Speaker 1: I leave in I you wanna way back home? Either
Speaker 1: way we want to be there.
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim, and give us
Speaker 2: time and a Turnino and gay. We want to send
Speaker 2: you off inside.
Speaker 3: Do you wanna.
Speaker 4: Welcome you back home?
Speaker 5: Tell us all about it?
Speaker 1: We scared her? Was it fine?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 5: Porn?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do your need ride? Ride with Karen and Chris? Welcome
Speaker 4: to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 4: I'm about to jump in the car with Karen Kilgareff.
Speaker 4: We are late to pick up Eddie Pepatone. His actually
Speaker 4: his flight came in early. It's not our fault. Hi
Speaker 4: just doing that and then I'll give you your mite.
Speaker 4: It's impossible and there's that, got it. Everything's impossible, right,
Speaker 4: Everything's impossible.
Speaker 1: That's my new approach.
Speaker 4: I guess if you just expect everything to be impossible,
Speaker 4: you'll never be disappointed. And they've been doing. First of all,
Speaker 4: American Airlines is no sponsor. Oh do you need a round?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 1: Are you calling him out?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 1: Are we about to do this corporate thing?
Speaker 4: It's a little frustrating. How could he be an almost
Speaker 4: an hour earlier?
Speaker 5: I know, Well, that's the thing you never planned for,
Speaker 5: is like something great to happen with the airport, right.
Speaker 3: I yes.
Speaker 4: I mean that's the worst place on earth. It's the
Speaker 4: opposite of Disneyland. It's everyone hates going there, and we've
Speaker 4: decided that's where our podcast will often be driving to.
Speaker 4: Of course we don't actually get out and go there,
Speaker 4: but we have to go there.
Speaker 1: We have to get into it.
Speaker 4: We have to drive into all these people.
Speaker 5: And also I think it creates that tension. People sitting
Speaker 5: in a podcast studio booth won't ever have this kind
Speaker 5: of emotional, dramatic tension that we have every episode.
Speaker 4: Chris, I am legitimately frustrated. Negative feelings are surging through me,
Speaker 4: and I'm glad I can just bring it to people.
Speaker 1: Always there's Eddie.
Speaker 4: Hold on, he's calling. It's probably mad and hold on
Speaker 4: hello hello.
Speaker 1: Wait ship sorry.
Speaker 3: Hello, Yes, so I'm here.
Speaker 4: Yes, I'm a terminal four.
Speaker 7: And if you are you.
Speaker 4: Close, we are close.
Speaker 1: We are like eight minutes away.
Speaker 4: We're already recording or less.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're you're being recorded right now.
Speaker 3: External And I think it says out on the door.
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, sometimes it does.
Speaker 1: We'll just keep your eye open for you. Yeah. Let
Speaker 1: try to wave your hat around in the air and.
Speaker 3: Great, okay, so you'll see me.
Speaker 5: Your podcast hot, okay, great, Yeah, and definitely be better
Speaker 5: better in the car than you.
Speaker 4: Are right now, the higher energy.
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding, Eddie.
Speaker 3: I hope, I hope.
Speaker 4: In addition, I hope he was patiently waiting. We can
Speaker 4: assume he was impatiently waiting. That's a long time to
Speaker 4: sit there.
Speaker 5: Well, he's he was taxing when he called me, and
Speaker 5: I miraculously just made it up the one on one
Speaker 5: and over the four or five in I think twelve
Speaker 5: minutes to get to your house.
Speaker 4: That you must have been driving like a lunatic.
Speaker 5: I did scream stop breaking. At one point. Everyone in
Speaker 5: front of me seemed to just be breaking for no reason.
Speaker 4: And did they react to your screams?
Speaker 1: No, no, No, that was that was only on me.
Speaker 5: That's the lesson you never learned in a car like that,
Speaker 5: is that you're just making your own environment toxic.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and exactly the negativity that I scream at others,
Speaker 4: I'm only screaming at myself.
Speaker 1: It's bouncing back.
Speaker 5: But it does feel good in the moment, because like
Speaker 5: if you're just if you're going downhill on the four
Speaker 5: or five and all the traffic is going, well, don't
Speaker 5: put on your brakes.
Speaker 1: I think it's because everyone's stoned all the time.
Speaker 4: I think, yeah, it's because we got legal. I blame
Speaker 4: that for a lot of swear about your breaking.
Speaker 5: That weird kind of tippy tappy breaking where you're just
Speaker 5: like it's for nothing.
Speaker 4: Amen, are you paranoid?
Speaker 1: Amen?
Speaker 4: Did you get a bad bag of stuff? I know
Speaker 4: about as much about we eat as a seventies cop.
Speaker 1: You've got a bad strain of the grass.
Speaker 4: You know, reefer kills, right, I mean while you're driving,
Speaker 4: if you break too much, someone could hit you and
Speaker 4: then they have something to do with you dying. But anyway,
Speaker 4: I'm from.
Speaker 5: The seventh Associated for sure, and I have a mustache,
Speaker 5: not badge. Can we just talk very quickly about hilariously
Speaker 5: vacant I was at the end of our Howard Kramer podcast.
Speaker 1: I really did doun on you.
Speaker 4: You should I don't think that you should get down
Speaker 4: on yourself phone never.
Speaker 1: We should never look back every.
Speaker 4: Once in a while, like yours, did, my brain will
Speaker 4: completely shut down and I will have a look of
Speaker 4: fear on my face, which I don't I don't remember
Speaker 4: if you recall, it was like you had seen a
Speaker 4: ghost in the road.
Speaker 1: Yeah, road ghosts probably the worst road ghost. Road ghost?
Speaker 4: Where else are they? Gonnaunt?
Speaker 1: Get out of here, you get.
Speaker 4: Clipped on your bike and you die on the curb side.
Speaker 4: You better haunt that street.
Speaker 5: You better like that shirt you wore, because you're wearing
Speaker 5: it for eternity.
Speaker 4: It's really it's such a bad gig of your ghost
Speaker 4: haunting an intersection because all you can really do is
Speaker 4: mess with the lights.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and just kind of spook people on a rainy night. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 5: hopefully you're in a nightgown.
Speaker 1: It adds something.
Speaker 3: I guess.
Speaker 4: I bet the most popular haunt for a street ghost
Speaker 4: it's to make puddles splash people.
Speaker 5: Then it's more like a street ghost prank. And it
Speaker 5: doesn't have the kind of weight that you want as
Speaker 5: a ghost.
Speaker 4: And I guess a ghost doesn't have the ability to
Speaker 4: move a puddle in front of a person or make
Speaker 4: a car show up.
Speaker 1: So hard to say though, who knows what those ghosts
Speaker 1: can do?
Speaker 4: Christmas Angels you know we take a left here.
Speaker 1: What okay?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Are you just naming other things?
Speaker 4: I'm just saying some dead some apparitions are able to
Speaker 4: conjure up puddles in front of a person standing there
Speaker 4: with a brand new jacket.
