00:00:08 Speaker 1: Well, I invited you here. I thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest to my home, you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guests, your presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare to surbey me? 00:00:47 Speaker 2: Welcome to? I said, no gifts. I'm Richard Wineger. I'm glad you're here. Look, you could be you could be doing anything right now. You could be listening to your favorite song. You could be calling a loved one and reconnecting. You could be learning something, and instead you're here, and that's on you, and that's fine. We're going to try to have a nice time, and I think we will because our guest is fantastic. I'm so excited to have him here. It's Chris Gethered. Chris. Welcome to. I said, no gifts. 00:01:24 Speaker 3: It's a joy to be here. Thank you for having me. 00:01:26 Speaker 2: How are you? 00:01:28 Speaker 3: I'm I would say I'm doing okay. In general, life is good. I will tell you that I'm lucky enough that I booked some work. But it is in Canada. Oh, which means that even though I'm fully vaccinated, I'm five days into a fourteen day quarantine where I'm not allowed to leave a hotel room. So you've caught me as I'm starting to lose my mind. But we're not totally there yet, so that should be a really good I feeling for audio. That's a really good combination. You could push me over the edge right now if you chose to. 00:02:00 Speaker 2: I would love to break you. I would love to have just the moment that Chris is just fully shattered on record. 00:02:08 Speaker 3: Well, the world's been waiting for it, so maybe you'll get this, Sclusy. 00:02:12 Speaker 2: What part of Canada are you in? 00:02:14 Speaker 3: I'm in Vancouver, which is a lovely city that I've only been able to explore one other time. And I can't tell you how frustrating it is. Frustrating it is to know that I'm sitting in a pretty low level hotel off the side of a highway here for fourteen days, and then I'll work for two days and then I'll fly directly home. So I hope it won't come off like I'm complaining more than as a cry for help, which this is really what this is. 00:02:40 Speaker 2: No, I think that your current state of mind is absolutely fair. You're in essentially solitary confinement. 00:02:47 Speaker 3: A little bit of a purgatory, which I want to just reiterate for anybody who maybe didn't hear it. I have been fully vaccinated for six weeks, for six weeks so, but I'm happy to play by the rules Canada. 00:03:00 Speaker 2: And I will say, when Chris came on to the Zoom, I thought, Chris's house is a little sad, right, he looks like you said, this appears to be maybe a couch, but also maybe a futon with you know, just a piece of art behind you that means nothing to no one. Yes, yes, And you've been there for five days? 00:03:20 Speaker 3: You said five days. Yeah, this is day five. 00:03:23 Speaker 2: So I've heard a little bit about this experience of being quarantined when traveling to other countries, but I don't think I've actually spoken to someone who's been through it personally. Now I'm very curious what the actual rules are. 00:03:38 Speaker 3: The rules are. You take a COVID test before you go within seventy two hours of your flight. You bring proof of your negative result. You present that to customs in Canada or Immigration, whichever one it was. They then check all your work papers. They send you to a booth where you then take another test in the airport they send you to a government certified hotel right next to the airport, and once you get your negative results from that, you're allowed to go quarantine. Enough. For most people country Kenada, they live here, so that means you can now go home and enjoy the rest of your fourteen day quarantine at home. For me, it means you can go to the Sandman Signature hotel on the side of a highway in Langley, British Columbia and just ride this bad boy out and every day you have to check in on an app and report if you've had any symptoms. And then a friend of mine who's one floor above me, it's also here, who haven't seen I texted her and said, can we really not just like take a walk around the block? And she said, production really told me not to mess around. And also I got a call from the Canadian government today making sure I was here. So now I just live in fear that I'm going to go take a walk They're gonna catch me. 00:04:55 Speaker 2: That would be devastating. 00:04:57 Speaker 3: They can apparently find you up to six hundred dollars. I'll put you in jail for five years, is what they tell you. 00:05:05 Speaker 2: Oh my god, Well it's worth the risk. 00:05:07 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, hey, who else is going to play the crazy janitor on Netflix's Space Force? Who else? 00:05:18 Speaker 2: Food wise? What's happening? Are they like sliding a tray under your door? How's that working? 00:05:22 Speaker 3: I am so glad you asked, So glad you asked. And it's almost going to sound like this, you're teeing things up as if we discussed them previously. We hadn't. If you don't mind me walking a little. 00:05:32 Speaker 2: Bit, Oh, of course, I love this production. 00:05:35 Speaker 3: Was nice enough to get me some groceries, and I'm going to show you a couple of my favorite things they got me, which are two bucket sized cans of Pinto beans. Yah. Yeah. And my other favorite item they got now I've since filled it out. I didn't instacart order myself. But the other thing they got was a where is it? Just give me one moment to find it. 00:06:04 Speaker 2: Chris is going through a like a not a mini fridge, but not a real. 00:06:11 Speaker 3: They got me a block of mozzarella cheese larger than my head. 00:06:14 Speaker 2: No, I'm very sad looking mozzarella cheese. This is not you know, this is a bottom of the barrel cheese. 00:06:21 Speaker 3: Yeah. And then they did get me some veggie dogs because I'm a vegetarian. And I tried them for the first time yesterday, and they they got me a fifteen pack. I think they thought I wanted to eat veggie dogs every day that I was or veggie dogs. And I can tell you again, I'm not one to complain about other people's goodwill and kindness and free things. But they were so gross that after two bites I threw them all away. 00:06:50 Speaker 2: Oh no, wait, do you just have beans and cheese? 00:06:54 Speaker 3: No? I did an Instacart order, so I also have some Reese's cereal. I have some, have some some. I've got some stuff to live on that I can that I can reckon with. But when I walked in and just saw the pinto beans and the big brick of cheese, I was and I was like, so hotel is not It's not awful, but it's not nice. It's like a really mid grade I said, Oh, to ride out a couple of weeks here. I hope I don't go insane. So I hope I'm not complaining too much. I hope this is just a fascinating glimpse into the life that I'm leading. How are you, How are you. Your your house strikes me as very minimalist and cool and clean. Get this is just. 00:07:34 Speaker 2: Kind of the back office, and so there's not a lot happening here. But I'm not going to I have nothing to complain about. I have absolutely I mean, you're currently the portrait of a man who has lost everything. This is like someone who's wife left him with the kids, he had cheated a business partner, as ejected from the company, and is now just barely holding on. So I I feel like a king in contrast right now. I don't want to brag. I don't want to make you feel worse about your current conditions. 00:08:07 Speaker 3: I think it's fair. 00:08:09 Speaker 2: You know, I had well, actually I had a protein shake for lunch, so that's not exciting. What is my life outside? I might as well be in a crappy hotel room. 00:08:23 Speaker 3: I do think it's fair. These hotel rooms that have the little kitchen and like you said, the fridge that's not a big fridge, but not a mini fridge, they do strike me as the perfect place for someone who has separated from his wife but hasn't landed in his new living situation. Seems like the exact vibe you captured the exact vibe with that description. 00:08:45 Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like if a hotel room has a kitchen and it's not like the most expensive hotel room in the world, then it's the saddest place. 00:08:53 Speaker 3: Yeah, it adds. It does add a grim quality. I'm not thrilled. 