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Speaker 1: Hi, and welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive, Sweetie.

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Speaker 1: Today we are talking about something that I personally have

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Speaker 1: been really dealing with a lot lately, and it is

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Speaker 1: navigating anxiety. And when I think about anxiety, I think

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Speaker 1: about the scripture Philippians four six through seven, and it says,

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Speaker 1: do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation,

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Speaker 1: by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God.

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Speaker 1: And in this season of my life, I have been

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Speaker 1: dealing with a lot of anxiety. So I am super

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Speaker 1: excited to have my therapist, Miss Delana Zimmerman, who is

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Speaker 1: going to help all of us. I'm sure a lot

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Speaker 1: of people are dealing with it in different ways, and

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Speaker 1: you may not even know that you're dealing with it

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Speaker 1: or be able to pinpoint what is this feeling that

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Speaker 1: I'm feeling.

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Speaker 2: But today we're gonna.

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Speaker 1: Talk about some things and share some things that I'm

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Speaker 1: going through and that you've helped me with, Delena.

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Speaker 2: So first let's get into.

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Speaker 1: How can people pinpoint like what anxiety is, because I

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Speaker 1: know for me, like now that I know what anxiety is,

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Speaker 1: I'm able to pinpoint it. But I didn't realize I

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Speaker 1: didn't have an anxiety pretty much all my life, but

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Speaker 1: I didn't realize it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I thank you for having me.

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Speaker 4: You know, anxiety has now become a household language, like

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Speaker 4: it's late person language. It's really interesting that we're now

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Speaker 4: speaking out of the diagnostic manual.

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Speaker 3: You know, in our homes. But we used to call

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Speaker 3: anxiety worry.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 4: Right, that's what our mothers called. It's what our grandmothers said.

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Speaker 4: You know, I'm worried about you. Yes, I'm worried.

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Speaker 3: And so anxiety is the response.

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Speaker 4: In the body. We feel it in our body, so

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Speaker 4: we're sure that it's real. And what in fact it

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Speaker 4: is is fear. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I'm not

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Speaker 4: going to have what I need. I'm afraid that you're

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Speaker 4: not going to have what you need. I'm afraid that

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Speaker 4: things aren't going.

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Speaker 3: To go well in the future. You know. Yeah, but

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Speaker 3: anxiety is not a virus. It's not in the air.

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Speaker 3: You aren't catching it.

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Speaker 2: A mindset, it's a mindset.

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Speaker 1: I want to talk about my recent anxiety attack that

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Speaker 1: I had, and I was I had just talked to you.

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Speaker 2: It literally, I may have talked to you. I literally

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Speaker 2: talked to you the day before I was leaving.

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Speaker 1: The day before it happened, I talked to you and

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Speaker 1: I was just telling you, like things that I was

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Speaker 1: worried about, and you, like, Chris, so what are you

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Speaker 1: worried about?

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Speaker 2: What is the fear? Right down? What you're worried about?

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Speaker 2: And let's talk about it.

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Speaker 1: And it boiled down to fear of losing it all,

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Speaker 1: fear of not being able to keep up this life

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Speaker 1: that I've built for myself because I've seen so many

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Speaker 1: people be at the top of the mountaintop and just

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Speaker 1: career booming and things going great and literally hit rock bottom,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, God, I don't want that to

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Speaker 1: be me, you know, and so many people depending on me, and.

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Speaker 2: That gets really, really heavy.

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Speaker 1: And something that stood out to me in that moment,

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Speaker 1: you say, Crystal, you have everything you need and you

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Speaker 1: lack nothing. And I was like when we got the

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Speaker 1: phone that day and I was like, I feel so

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Speaker 1: much better. And within less than twenty four hours, I

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Speaker 1: landed in Los Angeles and it felt like somebody was

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Speaker 1: literally squeezing my heart and it was pumping as hard

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Speaker 1: as it could to keep pumping, and I was like.

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Speaker 2: Am I having a heart attack?

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Speaker 1: What is happening right now, and my vision was blurred

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Speaker 1: like I would be looking if I was looking.

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Speaker 2: Straight at you. You were moving like. It was the

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Speaker 2: craziest experience I had ever had.

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Speaker 1: And I started looking up symptoms of a heart attack,

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Speaker 1: like I was looking up all these things, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: am I dying right now?

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Speaker 2: Do I need to go to the hospital?

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Speaker 1: And when it I was pinpointing things, I was like, Oh,

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Speaker 1: that's not it.

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Speaker 2: This isn't it.

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Speaker 1: And then it the anxiety attack came up, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, Wow, this is all all the boxes checked off.

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Speaker 1: I said, this is my first realized anxiety attack that

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Speaker 1: I was having. And I got back and I told

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Speaker 1: you about it, and I was just like, I don't

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Speaker 1: know what is happening. And it was just in that

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Speaker 1: moment that I realized, I've got to figure out how

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Speaker 1: to deal with this. Can we talk about that a

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Speaker 1: little bit?

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Speaker 3: Sure?

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Speaker 4: So the way that the body is designed, you know,

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Speaker 4: God and this infinite wisdom made us in a way

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Speaker 4: that we would be able to handle threats in our lives.

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Speaker 4: So it's involuntary. We don't have a choice if there's

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Speaker 4: a perceived threat, whether it be saber toothed tiger or

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna lose it all.

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Speaker 3: It's the same thing.

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Speaker 4: The mind says there's a threat, and the body begins

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Speaker 4: to go into it an involuntary thing. It releases cortisol,

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Speaker 4: it releases adrenaline from the adrenaline glands, and it also

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Speaker 4: releases epopenetlin. And now the body's under the influence of

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Speaker 4: very strong chemicals.

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Speaker 3: That's why you feel it in your chest, you throat,

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Speaker 3: your heart speeds up because you got a big adrenaline boost.

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Speaker 4: I mean literally, you're ready to fight a saber tooth typer.

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Speaker 4: You're ready to run or lift a car to get

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Speaker 4: a child from underneath it. Your body is under it

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Speaker 4: is ready to go, but except it's not a real threat.

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Speaker 4: So there's nowhere to put the energy your body is

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Speaker 4: just giving you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, there was nowhere to put it.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know what was going on, and I tried

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Speaker 1: to lay down to try to and I tried breathing techniques,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, just calm your heart beat down,

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Speaker 1: Just calm down. And I was like, even when I

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Speaker 1: laid down, it seemed like it started beating faster. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to rest, you know, and trying to do

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Speaker 1: things to take my mind off of it, and it.

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Speaker 2: Was not stopping and it lasted for hours. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: So so now I'm anxious about being.

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Speaker 3: Anxious, Yes, literally, right, So that's what happens.

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Speaker 4: And it's a continuum. It's a threat. I feel like

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Speaker 4: I'm going to die.

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Speaker 3: So now I'm going to seeing more of the same system.

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Speaker 2: Into my life to my body. Right.

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Speaker 3: And what does it do?

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Speaker 4: It defers what it is you need to do that day,

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Speaker 4: It delays purpose, It gets in the way of what

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Speaker 4: it is that God intended for you to do that day.

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Speaker 3: It just it's a block.

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Speaker 4: Now, it's perfect for real threats, but when you're in

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Speaker 4: your mind and you don't have trust the scripture, you

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Speaker 4: read like gratitude is where you could be. I'm so

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Speaker 4: grateful for this opportunity and the opportunities that come behind it.

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Speaker 4: I know that I have everything that I need and

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Speaker 4: I lack nothing. What is there to worry you?

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Speaker 2: That is so powerful right now? And the future right

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Speaker 2: that is so powerful?

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Speaker 1: And I have to remind myself daily that I have

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Speaker 1: everything I need, I like nothing, and that's helped me

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Speaker 1: so much since then. And can we talk about some

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Speaker 1: of the things that when I told you about that, like,

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Speaker 1: this is crystal you need, This is what you need

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Speaker 1: to do, This is how you need to move past this.

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Speaker 1: These are things you need to put into practice because

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Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of people are living in

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Speaker 1: a state of anxiety and they don't know how to

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Speaker 1: deal with it. So if you could, like talk, let's

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Speaker 1: have that dialogue how we do when we're in the

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Speaker 1: therapy sessions, so that people can get the tools, because

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Speaker 1: I know what you've done for me has helped me tremendously,

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Speaker 1: even on the perspective of like digging deeper and understanding

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Speaker 1: why where this root's from.

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Speaker 2: Let's talk about that.

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Speaker 4: Sure, I really love that you read a scripture first.

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Speaker 4: It is very, very scary living a life, this life,

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Speaker 4: in this world without knowing that you're going to be sustained,

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Speaker 4: not really understanding what your source is. You know, being

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Speaker 4: a human, you know that you're limited. There's only so

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Speaker 4: much you can do. There's almost your mind can come

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Speaker 4: up with.

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Speaker 3: So there has to be a.

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Speaker 4: Source of power that I rely upon completely. And it

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Speaker 4: can't be me, and it can't be my job because

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Speaker 4: they're humans too.

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Speaker 3: It can't be these things.

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Speaker 4: So it has to be something greater than me, and

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Speaker 4: we are struggling because we don't have real, safe and

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Speaker 4: healthy ideas of God and our creator and our relationship

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Speaker 4: to it.

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Speaker 3: A lot of us are living in shame.

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Speaker 4: We have taboo. We can't talk about the shame and

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Speaker 4: doubt we have with our relationship with God. Our performance

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Speaker 4: is not what we think it should be in order

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Speaker 4: for God to really really continue to bless us. Where

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Speaker 4: sinful kids, sinful teenagers, and sinful adults we get this

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Speaker 4: good thing and we think it's just luck because we

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Speaker 4: can't turn our lives around in the secrets of our life.

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Speaker 4: Then we think it's just a matter of time before

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Speaker 4: this God snatches it away. And of course that's where

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Speaker 4: the feary is. That's where a lot of the fearis. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: I don't trust that I really deserve the thing that

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Speaker 4: I have to have a worth.

