1 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:05,680 Speaker 1: I am Yamla. I've been very open about the fact 2 00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:09,560 Speaker 1: that I was not always good at making my relationships work. 3 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:13,600 Speaker 1: I have been divorced three times, twice from the same person. 4 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:16,960 Speaker 1: In other words, I have seen a lot and failed 5 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:21,479 Speaker 1: a lot in my relationships. So I am here to 6 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:24,560 Speaker 1: share with you what I learned along the way because 7 00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:27,880 Speaker 1: I did take copious notes. Welcome to the r Spot, 8 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:46,480 Speaker 1: a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. Sometimes 9 00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:52,599 Speaker 1: the right road takes the wrong turn, and sometimes the 10 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:58,280 Speaker 1: wrong turn will lead us to the right place. We 11 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:05,279 Speaker 1: don't always understand why certain people, certain situations, certain experiences 12 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:09,080 Speaker 1: come forward in our life. What I've learned through many, 13 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 1: many years of trial and error is that things are 14 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:16,800 Speaker 1: always as they need to be, and there's always more. 15 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:21,560 Speaker 1: There's always more going on that we can see or 16 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:26,640 Speaker 1: recognize or understand. The thing is this that when it's 17 00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:30,520 Speaker 1: time for us to heal or grow or evolve in 18 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:36,840 Speaker 1: some way, life will send us people, circumstances, situations to 19 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:40,720 Speaker 1: facilitate our healing, our growth, our evolution. And what it 20 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:44,680 Speaker 1: looks like to us is this is bad, this is wrong. 21 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:48,200 Speaker 1: That person is bad. They're doing this to me. Will 22 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:55,240 Speaker 1: sink into the victimhood. But there's always more, and sometimes 23 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:58,040 Speaker 1: that wrong turn is leading us to the right place. 24 00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:05,600 Speaker 1: We should always consider, all right, there's something more going 25 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:09,360 Speaker 1: on here. This feels like this, and this looks like this, 26 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:11,919 Speaker 1: and I'm calling it this, that or the other thing. 27 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:16,520 Speaker 1: But the truth is some part of me has called 28 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:21,160 Speaker 1: this in so that I can heal or grow or 29 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:27,320 Speaker 1: stretch or evolve always, and it's not always easy to 30 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:33,040 Speaker 1: recognize that the right road can take the wrong turn, 31 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:37,440 Speaker 1: and the wrong turn can lead us to the right place, 32 00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:43,160 Speaker 1: which is always for our highest good. That's my first 33 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:49,400 Speaker 1: caller story today. The right road took a wrong turn, 34 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:55,320 Speaker 1: but it's led her to the R Spot. Take a listen. 35 00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:01,960 Speaker 1: Good morning, beloved, and welcome to the R Spot. And 36 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:05,160 Speaker 1: how can I support you today and moving through whatever 37 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:08,760 Speaker 1: relationship issue, challenge, dilemma you are facing. 38 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:14,280 Speaker 2: I'll just start with I've been married for how about 39 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:18,560 Speaker 2: we've been together twenty years and I had a business 40 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,320 Speaker 2: and I moved to another state to be with my parents. 41 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:23,880 Speaker 2: I had to close it because I had an injury 42 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:27,960 Speaker 2: and I met my husband. He wasn't working. I was 43 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:31,400 Speaker 2: working with two jobs at that time, but we started 44 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:36,320 Speaker 2: a relationship, and his family didn't approve of me. They 45 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 2: didn't like me. They never have, and they made comments 46 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:44,080 Speaker 2: about me, you know, while I'm right there and just 47 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:48,800 Speaker 2: it's always been very disrespectful. I've always felt disrespected. Now 48 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:51,920 Speaker 2: we have children, and I moved back home. He came 49 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:56,400 Speaker 2: with me, and I've stopped visiting over there because I've 50 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,640 Speaker 2: been trying to tell him for years to speak up 51 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:04,120 Speaker 2: for me, to support me, and he feels like, I 52 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:07,960 Speaker 2: think it's if he says anything, they won't speak to 53 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:12,000 Speaker 2: him anymore, or yeah, it's just that's just how it's been. 54 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:17,159 Speaker 2: And I every time his mother will go around around me. 55 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:21,320 Speaker 2: We've never had a relationship, so she will go through 56 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:24,320 Speaker 2: him to get what she needs. Or if she wants 57 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:27,839 Speaker 2: to send something here, she'll she'll send it without I 58 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:30,040 Speaker 2: won't even know about it. My husband will just send it, 59 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,440 Speaker 2: and I feel like it's sending her the wrong message 60 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:35,799 Speaker 2: because he's never really dealt with the issue with his family, 61 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:38,800 Speaker 2: and I kind of feel like this is coming from 62 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:41,440 Speaker 2: I have a hard time dealing with this kind of 63 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:44,560 Speaker 2: stuff because I've I was adopted. My mother was not 64 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:49,680 Speaker 2: very she was not very affectionate towards me. 65 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:57,320 Speaker 1: Take a breath, Take a breath, I was. I just 66 00:04:57,440 --> 00:05:00,840 Speaker 1: tell him, wait a minute, Wait a minute, wait a minute, 67 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:05,480 Speaker 1: don't rush yourself. Let all of that come up. Let 68 00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:08,040 Speaker 1: it come up. We don't have nothing else to do 69 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:16,960 Speaker 1: right now. What is that? Just take a minute and 70 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:20,360 Speaker 1: ask yourself. What am I feeling right now? What is this? 71 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:26,080 Speaker 1: What is it? 72 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,000 Speaker 2: It's the near abandon. 73 00:05:28,839 --> 00:05:36,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, abandoned. Take a breath, don't rush yourself. Where are 74 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:37,960 Speaker 1: you feeling that in your body? 75 00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:41,040 Speaker 2: In my chest? That always feeling in my chest. 76 00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:45,360 Speaker 1: Okay, So sit right there for a moment, focus your 77 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:49,040 Speaker 1: attention and your energy on your chest so that you 78 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:53,240 Speaker 1: can take care of yourself the way maybe nobody else 79 00:05:53,279 --> 00:05:59,360 Speaker 1: ever has. And when you focus in on your chest, 80 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:03,080 Speaker 1: what does it feel like? What else do you feel? 81 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:09,280 Speaker 2: I feel like it's been released, it's going away, the tightenment. 82 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:14,240 Speaker 1: Okay, good, So sit right there for a moment, as 83 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:18,960 Speaker 1: the grandmothers would say, let's tarry there for a minute. 84 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:21,960 Speaker 1: Can you do that? 85 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:23,080 Speaker 2: Yeah? 86 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:31,960 Speaker 1: Do that? Good? Check and see what else does it feel? 87 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:35,479 Speaker 1: What does it feel like? Or what are you thinking? 