WEBVTT - BANNED AND FORGOTTEN 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:02.679 All right, Hello, this is Lyle, This is the gek. 0:00:02.759 --> 0:00:05.680 This is the Therapy Gecko, and welcome to the Therapy 0:00:05.720 --> 0:00:11.039 Gecko podcast. This is a compilation of the best conversations 0:00:11.240 --> 0:00:14.720 from the Therapy Gecko live stream that I do every 0:00:14.760 --> 0:00:18.960 Monday Wednesday Friday at ten pm Eastern Standard Time on 0:00:19.000 --> 0:00:22.880 twitch dot tv slash Lyle forever. That's Lyle and then 0:00:22.920 --> 0:00:25.800 the word forever. So if you want to call in, 0:00:25.880 --> 0:00:28.760 go follow me over there, and then for a video 0:00:28.920 --> 0:00:31.680 version of this podcast, head on over to YouTube dot 0:00:31.720 --> 0:00:35.960 com slash Lyle forever. That's again the word forever. For 0:00:36.080 --> 0:00:39.559 general updates, follow me on Instagram at Lyle the Number 0:00:39.600 --> 0:00:45.159 four ever. Okay, so these are conversations with strangers that 0:00:45.240 --> 0:00:48.360 I have never met before. Okay. We recorded the first 0:00:48.440 --> 0:00:51.480 part of this podcast in the middle of the woods 0:00:52.200 --> 0:00:55.880 as we discussed things we've forgotten. The second part of 0:00:55.920 --> 0:01:00.800 this podcast from from behind bars in jail as we 0:01:00.880 --> 0:01:04.480 discussed times we've been banned, and then the third part 0:01:04.680 --> 0:01:08.000 from the sky, Well listen needs to some smooth jazz 0:01:08.319 --> 0:01:11.960 as we discussed what can you do? All right, enough 0:01:12.000 --> 0:01:14.720 of me, enough of this. This podcast is sponsored by 0:01:14.760 --> 0:01:17.119 No One enjoyed the show Hail Satan. I love you. 0:01:17.080 --> 0:01:35.000 All from Taylor. Taylor, whoa I actually got through. 0:01:35.520 --> 0:01:38.280 I know, I'm surprised. I'm as surprised as you are. 0:01:39.280 --> 0:01:42.720 Well, welcome back, mister Ghek. It's good to have you back. 0:01:43.160 --> 0:01:44.399 Thank you Taylor, It's good to see you. 0:01:45.480 --> 0:01:45.560 So. 0:01:46.360 --> 0:01:48.320 I had a little bit of an issue about a 0:01:48.360 --> 0:01:54.160 month ago hit my fiance and I. We went camping 0:01:54.200 --> 0:01:58.280 with some friends and they brought some edibles and we 0:01:58.360 --> 0:02:00.800 all took him probably took a little it too much, 0:02:01.520 --> 0:02:04.880 and then I lost all perception of time and had 0:02:04.920 --> 0:02:09.639 a high panic attack. But a part of me kind 0:02:09.639 --> 0:02:13.120 of wants to try it again, to relive that moment. 0:02:14.800 --> 0:02:16.519 What do you feel like was enjoyable to you about 0:02:16.560 --> 0:02:19.200 having this panic attack? What were the aspects of it 0:02:19.240 --> 0:02:24.359 that you found endearing, Like. 0:02:24.639 --> 0:02:29.480 Just realizing, like that time, it's such a weird thing, 0:02:33.639 --> 0:02:35.880 like how in our free time we have so much 0:02:35.919 --> 0:02:39.680 of it, but really there's not enough of it. It 0:02:39.720 --> 0:02:42.560 sounds kind of weird, but that's how I felt at 0:02:42.600 --> 0:02:45.320 the time, So I wanted to relive that feeling. Am 0:02:45.320 --> 0:02:46.040 I weird for that? 0:02:48.320 --> 0:02:50.840 Why do you feel like you don't do you feel 0:02:50.840 --> 0:02:54.840 like you don't have access to this feeling. Why do 0:02:54.840 --> 0:02:58.760 you feel like you need you need to do edibles 0:02:59.000 --> 0:03:02.120 to get back access to this feeling, this feeling, it's 0:03:02.160 --> 0:03:05.919 inside of you. Yeah, you had dig. 0:03:07.200 --> 0:03:11.600 Yeah that's true. But yeah, when I was on the edibles, 0:03:11.639 --> 0:03:14.799 like five minutes would go by, but to me it 0:03:14.880 --> 0:03:19.200 felt like two hours. 