Speaker 1: Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there, doesn't matter how.
Speaker 1: Much baggage you claim.
Speaker 2: Give us time and a turmanol and gay.
Speaker 3: We want to send you off InStyle. You wanna welcome
Speaker 3: you back home?
Speaker 1: Tell us all about it. We scared her?
Speaker 4: Was it fine?
Speaker 5: Now?
Speaker 1: Porn?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 6: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 6: Do you need ride?
Speaker 4: With Karen and Chris?
Speaker 5: Welcome to Do you need to ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 4: I'm heading to the home of Karen Kilgareth, my co host.
Speaker 4: I am on her street. She's in the front yard.
Speaker 4: I'm driving the vehicle. She's in the street, almost dangerously
Speaker 4: walking in front of the car and now realizing I
Speaker 4: will unlock the door, she will enter. Hi, Karen, How
Speaker 4: it's your microphone? The cable is under you?
Speaker 5: Yep?
Speaker 6: Yes?
Speaker 5: What are you doing?
Speaker 1: Oh? I'm in that Simpsons marathon. Man, I've been watching
Speaker 1: it for like three days.
Speaker 5: Oh, the one that everyone's been talking about.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I didn't know about it. Is it ending or something?
Speaker 1: Well, I'm not sure when it's I don't know when
Speaker 1: it ends. But they've been showing every Simpsons ever.
Speaker 4: It started like three days ago, even the ones where
Speaker 4: they had really weird lips. You mean the beginning, the
Speaker 4: beginning their.
Speaker 1: Yeah, their lips would shake and stuff like yeahs.
Speaker 4: Yeah's lips. We're vibrating, Bernie Burps.
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, what are you doing?
Speaker 4: Oh, I'm taking you to a party, A work related party, Yes.
Speaker 1: That's right, a work related party that I can't invite
Speaker 1: you to.
Speaker 4: I don't want to go to your work related party.
Speaker 5: How dare you assume.
Speaker 1: I must have really hit a nerve right there?
Speaker 5: Boy, I didn't.
Speaker 4: I mean, it had crossed my mind and then also
Speaker 4: stayed there for a while that I hadn't been invited.
Speaker 4: But what I immediately was waiting to do if invited was
Speaker 4: turn it down.
Speaker 5: I don't the working class looking down on me.
Speaker 1: If you did get the thing you wanted, you would
Speaker 1: definitely make sure to reject it exactly so that you
Speaker 1: were in the driver's seat.
Speaker 4: Well, I just know what a party like that would.
Speaker 1: Be, like, Yeah, I'm not looking forward to it in
Speaker 1: you know, knowing nothing about it. I just it's a
Speaker 1: work party. It's a little bit fancy, and the people
Speaker 1: I work with I love, and they're all going to
Speaker 1: be there, thank god. But we're all the new people,
Speaker 1: so it's not like going to a season rap party
Speaker 1: with all your friends.
Speaker 5: I'm closer you to that neighbor. He's enjoyable.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of TV ready people around here, let's
Speaker 1: just call them pilot season ready at all times.
Speaker 4: That guy was walking his dog, but he had his
Speaker 4: head shot in his hand.
Speaker 1: Did he really?
Speaker 4: I hope?
Speaker 5: So maybe it was the dog's papers.
Speaker 1: I turned around and he looked like someone that would
Speaker 1: have been on a Waty's box in nineteen seventy nine.
Speaker 1: He had really small shorts.
Speaker 5: And he had like that. He had that prefund look
Speaker 5: to his spelt legs.
Speaker 1: He looks like he runs until it beyond torture. He
Speaker 1: keeps on running.
Speaker 5: After that, just like they did.
Speaker 1: In the early eighties, in the pre Nike days.
Speaker 4: So sorry, you were saying, the party isn't it's not
Speaker 4: a wrap party. It's just a labor day party. And
Speaker 4: we work together exactly.
Speaker 1: It's like the it's the Big Bosses party. So we're
Speaker 1: all uncomfortable going ourselves.
Speaker 5: Oh wow, yeah, because we don't.
Speaker 1: We know like one.
Speaker 4: Person there that doesn't sound fun.
Speaker 1: Well, we'll see the good news is it's.
Speaker 4: Close to weeks. How dare you invite me?
Speaker 5: I like to do.
Speaker 1: Invite you into black holes and traps and pits.
Speaker 5: They would just go we all have the day off
Speaker 5: from our jobs.
Speaker 4: What's your job?
Speaker 5: And then I'd have to go and I did some
Speaker 5: peanut voices.
Speaker 1: And then someone goes, oh my god, did you do
Speaker 1: the angry peanut? And then they and that's when how
Speaker 1: you get discovered.
Speaker 4: Oh maybe, yeah, maybe I should go to this party.
Speaker 4: You can't do you think they would have? They they've
Speaker 4: gotten their hands on an unreleased Skippy Peanut butter commercial.
Speaker 1: Oh you know what, that's very possible. Should I call ahead?
Speaker 5: People in the biz?
Speaker 4: I just before I show up. Have any of you
Speaker 4: seen this angry peanut Skippy commercial? It's okay, well it
Speaker 4: is sweeping the nation. I've heard o't.
Speaker 1: I'll be very big bus going on about it. But
Speaker 1: you know, it's your choice.
Speaker 5: It's your choice to not know about it.
Speaker 1: I feel these days, I'm so bad at parties. I
Speaker 1: just have no patience. I'm just bad at party.
Speaker 5: I've seen your parties owning it. Reefer in one hand,
Speaker 5: Heroin in the other all types needle drugs. In the
Speaker 5: other hand, you know how a drug multitask.
Speaker 1: I like to do all my drugs right when I
Speaker 1: get there, yeah, and just see what happened.
Speaker 4: Of course, that's one thing that I don't like is
Speaker 4: for a party to change in any way.
Speaker 5: So I go high as shit yep, and stay that way.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then just keep rolling through the whole party,
Speaker 1: dosing and rolling and snorting. That's our lives down here.
Speaker 4: That's what it's like in Burbank slash North Hollywood. I
Speaker 4: don't know where we are. We're in Burbank.
Speaker 1: This is Burbank, and now we're kind of heading over
Speaker 1: to It's a weird area. Universal City is what they
Speaker 1: call it, because we're right next to Universal City.
Speaker 4: Well, I won't, you know, release the address of your
Speaker 4: work boss.
Speaker 5: We are sensitive to that. Under you need to ride.
Speaker 4: Before dropping someone off or taking them to the bank,
Speaker 4: we do not recite their bank.
Speaker 5: Or their or their gate codes to their houses. No
Speaker 5: codes will be read.
Speaker 1: There is a learning curve on this podcast, and.
Speaker 4: I suppose we yes. In the beginning we read some
Speaker 4: bank statements.
Speaker 1: It was totally it was great content. We were told
Speaker 1: to do it.
Speaker 5: I think we're doing our homework.
Speaker 4: If right before we pick up a guest, we dig
Speaker 4: through their garbage and grab their bank statement, what else do.
Speaker 1: People want to hear about the financially What do you
Speaker 1: think about the fact they're making a they made a
Speaker 1: movie out of Alexander and the Terrible, horrible, no good,
Speaker 1: very Bad Day. Did you ever read that book?
Speaker 5: I did never.
Speaker 4: I never read that book, maybe because I probably couldn't
Speaker 4: have even made it through the title. It's it's so long.
Speaker 4: It's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: It's a real good book, is it. Yeah, it's the
Speaker 1: kid has the worst day of anybody's day ever.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, it's great and does it still hold true
Speaker 4: to today?
Speaker 5: A lot of the examples.
Speaker 1: There aren't enough iPods in.
Speaker 5: It, right. I bet the new one we'll have a
Speaker 5: bunch of iPods.
Speaker 1: Yeah, hopefully they'll update and make the kids stare at
Speaker 1: his phone all day and that's why he had such
Speaker 1: bad I.
Speaker 5: Hope the whole movie is sponsored by mac.
Speaker 1: It's a story of an eighth grader who signed up
Speaker 1: for Twitter. I think that was a couple fighting on
Speaker 1: the street. I'm sorry, but I love that.
Speaker 4: I love it when it's public and I love it
Speaker 4: in the street. Yeah, and when it's audible, should we
Speaker 4: turned around?
Speaker 1: If you take a right, we'll just go in a
Speaker 1: big square.
Speaker 5: Okay, cool.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's nothing better because you kind of want to
Speaker 1: immediately be able to size up who's in the right
Speaker 1: and who's in the wrong. Right Like that girl had
Speaker 1: very red hot cheeks, and I bet you she had
Speaker 1: been wronged.