Speaker 5: That's Happening's what you're saying, is it's happening.
Speaker 4: Yes, your average street ghost does not have that higher
Speaker 4: up ability.
Speaker 5: They're just lost, but they have died here what happened.
Speaker 4: No one will acknowledge me since my funeral, which I recall,
Speaker 4: but I haven't put them together. And he seemed in
Speaker 4: good spirits.
Speaker 5: I've known Eddie for a while and as you can
Speaker 5: tell by my half apologetic, half doubling down on just
Speaker 5: rubbing salt in the wound, which is very much my style.
Speaker 1: Eddie and I have, so I like it, take them
Speaker 1: while they're waiting.
Speaker 6: It.
Speaker 1: Eddie and I have that kind of we're real talkers.
Speaker 1: I'd say you keep it real. I like to think
Speaker 1: we keep it real because we both think it's funny
Speaker 1: to be insulted, like I like to think, Mic ready,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, good.
Speaker 4: Idea, because we are gonna just pick him up. I'm
Speaker 4: hunched over. I have the mic chuck between my legs
Speaker 4: like an electronic penis.
Speaker 1: You know what I enjoyed, Chris.
Speaker 4: Electronic penis?
Speaker 1: Yes, perfect set up, knockdown. It's that.
Speaker 5: Every time I re listen to this podcast and really
Speaker 5: quickly sidebarring, thank you so much for listening to this podcast,
Speaker 5: all of you who do we really.
Speaker 4: Like that and if we can ask for you to
Speaker 4: more than listen to it and to rate it on.
Speaker 1: iTunes, Oh, don't be afraid on iTunes.
Speaker 5: If yes, positive rating would be even better than a
Speaker 5: mediocre one.
Speaker 4: And we're a bad you currently hat what you're listening to,
Speaker 4: in which case I can't argue that don't just don't
Speaker 4: give us a negative rating. I don't know how much
Speaker 4: how many podcasts get that.
Speaker 5: I'd prefer your apathy then your action against test it.
Speaker 5: I'm gonna try to scream into it and then try
Speaker 5: to whisper into it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, that's how it's going to get with Eddie Pepatone.
Speaker 4: I am going to have to be adjusting the ones
Speaker 4: and twoes because that guy has some range. So I'm
Speaker 4: gonna be you know, when he gets into it as
Speaker 4: soon as he mentions molestation.
Speaker 1: Or Barbara Barbara in the other room, is one of
Speaker 1: my favorite things.
Speaker 4: As soon as he's doing any kind of impression of
Speaker 4: a lounge singer, I'm gonna keep I'm gonna have to
Speaker 4: be on them because I know he'll be low and
Speaker 4: then he's gonna have a non flashback.
Speaker 5: You're going to be sliding those levels around like a
Speaker 5: regular fill in the blank of a person who is
Speaker 5: a famous music And now.
Speaker 4: Have you been hanging out with DJs? Where did you
Speaker 4: learn all that specific jargon?
Speaker 1: I know downs, I know many specialized nouns.
Speaker 4: I know many specimens of nouns.
Speaker 1: I have brags. I have brags all day long.
Speaker 4: And by the way, at the end of the last podcast,
Speaker 4: you didn't shut down. I was in a riff session
Speaker 4: with someone that and it was all inside jokes. What
Speaker 4: are you going to be?
Speaker 3: Are you?
Speaker 1: But I also, hey, I was there too, of you guys.
Speaker 4: I was in Austin between the years of nineteen ninety
Speaker 4: eight and two thousand and you know, there's.
Speaker 1: Something about Howard Kramer.
Speaker 5: Though he's a special spirit, he affects me in a
Speaker 5: different way.
Speaker 4: I think, is this a It's not romantic?
Speaker 3: Is it? Well?
Speaker 1: I think no, it's not.
Speaker 4: I mean I hesitated only.
Speaker 5: Because I absolutely love him, but it's I think Howard
Speaker 5: he's one of the and you would fit into this
Speaker 5: category two of like a comedian who's also manly, like
Speaker 5: actually dudish and manly.
Speaker 4: Yeah you hear that that many now that you related
Speaker 4: me to it, Now I'm starting.
Speaker 1: To see how you see him, you know what I mean?
Speaker 5: Like a masculine is a high school feeling to it
Speaker 5: that I really like me.
Speaker 4: He's very funny but also a chiseled Uh, it's kind
Speaker 4: of a physical specimen.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: So yeah, it is hard to podcast with those times.
Speaker 5: It's hard, you know why because most of the time
Speaker 5: I'm like this rabid raccoon that's just trying to out
Speaker 5: riff everybody.
Speaker 1: But sometimes I want to be a pretty girl. I
Speaker 1: would like to be a pretty girl sometimes love love.
Speaker 4: He's not he has rabies, but he's not going to
Speaker 4: bite you. He's just going to joke.
Speaker 5: He's gonna try to beat your joke, which is so unattractive.
Speaker 4: What's this abunch of garbage in a trash can?
Speaker 1: Yeah, more like that's what you are, Army family.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you garbage in a trash can.
Speaker 1: Go way, raccoon, You're the worst.
Speaker 4: The riffing raccoon is doing political ship.
Speaker 1: Now the riffing raccoon has lost his way.
Speaker 5: He started out so legit just garbage stuff and like
Speaker 5: nighttime stuff, raccoon stuff.
Speaker 1: Watching is.
Speaker 4: I can't how come no one's addressing people talk about
Speaker 4: monkeys all day. No one is addressing the fact that
Speaker 4: raccoons have thumbs. I've seen their their little tiny black hands.
Speaker 4: I've seen them scoop and run with cat food.
Speaker 1: And video one of the best videos.
Speaker 4: That's the best video.
Speaker 1: It's the best.
Speaker 5: Also, have you seen the raccoon the picture of the
Speaker 5: raccoon holding the kitten, standing up on his legs holding
Speaker 5: a kitten like a babysitter.
Speaker 1: It's the cutest thing.
Speaker 4: I don't know what's he about to bite it in half?
Speaker 4: Because raccoons and cats don't mix.
Speaker 1: We don't know. We just don't know.
Speaker 4: I'm being racist maybe, but yeah, you that was a
Speaker 4: great already though, this is our best episode and we
Speaker 4: don't even have a guest in the We're on firing
Speaker 4: on all cylinders and I'm not and I'm trying. That's
Speaker 4: before I even bring up the engine, which is firing on.
Speaker 1: All cylinders but doesn't have a housing in the oil pan.
Speaker 5: Please remember, right, there is risk involved that we have
Speaker 5: some tension that we're taking on stage with us exactly.
Speaker 1: And we're now very close to lax.
Speaker 4: We're not close. We are late, but we are so
Speaker 4: close and.
Speaker 1: We're not late. Eddie was early, which is so irritating.
