Speaker 1: The first couple.
Speaker 2: When I look back at it, the first couple of
Speaker 2: months that I started dating, I was attracting very, very
Speaker 2: messy men and I was just talking about it in
Speaker 2: therapy and.
Speaker 1: Then he did this, and then he was oh ah.
Speaker 2: And then I had a revelation one day and I went,
Speaker 2: is it me?
Speaker 1: Who am I? The am I am? I? The drama?
Speaker 1: It me? It was really is it me?
Speaker 2: And she was like, yes, you know what we do
Speaker 2: here destroy.
Speaker 1: Shame around sex by talking about sex. Now let me
Speaker 1: tell you something messy. Hello. Okay, you listen. Last week
Speaker 1: I didn't have a messy story for obvious reasons. And
Speaker 1: this week, you know, as another shit show. Uh you know,
Speaker 1: we got a we got a convicted fella in an office.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: This is a wild fucking week. And so to be honest,
Speaker 1: you know, I just haven't been out. I haven't been
Speaker 1: on my whole CapAids because you know, it was the
Speaker 1: holidays and then the wildfires and now the inauguration, and
Speaker 1: you know my libido is down, baby. Okay, So I
Speaker 1: don't we don't always have to. If you're new here.
Speaker 1: Usually I tell, like, you know, a messy story is
Speaker 1: something that's related to sex or dating or whatnot. But
Speaker 1: today I'm just gonna have to, you know, tell you
Speaker 1: just some random shit, some tiny messy stories. That's what
Speaker 1: we'll call them. A tiny messy story, which a few
Speaker 1: weeks ago I told you that wasn't actually related to sex.
Speaker 1: It was that my hatred, well, I want to be
Speaker 1: careful about that word. Actually, my my strong dislike, my annoyance,
Speaker 1: my frustration and anger and pissed offness at restaurants who
Speaker 1: only have one bathroom, because that's fucking crazy. What are
Speaker 1: we talking about? Starbucks has like two or three bathrooms.
Speaker 1: How does the restaurant that is serving beans and cheese
Speaker 1: and you know, all the all the trigger foods. How
Speaker 1: you only got one bathroom? How that's crazy to me?
Speaker 1: What's even crazier? During this time, I went to another restaurant.
Speaker 1: They had the one bathroom with no mirror. Bitch the
Speaker 1: way I wanted to fight when I walked into that
Speaker 1: bathroom and I looked at the looked at this, looked
Speaker 1: over the sink, at a blank wall. It was a
Speaker 1: green wall, a blank green wall. I wanted to fight, baby, Well,
Speaker 1: what you mean you have no mirror in the restroom?
Speaker 1: People are coming to your restaurant on date nights. You
Speaker 1: want to go to the bathroom, make sure that that's
Speaker 1: in your teeth. You want to reapply your lip gloss
Speaker 1: so you're aqua for you know, you wanna you got
Speaker 1: you wanna freshen up. How you freshening up in a
Speaker 1: bathroom that don't got a mirror? Oh my god, it's crazy.
Speaker 1: That to me is just wildness. It's criminal. And I'm
Speaker 1: wondering if that is a telltale side that a straight
Speaker 1: man owns the restaurant. Hey, go with me on this counse,
Speaker 1: straight man, Are y'all going to the bathroom, like, make
Speaker 1: sure there's stuff in your teeth? Because I don't really
Speaker 1: believe it. I don't know if y'all are. Maybe some
Speaker 1: of you are, but I don't believe a lot of
Speaker 1: y'all are. But I feel like those of us who
Speaker 1: are queer, those of us who are women, you know,
Speaker 1: we are going in there to have an experience, okay,
Speaker 1: and to make sure that the experience that we are
Speaker 1: giving is still holding up. Hello, and you don't have
Speaker 1: a mirror, just so I can make sure there's nothing
Speaker 1: no eyebookers, make sure there's nothing in my nose, real boogers, Like,
Speaker 1: what is going on, y'all? I listen? If there was
Speaker 1: some I should I won't start it. I'm too lazy
Speaker 1: to start. But if there was a way to report
Speaker 1: these restaurants, if there was a way to dock their
Speaker 1: rating or to I don't know, like I'll put it
Speaker 1: on a Yelp review. This restaurant has no mirrors, beware. Okay. Also,
Speaker 1: I wanted to share with you that what inspired me
Speaker 1: from that was to share with you my messy, my tiny,
Speaker 1: messy story today, which is again nothing to do with sex,
Speaker 1: but more of a confession. And it's something that I
Speaker 1: really don't talk about often because people look at me
Speaker 1: sideways when I say it. So I always have to
Speaker 1: make sure that somebody I trust and who will love
Speaker 1: me regardless. And I believe that y'all are here. You know.
Speaker 1: I don't know what episode this is, but we've been
Speaker 1: here for since September, so it's a few months. We've
Speaker 1: built a trust. You know who I am. I love you,
Speaker 1: you love me, So I feel safe enough to share this,
Speaker 1: this secret of mine, this private private opinion, if you will,
Speaker 1: which is uh, I hate soup. I don't know who
Speaker 1: needs to hear this, but please stop asking me if
Speaker 1: I want some soup. I hate soup, and I know
Speaker 1: that some of y'all literally are appalled at this. I
Speaker 1: have my reasons. A lot of it has to do
Speaker 1: with like I do love. I love gravy. I love
Speaker 1: a little bit of gravy. You know, put a little
Speaker 1: gravy over that chicken on a rice. I love a
Speaker 1: little gravy. I don't want a bowl of gravy. And
Speaker 1: I understand that broth and gravy are a different thickness,
Speaker 1: but that you you asking me to drink my dinner
Speaker 1: and I'm not really I want I want to eat it.
Speaker 1: I don't want to drink it. And I know I listen.
Speaker 1: I love the Food Network. I'll be on the TikTok
Speaker 1: and on the on the Instagram reels watching people cooking,
Speaker 1: and I see what y'all be making with your soups.
Speaker 1: You're putting a lot of stuff in that soup and
Speaker 1: you make it hearty, and I love that for you.
Speaker 1: I do love that for you. It is not my vibe.
Speaker 1: My grandmother used to make incredible soup, and like I
Speaker 1: could tell, I would taste, but that's tasty I can't lie.
Speaker 1: That is Grandma, you put your foot in net. Grandma,
Speaker 1: that Grandma, you kilt that. That is that's soup. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's soup. But it still wasn't. It didn't do it
Speaker 1: for me. It didn't do it for me. It still
Speaker 1: doesn't do it for me. And I just want to say, please,
Speaker 1: don't invite me over and serve me soup. And I
Speaker 1: know a lot of y'all again, y'all gonna be freaking out,
Speaker 1: some of y'all because the soup and salad, that's the thing.
Speaker 1: We would love their soup and the salad. That is
Speaker 1: not for me. I barely want the salad. If I'm
Speaker 1: being honest, I barely want the salad. Don't invite me
Speaker 1: to lunch for a salad. Oh my god, that is
Speaker 1: so La Los Angeles loves to have a mid day salad. Girl,
Speaker 1: give me a sandwich, Okay, I will give me the
Speaker 1: car I want the car I want the carbs. I
Speaker 1: want the carbs, the crew. Put as many if you
Speaker 1: won't give me a salad, put as many croutons on
Speaker 1: that bitch as possible. What are we talking about?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 1: Even now, when I listen, I have my daily serving
Speaker 1: of my vegetables, but I be eating them vegetables fast
Speaker 1: because I'm trying to get to the good part, just
Speaker 1: eating those vegetables to survive and to stay healthy. But
Speaker 1: I don't like them, like I'm never craving broccoli. Are
Speaker 1: y'all craving broccoli? Some of y'all be craving broccoli, don't you.
Speaker 1: Some of y'all be craving Brussels sprouts. I know some
Speaker 1: of y'all do, and I respect it. You're safe here.
Speaker 1: I respect you. It's just not my story anyways. That's
Speaker 1: my messy rant, which has nothing to do with sex,
Speaker 1: but it's still very important, has to do with me
Speaker 1: and my identity and who I am. It just means,
Speaker 1: you know, how I can make it about sex. Maybe
Speaker 1: maybe there is a food play that can involve soup. Huh. Like, honestly,
Speaker 1: if you pour some soup on your whole cold soup,
Speaker 1: please to not pour some scorching hot soup, but some gaspacho.
Speaker 1: That's a soup, right. I don't really know that, and
Speaker 1: I know it's so I know what it is. I
Speaker 1: can see it in my head, but I can't really
Speaker 1: describe what's in it. But if you pour some like
Speaker 1: but that's a cold soup, right, okay, somebody, okay, somebody
Speaker 1: explain way, but you pour some soup on somebody's hole
Speaker 1: and told me to lick it off. I like that
Speaker 1: because that feels like gravy. Okay, and I do like
Speaker 1: gravy on my meat. Oh my god, this is oh
Speaker 1: my god, this is really going left. Then I thought
Speaker 1: about pouring soup on somebody's dick, and that also sounds delicious.
Speaker 1: Wo wow. Okay, we're unveiling, uncovering a kink that I
Speaker 1: might have. I'll report back. Okay, anyway's woking to this show?
Speaker 1: Oh this is telling me something messy. I'm your host,
Speaker 1: Brandon Kyle Goodman. Some people call me messy mob, but
Speaker 1: you could call me gravy dick. Oh no, no, no,
Speaker 1: that came to easily. Whoa wow, wow gravy dick. Wow Wow,
Speaker 1: this show is not okay. Can we do like a
Speaker 1: little can you put like a little music? Sting so
Speaker 1: so much energy cause I'm gonna talk about some other stuff.
