1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:01,960 Speaker 1: Do you guys want to hear about I have for 2 00:00:02,040 --> 00:00:04,400 Speaker 1: you this morning? And I've collected a little list because 3 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:06,320 Speaker 1: it's been building over the last few days. We haven't 4 00:00:06,320 --> 00:00:08,399 Speaker 1: got a chance to do it. But do you guys 5 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:10,600 Speaker 1: want to hear about the new dating trends? Paulina even 6 00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:12,480 Speaker 1: sent me one which I didn't realize you were on 7 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:13,640 Speaker 1: the pulse of dating dreads. 8 00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:16,680 Speaker 2: What do you think row dating? One thing about her? 9 00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:20,880 Speaker 2: She's married, but she's on the pulse of single people life. 10 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:22,920 Speaker 3: Hey man, they don't call me know at all, Paula 11 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:28,400 Speaker 3: for nothing. 12 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:31,040 Speaker 2: You list it, you miss. 13 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:33,680 Speaker 3: It's like when we had a substitute teacher in school 14 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:35,080 Speaker 3: and I would tell them like I had a different 15 00:00:35,159 --> 00:00:37,080 Speaker 3: name than I do, like a nickname like that. 16 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:38,639 Speaker 2: Never happened. But the last. 17 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:43,279 Speaker 1: Has been one thing about me and then but we've 18 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:47,680 Speaker 1: heard a lot of things. Yeah, yeah, Jason be here, well, 19 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:49,199 Speaker 1: but he's been there. I feel like we've heard a 20 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,840 Speaker 1: lot of one things about you. Yeah, the last couple 21 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:55,280 Speaker 1: of weeks, Paulina is not one I've ever heard before. 22 00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:58,800 Speaker 2: But that's good ghost lighting. 23 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,600 Speaker 1: This isn't the one you sent me, But there's a 24 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,600 Speaker 1: new dating buzzword making the rounds. Experts say that it 25 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:07,720 Speaker 1: might even be more frustrating than ghosting. This one's called 26 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:08,840 Speaker 1: ghost lighting. 27 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:11,399 Speaker 2: I'm ready to be mad. Uh huh oh, yeah, that's 28 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,080 Speaker 2: what I'm here to do. Fire you up. 29 00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:16,880 Speaker 1: The term describes what happens when someone disappears from a 30 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:20,800 Speaker 1: relationship classic ghosting, but then later pops back into your 31 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:24,600 Speaker 1: life and tries to rewrite history. Instead of owning the silence, 32 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:27,480 Speaker 1: they may act like nothing happened or suggests that you're 33 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,520 Speaker 1: overreacting for bringing it up. 34 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:31,480 Speaker 2: Relationship experts. 35 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:34,720 Speaker 1: I always wonder who these people are relations in all 36 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:39,119 Speaker 1: these articles, it's relationship experts. Well, one thing about paul 37 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:45,479 Speaker 1: one thing right here. So Paulina says. The behavior can 38 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:49,320 Speaker 1: especially be especially confusing because it makes it emotional abandonment 39 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:53,920 Speaker 1: with manipulation. The person being ghost lighted may start questioning 40 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 1: their own memory of offense or feel like they're asking 41 00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:57,520 Speaker 1: for too much. 42 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:02,520 Speaker 2: Okay, that's just gaslighting. Do we have to call it's 43 00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:05,240 Speaker 2: called it's called dating. You know what it's called. It's 44 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:05,800 Speaker 2: called dating. 45 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:08,679 Speaker 1: And then you meet someone and like sort of maybe 46 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:11,399 Speaker 1: think you're going to be happy, and then someone can 47 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:13,919 Speaker 1: sense in the air that's happening, and then they reappear. 48 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:14,679 Speaker 1: That is so true. 49 00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:15,639 Speaker 2: They always come back. 50 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:15,960 Speaker 1: Yes. 51 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:17,639 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's also called dating. 52 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:20,399 Speaker 1: It's like, you know, you have a terrible breakup with someone, 53 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:21,480 Speaker 1: you're really sad about it. 54 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:22,760 Speaker 2: It takes you a while to get over it. 55 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:25,239 Speaker 1: Then you meet someone else you're like, ah, there is light, 56 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:29,360 Speaker 1: and then he becomes that person because they can smell it, 57 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:32,760 Speaker 1: they can sniff it out. Oh that person's happy, now 58 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:37,359 Speaker 1: let me ruin it. Yeah, it's very common. Clear coating 59 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:41,880 Speaker 1: is another dating trend from Tinder. At least they're the 60 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:45,360 Speaker 1: ones I guess who are highlighting this along with some psychologists. 