Speaker 1: Hi everybody. While I'm taking um the month of September
Speaker 1: off of doing stand up, I return on October one
Speaker 1: to complete my Vaccinated and Horny tour. October, November, and December,
Speaker 1: I have new dates up. I kick it off in Saratoga, California,
Speaker 1: and I'm coming to all parts of California, Long Beach, Bakersfield.
Speaker 1: I'm going to Niagara Falls, Tucson, Arizona, Colorado, Minneapolis, San Diego, Reading, Pennsylvania,
Speaker 1: and Baltimore, Maryland, just to name a few. There's also
Speaker 1: some Floridian dates in there, since this will be my
Speaker 1: last year that I'm able to go inside the state
Speaker 1: of Florida. So check out Chelsea Handler dot com for
Speaker 1: more stand up dates for my Vaccinated in Horny Tour.
Speaker 1: These are my last dates. Hi Catherine, Hi, Chelsea. Hi.
Speaker 1: My name is Chelsea Joy Handler and I'm here today
Speaker 1: to record a podcast in the beautiful city of New York.
Speaker 1: Can I just tell you earlier you were approving videos
Speaker 1: of yourself doing comedy and giggling, and it was the
Speaker 1: most joyful thing I've ever seen watching giggle. No one's
Speaker 1: in love with himselves as much as I am. I
Speaker 1: when my social media team sends me a bunch of videos.
Speaker 1: They put them together, but they put all these little
Speaker 1: affectations on in like words, and it was funny and
Speaker 1: I was yeah, I like, yeah, yeah, I get a
Speaker 1: kick out on myself. I love that everyone should feel
Speaker 1: that way. Honestly, I know we should all really start
Speaker 1: to love ourselves a little bit more. I've always been
Speaker 1: I've always been pretty high on myself. Well, not always.
Speaker 1: I sometimes beat myself up, but for the most part.
Speaker 1: Now I'm mature enough to be like, you're a wonderful person. Right.
Speaker 1: Speaking of being wonderful, I have to I don't know
Speaker 1: if you saw my Skims ad, but I did. I
Speaker 1: was so excited that that's what my body looked like
Speaker 1: that I can't even express. And then as soon as
Speaker 1: that shoot was over, what I did was they asked
Speaker 1: me to do the Skims Brock Camp Pain. I was
Speaker 1: on vacation. I said, listen, I'm gonna be on vacation
Speaker 1: for two months. I'm not willing to fly back unless
Speaker 1: you make it worth my while. They made it worth
Speaker 1: my while. I came home and gave myself a week.
Speaker 1: I started to just be more careful about the food
Speaker 1: and the drinking, and then I get on my timeline
Speaker 1: where I eat every three to four hours, really small meals,
Speaker 1: no bullshit like egg whites, broccoli, avocado, that kind of ship. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I had one week to get it together. I came
Speaker 1: home after Martha's Vineyard and then I really hunkered down
Speaker 1: with Ben Bruno. We worked out every day. I did
Speaker 1: my Peloton ABS class every morning, and I did I
Speaker 1: was an angel about my food, no alcohol, only cannabis.
Speaker 1: And on the day of the shoot, I was like, listen,
Speaker 1: I felt really comfortable about my body, but I knew
Speaker 1: if I had one more week. I was like, if
Speaker 1: I could manipulate my body like this in one week,
Speaker 1: can you imagine what I could do in two or three?
Speaker 1: And then I was like, oh god. But anyway, the
Speaker 1: minute thought shoot was over, I have been on a
Speaker 1: food and alcohol tear. I am. I have rebounded, and
Speaker 1: that body is over. I'm like, listen, I proved what
Speaker 1: I could do, and I washed my hands of it
Speaker 1: now and now I can feel free to just to
Speaker 1: blow up, yeah, and like party and have fun and
Speaker 1: do all the good things. I really like to be
Speaker 1: strong and fit and lean, but it's nice to be
Speaker 1: able to manipulate your body like that and have kind
Speaker 1: of like a you know, the definition and all that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I see your abs and stuff, and like the cellulite diminishes.
Speaker 1: Everyone says you can't get rid of cellulite. That's not true.
Speaker 1: I get rid of it all the time, and then
Speaker 1: it comes back, and then I can get rid of it.
Speaker 1: You just have to be good. It's all about your diet.
Speaker 1: It doesn't really matter how much you exercise. You know,
Speaker 1: that doesn't ever fix that problem for me. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm really happy that I did that campaign. I'm so grateful.
Speaker 1: I'm so happy that I mean, can you believe I
Speaker 1: spent so many years making fun of Kim er at
Speaker 1: Ashi and and now I'm working for her. Well, you know,
Speaker 1: you just never know how life is going to turn
Speaker 1: out to you. It's a full circle moment. Okay. Today's guest,
Speaker 1: you guys, is a stand up comedian in He's an actor.
Speaker 1: He's also a storyteller. He's a director, a producer, and
Speaker 1: a writer. He has a new show coming out on
Speaker 1: Broadway which is so fucking cool. It's called The Old
Speaker 1: Man and the Pool. He also stars opposite Tom Hanks
Speaker 1: in a new movie called a man called Auto. Please
Speaker 1: welcome Mike Brobiglia. Hi, verb Biglia. How are you glad
Speaker 1: I'm here? Oh my god, we have so much to discuss.
Speaker 1: Kather and Mike, Holy cow, how are you? Hiy, nice
Speaker 1: to meet you. Yeah, you can look at that screen.
Speaker 1: You can look at that screen. Just take a mirror
Speaker 1: out and stare at yourself the whole time. I just
Speaker 1: I got a shower and just jesus, I look like
Speaker 1: a like a third grade schoolboy with this hair. Yeah
Speaker 1: you do. Welcome to Mike bro Biglia. He's sitting down
Speaker 1: and he just got out of the shower. Usually actually
Speaker 1: at the first ad break during this podcast, we shower together.
Speaker 1: So if you want to do it twy, that's fine.
Speaker 1: Can I just say I was listening to one of
Speaker 1: your bits just now in the waiting room, and I
Speaker 1: was like, one of the things I think you do
Speaker 1: so well comedically and very few people can pull off
Speaker 1: is indignant, Like it's funny when you're indignant, and a
Speaker 1: lot of people when they're indignant, it's like, oh come on,
Speaker 1: but like no, no, you're doing this thing about you know,
Speaker 1: people taking their feet off the airplane trays. Don't touch it.
Speaker 1: With your feet and you're mad about it, and you're like,
Speaker 1: and don't funk with the flight attendants, like they're working
Speaker 1: so hard and so true. Like a lot of times
Speaker 1: that kind of comedy can sound kind of like holier
Speaker 1: than now. One of your special powers is indignant, but
Speaker 1: in a way that it feels funny and also like
Speaker 1: not I don't know, like I don't I feel like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's so true. Well, thank you, Mike. What do you
Speaker 1: think if you had to name your special power or
Speaker 1: one of your special powers, what would it be? No,
Speaker 1: I think it's some I think I can, I think,
Speaker 1: I think, I don't know. I think I can tell
Speaker 1: a story in a way that isn't boring, and I
Speaker 1: can I can understand what's boring about myself in the
Speaker 1: in real time and go, okay, I guess which gears Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's actually that is a special power. Because so many
Speaker 1: people talk endlessly and you're like, do you not understand
Speaker 1: that this is not compelling? And you're still talking and
Speaker 1: there's not really a reaction coming from anybody, Like I've
Speaker 1: been at a dinner where somebody drolls on and our
Speaker 1: drones on and is a drone drones who knows what
Speaker 1: it is. I'm too too tired to make words anymore.
