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Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.

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Speaker 2: Hi guys, Hello, Hi, Oh well we've just had some snow.

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Speaker 2: We've had some snow days we have. You know, one

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Speaker 2: of my friends posted the other day who doesn't isn't

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Speaker 2: in our industry? And it actually kind of made me laugh.

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Speaker 2: She was like, what's with the fashion show photo shoots

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Speaker 2: in the snow? So she was like, why is my

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Speaker 2: feed just full of like people in perfect ski suits?

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Speaker 2: And I was like, yeah, so you can always check

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Speaker 2: in here and know that that's not true. Well, it

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Speaker 2: was funny because I was talking to one of our

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Speaker 2: girlfriends in Queendom well minus two, there's three left, but

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Speaker 2: process of elimination. But she was basically saying how she was,

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Speaker 2: you know, she had a lot of work to do,

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Speaker 2: so she was she you know, she felt bad because

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Speaker 2: she saw everybody out on Instagram with the kids in

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Speaker 2: the snow, and I'm like, listen, yeah, I was like,

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Speaker 2: it's all lies. Friend. Yes, we had fun for five

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Speaker 2: minutes and then Jess like his coming.

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Speaker 1: Down, this is not fun.

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Speaker 2: And I'm like and I felt But at first I

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Speaker 2: didn't post it because I'm like, I'm literally laughing at him, Oh,

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Speaker 2: it's you have to laugh at that though, But you know,

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Speaker 2: people are like, don't laugh at your kids. But that

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Speaker 2: was I'm sorry, that's what's funny. I've never identified more

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Speaker 2: with a human in all my life. I was like, Jace,

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Speaker 2: come live with me. I'm your person.

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Speaker 3: He also looked like he was having fun at first,

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Speaker 3: so's you know what I mean. In my head, I

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Speaker 3: was like, he looks like he's having fun. He's halfway

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Speaker 3: smiling as he's saying this is not fun.

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Speaker 2: I feel like, yeah, he was screaming at the top,

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Speaker 2: then this is not fun, and then I think at

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Speaker 2: the bottom he liked it. But it was. I mean,

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Speaker 2: it was five minutes and my friend we all got dressed.

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Speaker 2: It took us twenty five minutes to get dressed for

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Speaker 2: a five minute snowplayed. Somebody has to pee the minute

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Speaker 2: they're dressed. You have to undress. So I'm like, don't

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Speaker 2: feel bad. I'm like, Instagram is just full of lies.

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Speaker 2: Oh I didn't go out. I didn't have fun though.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I will say Jolie is my girl when

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Speaker 2: it comes to I mean, she just was rolling buried

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Speaker 2: her in the snow like she's like, mom, bury me

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Speaker 2: like she's my little Michigan heart. With the snow, I

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Speaker 2: feel nervous. I got nervous in the snowstorm that I

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Speaker 2: my kids might move someplace cold to live forever, and

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna have to move there to be with grand

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Speaker 2: babies because they're so in right now and I am not.

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Speaker 2: Who's in love and Legend are outside like they are

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Speaker 2: all in on snow. Yeah. Yeah, I just actually the worst.

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Speaker 3: I don't even really go out. Mine just kind of

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Speaker 3: get I mean, Nick might go out every now and then.

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Speaker 2: They just go, well, we have a great hill for

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Speaker 2: sledding in our front yard. So I did bribe Jase

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Speaker 2: the second day because I just am like the thing

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Speaker 2: with me in him, I'm like, you're a kid, like

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Speaker 2: have fun. It's like he's allergic to fun. Sometimes I

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Speaker 2: feel bad even saying but he's just he's just more

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Speaker 2: sensitive and just more like doesn't Yeah, he's just really

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Speaker 2: it's comfort, yeah, you know, but I'm like I want

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Speaker 2: him to like have fun. I saw this quote or

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Speaker 2: seam or whatever it was, was basically saying, I know

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Speaker 2: you're busy, You've had a hard day. It's a long

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Speaker 2: day of work, X Y and Z, But remember this

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Speaker 2: is their childhood. And that really hit me because I'm like,

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Speaker 2: you know, what, what do you want? Like go put

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Speaker 2: the TV. It's like this is a childhood, like have

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Speaker 2: fun and like this is these are the years that

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Speaker 2: they're going to remember. Yeah, I do think he'll grow

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Speaker 2: out of that, for sure. I don't And honestly, I

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Speaker 2: don't know, because it's just how he's always been. He

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Speaker 2: loved Love was like him and I think it was

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Speaker 2: because of COVID and yeah, with at that age, every

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Speaker 2: I remember post COVID, he was like home, home, home

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Speaker 2: because we just stayed home same. Yeah, and so I

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Speaker 2: was like baby no, Like we would remember Mike and

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Speaker 2: I would take him out just to go to the

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Speaker 2: grocery store because but he would scream home. Well, it's weird.

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Speaker 2: Like I remember the first time we took Legend out

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Speaker 2: his real first outing was monster jam and he was

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Speaker 2: like kind of it was so stimulate. He was like

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Speaker 2: yallow trash can And I thought maybe we should have

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Speaker 2: just like hopped by Walgreens or something and don't take

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Speaker 2: the edge off, you know, like it's a lot for

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Speaker 2: their brains. But Love was always like that. And now

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Speaker 2: she's like she rides roller coasters at Disney and yeah,

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Speaker 2: well that's yeah.

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Speaker 3: I mean I think all personalities are, you know, they're

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Speaker 3: all different. Yeah, you may gro out of it, or

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Speaker 3: he just may be one that doesn't enjoy that.

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Speaker 2: And that's okay. Yeah, yeah, I'm fine with it. I

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Speaker 2: just when it comes to snow though, I think because

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Speaker 2: I grew up in the snow, I'm like, this is fun. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: you know, but I have to because I grew up

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Speaker 2: in the snow. I'm like, stay inside, it's miserable, and.

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Speaker 1: I'm like.

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Speaker 2: I loved it as a kid, Like I loved it.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, we do ice igloes like the whole thing.

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Speaker 2: You were also a nice skater, though, sure I was

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Speaker 2: used to cold. Having said that, have you guys watched

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Speaker 2: that movie Society in the Snow? Yes? Okay, So Alan

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Speaker 2: and I watched it over this This Arctic blast is

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Speaker 2: what the weather people were saying. He's like, Alan's like,

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Speaker 2: we survived the blast because they can't just say a snowstorm.

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Speaker 2: They have to make it super dramatic. So we watched

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Speaker 2: it and so are kind of running joke, which it

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Speaker 2: shouldn't be a joke, but we're like, he's because we

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Speaker 2: asked would you be able to survive? And so I'm like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I think I could. And then two seconds outside like

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Speaker 2: my feater, he's like, really the Andies, you could survive

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Speaker 2: the Andiess. But Society of the Snow is a true

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Speaker 2: story of these ur Gandhi. They're uh, I'm not football,

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Speaker 2: what's the rugby players? The plane crashes, I'm gonna butcher this.

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Speaker 2: I think it's nineteen seventy two, and there were these

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Speaker 2: survivors that were there for seventy two days outside in

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Speaker 2: the Andes and they stopped the search, like the whole thing.

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Speaker 2: So we watched this movie and it takes about seventy

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Speaker 2: two days to watch it because it's so long. But

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Speaker 2: it's a great it's a great man. It's a good movie.

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Speaker 3: It just gave me such anxiety though, and I don't

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Speaker 3: usually get anxiety from movies. I had to like kind

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Speaker 3: of stop for a while and go back and stop

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Speaker 3: and go back.

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Speaker 2: It was a lot.

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Speaker 3: Not to give it away, but like when the like

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Speaker 3: snow came into the into the plane like twice in

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Speaker 3: a row, I'm like in my head, I'm like just

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Speaker 3: take me like I couldn't.

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Speaker 2: I couldn't do it. Well, here's the question that I

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Speaker 2: want to post. And this might be this is morbid,

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Speaker 2: but I want to know, like, first of all, yeah,

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Speaker 2: seventy two days, what would you do to survive? Is

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Speaker 2: basically the question because these and this is something they

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Speaker 2: didn't show in the movie, but they got a lot

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Speaker 2: of hate for what they did sure out there. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: so they had to eat the dead bodies to survive. Guys,

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Speaker 2: I don't even eat chicken, So I think we all know.

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Speaker 2: I'm first. They should eat me. Actually, so I guess

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Speaker 2: the first one. What would you do to survive? Not much?

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Speaker 2: That's my answer. Not much, you guys, it's miserable, Like

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Speaker 2: being cold to me is like miserable. And we grew

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Speaker 2: up in the same place. I do not enjoy I

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Speaker 2: hate to say it, like it's beautiful for a day

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Speaker 2: while it's sunny. I think that's one benefit we get

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Speaker 2: here because Michigan stays so gray for so long. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I just do not. I don't enjoy it. We have

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Speaker 2: friends that are like, come to bail. If you're put

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Speaker 2: in that situation and it's either life or death, dy

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Speaker 2: like you like, you know you will die if you

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Speaker 2: don't eat because you can only have what and you'll

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Speaker 2: die if you don't have food in seven days, water

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Speaker 2: and three. I think it was threes. The threes.

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Speaker 3: I think it was like three weeks or something, three

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Speaker 3: days without one. It's like in the movie they said

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Speaker 3: that something about threes. Okay, I don't remember exactly, but

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Speaker 3: what would you do?

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Speaker 2: Would you like?

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Speaker 1: Then?

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Speaker 2: That kind of posed the question because Alan's like, do

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Speaker 2: you think you'd survive? Would you eat my leg cat?

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Speaker 3: I honestly don't know. I mean I would think if

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Speaker 3: I got as far as those people did, because so

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Speaker 3: many people didn't. I mean, so many people didn't even

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Speaker 3: survive to that point. But if you're at that point,

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Speaker 3: I mean I probably would have.

