1 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:09,240 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:12,240 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:16,840 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:25,720 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. 5 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:30,160 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, wherever 6 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:31,080 Speaker 1: you are in the world. 7 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:34,000 Speaker 2: Thank you so much for joining us. Back here for 8 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:38,400 Speaker 2: another episode as we break down the psychology of our twenties. 9 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:39,959 Speaker 3: I have a. 10 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:41,919 Speaker 2: Bit of a different episode for you all today. I 11 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:45,680 Speaker 2: know you all love our deep dives and our really 12 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:49,960 Speaker 2: in depth searchers for the science behind obviously the experiences 13 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:53,000 Speaker 2: of our twenties, But today I want to do something 14 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,600 Speaker 2: a little bit different and not just focus on one 15 00:00:56,720 --> 00:01:00,480 Speaker 2: topic for this episode, but talk through a bit of 16 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:03,600 Speaker 2: a list, in fact, a list that I have been 17 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:07,160 Speaker 2: working on for the past month, basically just outlining the 18 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:11,440 Speaker 2: biggest mistakes that people make in their twenties, from people 19 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:13,759 Speaker 2: still in their twenties all the way up to people 20 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:17,920 Speaker 2: who I've spoken to in their seventies and their eighties. 21 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:22,800 Speaker 2: I've talked to so many people just kind of sliding 22 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:26,480 Speaker 2: in this question into conversation and writing down their answers, 23 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:30,240 Speaker 2: what's the biggest mistake that you made during this decade. 24 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:32,280 Speaker 2: I even put up a bit of a question box 25 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:37,720 Speaker 2: on Instagram. Over five thousand of you responded or emailed 26 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:41,120 Speaker 2: me or DMed me or dropped a comment in an episode, 27 00:01:41,319 --> 00:01:46,960 Speaker 2: and having curated and putting together that whole list, I 28 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:52,000 Speaker 2: want to share some of my very basic findings and 29 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,800 Speaker 2: take that list out of my Excel spreadsheet and just 30 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:58,560 Speaker 2: share this little personal research project with you guys, the 31 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:03,280 Speaker 2: twenty most common mistakes that people say they made in 32 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:07,040 Speaker 2: their twenties. You know, in doing this I kind of 33 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:10,560 Speaker 2: had to stop and pause a few times and be like, huh, 34 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:13,600 Speaker 2: is this a mistake that I'm maybe currently making? Like 35 00:02:13,639 --> 00:02:16,880 Speaker 2: what can I learn from this? What can I learn 36 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:20,639 Speaker 2: from these people's experiences? I feel like we're in such 37 00:02:20,639 --> 00:02:23,360 Speaker 2: a confusing decade of life, and all we really want 38 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:26,919 Speaker 2: is someone to give us the answers, or for someone 39 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:29,760 Speaker 2: to give us, you know, some kind of reassurance that 40 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:31,800 Speaker 2: we are doing the right thing and that we're on 41 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:35,560 Speaker 2: the right path. Unfortunately for us, obviously, no one can 42 00:02:35,919 --> 00:02:38,600 Speaker 2: tell you if what you're doing is correct, and they 43 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,840 Speaker 2: can't tell you what's going to happen next, And they 44 00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:43,520 Speaker 2: can't tell you that you're not going to have regrets, 45 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:47,760 Speaker 2: but they can share their own mistakes and their own 46 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:51,600 Speaker 2: misturns and kind of hope that you learn from them. 47 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,240 Speaker 2: What really inspired me to do this was actually a 48 00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:57,919 Speaker 2: twenty twelve publication titled The Five Regrets of the Dying, 49 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:01,360 Speaker 2: and these regrets were I wished I'd had the courage 50 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:03,960 Speaker 2: to live a life true to myself. I wish that 51 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,160 Speaker 2: I hadn't worked so hard. I wish I'd had the 52 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:09,160 Speaker 2: courage to express my feelings. I wish I'd stayed in 53 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:11,079 Speaker 2: touch with my friends, and I'd wish I'd let myself 54 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:14,560 Speaker 2: be happier. These were the regrets of people reflecting on 55 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:18,440 Speaker 2: their whole entire lives. But I wondered if we could 56 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:23,240 Speaker 2: make kind of like a decade specific list to learn 57 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:26,480 Speaker 2: from as we go along. So this is that kind 58 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:32,200 Speaker 2: of preliminary list. Without further ado, my lovely listeners, there 59 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:35,240 Speaker 2: is so much to cover, so much info and of 60 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:38,320 Speaker 2: course a little bit of psychology. Thank you to every 61 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:42,840 Speaker 2: single one of you who shared their regrets, shared their mistakes, 62 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:45,200 Speaker 2: whether I talk to you in person, whether you dm 63 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:48,160 Speaker 2: to me, however, you got the information across it has 64 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,760 Speaker 2: been truly valuable. I can't wait to get into it. 65 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:59,520 Speaker 2: So let me start by clarifying that this list is 66 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:03,080 Speaker 2: by no means like a peer reviewed study. Like if 67 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:08,000 Speaker 2: I submitted this very basic research to like any journal 68 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:11,520 Speaker 2: or any publication, you know, I would be rejected in 69 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:12,160 Speaker 2: a heartbeat. 70 00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:13,320 Speaker 3: You know. 71 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:16,919 Speaker 2: This was more of a personal interest project for me 72 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:19,719 Speaker 2: that kind of turned into this much bigger thing because 73 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:23,920 Speaker 2: I spent obviously a lot of time thinking about my twenties. 74 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:27,920 Speaker 2: But what I've found does kind of seem to line 75 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:30,720 Speaker 2: up with what I thought I was going to find basically. 76 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:34,000 Speaker 2: So I do think that although I wasn't able to 77 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:38,440 Speaker 2: get you know, a sample or like a random sample, 78 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:41,279 Speaker 2: and I wasn't able to talk to even more people 79 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:42,880 Speaker 2: than I would have wanted, and I wasn't able to 80 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:45,600 Speaker 2: you know, apply for an ethics application or do anything 81 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:48,119 Speaker 2: like that, this list still has a lot of value. 82 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:49,400 Speaker 2: But take it with a grain of salt. If you 83 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:51,679 Speaker 2: don't necessarily agree with some of the things on this list, 84 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:53,960 Speaker 2: that's totally okay. If you think that we've missed things 85 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,919 Speaker 2: on this list, also, please feel free to leave a 86 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:59,760 Speaker 2: comment below, because yes, it's not as comprehensive as I 87 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:03,120 Speaker 2: would liked it to be, but still very very fascinating. 88 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:08,080 Speaker 2: With that in mind, I want to begin by talking 89 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:13,400 Speaker 2: about mistake number one, the biggest mistake that people talked 90 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,960 Speaker 2: about time and time again. I'm going to give you 91 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:19,400 Speaker 2: a second to guess what that was. So by far, 92 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:21,520 Speaker 2: the biggest mistake that I heard that people made in 93 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:26,840 Speaker 2: their twenties was prioritizing a romantic relationship over my friends, 94 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:31,880 Speaker 2: over my career, over my personal growth. Essentially, people talking 95 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:35,920 Speaker 2: about how they had put romantic attraction at the center 96 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:39,320 Speaker 2: of everything that they did and kind of realized later 97 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:41,760 Speaker 2: along down the line that it meant that a lot 98 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:44,240 Speaker 2: of the other things that mattered to them kind of 99 00:05:44,279 --> 00:05:48,760 Speaker 2: got pushed to the sidelines. I heard this so often 100 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:51,800 Speaker 2: in so many different forms as well. Someone talked about 101 00:05:51,839 --> 00:05:54,040 Speaker 2: how they had left a job that I loved for 102 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:57,640 Speaker 2: a man who dumped them five days later, or people 103 00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,800 