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Speaker 1: Nip's death erupted all of the childhood trauma.

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Speaker 2: I've never really have function and self love.

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Speaker 1: I've never really functioned in self acceptance. This is my

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Speaker 1: time to learn what that is. I need to really

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Speaker 1: know what it feels like to be in sovereignty with me.

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Speaker 3: Lauren London is an American actress known for her roles

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Speaker 3: in films and television shows, including atl This, Christmas Baggage,

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Speaker 3: Claim You People, and more.

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Speaker 1: That's like if I have to say I'm not that

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Speaker 1: person anymore. I'm trying to, you know, fit myself in

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Speaker 1: this box. I need you to see me in when

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Speaker 1: I can just be and if you catch it, you do,

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Speaker 1: and if you don't, you don't. We live in this

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Speaker 1: world where social media allows you to just judge all

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Speaker 1: death with everything, though everyone is on their journey in

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Speaker 1: the way that they have agreed with God to be

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Speaker 1: on it.

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Speaker 2: How am I to judge that?

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Speaker 1: Who am I to judge that?

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Speaker 3: I'm Ralei Dablukiah. And on my podcast A Really Good Cry,

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Speaker 3: we embrace the messy and the beautiful, providing a space

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Speaker 3: for raw and filtered conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow

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Speaker 3: you to tune in to learn, connect and find comfort together. Okay,

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Speaker 3: first all, thank you so much for doing this.

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Speaker 1: Thank you.

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Speaker 3: You are so busy all the time, and I know

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Speaker 3: you're a homebody and so I appreciate you coming on

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Speaker 3: and doing this.

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Speaker 1: Oh, thank you.

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Speaker 3: But the reason I wanted to do this is because

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Speaker 3: I feel like through our conversations, I honestly have learned

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Speaker 3: so much from you, been so reflective after speaking to you,

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Speaker 3: oh wow, and just felt like you yourself have gone

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Speaker 3: through such an incredible journey that would help so many

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Speaker 3: people to help themselves but also help other people who

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Speaker 3: have gone through similar things. And so I'm really excited

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Speaker 3: to have you on.

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Speaker 2: I'm happy to be here.

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Speaker 3: But one thing I realized when I was thinking about

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Speaker 3: this was I don't know so much about you pre

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Speaker 3: us meeting. Yeah, what about you? I get glimpses of it. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: well you told me about past versions of yourself. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: but I feel like I don't know you. So one

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Speaker 3: of the questions that I want to start with is

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Speaker 3: how did you get into acting? Like, what was your journey?

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Speaker 1: Take? What was that journey I was I started off

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Speaker 1: in music videos.

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Speaker 2: I was a production assistant.

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Speaker 1: Actually I was a PA for a music video and

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Speaker 1: commercial production office. And then I was then Paul Hunter's

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Speaker 1: assistant who directed commercials and music videos. So I was

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Speaker 1: in a lot of his videos and one or two commercials.

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Speaker 1: And then I got let go from the job because

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Speaker 1: I wasn't a really great assistant. And I realized that

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Speaker 1: my mom really gave me like an ultimate like, you know,

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Speaker 1: you have to figure out what you want to do

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Speaker 1: with your life, and if you really did want to act,

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Speaker 1: you need to get serious about it.

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Speaker 3: What age was this?

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Speaker 2: Eighteen?

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Speaker 1: Okay, eighteen, I would say, And so I started taking

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Speaker 1: acting classes like that was like the first thing to

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Speaker 1: do was to just stance class.

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Speaker 2: And so I was in class like.

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Speaker 1: Wednesdays and Fridays from like six pm to midnight, like

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Speaker 1: closed in classes. And then actually one of the guys

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Speaker 1: that I worked with at the production office was Chris

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Speaker 1: Robinson's assistant. His name is Carl, and I found out

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Speaker 1: that Chris Robinson was directing a movie that was going

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Speaker 1: to in turn be atl and so I was like, Carl,

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Speaker 1: you have to give me an audition. I've been doing

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Speaker 1: acting classes like please please please, long story short, They

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Speaker 1: got me an audition. It took like four hours to

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Speaker 1: get to the audition because my car stopped on the

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Speaker 1: way there. It was just like a tragic, horrifying it

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Speaker 1: was a movie itself. And so then auditioned for ATL,

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Speaker 1: did a screen test. The casting director on ATL gave

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Speaker 1: me set up meetings for me to get an agent,

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Speaker 1: and then after I just was working. After that, was.

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Speaker 3: That what you always wanted to do? Like when you

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Speaker 3: were younger, what was your dream of what you wanted

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Speaker 3: to grow up to do?

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Speaker 1: When I look back, I always wanted to act. I

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Speaker 1: think that was also a means of like escaping reality

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Speaker 1: and being someone else and you know, pouring your emotions

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Speaker 1: into something else, but like it not being forefronting you.

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Speaker 1: So I feel like when I was younger, I've always

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Speaker 1: wanted to do it. I don't remember wanting to do

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Speaker 1: anything else.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, wait, so eighteen years old, if I knew

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Speaker 3: you then, or if no, not knowing you, then, how

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Speaker 3: would you or your friends describe you at that age?

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Speaker 1: I want to know A ticking time bind I was

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Speaker 1: really now that I'm like in therapy and like can

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Speaker 1: actually have like a educated view on and compassion on

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Speaker 1: like what I was going through at the time. I

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Speaker 1: was like really a ticking time mom. But I was

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Speaker 1: also very I was still much, very much a homebody,

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Speaker 1: still very private.

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Speaker 2: I've always been really private.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I've always been to myself, like my

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Speaker 1: core group of friends, but definitely spicier than what I

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Speaker 1: am now. I was sassy, hand on my hip, don't

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Speaker 1: mess with me, you know, if you're trying to check temperature,

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Speaker 1: this water is hot, like.

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Speaker 2: I was giving that energy.

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Speaker 1: But pretty much the essence of me has been the

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Speaker 1: same as far as just like privacy to myself, chill,

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Speaker 1: but then I was definitely a little bit more fire.

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Speaker 3: And as you grew up, did you find that you

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Speaker 3: were able to keep the friends that were in that

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Speaker 3: phase of life with you? Or as you changed and evolved,

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Speaker 3: did your friendship groups change? How did you manage that?

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Speaker 3: Because I find that that's something that I struggled with

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Speaker 3: when I was growing and changing. That I was one

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Speaker 3: person when I was eighteen, and even though that person

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Speaker 3: might have been okay in some ways, I wanted to

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Speaker 3: adapt and grow and change in so many ways, but

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Speaker 3: it was a big change and shift for me that

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Speaker 3: what I then wanted to end up doing wasn't necessarily

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Speaker 3: what my friends wanted to do. And so I think

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Speaker 3: a lot of people go through that where they shed themselves,

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Speaker 3: but then it's hard to know whether they have to

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Speaker 3: shed the people around them too.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I went through that later on, Like

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Speaker 1: I feel like that feels more relatable recently than it

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Speaker 1: did when I was younger. I think, you know, when

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Speaker 1: I was younger, I maintained a lot of friendships and

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Speaker 1: I still do have, you know, those friends, but I now,

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Speaker 1: just in my own evolution, have opened up to newer

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Speaker 1: friend groups, people outside of what I find so relatable.

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Speaker 1: I just am just more open to that. So I

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Speaker 1: feel like that phase and that lesson came later in.

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Speaker 2: Life, and that is difficult.

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Speaker 1: I do feel like there's not enough conversation around like

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Speaker 1: friendship shifts.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and what was the thing that shifted you? Like?

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Speaker 3: What do you remember a time where you had a

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Speaker 3: specific moment where you were like, I don't want to

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Speaker 3: be like this anymore. Was that Was there something that

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Speaker 3: made you feel that way about yourself or was it

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Speaker 3: just over time as you grew up and went through

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Speaker 3: different things.

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Speaker 1: I think more recently, just how I had to make

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Speaker 1: very big changes in my life. Life made some changes

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Speaker 1: for me, and then I had to make the choice

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Speaker 1: to go a certain direction on just like energetically and

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Speaker 1: certain conversations I didn't want to indulge in anymore, and

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Speaker 1: certain energies I didn't want to engage with anymore. And

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Speaker 1: so that creates isolation too, until you find a tribe

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Speaker 1: that is similar to what you really want to like,

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Speaker 1: engage with. Yeah, so yeah, that's more recently than anything.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and do you find it quite easy to separate

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Speaker 3: yourself from it now? Like how do you create those

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Speaker 3: boundaries between you and the person that people know you

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Speaker 3: as will still associate you with, versus the areas and

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Speaker 3: the path that you're choosing to take now.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so funny. I was. I was joking with

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Speaker 1: one of my best friends last night, and I was like, girl,

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Speaker 1: you don't really know me anymore. But it was a joke.

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Speaker 1: But I was like, hmm, maybe there is some truth

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Speaker 1: to that. But I do feel like I feel like

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Speaker 1: if I have to say I'm not that person anymore,

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Speaker 1: that means I am still part of you know. It's

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Speaker 1: like trying to force people to see this new version

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Speaker 1: of me means that I have no compassion for that

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Speaker 1: past I'm just trying to, you know, fit myself in

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Speaker 1: this box. I need you to see me in when

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Speaker 1: I can just be and if you catch it, you do,

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Speaker 1: and if you don't, you don't. But I'm okay just

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Speaker 1: being me as I am right now, and also being

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Speaker 1: okay with the past versions of myself, not being so

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Speaker 1: judgmental on them. I'm like, I'm not that girl anymore

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Speaker 1: and just being more like, actually, that girl was so

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Speaker 1: strong and she brought me to this point.

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Speaker 2: I love her so much.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much, you know, And so I just

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Speaker 1: don't if someone doesn't see it how I see it,

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Speaker 1: or doesn't get it how I get in it, won't

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Speaker 1: see me how I see myself. Now, I'm just like,

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Speaker 1: that's just where you are. People can only perceive you

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Speaker 1: with how deep they see themselves. I think that's like

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Speaker 1: a saying, you know, like I can only see you

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Speaker 1: and have so much compassion for you with how much

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Speaker 1: compassion I have for myself and where I meet myself.

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Speaker 3: That's so true. I love what you said about not

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Speaker 3: being able to like if you have to constantly tell

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Speaker 3: people that you're a certain way, it's you trying to

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Speaker 3: make yourself believe it.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely.

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Speaker 3: But I think I've always struggled with that, with having

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Speaker 3: other people's perception of me being something that it's not.

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Speaker 3: It's something that I find so hard to manage without

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Speaker 3: it taking over the way that I then see myself.

