Speaker 1: You're listening to comedy central. A giant story from the
Speaker 1: world of Video Games. Over the weekend a hacker leaked
Speaker 1: unfinished footage from the next grand theft auto game, and
Speaker 1: then they threatened to release more if rock star Games
Speaker 1: doesn't reach a deal with them. Yeah, and you know
Speaker 1: rock star the game manufacturer. They must be so pissed
Speaker 1: right now. It must be like, how do these kids
Speaker 1: get the idea that it's fun to commit crimes? Huh? Not. Luckily,
Speaker 1: law enforcement has said that they had a lead on
Speaker 1: the criminal, but then he hid in a car washed
Speaker 1: for like a minute and now they just forgotten about
Speaker 1: the whole case. In international news, Tom Adani, an Indian
Speaker 1: businessman who made his fortune in shipping and coal production,
Speaker 1: has officially passed Jeff Bezos to become the world's second
Speaker 1: richest person. Yeah, Poor Jeff bezos. When he heard this,
Speaker 1: his rocketship immediately went limp, and I see some of
Speaker 1: your cheering. He's just like yeah, Indian guy, number two
Speaker 1: on the list, don't forget, don't forget. Yes, it's good
Speaker 1: news for him, but Mr Dannie's parents are Indian, so
Speaker 1: they probably still like you know, I still wish you
Speaker 1: went to medical school. A billion in school, but you
Speaker 1: know what schools being a doctor. Oh, and an update
Speaker 1: on covid nineteen. In an interview yesterday, President Biden said that,
Speaker 1: while we still have a problem with the virus, quote,
Speaker 1: the pandemic is over. Yes, yeah, but I get why
Speaker 1: Biden said this. I mean he just had covid everyone.
Speaker 1: Everyone who gets covid's over covid everyone, and sooner done.
Speaker 1: They're like, it's done for everybody. Let's stop this bay,
Speaker 1: stop breathing in each other's mouth. All right, but let's
Speaker 1: get to the big story that everyone's talking about. Two
Speaker 1: weeks ago, as you all know, Queen Elizabeth died of
Speaker 1: being old, and it's been a wild two weeks since. Right,
Speaker 1: lots of heats and debates from all sides. She was
Speaker 1: an icon, she was a tyrant preserved the monarchy, getting
Speaker 1: rid of the monarchy. We hate Charles. We also hate Charles.
Speaker 1: But today, today Britain said, Hey, let's suppress our feelings
Speaker 1: as usual because it's the queen's funeral, and they did
Speaker 1: it in a major way. So let's catch up on
Speaker 1: the UK's Big Day in our latest installment of the
Speaker 1: Royal Rumble. Today Queen Elizabeth was laid to rest at
Speaker 1: one of her favorite castles, but before she was buried,
Speaker 1: the public was given a chance to visit her casket
Speaker 1: and pay their respects. Overnight that incredible line of mourners
Speaker 1: snaking through central London. Thousands patiently waiting to pay their
Speaker 1: respects to Britain's longest reigning monarch. Tens of thousands from
Speaker 1: around the world eight for hours to see the Queen's coffin,
Speaker 1: with lines now stretching five miles to see her lying
Speaker 1: in state. They're predicted weight tonight an incredible twenty two hours.
Speaker 1: We've been waiting for ten hours since four o'clock the
Speaker 1: small even soccer Stan David Beckham lining up overnight for
Speaker 1: thirteen hours. So I think there was a reminder of
Speaker 1: how much people in this in this country, really like
Speaker 1: to line up. It really is a national pastime. British
Speaker 1: people enjoy queuing, as they say in this country. It's
Speaker 1: an interesting takeaway. Why are these people here? They just
Speaker 1: like lining up. That's a there's something else. No, no,
Speaker 1: they're just really like lining up. I don't think they
Speaker 1: also like the Queen. But but this is true. Apparently
Speaker 1: standing in line is really popular in Britain. It's like
Speaker 1: the national pastime. And before you make fun of them
Speaker 1: for doing something so boring, don't forget America's national past time.
Speaker 1: It's baseball, you know, which is yeah, when people act
Speaker 1: as if someone died but they didn't. But twenty two
Speaker 1: hours in line, that's no joke. Twenty two hours because, remember,
Speaker 1: there's no iphone at the end of that line, all right,
Speaker 1: it's just the box and you don't even get to
Speaker 1: open the box. And, as you heard, even David Beckham
Speaker 1: waited in line, which honestly, I found so impressive because
Speaker 1: apparently he was offered a chance to skip the queue
Speaker 1: and he refused, which is really admirable. I mean, especially
Speaker 1: when you consider that you don't know who you're gonna
Speaker 1: be stuck in that line with. You know what I mean? Yeah,
Speaker 1: because at the beginning you might be like, I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna stand in the line and next you know there's
Speaker 1: like an arsenal fan behind him for twenty hours, just
Speaker 1: like man, you know it. Our ship says, said now,
Speaker 1: said now, God save the Creator. Miss so much awesome now.
Speaker 1: But after days of queuing, today was finally the Queen's
Speaker 1: a bit funeral and essentially the entire country shut down
Speaker 1: for this thing. You've never seen anything like it. Schools
Speaker 1: and businesses were closed. I mean that's a really great
Speaker 1: way of honor. You know someone who also never had
Speaker 1: to work. But but it was intense. It was also
Speaker 1: a little inconvenient for people. Flights were canceled to avoid
Speaker 1: the noise. Hospitals even postponed surgeries. Yeah, and if you're
Speaker 1: supposed to get a surgery on a plane, forget it.