Speaker 5: Well, that's what they need. They need a mediator, that's right.
Speaker 1: They need us to pull up.
Speaker 4: I excuse me, people, I have no experience prior to this,
Speaker 4: but I see that your wedding is on the fritz.
Speaker 1: Why did you get married on this sidewalk? First of all,
Speaker 1: of course, there's going to be fighting after that happens.
Speaker 4: And it's a horrible place to have a honeymoon, which
Speaker 4: clearly you're on.
Speaker 1: What a crazy set of plans you had having it
Speaker 1: all take place right here in Universal City.
Speaker 4: And then they'd just be like married, she'd this bitch
Speaker 4: just has my money.
Speaker 1: Bitch, Oh, don't go there, that's Universal City. You want
Speaker 1: to go into the park.
Speaker 4: It's okay, it's okay.
Speaker 5: I just have to say hi to a guy that
Speaker 5: works the gate.
Speaker 4: He owes me.
Speaker 5: Oops, it's some hot dog money.
Speaker 4: We had a barbecue off my ass, sir, I.
Speaker 5: Think that it's okay, Okay, I'm not panic? Oh right, yeah?
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Does this remind you when we went to the Forum?
Speaker 5: It does.
Speaker 4: It does remind me of the Forum and that day
Speaker 4: that was the Video Music Awards.
Speaker 1: Oh is that what it was?
Speaker 5: That's what was happening.
Speaker 1: Uh, we're so with it.
Speaker 5: We totally are with it.
Speaker 1: I bet if you go left you can get out
Speaker 1: of here.
Speaker 5: I bet I could.
Speaker 1: I think you get on like the freeway or something.
Speaker 5: Oh I suppose I want to do that?
Speaker 4: Oh freeway?
Speaker 1: Now do you have a party tonight?
Speaker 5: I don't know, it's I should. I feel like a dork.
Speaker 4: If I don't, I'm just gonna do a U turn.
Speaker 5: I don't.
Speaker 4: I guess I'm not popular.
Speaker 1: Karen, Well, oh was your side?
Speaker 5: I don't like it?
Speaker 4: When Hi, how are you an eight year old who
Speaker 4: bought a vest? In no way is she a traffic cop.
Speaker 4: She's just wearing me on and waving me through a
Speaker 4: red light.
Speaker 1: And also she's waving toward herself, which is not a
Speaker 1: way to direct exactly.
Speaker 5: You are you fanning yourself? Are you? And then I'm
Speaker 5: straight over here.
Speaker 4: Everything I know in life is to not drive through
Speaker 4: a red light and then.
Speaker 5: Some girl and our guy.
Speaker 4: It doesn't matter, it's the vest I have a problem,
Speaker 4: and clearly okay, now this is this is just stopped cars.
Speaker 1: When's the last time you've been to the Universal City.
Speaker 4: I've never been to Universal City? Really the theme park
Speaker 4: or otherwise this weird mall. I've don't stand up at
Speaker 4: their Saddle Ranch. Oh, how was that make a decision? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I think it. I think you just loop up here
Speaker 1: and around.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've done it. Okay, Oh I've taken that wrong
Speaker 4: turn before.
Speaker 1: How is stand up at the Saddle Ranch?
Speaker 4: For the love of Pete?
Speaker 5: It was.
Speaker 4: Usually doing stand up there for a guy named Pete. Yeah, no,
Speaker 4: it was fine. Sometimes there was a lot of people.
Speaker 4: It was awful.
Speaker 5: I quickly changed my mind.
Speaker 1: Are you telling me the truth of them? Anyway?
Speaker 4: It was it was I did do stand up there
Speaker 4: all the time. I don't know why. I don't know
Speaker 4: why I drove all the way because it was a
Speaker 4: full restaurant.
Speaker 5: The Saddle Ranch is filled with people.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and they have a giant stage and huge speakers,
Speaker 4: and it has all the all the makings of a
Speaker 4: good show aesthetically, but the people in the audience have
Speaker 4: all committed crimes and or that was my experience. It
Speaker 4: was with x cons. I don't know why. It's not
Speaker 4: like the Saddle Ranch on Sunset. It's a different kind
Speaker 4: of asshole. See look at that person scratching their forehead. Yeah, yep,
Speaker 4: I'm an itch. I have an itch.
Speaker 1: This is a specific code us.
Speaker 4: It all piss it all away, it'd be.
Speaker 5: No tell me, just take care of it. Okay.
Speaker 4: I'm part of my job as driving and talking. I
Speaker 4: would like to share the navigating. Okay, so I'm sorry.
Speaker 4: I just know I'm insanely controlling. It's quite all right.
Speaker 4: I need it. I need control. I need you to
Speaker 4: be controlling.
Speaker 1: You know. I like that this episode is just us
Speaker 1: once again, because these are the things we never get
Speaker 1: to discuss when other people are here.
Speaker 4: This is what people want to hear, the level.
Speaker 1: Of control that I have or that you have, given.
Speaker 4: Problems I have it with navigating. We wouldn't be hearing
Speaker 4: this if someone's like, blah blah blah, I have a
Speaker 4: show comedy I write on this. I'm a third party.
Speaker 1: Here are my thoughts about doing stand.
Speaker 5: Up comedy with your thoughts.
Speaker 1: Norsville.
Speaker 5: That's where we're suddenly driving.
Speaker 4: We're headed straight there, population you and the back mm hmm.
Speaker 1: All right, Well, what's been going on besides.
Speaker 4: Uh well, I uh, I hate when I am asked that,
Speaker 4: and I have nothing to say, So I'm going to say.
Speaker 5: I've been going to the beach a little bit.
Speaker 1: Oh that's good.
Speaker 5: I went to Denver. I guess that was the thing last.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: Your festival festival very fun. It was my festival. You're
Speaker 4: correct in saying that.
Speaker 1: There was built around your acts.
Speaker 5: Everyone did my jokes. It was uncomfortable to watch, but
Speaker 5: it was.
Speaker 1: But then you came out and you were the best one.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, you've seen the rest. Now that's the
Speaker 1: best person that wrote it.
Speaker 4: I think see the best is better because it rhymes. Okay,
Speaker 4: you've seen the best, You've seen the rest.
Speaker 1: Now it's see the best exactly.
Speaker 4: It was fine, it was last time I was there.
Speaker 4: It was that's a town that just or maybe all
Speaker 4: of Colorado got weed legalized. Yes, so it's kind of
Speaker 4: annoying how they're shoving it down your throats the whole time,
Speaker 4: and I was kind of expecting that, and I like
Speaker 4: a little bit of weed shown then, but not in
Speaker 4: a performance environment. I don't want them to be high.
Speaker 4: I certainly don't want to be high. Yet I did
Speaker 4: do both those things.
Speaker 1: Well, it seems like that's kind of that's you know,
Speaker 1: square one these days in that place. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: you're not gonna not get an audience that isn't high.
Speaker 5: And they weren't as excited about there weren't.
Speaker 4: They didn't actually have bongs in the audience, which I
Speaker 4: swear to God last time they did. And this time
Speaker 4: I didn't smoke. I drank a soda. Yeah it was
Speaker 4: seven ccs or whatever. I don't know the measurement with edibles,
Speaker 4: but I drank seven of them in one soda.
Speaker 1: And that's a lot.
Speaker 5: It is a lot.
Speaker 4: And I felt, okay, it's just that everything I said
Speaker 4: started with the word sorry. Oh right, that's kind of
Speaker 4: what being high does to me.
Speaker 5: I'm sorry, I'm here, but I have something to say.
Speaker 1: That's the May I please say something.
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, I'm high, Excuse me, and I'm going to
Speaker 4: tell you I'm high now. I also have to check
Speaker 4: my bank account and perhaps call my mother, who won't be.
Speaker 1: Answering, Now, do you believe that there is a secret
Speaker 1: city underneath Denver?
Speaker 5: That's what they kept saying, And.
Speaker 1: What's your belief system on it.
Speaker 5: I believe that there are tunnels, that's all.
Speaker 1: Where do the tunnels lead?
Speaker 5: Chris? So the White House? They said, what do you
Speaker 5: believe that?
Speaker 4: Of the tour we were given under the McNichols building
Speaker 4: was simply to a boiler room. Oh, here's the underground tunnels.
Speaker 4: It kind of looks like a fucking basement. And then
Speaker 4: we were taken down a long hallway and there was
Speaker 4: a door boarded shut, and apparently the White House was
Speaker 4: right behind it.
