Speaker 1: The nick here, Nicky, Hello here I am. It's a
Speaker 1: Nicki Glaser podcast. Hi guys, I've missed you. It's Monday,
Speaker 1: before the holiday weekend season whatever it is, Um Christmas,
Speaker 1: I guess if that's the holiday you celebrate. Hanaka was
Speaker 1: long over, right, it was like back that was like
Speaker 1: in June or something. It's supost like back in the day,
Speaker 1: and I think November, like yeah, it was like around Thanksgiving. Okay, So, um, well,
Speaker 1: I hope you had a good hanaka out there, and
Speaker 1: um yeah, I'm back home in St. Louis, um with
Speaker 1: Luigi by my side. I've missed you so much, my kid. Um.
Speaker 1: I can't stop watching the video that I heart. UM
Speaker 1: podcasts posted on their account. We posted on ours already.
Speaker 1: But when I kissed the mic and think it's Luigi's head,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm so glad you all like that as much
Speaker 1: as I do. You know, you ever see a video
Speaker 1: of yourself and you go or like see here here
Speaker 1: back something you said or did and not like when
Speaker 1: you were a kid, like not like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I was so cute when I was a kid. But
Speaker 1: you see something of yourself now and you go, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm cute like you kind of like, go, I get
Speaker 1: what the appeal is, because sometimes I think if you
Speaker 1: relate to the show or relate to me, you probably
Speaker 1: have a little bit of a low self esteem issue sometimes.
Speaker 1: And yeah, you you your friends tell you that you're
Speaker 1: adorable or that you're funny and all these things, and
Speaker 1: you go, I don't know, you know, I still think
Speaker 1: I'm fooling everyone. But that video, I'm like, I'm fucking
Speaker 1: cute as fuck. I I want to date that girl.
Speaker 1: And um this weekend, I also had that experience when
Speaker 1: I should take up my O in in busil, I actually
Speaker 1: gonna leave him in because they feel pretty good. Um.
Speaker 1: I was in Canada and Calgary. I met so many
Speaker 1: besties at the meet and greet there, and um, I
Speaker 1: had I didn't have my whole tour with me. Drew
Speaker 1: wasn't there, Anya, a meal, Matt Jen, no one was there.
Speaker 1: I just because it was Canada, it was right before
Speaker 1: the holidays. It felt like it's at a casino. Usually
Speaker 1: those gigs aren't just like if they're not the same
Speaker 1: as like the theater gigs. But this show was so incredible,
Speaker 1: long story of my day that day. I don't want
Speaker 1: to bore you with my air travel horror, because I
Speaker 1: never really let air travel like when when woe is me,
Speaker 1: bad day of travel, delays, bags lost, all that stuff
Speaker 1: get to me. Ever since the Louis c. K joke
Speaker 1: about people complaining about WiFi on a plane, and he
Speaker 1: does the best version of it, I think on this
Speaker 1: Conan interview that he did where he was kind of
Speaker 1: like doing the bit before it ended up in his special,
Speaker 1: but it ended up in one of his specials. Um
Speaker 1: whenever people whenever he has a delay, and they're like,
Speaker 1: I was on the tarmac for four hours, you know,
Speaker 1: I think in his joke he says forty minutes, but
Speaker 1: usually people go four hours to lay you know, and
Speaker 1: being on the tarmac for four hours that is a
Speaker 1: reason enough to complain. But let's say your flights delayed
Speaker 1: two hours or whatever and I missed my connection. Oh
Speaker 1: and then what happened? Did you fly through the air
Speaker 1: miraculously like a bird? Did you? Like? You gotta appreciate
Speaker 1: air travel, And he he makes the point that you know,
Speaker 1: to make the flight across the country, it used to take,
Speaker 1: or to get across the country it used to take
Speaker 1: months and a lot of you would die along the way,
Speaker 1: and now you just take a ship and watch a movie.
Speaker 1: So whenever there's delays and stuff, I always remember that joke,
Speaker 1: And that to me is why stand up is so important,
Speaker 1: because I don't think oftentimes I always compare stand up
Speaker 1: to music, and I'm always like, God, we're the lesser
Speaker 1: of the two because we don't move people, we don't
Speaker 1: stay with people as along. But it's moments like that
Speaker 1: where I it shifts the way I look at things,
Speaker 1: and I don't think songs do that for me, where
Speaker 1: I'm like, I never thought of it that way. So
Speaker 1: you know, I'm eternally grateful for Louis c. K Uh
Speaker 1: changing the way that I see air travel in any
Speaker 1: you know, hardship that happens. That being said, it was
Speaker 1: a crazy day um on Friday to get to Calgary.
Speaker 1: Got picked up it uh five in the morning? Um
Speaker 1: was it five? Doesn't matter? It was earlier than that whatever,
Speaker 1: who cares um for my seven am flight got there.
Speaker 1: On the way there, I realized that the COVID test
Speaker 1: I had gotten the day before, I had not gotten
Speaker 1: the results yet. And you can't get a boarding pass
Speaker 1: at the airport unless you have a negative COVID test.
Speaker 1: That being said, I had had a COVID test on Tuesday,
Speaker 1: which would put me in the seventy two hours of
Speaker 1: having a COVID test. But I'm taking a flight to Seattle,
Speaker 1: all right, from St. Louis or from l A. When
Speaker 1: I get into Seattle, I have a layover for many hours,
Speaker 1: and then I from Seattle to Calgary. The flight that
Speaker 1: leaves for Calgary is at Like I know that my
Speaker 1: COVID test on Tuesday was at eleven am, so it
Speaker 1: does not put me I'm out of the seventy two
Speaker 1: hour window in Seattle. However, I'm not out of the
Speaker 1: seventy two hour window in l a X. So I'm
Speaker 1: wondering are they going to decide based on my connection
Speaker 1: city or like it's all down to like if the
Speaker 1: person at the gate is like looking at it close enough.
Speaker 1: So I stand in line for like forty five minutes
Speaker 1: because I don't have any priority for West Jet. I
Speaker 1: get to the counter show my COVID test and she's like,
Speaker 1: do you have a time stamp? And I'm like, there's
Speaker 1: no time stamp, and she's like there has to be,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, there isn't one look at the whole thing,
Speaker 1: and she calls her people. She's like, there's no time stamp.
Speaker 1: She's like, we can't let you on. And I'm like
Speaker 1: calling the COVID people because I got one the day before.
Speaker 1: It's supposed to arrive overnight in an at it. And
Speaker 1: so I'm talking to this lovely woman who helped me
Speaker 1: so much. Um, and she was like, they haven't gotten
Speaker 1: the results. We didn't know you needed a rapid. Sorry,
Speaker 1: that was disgusting sound um and UM, we're waiting on
Speaker 1: the results. You know, they could come into any second.
Speaker 1: But and I'm texting with Jen, my assistant, and she's going,
Speaker 1: go try to get a COVID test a rapid somewhere
Speaker 1: and then we can get you on a later flight
Speaker 1: to Calgary. And I am just wanting it too. I
Speaker 1: just want someone to go, just don't go, you know,
Speaker 1: like this is too much, because there's always something you
Speaker 1: can do. And I talked about this with you know,
Speaker 1: looking hot. There's always something more you can do to
Speaker 1: look as hot as possible and to look better, and
Speaker 1: sometimes you're just like I don't want to do it.
Speaker 1: You know, I could go get a rapid COVID test.
Speaker 1: Off campus near l a Ox. Get an uber, go
Speaker 1: over there, get it, Uh, pay two hundred dollars, come back,
Speaker 1: get on a later flight, and and in the end, yes,
Speaker 1: I would spend on a new flight. I would then,
Speaker 1: you know, eat the cost of the last flight. I
Speaker 1: would pay two hundred extra dollars for the COVID test.
Speaker 1: I'm making a lot of money on this gig. So
Speaker 1: in the end it's still would be worth it, all right,
Speaker 1: But is it? Is it? Like I just was like
Speaker 1: I just don't want to do the stuff that I
Speaker 1: could do, and I'm looking at the flights, going, oh,
Speaker 1: I can't get it. I can't do it because I
Speaker 1: would get at eight o'clock in the flights at eight
Speaker 1: and Jen's like, actually this one gets in at seven thirties,
Speaker 1: so you and I'm just like stop making it work.
Speaker 1: And then finally I go, okay, you know what, Nikki,
Speaker 1: just do it. I went back to the deal memo
Speaker 1: where they send me the original thing of like this
Speaker 1: is how much money you'd make, and I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: I don't remember how much this was, but if it's
Speaker 1: over this price, I have to do it, because this
Speaker 1: is I could, you know, get I could do something
Speaker 1: good for the world with this money. And by that
Speaker 1: I mean get some uh m sculpt on my ass.
Speaker 1: It would be good for the world, believe me. And
Speaker 1: I got on a bus, so I go down so
Speaker 1: I'm at it, you know, check in. I go down
Speaker 1: to arrivals with my bags. It is it is so
Speaker 1: crazy packed at the airport. It's like a nightmare. But
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to stay calm. And I go down
Speaker 1: and to get an uber, I call an uber. There's
Speaker 1: no no ubers. So then I text Jen there's no ubers.
Speaker 1: I give up, Like how am I supposed And she's like, well,
Speaker 1: you have to go off campus to get picked up
Speaker 1: by an Ubert or you can send an Uber black.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I'm not paying for an Uber black.
Speaker 1: I'm getting a regular Uber. I'll get on this little shuttle.
Speaker 1: So I'm waiting for the bus. As soon as I
Speaker 1: realized that this shuttle, I start chasing this bus because
Speaker 1: it pulls off and I'm like, I didn't get on
Speaker 1: the bus. It just went by. As soon as I
Speaker 1: realized I had to take it, so I wait. Another
Speaker 1: bus comes along. I get on that bus. It pulls
Speaker 1: off and write when it pulls off. I get a
Speaker 1: call from the COVID test lady that says your results
Speaker 1: are in for the rapid you're negative. Uh, you're good
Speaker 1: to go. Now. At this point, my flight is in
Speaker 1: forty minutes. That means it boards in ten minutes the
Speaker 1: original flight. I've already paid for a two COVID test
Speaker 1: that I'm going to take on this bus journey to
Speaker 1: go get my uber to go take it. It's a
Speaker 1: mile away. Um, so I say stop this bus and
Speaker 1: I it goes and it stops, and I opened up
Speaker 1: the doors and I'm like, I'm sorry because the bus
Speaker 1: driver was really nice and was like, how's your day going?
