Speaker 1: Misspelling with Tori Spelling and iHeartRadio podcast. Who it's public?
Speaker 1: I don't know what feels more like a punch in
Speaker 1: the stomach that it's like out there and it's final,
Speaker 1: or that I have to call him right now. Oh shit,
Speaker 1: he's at work. He's at work, you guys, this sucks.
Speaker 1: He it's tea. I know you're working. Can you call me.
Speaker 1: It's important. Everything's fine, the kids are fine, but call
Speaker 1: me please. Bye. Shit, he's going to read this online.
Speaker 1: So I just filed for divorce. Ooh, I gotta say
Speaker 1: that again. Hear that for myself. I just filed for divorce. Whoa,
Speaker 1: I said the words that I've said, like in my
Speaker 1: head for like sixteen years wild fifteen it was Yeah. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I just got word from my lawyer that it's public.
Speaker 1: There's this weird thing that I didn't know about before
Speaker 1: that you have to be careful with your ex, like
Speaker 1: it's he said, she said, who filed first?
Speaker 2: So I.
Speaker 1: Had to file and go through the process, and then
Speaker 1: once it was accepted and publicly posted, then I'm allowed
Speaker 1: to like call and fill in my ex. So I
Speaker 1: just called Dean. He's working and I have to tell
Speaker 1: him and I'm super nervous because I don't like confrontation.
Speaker 1: And yeah, I probably that stopped me from a really
Speaker 1: long time wanting to do this and hurting him and
Speaker 1: protecting him and protecting the kids and my daughter, My
Speaker 1: daughter who's fifteen, is very much like you know, people
Speaker 1: already talk about us at school, like they know you
Speaker 1: and they know the family, and they read the press
Speaker 1: and now you're doing a podcast. And I was like, well,
Speaker 1: can't be worse than the shit they read out there, like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, they read they think we live in
Speaker 1: an RV. Like I was like Stella with a step up,
Speaker 1: Like she literally had someone come up to her at
Speaker 1: school and be like, oh are you in the school
Speaker 1: district or where does your RV parked? Like you live
Speaker 1: in an RV with your mom? Right, She was like,
Speaker 1: that was summer vacation. We rented that like every other
Speaker 1: family and drove up the coast and camped and they
Speaker 1: were like, oh, we thought you were homeless. So she
Speaker 1: was shamed, but she was like, imagine what it's going
Speaker 1: to be like at school when you file for divorce.
Speaker 1: I mean teens to know how to manipulate it. But
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, it's gonna suck, but yeah, anyway,
Speaker 1: it's more the norm than isn't. So I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, but your dad and I co parents.
Speaker 2: And.
Speaker 1: Anyway, I should go back to where this began, but
Speaker 1: it began eighteen years ago, so it's hard to know
Speaker 1: where to go back when telling this story. So Deane
Speaker 1: and I've been married eighteen years. We have five beautiful,
Speaker 1: amazing children together, Liam, Stella, Hattie, Finn, and Bo. They're seventeen, fifteen, twelve, eleven,
Speaker 1: and seven and the lights of my life. And yeah,
Speaker 1: so I used to have this thing. And this is
Speaker 1: nothing towards Dean. I just at some point I think
Speaker 1: I I believed in like the fairy tale, like I
Speaker 1: grew up. I mean, my father was the biggest produced
Speaker 1: television producer, so I grew up knowing there's a beginning, middle,
Speaker 1: and end, and the two main characters always start stop
Speaker 1: and there's a happy ending and an end credit. So
Speaker 1: that's what I always assume would be. And you know,
Speaker 1: I think when we're young. It's different now, but I
Speaker 1: grew up in like the eighties and on TV in
Speaker 1: the nineties, and I feel like we then were conditioned
Speaker 1: to be like we want the prince, like the night whatever,
Speaker 1: someone in white on a horse coming in swooping us up.
Speaker 1: We wanted the fairy tale. I even wanted the white
Speaker 1: picket fence. I still want that now, I just want
Speaker 1: it black. But it's but I want to well, I
Speaker 1: want of funds. But I yeah, I wanted the whole dream.
