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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is John, the og Storytime

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Speaker 1: padcast host.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: But before that, we got a teeny two minute break

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Speaker 1: from the sponsors that keep this show propped up like

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Speaker 1: a little house.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, we planned a family trip from my mother

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Speaker 3: in law.

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Speaker 2: Now my parents are upset.

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Speaker 4: Well, maybe you should have planned a better trip.

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Speaker 3: My husband and I used to go on the same

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Speaker 3: day trip with our families as kids. He went every

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Speaker 3: year with his family in the spring and went to

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Speaker 3: a bunch of other places throughout the day. It happens

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Speaker 3: to be the same place with connections my grandfather had

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Speaker 3: through his whole career, and my parents took me with

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Speaker 3: my grandparents in the fall. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 3: from just Say and throw Away and if you want

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Speaker 3: to submit your own.

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Speaker 2: Stories, go to the r slash. Okay, story Time, sure

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Speaker 2: about it.

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Speaker 3: So we would stay at this one place and go

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Speaker 3: to a museum there because my grandfather loved to tell

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Speaker 3: us about it. So everyone here has a meaningful connection

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Speaker 3: to the place that we went to. We are very

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Speaker 3: fortunate on both sides of our family are very loving

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Speaker 3: and involved with their kids, helping out very regularly. My

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Speaker 3: father in law passed away over a year ago, and

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Speaker 3: my mother in law has taken his life loss understandably

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Speaker 3: very hard. She has said that it is difficult to

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Speaker 3: do things and go places where they used to go.

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Speaker 3: My husband spontaneously decided to take the kids to go

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Speaker 3: to the place they always went in the spring, and

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Speaker 3: really wanted to bring his mom so she could see

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Speaker 3: that life still goes on and it's good to make

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Speaker 3: new memories while remembering the time that she had with

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Speaker 3: her husband. I was torn about it because I knew

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Speaker 3: my parents also wanted to go with us, but my

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Speaker 3: husband really didn't want to make it a whole party.

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Speaker 3: I think in his mind he thought that it wouldn't

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Speaker 3: have allowed his mom to process things in the way

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Speaker 3: that he had hoped. We planned to take a different

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Speaker 3: special trip with them in the fall, where we could

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Speaker 3: really stay at that one location, visit the museum, and

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Speaker 3: my dad can share with my kids about what his

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Speaker 3: dad had done.

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Speaker 2: On the way there.

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Speaker 3: I remembered my dad had mentioned stopping by my house

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Speaker 3: today to pick something up for Easter dinner on Sunday,

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Speaker 3: so I texted him and said that my husband surprised

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Speaker 3: me with the day off and we were taking the

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Speaker 3: kids out and I could just stop by later. This

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Speaker 3: way he wouldn't wonder what was going on. He asked

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Speaker 3: follow up questions one at a time, which led to

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Speaker 3: me explaining where we were going, which means what, Sophia.

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Speaker 4: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: It means that and I see you in the chat

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Speaker 3: That is father in law might crash the party and

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Speaker 3: this might you know, upset husband, upset mother in law,

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Speaker 3: trying to get a process.

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Speaker 4: So I see it now, I see that you now.

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Speaker 3: I tried to keep it vague, but he kept asking questions,

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Speaker 3: one detail at a time until he got the whole situation.

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Speaker 3: I am a chooseful person, and I knew that they

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Speaker 3: would find out eventually. If I didn't tell them, my

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Speaker 3: chatty children would have and things would have been a

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Speaker 3: way worse. My dad was very upset that we would

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Speaker 3: go without them, and he sent several texts asking why

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Speaker 3: we were trying to hurt them and leave them out.

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Speaker 3: I tried to explain that we were only going to

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Speaker 3: this place for one thing, and that we weren't doing

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Speaker 3: anything related to my grandfather. I said that we were

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Speaker 3: going to do it with them, and do it in

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Speaker 3: the fall. It ended with him saying that he needed

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Speaker 3: space and my parents canceled Easter. It ruined the whole

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Speaker 3: trip for me, but I put on a happy face

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Speaker 3: for the kids. I mentioned the situation, probably to my

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Speaker 3: husband because he could tell my mood shifted and he

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Speaker 3: was annoyed, but also kept things going for the kids

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Speaker 3: and his mom, even though it was the main reason

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Speaker 3: we went. We were only at the place my parents

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Speaker 3: wanted to go for one hour, and it was a

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Speaker 3: two hour drive there. The kids had a fun day

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Speaker 3: and we went to a variety of places along the

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Speaker 3: way there and back, as all road trips good road

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Speaker 3: trips do. My husband's goal was to recreate the trip

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Speaker 3: his family used to go on with his dad, which

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Speaker 3: is very different from how my family did things. At

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Speaker 3: the end of the trip, my mother in law told

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Speaker 3: me that she could tell I was off and had

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Speaker 3: a guess about the situation, and that it wasn't fair

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Speaker 3: that I got put in the middle of everything.

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Speaker 2: W mother in law, Ye, W mother in law.

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Speaker 3: Overall, I just need to know if I am the

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Speaker 3: a hole for not accommodating my parents, and what I

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Speaker 3: can do to make it better.

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Speaker 2: There is an update.

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Speaker 1: I don't think the a hole.

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Speaker 4: I just I think again, could have could have been

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Speaker 4: avoided like that. I don't think anyone necessarily maybe the

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Speaker 4: parents are a little bit a holish for overacting, but

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Speaker 4: I don't think anyone's like super intensely in the a

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Speaker 4: whole category. For me, I think it's just like there

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Speaker 4: was a lot of miscommunication that happened.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I do think, especially now at this point, Opie

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Speaker 3: should have because also I think it's kind of a

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Speaker 3: important boundary to set where it's like, hey, right now,

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Speaker 3: we're here for you for mother in law. She's grieving

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Speaker 3: her husband who passed away, and you know, my husband

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Speaker 3: thinks that this gonuld be a good thing for her,

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Speaker 3: and I think it'll help her. We will get we won't,

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Speaker 3: you know, spoiled surprise of you know, taking the kids

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Speaker 3: to the places you want to go to. We'll still

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Speaker 3: have that experience. So like, can you grant us the

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Speaker 3: space to like do this for mother?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: I think that would have been a good conversation to have.

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Speaker 2: But we have an update, ladies and gentlemen.

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Speaker 3: I tried communicating with my parents my intentions for their

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Speaker 3: trip in the future, but they were still upset and said.

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Speaker 2: It was not good enough. They explained that the.

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Speaker 3: Reaction stems from years of my husband not being as

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Speaker 3: active a participant with them as I am with his

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Speaker 3: family over the years. Admittedly, he isn't a very social

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Speaker 3: person and doesn't like to sit still, but he always

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Speaker 3: tried to be there for my parents and help with

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Speaker 3: different projects. They're a handful of times in the past

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Speaker 3: over twenty years when my in laws would invite us

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Speaker 3: to go to places with them, and we would, but

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Speaker 3: my parents didn't usually initiate any plans. Spending time with

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Speaker 3: them would involve going to their house and watching a movie.

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Speaker 3: We used to do this weekly while dating, but now

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Speaker 3: my husband would rather watch movies at home, especially with

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Speaker 3: our kids being little and having early bedtime. We were

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Speaker 3: always over at my parents' house to hang out, especially

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Speaker 3: in the summer when they would invite us and the

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Speaker 3: kids would go swim when they have gone on trips

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Speaker 3: with us in recent years. It was something we had

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Speaker 3: talked about and I initiated that would take place during

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Speaker 3: the work week anyways, when my husband happened to be

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Speaker 3: working now. In the past, my parents always hosted holidays

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Speaker 3: even when we were dating, and I never went to

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Speaker 3: my in laws for most holidays. We would split half

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Speaker 3: the time at both of them for a few, but

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Speaker 3: always had a holiday dinner with my parents regardless.

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Speaker 2: There was so much stress leading up to it, and

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Speaker 2: I would hear them complain when everyone left.

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Speaker 3: My husband and I eventually took over hosting holidays after

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Speaker 3: getting married so they could relax and just enjoy everyone's company.

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Speaker 2: My mom had.

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Speaker 3: Mentioned that she missed hosting because she does things differently,

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Speaker 3: and she wanted to host some holidays again. We were

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Speaker 3: going to start with Easter. Now this is going to

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Speaker 3: be her her grand re debut as director.

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Speaker 2: Of the holidays.

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Speaker 3: It is the mom that canceled, Yes, this is the

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Speaker 3: mom of the mom and father that canceled Easter.

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Speaker 4: Ah man, ah man, It's how gonna be your re

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Speaker 4: debut if you cancel it.

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Speaker 3: But now they canceled after finding out We went on

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Speaker 3: the day trip yesterday and are saying that we haven't

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Speaker 3: done enough with them over our whole time married. We

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Speaker 3: recently took two trips with my mother in law to

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Speaker 3: help her get past her grief. One she had bought

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Speaker 3: us expensive tickets for the kids w and we thought

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Speaker 3: that she would that she would enjoy seeing them for

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Speaker 3: one of the times that we went. We spent many

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Speaker 3: more times over the years having dinner or hanging out

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Speaker 3: with my parents. We would see them pretty much every

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Speaker 3: Sunday at church. They live closer and stop by my

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Speaker 3: house more often. I thought things were evenly distributed, but apparently.

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Speaker 2: They were not.

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Speaker 3: My parents have a history of overstepping boundaries, doing things

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Speaker 3: to help without asking, and mostly buying big things for

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Speaker 3: us or for the kids that we personally don't like.

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Speaker 3: Slash once have the space for it.

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Speaker 4: Like a trampoline, I bet Ooh.

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Speaker 2: That's that's such a good and you need.

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Speaker 4: Insurance for that.

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Speaker 3: Oh.

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Speaker 4: My mom never let Sam and I have a trampoline

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Speaker 4: because she's like.

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Speaker 1: The insurance is expensive and people always get hurt on them.

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Speaker 3: Oh, we never had a trampoline, and my husband has

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Speaker 3: talked to them about it and asked them to ask

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Speaker 3: us first. They get offended that we don't like or

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Speaker 3: want certain things that they get for us. When I

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Speaker 3: was a kid, I always had to pretend to like

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Speaker 3: everything I got or I would hurt their feelings. They

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Speaker 3: said I could tell them if I didn't like something,

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Speaker 3: but then they would be offended and hurt. The few

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Speaker 3: times that I tried, so it was easier just to

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Speaker 3: pretend to like everything and just.

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Speaker 2: To keep them happy.

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Speaker 3: I'm also adopted and wanted their time adopting me to

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Speaker 3: be worth it. To quote unquote, oh, I've always had

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Speaker 3: a fear that if I wasn't the perfect kid, if

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Speaker 3: I didn't get the best grades, if I did anything

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Speaker 3: wrong socially, if I didn't succeed with college, if I

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Speaker 3: didn't do things the way they wanted, they'd return or

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Speaker 3: abandon me. They kind of proved by canceling Easter and

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Speaker 3: sending me vague texts that things are going to change,

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Speaker 3: including their will, which I didn't particularly care about.

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Speaker 1: Wow, why you this strong?

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Speaker 4: Strong a holes?

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Speaker 3: This might be me taking a giant leap, and I

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Speaker 3: might be wildly off, but I'm just gonna I'm just

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Speaker 3: gonna flow it out there. It's giving parents who adopt

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Speaker 3: to have the.

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Speaker 2: Kid to like, like manipulate all.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well I.

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Speaker 4: Think like you you like. Some parents will adopt because

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Speaker 4: they want a kid, yeah yeah, yeah, rather than wanting

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Speaker 4: to provide a child like.

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Speaker 3: The badge of having a kid or the braggings like

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Speaker 3: I want to nurture this child.

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Speaker 2: I want my parents not their money or their things.

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Speaker 3: By the way, Uh, if you want full episodes of

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Speaker 3: stories just like this, well, boy, do I got news

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Speaker 3: for you. Go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts I heard, and

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Speaker 3: search Okay story Time for two thousand episodes to listen to.

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Speaker 3: But ladies and gentlemen, before we get into the end

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Speaker 3: of the story, Uh, Sophia, what are we thinking?

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Speaker 1: Oh? Man?

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Speaker 4: Honestly, it seems like even if you had communicated with

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Speaker 4: your parents, they seem like the type of people that

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Speaker 4: just make drama over everything. Yep, So I think they

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Speaker 4: are strong a hole in this story, and I mean,

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Speaker 4: just don't let them bring you down. You know, you

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Speaker 4: could say, hey, like, we'd love to see it. But

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Speaker 4: if you keep canceling things, that's you're making the choice.

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Speaker 4: You're making the decision here.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Like, if you want to see us more, then

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Speaker 3: don't cancel with things we have set up.

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Speaker 2: To see each other.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, where is the math mathing here?

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Speaker 4: Silly? Silly?

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Speaker 2: Come on, well, let's get into the end of the story.

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Speaker 3: If they are concerned that we aren't spending enough time

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Speaker 3: with them, why cancel the time we had planned to

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Speaker 3: spend with them so we see them even less. I

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Speaker 3: cannot imagine doing this to my kids. No matter how

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Speaker 3: often they see other people, they see it as I'm

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Speaker 3: choosing my husband and his family over them, which I

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Speaker 3: never have. My husband apologize to me that he isn't

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Speaker 3: the son in law they wanted and is probably the

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Speaker 3: root cause of all this. He marches to the beat

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Speaker 3: of his own drum, and he sets boundaries.

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Speaker 4: Hey, absolutely ridiculous that they're saying, oh, like, sorry, we

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Speaker 4: had to put you in this position. It's like, no,

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Speaker 4: you didn't.

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Speaker 2: I'm so sorry you made us do this to you.

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Speaker 4: It's ridiculous.

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Speaker 3: I greatly apologize for you forcing our hands.

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Speaker 4: We just there was no other way.

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Speaker 1: Ah.

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Speaker 2: I can't, I can't be like this.

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Speaker 3: I don't know if any of this is normal, aholish

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Speaker 3: or not. And that's the end of a starry An.

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Speaker 3: There we freaking have it, Perino.

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Speaker 4: Wow, Yeah, I think your parents are a bit much,

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Speaker 4: a bit drama filled, so much drama.

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Speaker 1: My parents didn't care about my wedding. It ruined our relationship,

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Speaker 1: and I don't care about you.

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Speaker 2: Just kidding all of you.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So two months ago my fiance and I decided

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Speaker 1: to start wedding planning. We've been together for seven years

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Speaker 1: and engaged for two. I had two family passings within

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Speaker 1: the time we were engaged, so wedding planning took a

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Speaker 1: big pause. I also helped take care of my grandmother

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Speaker 1: during the end of her life to alleviate some of

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Speaker 1: the caretaker's stress from my By the way, this comes

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Speaker 1: from user junior Stuff twenty eight, twenty five, and if

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Speaker 1: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

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Speaker 1: r slashowcase storytime suburden. We finally decided to wedding plan

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Speaker 1: and told our parents two months ago in February. My

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Speaker 1: fiance's mom was on board from the start. My mom

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Speaker 1: gave me a hard time, but then stated that she

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Speaker 1: was just joking. I basically had to ask if they

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Speaker 1: were willing to help, and they said yes. After I

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Speaker 1: said that my fiance's parents were going to help, both

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Speaker 1: of our parents came to town in March for my

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Speaker 1: fiance's dad's birthday and my mom's birthday. Both of their

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Speaker 1: birthdays are in March, so we thought it'd be cool

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Speaker 1: to celebrate them together and allow them to get closer

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Speaker 1: before we get married. My fiance's parents helped my parents

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Speaker 1: get a discount on the resort room they were staying at.

