1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dim here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 1: fm to get started. 11 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:36,400 Speaker 2: On this week's episode in her Space. 12 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:39,760 Speaker 3: I need a break? Can you come and watch my 13 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:40,440 Speaker 3: kids for me? 14 00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:42,519 Speaker 2: Gues and not feeling bad about it? Because ma, I 15 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,200 Speaker 2: feel like I know there's a lot of mom guilt. 16 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:47,199 Speaker 2: I've heard it from my mom. I've heard it from 17 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:50,640 Speaker 2: my friends that have kids. There's this weight. I don't 18 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:53,600 Speaker 2: think moms will ever get over that guilt fully because 19 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:56,400 Speaker 2: it's just it kind of comes with the territory. But girl, 20 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,880 Speaker 2: take a break. You deserve a break. You do so much. 21 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:03,760 Speaker 2: You deserve a break for yourself and it's important that 22 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,479 Speaker 2: you let that need be express it. 23 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:10,200 Speaker 3: All right, y'all, Today we are hitting a pretty kind 24 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:13,600 Speaker 3: of heavy topic to kind of start us off but 25 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:18,240 Speaker 3: our hope is that by the end we kind of 26 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:22,319 Speaker 3: have lightened our mood, lightened our load, and just feel 27 00:01:22,319 --> 00:01:25,920 Speaker 3: a little bit better. So kind of sit with us 28 00:01:25,959 --> 00:01:29,080 Speaker 3: through it, and like I always like to tell folks, 29 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:34,280 Speaker 3: trust the process, get ready to dive into let's do 30 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:39,319 Speaker 3: it all right. So our quote of the day, caring 31 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:44,160 Speaker 3: for myself is not self indulgence. It is self preservation. 32 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:50,000 Speaker 3: And that is an act of political warfare by none 33 00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:52,520 Speaker 3: other than Audrey Lord. 34 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 2: What does that quote mean to you? Down, Let's dive 35 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:56,960 Speaker 2: right on end. 36 00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:01,600 Speaker 3: We're just gonna hit the ground running. For me, that 37 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:08,120 Speaker 3: quote means that taking care of myself, setting my boundaries 38 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:14,480 Speaker 3: is the key to my survival. That if I have 39 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:21,080 Speaker 3: to claw and fight and whatever it is that I 40 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:25,920 Speaker 3: have to do to take care of me, it is 41 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:29,959 Speaker 3: not selfish, It is not narcissistic. There is nothing negative 42 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:35,120 Speaker 3: about me having to take care of me and put 43 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:39,400 Speaker 3: me first. That is okay, two snaps, two snaps. 44 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:43,760 Speaker 2: I would agree. I think that this quote here, it 45 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:48,400 Speaker 2: shows you how sometimes taking time for self can be 46 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:51,600 Speaker 2: a battle, Like how the powers that be, whether it 47 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:54,080 Speaker 2: be family, whether it be work, whether it be society, 48 00:02:54,639 --> 00:02:57,959 Speaker 2: make it very challenging to care for yourself, and it 49 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:01,680 Speaker 2: to me, it says you are worthy of self care, 50 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:04,600 Speaker 2: you are worthy of time for yourself. You're not being selfish, 51 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:08,360 Speaker 2: and you shouldn't let anyone make you feel bad about 52 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:09,200 Speaker 2: taking time. 53 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,560 Speaker 3: For you, No one at all. And you know, I 54 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:19,280 Speaker 3: think about We're a few weeks out from some major 55 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:22,840 Speaker 3: news headlines regarding the lives of black women and girls. 56 00:03:23,639 --> 00:03:30,560 Speaker 3: You know, there was a weekend in January where everyone, 57 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:35,800 Speaker 3: so many people were glued to their television sets to 58 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:42,720 Speaker 3: watch the Surviving r. Kelly docuseries and the conversations that 59 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:49,040 Speaker 3: it brought up for so many women. One of the 60 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:52,320 Speaker 3: main things that kept coming up is that people who 61 00:03:52,320 --> 00:04:00,560 Speaker 3: were defending him were also simultaneously communicating the messa that 62 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:06,760 Speaker 3: black women and girls don't matter, and that is far 63 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:12,720 Speaker 3: from the truth, far far from it. And the thing 64 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:16,120 Speaker 3: that I kind of want us to focus on is 65 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,880 Speaker 3: in life of situations like this, because we know that 66 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:25,920 Speaker 3: this is not the first time that black women and 67 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:32,240 Speaker 3: girls have been shown to not be cared for. Right, 68 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:38,800 Speaker 3: what can we do to take care of ourselves like 69 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:44,680 Speaker 3: in times like this, we have to come out swinging swinging, 70 00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:50,080 Speaker 3: whether that is in the literal or figurative sense. We 71 00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:54,560 Speaker 3: have to come out swinging to say that we matter 72 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:58,840 Speaker 3: and we are going to do what we need to 73 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:01,240 Speaker 3: do to take care of ourselves. 