WEBVTT - Do Men Want You To Pick Up The Check?

0:00:16.920 --> 0:00:18.040
<v Speaker 1>Hey, there, I do part two.

0:00:18.320 --> 0:00:21.360
<v Speaker 2>I'm one of your mentors, mister Wright, and I'm here

0:00:21.400 --> 0:00:24.040
<v Speaker 2>to continue answering some of those questions that we got

0:00:24.120 --> 0:00:26.800
<v Speaker 2>last week. So let's dive right into some of those

0:00:26.880 --> 0:00:30.640
<v Speaker 2>voicemails and emails asking about dating in chapter two.

0:00:31.000 --> 0:00:35.600
<v Speaker 3>Hi, I'm calling in for the hotline questions. This is

0:00:35.640 --> 0:00:39.360
<v Speaker 3>going to be an anonymous question. If I've been talking

0:00:39.400 --> 0:00:41.880
<v Speaker 3>to a guy for almost a year, we text before,

0:00:42.040 --> 0:00:44.760
<v Speaker 3>we have great chemistry, but he's never planned a real date.

0:00:45.000 --> 0:00:47.560
<v Speaker 3>Am I being patient or am I being delusional?

0:00:48.040 --> 0:00:51.280
<v Speaker 2>Let me know, Well, anonymous, I'm going to have to say,

0:00:51.280 --> 0:00:53.400
<v Speaker 2>it's been a year and you haven't planned a real date.

0:00:54.280 --> 0:00:57.440
<v Speaker 2>I'm thinking there might be some issues there. I'm not

0:00:57.440 --> 0:01:00.520
<v Speaker 2>saying you're being delusional, because the heart wants with their once,

0:01:01.120 --> 0:01:04.680
<v Speaker 2>but I just I think you know much quicker than

0:01:04.680 --> 0:01:05.080
<v Speaker 2>a year.

0:01:06.120 --> 0:01:07.600
<v Speaker 1>There should be some momentum there.

0:01:07.600 --> 0:01:10.000
<v Speaker 2>There should be momentum in the relationships, there should be progress,

0:01:10.280 --> 0:01:13.959
<v Speaker 2>and a year is a long time to wait. So gosh,

0:01:14.319 --> 0:01:17.000
<v Speaker 2>I can't think of a situation in which this makes

0:01:17.000 --> 0:01:21.680
<v Speaker 2>a lot of sense to keep pursuing. So I would

0:01:21.840 --> 0:01:24.800
<v Speaker 2>I would put you kind of more in your words,

0:01:24.880 --> 0:01:27.120
<v Speaker 2>in your words, not mine in the delusional category to

0:01:27.120 --> 0:01:30.280
<v Speaker 2>think that this is going to work out now, Anonymous,

0:01:30.360 --> 0:01:32.920
<v Speaker 2>this sounds like it could be a long distance relationship.

0:01:32.959 --> 0:01:34.560
<v Speaker 1>So maybe you're dating an astronaut.

0:01:35.120 --> 0:01:36.520
<v Speaker 2>You know, he's been out of the country, out of

0:01:36.520 --> 0:01:40.120
<v Speaker 2>the orbit for a while and can't do anything. But

0:01:40.240 --> 0:01:43.039
<v Speaker 2>maybe you know, if it is long distance and not

0:01:43.080 --> 0:01:45.000
<v Speaker 2>an astronaut. But if it is long distance, and that's

0:01:45.040 --> 0:01:48.360
<v Speaker 2>the reason that a real date hasn't been established, I

0:01:48.360 --> 0:01:50.240
<v Speaker 2>think this might be some time. You know, a time

0:01:50.280 --> 0:01:53.360
<v Speaker 2>frame should be put on this and start building to something,

0:01:53.960 --> 0:01:55.920
<v Speaker 2>you know, towards something, and put it on the calendar.

0:01:56.400 --> 0:02:00.520
<v Speaker 2>And if the person on the other end a box

0:02:00.560 --> 0:02:02.560
<v Speaker 2>at that, then I think that you could probably answer

0:02:02.560 --> 0:02:05.560
<v Speaker 2>that question and not waste any more time. If it

0:02:05.600 --> 0:02:07.720
<v Speaker 2>isn't going anywhere now, I think if you are going

0:02:07.800 --> 0:02:10.880
<v Speaker 2>to end this with this person, I think there should

0:02:10.880 --> 0:02:13.920
<v Speaker 2>be some wrap up. There should be some conclusion to it.

0:02:13.960 --> 0:02:15.640
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to think you should just leave it hanging,

0:02:16.040 --> 0:02:17.480
<v Speaker 2>you know. I think you should definitely say, you know what,

0:02:17.560 --> 0:02:20.680
<v Speaker 2>it's been amazing, you know, talking to you over this

0:02:20.800 --> 0:02:23.440
<v Speaker 2>last year, but it doesn't look as though we're really

0:02:23.440 --> 0:02:26.359
<v Speaker 2>making any progress, you know. I really wish this could

0:02:26.360 --> 0:02:28.760
<v Speaker 2>have worked out, but I'm looking for something more. And

0:02:28.840 --> 0:02:31.360
<v Speaker 2>so I think you can take some responsibility for yourself

0:02:31.400 --> 0:02:33.600
<v Speaker 2>because you know you have impressed the issue to the

0:02:33.600 --> 0:02:37.280
<v Speaker 2>point where something's happened. So take some responsibility and it

0:02:37.360 --> 0:02:39.399
<v Speaker 2>don't just put it on the other person and then

0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:42.600
<v Speaker 2>you know, maybe you know, that would push that other

0:02:42.639 --> 0:02:44.480
<v Speaker 2>person to make a bigger effort to say, oh my gosh,

0:02:44.480 --> 0:02:47.679
<v Speaker 2>I do not want to lose you. I'm going to

0:02:47.760 --> 0:02:49.560
<v Speaker 2>take a flight out, I'm gonna drive out to see you,

0:02:50.080 --> 0:02:53.520
<v Speaker 2>or let's meet somewhere. So don't just you know, don't

0:02:53.520 --> 0:02:56.400
<v Speaker 2>just ghost them. That's the worst. But give an opportunity

0:02:57.600 --> 0:02:59.840
<v Speaker 2>for it to be made right. And you know, maybe

0:02:59.840 --> 0:03:02.800
<v Speaker 2>it doesn't, but maybe he does. That was a great,

0:03:02.840 --> 0:03:06.639
<v Speaker 2>great question. Like another email here coming in from Kathy.