88 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:41,720 Speaker 2: Ah like? Scared almost a bit? 89 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:50,760 Speaker 1: Okay? Good, Yeah, it's okay, it's okay. That's okay. Let 90 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:56,720 Speaker 1: that come up because I'm seeing or sensing or feeling 91 00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:00,360 Speaker 1: and there's a part of you that never felt safe 92 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:08,600 Speaker 1: enough to cry. Yeah, yeah, because if you cried, what 93 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:14,480 Speaker 1: would happen? What would happen if you cried? 94 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:22,160 Speaker 2: I'm trying to remember. Just stop crying? 95 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:24,920 Speaker 1: Is that what they said? Stop that crying? 96 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:28,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, stop the crying? 97 00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:35,800 Speaker 1: And then what did they say? Stop that crying? 98 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:39,560 Speaker 2: And then you're in the other room. Keep your mouth shut? Yeah? 99 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:47,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, come on, breathe, yeah, yeah. 100 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,120 Speaker 2: Respect me. I don't need to respect you. I mean 101 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:52,920 Speaker 2: you respect me. 102 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:57,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, come on, breathe. You're doing good. Come on, you're 103 00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:01,680 Speaker 1: doing good. We just moving that energy out. We're just 104 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:04,040 Speaker 1: moving it out and I'm gonna sit right here with 105 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:09,520 Speaker 1: you until it's gone. Okay, you don't have to do 106 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:17,080 Speaker 1: it by yourself this time. This time, you're not alone. Okay. 107 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:21,920 Speaker 2: Okay, it's scared and it's angry. 108 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:26,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, good. Let's go to the anger for a minute. 109 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:32,400 Speaker 1: It's not gonna hurt you. It's not gonna hurt you. 110 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:36,720 Speaker 1: Let's go to the anger, and I want you to 111 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:42,280 Speaker 1: let the anger use your mouth. Okay, what does the 112 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:43,800 Speaker 1: anger want to say? 113 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:47,360 Speaker 2: Why are you trying to turn like kids against me. 114 00:08:47,679 --> 00:08:50,520 Speaker 2: Why are you yea, why are you feeling them with 115 00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:58,640 Speaker 2: Why are you talking bad about me to my children? 116 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,800 Speaker 1: Why are you hurting me? Yeah? Why are you doing 117 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:04,280 Speaker 1: this to me? 118 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:05,160 Speaker 2: Yeah? 119 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:15,959 Speaker 1: Yeah, breathe? How about this one? I want my mommy. 120 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:24,280 Speaker 1: I just want my mommy. Breathe, come on, ok yeah 121 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:30,719 Speaker 1: yeah yeah, right there, Yeah, yeah, that's it. Just let 122 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:42,680 Speaker 1: her weep, baby, It's okay, you're not alone this time. Yeah, yes, 123 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:49,760 Speaker 1: it's okay, it's okay. Yeah. Yeah, Just let all of 124 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:54,320 Speaker 1: that come up, all of that come up, because that's 125 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:58,319 Speaker 1: what gets triggered every time you encounter your mother in law, 126 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:02,640 Speaker 1: every time she's me to you, every time she doesn't 127 00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:08,680 Speaker 1: hear you, every time she doesn't acknowledge you, when she 128 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:13,000 Speaker 1: doesn't empathize with you. There's a part of you saying, 129 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,280 Speaker 1: I just want my mommy. 130 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:23,640 Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, nobody to run to that I could. 131 00:10:23,559 --> 00:10:32,160 Speaker 1: Go to, yeah, somebody, yeah, somebody that'll hear you, somebody 132 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:41,520 Speaker 1: that will love you. But because you're holding all of 133 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:46,480 Speaker 1: this old old energy of hurt and sadness and grief 134 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:52,160 Speaker 1: and anger, you're just recreating everything that you lived, and 135 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:57,440 Speaker 1: your mother in law's just playing a role in your movie. Yeah, 136 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:00,880 Speaker 1: doesn't make her right, doesn't make her wrong. But I 137 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:04,480 Speaker 1: want you to understand that the deeper you can go 138 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:08,760 Speaker 1: to release this energy, the easier it'll be to deal 139 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:15,560 Speaker 1: with her. Does that make sense to you, Yes, it does, yeah, yeah, 140 00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:20,440 Speaker 1: because she's not empathizing with you, she's not treating you well, 141 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:25,000 Speaker 1: you're recreating and reliving not in your mind, but in 142 00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:30,160 Speaker 1: your energy, all of those things. And you're alone because 143 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:35,480 Speaker 1: your husband, dealing with his mother, abandons you. 144 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:41,839 Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, which doesn't choose a side or he doesn't 145 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:43,640 Speaker 2: want to have said to his mother. 146 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:51,480 Speaker 1: He doesn't choose you, that's the bottom line. He doesn't 147 00:11:51,559 --> 00:12:03,319 Speaker 1: choose you, which then recreates the abandonment by your birth 148 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:08,880 Speaker 1: mother and the neglect by your adopted mother. 149 00:12:11,679 --> 00:12:13,120 Speaker 2: Yeah. 150 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:24,320 Speaker 1: Yeah. And then unfortunately, the children, your children become collateral 151 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:31,160 Speaker 1: damage in this war, this discord between you and their grandmother. 152 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:34,400 Speaker 2: Yes. 153 00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:40,280 Speaker 1: Yeah. And I heard you say when we started, when 154 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:44,640 Speaker 1: you start speaking, things get all jumbled up in your mind. 155 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:50,160 Speaker 1: And that's because you've swallowed so many words from when 156 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:53,880 Speaker 1: you were a young girl what you couldn't say, So 157 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:57,160 Speaker 1: you still have all of that residue gathered up in 158 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:01,600 Speaker 1: your brain. Yes, yeah, take a break. 159 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:07,559 Speaker 2: I've been going to therapy and working with a therapist 160 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:12,960 Speaker 2: and trying to get better at articulating that I have 161 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:18,040 Speaker 2: to say I can, I can heal. I've been listening 162 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:21,959 Speaker 2: to for a couple of years too. That's really helped me. 163 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:24,520 Speaker 2: I take you everywhere I go from it my heart 164 00:13:24,559 --> 00:13:29,560 Speaker 2: right here. That's study. My heart has been having issues 165 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,480 Speaker 2: abound heart medicine. Mm hmm. 166 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:38,160 Speaker 1: It's because your heart is broken. Yeah, your heart is broken. 167 00:13:38,559 --> 00:13:39,000 Speaker 2: Yeah. 168 00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:44,240 Speaker 1: And I am so happy to hear that you've got 169 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:49,040 Speaker 1: some outside intervention, that you're getting some healing work. 170 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:50,320 Speaker 2: Yeah. 171 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:53,360 Speaker 1: I mean some you know work, but you need deep, 172 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:55,400 Speaker 1: deep healing to. 173 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:56,079 Speaker 2: Work in that. 174 00:13:56,800 --> 00:14:04,800 Speaker 1: Yeah. And and sometimes in addition to therapy, you also 175 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:07,960 Speaker 1: want to do some energy healing work. Because I can 176 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:12,760 Speaker 1: feel the energy in your heart. Yeah. 177 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,120 Speaker 2: I've been having to pray. I would be going to 178 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:17,959 Speaker 2: church and the voluntary over there, and I've had them 179 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,240 Speaker 2: praying over my heart and the holy hands of my heart. 