74 00:05:01,279 --> 00:05:05,960 Speaker 2: And that is okay, absolutely, and I do. I just 75 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 2: want to take a moment don to read these two 76 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:12,560 Speaker 2: tweaks that I shared as that documentary was being filmed, 77 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:15,400 Speaker 2: because I saw trending. Like everyone else, I was curious, 78 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,280 Speaker 2: I heard rumors over the years. I was like, let 79 00:05:17,279 --> 00:05:20,640 Speaker 2: me just see what exactly is this documentary? Right? Is 80 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:24,480 Speaker 2: what's going on? And so after enlightening myself and watching 81 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:28,000 Speaker 2: it was extremely traumatic for me, and so I wrote 82 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:31,120 Speaker 2: this one post and it says, just because surviving our 83 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:34,160 Speaker 2: Kelly is trending, doesn't mean you have to watch Protect 84 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:37,080 Speaker 2: your Spirit, which I hadn't watched. It can be triggering 85 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,600 Speaker 2: if you're a survivor. I'm thinking of ways to provide 86 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,160 Speaker 2: support on my platform, so feel free to share ideas, 87 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:44,599 Speaker 2: and some people share some really good ideas and the 88 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:47,200 Speaker 2: comments on what we can do to just address that 89 00:05:47,279 --> 00:05:50,240 Speaker 2: in general. And the other was we really have to 90 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:53,480 Speaker 2: be careful what we watch and listen to. Everything isn't 91 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:57,159 Speaker 2: for everybody. Be mindful of what you let into your spirit. 92 00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:00,520 Speaker 2: Once a trigger is activated, it can be challenging to 93 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:01,480 Speaker 2: find your peace. 94 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:08,520 Speaker 3: And that's so real. That and that like the act 95 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:11,919 Speaker 3: of saying, you know what, just because it's a trending topic, 96 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:15,480 Speaker 3: I'm not gonna watch it. That's an act of self care. 97 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:16,320 Speaker 2: Absolutely. 98 00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:22,200 Speaker 3: That is saying, you know, I know my limits, and 99 00:06:22,839 --> 00:06:28,479 Speaker 3: I know my experiences, and if my experiences and my 100 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:33,440 Speaker 3: limits say that this popular thing is not for me, 101 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:40,360 Speaker 3: that is okay. I don't have to do the thing 102 00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:45,919 Speaker 3: that's popular if it means going against taking care of me. 103 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:51,520 Speaker 2: And I think that goes that's saying that sort of 104 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:56,200 Speaker 2: speaks to anything that you let into your psyche, your spirit, 105 00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:58,360 Speaker 2: your body, your mind, anything. I mean, when it comes 106 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:01,680 Speaker 2: to violence on TV years, I can't tolerate it, like 107 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:04,040 Speaker 2: I cannot. I'm just too sensitive and it just impacts 108 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:06,320 Speaker 2: me so deeply. I'm like, I can't watch this because 109 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:09,240 Speaker 2: I'll end up having some nightmares, like it'll mess with 110 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:11,320 Speaker 2: me in my dreams. And then when I'm by myself, 111 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:12,520 Speaker 2: if it's a scary movie. 112 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:17,280 Speaker 3: Watch a scary movie at night. I also watch it 113 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:19,960 Speaker 3: during the daytime. And it can't be like a rainy day, 114 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:23,120 Speaker 3: like it has to be fully lit and like all 115 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:26,800 Speaker 3: these things, right, But that speaks to what we're talking 116 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:30,240 Speaker 3: about in terms of like knowing ourselves and like our 117 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:34,040 Speaker 3: self care. Right, So I allow myself to watch a 118 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:37,760 Speaker 3: scary movie, but I have to set parameters in order 119 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:41,000 Speaker 3: to make that happen so that I'm not waking up 120 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,320 Speaker 3: in the middle of the night, like in a cold 121 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:47,240 Speaker 3: sweat and screaming and asking for my mom. 122 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:53,080 Speaker 2: And I'm grown woman, you know, yes, the boundaries, right, 123 00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:56,200 Speaker 2: boundaries are important. Like just because everyone else is consuming 124 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:58,800 Speaker 2: a certain type of content doesn't mean you have to 125 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:03,040 Speaker 2: do it. Just because everyone is just into something doesn't 126 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:05,720 Speaker 2: mean that we have to get into that because we 127 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:09,119 Speaker 2: want to protect our spirit and protect ourself and self 128 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:13,280 Speaker 2: care is so important, it really truly is. 129 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:16,440 Speaker 3: And you know, as you were saying that, like I 130 00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:18,960 Speaker 3: thought of a quote that like a lot of our 131 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:23,560 Speaker 3: moms and grandma's used to say, And as I thought 132 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:26,240 Speaker 3: about it, like I also thought about, like what it 133 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:29,560 Speaker 3: means in these times to say that quote. And so 134 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:33,120 Speaker 3: like I remember when I wanted to do something that 135 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:37,000 Speaker 3: my friends were doing, my mom used to say, well, 136 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,440 Speaker 3: if everybody's jumping off the bridge, or you're gonna jump 137 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:42,560 Speaker 3: off the bridge too, it's like how it is just 138 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:48,839 Speaker 3: in me is like damn wait, wait, hold up, mom, 139 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:52,720 Speaker 3: we're talking like you're talking about people committing suicide, like real, real, 140 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:58,520 Speaker 3: Like I don't think that's an appropriate quote. But when 141 00:08:58,559 --> 00:09:01,200 Speaker 3: I step back and I really think about what that 142 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:06,080 Speaker 3: quote means, that means that like, if everyone is doing 143 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:10,760 Speaker 3: the thing that is tearing down their spirit, if everyone 144 00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:16,520 Speaker 3: is doing the things that are harmful to them and 145 00:09:16,559 --> 00:09:20,480 Speaker 3: you see that it's harmful, are you still gonna do 146 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:25,480 Speaker 3: it just because everyone else did it. You don't have 147 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:32,400 Speaker 3: to tear yourself down. You don't have to engage in 148 