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Speaker 1: We spent the whole weekend with them. I bought my parents'

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Speaker 1: food to keep at their villa. We all went to

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Speaker 1: dinner at a nice restaurant. My fiance's mom paid for

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Speaker 1: everyone to have shots, and I paid for everyone's dinner.

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Speaker 1: My future mother in law tried to bring up the

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Speaker 1: wedding conversation with my mom. My mom stayed quiet and

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Speaker 1: smiled curtly. I brushed it off and told my mother

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Speaker 1: in law that maybe she just didn't understand. My parents

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Speaker 1: mainly speak Spanish, but my mom understands and speaks English

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Speaker 1: pretty well compared to my dad. My fiance's parents speak

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Speaker 1: both English and Spanish, but are used to always speaking

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Speaker 1: in English, so my mother in law said that she

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Speaker 1: forgot and apologized for speaking in English. The wedding was

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Speaker 1: not brought up again. After that awkward interaction, my parents

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Speaker 1: decided to invite their friends, a married couple, to the resort,

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Speaker 1: and things got kind of weird after that. The next day,

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Speaker 1: we were all supposed to hang out by the pool

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Speaker 1: and enjoy the resort amenities, by my parents went and

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Speaker 1: did their own thing with their friends, and my fiance's

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Speaker 1: parents were also doing their own thing. My fiance ended

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Speaker 1: up staying with her parents by the pool, and I

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Speaker 1: went with my parents and their friends by the ping

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Speaker 1: pong area. It didn't seem like there was much interest

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Speaker 1: from my parents to be around my fiance's parents. They

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Speaker 1: just wanted to enjoy their time dur drinking and hanging

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Speaker 1: out with their friends. Again, the wedding was never brought

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Speaker 1: up again. After a week or so, my future mother

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Speaker 1: in law did Reckon meant a place to do a

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Speaker 1: reception and take photos, but we were not in love

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Speaker 1: with it. We spoke to a wedding planner that was

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Speaker 1: out of our price range, but she had the cool

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Speaker 1: suggestion that we get our marriage license on our anniversary,

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Speaker 1: which is April sixth. We thought that was a great idea,

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Speaker 1: and I just told my fiance that we should just

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Speaker 1: do our own thing. Since my family hadn't mentioned anything

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Speaker 1: about the wedding and her mom had not gotten back

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Speaker 1: to us about a wedding venue that she was going

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Speaker 1: to look into. We got our marriage license on the

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Speaker 1: eighth of April. Since our anniversary day was on a

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Speaker 1: Sunday and the courthouse was closed, we started planning for

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Speaker 1: a courthouse elopement style wedding. We found this amazing photographer

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Speaker 1: that specializes in Elope mints in courthouse slash micro weddings.

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Speaker 1: We fell in love with her werek, and we're like,

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Speaker 1: uh eeah, this is what we want to do. My

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Speaker 1: fiance started dress shopping and told her mom what our

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Speaker 1: plans were. Her mom was immediately on board and said

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Speaker 1: she wished she could go dress shopping with her. I

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Speaker 1: told my fiance that she should dress shop with her

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Speaker 1: mom so she has someone special there with her. The

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Speaker 1: next day, my fiance drove down to dress shop with

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Speaker 1: her mom and found the perfect dress, and her mom

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00:14:00,679 --> 00:14:04,040
Speaker 1: paid for it with no hesitation. My future mother in

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Speaker 1: law remembered this wedding venue place, and it turns out

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00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:10,480
Speaker 1: she knows the owner. We got an estimate of thirteen

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Speaker 1: thousand for a venue that included everything his and her

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Speaker 1: sweet honeymoon, sweet wedding day coordinator, catering, ceremony, reception, cake, bartender,

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Speaker 1: DJ Real Flowers, Silk flowers, and they took care of

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Speaker 1: all the decorations to our own liking. Oh, that kind

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Speaker 1: of seems like a pretty good deal. I have no

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Speaker 1: idea what a good deal is for this, just put

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Speaker 1: it out there I've openly said my wedding will cost

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Speaker 1: one thousand dollars.

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Speaker 2: So, ladies, there's your guy right.

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Speaker 1: That's I said it once.

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Speaker 2: I'll say it again. I will say the same thing

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Speaker 2: I said to you last time, Dakota. Have you met women.

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Speaker 1: For thirteen thousand dollars? That was a steel compared to

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Speaker 1: venues we looked at that were twenty thousand and up.

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Speaker 1: I planned a day to suit shop with my sister,

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Speaker 1: and we planned a day to meet up with the

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Speaker 1: lady at the venue to take a look around and

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Speaker 1: have a better understanding of things. I spoke to my

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Speaker 1: mom that night. I was already a little upset because

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Speaker 1: two months had passed and she had yet to ask

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00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:10,840
Speaker 1: me anything about our wedding planning or offered any support.

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00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,360
Speaker 1: My parents had just been silent since I mentioned we

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Speaker 1: were wanting to get married two months ago. I basically said,

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Speaker 1: we are wanting to get married in May, so I'm

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Speaker 1: letting you know. I also said Tea's mom already bought

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Speaker 1: her the wedding dress. I said this to solidify how

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Speaker 1: serious we are about getting married. She said, okay, we

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Speaker 1: can help you buy your outfits. Since Te's mom paid

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Speaker 1: for her dress. I was like, okay, thank you, and

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Speaker 1: then told her about the venue. She stated, you can't

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Speaker 1: find anything more economical. We don't have money like Tea's parents.

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Speaker 1: I explained to her that in this economy, this was

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Speaker 1: the most economical that we were going to get compared

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Speaker 1: to how much weddings and other venues cost. Also, I

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Speaker 1: don't remember at any point Tea being referred to as Tea,

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Speaker 1: but that is Op's fiance.

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Speaker 2: Okay, it's Tea.

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Speaker 1: She sighed and said, well, well, you have to let

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Speaker 1: me know exactly what day because I have to request

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Speaker 1: it off and if my boss doesn't give me the

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Speaker 1: day off, then I won't be able to go. I

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Speaker 1: stayed quiet after this comment in disbelief, and then explained

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Speaker 1: to her that the venue was all inclusive. I expressed

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Speaker 1: that my fiance's parents were willing to go half on

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Speaker 1: the venue. My mom rambled on about something and said,

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Speaker 1: let me call you back. Four days went by and

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00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,160
Speaker 1: she never called me back. Instead, she started to ask

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Speaker 1: my younger sister, who lives with them, if she had

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00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,520
Speaker 1: spoken to me. My sister knew the situation and thought

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Speaker 1: it was messed up, so she told our mother that

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Speaker 1: maybe she would call me if she wanted to know

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Speaker 1: how I was doing.

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00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:40,000
Speaker 2: W's sister maybe call her back. Yeah, she's like, hey,

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00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,120
Speaker 2: do you know what uh Opie's up to and everything?

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Speaker 4: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Why don't you call them?

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00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:48,359
Speaker 1: There's a nice there's a little invention. It's a telephone regardless.

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Speaker 1: We went to see the venue two days after my

400
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:54,240
Speaker 1: initial conversation with my mom. The venue was actually located

401
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Speaker 1: near my parents' house, literally down the road right after

402
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Speaker 1: one light. The lady was super sweet and even offered

403
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:04,639
Speaker 1: us the upgraded ceremonial chapel area and honeymoon swee for

404
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:05,600
Speaker 1: no extra charge.

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Speaker 4: Well, they're already charging you thirteen thousand dollars.

406
00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:10,320
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm liking this. I'm not mad.

407
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:13,520
Speaker 1: They're like, we'll upgrade you to the ceremonial chapel area

408
00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:16,560
Speaker 1: and the honeymoon sweed. It's like, well, yeah, I'm paying

409
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:17,800
Speaker 1: thirteen thousand dollars.

410
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:21,360
Speaker 3: So I told as well, this is thirteen thousand percent

411
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:22,480
Speaker 3: over my budget.

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00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:24,080
Speaker 2: Okay, okay.

413
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:27,840
Speaker 1: She even lowered the amount to ten four hundred and

414
00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:30,959
Speaker 1: ninety five with a fifty percent payment up front and

415
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,159
Speaker 1: then the rest of the payment the day before the wedding.

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Speaker 1: The lady was super sweet and we fell in love

417
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:38,840
Speaker 1: with the venue. I told my fiance that this was

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00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:41,800
Speaker 1: an amazing offer and that we couldn't pass it up.

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00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:44,120
Speaker 1: I decided we should try to speak to my dad

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00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,200
Speaker 1: while my mom was at work, so we stopped by

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Speaker 1: my parents' house. My dad sat down next to me

422
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,720
Speaker 1: while I showed him videos of the venue and I

423
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:54,760
Speaker 1: explained everything, and after the last video finished, he just

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00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:58,280
Speaker 1: stood up and didn't say anything. He started to continue

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00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:02,720
Speaker 1: working on the backyard. My sister, fiance and I all

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00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:05,680
Speaker 1: looked at each other confused. So I was like, hey,

427
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:10,639
Speaker 1: and he was like what. I said, Well, what do

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00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:14,359
Speaker 1: you think? And I started making a money hand motion

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00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:16,720
Speaker 1: with my hand to try to be funny and lighten

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Speaker 1: up the mood. I don't know if that if that's

431
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:20,800
Speaker 1: what that was, or it was like I was thinking this,

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00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,439
Speaker 1: like give me what do you think? Give me the money,

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00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,440
Speaker 1: the money money. He said, we don't have the money

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00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:29,840
Speaker 1: for something like that. I said, okay, but Tea's parents

435
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:32,119
Speaker 1: are willing to go half. He said, they don't have

436
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:35,320
Speaker 1: five thousand dollars, which is a wild thing to say

437
00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:39,400
Speaker 1: about somebody else whose finances you are completely unaware of.

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00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:43,119
Speaker 2: Also, so just context, that's like they're pretty, they're up

439
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:43,800
Speaker 2: there in age.

440
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:46,960
Speaker 3: Like I don't know, man, I mean you never know anything,

441
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,360
Speaker 3: but like it doubly, doubly.

442
00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:50,520
Speaker 2: Just crazy for that to be.

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00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:55,560
Speaker 1: They'll pay half. They don't have five dollars, I explained

444
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,879
Speaker 1: the lady, the lady at the venue. The venue lady

445
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:02,359
Speaker 1: is willing to accept fifty percent first twenty five hundred

446
00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:05,679
Speaker 1: from them. He already sounded heated, and was like, I

447
00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:07,920
Speaker 1: guess we would have to put that on a credit card.

448
00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:10,760
Speaker 1: I said, okay, but I wanted to tell you to

449
00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:12,720
Speaker 1: understand that the rest of the money would be due

450
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,480
Speaker 1: before the wedding. He said, If I'm already struggling to

451
00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:17,119
Speaker 1: find twenty five hundred, what makes you think I'll be

452
00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:19,879
Speaker 1: able to have another twenty five hundred. I stayed quiet

453
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:22,560
Speaker 1: at first, and then calmly asked him, Well, how are

454
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:25,160
Speaker 1: you guys able to go to the Dominican republican February

455
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,800
Speaker 1: if you guys don't have any money? Said, oh, I

456
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:30,760
Speaker 1: saw you guys took a nice little vacation. Yeah, what's

457
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:31,359
Speaker 1: going on with that?

458
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,399
Speaker 4: Was that all expenses paid for free?

459
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,320
Speaker 2: What about what about your your suite.

460
00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:37,560
Speaker 3: Huh, how about that? You can't can't pay for my

461
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:38,840
Speaker 3: sweet but you can pay for yours.

462
00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:41,800
Speaker 1: He immediately turned around and started screaming at me and

463
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:44,840
Speaker 1: pointing his fingers, saying I paid for that with bye

464
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:48,760
Speaker 1: by day. I stayed quiet and then said, but if

465
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:52,040
Speaker 1: I were to be marrying a man, things would be different.

466
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:55,960
Speaker 1: Oh I was I thought this. I didn't pick up

467
00:19:56,040 --> 00:20:01,120
Speaker 1: on the the the genders, the sexist at the beginning.

468
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:03,360
Speaker 1: I don't know which one of those words is right.

469
00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:07,399
Speaker 1: Please don't kill me, um. But yes, this is a

470
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:10,720
Speaker 1: definite case of if you had some more traditional values,

471
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:12,520
Speaker 1: maybe we'd be more willing to help you.

472
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:15,080
Speaker 3: If you had a traditional marriage, I would give you

473
00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:16,480
Speaker 3: traditional money.

474
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,879
Speaker 1: He yelled back and said that it had nothing to

475
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,600
Speaker 1: do with that and walked away. I looked at my grandfather,

476
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:24,359
Speaker 1: who looked upset, My fiance looked shocked, and my sister

477
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,919
Speaker 1: looked disappointed. I held back my tears and told my

478
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,479
Speaker 1: fiance to grab our dog and that we were leaving.

479
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:31,920
Speaker 1: I told my grandfather that we would be moving back

480
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,840
Speaker 1: in June and that I would only come around to

481
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,920
Speaker 1: visit him, and said goodbye to my grandfather. My sister

482
00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:39,439
Speaker 1: followed us out and said she knows that I wanted

483
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,159
Speaker 1: to cry, and gave me a hug and said she

484
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:43,639
Speaker 1: would meet me at the suit shop. My fiance and

485
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:45,560
Speaker 1: I got in the car and cried all the way

486
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:48,080
Speaker 1: to the suit chop. I have not spoken to my

487
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,879
Speaker 1: dad since and do not plan on it until I

488
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:53,800
Speaker 1: get an apology. It took my mom five days from

489
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:57,240
Speaker 1: our initial conversation to text me and then call me.

490
00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,160
Speaker 1: She started the conversation acting like everything was fine, which

491
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,040
Speaker 1: truly annoyed me because I was already hurt and this

492
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,520
Speaker 1: is what I would deal with growing up. They would

493
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,080
Speaker 1: just never apologize and then out of nowhere, act like

494
00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:10,919
Speaker 1: everything was fine and think that this was okay to

495
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:14,159
Speaker 1: just move on from things like this. I finally said,

496
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:17,280
Speaker 1: so are we going to address the situation or continue

497
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:19,960
Speaker 1: like everything is fine? She said, are you talking about

498
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:23,000
Speaker 1: the situation with your dad? I said, yeah, that's part

499
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:25,680
Speaker 1: of it. She said, oh, well, you know how you get.

500
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:29,840
Speaker 1: I was shocked and became triggered with this comment, as

501
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,760
Speaker 1: I also was triggered, and as was.

502
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:34,199
Speaker 2: John same here I am.

503
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:37,119
Speaker 1: I was like, how I get He's the one that

504
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:41,359
Speaker 1: yelled at me. I admit I became emotional and responded emotionally.

505
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:43,840
Speaker 1: Unable to control my anger, so I did raise my

506
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,359
Speaker 1: voice a bit on the phone. She said, you come

507
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:49,640
Speaker 1: to ask for money, expecting us to pay. I said,

508
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:52,600
Speaker 1: I asked for support because you guys haven't said anything

509
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:55,240
Speaker 1: or asked if we needed anything. They never offered any

510
00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:58,280
Speaker 1: kind of help and support. She started talking over me

511
00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:00,480
Speaker 1: and was not letting me speak. I was so upset

512
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,439
Speaker 1: that I told her what kind of mother tells their

513
00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:05,200
Speaker 1: daughter that if their boss doesn't give them the day

514
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:07,600
Speaker 1: off that she wouldn't be able to go to their wedding?