180 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:24,920 Speaker 2: And I go in for prayer a lot. And I 181 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,240 Speaker 2: love on my kids a lot. I make sure that 182 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:31,000 Speaker 2: I'm giving them exactly what I didn't have, so they 183 00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:33,440 Speaker 2: probably get tired of all my husbands love. 184 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:37,080 Speaker 1: But I know children never get tired of that. 185 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, everything that I didn't get, I make sure that 186 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:43,120 Speaker 2: they're getting everything. 187 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,080 Speaker 1: But I don't want you to give it to them 188 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:50,000 Speaker 1: because you didn't get it, because that doesn't work. I 189 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,680 Speaker 1: want you to give it to them because you want 190 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:57,680 Speaker 1: them to have it. Yes, we often make that mistakes 191 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:02,760 Speaker 1: as parents to give our children what we didn't have, 192 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:06,840 Speaker 1: which strips the gift of its integrity. We're not giving 193 00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:10,040 Speaker 1: it to them from a place of open heartedness, We're 194 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:13,640 Speaker 1: giving it to them from a place of woundedness. Okay, 195 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:18,080 Speaker 1: So don't give them what you didn't have, give them 196 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:22,280 Speaker 1: what you have for them. It's a slight difference, but 197 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:23,479 Speaker 1: it's very important. 198 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:24,520 Speaker 2: Okay. 199 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:28,880 Speaker 1: So let's deal with what you called about, which was 200 00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:34,840 Speaker 1: your mother in law. Okay, Yeah, we'll talk more about 201 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:42,680 Speaker 1: it when we come back. Welcome back to the r spot. 202 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:48,600 Speaker 1: Let's pick up where we left off. She is what 203 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:54,040 Speaker 1: I would call a catalyst for your healing. She is 204 00:15:54,080 --> 00:16:00,720 Speaker 1: simply triggering and bringing up the broken, wounded places so 205 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:04,880 Speaker 1: that you know what needs to be healed. And you 206 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:13,240 Speaker 1: are recreating or reliving the early childhood experiences. And while 207 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:17,760 Speaker 1: it's hard and it's difficult, it's also brought you to 208 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:21,920 Speaker 1: the awareness of what needs to be healed. Right, She's 209 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:24,640 Speaker 1: really not out to get you. Go ahead. 210 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:29,040 Speaker 2: I've talked about it. Is there as you that since 211 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:34,120 Speaker 2: my husband's not he hasn't shown that he can support 212 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,920 Speaker 2: me yet, so I've cut off going with him on 213 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:40,160 Speaker 2: trips to go through his family. They just had a 214 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:44,040 Speaker 2: funeral recently, his grandmother, and I got along with her 215 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,920 Speaker 2: so good. She was so so nice to me, And 216 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,480 Speaker 2: but I didn't go because I don't want to be 217 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:53,040 Speaker 2: around that. I just I just feel triggered. 218 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:56,480 Speaker 1: I guess very good. Good. Wait a minute, wait a minute, 219 00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,880 Speaker 1: good for you. Do you know what you really did? 220 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:08,399 Speaker 1: You took care of yourself. Yes, not because you were triggered. 221 00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:12,400 Speaker 1: Let's let's raise it up. You took care of yourself. 222 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:16,840 Speaker 1: Good for you. Yeah, there is no reason on God's 223 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:20,680 Speaker 1: green earth that you have to subject yourself to abuse. 224 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:24,200 Speaker 2: No, and my children didn't want to go. They didn't 225 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:27,199 Speaker 2: want to go either because they and they heard overheard 226 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:30,240 Speaker 2: a conversation with him and his mother. And my husband 227 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:32,480 Speaker 2: thinks that the kids don't hear everything, and so they 228 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:35,760 Speaker 2: know and hear everything else since since they were able 229 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:39,280 Speaker 2: to hear with their ears, they see and hear everything, 230 00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:43,520 Speaker 2: and you know, they they want to stay with mom, 231 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,880 Speaker 2: and I just feel better and he can go see 232 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,240 Speaker 2: his mom and I'll stay here and I'll wait for him, 233 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:50,399 Speaker 2: and when he's ready to go into therapy with me, 234 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:53,439 Speaker 2: then we'll go. Then we could start working on that 235 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:56,720 Speaker 2: then until I see that. I actually haven't even been 236 00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,160 Speaker 2: intimate with him for a couple of years, so we're 237 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,600 Speaker 2: kind of just co parentinge. And he still comes and 238 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:04,880 Speaker 2: gives me a kiss on the cheek when he leaves 239 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:07,280 Speaker 2: to work, and like, oh, okay, for he's fine with it. 240 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,080 Speaker 2: He just wants to keep his mother happy. Right now, 241 00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:10,880 Speaker 2: I guess. 242 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:16,920 Speaker 1: First of all, I want to bring something to your awareness. Okay, 243 00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:20,159 Speaker 1: when you called, your voice was low and your words 244 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:23,600 Speaker 1: were muddled. Do you just hear how you spoke out loud? 245 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:24,120 Speaker 1: Just now? 246 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:24,360 Speaker 2: Yes? 247 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:35,200 Speaker 1: Yes, that's what happens when you move energy and when 248 00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:41,919 Speaker 1: you take care of yourself. And since he is not capable, willing, ready, able, 249 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:45,520 Speaker 1: whatever you want to call it, to take care of you, 250 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,359 Speaker 1: you have to take care of yourself and you that's 251 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,919 Speaker 1: what you did when you said, I'm not going to 252 00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:55,919 Speaker 1: the funeral to subject myself to violation, abuse, dishonor and 253 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:59,440 Speaker 1: disrespect by your family. I'm not doing it. Good for you? 254 00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:02,440 Speaker 2: Not doing it a no more? Yeah? 255 00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 1: Good? 256 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:07,679 Speaker 2: It made me serve That's why I finally had to 257 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:08,720 Speaker 2: get to the bottom of it. 258 00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:13,720 Speaker 1: Yes, good for you. Did you celebrate yourself for that? 259 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,560 Speaker 1: I'm telling you that deserves a new pair of shoes 260 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:17,760 Speaker 1: or new pair of panties. 261 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:20,960 Speaker 2: Do I go out on my own into my own thing? 