WEBVTT - BATHROOM KETAMINE THERAPY 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:01.599 Hello, Hello, Hello, what's up? Greg? 0:00:02.240 --> 0:00:05.720 Not a whole lot? I'm uh, it's a beautiful fucking 0:00:05.800 --> 0:00:06.600 day outside. 0:00:07.560 --> 0:00:08.600 Uh. 0:00:09.240 --> 0:00:12.879 I think the pills I've been taking are working. It's 0:00:12.880 --> 0:00:14.800 hard when you take, you know what, It's hard when 0:00:14.880 --> 0:00:19.880 like you're trying to solve for X in your like 0:00:20.040 --> 0:00:22.040 body and mind, you know what I mean. Like I've 0:00:22.040 --> 0:00:24.239 been there for years. I've been trying to solve for X. 0:00:24.280 --> 0:00:28.040 I'm like, how much caffeine? What kind of pills am 0:00:28.040 --> 0:00:31.520 I high? Am I sober? What time did I wake up? 0:00:32.120 --> 0:00:33.479 What am I doing? You know, like this is all 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:35.960 this fun You're trying to solve for X of like 0:00:36.000 --> 0:00:38.720 what are the exact what's the chemical equation that's gonna 0:00:38.760 --> 0:00:44.600 make me a functioning human fucking being? And I feel 0:00:44.600 --> 0:00:46.960 like a functioning human being right now, and I can't. 0:00:47.040 --> 0:00:49.320 I don't know what the X is. I don't know 0:00:49.320 --> 0:00:53.240 if it's pills, I don't know if it's sun I 0:00:53.280 --> 0:00:55.600 don't know if it's a combination of a bunch of things. 0:00:55.640 --> 0:00:59.319 But I'm not gonna ask any more fucking questions. I'm 0:00:59.360 --> 0:01:02.440 just gonna en joy the feeling. 0:01:02.880 --> 0:01:06.160 Yeah, Yeah, it's hard to get to that point sometimes, 0:01:06.280 --> 0:01:08.039 like just just own it for a bit, you know. 0:01:08.560 --> 0:01:12.560 Yeah, yeah, sometimes sometimes you don't. Sometimes you just don't 0:01:12.600 --> 0:01:15.200 fucking have to ask questions. But uh, what's your name? 0:01:15.240 --> 0:01:16.320 Did I ask you that already? 0:01:17.319 --> 0:01:18.199 Brooks? 0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:21.360 Brooks? What's up? Brooks? Is there anything you wanted to 0:01:21.400 --> 0:01:22.280 talk about today? 0:01:23.760 --> 0:01:24.000 Yeah? 0:01:24.040 --> 0:01:27.120 Sure, I mean I have a I don't know. I 0:01:27.160 --> 0:01:29.080 really like respect what you do. I feel like there 0:01:29.080 --> 0:01:32.360 needs to be more like mentors in the world. Kind 0:01:32.360 --> 0:01:34.280 of is something I think you do in a weird way, 0:01:34.360 --> 0:01:38.840 like for especially for like you know, I'm like millennial, 0:01:38.920 --> 0:01:41.119 but like I feel like gen Z and like younger 0:01:41.160 --> 0:01:46.120 millennial has never really got that mentorship. I feel actually online. 0:01:45.800 --> 0:01:52.280 I feel uncomfortable being. I'm I'm very honored that you 0:01:52.280 --> 0:01:54.520 would refer to me as a mentor, but for some reason, 0:01:55.120 --> 0:01:59.480 I feel uncomfortable being Is that how? 0:02:01.360 --> 0:02:02.840 No, I don't think it needs to be like a 0:02:02.880 --> 0:02:07.240 thing like a mentor's like, oh, it's like mister Miyagi like, oh, 0:02:07.600 --> 0:02:09.360 we're you know, whack whack song. I think it's just 0:02:09.360 --> 0:02:12.240 someone that like you can kind of like someone who's 0:02:12.240 --> 0:02:14.360 maybe like had a little bit more in life experience 0:02:14.400 --> 0:02:16.480 than you or in your case, like talk to more 0:02:16.480 --> 0:02:19.160 people to like understand more life experiences to help people 0:02:19.200 --> 0:02:22.359 kind of like frame their you know, the way they're 0:02:22.360 --> 0:02:24.920 feeling or what they're doing in their lives. And I 0:02:25.000 --> 0:02:26.440 kind of, you know, I want to I've been wanting 0:02:26.440 --> 0:02:28.400 to like do that myself because like I had a 0:02:28.400 --> 0:02:31.840 pretty