Speaker 1: All from Tommy.
Speaker 2: Talk to me, Tommy moham man, what's up?
Speaker 1: How are you going on?
Speaker 2: I'm doing okay, I'm trying my best. What's up. How's
Speaker 2: it going?
Speaker 1: Oh, it's going I get a bit too unfold and
Speaker 1: I have a wonderful super surprise at the end.
Speaker 3: You said, you have a bit too unfold and a
Speaker 3: wonderful surprise at the end.
Speaker 2: Is that what you just said?
Speaker 1: That is that is exactly what I said.
Speaker 3: Yes, well, unfold right into my into my ass. Hit
Speaker 3: mat what's going on?
Speaker 4: All right?
Speaker 1: So start this out in my axe broke up back
Speaker 1: in December, had to move back to my parents. Uh,
Speaker 1: like an hour away or so, I'm in I'm in
Speaker 1: New York Connecticut area. That's been super hard. I uh
Speaker 1: worked or her brother doing welding and stuff, and uh,
Speaker 1: you know, he had wanted me to stay. I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just need to get like all
Speaker 1: of it out of my life. Yeah, her brother, you
Speaker 1: had any connection with her, but yeah, I don't know. Sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm a little Uh. I didn't think you were going
Speaker 1: to answer.
Speaker 2: You broke up with you said you broke up with
Speaker 2: your girlfriends.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we broke up. We were just you know,
Speaker 1: a little bit toxic drinking and getting the sights and
Speaker 1: ship and.
Speaker 3: Ah, okay, what's for both both party animals? But so well,
Speaker 3: what kind of tell me more about this toxicity?
Speaker 1: Oh? Just late night she was a serverre atte a
Speaker 1: restaurant and uh, like summertime, she get home like two
Speaker 1: three in the morning. I don't know, food and bed industry. Usually,
Speaker 1: you know, you have a few drinks at the end
Speaker 1: of the night. Whenever she'd come home fucking blasted, and
Speaker 1: I'd be like, what the fuck? Mhm, uh, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Anytime I'm like, you know, we'd go out, she would
Speaker 1: just that sort of throw me to the side, I guess,
Speaker 1: and I get sucked up and we'll get home. Everything'd
Speaker 1: be cool, and they fucking just fight over some random stuff.
Speaker 2: Okay, I needed I don't. I don't know you, and
Speaker 2: I don't know your life.
Speaker 3: But from what you are telling me right now, it
Speaker 3: sounds like this breakup was a good thing.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, definitely, uh yeah, definitely good for my mental
Speaker 1: health and probably probably a little bit of physical health too.
Speaker 1: But uh started working back and when you know, got
Speaker 1: up to my parents, took like a month, aful work
Speaker 1: at some money safe, So just chilling being depressed in
Speaker 1: my parents' fucking basement.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there we go, which is cool.
Speaker 1: You know, everyone's got to do that. Sometimes you do.
Speaker 2: You got to do that.
Speaker 3: Sometimes you absolutely got to do that. Sometimes I'm what
Speaker 3: the fuck was I gonna say?
Speaker 1: So?
Speaker 2: How long ago was?
Speaker 1: This was early December, like mid December, like in the
Speaker 1: team's December teams.
Speaker 2: Okay, so it's been a few months.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's been a few months. Definitely do a lot better.
Speaker 2: Oh good, what's what's been better?
Speaker 1: I guess, well, I'm sorry. Okay. So where she lives.
Speaker 1: She lives like forty minutes away from me, from the
Speaker 1: town that I grew up in. So about like six
Speaker 1: seven months after we started dating, we were like, you know,
Speaker 1: if she had to get a new apartment because she
Speaker 1: got a you know, we got a dog and dog
Speaker 1: wasn't allowed in an old apartment. Well, I guess we
Speaker 1: didn't get she got a dog. So I was think,
Speaker 1: you know, why don't I why don't we move in together? Sucky?
Speaker 1: We heard you, you know, we'd like each other. We
Speaker 1: knew we were in it for the long term, for
Speaker 1: the most part, but I guess we moved a little quick,
Speaker 1: but I you know, I moved down to where she
Speaker 1: was from and left, like you know, my family didn't
Speaker 1: leave them. You know it's forty minutes, not like it's
Speaker 1: hours away, but you know, left my family, friends and stuff.
Speaker 1: Get a little distant with my friends. Sort of happened
Speaker 1: to a lot of people and you get into a relationship.
Speaker 2: Now, So did you rekindle your your relationship with your
Speaker 2: friends now that you are not?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it was it was never like I
Speaker 1: never burned any bridges, Like I always talking to them
Speaker 1: anytime I was up here, head go, you hit them
Speaker 1: up and stuff, and uh, we were hanging out every
Speaker 1: once in a while. It definitely wasn't as close for
Speaker 1: catching up as much like I'd play Xbox with a
Speaker 1: couple of my friends from down there, which is cool.
Speaker 1: But now that I'm backed up here, definitely rekindled the pome.
Speaker 1: My boys been hanging out, which is cool.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's good, and.
Speaker 1: Doing some uh been abusing adder all bit.
Speaker 2: And it was a drug. Yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 1: I worked long hours, worked eleven hour days. Went back
Speaker 1: to my old job that pizzeria I worked at like
Speaker 1: during high school and stuff. Who all the guys there
Speaker 1: that we were like a big family there, like been
Speaker 1: super close with them forever, and uh, a couple of
Speaker 1: guys got I don't.
Speaker 3: I can't decide if a pizza made by five dudes
Speaker 3: on Adderall would be better or worse than.
Speaker 1: I guarantee that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm sure fucking we'll get that ship to you
Speaker 3: in twenty minutes or less, fuck thirty.
Speaker 1: Yeah we don't deliver. Though we did not deliver.
Speaker 2: You don't deliver, then what's the adderall for?
Speaker 1: Adderall? Just for sucking get through the day with all
Speaker 1: the shitty fucking customers.
Speaker 2: Okay, so this was three months ago. What's what are
Speaker 2: you doing with your life now? Are you? You got it? Dude?
Speaker 2: I don't know. I mean I don't know your life.
Speaker 3: I don't know what your feelings do, but uh, I
Speaker 3: mean hanging out with your boys and making pizzas it's
Speaker 3: good life in my from where I sit. You know,
Speaker 3: what do you want?
Speaker 2: More?
Speaker 4: Do you?
Speaker 2: What's going on? What's missing?
Speaker 1: Oh? Chuck? Being lowly? My friends closer friends are like
Speaker 1: like your relationships and stuff, and it's just like my
Speaker 1: buddy's birthday was last week, went over to his house
Speaker 1: and like, yeah, I'm the fucking like eleventh wheel there
Speaker 1: and everyone just yeah, which is fun, you know whatever.
Speaker 1: I'm not like, I don't want to sound like, you know,
Speaker 1: like fucking jealous or anything, because no, I'm very happy
Speaker 1: for that that thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I got you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, a little bit of a I've been drinking a
Speaker 1: little bit more than usual. Yeah yeah, drinking that at all,
Speaker 1: kind of like peanut butter and jelly.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I so get it.
Speaker 3: I've had a couple of times where I've had anxiety
Speaker 3: that was just like anxiety or loneliness that was just like, so,
Speaker 3: I'm not a big alcohol guy. I'm not a big drink.
Speaker 3: I've mainly been like a big pot smoker my my
Speaker 3: whole life. But I've had a few times where my
Speaker 3: just anxiety or my loneliness was so bad that I
Speaker 3: was like, fuck it, let's just get drunk so that
Speaker 3: we can like numb the feelings. And I did it,
Speaker 3: and every single time, I'm like, oh, I one hundred
Speaker 3: percent understand how people become alcoholics. It makes so much
Speaker 3: sense because it just numbs. It numbs these feelings that
Speaker 3: are so like difficult to.
Speaker 2: Difficult to not.
Speaker 3: Like a difficult to deal with and then be impossible
Speaker 3: to solve. I don't want to say impossible, because I
Speaker 3: like to be optimistic, and I do think that your
Speaker 3: level of optimism is a strong indicator of the quality
Speaker 3: of your life. So I like to remain optimistic that
Speaker 3: these feelings that you're trying to numb are are solvable.
Speaker 2: But they're really hard.