Speaker 1: And I was like, not great, but now it's good
Speaker 1: because you're nice. Thank you. So it's already was like
Speaker 1: a fell. We have a new set, you guys, and
Speaker 1: part of it just fell. That's okay. So anyway, run upstairs.
Speaker 1: And at this point the line to get back to
Speaker 1: the ticking encounter. None of those people in line know
Speaker 1: that I had waited in line already and that they
Speaker 1: told me to step aside and wait till I got
Speaker 1: my COVID results. They think that I'm just this crazy
Speaker 1: woman butting the line. But guess what, you can do
Speaker 1: whatever you want if you look crazy enough. So I
Speaker 1: run him to the counter and go, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: My flight is boarding in forty minutes, all right, said,
Speaker 1: my flight is boarding in ten minutes. I was just
Speaker 1: told to go get a COVID test. I just got
Speaker 1: my results. And the guy is like, it's too late, girl,
Speaker 1: it's I'm so sorry. And I'm like, oh no. I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh god, I have to take a later flight. And
Speaker 1: he goes, you're checking bags, right, and I go no,
Speaker 1: and he's like, oh, okay, then you're not late. So
Speaker 1: that was like yes, So because I didn't check a bag,
Speaker 1: he gets me on my flight. I run upstairs. I
Speaker 1: go through. Thank God for t s A or thank
Speaker 1: God for clear by the way, thank God for clear.
Speaker 1: I go through. I get then I get on my plane.
Speaker 1: As I'm checking into the plane, they go, there's no
Speaker 1: more room on the plane. You're gonna have to gate
Speaker 1: check that bag. Okay, that's fine. I'm used to checking bags.
Speaker 1: What's the big deal. I land in Calgary at six o'clock.
Speaker 1: My shows at eight. The venue is forty minutes away.
Speaker 1: It'll leave me time to go there. Shower, do a
Speaker 1: quick turnaround. It's fine, So I checked my bag, go
Speaker 1: to Seattle. Two and a half hour layover, which then
Speaker 1: turns into a five hour layover. I don't care. I
Speaker 1: get to fly through the air miraculously, like a bird.
Speaker 1: I get on the plane. I land in Calgary at
Speaker 1: six o'clock. Oh, originally I was gonna land at like,
Speaker 1: uh five, I think no, I was gonna land at three.
Speaker 1: So then this gets me in at five thirty. I
Speaker 1: go through customs, everything smooth as silk. I go out
Speaker 1: to the baggage claim. I wait thirty minutes. I eat
Speaker 1: my little curious salad that I bought in Seattle, and
Speaker 1: put my coat. I'm having a good time just waiting
Speaker 1: for my bags. I got time. Then it turns into
Speaker 1: an hour. Everyone's flight that is landing at the same
Speaker 1: time as ours, they're all getting their bags. All my flight,
Speaker 1: we're just waiting and waiting. Then it's an hour and
Speaker 1: forty minutes and we got over to the baggage claim
Speaker 1: people and they say, we don't know where your bags are.
Speaker 1: They took them off the plane, and we don't. They
Speaker 1: got lost between the plane and the baggage claim and
Speaker 1: We're all just like this is hilarious, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I gotta go to a show. I'm not happy about
Speaker 1: wearing this stuff on stage, but whatever, I have a
Speaker 1: show in a half hour and it's forty minutes away.
Speaker 1: I have an opener, so that'll be fine. So I go, Um,
Speaker 1: I'm really calm this whole time, and I'm texting with
Speaker 1: the guy who's there to pick me up this really
Speaker 1: so nice um British man who I just bonded with
Speaker 1: so much on the drive there and back. But he
Speaker 1: is texting me being like, I can't abandon my bag
Speaker 1: by the way and have them send it later because
Speaker 1: it's in custom so you can't go just go send
Speaker 1: someone to pick it up. And they said, so I
Speaker 1: waited another half hour. Now it's eight o'clock, my show
Speaker 1: is started. I'm forty minutes away, and I say I
Speaker 1: have to go, and they said, okay, well we will
Speaker 1: send bags now because we're so sorry they lost it.
Speaker 1: We found the bags there at domestic baggage claim. This
Speaker 1: is international. They took them to the wrong baggage claim
Speaker 1: and I was like, great, let me go pick them up,
Speaker 1: and they were like they're on their way. Over here,
Speaker 1: but it's going to take like an hour. And I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't have an hour to spare. Can
Speaker 1: you keep my bag here and I'll come get it
Speaker 1: in the morning And they were like, yes, but you're
Speaker 1: not gonna be able to get here in the morning
Speaker 1: because this is the international baggage claim. You have to
Speaker 1: you can't get into. This isn't like you just walk in.
Speaker 1: It's international. You have to go through security. And I
Speaker 1: was like, ma'am, I'm begging you. And then is there
Speaker 1: any way that you could have my bag selected and
Speaker 1: then you bring it to domestic so that I can
Speaker 1: in the morning before I go min international flight stopped
Speaker 1: by the domestic you know, office and get it. And
Speaker 1: she was like, I'll see what i can do. And
Speaker 1: I was like, ma'am, I'm begging you. I just need
Speaker 1: to get in the morning. I'm not going to have
Speaker 1: it tonight. It's fine. And I was like, it's baby blue,
Speaker 1: it's in a way luggage. It has stickers all over it,
Speaker 1: one of them says Vegan. And she was like, I'll
Speaker 1: see what I can do. When I was thank you,
Speaker 1: I left. I went to do the show. The show
Speaker 1: was so fun and that is what brings me back
Speaker 1: to my original point of you realize you're funny when
Speaker 1: you don't know it. I was there with my friend
Speaker 1: John Cullen Cullen the comic on Instagram and Twitter. He's
Speaker 1: so funny, he's um, he's just a guy who met
Speaker 1: in Canada ages back, and he was so sweet and
Speaker 1: we became friends just working at Yuck Yuck's different clubs
Speaker 1: and he um he uh did a half hour filled
Speaker 1: the time killed. I'm backstage. I get there, they've scrounged
Speaker 1: together some makeup for me from like people who know
Speaker 1: people that are at the show. And so I have
Speaker 1: this little smattering of makeup. Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: the girls who let your makeup to me. And they
Speaker 1: also make a run to Shoppers, which is Canada's Walgreens,
Speaker 1: and they get me some stuff and some face wash
Speaker 1: and deodorant and socks and stuff like that. So nice
Speaker 1: of this casino, the Gray Eagle Casino in Calgary. And
Speaker 1: so I do my makeup. My hair is three days old.
Speaker 1: I didn't get a chance to shower. I'm wearing lu
Speaker 1: Lemon leggings, I'm wearing gym shoes. I'm wearing um a
Speaker 1: black shirt that I luckily found in my backpack that
Speaker 1: was clean. And I go out there and I and
Speaker 1: John is bringing me up. And right before John brings
Speaker 1: me up, we're a backstage talking and I said, actually,
Speaker 1: will you tell He goes, what do you want me
Speaker 1: to say? And I'm like, will you tell the story
Speaker 1: you have? I remember you have a story of us
Speaker 1: meeting on Twitter. I couldn't remember the details of it.
Speaker 1: But he goes on stage and he brings me up,
Speaker 1: and I posted on my Instagram story, but I don't
Speaker 1: know if you could hear it. And sometimes people just
Speaker 1: go past my story because you think it's just me
Speaker 1: posting a comic comics like like muffled bits that you
Speaker 1: can't hear. But he told the story of back when
Speaker 1: he was a single man. And this was like two thousand,
Speaker 1: probably thirteen, you know, twelve thirteen, he wrote on Twitter.
Speaker 1: I wrote, so, you know what was my friend got married,
Speaker 1: So it's two thousand, like twelve, and I was a
Speaker 1: bridesmaid my friend's wedding and I said I didn't have
Speaker 1: a date, and I wrote a joke about it on
Speaker 1: Twitter and he was like, um, I'll be your date
Speaker 1: or something like that, and and I saw that his
Speaker 1: so he had on his on his Twitter, he had
Speaker 1: a cartoon picture of himself, remember when I had a
Speaker 1: cartoons And then in between me seeing his tweet and
Speaker 1: me writing back to it, I had seen that he
Speaker 1: had changed it to an actual picture of himself. So
Speaker 1: I wrote, did you just change your avatar to a
Speaker 1: picture so that I would consider it? And he was
Speaker 1: like busted. And then so it went from that. I
Speaker 1: loved that I called that out and he was like,
Speaker 1: oh god, she knew. Then he said that he tweeted
Speaker 1: at me later on something flirty of like I just
Speaker 1: had a dream. And a lot of people do this
Speaker 1: on Twitter, by the way, and I don't mind it.
Speaker 1: It makes me feel good when you like shoot your
Speaker 1: shot by saying you had a dream about me. It's
Speaker 1: one of the best ways to tell a girl that
Speaker 1: you are indoor. But he said, I had a dream
Speaker 1: that I was dating Nikki Glazer, and I responded, go
Speaker 1: back to sleep. And I didn't even remember what I responded,
Speaker 1: but I remember what He's on stage telling this and
Speaker 1: I'm like, please be funny, and he's like and she responded,
Speaker 1: I'm like, please be funny, and he was like go
Speaker 1: ahack to sleep and it made me laugh out loud.
Speaker 1: And it's so hard to be objective about yourself, Um
Speaker 1: when you like don't remember what like usually I know
Speaker 1: every joke I've made, you know, um, which is interesting
Speaker 1: because Atlantis Moore said, I was watching her documentary last night.
Speaker 1: It's on HBO Max and it's called Jagged. It's really
Speaker 1: good and um, you have no idea, like you gotta
Speaker 1: watch it if you're an Atlantis Moore set fan. But
Speaker 1: she says that she has this amazing ability as an artist.