crazy run in my twenties and you know, now 0:02:31.840 --> 0:02:34.959 I'm like thirty five, and so I just I don't know, 0:02:35.000 --> 0:02:37.440 I feel like it's just nice to be able to 0:02:37.520 --> 0:02:40.839 kind of see people where they're at and like, hey, man, 0:02:40.880 --> 0:02:43.640 like you're doing all right. You say that a lot. 0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:45.919 It's especially when someone calls like, oh, I'm nineteen, I'm 0:02:45.919 --> 0:02:49.000 going through this crazy shit and it's like, yeah, you're nineteen, 0:02:49.160 --> 0:02:51.000 just like chill. 0:02:51.000 --> 0:02:53.400 Right through what you're going through and right. 0:02:53.639 --> 0:02:54.040 Yeah. 0:02:54.200 --> 0:02:57.799 So I just I really respect that. But yeah, yeah. 0:02:58.120 --> 0:03:02.200 So I grew up like super conservative Christian in Texas, 0:03:02.520 --> 0:03:06.200 and so like my parents were super strict, didn't let 0:03:06.240 --> 0:03:09.200 me watch like I couldn't even watch like rug Rats. 0:03:09.240 --> 0:03:11.239 I could only watch like Disney Channel. Rug Rats was 0:03:11.280 --> 0:03:15.760 too like too much. So I just kind of lived 0:03:15.760 --> 0:03:19.440 that life up until I was like, you know, sixteen seventeen, 0:03:20.240 --> 0:03:22.560 and I was like whole Christian Anything doesn't make any sense. 0:03:22.880 --> 0:03:25.800 It's funny because like you being Jewish. One of the 0:03:25.840 --> 0:03:27.440 things that turned me off the most was like I 0:03:27.480 --> 0:03:29.840 asked them in like Sunday schools, like did Jews go 0:03:29.960 --> 0:03:31.600 to Heaven? And they're like, oh no, no, no, for 0:03:31.600 --> 0:03:34.040 sure not yea. I was like, Ah, that doesn't that 0:03:34.080 --> 0:03:38.600 doesn't work, that doesn't make sense. Yeah. So so I started, 0:03:38.600 --> 0:03:41.160 you know kind of like kind of like turning away 0:03:41.160 --> 0:03:45.000 from all that and smoking weed and drinking, and you know, 0:03:45.120 --> 0:03:48.320 got like super shunned. I was like perpetually grounded, and 0:03:48.440 --> 0:03:52.200 so I just kind of like separated from my family 0:03:52.320 --> 0:03:54.800 and went off to college and got into a good 0:03:54.840 --> 0:03:57.520 school and like started studying for chemical engineering at like 0:03:57.800 --> 0:04:02.200 text A and M, which is a fucking crazy engineering school, 0:04:02.360 --> 0:04:05.600 and just like couldn't keep up that and working like 0:04:05.640 --> 0:04:08.560 I was like full time geek squad, like trying to 0:04:08.560 --> 0:04:11.000 do that and a job full time is just like 0:04:11.040 --> 0:04:14.360 because I wouldn't get any money, and so, you know, 0:04:14.360 --> 0:04:17.360 I dropped out of that and I kind of went 0:04:17.400 --> 0:04:20.640 the geek squad route for a while and then started 0:04:20.720 --> 0:04:22.880 picking up DJing as a hobby because I've always been 0:04:22.880 --> 0:04:25.320 into like electronic music and rais and this is kind 0:04:25.320 --> 0:04:28.279 of like you know when that was like burgeoning, like 0:04:28.360 --> 0:04:31.719 twenty twelve, twenty thirteen, Like I've been helping out with 0:04:31.800 --> 0:04:36.120 some local shows and started doing lighting and then like 0:04:36.720 --> 0:04:39.279 got a gig working the lighting at a nightclub, and 0:04:39.360 --> 0:04:41.560 like it's like all these bars and college stations. So 0:04:41.600 --> 0:04:44.080 I started doing the lighting and so then I was 0:04:44.080 --> 0:04:46.480 like in with the DJ, and actually I learned how 0:04:46.480 --> 0:04:49.200 to DJ through that and kind of made that like 0:04:49.240 --> 0:04:51.240 my passion while I was still working Geese Squad and 0:04:52.279 --> 0:04:55.440 ended up meeting this chick Sees. She came up to 0:04:55.440 --> 0:04:57.280 fucking talk shit to the DJ because he played a 0:04:57.279 --> 0:05:03.080 Britney Spears track even know went off, and so we 0:05:03.160 --> 0:05:05.240 hit it off from there and we started dating, moved 0:05:05.240 --> 0:05:08.600 into the house together, got three cats together. We were 0:05:08.600 --> 0:05:13.520 together for years, and then one day out of the blue, 0:05:13.560 --> 0:05:17.240 she's like, so, I've been talking with my best friend, 0:05:17.240 --> 0:05:19.440 who was like her ex from back when she was 0:05:19.480 --> 0:05:26.240 in undergrad about this plan that we've had for whenever 0:05:26.560 --> 0:05:28.920 his grandfather passed away, he was going to get an inheritance, 0:05:29.120 --> 0:05:31.800 and they always had this plan to like move back 0:05:31.839 --> 0:05:34.040 to the West Coast and buy this piece of property 0:05:34.080 --> 0:05:38.880 and like turn it into like a communal party festival 0:05:38.960 --> 0:05:41.359 grounds type thing, like kind of like a commune but 0:05:41.440 --> 0:05:46.359 just for like little mini festivals. And she's like, so 0:05:46.440 --> 0:05:51.120 I'm like, I'm gonna go do that, and whoa. I 0:05:51.240 --> 0:05:54.159 talked to him about it, and he said, like, you're 0:05:54.160 --> 0:05:56.680 a DJ, like he seems like you seem cool, you 0:05:56.720 --> 0:05:59.000 could be helpful, So do you want to like go 0:05:59.800 --> 0:06:02.840 do that? And I go drop everything. Like I'd only 0:06:02.880 --> 0:06:05.640 lived in Texas, you know, twenty six at the time. 0:06:08.000 --> 0:06:10.560 I was like, yeah, let's do it. Texas was kind 0:06:10.560 --> 0:06:13.560 of getting old, like the whole DJ stuff was kind 0:06:13.560 --> 0:06:19.440 of getting stale, and so we totally. 0:06:19.240 --> 0:06:22.960 I totally thought this was turning into a thing where 0:06:23.480 --> 0:06:26.039 she's like, yeah, I'm gonna go be with my Ax. 0:06:27.560 --> 0:06:31.960 Yeah it was, but also like I was invited along, 0:06:32.080 --> 0:06:35.200 so it became this like, yeah, moved all the way 0:06:35.200 --> 0:06:37.560 across the country. He sold everything, bought a truck and 0:06:37.600 --> 0:06:40.400 a trailer and drove all the way out to fucking 0:06:40.480 --> 0:06:46.320 Reno and moved into her mom's basement and the three 0:06:46.360 --> 0:06:50.000 of us. And because he equate his job work in 0:06:50.080 --> 0:06:55.800 tech and then so he had also been working like 0:06:56.480 --> 0:06:58.719 on building an art car for burning Man. I don't 0:06:58.720 --> 0:07:00.919 know if I know much a little bit about it, 0:07:00.960 --> 0:07:04.240 but basically him and his buddy had like his buddy 0:07:04.240 --> 0:07:08.160 had bought a five ton army truck and they turned 0:07:08.160 --> 0:07:11.200 it into a giant art car. And this is the 0:07:11.200 --> 0:07:13.240 first year they were doing that. So he's like, yeah, 0:07:13.360 --> 0:07:16.640 like I got your tickets to Burning Man, Like, let's go. 0:07:17.280 --> 0:07:17.760 It's on me. 0:07:18.560 --> 0:07:23.640 And so I went from like Texas, you know nothing 0:07:23.680 --> 0:07:26.440 to Burning Man in a matter of months, and that 0:07:26.600 --> 0:07:29.440 was pretty wild. Like I went from like DJing at 0:07:29.480 --> 0:07:32.400 a bar in a you know, like a college town 0:07:32.440 --> 0:07:34.840 in Texas to like DJing on top of a two 0:07:34.840 --> 0:07:37.480 ton army truck with two stories in the middle of 0:07:37.520 --> 0:07:41.800 a Burning Man mailstrom. So I was pretty I was 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:43.760 pretty hooked at that point. I was like, this is 0:07:44.440 --> 0:07:46.240 way better than anything I ever had going on. 0:07:48.160 --> 0:07:55.560 So okay, So did she did your ex girl? Did 0:07:55.600 --> 0:07:59.760 your girlfriend at the time like romantically get back together 0:07:59.840 --> 0:08:01.280 with her? X? 0:08:02.760 --> 0:08:02.840 No? 0:08:02.960 --> 0:08:05.680 I mean we were together still, okay, but I mean 0:08:05.680 --> 0:08:08.120 there was still definitely I feel like that tension. Maybe 0:08:08.200 --> 0:08:11.320 I was like blissfully unaware of it, and especially you know, 0:08:11.360 --> 0:08:13.560 like a Burning Man, like everything's crazy. 