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Speaker 1: Hey, Mike, how you doing. Good morning, I'm good, are

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Speaker 1: you guys?

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Speaker 2: Mike?

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Speaker 1: Thank you for hanging on man, welcome to stay or go. Now,

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Speaker 1: this is very interesting, this situation that you were in,

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Speaker 1: and why wouldn't you reach out to a morning radio

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Speaker 1: show and ask us for our opinions? And for the

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Speaker 1: people that say, like, well, that's crazy, I would never

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Speaker 1: do that. Maybe, but you know, we do have a

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Speaker 1: wide selection of folks of thirteen people who listen to us,

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Speaker 1: and those thirteen people have a lot of different opinions.

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Speaker 1: So it's possible that is the information that you gain here,

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Speaker 1: you know, could give you a little perspective that you're

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Speaker 1: not already getting. So what's going on? This is about

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Speaker 1: you and your your wife?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's what I was hoping.

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Speaker 4: I was hoping I can get a little advice on this.

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Speaker 4: So I'm just gonna be I'm just going to say it.

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Speaker 4: Here's the thing about fifteen years ago, right, I slept

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Speaker 4: with my wife's sister.

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Speaker 1: Oh okay, I mean no, I just I was actually

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Speaker 1: looking at my phone the very second that you said that.

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Speaker 1: But sort of insignificant news of my fifteen years ago

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Speaker 1: I slept with my wife's sister, your wife was this?

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Speaker 1: Did you cheat? Worse?

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Speaker 4: It gets worse. This was this was the night before

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Speaker 4: we got married.

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Speaker 5: You're alive.

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Speaker 1: Well, I think it was not everybody nose. So the

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Speaker 1: night before your wedding you slept with your now wife's sister. Okay,

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Speaker 1: and nobody ever thought that about this?

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Speaker 4: Well no, no, The only people who know are me

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Speaker 4: and my wife's sister. I mean, like, listen, like, I

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Speaker 4: know this is so bad. You know, I know how

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Speaker 4: awful it is. But I can only say I was

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Speaker 4: just young, stupid, scared, and.

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Speaker 6: Quite frankly a whole lot drunk. Uh, you know, but

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Speaker 6: like it happened. It happened, and immediately were full of regret.

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Speaker 6: And after that night, man, I make sure I'm never

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Speaker 6: done anything wrong for fifteen years and I never will.

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Speaker 4: You know, our marriage has been wonderful. My wife has no.

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Speaker 1: Idea because it's just it is not a lie. I mean,

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Speaker 1: it is not a lie. His marriage is not a

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Speaker 1: lie to continue though.

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Speaker 4: Our marriage has been true, like I mean, technically, you know,

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Speaker 4: it happened before we're marriage, so our marriage has been true.

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Speaker 4: But but you know, lately I've been kind of trying

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Speaker 4: to work on myself and and you know, my guilt. Man,

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Speaker 4: it's just been it's been kind of hard to manage.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I've been talking with therapists for a while.

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Speaker 4: And my therapist answer me, if if I should tell

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Speaker 4: my wife? I know that was something that no, like

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Speaker 4: I should do.

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Speaker 1: Nope, Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. You,

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Speaker 1: first of all, this is not a good situation. This

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Speaker 1: is a stay situation. You made a big mistake and

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Speaker 1: it has not it does not appear to have effected

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Speaker 1: your your marriage at all. Do you have kids? You said, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you have kids. Yeah, it's something you get to live with.

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Speaker 1: You get to may you get to deal with this,

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Speaker 1: manage this with your therapist. This is it, This is

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Speaker 1: this is something you gotta do. There is no reason

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Speaker 1: to blow up your perfectly happy marriage for fifteen years

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Speaker 1: and your family for something that happened fifteen years ago.

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Speaker 1: That's your screw up. It's gonna it's gonna probably blow

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Speaker 1: up your family. It's gonna blow up her relationship with

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Speaker 1: her sister. It happened fifteen years ago. You survived it,

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Speaker 1: you got away with it. And I think the only

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Speaker 1: reason and you said, it yourself that you would you

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Speaker 1: would want to say something is to assuage your own guilt,

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Speaker 1: is to it's to make you feel better, because it doesn't.

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Speaker 1: It's not gonna make anybody else feel better in your

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Speaker 1: life except for you. So no, Kiky, what.