Speaker 1: Huh give her take several huh.
Speaker 5: So I don't know. I don't think anyone knows.
Speaker 4: I think there's some folklore behind it. People like to
Speaker 4: talk about how continuous these tunnels are and how it's
Speaker 4: for elite groups of illuminati, rich people to go down
Speaker 4: there and put on powdered wigs and give each other
Speaker 4: spa hand jobs. But I don't believe in that whole world,
Speaker 4: the conspiracy world.
Speaker 1: Can't those people just stay above ground and do all
Speaker 1: those exhausting.
Speaker 4: Exactly out in the open with your powdered wig hand.
Speaker 1: You're used to it at this point. I mean since
Speaker 1: some eyes watch shut, those people have been fully exposed.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it used to be just something you didn't talk
Speaker 4: about that Washington and Madison and Adams did together, so
Speaker 4: many colonial hand jobs. But that's what our country was
Speaker 4: built on. Yeah, you built this city.
Speaker 1: On colonial handtime, colonial jobs.
Speaker 5: Do you ever want to go to the El Royal
Speaker 5: Motel and get murdered? Uh?
Speaker 1: Never?
Speaker 5: It certainly looks like the place for it.
Speaker 1: I look at it every time I drive down this
Speaker 1: part of what is now Ventura.
Speaker 5: What did it used to be?
Speaker 1: I think it's always been a terrible motel where young
Speaker 1: actors and actresses get murdered. It looks like nothing else.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it has to be.
Speaker 1: I mean it doesn't look like they've made it. It
Speaker 1: used to be like a furniture store and then they
Speaker 1: turned it into that.
Speaker 5: No. No, it's always been a murdered hotel.
Speaker 1: For it's motel health.
Speaker 4: I'm new to Los Angeles. I have my big audition
Speaker 4: to brown and picking up my headshots at the printers.
Speaker 4: But it's getting dark and I better find a place
Speaker 4: to sleep.
Speaker 1: Why there's a light on.
Speaker 5: I'll just now and see if anyone's home.
Speaker 1: Hell me, I've ben a room. It's what a reasonable rate?
Speaker 4: Wow? Are you sure you want me to use that
Speaker 4: knife to sign the paperwork?
Speaker 5: Why are you putting it in my tasso? And that's
Speaker 5: the last It's a really dumb. Actors are so dumb.
Speaker 1: There's a fucking dumb because there's like four different steps
Speaker 1: where he or she could have left in both of
Speaker 1: our scenario that.
Speaker 4: We allowed them in are made up world? Yeah, yep,
Speaker 4: but no Step one the light, don't look at it. Yeah,
Speaker 4: walk away, walk away from the light. That's the best
Speaker 4: advice I'll give any especially if you're on your deathbed. Yes,
Speaker 4: walk away from you.
Speaker 5: Oh oh hello.
Speaker 1: I mean a guy in a convertible Porsche did something
Speaker 1: douchey right.
Speaker 4: In front of him.
Speaker 5: I can't believe it.
Speaker 4: I hope this Lamborghini in front of us is headed
Speaker 4: to a soup kitchen to volunteer. Oh, Los Angeles.
Speaker 5: I still can't answer that question. What have I been doing?
Speaker 1: I know it's the worst question ever. Let me ask
Speaker 1: you something different.
Speaker 5: Okay, I've been doing a lot of stand up every
Speaker 5: single night.
Speaker 1: Okay about this, what's the last show you did?
Speaker 4: The last show I did was actually the night before
Speaker 4: last was at the improvisation Love that Room, and it
Speaker 4: was comics and then burlesque. That's always a nice combination.
Speaker 4: Sure people get used to seeing a comic. And then
Speaker 4: they have a girl that doesn't know the gymnasium but
Speaker 4: wants to be a stripper but is a little too
Speaker 4: athletic to do roller derby, and she goes up and
Speaker 4: show tastes.
Speaker 1: Very specific mix of girl yeah.
Speaker 4: Okay, and they say, hey, look at us. We have
Speaker 4: black bangs yep, and then uh, and then they have
Speaker 4: propellers on their nipples. Something happens in the middle. One
Speaker 4: girl did walk on glass, though why I you might
Speaker 4: you might ask.
Speaker 1: Her that I'm talking to you.
Speaker 5: I don't know.
Speaker 4: It was impressive though, because she I guess she went
Speaker 4: to a place in her mind where glass does not
Speaker 4: penetrate your skin, because I've watched a guy go up
Speaker 4: with a bottle, so it was kind of like magic.
Speaker 4: I was actually obviously now I'm revealing that I was
Speaker 4: very impressed with this bird last.
Speaker 1: Yah, you liked it plenty because she Maybe you liked
Speaker 1: it more because she wasn't.
Speaker 5: Very athletic, right right, Exactly, I want to be intimidated. Yeah. Oh,
Speaker 5: I'm athletic and I have a job. Happy day, Get out.
Speaker 4: Of my face.
Speaker 1: And also, I mean, you don't want to see some skinny,
Speaker 1: sinewy bitch cut herself. That's the most disgusting thing of all.
Speaker 4: Because you know, the veins are right there, right under
Speaker 4: the marrow. Oh god, So that.
Speaker 1: You had a good set?
Speaker 4: I had.
Speaker 5: I had a really fun set. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And who was there with you? I?
Speaker 4: I was flying solo. I've been solo a lot lately
Speaker 4: and no time to myself. You know how I used
Speaker 4: to go out all my shows with an entourage, a
Speaker 4: group of guys. One of them is name a Posse,
Speaker 4: a guy named Turtle, andother Oh my god, what is this?
Speaker 5: It's amazing? What is this two hour limit? I don't
Speaker 5: even want to be here for one second? Nuts?
Speaker 1: That was That was a pretty uh, pretty high stakes intersection.
Speaker 1: I didn't help you at all as I was laughing.
Speaker 4: It's quite all right. Who was on that concert? It
Speaker 4: was me and Kevin Farley, Chris Farley's brother, okay, who's
Speaker 4: very nice, has been doing stand up a lot lately.
Speaker 4: Who else was on it? I don't recall, ma'am.
Speaker 5: Oh, she ough boy, she if I could paint a picture.
Speaker 1: There is a woman who just was the equivalent of
Speaker 1: a like a bitchy thirteen year old girl. But she
Speaker 1: was an old She was an old haggard.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but you can still tell she's mad at her dad.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's met a lot of things. Walking street toward
Speaker 1: our car.
Speaker 5: I don't. I've seen that a lot.
Speaker 4: When like, let's say the car is turning right and
Speaker 4: I'm at the intersection, it says walk.
Speaker 5: Even if the car wants to turn, I go into
Speaker 5: a light.
Speaker 4: Jog. Sure, I get the fuck out of the way.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you just let him know.
Speaker 5: She was walking down the middle of the driveway.
Speaker 1: Yeah she was. And she also wasn't like she was
Speaker 1: looking down and she was unaware. She knew exactly what
Speaker 1: she was doing. You know what It also might be
Speaker 1: it's like a microphone is catching people's eye. Oh, and
Speaker 1: then they're thinking, what's this in front of me?
Speaker 5: Am I about to get famous by some mobile fame station.
Speaker 1: I'll sign up for your fame station.
Speaker 5: We just pull over and then throw confetti.
Speaker 1: Congratulations, you're famous. Now weirdos strangers are going to follow
Speaker 1: you around.
Speaker 4: Don't signal ma'am, it's overrated.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is well. We're in studio city now, which
Speaker 1: it's just take a look around exactly what's happening, the
Speaker 1: kind of place we're in.
Speaker 4: That man is yelling at a power box. Yes, that's
Speaker 4: what I call That guy looks exactly like Mario Lopez.
Speaker 1: Yeap, the model, the underwear shirt model is wearing his
Speaker 1: underwear shirt to the bus station.
Speaker 4: And someone in wardrobe gave him a skateboard. That guy,
Speaker 4: I guarantee, I know a little bit about this. That
Speaker 4: guy's never ridden a skateboard in his life.
Speaker 1: That looks like a very small child skateboard.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's kind of the new thing.
Speaker 4: Instead of longboards, they started making little tiny shortboards.
Speaker 1: And how about kneeboards? Are they still selling?
Speaker 5: They're telling kneboards every time you buy some keyboards.
Speaker 4: And then if they're like, what if I want another
Speaker 4: kneeboard and they go, I'm sorry, but we just don't
Speaker 4: have McLamore of those. I know, I should get out
Speaker 4: of the car. Oh that that was a callback to
Speaker 4: episode one.