0:03:21.560 --> 0:03:23.560 But you were you. You told me that you learned 0:03:23.560 --> 0:03:26.839 something about not just time, not your perception of time 0:03:26.840 --> 0:03:28.480 in that moment. But then you were talking about time 0:03:28.520 --> 0:03:29.120 in general. 0:03:29.840 --> 0:03:30.400 Yeah, exactly. 0:03:30.400 --> 0:03:32.040 You said that, you said that you don't have enough time. 0:03:32.040 --> 0:03:33.280 What don't you have enough time to do? 0:03:35.120 --> 0:03:37.760 I mean, like life is so short. None of us 0:03:37.800 --> 0:03:41.280 have enough time, and I think that's why I went 0:03:41.280 --> 0:03:42.360 into a panic attack. 0:03:46.320 --> 0:03:46.920 Enough time. 0:03:48.960 --> 0:03:52.760 To live, to go and see all the things that 0:03:52.840 --> 0:03:56.160 a person would want to see and experience everything. 0:03:58.600 --> 0:03:59.960 What do you what do you want to experience? 0:04:01.680 --> 0:04:02.600 I want to travel? 0:04:03.480 --> 0:04:04.200 Where do you want to go? 0:04:05.720 --> 0:04:07.760 I'd really like to go to like Japan? 0:04:10.160 --> 0:04:10.680 How old do you? 0:04:11.840 --> 0:04:12.480 Twenty six? 0:04:13.360 --> 0:04:16.920 All right, so you'll be alive by the time that 0:04:17.200 --> 0:04:21.080 you can go to Japan without you know, getting coronavirus. 0:04:21.520 --> 0:04:27.040 So you'll get to do that, all right. What else 0:04:27.200 --> 0:04:29.039 we can get? We can keep going, We can plan 0:04:29.080 --> 0:04:31.159 out your whole life right here. I think you've got 0:04:31.160 --> 0:04:37.280 time to do it though, Yeah, what what what do 0:04:37.320 --> 0:04:38.680 you want to do? You don't have time to do? 0:04:40.480 --> 0:04:41.200 See, I don't know. 0:04:41.279 --> 0:04:44.159 That's like the crazy thing is you start thinking about 0:04:44.200 --> 0:04:47.440 like people who die young, and it's like, what if 0:04:47.480 --> 0:04:51.440 I get hit by a bus tomorrow? Then I didn't 0:04:51.480 --> 0:04:52.160 have enough time? 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:55.880 You know what, what have you already done? 0:04:59.480 --> 0:05:00.640 I feel like not a lot. 0:05:04.600 --> 0:05:09.400 Well, you had friends because you went camping. 0:05:09.120 --> 0:05:20.800 With them, so that's yeah, that's true. 0:05:23.960 --> 0:05:29.320 You had you got to experience camping. I mean, that's 0:05:29.360 --> 0:05:32.960 the only the only thing that I know about you 0:05:34.360 --> 0:05:37.640 is that you went camping with your friends once. That's 0:05:37.680 --> 0:05:40.680 the only information I have about you. But even within that, 0:05:41.560 --> 0:05:48.960 there's there's plenty of stuff. Okay, what's another what's another 0:05:49.000 --> 0:05:50.080 thing that you have done? 0:05:52.600 --> 0:05:53.440 Uh? 0:05:53.560 --> 0:05:54.480 I went to college? 0:06:01.080 --> 0:06:02.240 Did did you enjoy it? 0:06:03.160 --> 0:06:04.160 No? I hated it? 0:06:06.760 --> 0:06:10.400 Okay, Well you got you got to hate something, that's true. 0:06:11.800 --> 0:06:16.840 That's a feeling. That is, you got to experience rage 0:06:16.880 --> 0:06:22.840 and frustration upon applying for financial aid. That's a visceral 0:06:22.960 --> 0:06:26.840 human emotion that you've got to experience as a person 0:06:26.880 --> 0:06:36.360 who is alive. What what give me? One more thing 0:06:36.360 --> 0:06:41.920 that you've done. Wait, what'd you study? So when someone 0:06:41.960 --> 0:06:44.440 asked me that, Dr Pepper ten ninety eight asked me 0:06:44.480 --> 0:06:44.920 to ask. 0:06:44.839 --> 0:06:49.320 Them, oh, automotive mechanics. 