1 00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:04,280 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vanderkam. I'm a mother of four, 2 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:08,479 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. 3 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,799 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, practicing physician and blogger. On 4 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:14,640 Speaker 1: the side, we are two working parents who love our 5 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:17,920 Speaker 1: careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:21,560 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 1: and time for fun. From figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:33,120 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:33,159 --> 00:00:35,800 Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode eighty eight, which is 11 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:40,520 Speaker 1: first airing April ninth, twenty nineteen. Today's episode is going 12 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:43,840 Speaker 1: to be about childcare hacks, more what we wish we'd 13 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:46,120 Speaker 1: known going in, some of the best advice from our 14 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:49,320 Speaker 1: listeners who've written in all the tips that we're going 15 00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:52,760 Speaker 1: to be talking about today. But Sarah, you had just 16 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:55,680 Speaker 1: the other day a classic childcare dilimma, right, one of 17 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:58,640 Speaker 1: those ones that happens to everyone. Right, we do. And 18 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:00,560 Speaker 1: I don't think there's a parent out there who hasn't 19 00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:04,520 Speaker 1: experienced that interesting mix of feelings that you have when 20 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:07,000 Speaker 1: you get a text from babysitter, perhaps the day before, 21 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:09,280 Speaker 1: hopefully at least the day before. That's oh, I can't 22 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:14,000 Speaker 1: make it tomorrow. Sorry. I've actually had a much worse scenario, 23 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:16,119 Speaker 1: which is like the actual event is happening and I'm 24 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:18,640 Speaker 1: standing at the door with my clothes on and my 25 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:22,440 Speaker 1: husband ready, and then no one showing up. That's a 26 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:24,319 Speaker 1: little bit different. You don't have a lot of options 27 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:26,080 Speaker 1: in that case. But this time I had a babysitter 28 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,000 Speaker 1: called the day before, and it was there was no 29 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:30,520 Speaker 1: like anger on my part because it was a family 30 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:32,959 Speaker 1: reason that was completely legitimate, Like I was like, one 31 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:35,720 Speaker 1: hundred percent, no problem. But then it left us with 32 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:38,200 Speaker 1: the question of, you know, do we cancel our event 33 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:40,960 Speaker 1: or do we scramble. If it had just been a 34 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,760 Speaker 1: date night with Josh and I, I think we would 35 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:44,840 Speaker 1: have just said, you know what, family dinner out, let's go. 36 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:46,720 Speaker 1: We don't you know, we like our date nights, but 37 00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:49,560 Speaker 1: it's not that important. But this particular night, we were 38 00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:52,960 Speaker 1: going out with my husband's coworker, who, as you know, 39 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:54,720 Speaker 1: he just started in a new group, so we felt 40 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:56,600 Speaker 1: like it would have been kind of awkward. They also 41 00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,680 Speaker 1: don't have kids, so I don't know how incredibly understanding 42 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:00,760 Speaker 1: they would have been, although I'm sure they interact with 43 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,680 Speaker 1: many people who have kids, so we're probably not total 44 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:07,000 Speaker 1: anomalies that way. Anyway, so we decided to go the 45 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 1: scramble route, and we used a service in our area 46 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:15,440 Speaker 1: where basically you're pretty much guaranteed to sit her, and 47 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:17,639 Speaker 1: then the more last minute it is, you might pay 48 00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:19,880 Speaker 1: a little bit more of a premium. But we happened 49 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:22,280 Speaker 1: to be members of this particular company because our nanny 50 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:24,560 Speaker 1: took a couple weeks of vacation last year, and we 51 00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:27,240 Speaker 1: worked out the finances and it made more sense to 52 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,960 Speaker 1: pay their somewhat large membership fee and get a lower 53 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,280 Speaker 1: hourly rate for those two weeks. So anyway, we took 54 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:35,320 Speaker 1: advantage of our membership. We got someone to come. Genevieve 55 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:37,800 Speaker 1: was mildly scared of her for a little while, but 56 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,720 Speaker 1: now that I have an almost seven year old, Annabelle 57 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:42,680 Speaker 1: kind of saved the day and found things to distract. 58 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:45,440 Speaker 1: I heard this all, of course, and report afterwards, and 59 00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:48,040 Speaker 1: they were all fine and they went to bed and 60 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:51,840 Speaker 1: we enjoyed our night out. Well that's good, and just 61 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,480 Speaker 1: saying I mean, the reason it was scary is is 62 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:56,600 Speaker 1: because it was a new person's not scary. No, there 63 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:58,840 Speaker 1: was nothing scary about her. In fact, I felt pretty 64 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:01,800 Speaker 1: confident because she's a teacher and had worked in the 65 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:05,640 Speaker 1: public school system, so that made me feel Oh, you know, 66 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:09,200 Speaker 1: if you're vetted enough to meet that criteria, then of 67 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:12,520 Speaker 1: course the babysitting agency also does vet their sitters, but 68 00:03:12,919 --> 00:03:14,560 Speaker 1: I like to know that she passed the school that 69 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:17,799 Speaker 1: miss tests as well. Yeah, no, that's a pretty good 70 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:21,320 Speaker 1: sign somebody's gone through that. Yeah, we haven't really used 71 00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:25,400 Speaker 1: many backup sitter options from that. I generally like to 72 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:28,840 Speaker 1: have a list of backup people, although our backup list 73 00:03:28,919 --> 00:03:32,680 Speaker 1: is probably fairly thin right now, just because our nanny 74 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:35,560 Speaker 1: has been so reliable and willing to, you know, work 75 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:38,560 Speaker 1: extra hours for date night type things, and as our 76 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:40,400 Speaker 1: kids get older, it's become less of an issue on 77 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:44,600 Speaker 1: weekends of needing coverage for stuff. So yeah, that was 78 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:49,200 Speaker 1: But we have a lot of childcare tips that we've 79 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:52,160 Speaker 1: been getting from listeners, so we thought we'd go ahead 80 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:56,280 Speaker 1: and read some of them. So Sarah and I are 81 00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:58,600 Speaker 1: just going to go back and forth highlighting a few 82 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:01,320 Speaker 1: that people have sent in that we thought were good. 83 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:05,400 Speaker 1: So one that somebody posted on my blog is about 84 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:10,040 Speaker 1: checking references when you are hiring someone and asking real questions, 85 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:13,360 Speaker 1: so thoughtful questions. A couple that she had come across 86 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,280 Speaker 1: is not just like do you like this person? I mean, 87 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:18,400 Speaker 1: because that's not actually a very helpful question, but like, 88 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:21,200 Speaker 1: tell me her strengths and weaknesses, how does she handle 89 00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:25,279 Speaker 1: constructive feedback? What's one thing you wish she'd done better 90 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:29,279 Speaker 1: or differently? Because sometimes you can get things that you 91 00:04:29,279 --> 00:04:32,279 Speaker 1: know are probably not huge deals in the grand scheme 92 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,600 Speaker 1: of things, but might be deal breakers for you. So, 93 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:39,200 Speaker 1: for instance, if you're like somebody who punctuality is you know, 94 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,839 Speaker 1: your top thing for various resent you know you have 95 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:44,839 Speaker 1: to leave at a certain time. There are trains involved, 96 00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:46,680 Speaker 1: like you know a certain time you have to be 97 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,000 Speaker 1: at work. That will probably drive you crazy if the 98 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:51,840 Speaker 1: person continually shows up five to ten minutes after you've 99 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:54,160 Speaker 1: said even if five to ten minutes isn't a huge deal, 100 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:55,919 Speaker 1: and so you want to know that. So if the 101 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,640 Speaker 1: person's like, yeah, she's great, you know she was always 102 00:04:57,640 --> 00:04:59,760 Speaker 1: fifteen minutes late, You're like, okay, move on. You know, 103 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:02,120 Speaker 1: you know to do that if that's going to bug you, 104 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:04,839 Speaker 1: all right, Sarah, what do you have well one of 105 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:07,800 Speaker 1: my favorite more global recommendations. We have a lot of 106 00:05:07,839 --> 00:05:11,800 Speaker 1: specifics here talking about daycare versus pairs, versus nannies, and 107 00:05:11,839 --> 00:05:14,719 Speaker 1: we'll get there. But one tip here from a blog 108 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:17,400 Speaker 1: reader said, my first will be to reassess your needs regularly. 