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Speaker 1: This is John, this is the Okay Storytime podcast hosts,

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Speaker 1: and we have some.

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Speaker 2: Good story is coming up for you.

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Speaker 3: That's right.

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Speaker 1: But before that, we have a little more sol of

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Speaker 1: a two minute ad break from the sponsors keeping the

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Speaker 1: show delicious. HM.

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Speaker 2: My date posted my picture to an online cheter's page

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Speaker 2: to check my loyalty.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, uh, we're we're doing a deep dive.

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Speaker 2: I met Dan Gel on a dating app and we

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Speaker 2: immediately hit it off. Conversation was super easy for us,

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Speaker 2: so we swapped numbers and spent the next two weeks

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Speaker 2: texting and talking on the phone. I explained early on

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Speaker 2: that I want to take my time because not only

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Speaker 2: am I looking for something serious, but also have work

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Speaker 2: commitments for the next few months. I work in tech

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Speaker 2: product sales, which can be very busy and also involved

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Speaker 2: me leaving the city for a few days at the time.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from a throwaway count, so

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Speaker 2: if you want to make your own stories good, the

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Speaker 2: r slash Okay Storytime subret it. So she said she

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Speaker 2: understood I was also looking for something long term. Great, peachy.

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Speaker 2: We met the weekend before Valentine's and had a nice

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Speaker 2: restaurant date followed by dessert and coffee. We finished with

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Speaker 2: a kiss, and I walked her back to the car.

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Speaker 2: It was definitely the best date I've been on since

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Speaker 2: my last relationship. The next day, I called her to

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Speaker 2: say I was looking forward to seeing her again and

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Speaker 2: would planned something when I got back. I live in

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Speaker 2: a major North American city, and from the fifteenth to

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Speaker 2: the seventeenth I was booked three hours away on on

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Speaker 2: site client meetings. I told her about this and let

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Speaker 2: her know we'd keep in touch. On Friday, i'm due

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Speaker 2: to get back, I get a message from a close

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Speaker 2: female friend asking who I pissed off. I have no

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Speaker 2: clue what she's talking about. She sends me a screenshot

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Speaker 2: of my photo on what looks like a Facebook page

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Speaker 2: and tells me it's a private group where women call

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Speaker 2: out men for cheating. Is this a real thing? Is

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Speaker 2: this true?

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Speaker 1: I mean, there's gotta be right. I mean, there was

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Speaker 1: the whole you know, there.

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Speaker 4: Was that like website for cheating, which is insane, and

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Speaker 4: it got leaked like a database of all the people

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Speaker 4: who signed up for the cheater website.

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Speaker 2: Let me know, let me know if anyone has perused

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Speaker 2: this or submitted pictures to this.

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Speaker 1: And let me know if I'm on there.

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Speaker 2: Actually, yes, I would love to. I would love to

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Speaker 2: do it. I guess that's crazy.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, even just getting thrown on there with like no

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Speaker 4: real evidence or anything.

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Speaker 2: It's called are we dating the same guy? And this

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Speaker 2: particular group is just for people from my city. In

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Speaker 2: the screenshot, multiple people are posting under my picture with

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Speaker 2: mostly harmless comments like oh, I went on a date

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Speaker 2: with him years ago, he was okay, But there were

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Speaker 2: others like PM me for the t and a woman

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Speaker 2: said he's an angry a hole, stay away for your safety.

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Speaker 2: Because it's Facebook. I recognized her name as someone I

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Speaker 2: went on a date with last summer who I had

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Speaker 2: to block after she repeatedly tried to sell me her cat.

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Speaker 1: Absolute ludatic, right, this ahole wouldn't buy my cat.

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Speaker 2: A few things about me. I am single, I have

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Speaker 2: never been married, and my last relationship was over a

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Speaker 2: year ago. I am very selective and Danielle was the

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Speaker 2: first date I'd been on since the end of summer.

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Speaker 2: I am also a very private person. I don't use

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Speaker 2: social media and I don't kiss and tell the fact

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Speaker 2: that my photo is on this site is mortified. What

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Speaker 2: makes it worse is when I got home, I started

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Speaker 2: getting a text from a bunch of other people I know,

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Speaker 2: either laughing at me or calling me a womanizer? Is

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Speaker 2: every woman on this Facebook page?

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Speaker 1: What town do you live in? Where everyone is in

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Speaker 1: this Facebook? Ming?

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Speaker 2: Min says in the chat yep, Facebook groups in each

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Speaker 2: city slash area? Yeah, well, oh my god, let's go

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Speaker 2: to LA one or the Santa Monica.

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Speaker 1: One and let's scared.

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Speaker 2: Let's look come on, wow.

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Speaker 1: Waits on Facebook?

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Speaker 4: We got to have this? Okay, story time? Am I

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Speaker 4: dating the same guy?

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Speaker 2: Actually?

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Speaker 1: Maybe he has this volcano he throws people into.

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Speaker 2: As of now, I'm aware that several female friends have

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Speaker 2: seen it. One coworker, my sister, and a woman I

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Speaker 2: know who lives in the same building as me that

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Speaker 2: excitedly grabbed me when I was leaving this morning to

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Speaker 2: tell me I saw you on that Facebook group. Apparently

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Speaker 2: it's a lot more popular than I realized. There's only

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Speaker 2: one person who have had the motivation to do this,

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Speaker 2: So I called in yell on the weekend and asked

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Speaker 2: her so really quick, pausing right here, deal breaker or

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Speaker 2: not for an early relationship?

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Speaker 1: I mean, like, it's definitely an eyebrow raiser.

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Speaker 2: It's weird. I feel like it. It it like, especially

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Speaker 2: this early on without any evidence, it feels like insecurity.

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Speaker 4: It really just depends on the energy that I think

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Speaker 4: I'm being presented.

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Speaker 1: I would have to suss out the vibe.

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Speaker 4: I could larays see this as easily a moment where

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Speaker 4: I go and I'm now done with this. Yeah, like

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Speaker 4: where I mentally I'm just like and now I'm looking

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Speaker 4: I'm getting out of this.

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Speaker 2: I think if if if this happened to me in

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Speaker 2: this way, I probably would not be interested in that

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Speaker 2: person anymore.

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Speaker 4: Because it's like, where does it end. It's like it's

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Speaker 4: about this, but like then it's going to be about

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Speaker 4: like it starts like this, we buy a hou so

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Speaker 4: now all of a sudden, I'm sleeping with the neighbor.

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Speaker 1: It's like, no, I'm not. We went through this, so Sam,

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Speaker 1: I looked it up.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, uh it's West Side or West La Santa Monica.

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Speaker 3: And Venice gets how many people are in this this community?

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Speaker 3: How many A one hundred thousand? Oh whoa, now five

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Speaker 3: hundred thousand. It's like nine to ten thousand shesh just

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Speaker 3: for a local area. Oh my god, you have to

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Speaker 3: join the group, So like, are you going.

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Speaker 2: To be allowed to join? I'm looking at people saying

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Speaker 2: Princess mcnubbin's help keep those pages safe for women who

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Speaker 2: need to warn others. Aries eighty eight says she could

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Speaker 2: ruin his character Serenity Horse franchise. It's about safety due

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Speaker 2: to online dating. Wow, this is a whole little world.

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Speaker 2: If anyone is naturally part of this, you don't have

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Speaker 2: to screenshot. But if you're part of this, I would

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Speaker 2: love to know if any of us are on there.

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Speaker 2: You don't have to screenshot anything. You don't have to

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Speaker 2: let us in, but I would want to know.

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Speaker 1: But in let me in.

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Speaker 2: So inally she denied it, but after some prodding that

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Speaker 2: flipped to apparently her friend posting it. Why because a

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Speaker 2: few of them had gotten tipsy together on Valentine's As

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Speaker 2: they're all single. My name came up after her friends

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Speaker 2: asked why she wasn't with me that night after the

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Speaker 2: great date. She told them about apparently me not being

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Speaker 2: around as I was leaving early the next morning for

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Speaker 2: work was suspicious, as was the fact we'd been talking

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Speaker 2: for multiple weeks but she'd never seen my place. She

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Speaker 2: gave them a pick I used on the dating app

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Speaker 2: and one of them posted it. She told me she

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Speaker 2: was sorry, but that I seemed too good to be true.

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Speaker 2: Her last relationship ended due to cheating, and she wanted

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Speaker 2: to make sure I wasn't married or in a relationship.

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Speaker 2: I told her I needed some time to think it

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Speaker 2: would be in touch. I feel like I feel like

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Speaker 2: that excuse feels I feel like I would feel better

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Speaker 2: about that again.

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Speaker 4: It really all comes down to the vibe of the moment. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: cause it's like you got cheated on. Yeah, of course

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Speaker 4: you're gonna be like this guy playing me, but like

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Speaker 4: being like, I haven't seen your house it's been two weeks.

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Speaker 1: It's like that's normal. Feels normal to me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's I think this is like a

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Speaker 2: toxic friend group a little bit.

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Speaker 1: I cringer.

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Speaker 2: Maybe Opie's love interest is not toxic, it is a

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Speaker 2: red flag for sure. That was Saturday. We've been silent

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Speaker 2: until today when I woke up to dozens of messages

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Speaker 2: from her saying things along the lines of I'm so sorry,

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Speaker 2: I'm so angry with myself for this, and then the

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Speaker 2: real truth it was her that posted it. Now now

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Speaker 2: I actually probably wouldn't be interested.

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Speaker 4: Right, So yeah, this is now it comes to like,

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Speaker 4: all right, this is just like too much. Just be

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Speaker 4: real with me, if you were just real with me

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Speaker 4: the whole time and be fine.

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Speaker 2: She wanted to come completely clean and apologize for lying,

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Speaker 2: telling me she panicked when I confronted her, but she

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Speaker 2: wants it all out now. She sent me screenshots unprovoked,

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Speaker 2: of the PM conversation she was having with women in

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Speaker 2: the group about me. Aside from the one head case

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Speaker 2: I mentioned earlier, there was nothing accusatory. But what I

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Speaker 2: couldn't get over was how they were discussing me in

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Speaker 2: such an open manner. I had nothing to do with

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Speaker 2: whether I was single or cheating. It was stuff like

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Speaker 2: he took me to this restaurant, he drives this kind

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Speaker 2: of car, this is what he's like in bed, this

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Speaker 2: is what his place is like. This is how much

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Speaker 2: money I think he makes. I would never talk about

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Speaker 2: ex's or people have data like that. And if a

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Speaker 2: guy tried to talk to me about Danielle like that,

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Speaker 2: I'd think he was an effing weirdo and tell him

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Speaker 2: to stop. My two closest female friends are divided. So

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Speaker 2: here I am for advice one thing that women need

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Speaker 2: to protect themselves against predators and violence, and groups like

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Speaker 2: this are necessary, which was what someone in the chat

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Speaker 2: was saying. The other is angry on my behalf because

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Speaker 2: the presumption of men being posted to that group are

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Speaker 2: that they're cheaters or sketchy. Otherwise, why would anyone even

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Speaker 2: post them there. I really don't know what to do next.