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Speaker 3: And but that's them, Yeah, that's at.

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Speaker 1: The level they've reached themselves, because I can even go

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Speaker 1: back to times where I wasn't so open to other

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Speaker 1: people changing or other people's evolution, and like, why she

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Speaker 1: acting like that? It's because I wasn't theory yet.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but it's such a good reflection point where, actually,

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Speaker 3: are you trying to prove it to them because you're

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Speaker 3: not quite there yet and you haven't made it to

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Speaker 3: where you want to be? Or is it actually like

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Speaker 3: I see it more as a reflection point that wow,

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Speaker 3: whenever I'm trying to prove myself, who am I trying

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Speaker 3: to prove it to me? Like, yeah, I'm trying to

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Speaker 3: prove it to my talent.

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Speaker 1: I used to tell my mom like, I'm grown, I'm ground,

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Speaker 1: I'm grown.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, Okay, why do you have to keep saying

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Speaker 2: you're ground?

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Speaker 1: If you're ground, you're grown. Love is you don't have

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Speaker 1: to keep telling her that you know and I think

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Speaker 1: my mom said that, like, Okay, why are you telling me?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, even rather Thanaswami, he talks about how true integrity

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Speaker 3: is when and true integrity and when you can actually

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Speaker 3: pierce and penetrate someone's heart with what you're saying is

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Speaker 3: when your thoughts, your actions, and your words are all aligned.

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Speaker 3: And then so you don't have to say, you don't

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Speaker 3: have to tell people what to do. You just live

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Speaker 3: it and you're being it, and you are fully that.

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Speaker 3: And so I think about the people that I've been

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Speaker 3: affected by the most in life, and it's those people.

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Speaker 3: They've never said do this or do that. It's like

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Speaker 3: I see their lives and I think, oh my God,

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Speaker 3: like I want that peace. I want that contentment purely

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Speaker 3: through the way that they're living. And then exactly, you're

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Speaker 3: like hmmm.

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Speaker 1: And then I asked the questions like what's your practice,

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Speaker 1: what does that look like? Or like you know, yeah, exactly,

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Speaker 1: So it's just being.

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Speaker 3: I feel like you've told me that you were before.

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Speaker 3: You've told me that you always had a spiritual inclination

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Speaker 3: from when you were younger. Yes, do you feel like

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Speaker 3: through the work that you've done with yourself, you've unpacked

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Speaker 3: where that comes from or what that connection was for

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Speaker 3: you when you were younger, and could you share like

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Speaker 3: some of the practices that you still maintain now.

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Speaker 1: I always felt very connected to God early on, and

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Speaker 1: so as just time is evolving, I realized that a

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Speaker 1: lot of it was like God's grace and love over me,

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Speaker 1: you know, just have this tenacity for service and you know,

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Speaker 1: connection with the most high. I feel like that's like

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Speaker 1: God's grace really over my life.

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Speaker 3: How did it show up for you when you were younger?

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Speaker 1: Just when I look back on my testimony just where

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Speaker 1: you know, things weren't going so well, but that I

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Speaker 1: was still intact and I was okay, did you.

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Speaker 3: Still feel God's presence through that time?

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Speaker 2: I look at it now and I do. I'm like, wow,

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Speaker 2: God was right there.

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Speaker 1: I was actually really covered, you know, just to even

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Speaker 1: have the still the love and the tenacity for God still,

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Speaker 1: you know, after everything, you know, we as people go through.

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Speaker 1: I think it's just a grace and gift, like thank

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Speaker 1: You that I'm still here seeking your love and sitting

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Speaker 1: in your presence, you know. Yeah. And I think just

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Speaker 1: as far as like I didn't have such a strong

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Speaker 1: spiritual practice growing up, I realized I was very connected

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Speaker 1: to like crystals.

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Speaker 3: And very very curious, very cute all the stories you've

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Speaker 3: told me.

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Speaker 2: I was just like, what is this?

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Speaker 1: You know? How did you know? Who was this?

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Speaker 3: What did you tell me about this story? Was it

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Speaker 3: Amma or something when you were younger?

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Speaker 1: Yes?

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Speaker 2: Who gave the sacred hugs?

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Speaker 1: My friend's mom medeas, Yeah, I stay in line for

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Speaker 1: hours for this mantra and this hug, and just like

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Speaker 1: entertaining and experiencing other spiritual modalities and teachings and books.

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Speaker 1: I was always really curious about it, and still to

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Speaker 1: this day that is a practice I still keep it.

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Speaker 3: I think truth the truth.

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Speaker 1: Seeker would I will call myself a truth seeker, like

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Speaker 1: I really seek the truth.

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Speaker 3: I think I feel like true faith requires curiosity, Like

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Speaker 3: if you're content, always think about this. If I was,

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Speaker 3: I was born into a into a family with a

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Speaker 3: specific religion, with a specific practice. But you can either

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Speaker 3: go through life and do things so mechanically, which is

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Speaker 3: a lot of people when they grow up in faith

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Speaker 3: or in a specific religion do, or you start to

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Speaker 3: become curious and realize it just because you're born to

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Speaker 3: a certain thing, or just because you've been told a

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Speaker 3: certain thing, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't feel the

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Speaker 3: curiosity of other places that you can find peace, other

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Speaker 3: places that you can find contentment. And I, as part

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Speaker 3: of my culture, really struggled with that. I would think, oh, wow,

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Speaker 3: I have to just believe in what I believe in,

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Speaker 3: Otherwise I'm defying my culture. Otherwise I'm defying my religion.

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Speaker 3: At the time that I was feeling, and then when

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Speaker 3: I started reading Christian books and when I started reading

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Speaker 3: Sufi prayers, and then You're like, wow, Actually, true faith

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Speaker 3: is understanding that you can learn from so many different places.

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Speaker 3: And I feel that helps so much. That you put

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Speaker 3: yourself into these positions which could be very uncomfortable or

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Speaker 3: unknown or unfamiliar, but you will really lean into them.

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Speaker 3: And I think that that's such a I think that

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Speaker 3: is the key to growth and the key to actually

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Speaker 3: creating a deep rooted faith for yourself. I agree.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I even in India, I feel like my

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Speaker 1: relations travel to India together.

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Speaker 3: It was so much fun, but it was also testing.

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Speaker 2: It was very testing.

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Speaker 1: And it's like, as much as you think you're humble,

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Speaker 1: and I'm humble, it's like India was like are you,

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Speaker 1: And it was a gentle humbling for me.

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Speaker 3: It's just unfamiliar, unfamiliar with familiar environment.

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Speaker 1: And I'm a control you know, I'm working on not

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Speaker 1: being so having to be in so much control, which

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Speaker 1: is dealing with childhood trauma and adult trauma. You know,

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Speaker 1: you kind of have the sense of needing to control things,

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Speaker 1: and so being out of control and having this trust

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Speaker 1: in a foreign country, away from everything that keeps you comfortable,

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Speaker 1: was a very gentle humbling for me. But I say

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Speaker 1: I am adding that because I feel like my relationship

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Speaker 1: with Jesus deepened in India.

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Speaker 3: Isn't that so amazing?

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Speaker 1: That's beautiful My prayers, the songs in my head.

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Speaker 2: It was beautiful.

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Speaker 3: Watching you pray on that trip. One brought taste to

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Speaker 3: my eyes, but such happy tists because it made me

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Speaker 3: realize how much more I wanted to connect through prayer,

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Speaker 3: like we have different Like the way that I grew up,

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Speaker 3: there was prayer, but it was like you were taught

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Speaker 3: the prayers to say, yeah, what to say to God,

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Speaker 3: You were taught how to communicate with spirit. You were taught,

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Speaker 3: but the words aren't yours. And so I grew up

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Speaker 3: in a way where I didn't actually think what do

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Speaker 3: I want to talk to God about? Like how do

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Speaker 3: I want to communicate? What do I want to say

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Speaker 3: on a daily basis? It was never something that I

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Speaker 3: thought of. It wasn't like a sitting at the side

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Speaker 3: of my bed diar God moment. It was like, Okay,

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Speaker 3: in the morning, I wake up and I say these prayers,

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Speaker 3: and the afternoon I say these prayers. And so when

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Speaker 3: I got I honestly my eyes opened so much with

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Speaker 3: you and Jada watching the way that you communicate with

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Speaker 3: yourself and with God and the universe through prayer. And

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Speaker 3: it was such a beautiful thing to witness that because

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Speaker 3: it's allowed me to deepen my practice through watching that.

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Speaker 3: But I want to know, how do you, like, how

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Speaker 3: did you get into the practice of prayer and how

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Speaker 3: do you because I think that's something that many people

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Speaker 3: struggle with, it's how do I talk to God?

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Speaker 1: I still struggle with it too, Yes, I still very

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Speaker 1: much struggle with it. But prayer was introduced to me

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Speaker 1: very early on. I watched, you know, even though my

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Speaker 1: mom wasn't very religious, I watched Mom get on her

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Speaker 1: knees every night and just be grateful but I also

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Speaker 1: have an aunt who is like a prayer warrior. I

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Speaker 1: feel like she can shift mountains with prayer, and I've

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Speaker 1: witnessed things shift with her prayers. I've witnessed the power

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Speaker 1: of prayer physically through my aunt's prayers. I'm always like,

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Speaker 1: if it gets too rev I go to my auntie

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Speaker 1: house and she gets to praying, and you know, and

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Speaker 1: then through Reverend Michael, who was like a godfather to me,

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Speaker 1: teachers about affirm like affirmative prayer in your like. So

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Speaker 1: I used to think I had to get on my knees,

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Speaker 1: I had to be like a special you know, this

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Speaker 1: special discipline. I realized it's just like I'm in constant

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Speaker 1: communication with God. I'm in constant like thank you. I'm

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Speaker 1: in constant like I'm afraid right here. Show me that

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Speaker 1: I'm okay, Show me that you love me. God, Please

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Speaker 1: remind me that you love me. Remind me of your

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Speaker 1: love over my life. Remind me of your plan over

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Speaker 1: my life. I'm losing faith. I'm a real afraid right now,

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Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 2: And that's it.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes Sometimes the prayer is just thank you so much

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Speaker 1: for my breath, thank you so much for my protection today,

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much, the kids made at home, you know,

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Speaker 1: and remember it's just the converse, the constant conversation. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: the communion, you know what I mean. And I'm still

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Speaker 1: learning to just be in more communication with God. I

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Speaker 1: feel like I can do so much better with all things.

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Speaker 1: But I would like to you know, I'm like, what

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Speaker 1: what is it that I would like for God to

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Speaker 1: feel about me? And I really like for got to

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Speaker 1: be pleased with you know, I'm not perfect, but I

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Speaker 1: would just like to please Yeah, you know God.

