1 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:18,040 Speaker 1: Hey, there, I do part two. 2 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:21,360 Speaker 2: I'm one of your mentors, mister Wright, and I'm here 3 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:24,040 Speaker 2: to continue answering some of those questions that we got 4 00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:26,800 Speaker 2: last week. So let's dive right into some of those 5 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:30,640 Speaker 2: voicemails and emails asking about dating in chapter two. 6 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:35,600 Speaker 3: Hi, I'm calling in for the hotline questions. This is 7 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:39,360 Speaker 3: going to be an anonymous question. If I've been talking 8 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:41,880 Speaker 3: to a guy for almost a year, we text before, 9 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:44,760 Speaker 3: we have great chemistry, but he's never planned a real date. 10 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:47,560 Speaker 3: Am I being patient or am I being delusional? 11 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:51,280 Speaker 2: Let me know, Well, anonymous, I'm going to have to say, 12 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:53,400 Speaker 2: it's been a year and you haven't planned a real date. 13 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:57,440 Speaker 2: I'm thinking there might be some issues there. I'm not 14 00:00:57,440 --> 00:01:00,520 Speaker 2: saying you're being delusional, because the heart wants with their once, 15 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:04,680 Speaker 2: but I just I think you know much quicker than 16 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:05,080 Speaker 2: a year. 17 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:07,600 Speaker 1: There should be some momentum there. 18 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:10,000 Speaker 2: There should be momentum in the relationships, there should be progress, 19 00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:13,959 Speaker 2: and a year is a long time to wait. So gosh, 20 00:01:14,319 --> 00:01:17,000 Speaker 2: I can't think of a situation in which this makes 21 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:21,680 Speaker 2: a lot of sense to keep pursuing. So I would 22 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:24,800 Speaker 2: I would put you kind of more in your words, 23 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:27,120 Speaker 2: in your words, not mine in the delusional category to 24 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:30,280 Speaker 2: think that this is going to work out now, Anonymous, 25 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:32,920 Speaker 2: this sounds like it could be a long distance relationship. 26 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:34,560 Speaker 1: So maybe you're dating an astronaut. 27 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:36,520 Speaker 2: You know, he's been out of the country, out of 28 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:40,120 Speaker 2: the orbit for a while and can't do anything. But 29 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:43,039 Speaker 2: maybe you know, if it is long distance and not 30 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:45,000 Speaker 2: an astronaut. But if it is long distance, and that's 31 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:48,360 Speaker 2: the reason that a real date hasn't been established, I 32 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:50,240 Speaker 2: think this might be some time. You know, a time 33 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:53,360 Speaker 2: frame should be put on this and start building to something, 34 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,920 Speaker 2: you know, towards something, and put it on the calendar. 35 00:01:56,400 --> 00:02:00,520 Speaker 2: And if the person on the other end a box 36 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:02,560 Speaker 2: at that, then I think that you could probably answer 37 00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:05,560 Speaker 2: that question and not waste any more time. If it 38 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:07,720 Speaker 2: isn't going anywhere now, I think if you are going 39 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:10,880 Speaker 2: to end this with this person, I think there should 40 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:13,920 Speaker 2: be some wrap up. There should be some conclusion to it. 41 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:15,640 Speaker 2: I don't want to think you should just leave it hanging, 42 00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:17,480 Speaker 2: you know. I think you should definitely say, you know what, 43 00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:20,680 Speaker 2: it's been amazing, you know, talking to you over this 44 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:23,440 Speaker 2: last year, but it doesn't look as though we're really 45 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:26,359 Speaker 2: making any progress, you know. I really wish this could 46 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:28,760 Speaker 2: have worked out, but I'm looking for something more. And 47 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:31,360 Speaker 2: so I think you can take some responsibility for yourself 48 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,600 Speaker 2: because you know you have impressed the issue to the 49 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:37,280 Speaker 2: point where something's happened. So take some responsibility and it 50 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,399 Speaker 2: don't just put it on the other person and then 51 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:42,600 Speaker 2: you know, maybe you know, that would push that other 52 00:02:42,639 --> 00:02:44,480 Speaker 2: person to make a bigger effort to say, oh my gosh, 53 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:47,679 Speaker 2: I do not want to lose you. I'm going to 54 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:49,560 Speaker 2: take a flight out, I'm gonna drive out to see you, 55 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:53,520 Speaker 2: or let's meet somewhere. So don't just you know, don't 56 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:56,400 Speaker 2: just ghost them. That's the worst. But give an opportunity 57 00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,840 Speaker 2: for it to be made right. And you know, maybe 58 00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:02,800 Speaker 2: it doesn't, but maybe he does. That was a great, 59 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:06,639 Speaker 2: great question. Like another email here coming in from Kathy. 