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Speaker 2: You'd be non at my ribs. You're like a kit

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Speaker 2: kat or something, you know, not yours. Definitely somewhere what

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Speaker 2: I told you a go macro bar with a heartbeat.

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Speaker 2: It's not gonna work for us. Here's I told Alan

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Speaker 2: though about that, And this is what I would do

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Speaker 2: in that situation. Personally, if it had been a couple

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Speaker 2: days for me, I can't sit still and just wait

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Speaker 2: to be rescued. I would have started walking walking, I

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Speaker 2: guest as soon as I could because I know that

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Speaker 2: if they did get found, then someone would, you know,

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Speaker 2: go find me or something or say, hey, she started

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Speaker 2: walking that way. I could not just sit there and

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Speaker 2: wait for someone to come rescue me. Now I get

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Speaker 2: the circumstances, but I just was like, I'd rather die

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Speaker 2: trying than than than die.

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Speaker 3: Waiting, especially once they went to the top of mountain

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Speaker 3: and realized you couldn't see it, you know, like I

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Speaker 3: feel like there was hope until that point, but then

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Speaker 3: they walked up and it was like they looked down

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Speaker 3: and it was like you can't see it from the sky.

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Speaker 3: Then I would have worked on what do we need

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Speaker 3: to do to make this work? To start walking?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree, but it also maybe goes I don't

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Speaker 2: want to get in the plane. But it was also

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Speaker 2: nineteen seventy something, so but anyways, I don't know why.

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Speaker 2: I guess gotten that a spoiler alert. I still don't

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Speaker 2: know if I would eat, but I don't know why

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Speaker 2: I would like to be I'd like to start walking first,

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Speaker 2: because again, you're going to deteriorate as time goes on.

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Speaker 2: So it's like my healthy self would want to start

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Speaker 2: the trek. Yeah, as as soon as possible to get out.

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Speaker 2: I'm a movement person, so we would have to make

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Speaker 2: something happen. Yeah, yeah, poofties. Anyways, I just.

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Speaker 3: Can't believe they got so much hate for that, like survival,

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Speaker 3: and it's not like they killed them, they were oh yeah,

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Speaker 3: and a lot of survival is such my body instinct too.

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Speaker 3: That's why I say, I don't know, like, I don't

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Speaker 3: know if instincts would kick in to where it's just like,

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Speaker 3: how do I survive?

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Speaker 2: You know? I mean I can barely swallow an Omego

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Speaker 2: three without puking, because so like it would, but I

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Speaker 2: think that'd be really hard. But again, if you're done,

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Speaker 2: you know, and you're dead, I don't know, so to

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Speaker 2: not out. I do have metal rods in my bag,

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Speaker 2: so over what it's worth, y'all could use that. I

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Speaker 2: just feel like somewhere, I know, right hike up the mountain,

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Speaker 2: I guess I don't know. It's hardware and fam weird.

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Speaker 2: I'm glad you watched that so we could talk about them.

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Speaker 2: I'm glad I'm never going to so we can already

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Speaker 2: all right, we're gonna take a break and then we're

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Speaker 2: going to get Kristen and Dina on They've got a

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Speaker 2: podcast called after Bedtime Big Little Feelings Instagram as well,

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Speaker 2: so it's going to be it's a it's a mommy

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Speaker 2: group essentially that you wish she had, so get them

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Speaker 2: on after the break.

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Speaker 1: Hey guys, hi, hi hi.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So Kristen is literally obsessed with you guys, so

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Speaker 2: I am she basically yeah, and you girls are again,

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Speaker 2: like anytime you're ever in Nashville, let's just do a

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Speaker 2: little like mom Mom Night. That'd be super fun. But Kristen,

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Speaker 2: do you want to just take it away with your

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Speaker 2: obsession here? Well yeah, okay, so I'm not obsessed like

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Speaker 2: I am with Jessica Simpsons. I want to clarify, I

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Speaker 2: don't know your birthdays or like your favorite color, so

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Speaker 2: it's healthy. See in that way, I actually didn't know

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Speaker 2: what you looked like until just now. So it's like

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Speaker 2: the great news is I'm obsessed with your content in

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Speaker 2: your brains. So it's like, that's the best. I felt

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Speaker 2: like you were one of the first resources I found

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Speaker 2: that felt to a line with the way I was

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Speaker 2: parenting and the need to actually like understand these little

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Speaker 2: people more than just like we know innately that they

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Speaker 2: need discipline, and they need boundaries because that's part of

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Speaker 2: how they feel safe. We know it. But then you

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Speaker 2: put yourself like in the actual like scenarios, and it's

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Speaker 2: really difficult sometimes to parent strong willed world leaders. I'm

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Speaker 2: positive I'm just going to keep speaking it over him. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: but the I am raising Will Ferrell, Okay, so there's

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Speaker 2: part of it. He's also the most alpha man I've

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Speaker 2: ever met in my life besides my own father. Tell

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Speaker 2: me how to raise my son. Go ahead, dis start

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Speaker 2: anywhere you'd like, but more info.

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Speaker 4: But I think you answered it right. It's about firm boundaries.

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Speaker 5: It's about letting them know that you know, you do

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Speaker 5: hear them, you do see them, right, because I do

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Speaker 5: think that that's where our parents' generation kind of missed

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Speaker 5: the boat, right, and it leaves certain kids feeling really unempowered.

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Speaker 5: Not maybe not the strong willed ones, but they're unempowered

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Speaker 5: and they're people pleasers. And that's how I am now, right,

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Speaker 5: We're just like, whatever you need. I'm so sorry. Here's

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Speaker 5: here's a big tip. I'm so sorry to bother you.

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Speaker 5: It's your job, but I'm so sorry to bother you.

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Speaker 5: And then for those strong willed kids when they don't

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Speaker 5: feel seen and they don't feel heard. While you're setting

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Speaker 5: the boundary, by the way, you're not letting them do

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Speaker 5: what they want. You're setting the boundary.

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Speaker 4: But when you.

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Speaker 5: Avoid the like making them really feel heard, you're just exasperating.

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Speaker 5: You're just dealing with the show all day, right, So

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Speaker 5: it's like all we really have to do is know

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Speaker 5: as parents, we know what's best. We're holding those healthy

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Speaker 5: boundaries and making our kids feel seen and heard and

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Speaker 5: safe at the same time.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, which is hard, by the way, when they're like

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Speaker 1: screaming at you and they're on the floor, or they're

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Speaker 1: like doing exactly what you just told them not to do,

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Speaker 1: it's hard.

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Speaker 4: It's hard.

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Speaker 2: What about like, And I've said this a few times

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Speaker 2: with my daughter, where it's I can tell that she

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Speaker 2: wants to say something, but I don't. It's like she

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Speaker 2: won't say it because it's either she might think it

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Speaker 2: might hurt my feelings or I don't know. I Sometimes

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Speaker 2: I just look at it and I'm like, Jolie, do

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Speaker 2: you want to do you have any feelings around something?

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Speaker 2: She's like no, And I'm like you do, like you do?

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Speaker 2: So I'm like and then I like, I feel like

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Speaker 2: I'm trying to push to like know what it is,

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Speaker 2: but it's like, how do I get her to meet me?

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Speaker 2: It's like, you know, you can always talk to me

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Speaker 2: and I'm here to listen to anything you want to say,

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Speaker 2: but she still doesn't come. So I'm like, what did

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Speaker 2: I do wrong? And then like, how do I like

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Speaker 2: repair this to have her talk to me?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I mean I'm curious how old is she?

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Speaker 2: By the way, She's about to be eight in January

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Speaker 2: or this okay, the end of this month.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So they start to have like their own little

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Speaker 1: lives at this point. You know, they're getting bigger and

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Speaker 1: they have their own experiences, but a few thoughts. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure Kristin has them too. I don't think you're doing

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Speaker 1: anything wrong necessarily. All children are just different in how

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Speaker 1: they experience their feelings, share about their feelings, handle them.

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Speaker 1: You know, some kids are just not as comfortable directly

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Speaker 1: talking about feelings. And there's a few things that we

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Speaker 1: can do at home to kind of, you know, support it.

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Speaker 1: The main thing is we want to normalize feelings. So

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Speaker 1: even us sharing about our feelings, like oh, you know

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Speaker 1: today at work, there was someone we kind of didn't

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Speaker 1: agree on things. I was feeling frustrated. I took a second,

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Speaker 1: and then I had a conversation to share, you know,

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Speaker 1: and we talked it through. Even just kind of normalizing

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Speaker 1: feelings in general, just it helps so much because there's

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Speaker 1: no such thing as a bad feeling, and the feelings

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Speaker 1: are happening inside, whether we share about them or not. Really,

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Speaker 1: you know the.

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Speaker 5: One My daughter is seven, so she'd get into the

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Speaker 5: similar age, and she's probably very similar to where they

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Speaker 5: really don't want to like ruffle the boat.

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Speaker 4: They don't want to ruffle any feathers, not about you.

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Speaker 5: But I'm frankly more worried about that kid than my

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Speaker 5: strong willed kid. Like I know it's hard to a

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Speaker 5: parent a strong oiled kid. I'm more worried about, you know,

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Speaker 5: the little girl or boy that's like really wanting to

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Speaker 5: keep the peace and not wanting to ruffle feathers. It's

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Speaker 5: nothing you did wrong, right, some of us are more

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Speaker 5: prone to that You're doing great because you're trying to

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Speaker 5: have that dialogue. I do find with mine an amazing

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Speaker 5: thing that we do is at bedtime, so it's just

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Speaker 5: me and her or just her dad and her. We'll

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Speaker 5: do like what made you happy today? What made you

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Speaker 5: sad today? And what are you looking forward to tomorrow?

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Speaker 1: Right?

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Speaker 4: Or Rose and Thorn or anything like that.

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Speaker 2: We do sad part and happy part every single dinner,

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Speaker 2: which now they go, Mommy, what was your sad part

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Speaker 2: of the day? So I don't even have to say anymore.