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Speaker 3: No, that's really beautiful thinking about it as a not

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Speaker 3: just the daily practice that's ritualistic, but every moment, what

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Speaker 3: is that communication?

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Speaker 1: Your breath is a prayer. Yeah, your breath is a

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Speaker 1: prayer like thank you, thank you exactly.

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Speaker 3: And every moment it's like, rather than thinking about yourself

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Speaker 3: or thinking to call someone, or you know, the habit

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Speaker 3: that we have of constantly wanting to we have a

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Speaker 3: human human need to want to communicate with something or someone.

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Speaker 3: It's like, you want to be intimate and connected to something,

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Speaker 3: and we sometimes misplace that where it's like if you're

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Speaker 3: in the car and you want to busy yourself, you'll

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Speaker 3: call someone. We'll put on music, But why not just

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Speaker 3: have a conversation, why not have a moment of reflection

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Speaker 3: or time to be grateful like every single moment. And

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Speaker 3: the way gratitude is always so overused, We're like, just

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Speaker 3: be grateful, but actually, how you just described it, It's like, no,

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Speaker 3: be grateful of every breath, like every moment. I'm so

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Speaker 3: grateful my kids came in every single day, Like that

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Speaker 3: is something to be so grateful for.

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Speaker 1: It's like, Wow, things that we take for granted that

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Speaker 1: we just assume are just always going to just you know,

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Speaker 1: be there. I'm just like, I know I'm not special,

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Speaker 1: So thank you for your grace and your love and

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Speaker 1: your covering you know you.

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Speaker 3: Joannel, Yes, And we're just talking about that.

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Speaker 1: And I never thought I was going to be a journalist.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I cannop, I'm turning into my mom And

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Speaker 1: what was it that took you to journaling? And I

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Speaker 1: struggle with.

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Speaker 3: Janelin and I still do. Even if I have one

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Speaker 3: of those the the you know books that come as

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Speaker 3: journals where they give you prompts that sometimes doesn't.

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Speaker 2: Those don't work for me. They don't work for me,

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Speaker 2: don't work for me.

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Speaker 1: I just have to have a notebook, and that turns

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Speaker 1: the page in those lines.

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Speaker 2: I just need a line notebook for me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: And is it free writing that you do?

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Speaker 1: I free write anything that comes into your mind, everything

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Speaker 1: that comes to mind, things that sound nuts. I just

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Speaker 1: get it out because it's there. I need it out.

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Speaker 1: And so I especially like things that aren't so positive

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Speaker 1: that I don't want to exchange with someone else, I'll

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Speaker 1: write it. I'll just write like everything I feel about it. Yeah, like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I actually don't need to say it. I can rip

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Speaker 1: this page up. I got this emotion out. And then

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Speaker 1: sometimes I realize, like I don't need to say that,

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Speaker 1: this is what.

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Speaker 2: I'm really feeling. How am I really feeling?

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean? And then sometimes just like

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Speaker 1: I journaled this morning, like in my and my free

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Speaker 1: writing was really a prayer, I realized, because I was

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Speaker 1: just asking God to just keep me clear and just

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Speaker 1: allow me to be a channel that I don't want.

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Speaker 1: You know, one of my biggest prayers is like, God,

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Speaker 1: I don't want people to see me. Allow me to

441
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:46,800
Speaker 1: be a vessel, and it allowed your works to move through,

442
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:50,800
Speaker 1: you know. So Yeah, I just free write whatever. And

443
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:53,680
Speaker 1: sometimes I write I don't want to write today, I

444
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:57,480
Speaker 1: am over it? Why and like that's you know, it's like, oh,

445
00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:01,240
Speaker 1: everybody gets on my nerves, Like everything is just to

446
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 1: get it out, and I feel like it's just self freeing.

447
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:06,280
Speaker 3: Is that's the only way that I've been able to

448
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:09,119
Speaker 3: use journaling regularly. And sometimes it's on my notes page

449
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,080
Speaker 3: on my phone and one of the aggressive stuff that

450
00:22:11,119 --> 00:22:12,640
Speaker 3: goes into that notes page on my phone.

451
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:18,600
Speaker 1: It's so good, but it has to get it out.

452
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:20,320
Speaker 3: From communicating in negative ways.

453
00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:24,920
Speaker 2: It stops you from response. It's a filter.

454
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:28,720
Speaker 1: It is a very needed filter for me because I

455
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:32,080
Speaker 1: was very I would be quick to go after handle

456
00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:34,480
Speaker 1: and be like, hey, I didn't like how you just

457
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:35,120
Speaker 1: write about it.

458
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:40,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think we met. Was it a year after

459
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:46,080
Speaker 3: or maybe just after Nipsy past Or left? Was it

460
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:49,560
Speaker 3: a year maybe when you came secured them? I think

461
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:52,120
Speaker 3: it was in the year in the year, I think

462
00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:54,720
Speaker 3: it was in the year and I realized, like from

463
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:58,000
Speaker 3: since then, which has been a good few years, I

464
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 3: feel like I didn't know much about him before, but

465
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:04,080
Speaker 3: I feel like through you, I've come to love him

466
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:07,000
Speaker 3: and appreciate him so much because of how you speak

467
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:10,760
Speaker 3: about him and how you have you know channeled his

468
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:15,120
Speaker 3: energy through the things that you do. And I wanted

469
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:17,080
Speaker 3: to ask because I don't know this story, but maybe

470
00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:21,440
Speaker 3: you've told it before. How did you NPS meet? Yeah? Also,

471
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,080
Speaker 3: do I call him Nipsey? You?

472
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:28,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can hustle? Yeah?

473
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:30,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, how do we meet?

474
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:33,320
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I love I love these stories, So

475
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:33,680
Speaker 3: tell me.

476
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:39,919
Speaker 1: Oh my god, my memory is so whack these days,

477
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:44,520
Speaker 1: but I do remember how we met. We were Oh,

478
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:47,879
Speaker 1: I was on a set and at the time, he

479
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:53,200
Speaker 1: had dropped this Crenshaw mixtape that all the ladies on set,

480
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:56,080
Speaker 1: like the glam was like listening to, and I was like,

481
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:57,520
Speaker 1: oh my god, it'd be so dope if I.

482
00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,600
Speaker 2: And they were all from LA. We were in Atlanta shooting.

483
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:01,520
Speaker 1: I was like, to be really cool if I like

484
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:05,800
Speaker 1: got him, got them his mixtape and all, like you know,

485
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,919
Speaker 1: the Crenshaw stuff. And so I had reached out to

486
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:12,320
Speaker 1: a friend of mine, Danny, like, hey, do you know Nip, Like,

487
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:13,480
Speaker 1: could you reach out and to see but I can

488
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:15,480
Speaker 1: get a discount on some and stuff because I'm kind

489
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:18,920
Speaker 1: of buying in bulk. He's like yeah, And so Nip

490
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:22,159
Speaker 1: never reached out. His manager then reached out to my

491
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:26,880
Speaker 1: friend and I didn't get the discount either, and so I.

492
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:28,800
Speaker 2: Was like, Okay, I guess he's that. I was like,

493
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:30,359
Speaker 2: I guess he's not trying to give me.

494
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:35,240
Speaker 1: It's fine, and so then I bought the stuff, gave

495
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:38,719
Speaker 1: the girls a wrap gifts, and then I ended up

496
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:41,960
Speaker 1: following him on I don't even remember what social you

497
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:45,240
Speaker 1: see my memory is, so.

498
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:48,520
Speaker 2: Maybe it was Twitter, or.

499
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:50,240
Speaker 1: At the time it was Twitter. I don't know, I

500
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:51,160
Speaker 1: remember Instagram.

501
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:52,119
Speaker 2: Maybe I started.

502
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:54,480
Speaker 1: Following him and then he DMed me like, hey.

503
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:55,119
Speaker 2: Thank you for this.

504
00:24:56,200 --> 00:25:01,040
Speaker 1: Damn. He's like, thanks, thanks for this, sup poor appreciates

505
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:02,840
Speaker 1: you send me your sizes so I can send you

506
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:05,639
Speaker 1: a personal box. And then he gave me his number,

507
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:07,760
Speaker 1: and so then I text him because I was like,

508
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:09,040
Speaker 1: I don't do DM okay.

509
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:10,040
Speaker 3: But did you think it was really cute?

510
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:13,360
Speaker 1: Then I thought, yeah, I thought he was fine maybe

511
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:15,840
Speaker 1: even first of all, me following him was very I

512
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:20,359
Speaker 1: was like, he took the bait. No, yes, I thought

513
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:22,280
Speaker 1: he was I always thought he was very attractive. I

514
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 1: actually had like friends that knew him that were like,

515
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 1: I think you guys will get along, you know, years

516
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:31,760
Speaker 1: before that. But you know, I was just on my

517
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:35,680
Speaker 1: like single mom stuff. I wasn't really like, you know whatever.

518
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:38,720
Speaker 1: So I text him like, hey, this is a boogie.

519
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:40,960
Speaker 1: I don't really do the DM, but here are my sizes,

520
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,919
Speaker 1: here's the shipping address. And he sent back like a

521
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 1: funny little thing and he's like, yeah, I know you

522
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:48,560
Speaker 1: from LA and told me what high school I went to,

523
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:51,680
Speaker 1: and so that is yeah, And.

524
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:52,159
Speaker 3: So that went on.

525
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:55,000
Speaker 1: That was like a five to eight hour conversation the

526
00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:57,320
Speaker 1: first day. Yeah, and then that was it.

527
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:01,760
Speaker 3: How would you, obviously you guys were together for a while,

528
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:05,320
Speaker 3: how would you in a few sentences or have along

529
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:06,679
Speaker 3: describe what your love was like?

530
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:13,480
Speaker 2: Intentional, pure, and save.

531
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:18,560
Speaker 3: Those are beautiful words. Yeah, I definitely get that sense

532
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 3: from me. Whenever you've spoken about him, what would you

533
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:24,159
Speaker 3: say that you learned most from him while he was

534
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:27,479
Speaker 3: alive and the difference between what you learned from him

535
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:29,520
Speaker 3: since he left? Because I feel like you've had such

536
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:32,440
Speaker 3: a it feels like you have such a strong connection

537
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:35,560
Speaker 3: to him even after he's not in this world.

538
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:36,119
Speaker 1: Yeah.