262 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:25,840 Speaker 2: And good? I'm just trying to I am being truthful 263 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:30,080 Speaker 2: with myself and trying to take care of yourself. Yeah. 264 00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:34,320 Speaker 1: Maybe that's something that your adopted mother didn't do. But 265 00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:37,320 Speaker 1: what I want you to do, because this is your husband, 266 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:41,200 Speaker 1: is when you're ready. You don't have to do it today, tomorrow, 267 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:44,040 Speaker 1: next week. I want you to sit with what we've 268 00:19:44,359 --> 00:19:47,720 Speaker 1: talked about, and when you're ready, I want you to 269 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:52,120 Speaker 1: tell him the truth and explain it to him. One 270 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:55,800 Speaker 1: of the reasons I stop being intimate with you is 271 00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:59,840 Speaker 1: because you abandoned me in the face of your mother's mistreatment, 272 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:05,200 Speaker 1: and I cannot allow you into my sacred space. I 273 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:09,359 Speaker 1: cannot be intimate with you when you don't see me, 274 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:13,119 Speaker 1: you don't empathize with me, and you don't protect me. 275 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:17,480 Speaker 1: Because Your responsibility is your as my husband, is to 276 00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:21,080 Speaker 1: provide for me and to protect me. You're not doing 277 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,760 Speaker 1: your job as a husband. I can no longer do 278 00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:26,920 Speaker 1: that part of my job as your wife. Let him 279 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,960 Speaker 1: know because since you are the one on the healing 280 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,880 Speaker 1: line right now, that's what we call when you're going 281 00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:36,600 Speaker 1: through something like this. As his wife, you want to 282 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:40,359 Speaker 1: encourage him to heal. So let him know. You can't 283 00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:43,400 Speaker 1: worship in my temple if you don't. If you keep 284 00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:47,360 Speaker 1: abandoning me, why would I share myself with you when 285 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:50,640 Speaker 1: you have abandoned me. You need to work on that, sir. 286 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:57,000 Speaker 1: But help him understand. Help him understand, not just that 287 00:20:57,040 --> 00:21:02,480 Speaker 1: you're withholding sex, you're taking care of yourself because he didn't. 288 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:03,160 Speaker 2: Right. 289 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:07,600 Speaker 1: So here's here's the deal. First of all, good for you. 290 00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:10,640 Speaker 1: Oh my god, I how do you feel right now? 291 00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:11,520 Speaker 1: How does it feel? 292 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,880 Speaker 2: I feel so good. I'm gonna make me a good 293 00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:17,159 Speaker 2: prefaces and wants to do. 294 00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,560 Speaker 1: Good. Just watch Mindless TV. 295 00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:25,440 Speaker 2: Thank you. I have to share with you that I've 296 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,200 Speaker 2: I've been pretending that you're my mom talking when I 297 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:31,359 Speaker 2: listened to you all the shows that I feel okay, 298 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:35,040 Speaker 2: I can relate to everybody that you talk to It's 299 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:38,120 Speaker 2: like something in there for me. I feel every time 300 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:40,840 Speaker 2: I hear you. So that's right. But I'm so glad 301 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,520 Speaker 2: that you I got to do it more deeper. 302 00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:48,200 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, And and I can be your mom because 303 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:52,359 Speaker 1: very often when when the family we have doesn't work, 304 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:55,639 Speaker 1: we have to pick another one. Right, So all you 305 00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:58,280 Speaker 1: did was just pick another mother. We're gonna find you 306 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:03,080 Speaker 1: another father and sister. And that's fine. You know whoever 307 00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:06,360 Speaker 1: that is for you? You know you do that. If 308 00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:08,679 Speaker 1: you were to go away for a weekend, do you 309 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:11,080 Speaker 1: have someone for the children to stay with? What they 310 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:12,040 Speaker 1: stay with? Your husband? 311 00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:15,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, you have to take time off, you would stay 312 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:15,719 Speaker 2: with him. 313 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:18,320 Speaker 1: This is what I'm gonna do for you. I'm going 314 00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:21,760 Speaker 1: to give you a scholarship to my Rights of Passage 315 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:22,840 Speaker 1: Program for Women. 316 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:24,880 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, no, it's. 317 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:28,040 Speaker 1: A nine week program. It's a nine week program. You're 318 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:32,960 Speaker 1: gonna work online for nine weeks and then in August 319 00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:37,600 Speaker 1: you're gonna come to Boone, North Carolina. So start saving 320 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:41,400 Speaker 1: your money and you're going to go through a healing 321 00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:45,639 Speaker 1: process with other women, and I'm going to give you 322 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:51,520 Speaker 1: a scholarship to that process. The online program starts in 323 00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:55,600 Speaker 1: June because part of what you're going through is you 324 00:22:55,840 --> 00:23:00,760 Speaker 1: just miss so much teaching as a woman. But based 325 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:03,720 Speaker 1: on what you're saying to me, I hear it coming 326 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:07,439 Speaker 1: through your intuition. You're doing the right things and the 327 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:10,520 Speaker 1: right way. You're learning how to take a stand for 328 00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:14,160 Speaker 1: yourself and stand up for yourself, and I just want 329 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:18,119 Speaker 1: to celebrate that with you. Thank you, great, great work, 330 00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:22,480 Speaker 1: great great work today. Okay, and just imagine, if it 331 00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,920 Speaker 1: wasn't for your mother in law, you would have never 332 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:32,920 Speaker 1: called me. Yeah, thank you mother in law. 333 00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:37,840 Speaker 2: Okay, love you, thank you so much. 334 00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:42,320 Speaker 1: Love you back. Great great work. Keep that voice strong. Okay, 335 00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:44,320 Speaker 1: you're sounding real strong right now. 336 00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:46,760 Speaker 2: Okay, thank you. 337 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:55,679 Speaker 1: Okay, good for her. Did you hear the change in 338 00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:56,760 Speaker 1: her voice? 339 00:23:57,119 --> 00:23:57,320 Speaker 2: Oh? 340 00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:04,480 Speaker 1: Made sick. In life, we have relationships with people that 341 00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:09,800 Speaker 1: intersect with other people, and so very often we don't 342 00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:13,800 Speaker 1: know how to keep those relationships separate, and we don't 343 00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:18,119 Speaker 1: know how to build those relationships independently. So, you have 344 00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:21,440 Speaker 1: a sister and your sister has a husband. You have 345 00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:24,960 Speaker 1: a relationship with your sister as your sister. You have 346 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:29,119 Speaker 1: a relationship with your sister as another woman. You also 347 00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:31,520 Speaker 1: have a relationship with your brother in law. As your 348 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:34,159 Speaker 1: brother in law and a relationship with your brother in 349 00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:37,440 Speaker 1: law as a man. So that means you have four 350 00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:43,120 Speaker 1: different relationships. And we have to learn how to have 351 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:49,280 Speaker 1: boundaries and clarity about the intersecting relationships that we have 352 00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:53,680 Speaker 1: in our life, because if we don't, the boundaries get 353 00:24:53,760 --> 00:25:00,119 Speaker 1: blurred and the responsibilities are abandoned, and it just becomes 354 00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:05,760 Speaker 1: a hot mess. And I always say, first, deal with 355 00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:10,800 Speaker 1: people on the common ground, deal with your sister as 356 00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:14,520 Speaker 1: another woman and your brother in law as a man, 357 00:25:15,359 --> 00:25:20,119 Speaker 1: and then deal with your sister as a married woman 358 00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:22,600 Speaker 1: and your brother in law as your brother in law, 359 00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:27,240 Speaker 1: because each of those relationships has different needs and different 360 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:31,320 Speaker 1: boundaries and different requirements. And when we don't do that, 361 00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:36,000 Speaker 1: it just becomes a hot mess. And that's what my 362 00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:40,199 Speaker 1: next caller is facing. She is in the midst of 363 00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:44,760 Speaker 1: a hot mess. But there's a way out. Take a listen. 