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Speaker 1: Lisa Lampanelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.

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Speaker 1: She is a meddling advice giving yanta and know it

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Speaker 1: all and her words come from her head, her heart,

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Speaker 1: and often out of her ass. This podcast should not

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Speaker 1: be misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a

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Speaker 1: huge grain of salt for entertainment purposes only.

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Speaker 2: These.

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Speaker 3: You need help, You're the problems.

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Speaker 2: Come on, come down, go leab, take a pill. I

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Speaker 2: think you're insane.

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Speaker 3: Do what I said, dumb ass, Listen to me.

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Speaker 2: What are we here? I have no idea. It's Lisa lampin.

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Speaker 3: Got suck beckon suck back into world of entertainment. Welcome

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Speaker 3: to Shrink This with Lisa Lambinelli, the podcast that no

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Speaker 3: one cares about. And I'm not even sorry I'm here

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Speaker 3: with who introduce yourself?

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Speaker 4: It's me. I'm sorry.

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Speaker 2: It's all right.

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Speaker 3: You may wicked your ass off, you're late to the party,

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Speaker 3: but I love it. This is Nick scope Letti, my unpaid,

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Speaker 3: untalented sidekick, loser friend.

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Speaker 2: And of course we're here with Celia the.

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Speaker 3: Much Belieguered, the much maligned producer who is put upon

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Speaker 3: and constantly changing your footwear because of my demands. So congratulations,

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Speaker 3: you've upped your game this week.

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Speaker 4: Thank you.

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Speaker 2: I appreciate who said talk.

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Speaker 3: So to send us a letter. This is again a

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Speaker 3: podcast where we give advice. It might not be good good,

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Speaker 3: it might be a little good, it might be fully bad.

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Speaker 3: But to at least get your question on the air

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Speaker 3: or have a chance to send it to shrink this

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Speaker 3: show at gmail dot com. That is shrink this show

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Speaker 3: at gmail dot com. If you haven't listened to all

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Speaker 3: our other episodes, listen now. Not like we're not gonna

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Speaker 3: say the same shit we say every other time. Correct correct,

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Speaker 3: correct from the show. Yeah, oh it's doing so, it's

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Speaker 3: killing it. We've had four episodes and four downloads.

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Speaker 2: Not gonna breast.

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Speaker 4: Though, It's so true.

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Speaker 3: Now, Nick, our subject everywhere. I'm not apologizing for that.

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Speaker 3: I'm not because it is a human function to cough.

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Speaker 3: And I will say that is what our show is about.

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Speaker 2: This episode.

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Speaker 3: As you know, every episode, we take one issue that's

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Speaker 3: been plaguing me over the week and had letters from

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Speaker 3: people talking about and asking advice on, and we are

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Speaker 3: dissecting it to the best of our ability. So this

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Speaker 3: issue we're going to talk about today, I will set

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Speaker 3: up by saying I teach, as Nick knows, I teach

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Speaker 3: stand up and storytelling at a college in Connecticut.

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Speaker 2: Now these are not children.

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Speaker 3: I would say they are eighteen, nineteen twenty. The oldest

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Speaker 3: student's twenty six, but he's remedial. I know, disgusting. I

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Speaker 3: hate higher education for elders. Leave it to the kids.

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Speaker 2: There are future.

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Speaker 3: So anyway, I'm teaching class and there's one student. I

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Speaker 3: can't use his name obviously he's named after let's just

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Speaker 3: say a town in Texas, so let's call him Houston.

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Speaker 2: He is. I had him last.

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Speaker 3: Semester, I have him this semester. He is literally my

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Speaker 3: favorite student, hands down. He probably is every teacher's favorite

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Speaker 3: student because he's very open. He's a great actor, he

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Speaker 3: has a good sense of humor run him, and he

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Speaker 3: can make fun of himself.

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Speaker 2: So I all week.

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Speaker 3: So I taught him last Thursday, and all week I

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Speaker 3: have been torturing myself because I'm like, oh, we were

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Speaker 3: pretty joky last week in class, and by we, I

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Speaker 3: mean he and I. But of course my jokes always

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Speaker 3: tend to be insulting, which is terrible, and I apologize,

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Speaker 3: but too bad. And I made a living so he

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Speaker 3: said something about wanting to work on a stand up

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Speaker 3: bit about being quote non athletic, and like, if you've

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Speaker 3: ever seen a kid who's non athletic, it's this kid.

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Speaker 3: He has a five inch thigh gap, he's like one

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Speaker 3: hundred and twenty pounds. So all we were joking about

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Speaker 3: non athleticism during the class. So I figured, oh, he

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Speaker 3: opened the door. So when someone else said about being

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Speaker 3: non athletic, I would just joke about Houston. I would

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Speaker 3: say to him, well, if you want to see a

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Speaker 3: real non athlete looking over further than this guy or

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Speaker 3: whatever it was, and he would laugh.

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Speaker 2: So I'm leaving school that day.

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Speaker 3: I'm take the elevator down to the garage, and I'm like,

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Speaker 3: did I hurt his feelings?

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Speaker 2: Oh? My god, I hurt his feelings?

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Speaker 3: Uh?

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Speaker 2: Oh, I better? What do I do? What do I do?

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Speaker 2: I know what I'll do.

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Speaker 3: I'll overcompensate and I'll because I know it's like in

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Speaker 3: his best interest, because I feel when someone hurts your feelings,

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Speaker 3: you should tell them. So he's a kid, though, so

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Speaker 3: I figure, is it my job as a human to

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Speaker 3: apologize because he's younger than me? Or should I not interrupt?

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Speaker 3: His journey to adulthood by being like, he should bring

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Speaker 3: it up, So instead I didn't either. I overcomplimented him

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Speaker 3: in an email to try to make up for this

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Speaker 3: supposed error that I made. So I said him this

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Speaker 3: great email about how I loved having him class and

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Speaker 3: oh my god, I'm so proud of him and all

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Speaker 3: the growth he's had and never heard back. So I've

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Speaker 3: had six days of living neck aches, back aches, torture

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Speaker 3: about should I bring up to him, Hey, man, if

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Speaker 3: I hurt your feelings, I'm really sorry.

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Speaker 2: But then the art of part of me is like, well,

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Speaker 2: isn't it his job? So I want to do an.

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Speaker 3: Episode today on whose job is it to apologize or

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Speaker 3: bring to someone's.

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Speaker 2: Attention that an apology is needed. I've had been.

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Speaker 3: On the receiving end of a lot of codependency work

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Speaker 3: where they clearly state, you know, in twelve step programs,

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Speaker 3: it's that person's job to tell you what they need.

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Speaker 3: But is that harder for some people? What's the deal?

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Speaker 3: So I'm still, even at sixty three years old, kind

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Speaker 3: of going, oh, maybe I have to step in and

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Speaker 3: just kind of like take responsibility first, Have you had

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Speaker 3: this stuff happen to you, Nick.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I'm pretty perfect. I've never oh yeah, done anything.

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Speaker 2: Wrong that is true.

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Speaker 4: Ever, I've had a little bit of it. I would

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Speaker 4: say I definitely get in modes where I know that

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Speaker 4: feeling when you're talking about like torturing yourself. Yeah, Like

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Speaker 4: if it would be like a conversation for me would

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Speaker 4: probably be like a conversation or something I said to

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Speaker 4: someone at work and like whatever. Then I would go

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Speaker 4: home and I'd be.

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Speaker 2: Like, ah, yeah.

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Speaker 4: And then you don't see him for a while, and

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Speaker 4: then you're.

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Speaker 3: Like yeah, and every time you see him there's a

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Speaker 3: perceived coldness, like you whether that's just our projection, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: it's like no, maybe they were just like not in

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Speaker 3: the mood to talk that day, but we take it

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Speaker 3: it's all self focused in making ourselves the center of

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Speaker 3: the world, because here I am thinking this kid gives

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Speaker 3: a shit about me for seven days and hasn't answered

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Speaker 3: my complimentary email back when he's just like a college

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Speaker 3: kid who's busy and.

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Speaker 2: Might not be hurt, right, you know.

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Speaker 3: I remember, Yeah, I have a friend who's been sober

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Speaker 3: for got thirty something years, so he's worked a lot

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Speaker 3: of these codependency issues out and even he falls prey

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Speaker 3: to it. I remember, I was always joking I have

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Speaker 3: a third rescue dog named Pete, who's legitimately like, I mean,

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Speaker 3: as dumb as you get. So I was telling my buddy,

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Speaker 3: who's sober. I was telling him, Oh my god, this

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Speaker 3: dog is so dumb, but he's so adorable and so happy.

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Speaker 3: I got him like me, and yeah, kind of like

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Speaker 3: a little lap dog like you. So he sends me

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Speaker 3: this really funny meme of uh chihuahua, which PD is.

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Speaker 2: Sends me a meme.

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Speaker 3: Of a Chihuahua like very like bumping into a wall,

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Speaker 3: like very special needsy.

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Speaker 2: So it was really funny, like it was just like

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Speaker 2: when my dog nd.

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Speaker 3: So I didn't see it because I didn't go on

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Speaker 3: Instagram for a little while. And I get a text

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Speaker 3: from him two days apparently after he sent it, and

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Speaker 3: he goes, listen, I just want to say, I know

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Speaker 3: we were joking about PD, but it was way out

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Speaker 3: of line for me to send you the meme where

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Speaker 3: I probably hurt your feelings about this dog thing.

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Speaker 2: And I go, oh, I just didn't see it. So

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Speaker 2: even a guy who's worked.