0:06:52.000 --> 0:06:53.200 What do you do? You fix cars? 0:06:53.240 --> 0:06:53.480 Now? 0:06:54.279 --> 0:06:55.960 Yeah? 0:06:56.040 --> 0:06:58.000 I thought that you go to like trade school for that. 0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:01.839 Well I into a community college that had like a 0:07:02.720 --> 0:07:11.040 like a good program for it. But I guess the 0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:16.680 technical degree is like like an associates of applied science. 0:07:22.560 --> 0:07:26.760 If you all right, so you went, you got to 0:07:26.960 --> 0:07:30.560 you got to be pissed off, you got to go camping, 0:07:32.320 --> 0:07:36.960 You got to have friends. That's like three things. 0:07:37.840 --> 0:07:38.760 Yeah, what else? 0:07:38.800 --> 0:07:39.800 What else do you want to do? 0:07:43.080 --> 0:07:43.240 Uh? 0:07:43.840 --> 0:07:45.440 I want to have to think if you could do anything? 0:07:45.440 --> 0:07:49.000 You want to have kids? Yeah, you got time to do. 0:07:48.920 --> 0:07:52.640 That, that's true. 0:07:56.240 --> 0:07:58.000 Yeah, I don't think that you. I don't think that you. 0:08:00.000 --> 0:08:00.120 Can. 0:08:00.320 --> 0:08:06.640 Can this conversation be a substitute for you giving yourself 0:08:06.640 --> 0:08:10.800 a panic attack intentionally to discover that you have time? 0:08:11.280 --> 0:08:17.400 Can we sub this in for you intentionally drugging yourself 0:08:18.640 --> 0:08:22.200 and causing your self physical harm? Can we just can 0:08:22.240 --> 0:08:23.880 we slide that out and slide this in? 0:08:24.880 --> 0:08:26.280 Yeah? I think that's a good idea. 0:08:27.200 --> 0:08:27.800 All right, cool? 0:08:29.160 --> 0:08:29.400 Thank you? 0:08:29.520 --> 0:08:31.600 Ging to hear that. Absolutely What did you say? 0:08:31.640 --> 0:08:33.319 Your name was Taylor? 0:08:34.440 --> 0:08:40.280 Well, Taylor, I love you and you've inspired You've inspired me. 0:08:40.280 --> 0:08:41.680 I can am I go camping now too? 0:08:43.320 --> 0:08:52.200 Yeah, we're going again this weekend. It's it's real nice. 0:08:54.440 --> 0:08:58.240 You got something to look forward to now, huh. I 0:08:58.240 --> 0:08:59.880 said that, Well, now you've got something to look forward to. 0:09:00.840 --> 0:09:03.640 That's true, that's very true. 0:09:04.440 --> 0:09:05.920 Alright, man, I love you when I and you know, 0:09:05.960 --> 0:09:07.319 watch out for bears. 0:09:08.240 --> 0:09:08.640 Hi will. 0:09:08.720 --> 0:09:10.200 I love you too, man, Thank you. 0:09:10.760 --> 0:09:20.200 Take care of Taylor all right bye? I think I 0:09:20.240 --> 0:09:24.600 think we got time. Some people don't actually that don't 0:09:24.600 --> 0:09:28.320 have time. Some people have a defined amount of time 0:09:28.400 --> 0:09:32.040 left to live right now. Yeah, those people don't have time. 0:09:32.080 --> 0:09:37.760 But Taylor has plenty of time. You can have had time. 0:09:40.880 --> 0:09:44.079 You know, you're already you're you're already have done a 0:09:44.080 --> 0:09:45.880 bunch of that guy's already done a bunch of things. 0:09:45.920 --> 0:09:48.240 And I'm and he's only told me like two things 0:09:48.240 --> 0:09:50.880 that he did, so I'm sure that within all the 0:09:50.920 --> 0:09:53.200 other stuff that he's done that he didn't even talk about, 0:09:54.160 --> 0:09:55.560 you know, there's like he's got to have done at 0:09:55.640 --> 0:10:01.760 least seven other things with his life. Then just have friends, 0:10:01.760 --> 0:10:07.120 go camping and send a fourth goddamn email to financially. 