00:08:59 Speaker 2: Do they have hey like kitchen equipment or do you have pots and pans that kind of. 00:09:03 Speaker 3: There's pots, there's pans, there's dishes, there's silverware, there's dishwashing, soap in a brush. There is laundry. I have to buy my own detergent. I'm currently running some laundry and that's about it. That's about it, and otherwise it's just got sort of I would say the vibe of a hotel room that was built I would predict in the early half of the nineteen nineties and feels it. That's what I would say. I'm living a purgatory like existence. 00:09:38 Speaker 2: You're someone who spends a decent amount of time on the road, set true. Do you feel like you've been in worse hotel rooms than this? 00:09:46 Speaker 3: I absolutely have. I want to give credit to the Sandman's signature because I named names. It's not a bad hotel. I'm not saying it's a bad hotel. It's just not a hotel you want to live in for weeks at a time. 00:09:58 Speaker 2: That's the one wants to be trapped a room with no choice to leave. 00:10:03 Speaker 3: And this is this ain't the four Seasons over here. And I'm not even allowed to go use the gym or the pool, so I'm just sitting in the room. So it's not on the Sandman signature, lovely chain. I'm sure good people with nothing but the best of intentions. But yeah, I've been in hotel rooms significantly worse than this. I once booked some rooms in San Francisco while I was touring, and I had some other people with me on the tour, so we booked a few rooms. We got to the hotel and it was so shady, and the guy was playing some weird game about money, and it led to one of the guys on the tour with me trying to fight the hotel manager. So I've seen I've seen the worst of the worst, and then I've been lucky enough that sometimes people pay for a room for me where I see the real fancy side of things. This is just straight down the middle. Nothing here is going to blow you away and that's a fine description for a hotel room. That's a hotel room might be happy to stay in. 00:10:58 Speaker 2: For a night, of course, three nights even just not a third of my summer. Well, how was life before you got there? I feel like it was probably opening up, I am. 00:11:09 Speaker 3: It is great. I live in New Jersey, where I grew up. I moved back there to raise my son. We've got a house in a neighborhood that I never thought I'd be able to live in a place like this. I've been so lucky and blessed in my life. There's a lake that's not too far away, so we can take my son swimming, and I get to see this little two year old boy full of joy. Things are good. New Jersey's been doing I think a very good job on the vaccinations. I think about half of the adults are vaccinated, so they're really letting us, They're letting the freak flags fly again. And it's a beautiful life. And I feel so lucky and blessed. And perhaps that is part of why my current situation does feel like one worth complaining about, even though at the end of the day, like I said, I'm doing a cushy acting job for Netflix. Boohoo, I get it. 00:11:59 Speaker 2: I would love to be with you right now. 00:12:01 Speaker 3: I'd love to be home with my two year old. That's the point. But I also got to put food on his plate and try to get that health insurance. So maybe I'm just being the best dad I can be right now. 00:12:11 Speaker 2: Where are you living in New Jersey? Is that something you can reveal. 00:12:14 Speaker 3: I'm willing to say. I live in Morris County, New Jersey, which is kind of further west than I think a lot of the entertainment types go. Usually they'll land a little about forty minutes closer, where you can have trains and get in and out easy. I said, I'm pretty burnt out, I'm pretty tired. I want to go live in the woods. So we kind of live out in the middle of nowhere. Yeah. 00:12:38 Speaker 2: Yeah. The time I've spent in New Jersey was in Lyndhurst, which I believe is closer to New York. 00:12:46 Speaker 3: It is. It's part of the meadow Lands, I believe. As far as what were you doing in Lyndhurst, New Jersey? 00:12:52 Speaker 2: This is not just trying to open a small business. I opened a sandwich shop. 00:12:57 Speaker 3: How did it go? 00:12:58 Speaker 2: No, Well, it's close now. I was run out of town. People knew immediately I wasn't from New Jersey and I was just fourced out. No, my boyfriend's from Lindhurst, from Lindhurst. His parents still live there. He has family in that area. 00:13:16 Speaker 3: Well, Lindhurst, New Jersey is the home of one of my favorite places in the world. It's famous for if people If people in New Jersey have been to Lindhurst, it's generally to eat at a restaurant slash spectacle known as Medieval Times. 00:13:31 Speaker 2: That's where Medieval Times is. 00:13:32 Speaker 3: Your boyfriend is hiding this from you out of shame because this is Lindhurst's overall reputation in New Jerseys. Oh, that's where you can go eat in that castle and watch Knight's fight and it's sort of a legendary. I think it's a pretty legendary thing, and a lot of us get brought there on like school trips in middle school. 00:13:52 Speaker 2: Why how has he never said this to me? 00:13:55 Speaker 3: He's hiding it? He doesn't shock Why would demanded we go? Yeah, he does want you to know, because I have to imagine people. I don't know too many people from Lindhurst, if any. I have to imagine that lind Hurst. People are incredibly tired of being constantly met with the reaction, oh, where are you from? Windhurst? Yeh, Medieval Times. It's probably been a bane of his existence for most of his childhood, and he's happy to let it go. 00:14:22 Speaker 2: Medieval Times to me, does not feel like a place that should be in Lyndhurst. I mean, I've never been to Medieval Times, but it feels like a place where it should be near a theme park or something. 00:14:31 Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of just in the middle of the marshland there, the meadowlands. It's just like a series of swamps and marshes and you can go. You drive big giant castle. They put on a show the knights fight and kill each other. At one point they they have someone who's trained in falconry come out and they let a falcon loose and it flies around your head while you're eating. 00:14:54 Speaker 2: While you're eating, and. 00:14:55 Speaker 3: They don't give you silverware, that's part of the gimmick. You're just eating with your hands, like a medieval dirt pack. And it's really it's pretty great. 00:15:03 Speaker 2: How is the food at Medieval Times? I'm very curious because it's very simple food that feels like you couldn't screw it up. But I feel like if anyone's going to screw it up, it's gonna be a place that has essentially a rodeo happening in in front of you. 00:15:14 Speaker 3: I think the last time I went was about three years ago, and it was it's about the show, what you're paying for. I mean, they got to groom these horses, they got to train these people in stage combat. You're paying for the show. You're not paying for the food. The food's serviceable, though the food is better food wise than this hotel is hotel wise. I do know that we were all seated in a section cheering for a night, and it was me and about thirty of my friends all went together and we were cheering on our night, and then the storyline took a really misogynistic turn where our night was really being not cool to the princess, and then we all retroactively felt really bad that we were cheering this. Uh, this brutal misogynist but it is what it is, right, I've. 00:16:06 Speaker 2: Got to experience this at some point. I mean, I feel like, well, maybe I don't know what medieval times financial situation is, but I can't imagine they're doing great. I just feel like especially. 00:16:18 Speaker 3: Ever they've been around, since they've been around, I think over thirty years if I'm remembering the first time I went, And uh, I don't know how. I don't know how. You're right, but yeah, they're they've been in business for decades and I hope they don't close. 00:16:33 Speaker 2: They're kind of like arena sized places, Am I wrong? 00:16:36 Speaker 4: Yeah? 00:16:37 Speaker 3: It has an indoor arena. I mean there are actual jousting matches on horseback. You need some room to do that. 00:16:42 Speaker 2: So that's got to I mean, the rent there has got to be crazy. 00:16:47 Speaker 3: It ain't Crey. And then these North Jersey taxes too. I mean, this is not a small investment. This is not a small investment. And I wish I could be a fly on the wall when you say to your boyfriend, how did you never tell me that interest is where medieval Times is? Because I would I would be able to study all the micro expressions in that. 00:17:06 Speaker 2: That's what I'm going to find out, that he was secretly working there, that he has a long resume at in medieval times. 00:17:12 Speaker 3: Can you imagine? It's like I used to have long flowing hair and I was the squire to the Red and Yellow Night. 