109 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:19,600 Speaker 1: I think it is easy to trundle along with a 110 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:22,560 Speaker 1: SOSO situation for years just because one is worried about 111 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:26,599 Speaker 1: the stress of changing things. But really everyone's needs change regularly, parents, 112 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,640 Speaker 1: kids and caregivers. I've started reassessing our needs on an 113 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,520 Speaker 1: annual basis. This doesn't mean upending things, but rather thinking 114 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:35,000 Speaker 1: about changes in schedule, will kind of support your kids 115 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:37,479 Speaker 1: need homework question mark, she writes, and what kind of 116 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:40,000 Speaker 1: support you need, such as laundry and cooking. You may 117 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,200 Speaker 1: come to the conclusion that your current situation doesn't work 118 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:43,919 Speaker 1: anymore and it is time to find someone new. But 119 00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:47,400 Speaker 1: sometimes just a tweak will improve things. I like that 120 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,680 Speaker 1: because I think it's so easy for you to get 121 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:53,239 Speaker 1: into autopilot mode. For us, even you know, you feel 122 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:54,919 Speaker 1: like you're in that daycare place forever, and then all 123 00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:56,880 Speaker 1: of a sudden you've got three school aged children and 124 00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:00,520 Speaker 1: you know everything might change. But we don't always take 125 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:02,920 Speaker 1: the time to figure out what's the best financial balance, 126 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:06,039 Speaker 1: what's the best number of hours, you know, even things 127 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:09,640 Speaker 1: like you might feel like you need to outsource cooking now, 128 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:11,640 Speaker 1: but when your kids are happy to sit near their 129 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:13,800 Speaker 1: homework while you're experimenting in the kitchen, that might not 130 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:15,760 Speaker 1: be something that you need when they're a little bit older. 131 00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:19,720 Speaker 1: So I really like that one. Just to keep things fluid. Yeah, 132 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:21,880 Speaker 1: that's a great one. I love the idea of at 133 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,279 Speaker 1: least an annual check in to make sure that everything's 134 00:06:24,279 --> 00:06:27,760 Speaker 1: still working. Another one we got here is to start 135 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:31,039 Speaker 1: looking early. So this is for people who you know, 136 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:34,479 Speaker 1: may or our listeners who are expecting or even thinking 137 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,840 Speaker 1: about starting a family. But you know, I know Sarah 138 00:06:36,839 --> 00:06:38,600 Speaker 1: and I we've talked about looking as soon as we've 139 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:41,919 Speaker 1: got the positive pregnancy test with our first children. But 140 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,960 Speaker 1: this person, you know, reminds you to start looking early 141 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:48,320 Speaker 1: because it might take a while to find a daycare 142 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:50,760 Speaker 1: center that you love, or to get off the list 143 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:54,000 Speaker 1: if they're oversubscribed because they're really good. Well, you know, 144 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,120 Speaker 1: you want to know as soon as like a year 145 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:57,720 Speaker 1: ahead of time, which is about what you would be 146 00:06:57,760 --> 00:06:59,440 Speaker 1: for going back at four months as soon as you 147 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,960 Speaker 1: learn that you're pregnant, so there's that, or even just 148 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:06,960 Speaker 1: you know, starting to interview potential nannies whenever you think 149 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:10,520 Speaker 1: that might be good, but before you are right ready 150 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:12,520 Speaker 1: to go back to work. And I know what happens 151 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:15,520 Speaker 1: here with some people is is you just don't know 152 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:19,320 Speaker 1: how parenthood's going to go. And some people are like, well, 153 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,800 Speaker 1: I know a lot of friends who've decided not to 154 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:25,000 Speaker 1: go back to work, and so that seems like, you know, 155 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:26,920 Speaker 1: it might be wasted effort, like I want to see 156 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:28,760 Speaker 1: how I'm doing with it if I want to go 157 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:31,080 Speaker 1: back to work. If you're not sure, the problem is 158 00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:33,239 Speaker 1: if you don't look ahead of time, you are pretty 159 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:35,760 Speaker 1: much guaranteeing that it will be very difficult to go 160 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:39,040 Speaker 1: back to work, either because you'll have to choose a 161 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:42,280 Speaker 1: daycare that maybe isn't the top of your list because 162 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:44,840 Speaker 1: it's you know, where you could get in with short 163 00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,400 Speaker 1: notice and that could make things more difficult for you, 164 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:50,400 Speaker 1: or you know, hiring a nanny. You may not have, 165 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:53,760 Speaker 1: you know, the time to think about it and get 166 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,280 Speaker 1: used to it if you've just decided to go back, 167 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,760 Speaker 1: and then that can create its own issues. So you're 168 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,720 Speaker 1: better off looking and then trying it. And if you decide, 169 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:02,880 Speaker 1: you know, after a few months back they're like, hey, 170 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:05,760 Speaker 1: I'm not you know this, this isn't what I want 171 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:07,760 Speaker 1: to do. I do want to stay home. Well, then 172 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,240 Speaker 1: you know, and you don't have to make it under 173 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:13,880 Speaker 1: diress that decision. No, that makes sense because you can know, Yeah, 174 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:16,080 Speaker 1: it's much easier to reverse the other direction than to 175 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:18,200 Speaker 1: get yourself on a waiting list that had already been 176 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,600 Speaker 1: in process for a year. Absolutely, and I had at 177 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:23,520 Speaker 1: least one Instagram comment or talk about how you know. 178 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:26,840 Speaker 1: Our podcast does focus a lot on you know, individual 179 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:30,320 Speaker 1: childcare like Nanny's, but for those where that's not an option, 180 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,559 Speaker 1: it might be even more important to just make sure 181 00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:34,000 Speaker 1: that you're at the front of that line for the 182 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:38,280 Speaker 1: centers that you want to be at. Yeah, and with that, 183 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:43,240 Speaker 1: we definitely got a number of notes of don't be cheap. 184 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:46,719 Speaker 1: I'm not saying that, you know, the cost of a 185 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:50,880 Speaker 1: daycare center is one hundred percent correlated with quality, but 186 00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:54,160 Speaker 1: you know, you definitely don't want to compromise on anything 187 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:58,360 Speaker 1: safety related, you know, or staff ratio related or anything 188 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:01,360 Speaker 1: like that, because that's where things go wrong is when 189 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:05,240 Speaker 1: people don't have enough adults and enough safety procedures in place, 190 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:08,800 Speaker 1: and so you definitely do not want to save money there, 191 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:13,240 Speaker 1: like find somewhere else, and in the grand scheme of things, 192 00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:15,719 Speaker 1: you know, drive your car a longer, move to a 193 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:19,160 Speaker 1: smaller place like I, but don't don't try to go 194 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:22,280 Speaker 1: cheap on that. And actually, on that note, we've got 195 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:25,320 Speaker 1: a couple of people comment very specifically about, you know, 196 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:28,640 Speaker 1: payment rates for babysitters. I even had one New York reader. 