Speaker 1: When she writes a song, it comes out of her
Speaker 1: She gets the whole thing done, and then she she
Speaker 1: forgets it completely. It completely goes out of her head.
Speaker 1: She doesn't remember what it sounds like. She couldn't conjure it.
Speaker 1: She has to then go and memorize it pretty much.
Speaker 1: But when she first writes a song in the studio
Speaker 1: and they lay it down to track and they you know,
Speaker 1: they're done, she doesn't remember it. So then on the
Speaker 1: way home she's able to listen to it completely objectively
Speaker 1: and hear whether like as a fan of music that
Speaker 1: doesn't remember the song is able to here if it's
Speaker 1: good or not. From an objective standpoint, which is man
Speaker 1: that is would be such a cool skill to have,
Speaker 1: which I did experience a little bit when I was
Speaker 1: editing my special last week. I finally finished it. That
Speaker 1: is the reason that, um, we didn't do a podcast
Speaker 1: on Wednesday or or on Thursday actually rises because I
Speaker 1: had to edit my special. I finished editing it. Editing
Speaker 1: is a great word. Editing. It is a hard thing
Speaker 1: to say. But I finished editing it, and it's so good,
Speaker 1: and I was eight. I made myself laugh a couple
Speaker 1: of times because I did things that I never normally say,
Speaker 1: and it was so I'm I'm that was nice to
Speaker 1: have some space from it and go back and look
Speaker 1: at it because I do think it's really funny and
Speaker 1: I'm glad for you. I'm excited for you guys to
Speaker 1: see it. So um anyway, I went to the bag
Speaker 1: so I did my show. I went to the baggage
Speaker 1: claim the next morning to Domestic, thinking it was not
Speaker 1: going to be there because that woman at West Jets
Speaker 1: baggage claim was so disgruntled and like not in the mood.
Speaker 1: And I go to the west Jet International or Domestic.
Speaker 1: I walk in. There's bags everywhere because they had a
Speaker 1: lot of delays. Every just stacked up bags. It looks
Speaker 1: like a looks like an art exhibit of like, you know,
Speaker 1: it looks like, honestly, you know, like Holocaust. Sometimes they
Speaker 1: have all the luggage and they're like, this is that's
Speaker 1: what it looked like like the these people didn't survive.
Speaker 1: It was kind of, you know, eerie looking morbid. Look
Speaker 1: through all of it. None of my bags were there,
Speaker 1: and I just go to the woman. I go, I
Speaker 1: know my bags and international I wasn't able to get
Speaker 1: it last night. And she's like, no one's there, no
Speaker 1: one gets no one's there yet. We're setting those bags
Speaker 1: over later, but they're not gonna be there till later.
Speaker 1: And I go, what do I do? And she's like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, and she's being so mean, and I
Speaker 1: look and I can see in the office there's like
Speaker 1: the door is cracked a jar slightly, and I see
Speaker 1: that there's some luggage back there, and I know, listen,
Speaker 1: it's probably not mine. And I don't want to make
Speaker 1: this woman. She's trying to be kind to this like
Speaker 1: angry Canadian woman, because it takes a lot for a
Speaker 1: Canadian to get disgruntled and this woman is there. It's
Speaker 1: it's five in the morning, and I say, or no,
Speaker 1: it's six in the morning. And I said, ma'am, is
Speaker 1: there any way you could just go check in the
Speaker 1: office for a baby blue away luggage bag. It's like
Speaker 1: a carry on. I'm like, I, you know, just in case,
Speaker 1: because the woman yesterday told me she take it. And
Speaker 1: she was just like, it's not gonna be there, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I know, please, can you just check. She
Speaker 1: goes back there and I'm so shocked. She even brought
Speaker 1: it back out because she had to eat so much crow,
Speaker 1: you know, so she wheels it back out and I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, And I didn't want to say I
Speaker 1: told you so, and so I did it. But I
Speaker 1: told her so and it was there, and so shout
Speaker 1: out to everyone at west Jet. I'm sorry that I
Speaker 1: was so mad at you on stage that night and
Speaker 1: said that, you know, Canadian Canadians had their own spirit airlines.
Speaker 1: It's called west Jet. And you know, I don't I
Speaker 1: didn't say this, but don't ask a you know, uh,
Speaker 1: the ground crew at what don't date the ground crew
Speaker 1: at west Chet because they can't find luggage on the
Speaker 1: tar mac let alone. Your clips something, you know, I
Speaker 1: made some like I wanted to make some hackey joke
Speaker 1: like that. But let's get Andrew in here. I love
Speaker 1: west Jet Andrew. What up, Andrew? We have a new studio.
Speaker 1: Everyone were talking about it. If you want to go
Speaker 1: watch this, it'll be on YouTube in a couple of
Speaker 1: days if you're listening. But if you're watching it, welcome
Speaker 1: to our new little uh hobby den. Like we have
Speaker 1: our things on the wall that we love. I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm in your rooms. We literally, yeah, we literally
Speaker 1: put this together so fast this morning. We're going to
Speaker 1: add to it. If you want to send us ship
Speaker 1: that is like associated with the show that is pretty
Speaker 1: and would look cool in this kind of format, we
Speaker 1: will hang it up on the wall. We want to
Speaker 1: switch things out. Um, we want to represent you know,
Speaker 1: I love to Like, let's just go through it, Andrew,
Speaker 1: walk us through your little nook over there. All right?
Speaker 1: My nook here starts with Willie Nelson, who I'm a
Speaker 1: big fan of, especially Redheaded Stranger album, and it's a
Speaker 1: kind of a um uh like they made the I
Speaker 1: guess that the style of that art looks craggy and
Speaker 1: like almost like they did Willie Nelson's skin for the
Speaker 1: style of the art. If you look, you know, like
Speaker 1: look at his face, it has like do you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying? It could just be dirty from being
Speaker 1: in the bag taken out. Gave a real Willie Nelson
Speaker 1: like you love will Ignore for years. Willie Nelson's granddaughter
Speaker 1: listens to I know Ra Raylan. Yeah, which is the
Speaker 1: most Willie Nelson granddaughter name you could ever find? Over
Speaker 1: girl eat eating eating rope, I don't know, eating rope country.
Speaker 1: So that's Willie. A great smile. I feel like his teeth,
Speaker 1: he is so cute. Yeah, those are probably I love
Speaker 1: him because he didn't make it in Nashville, right, he
Speaker 1: had his perfectly shaved face. He was trying to trying
Speaker 1: to be what they wanted. And then he moved to Austin,
Speaker 1: grew out his beard, fucking said funk everybody, and then
Speaker 1: blew up from that. I don't know, it's kind of cool.
Speaker 1: Have you read his biography or just Wikipedia? I read
Speaker 1: his biography. Yeah, the whole thing actually cool. Yeah. And
Speaker 1: then I got a guy on a jet ski who
Speaker 1: isn't related to me, although I feel a strong connection,
Speaker 1: like you, I thought it was you No, I wish
Speaker 1: I I had a three seater. That's a two seater. Okay,
Speaker 1: So did someone send you that? Know? I bought that
Speaker 1: the other day and I was building my own studio
Speaker 1: from my podcast on. This stuff was up on mine
Speaker 1: for like three days. And then this is a Florida
Speaker 1: license plate because you're this jet ski. You were arrested
Speaker 1: for speeding on a jet ski in a man zone. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Jet skis are deep in my heart, especially without a governor,
Speaker 1: so it could go as fast as possible a governor.
Speaker 1: A governor actually keeps a jet ski from going to
Speaker 1: its full potential. So it's like some jet skis can
Speaker 1: go eighty five and they put a governor on it,
Speaker 1: so it only could go like sixty. Oh. Is that
Speaker 1: like a catalytic converter. Yeah, it's catic converter. You know that.
Speaker 1: I met the governor of New York Como. No, they
Speaker 1: replaced They replaced him with No Como. Um like they
Speaker 1: replaced him No Como with hocol It's name Kathy Hokel,
Speaker 1: I believe, but I met her at that Bruce Springsteen
Speaker 1: show I did on the Red Carpet. They just brought
Speaker 1: her up to me. And we're like, here's Kathy Kel
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, or here's the governor. I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god. And I was like so excited,
Speaker 1: and I was going to do a bit about it
Speaker 1: on stage. Chris was with me there and I was
Speaker 1: kind of running through what I should say, and I
Speaker 1: was going to be like I met the new governor.
Speaker 1: She did not know who I was, but the feelings
Speaker 1: mutual because I had no fucking women in a men
Speaker 1: dominated field. Yeah, men dominated that. Okay, then you have
Speaker 1: a tennis rack, Oh you about Florida license Florida played
Speaker 1: Born and Raised in Florida Deep in My Heart Again,
Speaker 1: which had a jet skis online. It's not a real
Speaker 1: license play. It's just for fun, yeah, because you you
Speaker 1: could get a felony for doing that, can you. I
Speaker 1: remember one of my first stand up jokes, not even
Speaker 1: a stand up joke. It wasn't senior year. I was
Speaker 1: in a sauna with Mick FuMO and No FuMO. Nick
Speaker 1: FuMO was like one of the popular boys, but like
Speaker 1: all was really nice to me and took a liking
Speaker 1: to me. Just thought it was kind of funny, and
Speaker 1: I think it was like at a play party, but
Speaker 1: This was senior year when popular kids started doing the
Speaker 1: plays because they realized like it was a good way
Speaker 1: to get attention. And so mc FuMO, who was usually
Speaker 1: like played football, was in this play. We were in
Speaker 1: this sauna like hanging out at up but we weren't
Speaker 1: like naked. It was just like I don't know, we
Speaker 1: were in some I don't remember, but we were talking
Speaker 1: about if you steal to license if you steal license plate,
Speaker 1: it's a felony. If you get two felonies, you could
Speaker 1: go to prison for life, Like I think that's h
Speaker 1: and we got we were just laughing about like who's
Speaker 1: the guy that just wants a license plate so bad
Speaker 1: that he's willing like to risk his life. But I
Speaker 1: remember him laughing really hard because I was like, you gotta,
Speaker 1: you gotta just have like a real love for license plates.
