Speaker 1: Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife.
Speaker 1: She couldn't. She cleaned and cared for her children and
Speaker 1: the man of the house, and of course she didn't
Speaker 1: talk back. She was both obedient and soft by nature.
Speaker 1: She was a good woman who always made good choices.
Speaker 2: We're good mom's bad choices.
Speaker 3: Who single mom who said fuck the patriarchy, shared all
Speaker 3: their bad choices and.
Speaker 4: Sound out they were so bad.
Speaker 3: After all, we're experts, overshares and your new besties.
Speaker 4: Sit back and enjoy the ride.
Speaker 2: I can do it.
Speaker 4: Welcome back to good Mom's bad Choices.
Speaker 2: I'm Erica and I'm Nila.
Speaker 4: Happy humpday, bitchous.
Speaker 2: Happy hump day, y'all.
Speaker 4: How you doing.
Speaker 2: I'm doing pretty good. You look pretty thank you.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Orlando said, you look like young like that, but
Speaker 4: you do. I'm not young. You just look you kind
Speaker 4: of look like I guess you kind of like a teenager,
Speaker 4: but like a youthful not like yeah, like beautifully youthful?
Speaker 2: Is it like because it's half a pack?
Speaker 4: Is a ponytail situation?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Is this is this where I'm at in life? Like
Speaker 3: I had their ponytail with youthful.
Speaker 4: Well, I'm wearing my hair down because bitch, I put
Speaker 4: my pulled my hair back the other day and I'm
Speaker 4: the grays that have accumulated around my fucking hairline since
Speaker 4: I had took my braids out. I was like, are
Speaker 4: the braids pulling grays out of my head? Like I
Speaker 4: swear to God? And when I put them and I
Speaker 4: did not have this many grays, And when I took
Speaker 4: them out, I had like unearthed more grains.
Speaker 2: I don't know if I don't know if braids work
Speaker 2: like that.
Speaker 3: I think it's I think that they've been like pulling
Speaker 3: at the root, pulling, pulling the grays out.
Speaker 2: Yes, I don't know exactly.
Speaker 4: About going blonde again, I've been read for like two
Speaker 4: almost two years now, and so that I can blend
Speaker 4: them with the end kind of helps hide the grays.
Speaker 4: But I just took new headshots and my hair's red,
Speaker 4: so I.
Speaker 2: Can't take more.
Speaker 4: They're expensive. And that's the thing about acting that I remember,
Speaker 4: like not like really hating, was like once you took
Speaker 4: a headshot your age, David your agent being like, well,
Speaker 4: you can't change your hair, Yeah, you have this hairstyle here,
Speaker 4: although I don't know if that's still the same anymore.
Speaker 4: Like I feel like, well, if you wanted this color, bitch,
Speaker 4: change it, like get created. It's because casting directors are
Speaker 4: not creative and they need to see.
Speaker 2: Exactly how you look.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you could always get blonde and get
Speaker 3: new pictures by David.
Speaker 4: I just get a wig or a wig. Just have
Speaker 4: my red wig on, but have blonde hair underneath.
Speaker 3: You looked at Brittany Runners that rig wig all the time.
Speaker 3: That afro wigs looks like a wig to me. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's too perfect. You know what confirmed it was wig?
Speaker 3: When she was doing all that back and forth with
Speaker 3: the baby, she had the I have wig braids.
Speaker 4: Oh, she had braids on.
Speaker 3: They were like just straight backs. That's just probably a wig.
Speaker 3: It's a cute wig. Maybe I need to get a
Speaker 3: wig for real. I took my hair down because the
Speaker 3: fucking brading lady was like two hours late, and me
Speaker 3: and Danielle called ourselves splitting the travel fee. She came
Speaker 3: like two hours late. I was already tired. I was like,
Speaker 3: I only taking out the front. I was only at
Speaker 3: the front, rebraided, and now she decided to go and
Speaker 3: I wasn't gonna go. I was like, fuck it I'm
Speaker 3: gonna take them all my hair. No, you had the
Speaker 3: bob for like three days, no, like one day.
Speaker 2: I called her that night. I was like, call me back, bitch,
Speaker 2: what are you doing with your hair?
Speaker 4: Like, what are you trying to get to? What's like
Speaker 4: the goal? I don't know or theneath hair.
Speaker 3: I was just I just we were retreating so back
Speaker 3: to back that I just kept getting braids, and we're
Speaker 3: about to retreat again. So I'm gonna keep it. I'm
Speaker 3: gonna get it professionally done. I'm gonna see how it
Speaker 3: looks with like a professional press out because I don't
Speaker 3: have those skills at all anymore, and my hair is
Speaker 3: not trained, and then I don't have to.
Speaker 4: Get it like cut like a certain way.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And then also my hair is like half permed, half natural,
Speaker 3: and it's horrible, so I'm probably gonna cut the shit
Speaker 3: off right after BALI. Yeah, I'll just go back to
Speaker 3: having no hair because that's what looks best on me,
Speaker 3: and I'm gonna only I can only rock that for
Speaker 3: so much longer. I think, like the short hair used
Speaker 3: to make me look like more distinct and older, but
Speaker 3: now I'm actually older, so I would not have.
Speaker 4: To grow my hair out, so now I need to
Speaker 4: look younger. Yeah, now you need a pony tail. I
Speaker 4: need a pony Yeah. Next you're gonna have a fucking
Speaker 4: scrunchy in your hair.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: When I turned forty and I'm wearing only scrunches, You're
Speaker 3: gonna know why bows and scrunchies.
Speaker 2: You're gonna know why? How are you? What's been going on?
Speaker 4: I'm good, I'm I'm just actually, I mean, if you're
Speaker 4: watching YouTube, I'm wearing my leopard cat something dressed. And
Speaker 4: I had this in my car because I recently had
Speaker 4: an audition yesterday. And yeah, I've been like slowly creeping
Speaker 4: my way back into that world of auditioning again, and
Speaker 4: I feel really good about it. Like it was I
Speaker 4: had this audition in person. It's my first in person audition.
Speaker 4: And probably I said five years, but now i've been
Speaker 4: thinking about it, it might be like six years. Because
Speaker 4: we've been podcasting for how many years? Seven seven and
Speaker 4: a half going on eight. Yeah, and I think I
Speaker 4: stopped acting like probably.
Speaker 2: Like year one of our of us, maybe year two,
Speaker 2: maybe second year, but maybe a lot.
Speaker 3: I feel like at that point too, a lot of
Speaker 3: auditions started to be virtual like yeah, like you said
Speaker 3: them to them.
Speaker 2: Especially after twenty twenty, there was.
Speaker 4: I didn't see I did an audition in twenty twenty.
Speaker 4: I stopped auditing like twenty nineteen.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot of yeah, a lot of them are
Speaker 2: self tapes.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and so like I've been doing self tapes for
Speaker 4: the past few months like here and there, but this
Speaker 4: was my first in person audition, and that shit felt
Speaker 4: so different.
Speaker 2: It hits different.
Speaker 4: It felt so different, it felt so good. And I've
Speaker 4: been just like easing my way back in because when
Speaker 4: I left acting, I like felt really disheartened. I really
Speaker 4: felt like, maybe this is just not my calling. Maybe,
Speaker 4: like you know, some people you gotta have like real
Speaker 4: conversations between maybe you don't, but like you know some
Speaker 4: people like who are trying to be like rappers and shit,
Speaker 4: You're like, baby, this is ain't good. This is not
Speaker 4: your calling. Baby.
Speaker 2: Never I've never had the heart to tell anybody.
Speaker 4: You know, because like, who are you to tell someone call?
Speaker 4: I'll do it, right me. But like I think sometimes
Speaker 4: like you have to have these real conversations with yourself, right,
Speaker 4: Like it's maybe it's not about your call, it's like
Speaker 4: are you going to do have the time to invest
Speaker 4: in this right now. So that's where I kind of was,
Speaker 4: I guess in twenty nineteen, because I've been acting since
Speaker 4: I was as a kid, and I just I've had moments.
Speaker 4: I've had little breaks here and there, but just like
Speaker 4: nothing that I felt was like substantial enough for to
Speaker 4: like keep me going in this direction for another however
Speaker 4: many years I was going to do it, and so
Speaker 4: I was kind of sad. But I think good moms
Speaker 4: like took over our lives and this has been such
Speaker 4: a masterclass of like knowing myself and understanding myself, and
Speaker 4: I think that was like the missing piece for me
Speaker 4: as an actor. It was like I really didn't know
Speaker 4: who I was, So there was like this and granted,
Speaker 4: when you're acting, you're playing other people, but there's there's
Speaker 4: still like a knowingness of yourself in order to be
Speaker 4: able to at least for me. I'm not necessary for
Speaker 4: other actors, but at least for me that I think
Speaker 4: that that was been That's been the missing piece for
Speaker 4: me in my art in that space, and so going
Speaker 4: back into it, it just feels different. Like when I
Speaker 4: went to the audition, I walked in and I could
Speaker 4: hear a girl was auditioning in the room. They were
Speaker 4: giving her notes and I was like, okay, let me
Speaker 4: step outside because I don't even want to hear.