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Speaker 2: I've never had to deal with anything remotely like this before.

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Speaker 2: I like Danielle, but it was one date. She also

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Speaker 2: lied to me about it. At first, this seems like

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Speaker 2: a headache and we've never even had spicy sleep yet.

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Speaker 2: Is she going to get even more paranoid after that?

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Speaker 2: It doesn't feel like we're compatible. This feels like the

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Speaker 2: past three weeks of us talking have been one massive

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Speaker 2: waste of time. That actually stings because she's the first

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Speaker 2: person I've really liked since my ex. There is an

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Speaker 2: update and a lot more. Yeah, we are barely halfway through.

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Speaker 4: I think i'd still be in it after like, Hey,

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Speaker 4: I'm getting you checked to see if you're a cheater

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Speaker 4: or like my whatever. I'd still be like, I mean, okay,

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Speaker 4: I'm not so like I'm fine. But then it's like afterwards,

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Speaker 4: it's like, I'm.

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Speaker 1: So sorry, I'm so angry at myself, so stubborn, and

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Speaker 1: I'd be.

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Speaker 2: Like, whoa dude?

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Speaker 1: One.

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Speaker 2: I honestly think reaction is the more a red flag.

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Speaker 1: Right exactly. That's what gets me out of there.

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Speaker 2: For Yeah, yeah, I think I would be. I think

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Speaker 2: it's too soon to be this invested, and also to

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Speaker 2: not too soon to be this invested. I think it's

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Speaker 2: too soon to for further to be this many problems.

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Speaker 2: Did he do a second date or Amilin said, did

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Speaker 2: he confirm that he wanted a second date? I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I think they were just talking. I also think like

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Speaker 2: it seems like this girl, Danielle has been hurt in

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Speaker 2: the past. Probably I mean, she had someone cheat. I

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Speaker 2: don't know. If it doesn't seem like she's secure enough

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Speaker 2: for the relationship. I think she thinks so. I think

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Speaker 2: she needs to get over some things. And I think

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Speaker 2: that that's like that this this energy, this insecurity, I

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Speaker 2: think is pouring out into this relationship. I do recognize

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Speaker 2: like there is a need for these kinds of groups

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Speaker 2: for women's safety, but I think if I was posted

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Speaker 2: on one of those, I feel like I would feel

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Speaker 2: some kind of trust being violated, especially if I didn't

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Speaker 2: do anything. I think so I think I would feel

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Speaker 2: I think I would definitely feel weird about it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I don't know who knows, right, I don't know anything

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Speaker 4: about these groups, but I know people like to chat.

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Speaker 1: I don't like it.

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Speaker 2: I don't like it.

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Speaker 4: I think the reason it doesn't bother me too much

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Speaker 4: is that to me, it's like, just close the laptop

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Speaker 4: and it's literally not even there for me. But I

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Speaker 4: do think it's like, I think it'd be different if

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Speaker 4: it was like one of the posts of like hey

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Speaker 4: and then because the only one on one date. But

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Speaker 4: if someone did post me and was like this is

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Speaker 4: how much money he makes, is where he lives, like

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Speaker 4: this is what he'd I'd be like, Okay, now you actually,

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Speaker 4: why are you doing this? That's crazy to do that

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Speaker 4: to me. Yeah, but you know, since they only went

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Speaker 4: on one date, she doesn't really have any of that

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Speaker 4: information anyway. Yeah, but I would feel weird about that.

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Speaker 4: But the solution is still the same. You just go

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Speaker 4: and you close the commuter and it guys away. But

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Speaker 4: I don't I'm not.

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Speaker 2: I think for me it wouldn't be that I would

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Speaker 2: be I would feel weird about that picture being out there.

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Speaker 2: I would feel weird about the person that I'm entering

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Speaker 2: a relationship with doing something like that. I feel like

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Speaker 2: it represents like qualities that I just wouldn't be interested

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Speaker 2: in again, like the insecurity, the over cautiousness. But maybe

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Speaker 2: that's just like my my, uh.

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Speaker 1: I get you. No, i'd get you because it'd be

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Speaker 1: a game time decision for me. You know, it would

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Speaker 1: really depend on how funny the situation is. If there's

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Speaker 1: no funniness to the situation, I don't like.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's gotta be a little funny, says the.

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Speaker 2: First date, unhinged Loull. But let's get into the updates

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Speaker 2: back with an update, but firstly, a couple of quick

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Speaker 2: notes based on the feedback I got. No, I'm not

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Speaker 2: Patrick or David or Eric or Pascal Brett to thank

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Speaker 2: you for the PMS asking as much as I'd like

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Speaker 2: to be a Brett since that was my favorite wrestler

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Speaker 2: as a kid.

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Speaker 1: There's still time, op you can change your name to Brett.

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Speaker 2: It's concerning that these messages imply this seems to be

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Speaker 2: happening so much that identities can be confused. I don't

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Speaker 2: care if you think my close female friend violated the

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Speaker 2: sanctity of your super cool, secret girl's only club. As

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Speaker 2: she told me, her loyalties are to me. She's known

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Speaker 2: me since I was a child and knows that I

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Speaker 2: didn't deserve to have my photo plastered there. I understand

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Speaker 2: that those groups may be necessary in keeping women safe

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Speaker 2: or finding predators, but their moderators should go harder and

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Speaker 2: ensuring that it meets those goals, rather than running a

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Speaker 2: de facto gossip club where innocent people's personal lives are affected.

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Speaker 2: I've had dozens of people reach out with very simile experiences,

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Speaker 2: so perhaps your rules should reflect that rather than just

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Speaker 2: keep boys out. The lunatic who wanted to sell me

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Speaker 2: her cat. He seemed like a cold dude, but I

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Speaker 2: just wasn't in the market for a pet. He also

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Speaker 2: only had three legs, which made him run like a

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Speaker 2: wasted That's so cute, huh. All cats deserve of love.

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Speaker 2: I hope he got away from her. Some of you

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Speaker 2: alarmingly struggle with concepts of consent. I consented to my

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Speaker 2: photo appearing on a dating app. I did not consent

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Speaker 2: to my photo appearing in a is this guy trash group.

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Speaker 2: There are not the same, and the stigma and assumptions

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Speaker 2: associated with both are vastly different. I really shouldn't have

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Speaker 2: to explain this, but here we are regarding me not

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Speaker 2: realizing how big this group was. Three of the women

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Speaker 2: in my life all found out about it the same way.

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Speaker 2: On Valentine's Day, A radio show ran a segment on it,

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Speaker 2: then got picked up by blogs and social media. It's

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Speaker 2: even appeared on a local television. My friend saw it

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Speaker 2: on Twitter. Another saw a this guy was dating twelve

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Speaker 2: women posts that got shared and decided to investigate. My

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Speaker 2: sister was texted by her friend about it, and when

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Speaker 2: they all rushed to check the group chat there, I

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Speaker 2: was great timing. It currently has over fifty thousand members.

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Speaker 2: Moving on, I decided not to pursue things with Danielle.

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Speaker 2: She took the post down during our radio silence, but

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Speaker 2: it mainly boiled down to just not seeing her in

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Speaker 2: the same light anymore. I can accept that she genuinely

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Speaker 2: is sorry, but I also know how I am, and

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Speaker 2: it wouldn't be fair to either of us. This is

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Speaker 2: supposed to be the honeymoon period. Everything is supposed to

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Speaker 2: be light and cute, now it's just suspicion and resentment.

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Speaker 2: Not gonna lie. That period when we first started talking

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Speaker 2: to when I went away on my trip was really great.

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Speaker 2: I look forward to talking to her. When I would

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Speaker 2: see a text, I got butterflies. When we kissed, it

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Speaker 2: felt electric. Some people said what she did was such

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Speaker 2: an obvious red flag that they were questioning why I

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Speaker 2: was even hesitating. The reason is that I haven't felt

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Speaker 2: like this in some time. My last relationship lasted five

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Speaker 2: years after we broke up. I legitimately wondered if I

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Speaker 2: could find that spark again, especially after trying dating apps

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Speaker 2: here and there and not having much luck finding the

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Speaker 2: right person. I do want to feel that spark again

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Speaker 2: and find my person. But holding on to something that

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Speaker 2: already has these problems before it even starts is the

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Speaker 2: wrong move. And said, I'm simply happy I got the experience.

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Speaker 2: Now I know it's out there and possible again, just

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Speaker 2: not with Daniella, but I'll be on it. I woke

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Speaker 2: up today thinking, hey, you never know, maybe a couple

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Speaker 2: months down the line all think different and maybe we'll

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Speaker 2: go grab a drink, And then I saw she had texted.

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Speaker 1: It no no In the fourth quarter.

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Speaker 2: By the way, you can listen to full episodes of

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Speaker 2: stories just like this. Can Can you shoot us a

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00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:21,960
Speaker 2: little text, do us a little message. Just go to Spotify,

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Speaker 2: Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast app and search. Okay,

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00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:29,080
Speaker 2: story time, there's another relevant update. Oh there's another relevant update.

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Speaker 2: Got some juice still, But the coda break up or not?

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Speaker 2: Break up or not or not break up? Stop yours

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Speaker 2: like you stop? Like, Look, it's all based on the

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Speaker 2: vibe I'm approached with. If the vibe is just like, hey,

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Speaker 2: I gotta run a bandground check on you, make sure

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Speaker 2: you're met like a serial cheater, I'd be like, you

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Speaker 2: did a funny you said that in a funny voice.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I'm okay with that.

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Speaker 4: Literally, yeah, But like if you do that and then

355
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Speaker 4: you like it's like a freak out, like I lied

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Speaker 4: to you, and I'm like, we went to one thing.

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Speaker 1: Wait, we went to Panda Express. It's okay, this is

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Speaker 1: whatever week, It's fine. Yeah, I don't know. I just

359
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Speaker 1: think maybe a weird I don't think I want to

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Speaker 1: pursue this because it just seems like this is gonna

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Speaker 1: happen the whole time.

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Speaker 2: Maybe yeah, And I don't want that it's only gonna

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Speaker 2: get worse, Like this is a really yeah, this is

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Speaker 2: a big red flag. She needs to figure things out more.

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Speaker 2: Right now, we are one hundred percent for breakup. But

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Speaker 2: let's say Clifford the big red flag the preface. Before

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Speaker 2: I left the city for work, she sent me a

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Speaker 2: photo with a message, don't forget about me. It was

369
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Speaker 2: her and a bikini on a summer beach, blowing a kiss.

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00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:41,120
Speaker 2: She's quite chesty, so it's not exactly safe for work,

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Speaker 2: but there was no nudity.

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Speaker 1: This woman has a chest. It's unsafe.

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Speaker 2: I opened today's text, which reads, Hey, Hope, I'm not

374
00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:51,200
Speaker 2: disturbing you, but i'd like to ask you to delete

375
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:54,560
Speaker 2: that picture I sent and not share it with anyone.