00:17:21 Speaker 2: Speaking of other absurd things in New Jersey, I read about that enormous mall that they're still trying to create. Are you familiar with this? 00:17:28 Speaker 3: Not far from Lyndhurst also in Thelands. It's right next to Giants Stadium, which is oh okay, no East Rutherford. Those towns i'll bump up against each other. But yeah, that mall has been sitting out there again, I think close to two decades where it keeps They keep saying it's about to open. Oh no, it's changing owners and from what I hear, it either just opened or it really is going to open. And the only thing I know about it is they apparently have an indoor ski jump you can use. And I feel like I am bound to go. 00:18:00 Speaker 2: It's like something you would really actually want to try. 00:18:03 Speaker 3: I want to see what's going on in that mall after all these years. And it looks I don't know if you've driven past it in your times in Linders, but it looks bizarre from the outside. 00:18:13 Speaker 2: What does it look like? 00:18:14 Speaker 3: It's not. It's not like you're driving past the mall. Where you go, there's the Macy's, there's the lard and Tailor, there's this years. It's kind of this big multiicolored trapezoid in the sky. What multicolored trapezoid in the sky is what I said? 00:18:31 Speaker 2: Oh, I heard you very clearly. I'm just trying to even imagine what that could possibly look like physically. That's I mean, what so it's I mean, you know the standard mall is just several rectangles sewn together. 00:18:45 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, no, this is this is not a from Root three. From my vantage point, having only driven past it on Root three, it seems to be an oddly shaped building that is elevated. I don't know if when you get up closer it's different than that, but the section I can see from Route three, anybody out there who's driven past it I think can fatch me. You might have a different description for it. Maybe you wouldn't say multi colored trap is all in the sky, But you're not going to sit there and go it's just a regular mall. Get dude, you're exaggerating. It's not a regular mall. 00:19:16 Speaker 2: Yeah. I usually I have only ever gotten to Lyndhurst by train, so this may have limited my exposure to some of these things. 00:19:24 Speaker 3: I as you can imagine growing up in New Jersey and doing comedy in New York. I started when I was still a college student, so I would take the train in all the time, and it cuts right through the Metal Lands there, and for any sports fans might know, the Metal Lends as the Sports Complex, but it's named after this large geographic area that's just largely like a swamp with a lot of wildlife growing in it. And I was once making my way back from New York City to New Brunswick, New Jersey, and there were severe delays on the train and they finally let us on, and it was the middle of the night at that point, and it turned out the Metal Leans had caught on fire and the O they had just put it out and sent us through. So in the middle of the night we drove through like a smoldering, smoking, glowing red actually incredible, Yeah, it was. It really was like taking a train trip through hell. It really was good grip. 00:20:20 Speaker 2: My only exposure, and I say this probably every time we go through the Meadow Lens and Sea Caucus to either of those things. Is are you familiar with the band the Wrens. I am that I wasn't aware. They have albums named after various things in New Jersey. And so that I mentioned that to my boyfriend every time we go and he has no idea what I'm talking about, and it's a very boring, uh piece of trivia for him, but it's very exciting for me personally. 00:20:45 Speaker 3: You have you have to insist then on your next visit to Lindhurst you go to medieval times, because he will hate that. I am saying this. It is the cultural contribution to New Jersey that Lindhurst has offered up. And is that miserable? I'm sure as a Linearus native, I'm sure that that's not something you want to hear. But as far as the rest of New Jersey can tell, that's the gift they gave us. You have to talk about this. I actually feel concerned a little bit that it hasn't been brought up, because it has to be a piece of identity and experience. 00:21:19 Speaker 2: This feels like it's already eroding the trust in my relationship. 00:21:22 Speaker 3: I'm not trying to fan any flames on that, but I'd be worried there are fissures happening as we speak. 00:21:29 Speaker 2: This is going to lead to the end of the relationship. I can feel it in my bones, and you know that's completely his fault. I was lied to, things were kept from me, and it's hard. It's hard to move forward in a relationship when trust has been shattered. 00:21:45 Speaker 5: So if your theory that he worked there as a youth came true, I feel like it would be one of the happiest contributions to someone's life from Afar that I've ever offered of truly. 00:22:06 Speaker 2: Well, speaking of, you know, gifts people have been given, the verses, given this to the world, or medieval times to New Jersey. Look, we decided you were going to be on this podcast a few weeks ago, and I was very excited about it. And I thought, Chris is on the East Coast, will be able to connect by zoom. You will be a safe, easy conversation and then we'll move forward. Now, the other night, there was a knock at my door and I was greeted by a woman named Natalie. She was holding a white bag. She said, this is a gift from Chris, and you know, immediately my brain started to spin. I started to wonder, what's happening. Chris has agreed to be on a podcast called I said, no gift, and here we are. So I'm just going to confront you on the podcast. I hope this doesn't Maybe this is the moment when you snap, but I would like to just know is this a gift for me? 00:23:11 Speaker 3: It is a gift, and I hate to put you in an uncomfortable position, but I did go back on the podcast and see how it has worked out in the past, and it seems to me like if someone like Coli Scola is going to offer up a gift, I'm not going to be upstaged. So you have a very impressive guest list, and it seems to me like many of them have brought gifts and the last thing I'm going to do is be outshined by Cola Scola, who already outshines me comedically in every way. 00:23:40 Speaker 2: Well, I'm going to step in and, uh, you know, the rivalry between you and Cole has got to end at some point. Yeah, And as someone who does not live on the East Coast or New York, I'm going to crown myself the king of New York comedy and just settle this once and for all. 00:23:58 Speaker 3: Yeah. 00:23:58 Speaker 2: I feel like this is only fair to you and Cole, and then you two can give up your careers finally move on to I was something else. 00:24:07 Speaker 3: I actually love that. I've been thinking a lot about that. So thank you for that gift. And then you'll just rule New York comedy as a sovereign from afar, like Queen Elizabeth's relationship with Like the Weird, like the handful of islands that the English still claim as. 00:24:25 Speaker 2: Their empire, and Queen Elizabeth still holding it down. She doesn't have much else to live for at this point. Why not hold these, you know, kind of stolen properties. 00:24:36 Speaker 3: The common New York is your commonwealth. 00:24:39 Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, and I'm going to use this to just continue to build my empire. Eventually there will be the sun will never set on the bridge or empire. That's what people will say. 00:24:50 Speaker 3: Now, if you need a castle, maybe maybe your boyfriend wants to head back home to live long term. Someday there's a castle for you to take and rule from. Take my throat right there off the highway. 00:25:13 Speaker 2: Well, look, I'm going to pick up the bag. It's a white bag. 00:25:17 Speaker 3: So have you opened it yet? 00:25:19 Speaker 2: I haven't? 00:25:19 Speaker 3: You know? 00:25:20 Speaker 2: This is to this day, I'm very proud of myself. As far as I know, I have not peaked at a gift. And now there's probably some episode where I reveal I peaked a gift, but as far as my memories, as memory serves, I've never actually looked I like a surprise. And it really is a testament to my strength as a host that I've never opened a gift. I will say this gift, I think it may be because it's in a white paper, and you know, it's a little it feels like if I were to guess, and obviously, well who's to say, it feels like about a pound of turkey to me, pound of Deli meat. I think the white paper makes me think of deli meat, and so that's what I'm thinking. Uh, if I open it and it's just rotting Deli meat, We'll just have I mean, we'll just have to. 00:26:09 Speaker 3: I would be discussed that I would be gift. I'm going to tell you right now there is a crucial, crucial piece of information that I wish Natalie had given you, maybe some instructions surrounding this gift. And Natalie, if you are listening to this, I'm going to give you a phone call that's going to crush your spirit. Anyway, we can continue. 