0:03:06.760 --> 0:03:09.080
<v Speaker 2>She says that she's been dating a man that she

0:03:09.200 --> 0:03:13.240
<v Speaker 2>met through a mutual friend for eight months. I really

0:03:13.280 --> 0:03:15.560
<v Speaker 2>like where our relationship is going, but I want to

0:03:15.600 --> 0:03:18.359
<v Speaker 2>talk about finances and don't know how to bring it up.

0:03:19.080 --> 0:03:21.640
<v Speaker 2>I think I make more money than him. Do guys

0:03:21.680 --> 0:03:25.000
<v Speaker 2>care about that stuff when we're in our fifties. My

0:03:25.120 --> 0:03:27.840
<v Speaker 2>ex husband was terrible with money, and I need to

0:03:27.840 --> 0:03:31.200
<v Speaker 2>be with someone who isn't like that again, all right, Kathy,

0:03:31.240 --> 0:03:37.000
<v Speaker 2>this is one of the biggest deltas between a first relationship,

0:03:37.040 --> 0:03:40.720
<v Speaker 2>a first marriage, and a second marriage. The first mayor

0:03:40.720 --> 0:03:42.280
<v Speaker 2>you're just starting off. You know, you might have made

0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:44.680
<v Speaker 2>more money than you in your ex but like you know,

0:03:44.680 --> 0:03:45.800
<v Speaker 2>it's kind of a you know, it's kind of a

0:03:45.800 --> 0:03:47.640
<v Speaker 2>horse race. Who knows where it's gonna go because you're

0:03:47.680 --> 0:03:50.560
<v Speaker 2>starting off, you're young, you're building your life in this

0:03:50.720 --> 0:03:54.560
<v Speaker 2>second chapter, in this second go round. If you think

0:03:54.560 --> 0:03:57.600
<v Speaker 2>that this might be the man of your second dreams,

0:03:58.280 --> 0:04:00.960
<v Speaker 2>I think that it is important to make sure that

0:04:01.040 --> 0:04:04.040
<v Speaker 2>everything is out on the table. You know, past, you know,

0:04:04.120 --> 0:04:09.160
<v Speaker 2>history with other relationships, all these sorts of criminal records,

0:04:09.640 --> 0:04:13.320
<v Speaker 2>and I think that finances are right there with with

0:04:13.400 --> 0:04:16.680
<v Speaker 2>those topics. I think it's just as important. You want

0:04:16.720 --> 0:04:20.760
<v Speaker 2>to make sure that there is no confusion, because maybe

0:04:20.960 --> 0:04:23.120
<v Speaker 2>it isn't a big deal at all, but if you

0:04:23.200 --> 0:04:25.159
<v Speaker 2>don't know, the not knowing is going to eat at you,

0:04:25.240 --> 0:04:27.520
<v Speaker 2>especially if you're bringing it up right now, it is

0:04:27.560 --> 0:04:29.760
<v Speaker 2>going to eat at you. And you know, if I

0:04:29.800 --> 0:04:32.159
<v Speaker 2>was a guy on the other side, you know, maybe

0:04:32.279 --> 0:04:35.640
<v Speaker 2>you know, I'd be inspired that my partner is doing better.

0:04:35.440 --> 0:04:36.680
<v Speaker 1>Than I am.

0:04:36.839 --> 0:04:39.320
<v Speaker 2>And I hope that you would be with somebody that

0:04:39.360 --> 0:04:41.880
<v Speaker 2>would not be jealous of you, that would want you

0:04:42.160 --> 0:04:45.000
<v Speaker 2>to be as successful as possible. So this might be

0:04:45.000 --> 0:04:46.560
<v Speaker 2>a great way to figure out what kind of guy

0:04:46.600 --> 0:04:50.400
<v Speaker 2>this is. So don't be scared, especially if you know

0:04:50.440 --> 0:04:52.920
<v Speaker 2>if you guys are in similar situations. He should expect

0:04:52.920 --> 0:04:56.159
<v Speaker 2>that because you know, that's just one of the ways

0:04:56.160 --> 0:04:58.480
<v Speaker 2>that you go and avoid a landmine.

0:04:58.320 --> 0:04:58.920
<v Speaker 1>Down the road.

0:04:59.760 --> 0:05:02.440
<v Speaker 2>Now, what does mister Wright think about how guys feel

0:05:02.480 --> 0:05:05.560
<v Speaker 2>about the woman making more money. I think if he's

0:05:05.600 --> 0:05:08.080
<v Speaker 2>a good guy, he would be inspired by that. I

0:05:08.120 --> 0:05:09.960
<v Speaker 2>think that, you know, you don't want a guy that's

0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:11.479
<v Speaker 2>going to be a you know, kind of a gold

0:05:11.480 --> 0:05:15.159
<v Speaker 2>digger going the other direction. But I think that guys

0:05:16.000 --> 0:05:20.280
<v Speaker 2>might feel an initial intimidation by it. But really, if

0:05:20.320 --> 0:05:21.880
<v Speaker 2>you've got a good guy, he wants to say, O, God,

0:05:22.000 --> 0:05:26.479
<v Speaker 2>this woman has been accomplished, She's done things, she's you know,

0:05:26.560 --> 0:05:29.800
<v Speaker 2>she's smart with her money, works hard, whatever the case

0:05:29.880 --> 0:05:32.640
<v Speaker 2>may be. But I don't think guys are going to

0:05:32.680 --> 0:05:35.880
<v Speaker 2>be intimidated by that. And if so, I think that

0:05:35.960 --> 0:05:38.320
<v Speaker 2>might be a red flag. And Kathy, I'm gonna let

0:05:38.320 --> 0:05:41.839
<v Speaker 2>you know, right now that guys talk about finances, about

0:05:41.839 --> 0:05:44.640
<v Speaker 2>their dates, you know, the women they're dating, all that

0:05:44.680 --> 0:05:47.200
<v Speaker 2>sort of stuff that does come up. Usually what the

0:05:47.880 --> 0:05:51.560
<v Speaker 2>the caution is, is this person dating you for your money?

0:05:51.600 --> 0:05:54.240
<v Speaker 2>Are they a gold digger? So it's usually that direction.

