WEBVTT - Goodbye 2024, Hello 2025 0:00:22.440 --> 0:00:26.040 What Up, guys, Welcome back to your favorite podcast, Cheeks 0:00:26.079 --> 0:00:28.000 and Chill. I know, and thank you so much for 0:00:28.080 --> 0:00:32.040 being here. I cannot believe tomorrow is New Year's Eve. 0:00:32.200 --> 0:00:35.000 That is crazy, and I am in the Philippines with 0:00:35.040 --> 0:00:38.200 my husband, so we're going to be spending it out here. 0:00:38.880 --> 0:00:44.599 But AnyWho, this year has been full of lows and highs, 0:00:44.760 --> 0:00:48.040 but nonetheless, it's been a great year and I want 0:00:48.080 --> 0:00:51.160 to highlight a few things and also welcome twenty twenty 0:00:51.159 --> 0:00:54.760 five because I'm looking forward to it. So in one word, 0:00:55.240 --> 0:01:00.160 if I can describe twenty twenty four, I would say 0:01:00.160 --> 0:01:05.399 it was fulfilling. It was the year of fulfillment, very grateful. 0:01:06.080 --> 0:01:10.120 A lot has happened. I feel that it's been like 0:01:10.200 --> 0:01:14.680 three years or more in this one year. Let's start 0:01:14.720 --> 0:01:18.440 off with January and January twenty twenty four. We spent 0:01:18.800 --> 0:01:22.920 last New Years in Zion, Utah, our absolute favorite place, 0:01:23.760 --> 0:01:27.959 and we haven't been back since actually, and I missed 0:01:28.000 --> 0:01:30.000 it and I need it in my life. But anyways, 0:01:30.000 --> 0:01:32.679 we chose to spend it out there. We also decided 0:01:32.720 --> 0:01:35.600 that we were going to start the year off sober, 0:01:36.280 --> 0:01:39.600 so we did that the first ninety days of the year. 0:01:39.640 --> 0:01:44.000 Twenty twenty four were sober, no alcohol, no cannabis for me, 0:01:44.280 --> 0:01:47.280 no red meat, no coffee. I think it was one 0:01:47.319 --> 0:01:50.080 of the best things I could have done. On January fourth, 0:01:50.240 --> 0:01:54.400 I got my breast surgery, my fifth breast surgery. Guys, 0:01:55.720 --> 0:01:58.440 poor Emidio, he's been through two of them with me. 0:01:58.880 --> 0:02:01.240 So that's kind of how the year started. You know. 0:02:01.560 --> 0:02:03.880 I was getting the scar revision and like I had 0:02:03.880 --> 0:02:05.520 something going on with my boob. It was just like 0:02:05.560 --> 0:02:09.400 this whole thing. Anyways, it was necessary. And then towards 0:02:09.440 --> 0:02:12.080 the end of January that's when I started IVF and 0:02:12.120 --> 0:02:15.840 I think that's what the first thing that threw me 0:02:15.840 --> 0:02:18.320 through a loop because it's a bunch of hormones. As 0:02:18.360 --> 0:02:20.440 you guys know, I talked about it here on the podcast. 0:02:20.440 --> 0:02:24.280 So I was injecting myself with hormones and it just 0:02:24.600 --> 0:02:27.000 took an emotional toll on me. It was a lot, 0:02:27.040 --> 0:02:29.120 but I'm grateful because I only had to do it once. 0:02:29.400 --> 0:02:31.960 A lot of women I here have to do a 0:02:32.000 --> 0:02:34.120 few cycles. I prayed and I was like, God, I 0:02:34.160 --> 0:02:35.600 just want to do it once because I know myself 0:02:35.600 --> 0:02:39.720 I'm already a cancer. I'm very emotional. I'm lunatic. Lunatica, 0:02:39.840 --> 0:02:42.600 not lunatic, but lunatica sounds better in English or in Spanish. 0:02:42.600 --> 0:02:45.080 Should I say I've never done birth control pills because 0:02:45.080 --> 0:02:46.840 I'm all the hormones and stuff like it really does 0:02:46.919 --> 0:02:48.800 affect me. I'm very in tune with my body. So 0:02:48.880 --> 0:02:51.440 that happened. That was how it started. And then we 0:02:51.440 --> 0:02:55.720 were sober, which kind of obviously helped. But sometimes you know, 0:02:55.840 --> 0:02:58.399 a glass of wine or some tequila makes things feel better. 