Speaker 1: You want to just decorate your you know, man cave.
Speaker 1: But that wasn't a word back then in two thousand two,
Speaker 1: but I just remember that was the first time I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, that kind of sounds like a comedian bit.
Speaker 1: And I think the I mean, imagine me fIF teen
Speaker 1: is when you would steal a license plate, you would
Speaker 1: steal an ornament on the front of the street sign.
Speaker 1: Everyone stole my buddy. He's like the most normal guy ever.
Speaker 1: He's like, oh, check this out, and he had like
Speaker 1: forty five Mercedes Benz and Jaguars and like that is
Speaker 1: so rude and like that guy, Yeah, he steals family pictures.
Speaker 1: The only thing you can think about being like a
Speaker 1: fifteen year old. You stole a lightnesse play, you're like
Speaker 1: one more like most people that you don't. That's the
Speaker 1: stupidest law. It's okay, Um tennis racket, I haven't played
Speaker 1: in a long time, played a lot in Florida, and
Speaker 1: you're not gonna play anytime soon. That things on the
Speaker 1: wall looks like a little applebee's over there. Yeah, the
Speaker 1: court's gonna have to come to me. Um next, I
Speaker 1: got my golf clubs just to run through it. Spider
Speaker 1: X putter, uh twenty two Massuno wedges just got him.
Speaker 1: Love them. Mazzuno. Oh those are running shoes. I love Mazzuno.
Speaker 1: By the way. Very cool thing about this company. They
Speaker 1: don't pay pros. They're like, fuck you, we're not gonna
Speaker 1: You're lucky that you even get to use our stuff. Honestly,
Speaker 1: that's approach Um, they're like the Ferrari of like they
Speaker 1: don't need commercials. They're like, you're gonna come to us.
Speaker 1: Have you seen that tip talk or have you seen
Speaker 1: did you watch It's Creek? I watched the first SA
Speaker 1: I watched like the first episode. Okay, yeah, I've only
Speaker 1: seen like the first five or six episodes. But there
Speaker 1: is this thing that was on reels the other day
Speaker 1: that I couldn't stop watching that. Everyone who watches Ship's
Speaker 1: Creek knows it. It's the daughter character, and she's clearly
Speaker 1: it looks like she's auditioning for something. She's like, I'm
Speaker 1: a Lamborghini, I'm a d D. It is so compelling
Speaker 1: and funny. Um, I gotta find it. Anyone who knows
Speaker 1: it's what I'm talking about understanding is like, I'm so
Speaker 1: confident coming in like you deserve me Lamborghini. I'm a
Speaker 1: real cool Like she's like, I'm a She's I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna look for it right now, UM talk us through.
Speaker 1: It's pretty amazing, not like Ferrari Lamborghini. Like even if
Speaker 1: you didn't know what the funk it is, it just
Speaker 1: sounds like Home Runs. That's that's the song. A little
Speaker 1: bit her name is Alexis, and I guess she's auditioning
Speaker 1: for something. And I'm just gonna get to the song
Speaker 1: because I saw it on TikTok and I couldn't stop.
Speaker 1: And even if you know this, it's if you don't
Speaker 1: know what, you definitely need to hear it. But even
Speaker 1: if you don't do know it, you'll want to hear
Speaker 1: it again because it's so good. Okay, so she walks in,
Speaker 1: are you ready, let's do it. I don't Lamborghini. I'm
Speaker 1: a healthy star. I'm a little bit tipsy when you
Speaker 1: drive my car. And I'm a little bit single even
Speaker 1: when I'm not. And she's dancing, I'm a little bit.
Speaker 1: I'm a little bit la la la um. And I
Speaker 1: saw her on Kelly Clarkson. She did it, and Kelly
Speaker 1: does this whole thing about I'm a little bit Texas
Speaker 1: and she doesn't. It's so good. Zoo could work perfect
Speaker 1: in that song because that's who they are, Like she could.
Speaker 1: I'm a little Miszoo. No, I'm a twenty two. If
Speaker 1: you want to use me, you're gonna have to buy it.
Speaker 1: We're not gonna give you free clubs because you're for life,
Speaker 1: or pay you any royalty. Uh you want me my wife,
Speaker 1: go fuck you, I'll funk your wife. U and Collin
Speaker 1: sign Oh real quick though, nine irons and t s.
Speaker 1: I to try what is this just for four people? Yeah?
Speaker 1: That was real quick. That was real quick. By the way,
Speaker 1: I'm looking to a theso okay, but Zoos doesn't care.
Speaker 1: They're not going to give it to you a free
Speaker 1: they might get what if they only give it to
Speaker 1: to Uh non prose connection made and I'm promoting mazoos,
Speaker 1: but he's kind of sucked me in the d M
Speaker 1: S recently said that I'm a diva. Well guess what
Speaker 1: I'm going on mazoo bitch. Oh unless you want to
Speaker 1: give me claps. I just got to deal with something too.
Speaker 1: I want to fucking buck wild. Well here's the thing.
Speaker 1: Can I just tell you what it happened? This will
Speaker 1: be interesting to someone as much as that was to
Speaker 1: those four people. I was on Daily Mail, which is
Speaker 1: my favorite, like gossip Rag I do the app Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: and I saw this obvious like photo shoot with Helena Christiansen.
Speaker 1: You know who Helena christians Uh supermodel. Um, she's an
Speaker 1: older in her fifties probably at this point, maybe sixties
Speaker 1: and she was wearing these amazing black cargo shorts or
Speaker 1: cargo pants that were like shiny and had like a
Speaker 1: perfect zip on the ankle. And I'm just like, I
Speaker 1: became a tessed with finding them and they weren't labeled
Speaker 1: like who made them? And I was just so frustrated.
Speaker 1: I was on posh Mark, I was on eBay, I
Speaker 1: was like anywhere I could look, I was trying to
Speaker 1: find him. I could not find who makes these. I
Speaker 1: couldn't find anything like them. So then I was like, oh, wait,
Speaker 1: I have too stylists. Maybe they can figure this out,
Speaker 1: or you take a photo. I didn't want to do
Speaker 1: that because I didn't want other people to buy. No,
Speaker 1: it wasn't that it was about like I just I
Speaker 1: didn't want to buy. I didn't want my d MS
Speaker 1: filled with like, well there's a similar pair here, Like
Speaker 1: I just wanted to know where they were, and I
Speaker 1: was I would have gotten there eventually, but I wrote
Speaker 1: Danny and Emma of Danny and Emma style d A
Speaker 1: n I and they wrote back, oh those are um
Speaker 1: And I can say now because I just got I
Speaker 1: just bought them, and so there I don't I'm not
Speaker 1: worried about them selling out. They are by Saint Art,
Speaker 1: New York, Saint Arts s A A I N t
Speaker 1: Art New York, and um they go. I was like,
Speaker 1: thank you, Oh my god, good job. And they go,
Speaker 1: let me ask if they will gift you before you buy?
Speaker 1: All right, let me wait. So I waited. They said,
Speaker 1: haven't heard back from them, but we'll let you know.
Speaker 1: That was the end of the day Friday. Then today
Speaker 1: we would love to extend a discount to Nikki. Please
Speaker 1: find below and let us know if there are any issues.
Speaker 1: So they copied and pastes that and send it to
Speaker 1: me off at st New York. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: to them. Um, this is not an ad or anything
Speaker 1: but those So I went buck wild because I haven't
Speaker 1: gotten a lot of my Christmas gifts yet, and I bought.
Speaker 1: I spent so much money. But when you spend so
Speaker 1: much money and then off you're saving a lot. Off
Speaker 1: is not that much, but it's decent enough. And with
Speaker 1: Christmas shopping, I'm just so overwhelmed by it that I
Speaker 1: just want to Like, I went on Sapphore the other
Speaker 1: day to restock my things, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'll just get my mom and sister. Like the essentials
Speaker 1: that I use, that's probably what I would want as
Speaker 1: a gift, as like my favorite shampoo, my favorite condition
Speaker 1: or like high end stuff. Again, they're not going to
Speaker 1: buy themselves twenty dollar conditioner, but for one month, they'll
Speaker 1: have really nice for a month. No, but I would.
Speaker 1: I would probably even replenish this for them. But like
Speaker 1: I Brenda was going nuts about this thing that starts
Speaker 1: with a deed. Does your hair it's like five dollars.
Speaker 1: Does your hair like it straightened your hair, like curls
Speaker 1: the dison or something. Oh, it's a Dyson thing. Okay,
Speaker 1: interesting apps. Brennan needs to have her own blog of like,
Speaker 1: because she has great style, she has great taste. And
Speaker 1: I bought so many things that she's told me to
Speaker 1: buy and it's been awesome. Um, so you go and
Speaker 1: you buy all this stuff. And then at the end,
Speaker 1: I spent two thousand dollars in the end, but I
Speaker 1: bought like four coats that are all five hundred dollars
Speaker 1: that and if my mom and sister listening, please stop
Speaker 1: listening now even though you know you're getting a coat.
Speaker 1: And then um, I bought these pants and I bought
Speaker 1: a cute little dress and like, I don't know, I
Speaker 1: treat yourself sometimes my my Like I'm in a mood
Speaker 1: and I that this is this it's a compulsion these
Speaker 1: things I don't need. But I also know that I'm
Speaker 1: having Carlile Forrester move in here after you move out,
Speaker 1: she's moving on. They have returns till January for the store.
Speaker 1: I will never return something on my own ever ever,
Speaker 1: But I now have a living assistant. Was coming and
Speaker 1: she will return the stuff for me, so I will
Speaker 1: get the money back if if all fails. But usually
Speaker 1: I never returned anything. I had one of those nights.
Speaker 1: The other night, I was I was sick and like
Speaker 1: you know when you're sick and you just need something
Speaker 1: to make you feel bad, and like maybe hitting purchase
Speaker 1: and I bought these clubs and it didn't come correctly.
Speaker 1: So I was able to get a refund because UPS
Speaker 1: sucked up. You don't spend this much of money, like
Speaker 1: you don't, just like you was like like there was
Speaker 1: a sign that was saying, hey, don't spend this much,
Speaker 1: and I was fucking so extencted. At first, I was
Speaker 1: like they're not coming, and then I was like they
Speaker 1: shouldn't come. You ever have that, like, oh, so you
Speaker 1: got you didn't get the clubs and you got refunded. Right.