Speaker 1: But when people go on and on and there's not
Speaker 1: really a big reaction from anybody at the dinner table,
Speaker 1: and you just think to yourself, what is this person doing,
Speaker 1: Why won't they stop talking? Well, they they've clearly been
Speaker 1: work shopping with the wrong people. Work shopping. Wait, okay,
Speaker 1: speaking of work shopping, I want to talk about one
Speaker 1: of your special powers, because Mike bar Biglia is an
Speaker 1: incredible person in the sense that you are helping so
Speaker 1: many young comedians get to the next level. And we
Speaker 1: have so many people in common between Hannah e'mbinder and
Speaker 1: between Alex Edelman and Otsco. All of these people we
Speaker 1: both have worked with or are both friends with, and
Speaker 1: all three of them just have the nicest things to
Speaker 1: say about you. And Otsco was just telling me, Mike
Speaker 1: bar Biglia does this thing called the ride back, you know,
Speaker 1: because after you achieve your own success, which you have
Speaker 1: certainly done, you have gone around and picked up people
Speaker 1: that need help from other people. And I know you're
Speaker 1: producing the show just for us, which I just saw
Speaker 1: last night. We're in New York City today, which is
Speaker 1: Alex Edelman Show, which closes I think tonight, so the
Speaker 1: last night. Yeah, and then hopefully we'll start up again. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it'll start up again, and I think it will. It'll
Speaker 1: end up being a big special eventually. Yeah, and it
Speaker 1: should be on Broadway, I think. So. I mean, this
Speaker 1: guy is so talented, it's so great, and it's very
Speaker 1: it's very much about growing up as a Jew, and
Speaker 1: he tells this long story about a night he has
Speaker 1: and it's just he's kind of like the new I
Speaker 1: would say, like a new Woody Allen, you know, without
Speaker 1: marrying his daughter. Hopefully that won't happen because he's dating Hannah.
Speaker 1: I'm bid when I would like the two of them
Speaker 1: to stay together because I think they're a commensurate right, like,
Speaker 1: they both have a nice My god, are you kidding me?
Speaker 1: The power couple. Yeah, total power couple. So I just
Speaker 1: wanted to give you kudos for that because I think
Speaker 1: that you deserve it. Well, you know that term ride back.
Speaker 1: It's funny because Otsco uses it with me, but I
Speaker 1: think both of us got it from Hassan Minaj, who
Speaker 1: uses that term. Yeah, yeah, I don't. Yeah, Hassan brought
Speaker 1: it up and then Otsko uses it for me. Otsco
Speaker 1: is like, it's funny. We met were pandemic friends. We
Speaker 1: met on just Instagram. I lover videos, and I was
Speaker 1: just like, who is this person? Like, I'm going to
Speaker 1: ask her to come on my podcast. She came on,
Speaker 1: working it out, we go along really well, and then
Speaker 1: like when I started doing shows again, I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: do you want to come just like open some shows.
Speaker 1: And then she came to Chicago Theater with me and
Speaker 1: then crushed and then I was like and then I
Speaker 1: love her husband Ryan, He's like brilliantly talented as well.
Speaker 1: And then we've just been doing like every show together
Speaker 1: and she's just super cool and like wildly talented, wildly talented. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she's going to be a big star. And she's so
Speaker 1: sweet and funny and her story so it's she's unique.
Speaker 1: It's so nice as a comic when you see things
Speaker 1: that aren't derivative of things we've already seen before. Oh
Speaker 1: my gosh. Yeah. I mean one of the things that
Speaker 1: one of the things about comedy, there's a lot of
Speaker 1: like kind of white male complainers in comedy right now
Speaker 1: are just like, how come everybody, every everything has to
Speaker 1: be diversion blah blah blah, and it's like, well, actually,
Speaker 1: I think like sort of a better question might feel
Speaker 1: like when you get more diverse stories, like odsco story,
Speaker 1: for example, is like she came from Japan. I think
Speaker 1: when she's like eleven years old and she tells the story.
Speaker 1: I don't want to give away the story that she
Speaker 1: tells on stage because it's so good. But it's like
Speaker 1: her life story is so fascinating. When you get more
Speaker 1: diverse stories, it's just better comedy, is the truth. It's
Speaker 1: it's genuinely better storytelling better comedy, I think, of course.
Speaker 1: And it's also like it's a nicer to have a
Speaker 1: wider breadth of learning about people's experiences than a narrow viewpoint.
Speaker 1: When everyone's complaining about being too politically correct or it's
Speaker 1: like all you have to do is not be racist
Speaker 1: or sexist, Like it's not at all order you don't
Speaker 1: have to complain about that. You could just be a
Speaker 1: little bit more clever or by the way, you can
Speaker 1: be racist or sexist. But then if people say that
Speaker 1: they're right, yeah, right, right, right exactly, it's actually non
Speaker 1: illegally racist or sexist. But it's just like you know
Speaker 1: people will criticize you, which has always been the case,
Speaker 1: excepted exponentialized with social media so exponentialized. That's good. I
Speaker 1: haven't heard that yet. Who helped you when you were
Speaker 1: coming up? Did you have anybody that was really helpful,
Speaker 1: Like a lot of people like Mitch Hedberg was really helpful.
Speaker 1: I was starting out, really he Yeah, there's like a
Speaker 1: handful of people did like a lot of really nice
Speaker 1: things for me, Like I opened from Mitch Hedburg in Dayton,
Speaker 1: Ohio at the Joker's Comedy Club. I don't think you
Speaker 1: would have ever played there. Maybe I don't know if
Speaker 1: I've played there. But you know what, I don't know
Speaker 1: where I've been because every time I go somewhere, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I can't wait to go there, And then I go
Speaker 1: in and there's a picture of me and I sounded it.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh ship, I've forgotten more than most people
Speaker 1: will ever remember. I like that quote. I don't know
Speaker 1: whose it is. It's not mine, but I continue to
Speaker 1: use it. Yeah, he didn't. He he didn't really mentioned
Speaker 1: his wife Lynn did a really sweet thing, which is
Speaker 1: like I had like a self produced comedy album when
Speaker 1: I was like twenty something, years old called Dog Years
Speaker 1: and they and they came to New York and performed
Speaker 1: at like the comic strip with me. For that's actually
Speaker 1: I don't even know if you remember. This is a
Speaker 1: zillion years ago. I met you at the comic strip
Speaker 1: years ago, and carolines here years ago, and it was
Speaker 1: actually really unique instance where I was you were on
Speaker 1: this ascent and I was just sort of witnessing it
Speaker 1: happened like you weren't a household name, but you were
Speaker 1: like on your way to it, and it was like
Speaker 1: it was it was fascinating to watch you. You were
Speaker 1: I mean, you were crushing. It was twenty years ago.
Speaker 1: You were crushing. But I was like, who is this
Speaker 1: person who has this wild trajectory? I've never been around
Speaker 1: that before. Really really well bigs. Yeah, I remember Caroline
Speaker 1: seen meeting you at Caroline's the comic strip. Yeah, vaguely
Speaker 1: now I remember that. Is that around anymore of the
Speaker 1: comic strip? So is that where do you perform when
Speaker 1: you're met the cell when you're a seller person, that
Speaker 1: seems to be the place where everyone is. Well, it's phenomenal.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's just what it is is and if
Speaker 1: people are listening and want to visit New York. It's
Speaker 1: like they have like three or four comedy rooms like
Speaker 1: in a two block radius. They're really good rooms. They're
Speaker 1: really well well booked, well produced shows, and the food
Speaker 1: is great. I think all left. Yeah. Yeah, the food
Speaker 1: in a comedy club is typically not awesome. So if
Speaker 1: you can get that while you're watching comedy, it's a
Speaker 1: bonus round for sure. So tell me about your life now,
Speaker 1: now that you are successful and you have a very
Speaker 1: steady career, how does that feel. It's good. I mean like,
Speaker 1: I'm doing this next show which is called The Old
Speaker 1: Man in the Pool on Broadway, which is exciting. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, can't wait to see it. That's incredible, so exciting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's at the Beaumont Theater at Lincoln Center. Wow. So
Speaker 1: it's so it's really exciting. And when does that start?
Speaker 1: Oct perfect O at the Beaumont Theater And and yeah,
Speaker 1: to answer your question, like it's it feels good. It's
Speaker 1: like I'm sure you experienced this to some degree. On
Speaker 1: one hand, you're like, oh, I'm I can't believe I'm here.