Speaker 1: I mean that we just went all the way back.
Speaker 5: We did.
Speaker 1: We're not afraid to do that. We've repeated a lot
Speaker 1: of material this episode specifically.
Speaker 5: Yep, I think you're probably right.
Speaker 1: It's nice. It's like people know. It's like if you
Speaker 1: eat a McDonald's always tastes the same.
Speaker 4: You'll always goods it's.
Speaker 5: And they will be warm and kind of soft, and if.
Speaker 1: You got if you were served them anywhere else besides McDonald's,
Speaker 1: you would throw it back in the business face.
Speaker 4: Excuse me, there is warm ketchup that is mixed with
Speaker 4: tiny soft onions.
Speaker 5: Can you take this back? You're at McDonald's. Oh well,
Speaker 5: never mind, thank you so good. Put it in my veins.
Speaker 4: I do know that as far as repeating things that
Speaker 4: the exact words that I spoke about Denver's audience is
Speaker 4: smoking weed, I've said on a podcast, and I do
Speaker 4: believe it was ours.
Speaker 1: I think it was well because we talked a little
Speaker 1: bit about the key.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but that's all right, Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean that's this is our lives, This is our
Speaker 1: real lives.
Speaker 5: And sometimes life repeats.
Speaker 1: Itself and sometimes life is dull as fuck.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, I mean, I mean, I've had a
Speaker 4: pretty lackluster week, Karen, other than my giant comedy concerts
Speaker 4: at night where I blow the roof off the fucking
Speaker 4: joint wherever it is, with full confidence and well written
Speaker 4: material and little to no improv or panic.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1: All those things are happening at one time.
Speaker 5: Shit.
Speaker 4: No, I've been in a panic.
Speaker 1: I think it's a dark time right now. It's end
Speaker 1: of summer. We've got this drought on set. There's no
Speaker 1: peace in the Middle East as far as I know.
Speaker 5: The boys of Summer have gone.
Speaker 1: They've they're gone so left. We saw the deadhead sticker
Speaker 1: on the Cadillac. Oh wait, this gives us a chance
Speaker 1: to look at the ill Royal Hotel again.
Speaker 4: Oh, boy of Charles so stabbed.
Speaker 1: Oh they're right next to each other.
Speaker 4: Oh it's two.
Speaker 5: Hotels and one.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: One you get murdered at the other.
Speaker 4: They take care of the embalming and the burial rights.
Speaker 1: They contact the family.
Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah, it's very nice.
Speaker 4: It's a one stop shop if you want to get
Speaker 4: murdered and displaced.
Speaker 6: Up.
Speaker 1: Oh, I know what we should talk about. Uh, we
Speaker 1: should talk about the fact that some mysterious lovely person
Speaker 1: started a fan page for us.
Speaker 4: Yeah, the dyna ar fan tweet Twitter account.
Speaker 1: And then they retweet lines of ours that they like.
Speaker 5: Hey, you know what.
Speaker 4: I believe this happened, So it's going to be chock
Speaker 4: full of them, and that might just be one, but
Speaker 4: only based on cadence. I think it's because I raised
Speaker 4: my voice.
Speaker 1: I think for me, it's just gonna be in parentheses.
Speaker 7: Ha ha ha.
Speaker 1: For this entire episode. But thank you for whoever did that.
Speaker 1: I didn't figure it out, did we.
Speaker 5: I don't think I want to know.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, because it could be It could be anybody. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it could be my my Brad Pit. Sean hat to
Speaker 1: see who's on Twitter?
Speaker 5: Who's Sean had to see?
Speaker 1: He plays a cop and a lot of cop shows.
Speaker 1: He was on Southland, Oh okay, And I don't know
Speaker 1: he's He like follows a bunch of people we know
Speaker 1: and he's like into who is who is bred funny?
Speaker 5: Who's Brad Pitt to you? Then if Sean Hadi see
Speaker 5: is your Brad.
Speaker 1: Pitt, Brad Pit is nothing to me?
Speaker 4: A green green era, keep it coming. I am not gonna.
Speaker 4: I will not take it the wrong way. When you're
Speaker 4: front seed drive, I need your help. If I check
Speaker 4: out and I'm just only rolling through an intersection, turn
Speaker 4: and scream at me and you do rapid hand gestures.
Speaker 5: Okay, that always helps.
Speaker 1: I just I definitely want to give you a little
Speaker 1: hangtime to make sure that I'm right right on it,
Speaker 1: the benefit of the doubt.
Speaker 5: Just for a second.
Speaker 1: You might have been thinking about something or really being like.
Speaker 5: I was thinking about who Brad Pitt was to me?
Speaker 1: Who is he to you?
Speaker 5: He's a Missoula resident.
Speaker 1: Oh, then there are they.
Speaker 5: Oh him and oh this was the late nineties.
Speaker 1: Oh, because the river runs through it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yep, you're probably exactly right.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and maybe scenes from Legends of the Fall.
Speaker 5: I don't know, excuse me, that was horrible, horrible loud.
Speaker 1: Was Legends of All the one that got shot in
Speaker 1: your hometown. Wasn't there a movie?
Speaker 4: The river runs through it? Okay? But Legends Fall of
Speaker 4: the Fall is more. I don't know, Wyoming, maybe Colorado,
Speaker 4: I don't know. It turns out I don't know. I
Speaker 4: don't know the Rocky Mountains proper, anyway.
Speaker 1: I do anywhere between Nevada.
Speaker 5: And Yes and the bottom of Mexico.
Speaker 1: I just remember what I'm wearing, these ridiculous.
Speaker 5: Glass I wasn't gonna say anything, but hello, Barbara.
Speaker 1: Starts and these are guys you know what we're just.
Speaker 4: Having to Those are the glasses my mom used to
Speaker 4: wear just when we went rafting.
Speaker 5: Yeah, she wasn't worried about them floating away.
Speaker 1: These are serious early eighties carpool mom glasses. They're tan
Speaker 1: and brown.
Speaker 5: It's finding out they're serious glasses. But I can't take
Speaker 5: you seriously. We'll wear it. I know.
Speaker 1: That's the great, that's the great.
Speaker 5: There is nothing wrong with your glasses.
Speaker 1: I just looked in the rear view mirror. I almost
Speaker 1: never wear sunglasses.
Speaker 4: And you can say that again, rearview mirror.
Speaker 5: I can't do it. Do you want to hear me?
Speaker 4: Try rearview mirror, rear view mirror, rear view mirror, rearview mirror.
Speaker 4: I did it, rear view mirror.
Speaker 8: We're we're more rearview mirror and rearview mirror mirror, mere
Speaker 8: view mirror.
Speaker 5: There, I did it.
Speaker 4: I just have to turn to a young girl at
Speaker 4: the mall.
Speaker 1: And say that to her.
Speaker 5: Yes, excuse me, I have to turn to this young girl.
Speaker 5: Near view mirror, near view mirror. G.
Speaker 1: That's what you have to do.
Speaker 5: You have to really enunciate review mirror. I am G.
Speaker 4: And when someone says l uh in text. I like
Speaker 4: to read it out loud, like wa.
Speaker 5: Do you like that?
Speaker 6: Like that?
Speaker 5: All right?
Speaker 4: Uh so we I was in the infront group short
Speaker 4: form the games like whose line is at any game?
Speaker 4: Like Yeah, I did for a number of years, like
Speaker 4: freeze tag and making up songs based on it, someone
Speaker 4: saying play by factory or play by factory, pactologist, play
Speaker 4: by mansion. Oh this is gonna be good at your
Speaker 4: cervix and then we and then people you know, there's
Speaker 4: jokes in there and then But Brad Pitt used to
Speaker 4: always eat at the Old Post where we would have
Speaker 4: our shows, and we would come in and do our.
Speaker 5: Warm up like exercises in the alley and come in.
Speaker 4: He's gonna stay this time, like waiting for Guffman, And
Speaker 4: he always laughed. He's like, oh fuck, I forgot it's
Speaker 4: Monday again.
Speaker 5: I'm not gonna watch this goddamn drama troupe. And he
Speaker 5: would leave every time, and.
Speaker 4: We'd all kind of get a little bummed, as did
Speaker 4: the audience, like I want Brad Pitt to watch this
Speaker 4: thing too.
Speaker 5: The audience would I think they were thinking that.
Speaker 1: Now wait, can I ask was he there because the
Speaker 1: movie was being shot? Was he there. It was way
Speaker 1: after that, so he liked it enough to come back.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he liked it enough to buy a house and
Speaker 4: live there, because.