364 00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:50,359 Speaker 1: Good morning, beloved, and welcome to the R Spot. What 365 00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:57,000 Speaker 1: is your relationship challenge, issued dilemma, problem, circumstance situationship that 366 00:25:57,040 --> 00:26:00,600 Speaker 1: we can nibble on together today. 367 00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:04,840 Speaker 3: Over protective mother in law? 368 00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:10,600 Speaker 1: I know, what does that mean? Who is mama in law? 369 00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:12,240 Speaker 1: Over protecting. 370 00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:14,000 Speaker 2: Her fun? 371 00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:19,960 Speaker 3: Her fun and I just don't know what to do 372 00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:24,760 Speaker 3: at this point. Yeah, you don't know what to do. 373 00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:29,840 Speaker 1: Alrighty, So tell me more. How long have you been married? 374 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:31,160 Speaker 1: What is the experience? 375 00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:35,680 Speaker 3: So me and the guy had been talking for three years. 376 00:26:36,119 --> 00:26:41,160 Speaker 3: He proposed the second year, and it seems like since then, 377 00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:46,520 Speaker 3: she's just been just finding nitpicking with me or finding 378 00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:49,040 Speaker 3: little things. She'll call him all throughout. 379 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:49,280 Speaker 2: The day. 380 00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:52,640 Speaker 3: Saying I need you to do this, or go here 381 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:58,680 Speaker 3: or do that, just finding little things to just get 382 00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:02,040 Speaker 3: at me about, texting me throughout the day, asking me 383 00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:08,359 Speaker 3: stuff like it's a lot like. 384 00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:10,160 Speaker 2: Did my son eat today? 385 00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:11,800 Speaker 3: What didn't my son eat? 386 00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:15,640 Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh lord, And what does he say 387 00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:16,160 Speaker 1: about it? 388 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:19,600 Speaker 3: I talked to him before about it. He basically just 389 00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:22,359 Speaker 3: keeps saying, you're in a relationship with me, not my mother. 390 00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:27,600 Speaker 3: Just trying to block her out, And I do like 391 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:30,320 Speaker 3: I I tried to block her out. I was going 392 00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:32,440 Speaker 3: to block her on my phone and stuff. And I'm like, well, 393 00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,159 Speaker 3: I don't want to be rude or disrespectful and I 394 00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:37,040 Speaker 3: don't want to say anything out of line to her, 395 00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:40,119 Speaker 3: but it's just getting to that point where she's just 396 00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:45,280 Speaker 3: like everything, my son, my son, this my son that, 397 00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:48,159 Speaker 3: And I'm like, I know who your son is. You 398 00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:49,879 Speaker 3: don't have to keep, you know, reminding me. 399 00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:55,439 Speaker 1: So why do you think this is going on? What 400 00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:57,280 Speaker 1: do you tell yourself about this? 401 00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:00,199 Speaker 2: I just don't know. 402 00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:06,600 Speaker 3: Maybe she doesn't want me to be his wife. Yeah, 403 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,399 Speaker 3: I I really don't know, because in the beginning she 404 00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:12,760 Speaker 3: was she was very nice, very nice to me. Would 405 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:15,640 Speaker 3: invite me into her home. I haven't. She doesn't even 406 00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:17,200 Speaker 3: invite me into her home anymore. 407 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:22,960 Speaker 1: What does that mean into her home? What does that you? 408 00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:27,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, he'll go without me or if he has me 409 00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:30,679 Speaker 3: to drop something off to her during the day or 410 00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:33,520 Speaker 3: something like that. If he can't do it, he'll meet 411 00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:37,440 Speaker 3: me at the door. And you know, that's it. That's it. 412 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:40,120 Speaker 1: Have you ever asked her, are you going to invite 413 00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:40,360 Speaker 1: me in? 414 00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:45,080 Speaker 3: Well? I have asked her what is the issue? And 415 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:51,680 Speaker 3: she has said, whatever we have going on me and you, 416 00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:53,840 Speaker 3: you don't have to involve my son. He doesn't need 417 00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:56,680 Speaker 3: to know about it. And I told her, I said, 418 00:28:57,040 --> 00:29:00,400 Speaker 3: I don't have anything going on with you, Like I 419 00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:02,880 Speaker 3: don't have any issues with you. I don't know what 420 00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:03,400 Speaker 3: you mean. 421 00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:06,600 Speaker 1: By that, Is that true? I don't have any issues 422 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:08,080 Speaker 1: with you? Is that true. 423 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:11,440 Speaker 3: Well, I didn't have any issues with her up until now. 424 00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:14,880 Speaker 3: So my issue is trying to figure out I'm trying 425 00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:17,200 Speaker 3: to figure out what is your issue with me? 426 00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:21,960 Speaker 1: Why do you think it's the issue is with you? 427 00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:23,720 Speaker 1: Why can't it just be her issue? 428 00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:28,040 Speaker 3: Well, yeah, I think it's because he didn't grow up 429 00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:32,200 Speaker 3: with his mom, and I feel like she's trying to 430 00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:36,000 Speaker 3: like make up for lost time for her not being 431 00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:39,080 Speaker 3: there in his life. And now it's just like it's 432 00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:43,400 Speaker 3: it's just becoming too much. It's like check her or 433 00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:47,360 Speaker 3: say something to her, like just becoming too much on 434 00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:50,840 Speaker 3: our relationship. It's like either say something to her or 435 00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:52,480 Speaker 3: then I'm going to have to say something. And I 436 00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:54,680 Speaker 3: don't want to have to say something because I know 437 00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:58,160 Speaker 3: that I know how I get, know how I get, 438 00:29:58,200 --> 00:29:59,600 Speaker 3: and I don't want to come on. I don't want 439 00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:01,600 Speaker 3: to be rue or disrespectful to his mother. 