1 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:07,560 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Stephman. 2 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:09,320 Speaker 1: Ever told you a production of I Heart Radios? How 3 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:22,440 Speaker 1: stuff Work? You know? Growing up I always wanted a sister, 4 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 1: did you I did. I decided around high school, after 5 00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:33,600 Speaker 1: witnessing my friends who had sisters get in some pretty 6 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:38,320 Speaker 1: epic spats with them, that I no longer wanted a sister. 7 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,760 Speaker 1: But when I was young, I really did because I 8 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,919 Speaker 1: thought it'd be cool. We could play together, we could 9 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:47,600 Speaker 1: share clothes and toys. But around that time I was like, 10 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:49,600 Speaker 1: you know, maybe it's good because I'm the middle child. 11 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:54,400 Speaker 1: I have something that differentiates me. I will say, for me, 12 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:57,640 Speaker 1: I did have a sister, my adopted sister, and instead 13 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,600 Speaker 1: of sharing clothes, I got hand me downs, right, So 14 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:04,200 Speaker 1: that's not always wonderful. Yes, a b I also got 15 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:06,600 Speaker 1: compared to her a lot because she was a star 16 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:10,200 Speaker 1: student and very cute blonde and by the way, I'm Asian, 17 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:14,160 Speaker 1: so that is definitely not me um and so but 18 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:17,760 Speaker 1: I will say having her a part of the family, 19 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:21,280 Speaker 1: she is definitely the calm one and the motherly one 20 00:01:21,319 --> 00:01:23,240 Speaker 1: of the four of us. I guess I'll be right 21 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:26,520 Speaker 1: because the other two are brothers. The more maternal and 22 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:28,120 Speaker 1: she kind of takes care of us and takes care 23 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:29,840 Speaker 1: of our parents and all. We've talked about this with 24 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:32,520 Speaker 1: a dutiful daughter that has been really nice to also 25 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 1: lean on her as well, and she is a good sister, 26 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:41,440 Speaker 1: my sister. Yeah. So when I decided no more, I 27 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:43,720 Speaker 1: don't want sisters, as part of it was I realized 28 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:45,680 Speaker 1: I would be getting hand me down when I was 29 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:49,160 Speaker 1: the first. Yes, I specifically wanted a twin because of 30 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:53,960 Speaker 1: Mary Kate Ashley. I suspect um. But every now and 31 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:57,200 Speaker 1: then when I see my friends interact with their sisters 32 00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:00,240 Speaker 1: now as adults, I do have a pang of all right, 33 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:03,200 Speaker 1: I'll look at that beautiful relationship or look at the 34 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:05,080 Speaker 1: way that they kind of pick on each other, but 35 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:10,160 Speaker 1: they know these things about each other. And the inspiration 36 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:14,640 Speaker 1: for this is specifically Frozen, Yes, which I will have 37 00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:18,040 Speaker 1: seen by the time anyone's listening to this, And um, 38 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:20,520 Speaker 1: I just it was really refreshing for me when I 39 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:24,120 Speaker 1: saw that movie to see a relationship between two sisters 40 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:27,280 Speaker 1: and that being the powerful one, that being more important 41 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:32,240 Speaker 1: than the romantic love, having this sister lee connection and 42 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:36,360 Speaker 1: bond and love. Um yeah, I will say I think 43 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:39,160 Speaker 1: because my sister was a lot older than me, our 44 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:42,960 Speaker 1: dynamic is definitely different than the you know, younger so 45 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:45,560 Speaker 1: we didn't fight as much. But she also wasn't in 46 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:49,359 Speaker 1: the home as long. So by the time I think 47 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:53,760 Speaker 1: when I was adopted, she was sixteen, and she got 48 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:56,040 Speaker 1: married and went to school pretty young, and so she 49 00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:57,800 Speaker 1: moved out of the house barely quickly. So we didn't 50 00:02:57,840 --> 00:03:01,400 Speaker 1: necessarily like we bonded. But isn't the level of as 51 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:04,079 Speaker 1: if I was born taking care of me as a kid, 52 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,960 Speaker 1: So it's kind of different. But yeah, definitely still lean 53 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:11,800 Speaker 1: or her for advice and such. Yeah, and I certainly 54 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,919 Speaker 1: I have and we've we've talked about this a lot. Um. 55 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:18,480 Speaker 1: I have a great group of female friends, of which 56 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:22,359 Speaker 1: Samantha you are one, and sometimes I do feel like 57 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:25,680 