Speaker 1: I heard that Montana's the shit there, didn't anymore live there,
Speaker 1: and a bunch of people.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think the one that was always around and
Speaker 4: actually went to like Missoula City council meetings and complained
Speaker 4: to my dad about her, you know, property taxes, was
Speaker 4: Andy McDowell. Oh yeah, exactly, that's kind of I mean,
Speaker 4: she peeked with saying almost fire. As far as her
Speaker 4: green card, come on, let's give her a little green card.
Speaker 4: Let's give her her green card.
Speaker 1: I give her nothing.
Speaker 4: So she got extra died into wherever the fuck she's
Speaker 4: from Canada, I guess, and I don't, although last time
Speaker 4: I flew home for Christmas, she was on the plane
Speaker 4: just sitting coach. Really yeah, So I kind of think
Speaker 4: that she's cool because she just is like, I'm a
Speaker 4: regular person in Missoula is my town. Like she tried
Speaker 4: so hard to be part of the community, and everyone
Speaker 4: was like, get out of here, Hollywood, and they were
Speaker 4: kind of mean to her, were they really? Yeah, And
Speaker 4: so as I think a little like obliged you know.
Speaker 4: But now she's kind of like all natural peturely doesn't
Speaker 4: put anything in her hair.
Speaker 1: Lady, you know what she is. She's on the Hallmark channel.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you that right now.
Speaker 4: Oh is she? Yeah, well, it pays the bills. It's
Speaker 4: on the Hallmark channel. Correct me if I'm wrong that
Speaker 4: those are just little skits where they reenact different grating cards.
Speaker 5: If only it would be the.
Speaker 1: Best happy graduation from a great ants.
Speaker 4: I heard you're feeling down and then you open it
Speaker 4: up and there's nothing. It's just a signature. That was
Speaker 4: a really shitty episode.
Speaker 1: I like the idea of a graduation card that's happy graduation.
Speaker 1: I hear you're feeling down. I hear you're scared to
Speaker 1: go out into the world.
Speaker 4: You should have joined the army. Happy college. But yeah,
Speaker 4: she she You know, one time, though, I was on
Speaker 4: a date. I was in college and Annie mcdell was
Speaker 4: on the other side of the bar. She had her baby,
Speaker 4: who's probably a teenager now I was not. I was
Speaker 4: twenty two maybe oh, and she just pulled out her
Speaker 4: tit and because she was breastfeeding, and of course breats
Speaker 4: feeding in public is absolutely fine, but she took a
Speaker 4: long She pulled out her breast and then leaned over
Speaker 4: to grab her baby.
Speaker 5: Uh huh, And there was a long pause.
Speaker 4: And it's a famous person's nipple get out, you know
Speaker 4: what I was like. I was like, let's let's help
Speaker 4: her pay off her house. She's staying look at that
Speaker 4: Look at that nipple.
Speaker 1: Well, if it took her that long to pull her
Speaker 1: boob out, it couldn't have been that nice of a booth.
Speaker 5: It was at the time a spectacular booth.
Speaker 1: You don't want your boob described as long.
Speaker 5: Isn't that kind of kind intended? You should do something
Speaker 5: about it and go to some kind of doctor. If
Speaker 5: someone says, hey, why the long boob.
Speaker 1: Dear grandchild, that's the next.
Speaker 4: Episode I heard. You heard I have long boobs, grandmother.
Speaker 1: It's not it's a lie. Don't listen to anything they
Speaker 1: say about your grandmam.
Speaker 5: And tight and high up to my collar.
Speaker 1: Bones and will always be so they are.
Speaker 4: The best of boobs. Siged.
Speaker 1: Just to contend, here's five dollars.
Speaker 4: Yeah, every every time you open a car and just
Speaker 4: shake it. Yes see, if there's that sweet long boom, money, get.
Speaker 1: That long boot money. Fives and ones crumpled up. Whatever
Speaker 1: it takes.
Speaker 4: You started to sing a brand new pop hit and
Speaker 4: you backed out.
Speaker 1: Whatever it takes.
Speaker 7: The long boos, the fives and ones and shake it,
Speaker 7: shake it, Shake it till the fives and lawns fall out,
Speaker 7: Shake it till the wands fall out, Shake it till
Speaker 7: the fives and wands fall out.
Speaker 4: It would shake it till the ones fallout. Birthday. Sorry,
Speaker 4: I stepped on your grandma's one, Grandma's birthday, Grandma's birthday.
Speaker 4: Shake it till the WANs come out?
Speaker 5: Shake it?
Speaker 1: Can I ask you sorry?
Speaker 5: I would have gone with please no and me. If
Speaker 5: I start doing the Grandma.
Speaker 1: Round, I'll throw up a block real quick. So wait,
Speaker 1: you and I were talking about the fact that you
Speaker 1: did have a party, but was your party last night?
Speaker 4: My party?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 4: I was gonna go to the Power of Island's house
Speaker 4: where I guess Michael Bush lives. But uh, there's a
Speaker 4: guy that is I know that's going to be there,
Speaker 4: that stole a jacket out of my garage at my
Speaker 4: fourth July party, and I have confronted him a couple times,
Speaker 4: and then my roommate really recently got in his face
Speaker 4: and said, you owe Chris, like two hundred bucks.
Speaker 5: It was a nice jacket. He's not.
Speaker 4: He's like it was in my car and my car
Speaker 4: got impounded and it's gone.
Speaker 5: And I know he's gonna be there.
Speaker 4: And I know that if you go no, he probably
Speaker 4: is a big he probably beat me up. But I
Speaker 4: know that we'd both be willing to go there at
Speaker 4: this point because even though I'm a goddamn adult, Karen, well,
Speaker 4: I'm a grown man. I would just I probably would
Speaker 4: just kill him with kindness. That's what I've learned to do.
Speaker 4: Forget about the jacket. I know you're a loser and
Speaker 4: you're not gonna give it back to me. Led by gunes,
Speaker 4: be bygones. I'm swimming in money now, That's that's what
Speaker 4: I'll tell him. Yes, yes, see, I know that you
Speaker 4: have to freeze for a moment. Well, you're like, so
Speaker 4: you're gonna kill him with lies?
Speaker 1: That's it, You're that's what counts as kindness.
Speaker 5: Lying.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna spare you're hold on.
Speaker 1: I'm killing you with kindness. You're a fucking loser and
Speaker 1: a thief. Too kind for you. Stick the kindness. I
Speaker 1: like this area because this is we're driving towards Sunland
Speaker 1: right now. Oh, and it's real sketchy out here. Well
Speaker 1: I'm not really, like, nothing would ever happen. This is
Speaker 1: just these are like the people that have three jobs
Speaker 1: in Los Angeles.
Speaker 4: And you can tell from the background noise it's a
Speaker 4: historic cobblestone road.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is one of the great roads that stopped
Speaker 1: getting paved in nineteen ninety one. But there's great thrift
Speaker 1: stores out here, really good ones.
Speaker 5: Really yeah.
Speaker 1: And then look at that. Look at that hotel with
Speaker 1: the horse on top. Oh god, check that shit out.
Speaker 5: And it's a taxidermy horse, taxi dermy horse, a horse.
Speaker 4: That pulled up. Can I get a room?
Speaker 5: And then someone stabbed him, that's right.
Speaker 4: And then that they have another hotel next to that
Speaker 4: that'll actually stuff animals that they've murdered.
Speaker 1: So if you're into murdering animals, yeah, go to the
Speaker 1: horse hotel.
Speaker 4: If you're a sicko who doesn't murder people, yeah, and
Speaker 4: you murder animals, you're a perfect murders animals instead, because
Speaker 4: you get off on that.
Speaker 5: We are in a shitty part of the country. We are,
Speaker 5: Oh what is this?
Speaker 4: It's just so we can give a shout out to
Speaker 4: their tourism board.
Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, you come out here for
Speaker 1: your Elo locos, You come out here for your the
Speaker 1: one Carls Junior that you can find on the side
Speaker 1: of town. But when do you come out here just
Speaker 1: to like celebrate, celebrate the total lack of beauty or
Speaker 1: design or art of any kind.
Speaker 4: And you can celebrate, help celebrate by going to any
Speaker 4: one of these many Pinata stores.
Speaker 1: Just by two or four you may or may not see.