Speaker 4: I need to keep I remember I said it, I
Speaker 4: predicted it.
Speaker 1: You did predict it on the phone.
Speaker 4: It is creepy. I'm like, I have a feeling about this. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I have a of a nut of trying to think
Speaker 4: of someone on a famous example of superstition. But anyway,
Speaker 4: just any.
Speaker 5: Super like like like, don't black cat crossing your path?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I have a real like show up early because
Speaker 4: this is like stepping on a crack and your mom's.
Speaker 5: Back right, right, right right. Don't put your hat on
Speaker 5: the bed. That's one of my favorites.
Speaker 1: Yeah, don't you on the bed.
Speaker 4: Right when Eddie gets in and takes off the hat
Speaker 4: that he will be wearing, let's just say, hey, don't
Speaker 4: put that on the bed.
Speaker 5: Please don't put it on the bed. And there is
Speaker 5: a sheet on the back seat to cover the dog.
Speaker 1: Here, I'll just.
Speaker 4: Be revealing that you sometimes sleep in your car. I
Speaker 4: mean the back seat of my car.
Speaker 5: Sometimes I like to go just to park on a
Speaker 5: different city street.
Speaker 1: It may or may not be in front of Howard
Speaker 1: Cramer's house and sleep. That's all. This is not true,
Speaker 1: that is all. I don't have feelings power.
Speaker 4: Sake of joking. She's not really attracted to Howard. She's
Speaker 4: just acknowledged.
Speaker 1: I mean, I might be attracted to him, but I
Speaker 1: don't have a feeling.
Speaker 4: We can tell he's handsome.
Speaker 1: Everybody knows he's handsome.
Speaker 4: I just said, we I guess I am too.
Speaker 1: You're attracted to him or you're handsome too.
Speaker 3: Well.
Speaker 4: During the podcast, I felt intimidated because I'm attracted to
Speaker 4: his It's present. It's like a guy being attracted to
Speaker 4: I want to be like this guy in these ways.
Speaker 4: It's not a let's get naked friend, it's a I
Speaker 4: wish that I might, you know. And we started making
Speaker 4: fun of our own podcast. I know yours has a
Speaker 4: format and studio.
Speaker 5: And that's so unattracted and yeah, yes, no power moves.
Speaker 5: You know why, because Howard is an alpha.
Speaker 4: That's what it is.
Speaker 5: He's alpha all the way. So you find yourself, you
Speaker 5: know what I mean? I might as well, have like
Speaker 5: been standing pigeon toed, like looking down at the ground.
Speaker 5: It's so not me, but like it's just the effect
Speaker 5: that alpha.
Speaker 4: Not a lot of. And that's not to says mean
Speaker 4: to freshman high school freshman. I think he would be
Speaker 4: he would he'd make Oh and we're gonna get.
Speaker 1: Right in here, yep, right here, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: And all you've done it all the time entering l an.
Speaker 4: She's done it about a thousand times. But I had
Speaker 4: to tell her.
Speaker 5: And it's American, which is eternal four. So is that
Speaker 5: on the other side.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it is? Indeed, is that is that him?
Speaker 1: Again?
Speaker 4: I don't know it is?
Speaker 5: Hello, hold on, hold on, hold on, No, you stay
Speaker 5: on this side, Yes, stay by the terminal side. We
Speaker 5: are we just we're just making the loop right now.
Speaker 5: We're moments away from you.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yes, okay, yes, yes, we'll be there within three minutes.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 4: That sounds amazing. That's I just figured out how we
Speaker 4: should be recording our podcast. I stand at the airport terminal.
Speaker 4: You put me on speaker phone.
Speaker 1: It just sounded so great.
Speaker 4: Yeah, real, well it's I hopefully he's uh, he's tired.
Speaker 1: I imagine he's very tired.
Speaker 5: But the question he was asking is kind of hilarious
Speaker 5: because he was basically saying, should I go stand.
Speaker 1: Where all the people that are trying to take a
Speaker 1: super shuttle?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah, no, that would be bad, very bad, He's like,
Speaker 4: and then we would just stop in the row. I
Speaker 4: guess we could pull it off, but people would yell
Speaker 4: at us. Yeah here at la God, it washes over
Speaker 4: me right when I enter this shipthle. I really don't
Speaker 4: like being here, and it's part of my job. It's okay,
Speaker 4: you're right.
Speaker 1: Breathe Just some nice is it?
Speaker 4: In the nose or out the nose?
Speaker 5: Through the nose, out the mouth, in blue out red,
Speaker 5: in blue out red, and we're coming up on.
Speaker 1: Feel better shuttle?
Speaker 4: I feel better?
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, it's gonna be fine.
Speaker 4: What are you doing? Squarely, Just because you have a
Speaker 4: lime green car doesn't mean we're gonna see you in
Speaker 4: our peripheral.
Speaker 1: Very loud.
Speaker 4: I hope that wasn't gun fire. Oh this place, this
Speaker 4: place really stresses me out. This is crazy. Terminal four
Speaker 4: will be on the other side. I'm afraid we have
Speaker 4: to cut past.
Speaker 1: But we don't do that cut through because that would
Speaker 1: be bad.
Speaker 4: No, No, that would be bad. I think we actually
Speaker 4: have to do this loop and go past International, which
Speaker 4: you know I don't.
Speaker 1: It sucks.
Speaker 4: It's Europeans.
Speaker 1: It's kind of stopped going to Europeans.
Speaker 5: Oh, there's gonna be so many manned sandals and high
Speaker 5: waisted shorts.
Speaker 4: Why is everyone stopped? This makes us a liar. About
Speaker 4: three minutes, It's okay, it's gonna be more like four
Speaker 4: or five.
Speaker 5: Calmback, wait, let's just let the three minutes pass.
Speaker 4: Okay before we warn him?
Speaker 1: No anxiety. He is such a fascinating thing. Look at
Speaker 1: this guy.
Speaker 4: What, oh, just be sideways park Cat l a X
Speaker 4: phone number one eight nine one zero seven seven five's
Speaker 4: about to find out how they're driving.
Speaker 1: Was It was not good, it was bad. I didn't
Speaker 1: like it.
Speaker 4: I guess that that was a phone number for Actually
Speaker 4: we just advertised for them. That wasn't a phone number.
Speaker 5: You know what park cat park hat shuttle at Lax
Speaker 5: when you want your shuttle as sideways as all hell.
Speaker 4: And stopped in traffic at slip Dickens.
Speaker 1: Oh. I just wish Eddie could see how close we were.
Speaker 4: I wish he could see how great his episode was.
Speaker 1: That we spent the whole time talking about Howard Greaver.
Speaker 4: Oh well, well, well, what's the opposite of an alpha?
Speaker 4: What am I?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 1: An omega?
Speaker 4: An omega dog? Is that a thing?
Speaker 1: Is that you're the omega man?
Speaker 4: Am I a sigma pie? Alpha? Uh? Cap and cappuccino?