60 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:09,080 Speaker 2: She says that she's been dating a man that she 61 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:13,240 Speaker 2: met through a mutual friend for eight months. I really 62 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,560 Speaker 2: like where our relationship is going, but I want to 63 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:18,359 Speaker 2: talk about finances and don't know how to bring it up. 64 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,640 Speaker 2: I think I make more money than him. Do guys 65 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:25,000 Speaker 2: care about that stuff when we're in our fifties. My 66 00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:27,840 Speaker 2: ex husband was terrible with money, and I need to 67 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:31,200 Speaker 2: be with someone who isn't like that again, all right, Kathy, 68 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:37,000 Speaker 2: this is one of the biggest deltas between a first relationship, 69 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:40,720 Speaker 2: a first marriage, and a second marriage. The first mayor 70 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,280 Speaker 2: you're just starting off. You know, you might have made 71 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:44,680 Speaker 2: more money than you in your ex but like you know, 72 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:45,800 Speaker 2: it's kind of a you know, it's kind of a 73 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:47,640 Speaker 2: horse race. Who knows where it's gonna go because you're 74 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:50,560 Speaker 2: starting off, you're young, you're building your life in this 75 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:54,560 Speaker 2: second chapter, in this second go round. If you think 76 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:57,600 Speaker 2: that this might be the man of your second dreams, 77 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,960 Speaker 2: I think that it is important to make sure that 78 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:04,040 Speaker 2: everything is out on the table. You know, past, you know, 79 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:09,160 Speaker 2: history with other relationships, all these sorts of criminal records, 80 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:13,320 Speaker 2: and I think that finances are right there with with 81 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:16,680 Speaker 2: those topics. I think it's just as important. You want 82 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:20,760 Speaker 2: to make sure that there is no confusion, because maybe 83 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,120 Speaker 2: it isn't a big deal at all, but if you 84 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,159 Speaker 2: don't know, the not knowing is going to eat at you, 85 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:27,520 Speaker 2: especially if you're bringing it up right now, it is 86 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:29,760 Speaker 2: going to eat at you. And you know, if I 87 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:32,159 Speaker 2: was a guy on the other side, you know, maybe 88 00:04:32,279 --> 00:04:35,640 Speaker 2: you know, I'd be inspired that my partner is doing better. 89 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:36,680 Speaker 1: Than I am. 90 00:04:36,839 --> 00:04:39,320 Speaker 2: And I hope that you would be with somebody that 91 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 2: would not be jealous of you, that would want you 92 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:45,000 Speaker 2: to be as successful as possible. So this might be 93 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,560 Speaker 2: a great way to figure out what kind of guy 94 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:50,400 Speaker 2: this is. So don't be scared, especially if you know 95 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,920 Speaker 2: if you guys are in similar situations. He should expect 96 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:56,159 Speaker 2: that because you know, that's just one of the ways 97 00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:58,480 Speaker 2: that you go and avoid a landmine. 98 00:04:58,320 --> 00:04:58,920 Speaker 1: Down the road. 99 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:02,440 Speaker 2: Now, what does mister Wright think about how guys feel 100 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:05,560 Speaker 2: about the woman making more money. I think if he's 101 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:08,080 Speaker 2: a good guy, he would be inspired by that. I 102 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:09,960 Speaker 2: think that, you know, you don't want a guy that's 103 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,479 Speaker 2: going to be a you know, kind of a gold 104 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:15,159 Speaker 2: digger going the other direction. But I think that guys 105 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:20,280 Speaker 2: might feel an initial intimidation by it. But really, if 106 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,880 Speaker 2: you've got a good guy, he wants to say, O, God, 107 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:26,479 Speaker 2: this woman has been accomplished, She's done things, she's you know, 108 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,800 Speaker 2: she's smart with her money, works hard, whatever the case 109 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:32,640 Speaker 2: may be. But I don't think guys are going to 110 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,880 Speaker 2: be intimidated by that. And if so, I think that 111 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,320 Speaker 2: might be a red flag. And Kathy, I'm gonna let 112 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:41,839 Speaker 2: you know, right now that guys talk about finances, about 113 00:05:41,839 --> 00:05:44,640 Speaker 2: their dates, you know, the women they're dating, all that 114 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:47,200 Speaker 2: sort of stuff that does come up. Usually what the 115 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:51,560 Speaker 2: the caution is, is this person dating you for your money? 116 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:54,240 Speaker 2: Are they a gold digger? So it's usually that direction. 