753
00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 4: and that is the relationship. That's where the relationship lives

754
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:12,000
Speaker 4: and breathes. And the two circles have to put equal

755
00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:15,480
Speaker 4: amounts into that square to make that square contain its

756
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:19,080
Speaker 4: shape and remain whole. And while doing that, those other

757
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:23,080
Speaker 4: two circles continue to be independent of the square. And

758
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:27,120
Speaker 4: I think that there's so many different ways of learning.

759
00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:27,160
Speaker 1: Like.

760
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:31,120
Speaker 4: How to hope and how to try and how to

761
00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:33,360
Speaker 4: work for a successful relationship, there are a lot of

762
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:36,360
Speaker 4: different formulas eighty twenty circle, square circle, Like I have

763
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:38,839
Speaker 4: a lot of different concepts, but I've learned that all

764
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:42,880
Speaker 4: through therapy and through work, and just like wanting so

765
00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:48,040
Speaker 4: desperately to be successful in a relationship like love is

766
00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:50,160
Speaker 4: very important for me. I do want to grow old

767
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:53,560
Speaker 4: with someone and I feel like it takes work. It's

768
00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:56,239
Speaker 4: not for me, it's not just a magical you wear

769
00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:58,440
Speaker 4: a ring and I wear a ring and we're forever together. Like,

770
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:01,640
Speaker 4: I want our relationship to be fulfilling, so I'm willing

771
00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:03,440
Speaker 4: to put in that work and fill up that square

772
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:05,960
Speaker 4: even when I don't want to, you know.

773
00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:17,520
Speaker 5: Do you guys think it's a deal breaker if someone

774
00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:19,880
Speaker 5: doesn't want to go to therapy, because I have very

775
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:23,760
Speaker 5: strong opinions about therapy. I mean, It's changed me, my life,

776
00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:27,120
Speaker 5: my relationships. So I would really struggle if my partner

777
00:37:27,719 --> 00:37:30,200
Speaker 5: said that he wouldn't do therapy. Whether it's I'm not

778
00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:32,840
Speaker 5: saying together, I'm but you know, even just for his

779
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:35,839
Speaker 5: own self right discovery and going and just talking to someone,

780
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:38,640
Speaker 5: whether it's once a month or every other month or whatever.

781
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:42,280
Speaker 4: I think that's individual because like I think that's individual

782
00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:44,880
Speaker 4: because everybody's different on that front, you know, and some

783
00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:47,600
Speaker 4: people don't they don't believe in it, they don't need it,

784
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:50,759
Speaker 4: they're doing fine, whatever, Like I'm always like you do you.

785
00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:54,879
Speaker 4: But for me, personally, I love to grow, and I say,

786
00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:57,480
Speaker 4: if I'm not growing, I'm slow and I want to

787
00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,719
Speaker 4: keep growing until the last breath of my life. And

788
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:03,640
Speaker 4: for me, it's important to have a partner that recognizes

789
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:06,560
Speaker 4: that in me and loves that about me and also

790
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:09,520
Speaker 4: says that's inspiring, and I kind of want to be

791
00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:11,799
Speaker 4: I want to do that too, because I see the

792
00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:15,480
Speaker 4: fruits of your labor. I see how I mean, how

793
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:18,240
Speaker 4: much I've changed from the beginning of even this relationship

794
00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 4: to where we are today. There's so much. There's a

795
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:25,240
Speaker 4: lot of change and a lot of growth that happens,

796
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:27,359
Speaker 4: and I feel like having a partner that wants to

797
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:33,480
Speaker 4: grow personally and together is really important, whether it's therapy

798
00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:34,400
Speaker 4: or whether it's whatever.

799
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:36,279
Speaker 3: What Jenna, were you saying, You.

800
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 2: Like, a problem doesn't necessarily have to present itself in

801
00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:43,480
Speaker 2: the relationship. It's just something you recommend and you would

802
00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:46,040
Speaker 2: like for your partner to do as a regular checkup.

