1 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:09,320 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:26,560 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. 5 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:31,120 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast, new listeners, old listeners. Wherever 6 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:32,920 Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is so great to 7 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:36,080 Speaker 1: have you here. Back for another episode as we of 8 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:40,600 Speaker 1: course break down the Psychology of your twenties. Have you 9 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,839 Speaker 1: ever been told that you're too sensitive, or that you 10 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:47,360 Speaker 1: just shouldn't think so much, You're overreacting to something so small, 11 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:51,199 Speaker 1: you let the world hurt you, or my all time favorite, 12 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:55,000 Speaker 1: you just take everything so personally. If you are a 13 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:59,280 Speaker 1: highly sensitive person, these statements are definitely something that you've 14 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:03,840 Speaker 1: probably care and a most likely sick of hearing. Being 15 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:07,160 Speaker 1: a highly sensitive person is so much more than what 16 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:10,080 Speaker 1: people think it is. There is such a limited idea 17 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:13,240 Speaker 1: that if you're sensitive, you must cry all the time, 18 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:16,480 Speaker 1: you ever react, you take things too seriously that you 19 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:21,440 Speaker 1: make it difficult for others. Sensitivity is often synonymous with fragility, 20 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,800 Speaker 1: being easy to break, and feeling like people need to 21 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:30,399 Speaker 1: walk on eggshells around you, and these misconceptions treat our 22 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:34,040 Speaker 1: sensitivity like a character flaw, when in fact, being a 23 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:39,280 Speaker 1: deeply sensitive, gentle feeling person simply means that you have 24 00:01:39,319 --> 00:01:42,840 Speaker 1: a profound and rich inner emotional life that causes you 25 00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:45,560 Speaker 1: to see, feel, perceive the world differently and with more 26 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:50,320 Speaker 1: color and complexity. Everything is just heightened. The beautiful things 27 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,040 Speaker 1: about the world are magnified, but so is a lot 28 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:56,600 Speaker 1: of the pain and the stress and the sadness. Sometimes 29 00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:59,120 Speaker 1: that can be overwhelming, but I honestly think it's better 30 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:02,760 Speaker 1: to feel a lot than nothing at all. And you 31 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:06,880 Speaker 1: know who decided that being overly sensitive is a bad 32 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:10,720 Speaker 1: thing in comparison to being insensitive or completely numb to 33 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:13,160 Speaker 1: what you're experiencing. In my mind, there's one of those 34 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:17,240 Speaker 1: that is most certainly a better option. So today we 35 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:20,960 Speaker 1: are going to discuss what it means to be a 36 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:24,560 Speaker 1: highly sensitive person, breaking down some of the myths and 37 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:27,800 Speaker 1: the misconceptions that others might have. We're also going to 38 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:32,040 Speaker 1: explore what actually makes us sensitive on a genetic level, 39 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:37,560 Speaker 1: on a parental level, on a childhood level, the hidden 40 00:02:37,639 --> 00:02:40,840 Speaker 1: powers and hidden talents of sensitive people when it comes 41 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:46,720 Speaker 1: to intelligence, creativity, empathy, how to help people understand you 42 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:50,920 Speaker 1: more as a highly sensitive person, and kind of just 43 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:55,200 Speaker 1: having an overall conversation around how to make your sensitivity 44 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:59,000 Speaker 1: fit into the world, how to make the world make 45 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:02,320 Speaker 1: space for you as a sensitive person, and why the 46 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:05,880 Speaker 1: world should be doing that, why we need highly sensitive 47 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:09,120 Speaker 1: people like you and I to keep the world spinning, 48 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:13,440 Speaker 1: to keep people feeling, to bring empathy and intelligence and 49 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:17,480 Speaker 1: a certain emotional vividness to situations that other people might 50 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:20,720 Speaker 1: not bring those things. So there is so much in 51 00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:24,320 Speaker 1: this episode that I think might surprise you, so many studies, 52 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:28,880 Speaker 1: research papers, fun facts that will hopefully allow you to 53 00:03:28,919 --> 00:03:31,880 Speaker 1: know your own self even better as someone who is 54 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:35,840 Speaker 1: deeply feeling, as someone who is very in tune with 55 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:39,400 Speaker 1: the world and everything going on around them. Because I 56 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:42,400 Speaker 1: just feel like highly sensitive people deserve to be seen, 57 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,120 Speaker 1: they deserve to feel acknowledged. They are some of the 58 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:48,240 Speaker 1: best people in the world. So I want to make 59 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:50,680 Speaker 1: some space for them on this podcast and just talk 60 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:53,080 Speaker 1: about it with you guys today. So there is so 61 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:56,120 Speaker 1: much on the agenda. I'm going to stop babbling and 62 00:03:56,160 --> 00:04:00,560 Speaker 1: without further ado, let's get into the psychology of highly 63 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:04,520 Speaker 1: sensitive people and kind of answering that question. Am I 64 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:13,600 Speaker 1: just too sensitive. So starting off strong, what are the 65 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:18,400 Speaker 1: actual characteristics of a highly sensitive person in comparison to 66 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:22,320 Speaker 1: someone who is of regular sensitivity. I don't know if 67 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:26,560 Speaker 1: it's regular, let's just say average. With everything. What makes 68 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:31,480 Speaker 1: someone sensitive, what makes something anything really varies. It's probably 69 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:36,000 Speaker 1: worth noting that there are two different types of sensitivity. 70 00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:42,320 Speaker 1: There is reactive or environmental sensitivity, and personality or internal sensitivity. 71 00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:46,280 Speaker 1: We all have times when we're just a little bit 72 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:49,400 Speaker 1: on edge and we're a little bit fragile, like when 73 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:53,839 Speaker 1: we're tired, or when our hormones are fluctuating, when our 74 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:57,240 Speaker 1: anxiety is biking because of you know, a really stressful 75 00:04:57,279 --> 00:05:02,239 Speaker 1: period in our lives. These are all incredibly taxing experiences 76 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:05,200 Speaker 1: and emotional states that are going to put a strain 77 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:09,400 Speaker 1: on our limited cognitive and mental resources. That is why 78 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:12,159 Speaker 1: we are so sensitive during those times, in particular, because 79 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:16,560 Speaker 1: we genuinely just have less energy in the tank to 80 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:21,160 Speaker 1: self regulate and to process our emotions. So that is 81 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:28,119 Speaker 1: environmental or reactive sensitivity. The opposite of this is internal personality, 82 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:33,719 Speaker 1: longstanding trait sensitivity. This is the kind of hypersensitivity that 83 00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:36,880 Speaker 1: is part of who we are, part of our personality. 84 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:42,920 Speaker 1: These other people who we would call highly sensitive persons HSPs. 85 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,560 Speaker 1: It literally has an acronym, and this was a term 86 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:49,359 Speaker 1: that was coined by the psychologist Elaine Aaron in the nineties, 87 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:52,400 Speaker 1: and she wrote probably one of the most in depth 88 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:56,320 Speaker 1: books on this, titled very appropriately, it's called the highly 89 00:05:56,480 --> 00:06:02,239 Speaker 1: sensitive person. That is, when this experience sperience, this personality trait, 90 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:06,400 Speaker 1: this phenomena first got a name. She was the one 91 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:10,120 Speaker 1: who began to really observe it, began to draw patterns 92 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:13,960 Speaker 1: between people who were all expressing the same reactions and 93 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:18,719 Speaker 1: feelings and behaviors, and she labeled those people highly sensitive persons. 