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Speaker 3: Issue, So.

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Speaker 4: I have to know that I'm good enough intrinsically, not

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Speaker 4: good enough on stage, not look good enough, intrinsically. I

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Speaker 4: was good enough when I came to the planet when

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Speaker 4: God created me, and.

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Speaker 3: I remain good enough, yes, and that I'm never separate

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Speaker 3: from this God.

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Speaker 4: Doesn't matter what you call it, how you worship it

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Speaker 4: or what times you pay to it, it's just knowing

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Speaker 4: that I am one with it always, no matter what

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Speaker 4: my behavior is.

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Speaker 1: And that's when you touch on that that since a child,

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Speaker 1: like one of the sc first scriptures I ever remember

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Speaker 1: was children, obey your parents and the Lord for this

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Speaker 1: is right, that your days may be.

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Speaker 2: Long on the earth.

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Speaker 1: And that is it translated to me, as a child,

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Speaker 1: do what your mom and daddy tell you to do,

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Speaker 1: or you're gonna die.

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Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: So if I don't, and then it translates to as

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Speaker 1: an adult, it translates to if I don't do what

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Speaker 1: God says, like he's not gonna bless me, or things

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Speaker 1: aren't gonna happen for me. So like you, you do

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Speaker 1: have that shame of the things that you've done as

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Speaker 1: a kid as an adult and wondering like is God

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Speaker 1: ashamed of me?

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Speaker 2: And you see that he's continuing to bless you.

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Speaker 1: And you said, Crystal, God is not your magical genie

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Speaker 1: in the sky, like he's not like, Okay, God, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna do this right thing and he's gonna got you.

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Speaker 1: There's another blessing. He doesn't do that, and I thought

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Speaker 1: about it. I was like, Wow, you're right. And what

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Speaker 1: you always say that God is like oxygen, Like he's

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Speaker 1: just there. He's everywhere when you're when you having sex

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Speaker 1: when you shouldn't be, when you're in there watching porn

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Speaker 1: when you shouldn't be.

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Speaker 2: God is there.

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Speaker 1: And I'm the most shameful situations where you finish and

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Speaker 1: you're like, dang, like I know I shouldn't have done that.

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Speaker 1: God is He's He's everywhere. He doesn't pick and choose

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Speaker 1: the moments that he's going to be in. And it's

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Speaker 1: in the I would say for me, it's in just

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Speaker 1: the trying to pursue a life of excellence and live,

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Speaker 1: you know, saying practice excellence because the Bible always says

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Speaker 1: practice excellence in all you do. And we talked about

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Speaker 1: me trying to be perfect all the time and portray

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Speaker 1: this perfect life, and let's talk about that. We dug

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Speaker 1: deeper and where that comes from? You ask me, like, Crystal,

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Speaker 1: where does that come from? And I had to think

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Speaker 1: about it. I was like, where does this whole thing

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Speaker 1: I have to be perfect all the.

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Speaker 2: Time come from? And when we got to the bottom

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Speaker 2: of it, I.

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Speaker 1: Realized it came from my childhood, and we talked about

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Speaker 1: things I had been through my childhood, and it was

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Speaker 1: the fear of getting in trouble. So I always felt

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Speaker 1: like I had to be perfect. And it gets a

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Speaker 1: little controversial because that's when you take it from.

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Speaker 2: The Bible, what the Bible.

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Speaker 1: Says, how your parents translated, how it's taught to you,

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Speaker 1: and then that same fear like it's put into you

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Speaker 1: and it carries on to your entire life until you

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Speaker 1: meet a delay a Zimmerman who helps you unpack it

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Speaker 1: and unlearn it and learn what the true meaning of

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Speaker 1: that was. Yeah, and that was a very hard conversation

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Speaker 1: being a child.

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Speaker 3: Where your mom is gonna get your daddy's gonna get you.

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Speaker 4: Guys gonna get you, The dad's gonna get you, the

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Speaker 4: bo's gonna get you. Of course you have anxiety by

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Speaker 4: the time you're twenty thirty years old. Everything's gonna get you.

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Speaker 4: Or's your safe place? Where do you find refuge? You

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Speaker 4: are not perfect.

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Speaker 3: You can't pull it off. No one can. We came

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Speaker 3: to this life to live it, to learn and the

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Speaker 3: living and to practice the lessons.

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Speaker 4: Without mistakes, without falling short.

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Speaker 3: What do we learn we can't learn and only joy

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Speaker 3: and bliss.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, mistakes and the failures. Yeah, that's right.

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Speaker 4: We learn in a mess, right, We learn in a

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Speaker 4: mess because and the mess is where the nutrients are. Right,

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Speaker 4: people go out and buy poop, They go out and

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Speaker 4: buy it to fertilize their grass, because that's what the

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Speaker 4: nutrients are. We learn and develop through the mess. We

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Speaker 4: should be ashamed of the mess.

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Speaker 3: We should learn from the mess. It takes humility to

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Speaker 3: learn from the mess.

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Speaker 2: It does.

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Speaker 3: So if we're practicing perfection, which is like being in

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Speaker 3: an abusive.

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Speaker 4: Relationship because you're never good enough, you're making up what good.

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Speaker 3: Enough is in the first place.

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Speaker 4: It's prideful because you're concerned about what other people are

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Speaker 4: going to say.

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Speaker 3: It's a projection that you give.

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Speaker 4: You know, you think other people are seeing in a

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Speaker 4: particular way. So you have to pretend to be that.

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Speaker 4: That's where this anxiety is coming. You can't be your

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Speaker 4: authentic self. You can't have laws.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, making speak cause you.

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Speaker 2: Have more humility, Yeah, you have.

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Speaker 1: That was another thing that you have to be humble

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Speaker 1: and have humility to be able to not try. I mean,

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Speaker 1: if you're trying to be perfect, that is a very

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Speaker 1: powerful and egotistic character.

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Speaker 3: Trait, and it makes you accepted and a liar.

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Speaker 2: Cause nobody's perfect.

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Speaker 4: No, you have to hide everything, and it puts you

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Speaker 4: in that shame based place, that guilt based place, and.

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Speaker 3: There's an anxiety that you're going to be found out.

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Speaker 2: Yep.

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Speaker 1: And I think because I live in my life is

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Speaker 1: like under such a microscope. You see my every any

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Speaker 1: I can get like I have control over certain things,

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Speaker 1: but a lot of things I don't have control over.

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Speaker 1: And we live in such a judgmental world where sometimes

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Speaker 1: I'm afraid to be like this myself that I am

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Speaker 1: around my closest friends.

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Speaker 2: It's like I show the world a filtered crystal.

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Speaker 1: You know, you see what I want you to see,

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Speaker 1: But I may not show you me drunk ass up,

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Speaker 1: face down, twerkin on the yacht.

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Speaker 2: You know, you might not see that side of me.

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Speaker 1: So I feel like net comes from like the fear

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Speaker 1: of being judged, the fear of oh, like she can't

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Speaker 1: be a Christian and worship God and be doing those things.

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Speaker 1: You know, Like I am growing and getting stronger in

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Speaker 1: my faith in my walk, and I.

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Speaker 2: Feel like that looks different for everybody.

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Speaker 1: You know, there are some people that like literally, like,

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Speaker 1: don't listen to secular music, don't have sex, don't hang

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Speaker 1: in the wrong places.

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Speaker 2: But I know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: I listen to what I want to listen to. But

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Speaker 1: I still wake up every morning, take my time with God,

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Speaker 1: journal to God, listen to my church music, set the

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Speaker 1: tone for the day. And when I get in my car,

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Speaker 1: I maybe listening to jay Z, you know. And that

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Speaker 1: doesn't make me less of a Christian than the next person,

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Speaker 1: or doesn't make me less a person or less perfect

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Speaker 1: or like nobody's perfect, but it doesn't make me value.

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Speaker 1: My value isn't less because I'm not living this rigid

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Speaker 1: Christian life. You know that we've been taught to live well.

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Speaker 4: Some people are living a rigid Christian life and are

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Speaker 4: two hundred pounds overweight talking about the center, you know,

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Speaker 4: glut me right?

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Speaker 2: So oh that's good?

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Speaker 3: I mean, what which one?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Right?

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Speaker 4: You know, if we're if I have a thousand people

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Speaker 4: in a room and I.

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Speaker 3: Ask everyone to close their eyes and consider God.

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Speaker 4: Close your eyes and consider God, there's going to be

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Speaker 4: a thousand different considerations.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, a thousand different images, a thousand different feelings. Because

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Speaker 4: the relationship with God is personal. Nobody knows why you

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Speaker 4: came to this planet, Crystal.

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Speaker 3: Nobody knows why I came to this planet.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So anyone that's.

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Speaker 4: Sitting from whatever seat they're in and judging what your

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Speaker 4: experience should be is insane. Who gave them the measuring stick?

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Speaker 4: No one knows what your lessons are supposed to be.

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Speaker 3: When you came here.

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Speaker 4: If you'd have seen me twenty five years ago, you think,

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Speaker 4: oh my god, what a mess. But nobody understood that

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Speaker 4: the mess was required.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well, all things.

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Speaker 2: For the good.

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Speaker 3: You understand of those, Yes, all things.

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Speaker 4: So I say, everyone, have the experiences you need to

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Speaker 4: have live this life, learn what it is for you

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Speaker 4: in the mess, and then practice the lessons in the

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Speaker 4: next day.

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Speaker 3: And as you keep living, you have so many.

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Speaker 4: Lessons that you've learned that you're now practicing, that you're

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Speaker 4: now mastering.

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Speaker 3: We came here to evolve this soul.

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Speaker 4: We are not our bodies, and so to live your

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Speaker 4: life only based on that. The world sees the image

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Speaker 4: of your body is insanity. It's not even who you

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Speaker 4: are a boy.

