WEBVTT - Geriatric Bad Bih 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.520 Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife. 0:00:03.680 --> 0:00:06.440 She couldn't. She cleaned and cared for her children and 0:00:06.480 --> 0:00:08.840 the man of the house, and of course she didn't 0:00:08.960 --> 0:00:12.240 talk back. She was both obedient and soft by nature. 0:00:12.360 --> 0:00:15.640 She was a good woman who always made good choices. 0:00:17.440 --> 0:00:18.720 We're good mom's bad choices. 0:00:18.800 --> 0:00:21.520 Who single mom who said fuck the patriarchy, shared all 0:00:21.520 --> 0:00:22.480 their bad choices and. 0:00:22.440 --> 0:00:23.600 Sound out they were so bad. 0:00:23.640 --> 0:00:26.600 After all, we're experts, overshares and your new besties. 0:00:26.720 --> 0:00:28.040 Sit back and enjoy the ride. 0:00:28.800 --> 0:00:29.360 I can do it. 0:00:32.280 --> 0:00:34.000 Welcome back to good Mom's bad Choices. 0:00:34.080 --> 0:00:35.760 I'm Erica and I'm Nila. 0:00:36.120 --> 0:00:38.240 Happy humpday, bitchous. 0:00:37.760 --> 0:00:39.320 Happy hump day, y'all. 0:00:40.040 --> 0:00:40.520 How you doing. 0:00:41.000 --> 0:00:43.239 I'm doing pretty good. You look pretty thank you. 0:00:43.680 --> 0:00:47.159 Yeah. Orlando said, you look like young like that, but 0:00:47.640 --> 0:00:50.360 you do. I'm not young. You just look you kind 0:00:50.360 --> 0:00:52.680 of look like I guess you kind of like a teenager, 0:00:52.880 --> 0:00:56.880 but like a youthful not like yeah, like beautifully youthful? 0:00:57.040 --> 0:00:58.120 Is it like because it's half a pack? 0:00:58.240 --> 0:00:59.600 Is a ponytail situation? 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:00.800 Yeah? 0:01:01.200 --> 0:01:02.600 Is this is this where I'm at in life? Like 0:01:02.600 --> 0:01:04.240 I had their ponytail with youthful. 0:01:05.880 --> 0:01:08.240 Well, I'm wearing my hair down because bitch, I put 0:01:08.280 --> 0:01:10.119 my pulled my hair back the other day and I'm 0:01:10.400 --> 0:01:14.720 the grays that have accumulated around my fucking hairline since 0:01:14.720 --> 0:01:17.320 I had took my braids out. I was like, are 0:01:17.360 --> 0:01:19.880 the braids pulling grays out of my head? Like I 0:01:19.959 --> 0:01:21.120 swear to God? And when I put them and I 0:01:21.200 --> 0:01:22.679 did not have this many grays, And when I took 0:01:22.720 --> 0:01:25.200 them out, I had like unearthed more grains. 0:01:25.240 --> 0:01:26.960 I don't know if I don't know if braids work 0:01:27.080 --> 0:01:27.200 like that. 0:01:27.400 --> 0:01:29.639 I think it's I think that they've been like pulling 0:01:29.720 --> 0:01:32.240 at the root, pulling, pulling the grays out. 0:01:32.400 --> 0:01:34.480 Yes, I don't know exactly. 0:01:34.480 --> 0:01:37.479 About going blonde again, I've been read for like two 0:01:37.600 --> 0:01:40.840 almost two years now, and so that I can blend 0:01:40.880 --> 0:01:43.200 them with the end kind of helps hide the grays. 0:01:44.120 --> 0:01:46.679 But I just took new headshots and my hair's red, 0:01:46.880 --> 0:01:47.920 so I. 0:01:47.960 --> 0:01:48.560 Can't take more. 0:01:49.040 --> 0:01:52.880 They're expensive. And that's the thing about acting that I remember, 0:01:53.000 --> 0:01:55.400 like not like really hating, was like once you took 0:01:55.440 --> 0:01:59.160 a headshot your age, David your agent being like, well, 0:01:59.360 --> 0:02:02.920 you can't change your hair, Yeah, you have this hairstyle here, 0:02:03.280 --> 0:02:05.600 although I don't know if that's still the same anymore. 