539
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:39,359
Speaker 3: And that's another thing that I honestly feel I have

540
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:44,960
Speaker 3: learnt so much from you, is how not to how

541
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:48,679
Speaker 3: not to stop life? And I theoretically I know, like

542
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:51,320
Speaker 3: in my mind. I know that the soul is forever

543
00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 3: like that is something I believe so deeply. But you're

544
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:58,080
Speaker 3: the first person I've seen truly put it into practice,

545
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:01,560
Speaker 3: like honestly, because I've not been I haven't been close

546
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:05,399
Speaker 3: enough to death within my close proximity, like all the

547
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:07,320
Speaker 3: people that I mean the most to me are still alive,

548
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:09,720
Speaker 3: or like I lost my granddad when I was really young,

549
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:12,920
Speaker 3: but I haven't felt that yet. And me and Jay

550
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:14,480
Speaker 3: talk about this a lot because it's something that I

551
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,280
Speaker 3: struggle with all the time I think about it. But

552
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:21,679
Speaker 3: you you'll be okay. Yeah, I know, I hope, I know,

553
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:27,160
Speaker 3: But you the way that you communicate it just has

554
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:30,199
Speaker 3: really helped me to process it in my mind. So

555
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:34,200
Speaker 3: my my crying. It's like talking about you. I cry

556
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:39,320
Speaker 3: every time I think about this. Yeah, I really appreciate

557
00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:43,320
Speaker 3: the way that you are able to use him again,

558
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:45,600
Speaker 3: like be a vessel of what he was doing and

559
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:48,720
Speaker 3: still find joy in it. Like it makes me cry

560
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:52,280
Speaker 3: because it makes me so happy to see you do it. So, yeah,

561
00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:54,320
Speaker 3: what did you What do you feel has shifted in

562
00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:58,480
Speaker 3: what you learned from him while he was here versus now?

563
00:27:58,640 --> 00:27:58,840
Speaker 1: Yeah?

564
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:00,520
Speaker 3: Who?

565
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:07,120
Speaker 1: So all the things he was saying to me made

566
00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:10,840
Speaker 1: more sense after he left. Oh you know, he spoke

567
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:15,119
Speaker 1: a lot about like he I'm such like in my

568
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:17,320
Speaker 1: cave and a homebody that he was like, belive, the

569
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:20,600
Speaker 1: people really need to hear from you, like you have

570
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:21,680
Speaker 1: a lot, Like you have a.

571
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:23,000
Speaker 2: Lot of truth you should share.

572
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:23,480
Speaker 1: Yeah.

573
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:27,040
Speaker 2: Oh my god, he saw me. He saw me. He

574
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:28,560
Speaker 2: saw me like my kids see me.

575
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:34,320
Speaker 1: You know. So it's more about like afterwards, all the

576
00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:36,200
Speaker 1: things he said really and just like I was like, wow,

577
00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 1: my god, he was so that was so true. But

578
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:45,800
Speaker 1: when he was here, just the reliance on God. Yeah,

579
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,000
Speaker 1: you know, he really relied on God. He truly believed

580
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:51,200
Speaker 1: in himself. He really did not believe in you know,

581
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:53,800
Speaker 1: someone has the key to your destiny as much as

582
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:57,160
Speaker 1: you do, as much as you and your creator does,

583
00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:00,720
Speaker 1: you know, and so and just all the city is

584
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:03,760
Speaker 1: something you can't buy. It's something you can't fake, it's

585
00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:06,160
Speaker 1: something you cannot put on. It really has to be you.

586
00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 1: And I remember him telling me that. He was like, Boogie,

587
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:12,480
Speaker 1: you know, you're real authentic. That's something people can't buy.

588
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:15,240
Speaker 1: It's not for sale. You know, no matter how long

589
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:19,800
Speaker 1: it takes, you don't lose that. Yeah, and yeah, I

590
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:23,160
Speaker 1: constantly even I listened to like his music.

591
00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:26,320
Speaker 2: Now I'm like, oh my god, Hustle hear it differently.

592
00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:27,320
Speaker 2: I hear it differently.

593
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:32,480
Speaker 3: How was obviously every single person it's going to go

594
00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:37,800
Speaker 3: through grief in their life, what was some of the lesson? Well, first,

595
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:40,840
Speaker 3: what was the process? Like, how did you go from

596
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 3: I assume the hardest thing you've ever had to go

597
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:46,800
Speaker 3: through to being who you are? Now? Where you are

598
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:53,640
Speaker 3: such like a prize to people when you meet like you.

599
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:54,480
Speaker 2: You I still feel like a mess.

600
00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:57,960
Speaker 1: That's the thing is, like, I still feel like a mess,

601
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:02,000
Speaker 1: and I guess I I have to ask my friends

602
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:05,360
Speaker 1: how far I've come because I still genuinely feel like

603
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:08,160
Speaker 1: I have not arrived anywhere.

604
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:11,840
Speaker 3: You don't carry heavy energy, you know when you feel.

605
00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:14,400
Speaker 2: No God, I feel like I'm really heavy a lot.

606
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:17,960
Speaker 1: But again I have to counter that to just like

607
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:20,600
Speaker 1: the grace of God, because if it was up to me,

608
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:24,960
Speaker 1: I would be slow like sliding in here on my stomach,

609
00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:25,400
Speaker 1: you know.

610
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:28,000
Speaker 2: But you know, I also don't want.

611
00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:30,680
Speaker 1: To take away from the work that I've done from

612
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:33,120
Speaker 1: then until now. So I don't want to do that

613
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:34,680
Speaker 1: because I'm good at doing that.

614
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:38,080
Speaker 3: Can you think of like key things that pushed you

615
00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:41,560
Speaker 3: through from my kids are really big things.

616
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:45,719
Speaker 1: But also I was fortunate to have a lot of

617
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:52,560
Speaker 1: wise people around me. You know, my community was really strong.

618
00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:55,640
Speaker 1: I had a lot of healers with me. I had,

619
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:58,280
Speaker 1: you know, I always say, Queen of Fua, Reverend Michael,

620
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:01,480
Speaker 1: and then God just placed people my life that can

621
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 1: kind of just usher me in and teach me and

622
00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:09,400
Speaker 1: guide me. I always say, the prayer of strangers have

623
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 1: held me up. I swear I feel like the people's

624
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:15,520
Speaker 1: prayers have I can cry. I mean, I feel like

625
00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:18,120
Speaker 1: the prayers of strangers have held me up.

626
00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:21,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a can't remember who says it, but I say,

627
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:24,520
Speaker 3: you have no idea whose prayers are saving you, and.

628
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 1: I swear it's the people. I swear people have been

629
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:28,760
Speaker 1: praying for me. And I feel it. Every time I

630
00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:30,959
Speaker 1: run into anybody and they're like, I've been praying for you,

631
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:34,880
Speaker 1: I'm like, and I have felt it. Thank you. You

632
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 1: know that's not just a blanket statement, you know. Yeah,

633
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:43,160
Speaker 1: I feel like my you know, my morning routine has

634
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:44,080
Speaker 1: really helped.

635
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:46,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, what does that consist of for you normally?

636
00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:53,520
Speaker 1: Well, it's changing, it's changing, but it started off with

637
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 1: a reading. It started off with prayer, meditation. I started

638
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:04,480
Speaker 1: meditating during grief. Meditation was not a practice of mine.

639
00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:05,480
Speaker 3: What kind of meditation?

640
00:32:05,640 --> 00:32:05,800
Speaker 1: Is it?

641
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:06,560
Speaker 3: Silent or.

642
00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 1: Guided?

643
00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 2: And then it turned into silent?

644
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:12,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, but mostly guided.

645
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:15,240
Speaker 3: And I know you've talked to me about shadow work.

646
00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:18,880
Speaker 3: Explain to me because I feel like most people may

647
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:21,400
Speaker 3: not have heard of it. What is that? And how

648
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:25,200
Speaker 3: did that bring you or change? Like, how did that

649
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:28,200
Speaker 3: change you or help you to grow through greef?

650
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:31,800
Speaker 1: So I'm not you know, I'm not well versed on it,

651
00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:33,280
Speaker 1: But what did it do for you?

652
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:34,720
Speaker 2: Yeah?

653
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:38,120
Speaker 1: What did it? Held me accountable? It helped me accountable

654
00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:43,840
Speaker 1: to the spaces inside of me that we're ego driven,

655
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:49,680
Speaker 1: allowed me to be okay with my past past versions

656
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:54,080
Speaker 1: of me that I could look back on and judge

657
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:57,480
Speaker 1: and like want to hide from. But it just allowed

658
00:32:57,480 --> 00:33:01,720
Speaker 1: that openness of like, actually, without this, you wouldn't have that,

659
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:03,880
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? And then your past versions

660
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:06,400
Speaker 1: of yourself are just trying the best they can what

661
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,960
Speaker 1: they got, you know what I mean. But just holding

662
00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:12,520
Speaker 1: myself accountable because I feel like accountability is the only

663
00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:15,120
Speaker 1: way you can really move forward and actually shift and

664
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:19,000
Speaker 1: change and make healthier choices.

665
00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:21,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, and so shadowy because when you.

666
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:26,800
Speaker 1: Sorry, it's just you know, yeah, I mean from my

667
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:29,720
Speaker 1: perspective again, there are people that are like very well

668
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:31,960
Speaker 1: versed in this and can really give you a rundown.

669
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:34,080
Speaker 1: And I am not an expert in any way. I'm

670
00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:39,200
Speaker 1: just I'm just an experiencer. But it's just like looking

671
00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:42,920
Speaker 1: in the spaces of yourself that again are ego driven,

672
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:48,320
Speaker 1: that you necessarily want to brush under a rug, ways

673
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:50,880
Speaker 1: that you act, thoughts that you have, ways that you

674
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:55,480
Speaker 1: ways you've affected others, that is just not necessarily your

675
00:33:56,800 --> 00:34:00,200
Speaker 1: most you know, I don't want to say best all

676
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:02,560
Speaker 1: versions of you are great, but you know, like you

677
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:05,600
Speaker 1: could judge that part of you. And also just like

678
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:11,439
Speaker 1: the pain, the trauma, the sadness, the you know, things

679
00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:14,560
Speaker 1: that we might call week that aren't really they kind

680
00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:18,240
Speaker 1: of like usher you into because without the shadow, whereas

681
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:20,640
Speaker 1: the you know, the light is now more illuminated in

682
00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 1: the shadow.