Speaker 1: It was a sign from or like you go to
Speaker 1: post something just your internet like this is what the
Speaker 1: besties have learned from me, and what I continually learned
Speaker 1: back from them is like everything is meant to be
Speaker 1: and like, I but I don't I know that saying
Speaker 1: I've spent The other night, I said something and I
Speaker 1: felt really could when I said it, because someone even
Speaker 1: could me about it. Um. I was backstage with Jim
Speaker 1: Jefferies and a couple other comics and he was talking
Speaker 1: about we're talking about buying a home and he's like, oh,
Speaker 1: what do you You bought a place in St. Louis
Speaker 1: or whatever however he talks and I said, no, I don't.
Speaker 1: And I go, I'm tired of this buying thing. Everyone
Speaker 1: wants me to buy and I go, I don't get it.
Speaker 1: And the and I had so many besties verify this
Speaker 1: for me. In the end, if I buy a place
Speaker 1: and I own it and then I sell it, the
Speaker 1: most money I'm gonna make. Let's say I buy a
Speaker 1: two million dollar place, which is I hate to say
Speaker 1: in my budget, Like I'm not bragging, it's not that's
Speaker 1: not yet. But this is what happened. I didn't even
Speaker 1: say that. This is what I said. And there were
Speaker 1: two comics there that I didn't know. I don't know
Speaker 1: how much money they make, but I know Jim makes
Speaker 1: the amount of money I make, probably a lot more,
Speaker 1: and I think it's could. I don't want to. I'm
Speaker 1: never bragging about money. I'm just talking in truth is trying.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure there are times when I do
Speaker 1: brag unintentionally because it's a point of pride to make
Speaker 1: money in this society. But not talking about money, I
Speaker 1: think is so weird, and not talking about the honest
Speaker 1: to God of like I made this much money. That
Speaker 1: is criminal that I made that much money, but it's
Speaker 1: kind of cool, like let's celebrate it, or like I
Speaker 1: don't not kg about how much money I make. But
Speaker 1: so I'm back there, I don't know how much money
Speaker 1: this one girl makes. This other guys there, I think
Speaker 1: I don't even know if he's a comic. But I
Speaker 1: said to Jim, I go, I don't understand buying houses,
Speaker 1: but everyone's so like you gotta buy I go, Okay,
Speaker 1: So best case scenario, I flip a house or I
Speaker 1: sell a house after I live in it, the property
Speaker 1: goes up, and what do I make on that two
Speaker 1: hundred three thousand dollars profit from buying that? And I go,
Speaker 1: I'll just do a few more gigs and he goes, WHOA, Okay,
Speaker 1: well not everyone is you. And I'm like, but for
Speaker 1: for me to make two three hundred thousand dollars on
Speaker 1: a home, the home better bet is going to be
Speaker 1: expensive as fuck, right, Therefore I would be that that
Speaker 1: that is in the like if I was talking about, um,
Speaker 1: you're not to take a gig. No. No, what I'm
Speaker 1: saying is he was like, well not everyone makes that.
Speaker 1: He goes, not everyone makes the amount of money we
Speaker 1: make on a gig. N can. I'm like, but if
Speaker 1: I'm talking about a home where you're going to resell
Speaker 1: it in a couple of years and make three on it,
Speaker 1: that's an expensive home. That's a million, two million dollar home.
Speaker 1: You're not buying a two million dollar home unless you're
Speaker 1: making that kind of money anyway. So for me to
Speaker 1: act like, oh, I'll just um take eighty gigs and
Speaker 1: to make it more like, but someone who needs to
Speaker 1: take eighty gigs to make that much money, shouldn't buy
Speaker 1: a home that much? So art he almost kind of
Speaker 1: killed me, and I was like, it's not care. I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to be like. I'm just that that that
Speaker 1: could be extended to anyone. So let's say we're talking
Speaker 1: about a hundred thousand dollar home and they they're going
Speaker 1: to make a thirty thous That means more obviously to
Speaker 1: someone in the income bracket of owning a hundred thousand
Speaker 1: dollar home. But at the same point, I would say,
Speaker 1: for to buy a home and to put down that
Speaker 1: money up front that you're not gonna be able to
Speaker 1: touch and and put down all that money like thirty
Speaker 1: tho dollars on the back end of that, just don't
Speaker 1: buy a home. And and because you're at least putting
Speaker 1: down thirty to buy that home, so getting thirty later,
Speaker 1: what is the difference? I don't get it. I feel
Speaker 1: like I think the idea is that your mortgage would
Speaker 1: be considerably less than what your rent would be you're
Speaker 1: gonna I don't think it would be that much less. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So it's about it's about building equity and making more
Speaker 1: of your money and the best way that I understood
Speaker 1: it is if you bury a dollar and you bury
Speaker 1: like a brick of gold, let's say, or like a
Speaker 1: house or whatever, in like thirty five years, the dollar
Speaker 1: is going to be worth inflation and the and the
Speaker 1: goal is going to be worth unless the house is
Speaker 1: something that is very like as a tear down. It
Speaker 1: probably is on a swamp land at the Indian Burial
Speaker 1: ground like I did. But no, but like, here's the thing, though,
Speaker 1: you could buy a two million dollar house, and if
Speaker 1: you buy it correctly, you'll make way more than two. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you could double. You could. Nikki Glazer does not make
Speaker 1: wise decisions and investments. So there's no way I'm making
Speaker 1: you think I'm going to double my money. I'm just
Speaker 1: saying my my brother bought New York real estate and
Speaker 1: he his But that's we're talking about hundreds of millions
Speaker 1: of dollars. Now we're talking about tens of millions below that.
Speaker 1: But my point is is it's still he's still like,
Speaker 1: let's take out my brother and let's take out them
Speaker 1: wrong conversations. So I am a hundred percent wrong. The
Speaker 1: thing is, I don't know that for me, I would
Speaker 1: rather do um ten gigs to make that chunk of money.
Speaker 1: Then I would um like separating myself from that much
Speaker 1: money upfront, which scares me. UM having to manage my
Speaker 1: own property, um having to like just the pressure of ownership.
Speaker 1: There's a lot that is psychological for me. That is,
Speaker 1: I'm paying the price for you could feel stuck. You
Speaker 1: feel like I'm realizing that. It's the same as like dating.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say it being the guy that I
Speaker 1: was going to say, commitment, Yeah, improving, working on it,
Speaker 1: stuff like that. It's like an ongoing process, but it
Speaker 1: could be positive. Doesn't any other thing too, is like
Speaker 1: if you buy a hundred thousand dollar house and let's
Speaker 1: say you make, you know, like the lowered amount of
Speaker 1: money you make, the bigger that chunk means more to
Speaker 1: them and they don't have the ability. I acknowledge that too.
Speaker 1: I acknowledge that too, and I but I wasn't. I
Speaker 1: thought that. I guess when I used to be make
Speaker 1: a lot less money and I heard that people would
Speaker 1: say talk about numbers that were not even something I
Speaker 1: could dream of. I think that I probably felt like kid,
Speaker 1: But I don't want to. I don't want to. Actually,
Speaker 1: I don't like when rich people, and I'm not like
Speaker 1: and compared to the thing I'm not. I'm well off
Speaker 1: and I'm so happy. I don't need any more money
Speaker 1: in my life, but I want more um because that's capitalism.
Speaker 1: But I and I want to survive. Can I ask
Speaker 1: a questions? Were you trying? Did you feel like there
Speaker 1: was party to trying to impress Jim Jeffrey. No, I
Speaker 1: was actually trying to be like, what's the point of
Speaker 1: buying a house if it would just do three more?
Speaker 1: But it wasn't because it was like um withou Jim Jeffrey,
Speaker 1: Oh god, No. And I will acknowledge when I try
Speaker 1: to impress people, it's like there is a part of
Speaker 1: me that is and will always because we I'm not perfect.
Speaker 1: In that moment, I would you know, I would put
Speaker 1: Poppy's life at stake to promise you. I was not
Speaker 1: trying to impress Jim Jeffreys. I was really trying to
Speaker 1: get at the at what my understanding of property investment
Speaker 1: is and why it doesn't seem that like cool to me.
Speaker 1: But here's the thing that I've seen. I've seen I've
Speaker 1: seen so many TikTok's where it's like like someone like
Speaker 1: logan Paul would have be like, I sold this n
Speaker 1: f T for ten million dollars. If I put in
Speaker 1: even a little bit more, I would have made a
Speaker 1: hundred million dollars. Like they're throwing out numbers like I'm
Speaker 1: I invest in this cryptocurrency and I made eight of
Speaker 1: you of doctors being like, if it the blade would
Speaker 1: have gone one millimeter to the right, you would have
Speaker 1: bled out and died like all of these like if,
Speaker 1: And it's like, but it didn't happen. Well that and yes,
Speaker 1: and the doctor as well as this person that's they're
Speaker 1: bragging without bragging, so it's like that didn't even make it.
Speaker 1: But he's also bragging and he made ten million. But
Speaker 1: joint is and people react to that. People fucking like
Speaker 1: when people are like bragged dogs and are like I
Speaker 1: made a hundred million dollars of for investments, Everyone's like, man,
Speaker 1: I want to be that. It's like the damn blizzarian effect.
Speaker 1: It's like that there's a there's a thing to just
Speaker 1: leaning into the care and there's a market for that.