Speaker 2: I don't want to hear it contaminate.
Speaker 4: But the way God had like lined up this day
Speaker 4: for me, like I got I was. I got there
Speaker 4: like right on time, but I got a parking spot
Speaker 4: right in front. And it was at CBS Radford, so
Speaker 4: it's like there's like no parking over there. And I
Speaker 4: was like, Okay, we're gonna make this easy for myself.
Speaker 4: It was so fucking hot. I was wearing this dress,
Speaker 4: walking in the most uncomfortable shoes. Look at they fucking whatever.
Speaker 4: They tore up my feet. But when I got in there,
Speaker 4: it was just like it was nice and cool. There
Speaker 4: was someone in there. I walked out, I went to
Speaker 4: the bathroom. When I walked out of the bathroom, like
Speaker 4: she was leaving, I was like, perfect. It felt like
Speaker 4: it was just like he's my audition and that's what
Speaker 4: I needed. And I went in there and I fucking
Speaker 4: killed it.
Speaker 3: I did so I did so well And welcoming you
Speaker 3: back to the space and it feels really really good
Speaker 3: to be in person. We talk to a lot of
Speaker 3: actors they really like the the like the self tape
Speaker 3: element because it just it requires less of your day, right,
Speaker 3: Like you're driving across LA to go to a fucking.
Speaker 4: Santa Monica, you know, and.
Speaker 2: It's always at four.
Speaker 4: It's always at the worst time. Yeah, like three pm
Speaker 4: when I go to pick up my kid. So granted,
Speaker 4: like I know that, I like I'm on a high
Speaker 4: of like in personal auditions. I don't know how long
Speaker 4: this high will last, but I just know I appreciated that,
Speaker 4: and it made me think about just how many of
Speaker 4: us have these dreams and passions that we start in
Speaker 4: our in our youth or like maybe in our early twenties,
Speaker 4: and then like life hits and you're like, shit, I
Speaker 4: gotta get real. I gotta get or maybe maybe it's
Speaker 4: not even about getting real. It's just like this isn't
Speaker 4: working for me right now. And sometimes it's like it's
Speaker 4: not working for you in that version of yourself or
Speaker 4: in this point in your life, but it doesn't mean
Speaker 4: it can't work. And I think that that's been like
Speaker 4: the message for me in this new chapt is like
Speaker 4: I'm walking into this a total like a different Erica,
Speaker 4: but a different version of myself. I when I was
Speaker 4: acting before, I had put so much pressure on myself
Speaker 4: every time I went in an audition, and like I
Speaker 4: didn't get a call back like it was it was
Speaker 4: started to really fuck with me. And I've been doing
Speaker 4: it for years and it didn't fuck with me for
Speaker 4: a long time, but towards the end, it was like
Speaker 4: this is too much, Like I can't deal with this
Speaker 4: rejection anymore in my life. And now I'm like I'm
Speaker 4: just like like going in and like releasing it, you know.
Speaker 4: And it's like it's like if you just get to play.
Speaker 4: And I started to play, and I think playing in
Speaker 4: person with someone else was like part of the reason
Speaker 4: it felt really good, whereas like when I'm doing like
Speaker 4: self tapes, I am playing with someone but just it's
Speaker 4: just not the same energy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you don't feel like the nerves, the nerves, it
Speaker 3: doesn't feel as like yeah, like the adrenaline is probably
Speaker 3: not going as hard.
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's like that feeling that I've I just I
Speaker 4: remember so so clearly and like I almost forgot how
Speaker 4: all big of a part of this, of this portion
Speaker 4: of my life that acting has taken because I've stepped
Speaker 4: away for the last six years, and but I've been
Speaker 4: acting my whole fucking life and I almost forgot, like
Speaker 4: I was like, oh yeah, this, oh yeah, this other
Speaker 4: thing that I do. Yeah, and it's like it's feels
Speaker 4: it just feels really good. And it just made me
Speaker 4: think about how many mothers, not even mothers, but I
Speaker 4: would say a lot of moms, how we've we we
Speaker 4: side step our dreams or we put our dreams on hold.
Speaker 4: And granted, sometimes you have to like you have to
Speaker 4: like you know, there's a lot going on, but that
Speaker 4: I don't know this like come back to it, you know,
Speaker 4: come back to it, revisit it, and maybe it is
Speaker 4: maybe that is a time in your life that's done.
Speaker 4: But for me, it feels really it feels really good,
Speaker 4: and I feel really supported. And I had so many
Speaker 4: people in my dms like cheering me on, and it's
Speaker 4: like a level of like support that i've that I
Speaker 4: have now because of maybe the platform that I have
Speaker 4: now and also maybe just me sharing vulnerably, like my
Speaker 4: fear around this and like allowing people into my process
Speaker 4: as like stepping into this new form of art or
Speaker 4: this former it's not new, but yeah new for me. Yeah,
Speaker 4: and being honest about like my fears, being honest about like,
Speaker 4: you know, some days I feel confident in something, you know,
Speaker 4: and like allowing people to support me, you know, whereas
Speaker 4: I think a lot of times we feel like we
Speaker 4: have to like become masters in silence or we can't
Speaker 4: like share the journey of to the win because it
Speaker 4: makes us look like we're not masters, you know, like
Speaker 4: we're not already walking.
Speaker 3: In like everybody just shows up an expert about suddenly
Speaker 3: Eric is on a TV show. There's no process to it,
Speaker 3: and like we've normalized that in ways, and so.
Speaker 4: I'm actually enjoying. I think I'm going to share more
Speaker 4: about it, just the journey of it, because it's like
Speaker 4: acting is hard. It is like a being a creator
Speaker 4: in in in general, there's a lot of rejection and
Speaker 4: even Iri like, so did you get it? Did you
Speaker 4: get this show? I'm like, Iri, listen, I'm gonna do
Speaker 4: a lot of auditioning. I'm not going to get things right.
Speaker 4: And like I'm glad that I even get to show
Speaker 4: her that too, because I think it's you know, I
Speaker 4: think as a child, I didn't even understand that. And
Speaker 4: I started acting when I was like eight years old,
Speaker 4: so like the rejection part like took pros. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 4: so it's just.
Speaker 2: Like this is fun.
Speaker 3: And then one day you're on set and you're like, oh,
Speaker 3: that's cool, but it's not like it's not like uh,
Speaker 3: you know, like livered. You're not gonna like die without
Speaker 3: it because you're just playing, you know, during the next
Speaker 3: thing the next day. That's interesting to have that observation,
Speaker 3: like doing it as a child and then just to
Speaker 3: understand how serious we start to take things and how
Speaker 3: taking things so seriously kind of starts.
Speaker 2: To steal the joy.
Speaker 3: Fuck it up, steals the joy away from just knowing
Speaker 3: it like as a child, because I auditioned a lot
Speaker 3: as a child, and like yeah, there's like even thinking
Speaker 3: like the fear I have now of like someone's like
Speaker 3: okay action, I'm like eugh, But like that is it's
Speaker 3: like what is the awareness that we grow into that
Speaker 3: starts to make it like so fair, feel so stressful,
Speaker 3: such so heavy, like so weighted, so heavily on us,
Speaker 3: And then what is this other piece about thinking that
Speaker 3: we have to show up an expert and not like
Speaker 3: the process between it and like dub bitch, Like that's
Speaker 3: the whole.
Speaker 4: I mean, and when you share the process, you actually
Speaker 4: get like literally energetically in the world, so much more
Speaker 4: support to like to actually propel you to where you
Speaker 4: want to be. You know, That's what I was feeling,
Speaker 4: like when people were like messaging me like, oh my god,
Speaker 4: that's so great, I was like, wow, thank you, thank you,
Speaker 4: Like yes, yes, actually I need this, especially in the
Speaker 4: beginning of my process. Now it's kind of like makes
Speaker 4: me think of like when we when I first started dating,
Speaker 4: and you know, I joined Tinder, where I needed the
Speaker 4: validation a little bit, like it's it's less about validation
Speaker 4: and more more so.
Speaker 2: Based firm like oh okay, like it's okay to talk
Speaker 2: about this. It's okay. Someone says, oh I really needed
Speaker 2: to hear that, or whatever the fuck. It's true.
Speaker 3: I think we underestimate the community piece and like how
Speaker 3: much like encourage, like how much it drives you. And yeah,
Speaker 3: that's a good I'm happy that you like put that perspective,
Speaker 3: because that is I think it is important to revisit
Speaker 3: things as like with a new eyes and just removing
Speaker 3: a lot of the pressure because we do live in
Speaker 3: a society that aid tells you that you can't master
Speaker 3: more than one thing.
Speaker 2: It's like, well, if you do this, if you podcast,
Speaker 2: you podcasts, it's.
Speaker 3: Like, which I had a whole lot, Like there's so
Speaker 3: much other there's so many other parts of me and
Speaker 3: as a podcaster and as an author and now as
Speaker 3: these other things. It's like, of course if it contribute
Speaker 3: to other creative outlets, because I'm a creative in all
Speaker 3: the ways, like as a vessel. So it's nice to
Speaker 3: see you like take that perspective and then like remind
Speaker 3: me even you know, and even I re see it.