Speaker 1: That definitely wasn't happening. But for real, I think it's
Speaker 1: I think it's actually good. I think it's good that
Speaker 1: they postponed routine surgeries because, like everyone in the UK
Speaker 1: is distracted today. You know, kind of doctors coming out
Speaker 1: like Mrs Abbotts. I'm pleased to say the bum lift
Speaker 1: was a success, but but I needed a hip replacement.
Speaker 1: I know I need a new queen, but you don't
Speaker 1: hear me complaining. I get out of here with that
Speaker 1: fat ask girl. Go on, shake it, just shake it.
Speaker 1: So obviously this was a huge deal, right and and,
Speaker 1: by the way, not just for the Brits. Leaders from
Speaker 1: all over the world flew in to be a part
Speaker 1: of this funeral. Now. What was a little strange was
Speaker 1: that President Biden arrived in a six car motorcade, meanwhile
Speaker 1: leaders from most other countries had to share buses. I
Speaker 1: mean that must have sucked. It's like the whole point
Speaker 1: of becoming a world leader is that you don't ever
Speaker 1: have to ride a bus anymore. Imagine you're the emperor
Speaker 1: of Japan and you have to pretend you don't hear.
Speaker 1: Just introduce shopping in the bus bathroom. And obviously some
Speaker 1: people are mad that Biden got special treatments, but if
Speaker 1: you ask me, I think the other world leaders. They're
Speaker 1: the ones who benefits it. Can you imagine being stuck
Speaker 1: on a bus with Joe Biden? Joe Biden, the conversation
Speaker 1: would never end. It's just him like so that Mr Prame,
Speaker 1: ministers car prop I said, listen, Jack, How did this trendon?
Speaker 1: I took his hand's side. What will you move into
Speaker 1: another scene? Come on, man, come on, listen. And world
Speaker 1: leaders what the only ones in attendance? No, the Queen's
Speaker 1: calls were there too, and this was really sweet. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they got to pay their lost respects. You know, see
Speaker 1: the Queen One more time and then, I assume followed
Speaker 1: the little trail of dog treats right into the tomb.
Speaker 1: Very adorable. That's how the Egyptians did it. I'm assuming
Speaker 1: the English are the same. It's also like, why would
Speaker 1: you bring the dogs? Why are you torturing them? What
Speaker 1: were the dogs like sitting up in the morning? Can
Speaker 1: we get a treat? And like, I'll show you why.
Speaker 1: There's no more treats. But once the funeral was over,
Speaker 1: the Queen's casket was driven to winds the castle to
Speaker 1: give her one last chance to experience London traffic, and
Speaker 1: everyone made it count. We're watching the royal procession of
Speaker 1: Queen Elizabeth's cough and cheers going up from the crowd,
Speaker 1: a crowd that has been quiet and somber throughout most
Speaker 1: of the morning, but now cheers as the Queen's coughin
Speaker 1: passes by, flowers being thrown from the crowd towards the
Speaker 1: Queen's coffin. This is probably my favorite part of a funeral. No,
Speaker 1: genuinely is. It's like there's a moment where everyone's sad
Speaker 1: because somebody's gone, and then there's the moment where you
Speaker 1: celebrate their life. I love this moment. You know you're
Speaker 1: like Ha, ha ha. It's just a way that they
Speaker 1: were throwing the flowers onto the car's windshield while the
Speaker 1: dude is driving. It's a bit risky. Guy's gonna end
Speaker 1: up like just plowing right into the crowd. I just
Speaker 1: put those in the back with the Queen. Let's go,
Speaker 1: let's go, we gotta keep moving, gotta keep moving. But
Speaker 1: aside from all the flowers and panties being thrown at
Speaker 1: the car, it was a beautiful procession with all the
Speaker 1: king's horses, all the king's men, basically everyone who couldn't
Speaker 1: save Humpty dumpty. They were there and it was a
Speaker 1: three Mile March from Westminster Abbey too wins the castle,
Speaker 1: also known as the long walk. Yeah, or as Kylie
Speaker 1: Jenner calls it. Why didn't they take the jet? So
Speaker 1: there was a long ride to wins the castle, but
Speaker 1: it was worth the weight because the ceremony, the ceremony
Speaker 1: formally laying her. I just need to rest, was not
Speaker 1: to be missed. The most intimate moving moment was when
Speaker 1: the crown jeweler removed the instruments of state, that's the crown,
Speaker 1: the orb in the sector, removed them from the Queen's
Speaker 1: coffin and placed him on the altar, and then the
Speaker 1: head of the Queen's household broke his wand of office
Speaker 1: and then place that on the Queen's coffin. That essentially signals,
Speaker 1: we're told, that this queen's reign is over. The coffin
Speaker 1: then lowered into the vault. There are ten other monarchs
Speaker 1: buried there at St George's Chapel as well. Yeah, as
Speaker 1: the world watched on Queen Elizabeth the second, the UK's
Speaker 1: longest reigning monarch, was lowered into the family vaults and
Speaker 1: whether you are full or against the monarchy, you cannot
Speaker 1: deny this is a landmark moment in history. They broke
Speaker 1: the wand and it's official, a will say, and yes,
Speaker 1: it's because I've read too much Harry Potter, this thing
Speaker 1: could have just as easily been part of a wizard ceremony.
Speaker 1: You know, it's like a guy in a Cape Holding
Speaker 1: an ORB snapping a wand. By the way, why, why
Speaker 1: is the wand getting buried with her majesty, but nothing else?