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Speaker 3: On themselves relentlessly for forty years thirty years, whatever it

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Speaker 3: is still falls prey to the oh my god, I

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Speaker 3: have to torture myself over this thing. And one basically

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Speaker 3: if that hurt my feelings, it's fine, it didn't, it

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Speaker 3: would be my job to say, hey, man, I know

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Speaker 3: we get around, but like if that's a little tender,

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Speaker 3: don't joke about that, right. But it's a really slippery slope.

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Speaker 3: So even the people have the most inside who are

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Speaker 3: the most you know, the people in your life who's

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Speaker 3: worked on themselves the most, even they fall prey to that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I have to like work if I'm upset about

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Speaker 4: something or in an argument with someone, I have to

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Speaker 4: like work to like I've worked out all It takes

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Speaker 4: like a few days. I'll work out all the scenarios

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Speaker 4: in my head and yeah, mad, And it's like this

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Speaker 4: person they fucked me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 4: By like two days later you go up to and

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Speaker 4: I'm just like, hey, that my bad was this is

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Speaker 4: like in a bad mood, I'm sorry I said that, etcetera, etcetera.

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Speaker 3: Like it's just like and do they act like do

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Speaker 3: they even know what you're talking about?

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Speaker 4: Sometimes yes, for sure, Like that there was one in

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Speaker 4: the in a actually yesterday at work, I was on

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Speaker 4: my phone. It's a girl but started talking to me

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Speaker 4: and I didn't hear because I was on my phone

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Speaker 4: and she's very pretty girl and she was like nick

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Speaker 4: and I was like what. She goes and she's like,

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Speaker 4: I was talking to you. I go, oh, it is

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Speaker 4: the first time a guy hasn't paid attention to you ever.

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Speaker 4: And I got real okay, and she goes, well, it's

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Speaker 4: that listens like it's that time of the month. I go,

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Speaker 4: you still get those I thought you were in And

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Speaker 4: I was like, okay, we got.

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Speaker 2: A Your problem is your funny, That's the problem.

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Speaker 4: And I fucking started and then literally she but she's cool,

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Speaker 4: thank god, And literally like three minutes later, I went

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Speaker 4: over her and I got to stand up, give me

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Speaker 4: a hugger. I'm really sorry.

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Speaker 2: Oh so your molested on top of it?

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Speaker 4: See actually me to do it?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, affection.

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Speaker 4: She was like, no, I'm just in a bet. We

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Speaker 4: both apologize to each other, but like it was in

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Speaker 4: three minutes.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, it is best to kind of

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Speaker 2: just nip it in the.

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Speaker 4: Bud one hundred percent because I know that feeling of

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Speaker 4: like stewing and then your like you said, your body

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Speaker 4: starts to ache and ship.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, everything hurts, and I'm like, oh, it's shocking.

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Speaker 3: I threw out my back and my neck because I'm

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Speaker 3: afraid a nineteen year old upset about me and probably

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Speaker 3: never read them.

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Speaker 2: So I go like, ye constantly.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, So I send him the thing, and but the

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Speaker 3: fact that then he ignores it because I'm like, well.

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Speaker 2: The minute he writes back, I'll feel better.

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Speaker 3: So it's almost the universe telling me like, no, you

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Speaker 3: got to make this better within yourself. So either have

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Speaker 3: the balls to send a real email or talk to

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Speaker 3: him and say, hey, man, you know, I know we

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Speaker 3: get joking in class, but I feel I may have

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Speaker 3: been on the line and have him be an adult.

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Speaker 2: And say it.

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Speaker 3: But then, of course, from day to day, the next day,

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Speaker 3: it's like, listen, man, fuck that kid. Let me tell

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Speaker 3: you something. First of all, answer a teacher when they

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Speaker 3: send you an email. Second of all, how about you

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Speaker 3: don't be a pussy and you say excuse me.

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Speaker 2: Miss so?

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Speaker 3: And so that hurt my feelings because that's obviously the

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Speaker 3: most respectable way to act, right, and then I go by.

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Speaker 3: Of course, the fourth day, I'm like just spinning and

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Speaker 3: then yesterday I knew I was going to see him,

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Speaker 3: and I said, you know what, I'm going to show

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Speaker 3: up early, and I'm going to say can I speak

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Speaker 3: to you?

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Speaker 2: And I'm going to be the adult idiot.

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Speaker 3: Even though it's codependent, and say, gosh, Houston, I really

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Speaker 3: hope I didn't hurt your feelings last week.

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Speaker 2: That would really, you know, that would be terrible for

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Speaker 2: me to do. So are you okay?

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Speaker 3: So instead what happens is I don't get there early.

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Speaker 3: I self sabotage that move because, oh god forbid, you

251
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Speaker 3: don't drive through a place and get your big diet coke.

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Speaker 3: And then he came a little.

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Speaker 2: Late to class.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, damn it, and I figure, I know, we'll

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Speaker 3: walk to our carns together and I'll sus it out.

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Speaker 2: I'll suss out the situation. I go down, I'm so,

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Speaker 2: how is your week great?

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Speaker 3: And he goes, you know, I got your email congratulating

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Speaker 3: me about at school. I just didn't know what to say,

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Speaker 3: so I just ignored it and I was and I go, no,

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Speaker 3: that's fine. I go, you can usually just say thank you,

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Speaker 3: I said, or ignore it is fine, and goes, well,

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Speaker 3: I just didn't know what to say. I'm uncomfortable with compliments,

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Speaker 3: so I'm thinking I worried a week that I was This.

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Speaker 2: Kid was mad that I was mean to him.

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Speaker 3: Apparently he doesn't like compliments either, So you can't win

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Speaker 3: with this fucking kid.

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Speaker 2: I think what we're saying is this fuck I hate

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Speaker 2: him right now. But yeah, it's like it's such.

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Speaker 3: A slippery slope of like knowing what's right. Like that

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Speaker 3: whole thing in codependency where they talk about no is

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Speaker 3: a complete sentence.

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Speaker 2: So basically, suppose.

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Speaker 3: My idiot I don't have idiot friends like this, but

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Speaker 3: supposed like, oh no, no, no, I mean idiot friends

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Speaker 3: like this who want you to go on a trip

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Speaker 3: with them and you just don't want to go.

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Speaker 2: In codependency work, you just have to say no. You

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Speaker 2: don't have to say no.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to know that timing isn't right for me. No,

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Speaker 3: it doesn't sound like my thing. People should be able.

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Speaker 2: To accept a no.

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Speaker 3: And as old as I am and as much as

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Speaker 3: I work on myself, I don't think I've ever been

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Speaker 3: able to leave it at a no. It's too hard.

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Speaker 3: So those things about not apologizing even though you think

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Speaker 3: you hurt so many feelings are just being blunt and

288
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Speaker 3: saying nope. That is almost impossible. You know, I had

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Speaker 3: to turn down. I got invited to a wedding in

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Speaker 3: the summer, and I don't want to go because it's

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Speaker 3: too far. There's a lot of plane transfers. I'm trying

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Speaker 3: to cut down on activity this year. I'm just trying

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Speaker 3: to be a lot more mindful of what I say

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Speaker 3: yes to. And I had to be super careful how

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Speaker 3: I worded the reply to the invitation, because I was like,

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Speaker 3: I want to just go nope, but that's not how

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Speaker 3: you keep friends either.

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Speaker 2: And do I owe them an explanation?

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Speaker 3: Not really, but they at least deserve a no. I

300
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Speaker 3: wish I could attend, However, this doesn't work for me.

301
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Speaker 3: Can't wait to celebrate with you in person, but it's

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Speaker 3: hard to just leave it at these blunt rules that

303
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Speaker 3: we know are correct.

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Speaker 4: Thumbs down emoji in there. You both should get, really

305
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Speaker 4: one gift of the guy from Gladiator just going o cauld.

306
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Speaker 2: I just send them like a egg plant all the time. Well,

307
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Speaker 2: I know, and poop an eggplant and a poop.

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Speaker 4: Egg plant, poop rainbow what else? That's really a water

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Speaker 4: emoji sometimes well.

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Speaker 3: Ps, wait, I just started ignoring you and I'm not apologizing.

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Speaker 2: What what would you rather be?

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Speaker 3: Err on the side of the person who anticipates, hey,

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Speaker 3: I'm countable to myself and I may owe them an apology,

314
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Speaker 3: or the person who's like, well, it's up to them, Like,

315
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Speaker 3: who would you rather be?

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Speaker 4: I think it really it so depends on the situation,

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Speaker 4: But I would say I would probably be the person

318
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Speaker 4: who would be Now, I would be the person and

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Speaker 4: more likely to be like, hey, I'm sorry and apologize

320
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Speaker 4: and just make it all good, even if I still

321
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Speaker 4: have a little bit of like, you know, you were

322
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Speaker 4: fucking wrong there, but I'll still I would rather do

323
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Speaker 4: that because I used to do be the opposite way.

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Speaker 4: Just hold grudges and I can hold them.

325
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Speaker 2: But but but, but that's not what I'm saying.

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Speaker 3: I'm not saying it's a grudge to hold on to

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Speaker 3: that fear that they are withholding some kind of there's

328
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Speaker 3: a little nick in the friendship, a little like it's

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Speaker 3: a little scar that kind of like they're letting fester.

330
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Speaker 4: Yeah. No, I would be more likely to apologize and

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Speaker 4: bring it up now back in the day.

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Speaker 2: I know, why aren't they all just fucking man up.

333
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Speaker 2: Why aren't they all woman up? Tit up? Dick up.

334
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Speaker 3: I was like, I honestly wish it was a perfect

335
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,640
Speaker 3: world that everyone could just say, hey, man, that hurt

336
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Speaker 3: my feelings.

337
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Speaker 2: It's the best.