Speaker 1: But my thing was always like, even from a young age,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I want to be the perfect
Speaker 1: wife and mom and housewife and cook. And I was
Speaker 1: never taught how to clean, so that's not gonna happen.
Speaker 1: But uh, or cook but I taught myself. Or bake
Speaker 1: but I taught myself. But okay, but cleaning I won't
Speaker 1: do so anyway. But I wanted to be that woman.
Speaker 1: But then I was like, but I also want to
Speaker 1: like run an empire. So that's a meeting of the mind.
Speaker 1: So I'm really stubborn and I'm really driven. And I
Speaker 1: always say I'm a Philly, you can't break. I know
Speaker 1: philly means I'm young, and I'm not young. But I
Speaker 1: can still call myself a girl. I can still call
Speaker 1: myself misspelling because I can do whatever I want to do.
Speaker 1: Because we can redefine words the way they make sense
Speaker 1: to us and how we want to proceed with them.
Speaker 1: So anyway, Diana and I had this fairy tale romance
Speaker 1: even though we both were married when we met. Not
Speaker 1: fairytale right there, like, but we had other partners that
Speaker 1: we cheated on and then left and then we got
Speaker 1: together and people were like, oh, I give it six months.
Speaker 1: And we always say like, hey, it made it eighteen years.
Speaker 1: It shouldn't have made it eighteen years like it was.
Speaker 1: And I think he would say the same thing. If
Speaker 1: he and I had a real heart to heart. I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: it would have been over a lot sooner. But I think,
Speaker 1: you know, we started well. We had like pairings. We
Speaker 1: had two sets of kids, like we had Liam and
Speaker 1: Stella fifteen months apart, and I think we had Liam
Speaker 1: and Stella for a while and then I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know what, things were okay, but they weren't great.
Speaker 1: And I have a friend who reminded me recently that
Speaker 1: he said, do you remember what you've been telling me
Speaker 1: the whole time? And I said what, And you said,
Speaker 1: I need the extra help with hands. When they are
Speaker 1: old enough to undo their own car seats, I'll leave him.
Speaker 1: And I was like, what, When did I say that?
Speaker 1: After Bo? And he's like no, After Liam and Stella,
Speaker 1: then you got pregnant with Hattie, and then ten months
Speaker 1: later you pregnant with Finn. And then you told me
Speaker 1: when they can unbuckle and buckle their own car seat,
Speaker 1: I'll leave him, and I didn't. And then came Bo.
Speaker 1: And then with Bo, I was like, oh when he no,
Speaker 1: I just should have left after Bo. But if I
Speaker 1: had left sooner, there'd be no Bo. And I love Bo.
Speaker 3: How are the kids doing? They've been on the journey
Speaker 3: with you, shall we call it, and now this is
Speaker 3: a whole new chapter that they're going to go with you,
Speaker 3: and I was wondering, how are they faring through what's
Speaker 3: happened so far.
Speaker 1: All the children have different personalities, different needs, and I
Speaker 1: feel like with my kids, they all have very distinct personalities.
Speaker 1: Stella was always the one since she was four years old.
Speaker 1: If she would hear us argue and then like it
Speaker 1: wasn't loud and we try to keep it separate and
Speaker 1: it wasn't bad back then, she would hysterically start crying
Speaker 1: and she would run in and she'd say, their little voice,
Speaker 1: are you going to get a divorce, and it's just
Speaker 1: like hit me hard, like Hi, I'm okay, how are
Speaker 1: you okay? I hate to do this to you while
Speaker 1: you're in the middle of you're going to work and
Speaker 1: everything they've done. It it's like one it's just the formality.
Speaker 1: It's like a one sheet you check off and next
Speaker 1: you'll have to sign it. You have a lawyer. Wait,
Speaker 1: it's going to be spun. What way that I had
Speaker 1: enough of you? What? What do you mean? I mean,
Speaker 1: in all honesty, after this whole journey. I if it's
Speaker 1: about that, like who files first, the other person's wrong
Speaker 1: if they I feel like I deserve to file first,
Speaker 1: then well, I mean you basically put it all out
Speaker 1: there with daily mail, like you said, everything that you've
Speaker 1: done to me over the years. So I think it
Speaker 1: would make perfect sense that it's followed up that I
Speaker 1: would file because those are things I would never have
Speaker 1: divulged to anybody, and you did, so I don't know.