515
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,080
Speaker 2: A fair point? Very true, very true.

516
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:12,919
Speaker 1: Like there's got to be such a short list of

517
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,520
Speaker 1: jobs and or bosses where it's like, hey, my daughter's

518
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:17,760
Speaker 1: getting married, can I have the day off? And they'd

519
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,840
Speaker 1: be like, we just can't do it. Are you kidding me?

520
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:20,920
Speaker 4: We just can't do it.

521
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:26,879
Speaker 3: Get back to work, stop stop talking, and start making money.

522
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:30,280
Speaker 1: She kept talking and yelling on the phone over me

523
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,680
Speaker 1: to the point that I couldn't even make out what

524
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:35,119
Speaker 1: she was saying. Next thing I hear is the phone

525
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:38,920
Speaker 1: hang up. She started texting me, saying, when you're ready

526
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,080
Speaker 1: to listen to me, you can call me. I wrote,

527
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:43,280
Speaker 1: you're the one that needs to listen to me, because

528
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,679
Speaker 1: you guys have already caused enough damage to T and I.

529
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:49,159
Speaker 1: She said no. It got kind of heated where I

530
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:51,760
Speaker 1: said she was ungrateful because of how I bent over

531
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,600
Speaker 1: backwards for her to have a good birthday weekend. Then

532
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:57,119
Speaker 1: she wrote me saying that I was the ungrateful one.

533
00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,000
Speaker 1: I had to block her because at that point I

534
00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:02,399
Speaker 1: was shaking and just wanted to scream and cry. The

535
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:05,080
Speaker 1: last thing that I saw from her messages that came

536
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:07,880
Speaker 1: through was something about if she had zell, she would

537
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,119
Speaker 1: send me money for her birthday gift and five hundred

538
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:12,280
Speaker 1: dollars for the dinner, and she also said thank you

539
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:15,480
Speaker 1: for throwing it in my face. Can't we just can't

540
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:18,240
Speaker 1: we all just get along? Folks? Man? Can we all

541
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:19,120
Speaker 1: just get along?

542
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:20,800
Speaker 2: Is it?

543
00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:21,800
Speaker 1: Is it impossible?

544
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:22,200
Speaker 2: Yes?

545
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:25,600
Speaker 1: That is a good point, though I'm not sure how

546
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,240
Speaker 1: I feel being like, well, why what you guys won't

547
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:31,600
Speaker 1: pay five grand for my wedding, and then just being like, well,

548
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:33,520
Speaker 1: is why? Because you don't want to help me? It's like,

549
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:34,440
Speaker 1: I don't know, dude.

550
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 3: That's I think it's less about the money and more

551
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:39,320
Speaker 3: just about their attitude towards it. If they said like, oh, hey,

552
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 3: you know, we're not doing so great on money right now.

553
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 2: We want to do what we can to help support you.

554
00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:48,720
Speaker 3: But it's like, hey, I I don't know if I

555
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:50,600
Speaker 3: can go to the wedding if my boss doesn't let me.

556
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:54,400
Speaker 3: Dad's just like my money, like it's there. It's their

557
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:55,919
Speaker 3: attitude and energy towards it.

558
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:56,159
Speaker 2: You know.

559
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 3: I feel like they could still be amazing parents while

560
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:01,560
Speaker 3: not spending a time potentially on the wedding because you know,

561
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:02,840
Speaker 3: who knows there's a situation.

562
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:06,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, and just basically like you gotta earn it. Yeah,

563
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,280
Speaker 1: why am I gonna pay for your wedding? It's not mine,

564
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:10,160
Speaker 1: it's yours.

565
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:11,000
Speaker 2: Exactly.

566
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:13,280
Speaker 1: The thing is, I wasn't trying to throw it in

567
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:14,920
Speaker 1: her face. I was trying to get her to see

568
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:18,199
Speaker 1: things from my perspective and understand how I felt. Of course,

569
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,359
Speaker 1: is my parents. They have done a lot for me,

570
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,720
Speaker 1: but I have also been a good daughter who has

571
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:25,560
Speaker 1: been their personal translator for them since the age of six.

572
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:27,600
Speaker 1: Anything they needed me to do on the computer, I

573
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:30,879
Speaker 1: would do for them, like resumes or job applications, resignation letters,

574
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:33,720
Speaker 1: et cetera. Anything that they needed me to translate or

575
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:36,320
Speaker 1: be there for, I would do it. My fiance even

576
00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:38,960
Speaker 1: told her parents that whenever my parents need something, I

577
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,840
Speaker 1: am quick to drop everything that I'm doing and go

578
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 1: help them. She's witnessed my family slash, my people pleasing behavior,

579
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:47,879
Speaker 1: and she's the one that has taught me how to

580
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,280
Speaker 1: not take so much on and help me learn how

581
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:52,600
Speaker 1: to say no to certain things because I would always

582
00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:55,880
Speaker 1: run myself dry, not filling up my own cup. Uh.

583
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:59,439
Speaker 1: The situation is truly disheartening. I told my fiance that

584
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:01,359
Speaker 1: I don't want my parents at the wedding, and as

585
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:03,399
Speaker 1: much as it breaks my heart to let the wedding

586
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:06,000
Speaker 1: venue go, we have to. Her parents were willing to

587
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 1: still go half with us on the wedding venue, but

588
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:10,920
Speaker 1: they also didn't want us to put ourselves in debt

589
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,159
Speaker 1: since we want to save up for a house. So

590
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:16,160
Speaker 1: at this point, I haven't spoken to my family other

591
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:18,800
Speaker 1: than my sister. We decided to go with our original

592
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:21,400
Speaker 1: plan and do the courthouse wedding with a nice reception

593
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 1: dinner at Maggiano's. My fiance's parents are willing to pay

594
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,919
Speaker 1: for the reception and the photographer. My sister even offered

595
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:31,239
Speaker 1: to give us five hundred bucks after she figures out

596
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:33,919
Speaker 1: her tax situation. At this point, I don't think I

597
00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:36,679
Speaker 1: want my parents there, and I do not think I

598
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:39,080
Speaker 1: will be inviting them to the courthouse. I think that

599
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:41,160
Speaker 1: maybe I will be more upset if I see them

600
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:44,119
Speaker 1: and remember all the pain they caused me around wedding planning.

601
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:46,600
Speaker 1: I'm not upset that they can't help me financially. I'm

602
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:48,959
Speaker 1: hurt that I had to ask them for help instead

603
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:52,119
Speaker 1: of them offering or having a simple, calm conversation about it.

604
00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:54,200
Speaker 1: I would have loved if they had been like, hey,

605
00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:56,040
Speaker 1: we don't have a lot of money, but we want

606
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,400
Speaker 1: to extend our help and support in any kind of way.

607
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,080
Speaker 1: There are many ways to support an adult child on

608
00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:04,159
Speaker 1: the most important day of their life that doesn't include money.

609
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 1: It was their lack of interest in asking us how

610
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 1: the wedding planning was going. It's like they turned their

611
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:12,600
Speaker 1: blinders on after I mentioned it's a strange situation because

612
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,000
Speaker 1: they love my fiance. Part of me thinks it's low

613
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,800
Speaker 1: key embedded in them that two women shouldn't be married,

614
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:20,560
Speaker 1: But my sister and fiance don't think it's that they

615
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:22,920
Speaker 1: are very old school, but have come a long way

616
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:25,560
Speaker 1: since my sister and I are both attracted to the

617
00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:29,320
Speaker 1: same gender. My fiance thinks that they are embarrassed that

618
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:32,200
Speaker 1: they aren't able to financially help us like her parents,

619
00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:34,400
Speaker 1: but are going about it the wrong way. The way

620
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 1: they're reacting is just so strange. We are all confused.

621
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:39,560
Speaker 1: All my future mother in law can say is that

622
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:42,399
Speaker 1: she is so sorry and has been supportive and emotionally

623
00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:44,600
Speaker 1: there for us. I feel grateful to be a part

624
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,960
Speaker 1: of my fiance's family and can't wait to marry their daughter.

625
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:51,200
Speaker 1: Aw they have truly shown up for us, especially during

626
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:54,480
Speaker 1: this difficult and stressful time. What do you guys think

627
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:56,920
Speaker 1: I should do regarding my parents? What do you think

628
00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,120
Speaker 1: is going on or why they are reacting this way?

629
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:03,000
Speaker 1: Am I wrong for wanting nothing to do with them?

630
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:03,280
Speaker 2: Now?

631
00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:06,040
Speaker 1: I feel so hurt and lost. We were so excited

632
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:07,960
Speaker 1: to be wedding planning, and now I feel like every

633
00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:10,440
Speaker 1: day is a struggle for me to get anything done

634
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:12,600
Speaker 1: and be motivated. I feel like I'm going through a

635
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:14,679
Speaker 1: mini depressive moment in my life when I should be

636
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:17,320
Speaker 1: happy and excited to be marrying the love of my

637
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:20,240
Speaker 1: life and my best friend. I even created a GoFundMe

638
00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:22,200
Speaker 1: to see if that would help pay for the wedding venue,

639
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:24,360
Speaker 1: but nothing so far. I really just wanted to see

640
00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:26,440
Speaker 1: my fiance walk down the aisle. We fell in love

641
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:28,520
Speaker 1: with this wedding venue, but we had to accept that

642
00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:31,640
Speaker 1: we can't afford it without putting ourselves in a financial restraint.

643
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,399
Speaker 1: I was excited about the courthouse Elope Mint style wedding

644
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:37,439
Speaker 1: before seeing this venue and imagining what could be. Now,

645
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:39,720
Speaker 1: it's hard to go back to feeling excited about the

646
00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:43,080
Speaker 1: courthouse slash Elope Mint wedding. I'm trying to get back

647
00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:46,120
Speaker 1: to that feeling though, by looking at the amazing photos

648
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:48,920
Speaker 1: our photographer has taken of other couples at the courthouse

649
00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:51,119
Speaker 1: and surrounding areas. Hoping to speak with her in the

650
00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:54,160
Speaker 1: next few days to solidify things. And by the way,

651
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:58,880
Speaker 1: you can listen to full episodes with stories like this

652
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:01,639
Speaker 1: for not just the next few days, but for the

653
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:08,880
Speaker 1: next fifty three days non stop on Spotify. iHeartRadio, Apple podcasts.

654
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:13,399
Speaker 1: Wherever you listen to podcasts, search Okay story Time, and

655
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:17,360
Speaker 1: there you can listen to over twelve hundred and seventy

656
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:21,360
Speaker 1: two hours worth of stories. Now, but we do have

657
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:25,160
Speaker 1: some more story here. But John, John, let's get start. Okay,

658
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:27,600
Speaker 1: what are we gonna do? What are we doing about

659
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:30,240
Speaker 1: the parents? How are we are we keeping the parents

660
00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:31,520
Speaker 1: out of the courthouse wedding.

661
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:34,840
Speaker 3: I think we need to maybe take a beat, you know,

662
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:36,440
Speaker 3: and think about, Okay, like what do we want to

663
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:38,640
Speaker 3: do here? If OP does not want the parents at

664
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:42,360
Speaker 3: the wedding, that's totally fair' that's you know, the people who.

665
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 2: Hold the wedding decide who is.

666
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:48,000
Speaker 3: At the wedding. That is how that works. So if

667
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,520
Speaker 3: it be ultimately decides that, you know, go for it.

668
00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:53,880
Speaker 3: And maybe maybe I think it could be worth saying.

669
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:56,200
Speaker 3: And I know that the parents are just crashing out

670
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:58,320
Speaker 3: and you know, we're trying, and they're just always saying

671
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,040
Speaker 3: terrible things, but maybe going to them and being like, hey, listen,

672
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:05,240
Speaker 3: like everything you've said and done throughout this whole wedding

673
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:08,160
Speaker 3: planning experience makes me want to not invite.

674
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:08,520
Speaker 2: You to the wedding.

675
00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:11,560
Speaker 3: I you know, I would love to have my parents there,

676
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:16,120
Speaker 3: but like, if you don't start you know, acting in

677
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,760
Speaker 3: a way that's like actually supportive, I don't want you

678
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:19,680
Speaker 3: at my wedding.

679
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:22,440
Speaker 1: Right because very it does feel like very sort of

680
00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:26,080
Speaker 1: bird in summer. Afterthought ish the way that they're approaching it,

681
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:27,960
Speaker 1: because it's like I get it where it's like, oh

682
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:29,880
Speaker 1: we can we have five thousand dollars, but instead of

683
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:33,160
Speaker 1: being like how dare you ask us for five thousand dollars,

684
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,560
Speaker 1: it's more just like, well, I have five thousand dollars,

685
00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:37,480
Speaker 1: but I can help you in a different way, like

686
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:39,200
Speaker 1: what do you need? What else do you need? So

687
00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:41,480
Speaker 1: I told my fiance that any money that is given

688
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:43,880
Speaker 1: to us during the reception dinner, I would like to

689
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:46,680
Speaker 1: give it to her parents because they deserve it. We

690
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:50,400
Speaker 1: never had to ask them for anything. They immediately offered

691
00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:53,040
Speaker 1: and we're like, we will pay for this, let's do this,

692
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:56,280
Speaker 1: Let's let me know et cetera. Grateful for her family,

693
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:59,000
Speaker 1: and there are some comments. Comment one, I am not

694
00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:01,760
Speaker 1: sure you actually received an agreement that they would hand

695
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:05,400
Speaker 1: over five thousand dollars for your wedding ten thousand. Not

696
00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:08,080
Speaker 1: quite sure what all inclusive covers or how many guests,

697
00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:11,080
Speaker 1: et cetera. Seems very reasonable, but if they can't afford it,

698
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:13,720
Speaker 1: they can't afford it. They should have communicated this better though,

699
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:16,640
Speaker 1: Comment too, I'm not sure why you expected them to

700
00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:19,040
Speaker 1: give you money. You didn't ask if they were able

701
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:21,320
Speaker 1: to give you money. You made a joke about money

702
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:23,120
Speaker 1: in the past. Did they ever tell you they would

703
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 1: help pay for a wedding? Have you ever talked about

704
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:28,560
Speaker 1: finances with them? Something is going on. Just because they

705
00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:30,840
Speaker 1: had money for a vacation doesn't mean they have money

706
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:33,440
Speaker 1: for you. Some people live paycheck to paycheck. I think

707
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:36,479
Speaker 1: you expected too much from them. However, they are treating

708
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:38,880
Speaker 1: you like crap for some reason. I know that hurts.

709
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:42,000
Speaker 1: I would suggest going no contact for the immediate future

710
00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:44,840
Speaker 1: and don't invite them. Just try to enjoy your day

711
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,640
Speaker 1: and your new life. Good luck and congratulations to you

712
00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:50,920
Speaker 1: and your partner, Op says in reply to that comment.