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:37,040 Speaker 3: something that you know is not gonna make you feel 149 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:39,400 Speaker 3: good just because everyone else is doing it. 150 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,720 Speaker 2: And it makes me think about different things in life. 151 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:46,720 Speaker 2: For me in particular, that caused me to get to 152 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:48,760 Speaker 2: a place where it's like, oh, I need to set 153 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,719 Speaker 2: a boundary. I need to take some self care practices, 154 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:53,640 Speaker 2: and I think about things like you know, we talked 155 00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:56,760 Speaker 2: about the documentary, We talked about different TV shows, even 156 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,760 Speaker 2: the news. I am in this place and even my 157 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:03,240 Speaker 2: thererapists recommended this that I probably shouldn't be watching the 158 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:06,120 Speaker 2: news because there's so much negativity. I can probably get 159 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:08,240 Speaker 2: the highlights from some of my husband watches. I can 160 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:11,600 Speaker 2: ask what's going on Twitter, Twitter, you know, social media. 161 00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:14,520 Speaker 2: But for me personally, I know I'm trying to find 162 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:17,400 Speaker 2: this balance between being informed and then being depressed, right, 163 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:19,520 Speaker 2: because I want to be informed, but I'm not trying 164 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,720 Speaker 2: trying to be depressed twenty four to seven because the 165 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,920 Speaker 2: news is very depressing. It can be very sad, especially 166 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:27,400 Speaker 2: in these times, and so I think it's all about 167 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:30,200 Speaker 2: trying to find what's that balance? What does that balance 168 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:31,120 Speaker 2: look like for you? 169 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:31,440 Speaker 3: Right? 170 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:35,840 Speaker 2: I think about what else, Tom, I mean, I'm trying 171 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,080 Speaker 2: to think of I mean Valentine's Day. We just had 172 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:40,840 Speaker 2: Valentine's Day yesterday. That might be something that works. Like, 173 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,600 Speaker 2: you know what, I'm gonna take a social media break 174 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:45,440 Speaker 2: when I know that something's coming up because I know 175 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:46,920 Speaker 2: that it may put me in a bad mood if 176 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:49,880 Speaker 2: I'm filming some type of way about this man made holiday, 177 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:50,400 Speaker 2: you know what I mean. 178 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:52,600 Speaker 3: Yes, let's go on ahead and back up and point out. 179 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:53,040 Speaker 2: Yeah. 180 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:58,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, so that for those of us who if you're 181 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,840 Speaker 3: that person who didn't cell at Valentine's Date for whatever 182 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:05,640 Speaker 3: that reason is, you don't feel so bad because again, 183 00:11:05,679 --> 00:11:09,480 Speaker 3: it's a man made holiday homemark is trying to make 184 00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:10,440 Speaker 3: money off of y'all. 185 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:11,040 Speaker 2: Come. 186 00:11:11,559 --> 00:11:13,880 Speaker 3: And don't get me wrong, like, there are little cheesy 187 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 3: things about the holiday that I fully enjoy and fully embrace, 188 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:23,800 Speaker 3: but we should not. We don't have to allow ourselves 189 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:27,680 Speaker 3: to be tied to things just because they're popular. 190 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:32,520 Speaker 2: Girl, that makes me think about this one guy that 191 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:35,520 Speaker 2: I knew in college. And I've pretty much always been 192 00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:40,360 Speaker 2: an introverted extrovert where I'm more introverted. I like my solitude. 193 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,880 Speaker 2: I get energy by, you know, being alone. But I 194 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:45,319 Speaker 2: can turn on the extrovert and be outgoing when need be, 195 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,640 Speaker 2: but that drains me to be around people a lot. 196 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,480 Speaker 2: And so I remember this one guy in college. I 197 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:52,480 Speaker 2: would do my thing and be by myself, and I 198 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:54,000 Speaker 2: guess because I didn't want to spend time with him, 199 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,679 Speaker 2: He's going to say, oh, you spend too much time alone. 200 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:01,960 Speaker 2: And you say he said something crazy like you're cheating 201 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,280 Speaker 2: on me with yourself for something really bizarre, and I 202 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:07,679 Speaker 2: was just like, hold up, pause. Anyone that's trying to 203 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:09,319 Speaker 2: take you away from your self care. This made me 204 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,240 Speaker 2: think of that anyone's trying to take you away from 205 00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:15,680 Speaker 2: your self care. Let's let's reevaluate that relationship, because yeah, 206 00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:18,000 Speaker 2: if someone means you well, they're gonna want you to 207 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:20,600 Speaker 2: be okay so that you can get what you need, 208 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,760 Speaker 2: so that you can show up fully in the world. 