0:10:14.720 --> 0:10:23.679 Angie dan Banjie Dangie Angie Angie. 0:10:24.400 --> 0:10:29.360 Yeah, yeah, that's kind of a cool that's a cool name. 0:10:29.440 --> 0:10:31.520 I've never met. I are you, I'm assuming are you 0:10:31.600 --> 0:10:34.800 a do you present as a man or a woman? 0:10:35.679 --> 0:10:39.559 Oh? I'm a man. My name's my full name, Angela. 0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:46.280 I never heard Angie is a man's name. Your full 0:10:46.360 --> 0:10:46.760 name as. 0:10:46.640 --> 0:10:51.480 Well, Angela, Angela, Angelou. 0:10:51.760 --> 0:10:55.240 Angela Angelo. Okay, now I go Angelau. Now that makes sense. 0:10:56.280 --> 0:11:02.160 Yeah, yeah, I'm calling because, uh, I was dropped on 0:11:02.240 --> 0:11:03.760 my head as a kid, and not as a joke, 0:11:04.200 --> 0:11:10.400 like legitimately, and so I have memory issues, uh, long 0:11:10.480 --> 0:11:15.119 term memory issues, So anything like more than like six weeks, 0:11:15.480 --> 0:11:16.520 I'll completely forget. 0:11:19.880 --> 0:11:21.480 So one of the chats said, not as a joke, 0:11:21.480 --> 0:11:23.400 I would hope that you were not dropped on your 0:11:23.440 --> 0:11:24.240 head as a joke. 0:11:25.040 --> 0:11:27.080 No, No, I meant like you know, people say like, oh, 0:11:27.160 --> 0:11:30.600 we you dropped on it. Yeah, yeah, no, I was 0:11:30.640 --> 0:11:33.840 in a I was in a like one of those 0:11:33.920 --> 0:11:39.239 high backed bar chairs when I was like two, supposedly, 0:11:40.200 --> 0:11:43.760 and uh, I was pushed back, fell in the back 0:11:43.800 --> 0:11:45.400 of my head on some tile. 0:11:46.200 --> 0:11:50.800 Jesus Christ, I can't have met what do you what 0:11:50.840 --> 0:11:54.280 did your like? What the fuck? How would your parents like? 0:11:54.360 --> 0:11:56.320 How did your parents react when that happened? 0:11:58.160 --> 0:12:00.199 I don't know too Have. 0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:02.040 They, I mean, have they told you? Have you talked 0:12:02.040 --> 0:12:04.520 to them about it at all? Since since then? 0:12:05.760 --> 0:12:06.160 Yeah? 0:12:06.360 --> 0:12:06.600 Yeah? 0:12:06.640 --> 0:12:10.520 Well, I mean, uh, they were worried. 0:12:10.600 --> 0:12:11.880 So they they called an. 0:12:11.800 --> 0:12:16.000 Ambulance and ship and I had to have like staples 0:12:16.160 --> 0:12:19.360 put in back of my head to like piece my 0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:22.040 skull together, and so I still have like scars from that, 0:12:23.160 --> 0:12:28.600 uh on my hairline. So they were worried. I think, 0:12:29.440 --> 0:12:30.400 I guess I'd assume. 0:12:31.720 --> 0:12:32.600 I'd assume as well. 0:12:33.360 --> 0:12:34.319 Yeah, but. 0:12:35.760 --> 0:12:39.880 This this memory thing. Have you ever watched I can't 0:12:39.880 --> 0:12:42.600 remember what the movie is called, like one hundred First 0:12:42.679 --> 0:12:47.360 Dates or something, where Adam Sandler goes on a state 0:12:47.440 --> 0:12:52.400 with his shick who forgets everything the next day. You 0:12:52.440 --> 0:12:56.960 know it is Okay. I watched that, and it's such bullshit, 0:12:58.440 --> 0:13:02.160 I should say, based on my own experience, because there's 0:13:02.160 --> 0:13:04.199 no way you can remember something and then you fall 0:13:04.240 --> 0:13:06.480 asleep in the boom, it's all gone. It's more of 0:13:06.520 --> 0:13:12.120 like a gradual thing. But the other day I was 0:13:13.240 --> 0:13:16.400 thinking out with my girlfriend, and I was going on 0:13:16.520 --> 0:13:21.560 about this new game among us and I was like 0:13:21.679 --> 0:13:23.480 telling her how awesome it