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Speaker 1: Misspelling with Tori Spelling and iHeartRadio podcast. Who it's public?

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Speaker 1: I don't know what feels more like a punch in

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Speaker 1: the stomach that it's like out there and it's final,

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Speaker 1: or that I have to call him right now. Oh shit,

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Speaker 1: he's at work. He's at work, you guys, this sucks.

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Speaker 1: He it's tea. I know you're working. Can you call me.

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Speaker 1: It's important. Everything's fine, the kids are fine, but call

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Speaker 1: me please. Bye. Shit, he's going to read this online.

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Speaker 1: So I just filed for divorce. Ooh, I gotta say

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Speaker 1: that again. Hear that for myself. I just filed for divorce. Whoa,

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Speaker 1: I said the words that I've said, like in my

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Speaker 1: head for like sixteen years wild fifteen it was Yeah. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: I just got word from my lawyer that it's public.

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Speaker 1: There's this weird thing that I didn't know about before

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Speaker 1: that you have to be careful with your ex, like

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Speaker 1: it's he said, she said, who filed first?

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Speaker 2: So I.

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Speaker 1: Had to file and go through the process, and then

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Speaker 1: once it was accepted and publicly posted, then I'm allowed

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Speaker 1: to like call and fill in my ex. So I

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Speaker 1: just called Dean. He's working and I have to tell

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Speaker 1: him and I'm super nervous because I don't like confrontation.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, I probably that stopped me from a really

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Speaker 1: long time wanting to do this and hurting him and

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Speaker 1: protecting him and protecting the kids and my daughter, My

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Speaker 1: daughter who's fifteen, is very much like you know, people

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Speaker 1: already talk about us at school, like they know you

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Speaker 1: and they know the family, and they read the press

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Speaker 1: and now you're doing a podcast. And I was like, well,

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Speaker 1: can't be worse than the shit they read out there, like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, they read they think we live in

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Speaker 1: an RV. Like I was like Stella with a step up,

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Speaker 1: Like she literally had someone come up to her at

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Speaker 1: school and be like, oh are you in the school

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Speaker 1: district or where does your RV parked? Like you live

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Speaker 1: in an RV with your mom? Right, She was like,

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Speaker 1: that was summer vacation. We rented that like every other

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Speaker 1: family and drove up the coast and camped and they

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Speaker 1: were like, oh, we thought you were homeless. So she

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Speaker 1: was shamed, but she was like, imagine what it's going

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Speaker 1: to be like at school when you file for divorce.

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Speaker 1: I mean teens to know how to manipulate it. But

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Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, it's gonna suck, but yeah, anyway,

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Speaker 1: it's more the norm than isn't. So I was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, but your dad and I co parents.

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Speaker 2: And.

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Speaker 1: Anyway, I should go back to where this began, but

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Speaker 1: it began eighteen years ago, so it's hard to know

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Speaker 1: where to go back when telling this story. So Deane

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Speaker 1: and I've been married eighteen years. We have five beautiful,

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Speaker 1: amazing children together, Liam, Stella, Hattie, Finn, and Bo. They're seventeen, fifteen, twelve, eleven,

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Speaker 1: and seven and the lights of my life. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: so I used to have this thing. And this is

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Speaker 1: nothing towards Dean. I just at some point I think

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Speaker 1: I I believed in like the fairy tale, like I

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Speaker 1: grew up. I mean, my father was the biggest produced

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Speaker 1: television producer, so I grew up knowing there's a beginning, middle,

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Speaker 1: and end, and the two main characters always start stop

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Speaker 1: and there's a happy ending and an end credit. So

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Speaker 1: that's what I always assume would be. And you know,

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Speaker 1: I think when we're young. It's different now, but I

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Speaker 1: grew up in like the eighties and on TV in

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Speaker 1: the nineties, and I feel like we then were conditioned

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Speaker 1: to be like we want the prince, like the night whatever,

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Speaker 1: someone in white on a horse coming in swooping us up.

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Speaker 1: We wanted the fairy tale. I even wanted the white

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Speaker 1: picket fence. I still want that now, I just want

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Speaker 1: it black. But it's but I want to well, I

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Speaker 1: want of funds. But I yeah, I wanted the whole dream.

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Speaker 1: But my thing was always like, even from a young age,

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I want to be the perfect

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Speaker 1: wife and mom and housewife and cook. And I was

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Speaker 1: never taught how to clean, so that's not gonna happen.

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Speaker 1: But uh, or cook but I taught myself. Or bake

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Speaker 1: but I taught myself. But okay, but cleaning I won't

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Speaker 1: do so anyway. But I wanted to be that woman.

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Speaker 1: But then I was like, but I also want to

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Speaker 1: like run an empire. So that's a meeting of the mind.