Speaker 1: This is so exciting. The audiences are showing up to
Speaker 1: see my sense of humor, because when you're starting out,
Speaker 1: it's like it's any sense of humor. You get on
Speaker 1: stage and you're just kind of like they either get
Speaker 1: you or they don't him. Now, when I tour as
Speaker 1: as is, I'm sure when you tours like no, no,
Speaker 1: they know what they're paying for. I've written this show
Speaker 1: over a few years and they're on board for it,
Speaker 1: and I don't know. It feels like your friend with
Speaker 1: the audience, Yeah, which I think you're the funniest kind
Speaker 1: of jokes. It's like when you have an inside joke
Speaker 1: with your friend. And I feel like over the years
Speaker 1: I've been able to develop that with my audience where
Speaker 1: it feels like an inside joke. Well, I think though,
Speaker 1: you'll have a different not a different in a bad
Speaker 1: Way experience though on Broadway, because the audience aren't just
Speaker 1: going to be your fans. It's gonna be a word
Speaker 1: of mouth thing too, where people tourists are coming in
Speaker 1: and they're gonna want to see something funny in a
Speaker 1: comic and they're going to hear about it, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. So those are going to be people.
Speaker 1: It's a great way to actually broaden your audience, right yeah, Yeah,
Speaker 1: Before they die. Yeah, everyone's going to pass away shortly,
Speaker 1: so so we should all be prepared for that. So
Speaker 1: tell me about the show. Well, it's it's funny. That's
Speaker 1: the theme of the show is the old Man in
Speaker 1: the Pool is about aging and more tality and and
Speaker 1: you know that last show was called The New One,
Speaker 1: which is on Netflix now, and it's and it was
Speaker 1: all about having a child, despite the fact that I
Speaker 1: never want to have a child, Like I was really adamant.
Speaker 1: And the first half of the specials all the reasons
Speaker 1: I never want to have a child. Second half of
Speaker 1: the specialist about how I had a child, and then
Speaker 1: how I was right, and then how I was wrong
Speaker 1: in certain ways and and sort of the emotional arc
Speaker 1: of that. But now my daughters seven years old and
Speaker 1: so now and now she can watch that special and
Speaker 1: be reminded that her father never wanted to have a baby.
Speaker 1: But my wife Jenny always points out that, like she'll
Speaker 1: just never even though I said, she'll just never believe
Speaker 1: it because I'm so doting, Like she just doesn't. I
Speaker 1: don't think she'll compute it, like she'll just be like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's an act, yeah right, But no, I really did
Speaker 1: I mean, I never want up a child. What's funny
Speaker 1: is from that special? I don't know. It came out
Speaker 1: a couple of years ago. About a year after it
Speaker 1: came out, someone sent me a link to like a
Speaker 1: Reddit thread that was like a child free commune. Any
Speaker 1: forward that to me? Please my gosh, where people are like,
Speaker 1: we love the first half of the special and then
Speaker 1: they were like and then and I turned on them.
Speaker 1: I didn't mean to, but I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: this is what happened. Well, I mean, it would be
Speaker 1: hard to I remember talking one of my friend's husbands
Speaker 1: they have three children, and she was like, I never
Speaker 1: wanted to have kids, and he goes in, now, it's
Speaker 1: impossible to even think about how I felt about that,
Speaker 1: because you know, once you have them, obviously, I mean
Speaker 1: even I would love my kid when if I had one,
Speaker 1: you know, and then you're like, oh god it because
Speaker 1: it's you're never gonna want that to be taken away
Speaker 1: from you once you have that experience, because it's probably magical,
Speaker 1: I would imagine on multiple levels. It's extraordinary. It's spiritual, right,
Speaker 1: I mean, the idea that you and your wife could
Speaker 1: create a person and then you watch them grow and
Speaker 1: their mind being shaped. I mean that is a fascinating endeavor. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the whole first half of that special, I just make
Speaker 1: fun of people with kids, and now I am one
Speaker 1: of those people, and it's like, it's embarrassing. You should
Speaker 1: you should be embarrassing proud of it. But that's where
Speaker 1: I meant right now, and then the new shows is
Speaker 1: all about death. I mean it's all about meditating on death.
Speaker 1: And my feeling is like, if you can make people
Speaker 1: laugh for ninety minutes about the thing that we're all
Speaker 1: sort of most scared of, or some of us are
Speaker 1: most scared of, then there can be a catharsis in
Speaker 1: the audience. There can be a feeling if you walk
Speaker 1: away feeling better than you walked in. My pet peeven
Speaker 1: comedy is when comedy scratches the surface so much that
Speaker 1: the person doesn't go in deep, and then you're left
Speaker 1: feeling like it's a little bit like junk food, you know,
Speaker 1: and you're just like, all right, that was fun, you know,
Speaker 1: it was a good time. Yeah, yeah, I hear what
Speaker 1: you're saying. There's no there's a lack of depth. Well,
Speaker 1: it's funny because one of your one of your specials
Speaker 1: that you did where you talk to people about race
Speaker 1: and privilege and you sort of like make yourself the
Speaker 1: line of fire. You basically, I would I don't even
Speaker 1: know how to describe it. You basically say like I'm
Speaker 1: open for criticism kind of thing. Is that how you
Speaker 1: describe it? Yeah? I like that feeling. Yeah, And I
Speaker 1: really respected that because I was like, that's going deep
Speaker 1: because you're putting yourself out there and just being like, yeah,
Speaker 1: just take shots. What are your thoughts on this? Well?
Speaker 1: I also find when you have the opportunity to do
Speaker 1: a documentary, it's like it can't be a vanity project.
Speaker 1: You have to dig right. You can't just be sitting
Speaker 1: there like promoting yourself because it's so easy to be
Speaker 1: in this industry and really get lost right. I find
Speaker 1: New York there's more grounding and more normalcy here. These
Speaker 1: are real people that not everybody's in the industry. There's arts,
Speaker 1: there's museums, there's stuff to interest you. The parks are beautiful,
Speaker 1: you know, like the piers. You go down to the
Speaker 1: piers and there's people outside exercising, and I'm just like,
Speaker 1: l A has a dearth of grounded nous. You know,
Speaker 1: people just get so kind of dumb. I certainly feel
Speaker 1: like I get dumb when I'm in l af for
Speaker 1: too long. Why did you stick? Why have you stuck
Speaker 1: with us so many years? Because I just love land
Speaker 1: and houses. I love land, and I love droughts, and
Speaker 1: I can't wait to get started on our next drout.
Speaker 1: I won't be there for long because California will probably
Speaker 1: catch on fire, so I'll have to probably relocate to
Speaker 1: Nova Scotia or somewhere else in Canada. That's I'm not
Speaker 1: have my eyes on property where global warming won't In fact,
Speaker 1: like I think about that Al timin Nova Scotia, North Atlanta,
Speaker 1: Tennessee oddly like, yeah, there's a few like that Tennessee.
Speaker 1: Nashville is a pretty cool city. It's just set. Everyone's
Speaker 1: down there. I'd like to be a little bit off
Speaker 1: the beaten track, but I never quite make it that far.
