Speaker 1: Hey, folks, it is Saturday, August eighth, and have you
Speaker 1: ever seen a movie called The Wedding Date stars Deborah
Speaker 1: Messing and Dylan mulroney Dermott. Yes, yes, he's mister what
Speaker 1: mister ram calm himself. If you've ever seen that movie?
Speaker 1: Would you believe that what happened in that whole rom
Speaker 1: com scenario is now actually an emerging dating trend. Welcome
Speaker 1: to this episode of Amy and TJ. I have just
Speaker 1: put the movie on in the background here. I've never
Speaker 1: seen this movie. The scenario is typical rom com ridiculousness,
Speaker 1: and it's what what's the synopsis of the movie.
Speaker 2: The synopsis is that Kat, who's played by Deborah Messing,
Speaker 2: is single and dreading attending her sister's wedding in London
Speaker 2: because her ex fiance is the best man, So she
Speaker 2: hires a handsome professional marier escort named Nick Toposes her
Speaker 2: new boyfriend. But as the wedding events unfold, their fake
Speaker 2: relationship turns into real feelings.
Speaker 3: Oh no, and they fall in love.
Speaker 1: Is that what happens? I didn't see it. I didn't.
Speaker 3: I didn't there's a false ending.
Speaker 1: I forgot what it is.
Speaker 3: But then yes, it turns out they actually love each other.
Speaker 1: You've seen the movie oh multiple times.
Speaker 3: I don't know if they marry, but they're together.
Speaker 1: Spoiler alert, and what the hell?
Speaker 2: Then? Also, remember this one just is pretty recent. It's
Speaker 2: not exactly the same, but pretty close. Anyone but you,
Speaker 2: of course, that is with Sidney Sweeney. And who's the
Speaker 2: dude's name, the hot guy that.
Speaker 3: Everybody loves, Glenn Powell.
Speaker 2: Yes, Glenn Powell and Sidney Sweeney, same exact thing where yes,
Speaker 2: they have a great first date, but then they hate
Speaker 2: each other, but then they find themselves at a destination
Speaker 2: wedding and pretend to be the perfect couple to keep
Speaker 2: up appearances, and then they actually fall in love.
Speaker 1: Okay, so we'll just telling me, and she has a
Speaker 1: great name of it to share with you. But there's
Speaker 1: a new not new? Is this a new trend? Necessarily?
Speaker 2: Are they keeping they're calling it a new dating trend?
Speaker 2: But it's been around, obviously at least since the wedding date,
Speaker 2: which was what I don't know how many years ago,
Speaker 2: twenty years ago.
Speaker 1: You're telling me this is an emerging trend, a legit
Speaker 1: dating trend right now, And I think.
Speaker 3: These emerging trends are trends because they're being.
Speaker 2: Called out or discussed on TikTok and other social media outlets.
Speaker 2: But this is called an eventationship. And it's funny because eventually,
Speaker 2: when I saw it, I thought it was an eventuationship.
Speaker 2: So I thought, oh, this is cool, like you start
Speaker 2: off as friends and eventually you hope you get into
Speaker 2: a relationship.
Speaker 3: But I read it wrong.
Speaker 1: There's no you in there.
Speaker 2: It's not an eventuationship, which is what I initially thought
Speaker 2: it was, which is why I clicked on it.
Speaker 1: Because shots got to be a trend.
Speaker 2: This is interesting and I think maybe we can look
Speaker 2: into that one as well.
Speaker 3: But that's what I thought I was reading.
Speaker 1: That's what we were in.
Speaker 3: We were in an eventuationship for eight years. We've played
Speaker 3: the long game, and you know what, we're laughing.
Speaker 2: But that is why I clicked on it, babe, because
Speaker 2: I thought, I know a little something about an eventuation ship.
Speaker 2: Seeds have been planted, you don't really realize what's happening,
Speaker 2: and all of a sudden, eventually you're in a full
Speaker 2: blown ruw sace.
Speaker 1: Have we laughed about this and you anytime you bring
Speaker 1: it up, I'm like, yeah, babe, I was playing the
Speaker 1: long game. I was going to be patient for eight
Speaker 1: years and just waiting now.