00:26:29 Speaker 2: Anyone listening, There's a woman named Natalie who needs a job she's recently unemployed and she's desperate for work. She's got a lot of experience working for kind of a demanding diva, so you keep that in mind when hiring her, and if. 00:26:50 Speaker 3: You need any sort of references, feel free to call me, and I promise you I'll tell you the truth. 00:26:57 Speaker 2: Okay, I'm going to dive in here and let's happen. Crinkling, crinkle, crinkle. Okay, we're and I'm feeling okay. So I'm feeling like a bottle through some tissue, is what I'm feeling. 00:27:15 Speaker 3: Yes, that's what I told you. Yes, yack, milk. It is the milk of a Himalayan animal. 00:27:26 Speaker 4: What. 00:27:27 Speaker 2: Okay? What I've opened here is something called mister Q Cucumber, which is a This is so bizarre to me. I don't know whether this came to me in a dream or what it's a. This has a sparkly cucumber beverage. But just recently, I don't know if this is just my brain like like a circuit has snapped and I just think I'm having DejaVu, But I feel like I was recently thinking about cucumber flavored drinks, which I've never had before. And this is, uh, what what's your feeling on da jafu. 00:28:02 Speaker 3: I've had it before, so I'm a believer. 00:28:05 Speaker 2: Or do you think it's the sort of thing that I'm now thinking like, Oh, the circus just kind of snapped and made me think I had this memory. 00:28:12 Speaker 3: I think that's possible. I haven't studied the science on it, but I wish you had. I'd love to break down some of these medical journals and see where we're at our research. Love to know, got to keep these scientists on the ball, you know, for. 00:28:26 Speaker 2: Sake of the podcast, let's just say that this is some sort of magical some you know, mystical forces were at work and I kind of predicted this. I want to hear why you've given me a mister cucumber d. 00:28:42 Speaker 3: I love how stymied you are and talking about this. I wish it was cold. I will tell you I am. I've managed to tamp down the obsession a little bit because it was getting unhealthy. But I am a soda fanatic. Oh there was a stretch of my life where I would argue I probably had one of the better collections of soda you could find. I really enjoy small run regionally bottled sodas. I enjoy the history. I'm a real nerd for American history, and I think SODA's very often If you look at the history of Coca Cola, for example, it really kind of echoes the times over and over again. And then there's all sorts of stories about like corporate mergers that I think you know, and small bottlers getting stamped out by biger brands that kind of tell the story of capitalism. There's a lot to it. For me. I love sodas. There's certain sodas that when I find them, I grab them because they're very rare and they're near and dear to my heart. And I can tell you definitively that I'm so jealous of what you're holding right now, because mister Cucumber's very, very hard to find in most stayers of the country, including mine. Yes, and I have told many people that I regard this as a soda enthusiast, and I don't drink alcohol. That's probably part of why I replaced my addiction with soda, and I can handle that. I have told many people that what you are holding in your hands right now is the king of drinks. Is the reason in my opinion, you're not going to find a better drink than mister Cucumber. And I know I'm hyping it up to a point. 00:30:19 Speaker 2: Where you're just absolutely setting it up for to be the worst thing I've ever There. 00:30:23 Speaker 3: Is not it won't be the worst thing, but you're you're not You're going to go this is not the best drink I've ever had, But I, in my opinion, stand by it, and at the very least, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised and you might lose your mind like I did the first time I had. 00:30:40 Speaker 2: Now, when did mister do you call it mister cucumber or mister Q cucumber? 00:30:46 Speaker 3: Mister cucumber. Yeah, but it's spelled mister m r Space Q space cumber. 00:30:52 Speaker 2: And also, oh it is, I yes, it actually is. I've just been misreading the bottle this entire time. 00:30:58 Speaker 3: Well, you're also holding something I'm even more jealous of, which is the place where I had that procured is a place that's kind of very infamous among soda collectors. It's a supermarket named Galcos that's in It's. 00:31:12 Speaker 2: In Highland Park. 00:31:13 Speaker 3: Highland Park. I've been there, Oh you have, so you know this is the soda supermarket. Yes, it's stocked. The shells are stock. Ninety percent of the shells are just soda. It's I have to say, for someone who sometimes has work in Los Angeles and has a lot of friends who live there. Now, the thing I get most excited about when I visit Los Angeles is the opportunity to visit Galcos because it's it's kind of I would say, like the the place that sets the bar for soda collectors worldwide. And the bottle you have that size and shape of bottle of mister Cuyhummer. Galcos is the only place I've ever seen any place else you can buy it's a much smaller, sort of more normal shaped bottle. 00:31:57 Speaker 2: A smaller This is a I feel like, this is a nice moderately sized bottle. What the smaller bottle is like an airline liquor bottle. 00:32:07 Speaker 3: It's it is. It's larger than an airline liquor bottle and smaller than like a regular bottled soda you'd find. It's it's probably close to like the Stuart's line of soda. If you know that sized bottle listeners out there. It was slightly smaller than that. I'd say, you have that sort of large, more tear drop shaped bottle, and I'm jellous of that. 00:32:31 Speaker 2: Now should I open it and taste it? 00:32:33 Speaker 3: Now, that's up to you, honestly. 00:32:36 Speaker 2: Should Okay, do you ever serve this over ice? 00:32:38 Speaker 3: I do imagine serving this over ice could be a good idea to get it cold. But in my opinion, soda directly out of a glass bottle is the way to taste it as its creator intended. I think it's better, better than plastic and cans. I think it preserves things better. That's one of the joys of glass bottles. And exactly as soon as it touches that ice, it's gonna start getting a little water down. I think you got to go out of the bottle first, and then if you want to switch it to ice, you can. But I think out of the bottle gives you that that taste in its purest form. 00:33:11 Speaker 2: I absolutely agree with you. I feel like, I don't know if it's just a mental thing, but when I'm at home and if I pour a soda over ice, it makes me it tastes like I have the flu. 00:33:22 Speaker 3: I just understand. 00:33:23 Speaker 2: Does that make sense? 00:33:24 Speaker 3: It does? 00:33:24 Speaker 2: It does to me that I guess that memory of like when you're sick when you're a kid and my mom would give us like a sprite or something over ice, and it's a horrible memory. 00:33:35 Speaker 3: Yeah, I get it, and I'm also I'll also say in a movie theater too, I say no ice every time. 00:33:41 Speaker 2: Really, even a movie theater. 00:33:43 Speaker 3: They give you so much ice that by the time you're about forty five minutes into that movie, you're drinking this weird combination of it's not watered down soda, but then I also feel like you can feel the stretches that sometimes it'll come through in different temperatures sip to sip. I don't I don't care for it. I want my soda to be present to I want to taste it as the person who bottled that soda or bagged that syrup intended. 00:34:13 Speaker 2: Now, what about like if you were at a fast food restaurant. 00:34:18 Speaker 3: If I'm at a fast food restaurant, again, no ice, I would say in general, I go no ice when it comes to soda, almost as a wow. 00:34:26 Speaker 2: And I've never had no ice soda at a movie theater or a fast food place. 00:34:31 Speaker 3: It's still cold, it's cold enough, it's cold enough, and what you trade in coldness, you gain in respect for a craftsman or a crafts woman, crafts person. 