Speaker 1: I assume that'll come later. I don't. I think it's
Speaker 1: just yeah, it's just like a one sheet where you
Speaker 1: literally like check like divorce and like irreconcilable differences. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: I love you, Okay, y ugh, wait, that's it. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, never felt more alone in a room full
Speaker 1: of friends to a podcast. Fuck, I've never feel more
Speaker 1: alone in fifty years.
Speaker 3: Sorry, you are not alone.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you guys sounding some movie.
Speaker 4: You are so loved by so many stop tryal s
Speaker 4: mushy stuff, same mean stuff. It fires me up. I
Speaker 4: like to be treated nice.
Speaker 1: He was like, great, good, great, Yeah, I have a lawyer.
Speaker 1: I was gonna do this, but cool. Yeah, it saves
Speaker 1: me five hundred dollars. Like, I don't feel worth loving.
Speaker 1: That's the truth. Not something that's just in you. It's
Speaker 1: not something I wanted or created, or that starts when
Speaker 1: you're young.
Speaker 3: You know, well, it's something you learn.
Speaker 1: It's learned behavior.
Speaker 2: Not feeling worth it it is, and now you have
Speaker 2: to work on unlearning that and learning how to accept
Speaker 2: being loved.
Speaker 1: That's not easy to do. It's like it's like the
Speaker 1: first part of the show is like one story, and
Speaker 1: then you come back from intermission you're like told it's
Speaker 1: something completely different and you have to adjust. I don't
Speaker 1: know if I can. I don't know. I mean, I
Speaker 1: know you can change at any point in your Lifely, yeah,
Speaker 1: everyone always says that but like it's a harder task
Speaker 1: then we realize, especially if you don't believe it, Like
Speaker 1: people can tell you and tell you and tell you
Speaker 1: and should should, should, But if you don't believe it
Speaker 1: in your soul, in your core, Like, I don't know
Speaker 1: how you change.
Speaker 3: That by doing what you just did?
Speaker 1: What did I do? I have the short term memory
Speaker 1: of a ant.
Speaker 3: You're actually moving ahead now I'm with your divorce and
Speaker 3: it's a huge step.
Speaker 1: I know I just played dumb, so I can help
Speaker 1: you do the work and say it I'm not dumb.
Speaker 1: That's been the hardest challenging thing in my life, having
Speaker 1: to play dumb. It's just so crazy to have to
Speaker 1: like fill that void of like it semi blends back
Speaker 1: with Donna because it's like and now we can look
Speaker 1: back at Donna and be like Donna, Donna wasn't dumb,
Speaker 1: but she like played it she was. They would always say,
Speaker 1: and this is so like for anyone young listening, they'll
Speaker 1: be like, we don't know who that is. For anyone
Speaker 1: my age and old or listening, you'll know who this is.
Speaker 1: But they'd be like, oh, you're still like your Judy Holiday,
Speaker 1: which like was an iconic like movie star, like Black
Speaker 1: and White film was literally like funny like she was
Speaker 1: before Lucy. But she was like, you know, the pretty
Speaker 1: ditsy blonde and that's like what you're conditioned to be, Like,
Speaker 1: oh you're blonde, you're funny, you giggle like, oh you
Speaker 1: play this role and they compartmentalize you in life. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was all like blonde hair, big eyes, giggles, like
Speaker 1: funny timing, great body, show my stomach and scene and
Speaker 1: that's what I was carved down in life to be.
Speaker 1: I screwed up. Like one time I was like I
Speaker 1: said something to someone. I was like, well, when you're
Speaker 1: like conditioned your whole life to be viewed as a
Speaker 1: sex symbol, my friend was like, ew, did you just
Speaker 1: call yourself a sex symbol? And I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, and I got so shamed. I was like no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I don't even like myself.
Speaker 3: What do you mean.
Speaker 1: I would never like give myself a compliment like that.
Speaker 1: And I was like I was taking myself out of it.
Speaker 1: I was saying how I was viewed, and he's like,
Speaker 1: but really, like were you view that way? I was
Speaker 1: like maybe not. I mean I don't know. I think
Speaker 1: I think on some level, like it was like young
Speaker 1: hop blonde, like.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: Well, here you are now, Oh.