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Speaker 2: Now it's become something they want to so like it's

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Speaker 2: every single night, and I do like that piece.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel like that, And especially if

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Speaker 5: you do do it one on one too, where there's

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Speaker 5: like not a lot of chaos and it's just them.

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Speaker 5: And maybe since already doing that at dinner, you could

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Speaker 5: do something differ like Rose and Thorn or it just

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Speaker 5: opens up. You'll be so surprised how just that intimate

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Speaker 5: moment of just them, there's no siblings, there's no food around,

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Speaker 5: and you know they really open up about their day

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Speaker 5: or something that might have happened.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you could also One last idea is keep a

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Speaker 1: little bull in your house that at any point she

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Speaker 1: can write down whatever she's feeling or wanting to share

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Speaker 1: about and kind of drop it in for you to see.

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Speaker 1: Just another idea like that.

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Speaker 2: It's funny because my daughter is like our daughters are

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Speaker 2: the same age and our sons are the same age,

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Speaker 2: and then we both just had brand new babies, so

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Speaker 2: we're like we kind of lean into each other. But

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Speaker 2: we've really come to realize, like our sons are really

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Speaker 2: so different, you know, Like Jase is such a sweet, handsome,

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Speaker 2: good person, and Legend is a sweet handsome person, but

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Speaker 2: I'm in an abusive relationship with him right now. My

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Speaker 2: son is just not he's not the he's just not

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Speaker 2: really the typical boy. Like he's just more he's just

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Speaker 2: a little softer. He's a lot softer. It's okay, we're friends. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: he's quite a bit softer. Actually he's a good man.

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Speaker 2: But my daughter pulls out her file folder at the

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Speaker 2: end of the day, like I get in bed with

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Speaker 2: her and we like, you know, and she's like, great,

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Speaker 2: glad you're here. And she starts like, you know, like

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Speaker 2: all the things she's ready to download me on because

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Speaker 2: she's waiting.

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Speaker 1: I've gottenn agenda, mom, let's go.

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Speaker 2: She does. So let me I think, because two thirds

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Speaker 2: of us are in this season, can we ask if

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Speaker 2: there's any best advice for we just brought home new

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Speaker 2: babies and the gap is pretty big because both big

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Speaker 2: kids are like eight and five, and now we have

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Speaker 2: like a two months and seven month old. Is there

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Speaker 2: any like proactive things you could think in your arsenal

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Speaker 2: for us to participate in, like daily or weekly. Maybe

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Speaker 2: that would help with keeping I think so far right

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Speaker 2: on your team too. Everybody is really loves the baby,

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Speaker 2: so we don't have any of that. No disliking, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: no disliking of the baby.

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Speaker 4: That's a lot, isn't it so much?

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Speaker 5: Which well, it's so much easier if you will with

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Speaker 5: the big kid stage, because that's sort of like primal jealousy. Whoa,

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Speaker 5: I don't know what's going on, is kind of missing,

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Speaker 5: which is nice. I have it was right like a

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Speaker 5: seven year old four year old when I had the newborn,

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Speaker 5: and it was such a different thing than having two

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Speaker 5: kids closer together where they love the baby and they're

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Speaker 5: excited about the baby and they totally get it, which

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Speaker 5: is nice.

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Speaker 4: I think in my.

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Speaker 5: Household the thing now that he's fifteen months old, I

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Speaker 5: can see when you add that third and it's just

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Speaker 5: less attention no matter how you splice it right, whether

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Speaker 5: it's because they're a newborn or just because you just

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Speaker 5: have another little body, so we have the ten minute miracle.

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Speaker 5: This really does work for not just toddlers but also

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Speaker 5: big kids, where every single day if you can take

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Speaker 5: ten minutes just you and that kid. And I think

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Speaker 5: especially for big kids, it can feel overwhelming because you're

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Speaker 5: like I should be taking them to Disneyland, I should

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Speaker 5: go to you know, we should be going to color

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Speaker 5: me mine or whatever. But really, truly, even at the

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Speaker 5: big kid stage, if you take ten minutes and have

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Speaker 5: somebody else take the baby, and somebody else take and

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Speaker 5: put your phone down and do anything. It could be

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Speaker 5: quite coloring, it could be anything. It's just giving them

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Speaker 5: that attention that in the chaos in my house really

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Speaker 5: doesn't happen.

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Speaker 2: For the doctor totally that too. Yeah, he said how

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Speaker 2: that affects the brain and what that does for a

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Speaker 2: child too, which is you know, I think that's great.

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Speaker 2: Kat you were saying, or you were saying not soft.

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Speaker 3: Well, I just don't think that you can equate and

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Speaker 3: not to like contradict what you were saying, but that

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Speaker 3: like good kid soft. No, I don't think he's a

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Speaker 3: bad kid, you know what I mean, He's just think alpha.

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Speaker 3: They're also because like I have an alpha boy who

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Speaker 3: is now fourteen, very alpha, but also very much a

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Speaker 3: good kid, you know what I mean. So I just

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Speaker 3: wanted to say because it sounded like we were kind of,

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Speaker 3: you know, comparing that. But also I think that ten

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Speaker 3: minute thing. I don't even realize that I do that. Oh,

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Speaker 3: but I do that. I mean I I've always said,

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Speaker 3: and we've kind of talked about this before, making sure

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Speaker 3: that you have time for each child, because I've got three,

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Speaker 3: but fourteen to seven, and man, is that so important?

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Speaker 2: It feels like that way for me as an adult,

430
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:13,680
Speaker 2: even you guys like but.

431
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:17,080
Speaker 3: Even the fourteen year old doesn't even know it, doesn't

432
00:20:17,119 --> 00:20:19,920
Speaker 3: realize it. We may talk about a lot, we may

433
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:23,359
Speaker 3: talk about nothing like it's just And then also, I

434
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:26,600
Speaker 3: was going to say, when you were asking about Jolie,

435
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,639
Speaker 3: it hasn't ha started as much with Ramsey, but I

436
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:34,199
Speaker 3: really did it with emmy very specific questions, so like

437
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,280
Speaker 3: I started asking her not just you know, how is

438
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:38,199
Speaker 3: your day or what did you do at school? Just

439
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:42,040
Speaker 3: very like, hey, who all sitting at the lunch table? Now, okay,

440
00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:44,119
Speaker 3: so so and so is sitting at the other table,

441
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:45,040
Speaker 3: So what does that mean?

442
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:45,400
Speaker 2: Are they?

443
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:48,960
Speaker 3: And we just like asked very specific, gets the conversation going. Yeah,

444
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,440
Speaker 3: so I feel like that you avoid.

445
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,760
Speaker 1: The whole like how was school today good? You know,

446
00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:53,560
Speaker 1: what did you do?

447
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what I normally will do. That's what I'll

448
00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:59,760
Speaker 3: get like, how is your practice good? Okay, Like okay,

449
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,679
Speaker 3: so did this you know? I mean, it's just very specific.

450
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,800
Speaker 3: Finally gets her talking because she would prefer probably not

451
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,600
Speaker 3: to talk about all this stuff too. But then I

452
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:09,920
Speaker 3: just really get her going, and that's just been helpful.

453
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,879
Speaker 2: I think where I fall to my problem, which is

454
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:26,840
Speaker 2: I'd love to lean on you guys for this is

455
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:28,919
Speaker 2: you know, the ten minute thing. I'm like, all right,

456
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:31,719
Speaker 2: I would love to do that. Having said that, if

457
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:34,280
Speaker 2: I was to do ten minutes, it's like, Jolie and

458
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:37,399
Speaker 2: Jace are so together all the time. They play together

459
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:39,479
Speaker 2: all the time, and part of that I feel bad

460
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:41,120
Speaker 2: because I'm like, go play with your brother, go play

461
00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:45,040
Speaker 2: with your sister, and they're always playing together where and

462
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:48,320
Speaker 2: Jace is you know, He's like, well, if I was

463
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:51,119
Speaker 2: to take that minute with Jolie or ten minutes, you know,

464
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:53,560
Speaker 2: and I take her to her the nails, but I don't.

465
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:55,800
Speaker 2: It's to me, I'm like every day for ten minutes.

466
00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:58,120
Speaker 2: I'm like, Jace is going to want to just get

467
00:21:58,119 --> 00:22:00,159
Speaker 2: in on all that, you know, because he's just so

468
00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:05,119
Speaker 2: I don't want to say codependent on me, but just no,

469
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:07,840
Speaker 2: I mean it's they're five, that's if he's just age two,

470
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:11,119
Speaker 2: either wants to be around me or Jolie you know,

471
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,679
Speaker 2: and just on us all the time. And so I

472
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,720
Speaker 2: think that's you know, I can say go play with

473
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:18,560
Speaker 2: Alan or whatever, but it's it's also you know, who

474
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:21,720
Speaker 2: want to do what we're doing. So how do I

475
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:26,560
Speaker 2: find that time to make sure I get those ten

476
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:30,360
Speaker 2: minutes each and then because and then on top of that,

477
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:32,440
Speaker 2: is it bad to always say go play with your brother,

478
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:33,680
Speaker 2: go play with your sister?

479
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:35,000
Speaker 4: Two questions? I love that.

480
00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:36,600
Speaker 5: Well, first of all, I just want to say again

481
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:39,800
Speaker 5: because this is I have true experience with like the

482
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:42,560
Speaker 5: literal exact same age gap. So I just have to say,

483
00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:45,680
Speaker 5: even this week, I'm like I cannot, like, I'm really

484
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:47,919
Speaker 5: impressed that you were saying you just do that naturally,

485
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:50,760
Speaker 5: because I'm like, I don't. I mean, like like you said,

486
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:53,080
Speaker 5: the older two just play together all the time, and

487
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,359
Speaker 5: then a lot of my focus is on the baby.

488
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:56,880
Speaker 5: And then you know, we just go through our day.

489
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:58,960
Speaker 5: So a I don't think it has to be every day.