94 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:22,760 Speaker 1: She also went on to develop a questionnaire that can 95 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:27,440 Speaker 1: help people like you and I basically confirm or identify 96 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:31,920 Speaker 1: themselves as highly sensitive people. And it's called the Highly 97 00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:36,200 Speaker 1: Sensitive Person's Scale. It's free, it's online, it's available to 98 00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:39,000 Speaker 1: anyone who wants to use it. I'll leave a link 99 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:43,400 Speaker 1: in the episode description, But essentially, her assessment requires you 100 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:47,679 Speaker 1: to simply check some boxes, check the boxes that apply 101 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:50,440 Speaker 1: to you based on statements that are said, and at 102 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:54,360 Speaker 1: the end you receive a score. Some of the questions 103 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:58,239 Speaker 1: some of the boxes that you can tick include things 104 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:03,120 Speaker 1: like other people's moves affect me deeply. I am easily 105 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:08,800 Speaker 1: overwhelmed by strong sensory input bright lights, strong smells, weird fabrics. 106 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:13,440 Speaker 1: I startle easily. I find it hard and overwhelming to 107 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:16,160 Speaker 1: have a lot going on at once. I try hard 108 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:20,240 Speaker 1: to avoid making mistakes or forgetting things. I get annoyed 109 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,200 Speaker 1: when people try to get me to do too many 110 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:25,760 Speaker 1: things at once. And then there are also criteria like 111 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:30,920 Speaker 1: I am deeply moved by music, movies, and art. I 112 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:34,880 Speaker 1: have a rich and complex inner life. When I sense 113 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:37,760 Speaker 1: someone is uncomfortable, I tend to know what needs to 114 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:41,720 Speaker 1: change in the environment to make them more comfortable, like 115 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:44,160 Speaker 1: you know, like lighting or needing a pillow, that kind 116 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:48,440 Speaker 1: of thing. I think it's really important to highlight those 117 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:51,760 Speaker 1: elements of what it means to be a highly sensitive person, 118 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:56,720 Speaker 1: because the misconception is that sensitive people are just too demanding, 119 00:07:57,200 --> 00:08:00,840 Speaker 1: take things too personally, too highly strong. The truth is 120 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:04,520 Speaker 1: is that they are actually highly attuned to others' needs, 121 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:09,600 Speaker 1: often deeply empathetic as well deeply feeling. Because they exist 122 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 1: so closely with their emotions, everything is on the surface 123 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:17,400 Speaker 1: for them, and so sadness is not just sadness, it's 124 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:21,520 Speaker 1: deep sorrow. Happiness is not just happiness, it's pure ecstasy. 125 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:27,960 Speaker 1: Everything exists at the highest level for them that point 126 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:32,400 Speaker 1: about being deeply moved by music movies aren't as well. 127 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:36,320 Speaker 1: I find that really really compelling. I actually saw this 128 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:39,400 Speaker 1: video from someone the other day who talked about what 129 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:41,600 Speaker 1: it's like to be a highly sensitive person watching the 130 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:45,840 Speaker 1: Olympics and how it's just like constant tears because you 131 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:50,400 Speaker 1: feel everything that the athletes are feeling, even through the screen. 132 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:54,840 Speaker 1: And this just really highlights how human it really is 133 00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:59,000 Speaker 1: to be highly sensitive, how connected we feel to things 134 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:02,040 Speaker 1: around us that are beautiful, that move us, that make 135 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:05,280 Speaker 1: us feel something. Why is that the case. It's because 136 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:10,520 Speaker 1: of an obscure region of the brain known as the vmPFC. 137 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:14,480 Speaker 1: Super random. That's all you need to know, the vmPFC. 138 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:17,920 Speaker 1: It's the part of the brain that, among other things, 139 00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:24,200 Speaker 1: adds emotional resonance to our pure sensory data. So, you know, 140 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:27,240 Speaker 1: you see a blanket on a couch, If you didn't 141 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:30,480 Speaker 1: have your vmPFC, you'd be like, Oh, that's just a 142 00:09:30,559 --> 00:09:34,080 Speaker 1: random blanket, that's it. You don't really have the same 143 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:37,760 Speaker 1: emotional attachment to maybe know that that blanket is you know, 144 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:41,160 Speaker 1: the dona that your grandmother made you for your fifth birthday, 145 00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:44,679 Speaker 1: or you know, the blanket that you brought to college. 146 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:48,600 Speaker 1: That part of our brain that sees things, applies meaning 147 00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:52,600 Speaker 1: to them, applies emotion history to them. That part of 148 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:57,120 Speaker 1: our brain is heightened and more active in people who 149 00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:01,920 Speaker 1: are highly sensitive. It's why you feel something emotional when 150 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:06,120 Speaker 1: you see a flower rather than just seeing a flower. 151 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:10,680 Speaker 1: This also means that people who are highly sensitive, they 152 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:16,400 Speaker 1: experience the world with a greater level of emotional saturation, 153 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:21,240 Speaker 1: more color, essentially more vividness, and that can also make 154 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:25,360 Speaker 1: us more creative. One study from NYU found in I 155 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:30,960 Speaker 1: think it was twenty seventeen that higher sensitivity to our environment, 156 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:38,280 Speaker 1: highly sensitive people also show higher emotional intelligence, greater emotional sensitivity, 157 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:41,680 Speaker 1: and all of that is correlated with higher scores on 158 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:46,360 Speaker 1: a creativity test. It all kind of comes together, right. 159 00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:52,200 Speaker 1: Having that real sense of our emotions, feeling like you 160 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:55,080 Speaker 1: can reach out and touch them, also means that you 161 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:58,160 Speaker 1: can see those emotions in other people. And it also 162 00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:01,520 Speaker 1: means that you can take those emotions and funnel them 163 00:11:01,559 --> 00:11:05,640 Speaker 1: into other activities, funnel them into a beautiful form like 164 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:09,040 Speaker 1: making art. And I really want that nuance to come 165 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:14,400 Speaker 1: through here. This is not a one dimensional experience only 166 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:19,079 Speaker 1: defined by feeling overwhelmed, only defined by crying all the time, 167 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:24,640 Speaker 1: or needing space, needing distance. It is a vivid emotional 168 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:30,720 Speaker 1: and sensory state that brings more color, movement, light, excitement 169 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,120 Speaker 1: to the world. Sounds like a good thing, but that 170 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:38,160 Speaker 1: can also be really really overwhelming. So highly sensitive people 171 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,520 Speaker 1: are thought to make up roughly twenty percent of the 172 00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:46,480 Speaker 1: general population, which is probably higher than we would expect. Obviously, 173 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:50,480 Speaker 1: with everything, it's a bit of a spectrum, but again, 174 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:52,720 Speaker 1: about one in five of us have the kind of brain, 175 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:57,160 Speaker 1: have the kind of emotional regulation system that notices just 176 00:11:57,400 --> 00:12:00,120 Speaker 1: a little bit more about the world around us, that 177 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:03,600 Speaker 1: is just a little bit more impacted by others feelings 178 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:09,160 Speaker 1: and also our own. An interesting fun fact, humans are 179 00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:13,040 Speaker 1: not the only species that can be classified or defined 180 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:20,360 Speaker 1: as highly sensitive. Elephants, for example, dolphins, horses, octopuses, they 181 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:26,000 Speaker 1: all show varying degrees of emotional and social sensitivity between them. 182 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:29,280 Speaker 1: What's something that those animals all have in common. They're 183 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:33,679 Speaker 1: also very very smart, and they're very highly evolved compared 184 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:38,160 Speaker 1: to your average reptile or mammal or marsupial, which goes 185 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:41,280 Speaker 1: to show that the more connections in our brain, the 186 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:45,199 Speaker 1: more neurons, the more intelligent we are, perhaps the more 187 00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:51,000 Speaker 1: capacity we have to be sensitive creatures. That might explain why. 188 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:55,240 Speaker 1: According to recent research by the University