Speaker 3: Even with the wealth of information, to solve them because like,
Speaker 3: you know, people are like even like loneliness is difficult
Speaker 3: to solve in the sense of, oh, you're lonely, go
Speaker 3: get friends or go get a relationship. But then it's like,
Speaker 3: even if you do that successfully, I mean, look what happens,
Speaker 3: you know with you You were in this relationship, you
Speaker 3: were with this woman, but it was it wasn't It
Speaker 3: ended up badly with you know, all the drinking and
Speaker 3: the and the fighting. So it's like, whether you're whether
Speaker 3: you want to be alone or you want to integrate
Speaker 3: other people into your life, you're going to run into
Speaker 3: into conflict. You know, conflict it's really hard to to
Speaker 3: deal with. So it's like, why not just get pissed
Speaker 3: and not have to you know, like, you know, just
Speaker 3: decide to decide to not show up for work metaphorically,
Speaker 3: you know, not show up for the work of life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. I don't. I don't. I don't
Speaker 2: know if that's a hell yeah brother. I don't know
Speaker 2: if that is a hell.
Speaker 1: Yeah, brother.
Speaker 2: I don't know if that is necessarily a hell yeah brother.
Speaker 3: Because I I'd like to think that there's something I'd
Speaker 3: like to think that that there's nobility in showing up
Speaker 3: for the work of life and dealing with things instead
Speaker 3: of getting drunk and numbing them.
Speaker 1: But well, no, no, I wasn't hell yeah and brother, oh.
Speaker 3: Yeah, sure sure. But that's why I'd like to think that,
Speaker 3: because I don't know the answer to any of this
Speaker 3: ship that I'm amusing with you about.
Speaker 2: But so you're feeling lonely, and.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm trying to I've been hidden, you know,
Speaker 1: asking my friends like I have two groups of friends,
Speaker 1: like pizzeria guys I'm being super super close with, and
Speaker 1: I have like my high school friends and are like
Speaker 1: my brothers in a sense, you know, friend from school
Speaker 1: or whatever. And uh oh, I've been hitting the muf
Speaker 1: I'm like, yo, guys, you guys want to go loud
Speaker 1: so I can say you want to go loud, you know,
Speaker 1: help me find you know, I can tell them to
Speaker 1: talk to so I'm not helping me, you know, come
Speaker 1: out with me when you try and talk to some
Speaker 1: girls or something. And I realized something, excuse this, and
Speaker 1: that I can't. I can't. So P three, you guys
Speaker 1: have been pulling me a lot more. But uh, I
Speaker 1: don't know. I just feel like that. I also don't
Speaker 1: really have too much support from my brother friends on
Speaker 1: this more than like, you know, a little lesson, but
Speaker 1: I would like at least And you know, I've tried
Speaker 1: try to reach out, tried talking with him and everything
Speaker 1: they talked to I don't know. I don't know what
Speaker 1: I'm getting out here.
Speaker 2: But no, you want you want, you want, you want
Speaker 2: the boy? You want the boys in your corner?
Speaker 1: Yea, And the boys are always in my corner. I
Speaker 1: never Yeah, boys are always.
Speaker 2: In my corner. How old? How old are you? I'm
Speaker 2: twenty six, twenty six? When you're this is hard. When
Speaker 2: you get older, your friends start to have their own lives,
Speaker 2: you know, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Which is fine. I like, I get that one hundred percent.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, but it's stressful. It really is stressful.
Speaker 3: Stressful when you you like your friends are like everyone's
Speaker 3: like kind of like you start out like we're all
Speaker 3: in this together, and then everyone it's just like a
Speaker 3: natural part of growing up, like everyone starts to form
Speaker 3: their own lives, and you're looking at your own, like
Speaker 3: you're looking at your own little sand castle, and you're
Speaker 3: kind of trying to make sure that it is, like
Speaker 3: it's hard. It's hard to build your sound castle alone.
Speaker 3: But that's like, yeah, it's hard. It's hard to build
Speaker 3: your sand castle alone in your parents' basement.
Speaker 2: It's hard. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Uh all right, well well yeah, I guess I guess
Speaker 1: that does it on that.
Speaker 3: You know, that's so depressing. It's so depressing the way
Speaker 3: what you just did. It really was so depressing. You
Speaker 3: were like, yep, sucks. Anyway, thanks for calling, Thanks for
Speaker 3: picking up my call.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go.
Speaker 3: Uh, I don't want to go faster in the bathroom,
Speaker 3: so what I.
Speaker 1: Really want to call that? You know, that break up
Speaker 1: thing definitely helped, Thank you. Okay, I have I have
Speaker 1: your fucking doppel ganger. You have, I have your doppelganger
Speaker 1: works at the pizzeria. He is actually not an adderall
Speaker 1: one or a drinker, so he's a he's a California
Speaker 1: sober sally.
Speaker 2: What of what makes him my doppelganger?
Speaker 1: He's he's your twin? He is? He is you? I
Speaker 1: do that at the pizzeria. I've been so I started
Speaker 1: watching you maybe a year give or take ago, you know,
Speaker 1: maybe ten months or whatever. And as soon as you
Speaker 1: came up on my Instagram seed randomly, I was like,
Speaker 1: suggested post and I thought it was him, and I
Speaker 1: was like, what the fuck? I texted. I was like you, Anthony.
Speaker 1: I was like, I was like, this isn't you right?
Speaker 1: I was like, it's sort of, you know, sort of
Speaker 1: doesn't look like you, but he's your twin. That didn't
Speaker 1: make sense, But he is? He is your fucking twin?
Speaker 2: Is he is? He is? He look like me? Does
Speaker 2: he act like me? How is he my twin?
Speaker 1: Dude? He sounds exactly you look and sounds exactly like
Speaker 1: he has the floor. He's not with me right now,
Speaker 1: but like, is there any way I can send like
Speaker 1: a picture of him to you? Because I think you
Speaker 1: guys need to do a fucking live show together or
Speaker 1: a live stream together, both you dressed up as gettos.
Speaker 3: No, I'm not gonna do that, but send us, send
Speaker 3: me a send me a picture of him.
Speaker 1: Can I just do it through this chat?
Speaker 2: I mean you do it through the phone. That's fun
Speaker 2: number that you're on right now.
Speaker 1: Do it right now?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Sure, for sure. What How do you how? What
Speaker 2: is he like? How's he like me? What's he like
Speaker 2: as a person.
Speaker 1: He's just like like he's just like the most oddball
Speaker 1: person and again in great way. It's funny as hell,
Speaker 1: Like I don't know, he's he's been like the closest
Speaker 1: with me right now with this like relation you with
Speaker 1: this relationship and everything, and yeah, sorry, and dude, I
Speaker 1: don't know. He's just like I don't know. We just
Speaker 1: funk around the people, Like like at the pizzeria, they
Speaker 1: got another guy like I'm six foot seven, fucking skinny,
Speaker 1: like a white dude, and I got another guy works
Speaker 1: for six foot five skinny, Yeah, white dude. So everyone
Speaker 1: thinks for brothers. So we just fuck with customers, not
Speaker 1: fuck with them in like a mean way, but you know,
Speaker 1: we use it like a little like it's our stage.
Speaker 2: We just I'm sorry people fire.
Speaker 3: You're six foot seven, yes, sir, you're like you're like
Speaker 3: literally you're two of me.
Speaker 1: Wait, okay, so Anthony, I'm like.
Speaker 2: Three ft tall, I'm like two feet tall?
Speaker 1: Now get go, get go's max? What foot?
Speaker 2: Well? I'm how tall am I? I'm like someone in
Speaker 2: the chat just said, GEK loves tall men. I do,
Speaker 2: got I I don't like.
Speaker 3: It's been a long journey, but I've come to terms
Speaker 3: with my heights.
Speaker 2: And uh, I've accepted that I'm like five six and
Speaker 2: a half.
Speaker 1: I used to tell people Anthony is five seven, Bro,
Speaker 1: what the fuck?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Maybe that's probably what it is. It's probably what it is. No,
Speaker 3: I still do tell people on five to seven sometimes.
Speaker 1: Oh that's hilarious, dude. I'm telling you, guys are fucking
Speaker 1: spitting images of each other. I swear. Do you want
Speaker 1: me to send them right now? I forgot?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I thought I thought that thought what you were doing.
Speaker 3: I thought I was vamping on the phone with you
Speaker 3: until you uh yeah, just.
Speaker 2: Someone said I love tall men. I don't know. I
Speaker 2: just I wonder what it's like. I'm not. I'm not
Speaker 2: one of those guy.