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Speaker 3: You picked it up and you're gonna leave it here.

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Speaker 2: Yep. M.

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Speaker 3: So you use the.

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Speaker 4: Body to evolve the spirit and the soul while you're

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Speaker 4: here again, you're never separate from God. Ever, how can

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Speaker 4: the creation be separate from the creator? Can you see

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Speaker 4: it in the baby when the baby's born and handed it.

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Speaker 3: When the doctor hands the baby to the mother, you.

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Speaker 2: Said, oh, my lord, my lord, Yes.

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Speaker 3: That baby has on the scales you order ten. That

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Speaker 3: baby is a tan. That baby is good enough to find.

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Speaker 4: Yes. So when does the baby lose his value? When

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Speaker 4: does your daughter lose her value? When does your son

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Speaker 4: lose his value?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Just going around the sun make you lose your value,

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Speaker 4: your oneness with God.

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Speaker 3: The divinity and God.

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Speaker 2: Right, it doesn't.

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Speaker 3: No, you don't lose your value.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you fall under the indoctrination that your value is

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Speaker 4: outside of you, and.

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Speaker 3: The people who are.

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Speaker 4: Teaching you they believe their values.

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Speaker 3: Outside of them, and the people who taught them believe that.

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Speaker 4: Go back far enough, you'll see where somebody handed somebody

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Speaker 4: a live version of God, Santa.

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Speaker 3: Clause, God, magical Daddy, magical Genie in the sky.

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Speaker 2: Yep.

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Speaker 4: And so then that's how we've lost our identity in Christ.

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Speaker 3: That's how we've lost our oneness with God.

401
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:37,000
Speaker 4: That's that's how can we're afraid all day, every day,

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Speaker 4: and what you think about me. No, the problem is

403
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,640
Speaker 4: what I think about myself. If I have a low

404
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:47,359
Speaker 4: value concept of myself, I'm going to project my low

405
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Speaker 4: value concept of myself onto you.

406
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Speaker 3: I'm going to think that you think that thought.

407
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Speaker 4: About me, and I'm going to feel insecure and anxious

408
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Speaker 4: and social, anxietty.

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Speaker 3: And all these.

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Speaker 4: But when I change my idea about myself based on

411
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Speaker 4: what I know, I am and my ononess was God.

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00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,520
Speaker 4: I am good enough because God created me, sent me

413
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Speaker 4: to this planet. I belong here. Every room I walk in.

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Speaker 3: I belong in, and the experience I have is mine.

415
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Speaker 3: This life is my journey.

416
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Speaker 4: When I begin a standing that truth have everything that

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Speaker 4: I need, I like nothing. Then that's the idea that

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Speaker 4: I project on to you. And so I know when

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Speaker 4: you see me, you see the one who sent me.

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Speaker 2: I love that. I love that.

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Speaker 1: Something I took away from that from that session was

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Speaker 1: you said, Crystal, everything grows and shit everything.

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Speaker 2: So if you're going through shit, grow through it.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, oh my goodness, because you don't

425
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:47,840
Speaker 1: think about like how you talk to you put that

426
00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:50,240
Speaker 1: use the analogy like they take the cabinure or for

427
00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:54,919
Speaker 1: mulch to grow plans to grow veggies. Everything grows in

428
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Speaker 1: the shit. And I was like, I didn't even think

429
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,119
Speaker 1: of it like that. And it's in the mess that

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Speaker 1: we grow. And I just I love that that analogy

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Speaker 1: that you used.

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Speaker 2: I want to get into some statistics.

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Speaker 1: It says that statistics prove that anxiety disorders are the

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Speaker 1: most common mental health disorder in the United States. Data

435
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,800
Speaker 1: shows that for black women, anxiety is more chronic and

436
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Speaker 1: the symptoms are more intense than their white counterparts. Why

437
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Speaker 1: do you feel that black women are the ones that

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Speaker 1: are experiencing And I know some obvious reasons why black

439
00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:33,560
Speaker 1: women are experiencing anxiety over white female parts, I mean

440
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Speaker 1: white white female parts, over white over our white counterparts,

441
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Speaker 1: But why do you feel that.

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Speaker 4: Well, we cannot ever ignore or evade blackness in America.

443
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Speaker 4: It's you know, we all come from descend from enslavement.

444
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Speaker 4: Whether it was Latino, Afro, Latino, Afro Caribbean, Afro American,

445
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Speaker 4: it doesn't matter.

446
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:02,920
Speaker 3: There's a thing that happened, then is a thing that happened.

447
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Speaker 4: So in this country we are like the stress of

448
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Speaker 4: what our beauty is is We're in patriarchy.

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Speaker 3: We're swimming in it, yes.

450
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:17,200
Speaker 4: As an odorless, colorless gas. So not only is it patriarchy,

451
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:21,040
Speaker 4: is white patriarchy, and so we are We don't our

452
00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:24,080
Speaker 4: beauty is compared to something.

453
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:27,320
Speaker 3: That we're not. Right, Yeah, we have to be careful

454
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,680
Speaker 3: not to be We're so strong, right.

455
00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:35,199
Speaker 4: One of the conditions of enslavement made us the strongest

456
00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:39,040
Speaker 4: on the plantation, not physically but emotionally.

457
00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:41,120
Speaker 3: We have to watch our children.

458
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,320
Speaker 4: Be taken from us. We had to watch our men

459
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:49,760
Speaker 4: be breed other women. We had to watch so much.

460
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:52,320
Speaker 4: And the way that the slave was made was through

461
00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:59,040
Speaker 4: the woman. When the woman became docile enough that slavery

462
00:22:59,119 --> 00:22:59,960
Speaker 4: could continue.

463
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:01,200
Speaker 3: So she had to be strong.

464
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,359
Speaker 4: She has to teach her daughters be strong because she

465
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,879
Speaker 4: can't rely upon what her life is going to be

466
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,080
Speaker 4: looking for a man. Since to teach her daters be

467
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:09,760
Speaker 4: strong because her sons may be killed.

468
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:12,840
Speaker 3: So she has to teach her She still has to teach.

469
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:14,960
Speaker 4: Her daughters, you got to get it for yourself. You

470
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:18,040
Speaker 4: can't rely upon anybody. So she has to be strong.

471
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:19,399
Speaker 3: It's just you and God.

472
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:24,400
Speaker 4: It's a message is still being taught from the plantations

473
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:30,920
Speaker 4: of North America to south central Los Angeles where I live,

474
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:36,400
Speaker 4: And so of course I'm anxious because I can get

475
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:38,320
Speaker 4: in the workplace, I can get in the career place

476
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:41,119
Speaker 4: where a black man can't even get and then I

477
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:44,040
Speaker 4: have to be this thing that colde switches all the.

478
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,520
Speaker 3: Time and come home and potentially raise my.

479
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:50,360
Speaker 4: Children by myself, just because of the conditions we can

480
00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:53,639
Speaker 4: look at, right, the pipeline prison pipeline.

481
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:53,800
Speaker 3: Is a real thing.

482
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:57,480
Speaker 4: Yes, the crack epidemic really decimated the black families.

483
00:23:58,400 --> 00:23:59,920
Speaker 3: It happened. That's the only thing.

484
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:06,280
Speaker 4: I mean, There's so many variables as to why I'm

485
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:12,400
Speaker 4: afraid that I have one emergency from poverty, from homelessness,

486
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:13,320
Speaker 4: from my car.

487
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:14,359
Speaker 3: Not not being paid.

488
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:19,160
Speaker 4: I hope this man is the man so I can

489
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:26,679
Speaker 4: finally behold and have value and get married. Sure gave me,

490
00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:31,520
Speaker 4: you know, like yeah, I mean I can go on, yeah.

491
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:34,040
Speaker 3: On and on as to why she struggles.

492
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:36,240
Speaker 2: No, that is so good, and I feel like.

493
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,920
Speaker 1: It is like a generational curse that we have to break,

494
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,840
Speaker 1: Like it's generation of that's with a lot of things

495
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:46,520
Speaker 1: that we still deal with today, trying to figure it

496
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,679
Speaker 1: out like the root of it, and it goes that

497
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:51,879
Speaker 1: far back and even further, oh and even further.

498
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:55,359
Speaker 4: But I mean, if we're talking about comparative to a counterpart.

499
00:24:55,480 --> 00:25:00,600
Speaker 4: In America, black women are only married twenty seven th percent.

500
00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:03,119
Speaker 3: Of the time, whereas white women are married seventy percent

501
00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:03,680
Speaker 3: of the time.

502
00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:06,680
Speaker 4: So if we just look at those stats, that means

503
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:11,359
Speaker 4: that potentially, I'm a black woman who is working hard.

504
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:15,600
Speaker 4: I may be single parenting or maybe alone, and I

505
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:18,639
Speaker 4: may be fornicating, right, and then I have this magical

506
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:21,520
Speaker 4: daddy guy and this guy who's judging me, and I'm.

507
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:22,840
Speaker 3: Just trying to get on the right path.

508
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:26,520
Speaker 4: But you know, I mean I'm anxious because I can't.

509
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:31,240
Speaker 4: I don't have access in the entitlement to access to

510
00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:32,439
Speaker 4: what other people have.

511
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:34,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, access too.

512
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:35,760
Speaker 3: You know, young white boys are.

513
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:39,040
Speaker 1: Taught to marry, they are young white girls are taught

514
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:40,840
Speaker 1: to do the same thing and be ready.

515
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:44,600
Speaker 4: And be ready and to have resources when they get

516
00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:49,359
Speaker 4: to the wedding, right right, that part or I'm anxious,

517
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:50,760
Speaker 4: yeah wow.

