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Speaker 1: Now here's a highlight from Coast to Coast AM on iHeartRadio.

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Speaker 2: And welcome back to Coast to Coast George Nori with you.

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Speaker 2: Mandy ben will lead back with us President and the

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Speaker 2: co founder of Keeper, which is online memorial and digital

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Speaker 2: legacy platform that helps folks document their life stories and

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Speaker 2: helps families preserve and share those memories after a death.

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Speaker 2: She is also the co founder and editor of talkdeath

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Speaker 2: dot com, a death education platform dedicated to encouraging thoughtful

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Speaker 2: conversations about those who have passed. Mandy, welcome back. How

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Speaker 2: are you.

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Speaker 3: I'm good, Thanks George, Thanks for having me.

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Speaker 2: What was that moment in your life that caused you

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Speaker 2: to go into this field?

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Speaker 3: Of course, I was at a cemetery classic I was

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Speaker 3: visiting my grandfather and I was walking through a mausoleum

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Speaker 3: where they had earns in these like glass front cases,

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Speaker 3: and so families would place objects, like, you know, little

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Speaker 3: photos of them and different items and mementos, and one

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Speaker 3: of them just kind of stopped me in my tracks.

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Speaker 3: There was a blank CD, so you know CD from

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Speaker 3: the nineties that we all used to use, and it

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Speaker 3: would say it said Dad's work written on it in

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Speaker 3: sharpie Dad's work and so it's not me in my

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Speaker 3: tracks because you don't typically see technology like that in

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Speaker 3: a cemetery. And this was back in twenty twelve, and

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Speaker 3: I tried actually looking up the person's name because I

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Speaker 3: was like, what could be on this CD? I was

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Speaker 3: so curious. Of course, nothing came up on Google when

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Speaker 3: I did search for him, and it made me realize

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Speaker 3: that this person's life was so important and their legacy

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Speaker 3: was so important to their family that they wanted a

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Speaker 3: way to preserve it and display it in some way.

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Speaker 3: And that's really how it all started. I thought, what

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Speaker 3: if you could walk around to cemetery and learn about

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Speaker 3: every person's life story. What if there was a safe

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Speaker 3: place for families to be able to store that legacy.

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Speaker 2: That's fascinating. And I'm in Saint Lewis right now, Mandy,

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Speaker 2: where they just arrested some lowlife guy who ripped off

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Speaker 2: a cemetery stole forty browns earns that were in the

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Speaker 2: graves memorializing those who had died, and he stole them

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Speaker 2: and took them home.

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Speaker 3: You know, that's like the fourth story I've heard in

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Speaker 3: the past, like two or three months. Literally, there was

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Speaker 3: someone who was recently arrested because he had gravers for

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Speaker 3: years and sold body parts online too, Like, can you

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Speaker 3: imagine anything worse?

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Speaker 2: It's awful Who would buy those things?

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Speaker 3: Oh? I don't like to begin to guess that. Some

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Speaker 3: people like to display bones and things like that. I mean,

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Speaker 3: you know, hunters do it, but it's of animals.

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Speaker 2: I don't.

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Speaker 3: I honestly don't know. Some people like strange things that

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Speaker 3: I don't know if I'll understand.

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Speaker 2: And I guess a bronze earn is worth some money, huh, Honestly, I.

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Speaker 3: Mean not that much, like you know, usually they're like

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Speaker 3: a couple hundred dollars, So I honestly don't really understand

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Speaker 3: why people would do so. Some people just I don't know,

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Speaker 3: find it interesting to have that there was one locally

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Speaker 3: near me and they were stealing, just like little small urns,

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Speaker 3: which are like monetarily it's not really worth anything. And

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Speaker 3: I don't know. Some people just I'm not really sure

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Speaker 3: what the motivation is.

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Speaker 2: And the remains of those cremated we're in the bronze earns.

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Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, that's so awful for the families.

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Speaker 2: I hope they throw the book at the guy, I

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Speaker 2: really do. That's cool. Yeah, online memorialization and how does

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Speaker 2: it fill in both of the legacy planning and remembrance after death.