Speaker 3: I think I maybe used to be in my younger years,
Speaker 3: were a little bit more fixated on my height, but
Speaker 3: I'm less so as I get older, but I do.
Speaker 3: I wonder sometimes I'm like, what's it like to be,
Speaker 3: you know, six feet tall?
Speaker 1: It seems nice, you know, everyone thinks it's all fun
Speaker 1: and games, which, don't get me wrong, it's i'd rather be.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think six seven is a little
Speaker 1: too tall when I'm not a fucking basketball player, like
Speaker 1: you know, trying, you know, volleyball player or something like.
Speaker 2: Did you text me this yet?
Speaker 1: I'm trying. I'm finding a picture of Sorry. I looked
Speaker 1: on his entergram and he hasn't posted in like eighteen years.
Speaker 1: Actually got a picture of both of us here Halloween.
Speaker 1: He was trying to be tony soprano.
Speaker 3: All right, Well, I go, I feel like you're gonna
Speaker 3: send it. I feel like this isn't going to be.
Speaker 3: This guy's not going to look.
Speaker 2: Anything like me.
Speaker 1: Dude, he is. I'm telling you, bro, I've convinced so
Speaker 1: many people to pizzeria that his account is yours.
Speaker 2: Did you text it to me yet?
Speaker 1: I just I just sent it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, hold on, let me try to find it.
Speaker 3: It's six six seven is a little too tall.
Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, I have a queen size bed. I literally
Speaker 1: have to fucking sleep diagonally on.
Speaker 2: It, like, Okay, you sent it to this phone number,
Speaker 2: the four oh one phone number you texted it to that. Oh,
Speaker 2: there we go. Okay, I just got it. I just
Speaker 2: got it. This guy does not look like me at all.
Speaker 1: Bro, you're nuts. You're not You're nuts.
Speaker 3: This guy does not look like me. He's just another
Speaker 3: hairy Jewish guy.
Speaker 1: He's not even Jewish.
Speaker 3: Keep he looks like he's wearing a keep on in
Speaker 3: the thing. No, he's This guy does not look like
Speaker 3: me at all.
Speaker 1: You're smoking a brother, He's just he's.
Speaker 3: Just five seven, Harry white, dude with a beer. He's
Speaker 3: in the same genre of guy as me physically, but
Speaker 3: he's not.
Speaker 2: He's also a little skinnier. He's also a little skinnier.
Speaker 1: He is a little skinnier. He is a little skinnier.
Speaker 2: Jim, I'm looking more at you. Man. You're like a whole.
Speaker 2: You are twice the size of this other guy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and taller too.
Speaker 2: Man. I I'm you. You have a lot.
Speaker 3: You You've got a good life. Man, I really hope
Speaker 3: you're I understand. We all get lonely sometimes and it's
Speaker 3: a it's a bummer. And I've been there a lot
Speaker 3: of a lot of times in my life. But you
Speaker 3: you got good friends.
Speaker 2: You gotta go. I'm I'm optimistic for you. I really am.
Speaker 1: Thank you. The only thing I don't see a lot
Speaker 1: of tall old people, right, Uh?
Speaker 2: I guess that's true.
Speaker 1: Yeah, man, I told some way that the pizzeri once
Speaker 1: her kid was like like thirteen or something, and he
Speaker 1: was like maybe like five five nine or some shit.
Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, the only thing with that,
Speaker 1: you don't see a lot of tall old people. And
Speaker 1: she just fucking shipped herself. She was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: please don't tell me that. Well, what's your name again,
Speaker 1: Cornelius vandam.
Speaker 3: Building that's not your real name? Right, just snickered Cornelius. Well, Tommy,
Speaker 3: I'll see you around the universe. Man, is he anything
Speaker 3: else you want to say before we go?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Everyone, just keep your head up, don't uh, you know,
Speaker 1: and get into a swum but the walk on out
Speaker 1: of it ship that never know. I knew I was
Speaker 1: never going to be prepared for something to tell the world.
Speaker 1: Not keep your head keep on keeping all life's life's
Speaker 1: the garden, dig Joe dirty.
Speaker 2: Keep your head up. That way you can make contact
Speaker 2: with this guy.
Speaker 3: That was stupid. All right, we should stop, We should
Speaker 3: get off the phone, all right.
Speaker 1: Love you chat, Love you Lyle, stay prosperous. Goodpi brother,
Speaker 1: and oh no, I'll try not to do any adderle today.
Speaker 2: Good luck, sir. My prayers are with you.
Speaker 1: Yep, I'm gonna take a shot at Jamil freet on
Speaker 1: the call, so God bless everyone.
Speaker 2: Take care.
Speaker 1: Just one.
Speaker 2: Hey, folks, this is Lyle.
Speaker 3: I am very excited to announce that I am going
Speaker 3: back on tour in twenty twenty four to do Therapy
Speaker 3: Gecko live all across the country. If you've never been
Speaker 3: to one of my live shows before, they are extremely fun, unpredictable,
Speaker 3: wild evenings that involve a mix of group Gecko therapy
Speaker 3: sessions as well as some material and presentations from myself.
Speaker 3: And if you've been to the show before, I have
Speaker 3: new presentations and will of course be interviewing new people.
Speaker 3: If you're a fan of the pod cast, you're gonna
Speaker 3: have a great time at the live show, So I
Speaker 3: hope to see you guys there. Go to Therapy geckotour
Speaker 3: dot com or check the link in the episode description
Speaker 3: for a full list of cities where tickets are available. Also,
Speaker 3: if you don't see your city on the list of cities,
Speaker 3: please still click the link and rs VP with your
Speaker 3: phone number so I can contact you when tickets go
Speaker 3: on sale for your city, because I'm going to announce
Speaker 3: a bunch more dates very soon.
Speaker 2: Geck bless call from Madison. Hello, Hello, Hi?
Speaker 5: Who is this Madison? Is this uh the gecko?
Speaker 2: This is the gecko? What's up?
Speaker 3: What?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 5: Just sitting in bed currently sick? But uh, I thought
Speaker 5: that you were streaming and wanted to try to call.
Speaker 2: So what are you sick with? Uh?
Speaker 5: Just a cold, but it's like one of those really
Speaker 5: like congested type cold. So it's like in my finesses
Speaker 5: and my chest. But uh, it's been a little over
Speaker 5: a week now and it's still kind of not going away.
Speaker 2: How long have the doctors given you to live?
Speaker 5: Hopefully a little longer?
Speaker 3: Well, well, Madison, here we are on the phone. Just
Speaker 3: two people on a phone call, two people who don't
Speaker 3: know anything about each other. Really, yeah, just on the
Speaker 3: phone having a conversation being broadcasted to hundreds of millions
Speaker 3: of people all across the globe. Here we are, Madison,
Speaker 3: Here we are, And I ask you humbly humbly from
Speaker 3: this my this is this is I feel so honored
Speaker 3: to be on the phone right now, and I have
Speaker 3: to ask you, humbly, Madison.
Speaker 2: What would you like to talk about today?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 5: Man, that is a very good question. Well, lately, I've
Speaker 5: been having some uh I guess not issues, but just
Speaker 5: a little bit of some problems with dealing with being
Speaker 5: in a relation, like a long distance relationship. You know, Okay,
Speaker 5: hit me, Yeah what.
Speaker 2: Was that I said?
Speaker 3: Hit me to share the the crazy details of your life.
Speaker 5: Well, I wouldn't call them too crazy, but uh, you know,
Speaker 5: I've been in this long relationship, long distance relationship for
Speaker 5: about a little over a year now, and uh we
Speaker 5: met on discord and you know, everything has been like
Speaker 5: really really great. It's probably like the best relationship I've
Speaker 5: ever been in. But I kind of have, you know,
Speaker 5: some issues with the fact that we're so far apart,
Speaker 5: and some nights I'm like sitting in bed just like, man,
Speaker 5: what am I? What am I gonna do? Like, I
Speaker 5: can't deal with being alone sometimes and I it's yeah,
Speaker 5: it's pretty hard. So and I don't really have a
Speaker 5: lot of friends who.
Speaker 2: Been in a relationship for.
Speaker 5: Like a year in four months.
Speaker 2: And what where's worse live? Where do you live?
Speaker 5: They live in New Jersey and I live in Michigan.
Speaker 3: Okay, what made you want to enter a long distance
Speaker 3: relationship with this person that you met on discord? What
Speaker 3: is it about this relationship that provides you with value
Speaker 3: on a continued basis?