518
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 1: Research and history tells us that there are three basic

519
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:58,320
Speaker 1: images that exists. The strong black woman, which we talked about,

520
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:02,800
Speaker 1: the angry black woman, and the Jezebel video vixen. A

521
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:06,720
Speaker 1: strong black woman is hard on herself all while striving

522
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:10,200
Speaker 1: for perfection, even when she knows she's to stop placing

523
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:13,879
Speaker 1: her mental and physical health at risk. I feel like

524
00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:16,280
Speaker 1: I'm in the strong black woman category right now at

525
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 1: this phase of my life where I was striving for perfection.

526
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:21,359
Speaker 1: And something that you said that was so profound to

527
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 1: me in the last session was that crystal perfection is

528
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:28,640
Speaker 1: like a cancer. Stop trying to be perfect, start pursuing

529
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 1: excellence because with excellence you can make mistakes and learn

530
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,399
Speaker 1: and grow from it. And I was like, wow, that

531
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:38,359
Speaker 1: was powerful because I didn't realize that I was trying

532
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,119
Speaker 1: to be perfect all the time, but I am. I'm like,

533
00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:44,000
Speaker 1: I do everything myself like I have to. You know,

534
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:45,480
Speaker 1: it's like who else is going to do it? Nobody

535
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:50,000
Speaker 1: else is here. It's all on me. And it gets hard,

536
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:52,639
Speaker 1: you know, it gets really hard trying to do everything

537
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:56,479
Speaker 1: myself and not having someone else to lean on.

538
00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:59,720
Speaker 2: And I feel like a lot of black women feel

539
00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:05,080
Speaker 2: like that. It Yeah, it is. It is an epidemic.

540
00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:08,719
Speaker 1: And for me personally, I have so much going on

541
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:10,560
Speaker 1: and I don't have all the health that I need,

542
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:12,840
Speaker 1: like when it comes like day to day stuff and

543
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:16,679
Speaker 1: personal stuff, and it got to a point where I

544
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,480
Speaker 1: was like super stressed out, like how have I got

545
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:20,639
Speaker 1: to handle all this? And in the midst of all that,

546
00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:22,560
Speaker 1: then an audition comes. I got to stop what I'm

547
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 1: doing and mentally prepare for this, tap into a whole

548
00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:28,720
Speaker 1: different person, you know, and then tap back into myself.

549
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:30,600
Speaker 2: And it's like it's really hard.

550
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:33,879
Speaker 3: So how does she take care of herself? How does

551
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:37,000
Speaker 3: she manage her mental health? What is her mental health?

552
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:38,520
Speaker 3: Where is she in her body?

553
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:42,159
Speaker 4: And she's using her old skill sets that she's suppressed

554
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 4: and compartmentalized.

555
00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:44,760
Speaker 2: Cause that's what I would do.

556
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:48,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, Wow, to feel weak or sad.

557
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:49,919
Speaker 2: Or don't have time.

558
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:50,400
Speaker 3: Go on?

559
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:55,280
Speaker 2: Can you tell that to right now? I have you.

560
00:27:55,480 --> 00:28:01,280
Speaker 1: But before I literally was suppressing everything, and and that

561
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:05,960
Speaker 1: came from my childhood of the whole. There's something in

562
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,600
Speaker 1: the black family, not sh I can't speak for white households,

563
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:11,800
Speaker 1: but there's something in the black family where what happens

564
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,120
Speaker 1: in this house stays in this house. I don't care

565
00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:15,840
Speaker 1: what just happened. You go out there and you put

566
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:18,600
Speaker 1: a smile on your face. Don't be telling our business,

567
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:21,480
Speaker 1: don't talk about it. So you learn at a very

568
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:23,800
Speaker 1: young age, I don't care if you just got your

569
00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 1: ass beat. When you we walk out of tid, you

570
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:27,800
Speaker 1: gotta put a smile on your face like nothing ever happened.

571
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:29,280
Speaker 2: I don't care if I just cussed you out or

572
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,360
Speaker 2: slap the shit out of you. You better walk.

573
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:34,320
Speaker 1: Out here and smile like nothing happened and keep our

574
00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:35,359
Speaker 1: business in this house.

575
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:37,359
Speaker 2: And that in.

576
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 1: Turn turned into suppressing anything that was hurting me because

577
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:43,360
Speaker 1: I couldn't talk about it.

578
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:46,840
Speaker 4: Delivers the message that I what your experiencing doesn't matter.

579
00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:52,040
Speaker 3: And you know, children who.

580
00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 4: Did not get their emotional needs mat become adults that

581
00:28:56,280 --> 00:29:02,560
Speaker 4: did not get their emotional needs mat mm. And we

582
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 4: did not learn language to express how we felt.

583
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:10,200
Speaker 3: We weren't loud. Just gratitude. You just better be grateful.

584
00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:13,080
Speaker 4: I brought you home from the hospital, and you're gonna

585
00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:17,120
Speaker 4: be grateful our feet like like just grateful.

586
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:21,040
Speaker 3: And a lot of times we were. What we experienced

587
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:30,320
Speaker 3: as love was provision. Wow, I don't really care. I

588
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:32,520
Speaker 3: don't find out what that is inside of you. It

589
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:34,719
Speaker 3: makes us grow up in a family as strangers. They

590
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:36,880
Speaker 3: don't know us. Yeah, look like they know it's on

591
00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:39,280
Speaker 3: our report card. They know what we do well, they

592
00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:40,440
Speaker 3: know what we do don't do well.

593
00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:43,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, in our hearts, they don't.

594
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 1: And I express to you how nobody knew this until

595
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:50,880
Speaker 1: I really started to open up about my childhood, that

596
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:54,040
Speaker 1: there were moments where I wanted to commit suicide and

597
00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 1: my parents still this. They don't know that, you know,

598
00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 1: like I've never talked about it. It wasn't something like how

599
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 1: are you how it's affecting you?

600
00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:02,840
Speaker 2: Like therapy wasn't.

601
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:05,600
Speaker 1: And we did go to family therapy because I went

602
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:10,640
Speaker 1: through a phase my life where I was very rebellious,

603
00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:13,200
Speaker 1: and I think it was a point for me where

604
00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:15,080
Speaker 1: I had gone through so much at a young age

605
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:17,120
Speaker 1: that when I got a little old enough, I was like,

606
00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 1: I'm not.

607
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:18,520
Speaker 2: Taking this shit no more.

608
00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:21,760
Speaker 1: And it was like an act of rebellion where like

609
00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:25,560
Speaker 1: I was just like not having it, and it from

610
00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:27,280
Speaker 1: their point of view, it looked like this is just

611
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:30,000
Speaker 1: a badass child, you know, and the threats of like

612
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:33,280
Speaker 1: I'm sending you to boarding school, like you need some discipline,

613
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:36,720
Speaker 1: you need something different, and it was more of an

614
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:41,040
Speaker 1: act of one defense but also an act of I'm

615
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 1: putting my foot down, you know.

616
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:46,520
Speaker 4: And so that's how you become or we become the

617
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:48,480
Speaker 4: angry black woman, Hell, you were mad?

618
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:55,000
Speaker 3: Knew us? At what point in our lives? Did anybody

619
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:55,479
Speaker 3: know us?

620
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:56,200
Speaker 2: Yeah?

621
00:30:56,520 --> 00:31:01,040
Speaker 4: See us, honor us, protect us, cover us, make it safe.

622
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:04,840
Speaker 3: Of course, I think feel emote, become ourselves.

623
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, we're all a lot of us just replicas of brokenness. Oh,

624
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:21,680
Speaker 4: we don't know how to say. We're avoiding disappointment, you know,

625
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:25,320
Speaker 4: seeking pleasure and avoiding punishment, like you talk about, you know,

626
00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:29,200
Speaker 4: avoiding punishment. The perfectionism comes out of avoiding punishment.

627
00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:30,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know.

628
00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:33,720
Speaker 4: And so then I avoid punishment. I seek pleasure and

629
00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:37,760
Speaker 4: that becomes my lifestyle. So I don't I don't matter

630
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 4: be in a relationship with people. Vulnerability becomes lost. We

631
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:47,320
Speaker 4: call it trust issues, but it's really I lack the

632
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:50,360
Speaker 4: ability to be intimate with people because I don't trust.

633
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:53,520
Speaker 3: I don't ever want to feel disappointment again.

634
00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:56,240
Speaker 4: I don't ever want to feel a broken heart again.

635
00:31:56,680 --> 00:31:57,960
Speaker 3: But I'm here to say.

636
00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:05,240
Speaker 5: People that are listening, it's okay to feel negative emotion. Yeah,

637
00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:10,120
Speaker 5: it's okay to feel disappointment. It perfects you. It's okay

638
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:12,680
Speaker 5: to feel frustration, it perfects you.

639
00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:15,240
Speaker 4: It's okay to feel all of the things you need

640
00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:19,080
Speaker 4: to feel in your living. It perfects you, It evolves you,

641
00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:21,680
Speaker 4: It stretches you. It turns you into the thing that

642
00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:22,640
Speaker 4: God intended.

643
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:23,720
Speaker 3: You're gonna be able to.

644
00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 4: Use it later when you deliver your gift.

645
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:29,000
Speaker 3: Because your resiliency, power.

646
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:36,160
Speaker 4: Depth, texture, breath, don't avoid you won't know yourself. Get

647
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:39,720
Speaker 4: in relationships so you can mirror yourself and find.

648
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:41,120
Speaker 3: Out what it is and you that needs to evolved.

649
00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:46,120
Speaker 4: Go and become lean in two difficult places so you

650
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:49,480
Speaker 4: can perfect your gift while you're here on the planet,

651
00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:51,720
Speaker 4: and so that the world is better because you're in it.

652
00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:56,600
Speaker 3: Do not run from your story, Like peace with your

653
00:32:56,640 --> 00:33:01,040
Speaker 3: story now, even make peace with it.

654
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:06,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, less station the rape, make peace with it. You

655
00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:11,760
Speaker 4: do not have to live from a narrative of you know,

656
00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:17,440
Speaker 4: disease and wo goodness and always you know, I'm always healing.