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Speaker 2: How do you do that?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? So essentially, the way that we do it and

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Speaker 3: the way that folks are able to do it online

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Speaker 3: is if before you pass away the legacy planning side,

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Speaker 3: what it actually allows you to do is start preserving

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Speaker 3: your memories and your life story before you pass away.

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Speaker 3: So literally it means going on to a site like

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Speaker 3: ours and filling in prompts and the questions could be

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Speaker 3: as simple as, you know, what do you feel was

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Speaker 3: your greateish accomplishment? What do you how do you want

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Speaker 3: people to remember you when you pass away. It's something

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Speaker 3: as simple as taking, you know, your favorite photos that

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Speaker 3: you've uploaded to Facebook of yourself and your family and

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Speaker 3: putting it on the site. It's thinking about the history

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Speaker 3: of your life, whether you're a veteran, whether you know

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Speaker 3: your work and your career, and placing it in these

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Speaker 3: designated areas on the site, and then when you pass away,

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Speaker 3: that is published and family is then able to always

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Speaker 3: have those memories and those moments. That's a really powerful

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Speaker 3: tool and that's really on the legacy planning side of

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Speaker 3: something you want to do in advance, and something we're

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Speaker 3: seeing people do more and more.

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Speaker 2: Shouldn't the planning be done years ahead of time before

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Speaker 2: the person dies.

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Speaker 3: Ideally, yes, you talk to any legacy planner, Yes, so

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Speaker 3: you know before you pass away. There's obviously a number

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Speaker 3: of things that we should all be taken care of.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 3: We should have our wills in place, we should have

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Speaker 3: our power of attorney in place. We should be having

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Speaker 3: written out our medical documents to say what we want

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Speaker 3: to happen to us if we are incapacitated. And we

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Speaker 3: should also decide what we want to do with our

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Speaker 3: bodies when we pass away. Do we want cremation, do

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Speaker 3: we want to be buried? And the legacy planning on

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Speaker 3: what we're talking about here. I like to say it's

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Speaker 3: the fun part. This is the time when you are

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Speaker 3: able to reflect on your life and of course doing

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Speaker 3: that when you're in good health, when you still have

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Speaker 3: access to your old photo albums, and it's something that

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Speaker 3: you can do slowly over time, over years, and it

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Speaker 3: should absolutely be done quite in advance. It's such a

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Speaker 3: fulfilling thing to do as well. Right, imagine just having

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Speaker 3: something that you can look at that you feel really

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Speaker 3: captures your life on this planet. And I think it's

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Speaker 3: such an amazing gift that you can give to your family,

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Speaker 3: and it's something you can do with your family. I

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Speaker 3: started doing it with my grandmother. We started going through

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Speaker 3: her old photos and she would just tell me things

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Speaker 3: and I would start transcribing them, and having that is

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Speaker 3: something that I'm going to be able to show my

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Speaker 3: kids and hopefully they're kids, and it's just such a

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Speaker 3: comforting thing.

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Speaker 2: It could be fun too, right, oh.

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Speaker 3: One hundred percent. Honestly, I think it's I barely think

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Speaker 3: it's morbid or sad in any way, to be honest,

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Speaker 3: we usually always get the opposite reaction.

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Speaker 2: I think it's more morbid and sad after the fact

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Speaker 2: if nothing was done prior to the person before they died,

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Speaker 2: and then if you scramble and find things and stuff

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Speaker 2: like that after the fact, that's when it's sad exactly.

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Speaker 3: And I mean, look, the honest truth is that most

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Speaker 3: people that come to our site are making a page

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Speaker 3: for someone that has passed away, right. Most folks are

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Speaker 3: using the online memorial feature over like the Legacy Planning tool,

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Speaker 3: And the reality is because most of us don't plan ahead,

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Speaker 3: and oftentimes it's because some of us are not really

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Speaker 3: ready to face our mortality. And doing this is you know,

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Speaker 3: a way of facing your mortality, right, thinking this is

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Speaker 3: something that is going to be here when I'm not.