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00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,360
Speaker 2: But the f I replied, the only copy of that

377
00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,720
Speaker 2: picture is in our chat thread. Do you seriously have

378
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Speaker 2: that low an opinion of me, to which she apologized

379
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:06,040
Speaker 2: and said she was just making sure fine. At first

380
00:17:06,119 --> 00:17:08,280
Speaker 2: I was annoyed, but then I realized the most important thing.

381
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Speaker 2: It was a reminder that I had made the right decision.

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Speaker 2: So I made another and deleted her number.

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Speaker 1: Oh ah, yeah, okay, cool, Yeah, yeah, that is a

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00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:21,200
Speaker 1: good decision.

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Speaker 2: That is a good decision. I think when someone, dude,

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Speaker 2: when someone shows you crazy, you run especially early. Usually

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00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,080
Speaker 2: people don't show you crazy until you're you know, a

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Speaker 2: little little down the line. Someone shows you crazy early,

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Speaker 2: you run again.

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Speaker 4: I don't even think that the cheating thing, the cheating

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00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:42,720
Speaker 4: background check, is even that crazy. But it was more

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00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:46,720
Speaker 4: everything around it. Yeah, everything was surrounding is what made

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00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:47,480
Speaker 4: it crazy.

394
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Speaker 2: It would definitely give me, It would definitely give me pause.

395
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,320
Speaker 2: It definitely give me pause. You know what else is

396
00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:54,040
Speaker 2: a great.

397
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:57,680
Speaker 4: Story in my hand right now, and it's the one

398
00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,159
Speaker 4: we'll be telling immediately.

399
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:03,560
Speaker 1: I'm suspicious of my girlfriend. I think she only wants

400
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:04,560
Speaker 1: my money.

401
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:07,200
Speaker 2: Well a lot. You know, maybe you got a lot,

402
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:08,160
Speaker 2: Maybe you can give her a little.

403
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,560
Speaker 4: My fiance and I have been together for a few

404
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:13,280
Speaker 4: years now, and everything has been going well. We have

405
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:17,000
Speaker 4: a lot of similar interests, hobbies, humor, and more. The

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00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:19,240
Speaker 4: things we don't agree on are usually solved with the

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00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:22,840
Speaker 4: discussion and compromise. I love my fiance and I planned

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00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:25,640
Speaker 4: on spending the rest of my life with her. However,

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00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:29,280
Speaker 4: she said something earlier this week that made me really uncomfortable,

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00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:32,080
Speaker 4: and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.

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00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:35,119
Speaker 2: There's always a However, she was like, what if.

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00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:35,719
Speaker 1: It was bigger?

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Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from users snowboard Man sixty three,

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00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:43,800
Speaker 4: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

415
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Speaker 4: to the arm slash Okay, storytime subarate it. So for

416
00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:50,959
Speaker 4: a little context, I am graduating dismay from grad school

417
00:18:51,359 --> 00:18:54,159
Speaker 4: and I've been interviewing at a bunch of different jobs

418
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,159
Speaker 4: across the country. We do not plan on staying in

419
00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:00,159
Speaker 4: our current state. It was a super stressful process and

420
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,720
Speaker 4: I've actually gained quite a few gray hairs during all

421
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Speaker 4: of this. I landed an offer last week downtown in

422
00:19:06,119 --> 00:19:08,600
Speaker 4: a city across the country that we've always wanted to

423
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:12,199
Speaker 4: move to, but the reviews from former employees about the

424
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,080
Speaker 4: place said to stay far away and that the company

425
00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:18,800
Speaker 4: was extremely toxic. Okay, so I haven't responded yet to

426
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:22,080
Speaker 4: the offer. Good good, Hey, you know what, you.

427
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:25,040
Speaker 1: Can get in there and change things from the inside, right,

428
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:25,639
Speaker 1: you could?

429
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:29,520
Speaker 2: But what if you just joined something nice? Yeah? Or

430
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:29,800
Speaker 2: do that?

431
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:33,639
Speaker 1: I received another offer this week from a company in

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00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:36,280
Speaker 1: the suburb of that same city, and they had much

433
00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:39,280
Speaker 1: better reviews, so I planned on taking this job. My

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00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:42,600
Speaker 1: initial reaction was one of excitement, as this job pays

435
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:46,439
Speaker 1: really well, has good benefits, and is located just outside

436
00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:49,080
Speaker 1: of where we've always wanted to live. I got the

437
00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:51,439
Speaker 1: offer right before my fiance and I were planning on

438
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:53,919
Speaker 1: grabbing food with a friend, so I told them the

439
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,199
Speaker 1: good news during lunch. I see you.

440
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,159
Speaker 2: Oh, she's gonna be like, why didn't you take the

441
00:19:58,240 --> 00:19:59,040
Speaker 2: job with more money.

442
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,159
Speaker 4: No, she's going to say, why don't you take the

443
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:03,240
Speaker 4: job with the cool where we get to live in

444
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:05,320
Speaker 4: the city and live the cool life, lived the cool

445
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:07,920
Speaker 4: life in the cool city because he said this paid.

446
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,800
Speaker 4: This job pays great as well. So I think it's

447
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,119
Speaker 4: gonna be more of like the lifestyle. Yeah right, I

448
00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:15,440
Speaker 4: thought you were gonna be my cool city husband. Yeah,

449
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,160
Speaker 4: we're gonna move to the suburbs, where are we old

450
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:17,879
Speaker 4: and dead like?

451
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:20,840
Speaker 2: But I mean, I think that is fair to for

452
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:22,880
Speaker 2: that to be a light like that. That's a lifestyle

453
00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:25,560
Speaker 2: shift to go from the city to the suburbs. And

454
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,320
Speaker 2: maybe that isn't a life she want. I don't think it.

455
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,439
Speaker 2: I think it could be more about lifestyle that you

456
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:31,000
Speaker 2: want to live rather than just money.

457
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:35,399
Speaker 4: However, instead of being happy with me, she seemed upset

458
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:39,720
Speaker 4: when I told her, almost outright disappointed in me. She

459
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:42,119
Speaker 4: didn't really talk to me during lunch, and when she

460
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,159
Speaker 4: did speak, it was to make remarks about how the

461
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,639
Speaker 4: location of the job wasn't downtown like she wanted, but

462
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,479
Speaker 4: instead twenty five minutes outside of it, and how she

463
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,119
Speaker 4: wasn't going to be happy living.

464
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:53,320
Speaker 1: That far from the city center.

465
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:57,040
Speaker 4: She knew the downtown offer I had already and we

466
00:20:57,160 --> 00:21:00,159
Speaker 4: had discussed how the employees there had warned people to

467
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,639
Speaker 4: stay away due to the toxic environment, and we had

468
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:06,280
Speaker 4: agreed that I shouldn't accept that job. However, I was

469
00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:08,720
Speaker 4: a little taken aback by her comments, since I didn't

470
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:11,720
Speaker 4: think living twenty five minutes outside the city center would

471
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:13,439
Speaker 4: be such a big deal to the point where she

472
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:14,520
Speaker 4: would get upset.

473
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,720
Speaker 2: Over a job offer. Could they not live in the

474
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:17,359
Speaker 2: city center?

475
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:20,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then like just commute to wherever it would

476
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:22,760
Speaker 1: be lived? Like, yeah, right?

477
00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:25,399
Speaker 2: Is that? I feel like that's a solution, but I

478
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:26,720
Speaker 2: want to see where the story goes.

479
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:29,200
Speaker 1: She told me that she wasn't about to move across

480
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:30,800
Speaker 1: the country with me unless she could live in a

481
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:34,760
Speaker 1: high rise downtown, have a high end lifestyle, and also

482
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,440
Speaker 1: not work for the rest of the year.

483
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:39,360
Speaker 2: All right, that is a red flag. There we go,

484
00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:44,040
Speaker 2: there's the red flag. Yikes, good luck, yikes, good luck

485
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:45,680
Speaker 2: doing that on your own, buddy.

486
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,679
Speaker 4: I told her that I'm fine with her not working,

487
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:50,720
Speaker 4: since I should make enough for both of us, but

488
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:53,360
Speaker 4: commuting close to an hour every day for work from

489
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:57,720
Speaker 4: a far more expensive place to live unnecessarily seems inconsiderate

490
00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:00,360
Speaker 4: of her when there's plenty of great places to live

491
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:03,040
Speaker 4: near where I work, not to mention that my salary

492
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:05,080
Speaker 4: split between two people is not going to be enough

493
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,600
Speaker 4: to live a high end lifestyle. I also said that

494
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:09,879
Speaker 4: we can go downtown often and do whatever she wants,

495
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:12,160
Speaker 4: but spending five thousand dollars a month for a shoe

496
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,800
Speaker 4: box apartment and not even being close to my job

497
00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:18,080
Speaker 4: seems like a nightmare to live in personally. And at

498
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,359
Speaker 4: this point, she and her friend came up on me.

499
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:28,560
Speaker 2: They're having this conversation in front of her friend. Oh yikes, yikes, yikes. Okay,

500
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,679
Speaker 2: all right, let's keep going, let's keep going. But this

501
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:31,000
Speaker 2: is bad.

502
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:34,120
Speaker 1: I'm sensing I'm getting a message from the beyond.

503
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:35,440
Speaker 2: Yep, what was it saying?

504
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:37,920
Speaker 1: This relationship is already dead?

505
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:40,200
Speaker 2: Wow? So wise?

506
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:43,400
Speaker 4: Oh wow, and made me feel bad for even considering

507
00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,960
Speaker 4: an offer that was outside of the city center and

508
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,720
Speaker 4: not tailored exactly to her desires.

509
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:53,080
Speaker 1: I tried to explain that the whole world doesn't revolve

510
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:56,440
Speaker 1: around you. No, just kidding, That's not what OP said.

511
00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:59,240
Speaker 1: I tried to explain that the job market is awful

512
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:01,840
Speaker 1: right now, and being a new grad doesn't exactly give

513
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:03,160
Speaker 1: you very many options on.

514
00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:04,959
Speaker 2: Where to work. Well, he's a new grad.

515
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:06,960
Speaker 1: He's getting a job right out of grad school.

516
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:08,080
Speaker 2: Oh, grad school.

517
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:11,159
Speaker 4: Even landing a job at all in this economy and

518
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 4: as a new grad took me hundreds of applications and

519
00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:17,959
Speaker 4: months of interviewing and a pretty substantial mental strain. I

520
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,320
Speaker 4: also said that once I gain a year or two

521
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:23,520
Speaker 4: of experience, I can definitely apply for a job closer

522
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:25,840
Speaker 4: to where she wants to live and not have to

523
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:29,400
Speaker 4: settle for toxic company. But she seemed unwilling to wait

524
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:31,960
Speaker 4: that long. I don't think she was convinced at all

525
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,480
Speaker 4: by what I said, and it left me feeling defeated.

526
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:36,400
Speaker 1: Afterwards. I thought about that.

527
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:40,960
Speaker 4: Conversation the entire ride home, and now I'm genuinely terrified

528
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:44,080
Speaker 4: of moving with her. The way she spoke made it

529
00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:46,560
Speaker 4: seem like she wasn't planning on moving across the country

530
00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:49,439
Speaker 4: to be with me, but rather to live the lifestyle

531
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:53,399
Speaker 4: she had envisioned me providing for her. She hasn't explicitly

532
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:55,880
Speaker 4: said it yet, but has hinted that she would rather

533
00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:59,359
Speaker 4: I take the toxic job downtown just so she can

534
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:00,840
Speaker 4: be closer to where she wants to be.