Speaker 1: We're talking about me playing dumb when I'm not dumb.
Speaker 3: Well, I think we really are talking about you. And
Speaker 3: now that you are deflecting, yeah, well you are deflecting.
Speaker 3: But you also just filed for divorce from your husband
Speaker 3: of eighteen or eighteen years, something you've been thinking about
Speaker 3: for many, many years.
Speaker 1: Right, And he always threatened, he would, oh, always threaten.
Speaker 1: I get so scared. But I also hate change. That's
Speaker 1: a lie. I grew up thinking I hate change, but
Speaker 1: like things change in my life day by day, and
Speaker 1: nice roll with it, like everything just happens.
Speaker 3: I think you thrive on it. You thrive on the chaos.
Speaker 1: I thrive on chaos. Everyone would say that's not a
Speaker 1: good thing. Now, yeah, it gives me energy, It gives me,
Speaker 1: makes me feel like not dead inside. My lawyer says,
Speaker 1: I just got a call from TMZ. I didn't speak
Speaker 1: to them, but they have the divorce. Violet, here goes
Speaker 1: the neighborhood. I've told I've told Deana, so it's not
Speaker 1: talking out of school. But we had this very quick
Speaker 1: passionate we had this very quick passionate falling in love period,
Speaker 1: which it was. Yeah, it was the honeymoon period that
Speaker 1: everyone talks about, but what is that six months ours
Speaker 1: was four and it was intense, and I was like, wow,
Speaker 1: he sees me. I felt like my whole life I
Speaker 1: only showed people pieces of me because I was always
Speaker 1: being told who I was and could be, even from birth,
Speaker 1: like you know, born into a family where I had
Speaker 1: to uphold a certain being and you know, my house,
Speaker 1: like I was like the way I was raised was
Speaker 1: completely different than the way I raised my kids. And
Speaker 1: I'm not even talking esthetically. I'm not talking about the
Speaker 1: fact that I grew up in a ten thousand square
Speaker 1: foot house and then moved to a fifty six thousand
Speaker 1: square foot house irrelevant. I'm just kiddinking. I'm talking about
Speaker 1: like it was never a conversation, like you were quiet,
Speaker 1: and no one ever said this to me, No one
Speaker 1: said like you can be seen and not heard. But
Speaker 1: like it was that feeling that I got, like while
Speaker 1: it was a family, it was a public family, and
Speaker 1: you learned very quickly, like you know, four or five
Speaker 1: years old, I got it. I got it that all
Speaker 1: eyes were on us and everyone was watching and listening
Speaker 1: to how we behaved and how what we said and
Speaker 1: how we represented this iconic Hollywood family. When I say week,
Speaker 1: because I have a brother who is an amazing podcast
Speaker 1: called Oldish with my bff Brian Austin Green and Sharna
Speaker 1: on iHeart, and yeah, he was like less willing to conform.
Speaker 1: I always was in the mindset like of representing your family.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I don't know I was. I just got
Speaker 1: it from an early age. I would I was fascinated
Speaker 1: with the world summer vacation. I didn't want to hang
Speaker 1: with my friends. I wanted to go to work with
Speaker 1: my dad. I would literally hide under his desk and
Speaker 1: take notes and like that was my world from jump,
Speaker 1: you know, I used to like walk around My mom
Speaker 1: had every script that my dad ever did, the initial
Speaker 1: one because there were over what two hundred, like it
Speaker 1: couldn't be every single one, but if it was a series,
Speaker 1: it was the pilot script. If it was a movie
Speaker 1: of the movie, obviously leather Bound and in his office
Speaker 1: wall to wall, and every Saturday, I would spin around
Speaker 1: like wonder Woman, and I'd be like wonder Woman and
Speaker 1: I'd land on a script and I would pull that
Speaker 1: script out and I would read it. Obviously, this is
Speaker 1: when I could read, so it was like eight nine.