Speaker 1: Well, you're you're not. You're very alpha. You like a
Speaker 1: good fist fight.
Speaker 4: Oh sorry, there was a time.
Speaker 1: Do you want a moment?
Speaker 4: No, it's just that it's a long time ago. I
Speaker 4: was like, what's the most uh, you know, high strung fraternity?
Speaker 4: It's Kapa cappuccino?
Speaker 1: Did you do that on stage?
Speaker 4: No? No, it was in fourth or fifth grade. Yeah.
Speaker 4: It was early Montana, early Montana comedy, before there was
Speaker 4: a stage, before I knew what I was doing. Unlike today,
Speaker 4: professional nail that nightly, I pound that ship out. I'm
Speaker 4: talking about comedy.
Speaker 1: We are talking about comedy.
Speaker 4: That's not the ladies, which I also occasionally pound.
Speaker 1: You're not afraid to pound a lady, Chris.
Speaker 4: It sounds violent, but I just don't know to use words.
Speaker 5: Wait a, there are other things we could tell our
Speaker 5: listeners to like do or oh the do you need
Speaker 5: to ride? Fan tweet on Twitter if you're on Twitter
Speaker 5: and you like it, and yeah.
Speaker 4: And I believe there's a Facebook page.
Speaker 1: As well, there is a Facebook page.
Speaker 4: You're not a facebooker.
Speaker 1: I don't Facebook.
Speaker 4: That's okay. Not everyone needs to, No, I don't.
Speaker 5: I feel like less is more on Facebook. Yeah, thoughts
Speaker 5: and prayers on Facebook.
Speaker 4: I just I do know. I get a lot of
Speaker 4: local gigs in town on Facebook. Might be yes for
Speaker 4: booking a majority of them.
Speaker 1: I can barely show up to the shows I agree
Speaker 1: to do. I don't need more.
Speaker 4: Well, I agree to them on Facebook, and the Facebook
Speaker 4: has nothing to do with whether or not I show up.
Speaker 4: That's on me. Okay, that's on me and my record.
Speaker 4: Honda sponsor. Do you need a ride?
Speaker 3: You?
Speaker 4: Sorry? Do you need a ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need a ride?
Speaker 3: That was good?
Speaker 4: Okay?
Speaker 3: Too much?
Speaker 5: Need a ride to do capital dooeople ruining everything?
Speaker 4: You're really messing up our episode.
Speaker 1: But we're so close. I can see American lines. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: you just have to get in there. How do I
Speaker 1: do it?
Speaker 5: I'm gonna have to get you. I'm gonna have to
Speaker 5: get old school New York cab driver.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean this guy's doing it. There's a cab
Speaker 4: driver right here, getting new school La, you get old
Speaker 4: school New York on him.
Speaker 5: We're gonna do an East coast West coast rivalry. Someone
Speaker 5: will be shot. Yeah, hey, how about Suge Night running.
Speaker 4: Over some people? This is the new Oh yeah, yeah, oh, I.
Speaker 1: Don't mean to go topical. I messed up what that
Speaker 1: was that.
Speaker 4: I thought that was an old news issue because it
Speaker 4: hasn't he always been.
Speaker 1: He's been killing for a while.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, he didn't have something to do with the
Speaker 4: last time I got in trouble because the Biggie Tupac thing.
Speaker 4: I don't know who was killed in from of the
Speaker 4: Automotive Museum. Sorry, you don't memorize depths. I focus on
Speaker 4: positive things. Let's get in there. It's just a member aggression.
Speaker 1: Yes, I respect you. I like it.
Speaker 4: Damn it. Why is that now? It needs to be
Speaker 4: an Inny. Oh, We're we're getting in there. That's right.
Speaker 4: I called him at dor Oh.
Speaker 1: Hello, officer, Hello, officer.
Speaker 4: Okay, where is Eddie? Let's see here. I do not
Speaker 4: recognize any of.
Speaker 1: These, he said eleven something.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we should have listened to that.
Speaker 1: Is this an orthodox Eddie standing here with the huge there?
Speaker 4: He is there, he is I'm gonna wave at him
Speaker 4: that yeah, yeah, yeah, Hi hop on in. Oh he
Speaker 4: needs help, Okay, I can unplugged.
Speaker 5: We can't help you, yeah, or or do you need
Speaker 5: to go in the backpack.
Speaker 1: I'm all shouting very loudly.
Speaker 4: I have my recording studio in my lap.
Speaker 5: And sorry, OK.
Speaker 4: Here you go Eddie.
Speaker 7: Hey, everybody, it's a great day to be uh in
Speaker 7: an air force.
Speaker 3: It's really it's they arrange it so well. There's a
Speaker 3: terrific flow to the traffic to flow.
Speaker 4: We'd like to try to but if you're you know,
Speaker 4: out of your uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: I can kick up this ac for you.
Speaker 4: I'm we We're so sorry that we're late. But the
Speaker 4: only is your flight was.
Speaker 7: So flight was early, and I got a couple of
Speaker 7: its so funny that I when I get when I
Speaker 7: are we taping.
Speaker 4: We are?
Speaker 7: Indeed, when I got off the plane, it was so
Speaker 7: fucking movie. First of all, I did too. Show was
Speaker 7: last night in Toronto, and I had to be at
Speaker 7: the airport at about four for six am flight. So
Speaker 7: I did not sleep. I didn't sleepy even try. I
Speaker 7: did try, but I didn't eat anything. But like a
Speaker 7: couple of you know, it's trying to be good. I
Speaker 7: had like little trail mix, you know of little cranberries
Speaker 7: are very good, you.
Speaker 3: Know, the little dried cranberries. Everybody loves them.
Speaker 7: I think I'd like to be the spokesperson for dried
Speaker 7: cranberries the way the way Cober.
Speaker 4: I prefer them to cabs, iperson, what would that sound like?
Speaker 7: Yeah, for dried cranberries, commercial cranberries, commercial dried cranberry. For
Speaker 7: dry cranberries. Yes, you know, you know, traveling is difficult,
Speaker 7: very difficult, and there's a lot of temptation to eat salty, fatty,
Speaker 7: heart clogging foods.
Speaker 3: Dried right.
Speaker 7: Take to Betty. Take two, Eddie. First of all, we
Speaker 7: wanted to be a little up at eat. We wanted
Speaker 7: to be up, not like you know. It's a ted talk.
Speaker 7: So here we go again with dry cranberries. And here
Speaker 7: you try and speak quickly. Tried cranberries they make travel better.
Speaker 3: Eat them?
Speaker 7: Do it now, I'm the bitter booted do it.
Speaker 4: It's a little angry. I don't know you're right about that.
Speaker 3: Take three, Hey, are you traveling and going nuts? I
Speaker 3: know I am. I can't eat. I can't eat half
Speaker 3: of this stuff.