535
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:03,640
Speaker 1: Brother, I'm pretty sure she said that.

536
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,840
Speaker 2: She literally said that easy, that I want the high

537
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:08,840
Speaker 2: end lifestyle in the high rise.

538
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:09,880
Speaker 1: Yeah.

539
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:12,639
Speaker 4: I've tried to have a few follow up conversations about it,

540
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:14,960
Speaker 4: but they've been short and it doesn't seem like she

541
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:16,800
Speaker 4: wants to discuss it in detail with me.

542
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:22,440
Speaker 2: Prevorse prevorce Who said it first? Yeah, Gira Reyes prevorce

543
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:23,560
Speaker 2: pre divorce. Yep.

544
00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:27,080
Speaker 4: This is clearly not someone who's wanting to grow with you.

545
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,520
Speaker 4: He wants to like be grown by you. Yeah, you know,

546
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:33,399
Speaker 4: it's like, please give me your nutrients, give me all your.

547
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,120
Speaker 2: Water, like when you make me grow.

548
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:39,600
Speaker 4: Anyway, she eventually told me it's fine to take the

549
00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:43,480
Speaker 4: farther job, but her actions and behavior suggests she doesn't

550
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,439
Speaker 4: really feel that way. At this point, it almost feels

551
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:48,760
Speaker 4: like I have to choose between her happiness her mind

552
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:52,240
Speaker 4: with no chance of compromise. She's done this before for

553
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,720
Speaker 4: other things, but we've always been able to talk it out,

554
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:57,480
Speaker 4: except this time she doesn't seem like she wants to.

555
00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,560
Speaker 4: I'm unsure of how to approach this. I hope we

556
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:02,920
Speaker 4: can work this out, but I also don't want to

557
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:06,760
Speaker 4: risk moving in together and having her or I be miserable.

558
00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:12,240
Speaker 4: The Europe is making me burb burba. I really really

559
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:15,159
Speaker 4: don't want to take the downtown job. As I've been

560
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:17,639
Speaker 4: a firm believer of researching companies ahead of time in

561
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:21,280
Speaker 4: order to avoid being trapped in toxic situations. It's like, yeah,

562
00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:23,920
Speaker 4: I don't want to work for the most toxic company

563
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:24,480
Speaker 4: in town.

564
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:26,680
Speaker 2: Is that crazy? Is that crazy?

565
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:27,639
Speaker 1: Come on? Brother?

566
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:31,480
Speaker 2: Also ambulances? Tell Mike to make me grow if we

567
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,840
Speaker 2: both out of sandwich? Is it a mic three way?

568
00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:37,840
Speaker 1: Uh? Is Mike junior?

569
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:42,000
Speaker 2: Oh, Mike Junior? Wait Mike, so we're Uh? I want

570
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:45,160
Speaker 2: to be myself? No b' the give suit? Mike? All right, Sorry,

571
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:48,120
Speaker 2: we're not We're done. We're done, We're going context Uh.

572
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:51,080
Speaker 2: There is a trend online where people I go to

573
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:53,520
Speaker 2: Jersey Mike's and say give it to me, Mike's way,

574
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 2: give it to me like this Mike's dirtiest way. Just

575
00:25:57,040 --> 00:26:01,160
Speaker 2: put Mike's special sauce on it, Just cover, cover my sandwich,

576
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:04,479
Speaker 2: just go in the back, etc.

577
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:09,400
Speaker 4: I honestly feel trapped already for being forced to consider

578
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,200
Speaker 4: either a job I'm probably going to hate or potentially

579
00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:14,920
Speaker 4: losing my fiance. If anyone has been in a similar

580
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:17,960
Speaker 4: situation to me, how did you handle it? How did

581
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:20,080
Speaker 4: it turn out? What advice do you have for me

582
00:26:20,119 --> 00:26:20,879
Speaker 4: in this situation?

583
00:26:21,359 --> 00:26:21,800
Speaker 1: Thank you?

584
00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 2: And there is an update, Oh my god, thank god.

585
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:26,520
Speaker 2: But what are we thinking over here saying I mean

586
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:29,240
Speaker 2: red flag, huge, red flag. She wants you for the

587
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:30,840
Speaker 2: wrong reasons, she wants to be with you for the

588
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:34,160
Speaker 2: wrong reasons. You should not take a job that you hate,

589
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:37,680
Speaker 2: and your partner shouldn't push you to take a job

590
00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:41,439
Speaker 2: you hate, right like yeah, for for her to not

591
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:45,000
Speaker 2: work and just like mooch off of you. I mean this,

592
00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:47,480
Speaker 2: I don't I don't like this.

593
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:50,119
Speaker 4: You know, there are sometimes I think where and we

594
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:52,119
Speaker 4: did have a story like this where this this was

595
00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:54,960
Speaker 4: my take where sometimes you might hate your job, your

596
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:58,240
Speaker 4: job might drive you crazy. But like there are contexts

597
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:00,359
Speaker 4: as like a family or a partnership where It's like

598
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:03,400
Speaker 4: sometimes you just really need like the money, secure money,

599
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:06,080
Speaker 4: and it's like, hey, we're doing this for us, but

600
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,200
Speaker 4: this is coming from a US place. This is coming

601
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:09,760
Speaker 4: from a me me me, me, me, me me place,

602
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:12,280
Speaker 4: Like I want the Burken bag right what you? Oh,

603
00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:16,600
Speaker 4: you can't give me the downtown high rise my Instagram

604
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:20,399
Speaker 4: selfies from so that everyone can see how good and

605
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:21,080
Speaker 4: cool I am.

606
00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:23,840
Speaker 2: Yeah. I do not like this at all. I think

607
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:25,920
Speaker 2: you should really question if this is the right relationship

608
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:26,080
Speaker 2: for you.

609
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:29,320
Speaker 4: And I would marry Op if he came to me

610
00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:30,719
Speaker 4: and was like, hey, I got a house for us

611
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:31,360
Speaker 4: in the suburbs.

612
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:33,440
Speaker 1: I'm like ring on it right.

613
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:37,560
Speaker 2: Now, right now, let me property owner, make my body

614
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:40,280
Speaker 2: perfect for you. You could have your way with.

615
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:44,480
Speaker 4: It, literally to the laboratory, build me however you want,

616
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:45,720
Speaker 4: as long as.

617
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:52,800
Speaker 2: As asps way, Okay, let's go, let's do the update update.

618
00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:56,919
Speaker 4: Thank you all for the helpful comments. It was validating

619
00:27:56,960 --> 00:27:59,080
Speaker 4: to hear that she was acting selfishly.

620
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:01,200
Speaker 1: How did we not know.

621
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:05,359
Speaker 2: That he's got the rose colored glasses?

622
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:08,520
Speaker 4: Really, I really question how people get into these situations

623
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:12,720
Speaker 4: like being engaged without knowing when someone's maybe being a

624
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:13,520
Speaker 4: little selfish.

625
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:15,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, but let's keep you going. I want to hear.

626
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:17,280
Speaker 4: I want to hear other sense, it gave me the

627
00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:20,040
Speaker 4: initiative I needed to confront her about it again. For

628
00:28:20,119 --> 00:28:22,440
Speaker 4: everyone suggesting I dump her, I can see where you're

629
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:24,560
Speaker 4: coming from. If this is how she acts all the time,

630
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:26,680
Speaker 4: I wouldn't want to be trapped in that type of

631
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:30,920
Speaker 4: relationship either. Being sad, I should have mentioned that she's

632
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:33,600
Speaker 4: stuck with me through my worst and brokest years of

633
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:37,080
Speaker 4: grad school while she worked full time, rarely taking any

634
00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:40,200
Speaker 4: time off of her very stressful job. That was important

635
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 4: information I should have included, but I didn't. That's on me,

636
00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:46,600
Speaker 4: and I apologize for making the original post one sided.

637
00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 4: I don't think she's a gold digger, but probably just

638
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:52,760
Speaker 4: someone who's tired of living in poverty and working all

639
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 4: the time. While the other person didn't bring in any income,

640
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:58,240
Speaker 4: I would be as well if the positions were flipped

641
00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:01,440
Speaker 4: either way. I still needed to confront her about her behavior.

642
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:04,880
Speaker 4: A breakup would be an absolute last option, but I

643
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 4: definitely prepared myself for the worst body. I don't think

644
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:09,920
Speaker 4: you're seeing the disparity between your two situations here.

645
00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:13,000
Speaker 2: I also she worked, but was she providing for both

646
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:14,160
Speaker 2: of you while she worked.

647
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:16,840
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, well I think so. Yeah, maybe for

648
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 1: there could have been, but it's you were going to

649
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:22,400
Speaker 1: grad school. Yeah, She's like, I want to be in

650
00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:24,960
Speaker 1: the high rise apartment and not work for the first year.

651
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:27,120
Speaker 1: It's like, dude, if you're in the suburbs and not

652
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,560
Speaker 1: working for the first year, you can take a twenty

653
00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 1: minute drive to the city.

654
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:33,080
Speaker 2: You got nothing but time on What are you talking about?

655
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,719
Speaker 4: Right, it's you know, you're not going to grad school

656
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:36,360
Speaker 4: while he's worked.

657
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:37,400
Speaker 1: Like, I don't know, I do.

658
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 2: I do think the context provides a little bit more.

659
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:43,040
Speaker 2: I think I think the context provides like a little

660
00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:48,680
Speaker 2: bit more empathy for his partner. I'm hoping that maybe

661
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:51,080
Speaker 2: this is just a slight lapse in judgment.

662
00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:52,280
Speaker 1: Hopefully.

663
00:29:52,360 --> 00:29:53,400
Speaker 2: Well let's see, she.

664
00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:55,600
Speaker 1: Could have been platinum plattin. I don't know.

665
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:56,160
Speaker 2: See.

666
00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:59,040
Speaker 4: I choose a day we both had off, made sure

667
00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:01,800
Speaker 4: we ate, and gave her a heads up before dinner

668
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:03,800
Speaker 4: that I wanted to discuss the things that had been

669
00:30:03,840 --> 00:30:06,360
Speaker 4: bothering me. I sat her down in our bed while

670
00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:08,320
Speaker 4: I sat across from her to give her some space

671
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:11,080
Speaker 4: and make it less confrontational. I tried to make the

672
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:14,040
Speaker 4: environment as stress free as possible to avoid the possibility

673
00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:17,560
Speaker 4: of another pointless argument where things could escalate. As I

674
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:20,840
Speaker 4: brought up the topic after dinner, I was extremely anxious

675
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:24,280
Speaker 4: and had been preparing for the worse. However, she told

676
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:26,320
Speaker 4: me that she had actually been thinking about it and

677
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,200
Speaker 4: discussing it with her therapist, and that her therapist basically

678
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:29,960
Speaker 4: told her what.

679
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:32,280
Speaker 1: You guys said in the comments.