Speaker 1: I go down these rabbit holes about climate change sometimes
Speaker 1: and I look at like where where will the survivors be? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And Maine is a big one. Yeah, but then there's
Speaker 1: weird things. It's like Vermont good, except that it's on
Speaker 1: Lake Champlain and you can end up with other natural
Speaker 1: disasters from the lakes, right actually, but I also think
Speaker 1: it's important to be by a lake when we all
Speaker 1: run out of water, right, so we have to find
Speaker 1: some lake community like Wyoming or Montana might be a
Speaker 1: good idea. But then there's too many guns. They're like,
Speaker 1: I'm not down with that telling people too much. We're
Speaker 1: telling people where our escape routes are. Well, one of
Speaker 1: my brothers, the one that man splains the most, his
Speaker 1: name is Glenn Handler, and he was telling me that
Speaker 1: with Cape Cod the North Atlantic area, that global warming
Speaker 1: is going to affect it into terms of shorter summers
Speaker 1: and longer winters, like it's going to be more the
Speaker 1: opposite of what will happen on the West Coast. And
Speaker 1: then like I just got an update on Instagram from
Speaker 1: I have a place in Whistler, Canada because I love
Speaker 1: to ski, and they just predicted that this winter is
Speaker 1: going to be a freeze, like it's going to be
Speaker 1: arctic temperature. I'm like, oh shit. But so I think
Speaker 1: everywhere it's going to be affected differently. Like I always
Speaker 1: thought of global warming as like the sea levels rising,
Speaker 1: everything gets warmer, but without that Gulf stream storm cycle
Speaker 1: that we have, it will stay colder in the North East,
Speaker 1: and we'll get colder and the winters will be more
Speaker 1: harsh or harsher, I should say. So anyway, that's your
Speaker 1: global warming update everybody. If you have any questions about that,
Speaker 1: please right into another podcast. So, Mike, what we do
Speaker 1: is we give people advice. It's really fun, all right,
Speaker 1: So let's do it. And I want to come on
Speaker 1: your podcast too. Okay, let's do that. Um, Katherine, what
Speaker 1: do you have in store for us today? First, we'll
Speaker 1: take a quick break. We're not taking a shower because
Speaker 1: Mike just showered. I don't know who gave him that
Speaker 1: fucking note. But we'll take a break and we'll be
Speaker 1: right back and we're back amazing. Well, Mike, we have
Speaker 1: an email. We have some callers today. I hope that
Speaker 1: these are right up your alley. So Mike's a pretty
Speaker 1: sensitive guy. I think he can probably handle whatever is
Speaker 1: coming our way, Thank goodness. So our first email comes
Speaker 1: from Blair. Blair says, Dear Chelsea, my husband and I
Speaker 1: have been talking about starting to try to have a baby,
Speaker 1: but he keeps making excuses about why we should wait
Speaker 1: a few more months. He's interviewing for new jobs and
Speaker 1: wants to be in a better place financially, we should
Speaker 1: buy a house first, etcetera. I've tried to tell him
Speaker 1: that it's never the quote right time, and we're both
Speaker 1: in our thirties, so every month counts, and even if
Speaker 1: we did get pregnant right away, we'd have almost a
Speaker 1: whole year of pregnancy to figure things out. He tells
Speaker 1: me that I am always just doing things on my
Speaker 1: timeline without considering him. I may have booked some wedding
Speaker 1: venue walk throughs before he officially proposed, but I knew
Speaker 1: he had the ring already. How can I talk to
Speaker 1: him about starting to try sooner without him feeling like
Speaker 1: I'm steam rolling Blair? She said, they're in their thirties. Yeah, okay, Well,
Speaker 1: as a man, I'm gonna let you take because you
Speaker 1: probably experienced something similar to this. Oh my gosh, I
Speaker 1: mean that's a hard question, right, Like that's a I mean,
Speaker 1: she's really threatening the needle of challenging because the wedding
Speaker 1: venues thing for me is a even he had he
Speaker 1: had gotten the ring, to propose that, it's annoying to
Speaker 1: know that you did that for your husband. That would
Speaker 1: be annoying, I think to anybody, but helpful for us.
Speaker 1: So then having gone through it and had some challenges
Speaker 1: and pregnancy like as much as whatever, people get mad
Speaker 1: if I say it actually does matter how many months
Speaker 1: you know, and like in your thirties, like there does
Speaker 1: reach a point where is an issue? Yeah, it actually
Speaker 1: is an issue. So she has a point on that front.
Speaker 1: But I also think she might want to have a
Speaker 1: frank conversation with him about whether that's what he wants
Speaker 1: to do, because I also think it's a little bit
Speaker 1: of a fickle thing to be like, let's wait a
Speaker 1: few more months. It's like well or ever, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Like is that the question? Like is
Speaker 1: the question is a few more months? Or is it
Speaker 1: do you want to do this? Well? When you because
Speaker 1: since you never thought you wanted to have a kid?
Speaker 1: What happened with your relationship? How did it come about
Speaker 1: that you decide to have one? I mean ultimately like
Speaker 1: and this is paraphrasing a ninety who longs special in
Speaker 1: a book that where I really go into the sort
Speaker 1: of minutia of it, but like, ultimately generally want to
Speaker 1: have a child, And she never thought she want to
Speaker 1: have a child. She said, I think you'd be a
Speaker 1: good dad and this is something I want to do,
Speaker 1: And ultimately was like, well, I'm not gonna hold you
Speaker 1: back from that and that, and that's why I that's
Speaker 1: why I did it because I was like, I think
Speaker 1: it's hard to hold someone and maybe this is boring.
Speaker 1: I just said I was going to attempt to not
Speaker 1: be boring. But it's like, I think that if you're
Speaker 1: in a relationship where you know you're capable of doing
Speaker 1: a thing that your person who you are in love
Speaker 1: with and they really want to do and you so
Speaker 1: sort of want to do it or you're okay with it,
Speaker 1: you should try to do it. Yeah. And I would
Speaker 1: also say he is not saying he doesn't want to
Speaker 1: have a kid. He's just he needs some time to
Speaker 1: warm up to it. I would say, with your track
Speaker 1: record of what you did with the booking looking at
Speaker 1: wedding locations, that you've kind of stabbed yourself in the
Speaker 1: foot there because that's annoying. That was annoying, and that
Speaker 1: was overstepping. And I when girls do that with my
Speaker 1: guy friends, they're always pissed and they're always annoyed and
Speaker 1: it takes them a long time to get over it,
Speaker 1: but you're married now. He's not saying he doesn't want
Speaker 1: to have a child, but there is the age factor.
Speaker 1: So all you have to do is say, listen, I
Speaker 1: don't want to bother you about this. I don't want
Speaker 1: to be up your butt. I know that I need
Speaker 1: your you to warm up to it. But there is
Speaker 1: an age factor here. So depending on where you are
Speaker 1: in your thirties, you know, if he's not ready to
Speaker 1: have one now, and maybe you want to freeze your
Speaker 1: eggs if that's an option, If that's something that's like
Speaker 1: too expensive or you don't want to go down that road,
Speaker 1: then just say, like, I need a time frame where
Speaker 1: we can revisit this. Can we revisit it in three
Speaker 1: months or six months or you know, definitely, don't get
Speaker 1: pregnant behind his back tricking it. Don't do that, please,
Speaker 1: because that is not going to be good for your marriage.
Speaker 1: Cut that's a better answer, So I defer to that answer. Action. Okay,
Speaker 1: you can't do that on this podcast. You give your advice,
Speaker 1: but at very at least I can I can show
Speaker 1: that I've growth during the he's growing during the podcast.
Speaker 1: This is unbelievable. What do you have to say on
Speaker 1: the topic. I mean, I'm somebody who's sort of in
Speaker 1: the throes of this right now, where I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: thirty seven. It's sort of like do we or don't we?
Speaker 1: And I mean, we're in this position where it's if
Speaker 1: it happens, it happens, but it is tough. We got married.
Speaker 1: I was very young. I was a baby at twenty three.
Speaker 1: When we got married. He was twenty nine, and he
Speaker 1: really wanted to have kids and I never wanted to
Speaker 1: have kids. And over the years it's sort of shifted
Speaker 1: where I'm like, yeah, I could see that being a
Speaker 1: relationship I want to have in the future with a child,
Speaker 1: and now he's sort of but everything's going so well,
Speaker 1: like why would we want to change that and have
Speaker 1: a baby? So I don't know. We're sort of in
Speaker 1: some murky waters together, but it's also kind of nice
Speaker 1: to both be in a murky spot together. Then you're
Speaker 1: both on the same page with each other. Nobody's pressuring
Speaker 1: or forcing the other person, and that just is never
Speaker 1: a good approach. So that's your advice. Be murky so
Speaker 1: stuck on that al right, Well, Blair, let us know
Speaker 1: if and when he decides he wants to get pregnant.
Speaker 1: I guess also make him watch the new one, because
Speaker 1: what's special. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was like, wait,
Speaker 1: what do we talk? I'm sorry by that, of course
Speaker 1: endlessly confusing. So our next submission is from a caller.
Speaker 1: Rachel says, Dear Chelsea, I'm the youngest sibling out of three,
Speaker 1: and I seem to be the only one who gets
Speaker 1: along with everyone, which has made me kind of the
Speaker 1: glue for the whole family. One of my sisters is
Speaker 1: going through a divorce, and unfortunately it's not been a
Speaker 1: very amicable one. It seems that her soon to be
Speaker 1: ex husband is being as petty, hurtful, and reactive as possible.