0:08:14.680 --> 0:08:17.120 Were they like were they were they fucking. 0:08:18.560 --> 0:08:21.280 I don't think so. Probably not. They didn't seem like 0:08:21.280 --> 0:08:23.880 that kind of thing. I mean, they've just always been 0:08:23.920 --> 0:08:27.440 really good friends, Like you know, they're like high school sweethearts, 0:08:27.480 --> 0:08:29.800 went to college together and then like moved out to 0:08:29.840 --> 0:08:35.200 Texas together and that's when I met her. Okay, But yeah, 0:08:35.240 --> 0:08:37.480 so after Burning Man, you know, it was like Burning Man, 0:08:37.520 --> 0:08:41.720 everything's like crazy awesome, Like stayed up and did acid 0:08:41.760 --> 0:08:44.520 for three days in a row and that's that'll change 0:08:44.559 --> 0:08:50.040 your mind about what the world is. But after that, 0:08:50.480 --> 0:08:53.400 then when we kind of like started hitting the Grindstone 0:08:53.440 --> 0:08:55.520 Hert and like checking out all these properties all across 0:08:55.559 --> 0:09:00.600 the West coast and eventually landed on one out in 0:09:00.640 --> 0:09:05.000 like Mendocino and pulled the trigger on it. And next 0:09:05.000 --> 0:09:06.520 thing you know, it's like the three of us out 0:09:06.559 --> 0:09:08.840 living in the middle of the woods in the middle 0:09:08.920 --> 0:09:13.079 of winter. And that's when shit got really weird. Like 0:09:13.679 --> 0:09:16.760 it was like the rainiest winter they'd had. It rained 0:09:16.800 --> 0:09:22.320 like one hundred inches that winter, which is like tropical 0:09:22.440 --> 0:09:27.199 level rainforest shit, And like there was a landslide that 0:09:27.280 --> 0:09:30.960 cut off the road. It was like on Highway one, 0:09:31.240 --> 0:09:34.319 and this landslide like cut off Highway One. We were 0:09:34.360 --> 0:09:37.319 like marooned from the main town, so we had to 0:09:37.400 --> 0:09:39.160 drive like an hour up the coast to give food 0:09:39.160 --> 0:09:41.680 and water and stuff. I mean there was water, but 0:09:43.080 --> 0:09:44.640 and yeah, so we were just like in this kind 0:09:44.679 --> 0:09:50.360 of like dark, dreary, raining every day warehouse in the 0:09:50.360 --> 0:09:53.640 middle of the woods, like trying to turn this thing 0:09:53.679 --> 0:10:00.320 into like a community festival, ground space. And we were 0:10:00.360 --> 0:10:04.280 doing some drugs and she was she started getting more 0:10:04.320 --> 0:10:06.800 and more into acid, and there would be points where 0:10:07.640 --> 0:10:09.240 she would just take it for like days at a 0:10:09.280 --> 0:10:11.400 time and not sleep, and she was thought she was 0:10:11.440 --> 0:10:14.079 like connecting with some kind of greater meaning to the universe, 0:10:14.120 --> 0:10:20.440 and something kind of snapped in her where basically she 0:10:20.559 --> 0:10:22.960 just started losing touch with like actual reality, and like, 0:10:23.960 --> 0:10:25.960 come to find out later she went from Mike. She know, 0:10:26.000 --> 0:10:28.000 she'd always been kind of bipolar, you know, like where 0:10:28.000 --> 0:10:30.920 you you know, go from like depressive to kind of 0:10:30.960 --> 0:10:34.880 like you know, hypomanic where you're like energized and doing stuff. 