197 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:32,160 Speaker 1: I can read her specific comment because she's anonymous. Here 198 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,800 Speaker 1: she says, pay them fairly. I'm shocked when people tell 199 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:36,920 Speaker 1: me that they pay twelve dollars an hour for this 200 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,640 Speaker 1: is more for babysitters than like nanny's or but still 201 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:41,720 Speaker 1: twelve dollars an hour for sitters in New York City, 202 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:43,800 Speaker 1: the minimum wage just went up to thirteen fifty, and 203 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:45,640 Speaker 1: the going rate for one kid is twenty an hour. 204 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,760 Speaker 1: She wrote, you will not get smart people working for 205 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:50,360 Speaker 1: you long if you treat them poorly and or pay 206 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:53,080 Speaker 1: them poorly. Also, the difference between being cheap and paying 207 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:55,720 Speaker 1: your sitter fairly and legally is actually not that much. 208 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:59,240 Speaker 1: And she's again speaking more about like date night she says, 209 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:01,440 Speaker 1: you know, it's thirty two dollar difference whether you're paying 210 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,120 Speaker 1: them very well and have someone who's going to be 211 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:06,600 Speaker 1: very happy to come back, versus paying them under minimum wage. 212 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:10,040 Speaker 1: So that's very exactly another one related to that, and 213 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:13,040 Speaker 1: then we'll get i think, more into specific stuff with it. 214 00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:17,559 Speaker 1: But that one person wrote in that you might be 215 00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:20,160 Speaker 1: better off, she said you had. She's had a few 216 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,040 Speaker 1: friends go back to work part time because they think 217 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,880 Speaker 1: it will be easier to get childcare, or they don't 218 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,360 Speaker 1: like the cost of full time care. However, in this 219 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:30,080 Speaker 1: listener's experience, I've seen overall better options available for full 220 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:32,760 Speaker 1: time care, whether it's the people who are willing to 221 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:35,719 Speaker 1: do that in terms of nannying or the centers that 222 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,280 Speaker 1: you know, cater to people looking for full time care, 223 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,880 Speaker 1: whereas part time care tends to be a little bit 224 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:44,559 Speaker 1: more informal or maybe you know, home based things like that. 225 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:47,040 Speaker 1: And she's saying that the friends work hours who work 226 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:48,880 Speaker 1: part time got changed slightly, which put her in a 227 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:51,920 Speaker 1: real bind with her part time home daycare, whereas for 228 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:54,360 Speaker 1: me with full time care, you know, it was just 229 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:57,760 Speaker 1: not an issue to change hours slightly. Well, and that 230 00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:00,600 Speaker 1: was a theme in general that our readers and listeners said, 231 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:04,080 Speaker 1: you know, get more care than you need. You do 232 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,160 Speaker 1: not want to go for the bare minimum and find 233 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:09,440 Speaker 1: yourself scrambling at the beginning and end of the day. Again, 234 00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:11,360 Speaker 1: in many ways, it may would be better value, as 235 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 1: she was saying, because there's usually sort of more full 236 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,840 Speaker 1: time package type deals available. But that even extends to 237 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:19,920 Speaker 1: the listener who I think talked about having four children 238 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,640 Speaker 1: and having about sixty one hours per week and that 239 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:26,400 Speaker 1: being the magic number, very specific, very and she said 240 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:28,640 Speaker 1: that they have done less well with less in the past, 241 00:11:28,679 --> 00:11:31,240 Speaker 1: but now they're adequately stapped and wonder why they ever 242 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:34,880 Speaker 1: tried to make things worse with work with less. So 243 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:37,439 Speaker 1: skimping out on the number of hours isn't necessarily a 244 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,439 Speaker 1: great idea either. It may be a recipe for a 245 00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:43,680 Speaker 1: lot of stress. Yeah, yeah, definitely. If your daycare center 246 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:46,480 Speaker 1: closes at six and you are often you know, racing 247 00:11:46,559 --> 00:11:48,160 Speaker 1: in at six, this is going to be a highly 248 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:51,280 Speaker 1: stressful situation that you might need to think about if 249 00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:54,160 Speaker 1: that's really the best way for you to approach it. 250 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,120 Speaker 1: I have a few very specific daycare ones. Do you 251 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,600 Speaker 1: want to as let's say that let's do the daycare ones. Okay, 252 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:02,760 Speaker 1: So one person wrote, if you can bring everything your 253 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:05,320 Speaker 1: kid needs for the week on a Monday, They did 254 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:08,000 Speaker 1: cloth diapers, so on Monday morning they brought the milk, 255 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:10,319 Speaker 1: a pilot, diapers, wet bags, and spare clothes. I guess 256 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:12,160 Speaker 1: I wouldn't work with Brett. You can't bring like a 257 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:14,000 Speaker 1: week's worth of breast milk because well, I guess it 258 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:16,760 Speaker 1: could stay good anyway, milk your mileage may vary because 259 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:18,880 Speaker 1: I don't know if maybe she's bringing powdered formula or 260 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:20,720 Speaker 1: maybe they bring it frozen. And then they thought there, 261 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:25,000 Speaker 1: I don't know, but anyway, that was one reader. Somebody 262 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:27,760 Speaker 1: else wrote, you know, my kid's daycare is info light. 263 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:30,280 Speaker 1: We don't get reports on napping, meals, et cetera. And 264 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:32,040 Speaker 1: I had to learn to be okay with that. I 265 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:34,360 Speaker 1: realized that I really trusted and respected as teachers, and 266 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:36,000 Speaker 1: as a result, trusted they tell me if there was 267 00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:38,679 Speaker 1: an issue, we get an occasional story, but mostly Judge's 268 00:12:38,679 --> 00:12:40,760 Speaker 1: activities by how much mud is on his clothes. A 269 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:43,319 Speaker 1: lot of mud or a complete outfit change indicates a busy, 270 00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:46,400 Speaker 1: active day outside. He's only nineteen months, so he's not 271 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:48,880 Speaker 1: a reliable narrator. He is very insistent that his favorite 272 00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:50,880 Speaker 1: teacher out of mouse in her pocket last week. So 273 00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:52,880 Speaker 1: I think what that person was trying to say is, 274 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,920 Speaker 1: you know, once you trust a center, you don't necessarily 275 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:59,000 Speaker 1: I mean, some people do feel more comfortable wanting the minutia. 