Speaker 1: So insert music now, three two one, okay, okay, quick reset,
Speaker 1: and I promise we won't get into the interview, which
Speaker 1: I'm really excited to share with y'all, but let's just
Speaker 1: do let's I actually need to do a little a
Speaker 1: little hoe keeping at the top of the show here
Speaker 1: because for context, and I may have given this context
Speaker 1: last week, but you know, we have new listeners joining
Speaker 1: every week, and so I want to make sure that
Speaker 1: everyone that's here understands what's going on and understands the
Speaker 1: guardrails that we have in place to keep you know,
Speaker 1: the space safe and fun and exciting. So usually I've
Speaker 1: record the interviews like I've recorded a lot of you know,
Speaker 1: I think I've recorded most of the season by now,
Speaker 1: and it's like fifty something episodes. I think we've recorded
Speaker 1: thirty something at this point, and so I've recorded those,
Speaker 1: you know, weeks months ago, and then I will come
Speaker 1: in and do the beginning of the show and the
Speaker 1: end of the show closer to the air date. It
Speaker 1: just so happened in the last couple of weeks that
Speaker 1: I've been recording them the week that the episodes are dropping,
Speaker 1: and so this week is the same. Yeah, I'm recording
Speaker 1: this on Tuesday, January twenty first, So yesterday was the inauguration,
Speaker 1: and a lot has happened in the first twenty four
Speaker 1: hours of this new presidency, and so I do want
Speaker 1: to take a second because of what we do on
Speaker 1: this show, which you know, our mission here is to
Speaker 1: destroy shame around sex by talking about sex in particular,
Speaker 1: you know, cent ring women and queer folks and pleasure
Speaker 1: and dismantling all of the bullshit that we've been fed.
Speaker 1: And so you know, our audience, our community, this show
Speaker 1: is directly impacted by what is happening, and so I
Speaker 1: just want to take a second and say I'm here
Speaker 1: with you and I love you, and this is terrifying
Speaker 1: and scary, and there will be lots of time for
Speaker 1: resilience and healing. But also I think it is important
Speaker 1: to allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you're
Speaker 1: feeling again, be it anger, be it sadness, be it dread,
Speaker 1: allow yourself to safely feel. The only way to heal
Speaker 1: is to feel, and just know that you're not alone
Speaker 1: in that. There are times where I have felt a
Speaker 1: lot of doom and then I realize it's because I
Speaker 1: feel like it's only happening to me, which is, you know,
Speaker 1: just kind of human nature at times, and then I
Speaker 1: remember my community, I remember you, and I remember that
Speaker 1: like Oh, it is not just happening to one of
Speaker 1: us or a few of us. It is happening to
Speaker 1: a lot of us. And so our power is in
Speaker 1: staying connected to each other. Our power is in continuing
Speaker 1: to have these conversations, continuing to speak up where we can,
Speaker 1: continuing to show up where we can, to continuing to
Speaker 1: support each other in whatever way we can. So with
Speaker 1: that in mind, one of the things that I'm doing
Speaker 1: is what you may have seen on Instagram already, I'm
Speaker 1: doing a Messy Merch fundraiser. So from now on until
Speaker 1: February third, if you purchase any of the merch, whether
Speaker 1: it's the pro hoodies or the pro Messy Hoodies or
Speaker 1: the Messy Monday hoodies and tish and croperties, all of
Speaker 1: the proceeds, all every single penny from the proceeds will
Speaker 1: be donated to three places that I'm going to donate to,
Speaker 1: which one of them is Habitat for Humanity LA, which
Speaker 1: is doing launched a Rebuild LA fund, which is basically
Speaker 1: a long term emergency response campaign to assist those affected
Speaker 1: to rebuild their homes, relocate to other housing, provide essential supplies,
Speaker 1: and restore their lives. Planned Parenthood Action Fund, which works
Speaker 1: to advance access to sexual health care and defend reproductive
Speaker 1: rights and gl TS Glitz Gay and Lesbians Living in
Speaker 1: a Transgender Society, which is a black trans led advocacy
Speaker 1: and direct services organization that is dedicated to fighting systemic
Speaker 1: discrimination against marginalized communities in New York City and beyond.
Speaker 1: Yeah so again. You can purchase merch from now on
Speaker 1: till February third, and all of the proceeds will be
Speaker 1: divided between those three fabulous organizations that are doing some
Speaker 1: important work. And the website for the merchant Brandon Callgodmuan
Speaker 1: dot com backslash merch. It'll also be in the show notes.
Speaker 1: That is just one of the ways for you to
Speaker 1: be involved. But you know, find your you know, local businesses,
Speaker 1: your favorite artists, your local brands, your community grassroots organizations,
Speaker 1: and donate money, donate time, volunteer. Also, I really mean
Speaker 1: this even sending a message of encouragement that every time
Speaker 1: that I receive an email from one of you telling
Speaker 1: me how the show has impacted you or how this
Speaker 1: work that we're doing is impacting you, it fuels me.
Speaker 1: It allows me to keep going, especially in moments like
Speaker 1: this when it is difficult and it feels heavy and hard,
Speaker 1: so find ways to tap in. We need each other
Speaker 1: are now more than ever. Also, let's just have this
Speaker 1: real talk, which is I do not know what the
Speaker 1: future of these social media platforms are. And you know,
Speaker 1: I'm sure you've seen in the ways that they've started
Speaker 1: to roll back protections for queer folks, for black folks,
Speaker 1: which is funny because I was like, we y'all even
Speaker 1: protecting to begin with, but now making the statement that
Speaker 1: they are rolling back on all the DEI We're seeing
Speaker 1: this with corporations across the board, across the country, and
Speaker 1: of course also the social media platforms. So you know,
Speaker 1: I'm still on Instagram. You can follow me there, but
Speaker 1: I also have a substack where I post weekly and
Speaker 1: sometimes I'll post additional clips from the show. I'll write essays,
Speaker 1: I'll give recommendations, and it's just a space that we're
Speaker 1: building to stay connected. And it's Brandon Callgodman dot substack
Speaker 1: dot com. So please subscribe. You can subscribe for free
Speaker 1: or pay, but it is a way to stay in
Speaker 1: touch because I really I do not know what my
Speaker 1: future and social media will be as things continue to
Speaker 1: get scary, So you can find me at frantic Callgodman
Speaker 1: dot substack dot com, and I will actually read you
Speaker 1: something that I wrote, an excerpt from something that I
Speaker 1: posted on Monday. I posted an essay that I called, uh,
Speaker 1: you don't need to post, you need to grieve, and
Speaker 1: so I'll read you an excerpt because I think we
Speaker 1: all need to grieve. Yeah, so it says now that
Speaker 1: I'm back in my apartment and feeling somewhat settled, there's
Speaker 1: space for me to grapple with the reality that my
Speaker 1: country is imploding. Long overdue and necessary, but the pain
Speaker 1: will be overwhelming. What will be even more so is
Speaker 1: the collective ignorance to the fact that we're all in pain.
Speaker 1: So I'm embracing myself diligently watching what people are saying, doing,
Speaker 1: and assessing my safety and the safety of my communities.
Speaker 1: A lot of it makes me feel helpless, but there
Speaker 1: are ways in which I can hopefully be helpful, especially
Speaker 1: with my art. My art is my activism, So I
Speaker 1: will continue to promote conversations about sex, identity and pleasure
Speaker 1: for all bodies. I will continue to have hard conversations.
Speaker 1: I will continue to seek and bask, enjoy. I will
Speaker 1: continue to write as a black, queer, non binary, polyamorous artist,
Speaker 1: I will give of myself. I will make myself visible
Speaker 1: with as many in my community as possible. All that
Speaker 1: to say, I just want to declare here with you publicly.
Speaker 1: I am here with you. I ain't going nowhere. I
Speaker 1: will continue to speak, I will continue to be loud.
Speaker 1: We are in this together, and I love you. And
Speaker 1: I say that, and I don't mean that in a fluffy,
Speaker 1: wispy kind of way. I mean that from the core
Speaker 1: of my existence, which you know. I'm non binary, and
Speaker 1: apparently we don't exist, but I am here and I
Speaker 1: exist this baby, We exist, baby, Okay, And I love you.
Speaker 1: I love you. I love you from my bones. I
Speaker 1: love you, Okay. And I hope to be able to
Speaker 1: continue to create these safe spaces for us to commune
Speaker 1: and feel seen and feel heard and feel loved, feel validated.
Speaker 1: You belong here, baby, You matter. Okay, Okay, Okay, I
Speaker 1: love you all right. Now, Now let's get into the
Speaker 1: let's get into the show. Okay, we need a doorbell.
Speaker 1: Where's the doorbell? Baby? You know what that means? It
Speaker 1: is time for a guest. Now, while they get situated,
Speaker 1: we'll get our messy. Kiki started with a Hoe manifesto.
Speaker 1: Repeat after me aloud or in your head. Grant me
Speaker 1: the serenity to unpack my shame, the courage to heal,
Speaker 1: the wisdom to that sex is not just about penetration,
Speaker 1: The audacity to advocate for my pleasure and boundaries. The
Speaker 1: strength to not call my ex that fuck boy, fuck girl,
Speaker 1: or fuck bay for it is better to masturbate by
Speaker 1: myself in peace than to let someone play in my
Speaker 1: motherfucking face. Let the community say, oh Lujah, I am
Speaker 1: so excited to have Griffin Matthews on the show. Actor
Speaker 1: Griffin Matthews has emerged as one of the most sought
Speaker 1: after multi hyphen talents today. Matthews has proven that he
Speaker 1: is an undeniable force, captivating audiences through his scene stealing performances.
Speaker 1: Best known for portraying fan favorite Shane Evans in HBO
Speaker 1: Max's Golden Globe and Emmy nominated series of Flight Attendant,
Speaker 1: he portrayed Bayard rustin Ingenius MLKX, as well as costume
Speaker 1: designer Luke Jacobson on Marvel's She Hulk Girl. She'd be
Speaker 1: working Okay this April, he will start alongside Penn Badgeley
Speaker 1: in the final season of You on Netflix. Y'all that's
Speaker 1: my fucking show. Okay. When he's not on screen, he's
Speaker 1: a real life daddy to his young sons Galileo Love
Speaker 1: and Apollo Joy. Please, welcome to the show, Griffin Matthews.
Speaker 1: I was like, I hope it was applause? Was it
Speaker 1: was silent? Here cricket, it's me and we're gonna put
Speaker 1: a flause. We want underscore it. Make it loud, make
Speaker 1: it extra loud.
Speaker 2: EXTU.
Speaker 1: We'll make it extra loud, an extra long. Thank you.