803
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:50,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, I think it's listen because I think

804
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:52,839
Speaker 5: we all have stuff. It's you know, they say a

805
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:58,640
Speaker 5: lot in those places like don't wait until something happens

806
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:03,280
Speaker 5: to go should always kind of be refining and growing,

807
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:07,120
Speaker 5: and you know, I think I definitely was like, it's

808
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:09,279
Speaker 5: not it's not a deal breaker, but if something was

809
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:12,040
Speaker 5: to come up and it was his decision because he's

810
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:15,279
Speaker 5: dealing with, you know, being away from his son and challenges,

811
00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:18,280
Speaker 5: it's good to talk to someone, and so I strongly

812
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:20,960
Speaker 5: encouraged it. But if someone was straight up like, no,

813
00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:24,439
Speaker 5: I won't go ever, that would be like, oh man,

814
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:26,640
Speaker 5: that's that to me shows that they don't even want

815
00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:27,120
Speaker 5: to try.

816
00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:30,840
Speaker 4: Are you talking about like personal therapy versus couples therapy.

817
00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:33,440
Speaker 5: I think it's a little bit about like if we

818
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:37,719
Speaker 5: have when we get into trouble or maybe some communication issues,

819
00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:40,120
Speaker 5: you know, there might be a time where I'm like, hey,

820
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:42,320
Speaker 5: can we walk can we talk this out with a therapist?

821
00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:44,720
Speaker 5: And if my partner was to say no, that would

822
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:48,719
Speaker 5: that would really that would really make me go, wait

823
00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:51,799
Speaker 5: a minute, like this isn't this Why wouldn't you want

824
00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:54,160
Speaker 5: someone to help us walk through something that we can't

825
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:55,080
Speaker 5: walk through together?

826
00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:55,480
Speaker 1: Yeah?

827
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:58,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, Jenny, Jenna, Is there something both of you all

828
00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:00,960
Speaker 2: have done or continue to do couples therapy?

829
00:40:01,239 --> 00:40:04,399
Speaker 5: No, we've never done couples therapy, but I mean he's done,

830
00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:07,440
Speaker 5: He's started his own journey because he's had things that

831
00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:09,880
Speaker 5: he wanted to personally work on, and that's it was

832
00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:12,200
Speaker 5: his you know, I mentioned like, hey, maybe you should

833
00:40:12,239 --> 00:40:15,080
Speaker 5: talk to someone, and you know the fact that he

834
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:17,920
Speaker 5: was open to it made me, you know, love him

835
00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:20,080
Speaker 5: even more the fact that he was willing to go

836
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:22,279
Speaker 5: talk to someone. But I would never force someone. But

837
00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:25,920
Speaker 5: if that person gave a I don't like therapy, I

838
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:28,279
Speaker 5: would never go. That would kind of make me go, eh,

839
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:29,360
Speaker 5: I don't know if I like that.

840
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:31,480
Speaker 3: What about you, Jenny.

841
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:34,640
Speaker 4: I've been in that position where I didn't even at

842
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:38,200
Speaker 4: that time my development, know how beneficial therapy could be

843
00:40:38,239 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 4: for me personally. So I wasn't like pushing for us

844
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:45,839
Speaker 4: to go to therapy or or anything like that. But

845
00:40:46,760 --> 00:40:49,440
Speaker 4: when someone shows that they are too afraid to grow,

846
00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:53,600
Speaker 4: and they're too afraid, afraid to look inside and find

847
00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:56,200
Speaker 4: the answers within, that for me is a red flag

848
00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:59,480
Speaker 4: because I don't want to be blamed for their problems,

849
00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:01,120
Speaker 4: you know, I don't want to be the reason that

850
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:03,840
Speaker 4: they're not happy. I want them to make themselves happy

851
00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:06,759
Speaker 4: and for us to both be happy moving forward individually.

852
00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:08,120
Speaker 4: And that's really important to me.

853
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:10,400
Speaker 5: TJ as a guy, though, what are your thoughts? I

854
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:12,400
Speaker 5: feel I feel you bowing up a little bit. What

855
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:13,960
Speaker 5: are we feeling about therapy over there?

856
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:15,680
Speaker 3: No quin I grew up.