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Speaker 7: When you put it like that, I wouldn't tell you

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Speaker 7: so I started. I wouldn't up right now if I

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Speaker 7: was you. It just acts like this, never had this

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Speaker 7: phone call, never happened, right however, and the other the

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Speaker 7: other party. I can't live with somebody that I'm married

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Speaker 7: to sitting in a room on Thanksgiving dinner having a

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Speaker 7: secret with my sister that I don't know about all

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Speaker 7: the betrayal, because everything is gonna come to the light

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Speaker 7: one day. So whether he tells it now or the

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Speaker 7: sister gets drunk and it reveals it later, it's gonna

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Speaker 7: come out at some point.

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Speaker 5: You can stuff like this never say is where it

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Speaker 5: should be.

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Speaker 1: So I feel like the vast majority of the time

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Speaker 1: that people come come forward and admit to cheating, it's

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Speaker 1: to make themselves feel better, and it doesn't do anything

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Speaker 1: for the It doesn't do anything but ruin the other person. Now,

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Speaker 1: I don't know if this were habitual. If this were

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Speaker 1: an ongoing relationship, if you guys had been involved for

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Speaker 1: fifteen years or something, I mean, I think at that

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Speaker 1: point you've got to get out. But you made one mistake,

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Speaker 1: a bad one, a big one, fifteen years ago, and

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Speaker 1: you're saying you have done nothing since then, and your

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Speaker 1: marriage is good and your family is good, and her

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Speaker 1: relationship with her sister and your relationship with her sister

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Speaker 1: seemed to be. Okay, you need to let this one go.

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Speaker 1: You gotta gotta.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, I see her, I see your point

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Speaker 4: and everything, but I just don't know how to shake

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Speaker 4: this guilt. You know, I feel so bad.

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Speaker 1: I mean, that's what you have to live with. That's

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. That's unfortunately, bro, that's on you. Unfortunately

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Speaker 1: that you're gonna have to figure that out with your

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Speaker 1: therapist or whatever, because there is no reason to ruin

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Speaker 1: your family over a mistake. If you're telling me that

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Speaker 1: this was a one time deal, people screw up. It

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Speaker 1: was a one time deal. And you're saying it has

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Speaker 1: not affected your marriage whatsoever, and you haven't done it since,

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Speaker 1: so I think you got to just continue on that path.

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Speaker 1: Someone said it is his sister Hot is the sister Hot.

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Speaker 5: See, you gotta die with that lie.

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Speaker 1: You gotta die with that lie.

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Speaker 8: He's happily married, like Fred said, it was a mistake.

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Speaker 8: Like if he says it now, it's it's for his

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Speaker 8: it's for his peace. But he's gonna ruin everything that

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Speaker 8: he's had with his wife.

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Speaker 7: But he's living a lie. It's all based on this

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Speaker 7: horrible lie.

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Speaker 1: I don't think his whole marriage is based on the

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Speaker 1: infidelity one night before his marriage. I don't think that

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Speaker 1: means that his entire wedding or his entire marriage and

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Speaker 1: love for and connection to this woman and the children

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Speaker 1: and the family. I don't think that's all a lie

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Speaker 1: because he's screwed up one time. I don't infidelity.

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Speaker 7: If you slept with the big booty stripper the night

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Speaker 7: before the wedding, I can get over that.

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Speaker 5: But you slept with my sister. She is not basing

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Speaker 5: at all in this situation.

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Speaker 9: Sister, I shouldn't be sleeping with anyone the night before

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Speaker 9: your wedding, and you shouldn't get over it. The winner

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Speaker 9: if it's the big booty stripper down the street, or

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Speaker 9: it's the sister.

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Speaker 5: But Jason HiT's different because it's my I mean.

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Speaker 1: But you shouldn't get over it.

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Speaker 9: How you go through the whole wedding and not yeah,

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Speaker 9: the whole day and the vows and the family and

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Speaker 9: the photo.

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Speaker 1: But he had to live with that. He had to

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Speaker 1: look her in the eye, knowing what he had done

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Speaker 1: the night before, and make a promise to be committed

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Speaker 1: to her, and according to him, he did it. Hey, Mike,

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Speaker 1: let me take some phone calls on this man. Good luck, Okay,

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Speaker 1: what does this take? Surprisingly? I agree with Fred. Surprisingly,

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Speaker 1: welcome to the life. About time you should start doing

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Speaker 1: it more often? Your life will get better? Is it?