0:02:58.400 --> 0:03:01.200 So I just really had no other choice but to 0:03:01.320 --> 0:03:06.240 face everything. Then I was started working on you know, 0:03:06.280 --> 0:03:11.760 the album, The Amanthis, And that's why it's so important 0:03:11.840 --> 0:03:17.640 to for me anyways as an artist, to really think 0:03:17.639 --> 0:03:20.480 about what I'm going to name the album, the concept 0:03:20.520 --> 0:03:24.760 and everything, because the whole concept, the whole theme was, 0:03:25.160 --> 0:03:27.840 like I said, diamonds and how a diamond is made, 0:03:27.960 --> 0:03:32.040 the process that it goes through, and I really felt 0:03:32.040 --> 0:03:36.400 it in my life in every aspect. Trying to finish 0:03:36.560 --> 0:03:40.720 the album, which round late, it was supposed to come 0:03:40.720 --> 0:03:43.560 out a lot sooner than it did. Also, you know, 0:03:43.680 --> 0:03:47.080 trying to put the tour together all while I'm going 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:51.760 through all these things, all these emotions. I wasn't able 0:03:51.760 --> 0:03:53.880 to work out because of the breast surgery and then 0:03:53.920 --> 0:03:56.720 the IVF, and that also affects my psyche, you know, 0:03:56.760 --> 0:03:59.840 my mental health, not being able to work out. So 0:04:00.600 --> 0:04:04.760 I just felt a lot of pressure. Puli means being polished, 0:04:05.480 --> 0:04:08.760 and that's what I feel that this year has done 0:04:08.800 --> 0:04:11.160 for me. Twenty twenty four was a number eight, like 0:04:11.200 --> 0:04:13.880 the entire year for everyone in the world. So with 0:04:13.920 --> 0:04:16.279 the number eight, there's a lot of great things. This 0:04:16.360 --> 0:04:18.279 is like I'm talking to mirology now. A lot of 0:04:18.279 --> 0:04:22.200 great things come with it. It's everlasting, it's infinity, it's 0:04:22.320 --> 0:04:26.680 constantly flowing. And I felt like that happened this year 0:04:26.760 --> 0:04:30.280 a lot. And I also knew I was going to 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:33.240 have what they call a karmic year, which means that 0:04:34.200 --> 0:04:36.400 all the seeds that I planted for good or for bad, 0:04:37.480 --> 0:04:40.320 I was going to sew in this year or see 0:04:40.360 --> 0:04:43.600 or reap you know, the benefits, or learn a lot 0:04:43.600 --> 0:04:46.240 of lessons. And let me tell you, that's exactly what happened. 0:04:46.640 --> 0:04:48.680 I didn't think about that until towards the end of 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:50.720 the year, where I'm like, oh, shoot, this is a 0:04:50.839 --> 0:04:54.080 number eight. Everything that has happened is supposed to happen. 0:04:54.600 --> 0:04:58.000 The nominations and all the recognition and all everything as 0:04:58.040 --> 0:05:00.760 far as, like you know, speaking career wise, everything I've 0:05:00.760 --> 0:05:04.200 been working towards for the past ten years. But it 0:05:04.320 --> 0:05:08.720 also left me a little depleted emotionally. There was a 0:05:08.720 --> 0:05:12.120 lot of work, A lot was going on. We had 0:05:12.200 --> 0:05:16.039 the miscarriage, We got married. That was a beautiful, amazing thing. 0:05:16.200 --> 0:05:19.160 And as you guys know, I also got divorced. And 0:05:19.240 --> 0:05:23.719 I had a very tough relationship and marriage before this one. 0:05:23.720 --> 0:05:25.599 And I know I made noticing me to talk about it, 0:05:25.640 --> 0:05:29.240 but it is part of my life and my history 0:05:29.320 --> 0:05:34.520 and it was a very very difficult, I guess relationship, 0:05:34.600 --> 0:05:37.160 and I learned a lot from it. And I think 0:05:37.200 --> 0:05:39.599 that because of that, and I was able to let 0:05:39.600 --> 0:05:43.880 that go. I mean, I got an amazing man, and 0:05:43.960 --> 0:05:46.360 I think that that's another thing, that another seed that 0:05:46.480 --> 0:05:50.920 I planted. And now I'm living a beautiful relationship and 0:05:50.920 --> 0:05:54.000 I'm very grateful for that. So a lot has happened. 