Speaker 1: I get to experience moments of what it might be 58 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:29,440 Speaker 1: like of having that connection. Um. Anyway, it's just been 59 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:34,680 Speaker 1: something that's on my my brain. Yeah, and I wanted 60 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,880 Speaker 1: to share this, this classic episode with you about whether 61 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:48,560 Speaker 1: or not sisters make you happier. Welcome to Stuff Mom 62 00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:56,240 Speaker 1: Never Told You from how Stuff Works dot Com. Hello, 63 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:59,360 Speaker 1: and welcome to the podcast. This is Molly and I'm Kristin. Kristen, 64 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:02,920 Speaker 1: we have to guest siblings. Before we did a very 65 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:06,560 Speaker 1: big podcast on birth order. We've heard from lots of 66 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:09,440 Speaker 1: our listeners about whether they think birth order makes me difference, 67 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:12,280 Speaker 1: no difference. It got a lot of it got a 68 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:14,520 Speaker 1: lot of response, right, because I think we should remind 69 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:19,120 Speaker 1: listeners that you are the oldest sibling in your family, 70 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:22,920 Speaker 1: and I am the youngest sibling in my family, and 71 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:25,240 Speaker 1: we're also different in another way, Kristen, that's going to 72 00:04:25,279 --> 00:04:28,679 Speaker 1: be the topic of today's conversation. I am the oldest 73 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:31,360 Speaker 1: of three, but I have but my younger siblings are 74 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:35,200 Speaker 1: both brothers. I have two younger brothers, no sisters. Whereas 75 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:37,280 Speaker 1: you've got you've got like a mixed bag over there, 76 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:41,400 Speaker 1: we've got quite a brup party pack. Yes, I am 77 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:48,080 Speaker 1: the youngest of five counting folks, uh in five with 78 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:52,640 Speaker 1: two brothers and two sisters. And this is really gonna 79 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,560 Speaker 1: provide a lot of insight, I think, because today's topic 80 00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:59,400 Speaker 1: is does a sister make you happier? And we didn't 81 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:01,719 Speaker 1: pull this top pick out of thin air. There are 82 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:05,320 Speaker 1: a ton of new studies and headlines coming out left 83 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:10,840 Speaker 1: and right about how sisters are the bomb dot com 84 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:13,919 Speaker 1: to throw out a golden moldie that it's a golden 85 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:18,120 Speaker 1: MOLDI that time flies, that study after study is showing 86 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:21,599 Speaker 1: that people with sisters are happier than those with brothers, 87 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:25,280 Speaker 1: not necessarily than those who only children. All comes out 88 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:26,839 Speaker 1: in the wash somehow. So we're going to kind of 89 00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:28,760 Speaker 1: dive into this research and see what we can find 90 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:33,160 Speaker 1: out about the makeup the gender makeup of your family. Yes, 91 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:37,599 Speaker 1: because when it comes to research on siblings, it really 92 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:41,200 Speaker 1: didn't come around until or started to get much notoriety 93 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:45,680 Speaker 1: until the early two thousands. Before then, there had been 94 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:50,440 Speaker 1: realms of research and studies on parents and how parents 95 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:53,720 Speaker 1: affect their children. But when it came to siblings, it's 96 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:57,400 Speaker 1: kind of a newer research focus. And now that there 97 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:01,120 Speaker 1: have been more studies done on siblings, all of these 98 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:06,520 Speaker 1: sort of sister specific benefits are coming out. Because we 99 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:09,159 Speaker 1: should throw out a couple of statistics. Around eight percent 100 00:06:09,279 --> 00:06:11,840 Speaker 1: of Americans have at least one sibling, and I know 101 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,400 Speaker 1: that in our Birth Order podcast afterwards, we got a 102 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:18,880 Speaker 1: lot of emails from listeners who are only children, and 103 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,560 Speaker 1: we don't want only children to feel left out in 104 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:23,880 Speaker 1: this conversation, so we will we do have some some 105 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:27,400 Speaker 1: points to make about you folks as well. But um, 106 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:29,880 Speaker 1: by and large, most folks have a sibling, and like 107 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,520 Speaker 1: it or not, your siblings have a pretty huge effect 108 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,599 Speaker 1: on you, and in some ways larger than your parents, 109 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,720 Speaker 1: right because you spend more time with your siblings than 110 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:41,600 Speaker 1: you spend with any time anyone else. Um, they've done, 111 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:43,120 Speaker 1: you know, stays where they follow the kids around and 112 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:46,880 