680
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:33,200
Speaker 2: Go to therapists.

681
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:39,120
Speaker 1: Let's frecking go sitting Sweetie buyer being selfish, and she went,

682
00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:41,120
Speaker 1: I need my baby talk therapist.

683
00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:43,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, my Jim Gaffigan, my baby.

684
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:48,000
Speaker 4: It's instead of talk therapy, baby talk therapy. Just people

685
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 4: who need to be told things like therapeaby. Yeah, because

686
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:51,800
Speaker 4: they're acting like a little.

687
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:54,920
Speaker 1: Beer being a little baby right now. Okay.

688
00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:57,280
Speaker 4: It was a good reality check for her, and she

689
00:30:57,400 --> 00:31:01,400
Speaker 4: sees where her demands were unreasonable and elfish. She's now

690
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:04,480
Speaker 4: open to find a job and also compromise on where

691
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:05,720
Speaker 4: to live after our discussion.

692
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:09,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, growth, we love to see it. We love to

693
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:11,160
Speaker 2: see it. This is good. This is good, all right.

694
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:12,560
Speaker 2: I really like seeing this.

695
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:15,520
Speaker 4: I love seeing that your partner was not scheming on

696
00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:18,440
Speaker 4: you the entirety of your relationship. It was refreshing to

697
00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:20,240
Speaker 4: work with her as a team to find a solution

698
00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:22,560
Speaker 4: instead of trying to fight her to see my side.

699
00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:25,200
Speaker 4: As of now, we're planning to live near the suburbs,

700
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:28,000
Speaker 4: but not too far from the city. She's also going

701
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:30,239
Speaker 4: to start applying to jobs as well, and hopefully have

702
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:32,480
Speaker 4: one by the time we move. We also went over

703
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:34,680
Speaker 4: a rough budget of what we will and won't be

704
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:37,120
Speaker 4: able to afford, and we're able to come to a

705
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:39,600
Speaker 4: consensus on the kinds of things we can and can't

706
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 4: live without.

707
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:42,400
Speaker 2: Great communication. We love to see it, We love to

708
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,760
Speaker 2: see it. This is good, This is good. Okay, textbook.

709
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,200
Speaker 1: Maybe I think this is maybe starting it up.

710
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:49,640
Speaker 2: You really do to Cathy.

711
00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 1: There's still like a chance that she just realized, oh,

712
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:56,080
Speaker 1: this might make him leave me. I should be happy

713
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:57,640
Speaker 1: that he's going to put me in a house in

714
00:31:57,680 --> 00:31:59,840
Speaker 1: the suburbs. Maybe I can get him to make that

715
00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 1: a little closer home. I don't know. I would say

716
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:07,080
Speaker 1: fundamentally a little like I really felt like you just

717
00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:08,760
Speaker 1: made me cash cow right there.

718
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:12,200
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, But I would like to believe that she

719
00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:15,280
Speaker 2: was frustrated from all the years Maybe she provided for

720
00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:17,560
Speaker 2: him wanted to break she says no, I need this,

721
00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:21,280
Speaker 2: and it was a moment of selfishness. In a greater

722
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:22,880
Speaker 2: context of giving.

723
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:25,800
Speaker 4: I would need to hear that yeah from her. I

724
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:28,760
Speaker 4: would have to hear her say those words and be like, I.

725
00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:30,680
Speaker 1: Get you, baby, guys, I love you.

726
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:31,680
Speaker 2: I want to hold you.

727
00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:35,600
Speaker 1: Hold your my house in the Suboobs. That's not twenty

728
00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:37,160
Speaker 1: five minutes away from the city, but it's maybe like

729
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:39,440
Speaker 1: eighteen to fifteen minutes away from.

730
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:40,280
Speaker 2: This on traffic.

731
00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:42,360
Speaker 1: That's a little more equitable for both of us. Yes,

732
00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:49,280
Speaker 1: somebody give that guy a name like Okay.

733
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:52,640
Speaker 4: I wanted a larger portions of our earnings to go

734
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:55,400
Speaker 4: into savings, and she was willing to let some of

735
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:59,719
Speaker 4: her initial demands go and promised she would do her

736
00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 4: own hair, lashes and nails to save money. We cut

737
00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:07,560
Speaker 4: out unnecessary luxuries that would eat up our budget, and

738
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:10,880
Speaker 4: I feel more secure in our finances after the discussion.

739
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 4: By the way, after this discussion, you can go listen

740
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:21,000
Speaker 4: to full episodes with stories just like this on Spotify, iHeartRadio,

741
00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:25,000
Speaker 4: Apple podcasts wherever you listen. Just search Okay story Time

742
00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:28,200
Speaker 4: and you can listen to over two thousand.

743
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:31,440
Speaker 1: Episodes Crazy with a Lot. We have a little bit left.

744
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:34,200
Speaker 2: This story just speed right into it.

745
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:36,440
Speaker 1: I think let's just get right to the end.

746
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:37,000
Speaker 2: Yeah.

747
00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:39,920
Speaker 4: I feel better about our move now, and I think

748
00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:42,800
Speaker 4: the discussion really did help us iron out things that

749
00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:46,080
Speaker 4: would have built up resentment over time. She isn't a liar,

750
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:48,360
Speaker 4: so I feel good trusting her to hold up her

751
00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 4: end of the bargain. Thanks again for all of your

752
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:53,920
Speaker 4: supportive comments. I really appreciate the time everyone took to

753
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:57,520
Speaker 4: read my very long post and comment their thoughts. Maybe

754
00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:59,560
Speaker 4: I'll do another update in a few months about how

755
00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:00,400
Speaker 4: things are going.

756
00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:03,320
Speaker 1: Take care everyone, And that is the end.

757
00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:06,280
Speaker 2: Boom. Yeah. No, I mean it feels like we had

758
00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:10,560
Speaker 2: some great communication here. No, I'm feeling good about where

759
00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 2: things ended.

760
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:16,680
Speaker 4: I still would like to hear directly from her that like, yeah,

761
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:19,359
Speaker 4: this is like so where did I want to hear

762
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:21,760
Speaker 4: like a Hey, I feel like maybe what I said

763
00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:24,960
Speaker 4: could have made you feel like sort of just like

764
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:29,319
Speaker 4: a fiscal tool or an object to me, like just

765
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:31,120
Speaker 4: a thing that can provide me. And it's like, I

766
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:32,759
Speaker 4: just want to make it clear that that's not I

767
00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:35,399
Speaker 4: think about you. I need her to really go deep

768
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:37,680
Speaker 4: on that. I think she needs to over mental reasoning

769
00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:42,520
Speaker 4: but I am. I am happy with where things ended. Sure, Sam,

770
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:44,640
Speaker 4: here og host. We're gonna get back to these stories.

771
00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:46,680
Speaker 4: But here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.

772
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:50,000
Speaker 2: First, my girlfriend lied about her ex, but I still

773
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:51,240
Speaker 2: ended up being the villain.

774
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:53,719
Speaker 1: Well, it's because you have that twisty mustache.

775
00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:57,120
Speaker 2: Well. We met over Tinder in twenty fifteen, sometime when

776
00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:59,680
Speaker 2: I was visiting nearby where she lives about four hours

777
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:03,440
Speaker 2: from me. We became long distance virtual pen pals pretty

778
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:05,839
Speaker 2: much for a couple of years, texting on and off

779
00:35:05,880 --> 00:35:09,440
Speaker 2: for periods and skyping at the time. Feelings developed, and

780
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:12,520
Speaker 2: we started dating in January of last year. So we've

781
00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:14,880
Speaker 2: been friends for over three years and dating for almost

782
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:17,480
Speaker 2: a year and a half. Congrats by the way, this

783
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:21,360
Speaker 2: comes from LMFK Duh. And you want to submit your

784
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:23,719
Speaker 2: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime celebrate it.

785
00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:26,600
Speaker 2: So the day we started dating, she confessed to me

786
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:29,279
Speaker 2: that she had hung out with an X who I

787
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:32,399
Speaker 2: knew about, but didn't tell me purposely because she didn't

788
00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:33,160
Speaker 2: want to upset me.

789
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:36,840
Speaker 1: Like day one, she's hanging out with her ex, red flag,

790
00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:37,839
Speaker 1: what are you doing?

791
00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:41,120
Speaker 2: I was upset. She purposely hid something but was happy

792
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:43,319
Speaker 2: she told me and told her I didn't care about that,

793
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:46,680
Speaker 2: just don't lie about it. Shortly after, we were laying

794
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:49,719
Speaker 2: in bed and her phone was going off a lot.

795
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:51,399
Speaker 2: I see you in the chat if you see what's

796
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:54,080
Speaker 2: going So she grabbed it and it was a bunch

797
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:56,239
Speaker 2: of messages from the X.

798
00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:58,040
Speaker 1: I thought it was gonna be pizza hut.

799
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:00,640
Speaker 2: She put her phone down quickly and then told me

800
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:03,920
Speaker 2: some other friend was blowing her up and to give

801
00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:06,440
Speaker 2: her a sec while she answers and sat up so

802
00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:09,040
Speaker 2: I couldn't see. I knew it was the X and

803
00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:11,320
Speaker 2: was like, what DF, but then gave her the benefit

804
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:14,319
Speaker 2: of the doubt that it was fair still fairly new,

805
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:16,080
Speaker 2: and she probably still thought it was going to be

806
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:20,440
Speaker 2: jealous even though I didn't care. Another red flower brother. No, ye,

807
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:22,680
Speaker 2: are just driving through all these.

808
00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:25,239
Speaker 4: On principal, you press that moment you go, hey, so

809
00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:27,560
Speaker 4: do you think I was literally born yesterday?

810
00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:29,960
Speaker 2: I literally can see your phone.

811
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:31,680
Speaker 1: I just wanted you to think, do you really think

812
00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:33,200
Speaker 1: you just like got me with that.

813
00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:36,000
Speaker 2: A couple months later, had plans near her with a

814
00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:38,320
Speaker 2: friend and asked her to join one of those nights.

815
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:41,279
Speaker 2: She agreed and then the day of she didn't talk

816
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:44,840
Speaker 2: to me all day until around nine pm. She was

817
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:46,880
Speaker 2: hanging with her ex for sure, and told me she

818
00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:49,680
Speaker 2: was still with her friend right she was with the

819
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:52,359
Speaker 2: night before, and we'll probably just stay there another night

820
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:55,120
Speaker 2: because it got late. I was mad, but she said

821
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:58,680
Speaker 2: her phone passed away and she didn't want to take

822
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:01,120
Speaker 2: the train all the way to where I was. I

823
00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:03,200
Speaker 2: was upset because we lived kind of far and so

824
00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:06,399
Speaker 2: seeing each other was rare, and I didn't understand why

825
00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:10,479
Speaker 2: she'd so casually ditch whatever. I didn't like it. Moved

826
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:13,640
Speaker 2: on with my night with my friend shortly after the

827
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:18,000
Speaker 2: big lie came out unrelated to the ex. When we

828
00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:20,319
Speaker 2: first met all those years ago on Tinder, when I

829
00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:22,759
Speaker 2: was visiting and she came to meet me, she wasn't

830
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:26,000
Speaker 2: comfortable yet with being openly by, so she told her

831
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:28,000
Speaker 2: friends she was meeting some dude named Michael.