338
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:50,840
Speaker 3: Because I I recently did that to somebody. I think

339
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Speaker 3: it really threw them off. Like people are not used

340
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Speaker 3: to people just going, hey, you know that kind of hurt.

341
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Speaker 2: Oh, I'm sorry, you're mad? I go, no, I'm not mad.

342
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,360
Speaker 2: It just hurt. Yeah, and they don't don't know what

343
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:02,920
Speaker 2: to do with it. But that's hard to say too.

344
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,720
Speaker 2: That's vulnerable saying I'm hurt versus I'm mad.

345
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Speaker 4: Yea too is people are like, oh, I could say

346
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Speaker 4: things and joke around with her and blah blah blah,

347
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Speaker 4: and so they get excited to do it.

348
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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, not really no place. What's up?

349
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Speaker 4: Cut?

350
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:23,520
Speaker 2: Actually actually not anymore.

351
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Speaker 3: I mean, if you want to see it all come out, yeah,

352
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:30,480
Speaker 3: I went, I did it. Sorry, not sorry recently because somebody.

353
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Speaker 3: It was in class one day, my adult stand up class,

354
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:38,480
Speaker 3: and I don't God bless them, but there was this

355
00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:43,160
Speaker 3: one woman and she was really pushing back on advice

356
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,280
Speaker 3: and I'm like, well, why are you paying for the class?

357
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,600
Speaker 3: And then I said, look, after like twelve pushbacks, I said,

358
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Speaker 3: you know what, honestly, if this doesn't work for you, maybe.

359
00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:55,320
Speaker 2: This isn't the class for you. And then I go sorry,

360
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:58,439
Speaker 2: and then I go, wait a minute, I'm not sorry.

361
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:01,160
Speaker 3: I go I think what I just that you was perfect?

362
00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:02,920
Speaker 3: So I take my sorry back.

363
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,359
Speaker 4: And then Lisa was like, you should kill yourself lady.

364
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:09,040
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, how dare you? Nick? Suicide is a big,

365
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:10,080
Speaker 2: bad topic.

366
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:14,240
Speaker 3: So if you have a question for us right to

367
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:18,040
Speaker 3: shrink this show at gmail dot com?

368
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:20,280
Speaker 2: That shrink this show at gmail dot com?

369
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:23,280
Speaker 3: And Nick, do you have some letters for people who

370
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,200
Speaker 3: are apologetically douches?

371
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:27,160
Speaker 4: They're big? Does I hate.

372
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Speaker 2: Them all already? Oh my god?

373
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Speaker 4: Okay, all right, so Lisa, I love you so much.

374
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Speaker 4: My name's Andrew. I'm writing from Denver, Colorado.

375
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Speaker 2: Rocky, fuck you.

376
00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:49,960
Speaker 4: I've been overthinking this situation with my coworker. I think

377
00:18:50,119 --> 00:18:52,400
Speaker 4: I might have upset her during a meeting last week

378
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:55,280
Speaker 4: when I disagreed with her about a plan for a rollout.

379
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:58,880
Speaker 2: Skinny's very technically, it's a lot of business.

380
00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:06,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, the our didn't business? Spread cheek, spread your cheeks?

381
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,720
Speaker 4: She hasn't said anything to me about it, but she

382
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:13,639
Speaker 4: has also been seemingly avoiding me. Ah, bring it up

383
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:16,240
Speaker 4: and risk making it weird, or just assume she's fine.

384
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,440
Speaker 4: I hate leaving things unresolved, but maybe I'm just making

385
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,080
Speaker 4: it worse by obsessing over it.

386
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:24,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, this guy's between a rock and hard place. Nick,

387
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:27,280
Speaker 3: let me see that letter in person. Walk that thing

388
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:30,520
Speaker 3: over here. No, I want to come on and look

389
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:31,840
Speaker 3: at those thighs rubbing together.

390
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:37,400
Speaker 2: Listen this guy. First of all, I love.

391
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,280
Speaker 3: That he at least calls himself out on his overthinking

392
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,239
Speaker 3: because I was obsessing about this stuff too. I get it,

393
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,879
Speaker 3: and he is making it worse by obsessing over it.

394
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:48,960
Speaker 3: Like literally, in my situation last week, it could have

395
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,960
Speaker 3: been like, Okay, you know what you're gonna say, You're

396
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:55,919
Speaker 3: gonna apologize on Thursday, and let's move on with our life.

397
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:59,200
Speaker 3: But of course that doesn't happen. So I get where

398
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:06,959
Speaker 3: he's coming from. This whole thing about she's seemingly avoiding me, Like,

399
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:08,679
Speaker 3: but is she.

400
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:10,160
Speaker 4: Like in your head?

401
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:13,520
Speaker 3: I know so much of this is just imagined. I

402
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,679
Speaker 3: used to have a notebook that on the cover it

403
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:20,760
Speaker 3: said list of imagined slights, so meaning like, what do

404
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:23,280
Speaker 3: people say that they actually didn't mean anything? But I'm

405
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:25,159
Speaker 3: going to keep a list and keep it tally of

406
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:26,480
Speaker 3: who's the asshole.

407
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:29,280
Speaker 2: And I hate them? Okay, So I don't know with him,

408
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:35,320
Speaker 2: I think honestly, if the price of keeping it inside

409
00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:39,639
Speaker 2: is more than the price of asking, you got to

410
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:40,240
Speaker 2: figure out.

411
00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:45,000
Speaker 3: Which gives you less pain exactly. So you're overthinking, you're obsessing.

412
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:47,840
Speaker 3: Do we morally know that it's her job to come

413
00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:49,840
Speaker 3: up to you and say, hey, man, that was kind

414
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:52,560
Speaker 3: of bad. I wish we could talk about it. Sure,

415
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,880
Speaker 3: But if it's going to ruin your week and you're

416
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:58,159
Speaker 3: not emotionally there have done the work to get emotionally

417
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,800
Speaker 3: out of that habit, then just go up to her

418
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:04,160
Speaker 3: and be like, hey, can we talk about what happened

419
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:05,200
Speaker 3: in the meeting last week?

420
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,960
Speaker 4: Yeah? I would say that, go up to her, address it,

421
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,160
Speaker 4: get it out in the open. Also to my question

422
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:13,360
Speaker 4: would be what is his relationship with her besides work?

423
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,719
Speaker 4: Like is it like a friend? Does he really care

424
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:17,760
Speaker 4: about her? Does he have to work with her a ton?

425
00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:21,600
Speaker 4: Does she have power over him? Like? What's the dynamic? Like?

426
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:23,520
Speaker 2: So much is not being unsaid.

427
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's just like I don't know, like I think

428
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:29,320
Speaker 4: Belie is right, like, just go and address it. See

429
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:32,199
Speaker 4: where you're at. Oh, it's just a close friend or

430
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,000
Speaker 4: something like. What's I don't know the dynamic here.

431
00:21:34,119 --> 00:21:36,639
Speaker 3: I just think I live in a fantasy world of

432
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:39,560
Speaker 3: going wow, I wish they I think if all people

433
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:41,200
Speaker 3: just went up to each other, that would be great,

434
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:44,560
Speaker 3: but they're not gonna. And the tenseness and that whole

435
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:47,560
Speaker 3: tension around the office. Oh and then just go in

436
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,800
Speaker 3: every day and be like, oh God, does she hate me?

437
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:52,639
Speaker 3: And is that our problem?

438
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:57,040
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, it is. Our problem is giving a shit

439
00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:57,960
Speaker 2: if people hate us?

440
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:01,919
Speaker 3: When he clearly probably did nothing wrong, like he disagreed

441
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:05,240
Speaker 3: with her for a plan for a rollout spreadsheet, PowerPoint

442
00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:06,160
Speaker 3: whatever it is.

443
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:07,520
Speaker 2: I don't know what that means.

444
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:08,920
Speaker 4: What is the rollout about?

445
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:09,240
Speaker 2: Yeah?

446
00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:11,560
Speaker 3: Can you right back to us, Andrew and tell us

447
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,680
Speaker 3: what in Denver, Colorado are you rolling out?

448
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:16,520
Speaker 2: Other than joints. That's all they do, is they smoke

449
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:17,160
Speaker 2: the pot.

450
00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:19,000
Speaker 3: Because when I was the last time I played in

451
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:23,000
Speaker 3: Denver before my retirement, I remember I said, I was

452
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,480
Speaker 3: on stage, I said, could the lights go up please?

453
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:28,280
Speaker 3: And of course the big pothead who was running the

454
00:22:28,359 --> 00:22:31,560
Speaker 3: lights of the theater was outside smoking a dube and

455
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:36,040
Speaker 3: I said, denver to me, So you know, when Andrew

456
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 3: just die and go smoke the pot next letter?

457
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:46,080
Speaker 4: Fuck you? All right? So, dear Lisa, in the past year,

458
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:49,200
Speaker 4: I've lost twenty five pounds. Yoh, bet, talk about to

459
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:53,679
Speaker 4: find gravity. Oh, I feel much better about myself. Last

460
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,240
Speaker 4: week I saw an at that I'm not crazy about.

461
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:57,919
Speaker 4: H We've all been there and.

462
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:04,000
Speaker 2: Not with a capital C. No fist bumps, no shocks.

463
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:07,240
Speaker 4: Hell yeah. And she told me how much better I look,

464
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,960
Speaker 4: and that she couldn't believe how big I allowed myself

465
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:10,520
Speaker 4: to gets.

466
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:15,840
Speaker 2: She has. I thought I apologized about this already.

467
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:15,640
Speaker 3: But.