Speaker 2: So, but yes, this is an invent eventationship event aventation
Speaker 2: ship okay, so is what it's officially described as an
Speaker 2: agreement between two singles who commit to being each other's
Speaker 2: plus ones, oftentimes around wedding season, but even any kind
Speaker 2: of event. This is your person who you bring with
Speaker 2: you and you all show up for each other and
Speaker 2: the relationship is specifically designed around attending events.
Speaker 1: Okay, first question, are you acting as if you are
Speaker 1: a couple at these events?
Speaker 2: So they actually give people who want to explore this
Speaker 2: type of a relationship just some tips, some pro tips,
Speaker 2: and among them is when people start asking you, so
Speaker 2: is this your boyfriend or who is this? And how
Speaker 2: do you introduce this person who you have clearly defined
Speaker 2: boundaries with as an inventationship, you should say, we're just
Speaker 2: really getting to know each other right now and having fun.
Speaker 3: That is what they say.
Speaker 2: How you should describe your relationship to anyone who asks have.
Speaker 1: A second question, is this a person that is already
Speaker 1: a friend of yours, someone you're close to, or it
Speaker 1: can be a rando like this woman who's hired a
Speaker 1: guy like you said, I.
Speaker 3: Think that might be the extreme version in this movie.
Speaker 1: But this is somebody in your wheelhouse, a friend, but
Speaker 1: not someone you are romantically linkedine.
Speaker 2: So it says you might not actually be committed to
Speaker 2: each other or in a romantic relationship, but you do
Speaker 2: share an agreement to be each other's plus ones.
Speaker 3: And they wanted to point out this is different than a.
Speaker 2: Situationship, which we heard so much about it Love Island,
Speaker 2: because apparently those are messy. Remember Kada kept talking about,
Speaker 2: We're not in a situationship.
Speaker 3: That's messy at all. The way we define these, well.
Speaker 1: We're committed, but not boyfriend girlfriend, that thing.
Speaker 2: We haven't done a whole episode, that weird thing that
Speaker 2: Zach created. We're beyond closed off. We're committed to each other.
Speaker 2: We're not in a situationship, but we're not boyfriend and girlfriend.
Speaker 1: All right, go on.
Speaker 2: But the eventationship is different from a situationship because when
Speaker 2: it comes to an eventationship, you and your partner are
Speaker 2: actually agreeing to specific roles for each other. And the
Speaker 2: whole idea behind a situationship is that it is ambiguous.
Speaker 3: This is specific.
Speaker 2: This is actually has clear boundaries and is anything but
Speaker 2: ambiguous because you've laid it out with this person.
Speaker 3: We're going to be each other's plus one.
Speaker 1: Have another question, how do you handle the hotel room?
Speaker 1: How do you behave when you're there? You hold hands?
Speaker 1: Are we supposed to put on as a couple? Okay,
Speaker 1: I got a question.
Speaker 2: This is so interesting because this is what was. You
Speaker 2: just got me to the next part of this. So
Speaker 2: they acknowledge that the eventationship can be tricky because there
Speaker 2: are a lot of questions about how to behave, what
Speaker 2: to do, what not to do. So they say, yes,
Speaker 2: if you're if especially if this is about going to weddings,
Speaker 2: and I think this is where this is most often used.
Speaker 2: Weddings are romantic and it makes them a breeding ground
Speaker 2: for misplaced feelings. So they say, before the event, you
Speaker 2: actually need to talk to your partner about what the
Speaker 2: boundaries are. Are we holding hands for photos? Are we kissing?
Speaker 2: Are we keeping this strictly platonic? And to each partnership
Speaker 2: you can create those boundaries.
Speaker 3: Some of them may even say, yeah.
Speaker 2: Will will have fun, We'll we'll explore each other physically romantically,
Speaker 2: But it begins and ends with the date.
Speaker 3: What this is where Look, this.
Speaker 2: Is a whole other generation of folks who have Reddit
Speaker 2: posts and forums to discuss different dating trends. And yeah,
Speaker 2: I could see someone about Ava's age sitting down with
Speaker 2: some guy saying, Okay, here's what the boundaries are. But
Speaker 2: they say, if you don't have the clear boundaries, when
Speaker 2: you take someone to a wedding and they're all the
Speaker 2: feelds and everyone's been drinking and there's dancing and there's
Speaker 2: music and there's love in the air, boom, feelings can sprout.
Speaker 2: So that is a dangerous, dangerous possibility.
Speaker 1: Just described a situationship in which the situation is very specific.