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Speaker 1: Who wasn't? Is that how you say it?

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Speaker 10: Yes, I'm here, Hey, good.

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Speaker 1: Morning, okay. So just to recap and thank you for

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Speaker 1: calling him, for listening. This dude slept with his wife's

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Speaker 1: sister the night before he married his wife. They've been

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Speaker 1: together for fifteen years, they have kids. He says, his

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Speaker 1: marriage is wonderful, the relationship is strong, the family unit

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Speaker 1: is there. She has no idea this happened, except he

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Speaker 1: is living with this immense guild and this therapist is

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Speaker 1: asking the question, do you think that you need to

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Speaker 1: tell her? And he doesn't know and I'm saying, who wasn't. No,

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Speaker 1: he gets to live with this. He doesn't have to

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Speaker 1: ruin anybody else's life because of what he did.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, No, I totally agree with that. Honestly, I'm really

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Speaker 2: think that it's over with I'm sorry, because you know

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Speaker 2: the same if you love a person, you will not

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Speaker 2: hurt that person seriously. And then for her for him

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Speaker 2: to do that with his own sister and then for

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Speaker 2: her too, She's wrong.

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Speaker 1: But how is it? How is the marriage over when

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Speaker 1: she's none the wiser? The marriage is only over when

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Speaker 1: she finds out if he tells her, I think you

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Speaker 1: go to the grave, Like Rufio said, I think you

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Speaker 1: got to die with this, and if you feel terrible

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Speaker 1: about it, you get to feel terrible about it.

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Speaker 5: Because it's guilt Troup.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, honestly, like he really messed up. But I mean

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Speaker 2: some people will work it out, you know. I don't

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Speaker 2: know if he's still like trying to work it out

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Speaker 2: with her, But I don't know how she's gonna feel.

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Speaker 2: But I'm pretty sure she's going to be very, very

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Speaker 2: heartbroken because honestly, recently, at the beginning this year, this

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Speaker 2: similar story happened to my friend. She found out that

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Speaker 2: her sister was sleeping with her man m Yeah, and

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Speaker 2: it was terrible. She sold me what The text message was, Oh.

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Speaker 11: My god, we'll see here.

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Speaker 1: And I don't mean to be overly dramatic, but think

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Speaker 1: about what. Think about what this woman is losing by

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Speaker 1: him divulging. She's going to lose her husband, she's going

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Speaker 1: to lose her more than likely her family unit. She's

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Speaker 1: going to ruin. It's going to ruin her trust, maybe

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Speaker 1: for the rest of her life. She's going to lose

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Speaker 1: her sister. She's going to lose, you know, potentially the

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Speaker 1: ability to just be a family unit. It's not good

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Speaker 1: And thank you have a good day.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I love you buy so much?

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Speaker 1: Hey love you too? So is it? Is?

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Speaker 3: It?

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Speaker 1: Really like it? Ultimately it could be worse for her

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Speaker 1: to have that information than it is for him to

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Speaker 1: live with it. Think about that, but.

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Speaker 7: It's like you're not giving her any credit. She may

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Speaker 7: be able to now that she knows the truth, she

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Speaker 7: can heal and get over it, But to live with

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Speaker 7: a lie and face her every single like that's her sister, bro,

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Speaker 7: that is so low down and dirty.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but it also was fifteen years ago. People

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Speaker 1: do have a right to change. And it sounds like

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Speaker 1: it has never been you know, repeated, right, so she

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Speaker 1: hasn't done it again or he hasn't done it again.

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Speaker 7: But give me, as the wife, the decision on how

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Speaker 7: I want to move forward. Give me that because you've

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Speaker 7: already lied to me, you already, like when I think

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Speaker 7: back on the last fifteen years, you've been living this

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Speaker 7: lie with me. At least give me the right to

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Speaker 7: the truth how I want to move.

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Speaker 1: Forward with this. He deserves the right to.

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Speaker 9: Yeah, and see how she comes out the other end

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Speaker 9: and what decision she makes with the sister, with the

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Speaker 9: man whatever, She deserves that right.

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Speaker 8: I don't know, Like I agree with you, Kiki that

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Speaker 8: one day this secret will come out, Oh yeah, but

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Speaker 8: it should come out on its own. This man should

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Speaker 8: not tell his wife of fifteen years.

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Speaker 1: Yes, it was a mistake. Is their marriage a lie?