857
00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:18,920
Speaker 2: I never knew people went to therapy until maybe I

858
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:20,000
Speaker 2: was in my late thirties.

859
00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:21,359
Speaker 3: I grew up.

860
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:24,319
Speaker 2: I'm a black man in the South. We don't then

861
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:26,640
Speaker 2: know talk about. There's just some things that did not

862
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:29,480
Speaker 2: get discussed and never heard about. And you just my

863
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:32,800
Speaker 2: granddad had a third grade education and he raised seven

864
00:41:32,880 --> 00:41:35,240
Speaker 2: kids on his own and all of them got college degree.

865
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:37,480
Speaker 2: So what the hell I got to complain about. It's

866
00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:38,200
Speaker 2: that kind of thing.

867
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:39,640
Speaker 3: This is why I grew up around.

868
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:44,919
Speaker 2: So it wasn't until recent years I was the height

869
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:47,399
Speaker 2: of my professional success, but it was the lowest I'd

870
00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:49,239
Speaker 2: ever been in my personal life. And I finally just

871
00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:52,319
Speaker 2: hit a wall and somebody who wasn't even that close

872
00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:55,640
Speaker 2: to me recognized identified. It immediately got me into therapy

873
00:41:55,680 --> 00:42:01,319
Speaker 2: and it it. It's true that they say it's like dating, right,

874
00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:03,319
Speaker 2: you got to go around to therapist, the therapists and

875
00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:03,799
Speaker 2: fuying one that.

876
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:04,520
Speaker 3: Work for you.

877
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:06,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I had to do that little that got

878
00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:10,720
Speaker 2: exhausting for a little while. But yeah, it has been helpful.

879
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:13,040
Speaker 2: It's not something I keep up, but it was helpful

880
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:17,280
Speaker 2: for some of the darkest periods of my life. So absolutely,

881
00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:20,000
Speaker 2: I haven't done couples therapy with Robot yet. We've talked

882
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:23,000
Speaker 2: about doing so. We don't know why. We just want

883
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:25,759
Speaker 2: to go what's like me?

884
00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:27,520
Speaker 5: But there's something to it though, because so I think

885
00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:30,799
Speaker 5: there's I think there's a little bit I think too much.

886
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:32,400
Speaker 5: So I think I had too much therapy with my

887
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:35,560
Speaker 5: last husband because we talked so much that I think

888
00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:38,719
Speaker 5: it caused some more issues too.

889
00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:39,399
Speaker 6: So there's a.

890
00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:41,279
Speaker 5: Piece of that where I thought it was a where

891
00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:44,480
Speaker 5: I almost am like, now we're fighting more going to therapy.

892
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:48,520
Speaker 5: But I do think there's something where it is helpful

893
00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:52,360
Speaker 5: when you know we might have different communication styles where

894
00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:55,399
Speaker 5: it can be helpful for someone to go, Okay, let

895
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:59,040
Speaker 5: me help you walk through this piece and or let's

896
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:01,520
Speaker 5: just get some tools. Because that's the thing too where

897
00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:03,400
Speaker 5: you know, my my therapist even said to me the

898
00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:05,839
Speaker 5: other week, she's like, you know, she's like, I'm not

899
00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:08,040
Speaker 5: breaking up with you. She's like, but you're not in

900
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:10,440
Speaker 5: crisis anymore. You're You're good. She's like, you don't have

901
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:12,319
Speaker 5: to come as often as you want. I'm like, no,

902
00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:14,520
Speaker 5: I love coming, like I want to keep like growing

903
00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:16,640
Speaker 5: and learning. And you know, she's like, but you don't

904
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:18,480
Speaker 5: need to come every you know, two weeks. She's like,

905
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:19,680
Speaker 5: let's space it out some more.

906
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:22,120
Speaker 4: No, bless her. I love this therapist for you.