117 00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:58,240 Speaker 2: Now conversely, if you know, if the woman you know 118 00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:02,400 Speaker 2: is successful or independently healthy, able to take care of herself, 119 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:05,039 Speaker 2: that's usually something to brag about. 120 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:08,960 Speaker 1: And so you know, the you know, the joke is, you. 121 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:10,679 Speaker 2: Know, I'll be able to golf all I want because 122 00:06:10,839 --> 00:06:13,760 Speaker 2: you know, my my new wife girlfriend person I'm dating 123 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,920 Speaker 2: is going to take care of me. So usually when 124 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:20,960 Speaker 2: we're talking about finances between guys, we're making sure that 125 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,280 Speaker 2: the other guy isn't getting taken for you know, and 126 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:25,919 Speaker 2: and and someone dating him just for his money. But 127 00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:28,400 Speaker 2: if it's the other way around, that's usually a pretty 128 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:31,479 Speaker 2: cool thing. So taking Kathy's email a little bit further, 129 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,560 Speaker 2: you know, there are situations in chapter two, and you know, 130 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:39,120 Speaker 2: guys are now dating a divorce a and their previous 131 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:43,320 Speaker 2: lifestyle might have been extremely extravagant. Now they might have 132 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,160 Speaker 2: gotten a big settlement, they might have gotten a bunch 133 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:48,120 Speaker 2: of money, they might be a widower all sorts of situations, 134 00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:51,480 Speaker 2: and I think the guy has to be mindful of 135 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:54,080 Speaker 2: are they going to be able to keep up are 136 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:56,360 Speaker 2: they going to be able to provide or or keep 137 00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:58,919 Speaker 2: up with with what the with you know, what the 138 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:02,000 Speaker 2: woman is expecting. So I think, you know, in that 139 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:06,200 Speaker 2: conversation about finances, I think there's a big conversation about 140 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:09,800 Speaker 2: expectations as well. And you know, in chapter two, I mean, 141 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:13,800 Speaker 2: love is so important. Love is so important. Compatibility is 142 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:17,440 Speaker 2: also equally important, and I think that's where in chapter two, 143 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:21,640 Speaker 2: really finances do start to play into it. And I 144 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:24,400 Speaker 2: think that that is part of a conversation that needs 145 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:28,000 Speaker 2: to be had before you have kind of these false 146 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:31,360 Speaker 2: expectations and find yourself all of a sudden, Wait a second, 147 00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:34,760 Speaker 2: why didn't we talk about this earlier? This was so obvious? 148 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:38,400 Speaker 2: And that's you know, this is really a chapter two 149 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:43,200 Speaker 2: issue that doesn't come up in chapter one. In chapter one, 150 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:44,680 Speaker 2: you know, you're thinking, we're going to spend the rest 151 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,360 Speaker 2: of our lives together, We're going to build towards a 152 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:49,640 Speaker 2: common goal. In chapter two, it's like, yeah, I'm kind 153 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,840 Speaker 2: of we've kind of done a lot of that stuff independently. 154 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:56,680 Speaker 2: Do our lives merge, and that includes finances, that includes lifestyle, 155 00:07:56,720 --> 00:08:00,920 Speaker 2: includes vacations, all those sorts of things. You know, those 156 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:03,200 Speaker 2: have to mesh as well. All right, Kathy, Now you 157 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:05,480 Speaker 2: brought up, you know, kind of a hornet's nest. Now, 158 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:07,640 Speaker 2: if we're talking about finances and we got to talk 159 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:11,440 Speaker 2: about debt, we've got to talk about things like leverage 160 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:15,640 Speaker 2: and credit scores. And you know, when you're bringing on 161 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:18,000 Speaker 2: a partner in chapter two, you've got to make sure 162 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:19,560 Speaker 2: you know what you're getting. It's just like an investing 163 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:21,160 Speaker 2: in a company a little bit. You want to make 164 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:25,160 Speaker 2: sure that the balance sheet works. And I mean there's 165 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:28,880 Speaker 2: always mitigating circumstances. I mean maybe the guy just got 166 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:32,560 Speaker 2: taken to the cleaners by his ex wife, the settlement, 167 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:34,800 Speaker 2: child support, all these sort of things, So there could 168 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:37,320 Speaker 2: be mitigating circumstances here. So I don't want to just 169 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:41,000 Speaker 2: make a blanket statement, but I do think you need 170 00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:43,920 Speaker 2: to be careful if one or other is coming into 171 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:46,000 Speaker 2: the relationship. But give you a man or woman is 172 00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:48,880 Speaker 2: coming in with a bunch of debt, is coming in 173 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:50,920 Speaker 2: with a bunch of credit cards they can't pay off, 174 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:54,520 Speaker 2: are coming in and they're not employed or are living 175 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:58,440 Speaker 2: a lifestyle that is obviously outside of their means. Those 176 00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:01,040 Speaker 2: are things to get to be very, very very mindful 177 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:05,280 Speaker 2: of because it doesn't get better, it gets worse. And 178 00:09:05,559 --> 00:09:07,959 Speaker 2: if you are coming into it and you're going to 179 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:11,960 Speaker 2: be the one expected to bridge that gap, you got 180 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:14,360 Speaker 2: to be ready to bridge that gap all the way 181 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:17,400 Speaker 2: and continue to bridge that gap. If it's a lifestyle thing. 