Speaker 1: I feel like it's kind of a letdown right, because
Speaker 1: they could bury her with the crown and the ORB,
Speaker 1: but they're like no, no, we'll we'll hold on to these. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can be buried with this broken pool cue. There
Speaker 1: you go. An executive from the Vegan Burger company beyond
Speaker 1: meats was arrested after a fight in which he allegedly
Speaker 1: bit another man's nose, which, Goddamn. When vegans have a
Speaker 1: cheat day, they really go hard. They go hard. In
Speaker 1: Health News, the FDA has officially warned people not to
Speaker 1: do a tiktok trend called the Ni Quel Challenge, which
Speaker 1: is where people are cooking chicken in night quel. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I mean, this sounds fake to me, but
Speaker 1: if it's not, why would you stop it? Huh? White
Speaker 1: people are finally seasoning their chicken. That's a wind. Let
Speaker 1: Them Go. Let him gird. Oh, and in international news,
Speaker 1: Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is facing criticism after a
Speaker 1: video circulated showing him singing Bohemian rhapsody at a London
Speaker 1: hotel two nights before the queen's funeral. Yeah, yeah, people,
Speaker 1: people are saying it was disrespectful and and they're right right.
Speaker 1: You don't. I don't sing a song by Queen when
Speaker 1: the Queen has died. That's insulting. You Sing Wu Tang.
Speaker 1: It wasn't a favorite group. No, serious, I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't get why people also anger a bothers. Who Cares?
Speaker 1: It's not like he's saying another one bites the dust.
Speaker 1: You know. No, it's too sensitive. But let's move on
Speaker 1: to some of the biggest stories of the day, starting
Speaker 1: with a criminal case that was probably in your ears
Speaker 1: every Thursday morning back in a judge in Baltimore today
Speaker 1: overturned the murder conviction of add non said, whose case
Speaker 1: was featured in the hit podcast serial and ordered his
Speaker 1: release from prison. So I had now forty one walked
Speaker 1: out of the courthouse after spending more than two decades
Speaker 1: behind Mars. In vacating the ruling, the judge found that
Speaker 1: the original prosecutors did not turn over evidence to the
Speaker 1: defense that could have helped. Said, and evidence uncovered since
Speaker 1: would have added, quote, substantial and significant probability that the
Speaker 1: result would have been different. The decision to vacate science
Speaker 1: conviction came down just hours ago and tonight he's back
Speaker 1: home with family and, as you can see in this video,
Speaker 1: one of the first things he did his co right
Speaker 1: for the fridge and dive into some leftovers. I'm sorry
Speaker 1: this this is an insane story. This guy was sentenced
Speaker 1: to life in prison. Then years later, a podcast brings
Speaker 1: attention to his case and now, after twenty two years
Speaker 1: locked up, he gets to go home. And I know,
Speaker 1: I know, people are celebrating this and understand why, but
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest with you. I find it weird
Speaker 1: that America confuses fixing a mistake with a happy ending.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean. Like, good news, we got
Speaker 1: out of Afghanistan. Why were you there in the first place?
Speaker 1: Good News, we got emergency water to Jackson, Mississippi. Why
Speaker 1: do you need emergency water? Good News, we took all
Speaker 1: the pink slime out of the meat. The Pink what now? So, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's happy, but come on, people, I will so I
Speaker 1: will say it was hot warming, though, to see him
Speaker 1: back home with his family eating leftovers. You know, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: just because, knowing families, there's probably one uncle who was like,
Speaker 1: who at my leftovers? I know you did twenty years
Speaker 1: but I was saving that. But can you imagine that
Speaker 1: that guy was in prison since the year two thousand?
Speaker 1: Think about all the things he's missed out on. He's
Speaker 1: gonna be chatting to his friends like, Oh man, I'm
Speaker 1: so excited to be free. Let's go to an arcady concept.
Speaker 1: They'll be like, I got some bad news. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: this does raise a big question, right. What does it
Speaker 1: say about America that it takes a podcast to help
Speaker 1: free a man from prison? Because what I think it
Speaker 1: says is that either America needs to reform its justice
Speaker 1: system or podcasts needs to become part of the justice system. Yeah,
Speaker 1: think about it. Think about everyone hates jury duty, but
Speaker 1: everyone loves podcasts. So maybe we get rid of juries
Speaker 1: and just had everyone in America listen to the podcast
Speaker 1: and then they all vote. It just becomes a nationwide jury.
Speaker 1: They're paying attention. They actually called, because this is something
Speaker 1: I've realized. If you add entertainment, Americans are always interested.
Speaker 1: Like nobody wants to sit in the courtroom, AH, but
Speaker 1: people have watched seven hundred seasons of law and order.
Speaker 1: Sometimes during jury do that. This is boring. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: Watch more law. Think about if the trial is a podcast,
Speaker 1: everybody wins. Right, justice has served, jurors on board and,
Speaker 1: best of all, everyone gets to go home with a
Speaker 1: Promo code for a shirt that you don't have to
Speaker 1: talk in. Now here's here's the thing. The full story
Speaker 1: is this. It wasn't just the podcast that helped free
Speaker 1: say it. What happened was so I had got lucky
Speaker 1: enough that his case came up for a view to
Speaker 1: a prosecutor who used to be a public defender right
Speaker 1: and that prosecutor dug through the case files deeper than
Speaker 1: she had to and found all sorts of problems with
Speaker 1: the original prosecution. So she asked the judge to vacate
Speaker 1: the conviction and, let's say, had go. Yeah, and they
Speaker 1: did this while they decided whether or not to put
Speaker 1: him on trial again. But remember, the prosecutor didn't have
Speaker 1: to do any of that. She could have just said yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe it wasn't a completely fair trial, but tough ship.
Speaker 1: But no, she said no, if we're gonna put somebody
Speaker 1: in prison, it has to be without any doubt. And
Speaker 1: that shows you the difference between a justice system that
Speaker 1: wants justice versus a system that just wants to put
Speaker 1: people in prison. This prosecutor is like those employees in
Speaker 1: the shoe store who offered to check in the back
Speaker 1: when they don't have your size, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: when they actually go, let me check it out, as
Speaker 1: opposed those employees. We're like sorry, man, I ain't got
Speaker 1: your size. You're like, can you check in the back?