Speaker 3: The SA We're in the car, me and Luna and
Speaker 3: we're listening to the radio. I think we're listening to
Speaker 3: like Big Boy or something, and I was like, I
Speaker 3: think I want to be in the radio, and Linda
Speaker 3: is like, I think I want to be an actress,
Speaker 3: but I know that's not gonna happen. I said, speak
Speaker 3: for yourself, baby, because everything I say I want, I get.
Speaker 3: And I was like, you really have to be aware
Speaker 3: of like if you want to be an actress, if
Speaker 3: you want to be an actor, say you want to
Speaker 3: be an actor. I was like, and then I was like,
Speaker 3: I'm an actor, and then she was like repeating after
Speaker 3: me like, oh no. I was like, I'm going to
Speaker 3: be an actor and she's like, I'm going to be
Speaker 3: an actor. I was like, no, say I am an actor,
Speaker 3: Like I am an actor, and I was like I
Speaker 3: just started saying all these things that I wanted to,
Speaker 3: like that I wanted to be as if they were
Speaker 3: already existing. And I was talking to her and I
Speaker 3: was like, when I was little, I used to like
Speaker 3: accept awards, and like, I feel like a lot of
Speaker 3: that contributed to like where I'm at. I was like,
Speaker 3: I wanted to be a writer and I didn't know
Speaker 3: how the fuck that was gonna happen, but I'm a
Speaker 3: writer now.
Speaker 2: I was like, you really have to be careful.
Speaker 3: And I was telling her like envisioning, embodying, and I
Speaker 3: was like, and using your imagination to feel how it feels.
Speaker 3: And I was like, things are scary, but you have
Speaker 3: to always know that you're capable. And I was just
Speaker 3: like talking to her, and you know a lot of
Speaker 3: times she's like, Okay, wait, shut up, but I'm like,
Speaker 3: even if you get like one percent of what I'm getting,
Speaker 3: you know, and even just sharing that with her, I
Speaker 3: don't even know what the fuck made me say that
Speaker 3: I was like, I want to be the radio. I
Speaker 3: think She's like, I want to do this. I was
Speaker 3: like you, well you can, and I was like, we
Speaker 3: got to get away. You got to get over this
Speaker 3: fear and you got to just say fuck the fear
Speaker 3: and push past it. But it's nice to be in
Speaker 3: the position to a be able to revisit things, have
Speaker 3: a community to support you, and then also be and
Speaker 3: it's doing something, not from the beginning, but starting over
Speaker 3: with something and having our child, your child bear witness
Speaker 3: because it kind of reminds you of like where you
Speaker 3: were as a child and how you didn't you didn't
Speaker 3: take on those l's or you didn't even think of
Speaker 3: them as l's. You're just doing something to do it
Speaker 3: and it's fun and your mom does your hair and
Speaker 3: you show up and you go in there and like
Speaker 3: you know, as adults, we lose that because things get
Speaker 3: too serious. And it's the same as like even relationships,
Speaker 3: things get too serious to think about bills and Nicholas.
Speaker 3: You are not doing shit, You're not doing this, and
Speaker 3: it's like we always I think the biggest, the coolest
Speaker 3: blessing about having a kid is it kind of pulls
Speaker 3: you to always come back to that childlike version of
Speaker 3: yourself and to sit in like what is the difference
Speaker 3: between now and then?
Speaker 2: Oh, bitch, I'm a stress a bucket full of stress now,
Speaker 2: and it's like, fuck all that.
Speaker 4: When I got back from my audition, of course, was like,
Speaker 4: so did you shoot it? I was like, no, babe,
Speaker 4: it was an audition and she's like, oh, those are
Speaker 4: sides and I was like, yeah, so can we read them?
Speaker 4: And so like we we're reading them and in one
Speaker 4: of the size it says something like something about like
Speaker 4: bitches and it was her line, and she was like
Speaker 4: she tried to skip over it, and I was like,
Speaker 4: why didn't you say it? She said, and she was
Speaker 4: like and I was like, okay, but I can tell
Speaker 4: like she was like really into it. She wanted to
Speaker 4: keep doing it over and over again, and I am.
Speaker 4: I am grateful that I can share that with her,
Speaker 4: that like, yeah, I'm not going to win every time.
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna like get every part. That's just not
Speaker 4: the process. And her can and she can see how
Speaker 4: resilient I am when it doesn't go my way and
Speaker 4: that I keep going even still. And actually this particular
Speaker 4: line of work really shows you that because it is
Speaker 4: a constant release of like going in and doing the work,
Speaker 4: prep preparing, preparing as if you've gotten the role, and
Speaker 4: then releasing it and then you never get to do
Speaker 4: it and you like you have to like move on
Speaker 4: from it. But thinking about the community and having the
Speaker 4: community or like I've always had community, it's just I
Speaker 4: haven't always asked for the support in that way. I mean,
Speaker 4: obviously Instagram has made it much different. And also like
Speaker 4: thinking about but even like I shared it in our
Speaker 4: group text with our tribe, like I shared it with
Speaker 4: my friends because a I was excited to share share
Speaker 4: it and then when I got positive feedback, it made
Speaker 4: me feel good, you know. And so I was thinking
Speaker 4: also like we have this in our Discord channel, shout
Speaker 4: out to our tribe on Discord, we have a channel
Speaker 4: called girl Guess What. And I was thinking about that
Speaker 4: yesterday and I was like, this is like girl Guess What,
Speaker 4: Like this is why these channels are important, because we
Speaker 4: share in our girl Guess What channel, like, Hey, bitch,
Speaker 4: guess what I just did today, and everyone says, oh
Speaker 4: my god, that's amazing, Like you need people, even if
Speaker 4: it's strangers on the internet. Or strangers on the discord
Speaker 4: that are like future sisters to hype you up, especially
Speaker 4: when you're, like I guess, entering into a new news space. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I mean whether not even just a new space. Sometimes
Speaker 4: you need it just in life in general. But it
Speaker 4: really helps, and it's helping me stay ignited because I know,
Speaker 4: like that there'll be moments in this journey where I'm like,
Speaker 4: you know, I'll feel defeated, like I really wanted to
Speaker 4: roll and I didn't get it, or like I'm tired
Speaker 4: and I don't feel like going on a fucking audition
Speaker 4: because I've just got back from working recording three episodes
Speaker 4: or whatever, mommy all day, whatever the fuck. But it's
Speaker 4: like those it's those moments that I'm like trying to
Speaker 4: stay presentent so that I can come back to that
Speaker 4: feeling that I felt when I left that audition, that
Speaker 4: first audition after six years, and remind myself why it
Speaker 4: is I'm doing it, because I think that's where I
Speaker 4: lost sight of. That's what I lost sight of in
Speaker 4: my journey into the space and my journey out of it.
Speaker 4: When I started podcasting, it was like I was not
Speaker 4: I didn't know why I was doing it.
Speaker 2: Anymore.
Speaker 4: I was like, am I just doing it because like
Speaker 4: I've just been doing this for so long, Like, No,
Speaker 4: I'm doing it because I love storytelling, I love like
Speaker 4: the art of it, I love the production of it.
Speaker 4: I want to direct one day. I will direct one day.
Speaker 4: And yeah, it feels good to kind of to be
Speaker 4: able to do that. So if you're listening to this
Speaker 4: and you have like a career or something that maybe
Speaker 4: you've put on the back burner that's like still keeps
Speaker 4: you up at night that you still think about or
Speaker 4: you steel like, damn, what if I what if I
Speaker 4: could have fucking go explore that shit, like for real,
Speaker 4: like go explore. It doesn't have to be like balls
Speaker 4: to the wall, quit your job, you're gonna go, but
Speaker 4: like just go revisit it and see if it feels different,
Speaker 4: because nine times out of ten, like you've evolved and
Speaker 4: like you're going to show up in that space different
Speaker 4: than you did ten years ago.
Speaker 3: And it's it's true, Like I think that there's such
Speaker 3: a there's such this this non spoken, like weird thing,
Speaker 3: especially with the inner, that that there's no process and
Speaker 3: that you have to be perfect and then you have
Speaker 3: to just like know everything and be an expert and
Speaker 3: when you show up, it has to be exceptionally perfect,
Speaker 3: and it's like it's ridiculous. It's a ridiculous concept. And
Speaker 3: even like you know, I can relate, it's on a
Speaker 3: very like minor level. But you know, like I finished
Speaker 3: school two years ago and like in sexology and this
Speaker 3: TANTRUC practitioner and I've taken clients privately and like one
Speaker 3: on one, but I haven't felt like I've like fully
Speaker 3: stepped into it, and like I don't know what I've
Speaker 3: been like afraid of. And like I was thinking the
Speaker 3: other day and I was like just thinking about all
Speaker 3: the all the things that have led me to where
Speaker 3: I'm at, just in general, like hospitality and now I
Speaker 3: do retreats and like just a people person I've always
Speaker 3: been and like that I've always wanted to write and
Speaker 3: I wrote a book. And I was thinking, like in
Speaker 3: high school I took just because I took it. I
Speaker 3: took a sexual behavior class at Valley College in eleventh grade.