209 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:25,520 Speaker 3: You know what I mean exactly exactly. And it's funny 210 00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:29,680 Speaker 3: because you know, sometimes like as we're talking, I'm like, man, 211 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:31,720 Speaker 3: we shouldn't have like a video camera here because like 212 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:34,120 Speaker 3: I like, as you were talking, like I just want, 213 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:38,360 Speaker 3: I just want. I just want the people to know 214 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:43,120 Speaker 3: that I had all kinds of crazy facial expressions as 215 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:47,320 Speaker 3: you were sharing that story, because to me, that just 216 00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:55,360 Speaker 3: screens boundary issues. You know, that is problematic because, like 217 00:12:55,400 --> 00:13:02,319 Speaker 3: you said, it is not supportive of you really pouring 218 00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:06,360 Speaker 3: into yourself because you the thing is is that if 219 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:09,920 Speaker 3: you can't pour into yourself, if you aren't whole, if 220 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:15,000 Speaker 3: you aren't full, if your cup isn't full, then how 221 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:19,240 Speaker 3: can you be there for other people? How can you 222 00:13:19,559 --> 00:13:25,520 Speaker 3: truly be your authentic self for others if you aren't 223 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:27,040 Speaker 3: there for you first. 224 00:13:28,679 --> 00:13:30,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a really good point. And I think that 225 00:13:31,679 --> 00:13:34,199 Speaker 2: we need to realize in general, just when I say 226 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:38,560 Speaker 2: a society, everyone needs to realize that self care is 227 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:43,200 Speaker 2: it's unique to each person. It doesn't have to be 228 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:46,280 Speaker 2: the same thing. So just because you might want to 229 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:48,560 Speaker 2: go for a jog, or you might need to journal, 230 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:50,560 Speaker 2: or you might want to go to the spa. Whatever 231 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,120 Speaker 2: self care is to you, that's your UNI. It's your 232 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:57,560 Speaker 2: decision to figure out and communicate with those that are 233 00:13:57,559 --> 00:14:00,679 Speaker 2: around you so they know, Okay, she needs her herself 234 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:03,520 Speaker 2: whatever that means for her. So I think, and. 235 00:14:03,679 --> 00:14:06,960 Speaker 3: Let's not judge other people for the self care choices 236 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,719 Speaker 3: that they make, because, like as you were saying that, 237 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:12,480 Speaker 3: the thing that immediately came up for me is like 238 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:16,120 Speaker 3: income disparity. And I know this is like really almost 239 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:17,920 Speaker 3: kind of like random to bring it up, but like 240 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,640 Speaker 3: it really to me, it resonates. It makes sense, like 241 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:25,640 Speaker 3: the income disparity and how sometimes we may look at 242 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:30,600 Speaker 3: people who aren't making as much as us and they're 243 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:34,760 Speaker 3: engaging in self care behaviors like getting their hair done 244 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:38,800 Speaker 3: or getting their nails done, or taking a vacation or 245 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:43,280 Speaker 3: whatever that thing is that appears to be costly based 246 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:49,000 Speaker 3: on our perceptions of their budget, right, and we're judging 247 00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:57,400 Speaker 3: them for engaging in that behavior when really they are 248 00:14:57,440 --> 00:15:04,360 Speaker 3: doing their self care right, And is it our place 249 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:10,320 Speaker 3: to tell someone else one how to spend their money 250 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:14,880 Speaker 3: and two what they should be doing for their own 251 00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:15,480 Speaker 3: self care. 252 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:20,000 Speaker 2: That's a really good point. That was like deep and 253 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:22,200 Speaker 2: I was like, oh, snap, yeah, that's a good point. 254 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:24,080 Speaker 2: I'm with you. I'm with you. And I think that 255 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,960 Speaker 2: we hear self care is like this buzzword now, so 256 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,480 Speaker 2: I want to dive deeper and talk about what does 257 00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:32,120 Speaker 2: that even mean? Like what does self care even mean 258 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:33,640 Speaker 2: these days? What does it mean to you? What does 259 00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:34,880 Speaker 2: it mean to me? What does it mean to you, 260 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:37,240 Speaker 2: lady as you listen to us, Like what does self 261 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:38,040 Speaker 2: care mean. 262 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:44,680 Speaker 3: For me? It's what are the things that are going 263 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:50,480 Speaker 3: to make me feel good? And like not just feel 264 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:58,680 Speaker 3: good about myself, but feel good physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Right, 265 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:05,440 Speaker 3: And I talked in another previous episode about getting up 266 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:07,280 Speaker 3: early in the morning to exercise. 267 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:09,600 Speaker 2: Oh child, right, how early? 268 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:14,320 Speaker 3: Don I get up and go to six am classes? 269 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,760 Speaker 3: And like, I know some people that get up and 270 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:20,760 Speaker 3: go to five am classes or four am classes, Like 271 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:23,480 Speaker 3: that's a bit much for me. And I've done five 272 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:29,080 Speaker 3: am classes before. But for me, I know that getting 273 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,280 Speaker 3: up in the morning and knocking out exercise in the 274 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:36,600 Speaker 3: morning is the thing that makes me feel good and 275 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:43,800 Speaker 3: considering the schedule that I have morning workouts works well 276 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:46,960 Speaker 3: for me. But what it also does is it gives 277 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:51,800 Speaker 3: me that energy that I need to sustain myself throughout 278 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,480 Speaker 3: the day. Like one of the things that I think 279 00:16:54,520 --> 00:17:02,200 Speaker 3: about is I do yoga right now. I am not 280 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:06,000 Speaker 3: about to be out here teaching nobody's yoga class anytime soon. Okay, 281 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:10,399 Speaker 3: and ask me what some of the polls of the 282 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,560 Speaker 3: names of some of your life. I can't tell you. 283 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,399 Speaker 2: That's all I did. I just show up. 284 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:24,800 Speaker 3: But what I know is that when I don't do yoga, 285 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:29,200 Speaker 3: even my once a week yoga class that I attend, 286 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:34,720 Speaker 3: when I don't do it, my body feels it. And 287 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:42,040 Speaker 3: so for me, physical exercise is self care. That is 288 00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:44,320 Speaker 3: that is the thing one of the things that I 289 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:47,720 Speaker 3: need to do to take care of me. The other 290 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:51,760 Speaker 3: thing that I like to do is I love reading. 