was, and I was like, 0:13:23.840 --> 0:13:26.760 we should play it sometime. And she looked at me 0:13:26.840 --> 0:13:30.199 dead in the eye and she's like, Angie, we were 0:13:30.240 --> 0:13:36.560 playing that two days ago. And I was like, no way, 0:13:36.920 --> 0:13:39.920 because that's too soon for me to forget, Like my 0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:44.360 memory is pretty good short term. And she convinced me, 0:13:44.679 --> 0:13:47.840 and she like pulled out her phone and showed me 0:13:47.920 --> 0:13:54.320 that she had the app and I don't know. I 0:13:54.400 --> 0:13:56.240 kind of just sat there and walked. I kind of 0:13:56.240 --> 0:14:00.560 like looked at her. I'm like, is this shit? Things worse? 0:14:03.480 --> 0:14:04.480 I got forget everything? 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:06.040 How often this happen? 0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:15.240 Well, things things that quickly. Not often. It's like normally 0:14:15.280 --> 0:14:18.040 it'll be, uh, someone will talk about something we did 0:14:18.120 --> 0:14:23.920 last year, right, so a long enough time where my hippocampus, 0:14:23.920 --> 0:14:26.880 which is what was messed up, kind of just deletes 0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:29.280 it all right, So they'll be talking about or I'll 0:14:29.280 --> 0:14:32.080 see myself in like a picture from a camping trick 0:14:32.320 --> 0:14:36.960 I took three months ago something like that, and it'll 0:14:37.000 --> 0:14:39.800 be me like I can recognize myself in the picture, 0:14:40.160 --> 0:14:45.200 but I don't know, I can't recall any memories from 0:14:45.240 --> 0:14:48.280 that event or like anything leading up to it. 0:14:50.400 --> 0:14:53.760 How long ago was was was the among us thing 0:14:54.120 --> 0:14:57.120 between when you forgot it and when it happened. 0:14:58.040 --> 0:15:01.520 When we talked about it, it was two days. 0:15:00.640 --> 0:15:02.680 Two days and you and and before that you'd never 0:15:02.720 --> 0:15:05.080 forgotten something that was only two days old. 0:15:06.680 --> 0:15:09.080 I mean, ship, I've forgotten things that are like I 0:15:09.120 --> 0:15:11.240 can't remember what I ate for dinner last night unless 0:15:11.240 --> 0:15:14.440 I really think about it. But uh, you know, my 0:15:14.480 --> 0:15:18.120 girlfriend a great Yeah, she's a great she's a great chicken. 0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:20.800 Like I remember almost everything we do for like a 0:15:20.800 --> 0:15:25.560 pretty long time. Uh so that I feel like should 0:15:25.560 --> 0:15:26.480 have lasted longer. 0:15:31.200 --> 0:15:34.080 Did you did you? Did you talk to a doctor 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:36.760 about this? About like the you like about that, the 0:15:36.840 --> 0:15:37.960 feel that it's getting. 0:15:37.640 --> 0:15:41.400 Worse, not about it's getting worse. I kind of have 0:15:41.520 --> 0:15:49.280 a thing with doctors, man, right, Uh so, did you're. 0:15:49.200 --> 0:15:53.000 A doctor's man? A thing with doctors? 0:15:53.840 --> 0:16:00.400 Yeah? Well, like mm hmm. And my parents so a 0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:03.920 lot of times people have to remind me how like 0:16:04.040 --> 0:16:07.600 why I feel certain ways to like doctors scare me, 0:16:08.080 --> 0:16:13.800 and so my parents basically keep you know, I have 0:16:13.920 --> 0:16:16.640 this book that I basically keep and I like read 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:20.680 it often to remember remind myself about certain things, and 0:16:20.720 --> 0:16:24.000 