Speaker 1: they realize that by and large, siblings are your main companions, 113 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:48,599 Speaker 1: and they're also the ones who are going to be 114 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:51,839 Speaker 1: there throughout your entire life pretty much. You know, parents 115 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:55,359 Speaker 1: at some point die and you meet a spouse midway 116 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:57,880 Speaker 1: through your life. Let's say that sibling is the one 117 00:06:57,920 --> 00:07:00,480 Speaker 1: who saw you maybe from the time you were born 118 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:03,039 Speaker 1: to the very end. Now we should say before we 119 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:07,640 Speaker 1: get into sisters, that sibling research indicates that by and large, 120 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:10,880 Speaker 1: especially having a positive relationship with a sibling, whether it's 121 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:13,840 Speaker 1: a brother or a sister, no surprise here, has a 122 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:18,760 Speaker 1: positive impact on you. For instance, um, there was a 123 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:21,840 Speaker 1: survey of men that kind of tracked them throughout their 124 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:24,880 Speaker 1: lives and basically the ones who were doing the best 125 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:29,679 Speaker 1: at age sixty five had a close relationship with a 126 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:33,840 Speaker 1: brother or a sister. And then in another survey from 127 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,680 Speaker 1: Duke University, they looked at sibling relationships of a group 128 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:40,320 Speaker 1: of people over sixty five, and the majority felt strong 129 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:44,080 Speaker 1: ties towards their siblings and would be expected to either 130 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:47,200 Speaker 1: um provide support and difficult times for their siblings or 131 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:51,120 Speaker 1: vice versa call their siblings when times were tough for them. 132 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:55,200 Speaker 1: So even later in life, we have these strong sibling relationships. 133 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,880 Speaker 1: But then when you start to break down between brothers 134 00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:00,800 Speaker 1: and sisters and how we affect each other differently, there 135 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:04,840 Speaker 1: are some variations. That's right. Let's jump to a study 136 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:08,120 Speaker 1: from Brigham Young University. It's the newest one that's come 137 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,400 Speaker 1: out and one that's with one that's getting a lot 138 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:13,920 Speaker 1: of press coverage right now, and it's all about how 139 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:17,320 Speaker 1: um adolescents who have a sister. So this is a 140 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:19,960 Speaker 1: much different time period than the people who are over 141 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,160 Speaker 1: sixty five. Those other studies you were citing. These are 142 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:24,480 Speaker 1: specifically ten year olds to fourteen year olds. They were 143 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:27,720 Speaker 1: looking up. They are less likely to report such feelings 144 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:31,080 Speaker 1: as I am unhappy, sad or depressed, and I feel 145 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:34,480 Speaker 1: like no one loves me. So they're really showing that 146 00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:38,240 Speaker 1: these sisters do something to the self esteem of these 147 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:40,560 Speaker 1: ten to fourteen year olds. Regardless of their gender. They 148 00:08:40,559 --> 00:08:43,080 Speaker 1: can be boys or girls, but having that sister is 149 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:46,560 Speaker 1: the key factor. And there have been similar studies that 150 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:51,120 Speaker 1: were done before this that found UH positive impacts specifically 151 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:55,040 Speaker 1: from sisters. For instance, there was a study I think 152 00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:58,280 Speaker 1: from the late nineties by a guy named Robert Kraisner 153 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:02,480 Speaker 1: who he was actually going back in reanalyzing a survey 154 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:05,679 Speaker 1: on sibling impact and he felt or he found, I 155 00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:11,400 Speaker 1: should say, no effect in how UM siblings sex composition, 156 00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:13,160 Speaker 1: whether or not you have brothers and sisters or just 157 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:16,240 Speaker 1: sisters and sisters, brothers and brothers. He found no impact 158 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:20,319 Speaker 1: on educational attainment except among Black adults. And he found 159 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:23,760 Speaker 1: that UM brothers who grew up with a sister or 160 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:27,600 Speaker 1: had relatively more sisters had greater levels of educational attainment 161 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:31,800 Speaker 1: than people with no or fewer sisters. So basically UM 162 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:35,000 Speaker 1: for these black families, the more the more sisters that 163 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:37,920 Speaker 1: the guys had, the better off they were in the school, 164 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:40,000 Speaker 1: which is kind of interesting and all throughout. One more. 165 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:42,720 Speaker 1: A British study it was presented at the British Psychological 166 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:45,520 Speaker 1: Society last year. It found the growing up with the 167 00:09:45,559 --> 00:09:49,439 Speaker 1: sister makes people more optimistic, more ambitious, and better balanced. 