Speaker 1: They're like no, I'll be better if it's a chop
Speaker 1: with your feet. I'm get more people like that. But
Speaker 1: let's move on to some news about climate change, because,
Speaker 1: no matter what else is going on, climate change is
Speaker 1: still happening. The ice caps melting. It's not like they're like,
Speaker 1: Oh damn, did you see that Adam Levin story on Tiktok?
Speaker 1: I'll melt later because you gotta check this out. No,
Speaker 1: the climate change is still getting worse, and it doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that it's gotten worse for everybody, though. In fact,
Speaker 1: in Mexico, the effects of climate change have created business
Speaker 1: opportunities for drug cartels. An investigation by Vice News has
Speaker 1: found that Mexico's notorious Sinaloa drug cartel is now in
Speaker 1: the water business. After a major drought dried up lakes
Speaker 1: and rivers across northern Mexico, the cartel began siphoning off
Speaker 1: anything that remained and selling it to farmers and businesses.
Speaker 1: In some cases, they even hijacked water trucks at gunpoint. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you hear that drug cartels are running water now controlling
Speaker 1: the water. We laughed at the Fire Festival guy, but
Speaker 1: sooner or later every one of us is gonna be
Speaker 1: sucking for a bottle of Poland spring. Because here's the thing.
Speaker 1: Just because climate change happens gradually, it doesn't mean it's
Speaker 1: not a crisis. And People Watch Mad Max and they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's a bit unrealistic, but remember that's not day one.
Speaker 1: Didn't start like that and morten Jordan's roll up into
Speaker 1: the office like that. It was gradual. And if drug
Speaker 1: cartels are not gonna be selling water, that means now
Speaker 1: we have to be worried about whether or not it's pure,
Speaker 1: if we're not gonna start cutting it with like like
Speaker 1: urine or, you know, or even worse, Tasani. You never know,
Speaker 1: and if you're not disturbed about what's happening in Mexico,
Speaker 1: you should be, because water is a re source people.
Speaker 1: It's a resource that everyone needs to survive. It's not
Speaker 1: something that should be controlled by drug cartels. That's Nestle's business,
Speaker 1: and sin aloa stepping on their Goddamn turf beend their hall.
Speaker 1: Speaking of climate change, as the world tries to become
Speaker 1: more green, one of the major challenges has been airplanes,
Speaker 1: all right. The problem is it's hard to make them
Speaker 1: green and we need them. We use them for everything,
Speaker 1: you know, shipping products people, you know, dragging giant signs
Speaker 1: across the sky so people know that there's a mattress sale.
Speaker 1: Without planes, how are you ever going to join the
Speaker 1: Mile High Club? Uh, have you ever tried to smash
Speaker 1: in a hot Air Balloon? The splinters get everywhere, plus
Speaker 1: that old man is judging you the whole time, while
Speaker 1: you're paid for an hour. So you should have got
Speaker 1: fifty seven minutes left kid. So the truth is we're
Speaker 1: gonna have to get serious about fighting climate change, even
Speaker 1: if it means taking some big swings, which is why
Speaker 1: Air Canada has made an exciting new announced. Eric Canada
Speaker 1: is buying electric planes for the first time. It is
Speaker 1: purchasing thirty battery powered regional aircraft from Heart Aerospace, a
Speaker 1: Swedish company. The planes can carry up to thirty passengers
Speaker 1: and will generate zero missions. Now that's what I'm talking about, people.
Speaker 1: Electric planes cleaner, efficient, quieter. So now you'll really be
Speaker 1: able to hear the baby crying behind you, you know,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, that's one thing I don't
Speaker 1: know about you, but I'm excites this, for this, you know,
Speaker 1: like I can't I can't wait to fly on maybe
Speaker 1: the second or third one they make. Yeah, like left
Speaker 1: the flat for a year and then I'll jump on.
Speaker 1: I'M gonna jump on immediately. I mean, like, here's the thing.
Speaker 1: They won't even let us fly with a big battery
Speaker 1: on a plane because they're scared it will burst into flames.
Speaker 1: But now the whole plane is just a big battery.
Speaker 1: You aboudy been comfortable with that. I'm just saying, I
Speaker 1: got to know. Maybe we just make everything on the
Speaker 1: ground electric first before we do it in the sky.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be dope when you think about it, you know,
Speaker 1: because once electric planes are going, it's gonna be easy.
Speaker 1: You just leave them, plug them charging at the airport
Speaker 1: and boom, zero emissions. We should also prepare ourselves, though,
Speaker 1: for that occasional flights when we find out at thirty
Speaker 1: feet that the plane wasn't fully charged because, yeah, because
Speaker 1: the plug did that thing which just hangs off. So
Speaker 1: the plug does that. Now you're on four percent. It's
Speaker 1: just like a ladies and gentlemen, does anybody have a
Speaker 1: portable charger. I'm I'm joking. That's not how technology works.
Speaker 1: Come on, people, if the plane gets low on battery,
Speaker 1: just put an airplane mode. Problem solved. Come on, fright. Finally, finally,
Speaker 1: here's a story. Here's a story I have to share
Speaker 1: with you, guys, because I can't tell if it's amazing
Speaker 1: or terrifying or both. Like, how many ants do you
Speaker 1: guys think they are on earth? A billion, a trillion? What?
Speaker 1: It turns out your way off. And The Washington Post
Speaker 1: reports scientists calculated how many ants are on earth and
Speaker 1: they say the number is unimaginable. Scientists from the University
Speaker 1: of Hong Kong analyze hundreds of studies and concluded that
Speaker 1: there are nearly twenty quadrillion ants burrowing around the planet. Uh,
Speaker 1: there are about two and a half million ants for
Speaker 1: every person. Wow, twenty quadrillion ants on the planet. I've
Speaker 1: heard that news today and I was like what, that
Speaker 1: doesn't even sound like a real number. Sounds like what
Speaker 1: I makeup if someone asked me how many ants they
Speaker 1: on the planet. Be like, I don't know, like quadrillion.