713
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:53,320
Speaker 1: Two months ago, I told them that we were starting

714
00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:55,600
Speaker 1: to wedding plan and wanted to get married this year

715
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:59,560
Speaker 1: since my grandfather is still alive. I've had two grandmothers

716
00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:02,600
Speaker 1: pass away one year after the next. During the time

717
00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:05,040
Speaker 1: my fiance and I have been married, my mom joked

718
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:07,360
Speaker 1: about the wedding because that's how I was raised to

719
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:10,720
Speaker 1: use humor when avoiding serious topics. I got frustrated and

720
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,200
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, never mind, I guess we will. Elope

721
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 1: then she said, well, if Tea's parents are going to contribute,

722
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:17,560
Speaker 1: then we will as well. Then they never brought up

723
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:20,560
Speaker 1: the wedding or ask anything regarding our wedding planning. They

724
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:22,840
Speaker 1: stayed silent. A few weeks ago, when I spoke to

725
00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:25,320
Speaker 1: her about my fiance's mom buying her dress, she said

726
00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 1: she would pay for my outfit. Then she got overwhelmed.

727
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:29,719
Speaker 1: When I tried to talk to her about the venue,

728
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:31,520
Speaker 1: she told me she would call back and never did

729
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:34,080
Speaker 1: until five days later. When we argued, she did her

730
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:36,880
Speaker 1: usual avoidant technique. I figured I would ask to see

731
00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:38,600
Speaker 1: if they could help with the venue, since they had

732
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:40,240
Speaker 1: told me they would help two months ago. They never

733
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:42,200
Speaker 1: gave me an amount or asked for a budget. They

734
00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:45,080
Speaker 1: never spoke on it or asked questions. I've had to

735
00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:47,240
Speaker 1: be the one to bring anything up. I understand they

736
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:49,280
Speaker 1: don't have the money, and that's fine. I just don't

737
00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:51,800
Speaker 1: appreciate how I'm being treated when I bend over backwards

738
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:54,080
Speaker 1: for them my whole life. Well, I understand that, but

739
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:56,600
Speaker 1: also I don't understand your comment of I've had to

740
00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:58,480
Speaker 1: be the one to bring everything up. It's like, yeah,

741
00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:01,960
Speaker 1: it's your wedding, Yeah, you gotta be proactive about stuff

742
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:03,680
Speaker 1: in your life. I don't care if it's your parents.

743
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think, like, you know, and Opie said, like,

744
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 3: it's not about the money, But I don't know. There

745
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:11,320
Speaker 3: is a sense of like I feel like there's a

746
00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:13,920
Speaker 3: tipping point where like, okay, this is just becoming too much.

747
00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:16,640
Speaker 3: I mean, OPI hasn't said whether they could afford it

748
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:17,400
Speaker 3: or not or have.

749
00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:20,320
Speaker 1: Right, It's like, if the core of this is my

750
00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:22,600
Speaker 1: parents wouldn't give me five thousand dollars, should I cut

751
00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:24,080
Speaker 1: them off and not let them go to my wedding?

752
00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:26,720
Speaker 1: The answer is absolutely not. That is a ridiculous thing

753
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:29,480
Speaker 1: to do because you know, judging from your dad's response,

754
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:31,800
Speaker 1: you being like, oh, well you went on that vacation

755
00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:34,680
Speaker 1: to Puerto Rico or the Dominican Republic like like with

756
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:36,920
Speaker 1: I guess that means you're not broke. The way he

757
00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:39,800
Speaker 1: got so angry after that might be an indicator that

758
00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:42,520
Speaker 1: their finances are kind of messed up right now. Yeah,

759
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:44,600
Speaker 1: And he might have gotten mad because he thought, I

760
00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:47,040
Speaker 1: don't have the money to have gone to the Dominican

761
00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:47,880
Speaker 1: Republican and I wish.

762
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:48,440
Speaker 2: I had it all back.

763
00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:50,360
Speaker 1: And so now he's yelling at you because he's like,

764
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:52,960
Speaker 1: cause there was mine, and it's like, I don't know.

765
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:56,520
Speaker 2: A lot of misstrected. Yeah, potentially miss.

766
00:32:56,280 --> 00:33:00,040
Speaker 1: Was right, because I'm noticing all throughout this story, the

767
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:02,480
Speaker 1: consistent theme is miscommunication.

768
00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:03,840
Speaker 2: Yes, there is.

769
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:08,880
Speaker 1: No consistent foundation of communication between Op and her fiance

770
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:10,440
Speaker 1: and her parents.

771
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:13,520
Speaker 3: And also Op instead of being like, hey, so I

772
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:15,960
Speaker 3: know we had this conversation about it before, but do

773
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:17,280
Speaker 3: you guys think you could help?

774
00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:19,280
Speaker 2: Like this is seem before she was like she was.

775
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:21,600
Speaker 1: Like, hey, money, where's the money?

776
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:25,600
Speaker 2: I'm like, that is not maybe not the best way

777
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:25,800
Speaker 2: to do.

778
00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:28,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, So especially if you're a traditional person or it's like,

779
00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:30,080
Speaker 1: you know your parents are a little more traditional or

780
00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:31,600
Speaker 1: a little more like you know where it's like if

781
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:33,480
Speaker 1: you're gonna ask your dad for five thousand dollars, they're

782
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:36,640
Speaker 1: probably like, you know, you'd be like, hello, sir, Yeah, man,

783
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:38,440
Speaker 1: I ask for your you know, I don't know, I'm

784
00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:40,080
Speaker 1: not I don't know your dad. Yeah, but it's like

785
00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:43,360
Speaker 1: I'm just spitballing here. I figured I would ask to

786
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:45,360
Speaker 1: see if they could help with the venue, since they

787
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:47,280
Speaker 1: had told me they would help two months ago. They

788
00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 1: never gave me an amount or asked for a budget.

789
00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:51,840
Speaker 1: They never spoke on it or asked questions. I've had

790
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:54,120
Speaker 1: to be the one to bring anything up. I understand

791
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:56,840
Speaker 1: they don't have the money, and that is fine. I

792
00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:59,480
Speaker 1: just don't appreciate how I'm being treated when I bend

793
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:01,800
Speaker 1: over back for them my whole life. It's not about

794
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 1: the lack of financial support. It's about the lack of

795
00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:07,400
Speaker 1: interest in our wedding, the lack of seriousness and emotional

796
00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:10,439
Speaker 1: support through this journey. Also, the only reason I brought

797
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:12,480
Speaker 1: up money to my dad the way I did was

798
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:15,560
Speaker 1: because he watched the wedding venue video and just got

799
00:34:15,719 --> 00:34:19,080
Speaker 1: up without saying a word and made things awkward. So

800
00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:21,680
Speaker 1: I resorted to trying to make a joke to lighten

801
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:23,799
Speaker 1: the mood. They never let me say much because he

802
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:26,280
Speaker 1: resorted to yelling and saying they don't have the money.

803
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:28,919
Speaker 1: I was willing to accept whatever they were able to give,

804
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 1: but I also don't like asking, so I was already

805
00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:34,640
Speaker 1: frustrated that I even had to bring up an uncomfortable

806
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:38,000
Speaker 1: conversation about money and about having a wedding. At this point,

807
00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 1: we could have secretly eloped, and a year from now

808
00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:42,520
Speaker 1: my parents wouldn't have even asked us what day we

809
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:45,759
Speaker 1: were planning to get married. That's how uninvolved they have been.

810
00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 1: We've been engaged for two years and not once has

811
00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:50,840
Speaker 1: it been brought up by them. I agree with you

812
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:53,440
Speaker 1: about the no contact, which is what I have been

813
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:56,480
Speaker 1: planning on doing. It's not fair to me or my fiance,

814
00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:59,600
Speaker 1: and I refuse to have my fiance experience what I

815
00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:03,720
Speaker 1: had growing up, my dad's angry and yelling outbursts. Okay,

816
00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:06,759
Speaker 1: well that's information. All I want is an apology for

817
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:09,200
Speaker 1: once in my life. I don't even want their money.

818
00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:11,480
Speaker 1: I just want an interest in me getting married to

819
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:13,880
Speaker 1: the person that I love. Thank you for your comment,

820
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:16,040
Speaker 1: and that is the end of that story. Dang. I

821
00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:19,600
Speaker 1: strongly suggest do not go no contact with your parents. Yeah,

822
00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:22,799
Speaker 1: you you want that stuff, You want the apology, Like

823
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:26,319
Speaker 1: all of this is very achievable, but you cannot get

824
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:29,920
Speaker 1: there without communication, and nothing has happened at this point

825
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:32,480
Speaker 1: that I would deem as like, all right, we can't.

826
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:34,520
Speaker 1: This is a point of no return. You can't come

827
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:34,960
Speaker 1: back from this.

828
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:36,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, to your point, Like, I feel like it'll

829
00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:39,880
Speaker 3: probably be very healing for OP to be able to

830
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,759
Speaker 3: communicate in a way where it's like, okay, like maybe

831
00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:45,680
Speaker 3: maybe they're like we just felt constantly pressured to like

832
00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:48,680
Speaker 3: get the money and then I like did a stupid

833
00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:51,360
Speaker 3: thing which was getting angry at you and like not acceptable,

834
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:53,120
Speaker 3: but this happened, and I'm sorry, and like I don't

835
00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:55,080
Speaker 3: know that like to your point, I think there is

836
00:35:55,600 --> 00:36:00,680
Speaker 3: a world where that happens. John here og we're gonna

837
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:02,439
Speaker 3: get back to these stories, but a quick three minute

838
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:04,040
Speaker 3: break from as from our sponsors.

839
00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:07,640
Speaker 4: My coworker hit her disability on a dating app. I

840
00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:13,520
Speaker 4: told her it's dishonest. Yes, this is a tough one,

841
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:16,360
Speaker 4: and I'm genuinely curious to know what people think. So

842
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:20,280
Speaker 4: here goes. I have a coworker called Caroline, who, as

843
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:23,880
Speaker 4: you can guess, is disabled. She's in a motorized wheelchair

844
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:25,960
Speaker 4: and can't really move a lot, but is still very

845
00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:29,600
Speaker 4: capable for her job and a lovely fun person in general.

846
00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:31,520
Speaker 4: By the way, by the way, this comes from Deep

847
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:33,760
Speaker 4: season fifteen seventy seven, and if you want to submit

848
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:36,239
Speaker 4: your own stories, go to our slash Okay storytime Separate it.

849
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:38,960
Speaker 4: So we were talking on a break about dating and

850
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:41,560
Speaker 4: dating apps, how I had never used one, and how

851
00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:45,719
Speaker 4: she did talking about our experiences casual conversation really, and

852
00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:48,440
Speaker 4: we were careful not to go into detail or anything

853
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 4: or make each other uncomfortable till this came up. She

854
00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:54,160
Speaker 4: brought up how she didn't disclose that she was in

855
00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:56,960
Speaker 4: a wheelchair or disabled on her Tinder bio because it

856
00:36:57,040 --> 00:37:00,520
Speaker 4: tended to scare people off or make people unco comfortable

857
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:03,280
Speaker 4: when they chat through the app. This confused me, because

858
00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:06,560
Speaker 4: it's very obvious she's in a wheelchair, and if they

859
00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:08,440
Speaker 4: want on a date in person, they would find that

860
00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:11,960
Speaker 4: out very fast. There is absolutely no way she can

861
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 4: function in daily life without it, so she can't exactly

862
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:17,200
Speaker 4: stash it nearby or something and just sit on a

863
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:19,560
Speaker 4: chair during the date. She also told me that she

864
00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 4: does not tell them at all until they show up

865
00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:24,080
Speaker 4: to the date and see the fact she's in a

866
00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:27,640
Speaker 4: wheelchair right in front of them. Anyway, I may be

867
00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:30,719
Speaker 4: stupidly pointed out that that is it not dishonest to

868
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:33,040
Speaker 4: not share that she's in a wheelchair on her bio

869
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:35,840
Speaker 4: or disclose it to potential partners before meeting for the

870
00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:38,760
Speaker 4: first time. She told me that everyone on dating apps

871
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:40,799
Speaker 4: lies about stuff, so she doesn't see the big deal.

872
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:43,120
Speaker 4: I told Caroline that it's not like hiding you have

873
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:45,600
Speaker 4: a twin or an accent or a particular way of looking.

874
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:48,719
Speaker 4: This is something that will heavily impact their dating life

875
00:37:48,719 --> 00:37:50,759
Speaker 4: with you, and they should be aware of that going in.

876
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:53,640
Speaker 4: She's a wonderful person and shouldn't feel awkward about it,

877
00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:55,520
Speaker 4: and there are plenty of people out there who aren't

878
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:58,440
Speaker 4: phased by their partners being in wheelchairs. So I didn't

879
00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:01,080
Speaker 4: think she should lie about it. She went off at

880
00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:03,400
Speaker 4: a uff, saying I didn't understand, but now I'm worried

881
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:06,359
Speaker 4: I'm somehow being the a hole by telling her this.

882
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:08,960
Speaker 4: I know it's not really my business, and I never

883
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:10,759
Speaker 4: would have told her this if she didn't ask me.

884
00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:13,640
Speaker 4: Slash hadn't brought up the subject at all. I just

885
00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:15,440
Speaker 4: didn't want to lie to her about what I thought,

886
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:17,480
Speaker 4: and I tried to be tactful, but I think it

887
00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:20,680
Speaker 4: blew up in my face. Am I the a whole?

888
00:38:20,760 --> 00:38:23,120
Speaker 4: And quick clarifications? She asked what I thought when she

889
00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:25,719
Speaker 4: mentioned how she hit her disability on the app. I'm

890
00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:27,759
Speaker 4: guessing she saw my surprise in my face when she

891
00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:31,000
Speaker 4: said that I would never tell her or anyone in

892
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:33,160
Speaker 4: my opinion on a delicate matter like this if they

893
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:37,080
Speaker 4: didn't ask first and there are some comments, Do you

894
00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:39,319
Speaker 4: have any thoughts before we jump into the comments.

895
00:38:40,239 --> 00:38:43,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I don't think you're an a hole

896
00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:45,600
Speaker 1: for bringing it up. I mean it really just depend

897
00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:49,319
Speaker 1: on the context of like, how are we saying thing?

898
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:50,040
Speaker 3: Sure?

899
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:51,000
Speaker 1: Did we say it?

900
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:52,760
Speaker 4: Yeah? Were you like you're a liar?

901
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:57,080
Speaker 1: Yeah? You like you should feel disgusted? Dirty diy a

902
00:38:57,120 --> 00:39:01,560
Speaker 1: lot soul. Your dirty soul is rinsing away, because if.

903
00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:03,359
Speaker 4: You said it like that, that you'd be the a hole.

904
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:05,960
Speaker 4: But if if she said, you know, what do you

905
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:08,360
Speaker 4: think about this? Do you think that's okay? And you're like, well,

906
00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:12,520
Speaker 4: it's you know, you know, it's not necessarily you weren't.

907
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:14,480
Speaker 4: You're not the a hole for telling her if she asked.

908
00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:16,640
Speaker 4: But also I don't think she's necessarily the a hole

909
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:19,080
Speaker 4: for for going about it in that way either, because

910
00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:22,000
Speaker 4: she kind of might be right. You might not get it, Yeah, yeah,

911
00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:24,480
Speaker 4: I do, might not get it. Yeah, I mean I'm

912
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:27,239
Speaker 4: not the sable I'm completely like as able bodied people,

913
00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:30,640
Speaker 4: we go about the world completely different, so we don't

914
00:39:30,719 --> 00:39:34,520
Speaker 4: understand those How it feels to have to kind of

915
00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:38,240
Speaker 4: assessor assess people out on dating app specifically.

916
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:40,400
Speaker 1: My dating profile doesn't have that. My back is always

917
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:43,239
Speaker 1: messed up at a whack like. Yeah, they find that

918
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:43,920
Speaker 1: out later.