168 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:52,520 Speaker 1: And Uh, siblings have either sex had a sister would 169 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:56,680 Speaker 1: score higher on tests that evaluated mental health. So there's 170 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,800 Speaker 1: something about having a sister that makes you more flexible, 171 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:03,000 Speaker 1: more able to deal with things. And so if you 172 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:06,239 Speaker 1: see these trends start to emerge, you've got to ask why, 173 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:11,240 Speaker 1: why is it specifically sisters that are so so wonderful, 174 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,480 Speaker 1: And uh, it's kind of it's kind of frustrating because 175 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:16,600 Speaker 1: at this point the researchers kind of fall back on 176 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:19,800 Speaker 1: some old gender stereotypes about how girls are a little 177 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:22,480 Speaker 1: more touchy feeling, more likely to talk for hours and 178 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:26,120 Speaker 1: hours and make you feel connected to a family. And UH, 179 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,720 Speaker 1: at first I was a little frustrated by that because 180 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:30,240 Speaker 1: I feel like I can talk for hours and hours 181 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:32,760 Speaker 1: with my brothers and it's not me being touchy feeling, 182 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:35,280 Speaker 1: it's not them being you know, touchy feel It just 183 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,840 Speaker 1: there's something about this level of conversation that I don't 184 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:42,199 Speaker 1: think researchers have quite figured out why it's, why it's 185 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:45,839 Speaker 1: so important, or why it's so different than having brothers. Well, 186 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:49,160 Speaker 1: the main reason we wanted to talk about the sister 187 00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:52,080 Speaker 1: research today was because of an essay in The New 188 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:54,920 Speaker 1: York Times that was published a couple of days ago 189 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:58,800 Speaker 1: where the researcher was talking about the findings from that 190 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:01,720 Speaker 1: two thousand tens study that said that, you know, the 191 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:05,079 Speaker 1: tended fourteen year olds with sisters seemed to be more 192 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:07,920 Speaker 1: optimistic and more ambitious and all of that, and she 193 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,080 Speaker 1: was kind of calling out in the same way this 194 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:13,040 Speaker 1: sort of knee jerk response said, oh, naturally, sisters have 195 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:16,200 Speaker 1: a positive influence because you know, we're more emotional and 196 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:19,080 Speaker 1: more well, will communicate more and have these all these 197 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:21,040 Speaker 1: heart to hearts to make you feel so great. And 198 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:23,199 Speaker 1: she kind of took issue with that because she has 199 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:28,960 Speaker 1: actually gone in and talk to sisters and sibling pairs, 200 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:32,079 Speaker 1: and her theory is that it's not so much the 201 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:35,400 Speaker 1: content of what women are talking about, but rather how 202 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:39,800 Speaker 1: often they are. It's it's not so much quality but quantity, right, 203 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:43,200 Speaker 1: because she's saying that even uh, these brothers who are 204 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,520 Speaker 1: touching base with each other just don't don't talk with 205 00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:48,280 Speaker 1: the same frequency that the women talk. And it's not 206 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:51,640 Speaker 1: that their conversations are any better worse in terms of 207 00:11:51,679 --> 00:11:53,720 Speaker 1: the content, Like you were saying Christen, it's just that 208 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:57,360 Speaker 1: frequency of content. It seems that the sisters are better 209 00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:59,800 Speaker 1: at picking up the phone or going into the brothers 210 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:02,560 Speaker 1: room or whatever they have to do to talk to 211 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:18,120 Speaker 1: the other people in their family. And also, I mean 212 00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:22,120 Speaker 1: I should note as someone who grew up with two sisters, 213 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,559 Speaker 1: granted I'm coming at this from from the younger, and 214 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:29,880 Speaker 1: it's not all touchy feely conversations that you have with 215 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:33,520 Speaker 1: your sisters. I mean, there was my sister who was 216 00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:37,839 Speaker 1: closest in age to me. We are extremely close now, 217 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:40,880 Speaker 1: but there were certainly times when we wanted to ring 218 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:44,880 Speaker 1: each other's throats. Well, a researcher would say that's pretty important. 