Speaker 1: But no, an actual scientist has counted them all, and
Speaker 1: I mean that's the person I feel bad for because
Speaker 1: they were probably like seventeen quadrillion, seventeen quadrillion and thirty six.
Speaker 1: I was like, any time you want to grab a coffee.
Speaker 1: I was at the metal of something one, two, three,
Speaker 1: and you heard what they said. They said this number
Speaker 1: means there are two point five million ants for every person,
Speaker 1: and that's really bad news. Yeah, because I can fight
Speaker 1: like twenty ants tops. After that, I'm leaving the picnic.
Speaker 1: The producers of the James Bond Movies have announced that
Speaker 1: costing is officially underway for the next double or seven. Yes, but, but, but,
Speaker 1: they say whoever takes the role must make a ten
Speaker 1: to twelve year commitments, which is a bit weird. I mean,
Speaker 1: if there's one thing, James Bond is not known for
Speaker 1: its long term commitments. In Health News, a panel appointed
Speaker 1: by the Department of Health and Human Services has formally
Speaker 1: recommended that all Americans under the age of sixty five
Speaker 1: should be screened for anxiety. And I'm gonna Save you
Speaker 1: some time. Yeah, everyone's Goddamn ass. All Right, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be screened. What do you mean if you live in
Speaker 1: America and you don't have anxiety? You're asked me, is
Speaker 1: a mental health screen, like a full one. And, by
Speaker 1: the way, I love how they're recommending the screenings, but
Speaker 1: only for people under the age of sixty. Yeah, what
Speaker 1: about the people over sixty five? It's basically they're like, well,
Speaker 1: whatever you're worried about, it's gonna be over soon. So,
Speaker 1: in Military News, Space Force has officially released its theme song.
Speaker 1: He has a sample. It sucks, all right. In Uh,
Speaker 1: in economic news, the Federal Reserve has raised interest rates
Speaker 1: yet again. Yeah, to try and get inflation under control.
Speaker 1: And I don't know people, after three big interest rates increases,
Speaker 1: that like they haven't stopped inflation. Maybe he's trying to
Speaker 1: try to try something different, you know, maybe we just
Speaker 1: invite inflation to a party. Yeah, and then when it
Speaker 1: gets drunk it passes out with draw a dick on
Speaker 1: its face. It won't change anything, but it'll be funny inflation.
Speaker 1: All right. Let's move on to some of the biggest
Speaker 1: stories of the day, starting with the only ex president
Speaker 1: who spends more time with his lawyers than his grandkids,
Speaker 1: Donald Jurassic trump. Now it turns out the former president
Speaker 1: is somehow in more legal trouble than ever, and we're
Speaker 1: gonna find out why? In another installment of America's most
Speaker 1: tremendously wanted. Now we all know that Donald Trump is
Speaker 1: already in legal trouble for January six, for Ealing classified documents,
Speaker 1: for meddling in the vote count in Georgia and for
Speaker 1: having an ask that just will not quit. But now
Speaker 1: he's also in big trouble with New York's attorney general.
Speaker 1: We are in unprecedented territory once again. The New York
Speaker 1: Attorney General has just filed a sweeping fraud lawsuit against
Speaker 1: former president trump, three of his adult children and the
Speaker 1: trump organization. A G Leticia James says they were involved
Speaker 1: in a decade long financial scheme that allowed trump to
Speaker 1: falsely inflate his net worth by billions of dollars. James
Speaker 1: says the investigation uncovered some two hundred examples of false
Speaker 1: valuations of trump's assets, and she thinks this civil case
Speaker 1: will have serious criminal fallout. The pattern of fraud and
Speaker 1: deception that was used by Mr Trump and the trump
Speaker 1: organization for their own financial benefit is astounding. Claiming you
Speaker 1: have money that you do not have is not amount
Speaker 1: to the art of the deal, it's the art of
Speaker 1: the steel. Oh, Donald Trump is in trouble now? Yeah,
Speaker 1: because when a prosecutor uses a rhyme, you're about to
Speaker 1: do time. Now. I'M NOT gonna lie. I'm not optimistic,
Speaker 1: but if half of what the Attorney General is saying
Speaker 1: is true, trump is an even even bigger comment than
Speaker 1: we all thought, because he's accused of lying about the
Speaker 1: value of his properties for decades, for decades to defraud
Speaker 1: the banks into giving him better loans. Right, and these
Speaker 1: are not small amounts and small. For instance, Mar Lago
Speaker 1: was worth seventy five million dollars and what a trump
Speaker 1: said was worth seven hundred and forty million dollars. How?
Speaker 1: Because I upgraded it, folks. Yeah, totally upgrade. I added
Speaker 1: a rap room, he's got a foosball table and everything.
Speaker 1: He also claimed. He also claimed that his eleven thousand
Speaker 1: square foot apartment was actually thirty square feet, which was
Speaker 1: a lie. So this man is gonna be the first
Speaker 1: person to ever get in legal trouble for claiming his
Speaker 1: apartment is a grower, not a shower. And I'M gonna say,
Speaker 1: I've got to say, it would be so funny if
Speaker 1: this is what takes trump down. Huh. Can you imagine?
Speaker 1: He tried to overthrow the government. But then they get
Speaker 1: him for lying about having an in unit washer dryer.