907
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:24,759
Speaker 5: But you know, when it comes to like you know,

908
00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:27,760
Speaker 5: my husband and stuff, I've I've taken a few tools

909
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:31,120
Speaker 5: that we've which i'd love to tell you know, someone

910
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:33,319
Speaker 5: when they when they we help someone on the show

911
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:36,000
Speaker 5: and they find a partner. But there was a check

912
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:39,560
Speaker 5: in that I stole from therapy from my last couple

913
00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:41,880
Speaker 5: sessions with my ex. And it was this check in

914
00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:45,319
Speaker 5: that we did, and I just I sprinkled it in

915
00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:47,880
Speaker 5: the other night with my husband and it's like, hey,

916
00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:49,640
Speaker 5: do you mind if we do this check in just

917
00:43:49,680 --> 00:43:51,960
Speaker 5: to you know, kind of feel it out, and he

918
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:54,120
Speaker 5: was like, wow, that was really helpful. So just having

919
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:58,120
Speaker 5: tools to have that healthy relationship and communication I think

920
00:43:58,239 --> 00:44:00,720
Speaker 5: is great and things that we can bring to people

921
00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:02,799
Speaker 5: too that you know, come on the show and help

922
00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:04,839
Speaker 5: them find love with Ah.

923
00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:07,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean. And I was very much like TJ

924
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:10,560
Speaker 1: where I grew up in a family where I didn't

925
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:13,040
Speaker 1: know anyone who went to therapy. Nobody went to therapy.

926
00:44:13,080 --> 00:44:17,719
Speaker 1: We went to church, and it was also just buck up,

927
00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:21,160
Speaker 1: suck it up, you know, stop complaining and thinking about

928
00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:23,960
Speaker 1: yourself and what you need is selfish you need to give.

929
00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:24,239
Speaker 3: It to God.

930
00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:26,520
Speaker 1: And so that's just kind of how I was raised.

931
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:31,800
Speaker 1: But I first went into therapy right after I knew

932
00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:34,840
Speaker 1: my first marriage was not something I wanted to be

933
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:36,640
Speaker 1: in and I didn't have the tools and how to

934
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 1: communicate what I wanted or needed for myself, how to

935
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:42,520
Speaker 1: send boundaries I had. I learned a lot about myself

936
00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:47,840
Speaker 1: and I've been in I've been in therapy. I'm not

937
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:50,840
Speaker 1: in it right now, but I spent a year of

938
00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:55,040
Speaker 1: this past two years weekly sessions just working on myself,

939
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:58,319
Speaker 1: figuring out why I made the decisions I made and

940
00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:01,279
Speaker 1: why I couldn't make the decisions needed to have made.

941
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:04,400
Speaker 1: So those I think it's I'm a huge fan of it.

942
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:06,440
Speaker 1: I do think there could be too much of it,

943
00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:09,960
Speaker 1: and so you know, there's a way to strike a

944
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:12,040
Speaker 1: healthy balance. But yes, TJ and I have even talked

945
00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:14,560
Speaker 1: about do we need to we have communication issues. I

946
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:16,920
Speaker 1: don't know a couple who doesn't, and I think a

947
00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:20,080
Speaker 1: lot of times it's just about misunderstanding intent and the

948
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:22,720
Speaker 1: ego gets involved, and it's just a way to learn

949
00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:24,879
Speaker 1: how to trust your partner, I think in a lot

950
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:26,400
Speaker 1: of ways, or how to talk to your partner in

951
00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:29,600
Speaker 1: a way that they can understand, like you understand, right,

952
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:33,560
Speaker 1: but getting your significant other to understand sometimes I make

953
00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:35,839
Speaker 1: it worse when I try to explain. Sometimes when I'm

954
00:45:35,880 --> 00:45:37,960
Speaker 1: trying to explain how I feel, now, we just got

955
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:39,319
Speaker 1: into a worse fight.

956
00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:41,440
Speaker 5: Well, this is why I always say to my husband

957
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:44,120
Speaker 5: when we're we're talking and walking through something, I'm like,

958
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:47,520
Speaker 5: before you respond, what did you hear me say? Because

959
00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:49,680
Speaker 5: I need to see if you can if you actually

960
00:45:49,719 --> 00:45:52,919
Speaker 5: heard what I said. So you're almost affirming what you heard.