like the one entry I have for doctors, it's just 0:16:24.040 --> 0:16:29.080 like they did a lot of so they tried fixing me. 0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:36.280 I guess with psychotherapy, which is when you it's kind 0:16:36.280 --> 0:16:39.200 of like normal therapy, except they try to like access 0:16:39.200 --> 0:16:44.120 your memories, kind of like hypnosis, right, but that shit 0:16:44.200 --> 0:16:49.800 doesn't work and instead it just like imagine if you 0:16:49.880 --> 0:16:51.920 were put under hypnosis and they're trying to bring you 0:16:51.960 --> 0:16:54.440 back to a memory, but instead of a memory, it 0:16:54.520 --> 0:16:59.760 was just emptiness, like darkness. There's nothing there, right, so 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:05.320 still go there, but instead of remembering stuff, you're just 0:17:05.400 --> 0:17:08.600 like non existent. 0:17:09.960 --> 0:17:13.240 So it's like a corrupt file where like you can 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:16.680 see the file, but you can't open it. 0:17:17.600 --> 0:17:21.560 You know something there, right, It's like it's it's like 0:17:21.600 --> 0:17:24.919 an emptiness in a box. Right, something's supposed to go 0:17:25.000 --> 0:17:27.280 there and maybe you can see the outline of it. 0:17:28.440 --> 0:17:32.879 You can't actually like take out the lego set and 0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:33.400 build it. 0:17:34.320 --> 0:17:38.520 How does memory therapy what do they do to try 0:17:38.560 --> 0:17:39.879 to access your memories? 0:17:41.480 --> 0:17:44.800 Well, so I have a call each week, Well it's 0:17:44.800 --> 0:17:47.480 a call now because of COVID. I used to go 0:17:47.520 --> 0:17:52.200 in and like sit with a person, right, but basically 0:17:53.240 --> 0:17:56.560 it's like how you you see like hypnosis on TV. 0:17:57.240 --> 0:18:00.920 So I was supposed to get all relaxed my eyes 0:18:01.520 --> 0:18:05.520 and just like pretty deeply, and then they'll they'll like 0:18:05.640 --> 0:18:10.240 walk me through my memory by going like, Okay, remember 0:18:10.880 --> 0:18:14.640 last Thursday night, it was two days ago, think back 0:18:14.680 --> 0:18:17.720 to that night. Okay, can you imagine that night. I'm 0:18:17.760 --> 0:18:20.040 like yeah, and I can tell them stuff, and they'll 0:18:20.080 --> 0:18:23.520 like start to go further back than that and further 0:18:23.600 --> 0:18:26.119 back than that. And when I was going, like the 0:18:26.240 --> 0:18:30.159 last time I went a couple of weeks ago, I 0:18:30.200 --> 0:18:32.199 get once a month, I'll be able to go in. 0:18:32.560 --> 0:18:36.520 Even with COVID. They just have their little little stickies 0:18:36.680 --> 0:18:38.960 on my forehead and the back of my head, and 0:18:39.000 --> 0:18:42.440 so they measure I don't know, brain waves, I don't 0:18:42.440 --> 0:18:45.959 know something like that, and they basically like look at that, 0:18:46.280 --> 0:18:49.399 ask me stupid questions and then I start saying like 0:18:49.760 --> 0:18:54.040 nothing right, and they're like, well, just think harder, remember harder. 0:18:54.080 --> 0:18:57.400 I'm like, the Fuck's how you do that? I'm trying here, 0:18:58.040 --> 0:19:04.439 It's impossible. Try walking through a wall doesn't work. Try harder? 0:19:04.520 --> 0:19:08.520 Right? 0:19:11.840 --> 0:19:15.879 Do you feel like this kind of this might be 0:19:15.880 --> 0:19:19.520 a corny question and maybe it comes from this weird place, 0:19:20.160 --> 0:19:23.119 But do you feel like the fact that you can't 0:19:23.160 --> 0:19:27.480 access your past as well as most people can gives 0:19:27.480 --> 0:19:31.119 you allows you to live better in the present. 