468
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:19,719
Speaker 4: Oh my god, I feel like that was way out

469
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:21,760
Speaker 4: of line. But I don't think she has any idea,

470
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:22,639
Speaker 4: which she doesn't.

471
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:23,720
Speaker 2: No, she does not.

472
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:25,800
Speaker 4: Should I call her and ask for an apology and

473
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:29,879
Speaker 4: explain why I'm hurt. I'm not a confrontational person, so

474
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:31,680
Speaker 4: what the fuck do I do about it?

475
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:32,280
Speaker 2: Okay?

476
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:36,680
Speaker 3: I was with her till the not confrontational part. I

477
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:43,119
Speaker 3: so object strongly to the I'm not confrontational, which means

478
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:47,400
Speaker 3: you need to grow the fuck up and if something

479
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:50,840
Speaker 3: bothers you or hurt you, say something that is just

480
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 3: giving yourself the chance to build tons and years of

481
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:58,879
Speaker 3: resentment and be angry internally and hold on to all

482
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:02,200
Speaker 3: of it instead of everything. Isn't a confrontation. It's just

483
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:06,520
Speaker 3: a discussion. It's just a conversation. So if I I

484
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:09,919
Speaker 3: remember once I was meeting with you and Andrew and

485
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:13,879
Speaker 3: Bow that, these guys that we ostensibly write with every week,

486
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 3: and I remember I was like, I'm mad at Bo,

487
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:19,560
Speaker 3: And I said to you and Andrew, wait in your

488
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:21,679
Speaker 3: cars because I got to talk to him about something.

489
00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:25,920
Speaker 3: And I'm like, there should be no fear about bringing up, hey, Bo,

490
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:28,840
Speaker 3: what you did. I didn't like, let's talk about it.

491
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:30,840
Speaker 3: Obviously you didn't do it in front of you guys,

492
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:32,679
Speaker 3: And they just told you guys about it later and

493
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 3: we all laughed. But that's not confrontational. There's not two

494
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:41,320
Speaker 3: types of people, those of us who don't like confrontation

495
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:45,119
Speaker 3: and then co opt everybody to tack of our feelings

496
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:48,000
Speaker 3: where we resent them, or people who just bull in

497
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:51,239
Speaker 3: a China shop going and be like, look, motherfucker. Like

498
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:54,040
Speaker 3: there's that in between ground of just going hey, aunt,

499
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:56,840
Speaker 3: let's make it aunt Lisa, because that sounds like something

500
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,800
Speaker 3: I would have said years ago, like now I know better.

501
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:03,439
Speaker 3: Now I know like no, because also, like you know

502
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:08,800
Speaker 3: who says less weight equals more attractive, Like it's just

503
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:09,880
Speaker 3: like fat phobia.

504
00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:12,600
Speaker 2: It's just bullshit. So how about you say you.

505
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:16,080
Speaker 3: Look great, how you feel in whatever? So anyway, years ago,

506
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:18,920
Speaker 3: I would have definitely been like, dude, you fucking let

507
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:19,640
Speaker 3: yourself go?

508
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:22,120
Speaker 2: What the fuck? Yeah?

509
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:27,000
Speaker 3: Man, they hung those kids fit hang like if that

510
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:32,359
Speaker 3: was me and some and also these aunts though are formidable,

511
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:35,440
Speaker 3: Like there is a certain fear level of some of

512
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:38,360
Speaker 3: these elder relatives because you're like, oh my god, she's

513
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 3: gonna yell at me, she's gonna be mad at me.

514
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:43,600
Speaker 3: I often wonder I'm the Peppa person if I hurt

515
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:47,040
Speaker 3: someone's feelings, I'm formidable. So I don't know. If they

516
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:49,000
Speaker 3: would tell me they'd be afraid, I'd be like, ah,

517
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:52,760
Speaker 3: fuck you, And I honestly wouldn't. I wouldn't start crying

518
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:54,959
Speaker 3: white girl tears of like and make it about me.

519
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:56,920
Speaker 3: I'd be like, oh man, I'm really sorry that hurt

520
00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:59,080
Speaker 3: you know how like white women always have to cry

521
00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:01,880
Speaker 3: about It's like how to just switch to your issue now?

522
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:03,160
Speaker 2: Now I have to feel sorry for you.

523
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 3: So if that was me, I would love if Denise

524
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:09,879
Speaker 3: could come up to me and say, gosh, I'm not

525
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:14,880
Speaker 3: usually comfortable with conversations like this. I fear confrontation, but.

526
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:17,119
Speaker 2: You hurt my feelings.

527
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:20,199
Speaker 3: When you said I looked terrible before or whatever the

528
00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:22,800
Speaker 3: verbiage was, I'd be like, oh my god, I didn't

529
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 3: intend that. I'm so sorry. That would be so mature

530
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,560
Speaker 3: and great. But if you're going to write your story

531
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:33,840
Speaker 3: is I'm not confrontational. You'll never have a confrontation, you'll

532
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:36,440
Speaker 3: never have an equal friendship, you'll never have an equal marriage,

533
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 3: and you'll just be a doormat. That is my feelings,

534
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:41,479
Speaker 3: and I'm right. So you know what, go eat yourself

535
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:41,960
Speaker 3: to death.

536
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:44,880
Speaker 2: Sacramento Mallory.

537
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 4: That was the name. I forgot to read it.

538
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 2: I love that. I what do you think? I mean?

539
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:51,120
Speaker 2: The aunt?

540
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:54,439
Speaker 3: What the aunt did was inarguably wrong. What we know

541
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:56,320
Speaker 3: what the aunt did was in arguably.

542
00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:01,360
Speaker 4: I I have. It's weird because I with my family,

543
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:04,920
Speaker 4: I have the hardest boundaries of all time. Like if

544
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:07,119
Speaker 4: they say shit or anything, that's gonna interfere. But like

545
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:10,679
Speaker 4: I will for a sports reference, I'll stiff arm those fuckers.

546
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:12,159
Speaker 4: To the ground, get away from me.

547
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:14,640
Speaker 2: We only have women and gay men listening to this.

548
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:15,800
Speaker 2: So I hope you're happy.

549
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:20,240
Speaker 3: I hope you're happy now that.

550
00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 4: But at the same time, like I understand it, it's like,

551
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:28,880
Speaker 4: what's it gonna you know when you say, even aunt,

552
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 4: you're not crazy of Maybe you apologize and it makes

553
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:35,439
Speaker 4: your guys relationship better. That's true. It could maybe you

554
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 4: apologize and she's like, oh, what are you want of

555
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:38,679
Speaker 4: those liberals?

556
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:44,680
Speaker 2: Fatties are good too, chicks? How does she turn into

557
00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:45,359
Speaker 2: Jennifer Cooler?

558
00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:49,359
Speaker 4: But I mean also too, like if it's an aunt,

559
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 4: that's like, say, this is a grown woman, I would

560
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:55,200
Speaker 4: assume so her aunts like in her seventies.

561
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:57,879
Speaker 2: They're not gonna know. Sometimes you just got to the

562
00:27:57,880 --> 00:27:58,840
Speaker 2: old people that.

563
00:27:59,359 --> 00:28:01,760
Speaker 4: Pass him benefit of the doubt, man, Like at some

564
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:05,320
Speaker 4: point it's like, are you gonna call up your seventy

565
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:07,320
Speaker 4: five year old great aunt and be like, you know

566
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:09,280
Speaker 4: what you said? Just let them.

567
00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:12,520
Speaker 3: I remember years ago when my mother said to me,

568
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:15,760
Speaker 3: my mother would always joke around about how lousy my

569
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:16,560
Speaker 3: boyfriends were.

570
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:19,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it was like hurt my feeling says, it's

571
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:21,919
Speaker 2: clearly this is years.

572
00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 3: Ago, like before I dated somebody decent, and I clearly

573
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:29,119
Speaker 3: picked badly and she was worried. But every time she

574
00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:32,760
Speaker 3: said it, I'd feel worse about the choice I made.

575
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:37,719
Speaker 3: And that sounds like what's going on with Mallory because

576
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:41,480
Speaker 3: she feels bad that she she knows internally she didn't

577
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 3: like herself at the other weighth and it makes her

578
00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:48,960
Speaker 3: feel like shit. I did let myself go, and I

579
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:52,720
Speaker 3: wish I hadn't. I was like, I wish I hadn't

580
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:55,280
Speaker 3: dated those kind of guys. It just reminds you of

581
00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:58,080
Speaker 3: your past and how it was ugly. So I remember

582
00:28:58,080 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 3: saying to my mother. I just said one day, I said,

583
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:01,880
Speaker 3: you know, I really wish you wouldn't bring up guys.

584
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:03,880
Speaker 3: It makes me I can't believe I said it, because

585
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,640
Speaker 3: talk about formidable, like you think I'm tough. My mother,

586
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:11,680
Speaker 3: would you send it in shut up bah blah, but

587
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:15,040
Speaker 3: she would. I said that you gotta stop, I go.

588
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:17,480
Speaker 3: I don't like that, I said, I don't date guys

589
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:19,600
Speaker 3: like that anymore. So it makes me feel bad that

590
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:23,680
Speaker 3: you say that. Yeah, and she never did it again.

591
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:27,040
Speaker 3: There's something about even tough women like me and her

592
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:30,400
Speaker 3: that you tell us and we fucking remember. So those

593
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 3: non confrontational people. I mean, it'd be great if you

594
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:38,120
Speaker 3: could stop writing the story of like you're the victim

595
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:40,600
Speaker 3: and don't like to come from people. It's just like

596
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:44,720
Speaker 3: educate us instead in what hurts. Like if you said

597
00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:46,880
Speaker 3: to me, even though we joke a lot, if you said,

598
00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:50,280
Speaker 3: you know, I know my mom died when I was six,

599
00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:52,280
Speaker 3: and I joke about it, but you know, if you

600
00:29:52,360 --> 00:29:55,040
Speaker 3: joke about it, it hurts, I'd be like, oh shit, like

601
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 3: I would never forget that again. I would it would

602
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:00,280
Speaker 3: never happen again like.