00:34:45 Speaker 2: What is your go to soda? Like easy soda to get. 00:34:49 Speaker 3: Easy soda to get? I mean, I think the most popular one that is pretty much everywhere now and in my time as a soda collectors to become just more and more ubiquitous is of course the famous Mexican coke. Everybody loves a Mexican coke. When I lived in New York City, a big part of how this started is there's a ginger ale called Bruce cost Fresh Ginger ginger Ale, where there's actually chunks of ginger that float in the bottom of the bottle, so you turn it up and down a couple of times and it's absolutely delicious. And probably around two thousand and eight I started noticing it. When I tasted, I said, wow, this is something really special, and I started buying it, and again as someone who doesn't drink it's it's an interesting product. It's in these glass bottles. I found. I could bring them with me to parties and they'd allow me to have the glass bottle, which makes people more comfortable. And then also people would be like, what is that it was a little bit of a conversation piece, and then it got me really into kind of figuring out what are the what are the non corporate sodas out there? And then I found out about how many of them are beloved. Like if you go to Maine, they drink Moxie constantly and the rest of us don't really have access to it, and a lot of people don't like it when they try it, but it's like an institution there. And I could name soda up and down. Moxie is like a cola but has a sort of very herby medicinal taste. I could go all day. This is so nerdy and uninteresting, though. 00:36:20 Speaker 2: I think you have found the right person to talk to about soda. I think it's very, I mean, very fascinating. 00:36:26 Speaker 3: It's I mean, if you look at Detroit and they're going to be drink they grew up on Werner's, which I think is the best sweet ginger all you're gonna find. They grew up on Fago, which the insane clown Posse has made famous, but because it's really beloved in Detroit, Texas, has one of the most fascinating stories. Dublin Doctor Pepper, the Dublin bottling works. This is to me fascinating, but to everyone else boring. And this is why many people do say Cola scola is in fact funnier than there was a doctor. Pepper had their original contract. Did bottling plants from way back in the day. And as they became more corporate and it became more centralized, these plants would work with them. Some would shut down. And in the eighties, late seventies, early eighties, a lot of the big soda bottlers got together and said, let's stop using sugar. Let's all switch to corn syrup at once. Sugar's way more expensive if we all do it together. It's just the new standard. People don't complain this. One little bottling plant in Dublin, Texas said we're just going to stick with the sugar, and they were the only ones, and it just tasted better because sugar is better. Cane sugar is one of the entry points for me with the sodas. I find glass bottle cane sugar. Those are really the two things I look for out of the gate. They stuck with it, and people obsessed over it. People used to drive for miles to get the soda they actually grew up with in Texas. And then doctor Pepper realized that if they put out special editions with their own cane sugar, they can make money. So there was a court case at one point which was doctor Pepper versus Doctor Pepper. They shut down their little their little original bottling plant from a producing Doctor Pepper, but that bottling plants survived and they make their own sodas now and they're all great. So if you're in Texas passing through, grab yourself a Doublin product. You won't regret it. 00:38:16 Speaker 2: No, is there any soda that you haven't tried that you like? A dream soda you'd like to try? 00:38:21 Speaker 3: I am so mad that you asked me this because the answer is really embarrassing. I guess so. The Natrona, oh god, this is a long straight The Rona Bottling works outside of Pittsburgh. Natrona, Pennsylvania. They make great products, too, great products, Jamaica's finest ginger beer, red ribbon. They make a product called Pennsylvania Punch, so very very lightly carbonated, very sweet, almost tanging grape soda. And when I first had it, I really liked it and realized this was their effort to replicate the formula of something known as Delaware Punch, which was extraordinarily popular in Louisiana surrounding states in the first half of the twentieth century. Coca Cola bought them out. Coca Cola owns the formulas and brands for dozens of former competitors. They just go buy them out. Found out Delaware Punch still exists. Coke makes it for New Orleans and like a handful of counties or parishes they might call them in Louisiana forget. So I was down in New Orleans doing shows once with the Great Joe Firestone. Oh wonderful, And I made Joe wander through the New Orleans humidity and heat as we went from Delhi to Delhi looking for Delaware Punch, and we wandered into neighborhood. I don't know that it was bad. I can say that I did feel concerned that I had brought Joe there. Started to say, this doesn't feel totally right to hang out here as a tourist. But we found it. I drank it. I need to be clear. I did not like it, way too sweet. Turns out that the original Delaware Punch isn't even carbonated. It was just a famous non alcoholic drink that Coke shut down. Now I have since found out that when Coke shut them down, they did not buy out a bottling plant in Guatemala. And in Guatemala there is a plant that has one key difference, which is since Delaware Punch is original run, the FDA has outlawed a certain type of purple food coloring, so in Guatemala there is the actual original formula Delaware Punch. I have to imagine that the type of food coloring does not change the taste at all. But I have long wanted to fly to Guatemala to find a bottle of it, because I think it might be one of the more rare things you can find soda wise. But to be clear again, I have legitimately come close on a few occasions to booking a ticket to Guatemala so I can get drink that I know I do not like. I don't like it. 00:41:04 Speaker 2: Would you be happy if someone from Guatemala's ship the drink to you? 00:41:08 Speaker 3: I would. But I have to imagine that if US customs found it, they'd pull it because it has this illegal purple food coloring which come on. I can't imagine that in one serving, this is gonna make me sterile or breakout in hives or whatever it causes. Knock on wood, I mean famous last words. 00:41:26 Speaker 2: But again worth the risk. 00:41:28 Speaker 3: I think we're so. I think so. Now does col A skull a deep dive into characters and crush it at Joe's cub anytime? Anytime Cole wants to? Yes? But has Cole ever told the longest story in the world about a bad grape soft drink? 00:41:44 Speaker 2: I will say when Cole was on, they told a story about it was probably one to three hours long, about drinking this drink, and we just had to cut it from the episode. It was excruciating to listen to. And I just said, Cole, no one's gonna want to hear this about the drink. Let's just get rid of it. So I will say, Cole does have that on you. 00:42:08 Speaker 3: I'm going to tell you what. Though I used to be cool, My work used to be regarded as kind of hip. People used to be like, oh, this guy's trying some things that are really different in underground and counterculture and all of us. I don't care who you are and what you're living right now. Someday you're gonna get old and you're gonna feel lame, and I can vouch for that personally. I can vouch for that personally. Someday you're gonna have nothing to talk about except soda in lawn care, and you're gonna go When did this change? When did this switch? Happens very quickly, like a switch getting flipped. I went from cool to crust the crusty old uncle in the blink of an eye. And it's been overwhelming me. And I just have to understand that that is the reality of my life now, and I got to own it. 00:43:00 Speaker 2: That's a reality of every life. And if you're a young person and just be aware that's coming for. 00:43:06 Speaker 3: You, understand that the looming, absolutely the looming clouds of becoming an out of touch older person will strike you down as well. I can't tell you. If you look at my early career, a lot of it was actually defined by reaching an audience directly through social media, through pulling off some I guess you could almost call them like stunts or events via social media. I think I was actually someone who, especially with I once did a thing that involved Diddy in two thousand and nine where I asked him to do a show with me on Twitter, and he said yes for some reason. I still don't quite know if he went, oh, Twitter is this thing and generate a conversation. And I can tell you