0:05:54.920 --> 0:05:58.240
<v Speaker 2>Now conversely, if you know, if the woman you know

0:05:58.440 --> 0:06:02.400
<v Speaker 2>is successful or independently healthy, able to take care of herself,

0:06:02.800 --> 0:06:05.039
<v Speaker 2>that's usually something to brag about.

0:06:05.200 --> 0:06:08.960
<v Speaker 1>And so you know, the you know, the joke is, you.

0:06:08.880 --> 0:06:10.679
<v Speaker 2>Know, I'll be able to golf all I want because

0:06:10.839 --> 0:06:13.760
<v Speaker 2>you know, my my new wife girlfriend person I'm dating

0:06:13.800 --> 0:06:16.920
<v Speaker 2>is going to take care of me. So usually when

0:06:16.920 --> 0:06:20.960
<v Speaker 2>we're talking about finances between guys, we're making sure that

0:06:21.000 --> 0:06:23.280
<v Speaker 2>the other guy isn't getting taken for you know, and

0:06:23.480 --> 0:06:25.919
<v Speaker 2>and and someone dating him just for his money. But

0:06:26.040 --> 0:06:28.400
<v Speaker 2>if it's the other way around, that's usually a pretty

0:06:28.400 --> 0:06:31.479
<v Speaker 2>cool thing. So taking Kathy's email a little bit further,

0:06:32.000 --> 0:06:35.560
<v Speaker 2>you know, there are situations in chapter two, and you know,

0:06:35.680 --> 0:06:39.120
<v Speaker 2>guys are now dating a divorce a and their previous

0:06:39.279 --> 0:06:43.320
<v Speaker 2>lifestyle might have been extremely extravagant. Now they might have

0:06:43.320 --> 0:06:45.160
<v Speaker 2>gotten a big settlement, they might have gotten a bunch

0:06:45.200 --> 0:06:48.120
<v Speaker 2>of money, they might be a widower all sorts of situations,

0:06:48.520 --> 0:06:51.480
<v Speaker 2>and I think the guy has to be mindful of

0:06:51.640 --> 0:06:54.080
<v Speaker 2>are they going to be able to keep up are

0:06:54.120 --> 0:06:56.360
<v Speaker 2>they going to be able to provide or or keep

0:06:56.480 --> 0:06:58.919
<v Speaker 2>up with with what the with you know, what the

0:06:58.960 --> 0:07:02.000
<v Speaker 2>woman is expecting. So I think, you know, in that

0:07:02.040 --> 0:07:06.200
<v Speaker 2>conversation about finances, I think there's a big conversation about

0:07:06.240 --> 0:07:09.800
<v Speaker 2>expectations as well. And you know, in chapter two, I mean,

0:07:09.920 --> 0:07:13.800
<v Speaker 2>love is so important. Love is so important. Compatibility is

0:07:13.840 --> 0:07:17.440
<v Speaker 2>also equally important, and I think that's where in chapter two,

0:07:17.600 --> 0:07:21.640
<v Speaker 2>really finances do start to play into it. And I

0:07:21.640 --> 0:07:24.400
<v Speaker 2>think that that is part of a conversation that needs

0:07:24.400 --> 0:07:28.000
<v Speaker 2>to be had before you have kind of these false

0:07:28.080 --> 0:07:31.360
<v Speaker 2>expectations and find yourself all of a sudden, Wait a second,

0:07:31.760 --> 0:07:34.760
<v Speaker 2>why didn't we talk about this earlier? This was so obvious?

0:07:36.240 --> 0:07:38.400
<v Speaker 2>And that's you know, this is really a chapter two

0:07:40.400 --> 0:07:43.200
<v Speaker 2>issue that doesn't come up in chapter one. In chapter one,

0:07:43.360 --> 0:07:44.680
<v Speaker 2>you know, you're thinking, we're going to spend the rest

0:07:44.680 --> 0:07:46.360
<v Speaker 2>of our lives together, We're going to build towards a

0:07:46.360 --> 0:07:49.640
<v Speaker 2>common goal. In chapter two, it's like, yeah, I'm kind

0:07:49.640 --> 0:07:51.840
<v Speaker 2>of we've kind of done a lot of that stuff independently.

0:07:52.440 --> 0:07:56.680
<v Speaker 2>Do our lives merge, and that includes finances, that includes lifestyle,

0:07:56.720 --> 0:08:00.920
<v Speaker 2>includes vacations, all those sorts of things. You know, those

0:08:00.960 --> 0:08:03.200
<v Speaker 2>have to mesh as well. All right, Kathy, Now you

0:08:03.320 --> 0:08:05.480
<v Speaker 2>brought up, you know, kind of a hornet's nest. Now,

0:08:05.720 --> 0:08:07.640
<v Speaker 2>if we're talking about finances and we got to talk

0:08:07.680 --> 0:08:11.440
<v Speaker 2>about debt, we've got to talk about things like leverage

0:08:11.560 --> 0:08:15.640
<v Speaker 2>and credit scores. And you know, when you're bringing on

0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:18.000
<v Speaker 2>a partner in chapter two, you've got to make sure

0:08:18.040 --> 0:08:19.560
<v Speaker 2>you know what you're getting. It's just like an investing

0:08:19.560 --> 0:08:21.160
<v Speaker 2>in a company a little bit. You want to make

0:08:21.160 --> 0:08:25.160
<v Speaker 2>sure that the balance sheet works. And I mean there's

0:08:25.200 --> 0:08:28.880
<v Speaker 2>always mitigating circumstances. I mean maybe the guy just got

0:08:29.040 --> 0:08:32.560
<v Speaker 2>taken to the cleaners by his ex wife, the settlement,

0:08:32.720 --> 0:08:34.800
<v Speaker 2>child support, all these sort of things, So there could

0:08:34.880 --> 0:08:37.320
<v Speaker 2>be mitigating circumstances here. So I don't want to just

0:08:38.040 --> 0:08:41.000
<v Speaker 2>make a blanket statement, but I do think you need

0:08:41.040 --> 0:08:43.920
<v Speaker 2>to be careful if one or other is coming into

0:08:43.920 --> 0:08:46.000
<v Speaker 2>the relationship. But give you a man or woman is