683
00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:23,120
Speaker 3: I feel like, yeah, I always find that whenever I

684
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:26,760
Speaker 3: notice that I have work to do in certain areas

685
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:31,160
Speaker 3: by how I look and judge other people. And so

686
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 3: in my weeks where I notice myself, whether it's me

687
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:38,839
Speaker 3: talking negatively about someone in my mind, or whether it's

688
00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:41,200
Speaker 3: seeing them in a different light or getting irritated at

689
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:44,839
Speaker 3: people for certain things. It's like every single thing that

690
00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:47,800
Speaker 3: you actually get irritated with is so much a trigger

691
00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:51,319
Speaker 3: about you. Absolutely, it's so much a reflection of you.

692
00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:54,680
Speaker 3: And I think it's so much easier to point fingers

693
00:34:54,719 --> 00:34:56,879
Speaker 3: at other people. It's so much easier to say it's

694
00:34:57,040 --> 00:34:59,279
Speaker 3: them who's wrong, and so much easier to think that

695
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:01,719
Speaker 3: it's them, and you can go through your whole life. I

696
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:03,600
Speaker 3: went through so much of my life when I was younger,

697
00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:07,280
Speaker 3: until I moved away from home and had to spend

698
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:10,600
Speaker 3: so much time by myself to actually think and see

699
00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:13,560
Speaker 3: who I was because it was so covered up by me.

700
00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:18,719
Speaker 1: Judgment Yeah, yeah, absolutely, yeah, And judgment is a big thing.

701
00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:22,359
Speaker 1: I think that everyone you know, I feel like kind

702
00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:24,280
Speaker 1: of you. And then we live in this world where

703
00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:26,920
Speaker 1: social media allows you to just judge.

704
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:29,000
Speaker 3: A constantly, yeah, with every finger.

705
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:31,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's sometimes to get off, like, I don't

706
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,720
Speaker 1: I'm sitting in judgment. I don't want to because everyone

707
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:36,520
Speaker 1: is on their journey in the way that they have

708
00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:38,520
Speaker 1: agreed with God to be on it.

709
00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:39,720
Speaker 2: How am I to judge?

710
00:35:39,719 --> 00:35:41,960
Speaker 1: There? Who am I to judge there?

711
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:42,520
Speaker 3: Who am I?

712
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:43,360
Speaker 1: Yeah?

713
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:46,040
Speaker 3: And yeah I think about that too. It's like someone's weeds.

714
00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:49,520
Speaker 3: We all have weeds, but when other people's weeds look

715
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:52,600
Speaker 3: like a different breed or a different kind, or they

716
00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:55,719
Speaker 3: flower differently or the same time, they smell differently. But

717
00:35:56,239 --> 00:35:58,759
Speaker 3: you're like, oh, but my weeds are way better than

718
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:02,799
Speaker 3: those persons weeds, and they're for weeds and weeds we

719
00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:03,319
Speaker 3: will have them.

720
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:07,919
Speaker 1: And it's like, I don't know what agreement you made

721
00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:10,919
Speaker 1: with your soul's evolution. I don't you know what I mean?

722
00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:13,279
Speaker 1: And I'm a judge where you are with it? No,

723
00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:17,520
Speaker 1: And I've learned like what goes around comes around. So

724
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:20,839
Speaker 1: the minute I'm sitting here judging on you, I'm going

725
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:23,680
Speaker 1: to experience the equal amount of that. You know, It's

726
00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:25,680
Speaker 1: like a ripple effect, and I don't want to put

727
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:28,200
Speaker 1: those ripples in the water. No, I don't want those

728
00:36:28,239 --> 00:36:29,600
Speaker 1: type of ripples to turn back.

729
00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:33,839
Speaker 3: How did you get to a point? Because now I

730
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:39,160
Speaker 3: feel like whenever you talk about Nick, you are joking

731
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:41,280
Speaker 3: or you're like thinking of something that was really funny.

732
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:45,120
Speaker 3: How it's so nice to see that you can get

733
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:47,920
Speaker 3: to a place where you can do that but I

734
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:52,320
Speaker 3: also feel how do you constantly feel connected and channel

735
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:54,439
Speaker 3: Is it the same way that you connect to God

736
00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:56,400
Speaker 3: when you end up kind of trying to do you

737
00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:59,880
Speaker 3: still have conversations? Do you still try and communicate and

738
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:04,960
Speaker 3: have a connection to Him beyond obviously his physical presence here?

739
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:07,399
Speaker 3: But how did you get to a point of being

740
00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:09,920
Speaker 3: able to just laugh and joke about it? Because I

741
00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:12,480
Speaker 3: feel like most people that I've met, and I think

742
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:14,440
Speaker 3: it's maybe part of my culture, it's kind of kept

743
00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:17,960
Speaker 3: very they don't like speaking about it for so many years.

744
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:20,600
Speaker 1: I think that's just in general. I think death is

745
00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:24,759
Speaker 1: a yeah, as common as it is, it's really it's

746
00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:25,440
Speaker 1: really hard.

747
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:27,400
Speaker 3: One thing that's sad, but the one thing we talk

748
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:28,680
Speaker 3: about the least because.

749
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:31,680
Speaker 1: It feels so final. I know, it feels so final,

750
00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:35,960
Speaker 1: you know, in a way it is here right physically.

751
00:37:37,719 --> 00:37:44,360
Speaker 1: I also feel like, once you know, Hustle passed, I

752
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:47,080
Speaker 1: was just like I got I'm just gonna be myself.

753
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:49,200
Speaker 2: It is just gonna be what it is.

754
00:37:50,239 --> 00:37:50,839
Speaker 1: What the hell?

755
00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:53,000
Speaker 2: What the hell just happened here?

756
00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:58,320
Speaker 1: But I feel like when I am in in linement

757
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:05,080
Speaker 1: with God and with my higher self, then I'll have

758
00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:09,840
Speaker 1: dreams about him or I'll see the signs, you know

759
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:12,200
Speaker 1: what I mean, and that when I'm not when i'm

760
00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:16,840
Speaker 1: not so aligned, I'm not able. It's like a fog.

761
00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:19,680
Speaker 1: I'm not able to see the signs. I'm not able.

762
00:38:19,719 --> 00:38:22,600
Speaker 1: And I think that's even like, you know, just in life.

763
00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:25,640
Speaker 1: I think when you are just in alignment with God,

764
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:28,439
Speaker 1: you know, you just see the little miracles throughout the day,

765
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:32,200
Speaker 1: and you know, when we're not and we're having one

766
00:38:32,239 --> 00:38:34,520
Speaker 1: of those moments and we're in those spaces, it's just

767
00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:37,080
Speaker 1: a little bit more foggy and it's hard to see.

768
00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:41,000
Speaker 1: So I would just attribute any signs I see in

769
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:45,160
Speaker 1: any type of clarity or you know, dreams or when

770
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:47,640
Speaker 1: I'm in alignment with myself, it makes sense.

771
00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:50,920
Speaker 3: Like everything, you're allowing yourself to be a clean vessel

772
00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:52,920
Speaker 3: to have those connections.

773
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:55,680
Speaker 2: I'm a witness to them.

774
00:38:55,960 --> 00:39:01,000
Speaker 3: You know, you have two incredible children. Gosh, we love them.

775
00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:07,880
Speaker 3: Across the bus and Cam the man. How doing how

776
00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:10,440
Speaker 3: do you you've explained You've told me this before and

777
00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:14,240
Speaker 3: I thought it was really lovely. How you managed to

778
00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:18,640
Speaker 3: celebrate the difficult days that come with grief, how you

779
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 3: celebrate them with your children? How you keep you know

780
00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:28,520
Speaker 3: the legacy going, how you keep them feeling connected. Do

781
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:31,160
Speaker 3: you have anything to share that you would like to

782
00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:33,200
Speaker 3: on those topics, because I feel like you've spoken to

783
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:35,120
Speaker 3: me about it and I really appreciated what you said

784
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:35,560
Speaker 3: about it.

785
00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:38,840
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, it's so different with both of them, because

786
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:40,600
Speaker 1: one fourteen the other one seven.

787
00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:44,760
Speaker 2: So you know, I'm always just a space.

788
00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:47,480
Speaker 1: I'm like a container for whatever emotion that they have,

789
00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:50,480
Speaker 1: whether it's sadness or anger. I'm just like, it's okay

790
00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:53,759
Speaker 1: to feel all these things. You know, I'm holding it

791
00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:56,640
Speaker 1: for you. I feel you, I understand, I hear you. Yes,

792
00:39:56,719 --> 00:40:01,960
Speaker 1: it's so hard, you know, but so you know, playing

793
00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:07,000
Speaker 1: his music, write I'm always telling them to journal as well,

794
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:09,720
Speaker 1: like write them a letter, tell me how you feel,

795
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:12,400
Speaker 1: you know, and let's put it away. And you know,

796
00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:18,399
Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, I teach my little one

797
00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:20,920
Speaker 1: to and my eldest son knows is too, but to

798
00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:24,320
Speaker 1: pay attention to the signs, oh there's a white butterfly,

799
00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 1: there's a humming bird, or you know, and really just

800
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:33,960
Speaker 1: expressing their feelings and just being a container and just

801
00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:36,799
Speaker 1: always explaining to them that you know, no one ever

802
00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:41,200
Speaker 1: really dies with your spirits and this big body container,

803
00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:42,279
Speaker 1: and you.

804
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:44,720
Speaker 2: Know we will be we are together.

805
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:46,719
Speaker 1: We just can't see, you know what I mean, just

806
00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:50,239
Speaker 1: kind of trying to explain it to them spiritually so

807
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:53,719
Speaker 1: that they have the language when they get older. But

808
00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:57,359
Speaker 1: I just, you know, I think more importantly, I just

809
00:40:57,440 --> 00:40:59,040
Speaker 1: am trying to hold space for them.

810
00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:01,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, because there's really nothing I can.

811
00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:04,239
Speaker 1: Say or do as much as it is that I

812
00:41:04,280 --> 00:41:07,000
Speaker 1: can just be the safe space for them for their emotions,

813
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:09,759
Speaker 1: and then I can create a space for them to

814
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:11,840
Speaker 1: connect and it's a communication.

815
00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:14,040
Speaker 3: I feel like sometimes it's that feeling of not being

816
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:17,200
Speaker 3: able to express to that person what you want to say.

817
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:19,799
Speaker 3: We write it down exactly exactly. I think that's such

818
00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:23,319
Speaker 3: a beautiful way to stay in touch with that. We

819
00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:26,440
Speaker 3: were talking about India before and we went India together.

820
00:41:27,600 --> 00:41:30,600
Speaker 3: But you know, India was a sign of how to

821
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:35,719
Speaker 3: embrace discomfort. And so when you went to India, I

822
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:38,400
Speaker 3: want to hear from you because I thought you didn't know,

823
00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:40,680
Speaker 3: but you were incredible. We joke and laugh about that.