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Speaker 3: And so the online memorial side is, you know, it's

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Speaker 3: incredibly wonderful for families because you can put it up,

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Speaker 3: you can put as much or as little information as

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Speaker 3: you can, and what's important is that you share it

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Speaker 3: with friends and family and then they're able to go

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Speaker 3: in and add their photos and their stories and it

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Speaker 3: becomes like what I call the quilt effect, where everyone

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Speaker 3: is able to share a piece of that person's life

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Speaker 3: to make a whole story. So online memorials can also

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Speaker 3: be very healing. But the legacy planning, you know, it

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Speaker 3: removes the burden of you know, what would they have wanted.

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Speaker 3: I see families arguing over which picture they should use

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Speaker 3: is the main photograph?

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Speaker 1: Right?

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Speaker 3: You know, it's so it just removes that conflict. It

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Speaker 3: takes away from you know, that emotional time.

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Speaker 2: Social media is somewhat comforting because those who have passed

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Speaker 2: on generally had some kind of an account on Facebook

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Speaker 2: or Instagram. And they don't take those down. They last

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Speaker 2: for almost forever, don't they.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, they can. And here's the pros and cons to this,

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Speaker 3: right is, before Facebook launched, they actually have like a

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Speaker 3: memorialization tool in that you can say that someone is

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Speaker 3: going to sort of manage your page. But the difference

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Speaker 3: is that your Facebook page is frozen in time. Right,

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Speaker 3: It's frozen in those last couple posts that you had,

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Speaker 3: And it all kind of depends on your Facebook use. Right,

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Speaker 3: If you were someone that just put in, you know,

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Speaker 3: the key memories and really used it to you know,

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Speaker 3: show the trajectory of your life and share those important moments,

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Speaker 3: then yes, it's nice. But if you're someone who's just

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Speaker 3: like you know, constantly posting for your daily activities and

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Speaker 3: just posting stuff that you're sharing, it's not really the same. Like, sure,

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Speaker 3: it's a reflection of who you were, but it doesn't

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Speaker 3: really have a way to sort of capture your life.

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Speaker 3: And I think what's most important is that there's no

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Speaker 3: space for other people to kind of really talk about

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Speaker 3: you and to share their stories, because when you turn

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Speaker 3: it into memorialization mode, it's like locked down. You can't

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Speaker 3: really do anything with it, and you'll still have to

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Speaker 3: try to get access to it, so it honestly can

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Speaker 3: become a hassle. And that's like one of our one

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Speaker 3: of the biggest tools that our families use is they

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Speaker 3: want help to take those important pieces that are in

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Speaker 3: your Facebook and your Instagram and put it on a

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Speaker 3: page where it's going to stay. It's not going to

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Speaker 3: be removed.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 3: I had one of the reasons why I started the

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Speaker 3: company is right that year that I was, like, right

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Speaker 3: after I went to that cemetery and I was telling

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Speaker 3: you that story, my mentor had passed away really really suddenly,

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Speaker 3: and I I went to his Facebook page and his

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Speaker 3: parents had taken it down, so his parents are maybe

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Speaker 3: a little more old school, and I realized all my

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Speaker 3: photos of him, all my interactions, even like my messages,

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Speaker 3: it was like when we were just using Facebook, everything

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Speaker 3: was there and everything went away, and it was like

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Speaker 3: I felt a second loss. So it's the family can

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Speaker 3: take it down, and so it's not always one hundred

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Speaker 3: percent secure. You know.

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Speaker 2: What I find strange is those that have died that

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Speaker 2: I know when their birthdays come up, people who don't

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Speaker 2: know if they've died, saying happy birthday, to you, I

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Speaker 2: haven't seen you in a few years, how you've been

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Speaker 2: and you read it and it's kind of weird.

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Speaker 3: I know, it is weird, and like when you know

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Speaker 3: it comes up on your list of recommendations and it

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Speaker 3: like immortalizes the person, but it's in a way where

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Speaker 3: where you're not expecting it, and so it can like

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Speaker 3: bring up, like, you know, emotions in that moment, and

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Speaker 3: it can be like, you know, a little traumatic sometimes

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Speaker 3: because you're just you know, doing your day to day

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Speaker 3: on Facebook. Because Facebook is a space for the living,

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Speaker 3: right in reality, that's what it is, and so when

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Speaker 3: things like that come up, it can it can be emotional.