0:02:05.800 --> 0:02:07.760 Like I feel like, well, if you wanted this color, bitch, 0:02:07.840 --> 0:02:10.760 change it, like get created. It's because casting directors are 0:02:10.800 --> 0:02:12.399 not creative and they need to see. 0:02:12.400 --> 0:02:13.480 Exactly how you look. 0:02:13.600 --> 0:02:17.320 Yeah, I think you could always get blonde and get 0:02:17.400 --> 0:02:18.680 new pictures by David. 0:02:18.919 --> 0:02:21.120 I just get a wig or a wig. Just have 0:02:21.240 --> 0:02:23.480 my red wig on, but have blonde hair underneath. 0:02:23.480 --> 0:02:26.000 You looked at Brittany Runners that rig wig all the time. 0:02:26.080 --> 0:02:28.720 That afro wigs looks like a wig to me. Yeah, 0:02:29.160 --> 0:02:31.679 it's too perfect. You know what confirmed it was wig? 0:02:31.840 --> 0:02:33.639 When she was doing all that back and forth with 0:02:33.720 --> 0:02:37.160 the baby, she had the I have wig braids. 0:02:37.880 --> 0:02:38.600 Oh, she had braids on. 0:02:38.840 --> 0:02:42.000 They were like just straight backs. That's just probably a wig. 0:02:42.960 --> 0:02:46.880 It's a cute wig. Maybe I need to get a 0:02:46.919 --> 0:02:51.200 wig for real. I took my hair down because the 0:02:51.360 --> 0:02:53.760 fucking brading lady was like two hours late, and me 0:02:53.800 --> 0:02:57.600 and Danielle called ourselves splitting the travel fee. She came 0:02:57.680 --> 0:02:59.679 like two hours late. I was already tired. I was like, 0:02:59.840 --> 0:03:01.440 I only taking out the front. I was only at 0:03:01.480 --> 0:03:04.120 the front, rebraided, and now she decided to go and 0:03:04.200 --> 0:03:05.480 I wasn't gonna go. I was like, fuck it I'm 0:03:05.480 --> 0:03:09.679 gonna take them all my hair. No, you had the 0:03:09.720 --> 0:03:12.040 bob for like three days, no, like one day. 0:03:12.080 --> 0:03:14.960 I called her that night. I was like, call me back, bitch, 0:03:15.160 --> 0:03:16.440 what are you doing with your hair? 0:03:16.520 --> 0:03:18.079 Like, what are you trying to get to? What's like 0:03:18.160 --> 0:03:20.120 the goal? I don't know or theneath hair. 0:03:20.200 --> 0:03:22.480 I was just I just we were retreating so back 0:03:22.520 --> 0:03:24.639 to back that I just kept getting braids, and we're 0:03:24.680 --> 0:03:26.600 about to retreat again. So I'm gonna keep it. I'm 0:03:26.600 --> 0:03:28.639 gonna get it professionally done. I'm gonna see how it 0:03:28.639 --> 0:03:31.079 looks with like a professional press out because I don't 0:03:31.080 --> 0:03:33.160 have those skills at all anymore, and my hair is 0:03:33.200 --> 0:03:34.240 not trained, and then I don't have to. 0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:35.760 Get it like cut like a certain way. 0:03:35.960 --> 0:03:36.200 Yeah. 0:03:36.440 --> 0:03:39.040 And then also my hair is like half permed, half natural, 0:03:39.200 --> 0:03:41.680 and it's horrible, so I'm probably gonna cut the shit 0:03:41.720 --> 0:03:44.840 off right after BALI. Yeah, I'll just go back to 0:03:45.600 --> 0:03:47.600 having no hair because that's what looks best on me, 0:03:48.040 --> 0:03:50.880 and I'm gonna only I can only rock that for 0:03:51.000 --> 0:03:53.760 so much longer. I think, like the short hair used 0:03:53.760 --> 0:03:55.840 to make me look like more distinct and older, but 0:03:55.880 --> 0:03:57.960 now I'm actually older, so I would not have. 0:03:57.960 --> 0:03:59.200 To grow my hair out, so now I need to 0:03:59.280 --> 0:04:01.360 look younger. Yeah, now you need a pony tail. I 0:04:01.400 --> 0:04:03.240 need a pony Yeah. Next you're gonna have a fucking 0:04:03.280 --> 0:04:04.120 scrunchy in your hair. 0:04:04.640 --> 0:04:04.839 Yeah. 0:04:05.560 --> 0:04:07.720 When I turned forty and I'm wearing only scrunches, You're 0:04:07.720 --> 0:04:09.520 gonna know why bows and scrunchies. 