0:05:54.000 --> 0:05:56.960 That was in July, my birthday was in June. We 0:05:57.000 --> 0:06:01.680 had the miscarriage June first, So well, everything it's crazy. 0:06:01.720 --> 0:06:04.480 I oh my gosh, As I'm speaking to you guys, 0:06:04.480 --> 0:06:06.240 like I didn't write anything down, I'm kind of like 0:06:06.279 --> 0:06:10.000 going down the line of the month, and every month 0:06:10.200 --> 0:06:13.520 had something major happening. I feel like something happened in March, 0:06:13.520 --> 0:06:16.120 and I can't remember what happened in March. Oh we 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:18.640 went to Big Sir in March. Okay, so yeah, so 0:06:18.720 --> 0:06:20.640 in March, I mean it was reminding me right now, guys. 0:06:20.760 --> 0:06:22.880 So in March we went to Big sur and we 0:06:22.880 --> 0:06:25.560 were sober, and that was one of our first vacations 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:28.119 that we did sober. But it was super awesome because 0:06:28.160 --> 0:06:31.960 then we did mushrooms together and it was very nice. 0:06:31.960 --> 0:06:35.520 We had an amazing conversation. We were in the chacuzzi. 0:06:35.760 --> 0:06:38.440 Him and I were talking. It was so nice. I'm 0:06:38.440 --> 0:06:40.040 not telling you guys to go out there and do mushrooms. 0:06:40.040 --> 0:06:42.000 That's not what I'm saying. That is my business. I'm 0:06:42.040 --> 0:06:46.479 a responsible adult. It's my choice. But you guys might 0:06:46.600 --> 0:06:49.400 share everything with you guys. So anyways, that was what 0:06:49.480 --> 0:06:52.120 happened in March. I know in April I got pregnant 0:06:52.120 --> 0:06:55.440 April twenty fifth. Didn't find out until like obviously a 0:06:55.480 --> 0:06:59.279 few weeks later. Then I even went to go see 0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:01.320 my mom. Oh my gosh, I went to go see 0:07:01.360 --> 0:07:02.840 my mom. I feel like I was able to get 0:07:02.880 --> 0:07:05.080 closure there. I got so much peace out of that. 0:07:05.160 --> 0:07:07.680 I went to go visit my dad. It's crazy because 0:07:07.720 --> 0:07:10.720 I feel, oh my god, it's ins insane. Everything just 0:07:10.880 --> 0:07:14.120 lined up in every single way, everything that I've been 0:07:14.200 --> 0:07:16.440 caring for the past. I don't know how many years 0:07:16.880 --> 0:07:22.560 I was able to close chapters start new ones. And 0:07:23.120 --> 0:07:26.600 as difficult as it was, even going to Lakademiat for 0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:30.040 three months, guys every weekend, I did not think it 0:07:30.080 --> 0:07:32.680 was going to be as hard not being there on 0:07:32.760 --> 0:07:36.040 the show, because being on the show and getting dressed 0:07:36.120 --> 0:07:38.520 up and doing the actual show was actually really fun. 0:07:38.920 --> 0:07:42.760 It was fun. It was not having my weekends and 0:07:42.800 --> 0:07:45.840 having to fly and that's a lot of flights. I mean, 0:07:46.360 --> 0:07:50.280 thank goodness, we have the ability to fly on airplanes, 0:07:50.280 --> 0:07:54.280 and you know, that's that's amazing. But also it's not natural, 0:07:54.480 --> 0:07:56.920 and I don't know if there's studies on it, but 0:07:56.960 --> 0:07:59.600 I definitely felt it. It takes an emotional toll on 0:07:59.680 --> 0:08:02.600 you on physically as well, and I was definitely filling 0:08:02.600 --> 0:08:04.880 that up and down. I was literally going up and down, 0:08:05.320 --> 0:08:09.240 you know. I would come to sea level in California, 0:08:09.240 --> 0:08:11.320 and then I would go to Sia, Mexico and it was. 0:08:11.360 --> 0:08:13.920 The elevation was insane, So I felt like for three 0:08:13.920 --> 0:08:17.960 months I was floating and that's not good for me. 0:08:18.000 --> 0:08:26.040 I need to be grounded. I also took a retreat 0:08:26.040 --> 0:08:28.920 in April with a friend. Emilia was supposed to go 0:08:28.960 --> 0:08:30.400 with me, but he had to