Speaker 2: who had lost friends because they didn't make time for 104 00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:03,480 Speaker 2: them when they were with their ex, or being so 105 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:06,880 Speaker 2: focused on finding love at twenty one, twenty two, twenty 106 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,839 Speaker 2: three that they never spent time growing as a person 107 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:13,480 Speaker 2: and learning what they really loved about themselves. These were 108 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:16,640 Speaker 2: just a few kind of versions of this same mistake 109 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:19,039 Speaker 2: that I heard, And you know what, I relate to 110 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:24,040 Speaker 2: this very very deeply. I remember being nineteen twenty just 111 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:27,880 Speaker 2: like desperately wanting to be chosen by someone you know, 112 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:31,240 Speaker 2: at a club, at a party, on a dating app. 113 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:35,760 Speaker 2: It became such an obsession that what I thought was 114 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:40,360 Speaker 2: love became my only priority, and everything else in my 115 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,160 Speaker 2: life kind of suffered. I just wish I could tell 116 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:45,840 Speaker 2: that version of myself, you know, from only like five 117 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:48,560 Speaker 2: seven years ago, just to slow down a little bit, 118 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:51,719 Speaker 2: like just to have some fun. Treat dating like an experiment. 119 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:56,240 Speaker 2: Treat dating like your studying humankind and figuring out what 120 00:06:56,279 --> 00:06:58,480 Speaker 2: you like and what you don't and what works for 121 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,280 Speaker 2: you and what kind of person and elevates your life, 122 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:04,400 Speaker 2: rather than just kind of, to use this analogy, jumping 123 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:06,279 Speaker 2: in the first cab off the rank and hoping that 124 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:09,159 Speaker 2: it's the right one and kind of later on finding 125 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:13,680 Speaker 2: that it probably wasn't. You guys know that I did 126 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:15,680 Speaker 2: a bit of a dating detox in my early twenties 127 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:17,760 Speaker 2: where I didn't date, I didn't have dating apps, I 128 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 2: didn't think really about men for almost half a year. 129 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:24,680 Speaker 2: And it was during that time that I can firmly 130 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:28,280 Speaker 2: say my career took off. I made more friends and 131 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:29,400 Speaker 2: incredible friends. 132 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:30,679 Speaker 3: More than I really think i'd ever had. 133 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,760 Speaker 2: I really fell in love with myself. And now that 134 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:37,360 Speaker 2: I am in a relationship and we live together, we 135 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:41,280 Speaker 2: have a dog together, it feels like the right thing, 136 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:44,680 Speaker 2: and it feels like, actually that relationship is not my 137 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:47,360 Speaker 2: whole world when I used to make relationships my whole world. 138 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:50,520 Speaker 2: How I think about it is like, here's this separate 139 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:55,000 Speaker 2: universe for me that I can step into and enjoy 140 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:59,720 Speaker 2: alongside and in parallel to this life that I've built myself. 141 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:04,400 Speaker 2: My whole world is a life that is more than 142 00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:07,880 Speaker 2: just love. So if you want to avoid what seems 143 00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:11,080 Speaker 2: like a very big regret or mistake for many people, 144 00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:15,720 Speaker 2: treat love as something that is fantastic if it finds you, 145 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:20,960 Speaker 2: but not everything, especially during this decade, should revolve around it. 146 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:23,680 Speaker 2: I heard this analogy the other day that I love. 147 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,400 Speaker 2: If you knew you would meet the love of your 148 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:29,480 Speaker 2: life in six months, how would you live those next 149 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:33,760 Speaker 2: six months to the fullest as a single person. And yes, 150 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:35,640 Speaker 2: you might not actually meet them in six months, but 151 00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:39,440 Speaker 2: aim to live like every single day, every single week, 152 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:43,640 Speaker 2: in that same mindset and with that same perspective for 153 00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:46,920 Speaker 2: as long as you can. That's mistake number one. Similar 154 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,720 Speaker 2: to that mistake, another one that was very closely related 155 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:53,760 Speaker 2: and came in second was people who talked about staying 156 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:57,000 Speaker 2: in a relationship when they knew it wasn't right for them. 157 00:08:57,240 --> 00:09:00,400 Speaker 2: That was the second biggest mistake that I heard. This 158 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:04,280 Speaker 2: isn't so much about centering the pursuit of love in 159 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:08,280 Speaker 2: your life. It's more so about people who found a 160 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:11,319 Speaker 2: love that they thought worked and held on to it, 161 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:16,200 Speaker 2: perhaps for longer than they should have. A lot of 162 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:20,080 Speaker 2: these people talked about either a knowing very early on 163 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,520 Speaker 2: that this person wasn't for them and not acting sooner, 164 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:27,400 Speaker 2: or be you know, not even knowing that and not 165 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:31,600 Speaker 2: even knowing how to act at all, not knowing and 166 00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:35,679 Speaker 2: having doubts, whether like doubting your doubts, doubting whether your 167 00:09:35,679 --> 00:09:38,360 Speaker 2: perception of this person was correct for so long that 168 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:41,360 Speaker 2: by the time you knew that they weren't, you really 169 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:44,920 Speaker 2: didn't know even how to change things. You were living together, 170 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,680 Speaker 2: you had pets together, maybe you even married, you had 171 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,800 Speaker 2: kids together, and just not knowing how to pull out 172 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:55,959 Speaker 2: of that relationship when things finally end. Quite a number 173 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,200 Speaker 2: of people spoke about how it felt like they had 174 00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:00,880 Speaker 2: kind of wasted their youth, they have to start all 175 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:04,720 Speaker 2: over again, and how they you know, maybe didn't completely 176 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:07,240 Speaker 2: regret the relationship, but definitely kind of wanted some of 177 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:10,280 Speaker 2: those years back. You do have to give yourself a 178 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:14,120 Speaker 2: lot of grace in these situations, though, because whether someone 179 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,360 Speaker 2: is right for you or not is actually a really 180 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:21,560 Speaker 2: tricky question to answer, Like how do you really know? 181 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:23,479 Speaker 3: How can you really. 182 00:10:23,559 --> 00:10:28,440 Speaker 2: Trust that that instinct isn't just relationship anxiety or relationship 183 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:33,680 Speaker 2: OCD or just general anxiety. Personally, I think it's really 184 00:10:33,679 --> 00:10:37,280 Speaker 2: really hard because relationships are tricky sometimes, Like every single 185 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:40,880 Speaker 2: relationship is going to have its trials, and knowing whether 186 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,840 Speaker 2: that's a deal breaker or just something that you have 187 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:46,360 Speaker 2: to get to get through is kind of difficult to understand. 188 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:50,040 Speaker 2: When maybe this is like your first relationship, or you know, 189 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:52,880 Speaker 2: you haven't had the most healthy examples of what healthy 190 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:55,040 Speaker 2: love looks like, you kind of just assume that this 191 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:58,280 Speaker 2: must be it. Also, just to add to this, if 192 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:02,640 Speaker 2: you're someone who has always had a specific timeline for 193 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:06,920 Speaker 2: your life kind of imposed upon you by society, by parents, 194 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:10,839 Speaker 2: by culture, if you're someone who struggles being alone, it 195 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:15,440 Speaker 2: can be a lot easier to settle for good enough 196 00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:18,880 Speaker 2: in order to fill that void or fill that expectation, 197 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:21,920 Speaker 2: and only realize, like a lot later down the line, 198 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:24,040 Speaker 2: that you've made a mistake. Okay, we're going to move 199 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:29,200 Speaker 2: on from the romance and love mistakes and talk finances. 