182 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:20,800 Speaker 2: So this is probably the least romantic thing we'll ever 183 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:23,480 Speaker 2: talk about, you know, on this podcast. 184 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:24,920 Speaker 1: But there is there. 185 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:28,560 Speaker 2: You know, their credit scores and debt, those things do 186 00:09:28,679 --> 00:09:31,880 Speaker 2: mean a lot, especially in chapter two. I mean, if 187 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:34,720 Speaker 2: this is a topic that is that is compelling to people, 188 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:38,000 Speaker 2: I would say bring in those questions or there's voicemails, 189 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:41,079 Speaker 2: emails and we can talk about some of the less 190 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:45,160 Speaker 2: romantic parts about relationships and you know, especially in chapter two, 191 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:48,440 Speaker 2: what are the things to be mindful of? What are 192 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:51,200 Speaker 2: the things that guys and girls should be looking for 193 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:54,480 Speaker 2: aside from just that spark Sparks are important, don't get 194 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:57,160 Speaker 2: me wrong, but as you get into chapter two, you 195 00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:59,520 Speaker 2: get in a different phase of your life. You know, 196 00:09:59,559 --> 00:10:03,920 Speaker 2: you're thinking about your security, your safety, You're thinking about 197 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:06,160 Speaker 2: maybe your kids, you know, and where they are in 198 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:09,480 Speaker 2: their lives. So there are parts of this chapter too, 199 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:13,960 Speaker 2: this next phase of your life that have to be considered, 200 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:26,920 Speaker 2: that are just really not considered in chapter one. Well, 201 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,880 Speaker 2: great question, Kathy, and you know that got us on 202 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,440 Speaker 2: all kinds of tangents. And let's get it centered here 203 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:33,679 Speaker 2: with our next voicemail. 204 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:35,439 Speaker 4: Hey, it's Emily. 205 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,520 Speaker 3: I'm in my forties and just thinking about getting onto 206 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:39,520 Speaker 3: dating apps for the. 207 00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:42,280 Speaker 4: Very first time. It's so scary. Can you tell me 208 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:44,679 Speaker 4: what we should be putting on our profile that won't 209 00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:47,440 Speaker 4: make you just like swipe by immediately? 210 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:47,880 Speaker 3: Like? 211 00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:50,280 Speaker 4: What are the top things that men want to see 212 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,360 Speaker 4: when they see these profiles? Thank you so much for 213 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:53,839 Speaker 4: your help. 214 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:58,640 Speaker 2: All right, this is a great question, now, mister right, 215 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:02,800 Speaker 2: this is what I feel. Three things have changed the 216 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:10,320 Speaker 2: trajectory of dating in mankind. It's been alcohol, deodorant, in 217 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:14,239 Speaker 2: social media. There is nothing that has been more responsible 218 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:18,400 Speaker 2: for hooking people up than those three things. Unfortunately, the 219 00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:21,760 Speaker 2: third part, the social media part, the profiles. What do 220 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:26,400 Speaker 2: you put on there? I mean, there is so much 221 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:29,240 Speaker 2: fluff out there. There is so much filter and fluff, 222 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:31,480 Speaker 2: which is fine, and it's great for likes and clicks 223 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:34,800 Speaker 2: and all that kind of stuff and follows. But if 224 00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:37,120 Speaker 2: you're at that point in your life where you're trying 225 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:41,080 Speaker 2: to find somebody through social media or even a dating app, 226 00:11:41,679 --> 00:11:42,840 Speaker 2: what should you put on there? 227 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,040 Speaker 1: I would say, put on the truth. 228 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:47,480 Speaker 2: I mean, you can put some fluff pictures, you can 229 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:50,480 Speaker 2: put some filter pictures. But if you want that first 230 00:11:50,559 --> 00:11:52,080 Speaker 2: date to go to a second, and a third and 231 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:55,000 Speaker 2: a fourth and whatever else comes after that, you don't 232 00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:57,240 Speaker 2: want to be selling a false bill of goods. And 233 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:01,600 Speaker 2: if you're into hiking, then put some hiking photos in there. 