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Speaker 1: So I'm really stubborn and I'm really driven. And I

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Speaker 1: always say I'm a Philly, you can't break. I know

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Speaker 1: philly means I'm young, and I'm not young. But I

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Speaker 1: can still call myself a girl. I can still call

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Speaker 1: myself misspelling because I can do whatever I want to do.

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Speaker 1: Because we can redefine words the way they make sense

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Speaker 1: to us and how we want to proceed with them.

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Speaker 1: So anyway, Diana and I had this fairy tale romance

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Speaker 1: even though we both were married when we met. Not

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Speaker 1: fairytale right there, like, but we had other partners that

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Speaker 1: we cheated on and then left and then we got

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Speaker 1: together and people were like, oh, I give it six months.

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Speaker 1: And we always say like, hey, it made it eighteen years.

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Speaker 1: It shouldn't have made it eighteen years like it was.

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Speaker 1: And I think he would say the same thing. If

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Speaker 1: he and I had a real heart to heart. I think, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it would have been over a lot sooner. But I think,

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Speaker 1: you know, we started well. We had like pairings. We

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Speaker 1: had two sets of kids, like we had Liam and

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Speaker 1: Stella fifteen months apart, and I think we had Liam

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Speaker 1: and Stella for a while and then I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: you know what, things were okay, but they weren't great.

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Speaker 1: And I have a friend who reminded me recently that

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Speaker 1: he said, do you remember what you've been telling me

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Speaker 1: the whole time? And I said what, And you said,

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Speaker 1: I need the extra help with hands. When they are

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Speaker 1: old enough to undo their own car seats, I'll leave him.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, what, When did I say that?

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Speaker 1: After Bo? And he's like no, After Liam and Stella,

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Speaker 1: then you got pregnant with Hattie, and then ten months

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Speaker 1: later you pregnant with Finn. And then you told me

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Speaker 1: when they can unbuckle and buckle their own car seat,

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Speaker 1: I'll leave him, and I didn't. And then came Bo.

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Speaker 1: And then with Bo, I was like, oh when he no,

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Speaker 1: I just should have left after Bo. But if I

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Speaker 1: had left sooner, there'd be no Bo. And I love Bo.

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Speaker 3: How are the kids doing? They've been on the journey

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Speaker 3: with you, shall we call it, and now this is

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Speaker 3: a whole new chapter that they're going to go with you,

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Speaker 3: and I was wondering, how are they faring through what's

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Speaker 3: happened so far.

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Speaker 1: All the children have different personalities, different needs, and I

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Speaker 1: feel like with my kids, they all have very distinct personalities.

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Speaker 1: Stella was always the one since she was four years old.

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Speaker 1: If she would hear us argue and then like it

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Speaker 1: wasn't loud and we try to keep it separate and

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Speaker 1: it wasn't bad back then, she would hysterically start crying

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Speaker 1: and she would run in and she'd say, their little voice,

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Speaker 1: are you going to get a divorce, and it's just

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Speaker 1: like hit me hard, like Hi, I'm okay, how are

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Speaker 1: you okay? I hate to do this to you while

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Speaker 1: you're in the middle of you're going to work and

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Speaker 1: everything they've done. It it's like one it's just the formality.

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Speaker 1: It's like a one sheet you check off and next

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Speaker 1: you'll have to sign it. You have a lawyer. Wait,

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Speaker 1: it's going to be spun. What way that I had

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Speaker 1: enough of you? What? What do you mean? I mean,

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Speaker 1: in all honesty, after this whole journey. I if it's

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Speaker 1: about that, like who files first, the other person's wrong

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Speaker 1: if they I feel like I deserve to file first,

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Speaker 1: then well, I mean you basically put it all out

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Speaker 1: there with daily mail, like you said, everything that you've

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Speaker 1: done to me over the years. So I think it

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Speaker 1: would make perfect sense that it's followed up that I

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Speaker 1: would file because those are things I would never have

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Speaker 1: divulged to anybody, and you did, so I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I assume that'll come later. I don't. I think it's

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Speaker 1: just yeah, it's just like a one sheet where you

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Speaker 1: literally like check like divorce and like irreconcilable differences. Yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: I love you, Okay, y ugh, wait, that's it. Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, never felt more alone in a room full

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Speaker 1: of friends to a podcast. Fuck, I've never feel more

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Speaker 1: alone in fifty years.

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Speaker 3: Sorry, you are not alone.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, you guys sounding some movie.

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Speaker 4: You are so loved by so many stop tryal s

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Speaker 4: mushy stuff, same mean stuff. It fires me up. I

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Speaker 4: like to be treated nice.

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Speaker 1: He was like, great, good, great, Yeah, I have a lawyer.

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Speaker 1: I was gonna do this, but cool. Yeah, it saves

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Speaker 1: me five hundred dollars. Like, I don't feel worth loving.

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Speaker 1: That's the truth. Not something that's just in you. It's

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Speaker 1: not something I wanted or created, or that starts when

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Speaker 1: you're young.