490
00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:01,119
Speaker 5: I think that you can do what you can. I

491
00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:02,880
Speaker 5: also think that your partner can step in. I also

492
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:04,960
Speaker 5: think that like an aunt can step in. Sometimes Dina

493
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,000
Speaker 5: will take my kids and just have a one on

494
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:09,040
Speaker 5: one time with the oldest or something, you know, just

495
00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 5: making sure they sometimes feel that attention. And then when

496
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:14,600
Speaker 5: it comes to them wanting to be together, I think

497
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:18,480
Speaker 5: it's just important that they we normalize that we have

498
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:21,359
Speaker 5: special time together. I go on dates with my husband

499
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:23,879
Speaker 5: all the time, right, and I think that's important to

500
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:25,920
Speaker 5: normalize and to show my kids. And so it's kind

501
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,080
Speaker 5: of similar where you know, maybe the other one can

502
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:30,280
Speaker 5: do screen time or something that they really love, or

503
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:32,560
Speaker 5: maybe they're I don't know. We have to get creative

504
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:35,760
Speaker 5: with ideas, but just knowing it's never gonna be seventy

505
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:38,240
Speaker 5: five minutes, it's really gonna be ten minutes.

506
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:39,720
Speaker 4: Here's a timer we can have, like.

507
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:42,280
Speaker 5: A visual cueue, just to know we're all gonna be

508
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:44,040
Speaker 5: back together in ten minutes. And by the way, you

509
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:46,600
Speaker 5: get the ten minutes too, right, This is just for you.

510
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:50,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, literally, if I told them just when you said

511
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:52,920
Speaker 2: screen time. If I told Joey, like, let's go color Jason,

512
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,040
Speaker 2: you can watch your screen, She's like, well you watch screen,

513
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:57,240
Speaker 2: you know, because it's just yeah, because they don't get

514
00:23:57,240 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 2: it in my house like ever, so I'm gonna have

515
00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:01,359
Speaker 2: to think of something else because she's big. It's a

516
00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:02,240
Speaker 2: time minutes up yet, like.

517
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:06,200
Speaker 1: It takes a little bit of coordinating sometimes, like when

518
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:08,760
Speaker 1: I do this recently, I have to literally set up

519
00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:12,360
Speaker 1: a plan with my husband for that time to be like, okay,

520
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:14,760
Speaker 1: you take the other one, like you're doing your special

521
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:16,680
Speaker 1: ten minutes now, right, you know.

522
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:18,359
Speaker 2: And I think that's something else because I mean, Alan

523
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:21,159
Speaker 2: does My fiance's incredible with the kids, and he'll be

524
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,080
Speaker 2: like he takes Jason a monthly mandate, so he'll take

525
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,439
Speaker 2: him to a little restaurant that's in town. So that

526
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:28,200
Speaker 2: with that way, I can be like our jolly girl

527
00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:29,919
Speaker 2: date us. But it's just hard because it's like now

528
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:31,800
Speaker 2: the baby, we don't have help. It's just like.

529
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:33,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, well and I don't think it has to be

530
00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:35,960
Speaker 3: that big of a gang, but you know, no where.

531
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:38,000
Speaker 2: I always go though, because I'm like I feel bad

532
00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:39,320
Speaker 2: that it's not some big.

533
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:40,560
Speaker 3: It doesn't Yeah, and that's the thing, and like I

534
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:42,720
Speaker 3: was just thinking about it a It got easier for

535
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:45,879
Speaker 3: me as I got older. Obviously, they don't play together

536
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:49,680
Speaker 3: like they are three kids that do separate things. Maybe

537
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:52,000
Speaker 3: the girls will do skincare together every now and then, right,

538
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:55,400
Speaker 3: so that but also if we don't get it at home,

539
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:57,800
Speaker 3: we get it in the car. So there's also that

540
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,320
Speaker 3: like because we've got so many sports and it's rare

541
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:02,919
Speaker 3: that they're all together, which is not everyone's case, but

542
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:05,240
Speaker 3: we're all going different places. So that's where a lot

543
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:07,399
Speaker 3: of it ends up happening for us, is just one

544
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:09,400
Speaker 3: on one time in the car like the cat.

545
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,159
Speaker 5: By the way, we started doing Harry Potter with my

546
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 5: seven year old on the way to gymnastics. Now sometimes

547
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:17,560
Speaker 5: the baby and the middle is in the car and

548
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:21,399
Speaker 5: so it's not quite the peaceful thing you would imagine, right,

549
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:23,919
Speaker 5: But some of the time we have this new ritual

550
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:26,840
Speaker 5: where we listen to Harry Potter on the way to gymnastics.

551
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:28,600
Speaker 4: If I can ever take her alone, that.

552
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:31,000
Speaker 5: Counts, you know, and you have ten old like I

553
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:35,119
Speaker 5: don't think I had special time ten minute miracle on

554
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:36,840
Speaker 5: my radar when I had a two month old. I mean,

555
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:40,920
Speaker 5: this is not the time to be doing anything other

556
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:44,399
Speaker 5: than what you're doing right now, like throw that away

557
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:47,240
Speaker 5: and then when your baby three months, four months, six months,

558
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:50,359
Speaker 5: they're crawling around, you know, then do the tenmanut miracle.

559
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:52,560
Speaker 1: Like, you know, what almost goes a really long way

560
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:55,040
Speaker 1: too when it comes to like the baby or just

561
00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:58,280
Speaker 1: having a sibling in general, is you know those days

562
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:01,080
Speaker 1: where it's like one of them is just so annoyed

563
00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:03,080
Speaker 1: with the other one, or the baby's been crying and

564
00:26:03,119 --> 00:26:05,560
Speaker 1: it's just kind of hard on the other kid to

565
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,000
Speaker 1: be able to just at bed time or whenever, in

566
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,840
Speaker 1: a quiet moment, just validate that and be like, you know,

567
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:13,800
Speaker 1: being a brother, being a sister, it can be really

568
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:16,280
Speaker 1: hard sometimes, you know, because a lot of times our

569
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 1: instinct is to kind of push through and be like no, no,

570
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:21,640
Speaker 1: you know, like we love them, they're your best friend

571
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:24,400
Speaker 1: or your friend for life. But really when we can

572
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 1: just like give them that space to be like, yeah,

573
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,240
Speaker 1: sometimes it's really hard, Like it really goes a long

574
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:29,880
Speaker 1: way for them.

575
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:34,640
Speaker 2: What is y'all's opinion on discipline? I knew we were

576
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:38,960
Speaker 2: gonna go, you know, I actually was gonna ask for myself,

577
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:42,639
Speaker 2: like what is what do you think is appropriate discipline

578
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:45,399
Speaker 2: for not being too soft or too hard.

579
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:50,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, discipline's a very confusing thing. Like, let's

580
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,760
Speaker 1: just start off there, there's a million and one opinions

581
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:57,760
Speaker 1: about how to approach things. So yes, very confusing. But

582
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:00,119
Speaker 1: if you start to just get to the root of

583
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:03,840
Speaker 1: like what the word actually means. The Latin root is

584
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:06,840
Speaker 1: to teach. We're teaching our kids how to deal with

585
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:11,960
Speaker 1: tricky situations and big feelings in safe ways. Like really,

586
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:15,600
Speaker 1: that's the root of it. So yeah, I think it

587
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:19,679
Speaker 1: depends on kind of just like what area of discipline.

588
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 1: But when we think about it from that filter, like

589
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:24,720
Speaker 1: we're teaching them how to deal with things.

590
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:27,040
Speaker 5: Well, we're also teaching them better behavior, right, we want

591
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:30,080
Speaker 5: them to be better behaved, we want them to be empathic,

592
00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 5: we want them to be nice, we want them to

593
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:32,040
Speaker 5: be kind.

594
00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:34,200
Speaker 4: But we also have to realize a.

595
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:37,720
Speaker 5: The true meaning it's to teach and then be where

596
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:40,320
Speaker 5: they are at in their brain development. So even your

597
00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:42,159
Speaker 5: ten year old, you know, sure we give a two

598
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:44,400
Speaker 5: year old a past, but a ten year old's brain

599
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:45,320
Speaker 5: is still.

600
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:45,919
Speaker 4: Not fully formed.

601
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:49,919
Speaker 5: We're still literally actively teaching from the time that they

602
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:53,159
Speaker 5: are born all of these skills and I think that

603
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:56,720
Speaker 5: gets missing in the conversation where we would never be

604
00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:00,879
Speaker 5: really harsh and punish if they didn't in their ABC's

605
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:04,159
Speaker 5: or if they swung and they hit, they didn't hit

606
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,679
Speaker 5: the baseball right, and maybe when I was younger, you

607
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:08,760
Speaker 5: still got punished for that. But we've kind of a

608
00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:11,360
Speaker 5: good coach and a good teacher and a good post.

609
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:16,119
Speaker 4: Like they are leading confidently. They're letting you make mistakes.

610
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 5: They are not necessarily happy about the mistakes. They're not

611
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,080
Speaker 5: allowing the mistakes. They're not letting you run the show

612
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:25,480
Speaker 5: or run the shit, but they know that you're there

613
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,439
Speaker 5: to be their teacher and to be their guide. So

614
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:31,520
Speaker 5: when you look at discipline as a whole in that way,

615
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:35,240
Speaker 5: I think it's really helpful right where it's like in

616
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:37,920
Speaker 5: those really hard moments when they make a mistake, when

617
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:40,560
Speaker 5: there is unwanted behavior, we can let them know firmly,

618
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 5: like hey this is not okay. Hey you do not

619
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 5: hit your baby's sister. Hey you have to get your

620
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:48,280
Speaker 5: homework in on time. We can be firm and still

621
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:51,360
Speaker 5: not like scare the living shit out of them, because

622
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:52,720
Speaker 5: that's not going to help them learn.