919
00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:47,960
Speaker 4: The leader a sum of Opie's comments, Commoner says, not

920
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:51,000
Speaker 4: the a hole. You're entitled to your ideals and opinions,

921
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,920
Speaker 4: and she's entitled to her. Her lived experience is that

922
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:56,160
Speaker 4: she gets far fewer Tinder hits if she adds the

923
00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:58,719
Speaker 4: information to her bio, so she opts to leave it

924
00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:00,759
Speaker 4: out because she wants people to least get to know

925
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:04,120
Speaker 4: her before rejecting her on that basis. Feel free to

926
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:06,160
Speaker 4: lay all of your cards on the table in your

927
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:10,279
Speaker 4: personal Tinder profile. Opie says, Yeah. I think she's absolutely

928
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:12,160
Speaker 4: entitled to live the way she wants, and I don't

929
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:14,359
Speaker 4: really think she's being a bad person in any way

930
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:17,319
Speaker 4: for hiding the information on her Tinder. She asked what

931
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:20,080
Speaker 4: I thought about it. I replied honestly, But now I

932
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:23,960
Speaker 4: wonder if I'm a prick for telling the truth. Commra says,

933
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:27,560
Speaker 4: not the a hole. I would recommend apologizing, though whoever

934
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:29,880
Speaker 4: she dates can decide for themselves if they want to

935
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:32,719
Speaker 4: continue seeing her after the first date. It's not like

936
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:34,680
Speaker 4: she'll be hiding this from them for two years and

937
00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:37,719
Speaker 4: revealing it right before the wedding exactly, it's good. I mean,

938
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:39,799
Speaker 4: first date is when you decide whether or not you

939
00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:42,479
Speaker 4: want to have another date. So Opie says, Oh yeah,

940
00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:45,360
Speaker 4: I apologized immediately, but she's still in a huff with me,

941
00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:47,040
Speaker 4: and now I just wonder if I should have kept

942
00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:50,400
Speaker 4: my mouth shut, to be honest, Commra says in response

943
00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:52,480
Speaker 4: to this, confused me because it's very obvious she's in

944
00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:54,480
Speaker 4: a wheelchair, and if they went on a date in person,

945
00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:57,240
Speaker 4: they would find out that very fast and they respond.

946
00:40:57,440 --> 00:40:59,759
Speaker 4: Have you considered that there is maybe a step or

947
00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:02,200
Speaker 4: two between them reading her profile and them going on

948
00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:04,520
Speaker 4: a date. I think it would be weird not to

949
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:07,000
Speaker 4: bring up before meeting in person, but I think it's

950
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:09,120
Speaker 4: fine to leave it out of the profile and then

951
00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:12,080
Speaker 4: bring it up in chat or messages or whatever. Some

952
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:14,440
Speaker 4: people would definitely not try and connect with someone with

953
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:16,920
Speaker 4: the disability, but be okay with it if they were

954
00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:20,400
Speaker 4: clicking with the person. Opie says, Oh, I get that entirely,

955
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:23,360
Speaker 4: don't mistake me. The fact that confused me more is

956
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:26,280
Speaker 4: that she didn't tell anyone anything until they met in person.

957
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:28,399
Speaker 4: If it were me, I'd want to know at least

958
00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:30,680
Speaker 4: before showing up to the date. I know there's plenty

959
00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:33,440
Speaker 4: of chatting in between and then it's not relevant, But

960
00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:35,319
Speaker 4: to say nothing at all and just let them be

961
00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:38,760
Speaker 4: shocked on the day that seems odd to me. Commnor

962
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:41,359
Speaker 4: says for what it's worth, I strongly agree with you.

963
00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:43,920
Speaker 4: I can understand her perspective, but it seems like she's

964
00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:46,480
Speaker 4: setting herself up for even more disappointment than those apps

965
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:49,560
Speaker 4: usually bring. I'll be honest, I wouldn't date someone in

966
00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:51,359
Speaker 4: a wheelchair because there are a lot of things I

967
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:53,440
Speaker 4: like to do that would be off limits to do together.

968
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:56,160
Speaker 4: I'd have the same response to someone who was just

969
00:41:56,280 --> 00:42:00,160
Speaker 4: uninterested in those activities. Obviously, it's different if you're in

970
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:03,000
Speaker 4: a committed relationship and that person becomes disabled later on.

971
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:05,400
Speaker 4: I wouldn't leave someone I love. That's part of what

972
00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:08,120
Speaker 4: you sign up for and hope responds. I worry more

973
00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:10,440
Speaker 4: than anything that people would get angry or upset or

974
00:42:10,520 --> 00:42:12,479
Speaker 4: lash out at her for not being straight up before

975
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 4: the date about her disability. Someone could be really violent

976
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:18,279
Speaker 4: about what they view as deception, and she won't be

977
00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:21,880
Speaker 4: able to defend herself. In general, you should be making

978
00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:25,920
Speaker 4: sure that you're in a public space like that is

979
00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:29,320
Speaker 4: always a thing, especially when you go on dates with strangers,

980
00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:31,880
Speaker 4: like you should be preparing yourself and making sure that

981
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:33,359
Speaker 4: people know where you are and you're in a public

982
00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:37,000
Speaker 4: space in general. Yeah, I don't think that is necessarily

983
00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:38,879
Speaker 4: like a like a fair point.

984
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:39,200
Speaker 2: Yeah.

985
00:42:39,239 --> 00:42:41,879
Speaker 1: I think that's like any at any point at any

986
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:45,600
Speaker 1: time during anyone's day, it's like you could be find

987
00:42:45,640 --> 00:42:48,520
Speaker 1: yourself in a violent situation, but it's like, I don't know,

988
00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:51,560
Speaker 1: gotta be prepared. Yeah, yeah, I think that's a little

989
00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:54,440
Speaker 1: I think you could probably tell like maybe I shouldn't

990
00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:55,320
Speaker 1: go on a date with this guy wh seems a

991
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:56,080
Speaker 1: little unstable.

992
00:42:56,320 --> 00:42:58,359
Speaker 4: Yeah. I just think in general, like if you're going

993
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:00,960
Speaker 4: on dates with strangers, like you should have a plan,

994
00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:05,480
Speaker 4: you know. Commoner asks are you close personal friends have

995
00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:07,719
Speaker 4: you hung out with or outside of work? Are you

996
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:09,800
Speaker 4: in a line of work where people discuss things openly

997
00:43:09,840 --> 00:43:13,239
Speaker 4: all the time? Also have you considered that disclosing wheelchair

998
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:16,920
Speaker 4: use can attract predators, which is what someone mentioned before.

999
00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:20,040
Speaker 4: As a disabled person, I would be very hesitant to

1000
00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:22,040
Speaker 4: use an app to meet people. There is no good

1001
00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:25,240
Speaker 4: time to disclose a relative stranger that you're more physically,

1002
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:29,040
Speaker 4: socially or financially vulnerable than the average person. Opie says,

1003
00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:31,440
Speaker 4: we're good friends outside of work, like we hang out

1004
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:33,359
Speaker 4: and get dinner once a week and catch up about

1005
00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:36,760
Speaker 4: various personal interests we share. I wouldn't have been perhaps

1006
00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:39,439
Speaker 4: as honest if I didn't know her well. She brought

1007
00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:41,879
Speaker 4: up the conversation to me first, talking about her date

1008
00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:43,920
Speaker 4: on the weekend before and how it went with how

1009
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:45,840
Speaker 4: the subject of online dating came up. I want to

1010
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:48,440
Speaker 4: know how that date went. That's the key, Right, did

1011
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:52,040
Speaker 4: it go out? Did it like he storm out? What happened? Also,

1012
00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:54,520
Speaker 4: I'm very aware of those factors. I just think it's

1013
00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:57,200
Speaker 4: a bit dishonest to not inform someone when you agree

1014
00:43:57,239 --> 00:43:59,120
Speaker 4: to a date and they don't say anything about it

1015
00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:01,160
Speaker 4: till they show up to meet you and see you

1016
00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:03,239
Speaker 4: in a wheelchair, like really quick here.

1017
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:07,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that we were focusing a little too

1018
00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:10,480
Speaker 1: much on like the deception of like date number one. Now,

1019
00:44:10,560 --> 00:44:12,680
Speaker 1: if this is something where it's like you've been talking

1020
00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:16,080
Speaker 1: for four months and you like, oh, let's meet up

1021
00:44:16,120 --> 00:44:18,760
Speaker 1: blah blah blah, and you for four months didn't disclose

1022
00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:20,920
Speaker 1: that you had, you know, a disability or you were

1023
00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:23,640
Speaker 1: in a wheelchair for that long. That's when I'm like,

1024
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:25,879
Speaker 1: all right, now, you're kind of wasting our time here. Yeah,

1025
00:44:25,920 --> 00:44:28,759
Speaker 1: it's like, okay, why are yeah casually talking? And then

1026
00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:29,719
Speaker 1: you go to the first date, it's like.

1027
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:30,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, by the way, I'm disabled.

1028
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:33,960
Speaker 1: I'd be like, I don't know. I think that's she's

1029
00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:35,760
Speaker 1: probably figured out that that's just the way that works

1030
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:36,239
Speaker 1: best for it.

1031
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:39,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, but there is an update. Since there's been a

1032
00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:42,160
Speaker 4: few questions or comments about various parts of this, I

1033
00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:46,520
Speaker 4: feel obligated to share more info. I apologized immediately after

1034
00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:48,520
Speaker 4: she got huffy with me. I did not just let

1035
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:51,400
Speaker 4: the matter sit. Whilst she is still a little bit

1036
00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:54,640
Speaker 4: off with me, we have not stopped speaking. By any means. Well,

1037
00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:56,600
Speaker 4: she is a coworker. I would say we are also

1038
00:44:56,760 --> 00:44:59,399
Speaker 4: light friends. Given we get dinner together once a week

1039
00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:01,359
Speaker 4: and catch mo together, share hobbies, et cetera.

1040
00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:04,120
Speaker 1: That feels more light friends to me. I was about

1041
00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:06,319
Speaker 1: to say, like that feels like.

1042
00:45:05,719 --> 00:45:08,080
Speaker 4: Like maybe I'm just incredibly busy, but I see like

1043
00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:12,319
Speaker 4: one of my best friends like once or once a

1044
00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:13,600
Speaker 4: week or once every two weeks.

1045
00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:16,719
Speaker 1: You know, I'm really not liking the term light friend like,

1046
00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 1: it's what light mayo like, can we like? Not that's

1047
00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:21,720
Speaker 1: your friend?

1048
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:24,319
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know that's your friend. You see them once

1049
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:26,279
Speaker 4: a week and you work with them every day. That's

1050
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:27,160
Speaker 4: that's your friend.

1051
00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:29,279
Speaker 1: Not to put opium blast, but I think I might

1052
00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:32,359
Speaker 1: be sensing why their friend kind of got a little

1053
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:34,560
Speaker 1: houffy with them. I don't think they probably said it

1054
00:45:34,560 --> 00:45:35,839
Speaker 1: in the best way.

1055
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that is possible. But I don't know

1056
00:45:38,760 --> 00:45:40,680
Speaker 4: how well our connection would be if we didn't see

1057
00:45:40,680 --> 00:45:42,799
Speaker 4: each other five days a week. Oh, okay, if that

1058
00:45:42,800 --> 00:45:45,920
Speaker 4: makes sense. Oh, it's more of a work thing.

1059
00:45:45,880 --> 00:45:47,400
Speaker 1: Circumstantial friend.

1060
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:50,480
Speaker 4: There are people you meet through work that became lifelong

1061
00:45:50,520 --> 00:45:53,360
Speaker 4: friends and those that are friends throughout their shared workplace,

1062
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:55,879
Speaker 4: but fate after. I just don't know where we stand

1063
00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:58,600
Speaker 4: in terms of that. Yet. I have stated and continue

1064
00:45:58,600 --> 00:46:00,719
Speaker 4: to point out that I never have said what I

1065
00:46:00,760 --> 00:46:03,040
Speaker 4: thought if she had not asked me for my opinion.

1066
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:06,759
Speaker 4: It isn't my business how she dates, and I fully understand,

1067
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:09,960
Speaker 4: even if I can't relate, that dating with the disability

1068
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:11,960
Speaker 4: is not easy, and there are a lot of warning

1069
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:14,560
Speaker 4: signs she needs to be aware of, like people with

1070
00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:17,480
Speaker 4: spicy fixations and so on and I recognize that she

1071
00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:20,799
Speaker 4: should not put the information in her bio. However, to

1072
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:23,319
Speaker 4: not disclose it before the first date, when they are

1073
00:46:23,360 --> 00:46:25,120
Speaker 4: about to meet in person for the first time is

1074
00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:29,000
Speaker 4: the main point. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, we met

1075
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:31,400
Speaker 4: today at work and had lunch together, as we often do,

1076
00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:34,439
Speaker 4: and she brought up the conversation from the other day.

1077
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:37,439
Speaker 4: Caroline admitted that she wasn't angry with me, but more

1078
00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:40,319
Speaker 4: with herself because, in her words, I know it isn't

1079
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:42,200
Speaker 4: right to not tell them if we're going to meet up,

1080
00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:44,399
Speaker 4: but I think it's easier to hide it at first

1081
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:46,120
Speaker 4: and judge the reaction in person.

1082
00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:46,920
Speaker 1: Exactly.

1083
00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:48,440
Speaker 4: I know it's not the right thing to do if

1084
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:51,320
Speaker 4: I really like a guy, but sometimes it's less daunting

1085
00:46:51,320 --> 00:46:54,360
Speaker 4: when they don't know. I explained I understood, and that

1086
00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:56,680
Speaker 4: I didn't judge her. I just hope she can understand

1087
00:46:56,680 --> 00:46:58,359
Speaker 4: that she asked me what I thought, and I don't

1088
00:46:58,400 --> 00:46:59,920
Speaker 4: like to lie, but I probably should not have said it.

1089
00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:03,799
Speaker 4: By the way, I've got to say something, and that

1090
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:06,160
Speaker 4: is that you can listen to full episodes of stories

1091
00:47:06,560 --> 00:47:09,000
Speaker 4: just like this. Oh yeah, just going to Spotify, Apple

1092
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:11,200
Speaker 4: podcast or iHeart Radio and search a book A story

1093
00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:12,959
Speaker 4: time perfect ending.

1094
00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:18,120
Speaker 1: I'm feeling like that's reconciled because it's like, sure she

1095
00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:23,000
Speaker 1: is being duplicitous, she's lying, but it's like that's her

1096
00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:26,160
Speaker 1: truth and experience or whatever. And she's frustrated because she's like, yeah,

1097
00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:29,080
Speaker 1: I know I should be, but this is just what works. Yeah,

1098
00:47:29,120 --> 00:47:32,320
Speaker 1: because I do think it's it's like judging their reaction

1099
00:47:32,480 --> 00:47:36,160
Speaker 1: in person does give you like a good rate of sense.

1100
00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:38,279
Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, is this person someone who I

1101
00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:40,160
Speaker 1: could really have a.

1102
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:42,719
Speaker 4: Relationship with, because I think there is kind of this

1103
00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:45,840
Speaker 4: it probably is very hard to judge that in an

1104
00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:49,719
Speaker 4: accurate way over text and stuff. Yeah, my opinion has

1105
00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:52,600
Speaker 4: not changed from the beginning. I think I would probably

1106
00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:55,400
Speaker 4: suggest doing it before the first day, but not in

1107
00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:57,479
Speaker 4: the profile. But you know, again, she has a different

1108
00:47:57,520 --> 00:47:58,600
Speaker 4: lived experience.

