WEBVTT - Getting Through the Tunnel 0:00:01.880 --> 0:00:05.359 Wine Down with Janna Kramer and I Heart Radio Podcast. 0:00:06.960 --> 0:00:11.160 Do you guys know what my name spells? Backwards? God? 0:00:11.280 --> 0:00:15.560 Damn the schools falling? Hold on a second, are you 0:00:15.600 --> 0:00:21.160 going to say? Why are you laughing? No? Try it again, 0:00:21.280 --> 0:00:24.000 right out right out, Jana, right now, Like, but don't 0:00:24.000 --> 0:00:27.280 do don't do this, don't do this, swoop with the j, 0:00:27.560 --> 0:00:31.280 do a straight with the j. Okay, but it doesn't 0:00:31.320 --> 0:00:35.040 really spell you're implying that it spells anal backwards. It 0:00:35.120 --> 0:00:38.360 looks like it. Yeah, everyone has been sending me like, 0:00:38.720 --> 0:00:41.520 look at your name backwards Anal, And I'm like, I've 0:00:41.560 --> 0:00:45.560 had a name for thirty eight years. I'm well aware 0:00:45.640 --> 0:00:48.800 that my name spells anal. I would have never thought. 0:00:48.800 --> 0:00:52.080 I just it's that thing going around with the balloons. Yeah, 0:00:52.400 --> 0:00:55.080 but like I see, like the actual mirror image of 0:00:55.120 --> 0:00:58.920 it is like behind Yeah, yeah, yeah, got it well. 0:00:59.360 --> 0:01:01.440 Speaking as a cram, I mean, you know it can 0:01:01.480 --> 0:01:12.119 always be worse, right dead joked. Did you have any 0:01:12.240 --> 0:01:17.600 nicknames growing up? I mean when I was a little older, 0:01:17.600 --> 0:01:20.360 people called me Kathy because I hated it, Kathy because 0:01:20.400 --> 0:01:22.639 I hate it. So my college friends called me Kathy, 0:01:22.720 --> 0:01:25.800 but now just cat. Joli about it wof not that 0:01:25.840 --> 0:01:33.640 that's bad. Sorry, Kathyr but not no, But I mean 0:01:33.720 --> 0:01:36.840 I have Kathy, like I know, older Kathy. I just 0:01:36.880 --> 0:01:40.320 don't seem like Kathy. Well, like you're young, right, it 0:01:40.360 --> 0:01:43.080 sounds like an old name. But also Katherine and are 0:01:43.120 --> 0:01:45.800 two different names for sure. That's like when my friend 0:01:45.920 --> 0:01:47.840 used to call me Jane and I'm like, my name 0:01:47.920 --> 0:01:51.320 is Janna. That's a completely different Jan. I'm not six 0:01:51.400 --> 0:01:54.240 years old, you know, Like, but it's the same thing. Yeah, 0:01:54.320 --> 0:01:58.720 Kathy and Jane are both both are both boomer names. Yes, yeah, 0:01:58.800 --> 0:02:04.080 my mom is Kathy seven. He said, hold up here, 0:02:04.240 --> 0:02:09.760 Karen's like, no one would need their baby now, Kathy, 0:02:09.800 --> 0:02:11.920 I mean if you did. And I'm sorry, but I 0:02:11.919 --> 0:02:17.239 don't think. I don't think anyone would name their baby Cathy. Yeah, 0:02:17.320 --> 0:02:20.520 I mean I imagine maybe, Like I mean, people name 0:02:20.520 --> 0:02:24.400 like Nora. My mom's name is Nora, but like Kathy, like, 0:02:24.720 --> 0:02:27.080 what's your baby's name, Kathy, Like I just like I 0:02:27.120 --> 0:02:30.440 don't see that. I don't know maybe not no, And 0:02:30.760 --> 0:02:33.560 I'm fascinated by that. I'm fascinated by the cyclical nature 0:02:33.639 --> 0:02:36.160 of names. Like I'm Mark, my wife is Amy. There 0:02:36.200 --> 0:02:38.679 are no baby marks. There are no baby amies right now, 0:02:38.760 --> 0:02:42.960 like zero, not happening. What you think Mark's a biblical name, 0:02:43.000 --> 0:02:45.639 you think could be like always popular, but nope, cycles 0:02:45.680 --> 0:02:47.960 just like everything else. And I feel like, in you 0:02:48.000 --> 0:02:51.200 know what, fifty years, all the old folks homes are 0:02:51.200 --> 0:02:54.880 going to be full of Ashley's and Brittany weird. That's 0:02:54.880 --> 0:02:56.760 so true, and then our kids are gonna be like, 0:02:56.760 --> 0:03:01.280 like you would actually name your son Ashley like or whatever. 