Speaker 7: But try cranberries went put in with regular nuts. Make
Speaker 7: them sweeter, don't they? They sure do, And travel goes
Speaker 7: a lot faster, at least the first half hour. Ah,
Speaker 7: the second six hours not so fast.
Speaker 3: But try dried cranberries, do it?
Speaker 4: Brought you get to the council for people who like
Speaker 4: dried cranberries.
Speaker 3: But what.
Speaker 7: He was saying is that, you know, I've been trying
Speaker 7: to eat vegan and I've been doing well. But what
Speaker 7: but I lose my ship on these flights. As soon
Speaker 7: as I got off this flight, I went and got
Speaker 7: a whole pizza while I was waiting for you guys,
Speaker 7: like one of those little boxed pizzas in the airports, a.
Speaker 3: Personal, personal, personal pizza, and I ate about four slices
Speaker 3: of that with the diet coke.
Speaker 7: And then I had a chocolate croissant, and then and
Speaker 7: then I have a coffee, and I'm like, oh, yeah, I.
Speaker 3: Feel a lot better. I feel a lot better.
Speaker 1: Cranberries aren't going to help you.
Speaker 7: No, Cranberries don't do it when you're like ravenously insanely hungry.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you've had an entire day of flying. That dried
Speaker 4: cranberry is as delicious and convenient as they are for
Speaker 4: travel or not going to sustain your energy levels. No,
Speaker 4: that's I don't you know.
Speaker 7: You may got an argument from the Cranberry bog people
Speaker 7: who I understand are hearty and angry.
Speaker 4: You know what, I'll take them on any day, you
Speaker 4: know what. Yeah, I'll take on the Cranberry.
Speaker 5: I'm sick of those people, a commissile for their stupid juice.
Speaker 1: With those two shoes that farmers they already did.
Speaker 4: They stole it from Burtles and James by the way.
Speaker 7: Yeah, isn't it funny how these you know, these monolithic corporations,
Speaker 7: they get bigger and bigger, and yet their front men
Speaker 7: are two horrific actors, you know from Van Nuys, pretending
Speaker 7: to be farmers. There aren't no more farmers anymore. There's
Speaker 7: just machines that eat people. And Monsanto's seeds, you know, Monsanto.
Speaker 5: It's like a big seed, half seed, half person. That's
Speaker 5: that's planting things.
Speaker 7: I think in the in the near future because of Montanto,
Speaker 7: you know, with the GMOs and stuff. I think pretty
Speaker 7: soon you're just gonna get a knock on your door.
Speaker 7: It's going to be like a fucking piece of corn
Speaker 7: with a gun that because they're they.
Speaker 3: Don't know what they're doing. The corn doesn't know the corn.
Speaker 4: Does you feel they're going to modify it to the
Speaker 4: point where it has feelings and.
Speaker 3: The like computers. Anybody's worried about the computers taking over
Speaker 3: the world.
Speaker 7: I really think food it's gonna be like, hey, Bob,
Speaker 7: did you see that piece of corn?
Speaker 3: Move that piece of corn?
Speaker 5: Take my wallet that you write this down and send
Speaker 5: it to Pixar and through the mail, through the mail,
Speaker 5: so that you own this idea. Because the corn wars
Speaker 5: is your idea.
Speaker 4: Just crack it up and then.
Speaker 3: Corns Pixar do that? Would they confront?
Speaker 1: Could they do it?
Speaker 3: They could? Would they should? They? I mean toy with
Speaker 3: me after sleep?
Speaker 4: Oh, I can't get the idea of a giant corn
Speaker 4: with a little husk grabbing and then it kind of
Speaker 4: turns to a hand and they pick up a firearm.
Speaker 3: I think it would be I think it would be
Speaker 3: easy to do.
Speaker 7: The characters like like the bad corn is sort of
Speaker 7: sort of like bad sopranos, guys and for you guys maybe,
Speaker 7: and then there's and then there's the renegade corn. Maybe
Speaker 7: the organic corn that's trying to save the war, like
Speaker 7: they're the good guy.
Speaker 4: Yeah, the organic corn would look like the Thanksgiving cornucopia corn.
Speaker 4: It's just like different colors because they're different colors. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I think it should be a Native American doing it always.
Speaker 3: You know, you're right about that. It should be a
Speaker 3: Native American.
Speaker 4: I mean, does it get more organic than that? I
Speaker 4: hate to take it to a you know, but white
Speaker 4: people kick them out of this country. Sorry, I didn't
Speaker 4: mean to take it that far.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, I I I really think we did.
Speaker 7: I mean I every day I watch a video or
Speaker 7: recreation of the Trail of Tears, just.
Speaker 3: Just you know, to get the day started.
Speaker 4: To check, kick start to be grateful.
Speaker 7: I think you have to look at other people's atrocities
Speaker 7: to be grateful, you know, because it so hard to like,
Speaker 7: you know, I'm a big guy who makes gratitude less well,
Speaker 7: once a year I do it. But when I make one,
Speaker 7: it's always like, oh, I'm so glad I have sneakers.
Speaker 7: It doesn't you really, that doesn't cut it all. I'm
Speaker 7: glad my elbow is working right, you know. It's like
Speaker 7: that doesn't cut it.
Speaker 4: Sometimes I feel like I'm not achieving the things in life,
Speaker 4: I need to achieve. And that's when I watch Maury Povich.
Speaker 3: And then you realize, yeah, he's still on the air.
Speaker 4: I so doing paternity tests everything. And then I'm like,
Speaker 4: I'm doing great? Why was I so hard on myself?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 7: I see, Look it's got like just the just people
Speaker 7: who their lives are just such a mess.
Speaker 4: Just the bottom dwellers of society, the bottom wheelers, perhaps
Speaker 4: the bottom dwellers, bottom feeders they call down there because
Speaker 4: that's where they feed, thank sand dabs of society down
Speaker 4: there eating shitty.
Speaker 7: How does Povich go home like like and you and
Speaker 7: I bet he fancies himself like an aerudite intellectual like
Speaker 7: like in his head, that's my job, like and then
Speaker 7: he goes home to a like a nice sands or
Speaker 7: wine and you know.
Speaker 4: And Connie Chung right doesn't.
Speaker 1: Think so they're making it work.
Speaker 3: Still, Wow, does she ask about his day?
Speaker 4: I doubt it.
Speaker 1: You know what that both of them are.
Speaker 4: She's a journalist. He tells people whether or not the
Speaker 4: baby came from their their DNA.
Speaker 5: Who's they're both on tons of pills. It doesn't matter.
Speaker 5: They're both tons of pills.
Speaker 4: You read that.
Speaker 5: No, I'm it's completely made up. But you know those
Speaker 5: are eyes, both of them and dead eyes.
Speaker 1: They're like dolls.
Speaker 3: There's dolls.