Speaker 1: We are together in these environments. It sounds like what
Speaker 1: you're saying here, Roped is that we have defined what
Speaker 1: our relationship and any intimacy in this relationship is going
Speaker 1: to be exclusive. Two events we decide to go to together.
Speaker 1: Is that what we're doing?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: And if you it's so funny the wedding date, if
Speaker 2: you sit down and actually watch this movie, probably won't.
Speaker 2: But yes, you know what, if I get Sabine over here,
Speaker 2: you will. That's the only way I can get you
Speaker 2: to watch a rom com is if Sabine comes because
Speaker 2: I believe when we were just on our most recent vacation,
Speaker 2: you asked Sabine, what's your favorite genre of movies?
Speaker 3: And she kind of shyly said rom com.
Speaker 1: It was it was like asking her where she wants
Speaker 1: to go to college, and she didn't say Arkansas. It
Speaker 1: was it hurt she didn't say horror movies. I was
Speaker 1: very hurt rom com.
Speaker 3: Here's a news flash.
Speaker 2: Almost all girls, starting at age thirteen, their favorite genre
Speaker 2: of movies is rom com. Not everybody, but it's I
Speaker 2: would say it's a high percentage. And so yes, this movie.
Speaker 2: The wedding date is exactly what we're talking about. And
Speaker 2: it's funny because obviously at the time I would never
Speaker 2: have thought this was a dating trend or that anyone
Speaker 2: did this.
Speaker 3: But it makes sense. Look, you're you're.
Speaker 2: Trying to not be that single who doesn't have anyone
Speaker 2: to talk to, and especially if all your friends have boyfriends,
Speaker 2: you're whatever, whatever wedding you're going to, it makes sense
Speaker 2: to have a pact with someone who you trust, someone
Speaker 2: who you like, or yes, even in this case, someone
Speaker 2: you hire.
Speaker 1: A couple more questions here, One of them, is there
Speaker 1: a place you can think of that. I'll stick with
Speaker 1: women here for a second, that it is more important
Speaker 1: for a woman for her in her own mind, to
Speaker 1: show up with an impressive date.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I think a wedding.
Speaker 1: Is there anything else? What could you possibly go to?
Speaker 2: I think it's a wedding because I'm trying to think
Speaker 2: of another event that you would feel slightly uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: What about a high school reunion or something like that.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, but unless unless you got your side
Speaker 2: set on an old flame.
Speaker 3: Yes, you're right, it would probably.
Speaker 2: Everyone usually brings their spouse, Everyone usually brings their significant
Speaker 2: other to go to a high school reunion alone, and
Speaker 2: maybe that would make you feel a certain way.
Speaker 1: And going to a wedding alone is a problem.
Speaker 3: I agree both of those.
Speaker 2: You're right, that's a good other place, a high school reunion,
Speaker 2: although you gotta hope your other person is just puts
Speaker 2: it on and is good, because yeah, there might be
Speaker 2: some probing questions.
Speaker 1: You know, I say this to you a lot. I
Speaker 1: know you don't like it, but I mean it like baby,
Speaker 1: don't worry. Promise I'm gonna behave when you take me seriously, bro,
Speaker 1: when you go around family, when you go around you
Speaker 1: go to certain places where I realize. Don't get me wrong,
Speaker 1: I'm not some bum. I'm not cutting up at places,
Speaker 1: but there are times we understand it's important. You're not
Speaker 1: gonna say to me, TJ strain your talk. Can you
Speaker 1: wear this for me? I really like when you wear
Speaker 1: this clone that you're not gonna do that now. But
Speaker 1: I pay particular attention to making sure I am on
Speaker 1: point when it's something for you.
Speaker 2: Yes, And I do think that is what in real relationships.
Speaker 2: And I don't want to say an inventationship is not
Speaker 2: a real relationship, but it's a version of one. But
Speaker 2: in an actual romantic relationship, that is what partners do.
Speaker 2: They hopefully they show up for each other and they say,
Speaker 2: I'll put on my best face, nice for you, for
Speaker 2: your friends, for your family, and let's do this. And
Speaker 2: so that is kind of what you're agreeing to an inventationship.
Speaker 1: You don't like that sometimes because you think I am
Speaker 1: faking it. That's not what I'm saying. It's like, oh,
Speaker 1: he doesn't want to be here and he's just.
Speaker 3: Fucking That is sometimes how it does interpret that.