Speaker 1: And then I'd ask my dad if he could play
Speaker 1: the male lead, and I obviously would play the female
Speaker 1: lead because I didn't think outside the box then, and
Speaker 1: we would read through it and I'd be like, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna make these one day and like make like not
Speaker 1: just like, oh, I'm gonna star in these. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna star, I'm gonna write, I'm gonna produce, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna direct, I'm gonna own this motherfucker's shit. What's a
Speaker 1: motherfucker shit? I don't know what that is, but I'm
Speaker 1: gonna own it.
Speaker 3: Well, you are your father's daughter. Yeah, the end of
Speaker 3: the day.
Speaker 1: Anyway, we had this fast and furious romance. I saw
Speaker 1: red flags. Everyone talks about red flags, like I like
Speaker 1: saying that. I just like I like to make dresses
Speaker 1: out of red flags and then proceed. So, yeah, there
Speaker 1: were definitely red flags. And he had anger issues and
Speaker 1: that started when we were dating, like four months in
Speaker 1: and I just remember like I could show him me
Speaker 1: and it wasn't like the cute like giggly like this
Speaker 1: is what people want me to be. I was able
Speaker 1: to be like the loud and like the body type
Speaker 1: of like toy and like I could have like you know,
Speaker 1: I could have a foul mouth. I could I'm not
Speaker 1: you know, just Donna Martin like the perfect good girl,
Speaker 1: like I could have some bad girl in me, and
Speaker 1: it was okay, and and he like all those sides,
Speaker 1: and he saw how smart I was and accepted me.
Speaker 1: And I said, from the beginning, it's gonna be a lot.
Speaker 1: It's I've been told it's an emasculating road. And he
Speaker 1: was like, I can handle it, and I was like,
Speaker 1: can you though, like it's not going to be easy,
Speaker 1: Like I can't. I don't think he knew how big
Speaker 1: it would be, how how big the life I was
Speaker 1: given and live is. It's yeah. I think he was like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, things come and go, But with me, it
Speaker 1: never came and went like it was. I from the
Speaker 1: moment we met, I was in the moment I was born.
Speaker 1: I was in the press, you know, and it hasn't
Speaker 1: there hasn't been a reprieve from it. So it's like
Speaker 1: you kind of have to be used to like jumping
Speaker 1: on board in that world and just getting through it
Speaker 1: and owning it, and I thought he was on board
Speaker 1: with that, but I was also all very focused on him,
Speaker 1: and I think a lot of parents out there can relate,
Speaker 1: like I noticed a shift in our relationship literally the
Speaker 1: day I found out I was pregnant, And the shift
Speaker 1: came from within, because all of a sudden, it wasn't.
Speaker 1: It was never about me, like I have kept myself
Speaker 1: small since I was young, to not outshine anyone in
Speaker 1: my family, and then not outshine anyone in my cast,
Speaker 1: and then not shine outshine any boyfriend I had, or
Speaker 1: outshine any husband like so I would just self sabotage
Speaker 1: and keep myself small and wouldn't keep building myself up
Speaker 1: where I knew I could be, And anytime it would
Speaker 1: start to get big or real, I would find a
Speaker 1: way to plummet it and start back over again, like
Speaker 1: I'm doing now, but this time I'm not backing down.
Speaker 1: I'm just going all the way to the top. Well,
Speaker 1: you guys all heard that, right, hold me accountable. But yeah,
Speaker 1: as soon as it wasn't, you know all about him,
Speaker 1: And I don't think he intentionally did this. All the
Speaker 1: focus changed to the baby growing in my belly and
Speaker 1: instantly I changed, and I was like, Oh, this is
Speaker 1: what it's like to really take control and step up
Speaker 1: and be accountable for someone that you don't even know yet.