Speaker 7: Well they have to be, don't you think. Don't you
Speaker 7: think Hollywood? If you call that Hollywood like takes its
Speaker 7: toll on you. Like the show you do? Like the
Speaker 7: show you do? You say, oh, it's just a job,
Speaker 7: it's just a job. But if it's a horrific thing,
Speaker 7: they have to where you're watching the bottom dwellers and
Speaker 7: you're profiting of them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it nips away.
Speaker 4: It has to, and I know it did to Jerry
Speaker 4: Springer because there's a there's a girl in town, Lisa Gotman.
Speaker 4: She we did laugh Rights together for whatever reason. Her
Speaker 4: family was very close to Jerry Springer. And he was
Speaker 4: a sweet man and he was a smart man. He
Speaker 4: used to be a mayor of a town. And then
Speaker 4: he's basically doing is violent pornography on his talk show?
Speaker 3: Is doing that now?
Speaker 4: Oh? Oh, I think I am talking about expired television. Yeah,
Speaker 4: but everyone remember it's yeah, he's like, oh and that's
Speaker 4: cue the Oh that's where her brass strap comes down
Speaker 4: and we pixel later Oh and then she punches.
Speaker 7: Okay, I call it the momentum of evil and it
Speaker 7: ties into the Cranberry commercials Now, eventually it will we put.
Speaker 4: Up a little very no problem. Yeah, we am working
Speaker 4: on no sleeps.
Speaker 1: Year, a lot of it.
Speaker 4: It's not as simple as thing. We aren't just giving rides.
Speaker 4: You are very much doing as a service by being
Speaker 4: on our podcast, and we really appreciate it.
Speaker 7: Oh by the way, this is great though, because it
Speaker 7: saves me about one hundred dollars. Yeah, right right, And
Speaker 7: my last though before you came was do they charge?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: That charge we charged and fifty dollars.
Speaker 4: Maybe maybe that's I keep saying we should get a
Speaker 4: sponsor like Dollar Shave Club or whatever. A lot of
Speaker 4: these podcasts have Razor Blade sponsors for some reason. Maybe
Speaker 4: they consider it a plan B if they want to.
Speaker 7: May I make a suggestion that if you guys become
Speaker 7: part of Uber, you could bank so many episodes, you know,
Speaker 7: in one week. Like everybody who gets in the cab,
Speaker 7: you just thrust a mic to them, not like Cab
Speaker 7: Confessions or anything, but just.
Speaker 5: Like you're just saying, any any man off the street,
Speaker 5: Johnny Lunch, Pale Eye Street, I.
Speaker 4: Don't want to deal with civilians.
Speaker 1: Edit you know you don't want to do that on
Speaker 1: your podcast?
Speaker 3: Do you think I don't do it?
Speaker 1: But I think this type of it's okay for us
Speaker 1: to do.
Speaker 4: I think you wouldn't have them in your studio, but
Speaker 4: I haven't.
Speaker 5: You wouldn't shoplift, you wouldn't steal a car.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 7: I don't think you know me. You know, when I'm
Speaker 7: pushed into a corner, I will.
Speaker 1: Pirates some ship.
Speaker 4: You will get into a stranger's car, is what he's saying.
Speaker 3: You will evil.
Speaker 1: Make some money.
Speaker 4: But yeah, you're you want to get sponsored by Uber
Speaker 4: and and it would be a comic that we we
Speaker 4: want to have control over the guests still, but then
Speaker 4: we just mentioned a code that you'd punch in or something.
Speaker 4: Come on Uber, they're listening. You know they're listening.
Speaker 1: You know they listened every episode.
Speaker 7: Now look at it. Some interesting billboards? Does does? Does
Speaker 7: the Chappie billboard look interesting to you?
Speaker 3: The Chappy?
Speaker 1: I just saw the trailer for Chappie last night.
Speaker 3: You saw it?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 3: Did it look?
Speaker 1: I literally can't remember one thing about it.
Speaker 5: The fact that it was like a horror movie that
Speaker 5: was called Chappie And they laughed so hard.
Speaker 4: That's a horrible name.
Speaker 7: That's well, I disagree with you, Chris, and I don't
Speaker 7: mean to do it on the road. But I feel
Speaker 7: like I feel like when you put I put like
Speaker 7: a name that doesn't signify you know what, the horror
Speaker 7: I think it has more of an impact. It's like
Speaker 7: it's like when they use children in horror movies like that,
Speaker 7: like it's always a bad.
Speaker 3: Time when a child says, can I have a glass
Speaker 3: of water? In a horror movie? Because you know shit
Speaker 3: is going to go down quickly?
Speaker 4: You're right, And you go to see Chappy and you're like,
Speaker 4: what a lighthearted the English rump?
Speaker 1: I'm about a friend.
Speaker 4: No, it's about someone's face melting.
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Wait, no?
Speaker 5: Is that the one is choppy? The one by the
Speaker 5: guy that did District nine about robots?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: Yeah, the poster looked really good.
Speaker 7: I based all the movies I go on now on
Speaker 7: the poster or the billboard.
Speaker 3: I woun't see a trailer. I won't read a review.
Speaker 7: It's like if the poster doesn't hit me right, it's like, no,
Speaker 7: I'm usually right.
Speaker 4: But really, I think I know from the trailer I
Speaker 4: remember seeing it. Now, isn't it just a rip off
Speaker 4: of short circuit. Now I don't like it's true. I mean, oh,
Speaker 4: a robot with feelings orange juice, not from concentrate, like
Speaker 4: he was learning about how the human works. And that's
Speaker 4: what this movie is.
Speaker 3: Number five is Alive and that number five Alive.
Speaker 4: And there was the Middle Eastern guy or he's Indian
Speaker 4: in it. I thought he was so funny, and then
Speaker 4: I see him in another movie and I realize he's
Speaker 4: doing a horrible impression. He's totally just a white guy.
Speaker 3: My number favorites in life.
Speaker 4: That and I think they darkened his face a little.
Speaker 4: I mean, don't don't I mean that we have rules.
Speaker 5: There wasn't the Internet. It was people didn't know that
Speaker 5: hurt people's people's feelings.
Speaker 7: It was I'll tell you a ship like that goes on.
Speaker 7: When I used to audition for commercials, I don't anymore.
Speaker 7: But when I used to audition, they were looking for
Speaker 7: a bald guy to do some fucking horrible thing like
Speaker 7: anal leakage whatever it was.
Speaker 3: And by the way, that was my last audition. I'm serious.
Speaker 3: It was for a thing that stopped anal leakage.
Speaker 7: I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. Have you remember that ship?
Speaker 7: I remember that there was Chris you do, I remember.
Speaker 4: Blocking, which kind of is what that medication did.
Speaker 7: Okay, so medic This was the last commercial I ever
Speaker 7: went into in my fat's annoy last one, and and
Speaker 7: I go in and it's so humiliate like and I'm
Speaker 7: just doing it because I'm broke, and I'm like, my
Speaker 7: my fucking commercial agent is this really sweet woman who's
Speaker 7: very gunn ho and always saying, look, one of these
Speaker 7: things could change, right.