0:03:01.720 --> 0:03:07.360 It's such an old person name. And it's like speaking of, 0:03:07.480 --> 0:03:09.160 how much would it suck to have your name Karen 0:03:09.280 --> 0:03:14.240 right now? Oh? Bad? That would be awful. Sorry, Okay, 0:03:15.280 --> 0:03:18.480 that's amazing, amazing, point it would change my name, that'd 0:03:18.520 --> 0:03:22.600 be really Yeah, sorry, Karen's that sucks, especially if you're 0:03:22.639 --> 0:03:25.720 not a Karen. But if you're a Karen, you're a Karen. 0:03:26.520 --> 0:03:30.480 But most Karen's names aren't Karen. What do you mean, Like, 0:03:30.560 --> 0:03:33.880 most actual Karens are not their names not Karen unless 0:03:33.880 --> 0:03:40.160 you get real lucky. Yeah. I liked having like I 0:03:40.200 --> 0:03:44.480 liked being the only Jan in school. Yeah, like it 0:03:44.600 --> 0:03:48.880 was unique for sure. Yeah, and the Katherine's unique at all. 0:03:49.120 --> 0:03:51.640 I didn't know any Katherine's really, I don't think so 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:53.320 you didn't get that. How do you spell it? I mean, 0:03:53.360 --> 0:04:00.960 like you know, it's like I mean j J N A. Oh. 0:04:01.160 --> 0:04:03.040 I'm like, how do people not know how to splay 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:05.960 your name? Yeah? No, you have like three million. I 0:04:06.000 --> 0:04:10.880 actually don't want Katherine time out. Everybody is anyone watching 0:04:10.880 --> 0:04:15.960 The Bachelor? I heard he's I heard he's like, so, 0:04:16.240 --> 0:04:20.279 I was hearing some rumors about how he was talking 0:04:20.360 --> 0:04:26.640 to Um Susie said her name, yes, and I watched 0:04:27.000 --> 0:04:29.000 back a clip. I was like, how did they even 0:04:29.040 --> 0:04:33.320 air that? What was he doing? Gaslighting the hell out 0:04:33.360 --> 0:04:36.719 of her? Like totally not even like and then Nick 0:04:36.880 --> 0:04:38.960 Vile came back as it wasn't gaslighting, but it wasn't 0:04:38.960 --> 0:04:40.960 like cool. But in my opinion, I'm like, dude, that 0:04:41.040 --> 0:04:45.560 was gaslighting. And then the funniest thing was maybe I'm 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:48.800 just like whatever with it. But so I I was 0:04:48.880 --> 0:04:55.680 talking to actually, I'll tell you afterwards, Um, and the 0:04:56.080 --> 0:05:00.000 headline was the Bachelor Clinton doesn't think he gaslet Susie. 0:05:00.440 --> 0:05:04.040 I understand that it appears that way, Like that's also 0:05:04.680 --> 0:05:08.120 a very gaslighting comment. I understand that it appears that way. No, 0:05:08.240 --> 0:05:11.400 it actually was that way, Like there's no way like 0:05:11.480 --> 0:05:13.600 to edit out how he was like he didn't even 0:05:13.680 --> 0:05:18.120 like he just totally disregarded everything. She was saying, Um, 0:05:18.240 --> 0:05:21.800 East and uron do you agree or disagree? Well, I 0:05:21.839 --> 0:05:23.640 just want to say one of ourther if I and 0:05:23.640 --> 0:05:26.840 I heard radio podcast, the Almost Famous Podcast, interviewed Clayton 0:05:27.040 --> 0:05:29.600 That's that's the one I've got the quote from from 0:05:30.320 --> 0:05:32.440 yeah and actually yeah. I asked him if he was 0:05:32.480 --> 0:05:35.479 gaslighting and he said, He's like, well, no, because I 0:05:35.480 --> 0:05:37.520 looked at the definition of gaslighting and that means that 0:05:37.560 --> 0:05:41.039 you're doing something with nefarious purposes and I did not 0:05:41.160 --> 0:05:45.799 do that, So therefore it is not gaslighting narcissist because 0:05:45.800 --> 0:05:49.800 there intentional and non intentional gaslighting. Yeah, I mean yeah, 0:05:49.839 --> 0:05:54.799 I was like, it doesn't you're doing it now to me, 0:05:52.720 --> 0:05:57.680 you know, But I'm like so like in my mind 0:05:57.680 --> 0:05:59.280 then I go, okay, I know this is these are 0:05:59.320 --> 0:06:02.320 all like you know, and even our therapist jokes about this. 0:06:02.400 --> 0:06:06.919 She's like, it's these are very big words gas lighting, narcissists, 0:06:06.920 --> 0:06:10.480 like they're they're overused like crazy right now. But I 0:06:10.520 --> 0:06:13.520 also think we're understanding