291 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:58,760 Speaker 3: And I set a goal last year twenty eighteen to 292 00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:04,960 Speaker 3: read twelve books for pleasure, not books for my job 293 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:08,720 Speaker 3: or anything like that, for pleasure. I read thirteen books. 294 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:12,600 Speaker 3: What loved it. That's amazing, and like what it did 295 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:16,200 Speaker 3: was like it reinforced because as a kid, like when 296 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:19,320 Speaker 3: my siblings would be outside playing, I'd have my nose 297 00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:21,440 Speaker 3: in a book, and even those moments from my mom 298 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:24,919 Speaker 3: was like you need to be outside. I had my 299 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,960 Speaker 3: book outside and I sit on the hood of her 300 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,440 Speaker 3: car and I would read my book on the hood 301 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:34,560 Speaker 3: of her car. Yes, I like reading. That's my self care. 302 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:40,240 Speaker 3: And so multiple times a week I will have my iPad. 303 00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:43,000 Speaker 3: And that's a whole nother conversation on how I transition 304 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:47,600 Speaker 3: from holding the over girl with you to iPad girls. 305 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:54,520 Speaker 3: I love to read. And again, for me, that's my 306 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,520 Speaker 3: way to relax, particularly at the end of a long day. 307 00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:01,159 Speaker 3: And that's self that's what self care looks like for me. 308 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:06,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, what about you, Well, you already said working out. 309 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,480 Speaker 2: I'm not going to say that. And that's definitely something 310 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:12,480 Speaker 2: that I do. I have some pretty okay this is y'all, 311 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:16,520 Speaker 2: don't judge me. Okay, no judgement, no judgment, judgment free zone. Okay. 312 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,880 Speaker 2: I have had a checkbook since I was about seventeen. 313 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,800 Speaker 2: My dad got me a checkbook. It my self care. 314 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:27,280 Speaker 2: One of my self care aspects or practices is balance 315 00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:29,200 Speaker 2: in my checkbook. It gives me so much. 316 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:31,000 Speaker 3: Peace and I know it's sounds so weird. 317 00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:32,199 Speaker 2: I don't care. 318 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:37,880 Speaker 3: You can laugh. No, it's weird. That's smart sometimes because. 319 00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:40,280 Speaker 2: I've noticed that I've been doing it for so long 320 00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:42,040 Speaker 2: that it's natural. I don't have a checkbook anymore. I 321 00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:44,439 Speaker 2: use the checkbook app. But for me, I like to 322 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:48,280 Speaker 2: know sometimes the bank I have had some situations where 323 00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:50,119 Speaker 2: they take out a little more money than they're supposed to. 324 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,399 Speaker 2: And so you know how you use your card. Anytime 325 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,000 Speaker 2: I use my card, I track it in my little 326 00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:56,159 Speaker 2: checkbook app, and I'm like, all right, let me make 327 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,400 Speaker 2: sure they ain't they ain't taking out extra pennies because 328 00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,280 Speaker 2: I don't out all the coins yet, so I need 329 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,359 Speaker 2: to make sure. But yeah, balance to my checkbook is 330 00:20:02,359 --> 00:20:03,840 Speaker 2: one for sure. I know that you guys are like, 331 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:06,400 Speaker 2: what's wrong with her balnce to my checkbook? I would 332 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:10,800 Speaker 2: say Number two is solitude. I love I love, love 333 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,800 Speaker 2: love being in silence because I've noticed that as a 334 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:16,600 Speaker 2: creative person, that's where all my ideas come. So when 335 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:18,960 Speaker 2: I'm by myself, I get all this, I get lots 336 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:22,520 Speaker 2: of inspiration. Ideas come. I write it in my notepad, 337 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:26,639 Speaker 2: I use my voice memo. So I would say that's 338 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:30,560 Speaker 2: another one. Also being in the showers, where does it sounds. 339 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,040 Speaker 2: I get a lot of ideas in the bathtub or 340 00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,760 Speaker 2: in the shower, and so for me, that's a part 341 00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:39,080 Speaker 2: of self care. And I'll just read off a long list. 342 00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:42,200 Speaker 2: Getting my nails done, get onto the spot, getting the 343 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:48,639 Speaker 2: hair done. Yeah, those are my main self care practices. 344 00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,560 Speaker 2: A lot of it has to do is being alone though. 345 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,240 Speaker 3: I love that, and I think that's what I think 346 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,880 Speaker 3: that's the key, is like figuring out what works for you, right, 347 00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,320 Speaker 3: Like I know that for me sometimes having that glass 348 00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:02,640 Speaker 3: of wine at night in the evening to wind down 349 00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:07,119 Speaker 3: like feels good. Right. But one of the things that 350 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:10,520 Speaker 3: I've also kind of discovered though, and this speaks to 351 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,679 Speaker 3: kind of like how we have to make adjustments in 352 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:16,119 Speaker 3: our self care and figure and just modifying what works 353 00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:20,320 Speaker 3: for us. I know for me that if I'm having 354 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:23,240 Speaker 3: that glass of wine to like relax after a long day, 355 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,040 Speaker 3: I have more difficulty getting up in the morning to 356 00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:30,720 Speaker 3: go work out, right, Yes, So then what that means 357 00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:33,080 Speaker 3: is like, all right, so I got these two competing 358 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:36,720 Speaker 3: things here, and it's like, oh, which one do I choose? 