1109
00:47:58,320 --> 00:48:00,799
Speaker 1: So yeah, I think it's not you know, and I.

1110
00:48:00,719 --> 00:48:02,640
Speaker 4: Don't think anything and I don't think anyone's the a hole.

1111
00:48:02,680 --> 00:48:04,520
Speaker 1: He had a potential to like kind of go the

1112
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:06,799
Speaker 1: wrong way if like op was just like fixated on it,

1113
00:48:06,840 --> 00:48:09,839
Speaker 1: like I can't she's a lie or she's no, it's

1114
00:48:09,880 --> 00:48:11,759
Speaker 1: really not even the big deal what to him? No,

1115
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:14,440
Speaker 1: it's like so such a small deal. Yeah, there is a.

1116
00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 4: Little bit left to this story. We agree that it's

1117
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:19,799
Speaker 4: a very nuanced subject and each person with disabilities has

1118
00:48:19,840 --> 00:48:21,880
Speaker 4: it different, so it's hard to say what works for

1119
00:48:21,880 --> 00:48:24,760
Speaker 4: each person. Caroline said she would try being more honest

1120
00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:27,200
Speaker 4: in the future with potential partners, and I said I

1121
00:48:27,239 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 4: wasn't It wasn't my place to judge, and I wished

1122
00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:31,799
Speaker 4: her luck with dating in the future. All in all,

1123
00:48:31,880 --> 00:48:34,160
Speaker 4: we both acknowledged we were both a holes and not

1124
00:48:34,280 --> 00:48:36,719
Speaker 4: a holes. It's a different subject and either of us

1125
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:39,840
Speaker 4: have a place to say what everyone should or shouldn't

1126
00:48:39,880 --> 00:48:43,880
Speaker 4: do one date, and that is the end of that story,

1127
00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:46,840
Speaker 4: and all all seems well, yeah.

1128
00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:49,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, I knew, I do. I do see some comments

1129
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:52,239
Speaker 1: that are like I'm just really calling out that that

1130
00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:56,200
Speaker 1: it's like deception and like, but like I agree, however,

1131
00:48:56,840 --> 00:49:00,000
Speaker 1: all about Timeline I have from my perspective, all about Timeline,

1132
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:00,440
Speaker 1: I think, to.

1133
00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:03,319
Speaker 4: Me, there's just like levels of deception. Yeah, you know,

1134
00:49:03,400 --> 00:49:05,600
Speaker 4: it's like a little white live versus something that's like

1135
00:49:05,640 --> 00:49:07,960
Speaker 4: oh my god, this is you know, it's execution too.

1136
00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:09,879
Speaker 1: It's like if you make it weird where it's like hey,

1137
00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:12,920
Speaker 1: so you're probably wondering what's up with my chair? Yeah,

1138
00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:15,200
Speaker 1: well that's still actually kind of funny. I think leaning

1139
00:49:15,200 --> 00:49:16,040
Speaker 1: into doing it like a.

1140
00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:18,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, like you probably weren't expecting this.

1141
00:49:18,760 --> 00:49:23,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I know, I just a curveball, right, yeah.

1142
00:49:22,360 --> 00:49:25,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, And then maybe having that conversation in person would

1143
00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:27,280
Speaker 4: probably help, being like, I know what you're thinking.

1144
00:49:27,520 --> 00:49:30,000
Speaker 1: No, the wheelchair is not for aesthetics.

1145
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:32,880
Speaker 4: I know what you're thinking. I'm shorter than I said.

1146
00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:38,080
Speaker 1: Yes, like you could make jokes, yeah, jokes better people

1147
00:49:38,080 --> 00:49:42,799
Speaker 1: with disabilities say, like, I find they prefer levity and

1148
00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:45,399
Speaker 1: like human into like not making light of it because

1149
00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:46,480
Speaker 1: their whole lives.

1150
00:49:47,880 --> 00:49:48,440
Speaker 2: So serious.

1151
00:49:48,440 --> 00:49:50,400
Speaker 1: Their whole life, everyone's always so serious. And yes, like

1152
00:49:50,400 --> 00:49:52,080
Speaker 1: why can't an even make, you know, make fun of

1153
00:49:52,120 --> 00:49:56,879
Speaker 1: me make jokes? These days? Sam here O, g host,

1154
00:49:56,920 --> 00:49:58,839
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to these stories. But here's three

1155
00:49:58,840 --> 00:50:03,200
Speaker 1: minutes fads from our sponsor. First, my friend repeatedly disrespected

1156
00:50:03,239 --> 00:50:08,200
Speaker 1: my home boundaries and I finally lost it. Everyone's got

1157
00:50:08,239 --> 00:50:10,560
Speaker 1: their breaking point, and there is a trigger warning at

1158
00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:14,440
Speaker 1: the top here there is mention of animal cruelty this story.

1159
00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:21,719
Speaker 1: It is not central. However, beware, beware, be ready. My

1160
00:50:21,840 --> 00:50:25,480
Speaker 1: boyfriend thirty one male and I thirty two female moved

1161
00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:28,200
Speaker 1: in together over a year ago. We were long distance

1162
00:50:28,280 --> 00:50:30,640
Speaker 1: at the beginning of our relationship, and I made the

1163
00:50:30,680 --> 00:50:34,040
Speaker 1: move to the Midwest from Colorado. I brought my eleven

1164
00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:36,319
Speaker 1: year old dog and he has a seven year old

1165
00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:39,480
Speaker 1: dog as well. By way, this comes from user very

1166
00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:43,160
Speaker 1: am witchus, and if you want to submit your own stories,

1167
00:50:43,160 --> 00:50:46,360
Speaker 1: go to the r slash okay story time subbreddit. So

1168
00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:51,239
Speaker 1: here's a little backstory. In twenty seventeen, I had an

1169
00:50:51,320 --> 00:50:55,600
Speaker 1: ex boyfriend who attempted to unalign my dog after I

1170
00:50:55,640 --> 00:51:00,240
Speaker 1: broke up with him for DV. I pressed charges Tom

1171
00:51:00,239 --> 00:51:02,960
Speaker 1: to court and one thank god that he's got that

1172
00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:06,920
Speaker 1: on a criminal record now absolutely Jesus. Yeah. With that trauma,

1173
00:51:07,320 --> 00:51:10,000
Speaker 1: I became cautious of who's around my fur baby and

1174
00:51:10,040 --> 00:51:12,959
Speaker 1: how long I leave him at home alone. My now

1175
00:51:13,080 --> 00:51:16,799
Speaker 1: boyfriend is the kindest human and his dog is a

1176
00:51:16,840 --> 00:51:21,360
Speaker 1: little brother to my dog. We're one beautiful happy dinks

1177
00:51:21,440 --> 00:51:24,360
Speaker 1: with dogs, family, duel income, no kids.

1178
00:51:24,400 --> 00:51:26,359
Speaker 4: Can't we just say don't want kids.

1179
00:51:26,719 --> 00:51:29,760
Speaker 1: We are at the age where everyone is getting married

1180
00:51:29,840 --> 00:51:32,960
Speaker 1: and traveling out of state has been almost a monthly occurrence.

1181
00:51:33,440 --> 00:51:36,239
Speaker 1: As I shared, I'm very cautious and paranoid about who

1182
00:51:36,280 --> 00:51:38,600
Speaker 1: watches our dogs if we go away. We had my

1183
00:51:38,640 --> 00:51:41,400
Speaker 1: boyfriend's father watch the dogs, but he always wanted them

1184
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:44,960
Speaker 1: at his house and not ours. For safety and comfortability

1185
00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:47,759
Speaker 1: of our dogs, we ask my boyfriend's best friend to

1186
00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:52,520
Speaker 1: watch the dogs. They love their fur uncle. Her uncle nice,

1187
00:51:52,640 --> 00:51:55,160
Speaker 1: and we all know he'll be a good guardian while

1188
00:51:55,160 --> 00:51:59,319
Speaker 1: we'll while we're away. However, I am very strict with

1189
00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:02,719
Speaker 1: boundaries and respecting my home, and that's where the conflict

1190
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:06,319
Speaker 1: comes in. Fruncle loves to sleep on our couch, even

1191
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:08,080
Speaker 1: at times when he comes over with his friends and

1192
00:52:08,160 --> 00:52:10,879
Speaker 1: has too much to drink. He responsibly spends the night

1193
00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:14,600
Speaker 1: to avoid any DUIs. We have a guest bed in

1194
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:18,359
Speaker 1: the guest room, fully stocked and prepped with any accommodations

1195
00:52:18,360 --> 00:52:21,560
Speaker 1: for having a guest. However, he absolutely refuses to sleep

1196
00:52:21,560 --> 00:52:23,759
Speaker 1: in the guest room. He claims that our couch is

1197
00:52:23,800 --> 00:52:25,759
Speaker 1: so comfortable that he prefers to sleep there.

1198
00:52:25,840 --> 00:52:27,320
Speaker 4: This man loves this couch.

1199
00:52:27,880 --> 00:52:31,719
Speaker 1: But haven't you experienced that where I love sleeping on

1200
00:52:31,760 --> 00:52:34,279
Speaker 1: a couch and you've never slid on a couch, and

1201
00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:36,279
Speaker 1: you were like, this is better than any bed.

1202
00:52:36,600 --> 00:52:39,240
Speaker 4: Honestly, I struggled to find couches that are more comfortable

1203
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:42,560
Speaker 4: than my current bed because it's just perfectly it's just

1204
00:52:42,600 --> 00:52:43,600
Speaker 4: perfect for me, you know.

1205
00:52:43,719 --> 00:52:47,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I get it, but like, I also get this.

1206
00:52:48,120 --> 00:52:53,120
Speaker 1: I understand Opie's friend's perspective. I shared with Frountl that

1207
00:52:53,280 --> 00:52:56,600
Speaker 1: I don't want anyone sleeping on our three thousand.

1208
00:52:56,080 --> 00:52:59,520
Speaker 4: She's my mom, she's my mom. That's exactly what she

1209
00:52:59,560 --> 00:53:01,239
Speaker 4: doesn't say. She goes, stop.

1210
00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:03,919
Speaker 1: Sleeping on a couch, trying to make the best Yeah,

1211
00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:06,560
Speaker 1: three thousand dollars couch. We wanted to have a nice

1212
00:53:06,960 --> 00:53:09,480
Speaker 1: We wanted to have nice furniture when we moved in together,

1213
00:53:09,520 --> 00:53:11,480
Speaker 1: and the couch was one of those pieces we wanted

1214
00:53:11,520 --> 00:53:14,799
Speaker 1: to maintain well. He said that he'll try, but will

1215
00:53:14,920 --> 00:53:16,760
Speaker 1: most likely sleep on the couch.

1216
00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:20,000
Speaker 4: That's so funny, Like your friends are like, hey, don't

1217
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:23,480
Speaker 4: sleep at the couch. She's like, ooh, I'd give him

1218
00:53:23,520 --> 00:53:26,480
Speaker 4: my best shot, but that couch it's too good.

1219
00:53:27,440 --> 00:53:30,120
Speaker 1: Look if you added more flavor on top of that,

1220
00:53:30,160 --> 00:53:31,799
Speaker 1: where it's like, don't sleep on the couch because it

1221
00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:34,080
Speaker 1: does this, or like if you like, don't wear your

1222
00:53:34,120 --> 00:53:36,279
Speaker 1: clothes that you wore at the bar, or like don't. Yeah,

1223
00:53:36,360 --> 00:53:38,799
Speaker 1: if there were, you know, yeah, more subsets. I need more.

1224
00:53:38,920 --> 00:53:41,719
Speaker 1: He's like, okay, now I understand. Frunkel asked if his

1225
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:44,560
Speaker 1: girlfriend could help watch the dogs. I'm very good friends

1226
00:53:44,560 --> 00:53:47,360
Speaker 1: with his girlfriend, so I surely didn't mind, but only

1227
00:53:47,400 --> 00:53:51,360
Speaker 1: if they slept in the guest bedroom. Frunkel refused and said,

1228
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:55,799
Speaker 1: I hate that bed so much and that room is

1229
00:53:55,920 --> 00:53:59,400
Speaker 1: so hot. I love the couch because it's massive and comfortable.

1230
00:53:59,640 --> 00:54:01,640
Speaker 1: I off the end of the bed and I don't

1231
00:54:01,719 --> 00:54:04,720
Speaker 1: like it. He's five eleven and it's a queen sized bed.

1232
00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:08,160
Speaker 1: His girlfriend doesn't mind, but she shared she wants to

1233
00:54:08,200 --> 00:54:09,560
Speaker 1: sleep wherever he sleeps.

1234
00:54:09,640 --> 00:54:11,399
Speaker 4: Is there enough room on this couch for them both

1235
00:54:11,480 --> 00:54:12,280
Speaker 4: to sleep on the couch.

1236
00:54:12,320 --> 00:54:14,080
Speaker 1: If there's enough room for two people to sleep on

1237
00:54:14,120 --> 00:54:17,120
Speaker 1: this couch comfortably, you need to stop gate keeping this

1238
00:54:17,200 --> 00:54:17,960
Speaker 1: amazing couch.

1239
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:20,080
Speaker 4: That's I want to know what couch yat.

1240
00:54:20,120 --> 00:54:22,239
Speaker 1: You need to let these people sleep. The couch is

1241
00:54:22,280 --> 00:54:24,839
Speaker 1: made to be slept on if two people can fit

1242
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:27,880
Speaker 1: in it comfortably. After the last trip, I told my

1243
00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:29,960
Speaker 1: boyfriend that I don't want Frunkle to help watch the

1244
00:54:29,960 --> 00:54:32,080
Speaker 1: dogs if he can't respect our boundaries and wishes for

1245
00:54:32,120 --> 00:54:35,640
Speaker 1: our home. We do pay him and his girlfriend compensation

1246
00:54:36,080 --> 00:54:38,360
Speaker 1: for taking the time to dogs hit for us, and

1247
00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:41,360
Speaker 1: he still refuses to sleep in the guest bedroom. We

1248
00:54:41,480 --> 00:54:44,040
Speaker 1: let him bring his entire PC setup. He's a huge

1249
00:54:44,040 --> 00:54:46,520
Speaker 1: gamer as my boyfriend is as well, and set it

1250
00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:49,000
Speaker 1: up on my one point five thousand dollars dining table.

1251
00:54:49,080 --> 00:54:52,319
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Okay, okay, now we're getting ridiculous.

1252
00:54:52,360 --> 00:54:55,360
Speaker 4: Oh pe, what does he what's the game? What's the

1253
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:56,239
Speaker 4: computer gonna do?

1254
00:54:56,760 --> 00:54:58,800
Speaker 1: Yeah? Like, do you think he's like throwing it around

1255
00:54:58,800 --> 00:55:03,280
Speaker 1: like a ball where it's like he just slam scratching

1256
00:55:03,360 --> 00:55:06,120
Speaker 1: up the surface. He's like his mouse has spikes on

1257
00:55:06,160 --> 00:55:09,520
Speaker 1: the bottom of it, scratching up the table. Yeah, come on, Yeah,

1258
00:55:09,560 --> 00:55:11,800
Speaker 1: Op's energy is very much like I will send you

1259
00:55:11,840 --> 00:55:13,879
Speaker 1: an invoice for this couch if you keep sleep, which

1260
00:55:13,920 --> 00:55:16,840
Speaker 1: is like a weird That's like, dude, your husband is

1261
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:20,240
Speaker 1: my best friend. Both of their energy super close.