0:04:09.600 --> 0:04:13.160 You're gonna know why? How are you? What's been going on? 0:04:14.160 --> 0:04:18.560 I'm good, I'm I'm just actually, I mean, if you're 0:04:18.560 --> 0:04:23.720 watching YouTube, I'm wearing my leopard cat something dressed. And 0:04:23.760 --> 0:04:25.359 I had this in my car because I recently had 0:04:25.360 --> 0:04:32.080 an audition yesterday. And yeah, I've been like slowly creeping 0:04:32.120 --> 0:04:35.520 my way back into that world of auditioning again, and 0:04:37.000 --> 0:04:39.000 I feel really good about it. Like it was I 0:04:39.200 --> 0:04:41.880 had this audition in person. It's my first in person audition. 0:04:42.040 --> 0:04:44.880 And probably I said five years, but now i've been 0:04:45.000 --> 0:04:47.359 thinking about it, it might be like six years. Because 0:04:47.400 --> 0:04:50.640 we've been podcasting for how many years? Seven seven and 0:04:50.720 --> 0:04:53.040 a half going on eight. Yeah, and I think I 0:04:53.120 --> 0:04:55.840 stopped acting like probably. 0:04:55.560 --> 0:04:58.800 Like year one of our of us, maybe year two, 0:04:59.000 --> 0:05:00.880 maybe second year, but maybe a lot. 0:05:00.920 --> 0:05:02.520 I feel like at that point too, a lot of 0:05:02.839 --> 0:05:06.440 auditions started to be virtual like yeah, like you said 0:05:06.480 --> 0:05:06.960 them to them. 0:05:07.160 --> 0:05:08.760 Especially after twenty twenty, there was. 0:05:08.800 --> 0:05:10.520 I didn't see I did an audition in twenty twenty. 0:05:11.200 --> 0:05:13.320 I stopped auditing like twenty nineteen. 0:05:14.520 --> 0:05:16.320 Yeah, a lot of yeah, a lot of them are 0:05:16.320 --> 0:05:16.880 self tapes. 0:05:17.120 --> 0:05:19.120 Yeah, and so like I've been doing self tapes for 0:05:19.160 --> 0:05:20.760 the past few months like here and there, but this 0:05:20.920 --> 0:05:23.360 was my first in person audition, and that shit felt 0:05:23.560 --> 0:05:24.320 so different. 0:05:24.400 --> 0:05:25.080 It hits different. 0:05:25.120 --> 0:05:29.600 It felt so different, it felt so good. And I've 0:05:29.640 --> 0:05:33.480 been just like easing my way back in because when 0:05:33.480 --> 0:05:38.159 I left acting, I like felt really disheartened. I really 0:05:38.200 --> 0:05:41.280 felt like, maybe this is just not my calling. Maybe, 0:05:41.480 --> 0:05:43.160 like you know, some people you gotta have like real 0:05:43.200 --> 0:05:46.040 conversations between maybe you don't, but like you know some 0:05:46.160 --> 0:05:48.640 people like who are trying to be like rappers and shit, 0:05:48.720 --> 0:05:50.280 You're like, baby, this is ain't good. This is not 0:05:50.360 --> 0:05:51.320 your calling. Baby. 0:05:51.640 --> 0:05:54.440 Never I've never had the heart to tell anybody. 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:56.680 You know, because like, who are you to tell someone call? 0:05:56.839 --> 0:05:59.680 I'll do it, right me. But like I think sometimes 0:05:59.760 --> 0:06:03.000 like you have to have these real conversations with yourself, right, 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:04.720 Like it's maybe it's not about your call, it's like 0:06:04.720 --> 0:06:06.360 are you going to do have the time to invest 0:06:06.400 --> 0:06:09.120 in this right now. So that's where I kind of was, 0:06:09.680 --> 0:06:11.960 I guess in twenty nineteen, because I've been acting since 0:06:12.000 --> 0:06:14.880 I was as a kid, and I just I've had moments. 