Speaker 1: No, it's just but still I'm no, come on, no, no,
Speaker 1: in everybody out, this is what you do for your
Speaker 1: loved one, and it's not you know, if you see
Speaker 1: it as a chore, that's the problem. It is actually
Speaker 1: a responsibility and it's loving. Yes, it's the right thing
Speaker 1: to do.
Speaker 3: It's a giving thing to do.
Speaker 1: It absolutely is. I had another question about it. Even aship, okay,
Speaker 1: is there infidelity and eventationships? Meaning she took me to
Speaker 1: the last wedding, she's taking who to this one? They're
Speaker 1: not dating either.
Speaker 2: Seriously, I imply that there are feelings because that's interesting
Speaker 2: because if it's just an e ventationship, but we have
Speaker 2: an agreement, I'm your person, you're person, I think you
Speaker 2: should go to the person and say, yeah, I'm a
Speaker 2: move on to another person.
Speaker 1: Look.
Speaker 2: And so when we come back, we're going to talk
Speaker 2: about how things can get messy, because yes, there are
Speaker 2: a lot of warnings, a lot of potential problems in
Speaker 2: this seemingly easy, almost professional relationship that you've created. But
Speaker 2: guess what, don't we all kind of want a rom
Speaker 2: com ending that's the problem. Welcome back everyone to Amy
Speaker 2: and TJ. I love these episodes when we get to
Speaker 2: talk about dating trends and yes we can call them
Speaker 2: a new dating trend, but oftentimes they're as old as
Speaker 2: time is. It's just we've got a name and a
Speaker 2: hashtag to go along with it.
Speaker 1: But yes, you ever known anybody to do this?
Speaker 3: I don't think anyone would admit it. That's the thing.
Speaker 2: When you're in an eventationship, you're not acknowledging it to
Speaker 2: anyone else.
Speaker 3: You're keeping it to.
Speaker 2: Yourself, and you're saying, we're just really enjoying getting to
Speaker 2: know each other right now and having fun. You're not
Speaker 2: actually saying we have a pact. Maybe you might tell
Speaker 2: your best girlfriend, but I think most of these types
Speaker 2: of relationships are in an effort to not appear like
Speaker 2: you're not dating anywhere.
Speaker 1: I think I've been dragged to something before.
Speaker 3: You have you think one I'm arranged.
Speaker 1: I think I have like the understanding it was no
Speaker 1: big deal, like doing a favor, like who's the most
Speaker 1: impressive friend in her circle? That's a guy, and that
Speaker 1: was me because I'll show up and I'll behave I'm
Speaker 1: trying to think of what it was.
Speaker 3: Was it a wedding?
Speaker 1: Was a wedding? It was an event? It wasn't Well,
Speaker 1: can some.
Speaker 2: Of these events that we have to go to when
Speaker 2: you're in a certain line of work. Yes, can be
Speaker 2: boring and overwhelming, and all the small talk can feel
Speaker 2: very scary. So to have someone by your side, I
Speaker 2: totally get that, Like, that's awesome.
Speaker 3: To have like a bff.
Speaker 2: But was this person Was she passing you off as
Speaker 2: a romantic interest or a possible relationship?
Speaker 3: That was a conversation understood that you came as a friend?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: From no, because from a distance, assumptions were made. We
Speaker 1: don't have to go talk to everybody and the place
Speaker 1: and have a conversation. It's just from a distance. She's
Speaker 1: there with a guy. He has on a nice suit.
Speaker 3: She's got a date. Yes, she's got got a date.
Speaker 2: You're a date, all right. So here's when things can
Speaker 2: get difficult. And folks who talk about eventationships say, look,
Speaker 2: when you this is what they said, when you strip
Speaker 2: away the.
Speaker 3: Anxiety of where is this going? Do they like me?
Speaker 2: So that often happens when you're dating someone in the
Speaker 2: early stages and you're going to these types of events.
Speaker 3: They say, when you take away all of that.
Speaker 2: Anxiety, because you have an arranged, established boundary, you actually
Speaker 2: get to see that other person in an authentic, relaxed
Speaker 2: state because no one's trying to impress anyone else. And
Speaker 2: then they say, you're also watching how that other person
Speaker 2: handles travel, delays, possible family drama. They're getting to know
Speaker 2: maybe your inner circle. And if you you can survive
Speaker 2: all of that, maybe you might actually realize you'd rather
Speaker 2: have them with you on a random Tuesday or maybe
Speaker 2: an actual real date. Maybe it's time to renegotiate the term.