the definition of them, and to me, 0:06:13.600 --> 0:06:16.200 it seems like he's if he's not even acknowledging that 0:06:16.240 --> 0:06:19.400 like those were gaslighting comments and that he didn't even 0:06:19.480 --> 0:06:24.440 like she was expressing her feelings, her thoughts, her emotions 0:06:24.480 --> 0:06:27.120 and he just did not even like see them to 0:06:27.240 --> 0:06:30.400 me again, which shows that he's not very empathetic at all. 0:06:30.760 --> 0:06:33.080 And then to go on y'all's podcast and say that 0:06:33.480 --> 0:06:35.640 it's like to me, he's just like, it's like he's 0:06:35.640 --> 0:06:37.480 set in his own ways. I mean, he might, you know, 0:06:37.600 --> 0:06:40.760 be checking off some major narcissist box. There's there too, 0:06:41.040 --> 0:06:43.680 but I'm like, you have Catherine the full background here, 0:06:43.760 --> 0:06:46.159 because she was saying to him, because he's the final 0:06:46.240 --> 0:06:48.560 three now, all right, and that's when they do the 0:06:49.360 --> 0:06:52.320 fantasy sweets, right, she spend the night with each of them, 0:06:52.760 --> 0:06:54.880 so she was the third of the fantasy sweets. And 0:06:54.920 --> 0:06:57.359 soon as he said to him, hold up, you know, 0:06:57.400 --> 0:06:59.440 the first two were like, let's get it on. Let's 0:06:59.440 --> 0:07:01.599 get it on, so you like, hold up, did you 0:07:01.640 --> 0:07:05.839 sleep with the other two? He's like, uh, yeah, And 0:07:05.920 --> 0:07:09.120 she's saying I have a problem with that. He's saying, what, 0:07:10.640 --> 0:07:13.000 you're a problem with me sleeping with other women? If 0:07:13.040 --> 0:07:16.000 I had known that was going to be a problem 0:07:16.040 --> 0:07:18.960 for you, I might have thought about this differently. So 0:07:19.000 --> 0:07:22.520 that's the that's the the idea of pretending that she 0:07:22.560 --> 0:07:25.320 wouldn't care that you slept with two other people within 0:07:25.360 --> 0:07:29.600 the past week is the most offensive part of it. 0:07:29.640 --> 0:07:34.680 I think, Wait, they aired all of this. First of all, 0:07:35.920 --> 0:07:38.640 well he didn't are any graphic love making, but but no, 0:07:38.760 --> 0:07:41.920 but I'm saying that respond his They aired all of his, 0:07:42.080 --> 0:07:44.280 like his how he how he talked back to her, 0:07:44.320 --> 0:07:47.840 and I'm like, if if any any like good yeah, 0:07:47.920 --> 0:07:50.600 exactly would be like I could totally understand how that 0:07:50.640 --> 0:07:54.280 would upset you. You know, this is the unfortunate part 0:07:54.360 --> 0:07:57.000 they were down to and you know, like I mean, 0:07:57.280 --> 0:08:00.200 just completely turned it around on her. One sal in 0:08:00.280 --> 0:08:02.760 person made her feel like the crazy one, which is 0:08:02.800 --> 0:08:07.880 also gas lighting. I'm sorry you made her feel crazy. 0:08:08.000 --> 0:08:09.840 She she didn't say that, but you made her feel 0:08:09.840 --> 0:08:13.600 crazy to have that feeling. That is the definition of 0:08:14.200 --> 0:08:17.240 gas lighting. Sorry, it is you were making that person 0:08:17.280 --> 0:08:19.960 feel crazy. You did not validate at all, You didn't 0:08:19.960 --> 0:08:24.680 even like yeah. And then Caitlin Bristo goes you know, 0:08:24.720 --> 0:08:26.800 she she goes on to say, like I saw her 0:08:26.840 --> 0:08:28.960 comment about how well, you know, when it goes down 0:08:28.960 --> 0:08:31.040 to that, that's fine. You can have you know, like 0:08:31.120 --> 0:08:32.720 for me to like, I would want to have sex 0:08:32.720 --> 0:08:34.440 with them because I want to know that everyone's like 0:08:34.520 --> 0:08:39.800 everything's working down there, you know. But if I was 0:08:39.840 --> 0:08:42.120 in the opposite, I wouldn't, And if I was in 0:08:42.160 --> 0:08:45.000 Susie's position, I would be upset. I get, I get 0:08:45.000 --> 0:08:49.000 how that is totally hypocritical and totally not fair. Well, 0:08:49.280 --> 0:08:51.360 I think it's just about being able to have your