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Speaker 3: Whereas you know, like when you're putting something on a

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Speaker 3: space like an online memorial, and it's you're going there

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Speaker 3: with an intention, just like you know, you go drive

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Speaker 3: to the cemetery, You're going, you know what you're doing.

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Speaker 3: You're going to it someone, You're going to be reflecting

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Speaker 3: and in that space and you kind of get yourself

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Speaker 3: emotionally ready for that. That's kind of what the online

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Speaker 3: memorial does is it's like a safe space. It's like

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Speaker 3: you know that that's why you're going, and it's designed

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Speaker 3: to feel comforting.

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Speaker 2: I just recently deleted the text messages that one of

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Speaker 2: my friends sent me who passed away seven years ago,

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Speaker 2: and I just figured I needed to do this for myself,

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Speaker 2: and I hit the lead and off it went all

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Speaker 2: the messages he had sent me over seven years gone.

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Speaker 2: Was that a smart thing to do? Emotional thing to do?

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Speaker 1: What do you think?

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Speaker 3: Look, everyone has their way of grieving, and if that

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Speaker 3: was a way that you needed to be able to

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Speaker 3: kind of let go and move past it, then it's

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Speaker 3: never a bad idea. Something I see people do the most,

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Speaker 3: and what they cling on to the most is old voicemails.

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Speaker 3: We have people who will upload those old voicemails so

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Speaker 3: that they don't get lost. The amount of people that

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Speaker 3: go back and listen to the last voicemail that their

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Speaker 3: loved one sent them. It's so emotional, but it's also

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Speaker 3: like such a beautiful thing to have that, So you know,

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Speaker 3: it's one of those things that it can be painful

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Speaker 3: at first and then bring you comfort, but if it

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Speaker 3: never ends up bringing you comfort, then you know, removing

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Speaker 3: it is it's not a bad idea. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Share with us Mandy a story of a positive keeper

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Speaker 2: situation and then tell us one that was negative because

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Speaker 2: somebody never did it.

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Speaker 3: Gosh, that's a good question. So one of the positives

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Speaker 3: I would have to say. So. One of the services

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Speaker 3: we also offer is virtual funerals. We started this of

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Speaker 3: course during COVID, where we have a team that will plan, coordinate,

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Speaker 3: build everything for a memorial service that'll happen online. And

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Speaker 3: interestingly enough, this is something that folks are still doing

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Speaker 3: because families are in different parts of the world, right

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Speaker 3: and so it allows people to get together. And so

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Speaker 3: what we do is we build up the memorial page

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Speaker 3: and then that gives us a lot of you know,

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Speaker 3: wonderful content for the memorial service as well. And so

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Speaker 3: we had we had one. It was a dad. I

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Speaker 3: think he was like maybe like seven in the seventies

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Speaker 3: and he passed away, and he had three daughters, and

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Speaker 3: I think it was you know, a bit of a

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Speaker 3: tumultuous relationship. You can kind of get the vibe from

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Speaker 3: the family, but they really wanted to remember their dad.

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Speaker 3: And one of the things we did, and one of

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Speaker 3: the things that kind of just lived on was that

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Speaker 3: he loved an old fashion and so what we did

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Speaker 3: is there talking the cocktail. Yes, an old fashioned cocktail. Yes,

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Speaker 3: And we brought in a bartender, a great bartender, and

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Speaker 3: he went on video. We told everyone in advance to

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Speaker 3: have certain ingredients at home, and he taught us the

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Speaker 3: history of it, and we all made it together on camera,

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Speaker 3: and we prepared it. And while we prepared it, we

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Speaker 3: all everyone spoke about memories of it and memories of

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Speaker 3: you know, the first time they were forced to make

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Speaker 3: one for him, or they had when their first one

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Speaker 3: with him, or had their first sip with him, and

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Speaker 3: they all like got together and did this activity and

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Speaker 3: it was just such like a beautiful healing experience for everyone.

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Speaker 3: But it was also so fun and so memorable, and

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Speaker 3: so that was like a really lovely, a really lovely story.

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Speaker 1: Listen to more Coast to Coast AM every weeknight at

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