832
00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:34,720
Speaker 4: Michael, you're jo You're not serious right now? Dude, you're kidding?

833
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:36,200
Speaker 4: Did you do that?

834
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:38,799
Speaker 1: Did you do that? I didn't have time to do that.

835
00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:42,000
Speaker 2: No, she didn't realize how the nature of our friendship

836
00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:45,040
Speaker 2: was going to play out, but as time passed, she

837
00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:48,640
Speaker 2: kept referring to me as Michael, even long after she

838
00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:52,160
Speaker 2: was open and comfortable about her spicy preferences. She said

839
00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:55,000
Speaker 2: the lie had gone on so long she was afraid

840
00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:57,840
Speaker 2: to admit it to her friends. When we started dating,

841
00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:00,239
Speaker 2: she told them she was dating Michael, who lived four

842
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:03,480
Speaker 2: hours away. Obviously this upset me, but I understood that

843
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:05,800
Speaker 2: sexuality was weird. I told her I understood why she

844
00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:08,200
Speaker 2: did it, but I don't feel happy about it. She

845
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:10,319
Speaker 2: said she would begin telling people, and a few days

846
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:14,360
Speaker 2: later she told her dad. Then months passed and she

847
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:17,480
Speaker 2: didn't tell anyone. I started to worry something was going on.

848
00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:20,040
Speaker 2: The lying about who I was, combined with the lying

849
00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:22,560
Speaker 2: about her ex, made me think she was secretly seeing

850
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:25,680
Speaker 2: someone and wanted to keep me distant. I expressed this

851
00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:28,160
Speaker 2: to her, and she said she would get the ball rolling,

852
00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:30,719
Speaker 2: so she started to tell her friends and family. Things

853
00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:31,680
Speaker 2: started normalized.

854
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 1: Okay.

855
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:34,160
Speaker 2: It was about eight or nine months into our relationship,

856
00:38:34,239 --> 00:38:36,839
Speaker 2: and we started getting a lot closer, starting being more

857
00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:39,840
Speaker 2: open with each other. It became a really great relationship.

858
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:44,080
Speaker 2: Then this past February, I was visiting her. She had

859
00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:46,600
Speaker 2: the previous year's calendar up and I saw that the

860
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:51,560
Speaker 2: ex's name was written on it from February last year.

861
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:56,439
Speaker 2: I rolled my eyes and thought, Okay, she clearly lied

862
00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:59,319
Speaker 2: about that and didn't tell me how many times has

863
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:02,120
Speaker 2: this happened? So I started flicking through the calendar and

864
00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:05,520
Speaker 2: stumbled upon a weekend in April with the ex's name

865
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 2: written across two nights. I got six. She didn't tell

866
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:13,520
Speaker 2: me she stayed with her let alone for multiple nights.

867
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:17,000
Speaker 2: I just kind of stared, wondering if I should confront

868
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:18,960
Speaker 2: her about it, and then it dawned on me, that's

869
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:20,120
Speaker 2: the weekend that she ditched me.

870
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:24,000
Speaker 1: Can you imagine, like having so many rocks in your

871
00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:27,240
Speaker 1: brain that you put your infidelity down on the calendar.

872
00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:30,560
Speaker 1: I mean, you got you gotta keep track on the calendar.

873
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:33,280
Speaker 1: Cheating on my boyfriend with my ex weekend.

874
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:37,400
Speaker 2: It's it's hard girlfriend school to juggle multiple people. You

875
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:40,200
Speaker 2: gotta you gotta make sure it's it's a Google calm.

876
00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:44,680
Speaker 2: That's the weekend she said she was with these specific

877
00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:47,120
Speaker 2: friends when really she was with her for two nights

878
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:49,600
Speaker 2: and ditched me to stay. I just kind of closed

879
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:52,239
Speaker 2: the calendar, stopped looking at it, and stared at the wall.

880
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:56,480
Speaker 2: That's rough. I fell overwhelmed and upset and hurt. She

881
00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:58,879
Speaker 2: came in and saw me and asked what was going on?

882
00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:01,959
Speaker 2: Then point to the original day I saw and said,

883
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:04,640
Speaker 2: is it that that upset you? And I grabbed the

884
00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:07,480
Speaker 2: calendar and opened it up to the two nights and said, no,

885
00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:10,920
Speaker 2: this upset me. And she stared and I said this

886
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:13,279
Speaker 2: was the weekend you dished me, and she sat down

887
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:15,360
Speaker 2: and said, I don't know what to say.

888
00:40:15,280 --> 00:40:18,359
Speaker 4: Eh, because you can't lie your way out of that one.

889
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:20,799
Speaker 2: I got up and went into the bathroom. She had

890
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:22,759
Speaker 2: to leave shortly after to pick up her car that

891
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:25,399
Speaker 2: had broken down with her dad. I stayed and packed

892
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:27,560
Speaker 2: my stuff because all the lies were just too much.

893
00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:30,840
Speaker 2: So rough, Yeah, call my best friend, who told me

894
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:33,000
Speaker 2: if I was going to break up with her, i'd

895
00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:35,040
Speaker 2: regret not doing it to her face. So I waited

896
00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:36,920
Speaker 2: till she got back. I got stuck with her and

897
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:38,960
Speaker 2: her family all day, and she was moving into a

898
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:40,960
Speaker 2: new apartment and we had no time to talk. By

899
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:42,880
Speaker 2: the time the end of the day came, I was

900
00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:46,480
Speaker 2: emotionally drained. We sat and talked about it all. She

901
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:48,840
Speaker 2: said she had lingering feelings almost five months into our

902
00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:52,360
Speaker 2: relationship for her her ex, and saw her attention in

903
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:54,839
Speaker 2: the beginning of her relationship and felt guilty and felt

904
00:40:54,840 --> 00:40:57,200
Speaker 2: the need to lie about it even though they were

905
00:40:57,400 --> 00:40:58,279
Speaker 2: just friends.

906
00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:02,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, you still can't stop lying.

907
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:06,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's still a lie, She's I think it's compulsive lying.

908
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:06,839
Speaker 1: Oh man.

909
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:08,720
Speaker 2: I told her I couldn't be with her as long

910
00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:11,200
Speaker 2: as that X was still in her life. You lied

911
00:41:11,239 --> 00:41:13,320
Speaker 2: too many times about it and about the other things,

912
00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:16,920
Speaker 2: and that specific lie and having feelings crossed my boundary.

913
00:41:17,239 --> 00:41:19,560
Speaker 2: She said the X wasn't worth it and she'd not

914
00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:23,640
Speaker 2: have contact with her. Don't buy it, Opie, don't buy it.

915
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:27,480
Speaker 2: There's too many lies. She's covering up lie after lie

916
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:31,479
Speaker 2: after lie with more lies. This was four months ago.

917
00:41:31,760 --> 00:41:34,640
Speaker 2: Now cut to this past weekend. I'm visiting out her apartment.

918
00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:37,400
Speaker 2: So Opie didn't break up with her, Opie.

919
00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:37,960
Speaker 1: What are we like? You?

920
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:40,839
Speaker 4: Literally from the very beginning was like, I'm cool, just

921
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:44,120
Speaker 4: don't lie. Then she lied, and you're like, nah, I

922
00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:46,440
Speaker 4: guess I'm still cool, And she's gonna keep doing it

923
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:48,719
Speaker 4: now and now she knows she can get away with it.

924
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:49,880
Speaker 1: Don't be cool.

925
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:53,440
Speaker 2: Our relationship again has been more than great. We were

926
00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:55,839
Speaker 2: sitting having a good time and she goes to text

927
00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:58,440
Speaker 2: her dad. So she scrolled down on her phone and

928
00:41:58,520 --> 00:42:00,840
Speaker 2: I see the name of her ex X is in

929
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:03,040
Speaker 2: the phone, So I said, have you talked to her?

930
00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:04,840
Speaker 2: And she said I was meaning to tell you. She

931
00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:07,360
Speaker 2: texted me congratulating my sister and getting married, and I

932
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:10,120
Speaker 2: said thanks and stuff. I got really upset and said,

933
00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:11,920
Speaker 2: I told you if you talked to her, I couldn't

934
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:14,760
Speaker 2: be with you. I set that boundary, so I left.

935
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:17,600
Speaker 2: I told her she was selfish and lies too much,

936
00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:19,800
Speaker 2: that I'd never do that to her and could do better,

937
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:22,920
Speaker 2: all the sort of stuff someone says when they're mad.

938
00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:26,239
Speaker 2: I said it. Eventually, after realizing there was no bust

939
00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:27,799
Speaker 2: for me to go home, I agreed to come back

940
00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:30,120
Speaker 2: and talk it out. We cried. She said she didn't

941
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:32,239
Speaker 2: mean to hurt me so many times. She's sorry. I

942
00:42:32,239 --> 00:42:34,600
Speaker 2: said I was too sensitive and she needed to be

943
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:36,960
Speaker 2: more considerate of my feelings when she does things.

944
00:42:37,120 --> 00:42:41,680
Speaker 1: Oh pee, break up, break up, this is hurting me.

945
00:42:42,239 --> 00:42:44,000
Speaker 2: The next day, I woke up and I still didn't

946
00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:45,799
Speaker 2: feel good, and we agreed to talk more. You don't

947
00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:48,440
Speaker 2: need to talk more. So as we were talking, it

948
00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:51,600
Speaker 2: came out that actually the X didn't text her. She

949
00:42:51,719 --> 00:42:54,359
Speaker 2: texted the X, so again she misled me to make

950
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:57,239
Speaker 2: things seem not so bad. I told her that she

951
00:42:57,600 --> 00:43:01,200
Speaker 2: was doing was crappy, and she said she didn't see

952
00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:03,400
Speaker 2: it as a big deal. I told her that I

953
00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:05,279
Speaker 2: had talked to my friends the day before when I left,

954
00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:07,200
Speaker 2: and they were all shocked and angry and agreed, she

955
00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:08,720
Speaker 2: keeps breaking my trust.

956
00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:12,359
Speaker 4: Dude, I need you OPI to embody both the kool

957
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:15,480
Speaker 4: aid Man and usin Bolt because I need you to

958
00:43:15,680 --> 00:43:20,279
Speaker 4: immediately sprint through the closest wall out in a way

959
00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:22,200
Speaker 4: from this woman.

960
00:43:22,719 --> 00:43:26,520
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, X, make her your X. She said, her

961
00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:29,160
Speaker 2: friends and family think I'm being controlling by telling her

962
00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:32,239
Speaker 2: who she can or can't talk to. Get out of here.

963
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:35,200
Speaker 2: That is a lie. I explained it was situational. I

964
00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:37,040
Speaker 2: didn't care about anyone else in her life, but that

965
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:39,160
Speaker 2: she misled and lied to me multiple times about this

966
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:41,680
Speaker 2: one X, and I was no longer comfortable being in

967
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:44,960
Speaker 2: a relationship under those conditions. And she agreed the X

968
00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:46,800
Speaker 2: wasn't worth it and to have no contact.