feeling, 0:08:51.640 --> 0:08:56.160 whether whichever way it is. Yes, also agreed, you can 0:08:56.200 --> 0:08:59.280 have an opinion and not be Yeah, okay, yeah, so 0:08:59.360 --> 0:09:02.480 the fact that I mean, yes, it's the Bachelor world, right, 0:09:02.480 --> 0:09:05.120 the Bachelor is different than real life. Yes, whatever she's 0:09:05.160 --> 0:09:08.000 feeling is invalidable. Yeah, it doesn't matter what And that's 0:09:08.000 --> 0:09:10.800 okay for her to that is totally normal for her 0:09:10.840 --> 0:09:12.800 to feel that way. And the fact that he reacted 0:09:12.840 --> 0:09:17.400 in that way is just so wrong. And I'm just like, 0:09:17.600 --> 0:09:22.520 I'm I'm not a fan at all because he doesn't 0:09:22.520 --> 0:09:24.760 because he doesn't acknowledge it. That's the thing. He doesn't 0:09:24.760 --> 0:09:28.000 acknowledge it, and how he's handled it. Still like that 0:09:28.120 --> 0:09:30.959 had a chance to come back and say, yeah, he 0:09:31.000 --> 0:09:32.520 had a chance to go on one of the biggest 0:09:32.559 --> 0:09:35.480 I heard podcasts with Benn and Ashley. You know, like 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:39.120 he's still and he's still defended. I could see how 0:09:39.160 --> 0:09:41.920 it seems that way. No, there's no seems there's no 0:09:42.000 --> 0:09:45.640 kind of it is how it was. Okay, So he 0:09:45.800 --> 0:09:47.760 said he's the one that then came back and said, 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:50.920 I can see how it seems that way. Wow, Okay, 0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:53.240 that's pretty bad. He should have said. I shouldn't have 0:09:53.280 --> 0:09:57.000 said that period. Yeah, and I should have acknowledged for 0:09:57.040 --> 0:10:01.000 feeling I like the idea of the day I proposed 0:10:01.000 --> 0:10:03.959 to my wife. I said, Okay, so here's the I 0:10:04.080 --> 0:10:06.760 slept with a couple other women this week, and now 0:10:06.800 --> 0:10:11.440 I've decided you're the winner. Congratulations. I know what I know. 0:10:11.679 --> 0:10:13.960 Now I know for sure it's you, Like, how is this? 0:10:14.280 --> 0:10:17.200 How is that life? Like? I just I mean, I mean, 0:10:17.280 --> 0:10:19.600 that's the fan poward to you. But now it's just 0:10:19.640 --> 0:10:22.679 not my it's not my jam. It is very hypocritical 0:10:22.760 --> 0:10:25.920 though of me. Huh. So you're saying it's hypocritical because 0:10:26.120 --> 0:10:28.040 you would want to sleep with them to make sure 0:10:28.080 --> 0:10:30.400 things were working out down there. But what is the 0:10:30.400 --> 0:10:32.480 other side, Why are you being a hypocrite because I 0:10:32.480 --> 0:10:34.960 wouldn't want him to do the same. Oh, yeah. No, Yeah, 0:10:34.960 --> 0:10:47.600 that's hypocritical. I am voting it. It's funny. I would 0:10:47.679 --> 0:10:51.080 be like, choose, just choose me, Just choose me. You 0:10:51.120 --> 0:10:53.520 don't need to sleep the women choose me. Yeah, but 0:10:53.600 --> 0:10:56.880 that's um. They can never make it on the Bachelor 0:10:57.360 --> 0:10:59.400 or Bachelor or whatever. I wouldn't make it on either 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:04.000 one of them. Yeah, there's no way. Um. But yeah, 0:11:04.160 --> 0:11:06.040 I I just I don't. I don't. I just I 0:11:06.160 --> 0:11:09.000 really just don't like how he's handled. Yeah, it's unfortunate 0:11:09.120 --> 0:11:12.480 backlash of what he deserves. Honestly, No, I'm saying I 0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:16.760 shouldn't say what he deserves. It's what I just don't 0:11:16.800 --> 0:11:21.520 like the backlash and how he's handled. I just don't like. 0:11:21.559 --> 0:11:24.920 I just it just feels it feels very familiar. And 0:11:25.040 --> 0:11:29.280 I don't like that he's not owning and apologizing. He's 0:11:29.280 --> 0:11:32.240 not owning anything or apologizing. And I just don't unless 0:11:32.640 --> 0:11:34.320 because that's not fair for Susie at all. And I 0:11:34.320 --> 0:11:36.360 hope she becomes a bat short and Mary is an 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:39.120 amazing man. Oh she probably won't be. Props to the 0:11:39.120 --> 0:11:42.120 Bachelor though. This season was very quiet and now everybody's 0:11:42.120 --> 0:11:44.400 talking about the Bachelor, so hey, they know what they're 0:11:44.400 --> 0:11:47.080 doing over there, you know, at the expense of the 0:11:47.160 --> 0:11:49.280 kind of person you're going to be. You know, I 0:11:49.320 --> 0:11:53.120 don't know. That's hard. I see your point, Mark, but 0:11:54.360 --> 0:11:59.800 I don't know. Yeah, I mean, go Susan's all I 0:11:59.800 --> 0:12:02.360 have to say. I don't I don't like him. If 0:12:02.400 --> 0:12:03.960 he wants to be friends with someone, I have someone 0:12:04.000 --> 0:12:09.240 he can be friends with, so they might get along. Um, 0:12:09.280 --> 0:12:12.560 Mark Scratch has had on that one. I don't know 0:12:12.600 --> 0:12:16.360 what that was. Don't worry about you're trying to hook 0:12:16.480 --> 0:12:27.079 up Clayton with another guy friend. I know friends where 0:12:27.080 --> 0:12:32.640 you're going, they'd be buddies. Yeah, they could grow up, Yeah, 0:12:32.840 --> 0:12:40.679 totally braw and not apologize for they did. So, Oh 0:12:40.720 --> 0:12:44.440 it's good. We're about to have Gabby Bernstein and she's 0:12:44.440 --> 0:12:47.760 going to school us and make our lives better. So 0:12:48.080 --> 0:13:03.640 stake a break and get her on. Oh Happy and day, 0:13:04.600 --> 0:13:13.800 Oh happy day. When Jesus why why, that's why I 0:13:13.800 --> 0:13:20.720 start singing it. I was like, why am I singing 0:13:20.720 --> 0:13:26.440 happy days? Well, because Gabby Bernstein's book is called Happy Days? 0:13:27.280 --> 0:13:30.959 How are you guys doing? You know what? Good? We 0:13:31.080 --> 0:13:34.440 both had therapy today, so that was love therapy today too. 0:13:34.480 --> 0:13:36.920 I'm gonna. We all had therapy today. I kind of 0:13:36.960 --> 0:13:40.640 love that because we're all in a nice clear mental 0:13:42.120 --> 0:13:44.480 today was like my, I don't know you all therapy 0:13:44.559 --> 0:13:46.680 session was we can all go around. We're on the room. 0:13:46.920 --> 0:13:50.760 Mine which is mine is later later? Okay, well you 0:13:50.800 --> 0:13:52.640 can say what you're bringing to therapy if you want, 0:13:52.679 --> 0:13:54.560 but no, I Mine was like I just needed to 0:13:54.640 --> 0:13:57.480 like own a bunch of stuff today to my therapist. 0:13:57.760 --> 0:14:01.439 You know yeah got that. It feel good? Yeah, it 0:14:01.440 --> 0:14:03.240 feels great because she goes you know what She's like. 0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:05.920 Not many people can actually come into therapy and tell 0:14:06.000 --> 0:14:08.720 like the full truth. So I was like, I don't 0:14:08.720 --> 0:14:11.200 think I told my therapist the truth for for like 0:14:11.240 --> 0:14:13.800 a decade, right, same, I was like, she's the She's 0:14:13.840 --> 0:14:16.400 the first therapist that I've ever been honest with. I've 0:14:16.440 --> 0:14:20.240 always like I've always been like teetering on, Like it's 0:14:20.240 --> 0:14:22.960 just I would leave out something or I wouldn't say, 0:14:23.040 --> 0:14:25.120 well yeah I actually did do I did cheat on 0:14:25.120 --> 0:14:26.920 that first or yeah you know what I mean. Like 0:14:26.960 --> 0:14:31.360 I've always like teetered on like telling the truth because 0:14:31.400 --> 0:14:34.040 you're now it's like all about where you're at. You 0:14:34.080 --> 0:14:37.600 can tell the truth when you feel safe in your truth, right, Yeah, 0:14:37.720 --> 0:14:40.600 there you go. What was yours today? More a m 0:14:40.680 --> 0:14:48.200 d R. Good? Good, Yeah, that's good helping you. Yeah, 0:14:48.240 --> 0:14:50.240 And I'm actually surprised because I'm kind of a very 0:14:50.560 --> 0:14:52.600 what I'm not kind of I'm a very guarded person. 