234 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:05,280 Speaker 2: If you're not into hiking, don't put hiking photos in there. 235 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:08,439 Speaker 2: Don't put out doorsy photos in there. Be honest about 236 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,200 Speaker 2: the sort of guy that you're trying to attract, not 237 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:13,240 Speaker 2: just for the first time, but for the first ten times. 238 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:16,120 Speaker 2: And so of course you can put you know, show 239 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:19,400 Speaker 2: pictures of what you look like in your best of best, 240 00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:21,800 Speaker 2: but also put a picture in there when you've just 241 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:25,280 Speaker 2: finished a marathon, or when you've just finished a hard day, 242 00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:27,800 Speaker 2: or you're at the beat like mix it up, I guess, 243 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:30,280 Speaker 2: is what I'm trying to say. If there's ten glam 244 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:33,800 Speaker 2: shots in a row, that might attract the wrong type 245 00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:35,720 Speaker 2: of guy. And what I mean by a wrong type 246 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:38,480 Speaker 2: of guys, a guy that's maybe not getting the full 247 00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:41,720 Speaker 2: picture of who you are. And so it's tough to 248 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:43,959 Speaker 2: say because it's not going to give you the likes 249 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,120 Speaker 2: and the follows and whatever else. If it's just bikini 250 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:51,280 Speaker 2: picture after glam picture after prom picture. But an honest profile, 251 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:53,880 Speaker 2: an honest set of pictures, I think is going to 252 00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:55,959 Speaker 2: attract the right type of guy that you're going to 253 00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:59,400 Speaker 2: eventually be looking for. I'll say, for guys, you know, 254 00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:03,960 Speaker 2: for your profiles, be honest, uh, you know, make sure 255 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,520 Speaker 2: that you're not, you know, portraying yourself to be six 256 00:13:06,559 --> 00:13:08,720 Speaker 2: foot five when you're five foot five. There's nothing wrong 257 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:11,839 Speaker 2: with being five foot five. There is something wrong at 258 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:14,680 Speaker 2: showing up for a date with a girl that thinks 259 00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:17,080 Speaker 2: you're six foot five and you're five foot five. That's lying. 260 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,839 Speaker 2: So just be honest about it. You can, you know, 261 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,280 Speaker 2: you know, you have to be obvious about it, but 262 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:25,640 Speaker 2: just don't don't lie. Don't don't be fake. You know, 263 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:28,000 Speaker 2: if you know, if you've if every hat or a 264 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,720 Speaker 2: picture that you have has a hat in it, then 265 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:31,319 Speaker 2: they're probably trying to hide something. 266 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:32,240 Speaker 1: Don't need to hide it. 267 00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:35,560 Speaker 2: Be honest because you don't want to end up at 268 00:13:35,559 --> 00:13:37,800 Speaker 2: that first date and think you're gonna fool them forever, 269 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:42,079 Speaker 2: So be honest. I think that posting pictures with your 270 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:44,360 Speaker 2: friends is important because I think a lot of times 271 00:13:44,679 --> 00:13:46,400 Speaker 2: girls are looking at profile and saying, well, you know, 272 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:47,160 Speaker 2: who does he hang out with? 273 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:48,680 Speaker 1: Does he have friends to begin with? 274 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:51,760 Speaker 2: Are they all hanging out watching video games, you know, 275 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:55,360 Speaker 2: smoking pot and you know, eating popcorn? Or are they 276 00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:57,720 Speaker 2: going out and doing things? Are they involved in a community, 277 00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,600 Speaker 2: Are they, you know, going to the beach and parties 278 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:02,080 Speaker 2: and travel and stuff like that. Those are the photos 279 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:05,280 Speaker 2: that I would highlight. If you have kids, show your kids, 280 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:07,480 Speaker 2: show what you like to do with your kids. I 281 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,360 Speaker 2: think that's an important part as well, to give kind 282 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:12,640 Speaker 2: of a full picture of the person that you are now. 283 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,600 Speaker 2: I would say almost the exact same thing for the 284 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:18,440 Speaker 2: women as well. In your profile, show things that you 285 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:22,320 Speaker 2: like to do, Show places that you like to go. Now, 286 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:24,760 Speaker 2: if you've only gone to Hawaii once, you don't need 287 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:28,120 Speaker 2: to spam five hundred Hawaii pictures, but you know, mix 288 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,760 Speaker 2: it up showing, you know, show the guys that might 289 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:32,840 Speaker 2: be looking at your profile the type of person that 290 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:36,200 Speaker 2: you are. Also show your friends also show if you 291 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,480 Speaker 2: have kids. That's important part of it as well. And 292 