61 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:48,480 Speaker 1: It's a hot new trend. It's called clear coating. It 62 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:53,320 Speaker 1: doesn't evolve computers. Instead, it's about being radically upfront in dating, 63 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:55,919 Speaker 1: saying who you are, what you want, and what you're 64 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:59,160 Speaker 1: not looking for with zero mixed signals. The idea borrows 65 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:03,359 Speaker 1: from good programming habits, just like clean code is easy 66 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:06,480 Speaker 1: to read, clear coding and dating means of communicating in 67 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:11,320 Speaker 1: a straightforward, honest way without hidden meanings or surprises like this, 68 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:14,560 Speaker 1: Wait this one. Yeah, this isn't a bad one actually, 69 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:18,920 Speaker 1: except that if you're too you know, you get in trouble. 70 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 1: If you're not forward enough, and then you get in 71 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:23,880 Speaker 1: trouble if you're too forward, because it's a crime to 72 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:26,600 Speaker 1: just say that you want something that the other person 73 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:28,960 Speaker 1: doesn't want. Then, especially like like if you just come 74 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,240 Speaker 1: out and be like, I want to hook up, that 75 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:34,240 Speaker 1: apparently makes you a disgusting person. Uh, that's how you 76 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:36,400 Speaker 1: wind up on those message boards if you say that, Like, 77 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:39,280 Speaker 1: if you're just very forward about something casual, that's criminal. 78 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:43,560 Speaker 1: Apparently you really can't do that people. But here's my thing. 79 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,960 Speaker 1: If I'm too forward, if I'm too direct about my intentions, one, 80 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:48,840 Speaker 1: I'm not wasting your time. If you don't see eye 81 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:51,680 Speaker 1: to eye too, just move on, that's right. I like that, right, 82 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:52,520 Speaker 1: I do too, Like. 83 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:55,120 Speaker 2: I tell me what you want, what you really right, 84 00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:57,400 Speaker 2: that's what I guess. 85 00:03:57,760 --> 00:03:59,560 Speaker 1: I don't get it. People just get People are just 86 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:02,240 Speaker 1: so easy. And if you're gross about it, that's one thing. 87 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:03,880 Speaker 1: But like if you just come out and be like, hey, 88 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:06,680 Speaker 1: I'm just looking for something casual right now, if that, 89 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:09,120 Speaker 1: if that isn't what you want, then you should say, well, 90 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:12,280 Speaker 1: thanks for your transparency, that's not what I want and 91 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:15,880 Speaker 1: then move on and get it over early instead. Exactly 92 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,720 Speaker 1: right now, I'm attached because Lord knows if that if 93 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:21,440 Speaker 1: my intentions are casual, and then I make it seem 94 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:25,240 Speaker 1: like I want more, well that's misleading and manipulative. And 95 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:27,280 Speaker 1: then I'm a bad person too, So you can't do this. 96 00:04:27,839 --> 00:04:29,479 Speaker 1: And then this is actually what this one is the 97 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:30,760 Speaker 1: third one I have for you today. 98 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:31,960 Speaker 2: Future faking. 99 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,640 Speaker 1: This one's kind of messed up, but this is when 100 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:38,120 Speaker 1: someone uses the idea of a shared future to secure 101 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:46,760 Speaker 1: immediate emotional intimacy. According to a breakup coach, okay, well, 102 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:52,640 Speaker 1: one thing about one thing about police. 103 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:53,920 Speaker 2: She doesn't know how to do that. 104 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:57,440 Speaker 1: No, yeah, breakup coach. Oh, I'll be your breakup coach. 105 00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:01,000 Speaker 1: I'm I'm the best at that. You Actually, I'll be 106 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:04,760 Speaker 1: happy to tell you. I'll get out of here that 107 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:06,960 Speaker 1: that person sucks. 108 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:08,680 Speaker 2: You don't need. 109 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:12,719 Speaker 1: Them, You don't need them, Like, yeah, well that's the thing. 110 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,520 Speaker 1: I've had to learn to have a little softer touch 111 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:19,600 Speaker 1: about about people's relationship issues because I'll like, I'll see 112 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:21,320 Speaker 1: it and then it happens, but I already knew it 113 00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:23,000 Speaker 1: was going to happen. Then I'm like, see, you know, 114 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:24,719 Speaker 1: and I don't say I told you so, but it's 115 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:27,560 Speaker 1: like I knew it, you know. And I'm like, good, 116 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:29,960 Speaker 1: you got to move on, right, Finally you're seeing what 117 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:30,640 Speaker 1: I've been seeing. 