Speaker 1: They have two children, ages five and two, and those
Speaker 1: kids are everything to me. My brother in law and
Speaker 1: I have been in each other's lives for thirteen years now.
Speaker 1: She's twenty seven, so that's a lot of her life.
Speaker 1: And he was always the brother I never had. When
Speaker 1: he and my sister are starting having issues, he would
Speaker 1: always turn to me for advice. He'd call me almost
Speaker 1: daily for months, and I'd always pick up, even though
Speaker 1: it was causing me tremendous emotional stress. Being dragged into
Speaker 1: the middle of their problems. Unfortunately, when things took a
Speaker 1: legal turn, I basically had to step back and let
Speaker 1: the court take action. It's been about five months now
Speaker 1: and my brother in law and I have not spoken.
Speaker 1: Now here's the messy part. I'm getting married in December
Speaker 1: of this year. Before my sister and her husband's issues
Speaker 1: got serious, I asked my niece and nephew to be
Speaker 1: my flower girl and ring bearer in my wedding, which
Speaker 1: of course they excitedly accepted. I can't imagine my wedding
Speaker 1: day without them. There just one big problem. My brother
Speaker 1: in law has custody of the kids the week of
Speaker 1: my wedding, and I have a very strong feeling he
Speaker 1: will not let them come to the wedding. I've already
Speaker 1: reached out to him by sending him a heartfelt email,
Speaker 1: but he has not replied. I sent that email two
Speaker 1: months ago. If my sister were to ask him to
Speaker 1: trade weeks, he would immediately do the opposite of what
Speaker 1: she asks, just to hurt her. I don't know what
Speaker 1: to do from here on out, and was just hoping
Speaker 1: that you have any advice on how to get through
Speaker 1: to a very stubborn person who's hurting and in a
Speaker 1: lost place. Rachel. Oh, that is such a bummer. Hi, Rachel, Hi,
Speaker 1: how are you hi? All right? This is Mike. He's
Speaker 1: our guest today for Big Leah. And you know Catherine
Speaker 1: because you've probably touched base with her, yes, Hi Rachel.
Speaker 1: Oh God, Rachel, that is such a bad position to
Speaker 1: be in. I'm so sorry. Yeah, it sucks. It's all right.
Speaker 1: I've kind of accepted it as it is, because now
Speaker 1: it's been about three months since he's replied and talking
Speaker 1: with my sister, Like, he hasn't chilled out at all.
Speaker 1: So he's like legally bound to reply to her because
Speaker 1: of the kids obviously, But yeah, I don't expect to reply.
Speaker 1: I haven't reached out again. He has full custody of
Speaker 1: the kids. No, it's split fifty. Oh, so he just
Speaker 1: has them during the time that you're getting married, and
Speaker 1: she's offered to trade until that would mean he would
Speaker 1: get Thanksgiving this year, Christmas this year, and Christmas next year.
Speaker 1: And did he respond to that? Huh, he's just doing
Speaker 1: it to be ugly. Yeah, But like, my niece is
Speaker 1: really excited for the wedding, and I mean we have
Speaker 1: to start buying stuff like her little flower girl dress
Speaker 1: and everything, so we kind of need to know. Oh god,
Speaker 1: what a devastating conundrum. I know. My instinct is like, Okay,
Speaker 1: can the niece ask the father Daddy, I want to
Speaker 1: go to the wedding, But I don't know how you
Speaker 1: want to involve young children like that, right, And she
Speaker 1: doesn't know yet about the whole situation. She just knows
Speaker 1: she's going. She knows she's going. Yeah, we haven't told
Speaker 1: her basically that her dad has said she can't go.
Speaker 1: And she's five. She's five, Okay, Well I would say
Speaker 1: when you see her next, you'll see her next, right
Speaker 1: before the wedding, obviously, to talk to her about it
Speaker 1: and about the excitement of a flower girl being a
Speaker 1: flower girl, so that she can bring that information back
Speaker 1: to her dad with her. And I hear what you're
Speaker 1: saying about it backfiring. But it's much harder to say
Speaker 1: no to your kid than it is to say no
Speaker 1: to your ex wife. Yeah, that's true. Also, is it
Speaker 1: is the wedding close to where you live or now?
Speaker 1: It's about three hours Houston and Austin, So I mean
Speaker 1: there is something to be said for bargaining with something
Speaker 1: longer versus shorter, like we'll get her for the day,
Speaker 1: or we'll get we'll get the kids for the day
Speaker 1: and then trade a week for it or something like that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she's offered any of a year and he hasn't responded
Speaker 1: to that. So sorry. Yeah, I think you can just
Speaker 1: keep pressing it, you know what I mean. I don't
Speaker 1: think you should give up. I think you should talk
Speaker 1: to your niece, and I think you should send him
Speaker 1: another email. Don't make it long, just make it short, assistinct,
Speaker 1: and just say this is one of the most important
Speaker 1: days of my life. I understand what a difficult time
Speaker 1: you're going through. I understand that tensions are high, but
Speaker 1: can you please just think of me on this occasion
Speaker 1: and think of your daughter and the experience that we
Speaker 1: could share together, and make it short and sweet, and
Speaker 1: you know, just throw it out there one more time,
Speaker 1: and also tell your niece so that she can go
Speaker 1: home without information and talk to her dad about it.
Speaker 1: But I don't think when you're talking to your niece
Speaker 1: that's so tricky, because like you don't want her to
Speaker 1: go back and say I'm going to the wedding, because
Speaker 1: then then he feels like he's been stripped of his
Speaker 1: decision making power, which is clearly what he's holding onto. Right,
Speaker 1: I'm also imagining like this angry Texan man. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: I'm just picture I'm wearing a cowboy hat, Texas man.
Speaker 1: He's not your typical Texas man. Oh he's not. Okay,
Speaker 1: how would you describe him? He's a very like prideful person,
Speaker 1: played basketball in college, and he was raised by a
Speaker 1: single mother and so he's very independent. So yeah, it
Speaker 1: just sucks because he's so angry with my sister because
Speaker 1: she was ready to finally get a divorce. But he's
Speaker 1: really only hurting me and my niece and she I
Speaker 1: thought we were very close, and so that hurts as well.
Speaker 1: I mean, I lost one of my closest friends, but
Speaker 1: I can accept that. But it sucks for my sister.
Speaker 1: But also it's my wedding, and yeah, my niece isience yea,
Speaker 1: And I just think in your next email, you should
Speaker 1: definitely just say it again like this is from love.
Speaker 1: Please don't take this experience away from us based on
Speaker 1: what happened between you and my sister. This is about you.
Speaker 1: What's your niece's name? Marley Marley. Marley, and I want
Speaker 1: to share this. I want her to remember my wedding day.
Speaker 1: I want her to be a part of this. This
Speaker 1: is like a historical family moment. And I know things
Speaker 1: suck and you're upset, but I didn't do this, and
Speaker 1: Marley certainly didn't do anything right. That's true. You need
Speaker 1: to say that should I email him or should I
Speaker 1: actually text him or give him a call? Yeah, whatever
Speaker 1: you think you're most comfortable with. I would give him
Speaker 1: a call if you think he might answer that your call.
Speaker 1: I mean, I always think it's better writing. I just
Speaker 1: find to be a little bit more people have more
Speaker 1: reflection on. When you can read something a few times
Speaker 1: and then you see the points that somebody's making, it
Speaker 1: kind of lands a little bit more heavily. And so
Speaker 1: I would send the email and then if you don't
Speaker 1: care back from him again, then you can text him
Speaker 1: or call him. But yeah, don't give up. You have
Speaker 1: nothing to lose. That's true. I am already accepted not
Speaker 1: having her, So I just got to keep trying because
Speaker 1: you can't be disappointed anymore. Yeah, I remember to impress
Speaker 1: that this is a family moment. This is your niece.
Speaker 1: That's never going to change, and why should she miss
Speaker 1: your wedding? Why should she be punished because of anything.