657
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:21,400
Speaker 4: You will always be evolving, becoming and healing. You don't

658
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:24,400
Speaker 4: have to live from the dark place. Yeah, the darkness

659
00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:25,320
Speaker 4: was purposeful.

660
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:27,680
Speaker 2: You're out of it now, walk in the light, walk

661
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:29,240
Speaker 2: in it. Yeah.

662
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:33,120
Speaker 1: Something that you said earlier was that I have a

663
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:36,080
Speaker 1: worth issue when I talk about my fear of losing

664
00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:39,200
Speaker 1: it all. Can you expand on that, Like, what do

665
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:41,040
Speaker 1: you mean when you say I have a worth issue.

666
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:48,480
Speaker 6: So growing up in a family where what you think

667
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:54,600
Speaker 6: and feel doesn't matter, it's a worth issue because you

668
00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:55,239
Speaker 6: can't see it.

669
00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:56,440
Speaker 3: I don't matter.

670
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:58,520
Speaker 4: I don't care what I think. Nobody asked me what

671
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:01,200
Speaker 4: was for dinner or what we're going on vacation. It's

672
00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 4: like you don't matter. That's one thing. That's one variable.

673
00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 4: The other variable is not understanding that you belong to God,

674
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:15,120
Speaker 4: period like full stop. That your value on a scale

675
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:19,080
Speaker 4: of zero to ten is ten. It's never seven, it's

676
00:34:19,120 --> 00:34:23,359
Speaker 4: never eleven. There are no elevens. Yeah, there's only ten

677
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:26,520
Speaker 4: and good enough. If you don't recognize that you're good enough,

678
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:29,320
Speaker 4: you're going to feel that you're less.

679
00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:32,920
Speaker 3: Than good enough, which means, right, I'm not good enough.

680
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:36,000
Speaker 3: A nine is not good enough.

681
00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:37,480
Speaker 2: Wow.

682
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:41,040
Speaker 4: So I have my my I have to set my

683
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:45,279
Speaker 4: dial always to good enough. So if I am less

684
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:47,200
Speaker 4: than that, then I have a worth issue. I don't

685
00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:50,279
Speaker 4: know my value. I don't know my worth right. And

686
00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:54,480
Speaker 4: here's here's the lynchpin from age birth to twelve. The

687
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:58,319
Speaker 4: way that the brain works. It's just recording information. You

688
00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:02,520
Speaker 4: can't negotiate it. On have what's called abstract thinking. Yet

689
00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:05,359
Speaker 4: to just take the world as it is. The way

690
00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:08,319
Speaker 4: that you see life is greater than less than an

691
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:12,719
Speaker 4: equal to period. That's the logic of a child, right, right,

692
00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:15,359
Speaker 4: So if I believe at home I'm not good enough

693
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:17,319
Speaker 4: because I have this relationship with my mother or my

694
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:20,000
Speaker 4: sibling or my dad. If I believe that I'm not

695
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:22,200
Speaker 4: good enough in the classroom because I can't raise my

696
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:25,279
Speaker 4: hand and answer the question on the board, or that

697
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:27,960
Speaker 4: I peed on myself for God's sake, or you know,

698
00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:29,680
Speaker 4: or if I don't feel like I'm good enough on

699
00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:31,719
Speaker 4: the yard in elementary school because I'm not good at

700
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:35,560
Speaker 4: tether ball, or I'm being bullied, right, or I don't

701
00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 4: have friends, right, that is that is a in my program.

702
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:44,640
Speaker 4: I literally don't think I'm good enough. And then I

703
00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:47,640
Speaker 4: turned twelve, go to your high school, and so now

704
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:51,799
Speaker 4: I'm trying to cover up what if a near this.

705
00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:52,640
Speaker 3: Is not not good enough?

706
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:55,880
Speaker 4: To try to cover it up with achievement, you know,

707
00:35:55,920 --> 00:36:01,480
Speaker 4: doing well in school, sexy, smoking weed, drinking, alcohol, athleticism,

708
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:03,080
Speaker 4: I've got to cover up I'm not.

709
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:08,320
Speaker 3: Good enough with something violence. Yeah, I'm twelve.

710
00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:11,800
Speaker 4: If I don't get any treatment or therapy or discover

711
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:15,520
Speaker 4: my actual work. Yeah, then I am using my veneer

712
00:36:15,719 --> 00:36:19,520
Speaker 4: for the rest of my life until I'm not good

713
00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:22,040
Speaker 4: enough continues to pop through and I keep trying to

714
00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:26,320
Speaker 4: cover it with drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping and gucci.

715
00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:28,279
Speaker 2: Don't do that. That don't come for me.

716
00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:32,279
Speaker 1: Because I do, Like I have a bad habit of

717
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:37,839
Speaker 1: doing retail therapy, Like that's the real thing. I really

718
00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:40,240
Speaker 1: do that, And I'll go and send all this money

719
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:43,600
Speaker 1: on clothes and then I'm happy for like that moment,

720
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:45,160
Speaker 1: and then I go to my closet.

721
00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:46,960
Speaker 2: I'm like, I have nothing to wear, and then I'm

722
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:49,960
Speaker 2: not good and I'm not good enough. It's like you's got.

723
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:51,000
Speaker 3: To cover for the next day.

724
00:36:52,880 --> 00:36:55,080
Speaker 4: So what we're trying to do is shift the mindset

725
00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:58,640
Speaker 4: I'm not good enough to I am good enough every

726
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:02,800
Speaker 4: day no matter what's happening. Learning how to forgive ourselves

727
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:04,440
Speaker 4: the choices that we make that are not in.

728
00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:08,640
Speaker 3: Our best interest. It's doing our best to forgive ourselves

729
00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:09,560
Speaker 3: after we do it again.

730
00:37:10,680 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 4: Like it's really about self love, loving myself, connecting to

731
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:17,200
Speaker 4: the inner child who did not have anyone to connect

732
00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:23,440
Speaker 4: to that, loving myself, forgiving myself, taking accountability, taking care

733
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:27,120
Speaker 4: of my emotional needs, not looking for someone in the

734
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:29,840
Speaker 4: world to take care of them for me, which leads

735
00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:34,400
Speaker 4: us desperate and codependent to really really build a healthy

736
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:40,440
Speaker 4: relationship with God. Seeing God is a loving continuum, always

737
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:42,560
Speaker 4: present all the time, sustaining you.

738
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:44,279
Speaker 3: Whether you're aware of it or not.

739
00:37:44,719 --> 00:37:48,920
Speaker 4: You can't negotiate it withhold it from you. It's just

740
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:52,760
Speaker 4: even in your sleep, in your sin, in your drunkardness

741
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:54,040
Speaker 4: and everything.

742
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:56,719
Speaker 3: God is sustaining you know what I.

743
00:37:56,760 --> 00:37:59,680
Speaker 4: Mean, Like, just really really having a healthy relationship with

744
00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:02,120
Speaker 4: God allowed you to have a healthy relationship with yourself,

745
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:04,040
Speaker 4: relationship in the world.

746
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:06,319
Speaker 3: And so your career.

747
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:10,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, that's so true, right, And I think it's

748
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:16,360
Speaker 1: something that Christians forget. The world puts so much emphasis

749
00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:18,600
Speaker 1: on certain sins. It's just a very few sins that

750
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:22,040
Speaker 1: they put so much info song with. There's so many

751
00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:25,160
Speaker 1: sins that God is like, no, this is a sin too,

752
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:27,520
Speaker 1: you know, like lying is a sin, but if you

753
00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:29,799
Speaker 1: go kill somebody, the world's like, oh, that's really bad.

754
00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:33,239
Speaker 1: But in God's eyes it's the same thing. He's like,

755
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:36,000
Speaker 1: it's no big sin or little sin. So some people

756
00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:38,360
Speaker 1: look like, well I lie or I eat too much,

757
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:40,600
Speaker 1: but you out here for n Kayden, So you going

758
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:43,160
Speaker 1: to hell, you know, and like we've been taught certain

759
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:46,719
Speaker 1: things and we forget. We see people that we look

760
00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:49,839
Speaker 1: up to as kids lying or were like, look, don't

761
00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:51,880
Speaker 1: tell them that we going here, and you learn to

762
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:55,239
Speaker 1: lie at a very young age and learn to think that, oh,

763
00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:58,640
Speaker 1: that's not a sin, like I've been raised to do that,

764
00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:00,359
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying that so everybody does. But

765
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:03,760
Speaker 1: if I go have sex before marriage, then I'm sinning.

766
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:05,319
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, that's a real siner. If

767
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:07,839
Speaker 1: I go kill somebody, which you know, I'm just.

768
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:11,240
Speaker 3: These are the things that break our hope.

769
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:13,719
Speaker 4: It breaks our hope at a very young age that

770
00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:15,320
Speaker 4: will ever be good enough for God?

771
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:18,000
Speaker 3: Is the way that the church teaches these things.

772
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:19,719
Speaker 4: And I know the church is trying to protect us,

773
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:22,520
Speaker 4: trying to have us make our best choices. You know,

774
00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:24,640
Speaker 4: the church is trying to really protect the life of

775
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:26,280
Speaker 4: the person. So they're no salvation.

776
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:26,960
Speaker 3: I get it.

777
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:30,360
Speaker 4: I was raised very Pentecostal, you know. And but what

778
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:32,560
Speaker 4: happens is it almost broke my spirit. It almost caused

779
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:35,080
Speaker 4: me to kill myself because I was never good enough

780
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:40,520
Speaker 4: for God and never good enough for the idealized Christian perception.

781
00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:43,960
Speaker 3: Nobody's pulling it off. Everybody lying. I'm telling you that

782
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:44,560
Speaker 3: straight up.

783
00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:44,799
Speaker 2: Now.

784
00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:51,319
Speaker 3: I talk to a lot of people and everybody is like,

785
00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:54,400
Speaker 3: if it's supposed to be this, then how come I be?