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Speaker 3: You know, well, it's something you learn.

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Speaker 1: It's learned behavior.

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Speaker 2: Not feeling worth it it is, and now you have

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Speaker 2: to work on unlearning that and learning how to accept

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Speaker 2: being loved.

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Speaker 1: That's not easy to do. It's like it's like the

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Speaker 1: first part of the show is like one story, and

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Speaker 1: then you come back from intermission you're like told it's

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Speaker 1: something completely different and you have to adjust. I don't

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Speaker 1: know if I can. I don't know. I mean, I

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Speaker 1: know you can change at any point in your Lifely, yeah,

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Speaker 1: everyone always says that but like it's a harder task

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Speaker 1: then we realize, especially if you don't believe it, Like

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Speaker 1: people can tell you and tell you and tell you

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Speaker 1: and should should, should, But if you don't believe it

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Speaker 1: in your soul, in your core, Like, I don't know

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Speaker 1: how you change.

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Speaker 3: That by doing what you just did?

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Speaker 1: What did I do? I have the short term memory

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Speaker 1: of a ant.

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Speaker 3: You're actually moving ahead now I'm with your divorce and

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Speaker 3: it's a huge step.

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Speaker 1: I know I just played dumb, so I can help

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Speaker 1: you do the work and say it I'm not dumb.

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Speaker 1: That's been the hardest challenging thing in my life, having

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Speaker 1: to play dumb. It's just so crazy to have to

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Speaker 1: like fill that void of like it semi blends back

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Speaker 1: with Donna because it's like and now we can look

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Speaker 1: back at Donna and be like Donna, Donna wasn't dumb,

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Speaker 1: but she like played it she was. They would always say,

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Speaker 1: and this is so like for anyone young listening, they'll

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Speaker 1: be like, we don't know who that is. For anyone

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Speaker 1: my age and old or listening, you'll know who this is.

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Speaker 1: But they'd be like, oh, you're still like your Judy Holiday,

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Speaker 1: which like was an iconic like movie star, like Black

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Speaker 1: and White film was literally like funny like she was

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Speaker 1: before Lucy. But she was like, you know, the pretty

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Speaker 1: ditsy blonde and that's like what you're conditioned to be, Like,

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Speaker 1: oh you're blonde, you're funny, you giggle like, oh you

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Speaker 1: play this role and they compartmentalize you in life. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I was all like blonde hair, big eyes, giggles, like

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Speaker 1: funny timing, great body, show my stomach and scene and

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Speaker 1: that's what I was carved down in life to be.

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Speaker 1: I screwed up. Like one time I was like I

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Speaker 1: said something to someone. I was like, well, when you're

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Speaker 1: like conditioned your whole life to be viewed as a

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Speaker 1: sex symbol, my friend was like, ew, did you just

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Speaker 1: call yourself a sex symbol? And I was like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, and I got so shamed. I was like no, no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: I don't even like myself.

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Speaker 3: What do you mean.

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Speaker 1: I would never like give myself a compliment like that.

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Speaker 1: And I was like I was taking myself out of it.

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Speaker 1: I was saying how I was viewed, and he's like,

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Speaker 1: but really, like were you view that way? I was

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Speaker 1: like maybe not. I mean I don't know. I think

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Speaker 1: I think on some level, like it was like young

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Speaker 1: hop blonde, like.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Well, here you are now, Oh.

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Speaker 1: We're talking about me playing dumb when I'm not dumb.

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Speaker 3: Well, I think we really are talking about you. And

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Speaker 3: now that you are deflecting, yeah, well you are deflecting.

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Speaker 3: But you also just filed for divorce from your husband

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Speaker 3: of eighteen or eighteen years, something you've been thinking about

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Speaker 3: for many, many years.

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Speaker 1: Right, And he always threatened, he would, oh, always threaten.

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Speaker 1: I get so scared. But I also hate change. That's

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Speaker 1: a lie. I grew up thinking I hate change, but

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Speaker 1: like things change in my life day by day, and

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Speaker 1: nice roll with it, like everything just happens.

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Speaker 3: I think you thrive on it. You thrive on the chaos.

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Speaker 1: I thrive on chaos. Everyone would say that's not a

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Speaker 1: good thing. Now, yeah, it gives me energy, It gives me,

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Speaker 1: makes me feel like not dead inside. My lawyer says,

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Speaker 1: I just got a call from TMZ. I didn't speak

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Speaker 1: to them, but they have the divorce. Violet, here goes

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Speaker 1: the neighborhood. I've told I've told Deana, so it's not

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Speaker 1: talking out of school. But we had this very quick

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Speaker 1: passionate we had this very quick passionate falling in love period,

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Speaker 1: which it was. Yeah, it was the honeymoon period that

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Speaker 1: everyone talks about, but what is that six months ours

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Speaker 1: was four and it was intense, and I was like, wow,