that the day I downloaded Snapchat, not only did I say I don't understand Snapchat, it almost short circuited my brain where I no longer understood Instagram, Twitter or Facebook either. I hit a wall that makes perfect sense. TikTok. I never even tried. I knew it would just make me feel even worse about myself, But it really is to that. The day, and I'm not kidding, the day I tried Snapchat, which was a step in everybody's social media evolution and that young people love, I said I don't get this, and all of a sudden I was old, right, And all of a sudden, I only had jokes about fertilizer and broad leaved weed prevention. All of a sudden, I just had a very standard suburban set, and it was It was shocking how quick it all happened. The moment I opened that app, I was old. 00:44:41 Speaker 2: It's the Indiana Jones goblet moment. It wasn't picking the wrong goblet and suddenly you're a thousand years old. 00:44:48 Speaker 4: Yes, you agent to dusk before everyone's eyes. No, I'm someone who really I dig my heel. You know, had I used an iPod well into the Spotify years things like this, So I'm going to feel it hard. 00:45:03 Speaker 3: I think you're in a danger zone. Your personality is in a danger zone for an immediate downfall. And it's not when you turn forty. Everybody thinks it's when you turn forty. It's when you turn forty one. I was like, this forty thing is over rated, and now I'm forty one and I go sometime in the last year. I honestly am someone who is confused about how to add an attachment to an email, like, for example, like I'm recording separate audio for you right out, and I have to send it over. This is how a lot of the Zoom podcasts work to pull back the curtain for listeners. Getting you this audio will either take me ninety seconds or four entire days. 00:45:47 Speaker 2: And that is fortunately you're locked in a room. Yes, yes, and you're probably also going to well, you're already on your hotel's WiFi, So that hurdle has been leaped. 00:45:57 Speaker 3: And it is not great WiFi. Some reason. It craps out at nine pm every night. 00:46:03 Speaker 2: Oh you're kidding what They flip a switch and then I. 00:46:05 Speaker 3: Call the front desk and they pretend it's not happening. They're like, have you tried resetting your computer? I say yes, And We've had this conversation four times. And I know you're down there trying to click refresh to check out whatever basketball stores or whatever your face. I know you're having the same problem, buddy, So let's not pretend this deceptive game. 00:46:25 Speaker 2: You're being gaslighted by the Sandman signature. I am, I am, okay. Look I have not tasted the soda yet. This is shocking. I've got to taste the soda. 00:46:34 Speaker 3: Well, when you have a vibe like you and I have discovered between one another, you you live in it. So yes, but let's get back to work. 00:46:41 Speaker 2: Let's see what's happening here. That is that's actually an accurate cucumber flavor. 00:46:48 Speaker 3: Yes, but that's shocking, but still a sweet soda. 00:46:51 Speaker 2: I didn't know how. I didn't expect it to be sweet at all. Yeah, it's not a celt refreshing. It is not a seltzer. That is a soda. Oh, it certainly has like a sugar element to it, but it doesn't get in the way of cucumber. 00:47:04 Speaker 3: I'm very happy to see because I'm lucky that I can see your facial expression right now and I can tell the listener. I'm so happy to see that you are You are taken aback. You are taken aback by this. It's not what you expected, and it is better than what you expected. Everyone has this reaction. 00:47:19 Speaker 2: Cucumber is such a mild flavor even when you're eating cucumber, So the fact that they've been able to duplicate it and make I mean, does this have actual cucumber? 00:47:29 Speaker 3: I love this. 00:47:30 Speaker 2: It says natural cucumber extract. There's a lot of cucumber happening then, because I feel like this is probably one hundred cucumbers to get that flavor in a bottle. 00:47:38 Speaker 3: I bet, I bet, I mean, I bet I bet this company alone is helping to keep the cucumber farming industry healthy and robust. 00:47:46 Speaker 2: Yeah, this is truly shocking to me because I feel like I've had other sodas that try to duplicate flavors and it's frequently not accurate. I mean, famously, banana is the worst start official flavor. 00:47:58 Speaker 3: Great people love grapes, soda and candy, but it's not. It does not taste like grapes. 00:48:03 Speaker 2: It doesn't resemble like if you were to taste that without knowing, without the word grape being attached to be like, oh, I don't know what this is. This is a flavor. I wouldn't have been able to point to anything in nature that tastes like that. 00:48:14 Speaker 3: It's an often pleasant fit flavor, but it ain't. It ain't grapes, we know. 00:48:18 Speaker 2: No, it's certainly not. I mean, but what you just tasted, that's cucumber. That's absolutely cucumber. And let me ask you this. When you eat a salad and there's a cucumber in it, are you thrilled? This is I'm thrilled if the cucumber is fresh and crisp, but it's frequently soggy, and then it's just like what am I chewing? 00:48:40 Speaker 3: Now? How do you compare the flavor you're tasting and that soda to the range of cucumbers you just describe. The cucumbers can be a let down, but they can sometimes actually really work for you. 00:48:52 Speaker 2: Sometimes a cucumber is nothing. I love a good cucumber. I will I adore a good cucumber with a little light vinegar on it or dipped in ranch. Love it. I think a cucumber is a very underrated vegetable. You can just snack on it as needed if the texture is correct. But a cucumber, when done wrong, is flavorless mush yeah with seeds, and that doesn't work. So this to be able to count on a flavor from a soda, that's the ideal of a cucumber. That's kind of I honestly think that's a little bit of a miracle. And the fact that this isn't a more popular soda. 00:49:28 Speaker 3: Shoca astounding and I'm so glad you're seeing this. You've referred to it as a miracle, and I am with you. This should be, in my opinion, Coke Spray, your ginger als, your orange sodas. I feel like more people should be adding cucumber soda to that very regular mix. And this is the only company I would choose to do that, right. 00:49:52 Speaker 2: I don't want to shame anybody, but the Sprite people. Sprite continues to mystify me. It's neither lemon nor limes, not both. Yes, it is does not approach either of those citrus. I don't Why don't they just call it sweet water? Yeah, it's I would love a lemon lime flavored soda, but I've never had a tangy I expect that to be tangy. It's not tangy. It's not sour. It's just clear liquid with sugar. You should try Bubble Up. Bubble Up. 00:50:22 Speaker 3: Bubble Up is the bottled cane sugar under the radar sprite type drink that I think you'd I think you'd enjoy it. 00:50:32 Speaker 2: It's a better does it feel like it has a lemony flavor to it? 00:50:35 Speaker 3: It's it's much closer to what you're describing than sprite is. 00:50:38 Speaker 2: That's kind of a dream drink for me. You know, I love a lemon, I love a lime, I love a soda. 00:50:43 Speaker 3: There's another one. Ooh, what is the name of it? How am I blanking? I'm claiming to be a soda expert and they have it at Calcus. There's another even harder to find lemon lime soda that uses actual lemon and lime oils, and now is great. And I'm so mad at myself that I'm blanking on it. Right now it's not lemmy. Lemy is just a straight ahead lemon soda. 00:51:09 Speaker 2: Okay. 00:51:12 Speaker 3: I hope I think of it by the end of this, and I will not forgive myself if. 00:51:16 Speaker 2: I don't devote at least part of your brain energy for the rest of this podcast as well, trying to remember, Okay, this is wonderful. I'm going to reserve the rest of this to be have cold because I do feel like that'll add an extra element to it. 00:51:30 Speaker 3: I think people should seek this out. 00:51:32 Speaker 2: It's delicious. This should be in more markets. 00:51:35 Speaker 3: Absolutely can, and can you imagine I always say this to people. First of all, I don't drink alcohol, but I've been told by many friends of mine who do that this once i've introduced them to this, that this is a great mixer. That makes sense to me that they go, you can make a cocktail with this. And I've always said, if you were having a backyard cookout and you had a cooler full of this stuff and you this drink when cold on a hot day outside, oh, it's I can speak from experience. It's a simple pleasure. It's a true simple pleasure. 