0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:57.200 So I'm actually been surprised how well it's gone. Yeah, 0:14:57.200 --> 0:14:59.040 because that's that you gotta get because even though I 0:14:59.040 --> 0:15:00.480 have a hard time with the m d Yeah, I 0:15:00.480 --> 0:15:02.840 think she was worried it wouldn't really work well with men. 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:05.400 It does. It works. Have you guys explained to your 0:15:05.440 --> 0:15:07.000 listeners what E M d R is? Do you want 0:15:07.040 --> 0:15:09.600 me to tell you? But but but re refresh our 0:15:09.680 --> 0:15:13.680 listeners because yeah, it's it's so funny that we're starting 0:15:13.720 --> 0:15:17.680 the conversation about what therapy was like today because literally 0:15:17.720 --> 0:15:20.760 that's just exactly what I I just put out this 0:15:20.840 --> 0:15:24.160 but happy days, which we'll talk about. And the joke 0:15:24.200 --> 0:15:26.200 with my therapist is, who do you think is going 0:15:26.240 --> 0:15:29.720 to play you in the movie? Because she's like the 0:15:29.840 --> 0:15:33.560 number one role in this book other than me. You 0:15:33.600 --> 0:15:36.800 know that through line of therapy throughout our life is 0:15:36.880 --> 0:15:41.480 such a massive game changer for what we can show 0:15:41.560 --> 0:15:44.000 up as now and so for E m d R, 0:15:44.040 --> 0:15:45.920 which was a huge part of my therapy practice. I 0:15:45.960 --> 0:15:50.000 will drive home what that is for everybody. It's eye 0:15:50.040 --> 0:15:55.080 movement to sensitization and reprocessing. And so what happens is 0:15:55.200 --> 0:15:59.760 when we stimulate the bilateral brain functioning, whether it's with 0:16:00.320 --> 0:16:03.600 moving your eyes back and forth or having a buzzer 0:16:03.680 --> 0:16:07.880 in either hand or a buzzer in either ear, the 0:16:07.920 --> 0:16:14.400 brain opens up its window of tolerance to reprocess old traumas, 0:16:14.400 --> 0:16:21.000 old phobias, patterns that we've been stuck in and literally 0:16:21.040 --> 0:16:25.480 bring us out new depending on how big T the 0:16:25.520 --> 0:16:27.400 trauma is, if it's a big T trauma or a 0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:30.440 small TI trauma, it's a smaller, bigger T trauma like 0:16:31.000 --> 0:16:36.040 being sexually abused or living through a catastrophic event or 0:16:37.200 --> 0:16:40.240 having you know, alcoholic parent, or a small T trauma. 0:16:40.280 --> 0:16:43.800 Could be often considered being bullied as a small TI trauma, 0:16:43.840 --> 0:16:46.200 but that's actually, my opinion, a big T trauma. But 0:16:46.560 --> 0:16:49.000 depending on how big or small the T in your trauma, 0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:52.240 the longer may take with the m DR journey, but 0:16:52.440 --> 0:16:55.960 it works. You feel relief immediately, Yeah, I did, I did. 0:16:56.000 --> 0:16:58.840 I m dare with from anxiety and like that was 0:16:58.920 --> 0:17:01.840 like a game changer because I like was having real 0:17:01.880 --> 0:17:05.960 bad anxiety um a couple of years ago. But I 0:17:06.000 --> 0:17:08.360 will also say to add to this point in which 0:17:08.560 --> 0:17:12.080 I want to then go into your book, is um 0:17:12.119 --> 0:17:18.000 my anxiety. I mean I still I had like a 0:17:18.080 --> 0:17:21.840 minor one, but like, I have not had hardly any 0:17:21.880 --> 0:17:25.359 anxiety post divorce. And I thought my anxiety would be 0:17:25.400 --> 0:17:27.840 the most post divorce because I you know, I was 0:17:27.920 --> 0:17:29.399 I'd be alone and this and all the things that 0:17:29.440 --> 0:17:31.360 I feared. But it's like, I think when you remove 0:17:31.560 --> 0:17:35.480 things that are I realized, I'm like, oh wow, that 0:17:35.680 --> 0:17:39.600 was making me have a lot more anxiety. All the 0:17:39.800 --> 0:17:43.720 like the toxicity and the you know, the all just 0:17:43.840 --> 0:17:45.920 all of it, you know. So I think that was like, 0:17:48.040 --> 0:17:51.679 we're really eye opening for me, Like, holy crap, I 