0:06:14.880 --> 0:06:16.680 I've had little breaks here and there, but just like 0:06:16.800 --> 0:06:20.360 nothing that I felt was like substantial enough for to 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:23.960 like keep me going in this direction for another however 0:06:24.040 --> 0:06:25.840 many years I was going to do it, and so 0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:28.840 I was kind of sad. But I think good moms 0:06:28.920 --> 0:06:32.720 like took over our lives and this has been such 0:06:32.760 --> 0:06:36.640 a masterclass of like knowing myself and understanding myself, and 0:06:36.680 --> 0:06:38.920 I think that was like the missing piece for me 0:06:39.000 --> 0:06:41.400 as an actor. It was like I really didn't know 0:06:41.480 --> 0:06:45.120 who I was, So there was like this and granted, 0:06:45.160 --> 0:06:47.360 when you're acting, you're playing other people, but there's there's 0:06:47.400 --> 0:06:49.760 still like a knowingness of yourself in order to be 0:06:49.839 --> 0:06:52.800 able to at least for me. I'm not necessary for 0:06:52.880 --> 0:06:54.600 other actors, but at least for me that I think 0:06:54.680 --> 0:06:56.880 that that was been That's been the missing piece for 0:06:57.000 --> 0:07:00.240 me in my art in that space, and so going 0:07:00.360 --> 0:07:02.920 back into it, it just feels different. Like when I 0:07:02.960 --> 0:07:06.160 went to the audition, I walked in and I could 0:07:06.200 --> 0:07:08.159 hear a girl was auditioning in the room. They were 0:07:08.160 --> 0:07:09.640 giving her notes and I was like, okay, let me 0:07:09.680 --> 0:07:11.160 step outside because I don't even want to hear. 0:07:11.880 --> 0:07:13.720 I don't want to hear it contaminate. 0:07:13.800 --> 0:07:16.000 But the way God had like lined up this day 0:07:16.120 --> 0:07:18.600 for me, like I got I was. I got there 0:07:19.320 --> 0:07:21.840 like right on time, but I got a parking spot 0:07:21.960 --> 0:07:23.680 right in front. And it was at CBS Radford, so 0:07:23.720 --> 0:07:25.000 it's like there's like no parking over there. And I 0:07:25.080 --> 0:07:27.239 was like, Okay, we're gonna make this easy for myself. 0:07:27.280 --> 0:07:29.080 It was so fucking hot. I was wearing this dress, 0:07:31.080 --> 0:07:34.119 walking in the most uncomfortable shoes. Look at they fucking whatever. 0:07:34.200 --> 0:07:36.400 They tore up my feet. But when I got in there, 0:07:36.760 --> 0:07:38.680 it was just like it was nice and cool. There 0:07:38.760 --> 0:07:40.600 was someone in there. I walked out, I went to 0:07:40.640 --> 0:07:42.640 the bathroom. When I walked out of the bathroom, like 0:07:42.720 --> 0:07:45.240 she was leaving, I was like, perfect. It felt like 0:07:45.320 --> 0:07:50.120 it was just like he's my audition and that's what 0:07:50.200 --> 0:07:52.400 I needed. And I went in there and I fucking 0:07:52.480 --> 0:07:52.760 killed it. 0:07:53.000 --> 0:07:55.680 I did so I did so well And welcoming you 0:07:55.800 --> 0:07:57.960 back to the space and it feels really really good 0:07:58.040 --> 0:08:00.840 to be in person. We talk to a lot of 0:08:00.920 --> 0:08:04.640 actors they really like the the like the self tape 0:08:04.680 --> 0:08:07.480 element because it just it requires less of your day, right, 0:08:07.560 --> 0:08:09.880 Like you're driving across LA to go to a fucking. 0:08:11.320 --> 0:08:13.600 Santa Monica, you know, and. 0:08:13.640 --> 0:08:14.440 It's always at four. 0:08:14.720 --> 0:08:18.080 It's always at the worst time. Yeah, like three pm 0:08:18.120 --> 0:08:21.320 when I go to pick up my kid. So granted, 0:08:21.440 --> 0:08:23.800 like I know that, I like I'm on a high 0:08:23.840 --> 0:08:25.680 of like in personal auditions. I don't know how long 0:08:25.840 --> 0:08:29.920 this high will last, but I just know I appreciated that, 0:08:30.320 --> 0:08:34.240 and it made me think about just how many of 0:08:34.400 --> 0:08:37.599 us have these dreams and passions that we start in 0:08:37.679 --> 0:08:40.560 our in our youth or like maybe in our early twenties, 0:08:40.679 --> 0:08:42.959 and then like life hits and you're like, shit, I 0:08:43.040 --> 0:08:45.520 gotta