359 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,199 Speaker 3: Do I choose that glass of wine or do I 360 00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:43,720 Speaker 3: choose working out in the morning, I have to admit 361 00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:47,200 Speaker 3: that I am in a space where. 362 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:49,920 Speaker 2: I'm choosing working out. 363 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:56,440 Speaker 3: Some of that might also be because I own that, 364 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:02,000 Speaker 3: like a lot of women concerned about my weight, right, 365 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:07,400 Speaker 3: I'm concerned about like my appearance. That's a whole nother 366 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:13,400 Speaker 3: podcast episode coming up soon. Yes please, But I'm choosing 367 00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:18,320 Speaker 3: exercise right now, and I'll have my glass of wine 368 00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:19,960 Speaker 3: on the weekend when I don't have to get up 369 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:21,960 Speaker 3: as early to go work out. But it's like it 370 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:26,600 Speaker 3: doesn't take that much to kind of make those modifications, right, 371 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:31,160 Speaker 3: like to say, Okay, I have these two competing things. 372 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:35,359 Speaker 3: Both of them make me feel good, But based on 373 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:38,320 Speaker 3: the space I'm in in life right now, which one 374 00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:40,840 Speaker 3: is gonna have the better outcome or the more desirable 375 00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:44,520 Speaker 3: outcome for me? And you make that choice now. Granted, 376 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,480 Speaker 3: there may be a different point in life where I 377 00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:51,159 Speaker 3: won't have to make that choice, where I can say, oh, 378 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:53,520 Speaker 3: I'm gonna have my glass of wine at night as 379 00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:56,600 Speaker 3: I'm reading my book, curled up in my bed and 380 00:22:56,640 --> 00:23:00,280 Speaker 3: my warm with my warm, comfy pajamas. 381 00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:04,400 Speaker 2: That sounds amazing right now, it's chilly too, that sounds amazing. 382 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:07,960 Speaker 3: Wonderful, right And I'll still be able to get up 383 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,640 Speaker 3: and go exercise in the morning. Right well, right now, 384 00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:12,960 Speaker 3: that's not where I'm at, and that's okay. 385 00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:18,520 Speaker 2: I want to talk about how the women that we 386 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:22,920 Speaker 2: saw as we were growing up and what they did 387 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:25,679 Speaker 2: for self care and if they did take advantage of 388 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:28,439 Speaker 2: self care, because I know for me personally watching my 389 00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:32,320 Speaker 2: mom and my grandmother, they did a lot of serving. 390 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,639 Speaker 2: They did a lot of taking care of everybody else 391 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:38,159 Speaker 2: and not taking care of themselves. So I remember watching 392 00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:41,000 Speaker 2: my mom. She would iron me and my sister's clothes, 393 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:43,159 Speaker 2: iron my dad's clothes, do our hair late at night. 394 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:45,800 Speaker 2: She would be going to sleep at midnight and then 395 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:47,760 Speaker 2: waking up at like five four in the morning to 396 00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:50,119 Speaker 2: either help my dad pack my dad's lunch and do 397 00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:52,480 Speaker 2: this and do that. And we went to the no 398 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:56,359 Speaker 2: shop together and she got her hair done. But I 399 00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:58,600 Speaker 2: don't really remember her taking a lot of time for 400 00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:01,560 Speaker 2: just her gandmother the same exact thing, and I'm sure 401 00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:03,480 Speaker 2: my great grandmother did the same thing. And I think 402 00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:06,600 Speaker 2: that kind of trickled down. And the cool thing is, 403 00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:08,639 Speaker 2: I guess this is kind of cool, Like the silver 404 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:12,040 Speaker 2: lining is that I learned what not to do by 405 00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:14,320 Speaker 2: watching them because I saw how stressed out they were. 406 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:17,359 Speaker 2: I saw how overwhelmed they were and overworked. And I 407 00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:19,560 Speaker 2: imagine that if they would have implemented some self care 408 00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:21,679 Speaker 2: and if that would have been a topic of conversation 409 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:25,160 Speaker 2: back then, they may have been a lot more stress free. 410 00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:27,159 Speaker 3: And I think that's the thing to point out, is 411 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:32,719 Speaker 3: that that wasn't a topic of conversation, right when we 412 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,719 Speaker 3: think about the times of like what was happening in 413 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:41,800 Speaker 3: that generation, what was happening around that time period most 414 00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:47,639 Speaker 3: of us, that's just human nature. We adapt to our environment, right, 415 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:51,439 Speaker 3: and for survival purposes for sure, And so like I 416 00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:54,800 Speaker 3: think about my mom, like she was a single parent 417 00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:58,840 Speaker 3: and so self care in the way that we look 418 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:03,520 Speaker 3: at it today, she didn't really have an option to 419 00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:08,480 Speaker 3: really do that, right, because when you're taking care of 420 00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:13,280 Speaker 3: five kids by yourself, oh my gosh, the idea of 421 00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:16,679 Speaker 3: self care what You're gonna always have one of them 422 00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:22,399 Speaker 3: knocking at your door asking for your attention. So and 423 00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:25,120 Speaker 3: then you feel guilty, like I can imagine that she did, 424 00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:29,520 Speaker 3: Like if she were to say, no, y'all leave me alone. 