Speaker 1: Keep going. We just started. We just started. Welcome to
Speaker 1: the su man. Okay, before we get started, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: give you the messy mandates. You ready, Okay, So things
Speaker 1: get to be unprocessed. Any thoughts or opinions shared have
Speaker 1: the right to evolve, shift, or change today, tomorrow, ten
Speaker 1: years from now. And if during the kiki something feels
Speaker 1: to personal or unintentionally offends, we use the safe word foosball,
Speaker 1: which gives us a chance to pause and pivot accordingly
Speaker 1: or address accordingly. Sound good foosball? Foosball, because why would
Speaker 1: I ever say foosball? Great? Exactly? So like if you
Speaker 1: say foosball. That's why I say, if if somebody on
Speaker 1: this podcast is foosball, something is wrong. Okay, something is incorrect,
Speaker 1: and so we have to deal with that. Okay, great,
Speaker 1: shall we start with a lube breaker. I'm gonna foozball.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's just soon. It's just there are boundaries
Speaker 1: around the football. It's just so okay, Okay, will you
Speaker 1: do a lube breaker? Yes? Do you want to address well,
Speaker 1: what's the football? Do you want to address this? No?
Speaker 2: I just it was you want to practice? It was
Speaker 2: I needed to practice? Yeah, it was lube breaker foosball?
Speaker 1: Okay, got it? Yeah? Okay, So you feel good? Feel great?
Speaker 1: Look at you.
Speaker 2: You look so fancy, you're beautiful.
Speaker 1: You don't do this. If I looked like you, I'd
Speaker 1: have a different career. If I look like you, I'd
Speaker 1: have a different career. So what are we talking about? Great,
Speaker 1: we're on the same Let's play a game of Mary
Speaker 1: block penetration, oral hand stuff.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna marry oral.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 2: I love that it can never really go wrong. I
Speaker 2: mean it can, I mean it.
Speaker 1: Can, but but for the most most part, if you
Speaker 1: know what you do it and can never.
Speaker 2: Really go wrong, and it's great. And then you don't
Speaker 2: have to like prep No. I mean, I guess shower,
Speaker 2: but you don't gotta like douche. I'm gonna block the hands, Okay, yeah,
Speaker 2: because I don't. I can do that myself.
Speaker 1: Te. So you're gonna fuck penetration, Well.
Speaker 2: If you're gonna do it, If you're gonna do it's
Speaker 2: it's the name is right there, it's right there.
Speaker 1: So yeah, okay, why not? Okay, I'm with you.
Speaker 2: I'm going to I know what you're gonna marry. I'm
Speaker 2: gonna marry dirty. I'm your I'm gonna marry.
Speaker 1: What do you think I'm gonna marry. You're gonna marry penetration. No, oh,
Speaker 1: reveal a lot, it's heard. How do you know I'm
Speaker 1: gonna marry uh, penetration, petration? No, No, I'm gonna marry Oral.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna marry Oral.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I said.
Speaker 1: And then what and I'm a penetration because sometimes I
Speaker 1: don't feel like douche, So penetration I said the same thing,
Speaker 1: saying the same thing. I'm gonna block hand.
Speaker 2: I think there's a lion there, but we'll let the
Speaker 2: viewers decide.
Speaker 1: I've seen in the show, I think you're a liar.
Speaker 1: I'm not lying. I mean, I listen. I love penetration,
Speaker 1: don't get me wrong, But I feel like I'm more
Speaker 1: finicky because I don't ever know if I'm in the
Speaker 1: bottom mood, a top mood, if I want to flip.
Speaker 1: So I'm just not reliable, which.
Speaker 2: Is which I think you're reliable.
Speaker 1: Shut up people. Yeah, but I feel like oral. I
Speaker 1: could always be down, I can always look a dick,
Speaker 1: I can always eat ass.
Speaker 2: It's it's easy.
Speaker 1: So I feel like I feel like that's what I
Speaker 1: would marry. So we said the same thing, we said
Speaker 1: the same, so roll the tape, sowhere the same. I
Speaker 1: guess we're the same. Okay, so very block, let's see
Speaker 1: we're different here. Blindfolds, whips and paddles wow, rope wow,
Speaker 1: like you know, like like the s and m dom.
Speaker 1: So are we marrying fucking blocking blindfold whips or paddles rope?
Speaker 2: Marry a blindfold?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, that's just it just feels like, you know,
Speaker 2: good morning, yeah, good good evening.
Speaker 1: Honestly, good night, good night.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Block, I think I'm gonna block the whipping.
Speaker 1: Okay, you know, well you said it like that. You
Speaker 1: say spanking if it's whooping, you said whipping, and that's slavery.
Speaker 1: And my ancestors up. And I knew when I wrote that, dad,
Speaker 1: that you're going to take it here. I said, my
Speaker 1: girl's going to take it to a dark place. No, yes,
Speaker 1: I say whipping, and I said whips for spanking. Okay,
Speaker 1: it's different. We'll play the tape back. I think it
Speaker 1: was whipping it whips. Yeah, Vincent, when you put this in,
Speaker 1: I want you to play it back. Play it back
Speaker 1: three two one, whip, blindfolds, whips and paddles, wow, rope
Speaker 1: those we'll hear it. It said whips.
Speaker 2: Okay, I don't want anybody whipping me spanky. I don't
Speaker 2: want if that's my childhood, I don't want anyone spanking me.
Speaker 1: I got that, I did many years.
Speaker 2: You can reclaim it, okay, okay, never, yeah, I am
Speaker 2: not ready to reclaim.
Speaker 1: That's what sign. I'm gonna let you be. I'na let
Speaker 1: you be. So you're blocking the and so you're gonna
Speaker 1: you're gonna fuck a rope a rope? Wow, your voice
Speaker 1: went it did? I went, I'm a dad.
Speaker 2: I don't know why I said, it like wow, and
Speaker 2: I've never really had a rope.
Speaker 1: I was really turned on by that. Okay it was yeah, titalating, titillating.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, I never had that.
Speaker 1: I have never, but I want to. So I would
Speaker 1: suck a rope. I would marry uh a paddle? You would,
Speaker 1: I would marry Ooh No, I don't want to be spanked.
Speaker 1: You want to be spanked like that? You're right, You're right, right,
Speaker 1: I see. I would block the blindfold because that to
Speaker 1: me just bored. I'm a little ward.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I love it. When I toursted it, I loved it,
Speaker 1: But now I'm like, what else is there? And I
Speaker 1: actually love like I need I want to see you could.
Speaker 1: I would actually prefer to be tied up then to
Speaker 1: not be able to see.
Speaker 2: I don't want anyone tying me up, even though, like
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm up for it. I said i'd do it.
Speaker 2: But that's a lot of true trust.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, presumably this is somebody you trust. I wouldn't
Speaker 1: let you tie yourself up with.
Speaker 2: Somebody that I didn't know. Have you done it?
Speaker 1: What's somebody I didn't know? Foosball? No, no, no, no. When
Speaker 1: it comes to like the ropes in the spaking. When
Speaker 1: it comes to like more kinkyr things, I much. I
Speaker 1: prefer to like know the person. So if anything happens,
Speaker 1: you know, I like to fight.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's I've heard some stories and I like to fight.
Speaker 1: I'm from New York and I like to I want
Speaker 1: to know where you are so I can get the
Speaker 1: family together to come get you. I get it. Okay,
Speaker 1: last one, fuck with your block or I don't know
Speaker 1: if it was the last one. We'll see how we
Speaker 1: we edit this. The next one is, come on your chest,
Speaker 1: come on your face, come on your throat. You're licking
Speaker 1: your top lip in such a way because so early.
Speaker 2: It's so early, and you went straight for it.
Speaker 1: For the listeners at home, it's not even eleven am
Speaker 1: and we're recording this on a two Tuesday, it's wow.
Speaker 1: Your your Apple watch has diamonds on it. Well, you
Speaker 1: know that's crazy. Okay, So anyways, fuck Mary Block, Come
Speaker 1: on your chest, come on your face, come down your throat.
Speaker 2: Merry chest, Harry chest.
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 2: I like a furry chest. By the way, Oh, okay,
Speaker 2: thanks for telling us.
Speaker 1: I don't know why I just said. You don't know
Speaker 1: why that was the reveal. Do you see what it is?
Speaker 1: It's like you start to feel a little safer. You
Speaker 1: start to crack open. Where's this going to go? If
Speaker 1: this is the top of the episode, where's this going?
Speaker 1: Who knows? I'm excited to find out.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna block. I'm gonna block my face.
Speaker 1: Okay, you do have a pretty face, and you really
Speaker 1: like your face. I have hair.
Speaker 2: I want it in my hair. It's so expensive. People
Speaker 2: don't know how expensive this really is. And so your eyes,
Speaker 2: it's not close your eyes. Please do never look at
Speaker 2: dick in its eye unless you want to get it.
Speaker 1: I don't suggest it. Don't look at dick in its
Speaker 1: eye unless you want to get it. Ty yeah, team
Speaker 1: that is. That is your next mersion. Absolutely when I
Speaker 1: was in high school. I learned this in high school
Speaker 1: because one of my best friends in high school was
Speaker 1: giving her boyfriend at the time a blue job, and
Speaker 1: then he came in her eye and she had.
Speaker 2: What you mean she had to go to the emergency room.
Speaker 1: Maybe she had, and she came to school an eye patch. Honey.
Speaker 2: She was captain hook baby. That was she was out
Speaker 2: of commission. It was an item.
Speaker 1: She was out of commission. When she came to school,
Speaker 1: I said, girl, what's going on with the eye. She
Speaker 1: told everybody else it was like pink eye or something,
Speaker 1: but then she told me the real t. I was like,
Speaker 1: you can't look at it in.
Speaker 3: His eye, honey.
Speaker 1: She had a full patch. She had a full pant. Okay,
Speaker 1: so sorry, you're gonna marry on the chest. You're gonna
Speaker 1: block on the face, You're gonna suck the throat. Te
Speaker 1: I love that. I'm going to marry the throat. I
Speaker 1: knew what you say, because you're dirty. Dirty. I want
Speaker 1: it in one of my holes and I want it
Speaker 1: inside me, period. I love. I love baby juice. Sorry,
Speaker 1: good morning, I going to I'm going to fuck come
Speaker 1: on my face, honestly, because I don't mind you have
Speaker 1: a beard. I have a beard. I wash it out.