0:17:51.680 --> 0:17:53.800 don't have the anxiety that I had for the last 0:17:54.119 --> 0:17:57.240 however many years. Well, yeah, you were living in a 0:17:57.240 --> 0:18:02.320 state of hyper vigilance, he explained that, so you're you're 0:18:02.359 --> 0:18:06.280 constantly on high alert, yes, and like in the trenches 0:18:06.359 --> 0:18:10.080 and yeah, when you don't know, when you don't know 0:18:10.160 --> 0:18:14.080 what you're going to get every day, right, So you know, 0:18:14.119 --> 0:18:18.760 we all have have different attachment styles, and when our 0:18:18.800 --> 0:18:23.240 attachment styles are activated in relationships, particularly romantic relationships, it 0:18:23.320 --> 0:18:26.760 can really put us into a state of terror. Right. 0:18:27.520 --> 0:18:32.320 So uh, let's let's say if you were feeling insecure 0:18:32.359 --> 0:18:37.199 in that relationship, which we understand that insecure attachment, that 0:18:37.440 --> 0:18:41.680 anxious attachment of what am I going to get today? 0:18:42.200 --> 0:18:44.399 I gotta you know, fawn and cling to keep it 0:18:44.480 --> 0:18:46.000 or I've got to I'm not gonna put words in 0:18:46.040 --> 0:18:48.280 your mouth, but just speaking on behalf of the anxiously 0:18:48.280 --> 0:18:53.160 attached trying to trying to stay, trying to hold something 0:18:53.920 --> 0:18:58.520 that maybe falling apart or whatever it may be, puts 0:18:58.520 --> 0:19:01.520 you into that loop of an anxiety. And in that 0:19:01.600 --> 0:19:06.919 anxiety loop, you create this full blown body hyper vigilance. 0:19:07.560 --> 0:19:11.000 The somatic experience of that is like constant state of stress, 0:19:11.520 --> 0:19:16.000 constant state of terror, which then shows up in your body. 0:19:16.080 --> 0:19:19.840 Is anxiety obviously may have maybe maybe it caused other 0:19:19.880 --> 0:19:22.200 physical issues too. I mean that happens for many of us, 0:19:22.200 --> 0:19:25.320 like gastro issues or neck issues or back pain. There's 0:19:25.359 --> 0:19:28.120 so much that that comes out of that chronic state 0:19:28.160 --> 0:19:30.919 of anxiety. Yeah, and I think I remember one of 0:19:30.960 --> 0:19:35.000 my I mean, shoot, someone got her husband was a 0:19:35.040 --> 0:19:37.520 saxotic snick and cancer, because it's just like what the 0:19:37.560 --> 0:19:41.240 stress that anxiety causes on your body. And that's right, 0:19:41.359 --> 0:19:44.160 it's right. And the chronic state of that chronic state 0:19:44.200 --> 0:19:48.600 of of being in fight or flight. Yeah, you know 0:19:48.760 --> 0:19:50.640 what am I going to have to find out today? 0:19:50.720 --> 0:19:53.359 But Happy Days? Let's go to Happy Days. Tell me 0:19:53.440 --> 0:19:57.000 everything about it. I'm so excited. I've ordered it on Amazon. 0:19:57.040 --> 0:19:58.800 I cannot wait to read it. So what can I 0:19:58.960 --> 0:20:01.399 what can mean? It's and actually what we're talking about 0:20:01.480 --> 0:20:03.119 right here, right now. I mean, you guys went right 0:20:03.160 --> 0:20:05.640 for It's Happy Days, but it's the guided path from 0:20:05.640 --> 0:20:09.840 trauma to profound freedom and inner peace. In the book, 0:20:09.880 --> 0:20:13.840 I talked about my journey of remembering. First of all, 0:20:13.880 --> 0:20:15.760 when I first got clean and sober, I got sober, 0:20:16.920 --> 0:20:20.120 I didn't understand why I was a cocaine addict. And 0:20:20.160 --> 0:20:23.320 then putting down the drugs, I picked up workaholism, and 0:20:23.320 --> 0:20:27.000 I poked up dependency and all of the other ways 0:20:27.040 --> 0:20:30.720 that we run. And when I was thirty six years old, 0:20:30.880 --> 0:20:34.480 I was by that point in my life, you know, 0:20:34.520 --> 0:20:37.280 I'd written six or seven books, I've been on Oprah, 0:20:37.400 --> 0:20:39.800 I'd had all these big life accomplishments. But I was 0:20:40.040 --> 0:20:45.000 dying on the inside. Well, I didn't know, and I 0:20:45.080 --> 0:20:47.760 kept questioning, and I was brave enough to wonder, you know, 