Speaker 1: I want to say that I didn't just say that
Speaker 1: I spent two thousand dollars today to be because that
Speaker 1: is a fucking ton of money, and I do not
Speaker 1: it is not that to me does not seem pedestrian
Speaker 1: or like I just spent two grand That is to me,
Speaker 1: like I just bought like an iPad, like a really
Speaker 1: nice iPad, worth of things, like a computer, worth of
Speaker 1: dumb clothes. And I want to say to anyone who's
Speaker 1: listening who relates to that, in no way has no
Speaker 1: it doesn't even have two doo dollars that they could
Speaker 1: get their hands on today. That um, I'm not I'm
Speaker 1: saying that because I just don't want to be dishonest
Speaker 1: and I don't want to talk about things, and and
Speaker 1: there is something about like you don't have to be
Speaker 1: honest all the time. It's just that can kind of uh,
Speaker 1: you know the Jake Jillen Hall or the Tiller Swift
Speaker 1: line of like you called me up again just to
Speaker 1: break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the
Speaker 1: name of being honest, Like you can be kill in
Speaker 1: the name of being honest. You can so casually in
Speaker 1: the name of being honest. That's a new thing when
Speaker 1: people are like, sorry, I'm just being honest. It costs
Speaker 1: a million dollars and I have it I'm just being
Speaker 1: casually killed asually in the name of being honest. Can
Speaker 1: someone please make one of these like stitches with said
Speaker 1: casually ki ceo uh l. Everyone can relate to this
Speaker 1: happens all this happened to me. With online chopping, they
Speaker 1: go there's off or this is what the original price was,
Speaker 1: and then you go to check out and it's like eight,
Speaker 1: and then there's a line through it and then it's six,
Speaker 1: and you're like, oh my god, they're so nice. They
Speaker 1: saved the day's psychological bullshit because they built it for
Speaker 1: Remember from Oprah that I'll never forget that I watched
Speaker 1: when you save on something, So let's say I just
Speaker 1: saved five dollars today. If I go and I spend
Speaker 1: that five dollars elsewhere, I did not save it. And also,
Speaker 1: when you spend fifteen hundred dollars, because you would have
Speaker 1: spent two thousand, you didn't save. You spent fifteen hundred dollars.
Speaker 1: So when you buy something because it's on discount, not
Speaker 1: buying it is way more of a discount than buying it.
Speaker 1: And that's where we get We we think that it's
Speaker 1: someone a math book on all our equation. We gotta
Speaker 1: get to the news. I wanted eighth grade math, but
Speaker 1: I have twenty minutes before I have to go to therapy.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, single and uh and pumps him up.
Speaker 1: It's called lip injection and it's by um two faced
Speaker 1: and the color is pretty pony. All right, don't do it? Okay.
Speaker 1: A forty four year old woman who is dubbed the
Speaker 1: hottest mom in the world now going on double dates
Speaker 1: where their year old daughter. Oh god, I got this.
Speaker 1: I was Elizabeth Hurley is the hottest mom in the world.
Speaker 1: By the way, I was like, fun this story, and
Speaker 1: then I see the photo. Who's the mom? Who's the mom?
Speaker 1: Let's play a little game. Who's who's the mom? What's
Speaker 1: the mama? It's pretty wild? Oh wow, yeah, my mom
Speaker 1: is definitely I don't know. I don't know who the
Speaker 1: mom is. I'm gonna go by body. And by the way,
Speaker 1: my body looks like as I say, you think, um,
Speaker 1: what color? Which color? Bra? I guess correctly because which
Speaker 1: color skin? No? No, what color bro Um. I think
Speaker 1: the mom is the white? Yes, yes, And I only
Speaker 1: know that from um. That was a random guess. Honestly,
Speaker 1: everything about this I don't you guys have got to
Speaker 1: see this photo. That's insane. And honestly, I think the
Speaker 1: one in the white is hotter. By the way, can
Speaker 1: you filter one side? Her name is? She's it's insane
Speaker 1: good fun I mean these girls are both filtered as
Speaker 1: funck too in this photo. I have to say. So
Speaker 1: that is another thing. These filters are out of control.
Speaker 1: But here's the thing. Can you filter one side of
Speaker 1: a photo and not the other side? Spade was talking about, Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: of course, if you can filter, you can have filter
Speaker 1: now Spade. I went to dinner with Spade the other
Speaker 1: night and we were talking about these filters and he's like,
Speaker 1: I don't trust anything anymore, Like you just can't. And
Speaker 1: we were talking about how a girl comes, like you
Speaker 1: meet a girl online and then she comes up to
Speaker 1: the table and you go, um, You're like, oh hi,
Speaker 1: and she's like hi, and you're like, are you is
Speaker 1: her mom coming in to check in on her? Like
Speaker 1: we feel like girls look so much different than they're
Speaker 1: filter pictures like that, you would think it was a mom,
Speaker 1: Like not this mom. But also have you seen the
Speaker 1: g the g Forces one where the girl is in
Speaker 1: the plane. No, have you seen that? Oh? My god,
Speaker 1: it's all over read it. This girl is in a
Speaker 1: like a fighter jet or something where you have g
Speaker 1: forces like on your face, and it starts out and
Speaker 1: she looks sixty seven. I mean, I'm like in a
Speaker 1: hard sixty seven. And then it turns around like she's
Speaker 1: almost upside down, and it just shows ages. Just gravity, dude, ages,
Speaker 1: just gravity. There's nothing else about it. And her skin
Speaker 1: goes and then all of a sudden, she goes up
Speaker 1: and she looks like Camille Caustic, like the hottest like
Speaker 1: Victorious that she literally in her real life looks like
Speaker 1: Camil Caustic, and she looks like sixty seven. It's the
Speaker 1: coolest thing. Um, yeah, this is good for them. Women
Speaker 1: are just gonna start driving. This is exciting for me
Speaker 1: because I I, you know, I'm aging, and um, I
Speaker 1: get a little worried about things sometimes I see my
Speaker 1: skin slipping off my head. But um, I'm also like,
Speaker 1: I just know that the surgeries out there, which that
Speaker 1: woman is definitely employed, and like the skincare and the
Speaker 1: different things, like it's gonna be okay. And my mom
Speaker 1: this weekend she was in l A shooting stuff. My
Speaker 1: mom was in l A shooting things with that camera stuff,
Speaker 1: and my mom is so beautiful and like I was
Speaker 1: just like, oh, I'm gonna be quite all right. It
Speaker 1: was just so nice to see. Could you imagine going
Speaker 1: on a date with your mother, like let's say she
Speaker 1: wasn't dating your dad, Like, yeah, I would love it.
Speaker 1: I would love it. It would be wild, I guess, like,
Speaker 1: would it take the intimacy out of it? Though? I
Speaker 1: mean first dates are always the thing? Is I love
Speaker 1: when my biggest thing I realized when I shifted back
Speaker 1: into kind of considering dating my acts. We were just
Speaker 1: like friends this summer, and I realized when I wanted
Speaker 1: to like take things back to like that I was
Speaker 1: interested again romantically. Was when he expressed how much he
Speaker 1: loved my parents and like how much he thought my
Speaker 1: mom was just hilarious. He said that I'll know I've
Speaker 1: lived a good life if I get to the end
Speaker 1: of it and I've spent as much time as I
Speaker 1: could around Julie Glazer, and he really meant that, And
Speaker 1: how he was so enthusiastic about my dad's band and like,
Speaker 1: um and how good my dad was, Like it wasn't
Speaker 1: him trying. I mean, he was not he was just
Speaker 1: being genuine. I know when a guys trying to brown nose,
Speaker 1: and it was just genuine, and it made me so
Speaker 1: attracted him that he was into my family and other
Speaker 1: guys along the way, Like when men are super into
Speaker 1: my family and make an effort to like be chill
Speaker 1: with them, it's so sexy to me and so um no,
Speaker 1: I'd love to go on a day with my mom
Speaker 1: um next, Sorry how that would look. Don't you like
Speaker 1: it when like people like Brenna shows interest in your family?
Speaker 1: Oh for sure. I mean when she looks at like
Speaker 1: my nephew Teddy or like yeah, it's a lot of
Speaker 1: I mean, that's all the photos are. Let that's be
Speaker 1: known to any men listening, I think or women. People
Speaker 1: really appreciate it when you show like genuine interest and
Speaker 1: curiosity about their family if there are people that like
Speaker 1: their family too, and even if they don't like I
Speaker 1: feel like a lot of times I would bitch about
Speaker 1: my family to my boyfriend when we were together, and
Speaker 1: he got the idea that I didn't like them, and
Speaker 1: so he would often be like, come hang out with
Speaker 1: my family, like you don't even like your family, and
Speaker 1: I'm like no, no, that's just it's like when you
Speaker 1: make fun of yourself and it's like, no, I still
Speaker 1: like myself, yes, yes, well not I don't, but well yeah,
Speaker 1: I was just talking in generalities. Um. It is interesting
Speaker 1: too when someone goes, okay, I sweet your nephew, like
Speaker 1: there's a beauty and like the honesty of that too though,
Speaker 1: where they're just like a little dismissing the fine. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like know, who's really cute this one, but the other
Speaker 1: one I'm okay with it. Like that's the way I
Speaker 1: kind of feel about Poppy and Arlow. Like Arlo and
Speaker 1: I don't have the crazy connection that Poppy and I have,
Speaker 1: but that's for later. Like Arlo and I, there will
Speaker 1: be a time where Poppy is the lesser, the one
Speaker 1: I don't like as much. In Arlow's the one. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with you. We're going on double dates with
Speaker 1: them exactly. Um, let's get to the next story, all right.
Speaker 1: A TikTok doctor says the average length of an erect
Speaker 1: penis is probably shorter than the UH proposed five point
Speaker 1: five five point one because most men with small wieners
Speaker 1: probably want to consent to being involved in those studies.
Speaker 1: That is a great point, doctor saying Wieners, I say
Speaker 1: that on stage, by the way, that women need to
Speaker 1: stop making fun of men's small penises, or just it's
Speaker 1: not even making fun of men's small penises talking so
Speaker 1: much about how much they love big dicks, because you
Speaker 1: know what you're doing there, you're making You're making guys
Speaker 1: without big dicks feel bad. And the problem is, which
Speaker 1: is exactly what this is talking about. Men that have
Speaker 1: small penises will not go, hey, that makes me feel bad.
Speaker 1: You know, like if you're making fun of I compare
Speaker 1: it to body shaming of women in terms of like
Speaker 1: fat women. You know, when guys are like, she's so hot,
Speaker 1: she's so like, always about their thinness and their fitness.
Speaker 1: They might not be saying I'm not attracted to fat women,
Speaker 1: but that we fat women. Hear that loud and clear. Now.