200 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:33,320 Speaker 2: A big number of the mistakes that people relayed that 201 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:37,760 Speaker 2: they made in their twenties related to money. Here are 202 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:41,280 Speaker 2: the three that came up the most, in no certain order, 203 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:45,079 Speaker 2: just the three that were very, very common. The first 204 00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:48,480 Speaker 2: one was not saving, the second one was not investing sooner, 205 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:52,800 Speaker 2: and the third mistake was getting a credit card. The 206 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,800 Speaker 2: savings one was huge. One quote from a listener that 207 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:59,559 Speaker 2: really stood out was this, Yes, money does come and go, 208 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:03,280 Speaker 2: but experiences last forever, and that matters. But you also 209 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:07,120 Speaker 2: need to support yourself to have those experiences. The stress 210 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,840 Speaker 2: I put myself through to go to festivals, to have 211 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:12,120 Speaker 2: a euro summer when I couldn't afford it, to go 212 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:15,000 Speaker 2: out for dinner, to buy new clothes was not worth it. 213 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,319 Speaker 2: I wish I knew what I knew now and had 214 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:21,240 Speaker 2: saved more. We can learn a lot from that when 215 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:24,440 Speaker 2: it comes to saving and investing. I beg of you 216 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:28,440 Speaker 2: please just choose like one day this month to sit 217 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:32,200 Speaker 2: down and freshen up on your financial literacy. You don't 218 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:34,320 Speaker 2: have to have a lot of money to know how 219 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:36,880 Speaker 2: your money works and what it can. 220 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:37,679 Speaker 3: Do for you. 221 00:12:37,679 --> 00:12:39,200 Speaker 2: You don't have to have a lot of money before 222 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:41,960 Speaker 2: you start, Like you don't actually have to invest, you 223 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:45,200 Speaker 2: don't actually have to do anything with that information. It's 224 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:49,960 Speaker 2: just important that you know this stuff early in your twenties, 225 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:53,559 Speaker 2: when it's easier to learn and to kind of decide 226 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,680 Speaker 2: what you want financially for your future. I'll be honest, 227 00:12:56,840 --> 00:13:00,240 Speaker 2: I put this off for so long, but it was 228 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:02,280 Speaker 2: only a couple of months ago that I did really 229 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:05,079 Speaker 2: have to say to myself, like enough, I have to 230 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:08,200 Speaker 2: get my money together. I have to learn how investing works, 231 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,839 Speaker 2: what budget is best, which bank to be with, how 232 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:14,080 Speaker 2: to use different accounts and points systems and high interest 233 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:18,080 Speaker 2: accounts and whatnot. And I just dedicated like two days 234 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:21,720 Speaker 2: across like a two month period to just learning and 235 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:25,920 Speaker 2: listening to podcasts and reading articles and following people who 236 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:29,080 Speaker 2: talked about this, and it did make me feel so 237 00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:31,439 Speaker 2: much more secure and knowledgeable. It definitely eased a lot 238 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:35,480 Speaker 2: of anxiety that I had around my future with my money, 239 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,680 Speaker 2: and I'm going to express that same sentiment that that 240 00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:41,920 Speaker 2: woman had, Like the woman who DMed me said, I 241 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,720 Speaker 2: definitely wish that when I was twenty three. 242 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,240 Speaker 3: Or even younger I knew what I knew. 243 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,839 Speaker 2: Now, because it definitely could have saved me a lot 244 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:51,760 Speaker 2: of money and saved me a lot of stress and 245 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:55,320 Speaker 2: probably impacted my future in a way that I'm probably 246 00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:57,840 Speaker 2: not ready to even think about, like having that extra 247 00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:00,840 Speaker 2: money in my savings or in my super account, my 248 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:03,800 Speaker 2: retirement fun I try not to think about the opportunities 249 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,800 Speaker 2: that I missed out on not doing that earlier. There 250 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:08,679 Speaker 2: are also so many different ways to budget, Like some 251 00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:11,200 Speaker 2: people use the fifty to thirty twenty methods, so fifty 252 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:14,640 Speaker 2: percent for needs, thirty percent for once, twenty percent for savings. 253 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:18,000 Speaker 2: Others like the seventy twenty ten method. Some people give 254 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:20,680 Speaker 2: themselves like a maximum amount each month that they can 255 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:23,640 Speaker 2: spend and everything else goes into savings and they don't 256 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:24,040 Speaker 2: touch that. 257 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:25,360 Speaker 3: Whatever it is. 258 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:30,440 Speaker 2: Find something that works and start even when it feels intimidating. 259 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:36,320 Speaker 2: As for that third financial mistake, I regret getting a 260 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:41,120 Speaker 2: credit card. Take that advice. Seriously, credit cards are great 261 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:44,800 Speaker 2: for building a credit score and finding ways to get 262 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:47,680 Speaker 2: money back and perks and travel points. But my rule 263 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,040 Speaker 2: has always been, and it will continue to be, if 264 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,320 Speaker 2: I don't need it and I can't afford it, I 265 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:55,600 Speaker 2: don't need it. Only buy things with a credit card 266 00:14:56,000 --> 00:15:00,760 Speaker 2: that you can hopefully pay off immediately. Obviously there's some 267 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,160 Speaker 2: big purchases like buying a house or a car, or 268 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,240 Speaker 2: it's a bit different. But in terms of just like 269 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:10,480 Speaker 2: every day once like clothes, like travel, like homewares, like 270 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:13,160 Speaker 2: whatever it is, if you don't need it and you 271 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,480 Speaker 2: can't afford it, you don't need it. I actually found 272 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:20,240 Speaker 2: a study that concluded around two thirds of people in 273 00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:23,800 Speaker 2: their twenties have credit card debt, and another publication was 274 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,200 Speaker 2: saying that the average amount of that debt is around 275 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:30,440 Speaker 2: six K, six thousand dollars. That's scary stuff, and if 276 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:32,480 Speaker 2: you don't know what you're doing to get that debt down, 277 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:35,040 Speaker 2: that can follow you. If you don't know how to 278 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:37,880 Speaker 2: correctly use a credit card as a tool rather than 279 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:40,560 Speaker 2: as a lifeline, it can get you into a lot 280 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:43,760 Speaker 2: of danger. So reflect on those mistakes, do what you 281 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:48,120 Speaker 2: wish with that knowledge, Moving on. There was another group 282 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:50,880 Speaker 2: of mistakes that I heard time and time again, and 283 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:55,000 Speaker 2: they have to do with how we let others thoughts, opinions, 284 00:15:55,040 --> 00:16:01,120 Speaker 2: and actions affect us. Mistake number six was putting people's 285 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,960 Speaker 2: needs above my own. Another one high up on that list, 286 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:09,280 Speaker 2: not learning to say no, and finally worrying too much 287 00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:12,280 Speaker 2: about what people thought of me, all kind of in 288 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:14,880 Speaker 2: the same vein. I would say, let me say this, 289 00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:19,400 Speaker 2: how you think about yourself, how you treat yourself, what 290 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:21,880 Speaker 2: you learn to tolerate and not tolerate when it comes 291 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:26,960 Speaker 2: to other people's behavior. That has a much bigger impact 292 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:31,040 Speaker 2: than we think, and it definitely snowballs. Like it may 293 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:34,360 Speaker 2: be small in the moment to just say yes and 294 00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:36,760 Speaker 2: to just kind of be passive in the face of 295 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,760 Speaker 2: someone else's assertions. We may not even notice it, but 296 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:42,840 Speaker 2: it can shape our whole life if we end up 297 00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:45,400 Speaker 2: being steered in a direction that we didn't want to 298 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:48,680 Speaker 2: go to make other people happy. Maybe that's like choosing 299 00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:51,640 Speaker 2: a certain career. Maybe that is earlier, like choosing a 300 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:55,000 Speaker 2: certain partner that you think will meet your parents' expectations. 