824
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:42,560
Speaker 2: Really incredible you really were.

825
00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:46,279
Speaker 3: Everything was so everything was foreign, everything was unknown, but

826
00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:49,200
Speaker 3: you got up every single morning at like three am.

827
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:57,120
Speaker 3: You participated and wanted to embrace everything. In your discomfort,

828
00:41:57,239 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 3: like how in something, whether it's physical discomforts, like sometimes

829
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:04,479
Speaker 3: it was that what is your how do you make

830
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:07,680
Speaker 3: something that feels uncomfortable and convince yourself and to like

831
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:09,080
Speaker 3: make yourself go through it?

832
00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:10,120
Speaker 1: What do you?

833
00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:11,480
Speaker 3: What do you do? Because it's so easy to just

834
00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:13,040
Speaker 3: show you could have been booking my flyer.

835
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:16,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, what I was like, you had to remind myself

836
00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:19,719
Speaker 1: of the reason I came. Yeah, you know, And I

837
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:24,439
Speaker 1: had to remind myself like, Okay, you're taking cold showers, girl,

838
00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 1: you are not special, Like getting in the cod bat

839
00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:28,600
Speaker 1: and figure it out.

840
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:29,960
Speaker 2: But outside of that.

841
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:33,400
Speaker 1: I realized that a lot of my in dealing with

842
00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:36,520
Speaker 1: trauma and in dealing with having to be in spaces

843
00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:39,520
Speaker 1: that I feel like I can control. That that was

844
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:45,040
Speaker 1: a really good exercise of letting go and not being

845
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:48,719
Speaker 1: in control. And I didn't have my you know, my

846
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:52,560
Speaker 1: comfort zones. I didn't have my friends that I can call.

847
00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:58,320
Speaker 1: I couldn't go distract myself with television. Well, I couldn't

848
00:42:58,320 --> 00:43:02,880
Speaker 1: get sparkling a ginger ad, you know things that and

849
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:05,160
Speaker 1: I didn't realize I was really dependent on a lot

850
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:10,239
Speaker 1: of things outside in myself for comfort. Yes, I am

851
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:14,640
Speaker 1: like depending on when I am uncomfortable. I had to

852
00:43:14,719 --> 00:43:17,240
Speaker 1: remind myself. I actually had a conversation with a friend

853
00:43:17,239 --> 00:43:21,000
Speaker 1: of mine and she was like, don't don't let you

854
00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:23,319
Speaker 1: know yourself rob you of this experience.

855
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:26,960
Speaker 2: And I was like, I am operating in fear. I'm

856
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:28,080
Speaker 2: operating in fear.

857
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:32,160
Speaker 1: I'm okay, I'm safe, but I'm kind of like operating

858
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:34,840
Speaker 1: in fear because I'm out of my water and my

859
00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:38,640
Speaker 1: comfort zone. And I didn't want that to rob me

860
00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:42,080
Speaker 1: of my experience. And I just like, once I figured

861
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:44,719
Speaker 1: that out, I was like, and have this. And then

862
00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:47,279
Speaker 1: I made it my own. You know, I think a

863
00:43:47,280 --> 00:43:50,080
Speaker 1: lot of times when we are outside of our comfort zones,

864
00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:53,440
Speaker 1: we feel like we just have to like conform, and

865
00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:55,520
Speaker 1: so I just like, you know what, don't you just

866
00:43:55,719 --> 00:43:56,680
Speaker 1: make it your own?

867
00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:58,799
Speaker 2: And I made it my own. And I once I

868
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:00,719
Speaker 2: made it my own, I owned it.

869
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:03,440
Speaker 1: And it was it was lovely and it was a

870
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:07,360
Speaker 1: beautiful I tell it was like the most gentle humbling

871
00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:09,600
Speaker 1: I've ever had, because you know, you can get humbled

872
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:14,200
Speaker 1: in some harsh ways. It was a beautiful, gentle humbling. Yeah,

873
00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:18,280
Speaker 1: that jetlag slacked out in my face, but it was okay.

874
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:24,680
Speaker 1: I've never really have function and self love. I've never

875
00:44:24,760 --> 00:44:31,000
Speaker 1: really function and self acceptance, and this is my time

876
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:34,799
Speaker 1: to learn what that is. You know. I need to

877
00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:39,800
Speaker 1: learn who I am outside of my trauma from the

878
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:45,960
Speaker 1: childhood trauma then the you know, adult trauma. I need

879
00:44:46,120 --> 00:44:49,480
Speaker 1: to really know what it feels like to be in

880
00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:55,160
Speaker 1: like sovereignty with me. And that's the space that I'm

881
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:57,919
Speaker 1: in and I know that and I'm okay with that,

882
00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:00,840
Speaker 1: and that's just is what it is. Yeah, you know

883
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:05,200
Speaker 1: what I mean, and it is I've never been here before.

884
00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:06,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't.

885
00:45:06,320 --> 00:45:09,759
Speaker 1: You know, It's like I don't really know self acceptance

886
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:12,040
Speaker 1: like that, and I would like to know that. I

887
00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:17,040
Speaker 1: would like to see myself the way God intended me

888
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 1: to see myself, not through the reflection of anyone else

889
00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:23,280
Speaker 1: right now, you know what I mean, really just through

890
00:45:24,840 --> 00:45:27,759
Speaker 1: the eyes of God, you know, like I really I

891
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:30,040
Speaker 1: didn't have that growing up. I had a lot of

892
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:32,800
Speaker 1: things I had to overcome. I've been in survival mode

893
00:45:33,520 --> 00:45:38,920
Speaker 1: for many years before the tragedy, you know, and so

894
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 1: I need to.

895
00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:43,360
Speaker 2: I need to love Onlouren and just see.

896
00:45:43,239 --> 00:45:43,799
Speaker 1: What that is.

897
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:49,160
Speaker 3: And I think feel like that's actually the in reality,

898
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:52,040
Speaker 3: the harder option, because the easier option would be to

899
00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:54,440
Speaker 3: be like, I'm just going to throw myself into another relationship,

900
00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:56,600
Speaker 3: but I'm going to throw myself into it. But actually

901
00:45:56,640 --> 00:45:59,200
Speaker 3: doing what you're doing, I always feel like I wish

902
00:45:59,239 --> 00:46:01,319
Speaker 3: we had that time or were taught to have that

903
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:03,320
Speaker 3: time before we get into relationships when we're younger.

904
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:05,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's not one side.

905
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:08,239
Speaker 1: This is very personal to me, So I'm not like,

906
00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:11,759
Speaker 1: this is not my suggestion for people. This is the

907
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:15,840
Speaker 1: space where I am building a deeper connection with God

908
00:46:16,600 --> 00:46:20,000
Speaker 1: and myself, and so it's really this is just my

909
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:24,440
Speaker 1: and this feels so intentional and intuitively feels like the

910
00:46:24,560 --> 00:46:27,160
Speaker 1: right thing to do, and I just will not go

911
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:27,680
Speaker 1: against it.

912
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:30,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I feel like you're in your power right now.

913
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:35,880
Speaker 1: Thank you. I feel very like finding safety in myself,

914
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:37,479
Speaker 1: you know what I mean.

915
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:39,640
Speaker 2: Like that's very important for me.

916
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:40,279
Speaker 1: It is.

917
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:42,560
Speaker 3: I feel like, so me and Lauren were invited to

918
00:46:42,719 --> 00:46:47,000
Speaker 3: the same thing yesterday, decided not to come because she

919
00:46:47,239 --> 00:46:51,120
Speaker 3: wanted to protect her energy and her time and also

920
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:53,880
Speaker 3: what she she knows what she's able to give in

921
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:56,360
Speaker 3: the right way. And I want to ask you with

922
00:46:56,360 --> 00:46:58,480
Speaker 3: the industry that you've been in for such a long time.

923
00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:02,560
Speaker 3: How have you manage is to separate the oh I

924
00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:05,560
Speaker 3: feel like I should go to this and people pleasing

925
00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:07,840
Speaker 3: and feeling like you have to stay relevant. You know,

926
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:10,399
Speaker 3: it's so difficult in from the small amount that I've

927
00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 3: seen of that industry to feel like you have to

928
00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:15,480
Speaker 3: be places and have to be seen and you know,

929
00:47:15,640 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 3: to make sure that people know that you still exist.

930
00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:22,000
Speaker 3: And so how have you balanced wanting to have a

931
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:24,480
Speaker 3: life that you're having now while still doing the job

932
00:47:24,520 --> 00:47:26,040
Speaker 3: that you love, which entells so much of this.

933
00:47:27,040 --> 00:47:30,680
Speaker 1: So that's a battle, yeah, still, because I'm like when

934
00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:36,440
Speaker 1: reality God has the final say, yeah, like it's really

935
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:39,400
Speaker 1: not in the hands of nobody, and that's just the truth.

936
00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:44,480
Speaker 1: That's the truth. And so what I battle is the truth.

937
00:47:45,239 --> 00:47:49,040
Speaker 1: And sometimes the truth looks like it's delayed, but it's

938
00:47:49,120 --> 00:47:52,360
Speaker 1: not just right on time. And then like you know,

939
00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:56,640
Speaker 1: the people in your circle, that's like you gotta be

940
00:47:56,719 --> 00:47:58,759
Speaker 1: out so you're not that scene and no one is

941
00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:04,520
Speaker 1: seeing you in Adisaia to mine And I'm like, at

942
00:48:04,520 --> 00:48:07,120
Speaker 1: what price for me? Though? I feel like for me,

943
00:48:07,239 --> 00:48:11,360
Speaker 1: it's not for everybody. Everybody, you know, it works for

944
00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:15,200
Speaker 1: a lot of people. So I do balance that I

945
00:48:15,280 --> 00:48:17,600
Speaker 1: balance that is it a lot of fear. Am I

946
00:48:17,680 --> 00:48:21,799
Speaker 1: in fear or you know, is this my intuition? So

947
00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:25,280
Speaker 1: I'm always trying to figure that out. But more recently

948
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:30,080
Speaker 1: I'm like, I've been out. It does not fulfill my

949
00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:31,200
Speaker 1: soul in any way.

950
00:48:32,719 --> 00:48:33,279
Speaker 3: What you have to do.

951
00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:36,839
Speaker 2: I'm showing up for certain people that I really care for.

952
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:39,520
Speaker 1: Right but and then I'm like, okay, and I don't

953
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:44,120
Speaker 1: want to go out anymore. So yesterday I was like, yeah,

954
00:48:44,160 --> 00:48:46,280
Speaker 1: I feel like it's going to take my energy source.