of Berkeley, highly 189 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:59,800 Speaker 1: sensitive people often have higher IQs, not just eqs, they 190 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:04,199 Speaker 1: also are high in a particular kind of intelligence called 191 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:11,240 Speaker 1: sensory intelligence. Basically, we process information more deeply. We find 192 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:15,720 Speaker 1: that we reflect longer in our experiences. Notice kind of 193 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:19,199 Speaker 1: subtle details were more affected by them. We draw links 194 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:23,160 Speaker 1: between more of our experiences. There was a recent article 195 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:27,480 Speaker 1: published by Psychology Today. Actually it was published just last year. 196 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,960 Speaker 1: It's funny. It's the magazine is called Psychology Today, but 197 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:33,319 Speaker 1: the article within it published last year. Don't know if 198 00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:36,640 Speaker 1: that needed clarification, but you got it anyways. And this 199 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:42,880 Speaker 1: article linked sensitivity to brilliance. You need to be smart 200 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:47,520 Speaker 1: to be as reactive or perceptive of your environment as 201 00:13:47,559 --> 00:13:51,840 Speaker 1: your sensitivity makes you. You cannot be a dumb highly 202 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:56,600 Speaker 1: sensitive person. That's basically what this article was saying. It's 203 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:59,679 Speaker 1: kind of a consolation prize, you know, like, yes, I 204 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:02,240 Speaker 1: find it hard to not break down, but at least 205 00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,240 Speaker 1: I might be a genius, or it might be a 206 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:07,560 Speaker 1: creative prodigy. I would love to hear from you, guys, 207 00:14:07,559 --> 00:14:11,120 Speaker 1: if you are someone who is highly sensitive, do something 208 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,760 Speaker 1: that requires you to use your more creative side of 209 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:16,560 Speaker 1: your brain? Or do you do something that is like 210 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:21,040 Speaker 1: someone perceived as like a highly emotional career, like a therapist, 211 00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:23,560 Speaker 1: like a psychologist, like maybe even a primary school teacher, 212 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,480 Speaker 1: a kindergarten teacher. I really want to know, because I 213 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:30,240 Speaker 1: feel like that would be very, very interesting to see. 214 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:33,240 Speaker 1: So we spend a little bit of time in kind 215 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:36,920 Speaker 1: of what makes a highly sensitive person, the criteria, the characteristics, 216 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:41,000 Speaker 1: how does it happen, How do we become this way 217 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:45,960 Speaker 1: but actually contributes to this unique way of seeing the world. 218 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:48,960 Speaker 1: It's a couple of things. Let's start with the big one. 219 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:52,360 Speaker 1: The big one is our innate temperament. Now, temperament is 220 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:56,760 Speaker 1: kind of exists like one step back from personality. Temperament 221 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,560 Speaker 1: is the nature that we were born with. You and 222 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:03,480 Speaker 1: I most likely have had the same temperament since we 223 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:06,800 Speaker 1: were just little kids. If you hear a parent say, 224 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:10,320 Speaker 1: you know, oh my child is just so calm and curious, 225 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:13,280 Speaker 1: or yeah, my new baby is so fussy and so 226 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:19,600 Speaker 1: short tempered, they're probably not wrong. That kind of personality 227 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:23,920 Speaker 1: that a child has contributes to our future personality because 228 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:27,880 Speaker 1: it's our temperament and the temperament of highly sensitive people. 229 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:31,000 Speaker 1: There's four different types of temperaments. The one that highly 230 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:34,600 Speaker 1: sensitive people most often sit in is the melancholic temperament. 231 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:41,440 Speaker 1: Melancholic people are more reserved. They're more thoughtful, analytical, but 232 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:47,600 Speaker 1: also deeply feeling. Sometimes that can be confused with anxiety. 233 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:53,560 Speaker 1: People with a melancholic temperament are also highly empathetic, and 234 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:56,720 Speaker 1: we know that being an EmPATH and being highly sensitive 235 00:15:56,800 --> 00:16:00,560 Speaker 1: often comes hand in hand because as someone with high empathy, 236 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:05,480 Speaker 1: you are naturally going to feel subtle changes in people 237 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:09,600 Speaker 1: and your environment. You pick up on those invisible cues 238 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:13,240 Speaker 1: that others may not. You notice when someone is suddenly 239 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:17,200 Speaker 1: going quiet, and you absorb the feelings and the emotional 240 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:20,240 Speaker 1: states of those around you, which is what makes you 241 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:24,480 Speaker 1: so reactive to them. Because once you've had that intuition 242 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:28,240 Speaker 1: that this is how someone's feeling, it can be difficult 243 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:30,520 Speaker 1: not to respond, not to want to fix it, not 244 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:33,720 Speaker 1: to want to reduce the discomfort, not just for yourself 245 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:38,160 Speaker 1: but for others as well. This really explains why one 246 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:42,160 Speaker 1: of the criteria for being a highly sensitive person is 247 00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:47,600 Speaker 1: needing more downtime, needing more time to decompress after those 248 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:51,320 Speaker 1: big social days, after being around people for so long, 249 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:56,960 Speaker 1: because you're probably freaking exhausted if you've spent all those 250 00:16:57,080 --> 00:17:04,040 Speaker 1: hours literally just absorbing everybody else's feelings, taking on all 251 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:08,879 Speaker 1: of that, trying to mediate and manage how other people 252 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:12,479 Speaker 1: are coping as well as how you're coping on the inside, 253 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:16,520 Speaker 1: what you're actually feeling like. It's incredibly draining, I think 254 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:19,639 Speaker 1: to be that alert, even if it's not something that 255 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:24,000 Speaker 1: you're consciously doing. So temperament is one of the first 256 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:28,040 Speaker 1: factors that just contributes to you being an innately sensitive person. 257 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:32,919 Speaker 1: Another factor at play though, is of course genetics. So 258 00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:36,919 Speaker 1: there is a developmental psychologist at Queen Mary University of London, 259 00:17:37,359 --> 00:17:40,280 Speaker 1: doctor Michael Plewis, and here's the one who has done 260 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,919 Speaker 1: a lot of research into this. He basically has suggested 261 00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:48,800 Speaker 1: that your genes account for forty seven percent of how 262 00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:52,800 Speaker 1: sensitive you are, nearly half. How he found this out 263 00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:55,680 Speaker 1: he looked at twins, and he looked at twins who 264 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:58,800 Speaker 1: basically he was like, Okay, if I get to twins here, 265 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:01,200 Speaker 1: and one of them is highly said, what are the 266 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,480 Speaker 1: chances that the other one's going to be highly sensitive 267 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:06,639 Speaker 1: as well? And the chance was around fifty percent, And 268 00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:08,680 Speaker 1: so that's how he kind of determined that that was 269 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:13,920 Speaker 1: the genetic influence behind this trait, behind this experience. The 270 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,639 Speaker 1: rest is environment. We're going to get to that in 271 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:19,680 Speaker 1: a second. But the genetic blueprint that we receive from 272 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:24,120 Speaker 1: our parents is basically going to determine so much about 273 00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 1: who we become and who we become as a sensitive individual. 