Speaker 1: It's like that's the thing that locks him up. And
Speaker 1: and according to this lawsuit, it wasn't just Donald. Apparently
Speaker 1: the whole family was involved in the scheme, which is
Speaker 1: pretty disappointing. I mean, I expect this from Donald Trump,
Speaker 1: you know, and and also from dawn Jr and and
Speaker 1: also from Ivanka. But but Eric Actually, actually, yeah, he
Speaker 1: seems like the Karaguy who would do this. All right,
Speaker 1: let's move on to something to national news, and it's
Speaker 1: about Ukraine. We want to begin this morning with that
Speaker 1: breaking news out of Russia. Overnight, Vladimir Putin doubling down
Speaker 1: in his war against Ukraine. VLABR Putin is preparing for
Speaker 1: a longer and more intense war on Ukraine. In a
Speaker 1: speech carried nationally in Russia, the president said he will
Speaker 1: put up three thousand military reserves to active duty. Vladimir
Speaker 1: Putin is being pushed into a corner warning the waist.
Speaker 1: He still has weapons of mass destruction, read that as
Speaker 1: nuclear and he's prepared to use them, because we will
Speaker 1: use all the means at our disposal to protect Russia
Speaker 1: and all people. He said this is not a bluff. Wow, wow, wow. Seriously,
Speaker 1: Putin nukes, the n word, not cool man, not cool.
Speaker 1: That's America's word to use. He does sound serious, though.
Speaker 1: You heard him, you heard what he said. He said
Speaker 1: this is not bluff. Well, to be fair, this is
Speaker 1: not a bluff. What someone who's bluffing would say? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it wouldn't be very effective if it was like a
Speaker 1: nuke entire world, but I am bluffing, so don't Larry.
Speaker 1: By the way, I know this is random, but I
Speaker 1: find it funny that he has the two landlines behind
Speaker 1: him in the victor no, I mean like, I get
Speaker 1: the one, the one. Maybe that's what like the nuclear
Speaker 1: codes s anyway. But what's the other line for? Because
Speaker 1: he also like a part time telemarketers, just like Mr
Speaker 1: Andrew Bob, I'm preparing for Nuclear War, which is why,
Speaker 1: in life, in shortance is very important right now. Could
Speaker 1: I through the shield? Through it? Who Am you know,
Speaker 1: one of the most frustrating things about this war is
Speaker 1: that the only reason it's still going on is because
Speaker 1: Vladimir Putin is trying to save face. Right. He just
Speaker 1: he just doesn't want to be seen to be losing
Speaker 1: and it made me wonder. Do you think Putin knows
Speaker 1: how to lose? Like, do you think he knows how? Because,
Speaker 1: think about it, the Dude plays an annual hockey game
Speaker 1: where the Russian team lets him score thirty two goals, right.
Speaker 1: He somehow wins the judo contest against professionals every year,
Speaker 1: so it actually wouldn't surprise me that he can't accept
Speaker 1: the concept that he can lose. You know, it's it's
Speaker 1: almost like when parents let their kids win everything and
Speaker 1: when they're like wow, billy, you ran so fast, you
Speaker 1: win again. Then the kid grows up thinking that losing
Speaker 1: isn't a part of life. All right, that's why, when
Speaker 1: I raised my four year old nephew last weekend, I
Speaker 1: smoked his ass, Bamn, lets him in the dust death.
Speaker 1: Then I gave him a rematch and I smoked his
Speaker 1: ass again. I mean, yes, he cried, yes he cried,
Speaker 1: but you know what he won't do? Invade Ukraine. Yeah,
Speaker 1: all right. Finally, let's turn to the world of sports,
Speaker 1: where some really exciting stuff going on. In baseball, Aaron
Speaker 1: judge is on hate historic home run check, crushing it
Speaker 1: out there. In football, the giants won a game, but
Speaker 1: the most exciting us of all is coming out of
Speaker 1: the NBA, and it's because the king has a new
Speaker 1: crown and it looks like basketball icon, Lebron James, is
Speaker 1: trying something new. The Lakers star posted this picture on
Speaker 1: his instagram stories, sitting in a barber's chair with no hair.
Speaker 1: For years, Lebron's hairline has been the subject of countless means. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: who it is? Lebron Jays. I love it. There's a dope.
Speaker 1: Look no one that's making use Lebron James. Not only
Speaker 1: does he look better, this is gonna be trouble for
Speaker 1: the rest of the can you imagine a more Aerodynamic Lebron?
Speaker 1: He's gonna be unstoppable. Two points. I'm calling it right now.
Speaker 1: I'm glad Lebron did this. I'm glad proud of him,
Speaker 1: because his hair kept on receiving further and further back.
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with that, but it just was, you know,
Speaker 1: he's Lyne was so far back, Steph, he was hitting
Speaker 1: threes from behind. It ready. Disrespectful, Steph Goble. For Real,
Speaker 1: he looks good. I like it slick. Still got the beard.
Speaker 1: In fact, it's so good it's inspired me to do
Speaker 1: it too. That's right, the time has come. Thank you,
Speaker 1: Lebron example. No, I'm guys, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Calm down,
Speaker 1: I'm kidding. I'm kidding. God blessed me. Come down the
Speaker 1: ongoing legal troubles of America's president, Donald Jurisdiction trump, the
Speaker 1: only former president with the side gigs selling bedazzled classified
Speaker 1: documents on Etsy. You see, trump is still being investigated
Speaker 1: by the Justice Department for keeping over one classified documents
Speaker 1: in a closet at Mara Lago, pretty much the least
Speaker 1: secure place in the world outside of Adam Levin's D Ms.
Speaker 1: And trump and trump world has been coming up with
Speaker 1: all kinds of defenses for what he did. They said, Oh,
Speaker 1: the FBI plans on the evidence. They said everyone takes
Speaker 1: work home with them, and then they said trump was
Speaker 1: trying to protect the documents from Nicholas Cage. But last
Speaker 1: nights last night, during an interview with Sean Hannity, trump
Speaker 1: came up with a new excuse that may have topped
Speaker 1: them all. I defy and Donald trump pushing him back.