276 00:12:59,559 --> 00:13:01,920 Speaker 1: I felt that way more with my older children than 277 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:06,400 Speaker 1: I do with subsequent children, maybe not needing quite as 278 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:09,120 Speaker 1: many details. If the kid looks happy and they can 279 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:11,520 Speaker 1: basically tell me if they ate something, maybe and if 280 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:15,760 Speaker 1: there was a nap, great, If not, that's probably okay too. Yeah, 281 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,680 Speaker 1: but here's a good one. Try not to pick a 282 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,320 Speaker 1: daycare that is only convenient for one parent to pick 283 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,840 Speaker 1: up or drop off, because that means it will always 284 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:27,480 Speaker 1: be that parent, which if you guys are okay with that, like, 285 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,439 Speaker 1: if that's a family decision for whatever reason, then that's fine. 286 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:33,400 Speaker 1: But recognize that if it is very convenient for one 287 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,920 Speaker 1: parent and not the other, that parent will always be 288 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:39,640 Speaker 1: doing it, which can be an issue. If you buy 289 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:42,720 Speaker 1: name labels, which a lot of daycares do, just put 290 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:45,679 Speaker 1: your last name on so the daycare teachers won't get 291 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:48,520 Speaker 1: confused by hand me downs. I love that one. You know, 292 00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:52,600 Speaker 1: that's certainly an issue for families with multiple children who 293 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:57,199 Speaker 1: will be going to daycare. One issue, separation anxiety, of course, 294 00:13:57,320 --> 00:14:00,959 Speaker 1: happens with all children, are almost all children, and happens 295 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:04,679 Speaker 1: whether you have you know, nanny, grandma, like, it doesn't 296 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:08,079 Speaker 1: really matter who the person is. You can have separation anxiety. 297 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:12,000 Speaker 1: But this person suggested at daycare, if your child has 298 00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:15,120 Speaker 1: separation anxiety at drop off, have them push you out 299 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:18,560 Speaker 1: the door. She said it worked for her every time. 300 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:21,000 Speaker 1: So I love the image of oh, you've got to 301 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,680 Speaker 1: push me out. You've got to push me out this door, 302 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,960 Speaker 1: push her out, all right, kids, That is great. I 303 00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:27,920 Speaker 1: love that. I'm gonna have to try that. And if you, well, 304 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,000 Speaker 1: I guess I don't know yet whether Genevieve's going to 305 00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,640 Speaker 1: have that type of anxiety, but I suspect we may 306 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:35,600 Speaker 1: have to try that. That's awesome. That's a good one. 307 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:38,520 Speaker 1: We had someone right. This is going to maybe a 308 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:41,880 Speaker 1: controversial one, she wrote. We have always used daycare as childcare. 309 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,440 Speaker 1: My biggest tip is to lower your standards. Nobody will 310 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,400 Speaker 1: care for your child exactly the way you think they should. 311 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,200 Speaker 1: And the minute you realize and accept this, the whole 312 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:51,440 Speaker 1: childcare journey is way more enjoyable. This also applies to 313 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:54,760 Speaker 1: nanny's grandparents and eventually school teachers. For example, with our 314 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:58,560 Speaker 1: first child, in typical first time uptight mom's style, we 315 00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:01,320 Speaker 1: didn't allow any treats, us, foods, et cetera. So when 316 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:03,440 Speaker 1: she started at daycare, I used to get anxious they 317 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,880 Speaker 1: gave her food that we wouldn't allow. Once I accepted 318 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:08,360 Speaker 1: it was out of my control, I felt so much happier. 319 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,800 Speaker 1: By letting certain things go and relaxing your strict standards, 320 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:12,800 Speaker 1: you will have a much better relationship with the daycare 321 00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:15,480 Speaker 1: center and your child will not suffer. I think within reason, 322 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,840 Speaker 1: I think, is it I like that comment. I think 323 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:21,080 Speaker 1: everybody has going to find their own level of comfort. 324 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,840 Speaker 1: But I do think it's nice to take a step 325 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:25,960 Speaker 1: back and like, you know, how much will I care 326 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:31,320 Speaker 1: in five years if my kid candy on Fridays or something. Yeah, 327 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:34,800 Speaker 1: I wouldn't even it's hard. I wouldn't even say that 328 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,800 Speaker 1: this is about lowering standards. Though I would, I would 329 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:41,600 Speaker 1: not use those words, maybe more like don't try to micromanage. Yes, 330 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:45,080 Speaker 1: I would say it's not micromanaging, like a place that has, 331 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:49,800 Speaker 1: you know, loving caregivers who are safe, you know, well 332 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:53,520 Speaker 1: set up, well trained, like, they may do plenty of 333 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:56,040 Speaker 1: things better than you. Their standards may be higher than yours. 334 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,480 Speaker 1: In many cases, you have particular ideas that you have 335 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:03,280 Speaker 1: come in to parenthood as preconceived notions that may not 336 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:07,880 Speaker 1: survive the encounters with reality. But these people have cared for, 337 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:10,920 Speaker 1: you know, hundreds of children, so it is quite possible 338 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,920 Speaker 1: that they know how to do things better than you. Actually, 339 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:17,280 Speaker 1: that was that was one of the strategies that one 340 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,920 Speaker 1: person wrote on my blog that she said, toddler daycare 341 00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:23,480 Speaker 1: is a magical thing. My girls learned so many skills 342 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:26,680 Speaker 1: that I had no idea they were capable of at 343 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:30,280 Speaker 1: age one, like putting on their own coats, cleaning up 344 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:34,200 Speaker 1: after themselves at meal time, and putting toys away. She 345 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:37,520 Speaker 1: said it also got her reluctant talker speaking, It got 346 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:41,720 Speaker 1: her non mobile child crawling. So and that potty training 347 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:45,000 Speaker 1: was also well supported at this place, because again, the 348 00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:49,440 Speaker 1: teachers there have helped hundreds of children learn to use 349 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:52,840 Speaker 1: the toilet, and so you have at most learned helped 350 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:55,920 Speaker 1: a couple children learned to do this. If you've had 351 00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:58,280 Speaker 1: relatives that you've helped in the past, so you know, 352 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:02,640 Speaker 1: the level of professional is often pretty amazing. So I 353 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,280 Speaker 1: wouldn't even use the word standards. I think it's just 354 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:10,760 Speaker 1: differences in how people approach things. So one of the 355 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:16,000 Speaker 1: things that many other readers were passionate about were pairs. 356 00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,320 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, so many people love their O pairs. 357 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:21,720 Speaker 1: I mean, we've talked about them previously. I still think 358 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,480 Speaker 1: it'd be more it'd be fun to like either hear 359 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,280 Speaker 1: from an O pair or you know, talk with someone 360 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:27,760 Speaker 1: who's had them for years and what that experience is like. 361 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:30,480 Speaker 1: So maybe we'll do that in the future, but for now, 362 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:33,760 Speaker 1: we had a good comment. Caregivers can help with housework, 363 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:36,080 Speaker 1: even O pairs. I would rather have my old pair 364 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:38,080 Speaker 1: doing laundry and taking care of my three year old 365 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,520 Speaker 1: at the same time than me having to do laundry 366 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:41,800 Speaker 1: and take care of my three year old at the 367 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:45,560 Speaker 1: same time. This reader writes, my undivided time with my 368 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,720 Speaker 1: children is more valuable than my caretakers undivided time with 369 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:51,440 Speaker 1: my children. It's an interesting concept. I am their mother. 370 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:53,760 Speaker 1: Maybe this sounds harsh, but I've heard so many mothers 371 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:55,600 Speaker 1: talk about how they are multitasking when they are home, 372 00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:59,240 Speaker 1: but their caregiver, Isn't it seems backward to me? Very interesting. 373 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,880 Speaker 1: Another one wrote, consider O pairs there are a great 374 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:07,399 Speaker 1: source of affordable childcare. There are lots of myths out there, 375 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:10,680 Speaker 1: but really there is no flexible childcare situation. Yes, their 376 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:12,880 Speaker 1: hours are somewhat limited, but not as many as people think, 377 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,720 Speaker 1: i e. Whether they can work overnight is agency dependent. 