961
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:54,160
Speaker 5: So I'm like, what did you know? I'm like, I'm like,

962
00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:56,480
Speaker 5: don't even don't debate it, don't come back at me.

963
00:45:56,800 --> 00:45:57,880
Speaker 6: What did you hear?

964
00:45:58,320 --> 00:46:00,799
Speaker 5: And then he's like, I hear that you feel overwhelmed

965
00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:03,319
Speaker 5: and you know, stressed. And I'm like, okay, so once

966
00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:06,680
Speaker 5: you feel heard, then the the energy of the room

967
00:46:06,719 --> 00:46:07,680
Speaker 5: starts to calm down.

968
00:46:07,719 --> 00:46:10,280
Speaker 4: That good, that's good advice. I love that, Jenna.

969
00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:11,920
Speaker 6: It's been very helpful.

970
00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:14,560
Speaker 1: I think that's amazing. But if we did that, we

971
00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:16,520
Speaker 1: would not hear at all with the other person.

972
00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:21,520
Speaker 2: But Jenna, you ask your husband like, what did you

973
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:25,440
Speaker 2: hear me say? I have to ask Robot, sweetheart, do

974
00:46:25,560 --> 00:46:27,080
Speaker 2: you know what you just said?

975
00:46:29,239 --> 00:46:35,040
Speaker 1: He is a literal you know, what I meant. No,

976
00:46:35,120 --> 00:46:37,240
Speaker 1: I don't know what you meant. I know what you said,

977
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:40,080
Speaker 1: and I you know, I think I don't want to

978
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:43,600
Speaker 1: put all women in this category. But I mix and

979
00:46:43,640 --> 00:46:46,719
Speaker 1: blend the emotion with logic, and sometimes the emotion is

980
00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:51,400
Speaker 1: it overwhelms the logic and so when I communicate it,

981
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:53,400
Speaker 1: it doesn't come out in the way he can hear it.

982
00:46:53,680 --> 00:46:55,839
Speaker 4: And I think that men are more linear. Yeah, they

983
00:46:55,840 --> 00:46:57,640
Speaker 4: want they're more they want to.

984
00:46:57,640 --> 00:47:00,480
Speaker 1: Hear Mine is like, well, you know what I saying.

985
00:47:00,480 --> 00:47:02,960
Speaker 1: He's like, I don't, and so that's frustrating to me.

986
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:05,120
Speaker 1: I'm like, but on an emotional level, you know, we're

987
00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:06,360
Speaker 1: on company. No, I do not.

988
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:09,640
Speaker 5: That's so that's where the check in will be really

989
00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:11,680
Speaker 5: good for you guys too. And and for that I

990
00:47:11,719 --> 00:47:14,400
Speaker 5: do to listeners, because those that can't do or teach,

991
00:47:14,480 --> 00:47:17,480
Speaker 5: you know, those that can't teach, this is what we're

992
00:47:17,480 --> 00:47:21,000
Speaker 5: going to be yes, and we'll be taking that. And

993
00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:22,680
Speaker 5: when I do the check in, I think you guys

994
00:47:22,719 --> 00:47:24,640
Speaker 5: will really when we talk about that one, you guys

995
00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:25,480
Speaker 5: really like that one.

996
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:26,439
Speaker 6: It's really good.

997
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:29,839
Speaker 1: I'm excited about all the people who we can potentially help.

998
00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:31,560
Speaker 1: I know that we just want to let everyone know

999
00:47:31,560 --> 00:47:33,879
Speaker 1: who's listening. It's going to be happening over the next

1000
00:47:33,920 --> 00:47:36,719
Speaker 1: couple of weeks. We're going to introduce you to our

1001
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:40,000
Speaker 1: panel of celebrity experts, and then we're going to ask

1002
00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:42,680
Speaker 1: that you all check in with us. We want to

1003
00:47:42,719 --> 00:47:45,440
Speaker 1: hear from you. We want to hear your stories. We

1004
00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:47,760
Speaker 1: want to hear where you are in your love life

1005
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:51,040
Speaker 1: and what you need, what you want, what you're looking for,

1006
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:55,000
Speaker 1: and we want you to let us help you. And

1007
00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:57,720
Speaker 1: you know, I I We've lived a lot of life,

1008
00:47:57,800 --> 00:48:01,239
Speaker 1: We've traveled a lot of roads, and we are on

1009
00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:03,400
Speaker 1: the same road together. Just just to be clear, Just

1010
00:48:03,440 --> 00:48:03,680
Speaker 1: to be.