Speaker 5: Well, I guess initially I wasn't really like wanting to
Speaker 5: go into a long distance relationship. It just kind of
Speaker 5: like happened.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 5: We started talking in this one server that one of
Speaker 5: my friends invited me to, and we were just you know,
Speaker 5: talking as friends, and you know, eventually we realized that
Speaker 5: we had feelings for each other, and it just it
Speaker 5: was like, I don't know, I had this like feeling
Speaker 5: that I couldn't just like not be with them, you know.
Speaker 5: So yeah, but uh, I they they just have treated
Speaker 5: me better than like anybody I've ever been with, and
Speaker 5: our communication is really good, and we're also like interested
Speaker 5: in a lot of the same things. So it just
Speaker 5: made sense.
Speaker 2: How often do you head over to Jersey to see them?
Speaker 5: Well, I've been there a couple of times and they've
Speaker 5: they've definitely come to see me more. But uh, and
Speaker 5: also like Throughout our relationship, we've definitely seen each other
Speaker 5: in person more than like the average person who's in
Speaker 5: a long distance relationship does, which I'm like, you know,
Speaker 5: obviously really grateful for because a lot of people don't
Speaker 5: get that chance to like see them or their significant
Speaker 5: others like for years or months, you know. But it's
Speaker 5: still just like so hard for me to like let
Speaker 5: go of the fact that I can't see them like
Speaker 5: every day.
Speaker 3: Oh well, is anything stopping you from you know, It's
Speaker 3: very funny. I'm thinking about this a lot lately because
Speaker 3: I part of me was hesitant on the idea of,
Speaker 3: like is it a good idea to move to be
Speaker 3: with someone romantically, because I mean, you know, there's all
Speaker 3: sorts of like horror stories about people doing that, fucking
Speaker 3: them up. There's also actually a lot of stories, you know,
Speaker 3: I've heard them on the podcast, I've heard them anecdotally
Speaker 3: about people who do that and the relationship doesn't work out,
Speaker 3: but yet the move works out, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: Like someone maybe like moves to you know, some city
Speaker 3: to be with somebody, and that relationship doesn't work out,
Speaker 3: but then some other thing happens in that city, and
Speaker 3: and that kind of works out.
Speaker 2: I'm not a huge fan of like.
Speaker 3: Let me give up career opportunities to go be with
Speaker 3: a person, And sometimes that's kind of baked in to
Speaker 3: like moving locations, but a lot of the time it's not, because,
Speaker 3: I mean, you know, we live in a digital universe.
Speaker 3: People are working from home, people are building their their
Speaker 3: careers on the internet. So I mean, what's what's going
Speaker 3: on in Michigan and what's stopping you guys from you know,
Speaker 3: being in the same location.
Speaker 5: Yeah. So, actually it's funny that you mentioned the whole
Speaker 5: like working from home thing because my partner actually was
Speaker 5: like trying to do that and was doing that for
Speaker 5: a little bit when we first met. They have a
Speaker 5: degree in like computer engineering, and they were working with
Speaker 5: this company or like probably a little less than a year,
Speaker 5: but it was like a startup saying I don't really
Speaker 5: know a lot about computer engineering, so like, but like
Speaker 5: basically they weren't really like getting paid yet because it
Speaker 5: was a startup, I guess, and the boss was like
Speaker 5: supposed to basically pay them like after working for so long,
Speaker 5: and then they just like kept postponing it, and eventually
Speaker 5: my partner was like, okay, like I don't really want
Speaker 5: to like be working under this guy anymore because he
Speaker 5: keeps like not going through with his word.
Speaker 2: So they're thinking about quitting their job.
Speaker 5: Well they they did, they did that company.
Speaker 2: So uh nothing, nothing Michigan. What are they doing?
Speaker 5: That's yeah, that's what I'm saying. But like it's there's
Speaker 5: a lot of like things though, where they just don't
Speaker 5: have the money obviously because of the fact that they haven't.
Speaker 2: Been working, they don't have them wanted to live in Michigan,
Speaker 2: I guess not.
Speaker 5: I mean, but it's also they've been trying to find
Speaker 5: jobs here and they like can't find any jobs here
Speaker 5: that will like respond back to them.
Speaker 2: Do you do you want to move to New Jersey?
Speaker 5: I don't know. I've thought about it, but like, excuse me,
Speaker 5: it's I have a lot of stuff where I'm at
Speaker 5: right now, like family, and I have a cat that
Speaker 5: would be having to be moved as well. So it's
Speaker 5: and I also have a job where I'm at right
Speaker 5: now as well.
Speaker 3: So okay, so so this guy, this guy has a job.
Speaker 2: Oh he doesn't have a job. What's he doing?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 5: So I actually right now they are basically like trying
Speaker 5: to find the place. But they're also they were making
Speaker 5: like YouTube videos for a little bit. A couple of
Speaker 5: months ago. They started a YouTube channel because they play
Speaker 5: a lot of like magic the Gathering.
Speaker 3: So okay, hold on, it's just just I want to
Speaker 3: just like it ad be practical here for a few times,
Speaker 3: because because I don't know, I I'm and look, my
Speaker 3: life isn't perfect in any sense of the way. But
Speaker 3: if I'm talking to you, I want to just like,
Speaker 3: let's not fuck around here, you know, because you can
Speaker 3: just we can waste we can waste a lot of
Speaker 3: time fucking around. And I know that personally because you know,
Speaker 3: I mean, every human being is wasted a lot of
Speaker 3: time just fucking around, you know. So let's not fuck
Speaker 3: around for a second. So you're in this long term
Speaker 3: relationship and you like it, it's good, but just there
Speaker 3: this big I mean, these long distance relationships, they can
Speaker 3: really make you unhappy, you know, because you wanted somebody
Speaker 3: who's who's there, right?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you have your job, and you have your family,
Speaker 3: and you have your cat, you know, and you don't
Speaker 3: really want to give those things up. I don't know
Speaker 3: what your partner has going on from what you're telling
Speaker 3: me it's nothing, But I don't know. I haven't talked
Speaker 3: to them about it, But has has there been any
Speaker 3: like like attempt to compromise and figure something out or
Speaker 3: is it just like, uh, like what's what are we
Speaker 3: figuring out here?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 5: So we've we've definitely talked about it a lot, and
Speaker 5: I guess there this is the thing I haven't really
Speaker 5: like mentioned. Their whole thing is that they don't want
Speaker 5: to be like relying on me, if that makes sense,
Speaker 5: Like they want to have their shit together before they
Speaker 5: like come into my life physically, so like they want
Speaker 5: to have like an established job and have enough money
Speaker 5: coming here. Because their plan was that they were going
Speaker 5: to move here because of the fact that I said, like,
Speaker 5: you know, I have family here, I have a cat,
Speaker 5: I have a job, so it would be better for
Speaker 5: them to move here. And right now they just don't
Speaker 5: think that they have the funds or you know, the
Speaker 5: ability to find a good paying job at the moment
Speaker 5: moving here until at least like next year. But it's
Speaker 5: like it's just kind of such a long ways away,
Speaker 5: Like I mean, it's not, but it is, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I still don't I still don't understand this person have.
Speaker 3: Like, like, they are paying money to live in New Jersey. Correct,
Speaker 3: they're paying rents to live in New Jersey.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're They're paying for food.
Speaker 3: And tricity and the various things that you need to live.
Speaker 3: And just that does the budget that they have to
Speaker 3: pay for those things currently not allowed for them to
Speaker 3: pay for those things in Michigan as well well.
Speaker 5: So their parents have been helping them money.
Speaker 3: And Okay, I I understand, I I I understand now
Speaker 3: what what this person is talking about when they're like, listen,
Speaker 3: my life.
Speaker 2: Is my I I get it. I think I think
Speaker 2: I understand.
Speaker 3: I think I think this person is like, Okay, look,
Speaker 3: my parents are helping me live. I don't have a job.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm kind of fucking around. You have a life,
Speaker 3: you have a thing. I don't want to like leech
Speaker 3: off of you. So let me like figure my shit out.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, and then we'll we'll see.
Speaker 2: But here's the question.
Speaker 3: Have do they have a and I I ask you this,
Speaker 3: do you believe that they have a a legitimate timeline
Speaker 3: as to when they're going to quote figure their shit out?