get real. I gotta get or maybe maybe it's 0:08:45.520 --> 0:08:47.360 not even about getting real. It's just like this isn't 0:08:47.400 --> 0:08:50.280 working for me right now. And sometimes it's like it's 0:08:50.360 --> 0:08:52.559 not working for you in that version of yourself or 0:08:52.559 --> 0:08:54.360 in this point in your life, but it doesn't mean 0:08:54.400 --> 0:08:57.319 it can't work. And I think that that's been like 0:08:57.720 --> 0:09:00.599 the message for me in this new chapt is like 0:09:01.160 --> 0:09:04.160 I'm walking into this a total like a different Erica, 0:09:04.280 --> 0:09:07.520 but a different version of myself. I when I was 0:09:07.600 --> 0:09:10.600 acting before, I had put so much pressure on myself 0:09:10.640 --> 0:09:13.160 every time I went in an audition, and like I 0:09:13.200 --> 0:09:14.760 didn't get a call back like it was it was 0:09:14.800 --> 0:09:16.440 started to really fuck with me. And I've been doing 0:09:16.480 --> 0:09:17.880 it for years and it didn't fuck with me for 0:09:17.920 --> 0:09:19.400 a long time, but towards the end, it was like 0:09:19.480 --> 0:09:21.480 this is too much, Like I can't deal with this 0:09:21.600 --> 0:09:25.640 rejection anymore in my life. And now I'm like I'm 0:09:25.720 --> 0:09:29.079 just like like going in and like releasing it, you know. 0:09:29.520 --> 0:09:32.360 And it's like it's like if you just get to play. 0:09:32.559 --> 0:09:35.839 And I started to play, and I think playing in 0:09:36.000 --> 0:09:38.640 person with someone else was like part of the reason 0:09:38.840 --> 0:09:41.079 it felt really good, whereas like when I'm doing like 0:09:41.360 --> 0:09:43.280 self tapes, I am playing with someone but just it's 0:09:43.320 --> 0:09:44.360 just not the same energy. 0:09:44.440 --> 0:09:46.599 Yeah, you don't feel like the nerves, the nerves, it 0:09:46.679 --> 0:09:49.839 doesn't feel as like yeah, like the adrenaline is probably 0:09:49.920 --> 0:09:50.760 not going as hard. 0:09:50.960 --> 0:09:54.400 Yeah, there's like that feeling that I've I just I 0:09:54.600 --> 0:09:59.880 remember so so clearly and like I almost forgot how 0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:04.120 all big of a part of this, of this portion 0:10:04.280 --> 0:10:06.800 of my life that acting has taken because I've stepped 0:10:06.800 --> 0:10:09.200 away for the last six years, and but I've been 0:10:09.240 --> 0:10:13.319 acting my whole fucking life and I almost forgot, like 0:10:13.440 --> 0:10:16.640 I was like, oh yeah, this, oh yeah, this other 0:10:16.720 --> 0:10:19.040 thing that I do. Yeah, and it's like it's feels 0:10:19.120 --> 0:10:22.760 it just feels really good. And it just made me 0:10:22.840 --> 0:10:26.319 think about how many mothers, not even mothers, but I 0:10:26.360 --> 0:10:28.880 would say a lot of moms, how we've we we 0:10:29.240 --> 0:10:31.760 side step our dreams or we put our dreams on hold. 0:10:32.240 --> 0:10:34.400 And granted, sometimes you have to like you have to 0:10:34.520 --> 0:10:37.520 like you know, there's a lot going on, but that 0:10:38.760 --> 0:10:42.839 I don't know this like come back to it, you know, 0:10:43.080 --> 0:10:45.880 come back to it, revisit it, and maybe it is 0:10:46.040 --> 0:10:47.920 maybe that is a time in your life that's done. 0:10:48.440 --> 0:10:52.120 But for me, it feels really it feels really good, 0:10:52.200 --> 0:10:53.880 and I feel really supported. And I had so many 0:10:53.920 --> 0:10:55.600 people in my dms like cheering me on, and it's 0:10:55.640 --> 0:10:58.120 like a level of like support that i've that I 0:10:58.280 --> 0:11:02.240 have now because of maybe the platform that I have 0:11:02.400 --> 0:11:06.120 now and also maybe just me sharing vulnerably, like my 