Speaker 1: I washed my face after sex anyway, so and then
Speaker 1: put and well, it depends, but I actually use the topicals.
Speaker 1: Topical says this because Topicals is made for for those
Speaker 1: of us with melaned skin, so that it's really good
Speaker 1: for hyper pigmentation. And they have a moisturizer called butter
Speaker 1: that I highly recommend anyways, Um, and that means I'm
Speaker 1: blocking the chest because you know what I mean, it's fine.
Speaker 1: It's boring to you. It's not boring. It's like it's
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna have to clean up anyway, so you might.
Speaker 2: As well get it on your beard, get it in
Speaker 2: my face?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it isn't. Why would it be on It doesn't
Speaker 1: have to be on the I mean you could. It's
Speaker 1: gonna be on the bed. That's kind of but that's
Speaker 1: hot to me. Your little cum drizzle on your beard
Speaker 1: is really sexy to me. And I got this black beard,
Speaker 1: so it's like this white com it's hot. Take a photo.
Speaker 1: My mother can never see this show. Oh. I make
Speaker 1: it a point to send these two people's mothers. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: I sent a private link to your immediately and we
Speaker 1: can talk about after. Anyways, you won the game? Did I? You?
Speaker 1: Did you win? My unconditional love patrons. If you have
Speaker 1: any prompts or game ideas or messy stories, you can
Speaker 1: always email me at tell Me Something Messy at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com. Speaking of which, Griffin.
Speaker 2: You need a radio show that was really great.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm speaking of which, tell me something messy.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, wow, this is something I heard.
Speaker 1: That's fine.
Speaker 2: I had a friend.
Speaker 1: Uh huh are you still friends? Because you said I had.
Speaker 1: After I tell this story, we went not Alias is
Speaker 1: no name. Yeah, what should we call this friend?
Speaker 3: Dave?
Speaker 1: Dave? Okay, I love that, Like from Wendy's. Yeah, Wendy's.
Speaker 1: Let's call him Dave from Wendy's.
Speaker 2: Dave went to a lunch, a lunch, that's important. Dave
Speaker 2: went to a lunch. It's daytime, okay, great. Dave went
Speaker 2: to a lunch to meet his friend's new boyfriend. Okay,
Speaker 2: and Dave hat like a lovely restaurant and in, you know,
Speaker 2: a lovely place. I almost gave the city. So Dave went
Speaker 2: to the bathroom and at the top of the lunch
Speaker 2: and met a very beautiful Latin man, which I understand.
Speaker 2: They're beautiful. And it was like a one one room bathroom.
Speaker 2: So I met the guy. He was coming out of athroom,
Speaker 2: Dave was goingroom. Yeah, it's like you know, at a restaurant.
Speaker 2: It's like a high brow restaurant.
Speaker 1: And Dave.
Speaker 2: They exchanged numbers and.
Speaker 1: I thought that was okay. Between the bathroom.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they were the ones coming in one's going out,
Speaker 2: and they were like Hi, Hi, hey, which I love.
Speaker 1: I love that I'm not. I'm not.
Speaker 2: I have you never? That girl literally never happened to me.
Speaker 1: That's so sexy though, So I was happy.
Speaker 2: For Dave and then Dave. Dave went to the bathroom,
Speaker 2: came out, and sat down for the lunch, and somewhere
Speaker 2: in the middle of lunch, Dave gets a text and
Speaker 2: the text is from the Lovely Latin Mask. Okay, it
Speaker 2: was a singular text, ok one line, come to the bathroom.
Speaker 2: I want to know how your whole smells.
Speaker 1: I was already. I wasn't ready. I was already. That
Speaker 1: is oddly so I was expecting. I don't know if
Speaker 1: I was expecting something more graphic or less graphic. But
Speaker 1: that is so graphic and also so sweet. I was sweet.
Speaker 1: I was expecting.
Speaker 2: I want to can you believe?
Speaker 1: Believe me what dogs do?
Speaker 2: This is literally what my I love that Dave get
Speaker 2: up and goes to the lunch.
Speaker 1: If I got that message, I would leave the lunch too.
Speaker 1: I would. I would have burned my phone.
Speaker 2: But Dave, Dave and all of his adventure got up
Speaker 2: and went back to the bathroom and let that man
Speaker 2: smell his hole. So they go in there and they
Speaker 2: do their thing. I think someone knocked, which is how
Speaker 2: it kind of ends.
Speaker 1: Because only one stall.
Speaker 2: It's one stall. And then it gets better. Then the
Speaker 2: guy says to Dave, take off your underwear and give
Speaker 2: it to me.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I want this to happen to me.
Speaker 2: I don't want this.
Speaker 1: And what does Dave do. He has to get off.
Speaker 1: He took his under.
Speaker 3: Sweetly.
Speaker 1: It gets better, Oh my god.
Speaker 2: So Dave starts washing his hands and he turns around
Speaker 2: and the guy is in the corner going like.
Speaker 3: This, oh oh.
Speaker 2: And all of a sudden, it's a horror film. All
Speaker 2: of a sudden, it's a Ryan Murphy series. For me,
Speaker 2: it was the way he looked, and Dave was like,
Speaker 2: I had to get.
Speaker 1: Out of there with my life. Thank god it was daytime,
Speaker 1: because if that had been night.
Speaker 2: That's that is a plot twist, a plot.
Speaker 1: Twist of the actual That is a plot twist. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's a lunatic thing to do.
Speaker 2: I thought it was a lunacy for me.
Speaker 1: It was too far. The whole thing was too far
Speaker 1: for me. I well, listen, you have listen. We have listened,
Speaker 1: we have pushed your we've expanded, which you find to
Speaker 1: be acceptable for yourself. And you've come a long way.
Speaker 1: You know I have. I know you have. I'm not
Speaker 1: can't one day though you might be, and I look
Speaker 1: forward to that day.
Speaker 2: I don't know if I'm taking off my underwear.
Speaker 1: I think you might. I think one day. I have
Speaker 1: faith that one day you might. Now I will agree
Speaker 1: that I don't if I took off my underwear that
Speaker 1: you should like look me in the eye and start smelling.
Speaker 1: It's the man. It's something that like it depends on
Speaker 1: the vibe maybe, like maybe if we're switching underwears and
Speaker 1: we're both doing it there in exchange exchange of under
Speaker 1: white elephants. Something classic the exchange.
Speaker 2: It was that like my under was expensive, like I've
Speaker 2: not given period, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: It's venmo me, I just what is it? What is it?
Speaker 1: Hit my cash app like that?
Speaker 2: That was I went to a store and I had
Speaker 2: to do one at a time, not in the pack.
Speaker 2: It didn't come in a pack. It was one at
Speaker 2: a time. Your undies. How much that cost?
Speaker 1: That's so cap recorded? How much did they call? How
Speaker 1: much did they call?
Speaker 2: This? The rest of the story, Because you're like, wait,
Speaker 2: maybe you can't give away.
Speaker 1: I started doing math Wow, that was messy.
Speaker 2: I thought, that is messy with no judgment, with no judgment,
Speaker 2: no judgment.
Speaker 1: It was Luden Tech. It was the guy, not Dave.
Speaker 1: It was the guy. Listen. That is that is a
Speaker 1: that is for for the first time. That is a
Speaker 1: moment unless, like I don't know, unless you have like
Speaker 1: an underwear kinking, you get that and you're like, because
Speaker 1: you know people do I've had people say that, you know,
Speaker 1: they'll send their coming jocks to somebody. You know that,
Speaker 1: you know that people people like, people like their underwear
Speaker 1: like to smell. I think I would just have waited
Speaker 1: to smell. That was if I had a note for
Speaker 1: the for the noteback to the guy, I would say,
Speaker 1: wait till Dave left the man that part, or give
Speaker 1: Dave your I would you know, for.
Speaker 2: Give Dave a Venmo underwear, but yeah, you can cash
Speaker 2: up Dave cash. Dave is still waiting for the cash.
Speaker 2: By the way, I don't think so happy.
Speaker 1: And Dave had his whole smell. I wish somebody would
Speaker 1: message me, come to the bathroom, let me smell your whole.
Speaker 1: I'm saying I might taxt that to somebody.
Speaker 2: Here's the thing that would be an okay, message to send.
Speaker 2: I don't know if I'm gonna to actually get it
Speaker 2: out and get out in the middle of a lunch.
Speaker 1: That's kind of hot though. Okay, thank you for that.
Speaker 1: Oh that means it's time for messy mail. Are you ready?
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm ready.
Speaker 2: I don't know if I.
Speaker 1: Messy PAGs have submitted their mail and we're gonna remain anonymous.
Speaker 1: Don't you worry. You know how we do it here. Okay.
Speaker 1: This one says I went to a masked orgy in
Speaker 1: a manner this weekend and lost my underwear. Oh my god. Yeah,
Speaker 1: with people in their underwear. I love this. It's expensive.
Speaker 1: It is expensive, but that's why I don't necessarily wear
Speaker 1: my expensive underwear to the sex. Baar enough. You gotta
Speaker 1: go to H and M. You gotta go r H
Speaker 1: and M.
Speaker 2: There's packs twenty five pairs and you and then you
Speaker 2: lose those.
Speaker 1: You can lose those. That's interesting, So I wear well one.
Speaker 1: I would go to these parties in like a jock
Speaker 1: strap or a thought, and I'm less Yeah, I'm less
Speaker 1: sensitive about my jock shops. They also they can I
Speaker 1: feel like I feel like I'm investing in losing them.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, because wow, because if I
Speaker 1: get a jockstrap and I lost it, I had a
Speaker 1: good time.
Speaker 2: It's like a door fee. You just pay the fee
Speaker 2: at the door and you realize, I don't know what
Speaker 2: I'm coming out with.
Speaker 1: Because hopefully, if I lost my jockstrap, it means that
Speaker 1: I got sucked down. I was fucking down. I was
Speaker 1: so in the pleasure event that I lost my and
Speaker 1: that's okay, I'll get a new jock trip. Yeah, I've
Speaker 1: never been to one of these. You have ever been
Speaker 1: to a sex party?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: Not this?
Speaker 1: I uh, I think you're lying.