378 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,240 Speaker 1: Our pairs have been an amazing part of our family 379 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:20,080 Speaker 1: and the lovely young women who I have stayed in 380 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:26,840 Speaker 1: touch with, So that's lovely. Another parent tip seed here, 381 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:30,000 Speaker 1: but it was specifically oh here, it is think outside 382 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:32,240 Speaker 1: the box. We had considered switching to an O pair 383 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,560 Speaker 1: program for years, but I was worried about our need 384 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:37,160 Speaker 1: for hours. Still, we had two sitters for a few years. 385 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:38,760 Speaker 1: It never occurred to me that you could get a 386 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:41,479 Speaker 1: sitter and an O pair combo. When it finally did, 387 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,160 Speaker 1: we made the switch and it has worked so well 388 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:45,160 Speaker 1: for us. We get both the stability of the sitter 389 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,480 Speaker 1: and the flexibility of the O pair. One might say 390 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,520 Speaker 1: the best of both worlds pun intended. I know families 391 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,159 Speaker 1: who do dake care and no pair too. Lots of 392 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:56,560 Speaker 1: combinations can work. Yeah, I would definitely say that don't 393 00:18:56,560 --> 00:19:00,720 Speaker 1: be afraid to stack childcare options. We've heard this from 394 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,879 Speaker 1: a lot of listeners as well, that this is not 395 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:06,720 Speaker 1: an either or thing. It's not necessarily you know, even 396 00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:10,160 Speaker 1: daycare or nanny. I mean, some people wind up with both, 397 00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:12,560 Speaker 1: and that's certainly what we did. Once we had our 398 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:15,840 Speaker 1: second kid. We hired a full time nanny, but kept 399 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:19,480 Speaker 1: Jasper in daycare more as preschool because it was a 400 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,920 Speaker 1: very good school and he had his friends there and 401 00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:24,720 Speaker 1: it was great for him, and it was another option, right, 402 00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:27,040 Speaker 1: So if our nanny was out for some reason, I 403 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:30,560 Speaker 1: only had one kid and if you know, Jasper had 404 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,720 Speaker 1: to be home from daycare, then we had the backup 405 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,160 Speaker 1: option and it allowed us you know, a few more 406 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:39,120 Speaker 1: hours of coverage if we needed it as well. Yeah. 407 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,359 Speaker 1: I feel like, especially in larger families, and it's the 408 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:43,200 Speaker 1: kids get older and you don't need that like twenty 409 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,399 Speaker 1: four to seven, but you just need someone. Yeah. I 410 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:49,040 Speaker 1: think some kind of combination of like an after school 411 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:54,000 Speaker 1: program or or you know, daycare or some I don't know, 412 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:56,040 Speaker 1: something where they would do activities and be supervised, but 413 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,919 Speaker 1: then also having the flexibility of an oop pair that 414 00:19:57,920 --> 00:19:59,680 Speaker 1: could jump in if they were sick. Or something else 415 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:03,840 Speaker 1: would be awesome. So that was sort of my O 416 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:07,400 Speaker 1: pair section, but people were definitely very very passionate about 417 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:11,600 Speaker 1: the O pair. Here is another kind of general tip, 418 00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:15,119 Speaker 1: keep the provider happy. I know this seems obvious, but 419 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,800 Speaker 1: the selfless souls that devote themselves to caring for other 420 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,560 Speaker 1: people's children are human if they like you as a family, 421 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,080 Speaker 1: I think this goes a long way for the relationship 422 00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:26,120 Speaker 1: as a whole. And someone else also put it kind 423 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:31,440 Speaker 1: of I like how she put it, something like, don't 424 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:37,560 Speaker 1: let your do whatever you can to prevent your own 425 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,639 Speaker 1: stress from being taken out on the caregiver, because that 426 00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:42,720 Speaker 1: can kind of happen, especially if maybe you're trying to 427 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,600 Speaker 1: protect your spouse or your children or your child and 428 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:48,120 Speaker 1: then there's only one other person that's there that might 429 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:49,800 Speaker 1: bear the brunch of it. That is not what their 430 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:52,480 Speaker 1: role is. You want to keep things professional, you want 431 00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:55,880 Speaker 1: to keep things supportive, so to be very careful as 432 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,880 Speaker 1: to whether that could be a pattern that you want 433 00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,919 Speaker 1: to avoid falling into. I want to leap in with 434 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:02,760 Speaker 1: one more just because we're going a little out of order, 435 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,439 Speaker 1: hear ol. We're reading these from like three different in 436 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,760 Speaker 1: you know, they're coming in on Instagram. We're looking at 437 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:11,000 Speaker 1: our notes from the blog. One that several people posted 438 00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:14,240 Speaker 1: on my blog, which is daycare related, is that even 439 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:16,160 Speaker 1: if you have the day off work or get out 440 00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:18,520 Speaker 1: early for some reason, you are allowed to leave your 441 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:23,000 Speaker 1: child there. So because this is time you can then 442 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:28,800 Speaker 1: use for errands for instance, or doctor's appointments or things 443 00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,960 Speaker 1: like that that, you know, especially if you don't have 444 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:34,720 Speaker 1: an in home employee as somebody with a nannymite who 445 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:36,560 Speaker 1: might be able to do errands, you're having to do 446 00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:38,360 Speaker 1: a lot of errands yourself, and it might be easier 447 00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:41,280 Speaker 1: to do it without a toddler. So get that story 448 00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:42,800 Speaker 1: out of your head right now, that if for some 449 00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:44,520 Speaker 1: reason you have the day off work and you don't, 450 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,600 Speaker 1: you know, spend every single second with the kid, you're 451 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,560 Speaker 1: a bad parent. Feel free to go bring them for 452 00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:51,960 Speaker 1: you know, at least part of the day, or hey, 453 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,040 Speaker 1: the whole day if you need to. But we had 454 00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:56,879 Speaker 1: several people comment on that or if they had different 455 00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:59,639 Speaker 1: work hours. For instance, one woman said that she has 456 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:01,920 Speaker 1: a shift from twelve thirty to eight thirty on Wednesdays, 457 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,640 Speaker 1: but still brings her daughter a little bit before nine 458 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:06,520 Speaker 1: am to day care on those days, and I think 459 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:08,880 Speaker 1: her husband picks the child up at you know, four 460 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,639 Speaker 1: or five o'clock in the afternoon while she's still working. 461 00:22:12,119 --> 00:22:13,959 Speaker 1: But because of that, she has that morning time on 462 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:16,760 Speaker 1: Wednesday to take care of errands and things like that. 463 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:20,720 Speaker 1: So very smart life strategy there. One person also mentioned 464 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:23,960 Speaker 1: that they use their date night babysitters to they have 465 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:26,679 Speaker 1: them come early and then they enjoy going shopping together 466 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,200 Speaker 1: for the household as a couple when they go out 467 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:31,240 Speaker 1: to dinner. So I love that they may want to 468 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:32,960 Speaker 1: do their own shopping, they don't want to outsource that, 469 00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:34,919 Speaker 1: but they don't want to take like three kids with 470 00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:38,000 Speaker 1: them either, So perfect it can to spend a date 471 00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:41,159 Speaker 1: a little bit and one other with you know, having 472 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:44,879 Speaker 1: a sitter for a few hours on a weekend, which 473 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:48,080 Speaker 1: when you're actually in the house, that this can be possible. 