Speaker 1: The former president is insisting he had the power to
Speaker 1: be classified documents. Sees, from his moral law go home.
Speaker 1: Just by thinking about it. If you're the president of
Speaker 1: the United States, you can declass if I just by
Speaker 1: saying stick less, even by thinking about it, and there
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be a process. There can be a process,
Speaker 1: but there doesn't have to be hold on, hold on,
Speaker 1: hold on, hold on. Donald Trump can declassified documents with
Speaker 1: his brain. How? How? He can't even read documents with
Speaker 1: his brain. How? How does this happen? I really hope
Speaker 1: that I can make things happen with my mind. is
Speaker 1: going to be the actual argument at the trial? That
Speaker 1: would be great, your honor the defendant pleads Jedi. So
Speaker 1: trump is saying that he de classified these documents just
Speaker 1: by thinking about it, which I don't even believe, because
Speaker 1: that will be the first time in his life that
Speaker 1: trump has thought something and not said it out loud.
Speaker 1: Think about it. This is a man who thought to himself, who,
Speaker 1: if I wasn't related to my daughter, I would date her,
Speaker 1: and then he told everyone on TV. He set it
Speaker 1: out of his mouth. And by the way, by the way,
Speaker 1: if this all happened in his head, you do realize
Speaker 1: that means now the FBI is gonna have to raid
Speaker 1: his brain for the evidence. That's gonna be a nightmare
Speaker 1: for them. Oh guys, all right, let's see what we
Speaker 1: have in here. Wow, it's a lot of bikinis. A
Speaker 1: lot of bikinis in here. Miss American a bikini. Is
Speaker 1: that Putin in a bikini? A hamburger in a bikini? Oh,
Speaker 1: what's hold up, hold up, I think I found the documents.
Speaker 1: I got them, the classified documents, but they're in a bikini. Now,
Speaker 1: if we had more time, we could talk about the
Speaker 1: massive ramifications of Donald Trump having a superpower. That only
Speaker 1: applies to documents, but we just we don't have the
Speaker 1: time because in that same interview he gave a different
Speaker 1: excuse that was even more mind buggling. Here is Donald
Speaker 1: Trump's new theory, revealed just an hour ago, about what
Speaker 1: the FBI was really looking for, what their search warrant.
Speaker 1: There's also a lot of speculation because of what they did,
Speaker 1: the severity of the FBI coming and raiding marl ago.
Speaker 1: Were they looking for the Hillary Clinton emails that were deleted,
Speaker 1: but they are around someplace? Were they looking for the spines? No, no,
Speaker 1: they may be saying. They may have thought that it
Speaker 1: was okay. Wait, wait, wait, what what even Sean Hardy's like, wait,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, man, I'm I wrote with you, but I
Speaker 1: don't understand. Like what? I was so confused. But so
Speaker 1: is trump saying the FBI rated his house to find
Speaker 1: Hilary's emails. So they didn't want the documents he declassified
Speaker 1: with his mind. No, they wanted the emails he couldn't find,
Speaker 1: but that he actually had the whole time at his house,
Speaker 1: because Donald Trump is Hillary Clinton work. So America really
Speaker 1: did elect its first female president. This is so insane
Speaker 1: and if we had more time, we could talk about
Speaker 1: how great it is that Hillary trump broke the glass ceiling,
Speaker 1: or we could talk about how amazing it is that
Speaker 1: Shoran hand he basically gave trump a softball and trump
Speaker 1: hit himself in the dick with his bats. But we
Speaker 1: don't have the fun. We don't have the time, Jeff,
Speaker 1: fun with all of that, because while American people are
Speaker 1: getting embarrassed by their leaders, it runs people are rising
Speaker 1: up against a hundreds of Iranians risking their lives to
Speaker 1: protest the country's ultra conservative dress code for women, and
Speaker 1: much more. If they were sparked by the death of
Speaker 1: twenty two year old Massa Ameni. While she was in
Speaker 1: the custody of Iran's notorious morality the police. She was
Speaker 1: detained for the crime of showing her hair in public
Speaker 1: and a brave show of defiance, women in Iran's capital
Speaker 1: of Tehran are now removing their state mandated h jobs
Speaker 1: in the scope of these protests John are rare, but
Speaker 1: also unprecedented in their feminist nature, where you're seeing women
Speaker 1: at the forefront of these protests, leading these protests, taking
Speaker 1: to the streets, removing their head scarves, setting up bonfires,
Speaker 1: burning their head scarves, in chanting death to the dictator
Speaker 1: in reference to the supreme leader. Yeah, women in Iran,
Speaker 1: women in Iran who who all have stories of being
Speaker 1: detained or harassed by the morality police, of fighting back,
Speaker 1: and rightfully so, rightfully so. Thinking about you're gonna have
Speaker 1: a bunch of random people walking around Iran telling women
Speaker 1: what to do with their own bodies. Huh? In America
Speaker 1: you have to be on the Supreme Court to do that.
Speaker 1: And what the women, ever, are doing is inspiring peop
Speaker 1: all over the world. I mean, you're show them, they're
Speaker 1: chanting death to the dictator in front of the dictator's
Speaker 1: troops that is the definition of bravery, like actual bravery,
Speaker 1: real bravery. Yeah, I'm like, it's not like the way
Speaker 1: we use it here, like when a musician tries acting. Oh,
Speaker 1: this is a real risk for you. And that bravery
Speaker 1: has been contagious, because in the past week these protests
Speaker 1: have gotten bigger and angrier and in response, the Iranian
Speaker 1: government is trying to control the flow of information by
Speaker 1: shutting down access to APPs like WHATSAPP and instagram. But
Speaker 1: this is something I wonder. What these governments do? They do?