Speaker 3: Why who the fuck knows, like a two and a
Speaker 3: half hour class like once a week. But I was like,
Speaker 3: because I've always loved this shit, I've always loved human sex, sexuality.
Speaker 3: I've always been intrigued by like psychology and like you know,
Speaker 3: storytelling and all these things. And it's like we grow
Speaker 3: get older and we think that there has to be
Speaker 3: this like huge title or this huge big break, or
Speaker 3: there has to be this thing that like makes you
Speaker 3: acceptable by the masses as the as the master of
Speaker 3: But it's like, what about the fact that like just intuitively,
Speaker 3: these are things that you fuck with and enjoy and
Speaker 3: like and that's generally how you get like the big
Speaker 3: break when you're just doing the art for the fuck
Speaker 3: of it. Like Eric and I are sitting here because
Speaker 3: not because we were like we're gonna be the best
Speaker 3: motherfucking podcast podcasters in the business.
Speaker 2: We were just like, yeah, this is fun. This is fun. Oh,
Speaker 2: this is this is new.
Speaker 3: Oh I could take pictures, so this is fun, you know,
Speaker 3: and like the curiosity and like the the the energy
Speaker 3: of something new, and like the collaboration obviously and the friendship.
Speaker 2: But just like I was doing, like asked the sexologists.
Speaker 3: On my stories and people are like, oh, thank you
Speaker 3: so much for asking me questions and just participating. And
Speaker 3: I'm not really someone who likes to talk to camera,
Speaker 3: but I was like, oh, maybe this is it, because
Speaker 3: then I have I have a.
Speaker 1: I have a.
Speaker 3: Like a huh a prompt. I have thinks I have
Speaker 3: a prompt and it makes it easier to talk, you know,
Speaker 3: and just talk about it. And I was just like,
Speaker 3: it's something very small, but it made me feel good
Speaker 3: and so I understand and like and.
Speaker 2: I was just like wondering, like what has stopped me?
Speaker 3: I got the piece of fucking paper, It's printed out,
Speaker 3: it's framed.
Speaker 2: Like I didn't never need the piece of paper.
Speaker 3: I mean, obviously to know certain things whatever, But this
Speaker 3: idea in this mainstream society that we need a piece of.
Speaker 2: Paper, or we need the big break, or we need
Speaker 2: to be on six.
Speaker 3: Seasons of sex and the city to be recognizable and
Speaker 3: to like show up and like in all of our essence,
Speaker 3: Like you've been an actress, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: And it's just like I do resonate with that, especially
Speaker 3: as a mom, because a lot of our our focus
Speaker 3: goes to others, to our kids, to our marriages, to
Speaker 3: our need to make money, and not so much just
Speaker 3: to the art of existing in the presence and the
Speaker 3: art of creating and like supporting yourself in the community.
Speaker 3: So I'm fairly happy for you that you that you
Speaker 3: jumped back in and that you just did it and
Speaker 3: that it felt really good and like that you're committing
Speaker 3: to do that again and like, yeah, I'm I'm excited
Speaker 3: for just the blossoming and the growth and like what
Speaker 3: that does. I think like when you water other parts
Speaker 3: of your artistry, like it it automatically waters other parts
Speaker 3: of your life because you're watering yourself and you're going
Speaker 3: to be creative in more than one way because you're
Speaker 3: being creative in one space.
Speaker 4: You know, Yeah, thank you, And it does feel good.
Speaker 4: And I'm I'm going to share more of the process,
Speaker 4: so make sure you you know, you just keep affirming
Speaker 4: a bitch over here, you know, little more affirmations on
Speaker 4: the journey. And also being an actor is and and
Speaker 4: a creator in general is it can be a very
Speaker 4: lonely and also like it's hard to not judge yourself,
Speaker 4: you know, because you're always kind of it's being evaluated
Speaker 4: and being evaluated in some way. And so I want
Speaker 4: to encourage everyone listening to like, if you need people
Speaker 4: in your life to hype you up, like let us
Speaker 4: hype you up. Join our discord there's a whole community
Speaker 4: of people there that I'm utilizing. Well, I'm utilizing on
Speaker 4: this next journey of you know, starting something new in
Speaker 4: this way.
Speaker 2: I think people have a hard time saying I need
Speaker 2: to be hyped up. Yeah, hey, can you support me?
Speaker 2: I'm feeling scared. That is not something that we've been like,
Speaker 2: uh like uh massage.
Speaker 4: No. No, We're not supposed to do that. We're supposed
Speaker 4: to be modest. We're supposed to be humble.
Speaker 2: We're supposed to just like move in silence.
Speaker 4: Yeah, like and not talk about the thing until it's
Speaker 4: arrived because it's bad luck or it's untasteful or whatever.
Speaker 2: The people are gonna not think I'm good.
Speaker 4: At it all that you're about to hear this journey
Speaker 4: and when I fucking make it on the big screen, bitch,
Speaker 4: I'm having a fucking viewing. Fucking screening. Okay, we're celebrating.
Speaker 2: I'm in a view of I'm viewing of all your
Speaker 2: of all your stories up till that point.
Speaker 4: Maybe that too.
Speaker 5: Okay, cut the real GB, Cut the real GB.
Speaker 2: We need.
Speaker 4: It was gonna be an hour.
Speaker 2: You remember when I started in the bathroom, I told
Speaker 2: you bitches you were gonna see. Oh you don't let
Speaker 2: me play it for you because I haven't hear mydica.
Speaker 2: Now I'm accepting my Emmy always knew it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, So anyway, I speaking of getting a job.
Speaker 2: Oh, I was just gonna say, speaking of sticking to
Speaker 2: your passions and your passion projects and the things that
Speaker 2: you love and your hobbies and your arts.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Did you see Tabitha's recent reel that everyone is
Speaker 4: up in arms about pissed? Well, you showed it to Okay,
Speaker 4: I showed it to you. What are your thoughts? Basically? Actually,
Speaker 4: let's play the clip here.
Speaker 6: Hello, dear, real quick that this is not to discourage you,
Speaker 6: because I want us to be clear about it first. Okay,
Speaker 6: you kind of been in this place for a long time. Okay,
Speaker 6: now listen, you got good ideas, baby, you got good ideas.
Speaker 1: Your execution is not as good.
Speaker 4: Okay, You're followed through not as good.
Speaker 6: The ideas, though, are great.
Speaker 1: Entrepreneurship.
Speaker 4: It it's not for everybody, and that doesn't mean.
Speaker 1: It's not for you.
Speaker 6: But but right now, these last few months, few years,
Speaker 6: you know what I'm talking about. Maybe it ain't it
Speaker 6: ain't been working for you, Okay, And and you're doing
Speaker 6: a lot of robbing Peter to pay Paul. Okay, you
Speaker 6: you done got yourself in some mess, and it's time
Speaker 6: for you to get a a job. Can you hear me?
Speaker 6: You You just gonna need to get a job for
Speaker 6: a little while, okay. D It don't mean your ideas
Speaker 6: ain't good. Okay, don't mean that maybe one day you
Speaker 6: could be a good entrepreneur. But you have proven to
Speaker 6: yourself and everybody else that you owe money to. Okay,
Speaker 6: that it ain't working right now. Okay, it ain't. It
Speaker 6: ain't work for a while. It actually has never worked yet.
Speaker 6: Doesn't mean it won't ever work. But right now you
Speaker 6: need to go to work, and you're gonna need to
Speaker 6: get a job, okay, and then keep working towards it,
Speaker 6: but at least you will have a job while you
Speaker 6: are pursuing that thing. But right now you need to
Speaker 6: get a job, baby, all right, that's it.
Speaker 1: I love you. They're going to watch your business. Okay.
Speaker 4: Have to have a good night tomorrow, have a good day.
Speaker 1: But even if you can't have a.
Speaker 6: Good one, don't today'll go messing up.
Speaker 4: Nobody else is here.
Speaker 6: Don't be mad at me.
Speaker 4: Okay, So the bitches are mad.
Speaker 3: I feel I'm gonna say, how oft this is right?
Speaker 3: I mean, the two things can exist at one time,
Speaker 3: too right.
Speaker 4: I think it's the messenger that people get mad about.
Speaker 2: You know, she's made it and she's rich. Well, it
Speaker 2: doesn't mean the.
Speaker 4: Message is wrong at all. It's just like people take
Speaker 4: issue with the messenger and often can't hear the message
Speaker 4: because of the messenger. I think that I don't think
Speaker 4: that she's not the right messenger. I'm just saying I
Speaker 4: think that that's where the issue lies for a lot
Speaker 4: of people that are up in arms about her saying this.
Speaker 3: I think that a hit dog will holler and if
Speaker 3: some that And I'm not saying stop and abandon your dreams,
Speaker 3: but I'm saying people, I know I've said that we've
Speaker 3: been delusional and it's worked for us in our life.
Speaker 3: But I think people are delusional in the sense that
Speaker 3: people will suck, like will jeopardize their livelihood for a dream,
Speaker 3: and sometimes it works, and sometimes you end up homeless.