474 00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:51,280 Speaker 1: And this might be something that if it's a neighborhood 475 00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:54,480 Speaker 1: teenager for instance, that maybe you're not entirely comfortable with 476 00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:57,720 Speaker 1: leaving that person in charge of your family while you're 477 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,560 Speaker 1: not around. I mean, they're probably fine, but if you 478 00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:02,639 Speaker 1: know they're trying someone out new or they're a little younger, 479 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:05,840 Speaker 1: for instance, because then they can, for instance, play with 480 00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:08,840 Speaker 1: a toddler while you spend some time with the older children, 481 00:23:09,359 --> 00:23:12,240 Speaker 1: or take care of some household chores or projects you 482 00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:15,080 Speaker 1: know that require tools that you would wish your toddler 483 00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:18,680 Speaker 1: not to be dealing with and playing with at the time. 484 00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:21,560 Speaker 1: So that was a good tip as well. I have 485 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:25,280 Speaker 1: a couple of babysitting specific ones. Can I do those? Yes, 486 00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:28,879 Speaker 1: let's do those all right? So one someone said sitter service, 487 00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:30,280 Speaker 1: and that was kind of like what I mentioned in 488 00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:32,600 Speaker 1: our intro. There may be one in your area where 489 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:35,160 Speaker 1: you can always have a backup, So that's one thing 490 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:39,399 Speaker 1: to certainly look into. A lot of people mentioned approaching 491 00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:41,960 Speaker 1: the workers at your daycare and finding out if they're 492 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:44,800 Speaker 1: interested in doing extra babysitting on the side, because they 493 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,959 Speaker 1: already know your child, and you know, as long as 494 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,080 Speaker 1: their contract doesn't forbid them for whatever reason, then they 495 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:51,920 Speaker 1: may want to make a little bit of extra money 496 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:55,080 Speaker 1: and bonus, it's not a new person, so that's wonderful. 497 00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:58,320 Speaker 1: And then one of my favorites was if you work, 498 00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:01,840 Speaker 1: let's say with students, or you know, if you're near 499 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:04,080 Speaker 1: an academic center and you can get a class of students, 500 00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:06,680 Speaker 1: that might be interested in sort of having a go 501 00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:10,080 Speaker 1: to Google doc where basically the whole class can see 502 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:11,679 Speaker 1: it and that has your information on and they can 503 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:14,800 Speaker 1: basically or they put their information on if they're interested 504 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:16,760 Speaker 1: in and available to babysit, and then whenever you need it, 505 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:18,439 Speaker 1: you can go and be like, oh, look a class 506 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:20,720 Speaker 1: of you know, a first year med student that wants 507 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:22,800 Speaker 1: to babysit on Tuesdays and Friday nights, and I'm going 508 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:25,280 Speaker 1: out this Friday, and I can just text that person 509 00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:27,439 Speaker 1: and you know know that they were probably vetted by 510 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,760 Speaker 1: the school and hey, if they're like a nursing or 511 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,359 Speaker 1: med student, they may have at least like CPR training 512 00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,840 Speaker 1: and some some useful skills. So or maybe maybe somebody 513 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:39,159 Speaker 1: getting like a if you know, have access to a 514 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:42,119 Speaker 1: school for early childhood education or something, then then that 515 00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:43,560 Speaker 1: would work as well. But we had a number of 516 00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:46,560 Speaker 1: people that use that kind of a shared document to 517 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:51,040 Speaker 1: keep a great list of potential candidates available. That's awesome. 518 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:53,760 Speaker 1: Do we have any others that we want to go 519 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:56,760 Speaker 1: through before our Q and A? I guess just well. 520 00:24:56,840 --> 00:25:00,320 Speaker 1: I had a couple of people mentioned that don't get 521 00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:02,919 Speaker 1: that your neighbors can also be backup for you. That 522 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:05,320 Speaker 1: can include people that are home with their own children, 523 00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:07,480 Speaker 1: and which case you can certainly offer to pay by 524 00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:09,520 Speaker 1: the way or pay them in a great meal or 525 00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:11,960 Speaker 1: some kind of you know, a play date on a Saturday. 526 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:13,680 Speaker 1: They can drop their kids off if they save your 527 00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:16,439 Speaker 1: butt on a Wednesday. And a final tip in addition 528 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,040 Speaker 1: to neighbors is that someone mentioned that you can ask 529 00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:22,360 Speaker 1: people without kids to help out in a pinch. Someone wrote, 530 00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:24,439 Speaker 1: I don't have children, and I love spending time with 531 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,520 Speaker 1: my friends children and I'm not bothered at all by 532 00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:28,760 Speaker 1: spending a few hours with them so my mom friends 533 00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:30,640 Speaker 1: can get stuff done or whatever they have going on. 534 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:32,520 Speaker 1: So I love that because I wouldn't have thought to 535 00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:34,960 Speaker 1: ask somebody without kids of their own to help out. 536 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:36,880 Speaker 1: But you know, I guess you never know unless you ask. 537 00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:39,280 Speaker 1: They may be actually dying for that kind of you know, 538 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,520 Speaker 1: break from they want to sit down and play with 539 00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:43,200 Speaker 1: a toddler for a few hours. I mean, when that's 540 00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:46,520 Speaker 1: not your normal life, it could be really fun and entertaining. 541 00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:50,200 Speaker 1: Exactly So, lots of great tips, and of course we 542 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:53,359 Speaker 1: welcome more tips out of how you find backup options. 543 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:57,199 Speaker 1: You know, questions you've asked when hiring people. Things you 544 00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:00,560 Speaker 1: look for in a good childcare center. All of these 545 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:04,240 Speaker 1: please keep posting them on our blogs on our Instagram page. 546 00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:07,160 Speaker 1: We love to share these with other people as well. 547 00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:11,240 Speaker 1: So our question for today is also child care related, 548 00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:14,840 Speaker 1: and this person writes in do you think nanny's ideally 549 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:18,960 Speaker 1: would do additional household tasks? My nanny only wants to 550 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:22,000 Speaker 1: focus on baby related stuff. For instance, she doesn't want 551 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:26,600 Speaker 1: to unpack groceries, unload the dishwasher, or handle anything. Issues 552 00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:28,840 Speaker 1: I may have created, such as if the baby's outfit 553 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:31,439 Speaker 1: is stained from the weekend, I have to spot treat it. 554 00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:33,760 Speaker 1: If we go on a trip, she won't unpack his suitcase. 555 00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:36,000 Speaker 1: She does his laundry once a week, takes out the 556 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,960 Speaker 1: diaper trash, and that's it. Is this a major issue? 557 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:41,280 Speaker 1: I possibly could get her to run some errands for me, 558 00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:43,200 Speaker 1: and that would be nice. And I do find myself 559 00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:45,080 Speaker 1: spending a lot of time on the weekend tidying up 560 00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:47,520 Speaker 1: and generally dealing with the apartment. On the other hand, 561 00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:49,439 Speaker 1: I really trust her with my baby and she is smart. 562 00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:51,160 Speaker 1: We hope to have another baby soon, so I think 563 00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:53,199 Speaker 1: at some point she won't have as much time to 564 00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:55,240 Speaker 1: help out with household stuff, which is maybe why she's 565 00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:57,800 Speaker 1: trying not to set that expectation. I just don't know. 566 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:01,680 Speaker 1: My question is whether I should possibly switch nanny's to 567 00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:03,480 Speaker 1: find one who can do more things for me, or 568 00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:06,560 Speaker 1: if doing so might be detrimental to her baby's development. 