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Speaker 1: he sees me. I felt like my whole life I

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Speaker 1: only showed people pieces of me because I was always

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Speaker 1: being told who I was and could be, even from birth,

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Speaker 1: like you know, born into a family where I had

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Speaker 1: to uphold a certain being and you know, my house,

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Speaker 1: like I was like the way I was raised was

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Speaker 1: completely different than the way I raised my kids. And

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Speaker 1: I'm not even talking esthetically. I'm not talking about the

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Speaker 1: fact that I grew up in a ten thousand square

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Speaker 1: foot house and then moved to a fifty six thousand

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Speaker 1: square foot house irrelevant. I'm just kiddinking. I'm talking about

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Speaker 1: like it was never a conversation, like you were quiet,

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Speaker 1: and no one ever said this to me, No one

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Speaker 1: said like you can be seen and not heard. But

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Speaker 1: like it was that feeling that I got, like while

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Speaker 1: it was a family, it was a public family, and

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Speaker 1: you learned very quickly, like you know, four or five

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Speaker 1: years old, I got it. I got it that all

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Speaker 1: eyes were on us and everyone was watching and listening

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Speaker 1: to how we behaved and how what we said and

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Speaker 1: how we represented this iconic Hollywood family. When I say week,

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Speaker 1: because I have a brother who is an amazing podcast

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Speaker 1: called Oldish with my bff Brian Austin Green and Sharna

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Speaker 1: on iHeart, and yeah, he was like less willing to conform.

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Speaker 1: I always was in the mindset like of representing your family.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I don't know I was. I just got

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Speaker 1: it from an early age. I would I was fascinated

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Speaker 1: with the world summer vacation. I didn't want to hang

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Speaker 1: with my friends. I wanted to go to work with

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Speaker 1: my dad. I would literally hide under his desk and

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Speaker 1: take notes and like that was my world from jump,

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Speaker 1: you know, I used to like walk around My mom

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Speaker 1: had every script that my dad ever did, the initial

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Speaker 1: one because there were over what two hundred, like it

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Speaker 1: couldn't be every single one, but if it was a series,

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Speaker 1: it was the pilot script. If it was a movie

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Speaker 1: of the movie, obviously leather Bound and in his office

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Speaker 1: wall to wall, and every Saturday, I would spin around

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Speaker 1: like wonder Woman, and I'd be like wonder Woman and

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Speaker 1: I'd land on a script and I would pull that

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Speaker 1: script out and I would read it. Obviously, this is

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Speaker 1: when I could read, so it was like eight nine.

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Speaker 1: And then I'd ask my dad if he could play

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Speaker 1: the male lead, and I obviously would play the female

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Speaker 1: lead because I didn't think outside the box then, and

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Speaker 1: we would read through it and I'd be like, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna make these one day and like make like not

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Speaker 1: just like, oh, I'm gonna star in these. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna star, I'm gonna write, I'm gonna produce, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna direct, I'm gonna own this motherfucker's shit. What's a

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Speaker 1: motherfucker shit? I don't know what that is, but I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna own it.

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Speaker 3: Well, you are your father's daughter. Yeah, the end of

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Speaker 3: the day.

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Speaker 1: Anyway, we had this fast and furious romance. I saw

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Speaker 1: red flags. Everyone talks about red flags, like I like

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Speaker 1: saying that. I just like I like to make dresses

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Speaker 1: out of red flags and then proceed. So, yeah, there

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Speaker 1: were definitely red flags. And he had anger issues and

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Speaker 1: that started when we were dating, like four months in

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Speaker 1: and I just remember like I could show him me

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Speaker 1: and it wasn't like the cute like giggly like this

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Speaker 1: is what people want me to be. I was able

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Speaker 1: to be like the loud and like the body type

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Speaker 1: of like toy and like I could have like you know,

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Speaker 1: I could have a foul mouth. I could I'm not

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Speaker 1: you know, just Donna Martin like the perfect good girl,

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Speaker 1: like I could have some bad girl in me, and

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Speaker 1: it was okay, and and he like all those sides,

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Speaker 1: and he saw how smart I was and accepted me.

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Speaker 1: And I said, from the beginning, it's gonna be a lot.

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Speaker 1: It's I've been told it's an emasculating road. And he

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Speaker 1: was like, I can handle it, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: can you though, like it's not going to be easy,

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Speaker 1: Like I can't. I don't think he knew how big

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Speaker 1: it would be, how how big the life I was

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Speaker 1: given and live is. It's yeah. I think he was like,

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Speaker 1: oh yeah, things come and go, But with me, it

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Speaker 1: never came and went like it was. I from the

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Speaker 1: moment we met, I was in the moment I was born.