00:52:10 Speaker 2: I think it's beyond simple. I think what they've done here is a very complicated thing. You know, titans of the soda industry can't nail flavors. So for whoever the hell is making mister cucumber, this is no big operation. This is some tiny little place in Pompano Beach, Florida. 00:52:30 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's in Florida. They're in Pompano Beach. Now. I thought they were in winter Haven. But maybe they've moved. Maybe they've gotten bigger. No, it has to be because they've gotten bigger. But I am so happy to say this. I was worried you'd be underwhelmed. 00:52:46 Speaker 2: Well you did it. I mean you set it up in a bad way. 00:52:50 Speaker 3: You've got it, but you can see. I think it's fair to say. Is everyone going to say that it's the greatest drink on earth? No? But are you mad that I did? Are you now? 00:53:00 Speaker 2: Because it worked out? 00:53:02 Speaker 3: And because to some people I tasted this, I said this is my favorite drink, and I collect drinks, some people are going to say this is the top of the mountain. This is top. This is the Apex Predator of sodas. 00:53:15 Speaker 2: When you believe in something, you've got to just get behind it and believe. 00:53:19 Speaker 3: I have other sodas that I'd put in the very top tier along with this, right, but this. If there's one knock against it, it's that it's a newer company that doesn't have the rich history and tradition of American soda creation that I like. But then I also applaud them because I don't think it's easy to start a small bottling company in this era when it's so intimidating to not be on supermarket shelves. Oh yeah, where there's these monster brands that swallow everything else up. So kudos to the fine people in Pompano Beach who are making this happen. And may they never close. 00:53:58 Speaker 2: Chris, I think it's time to play a game. 00:54:01 Speaker 3: I'm into it. 00:54:02 Speaker 2: Do you want to play a game called Gift Master or a game called gift or a curse. I'll tell you how it works once we start. 00:54:08 Speaker 3: I like the phrase gift Master. 00:54:10 Speaker 2: Okay, I need a number between one and ten six. Okay, I have to do some light calculating while I'm doing this. I want you to promote. I want you to recommend. I want you to do whatever you want. You've got a new special you can talk about that. You can do whatever you want. You have the microphone. I'll be right back. 00:54:25 Speaker 3: I have a new special. It's called Half My Life. It's a stand up special hybrid with a road documentary. I filmed it at ten small venues all throughout the Northeast. I wanted it to really look and feel like comedy that's done in the trenches as I do it in real life on the road. It's got a lot of heart to it. It's got footage of me performing for alligators that a lot of people are telling me is insane. I was happy to do it. You can find it on iTunes and Amazon and Vimeo and a bunch of other places. And as that's coming out, I'm also one of the things I hope people like about it is it's a good reminder of how live performance was working in twenty nineteen when I filmed it. I hope it makes people excited to get back out there. And I actually have just announced a twenty city tour and all the tickets are available at Chrisgeth dot com. And then I have my beautiful anonymous podcast. I have a whole project called New Jersey is the World that's the celebration of New Jersey. It's a very small thing that New Jersey people are loving. But at this point I'm just watching you calculate and continue to plug projects. I've got an online platform called Planet Scum where myself and a number of other alt comedians I've been doing online shows throughout the pandemic and it's become a really strong community. I've written a couple a couple of books. I can. 00:55:48 Speaker 2: What else say, I've got it? 00:55:50 Speaker 3: Oh great, Because I was actually running out of things to plug. 00:55:54 Speaker 2: You could have just given your Venmo at that point. 00:55:56 Speaker 3: You know people would love that. 00:56:01 Speaker 2: Highly recommend Chris's News special. Everyone go watch it. Just find Chris. In general, everything Chris does is always unique and delightful and will make you feel good. So do that. But now we're going to play this game. Now, this is how gift master works. I'm going to name three gifts, three things you can give away, objects, experiences, this kind of thing. Then I'm going to name three famous people. You have to tell me which of the people you're going to give which gift and why does that make sense? 00:56:28 Speaker 4: Yeah? 00:56:28 Speaker 3: It does? Okay, Okay, I'll really focus. 00:56:32 Speaker 2: All right, You've got to focus here. The three gifts you'll be giving are legos, the blocks we build. Next up is an evening of uncontrolled passion, so that's more of an experience. And finally, a wet vac So a vacuum that does it all. Let's just say it does it all more. You know, it's kind of a professional's vacuum. 00:56:55 Speaker 3: I have one in my basement. 00:56:56 Speaker 2: Oh see, and that's great. If your basement floods, you're gonna want the wet vas Now you're going to be giving these two the following people, Brian Wilson, famously of the Beach Boys, Yes, one of our great songwriters. Then you'll be giving it to Seal, another musician. And finally, oh interesting, this is an all music gift master, because finally we've got Axel Rose. So we've got the entire spectrum of uh, you know this is We've got it all here. 00:57:30 Speaker 3: Okay, I think I know all my answers, let's hear it. I do have a logistical question in the night of Passion? Am I giving it to them in the sense that I am? 00:57:42 Speaker 2: That's up to you, Okay, that could be with another person that can be with themselves with you. I would like it to be with me, okay, perfectly, And that I think clearly. I think anybody knows right away this means I'm picking Seal. 00:57:58 Speaker 3: Of course I'm not. You know, I'm married to him. But I'm very cognizant of the fact that there's a spectrum that everybody lands on it. And I will say Seal is the type that I would I would experiment with. Seal is a beautiful person, an interesting soul, makes great music. I think, has a unique look, and I think is also not perfect, notoriously. 00:58:23 Speaker 2: Right, I'm not familiar. 00:58:25 Speaker 3: Well, I think Seal has. There's been sometimes where people have been mean to Seal because I believe he has some scars on his face, and there's been like viral stuff where people have made fun of him for that, and then other people have said, what are we doing? Why do we allow society to be this way? Let's get better. But I actually think that that makes him even more beautiful. 00:58:43 Speaker 2: Of course it's his trademark. 00:58:45 Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think that I think that perfection is not real in real life, and it's refreshing to see a celebrity own that, and I think it makes him more beautiful physically and spiritually in a way. So yeah, I would love to share a night of passion with Sea and see how it goes. 00:59:02 Speaker 2: We'd all be so lucky. 00:59:03 Speaker 3: I can't guarantee that it's going to be great, as it is an experiment on my part, but I'd love to give into that experiment and really please Seal. I'd love to give Seal everything he needs. 00:59:13 Speaker 2: Seal, if you're listening, yeah. 00:59:15 Speaker 3: Yeah, And I understand he is a fan. I understand he is a fan. I would like to give the WETVAC to Axel Rose because I grew up on guns and Roses. Being born in nineteen eighty that Ben was a huge deal to all of us on MTV, and we all know he really lives wild. I don't trust that he's totally on top of home maintenance. I imagine that at times he probably lets things go. That he's someone who would notice a problem and not solve it because he's, you know, whatever, substances or distractions. So I think he might need a wet BAC. And then I'll tell you. I saw Brian Wilson play live. It must have been about five years ago at the count Basie Theater in Red Bank, New Jersey. 01:00:00 Speaker 2: Oh wow. 01:00:01 Speaker 3: He played all of pet sounds and then he took a break, and then he did a bunch of Beach Boys greatest hits. It was an incredible show. His band brought the heat. I will tell you that anybody who's seen Brian Wilson in a recent memory, I bet would agree with me that it is it's a little concerning. It does feel a little bit like they sort of prop him up at a piano. He's not doing great physically, sure, so my thought might be that legos would actually be a really great thing for him to just stay focused on motor functions and use those muscles. So I think there is a really utilitarian need for that, So yeah, I would I think. I think Wilson gets the legos, axle, gets the wet back, and I get in the ring and do my damnedest to bring Ceil to the heights of ecstasy that he deserves. 