Speaker 1: We're willing to make compromises here. We're willing to give
Speaker 1: you them on Christmas right now. He knows he's in
Speaker 1: the power seats, so he's probably because why wouldn't he
Speaker 1: want them for both Christmas Is and Thanksgiving if he's
Speaker 1: feeling like that. So I bet you he's probably thinking
Speaker 1: about it and just holding his power and doesn't want
Speaker 1: to give it away until the very last minute. If
Speaker 1: he's so angry and prideful. Yeah, that's exactly what my
Speaker 1: sister said, because she was saying if he were to
Speaker 1: say no, she thinks he would just say it right
Speaker 1: then and there. Okay, So don't give up, hope, just
Speaker 1: keep trying. Yeah. She and I talked a little bit
Speaker 1: about this, and I had asked if he has other
Speaker 1: family and Rachel he said, he's clothes with his mom
Speaker 1: as well. Right, Yeah, so that might be another angle
Speaker 1: to you know, if you don't hear back from a call,
Speaker 1: you don't hear back from an email, to go talk
Speaker 1: to his mom and implore her, like we really want this,
Speaker 1: we love him, we love her. The kids but I
Speaker 1: can see from her face that that might not be
Speaker 1: the best character. Like, yeah, but you know what, she's
Speaker 1: a mother, yeah, and a grandma, Yeah, and a grandmother.
Speaker 1: And there's there's a way into everybody. I mean, some
Speaker 1: people there's no way in, but there you know, you
Speaker 1: just have to work under the assumption if this is
Speaker 1: something that's so important to you, which obviously it is,
Speaker 1: you just kind of have to try every avenue. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the the extreme, this is the comedic. Non don't do
Speaker 1: this version. I hate my sister too, but listen, but listen,
Speaker 1: I want what's best for the kids. Know sucks, but yeah,
Speaker 1: that would be a good avenue to probably, But no, really,
Speaker 1: you have an awesome sister. If she's willing to give
Speaker 1: up two Christmas in a row to like make sure
Speaker 1: her kids can come to your wedding, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: are you kidding me? Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, listen,
Speaker 1: you're gonna have an incredible day no matter what. And
Speaker 1: if it works out, which hopefully it will, that would
Speaker 1: be great. It's going to be great regardless of whether
Speaker 1: they're there or not. It's not the end of the world.
Speaker 1: It's just a bummer. And so you know, I don't
Speaker 1: want you to like spend your day thinking about who's
Speaker 1: not there. To spend your day thinking about who's there.
Speaker 1: It's like when you're performing stand up and people are
Speaker 1: pissed if it's not sold out. It's like focus on
Speaker 1: the people that are sitting there about tickets, not on
Speaker 1: the fifty seats that are empty. For sure. And if
Speaker 1: for some reason it really doesn't work out and he
Speaker 1: really refuses, like schedule a little photo shoot and have
Speaker 1: her put on her dress and you put on your
Speaker 1: dress and you guys can dance around the living room
Speaker 1: or take pictures in the garden, but like do something special. Good.
Speaker 1: That's a cute idea. I like that too. So many options. Yeah, yeah, well,
Speaker 1: thank you guys. Let us know what happens. Okay, Rachel,
Speaker 1: Well for sure, I'm going to reach out to him
Speaker 1: probably today. Okay, good, good, and congratulations on your wedding.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you so much. So it's good talk
Speaker 1: to you guys. Bye. See how serious this sh it is.
Speaker 1: It was supposed to be a fun podcastle I know,
Speaker 1: I know this is how it is all the time.
Speaker 1: People think I'm a doctor. Oh, I know this is
Speaker 1: I mean, but you've you both have good solutions. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't have much for these folks. Now you have
Speaker 1: a male perspective. That's important. Were talking about men and
Speaker 1: both of these situations, right, you know. So it's good
Speaker 1: to have a male perspective, especially a straight mail, because
Speaker 1: I don't have a lot of straight mails on this
Speaker 1: podcast for obvious reasons. And you're somebody that is not
Speaker 1: like that. So it's nice to have a nice male
Speaker 1: opinion to be implemented or incorporated into this. Just imagining though,
Speaker 1: the guy when you're so angry, it's like, buddy, let
Speaker 1: it go. Why are you holding onto anger? It's like
Speaker 1: cancer causing Yeah. Have you ever been angry like that?
Speaker 1: I've had. Yeah. You know, my dad growing up was
Speaker 1: always had an anger streak, and I feel like it
Speaker 1: it boils in me. But because I grew up with
Speaker 1: a dad who is angry, I keep it inside. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't. I'm not explosive, sort of never shout. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I can't imagine you yelling at anybody. Yeah, definitely, it's
Speaker 1: a It's a real emotion comes through me. Do you
Speaker 1: get angry I used to get Yeah, I get angry.
Speaker 1: I get pissed because I have a temper, but I
Speaker 1: know how to regulate it and I don't act on
Speaker 1: it most of the time. I used to what's your
Speaker 1: trick for for regulating it? I just know now, like
Speaker 1: I've been to therapy, Like I went for intensive therapy
Speaker 1: for like two years. I had someone I'm like, fix me,
Speaker 1: Why am I yelling at people? And like I would
Speaker 1: fly off the handle at someone a stranger if they
Speaker 1: did something, And now I'm just like, no, it doesn't matter,
Speaker 1: Like just be cool. It's just better to have. My
Speaker 1: trick is just if I'm being reactive. If I feel that,
Speaker 1: I don't, I walk away, Like I literally just go
Speaker 1: in another room, walk walk down the street. I'm like,
Speaker 1: you're never acting like that again. You've done too much
Speaker 1: work on yourself to reduce yourself, and I always just
Speaker 1: feel like you're kind of negating all of the positivity
Speaker 1: that you put out in the world when you act
Speaker 1: like an asshole. Yeah, so I just remind myself of that.
Speaker 1: That's really good. Here's the good idea joke about my
Speaker 1: dad or he would get so angry and he wasn't
Speaker 1: even sure why. He'd be like, goddamn it. I'm eating pretzels,
Speaker 1: you know, like, is he angry? Is he hungry? What
Speaker 1: is the emotion being expressed? But that was that was
Speaker 1: that was always my Yeah. And the other one ahead
Speaker 1: was true from childhood is where's that goddamn horrible phone?
Speaker 1: And uh, and my mom's role in the family was
Speaker 1: to just find the portable phone. And I always feared
Speaker 1: that one day they forget what the end of the
Speaker 1: joke is. But gosh, it was so years, so many
Speaker 1: years ago, you know how sometimes you have jokes or
Speaker 1: like twenty years old and you're like, I remember exactly.
Speaker 1: But my dad, honestly, like he would be like, God,
Speaker 1: damn what I mean, preszls? Goddamn what wears the portable phone?
Speaker 1: And I always grew up around that, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do that, but I do feel
Speaker 1: the emotion. He feels like the rage sometimes how come
Speaker 1: this thing is so wrong? Yeah? I mean Also, my
Speaker 1: dad had a really bad temper and which to punish him,
Speaker 1: my mom would hide the remote control. That was his
Speaker 1: punishment because she was passive aggressive and she couldn't go
Speaker 1: head to head with him in the arguing department, so
Speaker 1: she would just rearrange furniture and move things around so
Speaker 1: he would be more confused about And that was her way.
Speaker 1: And then she'd go upstairs to her bedroom and like
Speaker 1: go to sleep at six o'clock, which is also a
Speaker 1: trade I picked up from my mother. I love to
Speaker 1: be in bed, love it at early hours. And when
Speaker 1: it's light out and I get into bed and I
Speaker 1: have like a nice sandwich on my nightstand and like
Speaker 1: three hours of television ahead of me, I cannot be happier.
Speaker 1: I know. That's what single people can do. Well. I
Speaker 1: don't want to say, Mike, thanks to the miracle of
Speaker 1: the Internet. I do remember how you finish that joke,
Speaker 1: because I listened to it. Was that they eventually invented
Speaker 1: portable phones that had like a pager and they would beep,
Speaker 1: and so your parents, you know, could get a divorce
Speaker 1: because there was no world from your mom anymore. That's right.
Speaker 1: That's a very good Yeah, good job, I mean, thanks
Speaker 1: to the Internet. Okay, what do we have next, Catherine? Okay,
Speaker 1: so this is from Emma. Emma's here with us as
Speaker 1: well as a little bit lighter. Jesus, Dear Chelsea, my
Speaker 1: name is Emma. I'm twenty nine years old. I live
Speaker 1: in Toronto, Ontario, and I'm too happy. The past few
Speaker 1: years were some of the worst years of my life.