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Speaker 1: I was in the press, you know, and it hasn't

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Speaker 1: there hasn't been a reprieve from it. So it's like

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Speaker 1: you kind of have to be used to like jumping

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Speaker 1: on board in that world and just getting through it

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Speaker 1: and owning it, and I thought he was on board

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Speaker 1: with that, but I was also all very focused on him,

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Speaker 1: and I think a lot of parents out there can relate,

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Speaker 1: like I noticed a shift in our relationship literally the

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00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:20,639
Speaker 1: day I found out I was pregnant, And the shift

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Speaker 1: came from within, because all of a sudden, it wasn't.

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Speaker 1: It was never about me, like I have kept myself

337
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Speaker 1: small since I was young, to not outshine anyone in

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Speaker 1: my family, and then not outshine anyone in my cast,

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00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:41,359
Speaker 1: and then not shine outshine any boyfriend I had, or

340
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Speaker 1: outshine any husband like so I would just self sabotage

341
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:52,000
Speaker 1: and keep myself small and wouldn't keep building myself up

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Speaker 1: where I knew I could be, And anytime it would

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Speaker 1: start to get big or real, I would find a

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Speaker 1: way to plummet it and start back over again, like

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Speaker 1: I'm doing now, but this time I'm not backing down.

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Speaker 1: I'm just going all the way to the top. Well,

347
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:12,040
Speaker 1: you guys all heard that, right, hold me accountable. But yeah,

348
00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:15,960
Speaker 1: as soon as it wasn't, you know all about him,

349
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Speaker 1: And I don't think he intentionally did this. All the

350
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:22,280
Speaker 1: focus changed to the baby growing in my belly and

351
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:27,840
Speaker 1: instantly I changed, and I was like, Oh, this is

352
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 1: what it's like to really take control and step up

353
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Speaker 1: and be accountable for someone that you don't even know yet.

354
00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:42,399
Speaker 1: And everything we came about Liam, who was in my belly,

355
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Speaker 1: and you know, I was never the adventure girl, but

356
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,600
Speaker 1: when I met Dean, we made Oh my god, we

357
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:51,240
Speaker 1: made a list on the back of barf bags in

358
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Speaker 1: the plane on the way back from Ottawa where we

359
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:57,800
Speaker 1: were filming the TV movie where we hooked up, coming

360
00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:03,880
Speaker 1: back to our mary, you know, our spouses. We rode

361
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:07,320
Speaker 1: on barf bags what things we were going to do,

362
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,919
Speaker 1: like a bucket list in our relationship. And for me,

363
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:13,200
Speaker 1: it was like doing things that I was always scared

364
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,040
Speaker 1: and fearful, Like I got that from my dad. My

365
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:18,159
Speaker 1: dad was scared of everything, and I just took that

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Speaker 1: on thinking they were my fears. And now I'm like, wait,

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Speaker 1: someone else's fears, Like maybe it wasn't my fears, Like

368
00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 1: maybe I do want to jump out of airplane. Now I'm

369
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Speaker 1: just kidding psych Uh, I don't know. But it was

370
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:38,040
Speaker 1: things like that, like we're gonna go here, We're gonna

371
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Speaker 1: I think I said, I'd like ride a marathon. I

372
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,959
Speaker 1: don't even know how to ride a bike. But I

373
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Speaker 1: the thing is, I tried, and I wanted something different

374
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Speaker 1: and I wanted to please him. And then when I

375
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Speaker 1: got pregnant, we got pregnant right away. So we got

376
00:25:55,520 --> 00:26:01,800
Speaker 1: married in May, and we started trying right away. We

377
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:08,280
Speaker 1: didn't get pregnant right away, and my dad passed in June,

378
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:13,760
Speaker 1: and then days later, the beginning of July, found out

379
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:18,520
Speaker 1: I was pregnant. No, it was right like a month

380
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:21,240
Speaker 1: after my dad passed. Basically I conceived like right after

381
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:27,320
Speaker 1: my dad passed, and so I took that as like, oh,

382
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:29,960
Speaker 1: it's a sign, this is supposed to be and this

383
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:34,360
Speaker 1: is how it was planned to happen. But honestly, our

384
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:37,760
Speaker 1: relationship was never the same after we started having kids,

385
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:43,160
Speaker 1: like and we always said we won't be those parents

386
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:46,680
Speaker 1: that change. We'll make sure we make our relationship with

387
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:50,960
Speaker 1: priority and the two of us and we have date nights,

388
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:54,920
Speaker 1: and just everything went out the window. I became completely

389
00:26:54,960 --> 00:27:00,679
Speaker 1: focused on the kids and kind of left him in

390
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,159
Speaker 1: a way. And I get it. It doesn't excuse his

391
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:07,000
Speaker 1: behavior and everything he did and how he handled things.