Speaker 4: I don't like that I said there isn't really Piniana
Speaker 4: stores and me saying that I'm suggesting that we're in
Speaker 4: a horrible place and that it's also a Latino community,
Speaker 4: and I want to admit that there is no I
Speaker 4: did not mean that, and there are no Pinata stores.
Speaker 5: Karen, you'll back me up on there.
Speaker 1: I'm staring at two.
Speaker 4: There is, however, an as Techa market would two cho
Speaker 4: that look a lot like to me exactly, But that story.
Speaker 1: The word val I couldn't say the word rival stores.
Speaker 1: God damn it. I'm super off my game today. I
Speaker 1: think that's the beauty of my participation is that I'm
Speaker 1: really awful.
Speaker 5: I think you're doing great.
Speaker 1: Thanks Chris.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so you, and you might not want to talk
Speaker 4: about it, but let's get down to the diddy nitty
Speaker 4: gritty long. You you checked your bank account and it
Speaker 4: was frozen.
Speaker 5: What the hell?
Speaker 9: Oh well, I see what I mean, we could It's
Speaker 9: it's nothing great, but my uh when I got my.
Speaker 1: Divorce, nobody did.
Speaker 4: Our taxes that it's that thing.
Speaker 1: So basically, and I called, I've already talked to the
Speaker 1: accountant about.
Speaker 4: It, but you're checking your bank frozen checking account well.
Speaker 1: Because it's very involved, but essentially the I R S
Speaker 1: put a lean on my bank account. I've had that,
Speaker 1: so they're just pulling the money out. And I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, because I of course was getting these
Speaker 1: letters from the I R S and not opening them. Yes,
Speaker 1: probably shouldn't be saying any of this recorded, but and
Speaker 1: I was bouncing, and end of the day, I called
Speaker 1: the accountant and I was freaking out, and he goes, oh,
Speaker 1: it's just because the date is broke there, and they
Speaker 1: just they're really intense these days. We'll we'll fix it
Speaker 1: in one week. Okay, don't be scared.
Speaker 4: Just really okay, Yeah, you're count and you and your
Speaker 4: neighbor lady is helping that was that you've told me
Speaker 4: that story.
Speaker 5: She came over and she's like.
Speaker 4: Let's do this, let's open these envelopes.
Speaker 1: Well, because I knew it was bad, like in the
Speaker 1: first year when I knew the taxes hadn't gotten done,
Speaker 1: so I like was frozen up. But it was all
Speaker 1: very much connected to my relationship just falling apart. The
Speaker 1: whole thing was horrible, and I was on the road
Speaker 1: for two years in a row, so.
Speaker 4: So basically dealing with this it's all the equivalent of
Speaker 4: dealing with his record collection and.
Speaker 1: The exactly exactly, and they're kind of like, there's so
Speaker 1: much you know what finances with me. There's so much
Speaker 1: like panic and fear around all of it. It's crazy,
Speaker 1: and then you create problems.
Speaker 4: That's how we were raised. Yeah, money is a scary,
Speaker 4: sacred thing.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's exactly right.
Speaker 4: If it don't look at it. Even when I shook
Speaker 4: a greeting card, I wouldn't look at it. How is
Speaker 4: this legal that these fifty look at We're about to
Speaker 4: watch this kid ride a scooter into the propeller of
Speaker 4: a boat boat.
Speaker 1: That's the worst boat accident on land.
Speaker 4: To be honest, though, it's kind of overkilled with that
Speaker 4: helmet and he's wearing a fucking Lance armstrung Neil, who's
Speaker 4: the race god guy? There's a Louis He's he's in Earnhardt.
Speaker 4: Oh never mind, it doesn't matter. I just love the
Speaker 4: bicycling of Louis Armstrong.
Speaker 1: Two seeks. We just drove by Seeks that you rarely
Speaker 1: see that in Los Angeles.
Speaker 4: Yeah, those were in and uh Seek specifically do they
Speaker 4: wear neon head and where we're.
Speaker 1: Gonna watch those kids wipe out? There's no way that's
Speaker 1: not happening.
Speaker 5: That was crazy. You could probably hear it.
Speaker 4: We got the ambient mic turned up on full scooter
Speaker 4: capture and.
Speaker 1: I like the way that that lady on the corner
Speaker 1: waved at them, like get off those things.
Speaker 4: Which is pretty hilarious.
Speaker 1: Oh really see there's a ship some of stuff happening
Speaker 1: in Sunland.
Speaker 4: I can't believe those are They are going faster than
Speaker 4: the cars on They basically are the size of razor scooters. Yeah,
Speaker 4: with they have guns, high powered uh you know, lawnmower
Speaker 4: engines on them. And now they're getting on the bus
Speaker 4: with them or no, they're doing They're they're doing some
Speaker 4: maintenance work that guy's like, oh, I have my settings.
Speaker 1: That one guy has a long gray beard.
Speaker 5: And he's hanging out with a kid.
Speaker 1: He looks like a child. He is the stature of
Speaker 1: a child, but he is a long and a long
Speaker 1: gray beard. That's so weird.
Speaker 5: And he's with a child, but that's not his child.
Speaker 5: One man's African American, the other maybe he's adopted.
Speaker 4: Let's go chase them. I want to know about their
Speaker 4: family history. Pardon me, Scooter, Scooter, father and son.
Speaker 1: We're from this American life.
Speaker 4: We want hello, Scooter Gang, I'm Ira Glass.
Speaker 5: Is that his name?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: The one guy? Yeah? Does he do all this American life?
Speaker 5: My impression of him?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I.
Speaker 4: Don't know what I didn't do it. I can't do impersonations. God,
Speaker 4: I wish that James the Domain was in the car
Speaker 4: or on top of the car. Remember that, Oh call
Speaker 4: him that moment to the past moment.
Speaker 1: God damn it. We were once very good at this.
Speaker 4: Now we recall the times that we peaked.
Speaker 1: Why not look back?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 5: I really know, And when I do.
Speaker 1: Duets, it's the hardest musically. You don't know whether to
Speaker 1: be you know, strike out on your own right or
Speaker 1: just follow what's musically.
Speaker 4: I'm so glad you said that, Karen, because I think
Speaker 4: it's time I strike out on my own. Oh shit,
Speaker 4: we've been striking out together this whole time.
Speaker 5: We haven't. We haven't done it out.
Speaker 4: You're doing very well, good well with your solo music.
Speaker 4: And don't think that I haven't noticed that our dual
Speaker 4: music is kind of striking out.
Speaker 5: Oh, by the wayside, we've been striking out. So I'm
Speaker 5: about to strike out on my own.
Speaker 4: We are getting closer towards Nevada, very close. Oh god,
Speaker 4: you could still it's still. It sounds like I smoked
Speaker 4: for a while.
Speaker 5: At least.
Speaker 4: That dom DeLuise exhale, Yes, God, rest is sult any time.
Speaker 1: I liked it that a white truck just crossed two
Speaker 1: lanes of traffic to drive into the donut shop.
Speaker 5: He didn't get it.
Speaker 4: He's like Jelly failed, see you later.
Speaker 5: I don't care about the well being of other mortyers.
Speaker 5: I don't look at.
Speaker 1: What's going on out here. Suddenly it's getting fancy or
Speaker 1: something with floors.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like, I don't see what you're saying.
Speaker 1: But back there, that one.
Speaker 4: Dog, I'm just seeing rusty equipment rental when you get
Speaker 4: up to.
Speaker 1: This light, I think you're gonna want to take a right.
Speaker 4: Maybe his name is Rusty, but that's still a horrible
Speaker 4: name for an equipment rental place.
Speaker 1: Rusty should be a good enough businessman to know that
Speaker 1: he needs to use his full name, Russell.
Speaker 4: Russell's Equipment Roasty equipment Rental just does not. Maybe it's
Speaker 4: not a good testament to the quality. Oh, another murder hotel.
Speaker 1: And I just saw a man grabbing on a lady's
Speaker 1: boob in a way that I couldn't tell at first
Speaker 1: if it was problematic, and then it just looked like
Speaker 1: she was shoeing it away.
Speaker 4: Should we wear capes and go out and try and
Speaker 4: intervene a lot of the ship.
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of it is totally uh consensual,
Speaker 1: and and everybody's into it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I think you're right.
Speaker 1: Just saw a billboard that said take time to be
Speaker 1: a dad today. That's the kind of neighborhood we're in.
Speaker 4: But only if it's your day.
Speaker 1: The rest Saturday, Sunday, holiday weekend.
Speaker 4: Take take time to be a dad Tuesdays and Thursdays like.
Speaker 1: Everybody else is doing.