work, so I took 0:08:30.560 --> 0:08:33.000 my best friend Judy, who you guys also met as 0:08:33.040 --> 0:08:36.720 well Judy Sabeta here on the podcast, and that in 0:08:36.760 --> 0:08:42.320 itself was crazy, Guys. I wasn't able to vacation as 0:08:42.400 --> 0:08:44.679 much going into the year a million, and I knew 0:08:45.000 --> 0:08:47.560 this year there's a lot of work. We have to 0:08:47.600 --> 0:08:49.080 just set the tone and we're not going to be 0:08:49.080 --> 0:08:51.440 able to vacation as much. So we don't have a 0:08:51.480 --> 0:08:55.040 lot of vacations. We did have our pre honeymoon in 0:08:55.200 --> 0:09:00.439 bl Garmen, which was beautiful, so amazing, very like, very 0:09:00.480 --> 0:09:03.800 much needed. But I want to say that that trip 0:09:04.200 --> 0:09:06.920 with Judy, and not even because we spent time together, 0:09:06.960 --> 0:09:10.840 because we didn't. They had us separated almost the entire 0:09:10.880 --> 0:09:15.920 time intentionally, but what I felt and the healing that 0:09:16.000 --> 0:09:19.080 I felt at that retreat and while I was in 0:09:19.120 --> 0:09:25.600 my experience because it was a psychedelic retreat. Wow, I 0:09:25.720 --> 0:09:27.560 literally I don't know if we ever talked about it 0:09:27.600 --> 0:09:30.440 in detail here on the podcast, but let me just 0:09:31.320 --> 0:09:35.920 you know, make a long story short. I healed you, guys. 0:09:36.040 --> 0:09:41.280 I felt my body healing. I was in heaven, and 0:09:41.320 --> 0:09:44.040 not like heaven that you hear at church and you know, 0:09:44.280 --> 0:09:45.920 the roads or gold. I mean, I don't know, maybe 0:09:45.960 --> 0:09:47.800 that's the heaven that you have in your head, but 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:51.760 the heaven that I saw, I was in so much peace. 0:09:52.120 --> 0:09:56.840 I felt what bliss really meant. It doesn't happen every 0:09:56.840 --> 0:09:59.400 time during my meditation, but there are times when I 0:09:59.440 --> 0:10:02.800 can like tap into that moment of doing breath work 0:10:02.800 --> 0:10:05.600 out there and meditating because it was a very spiritual retreat. 0:10:05.880 --> 0:10:07.920 Oh my god, I just get this feeling that I 0:10:07.960 --> 0:10:11.040 can't even explain. And I remember saying it, I'm like, 0:10:11.080 --> 0:10:14.280 I'm healing, I'm healing. I was crying. I had so 0:10:14.440 --> 0:10:16.760 much like it's gonna sound gross, but I had so 0:10:16.840 --> 0:10:19.160 much snot coming out of my nose, and I felt 0:10:19.200 --> 0:10:22.360 like that was a symbol of me just cleansing. And 0:10:22.559 --> 0:10:25.959 I had such a wonderful experience. People there, there was 0:10:26.040 --> 0:10:28.280 like about fifteen of us. Some people I could see 0:10:28.280 --> 0:10:31.079 they were not having a good time. I was in heaven, 0:10:31.160 --> 0:10:34.560 and I kept saying it out loud, like oh my goodness, God, 0:10:34.640 --> 0:10:37.240 thank you. I felt like the Lord was letting me 0:10:37.360 --> 0:10:40.920 feel what peace really feels and giving me this gift 0:10:40.960 --> 0:10:43.960 of you have suffered so much in your life that 0:10:44.000 --> 0:10:46.000 I'm letting you feel this. And I did not want 0:10:46.040 --> 0:10:47.760 to leave, but I kept thinking about a media. I'm like, 0:10:47.760 --> 0:10:50.160 oh my god, he seems so far away, like I 0:10:50.200 --> 0:10:52.040 want to go back for him, but then I want 0:10:52.080 --> 0:10:54.240 to stay here. And I was battling with that the 0:10:54.400 --> 0:10:57.640 entire time. That's the moment, guys, And the reason why 0:10:57.720 --> 0:10:59.760 this is such a highlight in my life is because 0:10:59.800 --> 0:11:01.640 that is the moment when I let go of all 0:11:01.679 --> 0:11:06.160 fear in my relationship and I saw his soul. I 0:11:06.200 --> 0:11:09.400 know that's gonna sound crazy, but I saw his soul. 0:11:09.520 --> 0:11:12.200 I saw it and I'm like, oh my god, it's 0:11:12.240 --> 0:11:15.679 so beautiful. I'm safe, it's okay, I'm in good hands. 