1262
00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:22,120
Speaker 4: I think both their energies is a little bit weird.

1263
00:55:22,239 --> 00:55:24,560
Speaker 1: I've done my best to make accommodations for him to

1264
00:55:24,600 --> 00:55:27,520
Speaker 1: be comfortable. We're traveling again in May for Mother's Day

1265
00:55:27,560 --> 00:55:30,320
Speaker 1: and I asked if they were free to watch the dogs,

1266
00:55:30,560 --> 00:55:32,759
Speaker 1: and yes, I did voice that I didn't want them

1267
00:55:32,760 --> 00:55:36,319
Speaker 1: to sleep on my couch. Frunkle said f that bed,

1268
00:55:36,440 --> 00:55:38,239
Speaker 1: I hate it, and if you don't want me to

1269
00:55:38,280 --> 00:55:41,240
Speaker 1: sleep on your couch, find someone else to watch the dogs.

1270
00:55:41,840 --> 00:55:44,600
Speaker 1: I was then told by his girlfriend he doesn't even

1271
00:55:44,640 --> 00:55:46,360
Speaker 1: do anything for the dogs. I'm the one feeding them,

1272
00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 1: letting them out, and making sure they're taken care of.

1273
00:55:48,680 --> 00:55:50,840
Speaker 1: And I was frustrated to learn that I was paying

1274
00:55:50,920 --> 00:55:54,279
Speaker 1: him and he wasn't completing his responsibilities. I told his

1275
00:55:54,320 --> 00:55:56,600
Speaker 1: girlfriend that she can watch the dogs without him, and

1276
00:55:56,640 --> 00:55:59,520
Speaker 1: we'll just compensate her. She shared that she knows he'll

1277
00:55:59,520 --> 00:56:02,400
Speaker 1: want to dill come over and spend the night on

1278
00:56:02,480 --> 00:56:05,400
Speaker 1: my couch. I told my boyfriend that we're going to

1279
00:56:05,440 --> 00:56:08,839
Speaker 1: have to hire a dog sitter because we'll pay them

1280
00:56:09,000 --> 00:56:12,320
Speaker 1: cheaper than our friend's asking price and they'll actually respect

1281
00:56:12,320 --> 00:56:15,040
Speaker 1: our home. My boyfriend agreed that his best friend had

1282
00:56:15,040 --> 00:56:18,520
Speaker 1: the opportunity to change his mindset, and it'll be better

1283
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:20,680
Speaker 1: to hire a dog sitter who can accommodate us and

1284
00:56:20,719 --> 00:56:23,960
Speaker 1: our home with our dogs. I shared with Frounkle's girlfriend,

1285
00:56:24,120 --> 00:56:26,080
Speaker 1: it's sad and ridiculous to admit that I can't have

1286
00:56:26,160 --> 00:56:28,560
Speaker 1: you both watch our dogs. Because he can't respect our

1287
00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:31,480
Speaker 1: home and our wishes when we are also compensating him

1288
00:56:31,480 --> 00:56:33,839
Speaker 1: for his time. It would be understandable if he did

1289
00:56:33,840 --> 00:56:36,880
Speaker 1: it for free, but this isn't the case. She agreed

1290
00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:39,319
Speaker 1: with my choice and shared the news of being let

1291
00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:43,359
Speaker 1: go as the dog sitters with Fronkel. His response was,

1292
00:56:43,719 --> 00:56:45,600
Speaker 1: if that's how it's going to be, it's just.

1293
00:56:45,560 --> 00:56:48,799
Speaker 4: Like a weird energy from him. I mean, like, I

1294
00:56:48,880 --> 00:56:51,880
Speaker 4: understand that she's maybe being like overly protective of this couch,

1295
00:56:51,920 --> 00:56:54,279
Speaker 4: but I just think it's like weird to like if

1296
00:56:54,320 --> 00:56:56,440
Speaker 4: a friend is paying you and they're like, hey, just

1297
00:56:56,480 --> 00:56:57,440
Speaker 4: don't sleep on the couch.

1298
00:56:57,560 --> 00:57:00,520
Speaker 1: Like, I don't think I would be like, oh, drive,

1299
00:57:00,520 --> 00:57:01,280
Speaker 1: guttle sleep.

1300
00:57:01,360 --> 00:57:03,960
Speaker 4: I don't think I would react that way either. Okay,

1301
00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:06,840
Speaker 4: for example, I'm thinking from the perspective if I said

1302
00:57:07,160 --> 00:57:10,480
Speaker 4: to someone, hey, take your shoes off in my house

1303
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:13,520
Speaker 4: because this is the thing I do, and they were

1304
00:57:13,560 --> 00:57:16,720
Speaker 4: like no, like, I'm not gonna come over to your

1305
00:57:16,720 --> 00:57:19,000
Speaker 4: house because I'm not gonna take off my shoes, I'd

1306
00:57:19,040 --> 00:57:19,800
Speaker 4: be kind of pissed.

1307
00:57:19,840 --> 00:57:21,760
Speaker 1: I feel like it's like, yeah, I get that, but

1308
00:57:21,800 --> 00:57:24,880
Speaker 1: this feels different because it's like, like imagine just being

1309
00:57:24,920 --> 00:57:28,480
Speaker 1: like I sleep the dreamiest, slumbriiest sleep on your couch.

1310
00:57:28,560 --> 00:57:31,360
Speaker 4: But if they're like I love walking around houses with.

1311
00:57:31,400 --> 00:57:35,480
Speaker 1: Shoes on, different, it's different the sleep man, it's different.

1312
00:57:35,560 --> 00:57:36,320
Speaker 1: Sleep is sacred.

1313
00:57:36,400 --> 00:57:38,200
Speaker 4: I just think his response is weird.

1314
00:57:38,240 --> 00:57:40,840
Speaker 1: I would understand though, one hundred percent, and I agree

1315
00:57:40,840 --> 00:57:43,360
Speaker 1: with like op being like, yeah, you and your girlfriend

1316
00:57:43,480 --> 00:57:47,080
Speaker 1: not sleeping on the couch. Yeah, not going there. Let's

1317
00:57:47,120 --> 00:57:49,640
Speaker 1: not throw any of that into the mix for sure.

1318
00:57:49,880 --> 00:57:52,320
Speaker 1: Just we're gonna keep the couch a sacred place. She

1319
00:57:52,400 --> 00:57:54,040
Speaker 1: agreed with my choice and shared the news of being

1320
00:57:54,120 --> 00:57:57,000
Speaker 1: let go as the dog sitters with Frunkle. His response was,

1321
00:57:57,080 --> 00:57:59,760
Speaker 1: if that's how it's going to be, And shortly after,

1322
00:57:59,920 --> 00:58:02,360
Speaker 1: my boyfriend shared with me that Frunkle was sour on

1323
00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:06,320
Speaker 1: discord about the feedback. Some friends are saying I'm too strict,

1324
00:58:06,320 --> 00:58:09,400
Speaker 1: but my boyfriend understands that I'm all about respecting someone's

1325
00:58:09,440 --> 00:58:12,040
Speaker 1: home and for our home. I just wanted him to

1326
00:58:12,040 --> 00:58:14,760
Speaker 1: respect the rules and boundaries of our home, and because

1327
00:58:14,760 --> 00:58:16,920
Speaker 1: he didn't want to, I said fine and found someone

1328
00:58:16,960 --> 00:58:19,960
Speaker 1: with and found someone else who can respect my home

1329
00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:23,480
Speaker 1: at a lower compensation while attending to our dogs. I'm

1330
00:58:23,480 --> 00:58:26,640
Speaker 1: writing into this because I've been listening to the podcast,

1331
00:58:26,960 --> 00:58:30,280
Speaker 1: and his girlfriend also wanted to know what everyone's thoughts are.

1332
00:58:30,800 --> 00:58:33,560
Speaker 1: So am I the ahle or was I truly just

1333
00:58:33,600 --> 00:58:35,600
Speaker 1: standing up for my home and boundaries?

1334
00:58:35,760 --> 00:58:38,240
Speaker 4: And there is an update. I don't think you're the

1335
00:58:38,240 --> 00:58:40,200
Speaker 4: a hole. I think you might be too strict, but

1336
00:58:40,320 --> 00:58:43,760
Speaker 4: that is your right in your own home. I think

1337
00:58:43,760 --> 00:58:46,280
Speaker 4: it is your right to be strict on this. It's

1338
00:58:46,320 --> 00:58:51,160
Speaker 4: your home. And yeah, like maybe i'd be a little

1339
00:58:51,160 --> 00:58:53,200
Speaker 4: bit weirded out if someone told me that, but also

1340
00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:55,760
Speaker 4: I'd like I wouldn't respond in that way. If I

1341
00:58:55,840 --> 00:58:57,760
Speaker 4: was your friend, you know, or even the husband's friend,

1342
00:58:57,760 --> 00:59:01,440
Speaker 4: I would not talk to Look at this, I'm not.

1343
00:59:01,960 --> 00:59:04,360
Speaker 1: It's like they're probably super closed. They've got to be

1344
00:59:04,440 --> 00:59:06,360
Speaker 1: like cat like, it's got to be. The thing is,

1345
00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:09,720
Speaker 1: he's not really providing them a face. He's not doing

1346
00:59:09,720 --> 00:59:11,920
Speaker 1: them a favor. Well yeah, and then the girlfriend being like,

1347
00:59:11,920 --> 00:59:12,800
Speaker 1: and he doesn't even do anything.

1348
00:59:12,880 --> 00:59:14,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, he's not even doing anything. Yeah, he is not

1349
00:59:14,840 --> 00:59:15,600
Speaker 4: doing them a favor.

1350
00:59:16,720 --> 00:59:19,280
Speaker 1: He's just like, I'm chilling him my buddy's house. He's

1351
00:59:19,320 --> 00:59:20,680
Speaker 1: probably got more money than him.

1352
00:59:20,760 --> 00:59:21,160
Speaker 2: Whatever.

1353
00:59:21,480 --> 00:59:23,760
Speaker 1: You know, I've got friends with way more money than me.

1354
00:59:23,920 --> 00:59:27,240
Speaker 1: It's just there's a spectrum. So maybe he's thinking like, yeah,

1355
00:59:27,240 --> 00:59:29,200
Speaker 1: I'm chilling my rich buddy's house. He has couch three

1356
00:59:29,200 --> 00:59:31,200
Speaker 1: thousand dollars. I sleep on it, and she's like you

1357
00:59:31,240 --> 00:59:33,440
Speaker 1: cannot sleep in all three thousand dollars couch and.

1358
00:59:33,400 --> 00:59:34,440
Speaker 2: He's like so muched up.

1359
00:59:34,680 --> 00:59:37,680
Speaker 1: Oh se, so you get rich and snobby now, like great, great,

1360
00:59:37,760 --> 00:59:40,280
Speaker 1: but it's like really more, just like if someone does

1361
00:59:40,320 --> 00:59:43,800
Speaker 1: tell you that they don't want you sleeping on their couch. Yeah,

1362
00:59:43,920 --> 00:59:46,680
Speaker 1: now you have to enter the negotiation phase. You can't

1363
00:59:46,720 --> 00:59:50,120
Speaker 1: just be like no, it's like exactly their couch.

1364
00:59:50,280 --> 00:59:52,200
Speaker 4: You can't say no. It's like you can in your

1365
00:59:52,240 --> 00:59:54,280
Speaker 4: mind you can be like that's kind of silly a

1366
00:59:54,280 --> 00:59:55,640
Speaker 4: little bit, but like don't.

1367
00:59:55,720 --> 00:59:57,800
Speaker 1: What you can do is say if I can't sleep

1368
00:59:57,800 --> 01:00:00,680
Speaker 1: on that couch, I'm out, which is kind of what

1369
01:00:00,720 --> 01:00:04,840
Speaker 1: he did. Yeah, you know, it's again it's the negotiation phase.

1370
01:00:05,640 --> 01:00:07,680
Speaker 1: But we do have an update. Let's get into it.

1371
01:00:08,080 --> 01:00:11,120
Speaker 1: So below are some items that get lost in comments.

1372
01:00:11,200 --> 01:00:16,600
Speaker 1: For clarifications, My boyfriend and the girlfriend of Fronkel encouraged

1373
01:00:16,720 --> 01:00:20,800
Speaker 1: this post, so they are very aware and supported the literature.

1374
01:00:21,800 --> 01:00:23,880
Speaker 1: As said in the comments, Yes, my boyfriend and I

1375
01:00:23,920 --> 01:00:26,120
Speaker 1: have slept in the guest bed. We do when we're

1376
01:00:26,120 --> 01:00:28,840
Speaker 1: too lazy to pull out the sheets on our California

1377
01:00:28,920 --> 01:00:31,680
Speaker 1: King bed, or if there's a load of laundry needed

1378
01:00:31,680 --> 01:00:33,640
Speaker 1: to be put away and we're simply too lazy for that.

1379
01:00:34,040 --> 01:00:37,240
Speaker 1: As said in the comments, yes, we have had numerous

1380
01:00:37,280 --> 01:00:39,760
Speaker 1: guests stay in the guest bed in the guest room

1381
01:00:40,040 --> 01:00:43,520
Speaker 1: with no complaints. Rather, they embraced how comfortable and cozy

1382
01:00:43,560 --> 01:00:46,440
Speaker 1: the room and bed are. Just imagine this is a

1383
01:00:46,480 --> 01:00:49,800
Speaker 1: war where like OPI's like I put so much efforticular Yes,

1384
01:00:49,920 --> 01:00:52,760
Speaker 1: we love this bedroom. Why won't he sleep in it?

1385
01:00:53,040 --> 01:00:56,720
Speaker 1: There are five to eight pillows to accommodate their pillow preferences,

1386
01:00:57,000 --> 01:00:59,880
Speaker 1: four different blankets. That's a heated blanket and a bed.

1387
01:01:00,360 --> 01:01:04,280
Speaker 1: We also off of toiletries, guest towels, and even spicy

1388
01:01:04,400 --> 01:01:06,600
Speaker 1: rappers for intimacy.

1389
01:01:07,320 --> 01:01:09,040
Speaker 2: What or now it's really weird?

1390
01:01:09,360 --> 01:01:12,600
Speaker 1: Ye, I don't want to sleep in the slam jam,

1391
01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:15,240
Speaker 1: thank you, mam. Room, I've got to sleep on the couch.

1392
01:01:15,400 --> 01:01:17,920
Speaker 4: She would not want to sleep in this room. Now

1393
01:01:17,960 --> 01:01:21,600
Speaker 4: that I know that, they're encouraging into Yeah.

1394
01:01:21,400 --> 01:01:25,040
Speaker 1: I did, that makes no. I'm a guy's side.

1395
01:01:25,160 --> 01:01:27,000
Speaker 4: They're like, no, I don't want to sleep in the

1396
01:01:28,200 --> 01:01:29,600
Speaker 4: spicy sleep room.