786
00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:57,759
Speaker 3: And it's like, that's not real. That is not a

787
00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:02,080
Speaker 3: real thing. It is a is a guide. It is

788
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:04,320
Speaker 3: it is a It is what you want to compare

789
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:06,880
Speaker 3: or you know, let that be your standard. It is

790
00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:11,320
Speaker 3: your standard. But in this life, you have this body.

791
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:15,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, you have this body, and we are indoctrinated with

792
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:19,200
Speaker 4: a major lie about pursuit of happiness.

793
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:25,040
Speaker 3: Wow, I'm gonna say this.

794
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:32,720
Speaker 4: Do your best every day, learn more and the word

795
00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:37,400
Speaker 4: about what the standard is, and practice spiritual principles. If

796
00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:42,120
Speaker 4: you practice spiritual principles like honesty right, yes, like hope,

797
00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:49,839
Speaker 4: like faith, like courage, like justice, right, brotherly love, right,

798
00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:55,440
Speaker 4: your life will be better. If you practice admission and forgiveness,

799
00:40:56,239 --> 00:40:57,280
Speaker 4: your life will be better.

800
00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:00,919
Speaker 3: The lessons that you need to learn every day.

801
00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:04,040
Speaker 4: In order to forgive someone, right, you have to have

802
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:05,359
Speaker 4: the situation.

803
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:05,920
Speaker 3: In order to forgive.

804
00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:08,399
Speaker 4: Yeah, the person has to fall short of the mark

805
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:09,799
Speaker 4: in order to get forgiveness.

806
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:13,520
Speaker 3: Like, we can't practice spiritual principles. If everybody's perfect.

807
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:16,759
Speaker 2: That's a nugget. That's good.

808
00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:20,640
Speaker 3: So let's let that go. Take yourself off the hook

809
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:23,160
Speaker 3: and let yourself be human.

810
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:29,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, let this version of life grow, evolve and become

811
00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:34,160
Speaker 4: without you killing it with cortisol, adrenaline and eperpenethrone. Your

812
00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:38,400
Speaker 4: body can't handle it. You're gonna have high blood pressure, diabetes.

813
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:40,319
Speaker 4: That's got to be a sin.

814
00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:41,000
Speaker 2: Yeah.

815
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:44,279
Speaker 4: So if I don't trust God, and it just looks

816
00:41:44,280 --> 00:41:47,840
Speaker 4: like I talk about faith, hallelujah, Amen, you someone on

817
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:50,799
Speaker 4: the front round pan Ama time. But I don't have

818
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:53,920
Speaker 4: a real relationship with a God that sustains I don't have.

819
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:57,280
Speaker 4: I have doubt and prejudice with God. So when I'm worried,

820
00:41:57,360 --> 00:42:02,280
Speaker 4: I eat. Now, weigh three hundred and twenty five pousand,

821
00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:04,400
Speaker 4: and I have high blood pressure and diabetes.

822
00:42:04,880 --> 00:42:05,720
Speaker 3: Where's the sin.

823
00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:08,920
Speaker 2: In the doubt and in the glutting.

824
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:14,040
Speaker 3: It's a doubt, right, I don't believe that I have

825
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:15,840
Speaker 3: everything that I need. I lack nothing.

826
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:19,760
Speaker 4: So I'm eating to calm the anxiety in the body,

827
00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:22,080
Speaker 4: understaying yes.

828
00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:26,239
Speaker 3: That's what it's does. Food will do that. And so

829
00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:29,279
Speaker 3: now this is my new process. It's how I handle life.

830
00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:31,880
Speaker 3: Am I taking care of the body that God gave me?

831
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:37,560
Speaker 4: No right? So how you see, Like, it's the same

832
00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:40,600
Speaker 4: thing as if I doubt and I don't trust God,

833
00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:42,879
Speaker 4: and I have sex, I doubt, I don't trust God

834
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:45,319
Speaker 4: and I shot. I doubt, I don't trust God right,

835
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:48,480
Speaker 4: and I over exercise, I doubt, don't trust God, and

836
00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:50,640
Speaker 4: all I do is work. I don't do nothing else. Yeah,

837
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:54,239
Speaker 4: it's all the same thing. And we can call it sin,

838
00:42:54,760 --> 00:42:58,680
Speaker 4: but it's really the opportunity for us to trust God,

839
00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:00,799
Speaker 4: to connect to our one is with God.

840
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:02,759
Speaker 3: That's the sin duality.

841
00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:05,759
Speaker 4: Believing that I am not one with God, Believing that

842
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:06,800
Speaker 4: there's some power.

843
00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:08,759
Speaker 3: We can call it the devil if you want to.

844
00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:13,200
Speaker 3: That is that that there's God and something else. There's

845
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:16,600
Speaker 3: just God. God can't be all powerful except for what

846
00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:17,319
Speaker 3: a devil stand.

847
00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:19,879
Speaker 4: God can't be everywhere present at the same time except

848
00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:22,560
Speaker 4: for what a devil stand. God can't be all knowing

849
00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:24,960
Speaker 4: and all you know, all these omnipotents and all these

850
00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:28,160
Speaker 4: omni things on the action, except for what a devil stand.

851
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:34,120
Speaker 2: Wow, I'm the only devil I ever met. Ain't that?

852
00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:37,759
Speaker 3: Wow? The ain't no dude in the red suit and

853
00:43:37,920 --> 00:43:38,919
Speaker 3: popped off in my life.

854
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:42,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, it has only been my thinking and my separation,

855
00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:45,560
Speaker 4: the idea that I am separate from God because of

856
00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:46,360
Speaker 4: my behavior.

857
00:43:47,560 --> 00:43:50,000
Speaker 3: I realize God sent us all to this planet and

858
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:51,120
Speaker 3: we cannot be separate.

859
00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:52,960
Speaker 4: You can see it in the tree. Is a tree

860
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:56,640
Speaker 4: separate from God? Is the ant separate from God? It's

861
00:43:56,680 --> 00:43:59,520
Speaker 4: the hawk separate from God? Is my dog separate from God?

862
00:44:00,239 --> 00:44:02,000
Speaker 4: I can see it, and everything else is on me.

863
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:06,720
Speaker 4: That means there's something wrong with my mindset. Yeah, so Christopher,

864
00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:08,960
Speaker 4: we go back to the original thing we talked about.

865
00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:12,840
Speaker 4: Anxiety is a mindset, and it is the mindset that

866
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:15,560
Speaker 4: I am separate from God, that I do not have

867
00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:18,720
Speaker 4: access to the power, that God is not my source

868
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:20,880
Speaker 4: I tap into the world is my source, but it

869
00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:24,320
Speaker 4: can't be. God is so all the time, no matter what,

870
00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:27,680
Speaker 4: no matter what, if I'm crying about the last Man,

871
00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:30,719
Speaker 4: you know.

872
00:44:30,760 --> 00:44:31,239
Speaker 2: What I'm saying.

873
00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:32,640
Speaker 3: God is my source.

874
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:36,920
Speaker 2: Yeah. Wow, So that.

875
00:44:38,560 --> 00:44:40,839
Speaker 3: Is the basis of anxiety. And I don't care who

876
00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:42,400
Speaker 3: you are and what part of the world you live.

877
00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:47,120
Speaker 2: So for people, because I know for me, I didn't

878
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:49,440
Speaker 2: know what the signs of anxiety were.

879
00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:52,440
Speaker 1: Can you tell us a few of the signs that

880
00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:55,080
Speaker 1: where people can be like, okay, where they can pinpoint, Oh,

881
00:44:55,239 --> 00:44:56,560
Speaker 1: I'm dealing with anxiety right now.

882
00:44:57,280 --> 00:45:00,799
Speaker 4: So it's it's like fullness in the throat. That's where

883
00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:07,319
Speaker 4: it happens for many people. Increase heart rate. I would

884
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:09,360
Speaker 4: like to call it like the roller coaster in your stomach,

885
00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:16,480
Speaker 4: perspiration on your hands. It's another way we experience it.

886
00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:20,480
Speaker 4: And it's tightness in the body. Shoulders of women really

887
00:45:20,600 --> 00:45:22,080
Speaker 4: carry a lot here.

888
00:45:22,160 --> 00:45:24,480
Speaker 1: I do my massage service. I was like, girl, what

889
00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:26,440
Speaker 1: is going on? Like she has to work so long

890
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:29,279
Speaker 1: on my shoulders because I hold and the body.

891
00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:32,600
Speaker 4: And then the fact because remember all those chemicals have

892
00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:36,480
Speaker 4: been releasing the body and it is absolutely affecting your blood, vessels,

893
00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:42,600
Speaker 4: kidneys and causing adrenal fatigue. You are going to kill yourself.

894
00:45:43,520 --> 00:45:46,319
Speaker 4: Not connected to God. With the mindset that you are

895
00:45:46,440 --> 00:45:50,320
Speaker 4: not connected to God. So easy, practical ways. When you

896
00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:54,040
Speaker 4: began to notice anxiety, don't let you can't let it

897
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:57,440
Speaker 4: build up. When you begin to notice it, I want

898
00:45:57,440 --> 00:46:01,120
Speaker 4: to ask yourself, Oh, observe it, not my anxiety.

899
00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:02,440
Speaker 3: You don't have to own it and get it a

900
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:07,320
Speaker 3: doggy bag. Start observing anxiety. The anxiety.

901
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:11,080
Speaker 4: Oh, I feel the fullness in my throat. Ask yourself,

902
00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:12,000
Speaker 4: what am I afraid of?

903
00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:13,920
Speaker 3: It's time for us to.

904
00:46:13,960 --> 00:46:16,919
Speaker 4: Begin to get language by what we think it feel,

905
00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:21,080
Speaker 4: getting rid of I feel some kind of way, and

906
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:24,840
Speaker 4: starting to be very specific and precise about what is

907
00:46:25,239 --> 00:46:29,400
Speaker 4: worth feeling. It is courageous to identify what it is

908
00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:33,520
Speaker 4: you're afraid of. It is not weak, It is courage.