440 00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:06,640 Speaker 1: Okay, what makes you think it's rude or disrespectful to 441 00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:09,160 Speaker 1: ask for what you need or want. 442 00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:09,640 Speaker 2: It's not. 443 00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:11,200 Speaker 3: It's not. 444 00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:16,440 Speaker 2: Oh it's okay, it's not. 445 00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:19,160 Speaker 1: Well, she's not your mother in law. Y'all are not 446 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:20,080 Speaker 1: married yet. 447 00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:20,840 Speaker 3: Is that right? 448 00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:20,720 Speaker 2: Right? 449 00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:25,440 Speaker 1: Do you have any issues around getting married being married. 450 00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:26,800 Speaker 1: Have you been married before? 451 00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:28,320 Speaker 2: No? 452 00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:32,280 Speaker 3: I haven't. This would be the first time. It's a 453 00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:36,040 Speaker 3: lot of side talk instead of him being able to 454 00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:39,000 Speaker 3: talk out freely and her being able to talk freely 455 00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:42,000 Speaker 3: when I'm around. I feel like, you know, they could 456 00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:46,960 Speaker 3: be possibly talking. He could be talking negative negatively about me, 457 00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:51,000 Speaker 3: and he just probably doesn't bring it to me, so 458 00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:57,040 Speaker 3: I won't, you know, stress or worry about it. But yeah, 459 00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:58,160 Speaker 3: I don't know. 460 00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:01,400 Speaker 1: Could they be talking positively about you? 461 00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:06,320 Speaker 3: That I can't really say, because how I don't see 462 00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:11,120 Speaker 3: a person talking positive about me and then turning around 463 00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:14,440 Speaker 3: when he's not around and just being nasty. 464 00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:17,360 Speaker 1: Well, let's see if we can just break this down 465 00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:20,800 Speaker 1: a little bit. We'll talk about that right after this break. 466 00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:31,680 Speaker 1: Welcome back. I am yan learning this is the r 467 00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:39,760 Speaker 1: spot first of all, your beloved relationship. His mother is 468 00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:45,600 Speaker 1: mothering a child, not an adult. So somehow in the mix, 469 00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:49,680 Speaker 1: she has missed the boat in terms of understanding he's 470 00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:54,200 Speaker 1: not a child, he's an adult, So she hasn't learned 471 00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:57,360 Speaker 1: how to mother an adult. That don't have nothing to 472 00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:00,400 Speaker 1: do with you. You're just getting caught up in mix. 473 00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:04,640 Speaker 1: She's mothering a child as opposed to mothering an adult, 474 00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:11,360 Speaker 1: and it is his responsibility to let her know, Hey, mom, mama, mommy, 475 00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:14,520 Speaker 1: whatever he calls her. I suspect he calls about her 476 00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:15,840 Speaker 1: first name. I don't know. 477 00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:17,440 Speaker 2: No, they. 478 00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:23,360 Speaker 3: Nicknames for each other, Okay, but. 479 00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:30,600 Speaker 1: That's his responsibility to let her know. Wait a minute, 480 00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:34,240 Speaker 1: I'm a man. I don't need you checking on my laundry, 481 00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:39,760 Speaker 1: my food, my shoes, my nose, my we wei. I 482 00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:42,320 Speaker 1: don't need you checking on that. I'm a grown man, 483 00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:45,280 Speaker 1: and you are my mother. I love and respect you, 484 00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:48,760 Speaker 1: but there are places in my life that you are 485 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:51,760 Speaker 1: no longer it's no longer appropriate for you to be 486 00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:56,400 Speaker 1: in and calling my beloved to find out if I've 487 00:32:56,440 --> 00:33:00,760 Speaker 1: eaten is one of those areas. So that's one thing. 488 00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:04,680 Speaker 1: You've got a mother parenting as though the adult is 489 00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:07,800 Speaker 1: still a child. Again, that doesn't have anything to do 490 00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:13,320 Speaker 1: with you. Then you have a mother who consciously or 491 00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:20,680 Speaker 1: unconsciously sees you as the other woman. So that says 492 00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:24,400 Speaker 1: to me that somehow, in some way, she has made 493 00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:31,320 Speaker 1: her son your beloved, her emotional husband. Mothers do it 494 00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:36,400 Speaker 1: all the time. She's looking for some sort of fulfillment 495 00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:44,360 Speaker 1: or care or attachment to him emotionally as though he 496 00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:49,719 Speaker 1: were her husband, not as though he were her son. Again, 497 00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:53,840 Speaker 1: that has nothing to do with you. It is incumbent 498 00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:59,320 Speaker 1: upon him to create the boundaries. Does that make sense 499 00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:03,400 Speaker 1: to you? Yes, So she sees you as an other 500 00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:08,359 Speaker 1: woman and she's vying with you for his affections. That's 501 00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:17,240 Speaker 1: a problem. But for you, you're dealing with an elder woman, 502 00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:26,680 Speaker 1: b a woman who matters to your beloved. So you 503 00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:29,560 Speaker 1: have to deal with her first woman to woman, junior 504 00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:36,440 Speaker 1: to elder, and second as another woman in your beloved's life. 505 00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:44,160 Speaker 1: And that's your stuff. That's your stuff, and it may 506 00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:47,880 Speaker 1: not seem like it's important, But the fact that you 507 00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:52,000 Speaker 1: haven't talked to your mother about this to get some 508 00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:56,640 Speaker 1: wisdom and insight about this says to me that there's 509 00:34:56,680 --> 00:35:03,440 Speaker 1: something going on with you. Yeah, yeah, you think. 510 00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:07,319 Speaker 2: So. 511 00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:10,239 Speaker 1: Mother in law has really come to okay, So what 512 00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:12,040 Speaker 1: is that? What is going on with you? 513 00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:20,160 Speaker 3: I don't know, I don't know. I remember just the 514 00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:23,400 Speaker 3: other day I was telling him about how I wanted 515 00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:26,040 Speaker 3: to start going to like counseling and stuff like that 516 00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:34,200 Speaker 3: individually and then together, and that was like an argument 517 00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:36,120 Speaker 3: because it kind of was like, well, what is it 518 00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:39,520 Speaker 3: that you need to talk to a stranger about that 519 00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:44,719 Speaker 3: you can't talk to me about, and I told him, 520 00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:47,879 Speaker 3: you know, I just want to make sure that I 521 00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:54,120 Speaker 3: am prepared for marriage. I want to make sure that 522 00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:58,160 Speaker 3: I am the best version of myself. And I never, 523 00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:01,320 Speaker 3: you know, really thought about going to therapy or anything 524 00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:05,080 Speaker 3: like that until like a couple months ago, two, a 525 00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:05,879 Speaker 3: couple months ago. 526 00:36:07,239 --> 00:36:10,879 Speaker 1: So it doesn't have to be anything wrong. It may 527 00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:14,760 Speaker 1: be that you need an objective third party to support 528 00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:20,719 Speaker 1: you in growing, healing, stretching into this new role of 529 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:24,880 Speaker 1: being a wife, eventually being a mother, eventually being a 530 00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:30,520 Speaker 1: daughter in law. When you've got a difficult situation with 531 00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:36,080 Speaker 1: your mother in law m mm hmm, because your relationship 532 00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:40,160 Speaker 1: with her is going to mirror your relationship with your mother. 