0:19:35.200 --> 0:19:39.919 Sometimes like this to me is just like how my 0:19:40.000 --> 0:19:43.000 life is not a big deal. But sometimes I listen 0:19:43.040 --> 0:19:46.560 to people and they're like, tell me a traumatizing story 0:19:46.600 --> 0:19:49.440 from their past, right to be any number of things, 0:19:49.760 --> 0:19:52.119 And when I and when I think of being in 0:19:52.160 --> 0:19:58.000 their shoes and like having to remember that every day, Jesus, 0:19:58.240 --> 0:20:00.240 can you imagine that? But I guess you got that's 0:20:00.240 --> 0:20:04.600 how you are. But like, so, like I've broken bones 0:20:04.640 --> 0:20:07.760 and stuff, right, and I only know that because my 0:20:07.840 --> 0:20:10.159 parents and my siblings tell me and it's it's one 0:20:10.200 --> 0:20:11.920 of the things in my journal like that I keep 0:20:12.000 --> 0:20:16.240 up with and I just can't like do you can 0:20:16.280 --> 0:20:20.720 you remember pain? Can you like pain? 0:20:22.080 --> 0:20:22.320 Yeah? 0:20:22.400 --> 0:20:24.560 Like, have you ever broken a bone? 0:20:24.920 --> 0:20:25.160 No? 0:20:26.920 --> 0:20:30.600 Okay, have you ever? I guess that those I don't 0:20:30.600 --> 0:20:33.520 know what's something like really painful? 0:20:33.600 --> 0:20:36.040 Like, yeah, painful. 0:20:37.400 --> 0:20:40.320 I've never had like a lot of physical pain, But 0:20:40.359 --> 0:20:44.240 I guess, like, so you're I mean, so you're kind 0:20:44.280 --> 0:20:48.159 of like would you say you're more or less like 0:20:49.080 --> 0:20:51.680 medically impervious to trauma. 0:20:53.920 --> 0:20:56.520 So yes and no. Right, So, like I was talking 0:20:56.520 --> 0:21:00.960 about with doctors, like going into a doctor's this or 0:21:01.200 --> 0:21:04.520 or talking to someone that I knows the doctor like 0:21:04.720 --> 0:21:08.080 gives me anxiety even though there's no reason for me 0:21:08.160 --> 0:21:13.560 to have anxiety, right because I can't remember all these 0:21:13.880 --> 0:21:16.520 tests they do besides the weekly thing. And like Sarah, 0:21:16.560 --> 0:21:19.800 who's who's the person I see each week, She's like chill, 0:21:19.960 --> 0:21:22.040 she just you know, she's not that bad. But for 0:21:22.119 --> 0:21:24.720 whatever reason, like when I go on the call or 0:21:24.720 --> 0:21:27.479 when I go and I sit down, like my hands 0:21:27.480 --> 0:21:29.800 are all clammy and I like kind of start to 0:21:29.840 --> 0:21:34.639 shake and like breathing is hard and and all that, 0:21:34.880 --> 0:21:37.800 according to them, is like the past trauma. So it's 0:21:37.800 --> 0:21:40.119 not that I don't have it, it's just like instead 0:21:40.160 --> 0:21:43.080 of knowing why it's happening, it's just kind of just happening, 0:21:43.119 --> 0:21:43.320 you know. 0:21:45.840 --> 0:21:48.480 Interesting, So you're so you you're not impervious to trauma. 0:21:48.560 --> 0:21:53.040 You just kind of feel it without knowing, without having 0:21:53.119 --> 0:21:56.439 like a place to bring it back to. 0:21:57.920 --> 0:22:00.760 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like so if you watch in the 0:22:00.800 --> 0:22:03.720 one and they're like, oh shit, something something bad is 0:22:03.720 --> 0:22:07.159 gonna happen, like that's that's exactly the feeling. It is 0:22:07.200 --> 0:22:08.960 like you don't know what's behind the dark door in 0:22:09.000 --> 0:22:11.800 the basement, but like you know, if you open that ship, 0:22:12.600 --> 0:22:15.159 there's gonna be something that pops up and bites you. 0:22:18.000 --> 0:22:19.600 Do you feel like this