Speaker 1: The thing is, fat women can't hide that they're fat,
Speaker 1: whereas men with small penises, you don't know, So men
Speaker 1: with small penises don't go, hey, that makes me feel sad.
Speaker 1: You know, there are a few that are like proud
Speaker 1: about there, but it's very very few, and so men
Speaker 1: with small penises never say anything about it. They internalize it.
Speaker 1: They don't even tell their therapists, They won't tell their
Speaker 1: closest friends. They they have this secret alone that they
Speaker 1: can never share with anyone because apparently it is the
Speaker 1: most shameful thing to have a small penis. So what
Speaker 1: you do when you're a woman who talks about loving
Speaker 1: big dicks openly to in front of men, you make
Speaker 1: these men with smaller or like average penises or ones
Speaker 1: that they they might even have a big pennis and
Speaker 1: think they have a small penis. You make them feel
Speaker 1: really bad. And it's it's worse than body shaming for
Speaker 1: women because women have a place to go when their
Speaker 1: body shamed because they there are other women who are
Speaker 1: clearly fat that they can be like, hey, I feel
Speaker 1: bad about this, or bald or whatever it is. Even
Speaker 1: bald men don't suffer as much as men with small penises.
Speaker 1: So just be mindful that these men don't have anywhere
Speaker 1: to go. And it's that is the worst thing when
Speaker 1: you are suffering alone with something and you don't have
Speaker 1: a community of people that you can go or that
Speaker 1: you can just say, hey, that makes me sad, and
Speaker 1: they end up this is why men end up becoming
Speaker 1: in cells why they end up hurting themselves, why they
Speaker 1: end up hurting others. It's so it's a big thing
Speaker 1: that I don't want to minimize by being by saying, oh,
Speaker 1: it's just all comes down to small penises and women.
Speaker 1: It's your fault that men shoot up, you know, grocery stores,
Speaker 1: but it's not. We need to We need to just
Speaker 1: be mindful of men with small penises. And if you're
Speaker 1: a man with a small penis right now listening down
Speaker 1: the gun and grab the penis, no, I love you
Speaker 1: and I would date you. I would never not date
Speaker 1: a man with a small penis. I want this to
Speaker 1: be a clip. I want to say to any man
Speaker 1: out there, you might not even be me. Know, Andrew
Speaker 1: has an average penis, so this doesn't count. But if
Speaker 1: you're a man who feels bad about your dick s eyes,
Speaker 1: don't laugh during this because it sounds like we're making money. Okay,
Speaker 1: If you're a man out there with a small penis,
Speaker 1: all right, I want to talk to you right now
Speaker 1: and say that I would never not date you because
Speaker 1: you have a small penis. I want to make the
Speaker 1: point that do you think lesbians are miserable because there's
Speaker 1: no penises in their sex life. No, lesbians like the
Speaker 1: feeling of a penis inside them too. They like to
Speaker 1: be filled up, but they don't care that the partner
Speaker 1: doesn't have a penis because they use toys. So men
Speaker 1: with small penises, you can always use toys. It's better
Speaker 1: to use toys. They feel better to us because you
Speaker 1: can use them with your hand and it with your pelvis.
Speaker 1: And honestly, a woman that is ever going to be
Speaker 1: like I need a big dick is completely insecure and
Speaker 1: it has and is just hitting back at all of
Speaker 1: the things that she feels that she's not being good
Speaker 1: enough for other men for and it's just projecting. It
Speaker 1: says nothing about who you are. For every woman that
Speaker 1: wouldn't date you because of your penis, there are so
Speaker 1: many women that would and women that wouldn't date you.
Speaker 1: They're dumb, their dominant, they don't understand what what could
Speaker 1: be with the with the toys that are being used
Speaker 1: with your mouth, with your hands. So please do not
Speaker 1: hate yourself because you're a small penis. If you want,
Speaker 1: you can always DM me and just write small penis
Speaker 1: and all caps and I will read your truth and
Speaker 1: you can lament to me about it, and I will
Speaker 1: not judge you. I will not write you back, I
Speaker 1: will not screenshot it and share it with anyone. I
Speaker 1: am a safe space and um, if you want to
Speaker 1: talk to someone about it, you can talk to me
Speaker 1: about it. Yeah, a woman that's like I need a
Speaker 1: big dick, probably it's like maybe like my pussy so
Speaker 1: like it makes her pussy feel small, maybe that it
Speaker 1: could be a thing. And then the other thing is
Speaker 1: that when when when guys shame women vagina, I've heard
Speaker 1: like women go, you're still I don't like, you're lucky
Speaker 1: to get this pussy, Like, no matter what the pussy is,
Speaker 1: you're lucky to get them. And I feel like guys
Speaker 1: need to get that dialogue with like, oh, you're making
Speaker 1: fun of my little dick. You're lucky to get this
Speaker 1: little dick, like like you almost like you and you are.
Speaker 1: And there is a there is a trend. I know,
Speaker 1: I'm going back to TikTok of women holding up rulers
Speaker 1: and be like I don't want this seven point five inches.
Speaker 1: I don't want nine inches. I want five inches. It's
Speaker 1: like it's called boyfriend dick what they're calling it. And
Speaker 1: the thing is I hope that you watch those and
Speaker 1: you feel empowered in that you trust those women because
Speaker 1: it is not about your dick. Siye, I do believe
Speaker 1: that you know, unlike I will say, unlike women who
Speaker 1: might not be attractive to men because men want a
Speaker 1: skinny woman and they're like, I'm obese, and so I
Speaker 1: don't even have a chance with that guy. They're actually
Speaker 1: worse off based on that guy's reasoning to never get
Speaker 1: that guy than a girl who says I need a
Speaker 1: big dick. Well, then guess what, go buy one at
Speaker 1: the store. A guy with a small penis can go
Speaker 1: buy a big dick and and and please that woman right.
Speaker 1: Whereas a woman who is bigger and a man is
Speaker 1: like I need a small woman, she's ship out of luck.
Speaker 1: So I will say that there's a benefit to being
Speaker 1: a man with a small penis that these women who
Speaker 1: you seem to not even be allowed to date because
Speaker 1: they need a big dick, you actually can bring one
Speaker 1: to the bedroom. And it's called a dil do and
Speaker 1: there are so many of them, and they're way better
Speaker 1: than actual penises. No offense to all the penises that
Speaker 1: I know. You could lose weight, but you can't grow
Speaker 1: a bigger dick, but not some people can't lose weight.
Speaker 1: I get that. I know some people will never look
Speaker 1: like Emily Radizowski no matter what dick does. Kind of weird.
Speaker 1: Let's go to break? Why do I care? Why do
Speaker 1: I care? All right? Billie Eiler says the met Gala
Speaker 1: made her realize famous people are just literally nobody's. And
Speaker 1: by the way, all the swells and it's Monday, and
Speaker 1: you know what that means, It's Monday, it's always at
Speaker 1: the end. Okay, yeah, so literally nobody's I like that line. Yeah,
Speaker 1: everyone is literally a nobody and she goes, you know
Speaker 1: what she was on Howard. The main thing that night
Speaker 1: made me think was how famous people are just literally
Speaker 1: nobody's just randoms and it's so weird. I was like, Wow,
Speaker 1: all these people are just somebody that's in class with you,
Speaker 1: and you think this person is kind of annoying, you
Speaker 1: really like this person, you get along with this person.
Speaker 1: Everybody's just like embarrassed and insecure about what they're doing. Insane.
Speaker 1: So all these people, like they're dressed to the nine,
Speaker 1: they're in these huge dresses everything, and they're all celebrities
Speaker 1: are just like us. They really are, like they all
Speaker 1: when j Lo gets out of that limo and is
Speaker 1: wearing that corseted like you know, with Cardier bedazzled thing,
Speaker 1: and she's got this like look that she's like sucking
Speaker 1: on a lemon and her eyes are pulled back because
Speaker 1: of that surgery where you can get threads in your
Speaker 1: face that pull you back, like all the hot deeds.
Speaker 1: They feel just the same way that you do, of
Speaker 1: like how this dress is itchy and my foot hurts,
Speaker 1: Like sometimes we just forget that everyone is just us.
Speaker 1: So is it a disservice too to show this grab gravitas?
Speaker 1: Is it a disservice to going so putting them on
Speaker 1: a pestil? No, because it's fun. That's the thing is
Speaker 1: like we as long as you don't read into it
Speaker 1: like they're inherently better than you. And I think that's
Speaker 1: what I used to do when I was young, and
Speaker 1: that's what led me to, you know, want to be
Speaker 1: It didn't lead to my eating disorder, but it definitely
Speaker 1: My eta disorder was not about being thin. It was
Speaker 1: about not feeling like I was enough. But I always
Speaker 1: thought it was about wanting to be thin, looking like
Speaker 1: Jenniferraniston looking at having the stomach of shape of Britney
Speaker 1: Spears on the MTV Move Music Awards two thousand. Like
Speaker 1: I thought it was about wanting to be I'm a
Speaker 1: slave for you, Britney Spears. What it really was is
Speaker 1: that I wasn't good enough as I was and no
Speaker 1: amount of skinniness because I was way skinnier than Britney
Speaker 1: Spears and Jenniferranston and was not better than them. And
Speaker 1: that is the problem, is that we put a moral
Speaker 1: value on it, like they're a better person, when really
Speaker 1: these people are actors are the fucking worst, you guys.
Speaker 1: I have been around so many famous people at this point,
Speaker 1: and it is so rare that one of these actors
Speaker 1: are actually cool. Musicians are cool, Comedians are cool. Actors
Speaker 1: are so not cool. They're dork stude. They're these guys
Speaker 1: that went into like did theater school there. They think
Speaker 1: they're so cool. They're I was I was making Spade
Speaker 1: laugh the other day so hard because I was like,
Speaker 1: I was getting so mad because we're talking about some
Speaker 1: comedian we really respect, and like, who was hanging out
Speaker 1: with someone who is really fucking lame? And I was
Speaker 1: just like, there's no way that that comic who we
Speaker 1: know is cool thinks that person is cool. There's just
Speaker 1: no way they're doing it. But they're more famous, but
Speaker 1: they're more famous, and they're doing it to be cool.