0:20:47.920 --> 0:20:51.600 what is behind this? And I was having panic attacks 0:20:51.640 --> 0:20:56.240 and meltdowns and cracking and cracking and cracking. And a 0:20:56.280 --> 0:21:00.480 few months into that, I had a dream and the 0:21:00.640 --> 0:21:03.960 dream was of being sexually abused as a child and 0:21:04.080 --> 0:21:07.639 confronting it as an adult. When I woke up, I 0:21:07.680 --> 0:21:11.080 was like, no, making way, never going to look at 0:21:11.080 --> 0:21:13.800 that again. Don't want to talk about that again. No. 0:21:14.920 --> 0:21:17.879 And a few days later in therapy, my therapist and 0:21:17.880 --> 0:21:19.800 I started to talk about some things we've never spoken 0:21:19.800 --> 0:21:23.560 about before, and I remembered I had the full body 0:21:23.920 --> 0:21:28.960 remembrance of a dissociated memory of being abused as a child. 0:21:30.240 --> 0:21:32.960 And so that was the moment of recognizing, oh, that's 0:21:33.000 --> 0:21:36.080 what I've been running from, that's the impermissible, that's the 0:21:36.080 --> 0:21:40.280 exiled part of me. And I was thirty six. And 0:21:40.280 --> 0:21:42.320 that also was the day that I began the journey 0:21:42.320 --> 0:21:47.040 of really the undoing, the undoing and the reprocessing through 0:21:47.040 --> 0:21:50.960 e M d R, through somatic experiencing, through internal family 0:21:51.000 --> 0:21:53.080 systems therapy, which I'd love to introduce you guys too, 0:21:53.119 --> 0:21:55.919 if you don't know about it yet, through spiritual practices, 0:21:56.000 --> 0:21:59.560 through body based work and all that's in the book. Literally, 0:21:59.560 --> 0:22:02.399 this is your about you guys are gonna I'm so excited. 0:22:03.080 --> 0:22:06.880 It's the whole, It's my whole guided path from trauma 0:22:06.920 --> 0:22:10.119 to profound freedom and inner peace. And I keep saying 0:22:10.119 --> 0:22:15.439 out loud that like, there's literally no freaking way in 0:22:15.480 --> 0:22:17.440 hell that I would put my name on this cover 0:22:18.000 --> 0:22:21.200 and my face on this cover with that subtitle if 0:22:21.240 --> 0:22:24.159 I wasn't on the other side and living that subtitle 0:22:24.480 --> 0:22:28.119 of profound freedom and inner peace. And so this is 0:22:28.160 --> 0:22:32.920 like the trauma cliff notes of what to do when 0:22:32.960 --> 0:22:38.240 you're in that moment of facing into your truth. But like, hey, 0:22:38.280 --> 0:22:42.320 that's amazing. The other part of me is like how 0:22:42.320 --> 0:22:44.359 do you get there? Though, Like I'm like what, like 0:22:44.680 --> 0:22:46.959 tell It's like tell me that, like because it's like 0:22:47.040 --> 0:22:49.080 I want to be the girl on the cover of 0:22:49.119 --> 0:22:53.879 that book. You know that's actually really um beautiful vision 0:22:54.080 --> 0:22:55.560 Janna is I want to be the girl in the 0:22:55.600 --> 0:22:58.000 cover of that book. In the beginning, I actually asked 0:22:58.000 --> 0:22:59.679 the reader to write a vision statement of like what 0:22:59.800 --> 0:23:02.400 is it feel like? Where are you going? And so 0:23:02.600 --> 0:23:03.880 that was kind of cool. That they just went there. 0:23:04.520 --> 0:23:08.359 I We'll tell you. It begins with having the willingness 0:23:08.400 --> 0:23:11.440 to accept and recognize that you've been running, that there's 0:23:11.480 --> 0:23:13.760 some ways that you've been running. An anxiety is actually 0:23:13.760 --> 0:23:16.640 another form of running from the pain and the suffering. 0:23:16.680 --> 0:23:19.639 It's sort of a what in internal family systems is 0:23:19.680 --> 0:23:22.359 known as a protector part, and to witness and notice 0:23:22.359 --> 0:23:25.040 all of the ways that we've been acting out, whether 0:23:25.080 --> 0:23:29.080 it be addictive patterns or uh. Because truly, you know, 0:23:29.200 --> 0:23:33.440 underneath all addiction is trauma. I'm sure you're very familiar 0:23:33.480 --> 0:23:37.439 with that. So we build up all these coping mechanisms, 0:23:37.480 --> 0:23:40.119