569 00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:10,440 Speaker 1: So it's hard to know in any situation what exactly 570 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,879 Speaker 1: is going on. And so you know, if you have 571 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:17,320 Speaker 1: somebody you absolutely adore and who's wonderful with your baby, 572 00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:20,439 Speaker 1: I mean, maybe there are other ways you can solve 573 00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:22,960 Speaker 1: this problem, whether it's hiring, you know, I don't think 574 00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:26,359 Speaker 1: anyone there's deep cleaning can be done by a cleaning 575 00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:29,480 Speaker 1: service or something like that. It's harder to be doing 576 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:32,800 Speaker 1: stuff like you know, deep vacuuming, washing floors while you're 577 00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:34,480 Speaker 1: caring for a toddler, and I don't think you should 578 00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,320 Speaker 1: expect that so that you would hire a cleaning service 579 00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:41,040 Speaker 1: to do. But things like unpacking groceries or you know, 580 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,280 Speaker 1: unpacking a kid's suitcase for the weekend, it's just sort 581 00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:45,399 Speaker 1: of generally helping her out around the house or unloading 582 00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:48,000 Speaker 1: the dishwasher, and so that might be more of a 583 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:51,560 Speaker 1: trouble in this case. I mean, your nanny's primary job 584 00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:54,159 Speaker 1: is to keep your child safe while you and your 585 00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,359 Speaker 1: partner if you have one, are working. But on the 586 00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:59,399 Speaker 1: other hand, you do want the person who would take 587 00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:01,680 Speaker 1: on some of the tasks that a stay at home 588 00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:05,280 Speaker 1: parent would do. And I find it hard to believe 589 00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:07,399 Speaker 1: that most stay at home parents would not empty the 590 00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:11,119 Speaker 1: dishwasher if it was done going while during during the 591 00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:15,479 Speaker 1: work day. So, I mean, the truth is, you know, 592 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:17,720 Speaker 1: even if you like this person, most people don't say 593 00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:19,879 Speaker 1: at this job for more than you know, two or 594 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:23,880 Speaker 1: three years, especially if this person isn't necessarily doing it professionally. 595 00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:26,280 Speaker 1: That if this isn't someone that you hired out of 596 00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:29,000 Speaker 1: like three other nanny situations that they were doing before, 597 00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,680 Speaker 1: and persons maybe doing it before grad school or something like, 598 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:33,480 Speaker 1: they're going to move on, so you may not have 599 00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:35,879 Speaker 1: to deal with this too long, and when you were 600 00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:39,240 Speaker 1: hiring the next time, you can specifically build this into 601 00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:41,800 Speaker 1: the job description that you know, by the way, I 602 00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:45,120 Speaker 1: would like help with some lighthousehold tasks, doing errands, things 603 00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:50,400 Speaker 1: like that. In the meantime you might have a good conversation. 604 00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:52,440 Speaker 1: I mean, it was hard to tell from the initial 605 00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:56,800 Speaker 1: email if the person had flat out refused a request 606 00:28:56,800 --> 00:28:58,720 Speaker 1: to do these things, or if it just hadn't occurred 607 00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:02,600 Speaker 1: to her and the person who was hiring her was, 608 00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:05,520 Speaker 1: you know, just assuming that people would do these things 609 00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:07,840 Speaker 1: without being asked, and so that was the problem. So 610 00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:10,480 Speaker 1: we suggest making a list of the things you'd really 611 00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:13,760 Speaker 1: like done, have an explicit conversation about it, like, hey, 612 00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:15,920 Speaker 1: I would really like some help with this during some 613 00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:20,640 Speaker 1: of the baby's nap time. What would make that doable 614 00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:23,560 Speaker 1: for you? You know, maybe if the person really thinks 615 00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:25,800 Speaker 1: it wasn't part of the original job description, you could 616 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:30,240 Speaker 1: talk about a small raise in relationship to those things. 617 00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:32,640 Speaker 1: But it really is helpful to have somebody who is 618 00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:36,000 Speaker 1: looking for additional ways to help out versus trying not 619 00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:38,240 Speaker 1: to do things. I guess that is something that you 620 00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:40,400 Speaker 1: would definitely want to look for in the future with hiring. 621 00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:43,760 Speaker 1: You want someone who is like on your team, you know, 622 00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:47,080 Speaker 1: you have shared goals of a well functioning household and happy, 623 00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:51,160 Speaker 1: healthy children and not just like clocking in clocking out 624 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:52,920 Speaker 1: to do her thing. I mean I feel that way 625 00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:55,000 Speaker 1: at my job at at my work at the hospital 626 00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:56,360 Speaker 1: as well as my work at home, and I'm very 627 00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:58,760 Speaker 1: grateful that in both places I work with people who 628 00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:00,440 Speaker 1: I do very much feel like they want to be 629 00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:02,520 Speaker 1: team members, and I feel like I want to take 630 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:05,080 Speaker 1: care of them too being on the team with them. 631 00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:07,360 Speaker 1: I think, you know, Laura just said that your nanny's 632 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:09,280 Speaker 1: primary job is take care of the child. But you know, 633 00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:11,960 Speaker 1: if you have hired them and they're your household employee, 634 00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:14,120 Speaker 1: their job is whatever you say it is. So I mean, 635 00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:15,320 Speaker 1: I don't mean it in a harsh way. I just 636 00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:16,840 Speaker 1: mean that you are the one who gets to create 637 00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:19,200 Speaker 1: the job description and gets to set the rate, and 638 00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:21,240 Speaker 1: they get to choose whether they accept it or not. Now, 639 00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:23,840 Speaker 1: the current nanny that you have may feel like how 640 00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:27,080 Speaker 1: whatever you are paying her is not enough to motivate 641 00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:29,320 Speaker 1: her to do other things, or she just may have 642 00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:30,920 Speaker 1: felt like, you know what, I wanted a job where 643 00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:32,480 Speaker 1: I'm just taking care of the kids. I don't want 644 00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:34,680 Speaker 1: to do a lot of housework. And that's her choice too. 645 00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:38,760 Speaker 1: She's a free agent, and she can choose to continue 646 00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:42,280 Speaker 1: or alter, or she can, you know, choose to do 647 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,400 Speaker 1: a little bit more and you can come to an 648 00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:46,480 Speaker 1: agreement there. But I don't think you can think of 649 00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:48,760 Speaker 1: it as like, you know, that's her job or that's 650 00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:50,959 Speaker 1: not your job. You guys both get to decide together 651 00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:53,760 Speaker 1: and if it's not if those if you're not able 652 00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:55,520 Speaker 1: to come to a common ground, then I think it's 653 00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:58,200 Speaker 1: probably time for both of you to move on. From 654 00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:00,960 Speaker 1: a personal note, I mean, we have a nanny that 655 00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:04,440 Speaker 1: really takes a lot of initiative and does everything I 656 00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:06,400 Speaker 1: could have imagined her doing in more and I think 657 00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:09,960 Speaker 1: part of that is that she really enjoys working for 658 00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:14,080 Speaker 1: and with us because we pay well and we support 659 00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:16,880 Speaker 1: her and we try to make it a pleasant place 660 00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:19,360 Speaker 1: to work by not micromanaging and letting her do things 661 00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:21,720 Speaker 1: her way, and I think she enjoys that. We also 662 00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:24,840 Speaker 1: did select someone who is a career nanny, so someone 663 00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:26,720 Speaker 1: may have a very different mindset. Oh I'm just doing 664 00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:28,640 Speaker 1: this for a couple of years while I you know, 665 00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:30,520 Speaker 1: I'm going to go to another grad school or get 666 00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:33,440 Speaker 1: hired by industry, versus someone who's like I want to 667 00:31:33,720 --> 00:31:36,479 Speaker 1: make a good living as a nanny, and you can 668 00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:38,960 Speaker 1: do decently well depending on what you're willing to work 669 00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:40,680 Speaker 1: in the kind of hours that you're willing to work, 670 00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:42,720 Speaker 1: and you can do that for a number of years. 