Speaker 2: So when I read that, I started laughing out loud,
Speaker 2: and I thought, here's where all, well, so many of
Speaker 2: us girls and some boys too, I'm sure get ahead
Speaker 2: of ourselves.
Speaker 3: We start imagining the rom com and the making. Here's
Speaker 3: this person that.
Speaker 2: I thought I was just taking with me along to events,
Speaker 2: to weddings, and turns out, wow, we're actually falling in love.
Speaker 2: I do wonder how often that might be in the
Speaker 2: back of either person's mind. There might be a hope,
Speaker 2: because to ask somebody to come as you're plus one
Speaker 2: in an eventationship, wouldn't that imply you like being around them,
Speaker 2: You like spending time with them, You enjoy their company,
Speaker 2: you like going to stressful situations with them because they
Speaker 2: make you feel more at ease.
Speaker 3: Isn't that the most amazing foundation for a relationship period.
Speaker 1: You described the first eight years.
Speaker 2: Absolutely we were with I think we were in an
Speaker 2: eventuationship and in an eventationship because we did go to
Speaker 2: all of those events together, and we would be the
Speaker 2: two people if we showed up alone, which we did
Speaker 2: oftentimes so many work events, we would literally find each
Speaker 2: other across the room. There's that one song, and I
Speaker 2: always think about you.
Speaker 3: I look for you when I'm a room full of people,
Speaker 3: in a room full of people, I look for you.
Speaker 2: Summer, I always think about you because that was us.
Speaker 2: And then we queue up together and we're thick as thieves.
Speaker 1: But I'm surprised you didn't recognize it as you were
Speaker 1: saying it. You were just the thing you were just describing.
Speaker 1: Is us to get a chance to get to know
Speaker 1: someone without the pressure, without the expectations in all of
Speaker 1: those environment What what do you want to see somebody with?
Speaker 1: You want to see how they handle stress. You want
Speaker 1: to see how they are with their family. You want
Speaker 1: to meet their family without the pressure.
Speaker 2: You met my entire family with everybody think they'd come
Speaker 2: to GMA. We would all interact until out we went
Speaker 2: to dinners like, absolutely, we.
Speaker 1: Don't have to be introduced. So it's so when you
Speaker 1: were describing that, that makes sense. And now I am
Speaker 1: on board with this as a precursor, right, I am
Speaker 1: on board with this being a potential way to find
Speaker 1: a good mate when you don't have the pressure, when
Speaker 1: you can be friends, when you can relax and still,
Speaker 1: I guess be collecting information about someone without the pressure
Speaker 1: of what you're going to do with it. Or I'm
Speaker 1: the last one. There is the one they got me.
Speaker 1: And now we look at this movie. Now are they
Speaker 1: sleeping in the room together? What is this?
Speaker 2: Oh? I think they have to you know, in the
Speaker 2: rom comms they always have like the guy sleeps on
Speaker 2: the floor while she sleeps on the bed because they're
Speaker 2: having to pretend. Oh the proposal, same concept in a
Speaker 2: way where you she it was a whole thing about
Speaker 2: her having to get married to Rise. But still they
Speaker 2: were pretending they were in a relationship when they weren't.
Speaker 2: And he's sleeping on the floor. This is Sandra Bullock
Speaker 2: and Ryan Reynolds. She's on the bed, he's on the floor.
Speaker 2: There are so many rom coms where yeah, they're pretending
Speaker 2: to be in a relationship and in the end they
Speaker 2: find love. That's what we all want in the end, isn't.
Speaker 1: It would suck?
Speaker 2: I actually think it'd be really interesting the horror movie too.
Speaker 3: It's all in one.
Speaker 1: The horror comes at the end. It's weird, but then.
Speaker 3: It all still has a happy ending. It really is.
Speaker 3: It's a quirky movie that maybe one day we'll write.
Speaker 1: This will be a Christopher Nolan five and a half
Speaker 1: hour story.
Speaker 2: It'll be the odd dissy yes in every way. All
Speaker 2: right with that, everyone, we always appreciate.
Speaker 3: You listening to us. I made me Robock alongside TJ. Holmes.
Speaker 3: We'll talk to
Speaker 1: The kitchen Pat