Speaker 2: Well, well, I know I went to a club in
Speaker 2: New York City with a friend and I didn't know what. Honestly,
Speaker 2: I'm such a Christian. I didn't know where I was going.
Speaker 2: I didn't know where I was going. I'm I'm just
Speaker 2: such a christ such a Christian.
Speaker 1: Not okay, I know I've been a church in years.
Speaker 1: I didn't know where I was going. You know me,
Speaker 1: I'm going to the game out. Oh yeah, because you're
Speaker 1: always I give My girl is in my hoodie right
Speaker 1: now as we're recording. But she came in in a
Speaker 1: different out. She always has listen and a look. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I'm not trying to lose it. No, yeah you can't.
Speaker 1: You can't wear what you wear to the sex party. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you gotta wear the sweats and the things that you
Speaker 1: can lose.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't know that because I've never been, so imagine
Speaker 2: me surprise shocked.
Speaker 1: Mind, I tell you, he also didn't know.
Speaker 2: Oh you ran into others. We were at another gay
Speaker 2: bar in New York. I mean we I didn't know.
Speaker 2: So we met some friends from college and then I
Speaker 2: went to a place. Yeah apparently I didn't talking about allegedly. Yes,
Speaker 2: so yes, I wow shocked. I got shocked.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I went so my very first time going. It
Speaker 1: was with two of my best friends, and they took
Speaker 1: me to the Eagle. It took me to the place
Speaker 1: the Bird, the Bird, the Bird, and upstairs was like
Speaker 1: where all the freezings were happening, and I got my
Speaker 1: whole life. Now I have been there, your whole life,
Speaker 1: my whole Hlney. And sometimes I've been there and it's
Speaker 1: too many people, actually, like it's actually too many people
Speaker 1: to enjoy it. But the first time I went, it
Speaker 1: was very enjoyable and I'll never forget walking by this
Speaker 1: very tall like I have a problem with tall boys.
Speaker 1: So I walked by this very tall, bearded like kind
Speaker 1: of Viking vibe six three man, and we locked eyes
Speaker 1: and then he took me to the corner and I
Speaker 1: let him. I'm no longer Christian, You're no longer You're
Speaker 1: on the other side. Jesus saw it and said, that's
Speaker 1: not one of mine. That's not my soldier. But give
Speaker 1: me Father, I have taken a load. Okay. This one
Speaker 1: says God, Oh this is fun. I love that. Okay.
Speaker 1: The reason I'm picking some of these is because Griffin
Speaker 1: historically doesn't you know, he gets squeamish around the sexy
Speaker 1: things too, but he likes it. I do, you do?
Speaker 1: I'm learning, so we expand together. Yeah. Originally, tiers Ty,
Speaker 1: Originally there was a moment in time where we thought
Speaker 1: that Griffin and I might co host the show together.
Speaker 2: And then you, when you run away, you sold it
Speaker 2: and sold me down the river.
Speaker 1: And here I am. I did target so dark kids
Speaker 1: so much. No, you're fancy and you live in Spain.
Speaker 1: Now get a fuck out of here. Okay. So this
Speaker 1: one says, got throat pied so deep that I didn't
Speaker 1: even know he came until I burped come.
Speaker 2: Later, I am going to die. First of all, I
Speaker 2: was like, what's throat? In case you're wondering, So this
Speaker 2: was the show that we were gonna host. When you
Speaker 2: were going to say that, and then I was going
Speaker 2: to say, I don't even know what that you're.
Speaker 1: The novice hall professional hall. Yeah, yeah, like you know,
Speaker 1: like like coming down your throat like you know, like
Speaker 1: cream pied but throw pie.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna drink some water. You do that because my
Speaker 2: system needs to reboot.
Speaker 1: Have you never you've swallowed a load?
Speaker 2: I'm gonna scream.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, I he said, I didn't even know he
Speaker 1: came until it's the burn part. I don't know what
Speaker 1: to do about. Because one thing I'll say is I
Speaker 1: if somebody comes, I feel like you feel bad unless
Speaker 1: you're like you think it's saliva or you're like, you
Speaker 1: know when somebody and also like coum has a taste
Speaker 1: to it. Hopefully sometimes it tastes bad, but usually had
Speaker 1: it doesn't taste like saliva. But maybe you're so in
Speaker 1: it that needs to do some more. When he said
Speaker 1: burna When he said burn, come, I do like it
Speaker 1: immediately elicits like an animation of like a bubble of
Speaker 1: come coming out of your mouth and then pop it.
Speaker 1: I need a.
Speaker 2: I need a pepto B what's back? There is there
Speaker 2: a kitchen here?
Speaker 1: Like you know, I always have gas eggs in my bag.
Speaker 1: You never know what apparently not a little guess a
Speaker 1: little moodium always in the bag. Well, uh, I've swallowed before,
Speaker 1: I've never come although I wonder what.
Speaker 2: That I Yeah, next one, move on, move on? Oh
Speaker 2: my god, this is so this is what I was
Speaker 2: gonna do on your show. I was just gonna make
Speaker 2: Brendon move on, keep going because wrap.
Speaker 1: That up, because this is too much. Keep going. This
Speaker 1: one says, bought all my abusive excess web domains, including
Speaker 1: the one in use deleted the websites. That is messy
Speaker 1: and I'm actually I love it. Oh yes, I'm actually
Speaker 1: for it. I'm abusive excess and any I mean, like,
Speaker 1: you know, I want you to beat your heeled self
Speaker 1: and to be like I don't give a fuck about them.
Speaker 1: But you know, it takes a bridge to get there.
Speaker 1: And I feel like that's a good bridge. And I
Speaker 1: feel like that's a good bridge. Yeah, I love like
Speaker 1: you know, not too harmful, just like you know, fuck up,
Speaker 1: you should a little bit, keep a movment.
Speaker 2: I like enacting revenge sometimes sometimes I rarely ever do it,
Speaker 2: ever do it. But there is a reason that it exists.
Speaker 1: And that's right. There is a release. Sometimes you need
Speaker 1: a little release. Sometimes I don't want you to harm nobody,
Speaker 1: but you know, you let them know they with the
Speaker 1: wrong one. That's that you got the wrong one. You
Speaker 1: got the wrong one. That is the right day, on
Speaker 1: the right day. You got the wrong one of the
Speaker 1: right day. But I love that phrase, this is the
Speaker 1: right day.
Speaker 2: I'm getting your domains because that's also that takes work.
Speaker 1: Administ I love it. Yes, yes, so that's work. And
Speaker 1: you're not doing that on your phone. You have to
Speaker 1: be your laptop. There is ah, there is stop. You
Speaker 1: have to be there. So I love that.
Speaker 2: And there might be a little microphonecus you got somebody
Speaker 2: on the line and you're texting your bestie.
Speaker 1: Yeah, text support. Yes, I like it. I do like it.
Speaker 1: You know, if there was, if there was a revenge,
Speaker 1: this is a good one to do. So kudos to you, patron.
Speaker 1: We support you very much. Okay, this is this one
Speaker 1: says did you ever have sexual experiences with women before
Speaker 1: you came out? Is that a question or that's a
Speaker 1: question for me? Or no? No, gold star? What does
Speaker 1: gold star mean? I've never done that? Got it? I
Speaker 1: don't know why we call it a gold stars gold starr.
Speaker 2: But isn't it gold star?
Speaker 1: I guess they say that, that's what they say. They
Speaker 1: say that, But I actually this actually may be a
Speaker 1: good moment because I think we have to look it
Speaker 1: up because I think that gold star. Somebody once told
Speaker 1: me there was something like like does that put a
Speaker 1: value on not being with a woman or not? Like
Speaker 1: I'm not sure, there's some I don't know.
Speaker 2: Sure, I'll take the value because I've never done it. Okay,
Speaker 2: that's okay, it's okod for me. Okay, listen, I'll take
Speaker 2: a value.
Speaker 1: I'll take the gold star. I deserve a gold You
Speaker 1: observe a gold star for any reason you would like,
Speaker 1: that's it. You're because you're fabulous and your Apple watch
Speaker 1: has diamonds on it. So I never did that. I
Speaker 1: have you like, you've never made out with the Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I had.
Speaker 2: I had girlfriends and any like oral play any no, no,
Speaker 2: Because I was a Christian, you see and that's the
Speaker 2: that's what. It's a great way to just you know what.
Speaker 1: I don't know if Jesus would want this, So we're
Speaker 1: gonna stop right here. Christian Andrew's a great cover. If
Speaker 1: your it was my favorite cover to play with boys
Speaker 1: or girls. If you're okay, you need an answer, did
Speaker 1: you I have I've never I've never had penetration. This
Speaker 1: is actually a fun time to express this. I did
Speaker 1: for a long time in like college, and I would say, oh,
Speaker 1: I had sex with a girl once in high school
Speaker 1: because I went high school and boarding in Georgia boarding school,
Speaker 1: so no one, no one knew that life. So I
Speaker 1: never said a person and every but I would, I
Speaker 1: would say that I, you know, had sex with the
Speaker 1: girl because there was something about there was a lot
Speaker 1: of shame, I guess around not having had sex with
Speaker 1: the woman, and and the shame around even when I
Speaker 1: came out like there was still like a a trail
Speaker 1: of shame and something about saying I slept with a
Speaker 1: woman once. In my mind, Jaika did like somehow validated
Speaker 1: you validated me in a way. And now I'm so
Speaker 1: not happy to say, but like I'm fine to say
Speaker 1: I've never slept with a woman. I've had oral sex,
Speaker 1: and you know, I love I one thing about me,
Speaker 1: I do love titties, so I love I love breasts,
Speaker 1: and I love pecks, so I always, I always loved
Speaker 1: sucking on a nipple. I don't know what it is
Speaker 1: for me, but but no, I but that's the extent
Speaker 1: of it. I had a couple of girlfriends. I did
Speaker 1: have a couple of girlfriends in high school, and I've
Speaker 1: cooked up with a couple of girls in college. But
Speaker 1: I've never had penetrative sex with a woman. Uh, and
Speaker 1: maybe I will one day. I don't know.
Speaker 2: See the thing is, let's talk about it, Okay, is
Speaker 2: this a reveal?