Speaker 1: As a social work manager at a health care for
Speaker 1: facility for seniors, I had to watch my clients drowning
Speaker 1: in the pandemic. I was stuck in a relationship with
Speaker 1: a serial cheater, was staring at fifteen thousand dollars of
Speaker 1: credit card debt and completely neglecting my physical health. Cut
Speaker 1: to today, my debt is paid off. I'm living in
Speaker 1: my dream apartment, think Carrie in Sex in the city,
Speaker 1: driving my dream car. I've picked up a second job
Speaker 1: with a promotion on the way. I'm healthier than ever,
Speaker 1: with an amazing group of friends, and I'm in love
Speaker 1: with the most wonderful, handsome kind man. So what's your problem? Right? Oh,
Speaker 1: wait for it. There have been countless times in the
Speaker 1: past several months where I'm bursting with gratitude on the
Speaker 1: verge of tears. I'm on cloud nine. I had previously
Speaker 1: dated garbage men and not the city employee kind. This
Speaker 1: man encourages me, supports me, makes me laugh, but acknowledges
Speaker 1: I'm funnier, loves my friends. My mom says he looks
Speaker 1: like a guy from a Hallmark Christmas movie. He's normal
Speaker 1: in the best ways, and I want to spend my
Speaker 1: life with him. Recently, however, we've started talking about moving
Speaker 1: in together later this year. For some reason, the last
Speaker 1: time we spoke about this, I had a pit in
Speaker 1: my stomach. What if I didn't enjoy my single time enough?
Speaker 1: What about my cute, solw carry apartment? Is there going
Speaker 1: to be enough excitement with all this nice nonsense? The
Speaker 1: darkest parts of my own demons tell me I'll self
Speaker 1: sabotage my way out of this, or even worse, I'll
Speaker 1: get bored. How do I ensure my hard work and
Speaker 1: manifestation of all this good doesn't go to waste? How
Speaker 1: do I make myself open and unafraid to the love
Speaker 1: I deserve? Emma, Hi, Hi, Hi. This is Mike bro
Speaker 1: big Leiah. He's our special guest today and that's how Yeah.
Speaker 1: I'm great. I'm just on a bit of a break
Speaker 1: from work, so I popped home. Yeah, what do you do?
Speaker 1: I'm a social worker. Oh, good for you. That's nice.
Speaker 1: Mike had a lot he thought there was a lot
Speaker 1: of unpacked I'm gonna let him take the lead because
Speaker 1: it's a two partner in a certain way, Like she
Speaker 1: was saying that the last two and a half years
Speaker 1: or such. Hell yeah, I feel like this is always
Speaker 1: worth pointing out. The last two and a half years
Speaker 1: have been complete in total hell for like free, awful
Speaker 1: and like we should never stop talking about you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like it's so fucking mad, and I
Speaker 1: feel like sometimes we're all playing it cool, like oh yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: we're doing our best, whenever it's like no, no, it's
Speaker 1: a horrible, unprecedented, once a hundred years situation. It's like
Speaker 1: war times, right. So that's so that's part one. I
Speaker 1: feel like absolutely want to hang lantern on that. And
Speaker 1: then the second thing is having to do with like,
Speaker 1: are you if you're afraid of moving in with someone?
Speaker 1: I would just say just don't move in, just wait.
Speaker 1: I would wait, I just wait on that, because it's like,
Speaker 1: what's the rush? I don't get the unless there's a
Speaker 1: rush thing that I don't know about. Are you do
Speaker 1: you feel comfortable waiting to move in? Or is that
Speaker 1: something you Why is there a rush? I mean, ideally, ideally,
Speaker 1: I agree with you. I think two years sounds nice
Speaker 1: to me. I think you know, you never get that
Speaker 1: time when you're dating back like it's such a nice time,
Speaker 1: especially if you really are enjoying each other's company. I mean, like,
Speaker 1: I agree, what's the rush? I wish that finances weren't
Speaker 1: what they are, and I wish that rent wasn't what
Speaker 1: it is, and I wish that that wasn't such a
Speaker 1: huge factor because if we're looking, you know, if we
Speaker 1: really want to spend our life together and we're looking
Speaker 1: to build for the future, saving like ten fifteen grand
Speaker 1: in one year, it makes logical sense so that it
Speaker 1: can pay off later on. I mean, he's with me
Speaker 1: six nights a week, you know, I can have those
Speaker 1: conversations with him where we can look for that time
Speaker 1: where we can spend separately so we can preserve some
Speaker 1: of the mystery. I would agree, I would love to
Speaker 1: wait a little bit longer. But there's you know, there's
Speaker 1: other factors. I guess. No, it's definitely a financial like
Speaker 1: the housing markets insane right now. I know, but that's
Speaker 1: fifteen or ten thousand dollars. Like I understand your social
Speaker 1: worker and that you're working within your salary, but I
Speaker 1: really don't think you should make decisions based on finances
Speaker 1: if you can't. If you can, you know, like that's
Speaker 1: not the right reason to move in with someone. I
Speaker 1: want to say from your entire First of all, I
Speaker 1: want to double a piggyback on what Mike said about
Speaker 1: the last two and a half years, because I think
Speaker 1: half the people even understand what kind of post traumatic
Speaker 1: stress they're going to have in five years from what
Speaker 1: we just all went through. Like some people feel it
Speaker 1: and felt it throughout the pandemic, and some people aren't
Speaker 1: gonna feel anything for two years, and it's like delayed grief.
Speaker 1: You know. The other thing is reading listening to your letter.
Speaker 1: You need to reread your letter a similar point. That
Speaker 1: is a saboteurs mindset. You just said it out loud.
Speaker 1: What's going on. Everything's fine, Everything's working out. You're spending
Speaker 1: six nights a week with somebody. You obviously are into them,
Speaker 1: You're obviously feeling very strong feelings. Everything in your life
Speaker 1: is going great. Enjoy this moment that you're in without
Speaker 1: worrying about sucking it up. Make a plan with your
Speaker 1: boyfriend of when you are going to move in together,
Speaker 1: or when you're gonna talk more seriously about moving in together,
Speaker 1: and even if it's only like three months before. I
Speaker 1: don't know what's your least situation right now, Do you
Speaker 1: have a year lease or something? Like? It's stable? Everything stable,
Speaker 1: And I mean realistically, I entered into this lease on
Speaker 1: my own. I got this on my own. I built
Speaker 1: up the money to get this, so, like my trajectory
Speaker 1: at that time was to be paying for this on
Speaker 1: my own. So introducing someone into that it's it's like
Speaker 1: a bonus. But you're right, it's not something that I
Speaker 1: was counting on. Ever. I was also concerned about the
Speaker 1: way you described your boyfriend as being like a Hallmark card.
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I don't know, I don't love
Speaker 1: that like Hallmark cards. Well nobody does. But I mean
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean, you know, that's not the c I
Speaker 1: don't think that's the crux of the letter and of
Speaker 1: what you're saying, right, Like, I think if you introduced,
Speaker 1: have you guys spoken about living together yet? Yeah? We
Speaker 1: like that's kind of the best part. Like there's nothing
Speaker 1: that I can't comfortably share with him. I was excited
Speaker 1: to talk about this. You know, it's great. There any
Speaker 1: deep dark you know, things deep down I can air
Speaker 1: out with him and he can, you know, meet me
Speaker 1: there and not take anything personally. The hallmark part is
Speaker 1: just like he's built for mass appeal, Like he is
Speaker 1: just jealous who wants to be described as a Hallmark card.
Speaker 1: So it's wonderful. Yeah, and how long have you guys
Speaker 1: been to get other? Now just kind of a year? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think you should have a conversation and just say, listen,
Speaker 1: we're all we're both moving in the same direction. I
Speaker 1: want to be with you probably you know, for interminably,
Speaker 1: and I and let's let's revisit this subject in six months,
Speaker 1: because I'm so enjoying this dating and also of having
Speaker 1: our own you know, smaller amounts of personal space, which
Speaker 1: are so important. And let's just revisit this in six months.