Speaker 1: And everything we came about Liam, who was in my belly,
Speaker 1: and you know, I was never the adventure girl, but
Speaker 1: when I met Dean, we made Oh my god, we
Speaker 1: made a list on the back of barf bags in
Speaker 1: the plane on the way back from Ottawa where we
Speaker 1: were filming the TV movie where we hooked up, coming
Speaker 1: back to our mary, you know, our spouses. We rode
Speaker 1: on barf bags what things we were going to do,
Speaker 1: like a bucket list in our relationship. And for me,
Speaker 1: it was like doing things that I was always scared
Speaker 1: and fearful, Like I got that from my dad. My
Speaker 1: dad was scared of everything, and I just took that
Speaker 1: on thinking they were my fears. And now I'm like, wait,
Speaker 1: someone else's fears, Like maybe it wasn't my fears, Like
Speaker 1: maybe I do want to jump out of airplane. Now I'm
Speaker 1: just kidding psych Uh, I don't know. But it was
Speaker 1: things like that, like we're gonna go here, We're gonna
Speaker 1: I think I said, I'd like ride a marathon. I
Speaker 1: don't even know how to ride a bike. But I
Speaker 1: the thing is, I tried, and I wanted something different
Speaker 1: and I wanted to please him. And then when I
Speaker 1: got pregnant, we got pregnant right away. So we got
Speaker 1: married in May, and we started trying right away. We
Speaker 1: didn't get pregnant right away, and my dad passed in June,
Speaker 1: and then days later, the beginning of July, found out
Speaker 1: I was pregnant. No, it was right like a month
Speaker 1: after my dad passed. Basically I conceived like right after
Speaker 1: my dad passed, and so I took that as like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's a sign, this is supposed to be and this
Speaker 1: is how it was planned to happen. But honestly, our
Speaker 1: relationship was never the same after we started having kids,
Speaker 1: like and we always said we won't be those parents
Speaker 1: that change. We'll make sure we make our relationship with
Speaker 1: priority and the two of us and we have date nights,
Speaker 1: and just everything went out the window. I became completely
Speaker 1: focused on the kids and kind of left him in
Speaker 1: a way. And I get it. It doesn't excuse his
Speaker 1: behavior and everything he did and how he handled things.
Speaker 1: And I'm not minimizing his part in this and how
Speaker 1: his lack of sobriety did affect me and the kids
Speaker 1: for years and years and years, and I'm really happy
Speaker 1: that he's sober now. But our relationship definitely changed, like
Speaker 1: to the point where I felt like I was just
Speaker 1: in this alone with the kids, like and he was
Speaker 1: there and he was an extra set of hands and
Speaker 1: he put the car seat in because I know how
Speaker 1: to do it, and you know, things like that. But emotionally,
Speaker 1: like I was like Taggert, like I was the parent
Speaker 1: and it was a lot of responsibility while also you know,
Speaker 1: rebuilding a career, which I did. You know, we became
Speaker 1: a family brand. I went from like you know, Hollywood
Speaker 1: rich girl like starlet, like starlett that's as bad as
Speaker 1: my calling myself a sex symbol. Sorry, h anyway, to
Speaker 1: like cool mom, like look at her, she does it
Speaker 1: all Meanwhile, like behind the scenes, it was all falling apart.
Speaker 1: And I literally sometimes I went back and reread one
Speaker 1: of my books once and I was like wow, Like
Speaker 1: sometimes I think I created the character of Dean, like
Speaker 1: all those Prince charmings I wanted when I was young,
Speaker 1: Like I created this character that he had a lot
Speaker 1: of those qualities. But you know, we did our reality show,
Speaker 1: and it was like the first one was like fun fun,
Speaker 1: So any like bad stuff that would happen or fights
Speaker 1: or anything, they would edit, and you know, women everywhere
Speaker 1: I would hear them be like I wish I had
Speaker 1: a Dean, and I was like, you only knew, if
Speaker 1: you only knew?
Speaker 3: Yeah, you guys did go into therapy right to try
Speaker 3: to work through the issues.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean we we saw a therapist that I
Speaker 1: had been seeing since like my twenties. She was actually,
Speaker 1: this is horrific that I did this. I was scared
Speaker 1: to confront and tell my first husband that I was
Speaker 1: leaving him for my co star. So I broke the
Speaker 1: news to him in my therapist's office. So not cool.
Speaker 1: So anytime Dean and I would go into therapy, he's like,
Speaker 1: are you gonna leave me like you did Charlie in
Speaker 1: the therapy session. I'm like no, He's like, well you
Speaker 1: did it once. I was like, fair, fair, no, I'm
Speaker 1: not going to So I never did.
Speaker 3: But.