0:10:37.200 --> 0:10:39.520 But yeah, there was like a switch that flipped with 0:10:39.559 --> 0:10:41.720 that where she went from like type two, which is 0:10:41.760 --> 0:10:44.719 that kind of like functioning you know, just like goes 0:10:44.760 --> 0:10:47.040 from like really depressed, really happy and back and forth 0:10:47.080 --> 0:10:50.120 to like type one, which is like you go through 0:10:50.160 --> 0:10:56.720 like actual mania, and she was like like speaking in 0:10:56.760 --> 0:10:59.680 like a Lana del Rey voice and like making prayers 0:10:59.679 --> 0:11:03.840 to kind and Elon Musk and like convince that she 0:11:03.960 --> 0:11:07.560 was having a relationship with Kanye via Spotify. And it 0:11:07.679 --> 0:11:10.000 was just really weird because it was like all hyper 0:11:10.000 --> 0:11:15.079 fixated on like Elon Musk and Donald Blubber and the 0:11:15.160 --> 0:11:17.360 two of them, and so she was kind of the 0:11:17.360 --> 0:11:19.760 only thing holding the three of us together. And once 0:11:19.800 --> 0:11:21.720 she lost it, the two of us, who didn't even 0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:25.480 really have any sort of prior friendship or relationship, we're 0:11:25.520 --> 0:11:28.200 just like what the fuck are we doing? Like what 0:11:28.240 --> 0:11:33.480 do we do? And like she couldn't see I don't 0:11:33.480 --> 0:11:36.240 know if you ever, I'm sure you've probably heard people's 0:11:36.280 --> 0:11:38.320 stories of like dealing with people who are fully manic, 0:11:38.400 --> 0:11:42.200 but it's like they can't see it in themselves, and 0:11:42.280 --> 0:11:44.400 like whenever they need to, they can just like snap 0:11:44.440 --> 0:11:46.559 out of it and act like a totally normal human. 0:11:48.240 --> 0:11:53.640 And it's really hard to get someone to get someone 0:11:53.720 --> 0:11:56.920 help when they are like refusing treatment. It's like it's 0:11:56.920 --> 0:12:00.560 impossible unless they're proven that they're danger to themselves or others. 0:12:00.559 --> 0:12:02.440 You can't get a fifty one to fifty in California, 0:12:03.960 --> 0:12:06.200 and so this went on for months and like to 0:12:06.240 --> 0:12:09.319 a point where it was like like we had a 0:12:09.320 --> 0:12:12.200 shotgun on the property for protection, and there was like 0:12:12.200 --> 0:12:16.079 a whole bunch of spooky shit with the shotgun. And 0:12:16.120 --> 0:12:20.320 it was like coming into the spring, and we had 0:12:20.400 --> 0:12:23.320 just booked our first camp out, and this is like 0:12:23.559 --> 0:12:25.760 kind of like the whole point of this whole endeavors 0:12:25.760 --> 0:12:28.120 to like throw this camp out with this other burning 0:12:28.160 --> 0:12:29.640 Man camp that we were friends with. 0:12:30.840 --> 0:12:31.080 And. 0:12:32.800 --> 0:12:36.240 We're like, we can't have people coming to this place 0:12:36.360 --> 0:12:39.640 with her like this. So her parents like flew in 0:12:40.520 --> 0:12:44.160 and rot like drove in and took her to like 0:12:44.240 --> 0:12:48.720 a crisis center and that's when we were able to 0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:52.599 get her into like actual care. And that was the 0:12:52.640 --> 0:12:54.320 same weekend as the first camp out. So it was 0:12:54.360 --> 0:12:57.400 like right when I'm at like the darkest, deepest point 0:12:57.440 --> 0:12:59.440 of my own like you know, this is like my 0:12:59.480 --> 0:13:02.000 whole life. I didn't have anything besides her really out here. 0:13:02.000 --> 0:13:04.200 Like if this all went hits up, I didn't know 0:13:04.480 --> 0:13:05.000 what I was. 0:13:04.960 --> 0:13:05.320 Going to do. 0:13:06.440 --> 0:13:08.320 But then like all these people came in from San 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:11.840 Francisco and like through this awesome party. It was all weekend. 