Speaker 1: There's no pressure to do anything. And I think you're
Speaker 1: very like you have a lot of self awareness and
Speaker 1: just sit in that positivity and understanding that you're lucky
Speaker 1: and being waking up and having gratitude every single day
Speaker 1: is like really the key to having a healthy, happy
Speaker 1: life because obviously things are going to go wrong at
Speaker 1: certain points in your life, but it's important to remember
Speaker 1: what things are going right. And it sounds like so
Speaker 1: many things are happening for you. Yeah, there's this really
Speaker 1: funny phenomenon where in times of sadness or anger, the
Speaker 1: idea that this too shall pass is so comforting. But then,
Speaker 1: you know, on the flip side, when you get this
Speaker 1: happiness and you work this hard and you get whatever
Speaker 1: it is that you're hoping to achieve, it somehow takes
Speaker 1: as a personal loss or personal failing if that happiness
Speaker 1: becomes just as fluctuating. So I think gratitude is a
Speaker 1: really excellent way to kind of combat that and just
Speaker 1: be happy for what it is here and it's expected
Speaker 1: to go because we can't have the ups without the
Speaker 1: downs too. So I'm working towards being in that state
Speaker 1: of being afraid that this house of cards is just
Speaker 1: going to collapse on me, just to be yeah, just
Speaker 1: to be happy and to live in the present moment
Speaker 1: with it cool. Yeah, I think you're fine, Emma. I
Speaker 1: think you're going to be just fine. Not really worried
Speaker 1: about you. Okay, that's comforting, Thank you, Mike. Are you
Speaker 1: worried about her? No? She seems good and I think
Speaker 1: your advice is good and I think she the gratitude
Speaker 1: is smart. Also, you know, it's a good tip for
Speaker 1: granted gratitude. Journal Yeah, right down every few days what
Speaker 1: you're grateful for. Yeah, yeah, absolutely, there's something about journaling.
Speaker 1: One of my my therapist told me something once. Journaling
Speaker 1: has proven scientific data that you are like releasing emotion right,
Speaker 1: whether it's good or bad. Writing down your thoughts is
Speaker 1: just a great way of reflecting. And so many people
Speaker 1: don't have time to even reflect. You know, you're running
Speaker 1: around like a chicken with your head cut off half
Speaker 1: the time. I know I am, and you know, when
Speaker 1: I sit down, like this week, I haven't meditated once
Speaker 1: because I've been in New York. I'm like, well, and
Speaker 1: I was about to say, well, I don't really have time,
Speaker 1: and then I was like, of course you have time.
Speaker 1: You can do it when you go to bed. I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: then by then I'm ship faced. So I can't really
Speaker 1: meditate when I'm like coming home after you know, at
Speaker 1: two in the morning here in New York. I've come
Speaker 1: to New York and act like a rock star. I
Speaker 1: don't know what I'm so is because yeah, it's revitalized
Speaker 1: in a major way. But but on journaling front, I
Speaker 1: in my new show, I have a line where I
Speaker 1: say every night I like to write down, or every
Speaker 1: few nights is the truth. Every few nights I like
Speaker 1: to write down what I'm saddest about or angriest about,
Speaker 1: because I find that if you write that down, you
Speaker 1: can see your own life as a story. And when
Speaker 1: you see your own life as a story, you can
Speaker 1: zoom out and encourage the main character to make better.
Speaker 1: To sit. Wow, love dropping the bike. Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1: That's great. That's really good advice. I love your secret
Speaker 1: public journals. Thanks, thanks so much. I really do that,
Speaker 1: and that's good advice. It is my partner. He's really
Speaker 1: into journaling. We read his together. So maybe I'll take
Speaker 1: a page out of the cool Cool Thank you Emma
Speaker 1: for calling in and yeah, yeah, just take your time
Speaker 1: and you're gonna have everything is going to be great.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, you guys. I really appreciate this. Sure,
Speaker 1: Thanks Emma. Bye bye. I love our callers. I know
Speaker 1: they're so sweet. I know so earnest. I love that. Yeah. Well,
Speaker 1: we'll take a quick break and we'll come back to
Speaker 1: wrap up with Mike and Chelsea. What a positive what
Speaker 1: a positive podcast, Good vibrations. We'll be right back and
Speaker 1: we're back. Well, Mike, this is a point in our
Speaker 1: show where we wanted to see if you would like
Speaker 1: some advice from Chelsea. Yes, Mike, do you have any
Speaker 1: advice that you would like to ask me about. I'm
Speaker 1: multiple multiple things. I'm just trying to narrow down when
Speaker 1: do you think a friendship is over? I'm being abstract,
Speaker 1: but I but I've had a couple of things over
Speaker 1: the years where I've been like, oh, Okay, I think
Speaker 1: this friendship just might be Yeah. I think if you
Speaker 1: think that, that's probably it's it. You know, like, that's also,
Speaker 1: you know, something for you to journal about. Probably. I
Speaker 1: used to think friendships ending were a sign of my
Speaker 1: inability to behave and now I understand that friendships ending
Speaker 1: are just a part of life. There are people that
Speaker 1: come in and out for specific periods of time for
Speaker 1: you to either influence them or for them to influence
Speaker 1: you or be a comfort or be an inspiration or
Speaker 1: however the dynamic plays out. And that doesn't mean it
Speaker 1: has to be forever, because really nothing is forever. Everything
Speaker 1: is short lived or you know, like nothing lasts forever,
Speaker 1: And it's okay to have a healthier outlook about the
Speaker 1: ending of a friendship. It's not that bad, and it
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be an explosive thing. It just has
Speaker 1: to be like, listen, we're in different places and you
Speaker 1: know we're taking a break. If if you even have
Speaker 1: to address it, I mean, is it something you have
Speaker 1: to address to another person or just to yourself. You
Speaker 1: probably like run into the person like a couple of
Speaker 1: times a year. Yeah, then that's friendship, is what it is. Anyway.
Speaker 1: It's not close or right, So yeah, I think it's
Speaker 1: just it's nice to think about it in a way
Speaker 1: that it's not necessary with a reflection of either person.
Speaker 1: You're just not on the same page exactly anymore. And
Speaker 1: then that is an opening also for different people to
Speaker 1: come into your life. Like there's nothing I love more
Speaker 1: than constantly meeting new people and making new friends. That
Speaker 1: actually it's funny, as you say, when it started to
Speaker 1: happen is when I became friends and Ryan, Oh really yeah,
Speaker 1: I always think that happens. There's a universal balance that
Speaker 1: happens professionally, personally health wise. When anything you know seesaws
Speaker 1: in one way, there's always something else that levels everything out.
Speaker 1: And I find that to be true all the time,
Speaker 1: and I'd like to pay attention to that stuff now.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Mike. You're so welcome, You're awesome.
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful that you came today. I'm so happy
Speaker 1: to see you. I haven't seen you in forever. It's
Speaker 1: been probably twenty years, and and uh, I've just been
Speaker 1: admiring you from afar for all these years. I'm honored
Speaker 1: to be on the podcast and I can't wait to
Speaker 1: have you on working it out. Yeah, we'll definitely do that.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Katherine. Would you like to say goodbye to
Speaker 1: our guest. Bye, Mike. I'm waving. I'm waving him looking
Speaker 1: for the camera to waite. I've been following you since
Speaker 1: you were jumping out of windows. So, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: oh so special. Means so much. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad we we made it work. And goodbye
Speaker 1: and goodbye and goodbye. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea,
Speaker 1: just send us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. We have a special call for submissions
Speaker 1: this week. If you've done any sort of genetic testing
Speaker 1: and maybe made a disc recovery about a new family
Speaker 1: member or found out that your uncle maybe has a
Speaker 1: secret family somewhere, or you found some health markers related
Speaker 1: to your DNA that have led you to take certain
Speaker 1: steps and investigate further, and especially if you'd like advice
Speaker 1: about what you found out in your DNA analysis, please
Speaker 1: write into Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear
Speaker 1: Chelsea is a production of I Heart Radio, executive produced
Speaker 1: by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and
Speaker 1: engineered by Brad Dickert.