0:11:16.080 --> 0:11:18.760 And that's when I was like, oh my god, I'm 0:11:18.800 --> 0:11:22.000 with my person. And that's when I saw that we 0:11:22.120 --> 0:11:25.439 had met and we had been together in other lifetimes. 0:11:25.800 --> 0:11:27.679 I know this might sound crazy to some of you, guys, 0:11:27.679 --> 0:11:30.880 but I just it's it's insane. I know even it 0:11:30.960 --> 0:11:32.800 coming out of my mouth, I'm like, oh my god, 0:11:32.880 --> 0:11:35.120 but it felt so real and it was very real 0:11:35.840 --> 0:11:38.040 that I remember I wasn't supposed to use my phone. 0:11:38.040 --> 0:11:40.400 They're like, don't use phones, but I remember going to 0:11:40.440 --> 0:11:42.400 my room and I text them. I'm like, oh my god, Emilio, 0:11:42.520 --> 0:11:45.880 I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. You knew. You knew from 0:11:45.880 --> 0:11:48.400 the very beginning that I was it, and I have 0:11:48.480 --> 0:11:51.880 been so afraid because of my trauma and everything that 0:11:51.920 --> 0:11:53.880 I've gone through that I always as much as I 0:11:53.960 --> 0:11:57.600 let my walls down, they were only halfway down until 0:11:57.600 --> 0:11:59.920 that moment and I let them completely down. And I've 0:12:00.200 --> 0:12:03.200 different in our relationship, and it was like the sign 0:12:03.320 --> 0:12:05.280 for me that it is okay for me to get married. 0:12:05.760 --> 0:12:08.120 I was with the right person. I was with my soulmate. 0:12:08.240 --> 0:12:13.679 I felt our souls connect. It was crazy, guys, craziness. 0:12:13.960 --> 0:12:15.720 We had beautiful moments. Wh went to Big Sir, we 0:12:15.720 --> 0:12:17.920 went to play the garment. We've done Vegas trips, We've 0:12:17.920 --> 0:12:21.679 done cute things. But for me, even though he wasn't 0:12:21.720 --> 0:12:24.760 with me there physically, Emilio, he was there and it 0:12:24.840 --> 0:12:27.560 was exactly what I needed. And because I was on 0:12:27.679 --> 0:12:29.920 such a high. That's what they were worried about at 0:12:29.920 --> 0:12:32.840 the retreat. The people, the guides, the counselors, They're like, 0:12:32.920 --> 0:12:35.800 you had such a high that the low might be 0:12:35.880 --> 0:12:38.439 very low, so we want to just take care of you. 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:41.240 And they did, and I didn't feel as bad. But 0:12:41.280 --> 0:12:45.880 the other work started coming months after, and it prepared me, 0:12:46.080 --> 0:12:49.640 I think, for the miscarriage, for some disappointments in my 0:12:49.720 --> 0:12:52.480 family things that have been happening. There's been a lot, 0:12:52.600 --> 0:12:56.559 you know, we've been going through these lawsuits, mine, my 0:12:56.640 --> 0:13:01.120 personal one with my mom's brother and our family went 0:13:01.200 --> 0:13:03.000 with my grandpa, and it's been so crazy, but I 0:13:03.000 --> 0:13:06.240 feel like it all just helped me just step outside 0:13:06.280 --> 0:13:09.560 of myself and look at my life from the outside in. 0:13:09.920 --> 0:13:13.000 And it was amazing. And I don't know if I 0:13:13.000 --> 0:13:16.000 would have been able to handle everything or even get 0:13:16.000 --> 0:13:20.400 married if I hadn't had that experience. So I'm not 0:13:20.800 --> 0:13:23.920 gonna share the retreat that I went on. I don't know. 0:13:23.960 --> 0:13:26.280 I feel like that's everyone's choice. It was my choice. 