0:08:46.040 --> 0:08:48.880
<v Speaker 2>coming in with a bunch of debt, is coming in

0:08:48.920 --> 0:08:50.920
<v Speaker 2>with a bunch of credit cards they can't pay off,

0:08:51.480 --> 0:08:54.520
<v Speaker 2>are coming in and they're not employed or are living

0:08:54.640 --> 0:08:58.440
<v Speaker 2>a lifestyle that is obviously outside of their means. Those

0:08:58.520 --> 0:09:01.040
<v Speaker 2>are things to get to be very, very very mindful

0:09:01.040 --> 0:09:05.280
<v Speaker 2>of because it doesn't get better, it gets worse. And

0:09:05.559 --> 0:09:07.959
<v Speaker 2>if you are coming into it and you're going to

0:09:08.000 --> 0:09:11.960
<v Speaker 2>be the one expected to bridge that gap, you got

0:09:11.960 --> 0:09:14.360
<v Speaker 2>to be ready to bridge that gap all the way

0:09:14.520 --> 0:09:17.400
<v Speaker 2>and continue to bridge that gap. If it's a lifestyle thing.

0:09:17.480 --> 0:09:20.800
<v Speaker 2>So this is probably the least romantic thing we'll ever

0:09:20.840 --> 0:09:23.480
<v Speaker 2>talk about, you know, on this podcast.

0:09:23.440 --> 0:09:24.920
<v Speaker 1>But there is there.

0:09:24.960 --> 0:09:28.560
<v Speaker 2>You know, their credit scores and debt, those things do

0:09:28.679 --> 0:09:31.880
<v Speaker 2>mean a lot, especially in chapter two. I mean, if

0:09:31.920 --> 0:09:34.720
<v Speaker 2>this is a topic that is that is compelling to people,

0:09:34.760 --> 0:09:38.000
<v Speaker 2>I would say bring in those questions or there's voicemails,

0:09:38.760 --> 0:09:41.079
<v Speaker 2>emails and we can talk about some of the less

0:09:41.160 --> 0:09:45.160
<v Speaker 2>romantic parts about relationships and you know, especially in chapter two,

0:09:45.840 --> 0:09:48.440
<v Speaker 2>what are the things to be mindful of? What are

0:09:48.480 --> 0:09:51.200
<v Speaker 2>the things that guys and girls should be looking for

0:09:51.520 --> 0:09:54.480
<v Speaker 2>aside from just that spark Sparks are important, don't get

0:09:54.520 --> 0:09:57.160
<v Speaker 2>me wrong, but as you get into chapter two, you

0:09:57.160 --> 0:09:59.520
<v Speaker 2>get in a different phase of your life. You know,

0:09:59.559 --> 0:10:03.920
<v Speaker 2>you're thinking about your security, your safety, You're thinking about

0:10:04.240 --> 0:10:06.160
<v Speaker 2>maybe your kids, you know, and where they are in

0:10:06.200 --> 0:10:09.480
<v Speaker 2>their lives. So there are parts of this chapter too,

0:10:09.600 --> 0:10:13.960
<v Speaker 2>this next phase of your life that have to be considered,

0:10:13.960 --> 0:10:26.920
<v Speaker 2>that are just really not considered in chapter one. Well,

0:10:26.960 --> 0:10:29.880
<v Speaker 2>great question, Kathy, and you know that got us on

0:10:29.920 --> 0:10:32.440
<v Speaker 2>all kinds of tangents. And let's get it centered here

0:10:32.480 --> 0:10:33.679
<v Speaker 2>with our next voicemail.

0:10:34.280 --> 0:10:35.439
<v Speaker 4>Hey, it's Emily.

0:10:35.800 --> 0:10:38.520
<v Speaker 3>I'm in my forties and just thinking about getting onto

0:10:38.600 --> 0:10:39.520
<v Speaker 3>dating apps for the.

0:10:39.559 --> 0:10:42.280
<v Speaker 4>Very first time. It's so scary. Can you tell me

0:10:42.360 --> 0:10:44.679
<v Speaker 4>what we should be putting on our profile that won't

0:10:44.679 --> 0:10:47.440
<v Speaker 4>make you just like swipe by immediately?

0:10:47.760 --> 0:10:47.880
<v Speaker 3>Like?

0:10:47.920 --> 0:10:50.280
<v Speaker 4>What are the top things that men want to see

0:10:50.400 --> 0:10:53.360
<v Speaker 4>when they see these profiles? Thank you so much for

0:10:53.400 --> 0:10:53.839
<v Speaker 4>your help.

0:10:54.520 --> 0:10:58.640
<v Speaker 2>All right, this is a great question, now, mister right,

0:10:58.640 --> 0:11:02.800
<v Speaker 2>this is what I feel. Three things have changed the

0:11:02.840 --> 0:11:10.320
<v Speaker 2>trajectory of dating in mankind. It's been alcohol, deodorant, in

0:11:10.400 --> 0:11:14.239
<v Speaker 2>social media. There is nothing that has been more responsible

0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:18.400
<v Speaker 2>for hooking people up than those three things. Unfortunately, the

0:11:18.440 --> 0:11:21.760
<v Speaker 2>third part, the social media part, the profiles. What do

0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:26.400
<v Speaker 2>you put on there? I mean, there is so much

0:11:26.480 --> 0:11:29.240
<v Speaker 2>fluff out there. There is so much filter and fluff,

0:11:29.280 --> 0:11:31.480
<v Speaker 2>which is fine, and it's great for likes and clicks

0:11:31.520 --> 0:11:34.800
<v Speaker 2>and all that kind of stuff and follows. But if

0:11:34.840 --> 0:11:37.120
<v Speaker 2>you're at that point in your life where you're trying

0:11:37.120 --> 0:11:41.080
<v Speaker 2>to find somebody through social media or even a dating app,

0:11:41.679 --> 0:11:42.840
<v Speaker 2>what should you put on there?

0:11:42.840 --> 0:11:44.040
<v Speaker 1>I would say, put on the truth.

0:11:44.520 --> 0:11:47.480
<v Speaker 2>I mean, you can put some fluff pictures, you can

0:11:47.480 --> 0:11:50.480
<v Speaker 2>put some filter pictures. But if you want that first

0:11:50.559 --> 0:11:52.080
<v Speaker 2>date to go to a second, and a third and

0:11:52.120 --> 0:11:55.000
<v Speaker 2>a fourth and whatever else comes after that, you don't

0:11:55.040 --> 0:11:57.240
<v Speaker 2>want to be selling a false bill of goods. And

0:11:57.880 --> 0:12:01.600
<v Speaker 2>if you're into hiking, then put some hiking photos in there.