Speaker 2: And you can't a part of the story. And that's
Speaker 2: part of your story, and that could be part of
Speaker 2: your story. If you're a lone, single wolf alone in
Speaker 2: the world, and you don't have any cubs to care
Speaker 2: for sure. If that's your story, you've you fucking couchsurfed
Speaker 2: for years and then you made it. Congratulations. I don't
Speaker 2: believe in.
Speaker 3: CouchSurfing for years over a certain age, I don't believe.
Speaker 3: I'm not saying like I think that some people sometimes
Speaker 3: pursue their side hustles to a point where it's it
Speaker 3: sacrifices there I don't know, stability, their mental stability. It
Speaker 3: actually sacrifices the dream. Most dreams require some sort of investment.
Speaker 3: So you know, like if you're a rapper and you
Speaker 3: want to be a rapper, you gotta have money for
Speaker 3: the studio. You gotta have money for the for the video.
Speaker 3: You gotta know if you want the video to look good,
Speaker 3: you gotta have a.
Speaker 2: Fucking main hustle to supplement and support the side hustle.
Speaker 2: So I just think, like I think it actually is
Speaker 2: is more.
Speaker 3: It gives more to the side hustle or to the
Speaker 3: passion project if you have the means to not be
Speaker 3: worrying about food and shelter and how you're going to
Speaker 3: feed this main hustle. And I don't think a lot
Speaker 3: of people want to hear that, because.
Speaker 2: Even on the retreats, I feel like people get the
Speaker 2: holy ghost of spirit and they abandon they jump ship.
Speaker 2: I've seen women be like, I'm in year four medical school.
Speaker 2: I'm quitting. Fuck it happened to her, by the way,
Speaker 2: I need to figure out where did she open up
Speaker 2: that dance school and she quit medical school? And I'm
Speaker 2: pretty sure it worked. I don't know.
Speaker 3: I believed her, but and sometimes it works, and only
Speaker 3: you know how how how how deep the fire is burning.
Speaker 3: But I do believe in Like, it's really hard to
Speaker 3: focus on a passion project if you are fucking about
Speaker 3: to be evicted and starving.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I think I think that also, and
Speaker 2: I know because I've been there.
Speaker 4: I think that also, like sometimes you have to quit
Speaker 4: the job, go through entrepreneurship or whatever, do the passion
Speaker 4: project fail, maybe even go homeless to then realize, like
Speaker 4: the lesson of okay, let me recalibrate, I maybe need
Speaker 4: to do both. I can do both, or like or
Speaker 4: figuring out what that looks like. I think that's something.
Speaker 4: I think that also, as I'm sitting here thinking about
Speaker 4: why women are so mad about this, because there's a
Speaker 4: lot of facts is also it's just a sensitive time
Speaker 4: because facts, because there's the fact of the matter is faxes.
Speaker 2: There's a lot of faxes.
Speaker 4: I had to say that there's a lot of faxes
Speaker 4: because there's a lot of people that have lost their job,
Speaker 4: Like it's not so easy to just go get a
Speaker 4: nine to five, especially in this climate where three hundred
Speaker 4: and fifty thousand black women are out of work.
Speaker 2: Exactly, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: I'm saying, if you're just setting like if you're sending
Speaker 3: in your resignation letter from a good job right now,
Speaker 3: rethink that.
Speaker 7: Well.
Speaker 4: I think that she was more speaking to the people
Speaker 4: that are have been living off of their dream and
Speaker 4: the dream is no longer working and instead of realizing
Speaker 4: and jesting and shifting to the time that hey, maybe
Speaker 4: I need to go back to that job, they are
Speaker 4: scheming and scamming and borrowing money, not paying people back
Speaker 4: and putting their families in jeopardy and putting themselves in jeopardy.
Speaker 4: And I think those things can be true, But I
Speaker 4: also know that the climate of finding work is also
Speaker 4: it's easier said than done.
Speaker 3: Hell yeah, this worker is not easy to come by
Speaker 3: right now. People have been looking for jobs for over
Speaker 3: a year, Like it's not we're not in a place.
Speaker 2: AI is taking over, you.
Speaker 4: Guys, And that's what I'm saying, Like even the jobs
Speaker 4: that maybe you might go back to to go get
Speaker 4: your nine to five have changed, like that position no
Speaker 4: longer exists anymore because AI has taken over. So her
Speaker 4: comment is mirroring people's fears. And also, like I said,
Speaker 4: the messenger of her Tabitha, who is super successful, is
Speaker 4: on home shopping Network on the post right before selling
Speaker 4: her products, you know, living in the life of her.
Speaker 2: But that was not always that. She didn't start there
Speaker 2: she was driving uber of course not.
Speaker 4: But I'm just saying, these are the These are the
Speaker 4: triggers that people have for the messenger that's being said.
Speaker 4: It's kind of like person when Kim Kardashian was like, bitch,
Speaker 4: you need to work harder.
Speaker 2: That's a two different. That's two different. That's totally different.
Speaker 3: Though we've seen she's talked really transparent and I don't
Speaker 3: even I'm not even a huge tab at the fan,
Speaker 3: Like I don't know.
Speaker 4: She's shared. She has shared her journey, which is also
Speaker 4: part of like what we were talking about before, Like
Speaker 4: we have seen her audience has watched her struggle and
Speaker 4: her growth all the way.
Speaker 2: Why why it's probably even more triggering.
Speaker 3: I mean, I feel like it's it's triggering, but it's
Speaker 3: also like I saw you go get it, Like I
Speaker 3: can't really be mad at that messenger because you've actually
Speaker 3: probably experienced hardship. It'd be Kim Kay, you were sucking
Speaker 3: Very Jay's dick, and your mom made that shit work,
Speaker 3: and here you are now you have a fucking BOLLI.
Speaker 4: Her baseline was privileged, like her daughter. Her dad was
Speaker 4: a lawyer, like you know.
Speaker 2: She Paris Hilton's assistant.
Speaker 3: You know, so it's not relatable, Like I don't want
Speaker 3: to hear that shit, like I think I was watching.
Speaker 2: I was thinking I was.
Speaker 3: I was listening to a podcast about the founder of
Speaker 3: Glossier and she's like, oh, I got an internship at
Speaker 3: Vogue because my neighbor got it for me.
Speaker 2: And then I asked, can I do my own column?
Speaker 2: And like, turn your shit off. I don't hear his
Speaker 2: fucking white bitch talk about how she had an internship
Speaker 2: at Velu and then it spawned into Glassier. Like to me,
Speaker 2: it's not relatable. I don't want to hear that shit, like,
Speaker 2: it doesn't sound like you've strapped up your boots. Bitch,
Speaker 2: you were already in a privileged position and then you
Speaker 2: got more privilege. Oh, magic manifestation and not this thing.
Speaker 2: She hasn't worked really hard.
Speaker 3: But I'm saying most people don't even get to the
Speaker 3: internship at fucking Vogue because you don't live two doors
Speaker 3: down from the they get vote right, because your daddy
Speaker 3: doesn't know his homeboy or whatever the fuck. And so
Speaker 3: it's like we're starting at two different starting points. But
Speaker 3: I think that there has to be yes delusion, but
Speaker 3: there has to be reality. You have to And this
Speaker 3: is coming from a bitch who daily tries to escape
Speaker 3: the three D world, as in right now, I'm trying
Speaker 3: to avoid all things.
Speaker 2: But the reality is the reality.
Speaker 3: Bills have to get paid, your stomach needs to be fed,
Speaker 3: like your kidney to be fed. Things have to still
Speaker 3: on a day to d basis be taken care of.
Speaker 2: And it's not fun.
Speaker 3: I've been there, and it's not fun to be worrying
Speaker 3: about that shit. So get your ducks in a row
Speaker 3: and then pursue and pour into the other shit and like,
Speaker 3: do both. And I know it's hard and it's easier
Speaker 3: said than done. But like abandoning ship on all your
Speaker 3: fucking responsibility.
Speaker 2: Ain't it so? Tabitha? You go ahead, You keep telling
Speaker 2: these bitches okay, because it's true.
Speaker 4: In breaking heart news, Baddy Winkle has passed.
Speaker 2: Let's take this moment of silence for Baddie.
Speaker 4: I feel like we did to smoke a joint for Batty.
Speaker 4: Do we have weed for Baddy Winkle?
Speaker 2: What's in that thing? It says two grams of something.
Speaker 4: This is like we gotta smoke in bad Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 4: this is for Baddie.
Speaker 2: Is a big fat If you're home right now, and
Speaker 2: if you don't know who Baddy Winkle is, open up
Speaker 2: your Instagram. She's the baddest bitch of the elderlies. She's been.
Speaker 2: She is a geriatric barad bitch.
Speaker 4: And she's a geriatric bad bitch, and she's.
Speaker 2: Been a jeriacic bad bitch for some years. She was
Speaker 2: born in nineteen twenty nine, twenty eight, So how old
Speaker 2: is that? Somebody do the math? I mean in nineteen
Speaker 2: twenty eight. Oh my gosh, she's a cancer. It makes
Speaker 2: so much sense.
Speaker 4: How old is she?
Speaker 2: Ninety eight?
Speaker 4: Wow? You know?
Speaker 2: I because she was being a bad bitch.