0:11:06.320 --> 0:11:10.080 fear around this and like allowing people into my process 0:11:10.240 --> 0:11:12.520 as like stepping into this new form of art or 0:11:12.600 --> 0:11:17.080 this former it's not new, but yeah new for me. Yeah, 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:20.079 and being honest about like my fears, being honest about like, 0:11:20.880 --> 0:11:22.559 you know, some days I feel confident in something, you know, 0:11:22.640 --> 0:11:26.560 and like allowing people to support me, you know, whereas 0:11:26.559 --> 0:11:27.920 I think a lot of times we feel like we 0:11:28.040 --> 0:11:31.079 have to like become masters in silence or we can't 0:11:31.200 --> 0:11:35.160 like share the journey of to the win because it 0:11:35.280 --> 0:11:40.079 makes us look like we're not masters, you know, like 0:11:40.160 --> 0:11:41.440 we're not already walking. 0:11:41.240 --> 0:11:44.800 In like everybody just shows up an expert about suddenly 0:11:44.960 --> 0:11:48.079 Eric is on a TV show. There's no process to it, 0:11:48.160 --> 0:11:50.400 and like we've normalized that in ways, and so. 0:11:50.480 --> 0:11:52.320 I'm actually enjoying. I think I'm going to share more 0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:54.160 about it, just the journey of it, because it's like 0:11:54.320 --> 0:11:57.320 acting is hard. It is like a being a creator 0:11:57.520 --> 0:12:01.360 in in in general, there's a lot of rejection and 0:12:01.480 --> 0:12:03.000 even Iri like, so did you get it? Did you 0:12:03.040 --> 0:12:04.679 get this show? I'm like, Iri, listen, I'm gonna do 0:12:04.760 --> 0:12:07.120 a lot of auditioning. I'm not going to get things right. 0:12:07.160 --> 0:12:08.800 And like I'm glad that I even get to show 0:12:08.840 --> 0:12:11.079 her that too, because I think it's you know, I 0:12:11.120 --> 0:12:13.719 think as a child, I didn't even understand that. And 0:12:13.760 --> 0:12:15.640 I started acting when I was like eight years old, 0:12:15.760 --> 0:12:19.160 so like the rejection part like took pros. Yeah, yeah, 0:12:19.400 --> 0:12:20.080 so it's just. 0:12:20.120 --> 0:12:20.720 Like this is fun. 0:12:20.760 --> 0:12:22.000 And then one day you're on set and you're like, oh, 0:12:22.040 --> 0:12:24.880 that's cool, but it's not like it's not like uh, 0:12:25.440 --> 0:12:27.880 you know, like livered. You're not gonna like die without 0:12:27.920 --> 0:12:29.600 it because you're just playing, you know, during the next 0:12:29.640 --> 0:12:32.359 thing the next day. That's interesting to have that observation, 0:12:32.679 --> 0:12:35.360 like doing it as a child and then just to 0:12:35.679 --> 0:12:38.320 understand how serious we start to take things and how 0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:41.000 taking things so seriously kind of starts. 0:12:40.760 --> 0:12:41.880 To steal the joy. 0:12:42.000 --> 0:12:44.160 Fuck it up, steals the joy away from just knowing 0:12:44.200 --> 0:12:46.240 it like as a child, because I auditioned a lot 0:12:46.280 --> 0:12:48.360 as a child, and like yeah, there's like even thinking 0:12:48.440 --> 0:12:50.839 like the fear I have now of like someone's like 0:12:50.880 --> 0:12:54.000 okay action, I'm like eugh, But like that is it's 0:12:54.080 --> 0:12:57.920 like what is the awareness that we grow into that 0:12:58.200 --> 0:13:01.199 starts to make it like so fair, feel so stressful, 0:13:01.360 --> 0:13:04.680 such so heavy, like so weighted, so heavily on us, 0:13:04.760 --> 0:13:08.160 And then what is this other piece about thinking that 0:13:08.240 --> 0:13:10.400 we have to show up an expert and not like 0:13:10.520 --> 0:13:13.560 the process between it and like dub bitch, Like that's 0:13:13.600 --> 0:13:14.120 the whole. 