0:13:11.920 --> 0:13:15.080 Everyone was so cool and loving, and I just like 0:13:16.160 --> 0:13:18.240 right when I lost her was when I found like 0:13:18.320 --> 0:13:21.160 my people, and my purpose was like, oh, it's like 0:13:21.240 --> 0:13:24.120 here to like build community and like get these people 0:13:24.160 --> 0:13:28.080 a place to you know, get together and hang out 0:13:27.559 --> 0:13:32.559 and make friends and play music NonStop and do drugs, 0:13:32.600 --> 0:13:36.800 but the right way, you know, like and yeah, so 0:13:36.920 --> 0:13:39.240 that was you know, I was twenty seventeen, and we've 0:13:39.280 --> 0:13:44.320 been doing that every year since then, and the parties 0:13:44.320 --> 0:13:48.160 have been really epic. And then started my own parties 0:13:48.200 --> 0:13:53.000 back in Reno and things have really been just taken off, 0:13:53.080 --> 0:13:58.320 going to Burning Man every year since then. We broke 0:13:58.400 --> 0:14:02.320 up after that initial time when she got fifty one 0:14:02.360 --> 0:14:04.280 to fifty. We ended up moving back to Reno and 0:14:04.600 --> 0:14:07.720 he stayed over with the property. And you know, it 0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:11.160 took a while to actually get her like fully medicated 0:14:11.240 --> 0:14:13.280 and like get her to start seeking treatment, and like 0:14:13.400 --> 0:14:15.800 took multiple times of like taking her to mental hospitals 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:18.680 and stuff. But after a couple of years, I was 0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:21.400 finally felt like she was stable enough for me to leave. 0:14:21.480 --> 0:14:23.600 And that's when I got my own place and then 0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:27.080 met the love of my life shortly thereafter, and we're 0:14:27.080 --> 0:14:29.040 getting married on the twenty fourth. 0:14:31.760 --> 0:14:36.840 Wow, I have I have eighty billion questions for you. 0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:40.680 Yeah, hit me, what do you got first? 0:14:41.080 --> 0:14:47.560 All right, so this plot of land, you bought it 0:14:47.840 --> 0:14:53.880 in twenty seventeen and you still own it. 0:14:55.360 --> 0:14:59.800 Well, it's my buddies. But yeah, so my exes ex 0:14:59.840 --> 0:15:01.760 you know, the guy who we moved out there with. 0:15:02.080 --> 0:15:04.360 Yeah, and you guys are you guys are homies now? 0:15:05.000 --> 0:15:07.400 Yeah? Yeah? I always like to say I got him 0:15:07.400 --> 0:15:07.960 in the breakup. 0:15:10.400 --> 0:15:13.440 That's right, that's very fun. Do you still talk to 0:15:14.120 --> 0:15:16.320 your ex at all? Or like, what's her deal? 0:15:18.080 --> 0:15:21.240 She's good? I don't we I mean I had to 0:15:21.240 --> 0:15:24.200 go no contact because the breakup was really messy and 0:15:24.240 --> 0:15:26.880 we had like three cats together, So like having to 0:15:26.920 --> 0:15:30.400 walk away from that was super brutal, Like that is 0:15:30.440 --> 0:15:33.400 one thing man, Like I couldn't imagine what it was 0:15:33.480 --> 0:15:36.600 like having children, because just leaving those three cats behind 0:15:37.680 --> 0:15:42.600 was gutrenching. Mm. So yeah, I mean I basically went 0:15:42.680 --> 0:15:47.160 no contact, and you know, I've talked with her occasionally, 0:15:47.360 --> 0:15:51.520 and you know, we tried to have like a friendship, 0:15:51.600 --> 0:15:53.480 but it's just I don't know, I think we're just 0:15:53.480 --> 0:15:57.320 better off living our own separate lives. You know, I 0:15:57.320 --> 0:15:59.600 think she probably has some resent I mean, I don't 0:15:59.600 --> 0:16:02.120 know for sure, but like I think she has some 0:16:02.160 --> 0:16:05.680 resembment for kind of like me still living the life 0:16:05.720 --> 0:16:10.360 that she wanted, you know, but because I could keep 0:16:10.360 --> 0:16:12.680 my shit together and she couldn't, you know. I mean 0:16:12.760 --> 0:16:14.960 it's not like, you know, it's not like I mean, yeah, 0:16:15.000 --> 0:16:16.760 there were some choices she made they led to, but 0:16:16.840 --> 0:16:18.360 you know, it's like it was a straight up brain 0:16:18.400 --> 0:16:19.800 chemistry thing, Like it