1011
00:48:03,640 --> 00:48:09,040
Speaker 6: Clear, what did you just hear? TJ? What she just said?

1012
00:48:09,080 --> 00:48:13,319
Speaker 6: What did you just hear? I need you to repeat that.

1013
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:13,720
Speaker 3: One.

1014
00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:16,640
Speaker 2: Do you all have the same communications issues? This sound

1015
00:48:16,640 --> 00:48:17,319
Speaker 2: familiar to you?

1016
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:17,560
Speaker 3: Two?

1017
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:22,239
Speaker 4: Oh yes, yes. Women are so different in how they

1018
00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:26,520
Speaker 4: hear and process and feel. We have to really acknowledge

1019
00:48:26,560 --> 00:48:28,800
Speaker 4: that sometimes, and remember we're all different.

1020
00:48:28,840 --> 00:48:31,840
Speaker 5: We're so different exactly. So if you guys are looking

1021
00:48:31,880 --> 00:48:36,160
Speaker 5: for love, call us one eight four four four. I

1022
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:39,879
Speaker 5: do pod guys, this is going to be so much fun.

1023
00:48:40,440 --> 00:48:43,560
Speaker 5: I know, I love love. I love helping find people

1024
00:48:43,600 --> 00:48:45,759
Speaker 5: find like guys I set up. I'm trying to set

1025
00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:47,480
Speaker 5: up my ex husband right now. I've set up other

1026
00:48:47,560 --> 00:48:49,120
Speaker 5: you know, Like I'm always like, oh, I dated this guy,

1027
00:48:49,160 --> 00:48:49,960
Speaker 5: do you want to date him?

1028
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:50,799
Speaker 6: Like he's great?

1029
00:48:50,840 --> 00:48:54,040
Speaker 5: Here just wasn't for me, Like this is I love

1030
00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:54,839
Speaker 5: to set people up.

1031
00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:57,719
Speaker 1: We I do too. So my best friend I set

1032
00:48:57,800 --> 00:49:00,520
Speaker 1: up with one of my producers at ABC News and

1033
00:49:00,560 --> 00:49:05,239
Speaker 1: now they just moved in together. I'm so excited a

1034
00:49:05,320 --> 00:49:09,200
Speaker 1: matchmaking success. I actually set up my first ex husband

1035
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:11,600
Speaker 1: as well with his wife. It was a friend of

1036
00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:14,719
Speaker 1: a friend and I said, do you have anyone that

1037
00:49:14,760 --> 00:49:17,160
Speaker 1: he can just, I don't know, hang out with? And

1038
00:49:17,200 --> 00:49:19,319
Speaker 1: she said, are you serious? You really want me to

1039
00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:23,080
Speaker 1: set your ex husband or soon to be ex husband

1040
00:49:23,200 --> 00:49:25,520
Speaker 1: up with one of my friends. And I said, exactly,

1041
00:49:25,560 --> 00:49:25,799
Speaker 1: I do.

1042
00:49:26,440 --> 00:49:28,239
Speaker 5: Well when you've got kids too, that's the thing. I'm like,

1043
00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:29,960
Speaker 5: I want to pick someone that's going to be helping

1044
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:31,240
Speaker 5: you raising my children.

1045
00:49:31,360 --> 00:49:32,160
Speaker 1: That's such a good point.

1046
00:49:32,239 --> 00:49:34,120
Speaker 5: No, it's true though, like not to control it, like

1047
00:49:34,160 --> 00:49:35,120
Speaker 5: I want to control it.

1048
00:49:35,239 --> 00:49:38,600
Speaker 1: You are the potential step mom, not for me, not

1049
00:49:38,680 --> 00:49:38,960
Speaker 1: for me.