274 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:31,400 Speaker 1: It's going to determine our threshold for simulation. It's going 275 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:36,080 Speaker 1: to really help determine our anxiety levels, our attentional systems, 276 00:18:36,359 --> 00:18:40,600 Speaker 1: our level of alertness, all of which contribute I guess 277 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:44,040 Speaker 1: you can guess it to hypersensitivity. There is not just 278 00:18:44,359 --> 00:18:47,520 Speaker 1: one gene at play here, though. There's not just a 279 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:50,040 Speaker 1: single gene. If it's flipped or not, if it's switched 280 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:53,280 Speaker 1: or not, that's going to determine whether you emerge as 281 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:58,520 Speaker 1: a highly sensitive person. There's actually three genes, the sensitivity gene, 282 00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:03,440 Speaker 1: the dopamine gene, and the emotional vividness gene. So let's 283 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:07,760 Speaker 1: start off with the sensitivity gene first. The sensitivity gene 284 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:11,240 Speaker 1: is also known as the serotonin gene, and it controls 285 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:15,159 Speaker 1: how serotonin is transported in the brain. Serotonin is what 286 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:19,639 Speaker 1: helps balance our mood. People who are highly sensitive often 287 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:23,400 Speaker 1: have a gene variant that means they have less serotonin 288 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:27,880 Speaker 1: available in their brain. Less serotonin what does that normally mean? 289 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:35,119 Speaker 1: Less mood stabilization, less capacity to regulate your emotional response 290 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:39,040 Speaker 1: to what's going on around you and within you. The 291 00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:43,359 Speaker 1: second gene is somewhat similar. It's the dopamine gene. A 292 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:46,920 Speaker 1: lot of us see dopamine as simply the happy chemical. 293 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:51,280 Speaker 1: It's the chemical that keeps us bright and bubbly and cheery, 294 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,280 Speaker 1: and to an extent, you'd be right. But the reason 295 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,080 Speaker 1: it makes us so happy is because it makes us 296 00:19:57,119 --> 00:20:02,960 Speaker 1: feel rewarded by external stimuli. When that gene is mutated 297 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,800 Speaker 1: or when it varies, it can make it so that 298 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:10,159 Speaker 1: we are almost overflowing with dopamine and a bunch of 299 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:14,680 Speaker 1: other neurochemicals in response to our environment, meaning that there's 300 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:18,560 Speaker 1: just almost too much. Our brain just can't cope. Everything 301 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,359 Speaker 1: is a bit unbalanced, and so we don't get the 302 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:26,600 Speaker 1: same leveled sense of reward or reinforcement from things that 303 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:30,320 Speaker 1: other people do, like bright lights, like busy environments, like 304 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:35,639 Speaker 1: loud pumping music, like intense smells. It just all feels 305 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:40,120 Speaker 1: quite messy in our brains. It just feels quite overwhelming 306 00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:43,840 Speaker 1: because there's just actually too much going on for your 307 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:48,280 Speaker 1: brain to really put together. But it also sometimes feels 308 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:52,560 Speaker 1: really beautiful. If you've got this dysregulated dopamine system, yes, 309 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,280 Speaker 1: it does mean that you know things feel overwhelming at times, 310 00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:58,320 Speaker 1: but it's also why we feel so moved by things 311 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:01,480 Speaker 1: that others might not, and moved by things that other 312 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:05,680 Speaker 1: people don't appreciate, like a beautiful view, like a flower, 313 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:11,200 Speaker 1: like a TV commercial. Finally, we have the emotional vividness 314 00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:14,480 Speaker 1: gene goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway. Most 315 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:19,120 Speaker 1: highly sensitive people are keenly aware that they have stronger 316 00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:23,520 Speaker 1: emotional reactions than others, and they often notice those emotional 317 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:27,240 Speaker 1: undercurrents in other people. You pick it all up, You 318 00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:33,160 Speaker 1: pick up what everybody else is putting down silently, unconsciously, implicitly. 319 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:37,000 Speaker 1: If you're highly sensitive, this is not your imagination. You 320 00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:42,080 Speaker 1: actually have a brighter palette of emotional colors, so to speak, 321 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:46,280 Speaker 1: because of a variant in a gene that controls how 322 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:52,440 Speaker 1: our bodies, stress response, perception, and sensory imaging is processed 323 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:55,960 Speaker 1: by our brain. So essentially what that means is that 324 00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:59,359 Speaker 1: when we're looking at our environment, the highly sensitive person 325 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:05,320 Speaker 1: as more like we said, emotional colors to deal with it, 326 00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:09,000 Speaker 1: takes in more information from our environment. It takes in 327 00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:13,159 Speaker 1: smaller details that overload our brain and can make us 328 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:18,679 Speaker 1: feel again really really overwhelmed. So if you're feeling constantly 329 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:22,639 Speaker 1: kind of burnt out by the world, constantly like exhausted 330 00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,359 Speaker 1: by it, you kind of have your genetics to blame 331 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:28,480 Speaker 1: because there is a forty seven percent chance that they 332 00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:32,359 Speaker 1: are what contributed to you being a highly sensitive person. 333 00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:37,080 Speaker 1: But a crucial factor that really elevates all those prior 334 00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:40,280 Speaker 1: to terminants and which we really have only scratched the 335 00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:46,120 Speaker 1: surface on, is upbringing childhood trauma can create high sensitivity 336 00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:50,240 Speaker 1: through learning, learning what we need to do to survive 337 00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:54,480 Speaker 1: in those early childhood environments, and also by activating our 338 00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:59,879 Speaker 1: melancholic temperament or our genetic predisposition that kind of early 339 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:04,840 Speaker 1: environment that it's heightened and intense and rough that may 340 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:09,440 Speaker 1: have conditioned you to be very, very alert and responsive 341 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:13,320 Speaker 1: to other people's emotions, and also what's going on around you, 342 00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:16,040 Speaker 1: because you had to be You had to be able 343 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:19,679 Speaker 1: to pay attention to navigate that minefield. You had to 344 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:23,159 Speaker 1: know what will upset people, what won't. How can I 345 00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:25,520 Speaker 1: tell if they're angry? What do I need to look 346 00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:27,639 Speaker 1: out for? How do I stay on their good side 347 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:31,560 Speaker 1: by picking up on clues and small things from them 348 00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:34,639 Speaker 1: that they are unhappy, that they are angry, and getting 349 00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:38,360 Speaker 1: them back to that more you know, neutral state where 350 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,240 Speaker 1: I'm not going to be hurt, where I'm not going 351 00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:43,040 Speaker 1: to get the brunt of things. That hyper alertness and 352 00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:47,040 Speaker 1: anxiety carries on into adulthood and comes out as hypersensitivity, 353 00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:51,400 Speaker 1: when really it probably was a protective mechanism, a defense 354 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:55,960 Speaker 1: mechanism at some stage. It doesn't. You know, those childhood 355 00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:59,679 Speaker 1: experiences don't even need to constitute the kind of trauma 356 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,720 Speaker 1: that I think we're imagining. It can even come down 357 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:10,160 Speaker 1: to a lack of parental warmth or inconsistency from your caregivers. Warm, supportive, 358 00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:17,359 Speaker 1: gentle parenting helps children develop healthy emotional regulation. Sounds super 359 00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:20,080 Speaker 1: super simple, But if you have a parent who is 360 00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:21,920 Speaker 1: going to see that you're upset or see that you're 361 00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,600 Speaker 1: angry and sit with you and talk you through it 362 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:28,879 Speaker 1: or acknowledge that emotion. You basically are able to find 363 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,720 Speaker 1: a place to put that feeling. You're able to find 364 00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:36,320 Speaker 1: a way to move it from that very instinctual moment 365 00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:38,760 Speaker 1: where you're reacting and the emotion is very bright and 366 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:42,920 Speaker 1: in your face and kind of taper it down, find 367 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:46,200 Speaker 1: a space for it, you know, really think it's through, 368 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:50,560 Speaker 1: and make that emotion more neutral. Essentially, what I'm kind 369 00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:53,480 Speaker 1: of saying is that you have healthy coping strategies because 370 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:57,320 Speaker 1: someone showed you how to do it. Without those coping strategies, 371 00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:02,680 Speaker 1: people children struggle to manage their emotions, and not only 372 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,080 Speaker 1: does that mean