603
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 4: That, Like again, the intent like like you and your

604
00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:05,400
Speaker 4: mother are like like she was just saying it to

605
00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:08,480
Speaker 4: be like having fun and joking around. Yeah, and that's

606
00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 4: the same thing with you. Like everything you said. That's

607
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:13,280
Speaker 4: why none of us, like Bo and Andrew and all

608
00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:15,200
Speaker 4: of us, like, none of us take it because we're

609
00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:20,120
Speaker 4: like this is fun, like this means right whatever, But yeah,

610
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 4: the intention is never to hurt someone, like you know,

611
00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:24,600
Speaker 4: someone like your mother was like, like you said, you

612
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:27,680
Speaker 4: told her once you are I'll never forget I love you,

613
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:29,280
Speaker 4: and you're like, please don't say that, and she was

614
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 4: like good, all right, cool.

615
00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:35,640
Speaker 3: And I think it's like being an adult means having

616
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:39,720
Speaker 3: those hard conversations. So I think the more this girl grows,

617
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:44,320
Speaker 3: she'll be like, well, you're not either yes, confrontational or

618
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:47,160
Speaker 3: not at all. You're somewhere in between of like educating

619
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 3: people how to treat you.

620
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:50,240
Speaker 2: That's all it is. And then if the aunt's still

621
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:52,400
Speaker 2: a cunt, you just write her off or you say,

622
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:56,440
Speaker 2: well you know what, Yeah, I guess I can't trust

623
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:57,640
Speaker 2: you with my feelings anymore.

624
00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, we're just like, you know, put a little, don't

625
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:01,920
Speaker 4: salt the steps next time it snows.

626
00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:06,400
Speaker 3: I love that an old people injury fully advocates that.

627
00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:10,200
Speaker 2: Got one more, We got one more. Oh my god,

628
00:31:10,360 --> 00:31:12,880
Speaker 2: I better like them better than that fat hole.

629
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 4: See this is James from Manitoba.

630
00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:20,000
Speaker 2: Oh my god, Canadia, Canada. I love them so.

631
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:23,200
Speaker 4: Dear Lisa, my wife has brought to my attention that

632
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:24,560
Speaker 4: I apologize too much.

633
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:27,480
Speaker 2: Oh god, I hate that type of part. Sorry Celia.

634
00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:32,760
Speaker 3: That Celia, even men do it supposedly straight like this.

635
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:35,280
Speaker 4: Do I reach for the thing? Says something?

636
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:37,560
Speaker 2: Well, then I think that that man needs to be

637
00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 2: my husband's. Then we apologize to each other, Oh.

638
00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:41,600
Speaker 3: My god, and you would be the couple no one

639
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:48,120
Speaker 3: wants around exactly, No, I'm sorry codependent.

640
00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:49,320
Speaker 2: Okay, go ahead.

641
00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:52,280
Speaker 4: So my wife brought to my attendency. I apologize too much,

642
00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:54,320
Speaker 4: she says. We'll be out to dinner, and if the

643
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:56,360
Speaker 4: waiter comes over and I'm not ready to order, I'll

644
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:59,120
Speaker 4: say sorry four or five times, and then it makes

645
00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:02,400
Speaker 4: the person uncomfort. I feel like people don't apologize enough.

646
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:07,280
Speaker 3: Oh god, so he's overcompensating for they are so nice

647
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:10,200
Speaker 3: a different breed, Nick, That's the only place I ever

648
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:13,000
Speaker 3: played where in an autograph line they're like, thank you,

649
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:17,400
Speaker 3: miss Lampinelly, thank you miss lamps and ps. Then I

650
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:21,440
Speaker 3: instituted that elsewhere. I said, it is not.

651
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 2: Lease, it's miss Lampinelly.

652
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:26,880
Speaker 4: You say.

653
00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:31,040
Speaker 3: Sat face and said, how did you let yourself go

654
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:32,320
Speaker 3: your fat hunt?

655
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 2: Go ahead?

656
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 4: He says he feels like people don't apologize enough that

657
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:38,520
Speaker 4: it's appreciated no matter how many times I say it.

658
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 4: What do you think?

659
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:45,719
Speaker 3: Because it becomes meaningless as fuck. All the I'm sorries

660
00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:48,160
Speaker 3: they add up to one big Hi.

661
00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:50,120
Speaker 2: I'm a people pleaser. HI like me, like me, like me,

662
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:54,080
Speaker 2: like me, like me? If you're not, I get saying

663
00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:55,320
Speaker 2: once to the you know what?

664
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 3: Actually, I get saying it to the waiter if they've

665
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:01,200
Speaker 3: come back like three times in a half hour and

666
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:03,800
Speaker 3: you're like, oh, I'm sorry, we're you know, we talk

667
00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:05,840
Speaker 3: a lot. There's this one restaurant that me and my

668
00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:11,480
Speaker 3: friend go to in Madison, Connecticut, beautiful rich people town. No,

669
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:13,400
Speaker 3: when we go there once every couple of weeks and

670
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:16,440
Speaker 3: have dinner for five hours, they know that they know

671
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:19,400
Speaker 3: now not to even ask us what we want until

672
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:21,640
Speaker 3: an hour in because they know we're not even gonna

673
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:25,080
Speaker 3: have looked at the menu yet. But if you're not

674
00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 3: in a place where they know that and they're coming

675
00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:28,880
Speaker 3: back and just trying to do their job, I get

676
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:31,800
Speaker 3: after like the third time, being like, oh, I'm sorry, man,

677
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:34,719
Speaker 3: we're a little different. We talk a lot first, and

678
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:35,360
Speaker 3: we'll give.

679
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:41,280
Speaker 2: You a signal. But the weird people pleasy, manipulative, I'm sorry,

680
00:33:41,440 --> 00:33:44,960
Speaker 2: is just sound a little cloying, and they lose meaning.

681
00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:47,240
Speaker 2: I don't either.

682
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:51,160
Speaker 4: I mean, honestly, it's like when a woman does it, I'm.

683
00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 2: Like, it's low self esteeming.

684
00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:55,719
Speaker 4: It's not great. When a guy does it, I really

685
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:56,520
Speaker 4: hate ith.

686
00:33:56,640 --> 00:34:00,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, Well, because women, we can almost underst stand it.

687
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:03,640
Speaker 3: How you know, with the patriarchy, we've been conditioned to

688
00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:07,440
Speaker 3: be apologetic in general, but shut up such a non

689
00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:11,319
Speaker 3: bro and so we kind of get it.

690
00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:16,239
Speaker 2: But with men, you go, hmmm, wow, that poor guy.

691
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:18,640
Speaker 2: Let's see what's inside that vault.

692
00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:21,759
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, if I could put a little just like

693
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:23,359
Speaker 4: a little bow on it. This is something I think

694
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:27,839
Speaker 4: about all the time since I've met Lisa. So since

695
00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:31,400
Speaker 4: I met you, of you've been very upfront about your

696
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 4: emotions and been very direct and things like that. And

697
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:36,920
Speaker 4: you know, I've been at therapy and worked on myself

698
00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 4: and I've found that it in a way, and I

699
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,160
Speaker 4: know these people are in their heads and they're overthinking things,

700
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:44,760
Speaker 4: but being more direct just overall for me in any regard,

701
00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:47,360
Speaker 4: whether it's apologizing or anything else, has made me feel

702
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:51,040
Speaker 4: more relaxed and freer than probably in my life.

703
00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:51,880
Speaker 2: Wow.

704
00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:53,759
Speaker 4: So that that was one thing that just came to

705
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:55,040
Speaker 4: me that I was like, I need to say this,

706
00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:57,960
Speaker 4: because that was I would have avoided everything at all

707
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:02,200
Speaker 4: costs or been like it's there. Yeah, I'm just guarding

708
00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:05,440
Speaker 4: the shit out of my emotions all day. So I

709
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:07,959
Speaker 4: think being direct about it and just being honest about

710
00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:10,200
Speaker 4: your feelings, no matter what the situation, no matter who

711
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:12,839
Speaker 4: it's with there are situations, maybe like with the old aunt,

712
00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 4: you're like whatever, she's eighty, Yeah, she'll it's fine, right,

713
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:20,799
Speaker 4: I get it. But I think overall being able to

714
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:24,000
Speaker 4: address it and apologize and being okay with the outcome

715
00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:25,600
Speaker 4: of it too, because I think a lot of it

716
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:28,440
Speaker 4: and tell me if I'm wrong, But I think a

717
00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:31,560
Speaker 4: lot of it comes with like wanting to be liked.

718
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:34,000
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, and like I want I want to know

719
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:38,120
Speaker 4: everything's okay, right, everyone, we're cool. Yeah, And it's once

720
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:39,879
Speaker 4: you stop caring about that. I mean, you're not walking

721
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:41,840
Speaker 4: around being an asshole to people, right, but you're just

722
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:44,480
Speaker 4: being direct and relaying your emotions and to me, I

723
00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:47,760
Speaker 4: know personally, it's been super freeing and been very relaxing,

724
00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:50,080
Speaker 4: and I haven't had those freak out moments of holding

725
00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:51,120
Speaker 4: on to stuff as much.

726
00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:52,000
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah.