0:13:14.120 --> 0:13:16.480 I mean, and when you share the process, you actually 0:13:16.600 --> 0:13:19.439 get like literally energetically in the world, so much more 0:13:19.480 --> 0:13:22.839 support to like to actually propel you to where you 0:13:22.920 --> 0:13:24.600 want to be. You know, That's what I was feeling, 0:13:24.679 --> 0:13:27.400 like when people were like messaging me like, oh my god, 0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:29.360 that's so great, I was like, wow, thank you, thank you, 0:13:29.559 --> 0:13:32.040 Like yes, yes, actually I need this, especially in the 0:13:32.120 --> 0:13:34.959 beginning of my process. Now it's kind of like makes 0:13:35.000 --> 0:13:36.760 me think of like when we when I first started dating, 0:13:36.800 --> 0:13:39.800 and you know, I joined Tinder, where I needed the 0:13:39.880 --> 0:13:43.280 validation a little bit, like it's it's less about validation 0:13:43.520 --> 0:13:44.440 and more more so. 0:13:44.640 --> 0:13:47.959 Based firm like oh okay, like it's okay to talk 0:13:48.000 --> 0:13:50.520 about this. It's okay. Someone says, oh I really needed 0:13:50.520 --> 0:13:52.880 to hear that, or whatever the fuck. It's true. 0:13:52.880 --> 0:13:55.560 I think we underestimate the community piece and like how 0:13:55.679 --> 0:14:01.079 much like encourage, like how much it drives you. And yeah, 0:14:01.200 --> 0:14:04.479 that's a good I'm happy that you like put that perspective, 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:07.040 because that is I think it is important to revisit 0:14:07.120 --> 0:14:11.000 things as like with a new eyes and just removing 0:14:11.000 --> 0:14:12.520 a lot of the pressure because we do live in 0:14:12.559 --> 0:14:15.959 a society that aid tells you that you can't master 0:14:16.120 --> 0:14:16.760 more than one thing. 0:14:17.280 --> 0:14:18.840 It's like, well, if you do this, if you podcast, 0:14:18.920 --> 0:14:20.040 you podcasts, it's. 0:14:19.880 --> 0:14:21.280 Like, which I had a whole lot, Like there's so 0:14:21.400 --> 0:14:23.160 much other there's so many other parts of me and 0:14:23.280 --> 0:14:25.920 as a podcaster and as an author and now as 0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:28.800 these other things. It's like, of course if it contribute 0:14:28.840 --> 0:14:31.680 to other creative outlets, because I'm a creative in all 0:14:31.720 --> 0:14:34.640 the ways, like as a vessel. So it's nice to 0:14:34.720 --> 0:14:37.400 see you like take that perspective and then like remind 0:14:37.680 --> 0:14:42.080 me even you know, and even I re see it. 0:14:42.440 --> 0:14:44.200 The SA We're in the car, me and Luna and 0:14:44.760 --> 0:14:46.480 we're listening to the radio. I think we're listening to 0:14:46.560 --> 0:14:48.600 like Big Boy or something, and I was like, I 0:14:48.920 --> 0:14:50.760 think I want to be in the radio, and Linda 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:53.240 is like, I think I want to be an actress, 0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:55.080 but I know that's not gonna happen. I said, speak 0:14:55.120 --> 0:14:57.760 for yourself, baby, because everything I say I want, I get. 0:14:58.400 --> 0:15:00.360 And I was like, you really have to be aware 0:15:00.480 --> 0:15:02.000 of like if you want to be an actress, if 0:15:02.000 --> 0:15:03.360 you want to be an actor, say you want to 0:15:03.360 --> 0:15:04.840 be an actor. I was like, and then I was like, 0:15:04.960 --> 0:15:06.760 I'm an actor, and then she was like repeating after 0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:08.520 me like, oh no. I was like, I'm going to 0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:09.520 be an actor and she's like, I'm going to be 0:15:09.560 --> 0:15:11.120 an actor. I was like, no, say I am an actor, 0:15:11.360 --> 0:15:13.200 Like I am an actor, and I was like I 0:15:13.360 --> 0:15:14.920 just started saying all these things that I wanted to, 0:15:15.160 --> 0:15:16.560 like that I wanted to be as if they were 0:15:16.560 --> 0:15:18.640 already existing. And I was talking to her and I 0:15:18.720 --> 0:15:19.960 was like, when I was little, I used to like 0:15:20.040 --> 0:15:23.120 accept awards, and like, I feel like a lot of 0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:25.160 that contributed to like where I'm at. I was like, 0:15:25.200 --> 0:15:26.720 I wanted to be a writer and I didn't know 0:15:26.840 --> 0:15:28.280 how the fuck that was gonna happen, but I'm a 0:15:28.320 --> 0:15:28.800 writer now. 0:15:28.800 --> 0:15:30.280 I was like, you really have to be careful. 0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:33.360 And I was telling her like envisioning, embodying, and I 0:15:33.520 --> 0:15:36.200 was like, and using your imagination to feel how it feels. 0:15:36.680 --> 0:15:39.240 And I was like, things are scary, but you have 0:15:39.440 --> 0:15:42.640 to always know that you're capable. And I was just 0:15:42.720 --> 0:15:43.880 like talking to her, and you know a lot of 0:15:43.920 --> 0:15:46.440 times she's like, Okay, wait, shut up, but I'm like, 0:15:46.560 --> 0:15:48.800 even if you get like one percent of what I'm getting, 0:15:49.000 --> 0:15:50.440 you know, and even just sharing that with her, I 0:15:50.440 --> 0:15:51.560 don't even know what the fuck made me say that 0:15:51.600 --> 0:15:52.600 I was like, I want to be the radio. I 0:15:52.640 --> 0:15:53.920 think She's like, I want to do this. I was 0:15:53.960 --> 0:15:55.920 like you, well you can, and I was like, we 0:15:56.000 --> 0:15:57.280 got to get away. You got to get over this 0:15:57.400 --> 0:15:59.160 fear and you got to just say fuck the fear 0:15:59.200 --> 0:16:03.640 and push past it. But it's nice to be in 0:16:03.720 --> 0:16:06.520 the position to a be able to revisit things, have 0:16:06.640 --> 0:16:09.680 a community to support you, and then also be and 0:16:09.760 --> 0:16:12.720 it's doing something, not from the beginning, but starting over 0:16:12.840 --> 0:16:16.560 with something and having our child, your child bear witness 0:16:17.080 --> 0:16:19.160 because it kind of reminds you of like where you 0:16:19.240 --> 0:16:21.160 were as a child and how you didn't you didn't 0:16:21.160 --> 0:16:23.200 take on those l's or you didn't even think of 0:16:23.280 --> 0:16:25.080 them as l's. You're just doing something to do it 0:16:25.120 --> 0:16:26.600 and it's fun and your mom does your hair and 0:16:26.640 --> 0:16:28.760 you show up and you go in there and like 0:16:29.040 --> 0:16:32.000 you know, as adults, we lose that because things get 0:16:32.040 --> 0:16:34.800 too serious. And it's the same as like even relationships, 0:16:34.840 --> 0:16:37.160 things get too serious to think about bills and Nicholas. 0:16:37.160 --> 0:16:38.600 You are not doing shit, You're not doing this, and 0:16:38.680 --> 0:16:42.160 it's like we always I think the biggest, the coolest 0:16:42.200 --> 0:16:45.120 blessing about having a kid is it kind of pulls 0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:47.320 you to always come back to that childlike version of 0:16:47.400 --> 0:16:49.800 yourself and to sit in like what is the difference 0:16:49.800 --> 0:16:50.600 between now and then? 0:16:50.960 --> 0:16:53.560 Oh, bitch, I'm a stress a bucket full of stress now, 0:16:54.080 --> 0:16:56.200 and it's like, fuck all that. 0:16:57.320 --> 0:17:00.240 When I got back from my audition, of course, was like, 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:02.400