425 00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,840 Speaker 3: And I remember there were moments where she would be like, 426 00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:35,399 Speaker 3: let me go to the bathroom piece. Yeah, like she 427 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,479 Speaker 3: would lock the door so she could take a shower, 428 00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:40,000 Speaker 3: because otherwise if she didn't lock the door, there are 429 00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:46,440 Speaker 3: multiple times where we would barge in exactly mama, mama, mommy, mommy. 430 00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:50,560 Speaker 3: And I think about you know, as me now reflecting 431 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:55,679 Speaker 3: back on that, like, damn, I know, damn, and so 432 00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,080 Speaker 3: like I think about, you know, shout out to our 433 00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:04,240 Speaker 3: moms out there who were listening, Like, kudos to y'all 434 00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:08,280 Speaker 3: for taking care of these children. 435 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:10,760 Speaker 2: Especially in this fast paced world. I feel like the 436 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:13,240 Speaker 2: world demands so much of women these days as well, 437 00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:15,640 Speaker 2: and especially if you're a single mom or even if 438 00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:19,399 Speaker 2: you're married it raising children is just challenging, Like it 439 00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:24,080 Speaker 2: just is what it is. And so kudos, kudos. 440 00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:27,200 Speaker 3: And so when you and considering the times that we're in, 441 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:30,919 Speaker 3: like moms today like trying to find a few moments 442 00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:34,639 Speaker 3: to take care of yourself. Like one of the things 443 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:38,399 Speaker 3: that like I would encourage is to reach out to 444 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:41,800 Speaker 3: your village, you know, and I, like I recognize that 445 00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:47,240 Speaker 3: sometimes that's not always feasible, but reach out to your village. 446 00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:51,320 Speaker 3: And for those of us that know that have moms 447 00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:54,639 Speaker 3: in our friendship circle, reach out to those moms to 448 00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:58,399 Speaker 3: ask do you need some self care time? And do 449 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,080 Speaker 3: you need like do you need like a couple of 450 00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:04,359 Speaker 3: hours for yourself, Like I'll come over and watch your kids. 451 00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:08,080 Speaker 3: You know, I'll come over and whatever. What do you need. 452 00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:10,600 Speaker 2: That's a good one. Don like it. 453 00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:15,720 Speaker 3: We can lift each other up and we can be 454 00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:20,080 Speaker 3: there for each other in non conventional, non traditional ways. 455 00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:22,080 Speaker 3: We just have to ask. 456 00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:24,320 Speaker 2: We just have to ask and let it be known 457 00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:26,080 Speaker 2: that we have a need. 458 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:29,639 Speaker 3: And that self care too. To just ask to say 459 00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:34,200 Speaker 3: I need a break? Can you come and watch my kids? 460 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:36,560 Speaker 2: For yes, and not feeling bad about it because mom, 461 00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:39,280 Speaker 2: I feel like I know there's a lot of mom guilt. 462 00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:41,280 Speaker 2: I've heard it from my mom, I've heard it from 463 00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:44,760 Speaker 2: my friends that have kids. There's this weight. I don't 464 00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:47,680 Speaker 2: think moms will ever get over that guilt fully because 465 00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:50,480 Speaker 2: it's just it kind of comes with the territory. But girl, 466 00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:54,000 Speaker 2: take a break. You deserve a break. You do so much, 467 00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:57,879 Speaker 2: You deserve a break for yourself and it's important that 468 00:27:57,920 --> 00:27:59,920 Speaker 2: you let that need be expressed. And again, as we said, 469 00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:02,760 Speaker 2: for I can't stress this enough. Don't let anyone make 470 00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:04,760 Speaker 2: you feel bad for needing a break. You are a 471 00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,439 Speaker 2: human being and if you are not okay, the whole 472 00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:10,320 Speaker 2: ship goes to hell. Okay, because we know that women, 473 00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:12,159 Speaker 2: I mean, we kind of run this shit. I mean, 474 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:13,600 Speaker 2: we kind of make this shit right. 475 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:16,200 Speaker 3: We kind of make it right. Black women. We are 476 00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:18,680 Speaker 3: the caretakers of the world. And so like, if we 477 00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:23,119 Speaker 3: aren't taking care of ourselves again in whatever shape or 478 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:28,480 Speaker 3: forma that looks like the rest of the world will 479 00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:32,080 Speaker 3: fall to shit. Blank. That's just how it works. And 480 00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:35,680 Speaker 3: so and I recognize that that's a lot of responsibility. 