Speaker 1: Well, the reveal is that I'm curious about what I
Speaker 1: would be into, or what I would identify as if
Speaker 1: I was raised in a way that said it doesn't matter, girl,
Speaker 1: like do whatever you want. Like if if we didn't
Speaker 1: have to pick labels and we didn't have to whatever,
Speaker 1: if it was kind of like, oh, we are people
Speaker 1: and you're were sexual beings, and like, I feel like
Speaker 1: perhaps there would be more or less rigidity. I think
Speaker 1: I think there's already on the whole journey. I think
Speaker 1: already loosened what my quote unquote preferences or types are,
Speaker 1: and that has expanded wildly. But but I do wonder
Speaker 1: across gender as well.
Speaker 2: I mean I would I have tried and would date
Speaker 2: a trans guy? Yeah right, Yeah, that that doesn't scare
Speaker 2: me at all? Yeactually so I yeah, I get it.
Speaker 2: I and I feel the same way. If I had
Speaker 2: not been forced to get into a box, I think
Speaker 2: that I would have probably had experiences that I didn't have.
Speaker 1: Yeah, probably more pan sexual than anything. I think.
Speaker 2: I think this generation behind us, I think they're doing Oh.
Speaker 1: My god, I'm inspired, honestly. Same. Okay, this one says,
Speaker 1: in a marriage and we haven't had sex in five years,
Speaker 1: he refuses to find ways to help am. My affair
Speaker 1: is now ghosting. Get the tissues? Where the tissues? We're
Speaker 1: the tissues. They're over there too far. That is well,
Speaker 1: I mean, listen, not having sex in five years is
Speaker 1: hard and rough. But I think what's sadder is the
Speaker 1: refusing to help find ways, Like when you're with a
Speaker 1: partner who's not and for there are many reasons, but
Speaker 1: who's not interested in talking about it or figuring it out,
Speaker 1: which then leads to this affair which you know, if
Speaker 1: the fair you know, I'm I'm not pro having an
Speaker 1: affair thing, you know, you want things to be out
Speaker 1: in the open. But if the affair is now ghosting, honestly,
Speaker 1: I would take that as a universal omen and sign
Speaker 1: to address what's happening in the marriage and make some
Speaker 1: decisions there, whether it's to stay with that person or leave.
Speaker 1: But like, let the affair, you know, let's that person,
Speaker 1: because that's about secrecy and that there's unrest in that.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of harm and hurt in that. But
Speaker 1: address what's going on in the marriage itself.
Speaker 2: Well, I think this person starts with there with a
Speaker 2: partner that refuses to talk. Because I've learned in my
Speaker 2: many years of therapy, you also hold the responsibility as
Speaker 2: well because you're refusing to talk as well. If there's
Speaker 2: an affair, you're not talking, So you gotta also look
Speaker 2: at yourself and go, well, what am I not saying?
Speaker 1: Was sorry? I'm sorry? Never really got Wow, if you're
Speaker 1: having an affair, you're also not talking.
Speaker 2: Also not talking, you're participating.
Speaker 1: Griffin, who's your therapist, she's.
Speaker 2: Wow, yeah, damn, So we're gonna send love to this person.
Speaker 2: But it's time to talk. Yeah, say all the things
Speaker 2: you need to say? Ugh, the things?
Speaker 1: Okay, how do you begin speak? I mean, the thing is,
Speaker 1: it's scary to begin speaking. But maybe that's part of it,
Speaker 1: to know and accept that it will be scary and
Speaker 1: uncomfortable and that there might be rejection on the other
Speaker 1: side of saying your truth. But at least you will
Speaker 1: have said the thing and you both can deal with Nick.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's out in the open now. So when it's
Speaker 2: not out in the open, it is in the dark.
Speaker 2: And I don't know many things that grow in the dark.
Speaker 1: So you just came here to preach. Honey, she's a Christian, right,
Speaker 1: I'm a Christian? Yes, absolute episode, I'm a Christian. I'm
Speaker 1: a Christian.
Speaker 2: Oh God, it's a great title. Everyone will be like,
Speaker 2: what's this? This is awesome brand?
Speaker 3: M hm.
Speaker 1: Okay, this one says last year. This is a longer one,
Speaker 1: so we can really get in. Last year, my husband
Speaker 1: of ten years and I got divorced. We have three
Speaker 1: kids together, so it will always be part of each
Speaker 1: other's lives as we intend to copair it. But I'm
Speaker 1: struggling with how to begin dating again. What happens when
Speaker 1: he starts stating which I think he has and what
Speaker 1: I ultimately want this next chapter to look like. I
Speaker 1: think after a year now, I'm ready to thinking about
Speaker 1: my future and maybe it includes someone, but also maybe
Speaker 1: it's just me. I'm forty four, though, and I can't
Speaker 1: play the games. I don't know what my question is,
Speaker 1: but maybe you have some encouragement on starting my post
Speaker 1: divorce ho journey. Do you want to get in?
Speaker 2: I'm is this the start?
Speaker 1: This is the start?
Speaker 2: I know exactly what this person's going through. Yeah, it's
Speaker 2: really hard to separate and start your life over, certainly
Speaker 2: at forty four and certainly have kids.
Speaker 1: And what I will say is it is a.
Speaker 2: Leap off the bridge. You're just you gotta jump. And
Speaker 2: I had a lot of friends around me who helped
Speaker 2: me to jump.
Speaker 1: Wait, give us the context.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I also have been separated from my husband for
Speaker 2: several years at this point, and we're co parenting. We
Speaker 2: have two beautiful children. And when I found myself single
Speaker 2: at forty years old with two kids, babies, and my
Speaker 2: therapist put me on RAYA. You're ya, my therapist.
Speaker 1: Your therapist took your phone and started an app for you.
Speaker 2: My therapist took my phone and then gave me the
Speaker 2: referral because you have to be referred Ya got it,
Speaker 2: and then said it's time to go to the buffet.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I really love you. I really love your therapist.
Speaker 1: She's everything.
Speaker 2: She's really everything's down and the buffet was totally scary.
Speaker 2: But she was like, you have to get to know
Speaker 2: what you like. You don't even know what you like.
Speaker 2: I was in relation for sixteen years, so I didn't
Speaker 2: I missed all the dating. I didn't know how to swipe,
Speaker 2: and and she said, go to the buffet and see
Speaker 2: what you like, and if you find yourself, we're gonna
Speaker 2: follow your actions. If we find that you are continually
Speaker 2: going back to the sushi, it means we need to
Speaker 2: look there.
Speaker 1: Ah.
Speaker 2: But if you have the sushi enough for me, and
Speaker 2: then you have the lasagna, Okay, I'm gonna try something else.
Speaker 2: Then you have to kind of see what you're attracting. Yes,
Speaker 2: and then you have to see what you're attracted too.
Speaker 2: And so I will say to this person the first couple,
Speaker 2: when I look back at it, the first couple of
Speaker 2: months that I started dating, I was attracting very very
Speaker 2: messy men, and I was just talking about it in therapy,
Speaker 2: and then he did this and then he was oh.
Speaker 2: And then I had a revelation one day and I went,
Speaker 2: is it me?
Speaker 1: Who am I? The am I attracted drama? It was me?
Speaker 1: It was really, is it me? And she was like yes,
Speaker 1: that light voice. Yes, she was like waiting for you
Speaker 1: to ask a question.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she got me. And then the other thing that
Speaker 2: happened is I was saying, I want a CEO. I
Speaker 2: want a CEO. I want an older man who's a CEO,
Speaker 2: and that's what I need to steady my life. And
Speaker 2: I was saying it for weeks as I was not
Speaker 2: finding any CEOs.
Speaker 1: There are nowhere to be found. Wherever they are.
Speaker 2: Tim cook, baby, he's cooking. He's not on Riah on Riya.
Speaker 2: And so I said, I want a CEO and I
Speaker 2: need someone who's got their life together and is stable
Speaker 2: and you know. And she said to me, Griffin, maybe
Speaker 2: you already are the CEO. And I hung up the
Speaker 2: call and I said, don't talk to me, and I
Speaker 2: hung up the call.
Speaker 1: Hold on, maybe you already are.
Speaker 2: I don't know why she's not writing one. If you're listening,
Speaker 2: and I'm sure she is. You got to write the book.
Speaker 2: Gagged me. Maybe you already are the seed.
Speaker 1: You are what you're looking for. You're like looking for yourself.
Speaker 2: I was looking for myself, and once I realized that
Speaker 2: I was the CEO, then I it expanded what I
Speaker 2: was available to let in because then I wasn't looking
Speaker 2: for the thing that I already am.
Speaker 1: I was.
Speaker 2: I was, you know, on a deeper level, trying to
Speaker 2: find myself. And that was a way that I found myself.
Speaker 2: I went, oh, I am the CEO, So now what
Speaker 2: do I need? What do I want to add to
Speaker 2: my life?
Speaker 1: Look at you an eel.
Speaker 2: I don't think you should.
Speaker 1: It's great.
Speaker 2: Don't look at me. I don't look at it sometimes
Speaker 2: because you're cooking.
Speaker 1: Because you're cooking, you're preaching I need you to cook. No.
Speaker 2: So this person, it's a very long journey. You were
Speaker 2: a part of a lot of it. You were around
Speaker 2: for the mess that I was. I wore my messy
Speaker 2: sweatpants every single day I would wear an airport. People
Speaker 2: would stop me in the airport like, whereould get your sweats?
Speaker 2: I was like, so, my friend is so messy and
Speaker 2: has a little clothing line. But I gave myself permission
Speaker 2: to be a mess. And she that was the other
Speaker 2: thing she said to me. She said, One day I
Speaker 2: came in. I was weeping.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Right, it's a very scary journey, especially when there are kids,
Speaker 2: because you are not just taking care of yourself, you're
Speaker 2: taking care of them. And I came in and I
Speaker 2: was weeping, and I said, this.
Speaker 1: Is not me. My friends come to me for everything,
Speaker 1: they want my advice. I am the wrop up our friendship.
Speaker 1: I cannot be this.