01:00:50 Speaker 2: And I think Seal would do the same for you. 01:00:52 Speaker 3: I really do, don't you think Some don't. 01:00:53 Speaker 2: Think Seal is a generous man and would just get in there and you two would have the time of your lives. 01:01:00 Speaker 3: I also feel like he'd be very I think he would slice right through the awkwardness of what are the logistics of this going to be and what is our comfort level? Oh? Absolutely, not to get too graphic, but like in the position steal and I would be, and this would be an experiment. We'd have to have a frank conversation about do we want to take it to penetration level, who's going to top, who's going to bottom? Exactly where are we going to go with this? And I feel like it would be such a gentle and open and honest conversation that it would actually create more excitement than awkwardness. 01:01:31 Speaker 2: Beautifully done, Chris. That was thoughtful and you really got into the mind of each of these people in the personal lives. I feel like you nailed the gift giving there perfect. 01:01:41 Speaker 3: Thank you so much for giving me that chance, because I've been sitting in a hotel room, as I mentioned, with nothing to do, and I feel like, much in the same way the legos might allow Brian Wilson some needed muscle practicing, this has allowed me to have a human conversation in a way I really enjoy. 01:02:00 Speaker 2: Would you mind if we answer one listener question? 01:02:03 Speaker 3: Oh? I would? I mean, if we can only bring in one, then I deserve that person and answer how many did call get? 01:02:09 Speaker 2: You can be honest col and I did two did two listener questions. Double cal is always always one step ahead. 01:02:19 Speaker 3: Well, and look, my career is on a downward plane, and we all know calls is rising steadily. So of course, of course, of course, of course. 01:02:32 Speaker 2: Okay, this is called I said no emails. People write into I said no gifts at gmail dot com. Every one of them has a different question about gifts or experience this kind of thing. They're all the only common factor is they're desperate enough to write into this thing. Let's help somebody. Okay, this is hello bridger and disrespectful guest. That's referring to you. I recently put in, Just off the bat, I recently put in my two week notice at my job of three years, and I'm moving on to my dream job. The job i'm currently or that I'm leaving, was increasingly miserable as time went on. But I've had a wonderful coworker that has helped me get through the worst days. This coworker has kept me laughing, helped with big projects, and has even advised me through landing myself a pay raise. She's been a great mentor and a genuine friend. When I told her about the new job. She told me she was happy for me, but I can tell she's a little bummed that I would be leaving. I want to do something for her to show how thankful I am for her support and friendship. What should I do? That's from Kate, So just right off the bat, Kate has abandoned a coworker at a miserable job, kind of jumped. Ship has broke. You know this, Maybe the theme of this episode has broken trust, but that's what's happening in Kate's life, and she wants to give this coworker something to remember her by, maybe ease her pain at this horrible job. 01:03:53 Speaker 3: My immediate instinct is that this should be something experience based rather than facing right because this person is feeling stress, boredom, or like this job is burning them out mentally, physically, whatever it is. Maybe an experience would work best depending on your region. Like if it was in New York, I'd say get this person up to the cat Skills, get them on to one of these lovely little art towns and the cat skills, give them a weekend there, and let's make sure there's a massage involved. 01:04:25 Speaker 2: Let's make sure it's gotta be a massage. 01:04:27 Speaker 3: Maybe a sauna, you know, and maybe something as simple as that, some sort of spa based getaway, but something gets them out of their usual environment in the sense of, if they're in a city, get them into the woods. If they're in the woods, send them down to the city. Help flip the script for this person, because you know what, you're moving on to something totally new and it's breaking their heart a little bit. So give them something new in their experience, and then, you know, maybe maybe cap it off with a cameo from it, you know, from the boss, like a professional wrestler, maybe Meg Stalter, you know, like one of the what are the people on there? 01:05:07 Speaker 2: Your favorite ninety day fiance star? You know, yes, some person who's kind of has found their way to fame in the worst way possible and is now in need of fifteen hours to record themselves on I bet Mace. 01:05:20 Speaker 3: I bet Mace who used to do songs with Puffy. I bet he's on happened to Mace? I bet he's on cameo. 01:05:25 Speaker 2: He has to be if he's anywhere, he's on cameo. 01:05:29 Speaker 3: All out of the whack Pack from Howard Stern is on cameo, Go get a cameo from high pitched Eric. Top of us spa weekend in a high pitch Eric cameo. I adore that idea. I think that's perfect. I don't even have anything to say. I mean, if that's too much money for you, send in a massage therapist to the office, give a massage and uh, you know they suddenly they're the talk of the office and might just create some inter office drama that they have to deal with them will take their mind off of you. I'm receiving word from our producer that Mace is not on cameo. I'm shocked on a Lisa saying, can we start a campaign. Look, that's up to the listener. At this point. 01:06:12 Speaker 2: The listener I am, of course speaking of, is Puff Daddy Puffy reach out to Mace. I'm sure it's your last time you heard from him was nineteen ninety eight. You did great things together. Get him on cameo. I'm sure Mace needs the money. 01:06:26 Speaker 3: And if Mace is listening, I would say I would pay anywhere up to forty dollars for a cameo from you. 01:06:31 Speaker 2: But look, Kate, you've received your answer. Chris has proved through gift Master knows exactly what people need and what they want. This is what your coworker needs. Maybe get them a lock it with your picture and move on. Move on to the new job and leave the old job behind. Chris, I've just had a fantastic time. I've learned, I've enjoyed. We've talked about soda for probably forty five minutes. 01:06:57 Speaker 3: I'm so sorry to. 01:07:00 Speaker 2: There's nothing to apologize a number of unsubscribes. 01:07:03 Speaker 3: I just cost I apologize. 01:07:06 Speaker 2: People are just streaming over to Apple podcasts one star review after one star review. Yes, they are out to destroy both of us. 01:07:14 Speaker 3: I deserve it. 01:07:17 Speaker 2: No, the listener is also opening the gift bag with me here, and we always get a fun surprise and that's kind of the joy of life. And if you can't deal with the joy of surprise, then find another podcast. That's what I'm going to say. This is tough love and people need it. People need to be told. But Chris, I hope that you can, you know, make it through your final few days there without snapping. But if you do snap, at least I got the scoop. 01:07:47 Speaker 3: Thank you so much for your well wishes and happy to provide that exclusive. 01:07:54 Speaker 2: All right, bless you and listener. Time to move on, Time to turn off the podcast and do something wholesome, have a wonderful day. I said, No Gifts is an exactly right production. It's produced and engineered by our dear friend Anna Lisa Nelson, and the theme song is by miracle worker Amy Mann. You must follow the show on Instagram at I said No Gifts, that's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. You have to see the gifts. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever you found me. And why not leave a review while you're there. It's really the least you could do, considering everything I do for you. And if you're interested in advertising on the show, go to midrool dot com slash adsvit. 01:08:52 Speaker 1: Did you hear Funa man? Myself perfectly clear? But you're a guess to my home. You gotta come to me empty, And I said, no, guess. Your own presence is presents enough that I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare 01:09:19 Speaker 3: To surbey me