969
00:43:47,560 --> 00:43:47,600
Speaker 1: No.

970
00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:50,280
Speaker 2: We've been going back and forth on this for days.

971
00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:52,480
Speaker 2: She told me she thought it was stupid. I'd asked

972
00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:54,719
Speaker 2: her not to be friends with her and then admitted

973
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:57,080
Speaker 2: that though she went a period not talking to her

974
00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:59,400
Speaker 2: and respecting my wishes, she then started talking to her

975
00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:02,800
Speaker 2: again again hiding crap. She said she did it because

976
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:06,959
Speaker 2: I'm being controlling and she feels caged in. Oh my god,

977
00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:10,640
Speaker 2: yahliding this is manipulation. This ah, do.

978
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:11,880
Speaker 1: You know how to set her free?

979
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:12,200
Speaker 4: Now?

980
00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:15,719
Speaker 1: Go? Oh you're caged in in a relationship. I guess

981
00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:16,480
Speaker 1: we'll break up.

982
00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:20,719
Speaker 2: Bye. Kate of Nomes says, all this girl seems to

983
00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:24,360
Speaker 2: know how to do is trickle truth. Her partner, Yeah, agreed,

984
00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:27,359
Speaker 2: and that it's stupid. I'm telling her I'm uncomfortable when

985
00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:29,360
Speaker 2: it happened so long ago, even though I just found

986
00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:32,160
Speaker 2: out about it four months ago. I keep telling her

987
00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:34,480
Speaker 2: I don't care who she talks to. But she completely

988
00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:37,279
Speaker 2: f this situation up and I'm not doing it. I'm

989
00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:40,120
Speaker 2: not saying if she's going to be in contact with her, no,

990
00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:41,200
Speaker 2: just don't stay period.

991
00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:42,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just time to go.

992
00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:45,759
Speaker 2: She said she didn't have a strict idea of monogamy

993
00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:48,040
Speaker 2: and that if I'd done what she did, she wouldn't

994
00:44:48,080 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 2: be upset and it have just told me to work

995
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:50,719
Speaker 2: my crap out.

996
00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:52,520
Speaker 1: Cool, you're not me I'm gonna leave.

997
00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:54,840
Speaker 2: I'm really, really distraught. On one hand, this is literally

998
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:56,840
Speaker 2: one of the best relationships I've ever been in. We

999
00:44:56,880 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 2: get along great, we enjoy being around each other, we

1000
00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:01,920
Speaker 2: love each other a lot. On the other, she consistently

1001
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:04,719
Speaker 2: thinks it's okay to lie to me into people and

1002
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:07,200
Speaker 2: thinks I'm being controlling. The one time I asked her

1003
00:45:07,239 --> 00:45:10,280
Speaker 2: a respect of boundary, I didn't say anything. For multiple

1004
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:12,520
Speaker 2: times she lied to me. I even set aside my

1005
00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:16,640
Speaker 2: feelings about being offended. She lied about my identity, and

1006
00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:19,120
Speaker 2: she can't just put herself in my position like I

1007
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:21,520
Speaker 2: have her so many times. So what is it? Is

1008
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:23,919
Speaker 2: she wrong? Am I wrong? Are we both wrong? I'm

1009
00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:26,560
Speaker 2: not looking for you should just break up? I'm fully

1010
00:45:26,560 --> 00:45:30,279
Speaker 2: aware this is dysfunctional, but you should. You should just

1011
00:45:30,320 --> 00:45:33,160
Speaker 2: break up. She keeps lying and she's not She's not changing.

1012
00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:36,240
Speaker 2: If you want someone to change and they're not changing,

1013
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:38,239
Speaker 2: then either you have to accept that they're not going

1014
00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:41,239
Speaker 2: to change and stop asking, or you leave to find

1015
00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:44,399
Speaker 2: someone better. This is not good leave. But I want

1016
00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:46,480
Speaker 2: to know who is in the wrong, because if there's

1017
00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:49,320
Speaker 2: some semblance, we can come to a reconciliation. I'd prefer

1018
00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:49,799
Speaker 2: that you.

1019
00:45:52,040 --> 00:45:55,080
Speaker 1: This, there's enough this. It's lying to you through her

1020
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:59,240
Speaker 1: teeth and won't stop. You're just trying to make yourself

1021
00:45:59,280 --> 00:45:59,920
Speaker 1: okay with this.

1022
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:04,000
Speaker 2: So uh, Dakota one, who's in the wrong and what should?

1023
00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:05,480
Speaker 1: Both of you are now in the wrong.

1024
00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:08,240
Speaker 4: Op's in the wrong because you literally said from the beginning,

1025
00:46:08,239 --> 00:46:08,840
Speaker 4: don't lie to me.

1026
00:46:09,160 --> 00:46:12,120
Speaker 1: All she's done the whole time has been lied to you,

1027
00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:15,279
Speaker 1: and you're just making that a non issue for you

1028
00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:16,080
Speaker 1: for some reason.

1029
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:19,200
Speaker 4: That's not right. You're wrong for that, and she's wrong

1030
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:22,640
Speaker 4: for lying to you constantly, but you're wrong for trying

1031
00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:23,640
Speaker 4: to make this work.

1032
00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:28,359
Speaker 2: It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. But we got an update. Hey

1033
00:46:28,440 --> 00:46:29,279
Speaker 2: is John og host.

1034
00:46:29,360 --> 00:46:30,879
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories, but a quick

1035
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:32,760
Speaker 1: free minute break of ads from our sponsors.

1036
00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:35,839
Speaker 2: I spent all last week in a daze and really

1037
00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:38,719
Speaker 2: angry but sad. We got into multiple arguments about it

1038
00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:41,239
Speaker 2: over and over. She feels bad about lying, but still

1039
00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:43,120
Speaker 2: thinks it's controlling for me to ask her not to

1040
00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:45,919
Speaker 2: be friends with someone I knew it was being emboldened

1041
00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:47,880
Speaker 2: by people in her life who probably don't have the

1042
00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:50,080
Speaker 2: full story. Kind of in the same way I was

1043
00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:52,239
Speaker 2: being emboldened by the people in my life. My friends

1044
00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:54,319
Speaker 2: and I have all had bad experiences in the past

1045
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:57,320
Speaker 2: with being cheated on in really horrible ways. The second

1046
00:46:57,400 --> 00:46:59,359
Speaker 2: any of our partners do something fishy, we all get

1047
00:46:59,480 --> 00:47:01,799
Speaker 2: up in arms. I called my oldest sister for some

1048
00:47:01,840 --> 00:47:05,399
Speaker 2: neutral grounding. She's a therapist and knows me and has

1049
00:47:05,400 --> 00:47:07,440
Speaker 2: met my girlfriend, and I wanted to tell her how

1050
00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:09,319
Speaker 2: bad of a week I'd had. She kind of gave

1051
00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 2: me a reality check. Come on, come on, give us

1052
00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:13,600
Speaker 2: something good.

1053
00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:16,240
Speaker 1: Kind of even still kind of.

1054
00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:19,400
Speaker 2: She said, based on everything she thinks girlfriend is telling

1055
00:47:19,440 --> 00:47:22,480
Speaker 2: the truth, and while she shouldn't have lied, it was

1056
00:47:22,600 --> 00:47:26,960
Speaker 2: long enough ago that she probably has changed like girlfriend

1057
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:29,600
Speaker 2: is claiming. She said that because girlfriend has never had

1058
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:32,560
Speaker 2: a serious relationship, she probably didn't think that hiding something

1059
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:35,279
Speaker 2: that would upset someone as anything out of the ordinary,

1060
00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:36,640
Speaker 2: But now she does.

1061
00:47:37,120 --> 00:47:39,359
Speaker 1: When is that? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard?

1062
00:47:39,480 --> 00:47:42,120
Speaker 2: That therapist should not have any clients far of that therapist.

1063
00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:44,640
Speaker 1: Was that her therapist? Or is that her sister?

1064
00:47:44,719 --> 00:47:47,040
Speaker 2: That was her sister who is a therapist? Oh god,

1065
00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:50,320
Speaker 2: that shot. That is the worst advice I have ever heard.

1066
00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:54,600
Speaker 1: Hasn't changed at all, she's been lying the whole time and.

1067
00:47:54,600 --> 00:47:55,560
Speaker 2: It hasn't been that long.

1068
00:47:56,160 --> 00:48:00,399
Speaker 4: Ah, yeah, what what she said?

1069
00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:03,040
Speaker 2: What my girlfriend said? Girlfriend said, I'm reacting like she

1070
00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:06,120
Speaker 2: cheated when she hasn't, and that I'm reacting poorly to

1071
00:48:06,160 --> 00:48:08,160
Speaker 2: it because of things that have happened in the past. Bro,

1072
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:10,840
Speaker 2: I'm associating her hiding this friendship from me to a

1073
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:13,680
Speaker 2: relationship I was in before for five years and was

1074
00:48:13,719 --> 00:48:15,759
Speaker 2: cheated on and found out she was spicy texting and

1075
00:48:15,800 --> 00:48:18,000
Speaker 2: hiding things from me for the whole relationship.

1076
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:21,560
Speaker 1: Can we just really quickly point out that she was

1077
00:48:21,640 --> 00:48:24,160
Speaker 1: texting not just a person, it was an ex. Yeah,

1078
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:29,000
Speaker 1: and I repeatedly told ope, I'm done talking to this

1079
00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:31,680
Speaker 1: person and lied about it over and over again.

1080
00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:35,799
Speaker 2: I think so. My thought process is, I actually don't

1081
00:48:35,840 --> 00:48:38,520
Speaker 2: care what someone lies about. If they're lying, it's not

1082
00:48:38,560 --> 00:48:40,160
Speaker 2: a relationship that I want to be in.

1083
00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:43,879
Speaker 1: Right, It's like, it's why are you just straight up lying?

1084
00:48:43,880 --> 00:48:46,279
Speaker 4: And you're gonna say, oh, she didn't know that you

1085
00:48:46,320 --> 00:48:48,680
Speaker 4: shouldn't lie to people about stuff?

1086
00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:50,800
Speaker 1: What is she a four year old?

1087
00:48:51,400 --> 00:48:51,520
Speaker 2: Like?

1088
00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:52,680
Speaker 1: What are we talking about?

1089
00:48:52,719 --> 00:48:55,759
Speaker 2: You literally had a two day sleepover with her ex

1090
00:48:55,880 --> 00:48:58,719
Speaker 2: and didn't tell op about it we don't know and

1091
00:48:58,800 --> 00:48:59,759
Speaker 2: says she cheated her or me.

1092
00:49:00,200 --> 00:49:03,719
Speaker 1: But come on, yeah, dude, of course she was a

1093
00:49:03,800 --> 00:49:06,960
Speaker 1: bored guesterday. Did you play scrabble for forty eight hours?

1094
00:49:07,440 --> 00:49:10,840
Speaker 1: I've never had a game last that long, scrabbled her gut.