533 00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:43,879 Speaker 1: And just as you said, you haven't spoken to your 534 00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:48,160 Speaker 1: mother about this situation with your future mother in law, 535 00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:51,440 Speaker 1: and so that means there are things that you haven't 536 00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:53,879 Speaker 1: said to her. There are things that you haven't said 537 00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:55,919 Speaker 1: to your mother in law that you need to say, 538 00:36:57,360 --> 00:37:01,120 Speaker 1: not in a disrespectful way, not in an angry way. 539 00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:08,799 Speaker 1: But if you withhold, you withhold, I would want to know, 540 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:13,440 Speaker 1: are you going to invite me in? Okay? I just 541 00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:17,359 Speaker 1: need you to understand that it hurts my feelings when 542 00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:20,719 Speaker 1: I come to your house knowing how much you mean 543 00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:23,879 Speaker 1: to Boo Boo, I don't know what his name is, 544 00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:27,360 Speaker 1: and you leave me on the doorstep like a stranger. 545 00:37:28,239 --> 00:37:30,640 Speaker 1: What are we going to do when we have children. 546 00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:33,520 Speaker 1: I want them to be in good relationship with you, 547 00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:36,759 Speaker 1: but they can't be in good relationship with you if 548 00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:39,399 Speaker 1: you're not in good relationship with me. So I want 549 00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:43,480 Speaker 1: to fix this. How does it make you feel when 550 00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:47,920 Speaker 1: she doesn't invite you into her home? And why are 551 00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:51,239 Speaker 1: you running errands? Why can't he take it to. 552 00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:56,000 Speaker 2: Her if he's at work, she. 553 00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:02,000 Speaker 1: Waits and you have to let him know. When I 554 00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:05,759 Speaker 1: go to your mother's house, she doesn't even have the 555 00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:09,000 Speaker 1: decency to invite me in for a glass of water. 556 00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:11,960 Speaker 1: I'm not running your errands anymore. If she doesn't know 557 00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:14,480 Speaker 1: how to treat me, then it's incumbent upon you to 558 00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:17,440 Speaker 1: train her or you run the errands. I'm not doing it. 559 00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:20,719 Speaker 1: You got to take care of yourself. This is an 560 00:38:20,719 --> 00:38:24,640 Speaker 1: elder woman and she's out of order, and you're not 561 00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:27,800 Speaker 1: telling her how the way she treats you makes you feel. 562 00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:28,600 Speaker 1: Why not? 563 00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:31,360 Speaker 3: I know the first time I didn't say anything because 564 00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:33,680 Speaker 3: she came to the door like she was on the phone, 565 00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:35,680 Speaker 3: So I'm just like, okay, well you're on the phone. 566 00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:38,520 Speaker 3: But even then, it's been a few times when I've 567 00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:41,040 Speaker 3: been over there and you know someone has called or 568 00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:43,480 Speaker 3: something like that, and you know, you still let me in. 569 00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:46,360 Speaker 3: So that's why I was just like, well, if you 570 00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:47,799 Speaker 3: don't want to let me in, then it's no need 571 00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:50,080 Speaker 3: for me to continue to keep coming to your home. 572 00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:53,360 Speaker 3: And I'm not going to beg to come into a 573 00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:54,600 Speaker 3: home that I'm not welcome in. 574 00:38:56,600 --> 00:39:02,000 Speaker 1: I want you to make some clear distinctions here. First, 575 00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:08,839 Speaker 1: junior woman, younger woman to elder woman, and she may 576 00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:12,040 Speaker 1: not know how to be in relationship with you in 577 00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:17,120 Speaker 1: that way, so you may have to teach her. And 578 00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:23,480 Speaker 1: then as the other woman in your beloved's heart, you 579 00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:25,840 Speaker 1: want to know that he has room for both of you. 580 00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:29,520 Speaker 1: You're not trying to take her place, you're not trying 581 00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:35,200 Speaker 1: to replace her, and that she is important to him, 582 00:39:35,560 --> 00:39:39,280 Speaker 1: which makes her important to you. You've got to establish 583 00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:44,480 Speaker 1: that with her, woman to woman, junior to elder, daughter 584 00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:50,399 Speaker 1: to mother. That's your work, that's not his work. His 585 00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:55,400 Speaker 1: work is to create some boundaries with her and to 586 00:39:55,480 --> 00:40:01,440 Speaker 1: remind her he's a man, he's not a child. His 587 00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:06,279 Speaker 1: work is to remind her that you are important to him, 588 00:40:06,760 --> 00:40:10,480 Speaker 1: and she is important to him, and both of y'all 589 00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:12,839 Speaker 1: have to live together in his heart. 590 00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:14,239 Speaker 2: Right. 591 00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:19,800 Speaker 1: But as a woman, you can also have a relationship 592 00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:24,799 Speaker 1: with her that's separate and apart from his relationship with her. 593 00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:27,480 Speaker 1: But you have to create that. Right now, you're just 594 00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:30,600 Speaker 1: dealing with her as though she's his mother, and you're 595 00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:36,839 Speaker 1: not dealing with her a woman to woman. Does that 596 00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:37,640 Speaker 1: make sense to you? 597 00:40:38,480 --> 00:40:38,839 Speaker 2: It does? 598 00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:43,799 Speaker 1: So what is it that you need to say to 599 00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:47,200 Speaker 1: her that you haven't said that? 600 00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:50,319 Speaker 3: I don't know, because I have told him, but I 601 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:54,799 Speaker 3: haven't told her that. I'm not trying to take her 602 00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:59,680 Speaker 3: spot again. I don't know if I need to tell 603 00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:03,360 Speaker 3: her life. I'm not. You know, I know that you 604 00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:05,040 Speaker 3: weren't in his life in the beginning. 605 00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:08,560 Speaker 1: It's none of your business. That's none of your business. 606 00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:11,799 Speaker 1: Stay out of that. Stay out of that. That is 607 00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:15,600 Speaker 1: pillow talk between you and him. That's his sacred information. 608 00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:18,360 Speaker 1: You don't reveal that to her, You don't use that 609 00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:21,719 Speaker 1: against her. You don't even reveal to her that he 610 00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:25,719 Speaker 1: told you that, because that is his relationship with her. 611 00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:30,400 Speaker 1: You have to establish your relationship with her and to 612 00:41:30,440 --> 00:41:34,799 Speaker 1: share with her how it makes you feel, Not that 613 00:41:34,880 --> 00:41:38,000 Speaker 1: what she's doing is wrong or she shouldn't do it, 614 00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:42,200 Speaker 1: but how it makes you feel when she does these things. 