955
00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:48,680
Speaker 1: I didn't feel like I was able to do that

956
00:48:48,719 --> 00:48:52,400
Speaker 1: and then come here today and be like honest and present.

957
00:48:52,719 --> 00:48:53,640
Speaker 3: Yeah I chose, I.

958
00:48:53,640 --> 00:48:55,280
Speaker 2: Chose, I chose us.

959
00:48:56,040 --> 00:48:58,440
Speaker 1: But yeah, I feel like I still I find it

960
00:48:58,480 --> 00:49:01,880
Speaker 1: hard to balance that because I do want to, you know,

961
00:49:02,719 --> 00:49:06,040
Speaker 1: be with the people that I work with. I want

962
00:49:06,040 --> 00:49:08,080
Speaker 1: to you know, I want to be accountable and I

963
00:49:08,120 --> 00:49:09,560
Speaker 1: do you know, in a way you want to like

964
00:49:10,320 --> 00:49:13,799
Speaker 1: be a good in good partnership. And I just then

965
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:15,440
Speaker 1: to make sure it's not my fear. A lot of

966
00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:18,279
Speaker 1: times it's not my fear. Untilitally, I am very much

967
00:49:18,320 --> 00:49:20,040
Speaker 1: intact and I'm like, I didn't have to go to that.

968
00:49:21,040 --> 00:49:23,720
Speaker 3: But it's also hard because being an actor now involves

969
00:49:23,719 --> 00:49:26,680
Speaker 3: so much other things, but you can't have it as

970
00:49:26,719 --> 00:49:31,600
Speaker 3: your artistry and your profession. It kind of merges into

971
00:49:31,600 --> 00:49:33,880
Speaker 3: so much other stuff as well, and so there's a

972
00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:36,160
Speaker 3: lot more fluff added to That's.

973
00:49:35,960 --> 00:49:38,400
Speaker 1: Why I cannot put my identity in my work.

974
00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:38,920
Speaker 3: I know.

975
00:49:39,239 --> 00:49:41,840
Speaker 1: That's why my identity is not in my work anymore.

976
00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:43,680
Speaker 1: I feel like I used to be, like, I mean,

977
00:49:43,880 --> 00:49:45,120
Speaker 1: can I need to get this job? And I know

978
00:49:45,160 --> 00:49:49,000
Speaker 1: audition and I think now I'm just like again finding

979
00:49:49,040 --> 00:49:50,160
Speaker 1: home within myself.

980
00:49:50,400 --> 00:49:53,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, what was your favorite or like, what's the most

981
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:58,160
Speaker 3: exciting career goal that you've reached? Like, what was something

982
00:49:58,160 --> 00:49:59,239
Speaker 3: that you were really excited that.

983
00:49:59,320 --> 00:50:04,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, hmmm, I've really enjoyed designing capsules with Puma.

984
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:06,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love you.

985
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:09,160
Speaker 1: I really do enjoy that. That's really really I really

986
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:14,080
Speaker 1: enjoy coming up with the creative with the photo shoots

987
00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:17,200
Speaker 1: and picking the photographers and picking the looks and just

988
00:50:17,239 --> 00:50:20,560
Speaker 1: being kind of like a creative director behind the scenes

989
00:50:20,600 --> 00:50:23,400
Speaker 1: on that has been like the most I love. I

990
00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:26,000
Speaker 1: realized how much I love that. I actually like being

991
00:50:26,080 --> 00:50:31,480
Speaker 1: behind the scenes more than in front. Yeah, I would

992
00:50:31,520 --> 00:50:33,440
Speaker 1: think that I would think just like the behind the

993
00:50:33,480 --> 00:50:37,439
Speaker 1: scenes work and you know, I've been pitching these two

994
00:50:38,480 --> 00:50:41,000
Speaker 1: ideas have nothing to do with really being in front

995
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:42,879
Speaker 1: of the and I really like that too.

996
00:50:43,719 --> 00:50:44,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, what you.

997
00:50:44,840 --> 00:50:48,000
Speaker 3: Working on right now? That's exciting it? Or like what's

998
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:50,440
Speaker 3: to come? I feel like people always love knowing what's

999
00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:51,560
Speaker 3: to come. I don't know.

1000
00:50:51,920 --> 00:50:54,000
Speaker 1: Someone asked me, like, what do you have coming up next?

1001
00:50:54,040 --> 00:50:56,480
Speaker 1: I was like, ask God, I don't really know. And

1002
00:50:56,520 --> 00:50:58,800
Speaker 1: that's another thing. People are like, what's coming up next?

1003
00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:01,960
Speaker 1: I don't know? How about we are gonna find out

1004
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:03,879
Speaker 1: at the same time, like.

1005
00:51:04,080 --> 00:51:06,160
Speaker 2: I don't know how about nothing?

1006
00:51:06,360 --> 00:51:06,680
Speaker 3: Nothing?

1007
00:51:06,760 --> 00:51:08,320
Speaker 2: What if nothing is happening?

1008
00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:12,360
Speaker 3: I have been in that position. It's okay, Yeah, you

1009
00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:14,759
Speaker 3: know what. Since my book came out, I was saying

1010
00:51:14,800 --> 00:51:17,040
Speaker 3: to Jay, I kept going through these ups and downs

1011
00:51:17,040 --> 00:51:19,560
Speaker 3: of like I don't think I want to do this anymore. No,

1012
00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:21,359
Speaker 3: I just don't think I want to do I don't

1013
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:23,160
Speaker 3: think I want to do this anymore. I don't think

1014
00:51:23,200 --> 00:51:25,759
Speaker 3: I want these things in my life anymore. And I

1015
00:51:25,800 --> 00:51:28,600
Speaker 3: think it's so normal. It's it needs to be more

1016
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:31,759
Speaker 3: accepted to go through phases of the unknown of like

1017
00:51:32,239 --> 00:51:35,080
Speaker 3: I don't and I every time someone asked me that question,

1018
00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:37,120
Speaker 3: like I have no idea.

1019
00:51:37,200 --> 00:51:39,120
Speaker 2: It's so triggering it is socially.

1020
00:51:39,520 --> 00:51:40,840
Speaker 1: I feel like in what I do, it's like you

1021
00:51:41,040 --> 00:51:43,520
Speaker 1: finished a movie and then before you wrap the movie,

1022
00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:45,640
Speaker 1: people like, so what do you what's your next job? Like,

1023
00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:50,200
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be how about what if? Sometimes in life

1024
00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:54,200
Speaker 1: we are just able to be and with that, and yeah,

1025
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:57,319
Speaker 1: take in what you just finished, because if I'm just like,

1026
00:51:58,480 --> 00:51:59,120
Speaker 1: I won't even be.

1027
00:51:59,200 --> 00:52:00,600
Speaker 2: I don't even know what I just did.

1028
00:52:00,840 --> 00:52:03,360
Speaker 1: I can't even integrate that in my life, you know

1029
00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:05,520
Speaker 1: what I mean, And take the lesson from that. I'm

1030
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:08,680
Speaker 1: just moving, moving, moving and using.

1031
00:52:08,520 --> 00:52:10,520
Speaker 3: A place of anxiety. Like I noticed that I was

1032
00:52:10,560 --> 00:52:14,640
Speaker 3: living in such a high of I had the adrenaline

1033
00:52:14,719 --> 00:52:18,760
Speaker 3: mixed with the anxiety of constantly doing one thing after another.

1034
00:52:19,239 --> 00:52:21,239
Speaker 3: And then when you come off that, you still have

1035
00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:23,440
Speaker 3: the anxiety, but you don't have the adrenaline. And then

1036
00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:26,600
Speaker 3: suddenly you're just in this constant spiral of just feeling

1037
00:52:26,640 --> 00:52:30,759
Speaker 3: so high strung and almost like you're doing things with

1038
00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:33,719
Speaker 3: zero intention. That's how I felt, and that's what drained me.

1039
00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:35,719
Speaker 2: And I don't want any train. Yeah it does.

1040
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:39,319
Speaker 3: When you're doing anything with zero with no intention, I'm just.

1041
00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:40,080
Speaker 1: On the hamster wheel.

1042
00:52:40,160 --> 00:52:41,759
Speaker 2: Why am I doing that and you're just on the hamps.

1043
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:43,399
Speaker 3: I was breaking. I was literally I was crying every

1044
00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:44,520
Speaker 3: other day. I was like, I have no idea why

1045
00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:46,359
Speaker 3: I'm doing this, Like I don't know why I'm doing

1046
00:52:46,360 --> 00:52:49,040
Speaker 3: why I'm doing it, And I had to just take

1047
00:52:49,120 --> 00:52:50,360
Speaker 3: I took a couple of weeks where I was like,

1048
00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:53,440
Speaker 3: it does not matter whether I do this, this, this,

1049
00:52:53,520 --> 00:52:55,759
Speaker 3: or this. I need to figure out what's happening within me.

1050
00:52:56,000 --> 00:52:58,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, And you know what I realized too recently, I

1051
00:52:58,160 --> 00:53:00,160
Speaker 1: just had it. I was in a meeting in I

1052
00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:03,200
Speaker 1: was realizing in the middle of the meeting that the

1053
00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:06,480
Speaker 1: downloads that I might get from God might not be

1054
00:53:06,520 --> 00:53:10,000
Speaker 1: the same downloads that other people are getting, and they

1055
00:53:10,040 --> 00:53:12,759
Speaker 1: wouldn't get it if I said it anyway. So I'm

1056
00:53:12,800 --> 00:53:15,480
Speaker 1: just gonna let them run it and talk and follow

1057
00:53:15,680 --> 00:53:16,360
Speaker 1: my intuition.

1058
00:53:16,719 --> 00:53:18,359
Speaker 3: You said what you want to say. I don't even

1059
00:53:18,360 --> 00:53:19,760
Speaker 3: know what I'm doing.

1060
00:53:19,840 --> 00:53:23,480
Speaker 1: You know what, you might not even just because your

1061
00:53:25,320 --> 00:53:28,600
Speaker 1: level of success is higher or you have this job

1062
00:53:28,960 --> 00:53:32,880
Speaker 1: that you can appear to know more than me. I

1063
00:53:32,880 --> 00:53:35,080
Speaker 1: don't know where you are in your spirit. I don't

1064
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:38,239
Speaker 1: know how aligned you are, So I'm always curious to

1065
00:53:38,320 --> 00:53:41,240
Speaker 1: that like, where are we at in our soul?

1066
00:53:42,160 --> 00:53:44,040
Speaker 2: I don't really care about your title.