Speaker 1: And that's the truth, is like the actor suck. Jennifer
Speaker 1: Lawrence is the only actor I have met that's not true.
Speaker 1: She's one of the only actors I've met who is
Speaker 1: actually as cool as as you want her to be
Speaker 1: and as like and comedians, by the way, they're not
Speaker 1: all cool, but way cooler than most actors. I found
Speaker 1: what was interesting about like Billy Billy Eilish, Billie Eilish,
Speaker 1: Like her whole thing was baggy clothes, you know, like
Speaker 1: that was like her things like you don't have to
Speaker 1: show your body, even though everyone's we got again, we
Speaker 1: have to her body. And then I was watching Atlanta
Speaker 1: Is More Set with You Last, and her whole thing
Speaker 1: was looking like an adult done up at the age
Speaker 1: of eleven, like the opposite, Like they've had the opposite trajectories.
Speaker 1: And they both were very famous at fifty. But Billy
Speaker 1: was completely covered to being covered. Oh my god, have
Speaker 1: you seen her? She is wearing you know, baggy things
Speaker 1: again like but but yeah, so, but I mean, I
Speaker 1: guess you kind of do the opposite. So Lanta's went
Speaker 1: from that to grungy to no I know, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I know. So it's like her hair covered her face.
Speaker 1: And final thought, Brenna was saying last night that she
Speaker 1: was Everyone's so eager to see Billy Eilish's body, like
Speaker 1: they just as soon as she became of age. It
Speaker 1: was like, what is what's her body? She hides it
Speaker 1: and no one ever does that with men. No one's
Speaker 1: ever like what's he got underneath their tips? Today? And
Speaker 1: I was really excited. My boobs are so my my hormones. Also,
Speaker 1: I've gained some weight recently and they are so like
Speaker 1: look please just look at this. Look how big these
Speaker 1: things are today. They're giant. I did a video for
Speaker 1: the guy I'm dating that I said on this secret
Speaker 1: app and I love doing these videos. I was just like, hey,
Speaker 1: I have an emergency. I was like, I don't wait
Speaker 1: to alarm you, but like, do you see what's happening here?
Speaker 1: I was like they're too big, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I have to wear this bra that literally looks like
Speaker 1: a um one of those bras that you breastfeed your baby,
Speaker 1: like it's just this giant bra that's like grandma bra
Speaker 1: almost because there's so there. I've kettle belt tips today
Speaker 1: and I did this video though, and I'm just like
Speaker 1: they're so big, like you have to come over and
Speaker 1: look at these, like I don't know what to do
Speaker 1: with them. And he wrote back he was like that
Speaker 1: was so fucking funny because I always liked he always
Speaker 1: says that I am the perfect combo with like funny
Speaker 1: and hot, where I'm just like I always am like,
Speaker 1: what do we do with these? But I didn't. I
Speaker 1: did an emergency video today where I was like, they're
Speaker 1: the biggest thing will ever be ever be today. And
Speaker 1: I don't mean to sexualize Billie Eilish, but she's got
Speaker 1: some big old titties, tiggle biddies. I mean today, I've
Speaker 1: got some Billie eilish is. It sucks because tids can
Speaker 1: be so big where if you don't hide them, people
Speaker 1: think you're showing them. So it's like no matter what
Speaker 1: you wear, like anything besides a big sweater, you're like,
Speaker 1: you're just showing your fucking cleve. It's like I'm wearing
Speaker 1: a fucking I really hard at my tips are not
Speaker 1: as big as some girls tips that like cause back
Speaker 1: pain and all those things like. But I'm really excited
Speaker 1: today to have some tigg old biddies and they're gonna
Speaker 1: get They're gonna drain soon, they'll go back to the
Speaker 1: way they were. But right now, I'm just I ate
Speaker 1: a lot. Recently, I've been like stressed out. I've gained weight.
Speaker 1: Anyone that knows me, like out there, listen, I've gained
Speaker 1: like ten pounds recently. Nouns I usually do around Christmas.
Speaker 1: If you're out there and relate to me, like, fucking
Speaker 1: who cares. I needed that extra food to get through
Speaker 1: the stress I felt recently. It tasted so good. I
Speaker 1: don't regret it. My body will normalize when it needs to,
Speaker 1: and I'm fine and I love my body. Today I
Speaker 1: have to wear different pants and I don't look the
Speaker 1: same in pictures, but fuck it, Like, let's let's enjoy
Speaker 1: our bodies because I have hands today and I wanted to, Um,
Speaker 1: we gotta get to top one, bottom one, No, but
Speaker 1: leave to top one. There's no rules. Top one, bottom
Speaker 1: one real quick before we leave. Noah, is that cool?
Speaker 1: Don't you have a minute left. Yeah, but that's fine,
Speaker 1: we can get it done. Top one, bottom one fast
Speaker 1: food restaurants, okay, fast food, bottom Andrew go least favorite,
Speaker 1: least favorite. I'd have to go with Sonic alright, Noah
Speaker 1: McDonald's whoa, Okay, I want to I'm gonna go Jack
Speaker 1: in the Box. There was an equal I scared there
Speaker 1: in the nineties in St. Louis this sauce. There was
Speaker 1: some orange sauce on something one time that I got it.
Speaker 1: I didn't like it. I'm gonna go Jack in the box,
Speaker 1: even though I do like their coats. Where like Donaldson
Speaker 1: comes from. In like the nineties, there was a chicken
Speaker 1: head in the chicken nuggets and I saw that news
Speaker 1: story and after that, I was never able to go
Speaker 1: to You know what, whenever there's a chicken part in
Speaker 1: chicken nuggets, I always go, yeah, it's chicken, you idiots.
Speaker 1: So I'm not saying that to you, Noah. But like
Speaker 1: I love when there's like a claw and they're like
Speaker 1: I found a beacon my nugget. It's like, yeah, you're
Speaker 1: eating a chicken. It doesn't remind you that it's a chicken. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it should because it's a chicken, all right, number
Speaker 1: one go I found a cow head in my burger
Speaker 1: number one, And I'm I'm going from a place of
Speaker 1: when I used to eat me because I don't eat
Speaker 1: fast food anymore besides subway. But that's not gonna be
Speaker 1: my top one. I would have to say. I mean
Speaker 1: chicken file a, Chick fil a from Sundays. What about
Speaker 1: Sunday Sunday? I just wait till Monday, all right? No Chipotle,
Speaker 1: Oh you could do. I was thinking, like really garbage
Speaker 1: like fast food, like, but you're right. I would go
Speaker 1: Chipotle too, but I'm gonna stick to like the worst,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna go like stuff that's bad for you know,
Speaker 1: but the worst, like the worst fast food, like the
Speaker 1: food fast food chains that are not good for you,
Speaker 1: like they try to be, but they're not ever like
Speaker 1: Chipotle is, like Chipotle is. There's no drive through. Okay,
Speaker 1: so we didn't we didn't say drive through it. She's
Speaker 1: not seem angry. I'm not mad. I'm gonna go Taco Bell.
Speaker 1: But really, if I'm going to go, I haven't had
Speaker 1: McDonald's in so long. But if we're going off of McDonald's,
Speaker 1: either Taco Bell or McDonald's in the nineties. That's the
Speaker 1: last time I had either of those. Loved it so much,
Speaker 1: had a bug in my taco bell eight around. I'm
Speaker 1: telling you everyone has had a bug in their taco
Speaker 1: about what it is. That's what it is. Now we
Speaker 1: will get more into the in depths of We know
Speaker 1: the busties are loving the food discussions, so we love
Speaker 1: that so much. I just want to is today real quick?
Speaker 1: I have one minute before I go to therapy. I
Speaker 1: got this letter from a bestie to the UH this weekend.
Speaker 1: I think it was from Nicole Um. Maybe not Nicole,
Speaker 1: but it doesn't have a name with it. If you
Speaker 1: could tell me who said this things, my best friend
Speaker 1: NICKI has taught me. I love this list so much.
Speaker 1: I want to cry. Number one, my weird thoughts don't
Speaker 1: make me weird. Number two, I don't choose my thoughts.
Speaker 1: Number three, always be honest. Number four, it is always
Speaker 1: okay to say no. Number five, I did not choose
Speaker 1: my brain. Number six. Other people are going through things
Speaker 1: as well. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Seven.
Speaker 1: If you can't find something to be grateful for, be
Speaker 1: grateful that you have hands. Eight it is okay to
Speaker 1: feel all of my feelings. Nine, I can get high
Speaker 1: off my own supply rather than reaching for a vice. Ten.
Speaker 1: I don't need to be concerned with how others perceived
Speaker 1: me because I know who I am. Eleven The people
Speaker 1: who love me will accept me as I am. Twelve,
Speaker 1: Be humble. Thirteen. When I don't like how I look,
Speaker 1: I can laugh at myself fourteen to continue on my
Speaker 1: twelve step journey. Fifteen. If I didn't do something, it
Speaker 1: was because I wasn't meant to do it. Sixteen. If
Speaker 1: people are late for the airport, let them in front.
Speaker 1: One day, that will be me. Seventeen I don't need
Speaker 1: to feel guilty for not working out. Eighteen It's okay
Speaker 1: that there are things I don't want to do, like
Speaker 1: hiking and watching sports. Nineteen except the accept the thought
Speaker 1: that there will one day be a day where I
Speaker 1: will quit drinking. Twenty I am okay alone, And she says,
Speaker 1: you have saved me in my darkest moments, and I'm
Speaker 1: so grateful for you. I am so grateful for this list,
Speaker 1: and I am going to keep it on my fridge
Speaker 1: to remind me of all these things too. Can someone
Speaker 1: make that you know Jimmy John's how they have lists.
Speaker 1: Can someone make that a thing? I don't know, like,
Speaker 1: make that like a metal thing with the different the wall. Yeah,
Speaker 1: plaque if you are. If you have a Plaque store,
Speaker 1: UM right to us and I'll send you the list
Speaker 1: again so you don't have to listen back. Um. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much you guys, don't be kid. We'll see
Speaker 1: you tomorrow. And good jack oh whole Wyoming