1397
01:01:29,960 --> 01:01:32,840
Speaker 1: As said in the comments, we purchased the furniture with

1398
01:01:33,280 --> 01:01:36,120
Speaker 1: Nameless Furniture Store because we don't do free sponsors. It

1399
01:01:36,240 --> 01:01:38,880
Speaker 1: was our first big couple purchase and we host ninety

1400
01:01:38,920 --> 01:01:40,880
Speaker 1: percent of our events for friends and families. Since we're

1401
01:01:40,920 --> 01:01:43,760
Speaker 1: the ones with the only house rather than an apartment,

1402
01:01:44,360 --> 01:01:47,440
Speaker 1: we want all guests to feel comfortable by having a

1403
01:01:47,480 --> 01:01:48,520
Speaker 1: clean and welcoming home.

1404
01:01:48,600 --> 01:01:52,160
Speaker 4: I've still hung up on the protection in the drawers.

1405
01:01:52,280 --> 01:01:54,320
Speaker 1: It's just like a they've got it in like a

1406
01:01:54,360 --> 01:01:57,320
Speaker 1: candy bowl, like next to the next to the bed. No,

1407
01:01:58,120 --> 01:02:01,400
Speaker 1: we do not hate Fronkle, and yes we will stay

1408
01:02:01,440 --> 01:02:04,200
Speaker 1: friends with him. He's a long time neighborhood friend and

1409
01:02:04,480 --> 01:02:08,360
Speaker 1: childhood friend of my boyfriend. Instincts on point, let's go.

1410
01:02:08,800 --> 01:02:11,360
Speaker 1: He will eventually be the best man at our future

1411
01:02:11,520 --> 01:02:15,080
Speaker 1: elopements since we have told him he and his girlfriend

1412
01:02:15,120 --> 01:02:18,640
Speaker 1: are relieved of watching the dogs. He asked my boyfriend, well, dude,

1413
01:02:18,680 --> 01:02:21,280
Speaker 1: she hates me, huh, And he replied, no, she just

1414
01:02:21,360 --> 01:02:23,520
Speaker 1: doesn't want you to sleep on our couch, and because

1415
01:02:23,520 --> 01:02:25,920
Speaker 1: you don't want to, she's not gonna argue with you anymore.

1416
01:02:26,080 --> 01:02:28,240
Speaker 1: And she found someone else. As you instructed, It's fine,

1417
01:02:28,320 --> 01:02:31,440
Speaker 1: she's not mad. Very reasonable, right, I like that whole exchange.

1418
01:02:31,480 --> 01:02:32,120
Speaker 4: There we go.

1419
01:02:32,680 --> 01:02:36,439
Speaker 1: Yes, we have considered asking his girlfriend to solely watch

1420
01:02:36,480 --> 01:02:38,800
Speaker 1: the dogs, but we also believe it's low key ridiculous

1421
01:02:38,920 --> 01:02:40,920
Speaker 1: to not have him come over if she's there, so

1422
01:02:40,960 --> 01:02:45,919
Speaker 1: we just eliminated any conflicts because he could just sneak in. Yes,

1423
01:02:46,120 --> 01:02:49,040
Speaker 1: we have considered other friends, but with my dog's old

1424
01:02:49,080 --> 01:02:52,200
Speaker 1: age routines, we believe they wouldn't be able to upkeep

1425
01:02:52,240 --> 01:02:55,720
Speaker 1: the needs for him. My eleven year old Pomeranian Pepion

1426
01:02:55,840 --> 01:02:59,440
Speaker 1: mix has pre kidney disease and needs to believe himself

1427
01:02:59,440 --> 01:03:01,400
Speaker 1: every two of four four hours. A house sitting is

1428
01:03:01,480 --> 01:03:04,040
Speaker 1: necessary for his care. Our other dog is a long

1429
01:03:04,040 --> 01:03:07,200
Speaker 1: haired Corgi and he's okay with long periods of absence

1430
01:03:07,200 --> 01:03:10,880
Speaker 1: from us. Reminder, my ex almost alive my dog, so

1431
01:03:11,040 --> 01:03:13,960
Speaker 1: I'm very cautious about who my dog is with. We

1432
01:03:14,080 --> 01:03:16,000
Speaker 1: do not want the dogs to be at my boyfriend's

1433
01:03:16,080 --> 01:03:18,840
Speaker 1: dad's house because he doesn't have a fenced in backyard.

1434
01:03:18,960 --> 01:03:22,040
Speaker 1: It just leads right to the forest. There are sites

1435
01:03:22,040 --> 01:03:24,400
Speaker 1: of deer and coyotes, and if the dog runs away,

1436
01:03:24,760 --> 01:03:27,000
Speaker 1: he's too old to chase them to bring them back.

1437
01:03:27,200 --> 01:03:29,640
Speaker 1: We have a fenced and gated backyard where our dogs

1438
01:03:29,680 --> 01:03:32,600
Speaker 1: can comfortably explore and be a dog. Yeah. I think

1439
01:03:32,600 --> 01:03:35,600
Speaker 1: that's really low key underrated. It's like, don't have the

1440
01:03:35,640 --> 01:03:37,080
Speaker 1: dogs at a place where they can run off into

1441
01:03:37,080 --> 01:03:39,600
Speaker 1: the woods, because that's how a scary movie's gonna start.

1442
01:03:39,920 --> 01:03:41,920
Speaker 1: You don't want to be caught up in a scary movie.

1443
01:03:42,000 --> 01:03:45,880
Speaker 1: We understand the importance of finding a dog sitter. I

1444
01:03:46,040 --> 01:03:50,720
Speaker 1: used online services for an emergency once, and I am

1445
01:03:50,840 --> 01:03:54,000
Speaker 1: also a dog sitter myself, so I'm familiar with the

1446
01:03:54,040 --> 01:03:58,440
Speaker 1: process and procedures. Yes, there are horror stories online, but

1447
01:03:58,520 --> 01:04:00,480
Speaker 1: we did a meet and greet and I'm confident we

1448
01:04:00,520 --> 01:04:03,520
Speaker 1: found our permanent sitter. Before I moved in, my boyfriend

1449
01:04:03,560 --> 01:04:07,040
Speaker 1: lived like a bachelor pad blue couch for free from

1450
01:04:07,160 --> 01:04:10,200
Speaker 1: Facebook marketplace, no guest bed, and a free dining room

1451
01:04:10,240 --> 01:04:12,960
Speaker 1: table from Facebook marketplace. Are we shaming that? Why are

1452
01:04:12,960 --> 01:04:16,400
Speaker 1: we shaming that Fronkel slept on that couch after board

1453
01:04:16,440 --> 01:04:18,920
Speaker 1: game nights or other boys nights they had at the house.

1454
01:04:19,280 --> 01:04:22,520
Speaker 1: Not an issue, it's keeping people safe. After I moved in,

1455
01:04:22,600 --> 01:04:26,960
Speaker 1: we made some aesthetic adjustments and accommodated friends who needed

1456
01:04:26,960 --> 01:04:29,320
Speaker 1: a place to crash after enjoying events at our home.

1457
01:04:29,640 --> 01:04:32,360
Speaker 1: We gained a sectional that sat twelve people.

1458
01:04:32,800 --> 01:04:35,800
Speaker 4: Today, that's why two people can fit on that comfortably.

1459
01:04:36,400 --> 01:04:39,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sleeping on that. I'm sleeping on that couch.

1460
01:04:39,840 --> 01:04:42,680
Speaker 1: So we gained a sectional that sat twelve people, a

1461
01:04:42,760 --> 01:04:45,360
Speaker 1: dining table to fit ten people in a fully furnished

1462
01:04:45,400 --> 01:04:48,120
Speaker 1: guest room. Fronkele did attempt to the guest bed several

1463
01:04:48,160 --> 01:04:51,200
Speaker 1: times and still disliked it, while our other friends have

1464
01:04:51,240 --> 01:04:55,040
Speaker 1: stayed in the same bed claimed it was comfortable. He

1465
01:04:55,120 --> 01:04:57,320
Speaker 1: had the freedom to change the thermostat, open the windows,

1466
01:04:57,320 --> 01:04:59,920
Speaker 1: et cetera. My dining table is one of my favorite

1467
01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:02,560
Speaker 1: pie I have a food vlog, so most of my

1468
01:05:02,600 --> 01:05:06,200
Speaker 1: content is represented on the table. But to accommodate his hobbies,

1469
01:05:06,200 --> 01:05:08,440
Speaker 1: we agreed he can bring his massive PC and two

1470
01:05:08,520 --> 01:05:11,240
Speaker 1: screen monitors to game at the house. For those who

1471
01:05:11,280 --> 01:05:14,680
Speaker 1: didn't read the entire post, I understand it's long and thorough,

1472
01:05:14,880 --> 01:05:17,960
Speaker 1: But for those who read word for word, hats off

1473
01:05:18,000 --> 01:05:21,360
Speaker 1: to you and I appreciate the efforts. As you may

1474
01:05:21,360 --> 01:05:24,080
Speaker 1: have learned, I'm a very particular individual and I do

1475
01:05:24,160 --> 01:05:26,080
Speaker 1: not contone disrespect I feel like that's the best way

1476
01:05:26,080 --> 01:05:27,680
Speaker 1: to put it, because it's not like Op's being an

1477
01:05:27,720 --> 01:05:29,920
Speaker 1: a hole. No, I don't feel like Op's being like,

1478
01:05:30,120 --> 01:05:32,640
Speaker 1: that's our three thousand dollars couch, you know, hasn't.

1479
01:05:32,760 --> 01:05:35,160
Speaker 4: It's more just like very strict and very particular.

1480
01:05:35,280 --> 01:05:37,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, And if I spend three thousand, I wouldn't spend

1481
01:05:37,320 --> 01:05:39,439
Speaker 1: three thousand on a couch, But if I did, I'd

1482
01:05:39,480 --> 01:05:43,400
Speaker 1: be like or I'd be invested in its you know.

1483
01:05:44,000 --> 01:05:47,320
Speaker 1: Upkeep For sure. I did my best to let it go,

1484
01:05:47,400 --> 01:05:49,960
Speaker 1: but it hurt to know that after many attempts to

1485
01:05:49,960 --> 01:05:53,680
Speaker 1: make accommodations for him and even providing compensation, I still

1486
01:05:53,760 --> 01:05:56,560
Speaker 1: got slapped in the face with that. If that guest bed,

1487
01:05:56,600 --> 01:05:58,880
Speaker 1: I'm sleeping on the couch. And if that's still a problem,

1488
01:05:59,080 --> 01:06:02,000
Speaker 1: find somebody. Yo. You can't make everyone do what you want.

1489
01:06:02,040 --> 01:06:04,720
Speaker 1: And that's their decision. To save our friendships, I made

1490
01:06:04,760 --> 01:06:07,640
Speaker 1: the executive decision to believe him and his girlfriend from

1491
01:06:07,680 --> 01:06:11,120
Speaker 1: future requests to dog sit and find someone who doesn't

1492
01:06:11,160 --> 01:06:14,040
Speaker 1: mind my expectations. I just wanted to know if I'm

1493
01:06:14,040 --> 01:06:15,840
Speaker 1: truly the a hole, or did I do the right

1494
01:06:15,880 --> 01:06:18,200
Speaker 1: thing to stand up for myself, my home and our

1495
01:06:18,320 --> 01:06:21,280
Speaker 1: overall friendship. By the way, you can stand up, you

1496
01:06:21,320 --> 01:06:24,960
Speaker 1: can sit down, you can anything in between. You can

1497
01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:28,280
Speaker 1: be listening to full episodes with stories like these. Just

1498
01:06:28,440 --> 01:06:33,000
Speaker 1: go to your podcast platform of choice Spotify, iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts,

1499
01:06:33,080 --> 01:06:35,760
Speaker 1: search Okay, story time, and then just go.

1500
01:06:35,840 --> 01:06:37,880
Speaker 4: Crazy ah and then you're off to the races.

1501
01:06:38,080 --> 01:06:40,160
Speaker 1: We have a little bit more story left. You have

1502
01:06:40,200 --> 01:06:41,840
Speaker 1: anything to kind of tie this up.

1503
01:06:41,920 --> 01:06:45,120
Speaker 4: I'd probably have a few in inner thoughts about it,

1504
01:06:45,640 --> 01:06:47,280
Speaker 4: but uh, I think at the end of the day,

1505
01:06:47,280 --> 01:06:49,120
Speaker 4: it's her house, kind of her rules.

1506
01:06:49,200 --> 01:06:51,640
Speaker 1: I only wish one thing. I wish that I could

1507
01:06:51,680 --> 01:06:55,280
Speaker 1: have gone to Opie's friend ahead of time, Yeah, and

1508
01:06:55,320 --> 01:06:57,560
Speaker 1: taught him the art of negotiation.

1509
01:06:57,240 --> 01:06:59,480
Speaker 4: Because he did a pretty terrible drama.

1510
01:06:59,360 --> 01:07:02,040
Speaker 1: And you have leverage. My guy, you'd be like, I

1511
01:07:02,040 --> 01:07:06,960
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm comfortable, yeah in your spicy tango dungeon,

1512
01:07:07,120 --> 01:07:09,520
Speaker 1: I don't know. That's my pillows. Too many pillows, too

1513
01:07:09,560 --> 01:07:11,960
Speaker 1: many pillows. And if you're five eleven and you've got

1514
01:07:12,000 --> 01:07:14,640
Speaker 1: eight pillows on the bed, your feet are hanging off

1515
01:07:14,640 --> 01:07:17,080
Speaker 1: of the end. So boyfriend and I went on a

1516
01:07:17,120 --> 01:07:20,440
Speaker 1: double date with Frounkel and girlfriend. Frunkle gave me my

1517
01:07:20,520 --> 01:07:24,560
Speaker 1: favorite flowers and apologized for his behavior and extended his

1518
01:07:24,800 --> 01:07:28,560
Speaker 1: value of importance of our friendship. Oh yeah, very nice.

1519
01:07:28,640 --> 01:07:30,480
Speaker 1: He was very sincere, and he said that if we

1520
01:07:30,520 --> 01:07:33,160
Speaker 1: gave him another chance in the future, he'd still loved

1521
01:07:33,240 --> 01:07:35,800
Speaker 1: to watch our dogs because they love each other, and

1522
01:07:35,880 --> 01:07:37,480
Speaker 1: he will sleep in the guest bed.

1523
01:07:37,560 --> 01:07:39,360
Speaker 2: Movie around, he.

1524
01:07:40,920 --> 01:07:41,520
Speaker 4: Came around.

1525
01:07:41,920 --> 01:07:45,040
Speaker 1: I trusted you, dude. I stood up for you. Now

1526
01:07:45,080 --> 01:07:49,200
Speaker 1: I've been left a fool alone on Pouch Island. So

1527
01:07:49,360 --> 01:07:51,800
Speaker 1: we had a great time out on the town and

1528
01:07:51,920 --> 01:07:54,360
Speaker 1: ended the night with some ice cream. Me moral of

1529
01:07:54,400 --> 01:07:57,160
Speaker 1: the story, stand up for yourself and your friends who

1530
01:07:57,200 --> 01:08:00,480
Speaker 1: truly love and care will respect you. Thank you everyone,

1531
01:08:01,000 --> 01:08:04,040
Speaker 1: and that is the end of the story. Well that's

1532
01:08:04,080 --> 01:08:06,960
Speaker 1: actually kind of a lie because it said thank you everyone,

1533
01:08:07,000 --> 01:08:10,520
Speaker 1: and then it said XO XO, So that's really the

1534
01:08:10,600 --> 01:08:11,120
Speaker 1: end of the story.

1535
01:08:11,200 --> 01:08:11,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, thank you