623
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:55,680
Speaker 1: Right, Because what we know about brain science exactly what

624
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:57,880
Speaker 1: we know about brain science now is that when our

625
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:02,520
Speaker 1: kids feel scared, like when we're loud we're threatening them,

626
00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:06,120
Speaker 1: their brain kind of shuts down, like they actually can't

627
00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 1: take in new information, they can't think, they can't reflect

628
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:12,040
Speaker 1: on how to do better, so they're really not learning

629
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:13,720
Speaker 1: what to do for next time.

630
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:18,000
Speaker 2: I do feel that, and so in recent episodes here

631
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:23,719
Speaker 2: at wind Down, I said publicly that legend my middle

632
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 2: And by the way, he's a lover. He's a good dude.

633
00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:32,320
Speaker 2: He's really super smart. He's too smart almost you know

634
00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:37,560
Speaker 2: the type, and he is just I am alone about

635
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:39,440
Speaker 2: two hundred nights a year. My husband is in music

636
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:41,840
Speaker 2: and he's gone, and it until a month ago, has

637
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:43,880
Speaker 2: just literally been us no help. Okay, So I need

638
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:47,160
Speaker 2: to frame that because this dude gains ten more pounds

639
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:49,560
Speaker 2: and he's going to be bigger than me, right, So

640
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:53,560
Speaker 2: the testosterone is raging at his age group. It's starting

641
00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:58,280
Speaker 2: to really show itself. And we're a pretty girly household

642
00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 2: for very feelings. He does say things I feel sad,

643
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:02,719
Speaker 2: I feel angry, which I have been really proud of

644
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:05,719
Speaker 2: because he's able to like name some things instead of

645
00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:10,560
Speaker 2: just crying or storming out or whatever. So what we've

646
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:13,640
Speaker 2: run into though, is that he literally will just scream

647
00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 2: at me like it's like maddening, right, and I stay

648
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:19,240
Speaker 2: calm and I just say, I'm not going to do

649
00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:22,200
Speaker 2: that with you. I see that you're sad. You know, listen, guys,

650
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 2: I'm a follower on Instagram. I'm cutting out all your

651
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:27,880
Speaker 2: little things. I've downloaded your little you know, mobile e

652
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:31,680
Speaker 2: books and all the things. Right, So there was a

653
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:35,160
Speaker 2: time where Legend Broth got soap in his mouth. I

654
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 2: was not angry when I did it. I said, you

655
00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 2: are not going to speak to me that way. You're

656
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:42,240
Speaker 2: not going to speak to me that way. And by

657
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:44,680
Speaker 2: I said, on three, you are going to get soap

658
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:48,000
Speaker 2: in your mouth. I know Christ's taking a drink of

659
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 2: coffee for those that can't see, because she does want

660
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:50,800
Speaker 2: to frame us in.

661
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:53,640
Speaker 4: A way vodka. You know what I mean. It's I'm

662
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:55,000
Speaker 4: ready listen.

663
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:56,640
Speaker 2: I know, but I can tell you, like, how do

664
00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:59,480
Speaker 2: I politely tell this girl she's derailed her whole household.

665
00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:02,120
Speaker 4: That's not what we're saying. We're not here. That's the

666
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:02,479
Speaker 4: last thing.

667
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:07,960
Speaker 2: Well, that's refreshing. I did just it's not in alignment

668
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:10,680
Speaker 2: with why. I know, I'm just kidding. People were like

669
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 2: it was funny because I felt like, I love how

670
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:14,960
Speaker 2: honest we are with each other all the time. But

671
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,360
Speaker 2: I felt like people were like offended on our behalfs

672
00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 2: and I was like I was offended. Anyways, what I've

673
00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:23,560
Speaker 2: learned is that doesn't really work for him, and that's fine,

674
00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:25,920
Speaker 2: But it was literally like the first time that I've

675
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:31,400
Speaker 2: ever showed like myself. I guess being this is like

676
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:35,719
Speaker 2: very that geo sounding or something, but like more like

677
00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:39,400
Speaker 2: dominant than him or something. He never has seen me.

678
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:42,800
Speaker 2: I'm the feeling creature. And when Dad comes home, Dad

679
00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:44,720
Speaker 2: kind of wants to be fun if I'm honest, because

680
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,520
Speaker 2: he is gone a lot, so bed times are kind

681
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:48,880
Speaker 2: of out the window, and I try to keep it

682
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:51,400
Speaker 2: a little consistent. But and I'm not making excuses. I'm

683
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:53,480
Speaker 2: just letting you know, like that's literally like the first

684
00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:58,680
Speaker 2: time he's ever seen me be a person. Since then,

685
00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 2: a week ago, him and I had a conversation where

686
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,000
Speaker 2: I actually told him, I said, you're not treating me

687
00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:07,160
Speaker 2: like a good friend. You're actually not being kind to me,

688
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:10,680
Speaker 2: and you're hurting my feelings, I said, And that's me

689
00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:12,320
Speaker 2: being honest with you, and so when you talk to

690
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:14,320
Speaker 2: me that way, it does make me sad because after

691
00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:18,880
Speaker 2: a while you get beat down and you're by yourself. Yeah,

692
00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:21,000
Speaker 2: that has been the biggest change for him so far.

693
00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:22,680
Speaker 2: Like we're I don't want to jinx it, but in

694
00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:25,480
Speaker 2: this last week, I'm like, legend, I still want to

695
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:27,120
Speaker 2: be loved on too, you know. But and I'm not

696
00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:29,160
Speaker 2: putting pressure on him to be an adult, but it's

697
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:31,480
Speaker 2: like I don't need to, just like it's almost like

698
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:33,880
Speaker 2: default behavior at some point when they keep doing the

699
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:36,760
Speaker 2: same things. And that's what I felt like was happening.

700
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:40,400
Speaker 1: I think it's good for your kids to be able

701
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:42,640
Speaker 1: to talk about feelings in that way with you. It

702
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:44,440
Speaker 1: sounded like really honest and open.

703
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:47,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I wasn't like guilty, you know. But I

704
00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:51,120
Speaker 2: do think there is this wave like our generation seems

705
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:54,440
Speaker 2: to be very mindfully parenting, which I love about us.

706
00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 2: I just also know it's not super realistic to have

707
00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:03,200
Speaker 2: a whole society full of wild feelings that like, you know,

708
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:06,440
Speaker 2: like I'm a Christian, so I know God tells me

709
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:08,320
Speaker 2: no for a reason. I know if I do something

710
00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:10,600
Speaker 2: I'm not supposed to do, there's a consequence to that.

711
00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:13,600
Speaker 2: Consequences are a good thing to know about too. So

712
00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:17,560
Speaker 2: I think that's where people like you really matter to

713
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:19,960
Speaker 2: me because you help us navigate the in between of

714
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:22,760
Speaker 2: like old school OG parenting, which was like what you're

715
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:25,400
Speaker 2: talking about, Kristin. We're disciplined for things that were like

716
00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:27,120
Speaker 2: I was just being a human, like what in the

717
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:29,760
Speaker 2: world I missed the ball at baseball practice? But then

718
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:33,800
Speaker 2: also we can't swing the pendulum the whole other way

719
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:35,960
Speaker 2: because then what are we doing. We're not seeing our

720
00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:39,479
Speaker 2: kids up any better. We're teeing them up differently, but

721
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:42,400
Speaker 2: still maybe not for success, which I guess then goes

722
00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:44,480
Speaker 2: back to the question of you know, what do you

723
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:47,480
Speaker 2: guys think on discipline and how to discipline in those areas?

724
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, well I think I mean it really does come

725
00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 5: down to the coach and the baseball bat because I

726
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:57,400
Speaker 5: think what we're missing again in this conversation is that

727
00:33:57,520 --> 00:34:02,240
Speaker 5: your son's brain is not fully developed and for him

728
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:05,600
Speaker 5: to sort of get feelings and not talk back to

729
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 5: you and not this is actually what kids are wired

730
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 5: to do. Now that doesn't mean we just let them.

731
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:16,560
Speaker 5: This is not permissive parenting, but what's different is rather

732
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:19,480
Speaker 5: than seeing it as I need to go kind of

733
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:21,640
Speaker 5: put soap in their mouth or do something different than

734
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:24,520
Speaker 5: I would for the baseball scenario. You actually kind of

735
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:25,880
Speaker 5: have to show up the same way you would with

736
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:29,400
Speaker 5: the baseball scenario because, like you saw, the soap in

737
00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:33,560
Speaker 5: the mouth didn't work, right, because again, fear, all the

738
00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:36,280
Speaker 5: studies show no matter what you're trying to learn, fear

739
00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:39,839
Speaker 5: impedes long term learning. It's just not gonna work, and

740
00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:43,440
Speaker 5: it's gonna make your relationship probably a little bit wonkier. Right,

741
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 5: It's just not And again we all make mistakes. You're

742
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:49,080
Speaker 5: saying like you're alone, please give yourself grace. It's just

743
00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:53,840
Speaker 5: not a great default strategy. And when we approach a

744
00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:58,400
Speaker 5: situation more like that teacher or boss, that's.

745
00:34:58,239 --> 00:35:00,640
Speaker 4: Where we really will see the needle move.

746
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:02,239
Speaker 5: I love that you sat down and you had a

747
00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:06,880
Speaker 5: conversation with him in a calm, regulated moment, just saying like, hey,

748
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:09,720
Speaker 5: you know, this isn't working, Like we're getting into this pattern,

749
00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:10,560
Speaker 5: it's not working.

750
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:11,760
Speaker 4: And that was great.

751
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:16,120
Speaker 5: And you can hold those boundaries and be you want

752
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:20,600
Speaker 5: to be that firm leader one hundred percent of the time,

753
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:25,000
Speaker 5: you really do. That's the common misconception is Firm leadership

754
00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:27,200
Speaker 5: doesn't mean I'm going to scare the out of you.