Speaker 3: She lived that long, and with technology and weed, I'm
Speaker 3: going to live at least to one hundred and eleven.
Speaker 4: Okay, well, let's take a moment to bless this joint
Speaker 4: for Baddie Winkle and all the elderly bad bitches, but
Speaker 4: specifically Baddie Winkle, who.
Speaker 3: Like really set the precedent for geriatric bad bitches and
Speaker 3: for us to just always be bad bitches no matter
Speaker 3: how old you are.
Speaker 4: Yes, may we always remember how bad, how good, how sexy,
Speaker 4: how you can dress like a little hoochie at any age,
Speaker 4: and you could smoke weed at any age, and you
Speaker 4: could still party with the young'ins at any age, and.
Speaker 2: You could maybe even become a seventy eight year old influencer.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you could be a.
Speaker 3: Late late late in life TikTok star on the rise,
Speaker 3: and Batty Winkle showed us all that there's no side
Speaker 3: project that doesn't matter.
Speaker 2: I don't know who her great great granddaughter was, but
Speaker 2: they really put her on.
Speaker 4: They put her the fuck on. So bless their family,
Speaker 4: Bless Batty Winkle. We love you.
Speaker 3: Rest in power, Rest and power. Batty like that shit up,
Speaker 3: but for real, I do want to be. I do
Speaker 3: want to live into my elderly bad bitch years. I
Speaker 3: want to be a geriatric bad bitch. You are, and
Speaker 3: so it is, and so it is right.
Speaker 2: I want to really be at least one hundred and eleven.
Speaker 4: So the old the one thing that you have to do,
Speaker 4: or that we have to do, if we're going to
Speaker 4: be geriatric bad bitches, we got to take care of
Speaker 4: our bodies so that we're not in pain, so that
Speaker 4: we can still like throw we can. We don't throw
Speaker 4: a hip out trying to be a bad periatric bitch.
Speaker 2: I have literally almost thrown a hip out just fucking
Speaker 2: for like extended amount of time, more stretching. I know
Speaker 2: it's crazy.
Speaker 3: So now I haven't been in the gym lately, and
Speaker 3: I feel really good about it. I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 3: I feel stronger, and my butt I feel like it's
Speaker 3: getting bigger.
Speaker 2: Good. I'm gonna show you when this is over so
Speaker 2: you can affirm that my butt is getting bigger.
Speaker 4: Why don't you show us right now?
Speaker 2: Okay, I was gonna take my pants down.
Speaker 3: Okay, Oh you can pull the panther on okay, oh
Speaker 3: oh oh oh, what color is my thonge let's see purple,
Speaker 3: like purple lavender.
Speaker 4: Okay, let's see the butt turn the butt.
Speaker 5: Oh oh.
Speaker 2: A little big, Yeah, I see it.
Speaker 4: I see it. Wow, look at that wagon. It's gorgeous.
Speaker 2: I see it if you guys, don't you? But I
Speaker 2: don't know what the fuck you're doing and surging my
Speaker 2: eight week my two week workout plan. My butt is huge, huge,
Speaker 2: looks great.
Speaker 4: I think you're on your way to being a geriatric,
Speaker 4: bad bitch.
Speaker 2: Not too soon, okay, I'm just saying like you're on
Speaker 2: the path.
Speaker 3: Okay, first fifty years. Fifty years is what age is like?
Speaker 3: The geriatric come in.
Speaker 4: Oh right now, they're calling us geriatric pregnancies. We're already geriatric.
Speaker 4: I rebuke that in the name according to medical.
Speaker 3: No, but I really have thought, like Tama, if I
Speaker 3: want to keep going hard in the paint like this,
Speaker 3: I have to go hard in the like the workout.
Speaker 3: So I know soning and I'm going to take vitamins
Speaker 3: and seamas. And I always say this like every other
Speaker 3: week because the government's trying to kill us. But I'm
Speaker 3: really tapping in now. Yeah, so I won't be a
Speaker 3: geriatric dead bitch.
Speaker 4: Yeah. No, I've I've been taking my tinctures every morning.
Speaker 4: If you follow me on Instagram at watch Erica, come
Speaker 4: take your vitamins with me in the morning, because it's
Speaker 4: the only reason or way that I can remember to
Speaker 4: do it is if the Internet holds me accountable. And
Speaker 4: I think that I was having this conversation with my
Speaker 4: friend yesterday because my high school reunion is coming up
Speaker 4: and I'm missing it. I'm not even gonna go. Why
Speaker 4: because I'm gonna be in New York.
Speaker 2: You're really looking forward to it. You really had big plans,
Speaker 2: I know, but I like money show those bitches spas.
Speaker 4: I told them to FaceTime me when they get there.
Speaker 4: It's not the FaceTime FaceTime me at the reunion. But
Speaker 4: I was talking to my friend who went to high
Speaker 4: school with because she just went to Vegas. We used
Speaker 4: to go to Vegas every birthday, like from like age
Speaker 4: sixteen to maybe like twenty five or something. I went
Speaker 4: to Vegas with her for her birthday and it was
Speaker 4: always like debaucherous and then like you know, life happened,
Speaker 4: babies happen, marriage happened. Anyway, she was like, I want
Speaker 4: to go again. So she went this year and I
Speaker 4: told her I was like, we had just got back
Speaker 4: from the retreat, like, girl.
Speaker 2: I remember, so did she have a great time?
Speaker 4: She was like, it's not. She's like it's not the same.
Speaker 4: What I did learn though, was that the day parties
Speaker 4: are still the best thing. Really, Yes, the night is
Speaker 4: where the night's not where it's at. It's the day party,
Speaker 4: pool party. And I was like I always knew that,
Speaker 4: like even then. But she also said that it's just
Speaker 4: like it's just like as she's gotten older, she realized,
Speaker 4: like the spontaneity, it's harder for her to be as
Speaker 4: spontaneous because like she has, she doesn't the plan.
Speaker 2: Like if if I take shots in the day, I can't.
Speaker 2: We're not going on.
Speaker 4: It's not even that, it's like where are we going tonight?
Speaker 4: Like I don't want to meet a guide the casino
Speaker 4: who's going to guide us to the club and we're
Speaker 4: gonna figure it out from there?
Speaker 2: Like no, right, we're gonna stand in line?
Speaker 4: Hell no, Like no, I want to know where we're going.
Speaker 2: Do we have a table?
Speaker 3: Who's the you know, you kind of have to be
Speaker 3: fluzy enough to meet the guy with the table at
Speaker 3: the casino.
Speaker 4: But she said the one big takeaway was that she
Speaker 4: needed to dress up more. That like she's been knee
Speaker 4: deep in motherhood for like the past. She has two
Speaker 4: kids and they're like both under like six or something.
Speaker 4: And she's like, I've just haven't been myself. I haven't
Speaker 4: been dressing up. I haven't been putting the dress on,
Speaker 4: putting makeup on. Like it's just that's my lesson. And
Speaker 4: she's like, and I realized that I need to work out,
Speaker 4: and that like this body is not the body, not
Speaker 4: like you want to have the same body, but that
Speaker 4: this is a time in our life that kind of
Speaker 4: like can make or break how we look in the future.
Speaker 3: I read that at thirty six, like this in your
Speaker 3: body starts keeping the score for real.
Speaker 4: Right, So, like those usual tricks that you used to do,
Speaker 4: starving yourself for a week and then you have an
Speaker 4: ab that shit doesn't exist anymore. There's no muscle underneath
Speaker 4: their babe, there's no muscle that's lifting that ass up anymore.
Speaker 4: So you like, stopping to drinking soda for one week
Speaker 4: isn't going to make you have a fat ass anymore.
Speaker 4: You actually have to do weightlifting.
Speaker 2: It's so crazy you said that. I was literally like
Speaker 2: put like doing leg presses in the gym, and I
Speaker 2: was like, you know, I looked like this for a
Speaker 2: long time. And I was like I danced in senior year,
Speaker 2: Like how long does memory memory muscle? Like what does
Speaker 2: a mess muscle memory work? I was like, this is
Speaker 2: probably my last.
Speaker 3: Year, Like I really have to keep going because my
Speaker 3: twelfth grade muscle memory is not going to serve me
Speaker 3: at age thirty seven.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 3: So yeah, I was thinking that about like my abs
Speaker 3: and like the little bit of muscle like definition I
Speaker 3: have in my legs. I was literally like the last
Speaker 3: time I like consistently worked out was all throughout high
Speaker 3: school as like a dancer, and I had like a
Speaker 3: fucking Nazi ass dance teacher.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I was like, I have to develop this discipline.
Speaker 3: Or else I'm gonna lose it and I'm gonna be
Speaker 3: like a skinny, flabby girl and I don't want that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, So this is a crucial time. This is a
Speaker 4: crucial time if you're listening Buckle.
Speaker 2: Up, Sugar Cup, Buckle up, Sugar Cup.
Speaker 4: Due chapter bitches, if you are around the age of
Speaker 4: thirty five to forty, get it together.
Speaker 2: Now the time we are getting together.
Speaker 4: This is the year.
Speaker 5: This is it.