909
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:37,160
Speaker 3: I am afraid right that they are not going to

910
00:46:37,280 --> 00:46:37,840
Speaker 3: accept me.

911
00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:42,480
Speaker 4: It is a mature way of knowing who you are,

912
00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:44,800
Speaker 4: giving language to what it is you're feeling.

913
00:46:45,160 --> 00:46:47,560
Speaker 3: We aren't allowed to do that in our childhood, and

914
00:46:47,640 --> 00:46:52,239
Speaker 3: it's time to develop it now. I don't know. You're

915
00:46:52,239 --> 00:46:55,200
Speaker 3: the only one that knows. Stop being a grown person

916
00:46:55,280 --> 00:46:57,440
Speaker 3: talking about I don't know what I feel. I don't know.

917
00:46:57,920 --> 00:47:02,719
Speaker 4: No, make it up, you know, put some configure, some

918
00:47:02,840 --> 00:47:04,960
Speaker 4: words together and give it language.

919
00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:08,680
Speaker 3: That's how you take the power out of it. I'm

920
00:47:08,680 --> 00:47:12,720
Speaker 3: afraid they're not going to accept me. So what's the truth?

921
00:47:13,160 --> 00:47:13,399
Speaker 2: Yeah?

922
00:47:14,239 --> 00:47:15,000
Speaker 4: What am I afraid of?

923
00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:19,839
Speaker 3: What's the truth? I have everything that I need. Take

924
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:30,440
Speaker 3: a deep breath hold it, so yeah, deep breath.

925
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:34,719
Speaker 4: Hold it.

926
00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:43,759
Speaker 3: And repeat for as long as you need to, and

927
00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:47,799
Speaker 3: it will clear and move that thing. The adrenaline.

928
00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:53,160
Speaker 4: It dilutes the chemicals and the bloodstream, the deep breathing.

929
00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:54,560
Speaker 3: So that it's not as strong.

930
00:47:54,920 --> 00:47:59,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, even those breaths, it doesn't feel a strong. Yeah strong.

931
00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:04,759
Speaker 3: Notice. Become self aware people, Yes, I throw it some

932
00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:08,919
Speaker 3: my stomach. What am I afraid of? Examine yourself, Scan

933
00:48:09,120 --> 00:48:13,919
Speaker 3: yourself for the truth? Know yourself. You're talking about doing

934
00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:15,560
Speaker 3: of the mind. That's what we're doing right here.

935
00:48:15,719 --> 00:48:18,919
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it does.

936
00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:24,000
Speaker 3: That's right? Is it true? Question it?

937
00:48:24,440 --> 00:48:27,320
Speaker 2: Yes, affirm the truth.

938
00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:31,400
Speaker 3: I have everything that I need. I lack nothing. I

939
00:48:31,440 --> 00:48:33,840
Speaker 3: don't need them to accept me. I need to accept me.

940
00:48:34,480 --> 00:48:35,919
Speaker 3: Let me walk into this room.

941
00:48:36,400 --> 00:48:36,640
Speaker 4: Wow.

942
00:48:39,160 --> 00:48:41,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so good.

943
00:48:41,320 --> 00:48:43,759
Speaker 3: Raize to move the body and walk in the.

944
00:48:43,840 --> 00:48:45,840
Speaker 2: Room, walking room. I love that.

945
00:48:46,440 --> 00:48:48,320
Speaker 1: And ever since you've made me look in the mirror

946
00:48:48,560 --> 00:48:51,800
Speaker 1: and really pinpoint what those issues are, I'm able to

947
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:56,200
Speaker 1: have clarity, I'm able to move differently, and my perspective

948
00:48:56,280 --> 00:48:56,680
Speaker 1: is different.

949
00:48:57,800 --> 00:48:58,440
Speaker 2: It really is.

950
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:01,239
Speaker 1: And I tell people the since I've been talking to you,

951
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:06,319
Speaker 1: that therapy has become something that is more popular than

952
00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:08,760
Speaker 1: it has been in the past, especially in the black community.

953
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:12,680
Speaker 1: And I'm always like, no, like it really works when

954
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:14,320
Speaker 1: you get the right one. You may have to go

955
00:49:14,400 --> 00:49:17,160
Speaker 1: through a few to find your one, but when you

956
00:49:17,239 --> 00:49:19,400
Speaker 1: get with the right one, it changes everything.

957
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:23,440
Speaker 2: It really does. So thank you for that. I appreciate

958
00:49:23,480 --> 00:49:25,960
Speaker 2: it right now. It's my favorite part of the show.

959
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:29,440
Speaker 1: It's called Positive Outcomes, where our listeners write into us

960
00:49:29,520 --> 00:49:35,000
Speaker 1: and ask for advice, and for this week, she says, Hi, Crystal,

961
00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:38,000
Speaker 1: He've inspired me to continue to dream and to work

962
00:49:38,520 --> 00:49:41,759
Speaker 1: them into reality. I am twenty one years old, first

963
00:49:41,840 --> 00:49:45,560
Speaker 1: generation college junior. I've been having trouble finding my rhythm

964
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:48,680
Speaker 1: in life and just balancing good mental and physical health.

965
00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:51,600
Speaker 1: I went to college over a thousand miles from home,

966
00:49:52,120 --> 00:49:55,439
Speaker 1: and I only and the only support system I've ever known.

967
00:49:55,760 --> 00:50:00,319
Speaker 1: I battle with depressions, suicidal ideations, the anxiety. I being

968
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:04,160
Speaker 1: a full time student and working full time this past year,

969
00:50:04,280 --> 00:50:06,160
Speaker 1: I've taken the time to get to know myself and

970
00:50:06,280 --> 00:50:09,560
Speaker 1: find things I love. However, I am now unpacking some

971
00:50:09,719 --> 00:50:13,879
Speaker 1: things I haven't healed from my childhood, and I want

972
00:50:13,920 --> 00:50:17,040
Speaker 1: to seek professional counseling, but I'm afraid of what I

973
00:50:17,120 --> 00:50:20,640
Speaker 1: may unpack. I'm currently in a good mental space. Do

974
00:50:20,719 --> 00:50:23,600
Speaker 1: you have any advice on just taking that leap of

975
00:50:23,680 --> 00:50:26,880
Speaker 1: faith to seek help and how do you remain positive

976
00:50:26,880 --> 00:50:29,400
Speaker 1: and faithful when it seems like your back is against

977
00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:29,799
Speaker 1: the wall?

978
00:50:31,640 --> 00:50:35,400
Speaker 2: Ooh for me, I know that. I'll tell you this.

979
00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:38,360
Speaker 1: There are times where I thought I was in a

980
00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:41,120
Speaker 1: good mental space because I got so good at suppressing things.

981
00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:43,000
Speaker 2: But if you're finding that.

982
00:50:45,200 --> 00:50:47,640
Speaker 1: Even having fear that when you talk to someone that

983
00:50:47,719 --> 00:50:49,440
Speaker 1: you're gonna unpack some things that you may not be

984
00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:51,040
Speaker 1: ready to, that's when you know you need to talk

985
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:53,960
Speaker 1: to somebody because you're holding on to something that is

986
00:50:54,320 --> 00:50:57,360
Speaker 1: pushing you down. It's probably holding you back from progressing.

987
00:50:57,719 --> 00:51:01,240
Speaker 1: And sometimes when you are pulled away from your safety

988
00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:02,880
Speaker 1: net because you said you were pulled away from your

989
00:51:03,160 --> 00:51:06,080
Speaker 1: support system, that's the time that God can really work

990
00:51:06,160 --> 00:51:08,960
Speaker 1: on you without the influences of the people that you

991
00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:11,920
Speaker 1: used to getting advice from all the time. So I

992
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:17,200
Speaker 1: would say, definitely lean into getting therapy, seeking help, and yeah,

993
00:51:17,239 --> 00:51:19,719
Speaker 1: I know it's helped me. So that's what I would say.

994
00:51:20,560 --> 00:51:21,960
Speaker 2: What about you, doctor Dulada?

995
00:51:22,800 --> 00:51:27,320
Speaker 4: That letter was everything that we talked about, Everything that

996
00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:29,960
Speaker 4: we talked about. Yeah, she's on the prespace of her

997
00:51:30,280 --> 00:51:33,880
Speaker 4: successful life, right, She's got all that stuff that we

998
00:51:34,080 --> 00:51:39,839
Speaker 4: just talked about I always encourage getting help teasing out

999
00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:42,280
Speaker 4: the stories that you continue to play in your mind.

1000
00:51:42,760 --> 00:51:45,600
Speaker 4: Once you say them out loud, then they have different meaning.

1001
00:51:45,680 --> 00:51:48,560
Speaker 4: You can organize them in a way that won't It

1002
00:51:48,600 --> 00:51:52,240
Speaker 4: won't annihilate you to hear your story out loud. In fact,

1003
00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:58,640
Speaker 4: it'll help give you another perspective. Cannot heal from the

1004
00:51:58,760 --> 00:52:01,480
Speaker 4: mind where the problem is like, you have to do

1005
00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:05,560
Speaker 4: it at another level. So absolutely seek the professional help.

1006
00:52:05,840 --> 00:52:09,239
Speaker 4: Get a culturally competent therapist that you don't have to

1007
00:52:09,320 --> 00:52:13,799
Speaker 4: explain things to that understands the nature of the black

1008
00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:18,800
Speaker 4: family and sometimes how the mother is emotionally unavailable. So

1009
00:52:18,880 --> 00:52:22,360
Speaker 4: it's your opportunity to set a foundation that you'll be

1010
00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:24,560
Speaker 4: able to springboard the rest of your life from.

1011
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:26,759
Speaker 2: Oh I love that. That is so good.