1050
00:49:39,040 --> 00:49:41,040
Speaker 4: I was like, you are on your own, you go,

1051
00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:42,719
Speaker 4: you are on your own.

1052
00:49:45,239 --> 00:49:48,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think if you get to a point like

1053
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:51,319
Speaker 1: where I was in my first marriage divorce. We were

1054
00:49:51,920 --> 00:49:54,799
Speaker 1: friends and that was that was kind of it. So

1055
00:49:55,080 --> 00:49:57,480
Speaker 1: it was an easy thing to do, and I wanted

1056
00:49:57,480 --> 00:49:59,920
Speaker 1: the best for him, And yes, I did want to

1057
00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:02,520
Speaker 1: know that the person who my daughters at the time

1058
00:50:02,520 --> 00:50:05,319
Speaker 1: were two and five, this woman who they're gonna that

1059
00:50:05,520 --> 00:50:07,520
Speaker 1: she she kind of got a stamp of approval from

1060
00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:09,960
Speaker 1: my other friends. So it made me feel better about

1061
00:50:09,960 --> 00:50:13,160
Speaker 1: the whole thing. And just turns out that it worked.

1062
00:50:13,280 --> 00:50:17,799
Speaker 1: So right now I have two matchmaking successes. How about you, TJ.

1063
00:50:17,880 --> 00:50:19,080
Speaker 1: You were working on one the other day.

1064
00:50:19,120 --> 00:50:20,120
Speaker 3: I don't hook people up.

1065
00:50:20,160 --> 00:50:22,320
Speaker 2: I got enough problems in my own personal life and

1066
00:50:22,360 --> 00:50:24,160
Speaker 2: my relationships just through somebody else.

1067
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:28,520
Speaker 1: Now what, you're taking a step into the matchmaking business.

1068
00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:30,279
Speaker 3: And I got you here to make you.

1069
00:50:30,320 --> 00:50:33,720
Speaker 6: We got your back. I love it. Guys.

1070
00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:36,480
Speaker 5: Well, should you send us off to UH to let

1071
00:50:36,520 --> 00:50:38,200
Speaker 5: people know how they can find love again?

1072
00:50:38,600 --> 00:50:40,880
Speaker 1: Yes, you can email us. We gave you the phone number.

1073
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:43,440
Speaker 1: I'll say it again one eight four four four, I

1074
00:50:43,680 --> 00:50:48,560
Speaker 1: do pod pod. You can email us at I dopod

1075
00:50:48,719 --> 00:50:52,440
Speaker 1: at iHeartRadio dot com. You can follow us on Instagram.

1076
00:50:52,520 --> 00:50:55,840
Speaker 1: D m us put a message in the replies at

1077
00:50:56,239 --> 00:51:01,160
Speaker 1: I do Part two pod. I do Part two. That's

1078
00:51:01,200 --> 00:51:07,520
Speaker 1: the number two pod. Wait can you just can you

1079
00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:08,759
Speaker 1: just translate that for me? PJ.

1080
00:51:09,280 --> 00:51:10,960
Speaker 3: You want me to tell people what you are trying to?

1081
00:51:11,239 --> 00:51:13,920
Speaker 1: Please? Please do you.

1082
00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:22,000
Speaker 2: Instagram and I do Part two pod. It's the digit too, Okay,

1083
00:51:22,160 --> 00:51:26,680
Speaker 2: I do Part two pod. As in the number, don't

1084
00:51:26,719 --> 00:51:29,799
Speaker 2: spell out t w O. It's two two okay, all right,

1085
00:51:30,080 --> 00:51:32,520
Speaker 2: So I love this. This is I'm gonna this is

1086
00:51:32,560 --> 00:51:36,600
Speaker 2: a fun tagline. I do Part two an iHeartRadio podcast

1087
00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:39,600
Speaker 2: where falling in love is the main objective.

1088
00:51:40,239 --> 00:51:44,680
Speaker 5: That's kay kay, And we're here to help you through

1089
00:51:44,719 --> 00:51:48,360
Speaker 5: all of our mistakes, all of our lessons.

1090
00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:50,239
Speaker 1: Do as we say, not as we did.