Speaker 4: We're already at the end of the year, so this
Speaker 4: is We're going to start early with our year's resolutions.
Speaker 4: We're starting now in September.
Speaker 2: So by January it'll be like I'm already in it.
Speaker 4: I'm already in it. Like you don't have to get ready,
Speaker 4: You're already a stressed out You're in it. We're like, actually, yes,
Speaker 4: let's talk about these resolutions now. Think about your resolutions now.
Speaker 2: It's pre resolution time, pre resolution.
Speaker 4: Yes, I think that actually that needs to be a
Speaker 4: serious thing.
Speaker 3: Pre resolution, because then you won't put so much pressure
Speaker 3: on yourself New Year's and then you'll be like already, like.
Speaker 2: This is it. This is the time.
Speaker 4: You're already embodying the thing that you are calling.
Speaker 1: In So.
Speaker 3: And also, my vanity just won't allow me to look
Speaker 3: my age like I have to always I don't care
Speaker 3: where I'm at in the world, how I am.
Speaker 2: The young bitch is always like, oh my god, really
Speaker 2: you're all right, You're like, yeah, I united, bitch.
Speaker 4: This guy asked for my ID the other day and
Speaker 4: I was like, thank you for that, and I was like, God,
Speaker 4: I've reached the apra I'm thinking.
Speaker 2: We got it.
Speaker 4: I remember being around I remember being around other women
Speaker 4: that would.
Speaker 3: Do that, like my mom, like thank you. We gotta
Speaker 3: stop doing that. That's gonna age es too. Just more
Speaker 3: things we gotta stop doing. Happy happy birthday. No acting
Speaker 3: shocks when people are like, oh my god, you're like
Speaker 3: I almost look at them like, well, your your your.
Speaker 4: Use your trans age anyway. So it's fine.
Speaker 3: But if someone said, my I d I'm gonna have
Speaker 3: to get if. If I'm going to get an age
Speaker 3: change with today's technology and a certain amount of money,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna get it.
Speaker 2: On my breath, i can't breathe. Yeah, you're here.
Speaker 3: Here first guys, Oh my god, Jamel and Matt and
Speaker 3: I'm getting an age change.
Speaker 2: Oh wow.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm not gonna tell anybody except you everybody on
Speaker 3: the internet who heard.
Speaker 2: But after that, no way speak of it.
Speaker 4: We'll delete this episode. Delete it, like Bobby, Wait, did
Speaker 4: you see Bobby and Drake's new entry into podcasting. Apparently
Speaker 4: he deleted the episode that they did.
Speaker 2: How does he have the power with her?
Speaker 4: I don't know they deleted it, but anyway, I'm getting
Speaker 4: off topic, but it made me think of we could
Speaker 4: just delete, just delete it.
Speaker 2: Oh, just like our wholeness. Remember Drea said delete, we
Speaker 2: delete that episode.
Speaker 4: It didn't exist.
Speaker 2: We never said it. My people were back. No, it
Speaker 2: was deleted.
Speaker 3: When people started saying something I don't remember or that
Speaker 3: I don't I'm not going to recall them, and to
Speaker 3: say control A delete, control out delete, control delete, it
Speaker 3: was like start malfunctioning.
Speaker 2: Control delete.
Speaker 4: Oh no, that was deleted off my record.
Speaker 2: Control out delete, that was deleted. Asked me something right now?
Speaker 4: I asked you, if I was born in the year
Speaker 4: I was born, were you born in nineteen eighty eight?
Speaker 2: Control out delete?
Speaker 4: Okay, I'm trying to think like what I would think
Speaker 4: if you said that. I guess it's like confusing enough
Speaker 4: for me to be like, let's move on. We're moving on.
Speaker 4: Let's subject Is she robot?
Speaker 2: Is she human? I don't know? Control al delete?
Speaker 5: Wow?
Speaker 4: Yeah, control all delete? Is that the name of this episode?
Speaker 3: Maybe yesterday when I did ask a sexologist on my stories,
Speaker 3: somebody said, like, do we do are we counting people
Speaker 3: that we had sex with? Like if it's just intercourse
Speaker 3: or like what about like deep intimate like connections?
Speaker 2: And I said, you're counting whoever you want. It's up
Speaker 2: to you.
Speaker 3: If you don't want those niggas to count, control delete honestly,
Speaker 3: like if you were a condom, that's already control a delete.
Speaker 3: But just in general, if you want to delete, let
Speaker 3: me tell you from someone meet. I delete shit from
Speaker 3: my mind. I tell these two motherfuckers right here never
Speaker 3: speak of it again. And if you talk to me
Speaker 3: like it exists, IM gonna look at you crazy as hell.
Speaker 2: And you've seen me do it. You've seen me do it.
Speaker 2: I will control all delete some shit, and you.
Speaker 3: Can't do niggas, bitches, whole years of your life control
Speaker 3: out delete I I nobody can tell you what happened.
Speaker 3: Your body can know the fuck it can control. Delete
Speaker 3: it from my memory. Don't remember shit, but you're living
Speaker 3: a memory all by yourself. Don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 3: Don't resonate, don't identify.
Speaker 4: I don't don't. I don't know her who her?
Speaker 2: Who? That wasn't me.
Speaker 4: That's another Jamila, literally another treat.
Speaker 2: Treat your past selves like bitches. You don't know because
Speaker 2: I'm a different bitch now.
Speaker 3: I mean, I think that we should give ourselves the
Speaker 3: grace to do that, because sometimes you have to create
Speaker 3: new neuropaths in your brain in order to even really
Speaker 3: believe it, or else you're just lying to You're just lying.
Speaker 2: You don't believe. It is an idiomar basically controlled delete,
Speaker 2: like remember it and then you delete it.
Speaker 4: You reprogram it. Yeah, so like's not deletion. It's more
Speaker 4: of a different outcome.
Speaker 2: This is actually a new version of DMR. It's my
Speaker 2: I disbirth it right now.
Speaker 3: It's called control delete there and if you come in
Speaker 3: my d MS, I can lead you through it, control
Speaker 3: all delete and we can just reprogram the whole It
Speaker 3: could just be gone.
Speaker 4: We can.
Speaker 2: You can reprogram your whole life.
Speaker 4: I mean, you are a licensed hypnotherapist.
Speaker 2: I know I'm not.
Speaker 4: So she's going to control all delete.
Speaker 2: Anything that you want out of your life. Just call me.
Speaker 3: If you're digmatized right now, you need to hypnotize that
Speaker 3: nigga out your life.
Speaker 2: Get undigmatized. Call me my miss cleo.
Speaker 4: I'm not joking that that would be very powerful, because
Speaker 4: when it bitch is digmatized, it's like almost worse than heroin.
Speaker 7: It is.
Speaker 2: It's dick cessation.
Speaker 3: You need to be hypnotized to remove it from your
Speaker 3: subconscious and then your body will respond. It's your mind
Speaker 3: that's sucking up right now, and I can help you
Speaker 3: with that. Look, I got a whole new nigga. I
Speaker 3: controlled all deleted a lot of dicks out of my life.
Speaker 4: Once.
Speaker 2: It had me fucking crazy, worse than fentanyl.
Speaker 4: I saw it.
Speaker 2: I was there, I was actually crazy like a crackhead.
Speaker 2: And now control Delete I like this, this is a commercial.
Speaker 3: We're obviously very high. Now I'm convinced control delete. I'm sold. Okay,
Speaker 3: So if you if you experienced DMR, there's another, a
Speaker 3: whole new level new ship you didn't even know about yet.
Speaker 2: I've been using it in my whole life. Actually, now
Speaker 2: I'm realizing and it's worked just great.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, perfect. Maybe I need to I need some
Speaker 4: I definitely need some control all delete. I feel like
Speaker 4: I've controlled all delete, but then it always comes back
Speaker 4: to haunt me. So I haven't fully deleted it. Perhaps
Speaker 4: you got it like a delete it. This is control
Speaker 4: a delete somatic edition. Yeah, get it out of your body. Then,
Speaker 4: so those first there's the first level one of control delete,
Speaker 4: and that's the mind, and then we master the body and.
Speaker 3: Then it's gone, not even in the cloud nowhere. Oh
Speaker 3: my god, are you gonna pull the tarot time?
Speaker 4: Oh? Sure?
Speaker 2: Unless you have any bad choices this week?
Speaker 4: Do I have any bad choices this week?
Speaker 5: Bad mom?
Speaker 2: Not a bad mom, but a bad mom.
Speaker 4: So good.
Speaker 3: I'm I don't think I have any bad choices. I
Speaker 3: had some challenging moments.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I had a moment where like it was just like
Speaker 4: there was a lot going on and like Iri, it
Speaker 4: was like with sha Keem and Iri and Irin like
Speaker 4: threw something at Shakeem's face and he's like been in
Speaker 4: pain and so he was like, ah, it was like
Speaker 4: he like cowered in pain. And I was like, oh
Speaker 4: my god. And then she was like and then she
Speaker 4: started crying. She was like felt bad. But then like
Speaker 4: it was like this whole thing that happened, and I
Speaker 4: was just like don't. I was like, don't you start crying?
Speaker 4: Like why the fuck are you crying?