Speaker 3: A definition even of what figuring your shit out means and.
Speaker 2: And see, do you do you believe.
Speaker 3: Them, knowing what you know about them, that they will
Speaker 3: be able to achieve this this you know, forever elusive
Speaker 3: idea of getting their ship together.
Speaker 5: I mean, I like, I know that they're like reliable
Speaker 5: and that they're smart, and their reasonings for not moving
Speaker 5: here are understandable and it's not just like some excuse.
Speaker 1: But like.
Speaker 5: Also another thing too is.
Speaker 3: Well hold on, but we haven't even do we haven't
Speaker 3: even covered this thing before we introduce another thing. And
Speaker 3: then also like yes, understandable that we're not we're not
Speaker 3: trying to figure out if it's understandable or not.
Speaker 2: We've understood.
Speaker 3: The question is, you know, can we rely that this
Speaker 3: will be a problem that is addressed and fixed so
Speaker 3: that we're not you know, continually delaying our future.
Speaker 2: For this person.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean I don't think it'll take more than
Speaker 5: a year. So but like as it is right now,
Speaker 5: it's hard to say like exactly how long it will
Speaker 5: take because of where they're at at the moment, like
Speaker 5: where because I mean they they're trying, you know to
Speaker 5: find jobs here, like they've applied to like so many places,
Speaker 5: and they just like don't get calls back, and they
Speaker 5: actually had a job reach out to them recently and
Speaker 5: they like did some tests that they wanted them to
Speaker 5: take and then they just like ended up failing the
Speaker 5: test and that people were like yeah, or like you can't.
Speaker 2: Let's let's go, let's go. We're getting too specific here, Okay,
Speaker 2: let's go. Let's go. Top line. Okay, this guy is
Speaker 2: doing what he's applying to jobs. He's do you.
Speaker 3: And these are I don't have answers to these. I'm
Speaker 3: not gonna tell you what to do, but you should
Speaker 3: think about, like, you know, do you do you want
Speaker 3: to be waiting around for this? And if the answer
Speaker 3: is yes, then that's beautiful. Then wait around for it
Speaker 3: because you know it's gonna be worth it because you
Speaker 3: really really really like this person and you know it's
Speaker 3: gonna be yeah, even know not even no, you can't
Speaker 3: know shit, but you have a pretty good idea that
Speaker 3: this is gonna be.
Speaker 5: How old are you, by the way, I just turned
Speaker 5: twenty three this month?
Speaker 2: Okay? How old is this guy?
Speaker 5: Twenty five?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 3: Are you guys still fucking young? Yeah?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: Look here here's what I would say. And by the way,
Speaker 3: I'm a total hypocrite. I really, I've really been thinking
Speaker 3: about this a lot, with this fucking potty.
Speaker 2: This podcast is.
Speaker 3: Getting more and more difficult for me to do because
Speaker 3: my life is really not figure it out myself, and
Speaker 3: so I don't like to but but and it's but
Speaker 3: it's it's so much easier to therapy getto other people
Speaker 3: than it is to therapy gecko yourself.
Speaker 2: But I'll just let's just do it.
Speaker 3: You know, if I were you, just from talking to you, like,
Speaker 3: I wouldn't stop wasting my time like waiting, cold feet,
Speaker 3: fucking around, whatever, whatever, and like like kind of make
Speaker 3: a decision. And I'm not talking about like a foreverone.
Speaker 3: I'm talking about like and you could even even if
Speaker 3: like waiting, even if you decide to wait, that is
Speaker 3: a decision, you know, So so figure it out so
Speaker 3: that way you're not just like, you know, will he
Speaker 3: won't he you know, forever because this is gonna make
Speaker 3: you unhappy, you know. And you could even do a
Speaker 3: thing where it's like maybe we go on a break
Speaker 3: and when you're ready, come at me, and if I'm ready,
Speaker 3: then it works out.
Speaker 2: And if it doesn't work out, it's fine.
Speaker 3: But you're also so fucking you know, we're all young,
Speaker 3: we're in our twenties. You knows, what's the big rush
Speaker 3: to go crazy? I mean, if you want, you can
Speaker 3: move to Michigan. I mean, move to New Jersey. They
Speaker 3: have pinball machines there.
Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I hope any of what I said just made any
Speaker 3: sense at all. I really do, I really after I
Speaker 3: really just now was like, I don't know if I
Speaker 3: made any sense, but but just.
Speaker 6: Yeah, because a lot of these, like so many I
Speaker 6: think this is just with like issues in general.
Speaker 3: It's like, you know, you're sitting here, you're talking to me,
Speaker 3: and you're like, well, there's this other thing and this
Speaker 3: other thing is the other thing, and.
Speaker 2: The details don't matter.
Speaker 3: It's like the top line of like do you want
Speaker 3: to sacrifice certain things from yourself, your time, your energy
Speaker 3: for this person? That's the top all the little like
Speaker 3: well here's this detail, and here's this detail, and he's
Speaker 3: applying for jobs and this, and they all that none
Speaker 3: of that matters. That there's only really that one question
Speaker 3: that matters is how much of your time and energy
Speaker 3: do you want to sacrifice for this person? And there's
Speaker 3: no wrong answer to that question. And by the way,
Speaker 3: even if you decide, you know what I do, and
Speaker 3: then two years goes by and it turns out that
Speaker 3: that was the wrong decision, It's okay. You're not gonna die,
Speaker 3: You're gonna be fine. You're gonna be twenty five, and
Speaker 3: you have much more life ahead of you to live.
Speaker 2: Like you know, you don't.
Speaker 3: Don't freak out about making that right decision, but understand
Speaker 3: that that's the decision that you're making.
Speaker 2: Does that make sense?
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I mean okay, at the end of the day,
Speaker 5: it's it's just whether or not I can be sorry,
Speaker 5: be comferable alone for however long until they can move here,
Speaker 5: you know, or if I should just drop everything and
Speaker 5: like move to them.
Speaker 2: But if you want to do that, then you do that.
Speaker 3: It's not gonna you're not gonna die, You're not gonna
Speaker 3: throw away you know, your one opportunity to you know,
Speaker 3: live a happy life. I mean, I just that's the
Speaker 3: thing is I would just pick something, because if you don't,
Speaker 3: you're gonna just live in in in this weird limbo state.
Speaker 3: But anyway, that's that's really I think what I have
Speaker 3: to say about this.
Speaker 2: What's your name again, Madison? Madison? This was this. I'm
Speaker 2: glad we've got to talk about this. This was helpful.
Speaker 2: I enjoy thinking about these things, enjoy thinking about life.
Speaker 2: It's very difficult. It's really hard.
Speaker 3: I know I'm making it sound like it's like easy,
Speaker 3: I guess, but it's not. It's really hard because you're
Speaker 3: you're dealing with I'm talking the way I'm talking about this.
Speaker 3: I'm not emotionally connected to it, so it's easier for
Speaker 3: me to you know, say all these things.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I hope it was helpful in any way.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I just want to say thanks for like hearing
Speaker 5: me out and giving your input of it and everything.
Speaker 5: And you know, I love them a lot. So at
Speaker 5: the end of the day, like I'll have to just
Speaker 5: suck it up and you know, be okay with waiting
Speaker 5: because that's what I mean, that's the easiest decision to make,
Speaker 5: because it's either that or try to like get all
Speaker 5: my shit over there. And that's.
Speaker 1: So yeah, cool, cool.
Speaker 3: Just before we go, if that's your decision, just like
Speaker 3: be just try to be happy with your decision, you know,
Speaker 3: because it's something it's not nobody forced this upon you.
Speaker 2: This is like your decision that you're making and you
Speaker 2: should be that should make.
Speaker 3: You feel happy and powerful and your life.
Speaker 5: Thank you for that.
Speaker 2: Is there anything else you want to say to the
Speaker 2: people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 5: Okay, I've always thought about what I was gonna say
Speaker 5: when you asked this. Uh, I guess don't ever just
Speaker 5: settle for what your you know, life is, or who
Speaker 5: you're with, because you deserve better and you deserve the best,
Speaker 5: and there are those people out there who really care
Speaker 5: about you and love you for who you are. And yeah,
Speaker 5: just see yourself and love yourself.
Speaker 1: That's what.
Speaker 2: I was trying to think of. Something.
Speaker 3: I don't know why when people start saying a lot
Speaker 3: of really positive things on the podcast, Like in my brain,
Speaker 3: I'm like, what horrible thing.