219 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:46,840 Speaker 1: At the time article that we got a lot of 220 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:50,439 Speaker 1: our statistics from UH in terms of how many people 221 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:53,160 Speaker 1: in the United States have siblings, etcetera. It pointed out 222 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,959 Speaker 1: that a lot of researchers now think we're learning our 223 00:12:56,160 --> 00:13:00,160 Speaker 1: conflict resolution skills and are you know, inner person all 224 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:03,800 Speaker 1: relationship skills from our siblings. That it's not uncommon for 225 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:07,480 Speaker 1: young kids to have as many as you know, ten 226 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:10,920 Speaker 1: conflicts in an hour, right, having one like every six minutes, 227 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:14,200 Speaker 1: and those aren't necessarily bad if the parents can use 228 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:17,120 Speaker 1: it as a teaching moment to help the help the 229 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:21,319 Speaker 1: child deal with the other child. So these researchers would say, 230 00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:23,400 Speaker 1: you were supposed to feel that conflict with your sister 231 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,320 Speaker 1: so that you could learn how to you know, deal 232 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:29,800 Speaker 1: with me, or something like that. Well, it's interesting coming 233 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:32,640 Speaker 1: at this from an adult perspective as well, and and 234 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:35,000 Speaker 1: thinking about the interactions that I've had with with my 235 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:38,520 Speaker 1: brothers and with my sisters, because one thing that comes 236 00:13:38,559 --> 00:13:41,400 Speaker 1: up a lot in all the sibling research is how 237 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:44,440 Speaker 1: much we tend to mirror our siblings and also how 238 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:47,760 Speaker 1: much we tend to sort of disassociate ourselves with our 239 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:51,760 Speaker 1: siblings in a process that is termed de identification. Because 240 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:53,960 Speaker 1: on the one hand, um, you have all of these 241 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:57,760 Speaker 1: findings talking about all these positive benefits. Um, there was 242 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:01,760 Speaker 1: one finding saying that that brother have a positive impact 243 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,920 Speaker 1: on the number of good deeds that kids will have 244 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:07,599 Speaker 1: that's actually stronger than a parent's influence on kids. But 245 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:10,800 Speaker 1: the same time, there have been surveys finding, for instance, 246 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:14,440 Speaker 1: that uh, younger sisters who have an older sister who's 247 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:17,640 Speaker 1: pregnant or four to six times more likely to also 248 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:20,000 Speaker 1: become pregnant at some point. But then you also have 249 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:23,920 Speaker 1: surveys to saying that um in a de identification kind 250 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,920 Speaker 1: of way, the younger siblings who have say older siblings 251 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:30,160 Speaker 1: who are who have a drug problem or drinking problem 252 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:33,160 Speaker 1: tend to follow the straight and narrow a little bit more. Well, 253 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,280 Speaker 1: I think it's it's a nice way for researchers to 254 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:38,560 Speaker 1: kind of cover their behind because you know, either yes, 255 00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:41,520 Speaker 1: the sibling is modeling after the older one or they're 256 00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:44,440 Speaker 1: de identifying from the other. But they're basically two paths 257 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:48,440 Speaker 1: that uh, they're saying, these siblings can choose, but the 258 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:51,000 Speaker 1: extent to which we do that can have really interesting, 259 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:55,840 Speaker 1: uh impacts on our friendships, on the spouses we choose 260 00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:58,360 Speaker 1: things like that. So they are still trying to sess 261 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:01,960 Speaker 1: out how the gender of your sibling either causes you 262 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:04,680 Speaker 1: to de identify from that sibling or causes you to 263 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,920 Speaker 1: model yourself more like there's this one interesting study about 264 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:11,320 Speaker 1: friendship and they're like, they took these two, you know, 265 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:14,000 Speaker 1: two siblings, once a boy, once a girl, and they 266 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:17,080 Speaker 1: asked each of them to pick a friend, and they 267 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:19,480 Speaker 1: asked the brother and sister to kind of identify how 268 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:22,680 Speaker 1: often they had the touchy feely conversations with their pals, 269 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:26,880 Speaker 1: how often they had more just you know, shared interests 270 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:28,600 Speaker 1: that you know, they're just playing a football game together, 271 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:31,840 Speaker 1: and how often they took the lead and planning activities. 