481 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:39,880 Speaker 3: But again, that's why it's so important for us to 482 00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:44,360 Speaker 3: take care of ourselves in whatever way that looks. In 483 00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:49,760 Speaker 3: terms of setting our boundary saying, Okay, I want to 484 00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:54,720 Speaker 3: get my nails done, or I need ten hours of 485 00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:57,640 Speaker 3: sleep tonight instead of my normal six. 486 00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:00,800 Speaker 2: I'm gonna put the babies down early, take me a bath, 487 00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:04,120 Speaker 2: and listen to a podcast, listen to her space, shut. 488 00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:09,320 Speaker 3: Out her space, or you know, you might say I 489 00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:13,320 Speaker 3: need a girls trip, right, or I need a boot 490 00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:19,080 Speaker 3: trip like me and Bay, you know, right, and and whatever, 491 00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:22,040 Speaker 3: so whatever it is, Or I need to take some 492 00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:24,560 Speaker 3: time off of work. I need to take a leave 493 00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:28,600 Speaker 3: of absence from work so that I take care of myself, yes, girl, 494 00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:29,680 Speaker 3: because many of. 495 00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:31,520 Speaker 2: Us don't be taking them sick days. Take a sick 496 00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:33,720 Speaker 2: take a personal health day, that's what they call it, right, 497 00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:35,520 Speaker 2: a mental health day, mental health. 498 00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:39,080 Speaker 3: Day, healthy or if you have the job where that 499 00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:44,600 Speaker 3: is an option, utilize that option. And so, like I 500 00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:46,720 Speaker 3: want us to kind of think about, like as we're 501 00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:52,040 Speaker 3: kind of wrapping up this discussion of self care. You know, 502 00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:55,560 Speaker 3: when you're on the plane, they talk about this idea 503 00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:58,680 Speaker 3: of like when they're going through the emergency procedures that 504 00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:02,400 Speaker 3: if the oxygen mask down, that you have to put 505 00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:07,000 Speaker 3: your oxygen mask on first before you can assist other people. 506 00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:11,040 Speaker 3: And so to me, that again just reinforces this notion 507 00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:15,000 Speaker 3: that we have to take care of ourselves before we 508 00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:18,760 Speaker 3: can take care of other people. And so I would 509 00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:27,200 Speaker 3: encourage us, all of us, you mean, lady out there 510 00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:32,040 Speaker 3: listening to us, that we need to identify what are 511 00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:36,680 Speaker 3: the things that are important for our self care? Right, 512 00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:40,600 Speaker 3: what are the things that are important for us to 513 00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:45,480 Speaker 3: feel happy and whole. And if you look on our 514 00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:48,840 Speaker 3: website or at the end of our show notes, we 515 00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:53,600 Speaker 3: will have a link to a self care plan and 516 00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:57,239 Speaker 3: it's so simple. It just walks you through how to 517 00:30:57,280 --> 00:31:01,479 Speaker 3: identify what are the things that are gonna make you 518 00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:06,160 Speaker 3: feel fulfilled, and what steps you need to take to 519 00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:10,280 Speaker 3: make that one thing happen. And for those of us 520 00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:13,840 Speaker 3: who might not be doing the best job of self 521 00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:17,160 Speaker 3: care or might find it difficult, we might come up 522 00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:19,560 Speaker 3: with all the excuses, like you might have been listening 523 00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:21,320 Speaker 3: to us for the past half hour and might have 524 00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:26,280 Speaker 3: been saying to yourself, well, but I got this, and 525 00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:29,440 Speaker 3: I got that, and I got ADCD, and you're going 526 00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:34,040 Speaker 3: down the alphabet list of all the reasons why you 527 00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:38,320 Speaker 3: don't have time for self care. I would urge you 528 00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:43,000 Speaker 3: to look at our self care plan and just identify 529 00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:49,320 Speaker 3: one thing that you could do for yourself to make 530 00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:51,480 Speaker 3: yourself feel good. 531 00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:55,600 Speaker 2: And we're gonna leave you with the quote from Page Berks, 532 00:31:55,720 --> 00:32:00,800 Speaker 2: and that quote is taking care of yourself. Was keeping 533 00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:03,840 Speaker 2: your cup full. If you don't do things to keep 534 00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:07,080 Speaker 2: your cup full, you have nothing left to give or 535 00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:08,840 Speaker 2: share with others. 536 00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:11,400 Speaker 3: And we want you out here sharing your black Girl magic. 537 00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:16,480 Speaker 2: Okay, okay, wasn't it. 538 00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:27,600 Speaker 3: Lady? Thanks for joining us today in her space. Please 539 00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:32,040 Speaker 3: note that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice, 540 00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:35,560 Speaker 3: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no 541 00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:38,719 Speaker 3: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal 542 00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:42,960 Speaker 3: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you or 543 00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:45,520 Speaker 3: someone you know is in need of mental health care, 544 00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:49,840 Speaker 3: please visit the Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology Today 545 00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:54,760 Speaker 3: or contact your insurance provider. If you like what you. 546 00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:58,080 Speaker 2: Heard and want to keep the conversation going, connect with 547 00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:05,040 Speaker 2: us on Facebook and Twitter, at her space podcast, or 548 00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:09,680 Speaker 2: check out our website at herspacepodcast dot com. And before 549 00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:14,680 Speaker 2: we meet again, repeat after me, I am not defined 550 00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:17,840 Speaker 2: by where I come from or what happened to me. 551 00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:21,760 Speaker 2: I get to create my own destiny. 552 00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:27,880 Speaker 3: Thanks for joining us. We'll see you next week, Lady