301 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:58,920 Speaker 2: Maybe it's just letting friends treat you badly that does 302 00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,240 Speaker 2: something to your soul does something to your sense of 303 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,880 Speaker 2: self that can be harder to repair the older we get. 304 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:06,800 Speaker 2: And I also think the older we get, the more 305 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:10,159 Speaker 2: we realize that life is really, really finite and you 306 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:13,000 Speaker 2: only really get one shot, and you owe it to 307 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:16,120 Speaker 2: yourself to be fierce and to really stand up for yourself. 308 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,080 Speaker 2: You know, at the end of the day, when you're 309 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,239 Speaker 2: looking back, you want to feel like you were in 310 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:24,879 Speaker 2: control and you didn't continuously sacrifice your own happiness for 311 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:29,600 Speaker 2: someone else's comfort, especially especially when they don't even end 312 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:33,359 Speaker 2: up appreciating it. Let me say, a lot of the time, 313 00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:37,119 Speaker 2: these reactions are instinctual, so I don't want you to 314 00:17:37,119 --> 00:17:39,879 Speaker 2: feel like there's shame around having done this or this 315 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:42,800 Speaker 2: being something you want to unlearn. A lot of the time, 316 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:46,680 Speaker 2: these actions aren't just instinctual. They were also conditioned over 317 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:51,119 Speaker 2: many years since we were children to be you know, good, 318 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:55,960 Speaker 2: and to be agreeable and to just let others have 319 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:59,639 Speaker 2: their way or have their say. It is your job 320 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:05,440 Speaker 2: to deliberately unlearn these mechanisms. It is your job, at 321 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:10,080 Speaker 2: some stage in your life to unloaran your tendency to 322 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:13,840 Speaker 2: shrink or to make yourself small, and it will be 323 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:18,040 Speaker 2: uncomfortable at first. You know, it is uncomfortable to upset people. 324 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,280 Speaker 2: It is uncomfortable to hear mean things, or to disappoint people, 325 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:24,200 Speaker 2: or to say no. Of course, it's uncomfortable because you're 326 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,480 Speaker 2: not used to doing it. But on the other side 327 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:30,080 Speaker 2: of that discomfort is a life that's just you know, 328 00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:32,240 Speaker 2: the only word I have for it is lighter. 329 00:18:33,119 --> 00:18:35,000 Speaker 3: There's like no better word for it. It's lighter. 330 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:38,119 Speaker 2: You just feel like you can move through like the 331 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,720 Speaker 2: waves of life, with a lot more ease. You know, 332 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:45,000 Speaker 2: we've talked about financial investments, learning that your opinion and 333 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,760 Speaker 2: your needs should come first. This is the kind of 334 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:54,800 Speaker 2: personal and emotional investment that pays dividends and will bring 335 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:57,960 Speaker 2: you so much more happiness. I have a whole episode 336 00:18:58,040 --> 00:18:59,680 Speaker 2: on this if you want to learn more about how 337 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,119 Speaker 2: to do that, titled how to care Less About what 338 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:04,920 Speaker 2: People think about you. It really breaks down an exact 339 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:08,119 Speaker 2: strategy that you can go about doing this. So go 340 00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:10,199 Speaker 2: there after this if you need more tips. As we 341 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,160 Speaker 2: move down this list, when was halfway through now, this 342 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:17,199 Speaker 2: next one sticks out to me particularly because it's probably 343 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,919 Speaker 2: one of my mistakes and probably one of my biggest 344 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:22,760 Speaker 2: regrets from this decade so far not keeping up with 345 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:24,200 Speaker 2: old friends. 346 00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:25,080 Speaker 3: Now. 347 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:28,919 Speaker 2: It's true you cannot keep every single friend that you 348 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:34,680 Speaker 2: have ever made, but there have certainly been times when 349 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:38,200 Speaker 2: I've realized, you know, far too late, that I really 350 00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:40,879 Speaker 2: should have messaged that person back. I really should have 351 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:44,639 Speaker 2: answered their calls. I really should have kept in touch. 352 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,919 Speaker 2: And at some stage you kind of I guess, like 353 00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:53,000 Speaker 2: months past and you kind of wake up and you're like, wait, 354 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,040 Speaker 2: whatever happened to that person? And Wow, they were a 355 00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:59,120 Speaker 2: really good friend. I wish that I had appreciated them more. 356 00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,280 Speaker 2: You know, you miss them, You're at this weird point 357 00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:03,960 Speaker 2: where you don't really know how to invite them or 358 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:07,800 Speaker 2: invite yourself. I guess back into their life. Friends as 359 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,399 Speaker 2: well kind of hold pieces of who we are and 360 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,000 Speaker 2: therefore as well who we used to be. So losing 361 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:16,480 Speaker 2: touch with them does sometimes feel like losing part of ourselves, 362 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:19,919 Speaker 2: and that can hit especially hard during periods of loneliness 363 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:23,239 Speaker 2: or transition that obviously very synonymous with this decade. I 364 00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:26,480 Speaker 2: remember when I first moved to Sydney. I've spoken about 365 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:29,639 Speaker 2: this before. I lost a lot of friends and I 366 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:32,879 Speaker 2: didn't really like appreciate how hard that was until later 367 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:35,400 Speaker 2: on and now I'm at a stage where I really 368 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:38,439 Speaker 2: want to reflect back on that time when they were present, 369 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:41,159 Speaker 2: and I don't, you know, they're not there to do 370 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,840 Speaker 2: that with me, and they're not there for me to 371 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:46,480 Speaker 2: learn from or to talk to, and it's kind of 372 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:49,320 Speaker 2: lonely and it's kind of sad. We have so much 373 00:20:49,359 --> 00:20:51,639 Speaker 2: research out there I couldn't even begin to cite it 374 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:55,760 Speaker 2: that tells you that long term social bonds are just 375 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,720 Speaker 2: as crucial for your emotional health and your physical health 376 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:02,919 Speaker 2: as so many the lifestyle decisions that we make. So 377 00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:04,959 Speaker 2: when we let those bonds fade, you know, it's not 378 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:08,080 Speaker 2: just about missing a friend, it's about really missing a 379 00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:11,080 Speaker 2: grounding presence in our life and kind of missing out 380 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:14,000 Speaker 2: on all these health benefits. 381 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,400 Speaker 3: And like the. 382 00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:18,840 Speaker 2: Secret to longevity, the secret to longevity is having people 383 00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,320 Speaker 2: around you who love you and care about you. Please 384 00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:24,520 Speaker 2: don't forget about that in the pursuit of your career, 385 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:27,760 Speaker 2: or in your pursuit of love, or in the current 386 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:31,440 Speaker 2: busyness of the life and the decade that you are in. 387 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:34,960 Speaker 2: Right now, okay, we are over halfway through this list. 388 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:38,960 Speaker 2: Now we're going to touch on one more mistake that 389 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:42,080 Speaker 2: made the list. The early parts of the list before 390 00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:45,360 Speaker 2: taking a break. And it's different from everything we've kind 391 00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:48,320 Speaker 2: of talked to. It's different from friendship, it's different from money. 392 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:52,880 Speaker 2: It has to do with our health. The biggest health 393 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:57,200 Speaker 2: mistake on the list was smoking. I wish I'd never 394 00:21:57,240 --> 00:22:00,000 Speaker 2: smoked my first cigarette. I wish I hadn't started vapor. 