272 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:35,080 Speaker 1: And then they asked the friend, uh, you know, sort 273 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:38,160 Speaker 1: of why they're friends with the sibling. What they found 274 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,360 Speaker 1: was that, um, when the when there was a brother 275 00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:44,160 Speaker 1: who had an older sister, that brother was more likely 276 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:47,280 Speaker 1: to seek out the most masculine friends you could find 277 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:50,600 Speaker 1: the shared interest ones, no touchy feely conversations at all. 278 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:53,440 Speaker 1: And what girls who had brothers tended to do in 279 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:58,360 Speaker 1: their friendships was to emulate those elements of control and 280 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:01,880 Speaker 1: masculine aggression and that they've seen their brothers do. But 281 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,480 Speaker 1: the brothers never seemed to learn that touchy feely aspect 282 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:07,760 Speaker 1: of uh have been a personal relationships. Well, I guess 283 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:09,680 Speaker 1: that I could relate as a as a younger sibling. 284 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,880 Speaker 1: I guess that I could relate to picking up those 285 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:16,280 Speaker 1: sort of tactics from uh my my older brothers brothers. 286 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:21,200 Speaker 1: But as the older sister to two younger brothers, I mean, 287 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:24,440 Speaker 1: how how do you think that those findings about the 288 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:27,920 Speaker 1: brothers looking for the more masculine friends might might come about? 289 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:31,160 Speaker 1: You know, I can't. I can't think of a specific example. 290 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:36,080 Speaker 1: I was more struck by places where the research made 291 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,360 Speaker 1: it look bad for me because I guess I'm looking 292 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:41,560 Speaker 1: out for number one. So let's jump to another study 293 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:44,880 Speaker 1: really quick. They found that if parents break up, the 294 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:49,800 Speaker 1: families that have sisters do better, but um, only children 295 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:53,840 Speaker 1: do better than uh than a than a sister who 296 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:56,520 Speaker 1: only has brothers. So if my parents had gotten divorced, 297 00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:59,200 Speaker 1: which they didn't, then I would have been, you know, 298 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:01,360 Speaker 1: in rm weill because I wouldn't have had the touchy 299 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,440 Speaker 1: feely sister to talk to you, whereas my brothers would 300 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:06,920 Speaker 1: have had me to do all the work. It would 301 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:09,080 Speaker 1: have been really hard for me. And that's where that's 302 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:12,040 Speaker 1: why we wanted to make that point earlier about only children, 303 00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:14,440 Speaker 1: because yes, they they are left out of a lot 304 00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:17,760 Speaker 1: of this kind of research, but when they're included, they 305 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:20,720 Speaker 1: do sort of fall into a middle ground because studies 306 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:24,080 Speaker 1: show that while no, they don't have siblings to build 307 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:27,040 Speaker 1: all of these kind of conflict ridden and yet healthy 308 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:32,040 Speaker 1: relationships with with brothers and sisters, but they go they 309 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:35,040 Speaker 1: make a stronger effort to build up the friendships, to 310 00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:37,600 Speaker 1: build up the social support. So in a way they 311 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:40,320 Speaker 1: are at an advantage if say, like you said, if 312 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:43,920 Speaker 1: parents get divorced, or if say, you lose a sibling 313 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:46,720 Speaker 1: as you age, I mean, only children a little bit 314 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:50,000 Speaker 1: more prepared maybe for for adulthood in that way, which 315 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,760 Speaker 1: I think you know is kind of the lesson we 316 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,880 Speaker 1: can start to take from some of the sibling research 317 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:56,600 Speaker 1: is it is just the places you have to work 318 00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:59,399 Speaker 1: a little bit harder to get the same benefits as others. 319 00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:02,320 Speaker 1: Like way I read some of these studies, um not 320 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:04,720 Speaker 1: having a sister, of all the benefits of a sister, 321 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,280 Speaker 1: it seems like what I have to do is just 322 00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:09,720 Speaker 1: work harder to reach out to female friends who can 323 00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:12,439 Speaker 1: take on that that role, or work harder to be 324 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:15,960 Speaker 1: the one who reaches out to my brother's whereas brothers 325 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,800 Speaker 1: could could read these um studies and maybe think I 326 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:20,520 Speaker 1: need I need to be the one who reaches out 327 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:24,480 Speaker 1: more to my family members. Remember it's quantity, not quality, 328 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,040 Speaker 1: Like you don't have to have anything to say. Is 329 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,720 Speaker 1: what's kind of the weird thing and the challenging thing 330 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:31,840 Speaker 1: to to take away with with all of these varied 331 00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:34,960 Speaker 1: research findings, because they are kind of all over the place. 