755
00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:30,440
Speaker 5: Firm leadership means I'm going to tell you what is

756
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:32,880
Speaker 5: okay and what is not okay, and I'm here to

757
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:35,640
Speaker 5: run this ship and keep everyone safe. I hear you,

758
00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:38,120
Speaker 5: I see you, and this is not okay. That's what

759
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:39,920
Speaker 5: we want to kind of go with. We are the

760
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 5: firm leader. We're not letting them.

761
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:45,920
Speaker 1: Exactly, and in those conversations, that's where we go in

762
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:50,239
Speaker 1: with that mindset for ourselves and to teach them all

763
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:54,600
Speaker 1: the feelings that you're experiencing, those are okay. It is

764
00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:57,960
Speaker 1: okay to be angry. You can even be angry at me.

765
00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:02,120
Speaker 1: The behavior is not okay. So this is the way

766
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:04,160
Speaker 1: that we let them out, and it's our job to

767
00:36:04,239 --> 00:36:07,319
Speaker 1: teach them you can feel angry, and here's a way

768
00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:09,439
Speaker 1: that you can let it out next time.

769
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:11,919
Speaker 2: So what is the way he can let it out?

770
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:16,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, he can share it with you with a lower voice, right,

771
00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:20,000
Speaker 1: he can write it down for you. I mean, it

772
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:22,840
Speaker 1: takes a ton of practice. It's not going to happen

773
00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:25,759
Speaker 1: right away. But the more that we're reminding them of

774
00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:29,160
Speaker 1: these more constructive ways of letting it out than yelling

775
00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:32,640
Speaker 1: at you, the more that it's going to become their

776
00:36:32,719 --> 00:36:35,360
Speaker 1: kind of like narrative going on in their own mind, like,

777
00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:37,919
Speaker 1: oh yeah, anger is okay. I can tell my mom,

778
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:40,040
Speaker 1: I can share my feelings, I can write it down

779
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,920
Speaker 1: because that's what we ultimately want to give them for life.

780
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:46,880
Speaker 5: Right, we're raising adults, and especially you guys are seeing

781
00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:49,760
Speaker 5: this shift. Right, we're also not even at the Toddridge.

782
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:52,360
Speaker 5: We're seeing a shift. So sometimes it's really easy to

783
00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:55,920
Speaker 5: zoom out, or it's harder. It's harder to zoom out

784
00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:59,280
Speaker 5: and say, Okay, if you want him as an adult,

785
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:02,000
Speaker 5: he's going to get angry, right, somebody.

786
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:02,480
Speaker 4: Is going to him.

787
00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:04,840
Speaker 5: Somebody is going to do something him, the traffic that

788
00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:08,000
Speaker 5: this whatever it may be, when he is thirty or

789
00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:11,040
Speaker 5: he's your age and he gets really angry because it's

790
00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:13,040
Speaker 5: going to happen. He's not going to shove it down

791
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:16,080
Speaker 5: because that's probably going to lead to like a violent

792
00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:18,759
Speaker 5: explosion later or whatever we all do when we shove

793
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:22,120
Speaker 5: things down, you know, just me drinking and being wild,

794
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:23,480
Speaker 5: all the things that you don't want to do when

795
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:26,480
Speaker 5: you shove things down. What are some things that you

796
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:29,160
Speaker 5: want him to do when he's angry as an adult,

797
00:37:29,239 --> 00:37:31,080
Speaker 5: you want to teach him how to take a deep breath.

798
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:33,120
Speaker 5: You want to teach him, Hey, when I'm really angry,

799
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:35,040
Speaker 5: I take a walk around the block, Like it actually

800
00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:37,800
Speaker 5: really stimulates my brain, and I turn on really angry

801
00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:38,920
Speaker 5: music or what.

802
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:41,040
Speaker 4: Get creative? Right, It might be different for him. It

803
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:41,720
Speaker 4: might be.

804
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:46,040
Speaker 5: This sounds silly, but like pushing against a wall and screaming.

805
00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 5: I mean, there's a lot of different ways. And if

806
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:52,160
Speaker 5: we normalize that, especially I think for little boys as

807
00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:55,240
Speaker 5: they're getting older, like, you're going to feel anger, dude,

808
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:58,799
Speaker 5: like you just are, and sometimes that feels really overpowering.

809
00:37:59,239 --> 00:38:01,239
Speaker 4: That doesn't scare me. I'm here for you.

810
00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:03,520
Speaker 5: I'm here to teach you that when you are an

811
00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:07,120
Speaker 5: adult and ongoing, this is how you this is These

812
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:08,960
Speaker 5: are some ways that you can literally make it better

813
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:10,799
Speaker 5: when you feel angry and it's appropriate.

814
00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:27,319
Speaker 2: Do you guys believe then, in that teaching strategy of

815
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:32,080
Speaker 2: you know, disciplining quate teaching. Do you believe in taking

816
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:36,440
Speaker 2: away things then if they aren't behaving, like okay, if

817
00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:38,400
Speaker 2: you do this again, like I'm telling you, you know,

818
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:42,560
Speaker 2: no iPad or no sleepover this weekend, like because There's

819
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:44,080
Speaker 2: been a lot of times when I would say, like,

820
00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:46,799
Speaker 2: if you don't stop acting like this way, like you

821
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:48,160
Speaker 2: can't go to your friends, even though I'm like, I

822
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:49,439
Speaker 2: would love for you to go to your friends because

823
00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:50,880
Speaker 2: that helps me out a little bit. And then I'm like,

824
00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:52,680
Speaker 2: I really wish I didn't say that, because you just

825
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:54,120
Speaker 2: did it. Now I got to stick to it. You know,

826
00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:56,400
Speaker 2: this is a really good question, though, because I was curious,

827
00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:59,080
Speaker 2: like what you would what your advice with that is.

828
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:02,560
Speaker 1: I mean, consequences can be great. They can be great

829
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:06,480
Speaker 1: teaching tools, but the way they tend to work the

830
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:10,000
Speaker 1: best or the most effective is when they are related

831
00:39:10,239 --> 00:39:12,960
Speaker 1: to what's going on. So if you yell at me

832
00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:15,840
Speaker 1: and you get no iPod, I mean, that's kind of

833
00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:19,280
Speaker 1: They're not very related. It's kind of a control tactic,

834
00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:23,000
Speaker 1: which I understand. But I would say times where they

835
00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:26,800
Speaker 1: are more effective could be like where they're not using

836
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:31,399
Speaker 1: an item appropriately right Like at this age, you're going

837
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:34,560
Speaker 1: to a website that like is not okay. I know

838
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:37,399
Speaker 1: we have locks for that now, but something like that

839
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:40,879
Speaker 1: where the rules are not being followed, like maybe yeah,

840
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:43,720
Speaker 1: you don't you don't get the iPod for a while.

841
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:47,440
Speaker 2: The only time I've cheated on you, guys is when

842
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:51,120
Speaker 2: I've taken the Positive Parenting Solutions course with honest all

843
00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:54,360
Speaker 2: the time like more listen, No, I know, but I

844
00:39:54,480 --> 00:39:57,280
Speaker 2: just neither I know. But that's one of the things

845
00:39:57,360 --> 00:39:59,080
Speaker 2: I think I learned most from that was that it

846
00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 2: has to be related to consequences, which is easier said

847
00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:06,319
Speaker 2: than done when you're hindsight. It's in the moment when

848
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:09,120
Speaker 2: you're like, what really matters to you? Do you guys

849
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:10,720
Speaker 2: ever disagree on parenting things?

850
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:15,320
Speaker 1: I mean, Kristen, no, I think we're so lned.

851
00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:18,040
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and we're here total.

852
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:21,120
Speaker 4: Opposites in all exactly. Literally, I don't.

853
00:40:20,920 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 5: Think there's one other thing that we Maybe we're both

854
00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:28,640
Speaker 5: kind of messy, but otherwise it's pretty crazy how it's

855
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:30,640
Speaker 5: one hundred percent of the time with parenting.

856
00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:34,480
Speaker 2: And where do you think that you've done? You know,

857
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:36,080
Speaker 2: again the world, just doing the best we can. But

858
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:39,239
Speaker 2: where do you fall short? I guess of you know,

859
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:41,600
Speaker 2: areas where it's like, okay, I yell, or like, what's

860
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:43,279
Speaker 2: your thing that you're trying to work on as a mom.

861
00:40:43,880 --> 00:40:46,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I think for me it's probably the

862
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:49,200
Speaker 1: yelling thing. I'm literally a child therapist. Okay, I know

863
00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:53,920
Speaker 1: every strategy. I've been reading research on this for decades, Okay,

864
00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:57,759
Speaker 1: And I'm a human, So when I'm in tough situations,

865
00:40:57,800 --> 00:41:01,600
Speaker 1: I'm having a hard day, I'm just of bandwidth, which

866
00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:06,120
Speaker 1: by the way, happened literally yesterday. Whereas like I am done,

867
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:07,719
Speaker 1: you know, so I.

868
00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:10,800
Speaker 2: Love it. Yeah, I wouldn't even.

869
00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:13,160
Speaker 1: Call it like falling short though, I would call it

870
00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:16,319
Speaker 1: just being human, Like this is literally all of us.