that, yes, our emotions feel more out 373 00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:07,720 Speaker 1: of out control, but it also means that you're very 374 00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:11,320 Speaker 1: sensitive to stress, to the stress of not being able 375 00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:14,400 Speaker 1: to manage your emotions, to criticism over not being able 376 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:18,040 Speaker 1: to manage your emotions, and unexpected social interactions where you 377 00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:20,800 Speaker 1: don't really know how to behave you're not you're kind 378 00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:22,919 Speaker 1: of stressed that like, what if I'm suddenly angry or 379 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,760 Speaker 1: upset or something triggers me, what do I do because 380 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:30,480 Speaker 1: I just actually don't know how to. So many parents 381 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:34,000 Speaker 1: tell their kids to just suck it up, or to 382 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:37,320 Speaker 1: stop overreacting, or to come back when you've calmed down. 383 00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:40,439 Speaker 1: Thinking that it's going to make their kids tougher. But 384 00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:43,840 Speaker 1: if you are already a sensitive child, how are you 385 00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:47,600 Speaker 1: going to learn how to process those feelings by yourself 386 00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:51,280 Speaker 1: when you are just a child. All that it's going 387 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:55,080 Speaker 1: to do is make your emotions feel even less manageable, 388 00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:59,120 Speaker 1: and you're going to feel even more fearful about talking 389 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:02,240 Speaker 1: about it. You're going to feel so isolated and like 390 00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:05,040 Speaker 1: you just need to stuff it all down otherwise you'll 391 00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:08,360 Speaker 1: get yelled at. Otherwise you'll get criticized. Otherwise you will 392 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:12,119 Speaker 1: be told that you're too sensitive. We also talk a 393 00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:16,200 Speaker 1: lot about attachment style on this podcast. Of course, children 394 00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:20,240 Speaker 1: who don't receive consistent warmth and affection from their parents 395 00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:24,679 Speaker 1: will also often develop insecure attachment styles. This can also 396 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:29,480 Speaker 1: contribute to hyper sensitivity because we become very overly anxious 397 00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:33,919 Speaker 1: about our relationships, and not just our romantic relationships, but 398 00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:37,159 Speaker 1: the relationships we have, you know, with our friends, when 399 00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:40,919 Speaker 1: we're casually dating, with our parents, with our family, because 400 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:45,400 Speaker 1: we are hyper alert to once again rejection or criticism, 401 00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:49,120 Speaker 1: because we fear abandonment, We fear that someone is disappointed 402 00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:54,440 Speaker 1: or anchory with us, and so we become hyper vigilant 403 00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:57,959 Speaker 1: to any small sign that that is the case, and 404 00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:02,480 Speaker 1: that is what change. That kind of trains our hyper sensitivity, 405 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:07,080 Speaker 1: and that hyper sensitivity to rejection in particular is is 406 00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:09,760 Speaker 1: something that we haven't really spoken about in this episode, 407 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:12,879 Speaker 1: but a lot of people who identify as highly sensitive 408 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:18,680 Speaker 1: feel that very intensely. They feel that rejection insensitivity incredibly intensely. 409 00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:22,399 Speaker 1: When they get even the slightest feeling that someone is 410 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:28,119 Speaker 1: pulling away or that a relationship is under threat, that 411 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:32,200 Speaker 1: is scary for anyone, but if you're highly sensitive, it's 412 00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:35,280 Speaker 1: so much at all at once. It's so much having 413 00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:40,160 Speaker 1: to think about someone else's emotions, your emotions, whatever environment 414 00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:43,080 Speaker 1: you're in, and so it can lead to behaviors that 415 00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:46,320 Speaker 1: we don't feel so proud of later on, lashing out, 416 00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:51,800 Speaker 1: completely shutting down as like our brain's final defense line 417 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:53,639 Speaker 1: of defense, like let's just shut this down so we 418 00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:56,440 Speaker 1: don't have to deal with this, pushing someone away even 419 00:27:56,480 --> 00:28:00,520 Speaker 1: more because at least that's going to take the source 420 00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:04,199 Speaker 1: of our stress away. Then, if you are feeling so 421 00:28:04,359 --> 00:28:08,000 Speaker 1: on edge, so overwhelmed, sometimes all you want to do 422 00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:10,480 Speaker 1: is just escape and just not deal with it. And 423 00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:13,320 Speaker 1: so you push, or you run away, or you just 424 00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:17,639 Speaker 1: find a way to avoid. When we finally had the 425 00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:19,760 Speaker 1: space in the alone time to really work through our 426 00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:22,639 Speaker 1: perspective and our reaction, you know a lot of highly 427 00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:26,720 Speaker 1: sensitive people do need that time. Sometimes we do feel 428 00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:29,400 Speaker 1: like the damage is done or that we can't even 429 00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:33,520 Speaker 1: go back and apologize or confront them again because it's 430 00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:37,040 Speaker 1: just too much. It's just way too much. And in 431 00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:41,280 Speaker 1: that way we also see a cycle of conflict aversion 432 00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:45,680 Speaker 1: of course. Conflict is going to be so hard for 433 00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:51,240 Speaker 1: you if you're highly sensitive, because everything is elevated, magnified, heightened. 434 00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:55,600 Speaker 1: You're sensing subtle shifts that they don't. You're perceiving their emotions, 435 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:58,600 Speaker 1: you're trying to manage your own reactions. It can feel 436 00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:02,920 Speaker 1: very overwhelming because of that sensory overload. Sometimes you can 437 00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:05,440 Speaker 1: say the wrong things. You just want it to end. 438 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:08,760 Speaker 1: You can't always process everything that's coming together at once. 439 00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:12,280 Speaker 1: It's hard even when we actually do try our hardest, 440 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:16,680 Speaker 1: especially when people, the people that we're communicating with just 441 00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:19,680 Speaker 1: don't get it. Like we're not trying to be difficult, 442 00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:22,280 Speaker 1: we're not reading too much into what you're saying, We're 443 00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:25,640 Speaker 1: not trying to get frustrated. We're trying really hard not 444 00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:28,680 Speaker 1: to cry because we don't want you to dismiss us 445 00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:32,120 Speaker 1: as just being overly sensitive. But there is so much 446 00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:35,680 Speaker 1: buzzing around in our brains. We feel this so deeply. 447 00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:38,920 Speaker 1: The emotion is so intense. What else are you meant 448 00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:42,720 Speaker 1: to do if you find yourself in that pattern with 449 00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:45,800 Speaker 1: a partner, with a parent, with a friend who just 450 00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:49,560 Speaker 1: doesn't understand, who thinks that maybe you're using tears as 451 00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:52,480 Speaker 1: like a guilt mechanism, or that you just can't stay calm, 452 00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:55,000 Speaker 1: and it's and you know it's because you're choosing not to. 453 00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:58,480 Speaker 1: Please send them this episode because I think once people 454 00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:01,880 Speaker 1: have more information about how your brain is working and 455 00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:07,040 Speaker 1: operating differently to them, there is more empathy and understanding 456 00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:11,920 Speaker 1: and adjustment. They also can kind of hopefully lean in 457 00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:14,760 Speaker 1: and understand the fact that this isn't a choice. There 458 00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:18,880 Speaker 1: is this amazing TED talk called The Gentle Power of 459 00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:23,480 Speaker 1: Highly Sensitive People. Highly recommend that talk, and in it, 460 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:27,960 Speaker 1: the speaker talks about how telling a sensitive person to 461 00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:31,000 Speaker 1: just tone it down, to not let the world hurt them, 462 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:35,040 Speaker 1: to be less sensitive is like telling a person with 463 00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:38,400 Speaker 1: blue eyes to make their eyes less blue. No matter 464 00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:41,840 Speaker 1: how many times you tell them, chances are you're still 465 00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:43,880 Speaker 1: going to see those blue eyes staring back at you. 466 00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:47,640 Speaker 1: And the same goes for sensitivity. It's not something that 467 00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:50,320 Speaker 1: you can just switch off, and to be honest, I 468 00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:54,040 Speaker 1: don't even think that it's something that you should switch off. 469 00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:56,640 Speaker 1: I'm gonna go backwards here for a second because there's 470 00:30:56,680 --> 00:31:00,840 Speaker 1: one more element explanation for this that we need to discuss. 