727
00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:54,359
Speaker 3: And I think to the people, first of all, I'm

728
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:57,359
Speaker 3: that landed for me that I've changed your life and

729
00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:00,000
Speaker 3: you're you would have died without me, So thank you,

730
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:01,000
Speaker 3: thank you for saying that.

731
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:01,840
Speaker 2: I'm not sorry.

732
00:36:02,239 --> 00:36:07,200
Speaker 3: No, the whole thing about wanting to be liked is

733
00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:11,160
Speaker 3: such a manipulative thing because like, and again this is

734
00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:14,319
Speaker 3: not saying, oh why you know, the waiter's meaningless, he's not,

735
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:18,279
Speaker 3: but like, why do you care so much if he

736
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 3: likes you? Clearly that's childhood stuff. Clearly it's like mommy

737
00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:23,840
Speaker 3: and daddy have to like me. Now everybody has to

738
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:25,680
Speaker 3: like you know what I mean, So we get it.

739
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 3: It's all deep internal work. But it's manipulating the world

740
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:33,600
Speaker 3: to make you feel better. And sometimes it's sitting with

741
00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:36,799
Speaker 3: the uncomfortable stuff like oh my god, he's coming in

742
00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 3: for the third time. I can't put myself beneath him

743
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:43,080
Speaker 3: by apologizing. I have no growth if I'm not uncomfortable,

744
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:45,080
Speaker 3: because no growth comes without discomfort.

745
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:45,759
Speaker 4: Yeah.

746
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 2: I mean the few weeks ago that I told someone

747
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:50,040
Speaker 2: they hurt my feelings.

748
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:55,160
Speaker 3: She's definitely pulled back. Yeah, And I'm like, I've noticed.

749
00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:58,319
Speaker 3: I've noticed the lack of the texts or the very

750
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:02,880
Speaker 3: brief texts and the little time, as we say in

751
00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:08,680
Speaker 3: the psychology business Day, counter less contact. And I'm like, interesting,

752
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,640
Speaker 3: So even sometimes doing the right thing of saying that

753
00:37:12,719 --> 00:37:14,880
Speaker 3: hurt my feelings will make that wrong.

754
00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:15,680
Speaker 2: Person pull back.

755
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:19,480
Speaker 3: So if people pleasing was my intention, it sure didn't work.

756
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,440
Speaker 3: So I think it's just that truthfulness. I don't think

757
00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:24,920
Speaker 3: you can go wrong with the truth. Obviously not harsh

758
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:31,000
Speaker 3: and saying shitty things like but saying that hurt. Yeah,

759
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:33,479
Speaker 3: we land on the right person right.

760
00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:36,319
Speaker 4: One of the things I think about all the time is,

761
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:38,279
Speaker 4: and this is like a few years ago, when we

762
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:39,759
Speaker 4: would go to the diner and if we were sitting

763
00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:41,200
Speaker 4: in a certain area and if there was a table

764
00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:44,360
Speaker 4: that was being really loud, yeah or whatever, and you

765
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:46,319
Speaker 4: were like, let's move, we need to sit here. Yeah,

766
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:49,120
Speaker 4: wasn't me or me I'm like at that time, I

767
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:52,239
Speaker 4: was like no, no, no. I was like, no, we could

768
00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:54,160
Speaker 4: just stay. It's fine, they'll probably be leaving soon.

769
00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:54,520
Speaker 2: Yeah.

770
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:56,879
Speaker 4: Well I would do that.

771
00:37:57,080 --> 00:38:00,400
Speaker 3: Of course, because we're not being like it's worse to

772
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:03,200
Speaker 3: sit and give them a bad energy of like looking

773
00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:05,680
Speaker 3: at them because they're loud, or like shushing them or.

774
00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 2: And what we didn't even get up in a huff.

775
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:08,120
Speaker 4: Yeah.

776
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:09,960
Speaker 3: I was like, hey, man, why don't we go over there?

777
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:13,320
Speaker 3: It's cool and it's just taking care of you first.

778
00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:17,040
Speaker 3: Maybe that's the whole point. Yeah, what would make you

779
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:20,360
Speaker 3: feel best to do in the moment of Oh, I

780
00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:24,000
Speaker 3: could either apologize or I could hold this thing in

781
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:26,640
Speaker 3: because I know it's better for that person's growth. Whatever

782
00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:29,920
Speaker 3: makes you feel better, but understand they're not going to

783
00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:31,279
Speaker 3: grow if you keep caretaking.

784
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:33,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would on the side of just get it

785
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,279
Speaker 4: out there. I mean, if you're just being sincere and

786
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:38,719
Speaker 4: just having a conversation with someone, if they can't handle it.

787
00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 3: Then I mean, have you ever apologized for something in

788
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:44,000
Speaker 3: the person has absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

789
00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:47,680
Speaker 2: It is the best because you realize what an idiot

790
00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:48,160
Speaker 2: you were.

791
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:54,040
Speaker 3: For overthinking at I remember, okay, years ago, I okay,

792
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:56,160
Speaker 3: when I was like thirteen, I got a pair of tap.

793
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:58,760
Speaker 2: Shoes for like some show amazing.

794
00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:01,680
Speaker 3: And my dad I don't even know why, because we

795
00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:04,160
Speaker 3: joked around a lot, but he's a soft spoken guy.

796
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:06,920
Speaker 3: I took the tap shoe and I like hit him

797
00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:09,560
Speaker 3: on the arm with it, like just spink and I

798
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:12,520
Speaker 3: didn't think it would hurt, and he goes ow like,

799
00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:16,560
Speaker 3: I guess it really hit the wrong spot. Thirty fucking

800
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:20,000
Speaker 3: years in therapy, I was always somehow came around to

801
00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:23,120
Speaker 3: I feel terrible. Oh my god, I hurt my father.

802
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:24,080
Speaker 3: I heard him physically.

803
00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:25,359
Speaker 2: Oh my god, what do I do?

804
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:27,759
Speaker 3: And once Trigg finally goes to me, why don't you

805
00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:31,160
Speaker 3: just like apologize like, well, what a novel I did.

806
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:34,919
Speaker 3: I go up to my dad. I'm like forty something

807
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:37,280
Speaker 3: years old, and I go, Dad, I've been torturing myself

808
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:39,799
Speaker 3: about this. I'm really sorry. When I was thirteen, I

809
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:41,560
Speaker 3: hit you with a tap shoe in the arm and

810
00:39:41,560 --> 00:39:42,840
Speaker 3: he goes, what are you talking about?

811
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:44,640
Speaker 2: And I go.

812
00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:48,960
Speaker 3: At the time, yeah, no, seventy something like I hit

813
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:51,600
Speaker 3: you in the arm and you went out and he goes,

814
00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:55,719
Speaker 3: I don't remember that, And honestly, at his funeral, part

815
00:39:55,719 --> 00:39:57,920
Speaker 3: of the eulogy was, my dad did not hold on

816
00:39:58,120 --> 00:39:58,920
Speaker 3: to those things.

817
00:39:59,120 --> 00:39:59,359
Speaker 4: Yeah.

818
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:01,600
Speaker 3: My dad was like always he would hold on to

819
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:03,080
Speaker 3: the good and then the bad kind of like it

820
00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:06,520
Speaker 3: was like whatever, yeah, so it hurt me more to.

821
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:09,040
Speaker 2: Hold on to it. So all I can say is,

822
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:10,960
Speaker 2: go hit an elderly person in the arm.

823
00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:15,960
Speaker 3: We're right now to me, I know on the street,

824
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:19,319
Speaker 3: Say you're sorry.

825
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:19,840
Speaker 2: Fell.

826
00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:21,759
Speaker 3: Our third segment is always leased as fuck up of

827
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:24,360
Speaker 3: the week. You would think I fucked up enough that

828
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:27,520
Speaker 3: I tortured a small child in one of my classes

829
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:30,160
Speaker 3: and made fun of him and then never apologized and

830
00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:33,160
Speaker 3: kind of skirted the issue. But this actually isn't a

831
00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:34,960
Speaker 3: fuck up that I did this week. I was just

832
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:39,120
Speaker 3: thinking of other times I've had sorry moments, but this one.

833
00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:40,920
Speaker 2: I absolutely felt bad about.

834
00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:43,279
Speaker 3: So I was in the city a few months ago

835
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:47,880
Speaker 3: and I was going to see a much lauded Broadway show,

836
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:51,520
Speaker 3: something that in arguably has great reviews. Because I read

837
00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:54,359
Speaker 3: the New York Times. Mister, I know what's going on

838
00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:56,640
Speaker 3: on the bads. I follow everything going on in the

839
00:40:56,680 --> 00:40:59,239
Speaker 3: Great White Way, and I said, hot diggity, I'm going

840
00:40:59,280 --> 00:41:02,000
Speaker 3: to see l So I went to see Elf, and

841
00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:04,360
Speaker 3: I was online at the Hershey store, because god forbid,

842
00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:07,000
Speaker 3: I would kill time outside waiting in a line.

843
00:41:07,080 --> 00:41:08,720
Speaker 2: What am I a farmer?

844
00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:12,400
Speaker 3: So I was killing time with my little friend Trevor,

845
00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:14,520
Speaker 3: who's twelve, and I treat to these things so we'll

846
00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:17,239
Speaker 3: take cold care of me when I'm elderly. And I

847
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:20,240
Speaker 3: was online and a woman why, she said.

848
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:21,720
Speaker 2: What are you going to see?