0:13:26.320 --> 0:13:27.960 It is something that I wanted to do, and I 0:13:27.960 --> 0:13:29.800 don't know if i'd do it again because it was 0:13:29.840 --> 0:13:32.840 a lot, But if I do it next time, i'd 0:13:32.840 --> 0:13:35.720 do it with Emilio for sure, but it definitely did 0:13:35.840 --> 0:13:40.120 heal me. And I saw my dad. I didn't really 0:13:40.120 --> 0:13:42.320 see my mom. A lot of people ask me that 0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:43.920 did you see your mom and that you know, on 0:13:43.960 --> 0:13:46.600 that retreat, I just saw butterflies and I felt like, Oh, 0:13:46.600 --> 0:13:48.480 she's happy. That's the symbol that I was. She's happy, 0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:50.640 We're good. And I was able to because I had 0:13:50.640 --> 0:13:52.280 already closed the chapter with her, you know when we 0:13:52.320 --> 0:13:54.400 went to you know, so I felt good. It was 0:13:54.440 --> 0:13:56.880 more with my dad and I understood him on a 0:13:56.920 --> 0:13:58.760 different level. And I won't get into that because it's 0:13:58.800 --> 0:14:07.240 a little it's a little different. What else my career, 0:14:07.440 --> 0:14:10.200 I feel more than ever, guys, and I'm so happy. 0:14:11.320 --> 0:14:15.880 It has been an uphill battle in some way. I 0:14:15.920 --> 0:14:18.360 feel like I've always had to kind of swim against 0:14:18.400 --> 0:14:21.880 the current when it comes to my career, and I 0:14:21.920 --> 0:14:27.560 feel like this year, people finally are seeing me for me, 0:14:27.840 --> 0:14:32.800 for Cheeky's, for my own talents, for my own experiences, 0:14:33.240 --> 0:14:37.640 for my music, and giving me the respect that I 0:14:37.680 --> 0:14:40.720 feel that in some way I've earned that I deserve. 0:14:40.800 --> 0:14:43.560 Now I look back and I know that I got 0:14:43.600 --> 0:14:46.760 a lot of criticism. I was judged a lot for 0:14:46.920 --> 0:14:49.960 like my music and how I sang and just so 0:14:50.000 --> 0:14:53.520 many things, and now it just feels different. I don't 0:14:53.520 --> 0:14:54.960 even know how to explain it. So I feel that 0:14:54.960 --> 0:14:58.160 that's another thing that I've been able to really enjoy, 0:14:58.880 --> 0:15:01.480 is my career. But then on the other side of 0:15:01.480 --> 0:15:04.640 the token, I'm ready to take a little break, And 0:15:04.680 --> 0:15:06.760 I haven't said that anywhere else that I'm just going 0:15:06.760 --> 0:15:09.080 to say it here on my podcast because this is 0:15:09.120 --> 0:15:12.880 where I feel safe and I feel the need, the 0:15:12.920 --> 0:15:19.840 dire need of taking a break. I feel content, but 0:15:20.040 --> 0:15:22.840 not comfortable. I feel like I need to step back 0:15:22.840 --> 0:15:25.240 a little bit because I have worked the last ten 0:15:25.320 --> 0:15:28.600 years so hard to get to this point. And it's 0:15:28.600 --> 0:15:30.800 not that I never want to do music again. I do. 0:15:30.960 --> 0:15:33.000 I just feel like it's one of those things that 0:15:33.040 --> 0:15:35.280 I need to step away from for a little bit 0:15:35.680 --> 0:15:37.680 to be able to step back into it with more 0:15:37.760 --> 0:15:41.720 passion and more clarity. Because so much has happened this year, 0:15:42.320 --> 0:15:46.720 some things are foggy, and the enjoyment and the passion 0:15:46.920 --> 0:15:51.880 isn't as electrifying as it once was, and for me 0:15:52.160 --> 0:15:55.960 personally as an artist, that is a problem. So I 0:15:56.000 --> 0:15:58.520 want to just take time for myself and enjoy my 0:15:58.600 --> 0:16:00.800 marriage and figure out what we're going to do when 0:16:00.800 --> 0:16:04.800 it comes to having a baby and really starting our 0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:07.600 own little family that I feel like that needs a 0:16:07.640 --> 0:16:11.840 lot of my attention, a lot of my energy, and 0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:14.320 I just want to be for a little bit, and 0:16:14.360 --> 0:16:16.600 I'll come back to music. That's always going to be 0:16:16.640 --> 0:16:18.640 a part of my life. It's something that I absolutely love. 0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:21.080 It might change a little bit, but I feel like 0:16:21.120 --> 0:16:25.240 I'm stepping into this new