Speaker 2: Can I say to offset this so that I don't
Speaker 2: feel like it's the mister Rogers show? But nothing in
Speaker 2: my brain? Yeah, it was nothing.
Speaker 3: Nothing that I said was I like, you know what,
Speaker 3: that's something I should say anyway, I'm I don't know
Speaker 3: why I said yes, go ahead?
Speaker 1: Sorry?
Speaker 5: Sorry, also get money?
Speaker 2: There we go?
Speaker 3: Okay, Well, thank you very much, have a good rest
Speaker 3: of the day, you too, But uh, hey.
Speaker 2: What's up? Yeah, who's this?
Speaker 4: You can call me Kate?
Speaker 2: Kate? What's up?
Speaker 1: Kate?
Speaker 2: How's life?
Speaker 4: Honestly, like not that kind of amazed my first time
Speaker 4: trying to call in Truly, I'm super nervous right now.
Speaker 4: Cannot believe you called me.
Speaker 2: Really, don't be, don't be, don't be nervous.
Speaker 3: Don't be nervous. There's it's just uh, you and me
Speaker 3: and a bunch of people who are probably folding laundry
Speaker 3: or driving.
Speaker 2: A car, or.
Speaker 4: People cooking dinner.
Speaker 7: That's what I'm doing right now, something like that.
Speaker 2: Well, what's up, Kate? How can I get you today?
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 4: I just thought i'd call and I would love to
Speaker 4: talk to you a bit about some personal I don't know,
Speaker 4: like realizations I've been having the past couple of months.
Speaker 2: Sure, what are that?
Speaker 1: So?
Speaker 4: As I wrote in my message to you, I've recently
Speaker 4: realized that I am a meticulous control freak. I need
Speaker 4: control of every aspect of my life. And this is
Speaker 4: something I'm talking to a real therapist about. But I
Speaker 4: find I'm a verbal process, so it's helpful for me
Speaker 4: to talk to like other people. I really appreciate you
Speaker 4: talking to me it's actually means a lot. But like
Speaker 4: I've been in my relationship for six and a half years.
Speaker 4: We got married this past summer. That's super exciting both
Speaker 4: me and my husband are coming to your your Seattle show.
Speaker 4: We can't wait, Like genuinely cannot wait. I was listening
Speaker 4: to one of your podcasts and I heard you and
Speaker 4: say that you were like coming to Seattle, and I
Speaker 4: like immediately.
Speaker 2: Got on like dull shout out the crocodile, love the crocodile.
Speaker 5: Yes, guys, be there.
Speaker 4: I'm so freaking excited to your show. So my point
Speaker 4: here though, is that like we we've been we've been
Speaker 4: together a long time, and he's like when we resot
Speaker 4: arguments a lot of times, he'll tell me that he
Speaker 4: feels like I'm suffocating.
Speaker 7: Him, and I'm over here, I'm like, I have no
Speaker 7: idea what you're talking about, dude, Like stuffocation, what does
Speaker 7: that even mean? Like, I'm just trying to help you.
Speaker 4: I'm a teacher, Like that's my job, and so I
Speaker 4: like that's what I do for a living, right, I
Speaker 4: help people, And so in my head like everything makes
Speaker 4: perfect sense, right, Like, oh, I'm just helping you do
Speaker 4: whatever it is. That like, I think it's going to
Speaker 4: be best for you because that's what I do with
Speaker 4: my kids every single day.
Speaker 7: And I found that I'm kind of doing that exact
Speaker 7: same thing to my now husband, okay, And that set
Speaker 7: up kind of like this chain of realizations of like, oh, like, man,
Speaker 7: where do I do that in other areas of my life?
Speaker 7: And then you know, I've had eating disorders the past.
Speaker 7: I'm working like working through that right now, and I
Speaker 7: was like, oh, maybe that's connected. And I've gone to
Speaker 7: counseling so like perfectionism in the past.
Speaker 4: And I'm like, wait a second, he needs that's connected.
Speaker 7: And then suddenly it kind of starts to see this
Speaker 7: like web right of like all these different places in
Speaker 7: your life where you need to have perfect control. And
Speaker 7: I guess why I wanted to talk to you is
Speaker 7: because like I don't know how to like let.
Speaker 4: Go of that need for control. Like I'm working with
Speaker 4: a therapist on it, and I still don't know how
Speaker 4: to like, hey, I don't need to know every aspect
Speaker 4: of every single thing. Like I hate surprises. I can't
Speaker 4: deal with them. I can't I can't like not know
Speaker 4: something like how how does an avid.
Speaker 7: Person does not need to control free situations they're in.
Speaker 5: I don't get that.
Speaker 4: That's what I want to talk to you about.
Speaker 3: So when when when your husband said you were suffocating him,
Speaker 3: Like what what was there? What specifically was going on?
Speaker 4: That's a good question. So he he has ADHD, and so,
Speaker 4: like you know, he sometimes has like problems completing tasks
Speaker 4: or like you know, just like an example, like hey,
Speaker 4: you got to go to the doctor, right, but then
Speaker 4: it's like, oh, you got to make the doctor's appointment.
Speaker 4: He's got to do all these other things. And I'm like, well,
Speaker 4: you know, it just like just makes it make the
Speaker 4: fucking appointment. Sorry. Sorry, I'm not sure if I'm supposed
Speaker 4: to swear, but like just.
Speaker 2: Yes, of course, hold on. I don't know why this
Speaker 2: always bothered me.
Speaker 3: But of course you can swear, you can say, you
Speaker 3: can say anything you want.
Speaker 2: I just don't care. Sorry, I don't know why this.
Speaker 2: I don't know, dude, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 3: Kay, I don't know why that always works me up
Speaker 3: when people ask if they can swear.
Speaker 4: I should know better. I listened to the show.
Speaker 3: If you listen to the show, you've heard people talk
Speaker 3: about I mean, the guy just talked about you know, yeah,
Speaker 3: you know you're anyway put it.
Speaker 4: Into a frosty. I heard every bit of it, right, No, No,
Speaker 4: for sure. Yeah. So I just you know, like he's
Speaker 4: got ADHD and I don't. I'm neurotypical. And still for me,
Speaker 4: it's like pretty easy, like let's just make the let's
Speaker 4: make the doctor's appointment. But it's like harder, you know,
Speaker 4: when you have to like, okay, what's the end goal?
Speaker 4: You got to go to all these steps, and so
Speaker 4: I'll like try to like help, right, like in my
Speaker 4: head it's helping, but like it's not actually helping, and
Speaker 4: in fact, like when I'm checking in, I'm like, hey,
Speaker 4: when you're gonna be home tonight, like that feels like
Speaker 4: suffocating to him in a way that like it doesn't
Speaker 4: to me because I'm over here like oh, I'm cooking
Speaker 4: dinner or what have you, and I'm just checking in,
Speaker 4: But for him, it's like, hey, can you back the
Speaker 4: fuck off?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 4: And he never does that to me.
Speaker 2: What is your real therapist tell you about this?
Speaker 5: She?
Speaker 4: Uh, she told me last night I had a hard profession.
Speaker 4: She told me, because she thinks, and she's probably right
Speaker 4: that it all comes back to anxiety, right, there's some
Speaker 4: sort of right, there's some sort of fear right associated
Speaker 4: with whatever it is that I'm trying to control. And
Speaker 4: so she told me last night, she said, hey, you
Speaker 4: should personify it, like personify it in your head. And
Speaker 4: so now I'm over here like having this image of
Speaker 4: like Gollum, you know, and Lord of the Rings, where
Speaker 4: like you've got Snegel and you've got Gallum, and then
Speaker 4: maybe anxiety's my Gollum and Sneagel to him, you know
Speaker 4: who I am, right, But I'm talking to this thing.
Speaker 4: I don't know how helpful that's going to be, but
Speaker 4: I'm willing to try that. Like maybe I can talk
Speaker 4: to the anxiety and I can talk to the fear.
Speaker 4: But I'm concerned I'm never going to be able to
Speaker 4: get to a point where there is no Gollumn voice
Speaker 4: in the head, you know what I mean. Like, I
Speaker 4: want to get to a point where I'm no longer
Speaker 4: having to have that internal dialogue. I don't know how
Speaker 4: to not not want to worry or not want to control.
Speaker 2: Tell me more about that Galumn voice? What is it? Yeah?