0:12:02.040 --> 0:12:05.280
<v Speaker 2>If you're not into hiking, don't put hiking photos in there.

0:12:05.360 --> 0:12:08.439
<v Speaker 2>Don't put out doorsy photos in there. Be honest about

0:12:08.440 --> 0:12:10.200
<v Speaker 2>the sort of guy that you're trying to attract, not

0:12:10.320 --> 0:12:13.240
<v Speaker 2>just for the first time, but for the first ten times.

0:12:13.800 --> 0:12:16.120
<v Speaker 2>And so of course you can put you know, show

0:12:16.200 --> 0:12:19.400
<v Speaker 2>pictures of what you look like in your best of best,

0:12:19.760 --> 0:12:21.800
<v Speaker 2>but also put a picture in there when you've just

0:12:21.800 --> 0:12:25.280
<v Speaker 2>finished a marathon, or when you've just finished a hard day,

0:12:25.360 --> 0:12:27.800
<v Speaker 2>or you're at the beat like mix it up, I guess,

0:12:27.920 --> 0:12:30.280
<v Speaker 2>is what I'm trying to say. If there's ten glam

0:12:30.360 --> 0:12:33.800
<v Speaker 2>shots in a row, that might attract the wrong type

0:12:33.800 --> 0:12:35.720
<v Speaker 2>of guy. And what I mean by a wrong type

0:12:35.720 --> 0:12:38.480
<v Speaker 2>of guys, a guy that's maybe not getting the full

0:12:38.520 --> 0:12:41.720
<v Speaker 2>picture of who you are. And so it's tough to

0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:43.959
<v Speaker 2>say because it's not going to give you the likes

0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:46.120
<v Speaker 2>and the follows and whatever else. If it's just bikini

0:12:46.160 --> 0:12:51.280
<v Speaker 2>picture after glam picture after prom picture. But an honest profile,

0:12:51.320 --> 0:12:53.880
<v Speaker 2>an honest set of pictures, I think is going to

0:12:53.920 --> 0:12:55.959
<v Speaker 2>attract the right type of guy that you're going to

0:12:56.040 --> 0:12:59.400
<v Speaker 2>eventually be looking for. I'll say, for guys, you know,

0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:03.960
<v Speaker 2>for your profiles, be honest, uh, you know, make sure

0:13:04.000 --> 0:13:06.520
<v Speaker 2>that you're not, you know, portraying yourself to be six

0:13:06.559 --> 0:13:08.720
<v Speaker 2>foot five when you're five foot five. There's nothing wrong

0:13:08.760 --> 0:13:11.839
<v Speaker 2>with being five foot five. There is something wrong at

0:13:11.880 --> 0:13:14.680
<v Speaker 2>showing up for a date with a girl that thinks

0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:17.080
<v Speaker 2>you're six foot five and you're five foot five. That's lying.

0:13:17.520 --> 0:13:19.839
<v Speaker 2>So just be honest about it. You can, you know,

0:13:19.880 --> 0:13:22.280
<v Speaker 2>you know, you have to be obvious about it, but

0:13:22.440 --> 0:13:25.640
<v Speaker 2>just don't don't lie. Don't don't be fake. You know,

0:13:25.760 --> 0:13:28.000
<v Speaker 2>if you know, if you've if every hat or a

0:13:28.040 --> 0:13:29.720
<v Speaker 2>picture that you have has a hat in it, then

0:13:29.720 --> 0:13:31.319
<v Speaker 2>they're probably trying to hide something.

0:13:31.360 --> 0:13:32.240
<v Speaker 1>Don't need to hide it.

0:13:32.559 --> 0:13:35.560
<v Speaker 2>Be honest because you don't want to end up at

0:13:35.559 --> 0:13:37.800
<v Speaker 2>that first date and think you're gonna fool them forever,

0:13:38.800 --> 0:13:42.079
<v Speaker 2>So be honest. I think that posting pictures with your

0:13:42.080 --> 0:13:44.360
<v Speaker 2>friends is important because I think a lot of times

0:13:44.679 --> 0:13:46.400
<v Speaker 2>girls are looking at profile and saying, well, you know,

0:13:46.400 --> 0:13:47.160
<v Speaker 2>who does he hang out with?

0:13:47.240 --> 0:13:48.680
<v Speaker 1>Does he have friends to begin with?

0:13:49.240 --> 0:13:51.760
<v Speaker 2>Are they all hanging out watching video games, you know,

0:13:51.840 --> 0:13:55.360
<v Speaker 2>smoking pot and you know, eating popcorn? Or are they

0:13:55.360 --> 0:13:57.720
<v Speaker 2>going out and doing things? Are they involved in a community,

0:13:57.720 --> 0:13:59.600
<v Speaker 2>Are they, you know, going to the beach and parties

0:13:59.640 --> 0:14:02.080
<v Speaker 2>and travel and stuff like that. Those are the photos

0:14:02.080 --> 0:14:05.280
<v Speaker 2>that I would highlight. If you have kids, show your kids,

0:14:05.440 --> 0:14:07.480
<v Speaker 2>show what you like to do with your kids. I

0:14:07.480 --> 0:14:09.360
<v Speaker 2>think that's an important part as well, to give kind

0:14:09.400 --> 0:14:12.640
<v Speaker 2>of a full picture of the person that you are now.