00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:41,560 Speaker 2: especially don't think about, hey, I just want to get 293 00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:44,000 Speaker 2: the first date. Think about how is this going to 294 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:46,120 Speaker 2: first date in a turn into ten dates or to 295 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:48,920 Speaker 2: maybe a happily ever after. And I think if you're 296 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:52,400 Speaker 2: not being honest with your profiles and your pictures, if 297 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:55,360 Speaker 2: you're if you're using too many filters, or you know, 298 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:58,120 Speaker 2: hiding hiding your you know, your hairline or hiding your 299 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:01,120 Speaker 2: eyes or whatever that is, it might work once, but 300 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,200 Speaker 2: it's not going to work a second time. And lastly, 301 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:04,880 Speaker 2: I want to talk about this new thing that I've 302 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:07,200 Speaker 2: seen on dating apps, which are the voice memos, of 303 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:07,880 Speaker 2: the voice notes. 304 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:09,160 Speaker 1: I think it's great. 305 00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:13,320 Speaker 2: I think every kind of like turning a person from 306 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:15,240 Speaker 2: one D into three D as much as you can 307 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,600 Speaker 2: is great. I think there should be video notes. I 308 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:20,600 Speaker 2: think as much of that out there as possible, I 309 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:24,120 Speaker 2: think is a great thing. So there's less suspense when 310 00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:25,920 Speaker 2: you're going to go meet the person. There's more kind 311 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:29,920 Speaker 2: of expectations are going to be realized once you see 312 00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:32,280 Speaker 2: them or meet them. And that's why I think it's 313 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:33,960 Speaker 2: also a great thing to talk to somebody on the 314 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,200 Speaker 2: phone text with them before you ever meet them, so 315 00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:37,920 Speaker 2: you can kind of get a familiarity, You kind of 316 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:40,440 Speaker 2: get a rhythm and a pace to the way you 317 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:44,680 Speaker 2: communicate before you just have that awkward first hug when 318 00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:47,280 Speaker 2: you meet each other at the restaurant. 319 00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:47,920 Speaker 1: Of the bar, wherever it is. 320 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,480 Speaker 2: So I'm all a fan of as many different ways 321 00:15:51,920 --> 00:16:04,560 Speaker 2: to break the ice with someone before you actually meet them. 322 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:04,960 Speaker 1: All right. 323 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:08,400 Speaker 2: We have one more email here from Leila, and she writes, 324 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:11,440 Speaker 2: I'm trying to date with more intention the older I get. 325 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,479 Speaker 2: How soon into dating guy, do I mention my timeline 326 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:17,720 Speaker 2: when it comes to getting engaged and married. I feel 327 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:20,800 Speaker 2: like I wasn't upfront quickly enough in past relationships, and 328 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:24,640 Speaker 2: I don't have time to wait anymore. All right, Leilah, 329 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:27,920 Speaker 2: great question, especially you know as we're working in chapter two, 330 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:31,200 Speaker 2: we're working in this next part of our lives. Yeah, 331 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,560 Speaker 2: you do want to date with more intention, but I'd 332 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:38,560 Speaker 2: be careful about timelines. Timelines are just boxes, and your 333 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:42,000 Speaker 2: box and somebody else's box might not be identical. They 334 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:44,440 Speaker 2: might be similar, but as soon as you start putting 335 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:48,200 Speaker 2: a box into something and a deadline, the other person 336 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:51,360 Speaker 2: might start to feel trapped by it. Now you want 337 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:53,520 Speaker 2: to make sure that you are continuing to make progress, 338 00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:56,080 Speaker 2: and I think that that's more of a personal responsibility thing, 339 00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:58,880 Speaker 2: where you're saying, Okay, by the fifth date, I want 340 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:01,360 Speaker 2: to make sure I've met his fan. By the tenth date, 341 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,320 Speaker 2: I want to meet his kids or whatever. Those little 342 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,439 Speaker 2: kind of hurdles are that you want to hit, make 343 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:10,080 Speaker 2: sure you're doing those, but maybe use those with the 344 00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:13,040 Speaker 2: other person as opposed to getting engaged and getting married. 345 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:16,760 Speaker 2: I think that stuff will come more kind of organically 346 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:19,960 Speaker 2: as you're hitting these milestones, and it can be up 347 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:24,040 Speaker 2: to you to set those milestones for that other person 348 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,760 Speaker 2: so they know, Okay, yeah, so meeting my family's important, okay, great, 349 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:28,440 Speaker 2: meeting my friends is great. 