392
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:12,800
Speaker 1: And I'm not minimizing his part in this and how

393
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:17,879
Speaker 1: his lack of sobriety did affect me and the kids

394
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:20,840
Speaker 1: for years and years and years, and I'm really happy

395
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:26,600
Speaker 1: that he's sober now. But our relationship definitely changed, like

396
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:30,359
Speaker 1: to the point where I felt like I was just

397
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,879
Speaker 1: in this alone with the kids, like and he was

398
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:38,840
Speaker 1: there and he was an extra set of hands and

399
00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:41,640
Speaker 1: he put the car seat in because I know how

400
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:46,119
Speaker 1: to do it, and you know, things like that. But emotionally,

401
00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:49,560
Speaker 1: like I was like Taggert, like I was the parent

402
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:55,040
Speaker 1: and it was a lot of responsibility while also you know,

403
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 1: rebuilding a career, which I did. You know, we became

404
00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:06,000
Speaker 1: a family brand. I went from like you know, Hollywood

405
00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:10,840
Speaker 1: rich girl like starlet, like starlett that's as bad as

406
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 1: my calling myself a sex symbol. Sorry, h anyway, to

407
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:22,959
Speaker 1: like cool mom, like look at her, she does it

408
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:27,520
Speaker 1: all Meanwhile, like behind the scenes, it was all falling apart.

409
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:32,280
Speaker 1: And I literally sometimes I went back and reread one

410
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:36,560
Speaker 1: of my books once and I was like wow, Like

411
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:41,120
Speaker 1: sometimes I think I created the character of Dean, like

412
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:44,960
Speaker 1: all those Prince charmings I wanted when I was young,

413
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:48,360
Speaker 1: Like I created this character that he had a lot

414
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:52,800
Speaker 1: of those qualities. But you know, we did our reality show,

415
00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:56,560
Speaker 1: and it was like the first one was like fun fun,

416
00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:59,880
Speaker 1: So any like bad stuff that would happen or fights

417
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:04,280
Speaker 1: or anything, they would edit, and you know, women everywhere

418
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:06,320
Speaker 1: I would hear them be like I wish I had

419
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 1: a Dean, and I was like, you only knew, if

420
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:10,520
Speaker 1: you only knew?

421
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:17,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, you guys did go into therapy right to try

422
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:18,480
Speaker 3: to work through the issues.

423
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:25,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean we we saw a therapist that I

424
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 1: had been seeing since like my twenties. She was actually,

425
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:34,280
Speaker 1: this is horrific that I did this. I was scared

426
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:36,280
Speaker 1: to confront and tell my first husband that I was

427
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:41,720
Speaker 1: leaving him for my co star. So I broke the

428
00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:46,720
Speaker 1: news to him in my therapist's office. So not cool.

429
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:51,120
Speaker 1: So anytime Dean and I would go into therapy, he's like,

430
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:53,160
Speaker 1: are you gonna leave me like you did Charlie in

431
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:56,920
Speaker 1: the therapy session. I'm like no, He's like, well you

432
00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:00,920
Speaker 1: did it once. I was like, fair, fair, no, I'm

433
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 1: not going to So I never did.

434
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:04,040
Speaker 3: But.

435
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:10,520
Speaker 1: It was it was hard the therapy sessions. I like

436
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:13,680
Speaker 1: wanted to get deep and we started therapy. I mean

437
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 1: after Stella was born and she's we have five kids,

438
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:24,760
Speaker 1: you know, she's fifteen. Now, so yeah, did it.

439
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:26,280
Speaker 3: Help at all? Do you think?

440
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:34,840
Speaker 1: No? No, because we were talking about two different things.

441
00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:38,920
Speaker 1: You know, we would go in there and I'm really

442
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:42,960
Speaker 1: good at taking blame so that someone can start to

443
00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:46,680
Speaker 1: feel like they can open up, and you know, yeah,

444
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:48,880
Speaker 1: so I would say like, you know, I do this

445
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:51,440
Speaker 1: and I do that, hoping he would be like, oh,

446
00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:54,680
Speaker 1: and I do this, and instead, you know, it was

447
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:58,479
Speaker 1: more focused on like, uh yeah, the dog shit all

448
00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:00,800
Speaker 1: over the house, like she's just too much, the animals,

449
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:06,880
Speaker 1: she has a hoarder, like she's messy. And I was like, yep, yep, yep,

450
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:10,880
Speaker 1: that's me. And I'm like, wait, wait, wait, I always

451
00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:12,960
Speaker 1: say to him, we actually he and I had this

452
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:20,120
Speaker 1: conversation semi recently and I was like, when we met

453
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:24,360
Speaker 1: in Ottawa, you met me, you came into my hotel

454
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:28,480
Speaker 1: room where we were filming. I had my two dogs

455
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:32,080
Speaker 1: with me, and what was one of the first things

456
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:37,120
Speaker 1: you saw? And He's like, you had your suitcases open

457
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 1: and there were clothes and shoes covering the entire room

458
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 1: and you had to make space so we could walk

459
00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:45,800
Speaker 1: through to get to the bed to f sex. I'm

460
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:49,120
Speaker 1: like yes, and he's like, and there was dog shit

461
00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:51,640
Speaker 1: in the on top of the clothes in your suitcase.