Speaker 1: It was it was hard the therapy sessions. I like
Speaker 1: wanted to get deep and we started therapy. I mean
Speaker 1: after Stella was born and she's we have five kids,
Speaker 1: you know, she's fifteen. Now, so yeah, did it.
Speaker 3: Help at all? Do you think?
Speaker 1: No? No, because we were talking about two different things.
Speaker 1: You know, we would go in there and I'm really
Speaker 1: good at taking blame so that someone can start to
Speaker 1: feel like they can open up, and you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: so I would say like, you know, I do this
Speaker 1: and I do that, hoping he would be like, oh,
Speaker 1: and I do this, and instead, you know, it was
Speaker 1: more focused on like, uh yeah, the dog shit all
Speaker 1: over the house, like she's just too much, the animals,
Speaker 1: she has a hoarder, like she's messy. And I was like, yep, yep, yep,
Speaker 1: that's me. And I'm like, wait, wait, wait, I always
Speaker 1: say to him, we actually he and I had this
Speaker 1: conversation semi recently and I was like, when we met
Speaker 1: in Ottawa, you met me, you came into my hotel
Speaker 1: room where we were filming. I had my two dogs
Speaker 1: with me, and what was one of the first things
Speaker 1: you saw? And He's like, you had your suitcases open
Speaker 1: and there were clothes and shoes covering the entire room
Speaker 1: and you had to make space so we could walk
Speaker 1: through to get to the bed to f sex. I'm
Speaker 1: like yes, and he's like, and there was dog shit
Speaker 1: in the on top of the clothes in your suitcase.
Speaker 1: I'm like, correct, that was me and the first night
Speaker 1: you met me, So what about me is surprising? Now
Speaker 1: married to me years later with kids, then I'm messy
Speaker 1: and that the dog shit everywhere and I don't pick
Speaker 1: it up. I'm just kidding. I eventually pick it up.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 1: Anyway, Yeah, he would talk about stuff like that, and
Speaker 1: you know, a therapist will go in the direction you
Speaker 1: start talking, and that's where our entire hour would go to.
Speaker 1: Actually it's never an hour. They tell you have an
Speaker 1: hour session. It's really fifty minutes. And it's really frustrating
Speaker 1: because the whole time I'm looking at the clock and
Speaker 1: I'm like, ooh, I know I have forty minutes left. Oh,
Speaker 1: I know I have twenty minutes left. What do I
Speaker 1: talk about now he's still talking about dog shit. We're
Speaker 1: fucked and this is three hundred dollars, Like, oh, who
Speaker 1: cares about the dog shit? Like I would always say,
Speaker 1: what does it matter? I mean, it does matter. I
Speaker 1: get it, Listen, I get that's a problem, but it
Speaker 1: clearly wasn't our biggest problem.
Speaker 3: You talk about the red flags, but what were the red.
Speaker 1: Lit, I would say, his temper, which often was fueled
Speaker 1: by alcohol. So when he would drink, it was hard
Speaker 1: because I knew that at some point it would turn,
Speaker 1: and I knew, you know, it was all always different,
Speaker 1: like it could be two drinks, it could be five,
Speaker 1: six drinks, and then I would just see it turn.
Speaker 1: I'm like, here we go. And then that became my
Speaker 1: dance on the eggshells. And it was like no matter
Speaker 1: what I said, it wasn't right, and I would have
Speaker 1: to in my head be like okay, quick, quick, quick
Speaker 1: on your toes. Like it was like it was like
Speaker 1: a fight, like you know, a mental fight, like okay, uh,
Speaker 1: I think he might like aim here, and if he
Speaker 1: aims here, like with what he says, I'm going to
Speaker 1: respond this way and that'll take him down. And it
Speaker 1: got to the point where nothing would make sense and
Speaker 1: it just I would just notice stop talking, like and
Speaker 1: that usually you know, just space and stop talking. And
Speaker 1: it was just it was hard.
Speaker 3: Until the final fight, right where he went on Instagram
Speaker 3: and announced that you guys were separating and that's sort
Speaker 3: of the final blow for you, and that put everything
Speaker 3: in motion.
Speaker 1: The Instagram posts. So I'm the type that I will
Speaker 1: take a lot and you can say whatever you want
Speaker 1: to me. I remain calm. I process it. I think
Speaker 1: about what I'm going to say before I say it.