671 00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:46,280 Speaker 1: So I think there is a different mindset there as well. 672 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:49,720 Speaker 1: So yeah, I feel like, well, my summary, I think 673 00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:51,400 Speaker 1: I wrote something like, I'd write a list of ways 674 00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:53,440 Speaker 1: you'd have you like to have your nanny make your 675 00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:55,760 Speaker 1: life easier, and if she is unwilling to even make 676 00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:58,440 Speaker 1: an attempt, honestly, I'd move on and that's okay, that 677 00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:01,880 Speaker 1: might be what's best for both. View With that, you 678 00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:03,920 Speaker 1: would also ask the question that the listener had asked, 679 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,440 Speaker 1: the question of whether it would damage the child to 680 00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:09,560 Speaker 1: have a new a switch in the In the course 681 00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:12,960 Speaker 1: of this, inevitably there will be switches, like no childcare 682 00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:15,920 Speaker 1: situation lasts forever. And if you think about it, like 683 00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:17,760 Speaker 1: you send your kid to preschool, they're going to have 684 00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:21,160 Speaker 1: new teachers each year. If they move up a year, 685 00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:24,160 Speaker 1: as some preschools do, not all do, but some do, 686 00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:26,880 Speaker 1: they're going to have new teachers every grade in school. 687 00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:29,640 Speaker 1: Children do fine with that. So as long as I 688 00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:33,160 Speaker 1: think you're not changing every month, I think you're probably 689 00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:35,280 Speaker 1: going to be okay. You know, going into a situation, 690 00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:37,200 Speaker 1: you're trying to make it last for at least a 691 00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:40,800 Speaker 1: few years, just because people like stability in hiring decisions. 692 00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:43,920 Speaker 1: But knowing that very few situations do last forever is 693 00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:47,120 Speaker 1: also helpful, and I will say that you do have 694 00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:51,360 Speaker 1: to keep your expectations realistic. Do not expect a nanny 695 00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:53,160 Speaker 1: to deep clean the house while taking care of a 696 00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:56,160 Speaker 1: toddler and an infant. For example, what you might think 697 00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:57,719 Speaker 1: about if you would like her to do more at 698 00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:00,280 Speaker 1: home is to actually do some kind of pre school 699 00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:02,760 Speaker 1: combo where you have one of your kids or both 700 00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:04,720 Speaker 1: of your kids in like a daycare setting for a 701 00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:06,720 Speaker 1: few hours, and then give her a list of things 702 00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:10,720 Speaker 1: to do. Some caregivers actually might enjoy having like a 703 00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:12,880 Speaker 1: little bit more variation to their day where they do 704 00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:14,760 Speaker 1: cooking and household stuff in the morning and then more 705 00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:16,640 Speaker 1: childcare in the afternoon. I mean, you just have to 706 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:18,880 Speaker 1: figure out what works. You also need to figure out 707 00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:21,200 Speaker 1: what there's a matter of that this nanny can't or won't, 708 00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:23,760 Speaker 1: because if they can't, that's that's understandable. Won't it's a 709 00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:26,840 Speaker 1: little different. All right. Well, this has been best of 710 00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,800 Speaker 1: both worlds. We've been talking about childcare tips from all 711 00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:32,880 Speaker 1: our listeners. Please continue to send them in. Oh sorry, 712 00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:34,760 Speaker 1: our love of the week. I'm sorry I didn't even 713 00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:38,360 Speaker 1: get to that to Sarah, We're not even having Love 714 00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:41,400 Speaker 1: of the weeks. Failing a party er. No, I didn't 715 00:33:41,440 --> 00:33:44,280 Speaker 1: put that on there. My love of the week is 716 00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:48,920 Speaker 1: a new podcast called The Double Shift. Now I will 717 00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:51,880 Speaker 1: say that this podcast, I don't know that they love 718 00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:55,000 Speaker 1: our podcast is. I'm not sure that our pastcasts would 719 00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:57,200 Speaker 1: be their love of the week, because they did make 720 00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:59,360 Speaker 1: some comment about how like, this is a parenting podcast 721 00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:01,479 Speaker 1: for everyone, and I didn't know if that was supposed 722 00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:03,560 Speaker 1: to be like a job at parenting podcasts that were 723 00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:05,520 Speaker 1: not for everyone. I don't know, maybe not. I think 724 00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:08,799 Speaker 1: I just took it too personally. However, I thought her 725 00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:12,680 Speaker 1: last episode, which was about a legal brothel worker in 726 00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:15,520 Speaker 1: Nevada who has a child, was very interesting and if 727 00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:20,200 Speaker 1: you're looking for a really diverse array of parenting experiences 728 00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:22,759 Speaker 1: in how certain women make things work. In a little 729 00:34:22,800 --> 00:34:25,040 Speaker 1: bit of a different format than ours. It's much more 730 00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:27,120 Speaker 1: of an interview podcast, and they're going for the exotic 731 00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:29,239 Speaker 1: where I feel like we go for the mundane. We 732 00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:33,120 Speaker 1: love the mundane anyway, so you may want to check 733 00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:38,120 Speaker 1: that out. It's called The Double Shift with Catherine Goldstein. Excellent. Well, 734 00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:41,040 Speaker 1: I think my love of the week is being able 735 00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:43,719 Speaker 1: to eat out with my children and not having it 736 00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:47,319 Speaker 1: be a disaster. We've sort of reached this stage where 737 00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:50,160 Speaker 1: we went out to eat this weekend and the four 738 00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:51,880 Speaker 1: year old was sitting next to me and I didn't 739 00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:54,760 Speaker 1: have to keep him in a seat. He actually sat 740 00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:57,520 Speaker 1: there and he ate his dinner and it was just 741 00:34:57,719 --> 00:35:01,200 Speaker 1: like wow, there wasn't anything on the floor. It made 742 00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:05,640 Speaker 1: everything a somewhat enjoyable experience. So we've reached that moment. 743 00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:09,200 Speaker 1: It's an amazing that's a very special moment, a graduational 744 00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:12,120 Speaker 1: moment for parents of young kids. You do get there eventually. 745 00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:15,680 Speaker 1: Takes a while, but you get there eventually, so it's awesome. 746 00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:18,319 Speaker 1: This has been Best of Both Worlds Episode eighty eight. 747 00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:20,279 Speaker 1: Tune in next week for more on making work in 748 00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:26,200 Speaker 1: life fit together. Thanks for listening. You can find me 749 00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:30,280 Speaker 1: Sarah at the shoebox dot com or at the Underscore 750 00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:34,279 Speaker 1: Shoebox on Instagram, and you can find me Laura at 751 00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:37,600 Speaker 1: Laura vandercam dot com. This has been the Best of 752 00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:41,359 Speaker 1: Both Worlds podcasts. Please join us next time for more 753 00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:43,520 Speaker 1: on making work and life work together.