471 00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:04,960 Speaker 1: It would be so shortsighted to not mention neurodivergence. So 472 00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:07,920 Speaker 1: often someone is told that they are just too sensitive 473 00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:11,960 Speaker 1: when it's actually them masking their autism or their ADHD, 474 00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:15,040 Speaker 1: because the pattern of behaviors are really really similar, and 475 00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:17,920 Speaker 1: they're often comorbid, so you can have both at once. 476 00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:21,040 Speaker 1: But what's really frustrating is when people are just seen 477 00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:24,480 Speaker 1: as too sensitive or too emotional or told that they 478 00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:27,880 Speaker 1: need to toughen up, when their sensitivity is actually a 479 00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:32,560 Speaker 1: sign of something bigger and larger. People with ADHD often 480 00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:36,000 Speaker 1: find it takes less stimulation for them to be overwhelmed, 481 00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:38,480 Speaker 1: so in that way they are going to present as 482 00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:41,880 Speaker 1: highly sensitive. The same goes for people with autism, right 483 00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:46,200 Speaker 1: like sometimes new environments, new situations, even new feelings can 484 00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:50,520 Speaker 1: just feel like a lot. Or in situations where it's 485 00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:52,560 Speaker 1: just really hard to tell what people are thinking, you're 486 00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:55,239 Speaker 1: not picking up on those cues. It's going to make 487 00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:58,680 Speaker 1: it seem like you're being really sensitive or reactive. Actually 488 00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:00,800 Speaker 1: you just don't really know what's going on, and that's 489 00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:04,760 Speaker 1: totally okay. Sometimes, like human emotion is not like an 490 00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:07,720 Speaker 1: open and closed book. Or whether you have a diagnosable 491 00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:11,200 Speaker 1: disorder that's co morbid, or you are just someone who 492 00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:15,440 Speaker 1: is highly sensitive, I think it's all the same. It's 493 00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:18,760 Speaker 1: still going to be difficult to manage your emotional reactions, 494 00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:22,720 Speaker 1: and you're still going to feel like people have some 495 00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:26,800 Speaker 1: kind of stigma around high sensitivity. People think that you're weak, 496 00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:31,040 Speaker 1: or that you're fragile or whatever. I'm gonna be super 497 00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:33,400 Speaker 1: honest with you all now. My perspective on this is 498 00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:38,280 Speaker 1: very anti shame, very anti Let's find a cure for 499 00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:41,720 Speaker 1: all us highly sensitive people. Let's make us normal. I 500 00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:44,440 Speaker 1: don't want us to suppress our emotions. I don't want 501 00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:47,280 Speaker 1: us to try and chameleon or try and blend in 502 00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:50,000 Speaker 1: with the eighty percent of people who quote unquote have 503 00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:54,440 Speaker 1: average sensitivity levels, because firstly, it backfires, we feel even 504 00:32:54,520 --> 00:32:57,160 Speaker 1: more overwhelmed, so not only does it not work, it 505 00:32:57,160 --> 00:33:00,000 Speaker 1: makes us feel worse. And secondly, I just don't see 506 00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:04,200 Speaker 1: a reason why you should. I really think that sensitivity 507 00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:07,880 Speaker 1: is kind of a superpower. Being gentle and emotional, in 508 00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:12,760 Speaker 1: a tune and in tune with others is quite gorgeous 509 00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:17,960 Speaker 1: and quite special to have. You know, this trait isn't 510 00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:21,600 Speaker 1: going to change. It's a lifelong thing. Hopefully that's not 511 00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:23,520 Speaker 1: too hard to hear. But I think the earlier we 512 00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:26,960 Speaker 1: come to terms with that, the easier life feels, the 513 00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:30,280 Speaker 1: more freeing. It's like the weight of needing to dim 514 00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:33,720 Speaker 1: down is lifted, because once we acknowledge like, this is 515 00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:35,800 Speaker 1: part of who I am, it's not going away, it's 516 00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:39,280 Speaker 1: not going to change. It's kind of at that point 517 00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:42,360 Speaker 1: that you realize how exhausting is going to be to keep, 518 00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:45,080 Speaker 1: you know, to keep up the facade for the rest 519 00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:48,640 Speaker 1: of your life, and eventually you realize that maybe you 520 00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:51,920 Speaker 1: just shouldn't. Maybe it's not worth it. Maybe life isn't 521 00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:55,920 Speaker 1: all about trying to make other people feel comfortable with you, 522 00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:58,920 Speaker 1: and it's about trying to make your life feel comfortable. 523 00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:02,080 Speaker 1: For yourself. So I want to talk about all of 524 00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:05,800 Speaker 1: that and more how to really make the world fit 525 00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:10,200 Speaker 1: your sensitivity rather than the other way around after this shortbreak. 526 00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:17,840 Speaker 1: Highly sensitive people are some of my favorites to be 527 00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:21,480 Speaker 1: around because they make the people around them see the 528 00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:26,560 Speaker 1: world more beautifully. They are also incredibly gentle and empathetic. 529 00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:31,960 Speaker 1: They are creative, and they just bring big heart and 530 00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:35,880 Speaker 1: big love to everything that they do, like nothing is 531 00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:40,719 Speaker 1: small for them. Your highly sensitive friend is probably going 532 00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:43,120 Speaker 1: to be the one who remembers your birthday. They are 533 00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:45,480 Speaker 1: probably going to be the one who makes you feel safest, 534 00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:48,960 Speaker 1: who is going to introduce you to new music, who 535 00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:51,920 Speaker 1: wants to go on long nature walks with you, who will, 536 00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:54,880 Speaker 1: you know, point out small things that you didn't notice. 537 00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:56,279 Speaker 1: They are the ones who are going to make you 538 00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:59,920 Speaker 1: feel comfortable in their space, who is going to give 539 00:34:59,920 --> 00:35:02,959 Speaker 1: you so much love in a relationship. I just don't 540 00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,600 Speaker 1: understand why we don't want more of that in the world. 541 00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:09,600 Speaker 1: Feeling everything so deeply might sometimes feel like a curse, 542 00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:13,799 Speaker 1: But compared to feeling nothing at all and never being 543 00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:18,280 Speaker 1: touched by that joy and never feeling deeply human, sometimes 544 00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:20,399 Speaker 1: I do think it's a privilege. Like, I have met 545 00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:24,920 Speaker 1: people who just don't care about anything. They don't have 546 00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:27,120 Speaker 1: any sense of justice, they don't have any sense of 547 00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:32,000 Speaker 1: beauty or wonder or or excitement, and it's a pretty 548 00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:36,440 Speaker 1: bland life. That on top of the fact that the 549 00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:40,000 Speaker 1: research and the science will tell you your IQ, your EQ, 550 00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:45,080 Speaker 1: your creative intelligence, your emotional vividness, your sensory intelligence is 551 00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:48,520 Speaker 1: probably higher than the average person. I think that keeps 552 00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:51,640 Speaker 1: us really focused on the strength that comes with being 553 00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:55,640 Speaker 1: a highly sensitive person, even during the times when we're 554 00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:59,040 Speaker 1: told that we're too much. Those people who say that, 555 00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:01,799 Speaker 1: I'm going to be completely honest, they can get over it. 556 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:04,560 Speaker 1: They can get over it. Your purpose in life is 557 00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:07,959 Speaker 1: not to make others comfortable with you. If someone thinks 558 00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:11,160 Speaker 1: that you are too intense, feels too strongly, if they 559 00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:15,200 Speaker 1: think that you over react, their opinion is a reflection 560 00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:17,480 Speaker 1: of the level of empathy that they are prepared to 561 00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:21,239 Speaker 1: show others, not a reflection of you and what needs 562 00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:24,040 Speaker 1: to change in your life. I just don't like who 563 00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:26,480 Speaker 1: made the rules that said that being too sensitive is 564 00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:29,800 Speaker 1: a bad thing. I heard from this really amazing person 565 00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:34,040 Speaker 1: when I was researching this episode, who said, when someone 566 00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:37,000 Speaker 1: tells me I'm being too sensitive. I always come back 567 00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:39,640 Speaker 1: to them and say, well, maybe you're being too insensitive. 