era, this soft girl era, 0:16:25.600 --> 0:16:28.000 and I think it started with Gisiya Passando, the song 0:16:28.000 --> 0:16:33.400 that I wrote for Emilio. And just to clarify, just 0:16:33.440 --> 0:16:37.400 to clarify, maybe now that I'm married, you guys might think, 0:16:37.640 --> 0:16:40.400 maybe some of you, that it has to do with Emilio, 0:16:40.840 --> 0:16:44.760 and I want to clarify that just before rumors are 0:16:44.800 --> 0:16:46.760 started or anything. I want you guys to hear it 0:16:46.800 --> 0:16:50.040 from my mouth, not necessarily. It does not have to 0:16:50.040 --> 0:16:53.400 do with Emilio. Emilio I know will support me in 0:16:53.480 --> 0:16:55.240 my career if I want to keep going in twenty 0:16:55.280 --> 0:16:57.800 twenty five, I think it'd be like, look, I know 0:16:58.440 --> 0:17:01.400 how you felt this year, maybe you should take a break, 0:17:01.440 --> 0:17:03.720 but if you want to continue do it. I know 0:17:03.800 --> 0:17:07.200 He'll have my back one hundred percent. But it has 0:17:07.200 --> 0:17:08.560 to do with him, but it doesn't have to do 0:17:08.640 --> 0:17:10.360 with him. I want to spend more time. I want 0:17:10.400 --> 0:17:14.439 to enjoy my marriage with him, absolutely, but this is 0:17:14.480 --> 0:17:18.560 more of a personal choice for sure, and I feel 0:17:18.600 --> 0:17:20.520 like I've earned it. I feel like I deserve to 0:17:20.560 --> 0:17:23.960 take a little bit of a break. I also want 0:17:24.400 --> 0:17:27.520 to miss Cheeky's a little but I want to really 0:17:27.520 --> 0:17:29.640 go into my jine mode. I feel like I've been 0:17:29.760 --> 0:17:34.879 tending to Cheeky's for so long. I love the bitch, Okay, 0:17:34.960 --> 0:17:39.159 she's cool, I like her, but I haven't been tending 0:17:39.200 --> 0:17:43.080 to Janae and her needs. And really like stepping into 0:17:43.200 --> 0:17:46.919 that hippie side of myself. And I want to just 0:17:46.960 --> 0:17:49.680 reconnect with my body and I want to cook more, 0:17:49.800 --> 0:17:52.879 and I want to do more quote unquote normal things. 0:17:53.920 --> 0:17:57.400 And I'm craving that. My soul is craving that. And 0:17:58.040 --> 0:18:00.600 as much as Emilio thinks that Chee is super hot 0:18:00.600 --> 0:18:03.320 and sexy, I think he really enjoys Jena too, and 0:18:03.400 --> 0:18:05.240 he hasn't been getting enough of that. So I do 0:18:05.400 --> 0:18:07.639 want to give him that because he's important to me, 0:18:07.960 --> 0:18:09.479 So it has to do with him, but it doesn't. 0:18:09.720 --> 0:18:12.280 It's more definitely, and I promise you it's more of 0:18:12.320 --> 0:18:15.480 a personal choice, and I don't know. I went to 0:18:15.560 --> 0:18:18.480 church the other day, to my church that I hadn't 0:18:18.480 --> 0:18:21.639 gone to in four years, guys because of the pandemic 0:18:21.720 --> 0:18:24.600 they had to close down, and it just it ignited 0:18:24.600 --> 0:18:27.600 something in me, something that I feel like I had 0:18:27.720 --> 0:18:32.440 suppressed for the sake of working and being focused and 0:18:32.560 --> 0:18:35.760 being on and it was just confirmation for me that 0:18:37.320 --> 0:18:40.520 what I'm feeling for next year is what I should do. 0:18:40.720 --> 0:18:42.879 I don't know for how long, but I know I'm 0:18:42.880 --> 0:18:44.320 going to get a lot of clarity and a lot 0:18:44.359 --> 0:18:48.159 of answers, so I'm looking forward to that. I just 0:18:48.200 --> 0:18:50.000 don't know what it looks like. And I don't like 0:18:50.200 --> 0:18:53.000 feeling that way because usually I know exactly what I 0:18:53.000 --> 0:18:55.000 want and how I want it. And right now, when 0:18:55.040 --> 0:18:56.840 it comes to my music, it feels like a little 0:18:56.840 --> 0:18:59.080 bit of a cluster and I want to just shake 0:18:59.119 --> 0:19:01.320 it off, miss it a little bit. And I wanted 0:19:01.359 --> 0:19:05.480 to miss me and Richard, my