871
00:41:16,360 --> 00:41:19,480
Speaker 1: And to me, the difference is what is kind of

872
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:24,040
Speaker 1: like your goal and your go to strategy. If you're punishing,

873
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:26,520
Speaker 1: is kind of your go to Like a lot of

874
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:29,520
Speaker 1: us grew up in this type of environment where the

875
00:41:29,719 --> 00:41:33,520
Speaker 1: go to strategy to shift behavior was I'm going to

876
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:36,279
Speaker 1: yell at you, I'm going to scare you. You will

877
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:39,040
Speaker 1: respect me, go into your room, I don't want to

878
00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:43,000
Speaker 1: see you anymore, spanking. Those are all kind of not

879
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:48,560
Speaker 1: the go to strategy that I'm striving for, Whereas I'm

880
00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:51,000
Speaker 1: striving to teach them in these constructive ways that we

881
00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:53,359
Speaker 1: all just spend a lot of time talking about. And

882
00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:56,080
Speaker 1: I'm human. That means there's going to be days where

883
00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:58,640
Speaker 1: I yell or I say something I didn't mean to,

884
00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:01,279
Speaker 1: and then I go and try to repair it with

885
00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:04,359
Speaker 1: them after and just show them how to take ownership

886
00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:08,439
Speaker 1: over being human and having these moments and being like, hey,

887
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:12,000
Speaker 1: I'm really sorry. I was feeling so frustrated and so

888
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:15,279
Speaker 1: overwhelmed I yelled. It's not the best way to let

889
00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:18,120
Speaker 1: big feelings out. I'm sorry. Did it scare you or

890
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:21,279
Speaker 1: make you feel sad? Yeah, I can understand that. I'm

891
00:42:21,320 --> 00:42:23,279
Speaker 1: going to work on not yelling next time I'm having

892
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:24,800
Speaker 1: a really big frustrated feeling.

893
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:33,440
Speaker 2: Mm hmm, yeah, oh god, Yeah, I love you too.

894
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:40,080
Speaker 5: See, like your pediatrician, your resonant experts, like everyone is, like,

895
00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:42,480
Speaker 5: it's not like anyone is doing any of these things

896
00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:45,200
Speaker 5: one hundred percent of the time. Like the whole goal

897
00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:48,719
Speaker 5: of reading any kind of parenting book or reading any

898
00:42:48,760 --> 00:42:52,360
Speaker 5: parenting content, it's the same as learning anything you know,

899
00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:54,160
Speaker 5: or like it's like going to the gym. There's going

900
00:42:54,239 --> 00:42:57,720
Speaker 5: to be two days a week, literally at least probably

901
00:42:57,800 --> 00:42:59,719
Speaker 5: three that I'm not going to the gym, you know

902
00:42:59,719 --> 00:42:59,960
Speaker 5: what I mean.

903
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:01,160
Speaker 4: So if we can be like.

904
00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:03,480
Speaker 5: The parent we want to be four days of the

905
00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:04,920
Speaker 5: week like we're doing great.

906
00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:08,399
Speaker 2: Mine I'm not needed.

907
00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:12,800
Speaker 5: But that write that down I'm not really a yeller,

908
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:16,799
Speaker 5: which is shocking. Uh, but I hate that I'm a

909
00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:19,719
Speaker 5: threatener and I don't want to do it, like it's

910
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:21,879
Speaker 5: not my go to strategy, but I am totally. I'm

911
00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:24,480
Speaker 5: totally I do exactly what you just said where I'll

912
00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:27,880
Speaker 5: be like, we will never come back to the park

913
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:28,800
Speaker 5: ever again.

914
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:30,080
Speaker 4: I too much.

915
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:31,359
Speaker 1: We couldn't do it.

916
00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:31,920
Speaker 4: That's it.

917
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:34,200
Speaker 5: We're never And then you see their faith like crumble

918
00:43:34,239 --> 00:43:36,160
Speaker 5: and cry because we're never coming back to the park.

919
00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:38,080
Speaker 4: And I'm like, oh and that's.

920
00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:43,759
Speaker 5: I admit so much and it's not rational and it's

921
00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:45,680
Speaker 5: like my go to thing that I hate that I do.

922
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:49,239
Speaker 2: Okay, I have one last question at least from me.

923
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:53,239
Speaker 2: So I feel like because I was raised in a

924
00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:56,799
Speaker 2: really tumultuous environment like alcohol, drug like it was there

925
00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:58,680
Speaker 2: was no structure. I had to create structure. So then

926
00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:00,399
Speaker 2: I made a bunch of rules that's been in seemed

927
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:02,680
Speaker 2: to deconstruct as I get older, you know, But like

928
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:09,160
Speaker 2: I feel like I have parented so feeling forward that

929
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:13,680
Speaker 2: when I got to the soap like it was almost

930
00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:16,880
Speaker 2: like I thought, have I been too gentle or have

931
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:20,680
Speaker 2: I given too much grace? You know, like there you're

932
00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:23,160
Speaker 2: not allowed to actually scream in my face. Whether you

933
00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:25,319
Speaker 2: got a new sister who's lovely by the way, she's

934
00:44:25,360 --> 00:44:28,640
Speaker 2: a great chick and or whatever, like, you just can't

935
00:44:28,719 --> 00:44:33,520
Speaker 2: yell at me that way. So do you think that

936
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:37,040
Speaker 2: it is possible that we need to just be firmer sometimes,

937
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:39,560
Speaker 2: whether it doesn't have to be threatening or discipline wise,

938
00:44:39,560 --> 00:44:43,719
Speaker 2: but just like maybe it's less feeling, which I know

939
00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:46,880
Speaker 2: is goes against the branding and probably your core. But

940
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:49,440
Speaker 2: do you think we're sometimes too much grace giving and

941
00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:53,160
Speaker 2: they actually need us to be a little more disciplined.

942
00:44:53,640 --> 00:44:56,319
Speaker 5: I think both things can exist at the exact same time.

943
00:44:56,719 --> 00:44:59,800
Speaker 5: The feeling we never the feeling behind him screaming and

944
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:02,560
Speaker 5: s someone's face is never going to go away. And

945
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:06,000
Speaker 5: if we make him feel ashamed about those feelings, or

946
00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:09,640
Speaker 5: we don't normalize those feelings, then he's going to end

947
00:45:09,719 --> 00:45:11,719
Speaker 5: up thirty years old and having no idea what to

948
00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:15,640
Speaker 5: do as a man with angry feelings. The feeling isn't

949
00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:19,239
Speaker 5: being too feeling. E is definitely not the problem. Do

950
00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:22,319
Speaker 5: we want to be firm hard, Yes, we want to

951
00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:24,960
Speaker 5: be firm. It is not okay to scream in your

952
00:45:24,960 --> 00:45:28,600
Speaker 5: sister's face. It is not okay to scream in my face.

953
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:31,600
Speaker 5: I also guarantee you that washing, the soap thing and

954
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:33,759
Speaker 5: all of those things. That's also not going to help

955
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:37,040
Speaker 5: him when he's thirty and feels really angry any kind

956
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:42,600
Speaker 5: of physical or like heightened you know, anger towards him,

957
00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:45,799
Speaker 5: because what you're teaching him is when other people have

958
00:45:45,880 --> 00:45:49,279
Speaker 5: hard moments, it's literally getting programmed into his brain. I'm

959
00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:52,040
Speaker 5: going to start to feel really angry at them because

960
00:45:52,040 --> 00:45:55,200
Speaker 5: he's watching you interact with him and doing what.

961
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:56,760
Speaker 4: He's doing with his anger.

962
00:45:57,719 --> 00:46:00,279
Speaker 5: So we want to be firm, and we want to

963
00:46:00,320 --> 00:46:03,440
Speaker 5: be in control, and we want to be that leader

964
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:07,000
Speaker 5: of the home. It is not okay to scream, I know.

965
00:46:07,120 --> 00:46:09,880
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. I think there's just a kind of like

966
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:15,280
Speaker 1: common misconception out there of like, you know, talking about

967
00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:18,560
Speaker 1: feelings means you have to be soft and gentle and

968
00:46:19,239 --> 00:46:22,880
Speaker 1: please don't hit your sister. It's like no, no, firm

969
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:27,080
Speaker 1: is good. We don't hit. It's okay to feel angry.

970
00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:31,240
Speaker 1: Hitting is not okay, Like being firm is great. Kids

971
00:46:31,280 --> 00:46:33,920
Speaker 1: need that, yeah.

972
00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:35,279
Speaker 3: And I think a lot of people take it that

973
00:46:35,400 --> 00:46:38,080
Speaker 3: way that they can't be from. I think that's where

974
00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:40,440
Speaker 3: you feel like the pendulum is swinging because a lot

975
00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:45,360
Speaker 3: of parents just hear, you know whatever and yeah, and

976
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:47,480
Speaker 3: they don't think that they can still be firm with them,

977
00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:49,839
Speaker 3: and it's like okay, And then you've got a whole

978
00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:52,680
Speaker 3: group of kids that have parents that have not had

979
00:46:52,719 --> 00:46:55,040
Speaker 3: boundaries and not been firm. And I think that that's

980
00:46:55,080 --> 00:46:57,280
Speaker 3: where the misconception don't have boundaries.

981
00:46:57,360 --> 00:47:00,600
Speaker 2: No, no, no, I'm definitely I'm very firmly paid garantee. Like

982
00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:03,800
Speaker 2: I feel, I'm from Michigan, so you're already we're street

983
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:05,680
Speaker 2: in that. Like it just gets kind of hood fast,

984
00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:07,600
Speaker 2: you know, so it's not like he's walking all over me.

985
00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:12,440
Speaker 2: I just I sometimes wonder I do. Really am passionate

986
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:17,200
Speaker 2: about parenting period. I'm super passionate about parenting boys. I

987
00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:19,520
Speaker 2: was raised by a little boy that did not get

988
00:47:19,840 --> 00:47:25,760
Speaker 2: the validation, attention, love and like moments, ten minute miracle

989
00:47:25,760 --> 00:47:27,840
Speaker 2: would have changed my dad's life, which would have changed

990
00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:31,560
Speaker 2: my life. Yeah, So I'm just I know what it

991
00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:33,480
Speaker 2: looks like when a little boy doesn't get that. And

992
00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:35,920
Speaker 2: so I'm determined and I'm not saying I'm gonna get it.

993
00:47:35,920 --> 00:47:38,440
Speaker 2: I'm gonna nail it. But for me, this is like

994
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:41,960
Speaker 2: a generational cycle breaking thing for me, Like, I know

995
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:44,640
Speaker 2: he's gonna get angry. I just want him to know

996
00:47:44,680 --> 00:47:46,279
Speaker 2: he has a place he can do that. I just

997
00:47:46,320 --> 00:47:48,080
Speaker 2: need him to also be respectful.