0:14:13.000 --> 0:14:15.600
<v Speaker 2>I would say almost the exact same thing for the

0:14:15.640 --> 0:14:18.440
<v Speaker 2>women as well. In your profile, show things that you

0:14:18.600 --> 0:14:22.320
<v Speaker 2>like to do, Show places that you like to go. Now,

0:14:22.360 --> 0:14:24.760
<v Speaker 2>if you've only gone to Hawaii once, you don't need

0:14:24.800 --> 0:14:28.120
<v Speaker 2>to spam five hundred Hawaii pictures, but you know, mix

0:14:28.160 --> 0:14:30.760
<v Speaker 2>it up showing, you know, show the guys that might

0:14:30.760 --> 0:14:32.840
<v Speaker 2>be looking at your profile the type of person that

0:14:32.920 --> 0:14:36.200
<v Speaker 2>you are. Also show your friends also show if you

0:14:36.280 --> 0:14:38.480
<v Speaker 2>have kids. That's important part of it as well. And

0:14:38.640 --> 0:14:41.560
<v Speaker 2>especially don't think about, hey, I just want to get

0:14:41.560 --> 0:14:44.000
<v Speaker 2>the first date. Think about how is this going to

0:14:44.080 --> 0:14:46.120
<v Speaker 2>first date in a turn into ten dates or to

0:14:46.200 --> 0:14:48.920
<v Speaker 2>maybe a happily ever after. And I think if you're

0:14:48.920 --> 0:14:52.400
<v Speaker 2>not being honest with your profiles and your pictures, if

0:14:52.440 --> 0:14:55.360
<v Speaker 2>you're if you're using too many filters, or you know,

0:14:55.440 --> 0:14:58.120
<v Speaker 2>hiding hiding your you know, your hairline or hiding your

0:14:58.360 --> 0:15:01.120
<v Speaker 2>eyes or whatever that is, it might work once, but

0:15:01.120 --> 0:15:03.200
<v Speaker 2>it's not going to work a second time. And lastly,

0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:04.880
<v Speaker 2>I want to talk about this new thing that I've

0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:07.200
<v Speaker 2>seen on dating apps, which are the voice memos, of

0:15:07.200 --> 0:15:07.880
<v Speaker 2>the voice notes.

0:15:08.400 --> 0:15:09.160
<v Speaker 1>I think it's great.

0:15:09.680 --> 0:15:13.320
<v Speaker 2>I think every kind of like turning a person from

0:15:13.320 --> 0:15:15.240
<v Speaker 2>one D into three D as much as you can

0:15:15.600 --> 0:15:17.600
<v Speaker 2>is great. I think there should be video notes. I

0:15:17.600 --> 0:15:20.600
<v Speaker 2>think as much of that out there as possible, I

0:15:20.600 --> 0:15:24.120
<v Speaker 2>think is a great thing. So there's less suspense when

0:15:24.120 --> 0:15:25.920
<v Speaker 2>you're going to go meet the person. There's more kind

0:15:25.920 --> 0:15:29.920
<v Speaker 2>of expectations are going to be realized once you see

0:15:29.920 --> 0:15:32.280
<v Speaker 2>them or meet them. And that's why I think it's

0:15:32.320 --> 0:15:33.960
<v Speaker 2>also a great thing to talk to somebody on the

0:15:33.960 --> 0:15:36.200
<v Speaker 2>phone text with them before you ever meet them, so

0:15:36.280 --> 0:15:37.920
<v Speaker 2>you can kind of get a familiarity, You kind of

0:15:37.920 --> 0:15:40.440
<v Speaker 2>get a rhythm and a pace to the way you

0:15:40.480 --> 0:15:44.680
<v Speaker 2>communicate before you just have that awkward first hug when

0:15:44.720 --> 0:15:47.280
<v Speaker 2>you meet each other at the restaurant.

0:15:46.840 --> 0:15:47.920
<v Speaker 1>Of the bar, wherever it is.

0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:51.480
<v Speaker 2>So I'm all a fan of as many different ways

0:15:51.920 --> 0:16:04.560
<v Speaker 2>to break the ice with someone before you actually meet them.

0:16:04.640 --> 0:16:04.960
<v Speaker 1>All right.

0:16:05.040 --> 0:16:08.400
<v Speaker 2>We have one more email here from Leila, and she writes,

0:16:08.840 --> 0:16:11.440
<v Speaker 2>I'm trying to date with more intention the older I get.

0:16:12.000 --> 0:16:14.479
<v Speaker 2>How soon into dating guy, do I mention my timeline

0:16:14.800 --> 0:16:17.720
<v Speaker 2>when it comes to getting engaged and married. I feel

0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:20.800
<v Speaker 2>like I wasn't upfront quickly enough in past relationships, and

0:16:20.840 --> 0:16:24.640
<v Speaker 2>I don't have time to wait anymore. All right, Leilah,

0:16:24.680 --> 0:16:27.920
<v Speaker 2>great question, especially you know as we're working in chapter two,

0:16:28.560 --> 0:16:31.200
<v Speaker 2>we're working in this next part of our lives. Yeah,

0:16:31.240 --> 0:16:33.560
<v Speaker 2>you do want to date with more intention, but I'd

0:16:33.600 --> 0:16:38.560
<v Speaker 2>be careful about timelines. Timelines are just boxes, and your

0:16:38.600 --> 0:16:42.000
<v Speaker 2>box and somebody else's box might not be identical. They

0:16:42.040 --> 0:16:44.440
<v Speaker 2>might be similar, but as soon as you start putting

0:16:44.440 --> 0:16:48.200
<v Speaker 2>a box into something and a deadline, the other person

0:16:48.320 --> 0:16:51.360
<v Speaker 2>might start to feel trapped by it. Now you want

0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:53.520
<v Speaker 2>to make sure that you are continuing to make progress,

0:16:53.520 --> 0:16:56.080
<v Speaker 2>and I think that that's more of a personal responsibility thing,

0:16:56.440 --> 0:16:58.880
<v Speaker 2>where you're saying, Okay, by the fifth date, I want

0:16:58.880 --> 0:17:01.360
<v Speaker 2>to make sure I've met his fan. By the tenth date,

0:17:01.400 --> 0:17:04.320
<v Speaker 2>I want to meet his kids or whatever. Those little

0:17:04.440 --> 0:17:06.439
<v Speaker 2>kind of hurdles are that you want to hit, make

0:17:06.440 --> 0:17:10.080
<v Speaker 2>sure you're doing those, but maybe use those with the

0:17:10.119 --> 0:17:13.040
<v Speaker 2>other person as opposed to getting engaged and getting married.

0:17:13.560 --> 0:17:16.760
<v Speaker 2>I think that stuff will come more kind of organically

0:17:17.440 --> 0:17:19.960
<v Speaker 2>as you're hitting these milestones, and it can be up

0:17:19.960 --> 0:17:24.040
<v Speaker 2>to you to set those milestones for that other person

0:17:24.080 --> 0:17:26.760
<v Speaker 2>so they know, Okay, yeah, so meeting my family's important, okay, great,

0:17:27.200 --> 0:17:28.440
<v Speaker 2>meeting my friends is great.