332 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,520 Speaker 1: When you start to list them all out. Is the 333 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:41,119 Speaker 1: fact that, yes, birth order makes a big difference. I 334 00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:43,240 Speaker 1: think that I I learned from my siblings in a 335 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,320 Speaker 1: different as the youngest, in a different way that you 336 00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:49,159 Speaker 1: maybe learned from your siblings as the oldest. And also 337 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,960 Speaker 1: every family is different. And also every child's experience within 338 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:57,520 Speaker 1: a family is its own sort of micro environment, depending 339 00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:00,240 Speaker 1: on the type of favoritism that parents might just play, 340 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:03,199 Speaker 1: the type of conflict that parents might also display in 341 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:06,880 Speaker 1: front of kids, how they work on conflict resolution between children. 342 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:10,880 Speaker 1: I mean, there are so many factors that can influence 343 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:13,760 Speaker 1: your relationship with your siblings. Yeah, and that's we talked 344 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,040 Speaker 1: about that in the Birth Order podcast because you know, 345 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:19,120 Speaker 1: people will hear this and everyone will think they're the exception. 346 00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:21,560 Speaker 1: You know. I was reading about how sisters make people happier. 347 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,800 Speaker 1: I was like, ah, I got brothers. They make me 348 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:27,800 Speaker 1: plenty happy. This is bunk. And I think that realizing 349 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:30,360 Speaker 1: that all of these studies have to have an asters 350 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,560 Speaker 1: by them, right, I mean you can't. I just don't 351 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,160 Speaker 1: think you can boil down family dynamics to all these studies. 352 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,919 Speaker 1: But again, I think trying to to sus out what 353 00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:40,400 Speaker 1: sisters can do in a family and what they might 354 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:44,080 Speaker 1: do naturally, um can be kind of kind of cool 355 00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:47,639 Speaker 1: to to take as a lesson, sure, because that is 356 00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:50,600 Speaker 1: one theme. There have now been enough studies finding these 357 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:54,560 Speaker 1: positive benefits of sisters, whether it's you know, emotional support 358 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:58,879 Speaker 1: or just someone to talk to or whatever, even someone 359 00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:01,600 Speaker 1: to fight with and practic us all of that conflict resolution. 360 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:04,840 Speaker 1: Sisters do play a very special role in families. Not 361 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:07,200 Speaker 1: to say, I would hate for my brothers to listen 362 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:10,080 Speaker 1: to this and think that I am in any way 363 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:13,040 Speaker 1: just seeing their influence on me, because you know, I 364 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:16,920 Speaker 1: think that I you know, they provided plenty of unique 365 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:20,400 Speaker 1: benefits for me as well in terms of socialization, conflict 366 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:23,439 Speaker 1: resolution and all of that. But I'm pretty proud to 367 00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:27,400 Speaker 1: learn that sisters kind of where it's at. Well, I guess, 368 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,680 Speaker 1: you know, maybe I'm providing a valuable service for my brother. 369 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,840 Speaker 1: And I never wanted a sister growing up to be 370 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:34,760 Speaker 1: perfectly honest, because some of the stereotypes about them are 371 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:38,040 Speaker 1: that they're so cattie and jealous stealing your clothes. How 372 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,199 Speaker 1: many sitcoms did I watch where the sister stole the 373 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:45,040 Speaker 1: other sister's clothes that I can tell you that absolutely happened, 374 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:48,560 Speaker 1: and so I wanted no part of that. Yeah, well, 375 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:51,320 Speaker 1: I think we've said all that we can say about sisters. 376 00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:54,040 Speaker 1: I think it's time to turn it over to our 377 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:58,480 Speaker 1: wonderful listeners and see what they think sisters positive, negative. 378 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,399 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure that the response is are going 379 00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:03,040 Speaker 1: to be all over the place, So I can't wait 380 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:06,280 Speaker 1: to see what folks out there think from their own experience. 