849
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:25,000
Speaker 3: As New Yorkers do? And I said, why am I

850
00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:27,120
Speaker 3: going to see Elf? And she goes, oh, I heard

851
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:28,759
Speaker 3: it's great, and I said yes, And of course I

852
00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:30,879
Speaker 3: have to be like braggy, So I was like, yes,

853
00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:33,839
Speaker 3: I saw the original production on Broadway five years ago

854
00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:35,839
Speaker 3: and it was so good, and I just can't wait

855
00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:41,919
Speaker 3: for this new one, and we're going backstage and there

856
00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:44,759
Speaker 3: at the time was a show on Broadway and I

857
00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:46,879
Speaker 3: will mention its name because I don't care because it's

858
00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:50,440
Speaker 3: long gone that god possibly the worst reviews in years,

859
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:54,080
Speaker 3: and it was called Tammy Faye the Musical and it

860
00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:58,360
Speaker 3: was written by Elton John and it certainly answered the

861
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:02,600
Speaker 3: question is he going down and blind? Because it was

862
00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:07,839
Speaker 3: just much milind terrible, terrible show, inarguably the worst show

863
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:10,440
Speaker 3: in many years. So I said to her, what are

864
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:14,120
Speaker 3: you going to see? And she said Tammy Faye and

865
00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:17,080
Speaker 3: I literally couldn't hide it. I just go, oh, I'm sorry,

866
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:21,560
Speaker 3: Like it wasn't even a thought. I just go sorry,

867
00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:24,680
Speaker 3: And then the look on her face and I go,

868
00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:29,960
Speaker 3: but no, no, I know it's got terrible reviews, but

869
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:33,080
Speaker 3: we just go to see everything. And she points out

870
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:35,400
Speaker 3: her other yen to friend and she goes see everything

871
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:37,760
Speaker 3: with and I hated them instantly, because you have somebody

872
00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:38,959
Speaker 3: to go see everything.

873
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:42,240
Speaker 2: With it, I don't Joe, And I said, I'm not sorry.

874
00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:44,960
Speaker 2: I hope you have a terrible day. Hot diggity dew.

875
00:42:45,040 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 2: We're going to see Elf. But the sorry, I blurted out,

876
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:50,440
Speaker 2: I like later on.

877
00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:53,480
Speaker 3: I was like, did I make her feel bad for

878
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:56,759
Speaker 3: making this choice? Well, if you're so stupid that you're

879
00:42:56,760 --> 00:43:01,279
Speaker 3: gonna go see something that the reviews are out there, lady,

880
00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:03,560
Speaker 3: I'm not the one who's hurting your feelings that much.

881
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:06,880
Speaker 3: But I did feel it was a bit of a

882
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:10,560
Speaker 3: fuck up on my behalf, maybe a little bit well

883
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:13,319
Speaker 3: because it was blurdy. It wasn't thought. It wasn't like,

884
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:14,960
Speaker 3: let me think of how to make fun of her.

885
00:43:14,960 --> 00:43:18,120
Speaker 4: It was like, sorry, Yeah, is seeing Tammy Fay on

886
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:20,239
Speaker 4: Broadway like the equivalent of someone who's like, oh my god,

887
00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:22,080
Speaker 4: I watched The Housewives on TV?

888
00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:26,080
Speaker 3: No because it was No, because I hate reality TV.

889
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:29,000
Speaker 3: I think it's just dumbed down America a lot and

890
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:30,719
Speaker 3: giving us a license to be disgusting.

891
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:32,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, but no.

892
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:36,080
Speaker 3: It's like seeing a very badly reviewed movie but paying

893
00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:38,560
Speaker 3: about five times the amount, you know.

894
00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:40,120
Speaker 4: What I mean. I didn't know if that's the version

895
00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:42,560
Speaker 4: of like, I know plenty of very smart, cool people

896
00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:44,560
Speaker 4: who are like, well, the Housewives are like mine, that's

897
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:46,600
Speaker 4: my dumb show I like to watch. No.

898
00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:48,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, so it's not a guilty pleasure show. No, it

899
00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:51,600
Speaker 3: was going It was supposed to be something that was

900
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:55,920
Speaker 3: a huge hit. They they shot for excellent and got

901
00:43:56,520 --> 00:44:00,520
Speaker 3: dog shit emoji with like the egg play and stuck

902
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:03,200
Speaker 3: in it so that they had dick in an ass shit.

903
00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:05,000
Speaker 2: Yeah I should have said that to her.

904
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:07,279
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I heard it's like an eggplant dick

905
00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:11,080
Speaker 3: in an ass shit. I think I was a nice right,

906
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:13,400
Speaker 3: So I think with that one I didn't torture myself

907
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:18,480
Speaker 3: as much because it was involuntary. If it's like someone, oh,

908
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:21,480
Speaker 3: like when you step on someone's or when somebody steps

909
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:23,799
Speaker 3: on your foot and you say sorry, like we've all

910
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:27,640
Speaker 3: done that. Yeah, it's almost involuntary. We know it's not right.

911
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 3: Why am I apologizing for being stepped on? But it's

912
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:35,320
Speaker 3: still okay, Like we blurt things all the time, it's fine.

913
00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:37,400
Speaker 3: I think the look on my face was just like, oh,

914
00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:40,799
Speaker 3: I fucked up, but I'm sure it'll be into No,

915
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:41,920
Speaker 3: I know it's gonna suck.

916
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:46,120
Speaker 4: Or maybe that Lady show, God, there it goes.

917
00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:50,799
Speaker 3: Or she said I don't know what that blue hair

918
00:44:50,920 --> 00:45:01,480
Speaker 3: cut was talking about. This was great, but I have

919
00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:03,840
Speaker 3: a thing too, where like if she came out of

920
00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:09,000
Speaker 3: that show and said that I couldn't like her, I'm

921
00:45:09,239 --> 00:45:10,440
Speaker 3: really prejudiced.

922
00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:11,960
Speaker 2: When it comes to bad taste.

923
00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:13,960
Speaker 3: I'm not saying I have the greatest taste, but I

924
00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:17,480
Speaker 3: at least know sort of a bar like I'll forgive.

925
00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:19,719
Speaker 3: I have two friends who are really into reality TV.

926
00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:22,640
Speaker 3: They know better than to discuss it with me. They

927
00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:25,680
Speaker 3: know I'm disgusted by it. I don't think it's good

928
00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:28,560
Speaker 3: for the world or the country. I think it's terrible.

929
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:31,480
Speaker 3: It teaches people to behave badly. If the housewime's getting

930
00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:32,400
Speaker 3: away with it, so can I.

931
00:45:32,880 --> 00:45:35,799
Speaker 2: It's not harmless, so they don't not to talk about it.

932
00:45:35,880 --> 00:45:39,839
Speaker 3: But we have a taste level that's similar. So they

933
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:42,400
Speaker 3: never will mention a horribly bad movie and I have

934
00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:45,520
Speaker 3: to hate them. We have a friend BO who sometimes

935
00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:47,920
Speaker 3: he'll mention a horribly bad movie and I'm like, I

936
00:45:48,040 --> 00:45:50,399
Speaker 3: kind of have to hate you a little, not enough

937
00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:53,799
Speaker 3: to break up the friendship, but I don't have you

938
00:45:53,880 --> 00:45:54,400
Speaker 3: to do.

939
00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:59,000
Speaker 2: You have no discernment. Do you have no taste at all?

940
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:01,319
Speaker 3: That's why there's some shit I will not tell my

941
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:04,000
Speaker 3: friends to watch because if they don't like it, they're

942
00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:04,440
Speaker 3: dead to me.

943
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:08,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was actually told Bo to watch a few movies,

944
00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:10,479
Speaker 4: and they'll text me back like this kind of sucks. Yeah,

945
00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:13,160
Speaker 4: he's and the movie is like one of the ones

946
00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:16,640
Speaker 4: that I love and tell me it's okay an interview

947
00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:17,400
Speaker 4: with a vampire.

948
00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:18,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's good.

949
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:22,200
Speaker 4: I was watching is like, this is ridiculous. Of course

950
00:46:22,239 --> 00:46:26,400
Speaker 4: it's ridicuos. It's a fantasy jump and vampires in the

951
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:27,280
Speaker 4: eighteen hundreds.

952
00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:29,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, it wasn't supposed they weren't going for realism.

953
00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:32,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, so weird.

954
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:35,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like, yeah, I would have hated her more,

955
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:38,920
Speaker 3: and she would have deserved not just a sorry, but like.

956
00:46:38,920 --> 00:46:39,720
Speaker 2: A big slap.

957
00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:41,200
Speaker 4: You're like a stabbing.

958
00:46:40,960 --> 00:46:43,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'd be like we were elf, I'm gonna

959
00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:43,520
Speaker 2: kill you.

960
00:46:43,520 --> 00:46:48,200
Speaker 4: Now, right, bring Faye back, dude, No.

961
00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:50,160
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I just okay.

962
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:53,799
Speaker 3: So we were all in agreement that yeah, on the

963
00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:58,040
Speaker 3: cunt scale of the zero to cunt, it was maybe

964
00:46:58,239 --> 00:47:01,720
Speaker 3: a little cringe, but full blown count would have been like, sorry,

965
00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:03,759
Speaker 3: you're going to see that piece of shit and then

966
00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:04,399
Speaker 3: do like a.

967
00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:06,799
Speaker 2: Bunch of roast jokes about it. That wouldn't have been good.

968
00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:09,240
Speaker 4: See, I've had the benefit of having you as a friend,

969
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:11,319
Speaker 4: so like everything I've gone to see I know is

970
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:11,879
Speaker 4: going to be good.

971
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:14,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, you have no choice, but like, now there's.

972
00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:16,080
Speaker 4: A part of me that's like I want to see

973
00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:17,120
Speaker 4: what bad looks like.