462
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:58,440
Speaker 1: I'm like, correct, that was me and the first night

463
00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:03,240
Speaker 1: you met me, So what about me is surprising? Now

464
00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:06,920
Speaker 1: married to me years later with kids, then I'm messy

465
00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:10,760
Speaker 1: and that the dog shit everywhere and I don't pick

466
00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:14,239
Speaker 1: it up. I'm just kidding. I eventually pick it up.

467
00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:15,000
Speaker 4: Uh.

468
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:25,080
Speaker 1: Anyway, Yeah, he would talk about stuff like that, and

469
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:28,320
Speaker 1: you know, a therapist will go in the direction you

470
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:31,240
Speaker 1: start talking, and that's where our entire hour would go to.

471
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:33,440
Speaker 1: Actually it's never an hour. They tell you have an

472
00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 1: hour session. It's really fifty minutes. And it's really frustrating

473
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 1: because the whole time I'm looking at the clock and

474
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:40,800
Speaker 1: I'm like, ooh, I know I have forty minutes left. Oh,

475
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:42,520
Speaker 1: I know I have twenty minutes left. What do I

476
00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:45,480
Speaker 1: talk about now he's still talking about dog shit. We're

477
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:49,840
Speaker 1: fucked and this is three hundred dollars, Like, oh, who

478
00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:52,440
Speaker 1: cares about the dog shit? Like I would always say,

479
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:57,320
Speaker 1: what does it matter? I mean, it does matter. I

480
00:32:57,320 --> 00:33:03,160
Speaker 1: get it, Listen, I get that's a problem, but it

481
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:16,760
Speaker 1: clearly wasn't our biggest problem.

482
00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:19,720
Speaker 3: You talk about the red flags, but what were the red.

483
00:33:19,680 --> 00:33:30,360
Speaker 1: Lit, I would say, his temper, which often was fueled

484
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:43,400
Speaker 1: by alcohol. So when he would drink, it was hard

485
00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:49,480
Speaker 1: because I knew that at some point it would turn,

486
00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:53,240
Speaker 1: and I knew, you know, it was all always different,

487
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:55,360
Speaker 1: like it could be two drinks, it could be five,

488
00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 1: six drinks, and then I would just see it turn.

489
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:02,480
Speaker 1: I'm like, here we go. And then that became my

490
00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:06,800
Speaker 1: dance on the eggshells. And it was like no matter

491
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:09,960
Speaker 1: what I said, it wasn't right, and I would have

492
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:13,359
Speaker 1: to in my head be like okay, quick, quick, quick

493
00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:17,040
Speaker 1: on your toes. Like it was like it was like

494
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:20,839
Speaker 1: a fight, like you know, a mental fight, like okay, uh,

495
00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:24,279
Speaker 1: I think he might like aim here, and if he

496
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:26,640
Speaker 1: aims here, like with what he says, I'm going to

497
00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:30,080
Speaker 1: respond this way and that'll take him down. And it

498
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:33,719
Speaker 1: got to the point where nothing would make sense and

499
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:38,520
Speaker 1: it just I would just notice stop talking, like and

500
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:41,960
Speaker 1: that usually you know, just space and stop talking. And

501
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:47,160
Speaker 1: it was just it was hard.

502
00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:52,839
Speaker 3: Until the final fight, right where he went on Instagram

503
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:57,120
Speaker 3: and announced that you guys were separating and that's sort

504
00:34:57,120 --> 00:35:00,360
Speaker 3: of the final blow for you, and that put everything

505
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:01,040
Speaker 3: in motion.

506
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:08,959
Speaker 1: The Instagram posts. So I'm the type that I will

507
00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:13,000
Speaker 1: take a lot and you can say whatever you want

508
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:17,760
Speaker 1: to me. I remain calm. I process it. I think

509
00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:20,440
Speaker 1: about what I'm going to say before I say it.

510
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:26,880
Speaker 1: I'm not a reactive person. Lots of years of training.

511
00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:34,319
Speaker 1: I know the therapy words to say. I feel oh man,

512
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:40,520
Speaker 1: But yeah, that last night, we had just been at

513
00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:44,920
Speaker 1: Jenny's house all day. We were doing a BFF photo

514
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:49,200
Speaker 1: shoot and Dean was so helpful, like he was so great,

515
00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:59,359
Speaker 1: and Jenna and Dean haven't always gotten along, and I

516
00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:01,840
Speaker 1: just remember that day. She was like, he was really

517
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:06,600
Speaker 1: great and he helped and styled and carried and did

518
00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:11,239
Speaker 1: everything for us that whole day because we didn't have

519
00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:13,239
Speaker 1: the budget to like hire people and we had to