Speaker 4: So I had a couple of commercials changed my.
Speaker 3: Year, Yeah, your year of it?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah?
Speaker 7: But what's your name? Changed her life? Courtney the progressive woman.
Speaker 1: Yes, changed a lot of people.
Speaker 4: You know, she.
Speaker 7: Rebounded pretty well off a very very bad uh.
Speaker 3: First of all, image and drug problem she's.
Speaker 1: Doing he knows, he knows.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Her first nose was rough.
Speaker 4: Yeah, this one's more slope, like a ski jump. Quickly
Speaker 4: I went I was so.
Speaker 7: Humiliated in the first place. But then the motherfucking director
Speaker 7: I was reading the copy wrong for some reason, like
Speaker 7: I was fucking up one of the words, and he
Speaker 7: got he got literally like kind of slammed his hand down.
Speaker 4: Adition.
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, he was like, god, damn it like now
Speaker 7: you can imagine it's sort of like Mary Polvish.
Speaker 3: These guys get chipped away.
Speaker 7: If this is what they're doing with their lives, like
Speaker 7: a leaggage and what's the what's another commercial? You know,
Speaker 7: like a thing to make your heart stop?
Speaker 3: Whatever they do.
Speaker 4: He directed the viagraa jam band when he's accession.
Speaker 1: He thought that. He thought it was like I'm on
Speaker 1: my way.
Speaker 4: Yeah, guys, you're just you're blues. You're doing the blues
Speaker 4: making yeah, and you okay.
Speaker 3: So it's funny.
Speaker 7: We're talking about this today because it's Super Bowl Sunday,
Speaker 7: and today's the day where everybody thinks these commercials are
Speaker 7: going to be so do you guys know this?
Speaker 3: Right on Super Bowl.
Speaker 7: Sunday they have the fucking commercials that are supposed to
Speaker 7: be so great and they turn out to be pretty bad.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, I've already seen some of them. They're like, ooh,
Speaker 4: sneak peek at the puppy who hangs out with the
Speaker 4: Clydesdale Budweiser don't drive drunk.
Speaker 7: Someone told me I should see that one. Isn't that funny,
Speaker 7: It's it's adorable.
Speaker 4: It's just it is not No, it's like a puppy
Speaker 4: and the horse takes a liking to it. It gets out
Speaker 4: of the barn and all these and then a wolf
Speaker 4: is trying to kill the puppy, and then all the courses,
Speaker 4: all the Clydesdales gallop over and they scare away the wolf.
Speaker 4: And then it says Budweiser, drink responsibly.
Speaker 7: And did you hear about Go Daddy doing anything where
Speaker 7: a puppet puppy gets shipped And they had to.
Speaker 3: Pull the commercial. Oh, Go Daddy, which is a scumbag.
Speaker 7: Yeah there, cumbag corporation run by a CEO who does
Speaker 7: big game hunting.
Speaker 4: I think, don't I get the money? I think I
Speaker 4: give the money it before my website and I don't
Speaker 4: even know why.
Speaker 1: So I think Go Daddy sells right.
Speaker 7: That's there was Oh yeah, and they always have like,
Speaker 7: you know, chicks and bikinis for no fucking reason.
Speaker 3: But but they had a they had a Super Bowl lad.
Speaker 7: Where a puppy finds its way home and this this
Speaker 7: elderly woman grabs its say I'm so glad you're here
Speaker 7: because I'm gonna ship you because someone wants to buy
Speaker 7: you a tida. And all these organizations crazy boycot it
Speaker 7: and they had to pull it within hours.
Speaker 4: I'm glad they did. I believed that people would be
Speaker 4: stupid enough to see that and go, well, now I
Speaker 4: figured out how I get my knee a puppy, No,
Speaker 4: what's it take? One day? Poke holes in it, just
Speaker 4: like I did with my spider jars. And then this kid.
Speaker 4: Can you imagine a kid a puppy and it's just
Speaker 4: a dead puppy and what's in the box?
Speaker 1: Somehow the puppy got beheaded, head in a box.
Speaker 4: Go, Daddy's sending you a message.
Speaker 1: Now that would go viral, that would.
Speaker 7: Be by I'm in the commercial world. What we're trying
Speaker 7: to say is the commercial world is a blood bath.
Speaker 1: It is amazing.
Speaker 4: Well, I wish I knew what you said instead of
Speaker 4: anal leka. You're like when I got the Mad Squirts.
Speaker 3: Dermit, the worlds.
Speaker 1: Were chosen and for a reason.
Speaker 7: But I can't believe I didn't, like tell the guy
Speaker 7: to go fuck himself.
Speaker 3: But I regret. I regret that I didn't do that.
Speaker 4: I have said things in commercial and then I don't
Speaker 4: get seen by that casting company. But there's plenty of
Speaker 4: down at two hundred itself.
Speaker 3: Do you still go out for them.
Speaker 4: I do.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I won't.
Speaker 7: I won't know unless they ask, unless they're like Eddie,
Speaker 7: they want you blah blah blah. And if it's a
Speaker 7: decent fucking product, like if it's Dorito's.
Speaker 5: Well, unlike you, how are you doing on temperature because
Speaker 5: I'm freezing and I can't feel my feet.
Speaker 3: A big difference, I'll tell you. And this always irks
Speaker 3: me a little bit.
Speaker 7: There's a big difference between the front and back of
Speaker 7: cars as far as they see.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, unless you have Yeah, well, it's also dangerous.
Speaker 4: I got a horrible rack in a Honda Fit and
Speaker 4: I can't wait for you to buy something more like
Speaker 4: a Danali.
Speaker 3: Oh yes, I'll be safe.
Speaker 4: And then also air will shoot out into passengers.
Speaker 3: Now, Karen, do you have donkeys? I do? Ye two oh.
Speaker 1: But I also collect dog hair and spread it on
Speaker 1: the back.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's everywhere I that hair is.
Speaker 1: The is the embedded kind that doesn't fly around. It
Speaker 1: will not come off. I've gone at.
Speaker 5: It with like lint rollers, had high powered vacuums.
Speaker 4: It's not moving birds from a field in your sock
Speaker 4: on your shoelace.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're like ticks.
Speaker 4: You have cats? Yeah, you have both?
Speaker 7: Okay, yeah, man, I I I have a menagerie of animals.
Speaker 7: I've become doolittle ish a bit. You know where I
Speaker 7: walk in and I'm like, Hello, Sherman. These are all
Speaker 7: the names of the pets. Hello Sherman, Hello Charlotte, Hello Katie,
Speaker 7: Hello Louis. It's seven animals I live with.
Speaker 4: Do they ever go hello?
Speaker 3: It feels like my friend, you.
Speaker 1: Ever get a tip of the hat.