395 00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:03,040 Speaker 2: I wish nicotine had never entered my life. That was 396 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:06,720 Speaker 2: repeated time and time again. One person wrote in who 397 00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:09,320 Speaker 2: was in their fifties, and the way she found the 398 00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:11,359 Speaker 2: podcast was that she'd listened to a few episodes with 399 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:14,439 Speaker 2: her daughter, and she wrote in to me when I 400 00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:17,840 Speaker 2: was asking people for their biggest mistakes, saying how she'd 401 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,840 Speaker 2: started smoking at twenty to impress a guy, she got 402 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:24,399 Speaker 2: addicted and as everyone else around her, slowly quit when 403 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,280 Speaker 2: they left for college, when they had kids, when they 404 00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:29,400 Speaker 2: got married, she didn't and I have permission from her 405 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:32,080 Speaker 2: to share this, but she basically said, I've never been 406 00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:34,399 Speaker 2: able to run more than a kilometer. My kids have 407 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:38,399 Speaker 2: asked me multiple times, so many times to quit, and 408 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,199 Speaker 2: I know in my heart one day I'll get an 409 00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:42,959 Speaker 2: unthinkable call from the doctor and it will be cancer. 410 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:45,720 Speaker 2: If only I was twenty again, and I could reverse 411 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:50,120 Speaker 2: it all and reverse this decision. That kind of left 412 00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:53,040 Speaker 2: me a little bit speechless, you know, hearing from someone 413 00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:56,600 Speaker 2: this big reflection in their life and almost this call, 414 00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:00,879 Speaker 2: it almost felt like she was like begging people in 415 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:04,920 Speaker 2: their twenties to just take their health more seriously as 416 00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:08,040 Speaker 2: someone who could see what happens when you don't. And 417 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:11,359 Speaker 2: we can learn so much from stories like that. And yes, 418 00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:13,040 Speaker 2: smoking is highly addictive. 419 00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:15,040 Speaker 3: It's calming, you know, it. 420 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:19,080 Speaker 2: Looks cool, it's cultural, it's social. It's also a habit 421 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:23,200 Speaker 2: that does damage that time cannot repair. And when you're 422 00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:26,119 Speaker 2: young and healthy, you have the benefit of not having 423 00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:30,400 Speaker 2: to think about that, but your older self is begging 424 00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:34,600 Speaker 2: current you to think about them, to think about the future, 425 00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:37,639 Speaker 2: to think about how you're going to feel when you 426 00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:40,720 Speaker 2: really start to see the very dangerous side effects of 427 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:43,679 Speaker 2: this habit nowadays as well. You know, it's not just smoking. 428 00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:45,720 Speaker 2: I also heard a lot about vaping. You know, for 429 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:47,600 Speaker 2: the first time in decades. I was looking at this 430 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:50,760 Speaker 2: research the other day. The use of nicotine has like 431 00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:54,680 Speaker 2: shot way up, Like there was this very steady trajectory 432 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,640 Speaker 2: over the years of like nicotine intake going down, going 433 00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,440 Speaker 2: down with education with people learning the consequence and says. 434 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:01,880 Speaker 3: But when vaping was. 435 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:05,000 Speaker 2: Introduced, you know, it's like this new thing, and with 436 00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:09,760 Speaker 2: any new thing, there's not long term research into the 437 00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:13,399 Speaker 2: health consequences, and it was definitely marketed as like a 438 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:16,919 Speaker 2: healthy alternative and like something that wasn't as bad for 439 00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:20,040 Speaker 2: you as smoking. This is what I think about that 440 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,520 Speaker 2: when people say, like, oh, but smoking up, but vaping 441 00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:25,400 Speaker 2: is so much healthier than smoking, I think, like, that's 442 00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:28,240 Speaker 2: like saying getting stabbed is a healthier alternative to being 443 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:31,840 Speaker 2: shot with a gun, Like it might be true, but 444 00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:35,080 Speaker 2: a knife still isn't gonna feel great, and it's still 445 00:24:35,119 --> 00:24:37,280 Speaker 2: gonna hurt, and it's still not particularly good for you. 446 00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:41,280 Speaker 2: So I would really encourage people who do vape and 447 00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:44,400 Speaker 2: want to stop just to read up on the health consequences. 448 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:47,600 Speaker 2: We now are seeing studies come out. There was a 449 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:51,919 Speaker 2: twenty twenty three study titled E Cigarette Harms Aggregate Evidence 450 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,040 Speaker 2: that shows damage to biological systems. If you want to 451 00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:56,399 Speaker 2: get nerdy and read that study, it's one of the 452 00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:59,919 Speaker 2: first long term ones that shows what is really happening 453 00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:03,240 Speaker 2: to your lungs and your body when you vape. Wow, 454 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,240 Speaker 2: I feel like I'm I feel like I'm like a 455 00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:08,080 Speaker 2: health advertisement right now. But I'm going to take a 456 00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,560 Speaker 2: short break. Now that I've kind of drilled into you 457 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:12,920 Speaker 2: a number of mistakes, I'm going to let you process 458 00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:15,119 Speaker 2: some of them. Get a cup of tea, get a 459 00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:17,239 Speaker 2: glass of water. When we return, we're going to talk 460 00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:23,320 Speaker 2: about mistakes related to family taking risks, and why seemingly 461 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:26,080 Speaker 2: more people are seeing college as a mistake these days. 462 00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:31,680 Speaker 1: So stay with us. 463 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,760 Speaker 2: So our careers are probably I'm going to say this, 464 00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:39,040 Speaker 2: our biggest source of stress and anguish in our twenties, 465 00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:43,160 Speaker 2: you know, big questions to do with our careers? What's 466 00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:46,399 Speaker 2: our dream job? Will I ever find something I care about? Like? 467 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:48,440 Speaker 2: How can I create the lifestyle that I want? Will 468 00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:51,879 Speaker 2: I ever have a sense of purpose? Big questions, my friends. 469 00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:55,440 Speaker 2: A lot of that starts with should I go to college? 470 00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:58,480 Speaker 2: Should I get an education? Or should I get my 471 00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:00,560 Speaker 2: foot in the door career wise and get ex experience 472 00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:03,600 Speaker 2: and kind of not get a degree right now, but 473 00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:07,439 Speaker 2: go back. The interesting thing that I found is that 474 00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:10,000 Speaker 2: there was almost a fifty to fifty split just in 475 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:12,080 Speaker 2: the people that dmned me or reached out to me 476 00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:16,320 Speaker 2: between the people who said college was a mistake and 477 00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:18,880 Speaker 2: it was a waste of money, and people who said 478 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:24,280 Speaker 2: I regret not going to college and not prioritizing my education. 479 00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:28,400 Speaker 2: It's very interesting, and I think obviously you're probably listening 480 00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:29,840 Speaker 2: to this being like, well, that doesn't help me. But 481 00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:32,400 Speaker 2: let's have a little bit of a discussion around why 482 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:34,359 Speaker 2: people said college wasn't worth it, and the people who 483 00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:36,760 Speaker 2: said that they wish they had done it. I think 484 00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:40,240 Speaker 2: these days, going to university just kind of seems like 485 00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,040 Speaker 2: the necessary next step for a lot of us. But 486 00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:45,639 Speaker 2: having a degree, we all know this, like, it doesn't 487 00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:50,240 Speaker 2: necessarily guarantee you a job, even having a master's, even 488 00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:54,320 Speaker 2: having a PhD. You know, it's incredibly costly, it's a 489 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:58,520 Speaker 2: huge time investment. It doesn't necessarily guarantee that you're going 490 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:02,919 Speaker 2: to be further ahead or have more opportunities. That is 491 00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,600 Speaker 2: why I think a lot of people are starting to 492 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:10,240 Speaker 2: question its kind of necessity. Personally, I think education is 493 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,600 Speaker 2: always valuable. It is an asset, even if it's an 494 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:15,600 Speaker 2: asset that more and more people have. It gives you 495 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:18,679 Speaker 2: more than just skills just being in that environment. You know, 496 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,239 Speaker 2: it gives you a network, It gives you mentors, it 497 00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:24,200 Speaker 2: exposes you to ambitious people and just people who will 498 00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:26,280 Speaker 2: become your friends and will help you get ahead. 