Speaker 10: Yeah, yeah, just a moment of silence to think about
Speaker 10: all those latch key kids out there staying with their
Speaker 10: dad one day, staying with their mom the next.
Speaker 1: We were latch key kids growing up because my dad
Speaker 1: was a fireman, so he would be at a firehouse
Speaker 1: three nights a week. Oh wow, and my mom worked
Speaker 1: so we would go home and.
Speaker 5: He had he had seventy two hour shifts.
Speaker 1: Yeah, three on four off.
Speaker 5: Wow, is the fireman my brother in law's two on
Speaker 5: two off? I think? Oh yeah.
Speaker 1: Is he volunteers full time?
Speaker 5: He's full time man. He's the top. What do you
Speaker 5: call him?
Speaker 4: The lieutenant or sure captain or he's up there.
Speaker 5: He's been doing it for a long long time. He's
Speaker 5: been a city Spokane, Washington.
Speaker 1: Nice.
Speaker 4: He also worked at the fireman's credit union on those
Speaker 4: days off.
Speaker 1: Oh that's smart.
Speaker 4: Not afraid to work, my brother in law.
Speaker 1: A lot of moonlight is other things, because they have
Speaker 1: so much free time. Once they get you know, once
Speaker 1: they get it down.
Speaker 4: Some walk botty nice, some fly body moonlighting, firemen who
Speaker 4: get caught in the fleet, who get burned in the flame.
Speaker 4: Oh what a great show, speaking of taking you back.
Speaker 1: Oh we're already the empire show girls.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, did.
Speaker 1: You see that old business man sitting outside of that
Speaker 1: strip club.
Speaker 5: Oh god, I swear.
Speaker 1: To god, I feel like there's such a lack of
Speaker 1: self awareness in men and strip club or like, there's
Speaker 1: a Hooters commercial on right now where it's the guy
Speaker 1: talking directly to the Hooters girls who are like as
Speaker 1: if they're in football training. Uh, and the guy sounds
Speaker 1: like the oldest PERV of all time. It makes me
Speaker 1: laugh every time I listen to it. He's like, don't
Speaker 1: don't spill that beer, but it sounds like he sounds
Speaker 1: like an old football coach.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah.
Speaker 1: So it's just like these poor young girls and this
Speaker 1: old PERV that's bossing them around.
Speaker 5: Oh that sounds awful.
Speaker 1: It's hilarious.
Speaker 5: But I do.
Speaker 4: I mean, I used to go to Hooters because I
Speaker 4: had a fifty percent off discount because Hooters sponsored The
Speaker 4: Daily Habit, the show I worked on.
Speaker 5: Oh Jordan, Yeah, it's one of the sponsors.
Speaker 4: And so the Hooters girls would come in and we'd
Speaker 4: have to do a segment.
Speaker 5: We'd had to use them somehow. Sometimes they would act
Speaker 5: in things oh wow.
Speaker 4: Other times they'd actually just hand out chicken wings to
Speaker 4: the studio audience and they would put it on.
Speaker 5: Camera just to appease the were like, you're they were
Speaker 5: paying for good?
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: But then we would go there and.
Speaker 1: Did you like the wings? Like a lot of people say,
Speaker 1: the food is actually really good at Hooters.
Speaker 5: No it isn't.
Speaker 4: Oh okay, it isn't good. And I feel like I know,
Speaker 4: I was hesitant there because I used to be a
Speaker 4: corporate chill.
Speaker 5: But the wings are the only thing you should eat.
Speaker 4: I had a burger there once and go Atlanta News
Speaker 4: not bad News, Bears Baseball movie.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, the original though, Yeah, okay, good, Yes, no, it's.
Speaker 5: Another one, the one.
Speaker 4: I want to call him Tommy Lee Jones in sling Blade,
Speaker 4: but he has a real name.
Speaker 1: Thorn Is.
Speaker 5: Yes.
Speaker 1: We're right now driving through what I would consider to
Speaker 1: be the San Fernana Vali's little Calcutta.
Speaker 5: Uh.
Speaker 1: There are people sitting on the.
Speaker 5: Sidewalk, there's live chickens. The sh.
Speaker 1: It is crazy out here. There's a bail bonds place.
Speaker 5: Of course, that is a can you explain how a
Speaker 5: bail bondsman works? Karen?
Speaker 1: So if you get arrested, If you get arrested, you
Speaker 1: have to when your bail is saved ten thousand dollars,
Speaker 1: So the bondsman makes you pay a ten percent of
Speaker 1: it or some percentage of that amount. So you have
Speaker 1: to go pay, you know, one thousand dollars to the bondsman,
Speaker 1: and he takes that bond and he puts up gets
Speaker 1: you out of jail, and then you somehow owe him
Speaker 1: or he gets the bond back something.
Speaker 4: You have to go out and commit more crimes to
Speaker 4: earn the money to pay him back.
Speaker 5: It's like a check advance.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's it's all you know. This system is broken,
Speaker 1: that's for sure. But what I believe is the thing
Speaker 1: is as long as you stay in town like you're
Speaker 1: and and then you go through your thing, he gets
Speaker 1: his money back. The only problem is when you when
Speaker 1: you run out of town, and then they have to
Speaker 1: go right.
Speaker 5: And I mean add Heather Locklear.
Speaker 4: And we've described the TV show The fall Guy, which
Speaker 4: no one remembers he was a he was a that's
Speaker 4: that's a bounty that's a boundy. How is that different
Speaker 4: from a doesn't a bounty hunter work with a bondsman?
Speaker 1: Yes, the bounty hunter goes gets the person when the
Speaker 1: bondsman calls and says so and so jumped.
Speaker 5: And this stuff still happens after the eighties.
Speaker 1: Right, because it's happening every day.
Speaker 4: I guess it kind of interested me when I was young,
Speaker 4: maybe I thought. And when I grew up and I'm
Speaker 4: six foot four like all of my family other than
Speaker 4: my dad, who's five eight, I'm going to be a big, tough,
Speaker 4: bailed bondsman or a fall guy or some sort of
Speaker 4: a private eye. But yeah, you know, I was watching
Speaker 4: a lot of TV. Sure, there aren't TV shows about
Speaker 4: stand up comedians who like to paint pictures, you know
Speaker 4: what I mean.
Speaker 1: No, that's very true. I just wanted to be the
Speaker 1: sister and a family because I watched some TV like
Speaker 1: Sister Sister yep, or Happy Days, whatever whatever it takes.
Speaker 4: I grew up in a lot of Happy Days. Oh yeah,
Speaker 4: the show right, God, god knows it wasn't the other.
Speaker 5: Yeah, wow, electronic that's another.
Speaker 4: Remember the first or second episode we did Karen, Yes,
Speaker 4: and we drove by a.
Speaker 5: Castle medieval themed?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 5: And what what was the other part of it?
Speaker 4: Why did we think it was some sort of a
Speaker 4: pedophile ring?
Speaker 1: Oh? Because I think it was by the batting cages.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, that one.
Speaker 5: It's like, Oh, how convenient.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Oh, you have your little cardboard castle that lures
Speaker 1: the kids in. Oh, eat this candy and play these
Speaker 1: batting cages.
Speaker 5: And then somebody hits them with a bat.
Speaker 1: Yeah right, yeah, shives candy in their mouths so they
Speaker 1: can't screen.
Speaker 4: Well, I guess we don't know much about the process,
Speaker 4: but I don't ever want to learn about it. Those
Speaker 4: are YouTube videos that are in my Facebook.
Speaker 1: Please don't click on those ones, Chris, Please.
Speaker 4: So tired of all the kiddie porn that people are
Speaker 4: putting on my Facebook.
Speaker 1: Look at this terrible thing.
Speaker 4: I really, in all seriousness that there is a video
Speaker 4: that has stuck with me for months now.
Speaker 1: Oh no, which one.
Speaker 4: Oh it was just a car accident people in the street,
Speaker 4: and I was like, oh, that looks fake. That person
Speaker 4: wouldn't be moving around without these vital parts.
Speaker 1: Of the body.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And so I watched it over and over because
Speaker 4: I really thought it was really good horror.
Speaker 5: Effects, like it was that bad.
Speaker 4: And then I was like, oh, this is real and
Speaker 4: they're in Columbia or something, and someone it was just
Speaker 4: a bunch of silent people filming like in shock.
Speaker 5: It was so awful that and I watched it over
Speaker 5: and over, and then I'm like, oh, this is totally real.
Speaker 1: Yeah no, and man, let's assume it's real and don't.