1067
00:53:44,280 --> 00:53:47,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, if that's soul laying in line, you can't tell

1068
00:53:47,840 --> 00:53:51,719
Speaker 1: me too much. I'm gonna follow this path, you know

1069
00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:55,319
Speaker 1: what I mean. So I've been dealing with, you know,

1070
00:53:55,480 --> 00:53:58,560
Speaker 1: just handling business in that way too, Like I hear you,

1071
00:53:58,640 --> 00:54:02,799
Speaker 1: but that's not Yeah, that's not much. Then I'm just

1072
00:54:02,800 --> 00:54:05,560
Speaker 1: gonna trust my download because it's got me.

1073
00:54:07,680 --> 00:54:08,080
Speaker 2: That's far.

1074
00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:12,319
Speaker 3: Yeah, it really has. Thank you, Thank you so much.

1075
00:54:12,480 --> 00:54:13,960
Speaker 3: I didn't cry, No, I did.

1076
00:54:14,120 --> 00:54:14,480
Speaker 1: You did?

1077
00:54:14,560 --> 00:54:15,960
Speaker 2: But do you cry every episode?

1078
00:54:16,080 --> 00:54:19,239
Speaker 3: No? I cry some episodes. Honest. He's always around the

1079
00:54:19,239 --> 00:54:19,920
Speaker 3: same topics.

1080
00:54:20,080 --> 00:54:20,760
Speaker 1: Got it.

1081
00:54:21,440 --> 00:54:24,239
Speaker 3: It's like me processing through having a conversation, got it.

1082
00:54:24,280 --> 00:54:25,759
Speaker 3: But he's on the same time. He didn't cry.

1083
00:54:25,920 --> 00:54:28,560
Speaker 2: No, No, I cried last week in therapy.

1084
00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:30,160
Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, yeah, I was going to ask when

1085
00:54:30,239 --> 00:54:32,200
Speaker 3: was the last time? Go ahead, No, when was the

1086
00:54:32,280 --> 00:54:35,520
Speaker 3: last time he cried? Last week in therapy? Yeah?

1087
00:54:35,680 --> 00:54:37,000
Speaker 2: And that cry came out of nowhere.

1088
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:40,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, I can't believe I cried, right, Yeah, it's

1089
00:54:40,680 --> 00:54:43,319
Speaker 1: nice to embrace it. Yeah, I need to cry more.

1090
00:54:43,360 --> 00:54:45,120
Speaker 1: I went through his face where I cried so much.

1091
00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:47,480
Speaker 1: I thought I was going to run out of his tears.

1092
00:54:47,520 --> 00:54:50,480
Speaker 1: I was like, it's impossible to cry this much. I

1093
00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:53,160
Speaker 1: remember being like, I'm going to run out of tears,

1094
00:54:53,440 --> 00:54:57,080
Speaker 1: and then I was like, I am over crying. But

1095
00:54:57,120 --> 00:54:59,640
Speaker 1: then I also realized that all the tears you don't cry,

1096
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:00,960
Speaker 1: they get stored up.

1097
00:55:01,239 --> 00:55:03,239
Speaker 2: They do you cry about them one day.

1098
00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:06,560
Speaker 3: Physical pain, physical energy, and stagnant energy.

1099
00:55:06,719 --> 00:55:09,920
Speaker 1: I know, I know. So it's to move, I know,

1100
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:13,600
Speaker 1: and I have a very I struggle. My relationship with

1101
00:55:13,680 --> 00:55:16,320
Speaker 1: tears is a struggle. It's a struggle.

1102
00:55:16,920 --> 00:55:19,880
Speaker 3: Is there anything that you want to either say to

1103
00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:22,279
Speaker 3: people about what you've been through or want them to

1104
00:55:22,360 --> 00:55:24,960
Speaker 3: know about you that you that they probably wouldn't know,

1105
00:55:25,120 --> 00:55:25,840
Speaker 3: but you want them to.

1106
00:55:26,480 --> 00:55:29,600
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's a really hard question. I'm overthinking it,

1107
00:55:29,680 --> 00:55:33,480
Speaker 1: but maybe I should it. Don't overthink it. I guess

1108
00:55:33,560 --> 00:55:36,279
Speaker 1: trust the message that God puts on your heart no

1109
00:55:36,360 --> 00:55:38,560
Speaker 1: matter what anyone says, you know, I feel like that's

1110
00:55:38,600 --> 00:55:41,840
Speaker 1: really important. And then something I would want people to

1111
00:55:41,880 --> 00:55:44,759
Speaker 1: know about me that they don't know. I'm trying, like.

1112
00:55:44,840 --> 00:55:46,640
Speaker 2: Y'all are just trying.

1113
00:55:46,880 --> 00:55:50,480
Speaker 1: I'm trying to y'all. I am trying to. I am

1114
00:55:50,480 --> 00:55:53,400
Speaker 1: with y'all, and we are all just trying that. I

1115
00:55:53,440 --> 00:55:58,320
Speaker 1: am not an expert. I'm just a reflection that what

1116
00:55:58,440 --> 00:55:59,759
Speaker 1: we are all trying to figure it out?

1117
00:55:59,840 --> 00:56:04,560
Speaker 3: Right, Okay, rapid fire questions. What are you reading right now?

1118
00:56:05,640 --> 00:56:09,200
Speaker 1: I am reading The Garden Within by doctor Anita.

1119
00:56:09,480 --> 00:56:11,480
Speaker 2: Oh that's a beautiful way, it's amazing.

1120
00:56:11,800 --> 00:56:15,839
Speaker 3: What is your favorite, well, like, your favorite self care

1121
00:56:15,880 --> 00:56:19,360
Speaker 3: ritual that you do right now as far as skincare, Yeah,

1122
00:56:19,480 --> 00:56:21,319
Speaker 3: or like anything like a self care ritual that's for

1123
00:56:21,360 --> 00:56:25,960
Speaker 3: your physical body that you do. Been planning massages once

1124
00:56:26,000 --> 00:56:29,560
Speaker 3: a month on a Monday. Yes, very important. It is

1125
00:56:29,880 --> 00:56:32,359
Speaker 3: so not if you have the ability. Like in I

1126
00:56:32,440 --> 00:56:35,399
Speaker 3: radio talks about how massage is just like drinking water,

1127
00:56:35,520 --> 00:56:38,000
Speaker 3: like to help detox your body. It is such a

1128
00:56:38,080 --> 00:56:40,680
Speaker 3: key part of health. So just like you work out

1129
00:56:41,320 --> 00:56:44,839
Speaker 3: and you eat good food, massage is like the next

1130
00:56:44,840 --> 00:56:47,200
Speaker 3: thing to really help your body to detox everything.

1131
00:56:47,840 --> 00:56:50,120
Speaker 1: No sit in and I don't care for Mondays. So

1132
00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:52,120
Speaker 1: if you do it on a Monday, yeah, a little

1133
00:56:52,120 --> 00:56:52,680
Speaker 1: bit easier.

1134
00:56:54,080 --> 00:56:56,240
Speaker 3: Favorite skincare product you're using right now.

1135
00:56:56,480 --> 00:57:00,440
Speaker 1: It's this moisturizer from Epi Logic.

1136
00:57:00,640 --> 00:57:02,480
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I've heard that. Do you don't care?

1137
00:57:02,600 --> 00:57:03,319
Speaker 1: I love it?

1138
00:57:03,680 --> 00:57:05,200
Speaker 3: Okay, I've been recommended that.

1139
00:57:05,320 --> 00:57:06,120
Speaker 1: Yes, it's amazing.

1140
00:57:06,800 --> 00:57:07,799
Speaker 3: What do you use on your hair?

1141
00:57:08,160 --> 00:57:09,280
Speaker 2: Sacred fiance?

1142
00:57:09,480 --> 00:57:11,200
Speaker 1: Sacred? Okay? Do I need it?

1143
00:57:11,280 --> 00:57:11,520
Speaker 3: Yes?

1144
00:57:11,560 --> 00:57:11,879
Speaker 1: You do?

1145
00:57:12,040 --> 00:57:13,200
Speaker 2: Okay, it's amazing.

1146
00:57:13,440 --> 00:57:14,040
Speaker 3: Good it is.

1147
00:57:14,160 --> 00:57:18,200
Speaker 1: I'm not just saying it is really good, really absolutely,

1148
00:57:18,520 --> 00:57:20,960
Speaker 1: I'm actually almost out.

1149
00:57:21,200 --> 00:57:23,560
Speaker 3: We got it. Okay, amazing, good, great, great tips. Do

1150
00:57:23,600 --> 00:57:28,560
Speaker 3: you have anything that you Oh what is your your

1151
00:57:28,600 --> 00:57:30,600
Speaker 3: guilty pleasure when it comes to food?

1152
00:57:31,120 --> 00:57:33,840
Speaker 2: Oh, if I say this, the people are gonna judge me.

1153
00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:37,840
Speaker 3: No, no, tell me, no, tell me, tell me.

1154
00:57:38,360 --> 00:57:42,000
Speaker 1: Taco Bell chats horrible.

1155
00:57:42,200 --> 00:57:43,720
Speaker 2: People are gonna kill me.

1156
00:57:43,760 --> 00:57:45,000
Speaker 1: People don't kill We don't kill.

1157
00:57:45,000 --> 00:57:46,960
Speaker 3: We don't taco about. What's your order going? I know

1158
00:57:47,040 --> 00:57:48,920
Speaker 3: you know about heart. You don't even have to look

1159
00:57:48,960 --> 00:57:49,480
Speaker 3: at the menu.

1160
00:57:49,680 --> 00:57:52,600
Speaker 2: What is your order a Mexican people?

1161
00:57:53,040 --> 00:57:56,440
Speaker 3: Oh that yeah? Okay. I remember coming to Taco Bell

1162
00:57:56,920 --> 00:57:59,600
Speaker 3: when I first came to America to visit my cousins,

1163
00:57:59,640 --> 00:58:03,120
Speaker 3: and oh, we had Tacoboll every day. It was constantly

1164
00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:06,600
Speaker 3: like anything. Taco Bell need the vegetarians.

1165
00:58:06,600 --> 00:58:08,880
Speaker 1: So I cannot be I admitted there, but I will

1166
00:58:09,160 --> 00:58:10,400
Speaker 1: Chaco Bell and chuck e cheese.

1167
00:58:10,560 --> 00:58:12,600
Speaker 2: Oh my god, chuck e cheese. I haven't mental chuky

1168
00:58:12,680 --> 00:58:14,000
Speaker 2: cheese and years

1169
00:58:14,040 --> 00:58:25,960
Speaker 3: Okay, perfect yea, and the rapid Fire thanks so yeah.