568 00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:43,000 Speaker 1: Just because my way of seeing the world is more 569 00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:46,160 Speaker 1: rare doesn't make it worse and it doesn't make it 570 00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:50,080 Speaker 1: the one that needs fixing. So that rant aside, let's 571 00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:53,760 Speaker 1: talk about some tips about how to make an insensitive 572 00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:58,600 Speaker 1: world more suitable for your beautiful, sensitive soul. First off 573 00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:01,279 Speaker 1: the bat, if you want to get more comfortable with 574 00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:04,480 Speaker 1: being a highly sensitive person, you really need to honor 575 00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:09,120 Speaker 1: your sensitivity by learning what in your life makes things 576 00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:11,919 Speaker 1: easier for you and lighter for you, and what makes 577 00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:16,560 Speaker 1: things feel harder. Highly sensitive people just need more time 578 00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:19,799 Speaker 1: than others to process the things that happen in their day, 579 00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:24,760 Speaker 1: in their environment, in their relationships. So give yourself that time. 580 00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:29,120 Speaker 1: Rather than trying to overload yourself to fit in, notice 581 00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:32,680 Speaker 1: your limits and put yourself in environments that aren't going 582 00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:35,920 Speaker 1: to make things more difficult for you. So, for example, 583 00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:38,840 Speaker 1: if you've got a big call with your boss tomorrow morning, 584 00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:42,200 Speaker 1: don't schedule an intense catch up with an old friend 585 00:37:42,239 --> 00:37:46,280 Speaker 1: in the same day. Space things out. Give yourself time 586 00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:50,080 Speaker 1: to return to that normal, steady, stable state before you 587 00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:54,440 Speaker 1: throw yourself into the next situation. I think adjusting to 588 00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:57,480 Speaker 1: being a highly sensitive person, or just adjusting to your 589 00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:00,399 Speaker 1: acknowledgment and your respect of your identity is a highly 590 00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:06,120 Speaker 1: sensitive person means appreciating and finally accepting that maybe you 591 00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:09,120 Speaker 1: can't do everything the way that everyone else does it. 592 00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:11,080 Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that you can't do it though, It 593 00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:13,480 Speaker 1: just means that you have to find a way for 594 00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:16,400 Speaker 1: it to work with you, otherwise it's just going to 595 00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:20,759 Speaker 1: be really unenjoyable. My second piece of advice is to 596 00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:23,960 Speaker 1: practice the kind of self care that works for you, 597 00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:27,400 Speaker 1: because it's probably going to look different from the self 598 00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:30,839 Speaker 1: care that eighty percent of the world likes to do. 599 00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:34,799 Speaker 1: You know, For some people, self care is socializing. It's 600 00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:38,760 Speaker 1: treating themselves, going shopping, letting loose. For you, it's probably 601 00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:43,719 Speaker 1: going to involve slowing down, resting, and saying no, you know, no, Sorry, 602 00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:46,160 Speaker 1: I don't want to go to dinner at that crowded restaurant. 603 00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:48,880 Speaker 1: No I don't want your friend, I don't like to 604 00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:50,759 Speaker 1: join us for dinner. Sorry, I don't want to have 605 00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:54,600 Speaker 1: this conversation right now. Self care is as much about 606 00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:57,120 Speaker 1: adding things to your life as it is about saying 607 00:38:57,200 --> 00:39:01,319 Speaker 1: no and subtracting things in your life life, to give 608 00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:06,200 Speaker 1: yourself adequate downtime to emotionally regulate, to give yourself time 609 00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:09,160 Speaker 1: to rest and to think. You know what else is 610 00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:15,239 Speaker 1: like a profoundly sweet, simple but overlooked form of self care. 611 00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:18,840 Speaker 1: Just giving yourself more time to get places, giving yourself 612 00:39:18,880 --> 00:39:22,479 Speaker 1: more time to organize your day, finish up your work, 613 00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:24,840 Speaker 1: you know, just five minutes earlier, even if you feel 614 00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:27,799 Speaker 1: drawn to keep working. You know that you'll need that 615 00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:31,080 Speaker 1: five minutes to separate your real life from your work 616 00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:34,640 Speaker 1: life and to really get back into a stable, steady state. 617 00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:38,000 Speaker 1: Give yourself the extra ten to fifteen minutes to get somewhere, 618 00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:41,919 Speaker 1: even if it means getting there early, because you don't 619 00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:45,080 Speaker 1: want to be flustered. You don't want to be hot, sticky, overwhelmed. 620 00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:47,640 Speaker 1: You don't want to hate the texture of your outfit. 621 00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:49,560 Speaker 1: You know, right when you're meant to be leaving and 622 00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:53,760 Speaker 1: then feel rushed to change, give yourself a bit more time. 623 00:39:54,480 --> 00:39:58,160 Speaker 1: I think the crucial rule when it comes to self care, 624 00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:02,080 Speaker 1: the golden rule, is make smart choices that will help 625 00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:05,560 Speaker 1: your future self based on what has hurt or overwhelmed 626 00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:08,799 Speaker 1: your past self. I had a friend tell me about 627 00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:10,840 Speaker 1: a technique she uses that it's kind of similar to 628 00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:14,239 Speaker 1: that idea, and it's called what she does is she 629 00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:17,240 Speaker 1: creates relaxing zones in her house and even at her job, 630 00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:20,680 Speaker 1: and having been to her home, it is like walking 631 00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:24,239 Speaker 1: into the most comfortable and homely therapist office that you've 632 00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:26,239 Speaker 1: ever been in. She's not even a therapist. It's just 633 00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:30,399 Speaker 1: so calming. It always smells like lemon and honey. There 634 00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:33,719 Speaker 1: are never any like really big overhead lights on. She 635 00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:37,680 Speaker 1: has cozy surfaces. Everywhere you look, she has beautiful things, 636 00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:42,040 Speaker 1: and walking into that environment, it's just like so obvious 637 00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:46,120 Speaker 1: that she has intentionally made this a safe space for 638 00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:48,799 Speaker 1: herself and that she has gone out of her way. 639 00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:52,960 Speaker 1: She's put in the effort before to you know, provide 640 00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:55,439 Speaker 1: this gift to every future version of her who needs 641 00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:58,040 Speaker 1: to walk into her home after a big, long day 642 00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:01,320 Speaker 1: where she's been absorbing everyone else's emotion and everything around 643 00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:03,719 Speaker 1: her and she just wants to calm down, and she 644 00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:06,400 Speaker 1: has given that to herself. And the reason why I 645 00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:09,560 Speaker 1: really like that she's done this is because when you 646 00:41:09,640 --> 00:41:13,400 Speaker 1: walk into her house, you just feel like your body, 647 00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:16,239 Speaker 1: your mind, your soul, whatever it is, is being cleansed, 648 00:41:17,040 --> 00:41:19,799 Speaker 1: and as a highly sensitive person, it's kind of like 649 00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:23,279 Speaker 1: walking outside in really really sticky shoes, and like, you 650 00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:25,120 Speaker 1: pick up so many things. You pick up the gum, 651 00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:26,840 Speaker 1: you pick up the cigarette butts, you pick up the 652 00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:29,400 Speaker 1: pigeon poop, and you take it all home with you, 653 00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:32,000 Speaker 1: and you know, you pick up the emotions, you pick 654 00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:35,720 Speaker 1: up the sensory overload, you pick up the exhausting conversation 655 00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:37,880 Speaker 1: someone was having on the train, and the loud lights 656 00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:39,799 Speaker 1: and whatever it is, and you take that all home 657 00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:41,120 Speaker 1: with you. And when you get home, you need to 658 00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:43,640 Speaker 1: clean out the filter. You need to clean off the shoes, 659 00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:48,440 Speaker 1: because you are not like everyone else. You are a 660 00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:53,000 Speaker 1: collector of information. Like that's what your brain has developed 661 00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:56,160 Speaker 1: to do, based on your genetics, based on your childhood, 662 00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:58,600 Speaker 1: based on whatever it is contributed to your high sensitivity. 