is one of those Do 0:22:19.640 --> 0:22:23.840 you feel like this is a situation in which your 0:22:23.880 --> 0:22:26.720 condition helps you or hinders you? Because do you? At 0:22:26.760 --> 0:22:28.080 first you were because at first you were kind of 0:22:28.080 --> 0:22:29.639 talking about it like it was a good thing. Like 0:22:29.680 --> 0:22:32.239 you hear people talk about their past trauma and you're like, oh, 0:22:32.240 --> 0:22:33.119 I couldn't imagine that. 0:22:34.840 --> 0:22:43.080 I guess it's it's it's like a double edged sword, right, 0:22:43.760 --> 0:22:46.520 the bad stuff no one wants to remember, unless like 0:22:46.600 --> 0:22:49.680 maybe it teaches you a lesson or something like don't 0:22:49.720 --> 0:22:55.000 put your hand in the fire or whatever. But other times, right, 0:22:55.680 --> 0:22:58.600 I'll be sitting around and it'll be like a really 0:22:58.640 --> 0:23:03.320 good moment, like other weekend, be uh, my girlfriend and 0:23:03.440 --> 0:23:06.040 one of her friends came over and we're all just 0:23:06.119 --> 0:23:08.399 like chilling. We had I was like really happy in 0:23:08.440 --> 0:23:12.640 that moment, and like suddenly like dawn on me, Like shit, 0:23:13.200 --> 0:23:17.359 I'm gonna forget this, Like I'm never going to think 0:23:17.480 --> 0:23:20.760 back to this. In a couple of years and and 0:23:21.040 --> 0:23:24.399 be able to like re enjoy the moment. So it's 0:23:24.480 --> 0:23:26.600 kind of a weird pressure to like make every day 0:23:26.720 --> 0:23:31.720 count because like it's only that day that counts, not 0:23:31.800 --> 0:23:37.080 the past twenty four years. 0:23:37.119 --> 0:23:37.760 Interesting. 0:23:38.800 --> 0:23:39.920 Ooh, ooh ooh. 0:23:40.040 --> 0:23:42.560 I feel like I thought. I feel like there's gotta 0:23:42.560 --> 0:23:44.280 be a way we can link this back to the 0:23:44.600 --> 0:23:48.520 fucking camping guy. There's gotta be a way we can 0:23:48.560 --> 0:23:50.879 link this back to the camping guy. 0:23:50.880 --> 0:23:52.879 Guy take edibles? 0:23:53.359 --> 0:23:55.399 Yeah, the guy who wanted to take edibles because you 0:23:58.640 --> 0:24:00.920 all you have is I guess you both are kind 0:24:00.920 --> 0:24:03.000 of dealing with the same thing differently. I don't know, 0:24:03.040 --> 0:24:07.080 I don't know what I'm saying, but you feel like 0:24:07.119 --> 0:24:08.879 you only ever have today. You don't feel like you 0:24:08.920 --> 0:24:09.879 even have yesterday. 0:24:11.359 --> 0:24:14.040 Well, I do like I have yesterday. I have the 0:24:14.080 --> 0:24:18.040 last couple of weeks, you know, up to maybe I 0:24:18.080 --> 0:24:20.680 don't know when. When was June? Only months ago? 0:24:20.840 --> 0:24:21.200 Was June? 0:24:21.920 --> 0:24:24.280 Remember during my brother's birthday? Right? 0:24:26.200 --> 0:24:26.880 Two months ago? 0:24:27.680 --> 0:24:28.120 Two months? 0:24:28.160 --> 0:24:32.280 Okay? Yeah, that's pretty decent. So, like I guess, I mean, 0:24:32.320 --> 0:24:34.359 the main reason I call is just because that's like 0:24:34.440 --> 0:24:37.000 your topic, right. I want to I want to like 0:24:37.080 --> 0:24:40.840 throw something out there but I don't know. You've raised 0:24:40.880 --> 0:24:46.040 some good questions. I guess. I guess it's like living 0:24:46.040 --> 0:24:49.479 in the moment to the extreme right where it's not 0:24:49.520 --> 0:24:52.040 saying you should live in the moment, it's saying you 0:24:52.160 --> 0:24:53.679 have to live in the moment. So what are you 0:24:53.680 --> 0:24:58.480 going to do with it? Oh? 0:24:59.160 --> 0:25:08.680 Yeah, do you find do you you have? You feel 0:25:08.680 --> 0:25:10.800