499 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:27,360 Speaker 3: But if you. 500 00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:29,880 Speaker 2: Don't have a specific thing that you want to do, 501 00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,520 Speaker 2: and you're just going to college or university to take 502 00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:36,600 Speaker 2: it off the list, and you're not being present in 503 00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:39,800 Speaker 2: your classes, you're not paying attention, you're not really getting 504 00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:42,639 Speaker 2: involved in that experience, you feel like you have no 505 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:46,840 Speaker 2: motivation at all, it might actually not be worth it. 506 00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:50,160 Speaker 2: And that's what some people are saying to me. Instead, 507 00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:53,760 Speaker 2: like going into the workplace, taking a gap year, those 508 00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:57,359 Speaker 2: might be more valuable in giving you maturity and experience 509 00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:00,680 Speaker 2: and more of a direction. And they should be presented 510 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:03,680 Speaker 2: as things that are valuable to do at any stage. 511 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:05,479 Speaker 2: But also straight out of high school. It should be 512 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:09,520 Speaker 2: just as normalized to go and get an apprenticeship or 513 00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:11,919 Speaker 2: to go on work, or to go and you know, 514 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,600 Speaker 2: travel abroad after high school as it is to just 515 00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,879 Speaker 2: like jump straight into university otherwise. And I've spoken to 516 00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:20,280 Speaker 2: people who feel this way. You know, you wake up 517 00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:23,240 Speaker 2: at twenty one, twenty two, twenty three, you've just graduated university, 518 00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:26,280 Speaker 2: and you realize that you have spent nineteen to twenty 519 00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:32,080 Speaker 2: years being in school like this was a realization I 520 00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:34,560 Speaker 2: had when I graduated from UNI. I was like, oh 521 00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:38,480 Speaker 2: my god, this is the first time in my life 522 00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:41,400 Speaker 2: that I'm going to spend more than three months not 523 00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:46,800 Speaker 2: studying or not like being in a classroom. And if 524 00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:50,560 Speaker 2: you haven't done some soul searching during that period, like 525 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:52,920 Speaker 2: and if education is all you've ever known, like you, 526 00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:56,480 Speaker 2: you're going to feel quite lost and you're going to 527 00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:59,959 Speaker 2: feel a bit scared. So it is something to consider. 528 00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,800 Speaker 2: Is this necessarily the best thing for me to do 529 00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:06,560 Speaker 2: right now? I can't answer for you, but just take 530 00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:08,760 Speaker 2: that wisdom and do what you want with it. I've 531 00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:13,040 Speaker 2: also been loving this idea recently of people who take 532 00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:17,760 Speaker 2: their retirement throughout their life rather than just at the 533 00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:22,080 Speaker 2: end of their life, you know, normalizing not needing to 534 00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:25,840 Speaker 2: save up all your experiences for your sixties, but having 535 00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:31,000 Speaker 2: them throughout your career and throughout your professional life, taking 536 00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:35,280 Speaker 2: little mini gap years, taking like mini sabbaticals. 537 00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:36,240 Speaker 3: And you know, anything can happen. 538 00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:38,160 Speaker 2: I always remember this story I was told of this 539 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:41,760 Speaker 2: couple who were in their sixties and they were nearing retirement. 540 00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:47,080 Speaker 2: The wife had retired, the husband hadn't, and he kept saying, oh, 541 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:49,000 Speaker 2: let me just one more year, we could just get 542 00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,760 Speaker 2: a little bit extra money, one more year, one more year, 543 00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:54,120 Speaker 2: and then and then we can go and finally have 544 00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,800 Speaker 2: all the money that we want for this big, amazing trip. 545 00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:00,320 Speaker 2: And she had a heart attack and she died before 546 00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:03,840 Speaker 2: they could do that. You know, he was six months 547 00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:06,880 Speaker 2: out from like finally saying like I'm done, and she'd 548 00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:09,520 Speaker 2: been retired for six years and she never got to 549 00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:13,080 Speaker 2: do those things. And that can happen, Like life is 550 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:17,080 Speaker 2: very unpredictable. So do what you want to do whilst 551 00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:20,960 Speaker 2: you have the youth, and whilst you have the time, 552 00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:23,920 Speaker 2: and whilst you have the desire to do it. So 553 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,520 Speaker 2: this kind of relates to three other common mistakes that 554 00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:29,440 Speaker 2: I heard, which were people regretting not having a gap year, 555 00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:32,640 Speaker 2: people making the mistake of jumping right into work and 556 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:35,840 Speaker 2: feeling too and messed with their professional identity so that 557 00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:37,480 Speaker 2: it made it very hard for them to quit a 558 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:39,600 Speaker 2: job or quit a career or take a step back. 559 00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:44,280 Speaker 2: And number three, people feeling like they haven't traveled enough 560 00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:46,880 Speaker 2: and they haven't explored and now they're in a period 561 00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:49,280 Speaker 2: where they're settling down and they regret that we live 562 00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:51,960 Speaker 2: in a current state of the world in a current 563 00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:56,400 Speaker 2: society that is very much dictated by what your resume 564 00:30:56,480 --> 00:31:00,480 Speaker 2: looks like, what you've achieved, your job title, your medication 565 00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:04,800 Speaker 2: to the hustle, what you can present is successful to others, 566 00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:06,960 Speaker 2: and that can be very hard to step away from. 567 00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:09,160 Speaker 2: It can be very hard to step away from because 568 00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:12,080 Speaker 2: often we there's this implicit idea that if you take 569 00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:15,680 Speaker 2: a break or you do something for your personal development, 570 00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:18,520 Speaker 2: you're going to miss out on a critical formative, formative 571 00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:21,480 Speaker 2: period for your professional development. And by the time you 572 00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:24,800 Speaker 2: come back like you've missed the boat, you're never going 573 00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:27,920 Speaker 2: to get that time back. You are falling so far 574 00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:28,640 Speaker 2: behind you'll never. 575 00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:29,480 Speaker 3: Be able to catch up. 576 00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:33,840 Speaker 2: It's a common myth. Here's two things that I'll say 577 00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:37,840 Speaker 2: to that. Building your career is not linear. People can 578 00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:40,080 Speaker 2: get somewhere in five years, and it's going to take 579 00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:42,200 Speaker 2: someone else thirty years to get to that same place. 