Speaker 2: Like you hurt him?
Speaker 4: And then I was like, oh my god, because she
Speaker 4: feels bad. But then also like now he has to
Speaker 4: take care of her anyway. I got I was overwhelmed,
Speaker 4: and I was just like yelled at her and then
Speaker 4: I was like are you okay? And then she went upstairs,
Speaker 4: and I was like, what the fuck do I do
Speaker 4: in this situation? Like what is motherhood? What is like girlfriendhood?
Speaker 4: What is the right thing? Yeah, and so I had
Speaker 4: to go upstairs and talk to her, and it was
Speaker 4: it was fun. It was actually an opportunity that I
Speaker 4: felt like there was growth and understanding. But in that moment,
Speaker 4: I was just.
Speaker 3: Like, this is too many people to manage. Fuck, it
Speaker 3: makes me feel like the manager and there's so many people.
Speaker 4: The bad choice was like do I need a girl?
Speaker 4: Do I need to be a girlfriend and a mom?
Speaker 4: Like why do I do any of these things? I
Speaker 4: could have just been Erica and where I am.
Speaker 3: It's been me and that's it, and not brought no
Speaker 3: other problems in the masterhood myself, that's a mother. Instead,
Speaker 3: I've brought other elements in here that now I have
Speaker 3: to master and work on and do the work.
Speaker 4: Why got it?
Speaker 2: Like why God? Why do we off for these lifestyles?
Speaker 4: So that wasn't that's my bad choice of the week
Speaker 4: was I guess those negative thoughts. I was like, I
Speaker 4: don't know, I don't want to do none of this
Speaker 4: ship yeah forever and then but then I got past
Speaker 4: it and it was great. It was like and I
Speaker 4: was happy that I got well, happy I got to
Speaker 4: talk to him. I like have that opportunity with her,
Speaker 4: and it was fine, and it was what we're gonna say.
Speaker 2: Also, you don't have to be like the manager. Sometimes
Speaker 2: I just let some hash it up.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, and sometimes like yeah, when it's
Speaker 3: been two d she was talking ship.
Speaker 2: To Orlando, he like got in her ass. I was like, you, like,
Speaker 2: you're acting crazy, Like what the fuck?
Speaker 3: So yeah, and you know, I also went to back
Speaker 3: to school night high and I didn't like take into
Speaker 3: account for it. And then she started talking about sixth
Speaker 3: grade and then I just start crying and to school
Speaker 3: night because I was high, and I was like, I'm prepared.
Speaker 3: I was like, why is she talking about this? And
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, because she's gonna graduate.
Speaker 4: And I was like.
Speaker 2: Trying to hold it together, and I'm like I should
Speaker 2: never have gotten high before this.
Speaker 4: Did you actually cry? See you cry? No?
Speaker 2: I was like trying to hold it in. And I
Speaker 2: was like she was talking to like a group of parents.
Speaker 2: So I was just hoping that like one tier didn't
Speaker 2: come streaming down my eye.
Speaker 4: Wow, Wow, that hasn't happened. Yet I know it's coming though.
Speaker 2: Fuck it was.
Speaker 3: I was like, I was almost offended that this bitch
Speaker 3: brought it up without like precursor, Like I know we're
Speaker 3: at the parent teacher fucking back to school night, but bitch, stop,
Speaker 3: slow down.
Speaker 2: This is the day one. Why are we talking about
Speaker 2: junior high? You need warm bitches. You say this is
Speaker 2: a junior high meeting.
Speaker 4: Yeah that's true. You know, like send a junior high
Speaker 4: subject to.
Speaker 3: My inbox, so I'm prepared to talk about junior high things.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because like, what, why are we talk about the
Speaker 2: end of the year. It's motherfucking September.
Speaker 4: We just got out of summer. What are you talking?
Speaker 2: I think you're talking about homework and things. Now I'm
Speaker 2: crying because you're a bitch. She was a bit. She
Speaker 2: was a very nice woman, but you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: You know you're caught off guard.
Speaker 5: Fair pick a card? Bit, it's reverse though, did you
Speaker 5: did you shuffle it?
Speaker 1: Guess?
Speaker 4: So I just pulled the same card we pulled last week?
Speaker 4: Or is this first week? Oh wow, it's just a
Speaker 4: reoccurring card I keep pulling, but it's upside down, so
Speaker 4: it's gonna have a different meaning.
Speaker 2: Which is the tower, and the tower looks like shit
Speaker 2: is shit is going down there. It looks hectic, it
Speaker 2: looks but.
Speaker 4: If it's upside down, it actually looks like they're rejoicing.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: The tower or reverse suggests that you are undergoing a
Speaker 3: significant personal transformation and upheaval.
Speaker 2: This differs from the experience.
Speaker 3: Of the tower upright, where the change is often because
Speaker 3: of external circumstances and may even feel forced upon you. Instead,
Speaker 3: with the tower reverse, you're instigating the change and calling
Speaker 3: into question your fundamental belief systems, values, purpose, and meaning.
Speaker 3: You may go through a spiritual awakening as you discover
Speaker 3: a new spiritual path. You may change your beliefs and
Speaker 3: opinions about important topics, realizing that you can no longer
Speaker 3: support older models, or, in more dramatic cases, you may
Speaker 3: go through an existential crisis where you seriously question your
Speaker 3: life's purpose. While this can be an unsettling time, trust
Speaker 3: in the process and know it is for the best.
Speaker 3: You're creating change and transformation so you can step into
Speaker 3: a new and evolved version of yourself. It also can
Speaker 3: be a sign that you are resisting change in delaying
Speaker 3: the necessary destruction and upheaval. You may be in denial
Speaker 3: that change is occurring, or you may be clinging to
Speaker 3: an old belief system even though you know that they
Speaker 3: are no longer relevant or healthy for you. As much
Speaker 3: as you don't want to, you need to go through
Speaker 3: this difficult time to learn a valuable lesson and make
Speaker 3: progress in your life. And know that you continue to
Speaker 3: resist this and know if you continue to resist this change,
Speaker 3: it will only force its way into your life even more.
Speaker 3: The growth and transformation that the Tower brings is inevitable.
Speaker 2: Beautiful, beautiful.
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, God, I hear you Tower twice. I let
Speaker 4: me be more clear. Let me make it clear.
Speaker 3: I know we rarely read them upside down too, but
Speaker 3: that was actually very clear. Yeah, change is a coming.
Speaker 3: That was my download I got doing our psilocybin in
Speaker 3: Costa Rica too, which shit is changing every second, every breath,
Speaker 3: every moment. Everybody's growing, So do what you want with that.
Speaker 3: Thank you guys for listening. Hi, I'm high to rest
Speaker 3: in peace, Battywinkle rest and peace baby. Subscribe and like
Speaker 3: this episode and comment and communicate with us, because we
Speaker 3: are communicating all the time and we don't know what
Speaker 3: the fuck you're thinking. So it'd be nice to know
Speaker 3: what's going on over there and go see us on YouTube.
Speaker 3: I showed my butt this episode very important information. Follow
Speaker 3: us on socials at Good Mom Underscore, Bad Good Mom's Underscore,
Speaker 3: Bad Choices, the Good Vibe Retreat ww dot Good Momsbadchoices
Speaker 3: dot com. You can find me at Mila Underscore map.
Speaker 3: If you have any asked us sexologist questions, I'll be asked.
Speaker 3: I'll be answering questions on hump Day.
Speaker 2: Oh I like that.
Speaker 4: It makes sense. And you can follow me at watch
Speaker 4: Erica and make sure you follow our discord so we
Speaker 4: can hype you up. Make sure you go to patreon
Speaker 4: dot com slash Good Mom's Bad Choices.
Speaker 2: Is that what it is?
Speaker 4: Yeah, Petreon dot com slash Mom's Bad Choices and join
Speaker 4: our discord community. We have an amazing community of women
Speaker 4: and men over there, and these different channels that women
Speaker 4: are and men are connecting in and one of them
Speaker 4: we hype you up. So let's type each other up
Speaker 4: and be brave and you will.
Speaker 1: Love you.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I'm living so good.
Speaker 2: Can't you tell?
Speaker 7: I went through a drought that's until I found a
Speaker 7: well madem have been known earth. I used to be
Speaker 7: broken tail now got the Blues DC like Beyonce Jisell
Speaker 7: throat shots with popping his cow. We're in our voices.
Speaker 7: Patriarchy kept it in the box to exploits. Women put
Speaker 7: the PI and powers, so what's pointless?
Speaker 2: They want me to be good, So I made bad choices.
Speaker 7: Bad mom, not a bad mom, but a bad mom.
Speaker 2: Gitter's in on. Put cannabis in their bath.
Speaker 7: Bomb walked in bosses cap and I blew his cat.
Speaker 6: Boss tied dog.
Speaker 4: Now I'm immune to.
Speaker 7: The cat called Herbie and no waisted straight to it
Speaker 7: like a dollar sign.
Speaker 1: Mother Wen the number went to it.
Speaker 7: It's like a water sum where you in the winter
Speaker 7: resential will when the summertime. I do what all ain't
Speaker 7: no one that needs to run it by