381 00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:08,600 Speaker 1: And also, only children chime in. I mean, are you 382 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,760 Speaker 1: glad that you kind of missed out on the whole 383 00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:14,120 Speaker 1: sibling dynamic? Was it nice to have just all that 384 00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:17,400 Speaker 1: attention paid to number one? There are times when, yeah, 385 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,600 Speaker 1: I kind of wish that I had been the only child. 386 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:22,520 Speaker 1: So let us know what you think. You can send 387 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:25,000 Speaker 1: us an email at mom Stuff at how stuff works 388 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:27,120 Speaker 1: dot com, and also you can share it on our 389 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:46,600 Speaker 1: Facebook page. I have one here from Brittany, and it's 390 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:49,800 Speaker 1: about the Adult Acne podcast. She writes, as someone who 391 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:51,879 Speaker 1: has always suffered from severe acne that got worse in 392 00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:54,160 Speaker 1: my early twenties, it was refreshing to hear you, guys 393 00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:56,600 Speaker 1: to spell rumors about acnees, such as chocolate and bad 394 00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:59,440 Speaker 1: hygiene being causes for zits. As a side note. I 395 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:01,280 Speaker 1: tried everything to get rid of my acne and nothing 396 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:04,200 Speaker 1: worked until I tried accutane. It's been a year since 397 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:06,639 Speaker 1: I finished the medicine and my skin is still acne free. 398 00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:08,760 Speaker 1: It's important for anyone with this prompt to consult a 399 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:11,480 Speaker 1: dermatologist because I can tell you from experience that over 400 00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:14,760 Speaker 1: the counter solutions don't help, but it's nothing to be 401 00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:17,160 Speaker 1: ashamed of and can be easily controlled with a doctor's help. 402 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:19,000 Speaker 1: It would be great if you could share this information 403 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:21,560 Speaker 1: with your listeners, So thank you, Brittany. And you are 404 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,000 Speaker 1: not the only one who had success with Accutanement've heard 405 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:26,760 Speaker 1: from a few listeners who had good luck with that one, 406 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:30,360 Speaker 1: So there you go. Well, I've got an email here 407 00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:33,720 Speaker 1: from Sam and she was writing in response to our 408 00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:38,600 Speaker 1: podcast on motorcycles and she just got her motorcycle license 409 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:41,359 Speaker 1: in March of this year. And she actually got her 410 00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:44,480 Speaker 1: motorcycle license before she got a driver's license, and she 411 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:47,680 Speaker 1: writes as a new writer. I strongly encourage anyone male 412 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:50,600 Speaker 1: or female to go take a writer's safety course before 413 00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:54,040 Speaker 1: going out on your brand new bike. In Canada, where 414 00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,920 Speaker 1: I'm from, these courses are usually offered through your Province's 415 00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:00,440 Speaker 1: Ministry of Transportation. I would also recommend that new riders 416 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:03,320 Speaker 1: start on smaller bikes. The upside is a small bikes 417 00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:04,880 Speaker 1: that are two or three years old have a high 418 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:08,160 Speaker 1: resale value because they're always new riders sleeping for that 419 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:11,639 Speaker 1: first bike. As it stands now, my bike is bigger 420 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,720 Speaker 1: and faster than my boyfriends because he only has a 421 00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:17,840 Speaker 1: small scooter until he can save up for a bigger bike. 422 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:19,800 Speaker 1: And I try not to rub it in too often. 423 00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,800 Speaker 1: So thanks for writing in, Sam and again our email 424 00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:25,840 Speaker 1: addresses mom Stuff at how stuff works dot com. Also, 425 00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:28,600 Speaker 1: we'd love to see you over on Facebook and follow 426 00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:32,119 Speaker 1: us on Twitter, where we are mom Stuff Podcast and 427 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,080 Speaker 1: then at last you can check out what we're doing 428 00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:36,760 Speaker 1: during the week. It's on our blogs Stuff Mom Never 429 00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:43,040 Speaker 1: Told You at how stuff works dot com for more 430 00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,359 Speaker 1: on this and thousands of other topics. Does it how 431 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:48,360 Speaker 1: stuff works dot com, the House stuff works dot com. 432 00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:50,920 Speaker 1: My phone app is coming soon. Get access to our 433 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:54,520 Speaker 1: content in a new way, articles, videos, and more all 434 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:57,879 Speaker 1: on the go. Check out the latest podcasts and blog posts, 435 00:23:58,119 --> 00:24:00,840 Speaker 1: and see what we're saying on Facebook and Twitter. Coming 436 00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:02,040 Speaker 1: soon to iTunes