350 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:30,920 Speaker 1: Okay, So put those things out there. 351 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:34,800 Speaker 2: Don't put a timeline an engagement necessarily or a marriage necessarily. 352 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,119 Speaker 2: You can talk about that's your goal in life. I 353 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,280 Speaker 2: do want to get remarried. I do want to, you know, 354 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:42,240 Speaker 2: have all these things and talk about those things. But 355 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:43,800 Speaker 2: as soon as you say that I want that on 356 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:47,440 Speaker 2: June fifteenth this year, you might find a little bit 357 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:49,640 Speaker 2: of apprehension from the other side. Maybe you won't, which 358 00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:52,520 Speaker 2: is great, but I would tend to think that the 359 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:55,840 Speaker 2: other person might have a similar timeline, but maybe not 360 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:58,520 Speaker 2: the exact same one. It would be a shame to 361 00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:01,240 Speaker 2: break up a relationship because you're off by a couple 362 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:04,439 Speaker 2: of months. So I think that timelines definitely are more 363 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:07,680 Speaker 2: important to women than the art of men. And again, 364 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,840 Speaker 2: a lot of it depends on how long has the 365 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:11,280 Speaker 2: person come out of a relationship. 366 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,520 Speaker 1: You know, where is where's their headspace at right now? 367 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,600 Speaker 2: And maybe that they you know, both people want to 368 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:19,080 Speaker 2: get remarried, and maybe they want to get remarried to 369 00:18:19,119 --> 00:18:21,560 Speaker 2: each other. One person's timeline says, I've been out of 370 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:23,440 Speaker 2: a relationship for five years. I want to get married now. 371 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,920 Speaker 2: The other person might say, listen, this is the third 372 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:27,679 Speaker 2: person I've dated. I just need a little bit of 373 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:31,320 Speaker 2: time I'm you know, before I'm actually ready. So I 374 00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:34,040 Speaker 2: think that, you know, it depends, you know, in in 375 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,919 Speaker 2: you know timelines, I think for chapter one, when you're 376 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:40,399 Speaker 2: first getting married, I think that there's you know, women 377 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:43,640 Speaker 2: definitely have very hard and fast timelines for it because 378 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,200 Speaker 2: they want to have babies and they want to start 379 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:48,119 Speaker 2: a family and all these other things. In this next chapter, 380 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,600 Speaker 2: even though you might not think it, we have time 381 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,480 Speaker 2: you know, there is there is time to make sure 382 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:57,000 Speaker 2: that you are comfortable, that you're in the right headspace, 383 00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,840 Speaker 2: that your finances are right, that your situations are right, 384 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,879 Speaker 2: kids are right. There's all these mitigating factors in there 385 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:04,840 Speaker 2: where it might not just be the guy or the 386 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:08,040 Speaker 2: girl that says, you know, I need some time, not 387 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:10,479 Speaker 2: because I haven't made up my decision about the other person, 388 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:13,520 Speaker 2: but because I need to get my landscape right. I 389 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:16,240 Speaker 2: need to get my life kind of organized so I 390 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,040 Speaker 2: can be the best partner I can be for the 391 00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:21,360 Speaker 2: other person. So I think ultimately that you know, two 392 00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:25,159 Speaker 2: compatible people are working towards the same thing, and hopefully 393 00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,280 Speaker 2: you've talked about it. Hopefully you've talked about your goals. 394 00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:30,560 Speaker 2: If it is marriage, getting married, if it is moving 395 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:33,119 Speaker 2: in together, it is moving in together. But I would 396 00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:36,959 Speaker 2: just be careful about setting too many expectations on exact dates, 397 00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:40,080 Speaker 2: and like I said before, put in these little pieces, 398 00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:42,520 Speaker 2: little kind of hurdles that you want to see happen 399 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,760 Speaker 2: along the way that are ultimately going to lead there. 