998
00:47:48,360 --> 00:47:53,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, and imagine your dad having been taught you're gonna

999
00:47:53,080 --> 00:47:56,240
Speaker 5: get angry, and here's how you let that out. Imagine

1000
00:47:56,239 --> 00:47:59,200
Speaker 5: if that would have happened. Your child will make mistakes.

1001
00:47:59,239 --> 00:48:01,160
Speaker 5: They're not gonna take a deep breath every time. They're

1002
00:48:01,200 --> 00:48:02,560
Speaker 5: gonna scream in your face sometimes.

1003
00:48:02,680 --> 00:48:03,240
Speaker 4: Is that okay?

1004
00:48:03,719 --> 00:48:08,080
Speaker 5: No, But I promise you that with repetition, they are

1005
00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:10,080
Speaker 5: going to start to take deep breaths more. They are

1006
00:48:10,120 --> 00:48:12,200
Speaker 5: gonna go for a walk more. They're gonna feel more

1007
00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:15,799
Speaker 5: like I'm gonna, you know, whatever the release is listen to,

1008
00:48:15,880 --> 00:48:19,680
Speaker 5: like eventually some really explicit rap music that like we

1009
00:48:19,719 --> 00:48:21,160
Speaker 5: don't want them to listen to, but it's better, you

1010
00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:23,880
Speaker 5: know what I mean, Like they're gonna happen ways or

1011
00:48:23,920 --> 00:48:27,840
Speaker 5: like boxing a boxing class. That's what we need to

1012
00:48:27,880 --> 00:48:31,839
Speaker 5: be teaching these little boys, because the anger is not

1013
00:48:31,880 --> 00:48:32,560
Speaker 5: going to go away.

1014
00:48:32,680 --> 00:48:37,879
Speaker 1: It's exactly feelings. Talk is so important because that is

1015
00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:43,080
Speaker 1: actually what makes a resilient, strong kid is someone who

1016
00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:47,319
Speaker 1: can make sense of what's happening inside them, because that

1017
00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:50,160
Speaker 1: is step one to being able to deal with it

1018
00:48:50,760 --> 00:48:53,520
Speaker 1: in a safe, constructive way. So many of us did

1019
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:57,080
Speaker 1: not have feelings talk. We don't understand what's happening. We

1020
00:48:57,160 --> 00:49:00,120
Speaker 1: push it all down, and then we later explode or

1021
00:49:00,160 --> 00:49:04,839
Speaker 1: we become anxious, we become depressed, substances like you name it,

1022
00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:07,760
Speaker 1: you know. So this is actually one of the things

1023
00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:10,360
Speaker 1: we can do to make tough, sturdy kids.

1024
00:49:11,800 --> 00:49:13,120
Speaker 3: So I was going to say, you know, my son

1025
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:15,839
Speaker 3: who's fourteen, you know, he doesn't love to talk about

1026
00:49:15,840 --> 00:49:19,640
Speaker 3: feelings either. We more talk like we just kind of

1027
00:49:19,680 --> 00:49:21,840
Speaker 3: talk and talk and talk. He doesn't even realize that

1028
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:26,000
Speaker 3: we're talking about feelings as much. But during COVID, I

1029
00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:29,080
Speaker 3: noticed him, like for the first time, so he would

1030
00:49:29,120 --> 00:49:33,200
Speaker 3: have been eleven twelve, like have an outburst because he's

1031
00:49:33,239 --> 00:49:35,480
Speaker 3: so social, he hadn't been around anyone, and he got

1032
00:49:35,520 --> 00:49:38,160
Speaker 3: and so I got him a boxing thing so he

1033
00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:40,600
Speaker 3: could go box. And that didn't last very long. But

1034
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:42,359
Speaker 3: I'd hear him in there and he'd go in there

1035
00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:46,239
Speaker 3: and whatever. So you know, he did that for a

1036
00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:48,440
Speaker 3: little while. But one thing I noticed at fourteen, he

1037
00:49:48,480 --> 00:49:52,960
Speaker 3: had a situation where his girlfriend actually at the time

1038
00:49:53,120 --> 00:49:55,759
Speaker 3: had done something, and he came to me later and

1039
00:49:55,760 --> 00:49:56,959
Speaker 3: told me. He's like, I don't want to talk about

1040
00:49:56,960 --> 00:49:58,440
Speaker 3: it yet. But then he came to me later and

1041
00:49:58,440 --> 00:50:00,359
Speaker 3: he talked to me about it and he said, I

1042
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:04,399
Speaker 3: didn't react the way that I wanted to to her

1043
00:50:04,520 --> 00:50:06,440
Speaker 3: because she had done something. He's like, but then I

1044
00:50:06,520 --> 00:50:10,080
Speaker 3: later apologized and did. But I just I saw, like,

1045
00:50:10,080 --> 00:50:12,279
Speaker 3: because I don't, that's what I do. That's kind of

1046
00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:14,600
Speaker 3: mym O. I'll react the way I didn't want to.

1047
00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:16,920
Speaker 3: I'll yell or i'll do whatever, but I will always

1048
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:18,680
Speaker 3: come in and I will say sorry, and we will

1049
00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:20,960
Speaker 3: always talk about it and we will. So I saw

1050
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:22,879
Speaker 3: him kind of do that. He's like, but I went

1051
00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:25,000
Speaker 3: back to her and I apologize, and that's not how

1052
00:50:25,040 --> 00:50:26,960
Speaker 3: I should have reacted. And so it was like kind

1053
00:50:26,960 --> 00:50:29,640
Speaker 3: of that moment of like, all right, I've messed up

1054
00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:34,200
Speaker 3: plenty plenty. You have plenty of mistakes learning how to

1055
00:50:34,400 --> 00:50:38,239
Speaker 3: freaking raise these children, but like, thank god, he like,

1056
00:50:38,600 --> 00:50:40,880
Speaker 3: you know, he learned something and that yeah, and I

1057
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:46,680
Speaker 3: think that that's like all we can do.

1058
00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:50,120
Speaker 2: Question everyone, just girls, thank you for coming on. You've

1059
00:50:50,120 --> 00:50:52,879
Speaker 2: got your podcast after bedtime, You've got your Instagram. Big

1060
00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:57,439
Speaker 2: little feelings. Just thank you for for helping these helping

1061
00:50:57,480 --> 00:50:59,600
Speaker 2: the mama's out here. Yeah, you're awesome. We need to

1062
00:51:00,040 --> 00:51:01,680
Speaker 2: out know that, we need to feel like we're not

1063
00:51:01,719 --> 00:51:03,319
Speaker 2: alone in all this. So thank you.

1064
00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:04,040
Speaker 4: You're doing great.

1065
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:08,200
Speaker 2: You are too, so are you. Yeah, you're all just

1066
00:51:08,239 --> 00:51:09,520
Speaker 2: doing it. Take your kids in the park.

1067
00:51:11,560 --> 00:51:14,239
Speaker 1: It wasn't I definitely will.

1068
00:51:15,719 --> 00:51:17,080
Speaker 2: So cool. We'll take you. Girls.

1069
00:51:17,120 --> 00:51:20,319
Speaker 1: Appreciate you so soon.

1070
00:51:20,920 --> 00:51:23,960
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, like ninety percent of the time, I would

1071
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:25,560
Speaker 2: like to think that I get down on their level

1072
00:51:25,640 --> 00:51:29,960
Speaker 2: and another ten is just I said stop. Well, yeah,

1073
00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:32,680
Speaker 2: I mean that's it. I think that's it, and I don't.

1074
00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:35,719
Speaker 2: I mean, you guys know me personally, but just publicly,

1075
00:51:35,880 --> 00:51:37,680
Speaker 2: I would like to say, I'm a I'm a very

1076
00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:42,320
Speaker 2: intentional parent, so you're very very I'm not like a pushover.

1077
00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:45,160
Speaker 2: I'm also not like, no go you know, you have

1078
00:51:45,200 --> 00:51:47,000
Speaker 2: to go deadlift sixty pounds because you talk back to

1079
00:51:47,040 --> 00:51:47,439
Speaker 2: me or anything.

1080
00:51:47,520 --> 00:51:50,120
Speaker 3: I think you're a good mix of being I'm trying

1081
00:51:50,280 --> 00:51:52,840
Speaker 3: to be. And I wasn't even referencing you. I just

1082
00:51:52,880 --> 00:51:54,839
Speaker 3: think the pendulum has swung a little bit, and as

1083
00:51:54,880 --> 00:51:57,440
Speaker 3: people just see, I know, it's just best to talk

1084
00:51:57,440 --> 00:52:00,319
Speaker 3: about feelings, and it's like, there's so much more to that,

1085
00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:02,359
Speaker 3: and there still has to be boundaries and there still

1086
00:52:02,400 --> 00:52:04,759
Speaker 3: has to be firmness, which I think that, yeah, we're

1087
00:52:04,760 --> 00:52:07,000
Speaker 3: starting to kind of I get excited.

1088
00:52:07,040 --> 00:52:10,680
Speaker 2: I know this is probably I get very excited for

1089
00:52:10,760 --> 00:52:13,880
Speaker 2: our generation of kids to see what they do for

1090
00:52:13,920 --> 00:52:16,800
Speaker 2: the world and how they are in the world, because

1091
00:52:16,840 --> 00:52:19,759
Speaker 2: we are, even when we are not nailing it. I

1092
00:52:19,760 --> 00:52:24,600
Speaker 2: feel like we are so intentional to be continued. We

1093
00:52:24,600 --> 00:52:28,640
Speaker 2: shall see check back in, check back in in twenty

1094
00:52:28,719 --> 00:52:33,240
Speaker 2: years when Ramsey Legend and Jolie and Love and everybody

1095
00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:45,920
Speaker 2: comes Ony, oh boy, talk to you guys later. Bye bye.