Speaker 4: What's saying?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: So I mean, like, you know, I don't know if
Speaker 4: you have anxiety or not. Like I've heard you talk
Speaker 4: sometimes about your own ship, so so I don't know
Speaker 4: if you've experienced this, but it's that it's that little
Speaker 4: voice in your head like everything's going right and then
Speaker 4: like a person sends you like a like a three
Speaker 4: word text when you're expecting a five word text, and
Speaker 4: there's that little voice in your head that's like, oh,
Speaker 4: they must they must hate you, you know, that's the
Speaker 4: friendship's over right there. You said no to one thing
Speaker 4: and now they hate you. Know, that's the goalumn voice, right,
Speaker 4: It's like it's feeding you this negativity mm hmm yeah.
Speaker 4: And I like, I just want to not hear that anymore.
Speaker 4: I want to, you know, like, how do you get
Speaker 4: to a point where you where you no longer have
Speaker 4: that that little voice that just makes you want to
Speaker 4: want to just manage things, want to take control of things.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that's an interesting thing. I deal.
Speaker 3: I deal a lot with anxiety, and I've been very recently,
Speaker 3: even just on a journey, I've how to kind of
Speaker 3: get those thoughts out of my head and whatnot and
Speaker 3: what I mean to be frank, now that you're making
Speaker 3: me think about it, It's like, what gets me out
Speaker 3: of that is like being in the present moment of
Speaker 3: whatever it is I'm doing. And that's easier sometimes and
Speaker 3: harder sometimes.
Speaker 2: Because like how do you do that?
Speaker 4: How do you pull yourself out of it?
Speaker 3: I'm trying to think, Well, if I'm like sitting idly right,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna just my brain's just going to go to
Speaker 3: horrible anxious places. But if I'm in the flow state,
Speaker 3: if I'm like actually doing something to get my brain
Speaker 3: out of that, uh, you know, I won't be so
Speaker 3: focused on the anxiety. I mean, that's life, right, Life
Speaker 3: is a series of trying to avoid thinking about your
Speaker 3: own death and then you die. And so that's just like,
Speaker 3: how do you distract yourself? Really, that's what you're trying
Speaker 3: to do, is distract yourself from this anxiety.
Speaker 2: And how you do that? I don't I really don't
Speaker 2: know what typically sorry, go ahead, go ahead.
Speaker 4: How do you distract yourself in those moments?
Speaker 5: What what do you turn to?
Speaker 2: Let's see.
Speaker 3: The actual answer is I uh, I masturbate and eat
Speaker 3: shitty food and go on fucking TikTok. That's the real answers.
Speaker 3: I mean, I mean those are my bad ones, but
Speaker 3: I you know, in other ways. I I'll lately I've
Speaker 3: been like, you know, fucking exercising and that helps.
Speaker 2: It's why people exercise same.
Speaker 4: That's been really helpful for me.
Speaker 3: Too, dude, That's what games are fucking great for that.
Speaker 3: But but again, I don't know what the hell was
Speaker 3: I was.
Speaker 4: I gonna say, I think you're gonna ask me a question,
Speaker 4: and then I was going to ask you a.
Speaker 2: Question about what are you typically doing? Uh? When anxiety
Speaker 2: creeps up on you anything.
Speaker 4: I mean literally anything like truly, it's it's everywhere. It's
Speaker 4: it's usually situational, right, It's like maybe I'm at work
Speaker 4: and I'm thinking about whatever, and then the anxiety that's
Speaker 4: in I mean and tracing it back, right, the anxiety
Speaker 4: usually comes back to very reasonable things. It's usually Okay,
Speaker 4: I'm concerned about money, or I'm concerned about you know. Uh,
Speaker 4: it's like maintaining my my partner's happiness or my own happiness.
Speaker 4: And I know that I'm not responsible for my husband's happiness.
Speaker 4: Like I know that right consciously, but like it's this
Speaker 4: little code toxic codependency trait that I have where I
Speaker 4: think I'm responsible and the goblins. You know that the
Speaker 4: gall and brain said, I'm responsible.
Speaker 3: Did your therapist tell you anything else? Did your therapist
Speaker 3: tell you anything else that was helpful except to imagine
Speaker 3: that you're magel.
Speaker 4: She didn't specifically say that. That was my interpretation of it.
Speaker 4: But you know, we're still new. We're new into this therapy.
Speaker 4: They've been doing it for a couple of months, and yeah,
Speaker 4: not not much. Als decides that yet. She's she's impressed
Speaker 4: that I'm acknowledging my problems. And I think that right
Speaker 4: now we're in the kind of like good for you.
Speaker 4: You're realizing you have an issue. Now we got to
Speaker 4: figure out how to solve it. Yeah, it's freaking tough, dude.
Speaker 3: M what are you anxious about? I know you've kind
Speaker 3: of talked about it at the beginning of this, but like.
Speaker 2: Like, really, dig it. Here's another thing. Here's another thing
Speaker 2: I do when I get anxious. And I actually.
Speaker 3: Don't know if this is helpful or not, but I
Speaker 3: just follow my anxiety.
Speaker 2: I just follow the thread, you know what I mean? Like, yeah,
Speaker 2: like you're.
Speaker 3: Worried about money, you know, I'm like, all right, well,
Speaker 3: what happens if I go broke? Then maybe this will happen,
Speaker 3: then this will happen, then this will happen this, But
Speaker 3: I just follow it until it's like, you know, it
Speaker 3: kind of runs out of steam.
Speaker 2: Right, it loses its power its.
Speaker 3: Saying I don't know if that's healthy or not, because
Speaker 3: that's that's some people would call that catastrophizing, right, That's
Speaker 3: kind of what following your anxiety is.
Speaker 4: But at the same time, I think that not knowing
Speaker 4: is almost more anxiety inducing, Right, So I feel like
Speaker 4: that's actually kind of helpful. Like, let's trace it. What
Speaker 4: would happen if the worst case scenario occurred?
Speaker 2: Like yeah, right?
Speaker 3: And often often when you trace it, you realize that
Speaker 3: the worst case scenario is, you know, is livable.
Speaker 2: It's not that bad.
Speaker 4: It's no, no, you're You're totally right, dude, you're right.
Speaker 2: And then there's the other there's the stoic I mean,
Speaker 2: you should read it. Read up on some.
Speaker 3: Stoic philosophy is really really helpful for anxiety.
Speaker 2: Is one of them?
Speaker 5: Subreded about that?
Speaker 4: And then I didn't pursue that further, but I'm I
Speaker 4: should definitely do that, thanks man.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And then because one of the I've lately I've actually
Speaker 3: been battling some stuff with the Stoic philosophy because in
Speaker 3: some areas I don't believe it, but anxiety is one
Speaker 3: where I do, because like, well there's this there's a
Speaker 3: big thing in Stoic philosophy of like don't suffer imagined troubles,
Speaker 3: right like all like anxiety is like it's the suffering
Speaker 3: of an anticipation of an event. How fucking stupid is that?
Speaker 6: It's so stupid because it hasn't even happened, and so
Speaker 6: you're just you're suffering deeply from from something that hasn't
Speaker 6: even happened.
Speaker 3: It's one thing to suffer because of a thing that happened.
Speaker 3: But anxiety is like an if you even if you
Speaker 3: know a bad thing is going to happen, your anxiety
Speaker 3: over the inevitability of the bad thing is just you
Speaker 3: suffering more than is necessary.
Speaker 2: You know, it's a foolish thing. I was listening. I'm
Speaker 2: listening to a podcast right now. Shout out.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna shout out a podcast I've been listening to.
Speaker 3: It's uh, it's doctor K, who actually should get on
Speaker 3: my podcast at some point.
Speaker 2: He fucking rocks Doctor K. He's going, you know, doctor
Speaker 2: k Yeah, yeah, he's yeah, he's great. He's great.
Speaker 3: And he said, crap, he said something to me. You know,
Speaker 3: he didn't say this to me. He said this on
Speaker 3: a podcast. He said that like the brain is can
Speaker 3: like like the anxiety, the brain can do this thing
Speaker 3: where your anxiety over a negative event is just as
Speaker 3: bad as if the negative event actually happened. So your
Speaker 3: creator in your brain negative events that you're suffering from,
Speaker 3: even though the negative event actually isn't even happening. That's
Speaker 3: in my mind, Jesus Christ, it's not even real.