0:17:28.440 --> 0:17:30.920
<v Speaker 1>Okay, So put those things out there.

0:17:30.960 --> 0:17:34.800
<v Speaker 2>Don't put a timeline an engagement necessarily or a marriage necessarily.

0:17:34.800 --> 0:17:37.119
<v Speaker 2>You can talk about that's your goal in life. I

0:17:37.160 --> 0:17:39.280
<v Speaker 2>do want to get remarried. I do want to, you know,

0:17:39.400 --> 0:17:42.240
<v Speaker 2>have all these things and talk about those things. But

0:17:42.320 --> 0:17:43.800
<v Speaker 2>as soon as you say that I want that on

0:17:43.880 --> 0:17:47.440
<v Speaker 2>June fifteenth this year, you might find a little bit

0:17:47.440 --> 0:17:49.640
<v Speaker 2>of apprehension from the other side. Maybe you won't, which

0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:52.520
<v Speaker 2>is great, but I would tend to think that the

0:17:52.560 --> 0:17:55.840
<v Speaker 2>other person might have a similar timeline, but maybe not

0:17:55.880 --> 0:17:58.520
<v Speaker 2>the exact same one. It would be a shame to

0:17:58.640 --> 0:18:01.240
<v Speaker 2>break up a relationship because you're off by a couple

0:18:01.280 --> 0:18:04.439
<v Speaker 2>of months. So I think that timelines definitely are more

0:18:04.480 --> 0:18:07.680
<v Speaker 2>important to women than the art of men. And again,

0:18:07.720 --> 0:18:09.840
<v Speaker 2>a lot of it depends on how long has the

0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:11.280
<v Speaker 2>person come out of a relationship.

0:18:11.440 --> 0:18:13.520
<v Speaker 1>You know, where is where's their headspace at right now?

0:18:14.040 --> 0:18:16.600
<v Speaker 2>And maybe that they you know, both people want to

0:18:16.640 --> 0:18:19.080
<v Speaker 2>get remarried, and maybe they want to get remarried to

0:18:19.119 --> 0:18:21.560
<v Speaker 2>each other. One person's timeline says, I've been out of

0:18:21.560 --> 0:18:23.440
<v Speaker 2>a relationship for five years. I want to get married now.

0:18:23.760 --> 0:18:25.920
<v Speaker 2>The other person might say, listen, this is the third

0:18:25.920 --> 0:18:27.679
<v Speaker 2>person I've dated. I just need a little bit of

0:18:27.720 --> 0:18:31.320
<v Speaker 2>time I'm you know, before I'm actually ready. So I

0:18:31.359 --> 0:18:34.040
<v Speaker 2>think that, you know, it depends, you know, in in

0:18:35.000 --> 0:18:36.919
<v Speaker 2>you know timelines, I think for chapter one, when you're

0:18:36.960 --> 0:18:40.399
<v Speaker 2>first getting married, I think that there's you know, women

0:18:40.480 --> 0:18:43.640
<v Speaker 2>definitely have very hard and fast timelines for it because

0:18:43.760 --> 0:18:45.200
<v Speaker 2>they want to have babies and they want to start

0:18:45.200 --> 0:18:48.119
<v Speaker 2>a family and all these other things. In this next chapter,

0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:51.600
<v Speaker 2>even though you might not think it, we have time

0:18:52.480 --> 0:18:54.480
<v Speaker 2>you know, there is there is time to make sure

0:18:54.480 --> 0:18:57.000
<v Speaker 2>that you are comfortable, that you're in the right headspace,

0:18:57.400 --> 0:18:59.840
<v Speaker 2>that your finances are right, that your situations are right,

0:19:00.240 --> 0:19:02.879
<v Speaker 2>kids are right. There's all these mitigating factors in there

0:19:02.880 --> 0:19:04.840
<v Speaker 2>where it might not just be the guy or the

0:19:04.840 --> 0:19:08.040
<v Speaker 2>girl that says, you know, I need some time, not

0:19:08.200 --> 0:19:10.479
<v Speaker 2>because I haven't made up my decision about the other person,

0:19:11.080 --> 0:19:13.520
<v Speaker 2>but because I need to get my landscape right. I

0:19:13.520 --> 0:19:16.240
<v Speaker 2>need to get my life kind of organized so I

0:19:16.280 --> 0:19:18.040
<v Speaker 2>can be the best partner I can be for the

0:19:18.040 --> 0:19:21.360
<v Speaker 2>other person. So I think ultimately that you know, two

0:19:21.359 --> 0:19:25.159
<v Speaker 2>compatible people are working towards the same thing, and hopefully

0:19:25.160 --> 0:19:27.280
<v Speaker 2>you've talked about it. Hopefully you've talked about your goals.

0:19:27.520 --> 0:19:30.560
<v Speaker 2>If it is marriage, getting married, if it is moving

0:19:30.640 --> 0:19:33.119
<v Speaker 2>in together, it is moving in together. But I would

0:19:33.119 --> 0:19:36.959
<v Speaker 2>just be careful about setting too many expectations on exact dates,

0:19:37.280 --> 0:19:40.080
<v Speaker 2>and like I said before, put in these little pieces,

0:19:40.119 --> 0:19:42.520
<v Speaker 2>little kind of hurdles that you want to see happen

0:19:42.560 --> 0:19:44.760
<v Speaker 2>along the way that are ultimately going to lead there.

0:19:45.200 --> 0:19:50.520
<v Speaker 2>Meeting friends, meeting family, meeting kids, vacation together, and you know,

0:19:50.640 --> 0:19:53.719
<v Speaker 2>and then the other things just kind of come organically

0:19:54.640 --> 0:19:57.679
<v Speaker 2>and make sure that you're being responsible for yourself and

0:19:57.680 --> 0:20:00.040
<v Speaker 2>protecting your heart to make sure that you know the

0:20:00.080 --> 0:20:02.320
<v Speaker 2>other person is working towards the same thing that you are.