974
00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:20,200
Speaker 3: I don't think you do, really, because especially for that

975
00:47:20,280 --> 00:47:21,200
Speaker 3: kind of money.

976
00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:22,719
Speaker 4: Well yeah, well I would have to be like a

977
00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:25,440
Speaker 4: you know, a lottery ticket or.

978
00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:27,720
Speaker 3: Some shit like yeah, yeah, we'll tell you some badly

979
00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:31,799
Speaker 3: reviewed stuff and you can go bad it not even

980
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:34,600
Speaker 3: a snobby thing because my taste level. Hey, I don't

981
00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:37,839
Speaker 3: understand opera, I don't understand jazz. Like there's a lot

982
00:47:37,840 --> 00:47:40,799
Speaker 3: of things I'm not smart enough to get right, but

983
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:44,080
Speaker 3: I just know it's never I always have two friends

984
00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:46,520
Speaker 3: who are in the entertainment business that I'll call when

985
00:47:46,520 --> 00:47:48,880
Speaker 3: I don't like either a TV show or a play,

986
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:52,239
Speaker 3: and I'll go, no, these guys are smart, And I'll go,

987
00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:56,160
Speaker 3: why do I hate such and such? And I'll name

988
00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:58,120
Speaker 3: the movie or whatever, and they go, oh, because you

989
00:47:58,120 --> 00:48:00,560
Speaker 3: don't like dot dot dot, or they'll say because it's

990
00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:04,960
Speaker 3: just inarguably shitty. So I don't have the taste level

991
00:48:05,040 --> 00:48:06,839
Speaker 3: they have. But I also kind of think I have

992
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:11,200
Speaker 3: some discernment, Like it's like when you know you're not gorgeous,

993
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:15,520
Speaker 3: but you know what ugly is, like, you know, like

994
00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:20,320
Speaker 3: my father always is the women he idolized he thought,

995
00:48:20,560 --> 00:48:22,919
Speaker 3: And of course they're probably the two most beautiful women

996
00:48:22,920 --> 00:48:27,799
Speaker 3: who ever lived, Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly. So I

997
00:48:27,880 --> 00:48:31,560
Speaker 3: never looked like either, but boy did I know that?

998
00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:35,720
Speaker 3: They sure look better than most. So I can judge

999
00:48:35,719 --> 00:48:39,000
Speaker 3: that without being that. You know, like my off Broadway

1000
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:41,440
Speaker 3: show could have closed early, gotten a bad review.

1001
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:41,880
Speaker 2: Whatever.

1002
00:48:42,719 --> 00:48:44,759
Speaker 3: Just because I can't make it doesn't mean I don't

1003
00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:53,920
Speaker 3: know it when I see it. Yes, sissy, anybody got

1004
00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:54,440
Speaker 3: down for that?

1005
00:48:55,480 --> 00:49:01,160
Speaker 2: Sorry I'm from New Orleans. Still sorry, I am none. Yeah.

1006
00:49:01,160 --> 00:49:02,719
Speaker 2: I hate when people do that too.

1007
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:04,440
Speaker 3: We have to do an episode on people who are

1008
00:49:04,640 --> 00:49:10,239
Speaker 3: way over identify with like saying things correctly, Like they'll

1009
00:49:10,239 --> 00:49:13,239
Speaker 3: be like van go instead of ango, or they'll be

1010
00:49:13,360 --> 00:49:17,040
Speaker 3: like no, it's like that was in that movie Manhattan.

1011
00:49:17,360 --> 00:49:20,200
Speaker 3: That would yell a movie and she's the pretentious ladies

1012
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:23,359
Speaker 3: going van and like no, I have to instantly hate

1013
00:49:23,400 --> 00:49:27,200
Speaker 3: you or they uh tell you? How would you say

1014
00:49:27,520 --> 00:49:29,120
Speaker 3: New Orleans if you're from there?

1015
00:49:29,520 --> 00:49:30,160
Speaker 4: New Orleans?

1016
00:49:30,360 --> 00:49:34,799
Speaker 2: No, Well you're a human. But don't they go nolensled? Yeah?

1017
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:37,120
Speaker 2: Do they do that? Wh White people do that?

1018
00:49:37,520 --> 00:49:39,040
Speaker 4: I mean, like weird people do it.

1019
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:42,400
Speaker 3: I think it's like, let the black people say it

1020
00:49:42,440 --> 00:49:44,759
Speaker 3: the way they want because like their Cajun and they

1021
00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:47,160
Speaker 3: bucking all are a loud, but stop being white and

1022
00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:48,480
Speaker 3: trying to say things like that.

1023
00:49:49,400 --> 00:49:50,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't like yelling.

1024
00:49:50,239 --> 00:49:54,319
Speaker 3: That, doing that, saying that we better not or else

1025
00:49:54,520 --> 00:49:57,640
Speaker 3: get switch. You owe us an apology.

1026
00:49:57,920 --> 00:49:58,160
Speaker 2: Never.

1027
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:01,799
Speaker 4: My grandmother, who is Fromans, used to go to New

1028
00:50:01,880 --> 00:50:03,959
Speaker 4: Orleans all the time and she would call it New

1029
00:50:04,200 --> 00:50:06,799
Speaker 4: Orleans like she would pronounce every I like that she's

1030
00:50:06,880 --> 00:50:09,920
Speaker 4: been Orleans. I love it there.

1031
00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:12,480
Speaker 3: And I'm like that's but you know what, else's kind

1032
00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:19,239
Speaker 3: of dopes as Italians because and beat the guy at

1033
00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:22,080
Speaker 3: the restaurant. The diner isn't going to know just a

1034
00:50:22,239 --> 00:50:26,480
Speaker 3: manicotti or pointed it, like stop showing off your dumb knowledge.

1035
00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:27,840
Speaker 2: Like I don't like all that.

1036
00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:31,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel weird at a restaurant. There's like I always

1037
00:50:31,239 --> 00:50:33,319
Speaker 4: go Ricotta. I'm like, we're good.

1038
00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:39,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, my sister, My sister always goes you want some MutS?

1039
00:50:40,400 --> 00:50:43,080
Speaker 2: I like the soprano Italian where it's just.

1040
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:46,680
Speaker 4: Like you go the loops, you want some mutsuts.

1041
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:48,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, we gotta go.

1042
00:50:48,640 --> 00:50:53,360
Speaker 3: We're getting that signal from our boss Celia saying wrap

1043
00:50:53,520 --> 00:50:57,120
Speaker 3: that shut up, you two girls, I've been going on

1044
00:50:57,320 --> 00:50:59,920
Speaker 3: too long, God damn, and I tried.

1045
00:50:59,719 --> 00:51:03,759
Speaker 2: To rest you and look what happens after this? Well,

1046
00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:07,000
Speaker 2: this has been great. I don't feel sorry at all to.

1047
00:51:07,080 --> 00:51:11,440
Speaker 3: Anyone right now. We're hopefully you've learned a little something.

1048
00:51:11,680 --> 00:51:15,200
Speaker 3: Please tune in once again to shrink this.

1049
00:51:15,719 --> 00:51:20,520
Speaker 2: But Lisa Allie I can be found and Lisa Lampelli

1050
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:23,080
Speaker 2: on maybe one or two socials I don't know and

1051
00:51:23,120 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 2: I don't care. And nick can be found somewhere.

1052
00:51:26,520 --> 00:51:35,120
Speaker 4: Where Nicky wash that's right? What what? What? You don't?

1053
00:51:36,080 --> 00:51:36,560
Speaker 2: Please?

1054
00:51:36,640 --> 00:51:39,360
Speaker 3: Everyone make sure to follow us and listen to us

1055
00:51:39,480 --> 00:51:43,279
Speaker 3: on where she always rights out what we have to say.

1056
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:45,960
Speaker 3: And I feel a bit resentful that I have to

1057
00:51:46,239 --> 00:51:48,520
Speaker 3: promote an app that I don't even have.

1058
00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:52,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, just kidding, of course, I haven't wait.

1059
00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:57,680
Speaker 3: I'm pulling up on my phone, booder.

1060
00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:59,560
Speaker 2: Oh, it hung up on me I Heart Radio app?

1061
00:51:59,600 --> 00:52:01,360
Speaker 2: Where are you? No?

1062
00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:04,200
Speaker 3: Make sure to listen read the last line because Celia's

1063
00:52:04,239 --> 00:52:05,480
Speaker 3: gets in trouble if we don't.

1064
00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:07,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, you can listen on your iHeart Radio app or

1065
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:09,920
Speaker 4: wherever you get your podcast.

1066
00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:13,200
Speaker 3: Well you think i'd be able to get my head

1067
00:52:13,239 --> 00:52:16,160
Speaker 3: around saying that I just can't promote something.

1068
00:52:17,160 --> 00:52:18,480
Speaker 2: I just feel like being used.

1069
00:52:20,880 --> 00:52:23,960
Speaker 3: I feel like all the hell they've given us, all

1070
00:52:23,960 --> 00:52:27,520
Speaker 3: the free studio space and the half assed engineer we.

1071
00:52:27,640 --> 00:52:37,480
Speaker 2: Have almostank abuse. This is elder abuse. I think he's

1072
00:52:37,520 --> 00:52:41,040
Speaker 2: talking to me. No, thank you for listening to shrink this.

1073
00:52:41,400 --> 00:52:44,920
Speaker 3: Listen to us, like we said on your iHeart app,

1074
00:52:45,120 --> 00:52:46,399
Speaker 3: iHeart Radio app.

1075
00:52:46,440 --> 00:52:48,920
Speaker 2: Goddamn it, wherever, get your podcast.

1076
00:52:49,000 --> 00:52:53,399
Speaker 3: God bless see you next week or whatever