Speaker 4: I no one has ever phrased it like that to
Speaker 4: me before. So that's actually like, that's that is kind
Speaker 4: of crazy when you really think about it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so you know, try that at the end of
Speaker 3: the day. I you know, look, man, I've listened to
Speaker 3: tons of podcasts of you know, done whatever, and I
Speaker 3: you know, I still get get anxious and I'm still
Speaker 3: dealing with it myself. But uh, yeah, that's something I've
Speaker 3: been thinking about lately. I'm gonna try to think about more.
Speaker 4: I love that, man, I'm absolutely going to try that.
Speaker 4: Thank you so much for that, for that advice. You do.
Speaker 1: You do good work.
Speaker 2: I don't know I I don't it was about it.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I get, I get, I get to breast sometimes because
Speaker 3: I think. I'm like, I don't is any of this
Speaker 3: ship all this at a certain point? Is it just
Speaker 3: like you just deal with it?
Speaker 2: Like I don't. Do you ever do you ever actually
Speaker 2: get cured?
Speaker 3: Do you ever you imagine a future version of yourself
Speaker 3: that is totally living a beautiful, amazing, perfect life? But
Speaker 3: it never comes? And I'm like, is that becau? Is
Speaker 3: that my fault because I didn't do any work to
Speaker 3: actually create that? Or is it because you actually that
Speaker 3: doesn't even exist? But then in the acceptance that that
Speaker 3: doesn't exist, can you find peace?
Speaker 1: Maybe?
Speaker 2: So I don't know that.
Speaker 4: I think I think that's right. I think in the
Speaker 4: second thing, is that's right? I mean, because it's a
Speaker 4: brain issue, right, It's like a that's like a wiring issue.
Speaker 4: But I think that if you if you can accept it,
Speaker 4: and if you can say, hey, I'm going to manage it,
Speaker 4: then you can find that piece. Well. Don't play that
Speaker 4: very inspirational.
Speaker 7: I like it.
Speaker 2: Don't play the Golem video game. I heard it's really bad.
Speaker 4: I also heard it was really bad. I'm kind of
Speaker 4: tempted to.
Speaker 2: Play it because of that, though, go play it sounds fun.
Speaker 4: Hey, I had a quick question for you before we
Speaker 4: do the sign off thing, which is that my husband,
Speaker 4: he's an artist, and he was thinking about make an
Speaker 4: art piece for you to bring to your Seattle show.
Speaker 4: And I'm like, oh no if yeah, So if he
Speaker 4: did that, how could we get that to you? Like,
Speaker 4: if there's somebody we could hand it to at the show?
Speaker 2: Is there something?
Speaker 3: Oh well, after after after after every show, after every show,
Speaker 3: unless if I have like another show that night, I
Speaker 3: stand around and I meet everyone, so.
Speaker 4: Oh no ship, Okay, cool, so we can just hand
Speaker 4: it to you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can just hand I'll see you there. Yeah,
Speaker 3: at every show. I there's some of the shows have
Speaker 3: like VIP tickets, but that's I do the meet and
Speaker 3: greet like for everyone I don't have, it's not the
Speaker 3: paid to meet and greet. So like if you buy
Speaker 3: a ticket, it's like if you if you're at the
Speaker 3: show and you are you're willing to stand in a
Speaker 3: line of a bunch of people, Uh, well I'll we will,
Speaker 3: we will inevitably meet.
Speaker 4: We will stand in line for you guys.
Speaker 2: Okay, cool, No, that sounds awesome. Thank you so much
Speaker 2: for doing that.
Speaker 4: Oh no, I mean, don't think me. I think my husband,
Speaker 4: and he's pretty excited to see your show. So we
Speaker 4: can't wait.
Speaker 2: Rock roll. Wait, are you going to the early one
Speaker 2: or the late one?
Speaker 4: Remember the late one?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 3: Perfect, okay, because I'm not gonna be able to meet
Speaker 3: people from the late from the early one, but the
Speaker 3: late one.
Speaker 2: I'm yeah, I'm there.
Speaker 4: I figured, you know, screw the school day. The next day,
Speaker 4: get gos in town, so we got to check out
Speaker 4: the late show. Figure, don't get more unhinged in the
Speaker 4: early show could.
Speaker 2: Be wrong, though, rock and Roll. No, I'm excited. I will.
Speaker 3: I'll I'll see you there and then you can tell
Speaker 3: me that you were the Gollum Lady and I'll be like,
Speaker 3: oh shit, I remember that.
Speaker 2: That's exactly right.
Speaker 5: That's what I will tell you.
Speaker 2: I love.
Speaker 4: That is who I am.
Speaker 2: Now, by the way, I'm just gonna say this. I
Speaker 2: I know, okay, I know people.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 3: People think I don't care because I don't remember anyone's name,
Speaker 3: But I.
Speaker 2: Swear to God. I swear then I don't.
Speaker 3: I don't remember his name, but but but I swear
Speaker 3: to God. I do these the meet and greets, and
Speaker 3: people will come up to me and be like, hey,
Speaker 3: you're definitely not gonna remember this, but three years ago
Speaker 3: we talked about this, and I'll be like, I fucking
Speaker 3: actually do remember.
Speaker 2: I don't remember anyone, but I remember the calls. Let's see.
Speaker 2: There was a guy.
Speaker 4: You don't need to justify names to me at all.
Speaker 4: I'm a teacher. I can't remember his names.
Speaker 2: It's awful.
Speaker 4: It takes me three months.
Speaker 2: There was a guy. It was was in Tampa.
Speaker 3: I don't know if any of you guys who listened
Speaker 3: to a lot of the podcasts remember.
Speaker 2: This, but there's a dude who was like in ah crap.
Speaker 3: He lived in like Alaska or or deep in Canada
Speaker 3: or something, and he was getting sober and he was
Speaker 3: like agoraphobic and like hadn't left the house.
Speaker 2: In in years and years and years.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you guys remember this, but I
Speaker 3: met him at the fucking show and he was like,
Speaker 3: I don't know if you remember me, but I was
Speaker 3: the guy in Alaska. I can't gor phobi And I
Speaker 3: was like, I remember that, and he and there he was.
Speaker 2: He gave us out of his house I don't know.
Speaker 3: I think he went. I was like, what the fuck
Speaker 3: are you doing in Tampa from Alaska? And he's like,
Speaker 3: we came for the show. And I was like, holy shit. Anyway, anyway,
Speaker 3: you did.
Speaker 4: You cured him a phobia. Dude.
Speaker 2: You know what.
Speaker 4: Hey, thank you so much for talking to me, Lyle.
Speaker 4: I really appreciate it.
Speaker 2: Hey, take care, man, you have a blessed one.
Speaker 4: Hey you too, man.
Speaker 2: Goodbye. Hello folks, it's Lyle here. That's the end of
Speaker 2: this episode. But get this, I'm really a bonus episode
Speaker 2: this week.
Speaker 3: That's right, an entire extra hour of the podcast that
Speaker 3: you can listen to by becoming a premium member of
Speaker 3: Therapy Gecko over at therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com.
Speaker 3: Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes. They get a
Speaker 3: completely ad free podcast feed of the regular show, they
Speaker 3: get recordings from my live shows, members only streams, and
Speaker 3: they help support my ability to continue doing this podcast.
Speaker 3: So here's a clip from this week's members only bonus episode.
Speaker 8: One day, at four o'clock in the morning, two dudes
Speaker 8: came into my room and they basically kidnapped me. They
Speaker 8: told me, you're going to go to Hawaii, or you
Speaker 8: can go to the desert. And I'd just why. My
Speaker 8: grandmother came in with them and was like crying and shit, sorry,
Speaker 8: am I going like too fast?
Speaker 2: You know I'm not a real therapist, right, I do?
Speaker 3: I do?
Speaker 2: Okay. I just wanted to make sure because yeah, this
Speaker 2: this is pretty deep ship. It's pretty deep ship. So
Speaker 2: you went, you got you were.
Speaker 3: This is one of those like your parents orchestrate your
Speaker 3: kidnapping for like troubled children kind of ship.
Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, that's exactly what it was.
Speaker 3: If you want to hear this full conversation, you can
Speaker 3: sign up to become a premium member at Therapy Gecko
Speaker 3: dot supercast dot com, or find the link in the
Speaker 3: episode description that's therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right,
Speaker 3: I have nothing else to say, goes on the line,
Speaker 3: taking his own calls every nine.
Speaker 2: Goes to he's teaching you a life