Speaker 5: Let's talk about good stuff.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, how about there was a girl who pitched
Speaker 1: I think she pitched a no hitter in the.
Speaker 5: I love that.
Speaker 1: It's so amazing, and it didn't get any it didn't
Speaker 1: get as much press as it normally would have because
Speaker 1: it was all that furtus.
Speaker 4: Did you see the other video of the little girl
Speaker 4: frolicking with the tiniest of donkeys.
Speaker 5: No, it was the smallest donkey ever.
Speaker 4: And she was running and the little baby donkey was
Speaker 4: running behind her and running next to her and like
Speaker 4: trying to kiss the little girl's face as they were running,
Speaker 4: and she'd be giggling, and they were like in the
Speaker 4: Alps or something.
Speaker 5: It's like, oh, run after the donkey. But I don't
Speaker 5: know what accent that was.
Speaker 4: But the mother was watching and laughing, and then the
Speaker 4: little girl would run with the donkey and then kiss them.
Speaker 5: I'm kissing the donkey.
Speaker 1: So that means that they're Americans doing weird in the Yelps.
Speaker 5: Yes, they were on vacation and they're schizophrenic.
Speaker 1: They're having fun with the local color.
Speaker 5: Nikesy Donkeys, that's what she sounded like, Oh.
Speaker 4: Nikesy donkeys. Only watch those, Yeah, they're the best.
Speaker 5: Did I scrape my nose? Is it bleeding?
Speaker 1: No? Oh?
Speaker 4: Yes, isn't that weird? It's like a little uh, I
Speaker 4: was just dot, I was telling you a story, gesticulating.
Speaker 4: I guess I haven't clipped my fingernails in a while,
Speaker 4: and I cut my fucking nose.
Speaker 1: You're like a little newborn baby.
Speaker 5: Like a dumb soft baby.
Speaker 1: The Baby podcast.
Speaker 5: Maybe Okay. I did go down there though, and I
Speaker 5: did a zigzag alley thing. It told me to.
Speaker 1: Are you serious?
Speaker 5: Yeah? Got here?
Speaker 4: Yeah, you turned me all the way around. That's I
Speaker 4: think that Ways taught us a new way. I almost
Speaker 4: want to show you it because I went down down
Speaker 4: and I went by and it said you're at your destination, but.
Speaker 5: I was at your garage.
Speaker 4: It's like, oh, oh, you didn't say the front door.
Speaker 4: Yeah it will, that's what WAYS does. It doesn't. It
Speaker 4: will bring you to the nearest stoppable point. It doesn't
Speaker 4: necessarily bring you to the address. It'll bring you to
Speaker 4: the building. That's what I'm knowing.
Speaker 5: Again. Our podcast is sponsored by Ways.
Speaker 4: And also sponsored by Boring Stories dot com.
Speaker 1: The Hook com and farmers only dot com. I can't
Speaker 1: stop thinking about farmers Only.
Speaker 5: What is farmers Only?
Speaker 1: Oh, that's a dating website for farmers only. You haven't
Speaker 1: seen the commercials for that?
Speaker 4: Oh, I that's terrific.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the commercials are like a cow and a pig,
Speaker 1: horribly voiced over talking about how one of their owners.
Speaker 4: It's so specific because farmers they know that they don't
Speaker 4: have much of a social life.
Speaker 1: Well, yes, it's a very specific life style.
Speaker 4: I get it very early.
Speaker 1: But also it's kind of like it's basically saying you're white,
Speaker 1: you like country music, right, you have a truck and
Speaker 1: you want to do some manual labor right right? Or
Speaker 1: you're not you're not afraid of it.
Speaker 4: That is a special couple that probably wouldn't put up
Speaker 4: with each other if one of them wanted to be
Speaker 4: a high fast talking lawyer.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's or a high heels shoot type.
Speaker 4: Galt, My roommate, has a very funny joke. His name
Speaker 4: is Nate Craig. He said, he goes, did you see
Speaker 4: the the new Jewish all Jewish online dating app? And
Speaker 4: I was like, yeah, I know about that and he said, no,
Speaker 4: that's a different one. It's called tenders List. It was
Speaker 4: really pretty funny. I laughed very hard, like you have
Speaker 4: to do that on stage. I don't know if he does.
Speaker 5: He is pretty good.
Speaker 4: I mean a lot of people don't like puns, and
Speaker 4: a lot of people don't like any Semitic comedy.
Speaker 5: More easier than that's easy. I agree with the ladder
Speaker 5: put that one.
Speaker 1: I feel like kids these days fucking love puns. That's
Speaker 1: all Twitter is.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, maybe things are going in that direction.
Speaker 1: It's kind of that word math thing, just like can
Speaker 1: you think of the word that rhymes with this word right?
Speaker 1: Then you win?
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, that's kind of what at Midnight is, which
Speaker 4: is funny because all the comics on there.
Speaker 1: Look at pirates, pirates, pirates.
Speaker 4: Pirates, real ones pirates. We are looking at some funny,
Speaker 4: swashy Nothing is more intimidating than that dog.
Speaker 1: That dog, it's it's a wolf that's actually a wolf.
Speaker 4: That is a full on wolf. And they're looking at
Speaker 4: three three pirates. One is in regular clothes. I miss
Speaker 4: the light because of this. Those are real swashbuckling pirate men.
Speaker 1: That looked like it was like Jack Sparrow was walking
Speaker 1: away from us in the Bob's Big but.
Speaker 5: It was less it was it was more authentic.
Speaker 4: For some reason, it seemed like his rags were kind
Speaker 4: of wet, even like he was on a boat. Well,
Speaker 4: we know that pirates now are more like from that
Speaker 4: Tom Hanks movie. They have machine guns and regular T shirts. Right, yeah,
Speaker 4: but those were like the fantasy, the kind of fun
Speaker 4: pirates that'll make you walk a blank or cut off
Speaker 4: your hand.
Speaker 1: That's right. There was Halloween pirate time.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Oh, what are you gonna be for Halloween? It's
Speaker 4: right around the corner, Cara.
Speaker 1: This year, I guess I'll be the dead body of
Speaker 1: Margaret Thatcher.
Speaker 5: Oh again, Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean I have the dress. What about you?
Speaker 4: I think this year I'm gonna make my legs an
Speaker 4: old lady's legs and make the torso of an old
Speaker 4: lady that is grabbing onto fake legs that I will
Speaker 4: make out of foam, and so it'll look like I'm
Speaker 4: riding on an old lady's shoulders or maybe a witch.
Speaker 5: I like.
Speaker 4: I like optical illusions. Well, here you are, goodbye at
Speaker 4: you have fun at your party, enjoy the work based banter.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it should be neat.
Speaker 4: It's good to see if this was a good episode.
Speaker 4: Who needs where we're going. We don't need guests.
Speaker 1: Hey, guess what this episode is going out to all
Speaker 1: those people that listen to us while they are working, Yeah,
Speaker 1: while they're at work, or they're in a federal institution because.
Speaker 5: It's it's a labor day episode.
Speaker 1: This is taking it easy episode. This is just we
Speaker 1: just drive through your mind on this one.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, maybe i'd make it make a few turns down
Speaker 4: your spine.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: When we tell a chilling story.
Speaker 1: Yeah, or repeat a chilling story for the fourth time.
Speaker 1: I feel like we've all learned definitely of what not
Speaker 1: to do on podcasts, right.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and to be more positive. More talks of baby
Speaker 4: donkeys in the future. That's our promise.
Speaker 1: Let's be more baby donkey organs.
Speaker 4: Listen, go to iTunes and say we.
Speaker 1: Like this, we like it in spite of itself. You'll
Speaker 1: say yeah.
Speaker 4: And I think there's an RSS feed situation that has
Speaker 4: been fixed. If there's people out there Andrew Sampson types
Speaker 4: that we're worried about it, I shouldn't have said his name,
Speaker 4: and he.
Speaker 1: Knows you're talking about him. The only person who has
Speaker 1: an RSS means but.
Speaker 5: Yeah, happy Labor Day and you've been listening to d
Speaker 5: y n A R yay.
Speaker 4: Are leaving?
Speaker 5: I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 1: Either way we want to be.
Speaker 2: There, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim.
Speaker 3: And give us time and they turn and on and gaye,
Speaker 3: we want to send you off inside.
Speaker 1: We want to welcome you back home.
Speaker 3: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared her?
Speaker 4: Was it fine.
Speaker 10: Now?
Speaker 1: Porn?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 6: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need.
Speaker 4: With Karen and chriss
Speaker 1: M hm