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Speaker 8: I thought yes in the beginning, but then I'm kind

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Speaker 8: of on Fred's side, like it happened before the marriage,

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Speaker 8: and yes it was with his sister. But like you can,

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Speaker 8: that woman would be devastated, like I've been losing everything.

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Speaker 1: If and when he gets caught, he has to cop

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Speaker 1: to yes, he would have to immediately cop to it.

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Speaker 1: And then if she's like, why didn't you tell me,

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Speaker 1: you can say because it was the biggest stake of

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Speaker 1: my life. And we've created this life together and I've

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Speaker 1: been completely and totally faithful and loyal to you, and

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Speaker 1: I don't want to blow up everybody's life because of

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Speaker 1: something I did that was wrong. And if she still leaves,

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Speaker 1: she has every right to off she goes. But he

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Speaker 1: didn't implode the relationships simply to make himself feel better.

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Speaker 5: What, guys, I've done the math.

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Speaker 7: He had five four and seventy five days to tell

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Speaker 7: her the truth, and you want him to just keep

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Speaker 7: living this life. You haven't explode in her face.

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Speaker 1: And because he gets to carry the burden. I didn't

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Speaker 1: tell you.

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Speaker 5: Because because Fred and Rufijil said I should take it

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Speaker 5: to the grave.

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Speaker 1: No, I mean that's exactly right. Hey, Actually leave us

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Speaker 1: out of it. Hey, Liz, how you doing, Liz?

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Speaker 5: Good morning?

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Speaker 10: Good morning?

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Speaker 1: Hi.

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Speaker 11: What do you think she needs to take it to

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Speaker 11: the grave.

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Speaker 3: Himself?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, he gets to live with this. Why why

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Speaker 1: why ruin her life?

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, it's fifteen years later, it's going to

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Speaker 3: ruin not just her life, not his life, which he

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Speaker 3: ruined himself, but their entire family. And if he has

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Speaker 3: truly been faithful, and.

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Speaker 10: He and he and her sister did a one time,

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Speaker 10: really stupid mistake, and I've kept it secret for fifteen years,

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Speaker 10: and dope, keep it take it.

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Speaker 7: To the grave.

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Speaker 1: But I don't know how old that guy was. Again,

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Speaker 1: let's say he's forty years old. He did that when

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Speaker 1: he was twenty five, twenty six years old. Think of

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Speaker 1: the stuff that you were doing. And I'm not saying

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Speaker 1: it's right, it's not right, but think of the decisions

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Speaker 1: that we were making at twenty six and the decisions

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Speaker 1: hopefully you're making fifteen years later.

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Speaker 10: I mean the stuff that he We married eleven years

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Speaker 10: and we got married when I was twenty four. And

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Speaker 10: I have to tell you, if I found out now something,

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Speaker 10: and I get that the sister thing is a big deal,

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Speaker 10: but if I found out now, I don't think I

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Speaker 10: would upend my.

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Speaker 3: Whole life, my life, my entire family.

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Speaker 10: I would figure out a way to get through it,

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Speaker 10: but I would be suffering. I would rather just not suffer.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there you go, There you go. Thank you, Liz,

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Speaker 1: have a good day.

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Speaker 11: You do.

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Speaker 1: Love you guys. Yeah, I love you too. Anna, Hi,

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Speaker 1: good morning, and okay she's gone. She did Okay, I

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Speaker 1: was talking with you, Michelle. How you doing, Michelle? Hi,

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Speaker 1: good morning, Hey, good morning. Stay or go?

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Speaker 2: He needs to tell her he needs to go.

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Speaker 3: She started that marriage off on a lie.

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Speaker 2: And I'm shocked that Rufio is agreeing, but he needs

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Speaker 2: to go. I'm on kiky with this one.

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Speaker 1: Wow, So just blow up everything because he's an idiot

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Speaker 1: and she's an idiot.

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Speaker 10: Yeah, he started that marriage off on a lie, and

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Speaker 10: that that woman deserves to know.

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Speaker 3: How was she sitting there with her kids with their auntie.

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Speaker 2: And she slept with your man right before you got married.

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Speaker 1: And he knows nothing you Yeah, I mean I don't know. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: thank you Michelle. Have a good day. Love you guys, bye,

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Speaker 1: Love you too. I don't know. When I was young,

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Speaker 1: I guess I would much younger, I guess I had

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Speaker 1: the opinion that everybody should know everything, like if you

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Speaker 1: should come clean. And the older I get, the more

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Speaker 1: I realized that people screw up, people do dumb things.