was just. 0:16:22.040 --> 0:16:23.480 Do you think it was do you think it was 0:16:23.600 --> 0:16:29.200 like caused by taking so much acid? 0:16:30.760 --> 0:16:32.480 So yeah, I mean it's actually I don't know if 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:34.440 you ever listened to like Shane Moss, but he's an 0:16:34.440 --> 0:16:38.720 amazing comedian who's mi a psychedelic comedian, I guess to 0:16:38.800 --> 0:16:41.040 be the best way to describe it. He has this 0:16:41.440 --> 0:16:44.240 He was filming a documentary called Psychonautics where he was 0:16:44.280 --> 0:16:47.920 like doing all these different drugs and he like went 0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:51.800 on a DMT trip and he went he went fully 0:16:51.960 --> 0:16:55.680 like maniced bipolar afterwards, and then so like after he 0:16:55.720 --> 0:16:58.320 had gone through this whole mania, he like sat down 0:16:58.360 --> 0:17:01.760 with like his his you know, a psycho like a 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:05.639 psychotherapist friend, and they talked about like, yeah, like if 0:17:05.680 --> 0:17:09.560 you have a pre existing condition like undiagnosed bipolar disorder, 0:17:10.200 --> 0:17:13.600 and you take a lot of drugs, you can you know, 0:17:13.760 --> 0:17:16.000 go from being a bipolar type two to being a 0:17:16.000 --> 0:17:20.879 bipolar type one, which you know has like the the 0:17:21.000 --> 0:17:23.399 serious that you know. So yeah, I mean it was 0:17:23.480 --> 0:17:27.159 like it was an underlying condition that was like induced 0:17:27.200 --> 0:17:28.440 by a drug episode. 0:17:28.480 --> 0:17:30.920 That makes sense, That does make sense. Yeah, that's the 0:17:31.000 --> 0:17:33.880 kind of shit that makes me. You know. I used 0:17:33.960 --> 0:17:36.520 to be like, uh oh, I really want to, like 0:17:36.560 --> 0:17:41.560 at some point try fucking Iohuascar, DMT, just because like 0:17:41.800 --> 0:17:47.280 I enjoy like kind of sulking up all the different 0:17:47.400 --> 0:17:51.240 crazy life experiences that there are. But I think nowadays 0:17:51.640 --> 0:17:54.680 I'm like, it's it's a little scary the idea that 0:17:54.760 --> 0:17:59.280 you can, yeah, just on like one fucking trip change everything. 0:18:01.280 --> 0:18:04.399 Yeah, I mean it's really rare. You know. I mean 0:18:04.440 --> 0:18:07.439 a lot of people like self diagnosis bipolar or whatever, 0:18:07.520 --> 0:18:10.560 but like the reality of having those conditions, like if 0:18:10.600 --> 0:18:12.640 that was the case, I mean we'd have I mean, well, 0:18:12.680 --> 0:18:14.520 I guess we do have a lot of people like that, 0:18:14.640 --> 0:18:16.760 but I think you know, the people you see on 0:18:16.800 --> 0:18:20.520 the streets and stuff like that, that kind of drug 0:18:20.520 --> 0:18:24.600 induced psychosis is from like long periods of like you know, 0:18:24.720 --> 0:18:27.280 methamphetamine use of you know, where you're staying up for 0:18:27.400 --> 0:18:31.080 days and days and like that's yeah, I feel like 0:18:31.119 --> 0:18:33.919 there's like, you know, there's the thing that happened to 0:18:33.960 --> 0:18:39.240 her is pretty rare because I mean there's so many 0:18:39.800 --> 0:18:43.200 millions more people who do tons of acid and yeah, 0:18:43.200 --> 0:18:47.040 they may be different, but they're not like fully, you know, 0:18:47.800 --> 0:18:52.320 and people people do ayahuasca, people doing that for centuries, 0:18:52.359 --> 0:18:56.040 and yeah, it's like I guess the question is like 0:18:57.640 --> 0:18:59.639 how much do I want my brain to change? Like 0:19:00.600 --> 0:19:03.959 you know, like it's there is a gamble, you know 0:19:04.480 --> 0:19:07.160 for sure. But you know for some people, for people 0:19:07.200 --> 0:19:09.360 like with PTSD, with all the studies that they're doing 0:19:09.400 --> 0:19:12.520 