520
00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:16,000
Speaker 1: do the whole photo shoot ourselves and video shoot just

521
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:22,520
Speaker 1: me and Jen. And he was great. And when I

522
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:26,560
Speaker 1: got home, she texted me and she said Dean was

523
00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:28,880
Speaker 1: really great today. And I was like, Oh, that's going

524
00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:31,400
Speaker 1: to mean a lot to him for me to go

525
00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:35,200
Speaker 1: in and say, Jen gave you a compliment. She would

526
00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 1: laugh at this, but I did, and he was like, really, Oh,

527
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:44,880
Speaker 1: that's that is great. Months later, when I reminded him

528
00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:48,760
Speaker 1: of this, he doesn't remember that part. But I'm like, okay, yeah,

529
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:53,160
Speaker 1: you got a compliment from someone that doesn't give compliments freely,

530
00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:56,320
Speaker 1: like that's a big step. And he was like, thank you, Okay,

531
00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:59,480
Speaker 1: that feels really good. It was nice helping you guys today.

532
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,759
Speaker 1: And then but he had been drinking at this point.

533
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:06,640
Speaker 1: It was in the evening, and then we started to

534
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:10,279
Speaker 1: discuss something else and I could tell like, ooh, he's

535
00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:13,080
Speaker 1: fired up and it's not going to go well. And

536
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:17,080
Speaker 1: in my head I'm like, stop talking, walk away, because

537
00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:20,680
Speaker 1: otherwise this is going to escalate. But once in a

538
00:37:20,719 --> 00:37:23,560
Speaker 1: blue moon, I don't just walk away and I don't

539
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:28,600
Speaker 1: just shut up. I come back. And I always say

540
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:32,880
Speaker 1: it's the tourus in me, like stubborn, like the tourists,

541
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:37,840
Speaker 1: like we'll make peace with everyone and super patient and

542
00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:40,719
Speaker 1: we'll be like I'm sorry, it's me, it's not you.

543
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:43,960
Speaker 1: And then like you push us, you push us, you

544
00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:48,160
Speaker 1: push us, and then we just snap. But me snapping

545
00:37:48,239 --> 00:37:51,680
Speaker 1: isn't even like bad, Like imagine me snapping, like it's

546
00:37:51,719 --> 00:37:57,920
Speaker 1: not crazy. But yeah, that's all it took. And so

547
00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:02,880
Speaker 1: but I'll never forget the night because sorry, I'm a foodie,

548
00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:05,960
Speaker 1: so I associate everything with food. Okay, it's not a

549
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:14,040
Speaker 1: bad thing. And we just ordered Wendy's and I'm not

550
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:17,680
Speaker 1: gonna lie. I'm a big baked potato fan, loaded baked potato.

551
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:19,239
Speaker 1: My mom taught me how to make him. I make

552
00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:24,560
Speaker 1: them for everybody AnyWho. So I had just gotten my

553
00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:27,239
Speaker 1: baked potato from Wendy's and I was super psyched about

554
00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:29,719
Speaker 1: it because I had a long work day and I

555
00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:34,480
Speaker 1: was like, ooh, and I made it to perfection. I

556
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:37,799
Speaker 1: was like, m this is a baked potato my mom

557
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:41,719
Speaker 1: would be proud of. And just as I had made it,

558
00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:45,640
Speaker 1: he came into the kitchen because it was a conversation.

559
00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:50,320
Speaker 1: We had started fighting, and I walked away, still passive

560
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:56,960
Speaker 1: aggressively saying things because I'm passive aggressive trying to work

561
00:38:57,040 --> 00:39:00,239
Speaker 1: on that, and he's like, what did you say? Did

562
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:06,120
Speaker 1: you say? And I was like, hm, uh huh, proceed

563
00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:10,200
Speaker 1: I said this and yeah. So it just like escalated

564
00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:15,200
Speaker 1: and he came in screaming, and he he made a

565
00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:17,120
Speaker 1: remark that I don't want to discuss, but it's not

566
00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:21,280
Speaker 1: even a terrible remark. It's just it was a dig

567
00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:25,040
Speaker 1: at something he knew would really be hurtful to hear,

568
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:28,200
Speaker 1: and I think it was just in the moment he

569
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:32,760
Speaker 1: made that dig, and it's really nothing, but it's something

570
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:42,920
Speaker 1: that I took personal. And when he said that, fine,

571
00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:46,520
Speaker 1: I'll say what he said. He said to go back

572
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:48,919
Speaker 1: to dog shit because he loves talking about dog shit

573
00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:55,680
Speaker 1: and animal shit and feeces, feces. Uh, he said, Uh,

574
00:39:55,719 --> 00:39:58,040
Speaker 1: I'm so sick of this. I've been picking up Tory

575
00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:03,640
Speaker 1: spelling shit for eighteen years hers and I've fucking lost it.

576
00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:04,640
Speaker 4: M