Speaker 1: I realize that people protested before social media. All right, yeah,
Speaker 1: like civil rights leaders didn't have facebook. All Right, Nelson
Speaker 1: Mandela wasn't on Tiktok like your sire. And now certain
Speaker 1: straight up kicking and present. Now, if we had more time,
Speaker 1: we could talk about how this protest follows on the
Speaker 1: heels of a series of events that has turned Iran
Speaker 1: into a powder kick. The government's covid response was terrible.
Speaker 1: Water Miss Management has caused massive droughts, the government has
Speaker 1: brutally suppressed labor protests and, on top of all of that,
Speaker 1: the United States has sanctioned around so badly that people
Speaker 1: can barely afford medicine so this protest and this moment
Speaker 1: in time has many people in Iran wondering if this
Speaker 1: is going to be a tipping point. But we don't
Speaker 1: have the time to cover all of that, because it
Speaker 1: turns out Iran's government is not the only one that's
Speaker 1: feeling the heat. This morning, more than one thousand Russian
Speaker 1: protesters detained by Russian police after taking to the streets
Speaker 1: because young men chanting I don't want to die for Putin,
Speaker 1: mothers screaming send Putin to the trenches, let our children live.
Speaker 1: This after President Prutin suddenly announcing pinky would call up
Speaker 1: three hundred thousand men for military service after his massive
Speaker 1: losses in Ukraine, other Russians are fleeing the country. Flights
Speaker 1: from Moscow to all Pisa free destinations selling out quickly.
Speaker 1: There are also long lines of cars heading to Finland,
Speaker 1: which has open borders. Yeah, that's right. After Russia's angry
Speaker 1: as Elf announced that he was going to be drafting
Speaker 1: three people into his war in Ukraine, the Russian people
Speaker 1: are trying everything to get out of the country, which
Speaker 1: I totally get. I get it. I mean think about it.
Speaker 1: Think about it. This guy is fighting a war for
Speaker 1: no reason. He made it up. It's like when your
Speaker 1: friend gets drunk and then tries to get you involved
Speaker 1: in a fight that they started. He's like, come on,
Speaker 1: bro He spilled his shirt all over my beer. As
Speaker 1: like yeah, I'm just gonna Uber Home. And remember, the
Speaker 1: Russians don't have uber. So they're trying every other way
Speaker 1: to get out, you know, any way they can. Some
Speaker 1: are flying out, others are driving cross border, some are
Speaker 1: even hitting up Rhonda sanctus pretending to Venezuelans years. My
Speaker 1: name is Bi Mingo. We Fly Martha's vineyard the years.
Speaker 1: And Look, if we had more time, we could talk
Speaker 1: about whether the resistance to Putin's draft could spare more
Speaker 1: opposition to the war itself. Oh, we could talk about
Speaker 1: how Putin needing to have a draft undermines everything he
Speaker 1: set up until now, because, remember, he's always insisted that
Speaker 1: this wasn't even a real war. So what do you
Speaker 1: need thousand more soldiers for? Huh? Because he need help
Speaker 1: moving that giant table. It is. It's. Well, we don't
Speaker 1: have the time to figure that out because while Russia
Speaker 1: is ramping up the war in Ukraine, here in New
Speaker 1: York City there was a major escalation in the wall
Speaker 1: on crime. Well, the M T A taking some new
Speaker 1: action to make our subway safer. It's going to install
Speaker 1: security cameras in every New York City subway car. The
Speaker 1: M T A adding surveillance to more than six thousand
Speaker 1: four hundred subway cars. That's about twelve thousand seven hundred
Speaker 1: cameras of five point five million dollar cost. Today Governor
Speaker 1: Hokel got to test a major expansion of the surveillance system.
Speaker 1: Watch here as Hocal and MTA Chairman Janno Lieber Board
Speaker 1: a seven train at the corona yard, and then the
Speaker 1: hidden camera on board records them. Do you think big
Speaker 1: brothers watching you on the subways? You're absolutely right. That
Speaker 1: is our intent. That's right, I'm big brother watching over you,
Speaker 1: just like in that book I Kelly, didn't finish reading.
Speaker 1: Why would you want to be big brother? I get
Speaker 1: that they're trying to address crime, but we already have
Speaker 1: in all the subways. They're called IPHONES. Anything, anything that
Speaker 1: those security cameras are gonna pick up was already on
Speaker 1: Tiktok twodays ago. Don't get it twisted. And here's the thing.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying New York shouldn't try to make the
Speaker 1: subway safer, but is it the right way to spend
Speaker 1: the money, especially when you consider how many other problems
Speaker 1: with the subway require funding, making them run on time,
Speaker 1: upgrading the stations to improve safety and accessibility, maintaining them
Speaker 1: so that they don't always look like ship's about to
Speaker 1: go down like have you been in the New York
Speaker 1: City subway lately? It looks like the world ended and
Speaker 1: will Smith is about a shop with these dogs. That's
Speaker 1: how it looks. Before we go, I just wanted to
Speaker 1: remind you that much of Puerto Rico is still without
Speaker 1: power in the wake of Hurricane Fiona. So please consider
Speaker 1: supporting Hispanic Federation. They're already on the ground providing emergency
Speaker 1: relief services and essential supplies to the communities that are
Speaker 1: most affected by the storm. So if you can, please
Speaker 1: donate at the link below. The next few days are
Speaker 1: going to be essential to get emergency services and supplies
Speaker 1: to all of those who need it the most. Daily
Speaker 1: show with Trevor No ears edition. Subscribe to the daily
Speaker 1: show on Youtube for exclusive contents and stream full episodes
Speaker 1: anytime on paramount plus. This has been a comedy Central
Speaker 1: Podcast