580 00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:45,720 Speaker 2: It's what happened during those years in terms of your 581 00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:49,120 Speaker 2: life experience that matters more and will matter more at 582 00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:52,000 Speaker 2: the end of the day. Secondly, if we think back 583 00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:54,760 Speaker 2: to that list from people on their deathbeds, people who 584 00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:58,160 Speaker 2: have their whole life to kind of survey and examine 585 00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:00,560 Speaker 2: the number two regret, they say, not just people in 586 00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:03,760 Speaker 2: their twenties, people like in their eighties and nineties, I 587 00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:07,000 Speaker 2: wish I hadn't worked so hard. These are people who 588 00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:11,200 Speaker 2: have every reason, to be honest, who have years more 589 00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:15,560 Speaker 2: of life lessons than we do, who would probably give 590 00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:17,720 Speaker 2: anything to have a second shot to live a life 591 00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:21,400 Speaker 2: with the wisdom they have now, and they have gifted 592 00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:25,560 Speaker 2: us that wisdom. We want wealth, we want success, and 593 00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:27,400 Speaker 2: the reason many of us want that is so at 594 00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:29,760 Speaker 2: the end of the day, we can travel, we can 595 00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:32,440 Speaker 2: sit and enjoy life. We can have nice things. You 596 00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:35,760 Speaker 2: can also have them now. This is actually the best 597 00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:38,320 Speaker 2: time to travel. It's the best time to explore. You 598 00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:40,360 Speaker 2: might not have the big budget that you want, but 599 00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:43,120 Speaker 2: you do have your youth, and you do have the 600 00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:46,720 Speaker 2: opportunities to make really great stories and develop experiences and 601 00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:50,040 Speaker 2: skills that will impact you for longer. No, you are 602 00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:52,960 Speaker 2: the youngest, you will ever be the healthiest. Most likely, 603 00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:56,280 Speaker 2: you have this stamina. You don't have obligations. Older people 604 00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:57,800 Speaker 2: may have the money, but they don't have all that 605 00:32:57,840 --> 00:33:01,800 Speaker 2: you have now. Another is people felt that they made 606 00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:06,040 Speaker 2: was not taking risks, not chasing their dream and in 607 00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:11,520 Speaker 2: a similar vein wasting time thinking rather than doing. This 608 00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:14,240 Speaker 2: really reminds me of another story that I was told 609 00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:19,520 Speaker 2: by someone recently about her mother and how her mother 610 00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:22,000 Speaker 2: trained to be an accountant and she spent all of 611 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,880 Speaker 2: these years working her way up being an accountant, and 612 00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:26,680 Speaker 2: then like thirty years into the career, she was like 613 00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:29,600 Speaker 2: had a complete mental breakdown and was just like, I've 614 00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:32,400 Speaker 2: wasted so much of my time. I feel so unhappy. 615 00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:35,400 Speaker 2: She read The Artist's Way. If you know that book Dough, 616 00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:38,360 Speaker 2: SHEI references a lot. It's incredible she read The Artist's 617 00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:40,040 Speaker 2: Way and she dropped everything. 618 00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:40,520 Speaker 3: And became an artist. 619 00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:44,320 Speaker 2: And now she's an incredibly successful artist. And the real 620 00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:46,560 Speaker 2: moral of the story is something that she said to 621 00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:49,920 Speaker 2: my friend, which now feels permanently kind of seered into 622 00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:53,080 Speaker 2: my brain. The safe option is the safe option for 623 00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:56,360 Speaker 2: a reason because it will always be there, because you 624 00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:59,480 Speaker 2: can always go back to it. People can't always say 625 00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:03,440 Speaker 2: the same about their dreams. It's something I've definitely seen. 626 00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:07,320 Speaker 2: Big dreams that you have for your life, big dreams 627 00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:10,640 Speaker 2: that are really calling out to you, they don't always 628 00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:14,319 Speaker 2: wait around, and it becomes harder and harder to do 629 00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:16,920 Speaker 2: them the older you get. If you want some research 630 00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:19,400 Speaker 2: to back this up, because obviously I can't just go 631 00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:23,640 Speaker 2: a whole episode without citing at least one paper. You've 632 00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:25,880 Speaker 2: got to hear about this study that they did at 633 00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:29,280 Speaker 2: Core now. So this team of research is they recruited 634 00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:32,400 Speaker 2: hundreds of participants to share their regrets kind of like 635 00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:36,000 Speaker 2: what I'm doing now, but professionally, and they then divided 636 00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:38,920 Speaker 2: all of these regrets and their answers into two different categories. 637 00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:43,440 Speaker 2: Those involving the ideal self i e. What you dreamed 638 00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:45,719 Speaker 2: you'd be or what you felt and in a drive 639 00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:50,000 Speaker 2: to become, and regrets involving the ought to self i e. 640 00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:52,800 Speaker 2: Those that dealt with not meeting expectations or the ideals 641 00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:56,000 Speaker 2: of others. Which type of regret do you think was 642 00:34:56,080 --> 00:35:03,400 Speaker 2: most common? Ideal self regrets one by a landslide. Participants 643 00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:09,319 Speaker 2: had more regrets around their ideal self and around things 644 00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:12,120 Speaker 2: that they wish they'd done to make their dreams come 645 00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:15,839 Speaker 2: true over regrets around things that they wish they'd done 646 00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:18,839 Speaker 2: to impress others, or regrets over things they wish they'd 647 00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:21,600 Speaker 2: done because they ought to have done them. So the 648 00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:24,000 Speaker 2: math is on your side, like, if you want less regret, 649 00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:28,320 Speaker 2: aim higher for yourself, do more to become your ideal self, 650 00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:32,920 Speaker 2: take further risks, and it kind of seems like logically, scientifically, 651 00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:35,520 Speaker 2: I could even say, like, you will die a happier 652 00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:41,280 Speaker 2: person with a happier life. Okay, we have three final 653 00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:44,279 Speaker 2: mistakes in our list, and they're all very different, and 654 00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:46,440 Speaker 2: they were all kind of hard to put into any 655 00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:49,440 Speaker 2: of these other categories. They were standalone regrets. The first 656 00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:52,960 Speaker 2: mistake was not getting help for my mental health. Soon 657 00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:55,640 Speaker 2: I heard this quite a bit, and oh my gosh, 658 00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:58,680 Speaker 2: if I personally could only go back in time and 659 00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:01,160 Speaker 2: tell myself this, I think I would have saved myself 660 00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:04,040 Speaker 2: a lot of suffering. Your mental health is your most 661 00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:08,279 Speaker 2: precious asset. People say it's physical health, it's your mental 662 00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:12,040 Speaker 2: health by far because it comes from the mind, and 663 00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:15,680 Speaker 2: the mind really does control a whole lot. It controls everything. 664 00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:19,400 Speaker 2: If your mind is suffering, everything else will suffer. It 665 00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:23,240 Speaker 2: controls who you are, what you think about yourself, your beliefs, 666 00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:29,160 Speaker 2: your dreams, your interests, your relationships, everything. So please tend 667 00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:31,440 Speaker 2: to this part of you like it is the precious 668 00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:36,279 Speaker 2: asset that it is, especially when you're young, because you 669 00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:38,479 Speaker 2: can learn so many skills that will carry you through 670 00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:41,960 Speaker 2: and give you a healthier life mentally. If you learn 671 00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:45,160 Speaker 2: them earlier, know that as well. No matter how stuck 672 00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:48,479 Speaker 2: you feel, how hard it is right now, people train 673 00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:50,239 Speaker 2: for years to be able to help you through this, 674 00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:53,080 Speaker 2: and they will be able to help you through this. 675 00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:56,479 Speaker 2: They have thousands of tools to help you feel better 676 00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:59,040 Speaker 2: and more like yourself. One of them will work. So 677 00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:00,680 Speaker 2: if you have been putting you off, if you've been 678 00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:03,400 Speaker 2: waiting for the right time, thinking that you can get 679 00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:03,880 Speaker 2: through it on. 680 00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:06,520 Speaker 3: Your own, basically, no, you don't have to. 681 00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:10,600 Speaker 2: The second kind of standalone regret that I heard a 682 00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:14,560 Speaker 2: lot or mistake was not asking my parents important questions 683 00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:15,920 Speaker 2: and not spending. 684 00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:16,560 Speaker 3: Time with them. 685 00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:19,879 Speaker 2: When we're in our twenties, we go through a very 686 00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:23,480 Speaker 2: natural period of separation from our families. 