1012
00:52:27,960 --> 00:52:30,480
Speaker 1: Now we're going to do what I'm going through and

1013
00:52:30,560 --> 00:52:34,080
Speaker 1: what I'm growing through and for me in this season

1014
00:52:34,160 --> 00:52:37,480
Speaker 1: of my life, especially as it pertains to therapy and

1015
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:40,399
Speaker 1: unpacking a lot of things from my childhood and into

1016
00:52:40,440 --> 00:52:45,279
Speaker 1: my adulthood, I would say that I am going through

1017
00:52:45,560 --> 00:52:51,880
Speaker 1: unpacking some very hurtful things and learning to release those things.

1018
00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:59,160
Speaker 1: And I'm also growing through having empathy and understanding that

1019
00:53:00,880 --> 00:53:03,960
Speaker 1: everything that happened to me was for a reason, and

1020
00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:06,080
Speaker 1: having that empathy for myself and the people that may

1021
00:53:06,080 --> 00:53:11,320
Speaker 1: have inflicted that on me, and also growing through the

1022
00:53:12,320 --> 00:53:15,440
Speaker 1: idea that I have a perfect in practicing excellence instead

1023
00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:15,960
Speaker 1: of perfection.

1024
00:53:17,560 --> 00:53:18,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's very powerful.

1025
00:53:19,239 --> 00:53:21,520
Speaker 4: I love what you said, and this is one of

1026
00:53:21,640 --> 00:53:24,759
Speaker 4: my models, is that nothing is happening to you.

1027
00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:29,560
Speaker 3: Everything is happening for you. It takes me back to

1028
00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:33,319
Speaker 3: the thing we mentioned earlier that no one knows why

1029
00:53:33,440 --> 00:53:37,120
Speaker 3: you came to this planet. It is being revealed to

1030
00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:38,239
Speaker 3: you day by day.

1031
00:53:39,080 --> 00:53:44,360
Speaker 4: That's somebody lesson, experienced by experienced conversation with the Holy Spirit,

1032
00:53:44,480 --> 00:53:47,600
Speaker 4: and you're continuing to be given the information that you

1033
00:53:47,800 --> 00:53:49,800
Speaker 4: need as to why you came to this planet, what

1034
00:53:49,960 --> 00:53:50,960
Speaker 4: your next steps are.

1035
00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:53,080
Speaker 3: So lean into your.

1036
00:53:53,080 --> 00:53:56,800
Speaker 4: Stories of the past, let their information to help you

1037
00:53:56,920 --> 00:53:59,879
Speaker 4: understand the areas in your life that need to heed,

1038
00:54:00,280 --> 00:54:04,160
Speaker 4: evolve and grow. How to use that piece or an

1039
00:54:04,280 --> 00:54:06,879
Speaker 4: asset so that it doesn't remain a liability.

1040
00:54:07,160 --> 00:54:12,239
Speaker 2: Oh wow, I love that. Thank you. That's so good.

1041
00:54:12,840 --> 00:54:15,560
Speaker 2: Do you have anything that you're going through and growing through?

1042
00:54:18,239 --> 00:54:21,400
Speaker 3: Yeah? Absolutely, that's constant for me.

1043
00:54:23,040 --> 00:54:27,400
Speaker 4: One, I'm on the I'm in the publishing process for

1044
00:54:27,600 --> 00:54:28,319
Speaker 4: this book that.

1045
00:54:28,400 --> 00:54:29,919
Speaker 3: I wrote thirteen years ago.

1046
00:54:30,280 --> 00:54:30,560
Speaker 2: Wow.

1047
00:54:30,880 --> 00:54:33,160
Speaker 4: And the reason why it's taken me thirteen years to

1048
00:54:33,239 --> 00:54:37,919
Speaker 4: publish it is because I felt I played small, played

1049
00:54:37,960 --> 00:54:45,600
Speaker 4: small for thirteen years in a particular relationship, and it

1050
00:54:45,800 --> 00:54:50,640
Speaker 4: wasn't until I had many situations, health situations, the ending

1051
00:54:50,719 --> 00:54:54,560
Speaker 4: of the relationship that I decided.

1052
00:54:54,480 --> 00:54:57,640
Speaker 3: To be obedient and listen to the still small voice.

1053
00:54:58,120 --> 00:55:00,880
Speaker 4: And the book is in published right now. I'm about

1054
00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:02,880
Speaker 4: to push the print button in a moment.

1055
00:55:03,120 --> 00:55:07,920
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, that is amazing. I love that. Thirteen years, Wow.

1056
00:55:07,840 --> 00:55:11,560
Speaker 4: Thirteen years of evolution to get to this point. But

1057
00:55:11,719 --> 00:55:14,400
Speaker 4: this version of me is a version of me that

1058
00:55:14,640 --> 00:55:17,160
Speaker 4: needs to stand in front of the words.

1059
00:55:16,920 --> 00:55:18,040
Speaker 3: That I put on paper.

1060
00:55:18,800 --> 00:55:25,720
Speaker 7: So when I have encourage and self love and taking

1061
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:29,840
Speaker 7: responsibility for my place on the planet and in life,

1062
00:55:30,440 --> 00:55:32,319
Speaker 7: it is the things that I am growing from.

1063
00:55:32,680 --> 00:55:36,440
Speaker 2: I love that. Congratulations. Are you able to tell us

1064
00:55:36,440 --> 00:55:37,120
Speaker 2: the name of the book.

1065
00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:40,120
Speaker 3: The name of the book is Do These Wings Make

1066
00:55:40,200 --> 00:55:43,239
Speaker 3: Me Look fat? Ah? I love it.

1067
00:55:44,880 --> 00:55:45,719
Speaker 2: That's so good.

1068
00:55:47,800 --> 00:55:54,360
Speaker 4: It's an unapologetic approach to spirituality and positive manial.

1069
00:55:55,120 --> 00:55:56,800
Speaker 2: I love it. I can't wait to read it. I

1070
00:55:57,200 --> 00:55:57,560
Speaker 2: love it.

1071
00:55:57,840 --> 00:55:58,320
Speaker 4: I love it.

1072
00:55:59,040 --> 00:55:59,880
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. That's all.

1073
00:56:00,280 --> 00:56:03,480
Speaker 1: So the last thing we do is keep it blank, sweetye,

1074
00:56:03,480 --> 00:56:05,520
Speaker 1: and we feel in the blank, and I'll start off.

1075
00:56:05,600 --> 00:56:08,480
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say for this one, keep it excellent and

1076
00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:09,680
Speaker 1: not perfect, sweetie.

1077
00:56:10,719 --> 00:56:11,520
Speaker 2: That's what I'm gonna tell you.

1078
00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:14,520
Speaker 4: For this one.

1079
00:56:15,120 --> 00:56:24,680
Speaker 3: I'd love to say, keep it peaceful and not chaotic. Sweetie.

1080
00:56:25,040 --> 00:56:28,080
Speaker 2: I love that. Yes, I love it. I love it.

1081
00:56:28,120 --> 00:56:28,440
Speaker 2: I love it.

1082
00:56:28,520 --> 00:56:30,880
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for taking the time out to

1083
00:56:30,960 --> 00:56:32,959
Speaker 1: do this. I know it's gonna bless so many people

1084
00:56:33,000 --> 00:56:35,759
Speaker 1: and help a lot of people. I'm grateful to have

1085
00:56:35,880 --> 00:56:37,640
Speaker 1: you in my life, so I just wanted to share

1086
00:56:37,640 --> 00:56:39,239
Speaker 1: you with the world for a minute, and thank you

1087
00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:43,359
Speaker 1: for allowing me to do that. I really appreciate it. Yes, guys,

1088
00:56:43,440 --> 00:56:46,359
Speaker 1: I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. Thank you guys

1089
00:56:46,400 --> 00:56:48,680
Speaker 1: for joining. If you want to write in, please write

1090
00:56:48,719 --> 00:56:52,080
Speaker 1: in to our positive outcomes at keep it Positive Sweetie

1091
00:56:52,120 --> 00:56:55,080
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. Make sure you stay tuned. We

1092
00:56:55,200 --> 00:56:58,160
Speaker 1: have more great things coming. I'll see you guys soon.

1093
00:56:58,200 --> 00:57:00,640
Speaker 1: You can follow me on all platforms. A love Chris Reinee.

1094
00:57:00,920 --> 00:57:04,120
Speaker 1: That is l u V Chris do Renee and Miss Delana.

1095
00:57:04,160 --> 00:57:06,759
Speaker 1: Do you have Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, or anywhere that they

1096
00:57:06,800 --> 00:57:09,080
Speaker 1: can find you or contact you if they need help,

1097
00:57:09,320 --> 00:57:10,399
Speaker 1: because people need help.

1098
00:57:12,000 --> 00:57:15,120
Speaker 4: Well, there's two places I have my website, it's Delena

1099
00:57:15,400 --> 00:57:19,640
Speaker 4: Zimmerman Therapy dot com and that's d E L E

1100
00:57:20,160 --> 00:57:21,320
Speaker 4: n A. And of course on.

1101
00:57:21,440 --> 00:57:23,680
Speaker 3: Instagram at Dealna Zimmerman Therapy.

1102
00:57:24,000 --> 00:57:24,400
Speaker 2: Awesome.

1103
00:57:24,720 --> 00:57:26,680
Speaker 1: Please tap me with you, guys. I promise you you

1104
00:57:26,720 --> 00:57:29,680
Speaker 1: will not regret it. Guys, thank you so much again.

1105
00:57:29,800 --> 00:57:31,280
Speaker 1: We'll see you next week and in.

1106
00:57:31,320 --> 00:57:33,960
Speaker 2: The meantime, you know what to do. Keep it positive.

1107
00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:35,160
Speaker 3: Sweet yeah.

1108
00:57:36,320 --> 00:57:36,520
Speaker 2: Wow,