Speaker 2: And she said, Griffin, maybe it's your turn. Why does
Speaker 2: she saying so, it's the way she says it, it's
Speaker 2: screamed at me.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's your You know, I will understand that. When
Speaker 1: she whispers, she knows you need to lean in. She
Speaker 1: meets you at the level you're not going to hear
Speaker 1: it so bad.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's your turn, She was like, all the years
Speaker 2: that you've been doing it for your friends, maybe it's
Speaker 2: your turn to be a mess and let your friends
Speaker 2: hold you through it. And I I, you know, I
Speaker 2: cried harder. Of course, I was so angry with her.
Speaker 2: I was actually angry when she said it, because we
Speaker 2: have labels of who we are and what our position
Speaker 2: is in the group.
Speaker 1: She's compromising.
Speaker 2: That my label. And then once I went, oh, it's
Speaker 2: my turn. I started telling my friends. I was like,
Speaker 2: it's my turn to be a mess, and they were like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, go, let's do this.
Speaker 2: And I found myself at tables and public crying and
Speaker 2: carrying on, and I was.
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, we had my one of my best friends, Chelsea,
Speaker 1: was on. It was the very first episode and we
Speaker 1: talked about her divorce and one of the things that
Speaker 1: she said is learned to ask for help. That that
Speaker 1: is like the most humbling part of going through the
Speaker 1: divorce and life after is how do you ask your
Speaker 1: friends for help? I have this thing and I've said
Speaker 1: it where I also had for a long time the
Speaker 1: identity of the strong friend, the friend that you come to,
Speaker 1: but I would never go to others. And I said
Speaker 1: this in that episode and I'll continue to say it.
Speaker 1: My godfather said to me it was like after I
Speaker 1: broke up with my abusive X and I wasn't, you know,
Speaker 1: between homes and wasn't talking to my mom and just
Speaker 1: like things were crumbling. It was just like not a
Speaker 1: good time. And he said, where are your friends? And
Speaker 1: this is an older gay man, so I think that.
Speaker 1: You know, when we talk about friends as queer folks,
Speaker 1: we're talking about family, talking about your chosen family, your people,
Speaker 1: And I said, oh, you know. He's like, well do
Speaker 1: they do they come to you when they're in distress.
Speaker 1: I said, yeah, yeah, and I never have a problem.
Speaker 1: I'm always there for them. He said, but you don't
Speaker 1: go to them. I said, no, Well that's manipulatives, Like,
Speaker 1: that's manipulation.
Speaker 2: Rude, rude.
Speaker 1: Maybe we were eating steak and fries and he was
Speaker 1: paying for I said, let me finish the steak and
Speaker 1: the fries. You come to me like this, I mean,
Speaker 1: he's for a free food and Ali because that garlic
Speaker 1: aoli on that steak with everything with the butter, with
Speaker 1: the garlic butter. Don't play with me.
Speaker 3: Uncle.
Speaker 1: Godfather's really coming left. So he said, that's manipulation. And
Speaker 1: I really understood that, because you're keeping yourself looking perfect
Speaker 1: and fine and strong when really you're not. And honestly,
Speaker 1: I'll say it till I'm blue in the face, which
Speaker 1: will be really hard because this dark skin won't get
Speaker 1: blue my fast, okay, Which is that your friends are
Speaker 1: for those moments. We are for the hard moments in fact,
Speaker 1: it's probably yes, we're here for for you know, brunch
Speaker 1: tables and dance floors and good times and laughter and whatever.
Speaker 1: But when you are on the floor broken, that's not
Speaker 1: You're not supposed to that by yourself. I didn't know that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: a lot of us don't know that.
Speaker 2: I think relationships are built in the fire.
Speaker 1: They're not.
Speaker 2: It's easy to have a relationship when it's when you're
Speaker 2: lovable and you're the most lovable. I'm the most lovable, yes,
Speaker 2: but I was not lovable. And what I will tell
Speaker 2: you is my circle got so small.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: The people that were there to watch may be the worst,
Speaker 2: which also was the best version of myself. Are that
Speaker 2: I now know where we're at.
Speaker 1: You were the most lovable in that moment. No, honestly,
Speaker 1: it's like in that moment, you're the most lovable because
Speaker 1: you're the most vulnerable. That's it, and so it But
Speaker 1: it does really clarify who are my people, that's it?
Speaker 1: And who's going to be here to be in the
Speaker 1: fire with me? Who's going to walk through this fire
Speaker 1: with me? And you get really clear do you like you?
Speaker 1: When you have upset like this, you really get clear
Speaker 1: about who your people are and everybody is not your people.
Speaker 1: You could be nice and key key and you know,
Speaker 1: hang out with everybody, but everybody is not to go
Speaker 1: through the fire with you.
Speaker 2: You know what else was shocking is who showed up.
Speaker 2: It's really shocking. Yeah, yeah, I The other thing that
Speaker 2: I would say to this person too, is like I
Speaker 2: had to get a whole new set of friends, not
Speaker 2: because my old friends weren't there, but because I needed
Speaker 2: to sort of start to separate my life that I
Speaker 2: could have my friends, yeah, and my people. And so
Speaker 2: I have a whole new set of friends. So at forty,
Speaker 2: when you see those memes on Instagram, say you haven't
Speaker 2: met everybody, You don't even you have met everybody. People
Speaker 2: came out of the woodwork and literally held me, people
Speaker 2: that didn't know me. And I was like, all of
Speaker 2: a sudden, this is one of my closest friends ever. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and you're one of those people I am. We had
Speaker 2: so many lunches and so many lunches and hang outs
Speaker 2: and and I think I was coming to you for permission.
Speaker 2: I kept coming to you.
Speaker 1: You were you are unhinged, You're.
Speaker 2: Human, and something in my messy space was still needing
Speaker 2: permission to be unhinged. Yeah, because I'm so hinged. Yeah right,
Speaker 2: So I think I sort of locked arms with you
Speaker 2: because I was like, I don't know what you're talking about,
Speaker 2: but I'm totally interested.
Speaker 1: Yes, because yeah, I get. I think the reason you
Speaker 1: and I clicked so quickly and easily to the point
Speaker 1: where we were like, let's what we host this podcast
Speaker 1: together is because I understand that that hinge place I
Speaker 1: my my uh worth has often been tied up in
Speaker 1: how much on the hinge I am, how perfect I
Speaker 1: can be, how good I can be, how strong I
Speaker 1: can be, and that shit is suffocating, And all it
Speaker 1: takes is an upset and a real relationship, whether that
Speaker 1: is romantic or familial, a platonic. All it takes is
Speaker 1: for like something important to you, like to lose that person,
Speaker 1: to have to grieve something, to mourn something, to really
Speaker 1: undo the perfection. You just can't be that. But it's
Speaker 1: confusing because it's what you know how to be, but
Speaker 1: like your body isn't allowing you to be that, and
Speaker 1: so you continue to try and fit this thing that
Speaker 1: you aren't and it's not gonna hold you. Perfection is
Speaker 1: never gonna hold you. Messiness will right, Like, be allowing
Speaker 1: yourself to be messy, be unhinged as you heal is
Speaker 1: what's gonna ultimately take you the furthest and I feel
Speaker 1: I felt like I did feel like you needed that permission,
Speaker 1: and if it was just fairly, if it was if
Speaker 1: it was simply to be the friend who starts talking
Speaker 1: about come coming out of my nose, just so you go,
Speaker 1: how I I'm doing well.
Speaker 2: I was also using it to be like, see I'm okay, okay,
Speaker 2: Brandon said something inappropriated. I'm okay, That's what I was doing.
Speaker 1: Come out of the nose. I'm doing fine. I'm a
Speaker 1: great dad. I'm a great dad. Absolutely that's what I
Speaker 1: was doing. Absolutely, Absolutely, here's your friend to be like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm doing that right, Yes, absolutely, And so it's so Tea.
Speaker 1: I think that when you start and I think that
Speaker 1: you know, relationships ending, whatever relationship it is, or when
Speaker 1: it needs to end, or when you're before it is
Speaker 1: about to end, there's a lot of questions that you're asking.
Speaker 1: And I think when you start to ask, when you
Speaker 1: start to be really truthful, you can't unsee and you
Speaker 1: can't unknow, right, which then means and this is what
Speaker 1: I think, which then means that things around you begin
Speaker 1: to implode because you're asking for the truth, and so
Speaker 1: then the truth reveals that all these things don't quite align,
Speaker 1: and then it starts to feel harder to stomach them,
Speaker 1: and so then they crumble. And I think you have
Speaker 1: to allow yourself to go through and this is for anything.
Speaker 1: Go through the crumbling or through the fire, and then
Speaker 1: be willing to allow the new truths to reveal themselves,
Speaker 1: the new blueprint to reveal itself. But to your advice,
Speaker 1: it's like, you can't worry about two years from now.
Speaker 1: You have to actually be in the wilderness, be in
Speaker 1: the dark, in the middle of that forest, and take
Speaker 1: the next step. You can't see the whole thing, you
Speaker 1: can't see the whole trail. It's just about the next step.
Speaker 1: And you might be in that wilderness for quite some time.
Speaker 2: You'll be in it longer if you're not willing to
Speaker 2: be in the wilderness.
Speaker 1: And that is tea. If you are fighting against being there,
Speaker 1: you will be there forever. But if you can surrender
Speaker 1: to it and say, this will be uncomfortable, and I
Speaker 1: will need to wail, and I will need to call
Speaker 1: my friends, and I will need to date a bunch
Speaker 1: of people who hate the CEO, and I will need
Speaker 1: to go to like I'll need to do all these things.
Speaker 1: And you accept that it's going to crumble, then you
Speaker 1: can make space for it to also rebuild, to build
Speaker 1: something new. I love it.
Speaker 2: Accept those two.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Griffin.
Speaker 2: I love I love you. Yeah, perfectly.
Speaker 3: Bye, baby.