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Speaker 1: I don't necessarily think always wants a cheat, her, always

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Speaker 1: a cheater. Yeah, I think people I think, who knows

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Speaker 1: what he was going. I'm not excusing what he did.

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Speaker 1: What he did was wrong. What her sister did we

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Speaker 1: kept saying. We keep saying his sister. That would make

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Speaker 1: it even worse. What he did with her sister is wrong.

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Speaker 1: What she did with him is wrong. But also, you

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Speaker 1: make one bad decision the night before you make this

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Speaker 1: lifelong commitment, and then you uphold the commitment and don't

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Speaker 1: revisit that mistake for an extended period of time fifteen years.

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Speaker 1: Now you're affecting so many other people by coming clean,

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Speaker 1: And I just don't know why, Stacy. You say tell

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Speaker 1: her yeah, I say, tell her, yeap. Why what does

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Speaker 1: that accomplish?

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Speaker 11: So this time I was cheated on that by not

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Speaker 11: with you know, it was with my sister. But I

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Speaker 11: was on the other end of this, and at first

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Speaker 11: I wish that he never told me. I could have

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Speaker 11: gone the rest of our marriage without knowing, because it

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Speaker 11: would have just been better because it was so hurtful,

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Speaker 11: so painful. But now we're on the other end of it,

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Speaker 11: and again it was it was my sister, but we

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Speaker 11: made it through and we're better.

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Speaker 2: For it now.

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Speaker 11: Like it was so hard, we had so much to

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Speaker 11: go through. But now we're married and happy and like,

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Speaker 11: the truth is out there and it was my choice

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Speaker 11: this day or go, and I deserve to have that choice.

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Speaker 11: It hurts so bad, and at first I wish he

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Speaker 11: never would have told me, but now I know when

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Speaker 11: we're on the other end and we're so much better

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Speaker 11: for it. It wasn't my sister, but I still deserve.

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Speaker 1: To know and so to see fair enough, Thank you, Stacy.

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Speaker 1: Have a good day.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So I'm getting dragged in and text messages, but.

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Speaker 5: You deserve it.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, Shelly, what are you thinking. You're the

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Speaker 1: married Oh gosh, you have to tell her.

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Speaker 5: You have to.

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Speaker 12: And I think, like what Keeki was saying, I think

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Speaker 12: to assume everything's gonna be blown up, not necessarily. I mean,

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Speaker 12: I think at first, of course she'll be upset, but

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Speaker 12: people work through these things.

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Speaker 5: I think that's what happens.

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 12: You have to so she she might leave, but she

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Speaker 12: also they could maybe work through it.

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Speaker 3: Yep.

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Speaker 7: I'll trust you more for coming to me and admitting

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Speaker 7: it to me and giving me that option versus we're

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Speaker 7: Christmas okay, and everybody's drunk off the egg nog and

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Speaker 7: then Uncle Earl tells the secret that y'all slept together.

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Speaker 5: And now I don't know, but.

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Speaker 9: You know, it's all gonna come out another a person up.

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Speaker 5: Guilt is not something to walk around with. That'll eat

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Speaker 5: him up. He cannot live with that forever.

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Speaker 1: So he gets to though that's the burden. It's his burden,

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Speaker 1: not hers.

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Speaker 12: But it's not like a punishment for him, because like

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Speaker 12: people make mistakes. He made a mistake, and so he's

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Speaker 12: trying to work through it. And I think he's true.

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Speaker 5: He wants to do the right thing.

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Speaker 12: But it's it's hard. It's gonna be hard, but people

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Speaker 12: can do it. He could do it.

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Speaker 8: If I'm if I'm this man, Mike, I'm blaming the

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Speaker 8: sister and everything if it ever comes out.

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Speaker 1: Look at this, she's forced me not to say anything.

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Speaker 5: I've been waiting fifteen years. I couldn't tell me. She

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Speaker 5: was blackmailing me the whole time. What so you just

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Speaker 5: keep lying? Yeah, absolutely nothing.

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Speaker 1: Somebody the old diddy where someone suggested that because he cheated,

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Speaker 1: she gelts the free pass on somebody. That doesn't work either.

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Speaker 1: Don't do that either. That's a terrible light game. Well

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Speaker 1: then I can't agree with no. That's a terrible thing.