Speaker 1: I'm not a reactive person. Lots of years of training.
Speaker 1: I know the therapy words to say. I feel oh man,
Speaker 1: But yeah, that last night, we had just been at
Speaker 1: Jenny's house all day. We were doing a BFF photo
Speaker 1: shoot and Dean was so helpful, like he was so great,
Speaker 1: and Jenna and Dean haven't always gotten along, and I
Speaker 1: just remember that day. She was like, he was really
Speaker 1: great and he helped and styled and carried and did
Speaker 1: everything for us that whole day because we didn't have
Speaker 1: the budget to like hire people and we had to
Speaker 1: do the whole photo shoot ourselves and video shoot just
Speaker 1: me and Jen. And he was great. And when I
Speaker 1: got home, she texted me and she said Dean was
Speaker 1: really great today. And I was like, Oh, that's going
Speaker 1: to mean a lot to him for me to go
Speaker 1: in and say, Jen gave you a compliment. She would
Speaker 1: laugh at this, but I did, and he was like, really, Oh,
Speaker 1: that's that is great. Months later, when I reminded him
Speaker 1: of this, he doesn't remember that part. But I'm like, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: you got a compliment from someone that doesn't give compliments freely,
Speaker 1: like that's a big step. And he was like, thank you, Okay,
Speaker 1: that feels really good. It was nice helping you guys today.
Speaker 1: And then but he had been drinking at this point.
Speaker 1: It was in the evening, and then we started to
Speaker 1: discuss something else and I could tell like, ooh, he's
Speaker 1: fired up and it's not going to go well. And
Speaker 1: in my head I'm like, stop talking, walk away, because
Speaker 1: otherwise this is going to escalate. But once in a
Speaker 1: blue moon, I don't just walk away and I don't
Speaker 1: just shut up. I come back. And I always say
Speaker 1: it's the tourus in me, like stubborn, like the tourists,
Speaker 1: like we'll make peace with everyone and super patient and
Speaker 1: we'll be like I'm sorry, it's me, it's not you.
Speaker 1: And then like you push us, you push us, you
Speaker 1: push us, and then we just snap. But me snapping
Speaker 1: isn't even like bad, Like imagine me snapping, like it's
Speaker 1: not crazy. But yeah, that's all it took. And so
Speaker 1: but I'll never forget the night because sorry, I'm a foodie,
Speaker 1: so I associate everything with food. Okay, it's not a
Speaker 1: bad thing. And we just ordered Wendy's and I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna lie. I'm a big baked potato fan, loaded baked potato.
Speaker 1: My mom taught me how to make him. I make
Speaker 1: them for everybody AnyWho. So I had just gotten my
Speaker 1: baked potato from Wendy's and I was super psyched about
Speaker 1: it because I had a long work day and I
Speaker 1: was like, ooh, and I made it to perfection. I
Speaker 1: was like, m this is a baked potato my mom
Speaker 1: would be proud of. And just as I had made it,
Speaker 1: he came into the kitchen because it was a conversation.
Speaker 1: We had started fighting, and I walked away, still passive
Speaker 1: aggressively saying things because I'm passive aggressive trying to work
Speaker 1: on that, and he's like, what did you say? Did
Speaker 1: you say? And I was like, hm, uh huh, proceed
Speaker 1: I said this and yeah. So it just like escalated
Speaker 1: and he came in screaming, and he he made a
Speaker 1: remark that I don't want to discuss, but it's not
Speaker 1: even a terrible remark. It's just it was a dig
Speaker 1: at something he knew would really be hurtful to hear,
Speaker 1: and I think it was just in the moment he
Speaker 1: made that dig, and it's really nothing, but it's something
Speaker 1: that I took personal. And when he said that, fine,
Speaker 1: I'll say what he said. He said to go back
Speaker 1: to dog shit because he loves talking about dog shit
Speaker 1: and animal shit and feeces, feces. Uh, he said, Uh,
Speaker 1: I'm so sick of this. I've been picking up Tory
Speaker 1: spelling shit for eighteen years hers and I've fucking lost it.
Speaker 4: M