manager, doesn't know this yet, 0:19:05.520 --> 0:19:09.440 he'll know it soon. But it's okay because I feel 0:19:09.480 --> 0:19:12.560 like I'm always gonna be okay, like no matter what 0:19:12.720 --> 0:19:14.800 I don't know what the next move is. I have 0:19:14.840 --> 0:19:16.879 a little bit of an idea, and I'll get to 0:19:16.960 --> 0:19:18.919 you guys. I'll share that with you guys, of course, 0:19:19.080 --> 0:19:22.000 when the time is right. But I don't know. That's 0:19:22.080 --> 0:19:24.000 kind of what I'm feeling, because i look back and 0:19:24.040 --> 0:19:26.320 I'm very happy and I'm very happy with twenty twenty 0:19:26.359 --> 0:19:29.919 four and how everything happened in my career and everything. 0:19:30.040 --> 0:19:34.240 It's just I don't know. I just feel like finally, 0:19:34.320 --> 0:19:37.639 like oh okay. And some people would think, oh my gosh, 0:19:37.680 --> 0:19:41.119 it's barely happening, like you're barely getting to that point, 0:19:41.160 --> 0:19:43.040 like why are you walking away? First of all, I'm 0:19:43.080 --> 0:19:45.640 not walking away. I'm just stepping back a little bit. 0:19:46.040 --> 0:19:49.240 But also I think it's important that we know when 0:19:49.320 --> 0:19:52.920 to step away, and that's what I'm doing right now. 0:19:54.200 --> 0:19:56.560 I want to take a little step back. Sometimes our 0:19:56.600 --> 0:19:59.439 ego gets in the way, and because we want to 0:19:59.440 --> 0:20:02.639 be financially secure or you know, we don't want to 0:20:02.640 --> 0:20:06.000 be forgotten, especially as artists. You know, artists have a 0:20:06.040 --> 0:20:08.280 lot like a big ego, and that's why I always 0:20:08.440 --> 0:20:10.520 we talk about ego here a lot. We have to 0:20:10.560 --> 0:20:13.840 ego check ourselves, and especially me as an artist, because 0:20:13.840 --> 0:20:15.399 you do get a lot of pressure and you're like 0:20:15.720 --> 0:20:17.520 the next single and the next single, and every two 0:20:17.560 --> 0:20:20.160 weeks is a single, and I'm just like, that's too much. 0:20:20.200 --> 0:20:22.360 It's too much pressure, and that's kind of what I've 0:20:22.400 --> 0:20:24.720 lived for the past ten years. And I'm like, I 0:20:24.720 --> 0:20:26.720 need a break and i want to go back to basics, 0:20:27.640 --> 0:20:31.520 you know, and that's all it is. And I'm okay 0:20:31.520 --> 0:20:34.440 with that. I'm not afraid. I'm still gonna do my thing. 0:20:34.480 --> 0:20:37.040 I'm still gonna have my podcast. Don't do not fret. 0:20:37.080 --> 0:20:39.679 We will have a fourth season. Guys, do not worry, 0:20:40.359 --> 0:20:43.560 because I love doing this and you guys, I always say, 0:20:43.560 --> 0:20:45.199 it's like a therapy for me. You guys help me 0:20:45.240 --> 0:20:48.600 out as I'm helping you out. I don't know exactly 0:20:48.600 --> 0:20:50.720 what's gonna happen for twenty twenty five, but I'm definitely 0:20:50.720 --> 0:20:55.080 welcoming it and I'm excited and I'm honestly I'm excited 0:20:55.119 --> 0:20:58.000 for this year to be over. It's been a beautiful 0:20:58.720 --> 0:21:05.240 and also heart wrenching at moments year, but I'm excited 0:21:05.240 --> 0:21:07.680 to start something new. It's always a new year, is 0:21:07.720 --> 0:21:11.760 always like a fresh start, and that's what excites me 0:21:11.840 --> 0:21:14.280 because for so long, I was so afraid of change, 0:21:14.280 --> 0:21:17.000 and now I welcome change, and now I'm okay with 0:21:17.080 --> 0:21:19.439 it because I know how to navigate through it and 0:21:19.480 --> 0:21:22.240 how to work through it. So yeah, right now, twenty 0:21:22.280 --> 0:21:24.320 twenty five, I don't know what it looks like. Usually 0:21:24.400 --> 0:21:26.560 I have a plan. I'm like, Okay, next year, I 0:21:26.560 --> 0:21:29.480 start my you know, my tour in May. I have 0:21:29.600 --> 0:21:31.840 this album coming out. Right now, I have no plan. 0:21:32.320 --> 0:21:34.760