615 00:41:42,520 --> 00:41:45,520 Speaker 1: How does it make you feel when she doesn't let 616 00:41:45,560 --> 00:41:47,880 Speaker 1: you in the house. How does it make you feel 617 00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:51,600 Speaker 1: when she calls you checking on your son? Create that boundary, 618 00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:56,719 Speaker 1: Say mo, miss Williams, it doesn't feel good to me 619 00:41:57,080 --> 00:42:00,600 Speaker 1: that you're calling and checking on your son, calling me 620 00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:06,000 Speaker 1: checking on your son. He's a grown man and I'm 621 00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:10,160 Speaker 1: not his mother. You are. So if he doesn't eat, 622 00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:12,880 Speaker 1: that ain't on me, that's on you. That's on him. 623 00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:16,000 Speaker 1: Why are you asking me that? Ask him? Why are 624 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:18,960 Speaker 1: you asking me that? I'm just curious, why are you 625 00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:19,640 Speaker 1: asking me that? 626 00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:20,680 Speaker 2: Right? 627 00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:26,920 Speaker 1: So, this is about you using your voice and creating 628 00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:33,040 Speaker 1: boundaries and establishing relationships that value the other person but 629 00:42:33,239 --> 00:42:38,279 Speaker 1: also honor you, Okay, And don't do it from a 630 00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:44,560 Speaker 1: place of anger and victimhood. Create the boundary because the 631 00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:48,680 Speaker 1: same way you are the other woman in his life, 632 00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:50,280 Speaker 1: she's the other woman. 633 00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:52,960 Speaker 3: I see. 634 00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:56,920 Speaker 1: You know, I have a relationship with my daughter in 635 00:42:57,000 --> 00:43:02,759 Speaker 1: law that's separate in the part from my relationship with 636 00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:06,839 Speaker 1: my son. She's a junior woman to me, and I 637 00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:10,360 Speaker 1: have made sure I'll call her, invite her places. I 638 00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:12,960 Speaker 1: don't even tell him about it. Why because it's not 639 00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:17,320 Speaker 1: about him, it's about my relationship with her. He bought 640 00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:25,520 Speaker 1: her a coffee maker for Christmas. I was like, what 641 00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:31,520 Speaker 1: in the blazon of Jesus a coffee maker? I don't understand. 642 00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:36,440 Speaker 1: I didn't even know that she drank coffee. I didn't. 643 00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:39,719 Speaker 1: I didn't know. But when I saw what he bought 644 00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:42,160 Speaker 1: her for Christmas, and he bought it over here and 645 00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:45,600 Speaker 1: asked me to wrap it up for it, I ran 646 00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:49,000 Speaker 1: around my house and found every little intimate thing I 647 00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:53,279 Speaker 1: could find and wrapped it up. And when she came 648 00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:56,759 Speaker 1: to get her gifts the next day, she had perfume, 649 00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:59,600 Speaker 1: and she had a this and a that, And I 650 00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:04,080 Speaker 1: ain't nothing to him or to her. I didn't say 651 00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:07,240 Speaker 1: anything to him or to her, and she was happy 652 00:44:07,239 --> 00:44:09,960 Speaker 1: about the coffee maker, but she was even more excited 653 00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:12,279 Speaker 1: about the perfume that I found in my closet that 654 00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:14,640 Speaker 1: I hadn't opened and gave to her in his name. 655 00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:23,759 Speaker 1: What in the world a coffee maker? You need to 656 00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:26,040 Speaker 1: go somewhere and left the price tag on it too, 657 00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:34,280 Speaker 1: because as a woman, I knew how it would felt 658 00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:37,480 Speaker 1: feel for me if my husband gave me a coffee 659 00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:41,200 Speaker 1: maker for Christmas. So, woman to woman, I wanted her 660 00:44:41,239 --> 00:44:44,359 Speaker 1: to feel better. And then I'm like, Okay, he has 661 00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:48,560 Speaker 1: lost his good mind. That's all he brings in his 662 00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:52,239 Speaker 1: wife on Christmas? Yeah, what is wrong with him? But 663 00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:55,000 Speaker 1: I wasn't gonna beat him up, so I dealt with 664 00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:59,080 Speaker 1: it as a woman how I wanted her as a 665 00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:03,520 Speaker 1: woman to feel, not as a mother in law. You understand. 666 00:45:04,239 --> 00:45:07,440 Speaker 1: So that's why I'm saying to you, establish a relationship 667 00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:15,040 Speaker 1: with her woman to woman, and then create boundaries for 668 00:45:15,160 --> 00:45:20,080 Speaker 1: her as your mother in law. You better put your 669 00:45:20,120 --> 00:45:23,319 Speaker 1: big girl panties on. You're gonna be navigating this for 670 00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:28,080 Speaker 1: the rest of your life. Invite them to lunch. I 671 00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:31,000 Speaker 1: don't mean no harm, miss Williams, but it don't feel 672 00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:34,520 Speaker 1: good to me that you're calling me asking me if 673 00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:38,560 Speaker 1: booboo ate. That's a question you have to ask him. 674 00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:41,400 Speaker 1: So if you want to know something about him, please 675 00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:44,440 Speaker 1: call him. I want us to talk about us. I 676 00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:47,719 Speaker 1: don't want us to talk about don't you know? And 677 00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:51,800 Speaker 1: if she'll do it again, you say, Miss Williams, Mama Williams, 678 00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:54,239 Speaker 1: whatever you want to call her. I've asked you not 679 00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:58,040 Speaker 1: to text me or call me asking me about him. 680 00:45:58,719 --> 00:46:02,279 Speaker 1: That's something you got to ask. That's about you and him, 681 00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:03,919 Speaker 1: That's not about me and you. 682 00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:08,760 Speaker 3: Okay, thank you, sir, Thank you for calling. 683 00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:16,440 Speaker 1: Let me know how the lunch goes. Okay, bye bye. 684 00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:25,160 Speaker 1: All relationships require boundaries, and there are three levels of 685 00:46:25,239 --> 00:46:29,400 Speaker 1: boundaries that we must think about. First of all, the 686 00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:33,480 Speaker 1: boundary for yourself within yourself. I don't care who the 687 00:46:33,520 --> 00:46:37,080 Speaker 1: relationship is with. You have a right to create a 688 00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:43,920 Speaker 1: boundary for yourself between yourself and the other person. And 689 00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:49,400 Speaker 1: then you have a right to request and honor the 690 00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:55,640 Speaker 1: boundaries that the other people said between themselves. Boundaries, they're 691 00:46:55,640 --> 00:47:01,440 Speaker 1: so important. And the final boundary that we always forget 692 00:47:01,480 --> 00:47:07,239 Speaker 1: to set is the boundary that keeps us safe and 693 00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:12,840 Speaker 1: the boundary that honors everybody in a way that honors 694 00:47:12,880 --> 00:47:17,800 Speaker 1: everyone's highest and greatest good. Because until we have clear, 695 00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:24,480 Speaker 1: well established, honored and respected boundaries, our relationships will bleed 696 00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:29,879 Speaker 1: into each other in inappropriate ways. Now, you can't set 697 00:47:29,920 --> 00:47:33,600 Speaker 1: the boundaries that people have between themselves. But if your 698 00:47:33,719 --> 00:47:38,800 Speaker 1: boundaries are clear, you do have the right to request 699 00:47:38,880 --> 00:47:43,080 Speaker 1: and require that they honor your boundaries. I hope this 700 00:47:43,120 --> 00:47:45,360 Speaker 1: has been helpful to someone, and if you have a 701 00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:50,200 Speaker 1: question about this or any other relationship issue, you can 702 00:47:50,239 --> 00:47:53,920 Speaker 1: call me live at seven seven five three zero seven 703 00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:56,880 Speaker 1: seven seven sixty eight. Now be sure to follow me 704 00:47:56,960 --> 00:48:00,400 Speaker 1: on social media for all of the calling times, and 705 00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:09,920 Speaker 1: until then, stay in peace and not pieces. The R 706 00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:15,000 Speaker 1: Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. 707 00:48:15,719 --> 00:48:20,440 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, 708 00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:25,080 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.