0:20:02.760 --> 0:20:06.960
<v Speaker 2>But again, I'm just I would be cautious about putting

0:20:06.960 --> 0:20:09.400
<v Speaker 2>a firm deadline saying that we need to be engaged

0:20:09.440 --> 0:20:12.199
<v Speaker 2>by the end of the year, because maybe that's not

0:20:12.320 --> 0:20:14.560
<v Speaker 2>quite what the other person's thinking. And again, it would

0:20:14.560 --> 0:20:18.359
<v Speaker 2>be a shame to mess up something really great over

0:20:18.400 --> 0:20:22.040
<v Speaker 2>a calendar. All Right, it looks like we have one

0:20:22.200 --> 0:20:26.359
<v Speaker 2>last voicemail on this topic today, so let's hear it.

0:20:27.240 --> 0:20:33.080
<v Speaker 4>Hi. My name is Stephanie, and my question is is

0:20:33.119 --> 0:20:37.280
<v Speaker 4>it ever appropriate to have sex in a public setting

0:20:37.920 --> 0:20:43.560
<v Speaker 4>when you are, let's say, above the age of thirty

0:20:44.000 --> 0:20:49.520
<v Speaker 4>or is it just entirely gross maybe like outside or

0:20:49.840 --> 0:20:53.320
<v Speaker 4>in a restaurant, bathroom, et cetera.

0:20:54.080 --> 0:20:58.199
<v Speaker 2>Thanks bye, all right, Stephanie, that's a that's a doozy

0:20:58.200 --> 0:21:02.560
<v Speaker 2>to end up with. I love it. Is it gross

0:21:02.880 --> 0:21:08.200
<v Speaker 2>to have sex in a public place after your thirty Well,

0:21:09.640 --> 0:21:12.840
<v Speaker 2>usually the options for public spaces are pretty gross.

0:21:12.600 --> 0:21:14.639
<v Speaker 1>To begin with. I mean, we're talking about bathrooms.

0:21:15.840 --> 0:21:18.600
<v Speaker 2>You know, it might be hot and heavy and romantic

0:21:18.640 --> 0:21:21.720
<v Speaker 2>in the moment, maybe, but I'd still put that on

0:21:21.760 --> 0:21:25.000
<v Speaker 2>the gross factor, especially you know, if you're you know,

0:21:25.040 --> 0:21:27.960
<v Speaker 2>if you're a mature adult. You know, I don't know

0:21:27.960 --> 0:21:30.520
<v Speaker 2>what the thirty threshold is, but like, you know, if

0:21:30.560 --> 0:21:35.200
<v Speaker 2>you've got you know, kids, friends, anyone that could possibly

0:21:35.200 --> 0:21:37.879
<v Speaker 2>ever find out about it, I think I'd be mortified.

0:21:37.920 --> 0:21:38.919
<v Speaker 1>I like the idea.

0:21:38.920 --> 0:21:41.720
<v Speaker 2>I mean, it's you know, it's definitely a sexy thought,

0:21:43.000 --> 0:21:47.840
<v Speaker 2>but I think that I think probably sex in a

0:21:47.880 --> 0:21:52.159
<v Speaker 2>park after thirty, I just I just can't imagine that

0:21:52.160 --> 0:21:54.320
<v Speaker 2>that's anything that anyone would want to see. But if

0:21:54.359 --> 0:21:56.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm thinking about it, okay, what are public places? I'm

0:21:56.840 --> 0:21:59.359
<v Speaker 2>just thinking, you know, you know, in the in the

0:21:59.359 --> 0:22:01.199
<v Speaker 2>bleaches of a ball game, which I think is probably

0:22:01.240 --> 0:22:04.200
<v Speaker 2>a little bit more of an extreme thought, but maybe,

0:22:04.400 --> 0:22:06.439
<v Speaker 2>you know, if you're thinking about Mile High Club, you know,

0:22:06.480 --> 0:22:08.280
<v Speaker 2>if you have the flexibility and if you're back and

0:22:08.280 --> 0:22:11.480
<v Speaker 2>hold up, then that's an option. And that's obviously something

0:22:11.520 --> 0:22:14.880
<v Speaker 2>that people like to brag about that they've they've accomplished,

0:22:16.080 --> 0:22:18.080
<v Speaker 2>you know, camping. I guess is that is that a

0:22:18.080 --> 0:22:19.840
<v Speaker 2>public spot? I'm not really sure if it is or not,

0:22:19.840 --> 0:22:22.240
<v Speaker 2>But if it is, I think that's fine as long

0:22:22.280 --> 0:22:24.480
<v Speaker 2>as you know, you haven't been camping for too long.

0:22:26.280 --> 0:22:28.439
<v Speaker 2>So I think that it probably depends on the on

0:22:28.480 --> 0:22:34.080
<v Speaker 2>the place, the time, the situation and uh, you know

0:22:34.080 --> 0:22:36.760
<v Speaker 2>that's a that's a that there's there's a lot of factors,

0:22:36.800 --> 0:22:40.119
<v Speaker 2>a lot of mitigating factors in there. But generally I

0:22:40.160 --> 0:22:43.760
<v Speaker 2>think that you know, sex and a bathroom and a

0:22:43.760 --> 0:22:47.200
<v Speaker 2>bar probably lead it to the kids. Well, I got

0:22:47.200 --> 0:22:48.920
<v Speaker 2>to say that for our first time out.

0:22:49.119 --> 0:22:49.840
<v Speaker 1>That was amazing.

0:22:49.920 --> 0:22:54.000
<v Speaker 2>I was not expecting the wide variety and uh, colorful

0:22:54.200 --> 0:22:57.919
<v Speaker 2>questions and thoughts, but I hope it was helpful my

0:22:58.119 --> 0:23:01.040
<v Speaker 2>mister wright perspective on all these things. And you know,

0:23:01.040 --> 0:23:03.800
<v Speaker 2>if you're single and in your chapter two and need

0:23:03.840 --> 0:23:08.399
<v Speaker 2>some advice, call us, email us, find all the info

0:23:08.600 --> 0:23:10.959
<v Speaker 2>in the show notes and make sure you follow us

0:23:10.960 --> 0:23:14.440
<v Speaker 2>on socials. And if you like this podcast, rate it,

0:23:14.520 --> 0:23:17.840
<v Speaker 2>review it. It's great to get some response on this.

0:23:17.840 --> 0:23:20.960
<v Speaker 2>This is I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast where

0:23:21.000 --> 0:23:23.639
<v Speaker 2>falling in love is the main objective.