1095
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:13,880
Speaker 2: He oh, I had Mike's way with that scrabble board.

1096
00:49:14,239 --> 00:49:17,200
Speaker 2: She said we both needed to change some of our behaviors,

1097
00:49:17,480 --> 00:49:20,359
Speaker 2: and that she likes girlfriend and thinks our relationship is good.

1098
00:49:20,719 --> 00:49:23,080
Speaker 2: And if I keep trying to control situations like this

1099
00:49:23,400 --> 00:49:25,840
Speaker 2: and being unforgiving, then I'm going to screw up what

1100
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:27,840
Speaker 2: has been good relationships.

1101
00:49:28,200 --> 00:49:30,600
Speaker 1: It has not been good. It has not been good.

1102
00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:33,320
Speaker 2: So I spoke to girlfriend after some self affection a

1103
00:49:33,360 --> 00:49:36,400
Speaker 2: first thing that goes so well, because she assumed I

1104
00:49:36,440 --> 00:49:38,200
Speaker 2: was just about to start another fight like I had

1105
00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:41,160
Speaker 2: been all week. But once we got past that, we

1106
00:49:41,239 --> 00:49:43,360
Speaker 2: got into the deeper issues. I said she needed to

1107
00:49:43,400 --> 00:49:46,880
Speaker 2: stop lying to avoid situations she perceives as uncomfortable. I

1108
00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:49,759
Speaker 2: admitted I was treating her like she cheated and my

1109
00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:52,640
Speaker 2: reaction was poor. I said I was sorry for up

1110
00:49:52,680 --> 00:49:55,040
Speaker 2: and leaving both times I got upset instead of staying

1111
00:49:55,040 --> 00:49:57,920
Speaker 2: and trying to work things out. She obviously apologized over

1112
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:00,359
Speaker 2: and over her lying, which she had already done lot

1113
00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:03,560
Speaker 2: since the fight. I told her that we both created

1114
00:50:03,600 --> 00:50:06,880
Speaker 2: a divide in the self preservation. I got mad and

1115
00:50:06,960 --> 00:50:09,920
Speaker 2: wanted out and demonized her, and she lied to keep

1116
00:50:09,960 --> 00:50:12,600
Speaker 2: me separate from dumb things she did at the start

1117
00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:14,960
Speaker 2: of the relationship. By the way, if you want to

1118
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:17,440
Speaker 2: avoid the dumb things in your life, you should make

1119
00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:19,880
Speaker 2: sure to listen to full episodes with stories just like this.

1120
00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:22,759
Speaker 2: Go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast app

1121
00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:27,000
Speaker 2: and search. Okay, storytime, there's another relevant update. But oh

1122
00:50:27,040 --> 00:50:31,760
Speaker 2: my god, is this not the worst situation and advice

1123
00:50:32,200 --> 00:50:34,280
Speaker 2: that we have heard? This is the worst advice.

1124
00:50:34,480 --> 00:50:37,960
Speaker 4: So I There was a comment that maybe suggested that

1125
00:50:38,080 --> 00:50:42,840
Speaker 4: OP did not OPI gave the soft truth to protect

1126
00:50:42,880 --> 00:50:46,400
Speaker 4: their partner's sort of image or integrity in the situation.

1127
00:50:46,600 --> 00:50:49,480
Speaker 2: Maybe, but it seems like I mean, but like the

1128
00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:53,120
Speaker 2: sister knows that the girlfriend is lying.

1129
00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:55,600
Speaker 4: This is a tale as old as time, dude. It's

1130
00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:58,160
Speaker 4: like someone lies to you. Who is the scorpion in

1131
00:50:58,200 --> 00:51:02,640
Speaker 4: the frog? Ye, the scorpion needs a ride across the river.

1132
00:51:03,280 --> 00:51:05,800
Speaker 4: It's like, I'm not gonna sting you. Then it stings

1133
00:51:05,840 --> 00:51:07,520
Speaker 4: the frog, and he goes as, what I do.

1134
00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:10,000
Speaker 1: You should know that. You should know even if I

1135
00:51:10,080 --> 00:51:13,160
Speaker 1: tell you I won't, I will because it's what I do.

1136
00:51:13,600 --> 00:51:15,879
Speaker 1: She's not gonna just oh, she said, she's done lying

1137
00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:17,560
Speaker 1: now for the seventeenth time.

1138
00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:23,399
Speaker 4: This is the time. It's finally real. No, she's gonna

1139
00:51:23,480 --> 00:51:24,840
Speaker 4: keep talking to this ex.

1140
00:51:24,800 --> 00:51:28,280
Speaker 2: Kate of Noome says, runopete, run far far away. I

1141
00:51:28,360 --> 00:51:30,399
Speaker 2: think the same. But let's she trying to.

1142
00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:31,359
Speaker 1: Slip it around on you.

1143
00:51:31,640 --> 00:51:34,640
Speaker 4: She tried to say, bro, she said, I'm my definition

1144
00:51:34,680 --> 00:51:37,279
Speaker 4: of monogami is not as strict.

1145
00:51:36,960 --> 00:51:39,359
Speaker 2: As you are. Ridiculous. That's insane, ridiculous, Get out of that.

1146
00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:41,480
Speaker 2: In the end, I didn't want to be controlling. That's

1147
00:51:41,520 --> 00:51:43,319
Speaker 2: not who I am as a person. The compromise we

1148
00:51:43,360 --> 00:51:45,640
Speaker 2: agreed to was that friendship needs to be put on

1149
00:51:45,719 --> 00:51:48,239
Speaker 2: hold for now until I can trust her after lying.

1150
00:51:48,480 --> 00:51:50,759
Speaker 2: I can't make myself vulnerable like that, and I'm only

1151
00:51:50,800 --> 00:51:52,680
Speaker 2: going to trust her if she can prove she's not

1152
00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:55,120
Speaker 2: going to lie to me in every difficult situation. And

1153
00:51:55,160 --> 00:51:57,600
Speaker 2: that's where we're at. I feel better now that we've

1154
00:51:57,640 --> 00:51:59,640
Speaker 2: reached a resolution. I know I might be told I'm

1155
00:51:59,640 --> 00:52:02,399
Speaker 2: an idiot but I said in my last post too,

1156
00:52:02,520 --> 00:52:05,080
Speaker 2: I generally don't think she cheated. I'm willing to work

1157
00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:07,239
Speaker 2: on this to save the relationship because she's my best

1158
00:52:07,239 --> 00:52:08,960
Speaker 2: friend and I don't want to lose her right now,

1159
00:52:09,440 --> 00:52:11,359
Speaker 2: not when I think things can get a lot better.

1160
00:52:11,920 --> 00:52:15,280
Speaker 2: And now then I'm working on not dragging around my paranoia.

1161
00:52:15,360 --> 00:52:17,680
Speaker 2: She's ideally going to work on not hiding things from me.

1162
00:52:18,040 --> 00:52:20,759
Speaker 2: There won't be things boiling under the surface, waiting to

1163
00:52:20,800 --> 00:52:23,719
Speaker 2: spill over. Maybe it's stupid, maybe it's not.

1164
00:52:23,960 --> 00:52:27,040
Speaker 4: You can't call it paranoia, it's suspicion. Paranoia is if

1165
00:52:27,040 --> 00:52:29,600
Speaker 4: it was not real. It was real real the whole time.

1166
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:32,319
Speaker 2: I guess I won't know until the relationship ends, either

1167
00:52:32,320 --> 00:52:36,719
Speaker 2: from a breakup or death. H and that is where

1168
00:52:36,760 --> 00:52:37,880
Speaker 2: that story ends.

1169
00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:40,239
Speaker 4: You say, ha, but it sounds like that's the only

1170
00:52:40,280 --> 00:52:42,280
Speaker 4: thing that could happen that would separate y'all.

1171
00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:47,239
Speaker 2: Badpool Girl says, OP needs a real therapist. Yes, yes,

1172
00:52:47,360 --> 00:52:50,520
Speaker 2: this is ridiculous. This is ridiculous. Op needs a real therapist.

1173
00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:54,719
Speaker 2: This sister should be have her license taken away if

1174
00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:57,720
Speaker 2: she is a real therapist. Oh, supernova, ass I missed.

1175
00:52:57,960 --> 00:53:00,840
Speaker 2: Is she really hot? You might be really hot? She

1176
00:53:00,960 --> 00:53:01,680
Speaker 2: might be really high.

1177
00:53:01,760 --> 00:53:04,880
Speaker 4: Well it's look I am betting because it's true. I

1178
00:53:04,880 --> 00:53:07,080
Speaker 4: feel like no therapists would say that about this situation.

1179
00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:10,000
Speaker 4: I think OP did not give the full story, and

1180
00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:12,279
Speaker 4: that's why she's like, oh, that's not that bad. OP

1181
00:53:12,520 --> 00:53:14,920
Speaker 4: was probably telling the story that would make the therapist's

1182
00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:17,399
Speaker 4: sister say it's not that bad. So OP could hear

1183
00:53:17,440 --> 00:53:20,480
Speaker 4: that from their therapist's sister and go, Okay, this is salvageable.

1184
00:53:20,560 --> 00:53:24,280
Speaker 4: Because for some reason, Ope refuses to see this as

1185
00:53:25,560 --> 00:53:28,560
Speaker 4: a finalized, oh it's over situation.

1186
00:53:28,719 --> 00:53:31,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, she won't let it go. Let us know if

1187
00:53:31,040 --> 00:53:33,960
Speaker 2: you think differently, which is a comments, and if you

1188
00:53:33,960 --> 00:53:36,880
Speaker 2: think OP should do something different, but I think OP, please,

1189
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:39,400
Speaker 2: and this relationship it's not healthy. I think you're holding

1190
00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:43,279
Speaker 2: on to something that isn't really there. But with that, yeah,

1191
00:53:43,600 --> 00:53:47,759
Speaker 2: unfortunately that is where this story an episode adds.

1192
00:53:47,840 --> 00:53:50,959
Speaker 4: I need final thought that I'm cretching my head over

1193
00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:53,680
Speaker 4: is because now that she's like, well, I just want

1194
00:53:53,680 --> 00:53:55,239
Speaker 4: this to work and I can't lose it right now.

1195
00:53:55,280 --> 00:53:57,880
Speaker 1: And now she knows that, and she knows.

1196
00:53:57,719 --> 00:54:00,040
Speaker 4: Oh, I can lie about anything as long as I

1197
00:54:00,040 --> 00:54:01,360
Speaker 4: gets sad and I say I'm sorry.

1198
00:54:01,360 --> 00:54:03,600
Speaker 1: It's Fine, Yeah, she's gonna keep doing it.

1199
00:54:03,680 --> 00:54:07,440
Speaker 2: You're as setting a terrible precedent, but unfortunately that is

1200
00:54:07,520 --> 00:54:12,359
Speaker 2: where this story and episode ends. So if you love us,

1201
00:54:12,480 --> 00:54:13,440
Speaker 2: make sure to subscribe.

1202
00:54:13,480 --> 00:54:18,200
Speaker 1: We love you and see you tomorrow. Mike's Way