400 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:50,520 Speaker 2: Meeting friends, meeting family, meeting kids, vacation together, and you know, 401 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:53,719 Speaker 2: and then the other things just kind of come organically 402 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:57,679 Speaker 2: and make sure that you're being responsible for yourself and 403 00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,040 Speaker 2: protecting your heart to make sure that you know the 404 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,320 Speaker 2: other person is working towards the same thing that you are. 405 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:06,960 Speaker 2: But again, I'm just I would be cautious about putting 406 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,400 Speaker 2: a firm deadline saying that we need to be engaged 407 00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:12,199 Speaker 2: by the end of the year, because maybe that's not 408 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:14,560 Speaker 2: quite what the other person's thinking. And again, it would 409 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:18,359 Speaker 2: be a shame to mess up something really great over 410 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:22,040 Speaker 2: a calendar. All Right, it looks like we have one 411 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:26,359 Speaker 2: last voicemail on this topic today, so let's hear it. 412 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:33,080 Speaker 4: Hi. My name is Stephanie, and my question is is 413 00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:37,280 Speaker 4: it ever appropriate to have sex in a public setting 414 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:43,560 Speaker 4: when you are, let's say, above the age of thirty 415 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:49,520 Speaker 4: or is it just entirely gross maybe like outside or 416 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:53,320 Speaker 4: in a restaurant, bathroom, et cetera. 417 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:58,199 Speaker 2: Thanks bye, all right, Stephanie, that's a that's a doozy 418 00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:02,560 Speaker 2: to end up with. I love it. Is it gross 419 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:08,200 Speaker 2: to have sex in a public place after your thirty Well, 420 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:12,840 Speaker 2: usually the options for public spaces are pretty gross. 421 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:14,639 Speaker 1: To begin with. I mean, we're talking about bathrooms. 422 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,600 Speaker 2: You know, it might be hot and heavy and romantic 423 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:21,720 Speaker 2: in the moment, maybe, but I'd still put that on 424 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:25,000 Speaker 2: the gross factor, especially you know, if you're you know, 425 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:27,960 Speaker 2: if you're a mature adult. You know, I don't know 426 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,520 Speaker 2: what the thirty threshold is, but like, you know, if 427 00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:35,200 Speaker 2: you've got you know, kids, friends, anyone that could possibly 428 00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,879 Speaker 2: ever find out about it, I think I'd be mortified. 429 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:38,919 Speaker 1: I like the idea. 430 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:41,720 Speaker 2: I mean, it's you know, it's definitely a sexy thought, 431 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:47,840 Speaker 2: but I think that I think probably sex in a 432 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:52,159 Speaker 2: park after thirty, I just I just can't imagine that 433 00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,320 Speaker 2: that's anything that anyone would want to see. But if 434 00:21:54,359 --> 00:21:56,800 Speaker 2: I'm thinking about it, okay, what are public places? I'm 435 00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:59,359 Speaker 2: just thinking, you know, you know, in the in the 436 00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:01,199 Speaker 2: bleaches of a ball game, which I think is probably 437 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:04,200 Speaker 2: a little bit more of an extreme thought, but maybe, 438 00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:06,439 Speaker 2: you know, if you're thinking about Mile High Club, you know, 439 00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:08,280 Speaker 2: if you have the flexibility and if you're back and 440 00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:11,480 Speaker 2: hold up, then that's an option. And that's obviously something 441 00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:14,880 Speaker 2: that people like to brag about that they've they've accomplished, 442 00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:18,080 Speaker 2: you know, camping. I guess is that is that a 443 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:19,840 Speaker 2: public spot? I'm not really sure if it is or not, 444 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:22,240 Speaker 2: But if it is, I think that's fine as long 445 00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:24,480 Speaker 2: as you know, you haven't been camping for too long. 446 00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:28,439 Speaker 2: So I think that it probably depends on the on 447 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:34,080 Speaker 2: the place, the time, the situation and uh, you know 448 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,760 Speaker 2: that's a that's a that there's there's a lot of factors, 449 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:40,119 Speaker 2: a lot of mitigating factors in there. But generally I 450 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:43,760 Speaker 2: think that you know, sex and a bathroom and a 451 00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:47,200 Speaker 2: bar probably lead it to the kids. Well, I got 452 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:48,920 Speaker 2: to say that for our first time out. 453 00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:49,840 Speaker 1: That was amazing. 454 00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:54,000 Speaker 2: I was not expecting the wide variety and uh, colorful 455 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:57,919 Speaker 2: questions and thoughts, but I hope it was helpful my 456 00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:01,040 Speaker 2: mister wright perspective on all these things. And you know, 457 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,800 Speaker 2: if you're single and in your chapter two and need 458 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:08,399 Speaker 2: some advice, call us, email us, find all the info 459 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:10,959 Speaker 2: in the show notes and make sure you follow us 460 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:14,440 Speaker 2: on socials. And if you like this podcast, rate it, 461 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:17,840 Speaker 2: review it. It's great to get some response on this. 462 00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:20,960 Speaker 2: This is I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast where 463 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,639 Speaker 2: falling in love is the main objective.