663 00:41:59,320 --> 00:42:01,440 Speaker 1: All of that has just made everything much louder for you. 664 00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:03,399 Speaker 1: So you need a space that allows you to turn 665 00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:05,800 Speaker 1: it down and to kind of clean off the junk 666 00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:09,239 Speaker 1: and clean out the junk from your brain. As a 667 00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:12,360 Speaker 1: highly sensitive person, I also think it's worth being selective 668 00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:15,360 Speaker 1: about the people you choose to be around. You're like 669 00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:18,080 Speaker 1: a sponge. You are perpetually in a state of osmosis 670 00:42:18,080 --> 00:42:21,480 Speaker 1: with the people around you. You absorb their emotions, their reactions, 671 00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:25,120 Speaker 1: their fears, their joy. If the people around you, your 672 00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:30,799 Speaker 1: friends are super reactive or really unpredictable, dramatic, always really 673 00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:34,080 Speaker 1: high high high, or extremely low, yes, how you're going 674 00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:39,000 Speaker 1: to be feeling the exact same way. I see So 675 00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:42,360 Speaker 1: many people try really hard to be friends with people 676 00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:45,200 Speaker 1: they are just you know, just simply shouldn't be friends with. 677 00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:49,000 Speaker 1: Not because those people are toxic or for any of 678 00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:52,280 Speaker 1: those labels, they just shouldn't be friends because their emotional 679 00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:56,040 Speaker 1: energies don't in line, and it ends up going sour 680 00:42:56,760 --> 00:43:01,080 Speaker 1: because everything they feel you feel, And so it becomes 681 00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:04,760 Speaker 1: hard not to take things personally, or to leave every 682 00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:07,279 Speaker 1: hangout feeling super drained and like you just don't want 683 00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:09,880 Speaker 1: to see them again, or feeling really on edge and 684 00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:13,439 Speaker 1: snapping or saying something you don't mean. Now, this piece 685 00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:15,719 Speaker 1: of advice isn't to say drop all your friends start 686 00:43:15,719 --> 00:43:19,359 Speaker 1: from scratch, but really assess who do I leave interactions 687 00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:23,719 Speaker 1: with feeling calm, serene and seene. Who do I leave 688 00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:30,200 Speaker 1: interactions with feeling on edge, exhausted, highly strung. Maybe those 689 00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:33,480 Speaker 1: people become a once and a while friend rather than 690 00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:37,520 Speaker 1: an everyday friend. On that note, I want to say 691 00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:41,799 Speaker 1: one final boundary. Anyone again who says you are too emotional, 692 00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:44,920 Speaker 1: who says that you take things too personally, that you 693 00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:48,960 Speaker 1: need to come down, those people should be never friends. 694 00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:52,479 Speaker 1: They don't. They don't deserve you, and it's too bad 695 00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:55,279 Speaker 1: for them because they don't get to be touched by 696 00:43:55,840 --> 00:44:01,520 Speaker 1: your gentleness and your extreme appreciation for beauty and empathy 697 00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:05,520 Speaker 1: and kindness. They don't get the gift of this aspect 698 00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:09,040 Speaker 1: of you. But I honestly think that it is their 699 00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:12,799 Speaker 1: loss because if they're not willing to accept every single 700 00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:15,560 Speaker 1: part of you, including the part of you that honestly 701 00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:19,239 Speaker 1: I think is so unique and beautiful, they're just not it. 702 00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:21,360 Speaker 1: They don't deserve to be in your life. And you 703 00:44:21,480 --> 00:44:23,120 Speaker 1: know that you will end up picking up on how 704 00:44:23,120 --> 00:44:26,160 Speaker 1: they're feeling about you, and it's just gonna always keep 705 00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:28,520 Speaker 1: you in a heightened state. If someone says you know, 706 00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:31,759 Speaker 1: you're just so sensitive, it's also worthwhile just saying back 707 00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:34,080 Speaker 1: to them, like, you know, I know it's great, I 708 00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:36,120 Speaker 1: love it. I love that I get to feel so much. 709 00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:39,200 Speaker 1: Stop trying, Like you know, they're not allowed to make 710 00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:42,640 Speaker 1: you feel bad if they say you're overreacting, literally, just 711 00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:46,880 Speaker 1: be like, so, what would an appropriate reaction be? Or 712 00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:49,160 Speaker 1: I just don't think that you're seeing the situation in 713 00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:52,799 Speaker 1: the same way I think you're underreacting. You're allowed to 714 00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:57,640 Speaker 1: assert yourself just because your sensitivity has been labeled as weakness. 715 00:44:58,480 --> 00:45:02,240 Speaker 1: It's not, firstly, but you're allowed to disagree. You're allowed 716 00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:04,640 Speaker 1: to say, actually, no, I really like this part of me. 717 00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:07,400 Speaker 1: I actually really like who it makes me. I like 718 00:45:07,480 --> 00:45:09,959 Speaker 1: that I notice things. I like that. I love the world, 719 00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:13,000 Speaker 1: So I'm gonna keep it that way. Thank you for 720 00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:17,239 Speaker 1: your opinion. Moving on, I really do hope that this 721 00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:20,000 Speaker 1: episode has helped you in some way. I hope that 722 00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:24,080 Speaker 1: it's normalized an emotional experience that you're having or a perspective. 723 00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:26,560 Speaker 1: I hope that you feel seen. I hope that you 724 00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:29,200 Speaker 1: feel heard. I hope that you feel held, and that 725 00:45:29,239 --> 00:45:33,239 Speaker 1: you feel loved, because I really do love highly sensitive people. 726 00:45:33,239 --> 00:45:36,360 Speaker 1: They're my favorites. You're my favorite. I just think that 727 00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:39,640 Speaker 1: they make the world so special. Without them, the world 728 00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:44,080 Speaker 1: would be so cruel and so ugly. So thank you 729 00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:47,560 Speaker 1: for doing us all the service by existing. As always. 730 00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:50,400 Speaker 1: If you enjoyed this episode, Send it to a friend. 731 00:45:50,719 --> 00:45:52,640 Speaker 1: I'm sure that they would love to hear it. Send 732 00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:54,840 Speaker 1: it to someone who maybe just doesn't get your sensitive 733 00:45:54,880 --> 00:45:56,640 Speaker 1: brain so that they can learn a little bit more. 734 00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:59,360 Speaker 1: I'm sure they would appreciate being able to be on 735 00:45:59,400 --> 00:46:02,000 Speaker 1: your level. Make sure that you leave a five star 736 00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:05,640 Speaker 1: review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify wherever you are listening right now, 737 00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:08,799 Speaker 1: and that you are following along for more episodes coming 738 00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:11,759 Speaker 1: out soon. Also, if you have an episode suggestion, if 739 00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:14,279 Speaker 1: you're a highly sensitive person and you want to tell 740 00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:16,120 Speaker 1: me a little bit more about your experience, maybe for 741 00:46:16,239 --> 00:46:19,000 Speaker 1: a follow up episode for something that I might post 742 00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:23,080 Speaker 1: on Instagram, please dm me on Instagram at that psychology podcast. 743 00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:26,279 Speaker 1: I would love to hear from you. And until next time, 744 00:46:26,440 --> 00:46:30,520 Speaker 1: stay safe, stay kind, be gentle to yourself, be gentle 745 00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:33,320 Speaker 1: to your sensitive little soul. You deserve it, and we 746 00:46:33,360 --> 00:46:34,080 Speaker 1: will talk soon.