Speaker 1: You know we're hose here, but hose with heart. So
Speaker 1: before we go, I would like to speak to yours,
Speaker 1: my good Christian friend, Griffin Matthews. Y'all, I hope you're
Speaker 1: as obsessed with him as I am. I mean, the
Speaker 1: truth that he was dropping, the truth bombs left and
Speaker 1: right were just incredible and overwhelming and just resonated. But
Speaker 1: before I actually give you some of those reflections, I
Speaker 1: did want to come back and talk about gold Star Gay.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I'm not sure if it's offensive
Speaker 1: and we just know, and so I wanted to do
Speaker 1: my little research and come back at the end and
Speaker 1: follow up. And here is what a little Google search
Speaker 1: told me, which is GoldStar is considered offensive by many
Speaker 1: within the LGBTQ plus community because it implies a hierarchy
Speaker 1: within sexual orientation, suggesting that some people are more gay
Speaker 1: quote unquote than others based on their sexual history, often
Speaker 1: excluding bisexual people and those with more complex identities, and
Speaker 1: can be seen as perpetuating harmful stereotypes about sexuality. Essentially,
Speaker 1: it is considered exclusionary and potentially by phobic. So I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, because I remember years ago saying the term,
Speaker 1: and somebody I believe it was I'm seeing or remembering
Speaker 1: a feminine or female presence who had just was like,
Speaker 1: that's not that's not correct. So I'm glad we can
Speaker 1: check it, and here's here's I intentionally didn't have that
Speaker 1: at edit it out because part of being messy is
Speaker 1: getting things wrong. Right. We are here to learn and
Speaker 1: to grow. Obviously, in context of how it was said,
Speaker 1: you could hear that there was no intent of offense,
Speaker 1: so it felt safe to keep in and use for
Speaker 1: a follow up. And so that's why I didn't have
Speaker 1: it removed from the episode, because I wanted us to
Speaker 1: be able to talk about it for real and have
Speaker 1: a messy learning moment, a moment of growth and a
Speaker 1: moment of expansion. Babe, I just want to say this
Speaker 1: in this space of liberation, in this whole journey, we
Speaker 1: are all going to get things wrong. And I think
Speaker 1: that this is a moment for me to highlight that,
Speaker 1: which is the sooner that you can accept that you
Speaker 1: might get something wrong, the sooner you can show up better,
Speaker 1: the sooner you can be less harmful. I think that
Speaker 1: we attach our worth to being right and getting things right.
Speaker 1: We attach our worth to being perfect, and so when
Speaker 1: that is challenged, when there's a possibility that we can
Speaker 1: be wrong or imperfect, we tense up. We can be defensive,
Speaker 1: we can be dismissive, which I'm not. That's not obviously
Speaker 1: happening in this space. I mean, the show is called
Speaker 1: tell me something Messy. The whole thing here is to
Speaker 1: be messy and to not be perfect. But that's that
Speaker 1: is what I really want to highlight for us, is
Speaker 1: that it is okay if we mess up. Sometimes people
Speaker 1: mess up my pronouns, that's okay. I know your intention
Speaker 1: and you correct it. Right. Sometimes we mess things up.
Speaker 1: We get things wrong about people or about concepts, theories,
Speaker 1: ideas facts. We get things wrong, and by facts I'm
Speaker 1: putting out in quotes like that we perceived as facts right,
Speaker 1: Like yeah, I'm sure you can think of a time
Speaker 1: that you thought, oh, this is one hundred percent true,
Speaker 1: and then you know, with a little more information, you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's okay, that's not wrong. That's not true at all.
Speaker 1: That wasn't affect at all. All right, So those things
Speaker 1: we can get things wrong. Yeah, and so when that happens,
Speaker 1: we get to say, damn, I got that wrong. We
Speaker 1: can repair that rupture and we can learn and do
Speaker 1: better and move forward. So do not get scared about
Speaker 1: getting things wrong. Don't be scared about not knowing. Lean
Speaker 1: into that's You're human, we're imperfect. We're gonna get things wrong.
Speaker 1: We're gonna be messy, and that's okay. Yeah, all right,
Speaker 1: what else? All right? So things that I learned from
Speaker 1: my gorgeous, good Christian friend. Maybe you are the CEO
Speaker 1: and you are what you're looking for. I cannot. I
Speaker 1: want to scream that. I want to write it in
Speaker 1: the sky. I want to you know, just put that
Speaker 1: in everybody's mental inbox. Sometimes we are not Sometimes a
Speaker 1: lot of times, especially when we're dating, we are always
Speaker 1: looking to be completed. We are looking outside of ourselves
Speaker 1: to be completed. Baby, you have everything that you need.
Speaker 1: You are a whole person. And you know, I've talked
Speaker 1: about this and it's something that when Matthew and I
Speaker 1: first met, we you know, I stated on the table,
Speaker 1: which I believe is from Mastery of Love, which is
Speaker 1: the concept of you are two whole people, not two halves.
Speaker 1: Like I'm not being completed by this other person. I
Speaker 1: want a whole person to show up. I want to
Speaker 1: be a whole person that shows up. Now, listen, when
Speaker 1: I say a whole person, it doesn't mean that you're
Speaker 1: completely healed and completely perfect. It just means you know
Speaker 1: who you are and how to stand with who you
Speaker 1: are so that when you're in a relationship, you do
Speaker 1: not lose yourself. I believe firmly ten toes down that
Speaker 1: in a partnership we are expanding together. That a partnership
Speaker 1: is an extension of who you are, not a completion
Speaker 1: of who you are. Because many people don't want to
Speaker 1: be in a relationship, and that's also fucking valid. Okay,
Speaker 1: if you are single and want to stay single and
Speaker 1: are enjoying your singlehood, that is also valid and a
Speaker 1: wonderful way to live. Our society really puts, you know,
Speaker 1: couples up on a pedestal as if like that is
Speaker 1: the most important relationship and it's not your community, as
Speaker 1: Belle Hooks so brilliantly states, your community is the most
Speaker 1: important relationship. And so in the seeking a partner, make
Speaker 1: sure you remember that maybe you're what you're looking for,
Speaker 1: and start with yourself. Start with holding yourself as the
Speaker 1: motherfucking ceoh okay, and then you can attract the right
Speaker 1: partners who can expand who you are, not complete who
Speaker 1: you are. Lean on your friends. I've said this, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say this as on as many episodes as
Speaker 1: it comes up on as many times as I need to,
Speaker 1: which is, you know, your friends are not just for
Speaker 1: bunch tables and dance floors. They are there for you
Speaker 1: to break go through the fire with them, okay, and
Speaker 1: find out who your people really are, you know, if
Speaker 1: you are in crisis, if you are as you know,
Speaker 1: like literally with the Los Angeles wildfires and with this
Speaker 1: new presidency, people are in crisis. Yeah, And so lean
Speaker 1: on people. You do not need to be the strong one.
Speaker 1: You can break. Sometimes you can be the strong one,
Speaker 1: and sometimes you are the quote unquote weak one. And
Speaker 1: I want to say about that. You are lovable in
Speaker 1: your weakness. Your weakness is actually vulnerability, and vulnerability is brave.
Speaker 1: We are trained to believe that weakness somehow makes us
Speaker 1: less than and I want to interrupt that. I want
Speaker 1: us to rewrite that and redefine that weakness. Being broken
Speaker 1: if you will, and being able to say that is
Speaker 1: vulnerable and it's brave. I always think when people say
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know what to do, I
Speaker 1: don't know who I am, I don't know and I
Speaker 1: know where. I know that for them, the space is challenging.
Speaker 1: But I always think that that is so beautiful because
Speaker 1: it means that there are so many possibilities. If you
Speaker 1: can voice I don't know, the world opens up. When
Speaker 1: you have to know no no, you have to be strong, strong, strong.
Speaker 1: You can't grow, you can't expand you can't attain, you
Speaker 1: can't attract, you can't transform because you know no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no right. But when you don't know, there is to
Speaker 1: me an opportunity to release, to surrender, to flow, and
Speaker 1: to allow the answers to reveal themselves else to you.
Speaker 1: It's not easy. That sounds so pretty. That sounded pretty
Speaker 1: as fuck. Okay, that sounded ooh, that sound as so lovely.
Speaker 1: That's not as so poetic. It is not really a
Speaker 1: hard thing to do, but that is what I think.
Speaker 1: Using your energy to exist in that space which is
Speaker 1: allowing you to be truthfully where you are as opposed
Speaker 1: to lying to yourself, because that line is going to,
Speaker 1: as Griffin said, it's going to keep you in that
Speaker 1: wilderness longer. The sooner you can say the truth, the
Speaker 1: sooner you can relax, the sooner you can get out
Speaker 1: of the wilderness. Don't resist a baby, Okay, be messy,
Speaker 1: be unhinged, and allow yourself to heal. Ooh baby, I
Speaker 1: love you so much. You can find me on substack
Speaker 1: and I really hope you subscribe again. You can subscribe
Speaker 1: for free. You can also become a paid subscriber. It's
Speaker 1: Brandon called Goodman dot substack dot com. Also the Merch
Speaker 1: Drop our Messy fundraiser just really engaging our community, our
Speaker 1: messy community to help support others. So you can find
Speaker 1: that at Brandoncalgoman dot com, backslash merch Okay, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: you can find me on Instagram as well at Brandon
Speaker 1: Kyle Goodman. You can find our podcasts at tell Me
Speaker 1: Something Messy and you can join our community on the
Speaker 1: Messy Mondays substack. When you subscribe, you'll get weekly posts,
Speaker 1: recommendations on sex and self and so much more. Also,
Speaker 1: I want to hear from you, so send your topic ideas,
Speaker 1: your messy stories, your submissions, your game ideas to tell
Speaker 1: Me Something Messy at gmail dot com. You can also
Speaker 1: call us at six six nine sixty nine Messy That
Speaker 1: is six six nine six nine six three seven seven nine.
Speaker 1: Rate review and share this podcast with all your hoe
Speaker 1: and aspiring hoe friends. Really really helps the show out,
Speaker 1: all right, Until next time, ask about the politics of
Speaker 1: that dick before you make it spit, make sure they
Speaker 1: eat the kitty before they beat the kitty, before fucation
Speaker 1: or succation. Communication. And in case you haven't heard it yet,
Speaker 1: today you are so deeply loved. I love you, ye,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for listening to tell Me Something Messy.
Speaker 1: If you all enjoyed the show, send the episode to
Speaker 1: someone else you might like it. Tell Me Something Messy
Speaker 1: was executive produced by Ali Perry, Gabrielle Collins and Yours Truly.
Speaker 1: Our producer and editor is Vince Dejohnny. For more podcasts
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