118 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:31,479 Speaker 2: But they don't. 119 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:33,040 Speaker 1: No one wants to hear that, Like, that's not the 120 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:35,000 Speaker 1: thing people want to hear. The first you got to 121 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:39,160 Speaker 1: like commiserate with them, Yeah, right, because. 122 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:42,600 Speaker 2: Yeah they did that, they cheat it. No. 123 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a hard line to play, like when you 124 00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:48,320 Speaker 1: because you want your friend to figure it out on 125 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,840 Speaker 1: their own. You don't want to be the naysayer. But 126 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:53,119 Speaker 1: the other problem is if you don't speak up about 127 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:56,960 Speaker 1: something that you see in someone else's bad relationship, then 128 00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:58,960 Speaker 1: the problem will be later they might go and you 129 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,840 Speaker 1: knew it all along. It didn't tell me, you know 130 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:02,880 Speaker 1: what I mean, Like I look stupid all this time. 131 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:04,640 Speaker 1: You needn't tell me. But it's like, yeah, but if 132 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:07,400 Speaker 1: I tell you what I think and then I'm a naysayer, 133 00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:08,400 Speaker 1: then I'm being negative. 134 00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:10,200 Speaker 2: I'm the bad guy, right, and then if. 135 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,080 Speaker 1: You somehow manage to work it out, then I get 136 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,840 Speaker 1: eliminated because I'm the bad influence on the other person 137 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:16,760 Speaker 1: who's like he doesn't like me, she doesn't like me, 138 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:21,000 Speaker 1: can't be around anymore anyway, future faking So they'll talk 139 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:24,440 Speaker 1: about holidays moving in marriage, babies, all kinds of one 140 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:28,200 Speaker 1: day scenarios, but their present behavior doesn't align with those visions. 141 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:32,280 Speaker 1: In essence, it's a promise of potential with no genuine 142 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:33,240 Speaker 1: intention behind it. 143 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,080 Speaker 2: Now there you go. This is what I mean. 144 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,680 Speaker 1: If you're so, you could be like, hey, this is 145 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,880 Speaker 1: what I'm looking for, and the other person can go cool, 146 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:42,000 Speaker 1: I'm down with that, or no I'm not. Or I 147 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:44,520 Speaker 1: could be like, NA, can't wait for you to meet 148 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:48,200 Speaker 1: my nana right after you smash Oh you know, no, 149 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:51,320 Speaker 1: they're never gonna meet you nana. You know, that's the 150 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:53,359 Speaker 1: first thing I think, I right after I smashes Nana. 151 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,320 Speaker 1: But you know what I mean, And then it's like, oh, 152 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:57,200 Speaker 1: he really likes me, and then you know, the next 153 00:06:57,240 --> 00:06:59,599 Speaker 1: time it's my mom would love you. 154 00:06:59,600 --> 00:06:59,760 Speaker 2: You know. 155 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,680 Speaker 1: But you're never gonna you know, because if you say 156 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:04,680 Speaker 1: things like that, then that makes you a bad person. 157 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:05,520 Speaker 2: Yeah. 158 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:07,599 Speaker 3: In my experience, like when guys say things like that, 159 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:09,600 Speaker 3: and they do often they're always like the first to 160 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:11,320 Speaker 3: say stuff like that, but they don't hold as much 161 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:14,239 Speaker 3: weight as like women do. And I'm yes, I'm speaking generally, 162 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,840 Speaker 3: but just in my experience, like it'll be like, you know, 163 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:18,800 Speaker 3: if we did this or that in the future, but 164 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:21,720 Speaker 3: then it's like there's no real like thought or planning 165 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:22,240 Speaker 3: behind it. 166 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:26,640 Speaker 1: See but if you're doing that to make someone happy 167 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,200 Speaker 1: so they give you what you want, now you're manipulative 168 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,440 Speaker 1: and you're being dishonest. Yes, but if I just tell 169 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:34,480 Speaker 1: you what I want, then that can come off as 170 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:37,880 Speaker 1: like gross or disgusting. So it's like all right, so yeah, 171 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:43,400 Speaker 1: so I do nothing, So I just do not exactly pay. 172 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,480 Speaker 1: One day the door dass person is gonna knock on 173 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:47,040 Speaker 1: my door of my taco bell. I'm gonna be like you, 174 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:49,840 Speaker 1: you're the one. Move in right now, bring in your stuff.