with like NDMA and psilocybin and stuff like that, like 0:19:13.280 --> 0:19:17.439 these are these are people who are you know, in 0:19:17.600 --> 0:19:22.960 desperate need of help, you know, whereas like and so 0:19:23.080 --> 0:19:24.320 it's like, yeah, we gotta try this. 0:19:24.760 --> 0:19:27.440 Well, I think there's a different there's a difference between 0:19:27.680 --> 0:19:32.040 like like I would do I would do any drug, uh, 0:19:32.600 --> 0:19:35.879 medically assisted, I want to try that at something I 0:19:35.880 --> 0:19:39.639 would I would love to try. I was you know, 0:19:40.359 --> 0:19:45.240 well I was I was actually you know, I was 0:19:45.480 --> 0:19:48.440 like that the past two months have been like, we're 0:19:49.800 --> 0:19:54.600 pretty like mentally horrible for me. I was very like 0:19:54.880 --> 0:19:59.560 in a like we like just bizarre existential crisis that 0:19:59.600 --> 0:20:04.359 I couldn't get out of. And uh I was and 0:20:04.440 --> 0:20:11.160 only recently do I feel pretty good. Actually, But while 0:20:11.160 --> 0:20:14.560 I was, when I was in that, I was like, Okay, 0:20:14.640 --> 0:20:16.159 I was like, I was like frand I was on 0:20:16.280 --> 0:20:20.600 Reddit every single day, like looking through all the like 0:20:20.720 --> 0:20:25.919 Ketymene therapy ship and I was gonna do it. And 0:20:25.960 --> 0:20:28.280 then I just like, I don't know if it was 0:20:28.720 --> 0:20:30.720 a zola after whatever the funck. But I just woke 0:20:30.800 --> 0:20:34.040 up a few days ago. Honestly, I woke up a 0:20:34.080 --> 0:20:36.200 few days ago and I was like, oh, I actually 0:20:36.240 --> 0:20:39.200 feel great. I'm not gonna And then for the past 0:20:39.280 --> 0:20:43.840 three days, I haven't, you know, looked up kenm therapy 0:20:43.880 --> 0:20:46.760 shit or asked chat Gypt about it. And so I'm 0:20:46.800 --> 0:20:48.720 chilling for not but I I if I think, if 0:20:48.720 --> 0:20:55.119 I think if it comes back hill, which it yeah, 0:20:55.400 --> 0:20:58.840 I if it comes back, which you know, I'm sure 0:20:58.840 --> 0:21:02.600 it will, but I'll be a little bit stronger because 0:21:02.760 --> 0:21:05.720 when I was in the thrones of it, I didn't 0:21:05.760 --> 0:21:09.720 think I could feel the way I feel right now 0:21:09.760 --> 0:21:11.720 as I'm talking to I didn't think I could ever. 0:21:11.840 --> 0:21:15.439 I thought I was done ever being able to feel 0:21:15.480 --> 0:21:21.320 that way again, which is really scary. But now that 0:21:21.400 --> 0:21:27.560 I've experienced feeling that way and then bouncing back, it's 0:21:27.560 --> 0:21:33.000 like I have the knowledge that it's possible. Although although 0:21:33.040 --> 0:21:36.520 although when you're in the throes of something like that, 0:21:36.640 --> 0:21:42.040 I don't even think you don't really follow logic in 0:21:42.080 --> 0:21:43.920 the way. You can't really be yeah, you can't really 0:21:43.920 --> 0:21:48.399 be like, well, logically, I have beaten this before, and 0:21:48.440 --> 0:21:50.439 so I will be it again, beat it again. You know, 0:21:50.480 --> 0:21:51.439 your brain isn't really up well. 0:21:51.480 --> 0:21:53.560 I mean, even the fact that you were looking through 0:21:53.640 --> 0:21:57.240 like therapy and stuff like like looking for answers for 0:21:57.320 --> 0:21:59.280 ketemine therapy and stuff like that means that you were 0:21:59.359 --> 0:22:01.680 still like in a state where you were willing to 0:22:01.680 --> 0:22:03.200 help yourself. And I mean the fact that you dig 0:22:03.240 --> 0:22:05.440 it on SSRIs and like hearing how that they've been 0:22:06.200 --> 0:22:07.320 I mean, that was one of the things that was 0:22:07.359 --> 0:22:09.560 super beneficial for her, was getting on the right sort 0:22:09.560 --> 0:22:12.560 of SSRI eyes just to kind of help regulate these 0:22:12.600 --> 0:22:15.040