687 00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:24,919 Speaker 3: Everyone does. 688 00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:27,440 Speaker 2: It's an important stage in our development. It's known in 689 00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:29,520 Speaker 2: developmental psychology as individuation. 690 00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:32,279 Speaker 3: You have to be able to form. 691 00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:36,000 Speaker 2: Your own independent identity away from the safety and the 692 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:39,040 Speaker 2: structure of the family. But at some stage you do 693 00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:43,600 Speaker 2: emerge from this period and you kind of come back 694 00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:45,600 Speaker 2: to your parents and come back to your family members 695 00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:47,880 Speaker 2: and see them differently. And I think the way you 696 00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:51,480 Speaker 2: see them now is not equals, but as the adults 697 00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:54,160 Speaker 2: that they are with complex lives the same way that 698 00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:57,920 Speaker 2: you have a complex internal life, and you want to 699 00:37:57,920 --> 00:37:59,840 Speaker 2: know more about them. You want to know more about 700 00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:02,600 Speaker 2: who they were before they were a parent, who they 701 00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:04,600 Speaker 2: were before they were a partner, who they were as 702 00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:08,120 Speaker 2: a child, all these things. Don't miss that opportunity and 703 00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:10,759 Speaker 2: don't miss that window. I've been doing this with my 704 00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:12,040 Speaker 2: own grandparents. 705 00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:12,320 Speaker 3: A lot recently. 706 00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:15,239 Speaker 2: I feel very lucky that, you know, I still have 707 00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:19,960 Speaker 2: three very healthy and a live grandparents who have incredible stories, 708 00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:21,719 Speaker 2: and every time I see them, I really make an 709 00:38:21,719 --> 00:38:23,880 Speaker 2: effort to just say, you know, what was like the 710 00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:25,840 Speaker 2: snacks that you liked when you were my age, or 711 00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:28,200 Speaker 2: what was your best friend's name? Or what did you 712 00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:30,640 Speaker 2: learn from your first job? Just like small questions, because 713 00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:34,279 Speaker 2: they are literally like a textbook on how to live 714 00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:37,239 Speaker 2: a good life, and they're a textbook that I have 715 00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:39,640 Speaker 2: access to that is like literally right there and open 716 00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:42,000 Speaker 2: and ready for me to learn from. A lot of 717 00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:45,920 Speaker 2: people spoke about having lost their parents or you know, 718 00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:48,799 Speaker 2: things happening that has meant that they can't really stay 719 00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:52,440 Speaker 2: in touch with them, and the mistake that really feels 720 00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:57,759 Speaker 2: like and how that weighs heavy the final mistake on 721 00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:01,000 Speaker 2: this list, and I feel like it is the best 722 00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:07,640 Speaker 2: place to end, not spending more time alone getting to 723 00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:11,920 Speaker 2: know myself. An interesting thing about this one was that 724 00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:15,279 Speaker 2: this was one that I heard a lot more from 725 00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:18,839 Speaker 2: older people, a lot more from people over the age 726 00:39:18,880 --> 00:39:22,640 Speaker 2: of forty. It feels like an important one to finish with. 727 00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:25,239 Speaker 2: I say this in my book, I say this on 728 00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:28,200 Speaker 2: my podcast so many times that if you're a frequent listener, 729 00:39:28,239 --> 00:39:30,080 Speaker 2: you're probably going to be annoyed that I'm saying it again, 730 00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:33,520 Speaker 2: and I apologize in advance. But there is only one 731 00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:36,759 Speaker 2: relationship that you will have your entire life. There is 732 00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:40,040 Speaker 2: one person you will spend more time with than anyone 733 00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:46,360 Speaker 2: else in existence, and that's you. You are always there, 734 00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:49,360 Speaker 2: You will always be with you. There's a quote I 735 00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:52,239 Speaker 2: love from Carl Jung, which is the privilege of a 736 00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:56,719 Speaker 2: lifetime is to know who you truly are. And that 737 00:39:56,920 --> 00:40:00,160 Speaker 2: starts with really being able to spend time alone, to 738 00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:02,319 Speaker 2: put a mirror up to your soul and your sense 739 00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:05,440 Speaker 2: of self and examine it. Explore the parts of you 740 00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:10,360 Speaker 2: that feel uncomfortable, try new things, be present with your thoughts, 741 00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:14,040 Speaker 2: go on dates with yourself. Just know what you want 742 00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:16,840 Speaker 2: from life and who you are. It is the foundation 743 00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:19,799 Speaker 2: upon which all other stuff is built. I know how 744 00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:22,400 Speaker 2: easy it is personally to fill up your social calendar 745 00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:24,960 Speaker 2: and to never have a Friday or a Saturday off, 746 00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:28,200 Speaker 2: to feel like you're failing. If you are, I'll have 747 00:40:28,239 --> 00:40:32,360 Speaker 2: this intense pomo or to always be dating people. The 748 00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:35,840 Speaker 2: quiet moments that you end up having when you do 749 00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:39,719 Speaker 2: that will feel very scary, when in fact, when you 750 00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:43,640 Speaker 2: practice having time alone, you'll realize that it's very fulfilling 751 00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:47,279 Speaker 2: and that it is the key to living a good 752 00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:51,160 Speaker 2: life if you can really hone in on what you 753 00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:53,600 Speaker 2: actually want from life, what you want from your relationships, 754 00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:56,759 Speaker 2: and also what you want from yourself. And that's important 755 00:40:56,800 --> 00:40:59,480 Speaker 2: work that you shouldn't put off, that should be your 756 00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:03,759 Speaker 2: number one priority. That's where the list ends. That is 757 00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:07,560 Speaker 2: our final mistake from this list. I hope that you've 758 00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:09,399 Speaker 2: taken something away from this. I hope that you've learned 759 00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:12,359 Speaker 2: from this. There are definitely probably there were a lot 760 00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:15,960 Speaker 2: more mistakes that people mentioned, Like by no means was 761 00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:18,080 Speaker 2: was I able to include every single little thing that 762 00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,400 Speaker 2: people said was a mistake. Some of them were very specific, 763 00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:24,359 Speaker 2: but if there is one that you think we haven't 764 00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:27,440 Speaker 2: touched on that is important that you have learned from 765 00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:31,359 Speaker 2: through your own life experience. Leave a comment below. Leave 766 00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:33,920 Speaker 2: a comment in just below the episode description. What is 767 00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:36,239 Speaker 2: the biggest mistake you feel like you have made in 768 00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:38,160 Speaker 2: your twenties and what do you think people. 769 00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:40,160 Speaker 3: Can learn from that. This kind of. 770 00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:42,400 Speaker 2: Wisdom is the kind that feels really really important. And 771 00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:45,399 Speaker 2: I really loved being able to investigate this and just 772 00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:48,520 Speaker 2: like you know, I don't know, kind of like revive 773 00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:51,279 Speaker 2: my research days. So I hope you enjoyed it. I 774 00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:53,880 Speaker 2: hope you liked this episode. Share it with a friend 775 00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:56,960 Speaker 2: who you think may benefit from it as well. Leave 776 00:41:56,960 --> 00:42:00,480 Speaker 2: a comment like subscribe all those things. Leave a five 777 00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:02,880 Speaker 2: star review as well if you feel cool to do so. 778 00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:05,920 Speaker 2: It really does help the show grow and expand and 779 00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:08,680 Speaker 2: reach new people. And make sure you're following me at 780 00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:12,040 Speaker 2: that Psychology podcast as well on Instagram if you want 781 00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:14,799 Speaker 2: to contribute to further episodes. A lot of what I 782 00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:17,440 Speaker 2: learned and what I shared in today's episodes came from 783 00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:20,840 Speaker 2: dms and came from people who follow me on Instagram 784 00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:23,080 Speaker 2: who were able to contribute. So I hope to see 785 00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:26,200 Speaker 2: you over there. But until next time, stay safe, be kind, 786 00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:29,879 Speaker 2: be gentle with yourself, and we will talk very very soon.