Speaker 4: What we're describing here is delusions caused by possible mental illness, yes,
Speaker 4: because animals don't, and no offense. I just but if
Speaker 4: your pets are talking to you, I don't know. You
Speaker 4: might want to see a guy.
Speaker 3: See guy, Yeah, just a guy.
Speaker 7: But I see a guy who's sympathetic to cats, and
Speaker 7: so it goes nowhere, right.
Speaker 1: Okay, ask your cat for me if he likes me.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's just a doctor. You think it's going to
Speaker 4: help you, or a therapist. It's like, hey, I get it.
Speaker 4: I'm a cat man too, And then you just high five.
Speaker 4: I am a cat man myself. I love cats.
Speaker 3: Oh you do you? I remember that?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Dogs.
Speaker 1: Can I say a thing that I should have to do? It?
Speaker 5: Fifteen seconds ago, high five and then Bob seekers Catman
Speaker 5: do play ship. Imagine if that was right, I'm a
Speaker 5: cat man too. Will you text me your address so
Speaker 5: that we can I can put it in my mouth.
Speaker 3: Oh right, you want to text it?
Speaker 5: Yeah, because if you say out loud people wait outside
Speaker 5: your house.
Speaker 4: You will You're already you will get murdered by our fans.
Speaker 3: Already have several people outside my place.
Speaker 1: What are they doing?
Speaker 3: Oh? They just they're just like, please do the bit
Speaker 3: about And it's just annoying at this point.
Speaker 1: It's hard to live your life.
Speaker 4: It's hard.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 4: I think you know that, all right, if you just yeah,
Speaker 4: and then we'll and I will.
Speaker 3: I will read.
Speaker 4: It off of your text, good idea, and I will
Speaker 4: transcribe it into a map navigation on my phone, and
Speaker 4: then we'll.
Speaker 5: Use the hand signals we've pre rehearsed right silent hand signals,
Speaker 5: we get.
Speaker 4: It, which is basically just I point left right just
Speaker 4: while you're wait. Oh sorry, no, no, I was just
Speaker 4: going to thank him at a weird time for being
Speaker 4: on the podcast. Hey, that guy has no father of mine?
Speaker 4: You that ever clear song? He had kids in the
Speaker 4: car and he almost side swiped.
Speaker 1: It for the aerostar, tried to come all the way over.
Speaker 3: Yeah, really nice, Eddie?
Speaker 4: Where were you?
Speaker 3: I just came from Toronto?
Speaker 4: Was that an i Atlas gig Oh?
Speaker 3: I heard that name when I was out there, but you.
Speaker 4: Know, I've been talking to him. I'd like to go
Speaker 4: to Toronto.
Speaker 7: How was it, oh Man? This place called the Comedy
Speaker 7: Comedy Underground. I've heard who is super fucking great. That's great,
Speaker 7: like like they're really really into it, you know what
Speaker 7: I mean.
Speaker 4: And I like Canadians in general.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean so I always had fun to go.
Speaker 4: That broad but it's a positive thing, So it's okay.
Speaker 4: I love all Canadians, all of them.
Speaker 1: Canadians are the greatest.
Speaker 3: They are the best of the crew. Except yeah, what
Speaker 3: is it? They're really good natured.
Speaker 1: They're just so goddamn reasonable.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're mellow.
Speaker 4: I never see him stressed out up there.
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, it's clean. Well, I well, I was in
Speaker 7: the winter, man. It's so funny. I've been doing this.
Speaker 7: I've been doing this the last couple of months have
Speaker 7: been go I want to like fucking Chicago.
Speaker 3: Rochester, New York City. Going from brutal snowy weather to
Speaker 3: La and it's so fucking funny. I like it. I
Speaker 3: do too.
Speaker 4: Do you like the snow?
Speaker 3: I like I do. I like I like the cold weather,
Speaker 3: especially to ban out here.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 7: Yeah, in uh, I don't know, Land of the Eternal Sunshine.
Speaker 4: Yeah. No seasons, no, no seasons, time passing except birthday.
Speaker 4: My birthday is in a couple of days.
Speaker 3: By the happy birthday.
Speaker 4: I just plug that.
Speaker 1: February fifth, everybody.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 3: February fifth. Yep, yep, very nice. That's a super birthday.
Speaker 4: But yeah, but when you're up there in Canadia, but
Speaker 4: they just uh, they just are relaxed all the time.
Speaker 1: I think, are they smart? I mean, like smarter than
Speaker 1: your average.
Speaker 4: No one accuses them of being the smartest. But that's
Speaker 4: not why you're there, that's not.
Speaker 3: Look, this is my theory.
Speaker 7: If you're less stressed, you're smarter because stress, you know, stress,
Speaker 7: and it just creates all this bullshit that gets in
Speaker 7: the way of you thinking.
Speaker 4: Yeah, contactive reasoning and things like that.
Speaker 5: I also think it's kind of cool to be smart
Speaker 5: in Canada, whereas here it's like football and like I'm
Speaker 5: going to be on American Idol.
Speaker 1: But like up there, I remember my friend Christine Gooden
Speaker 1: in high school.
Speaker 5: She had Canadian cousins that came to visit and I
Speaker 5: was I was totally in love with her one cousin
Speaker 5: who was probably like twenty two, and he brought a
Speaker 5: scientific American with him.
Speaker 1: I thought that was the most I couldn't get over it.
Speaker 5: It was like made me weak in the knees because
Speaker 5: I've never seen a guy be like kind of in.
Speaker 1: My on my own time.
Speaker 5: I'm going to pursue the scientific.
Speaker 4: Arts by days off, I'm going to go to my
Speaker 4: own school.
Speaker 5: Yes, I'm going to go to extra school because there's
Speaker 5: nothing like that in my world up until that point.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know what that is.
Speaker 7: It's just it's nice though, and they're great comedy fans, and.
Speaker 3: It's just really appreciative because I.
Speaker 7: Guess, you know, there's smaller places and they don't get
Speaker 7: a lot of well they do, but.
Speaker 3: Not often.
Speaker 1: I think, Yeah, so they're appreciative.
Speaker 3: Appreciative.
Speaker 7: Yeah, how my commercial editions would go. So they're appreciative, right, Eddie.
Speaker 7: Can you get to.
Speaker 5: That word appreciative because I think that's what's on the paper.
Speaker 7: So it's aintal leak it, know, Eddie, isn't that what
Speaker 7: it is? This potato chip is supposed to stop?
Speaker 4: No, it's it's funny you said potato chicken wasn't experience.
Speaker 4: I experienced dandel Lay Kitchen and it was from o Lean.
Speaker 3: Oh oil that they would use that. That is what
Speaker 3: didn't product was all about.
Speaker 4: Yeah, this's like, hey, do you still like eating potato
Speaker 4: chips with I think it was manufactured moncio.
Speaker 3: You go out for this spot?
Speaker 4: No, no, but I I am Eddie announced the time
Speaker 4: to tell you I was the director. I was wearing
Speaker 4: glasses and a scarf, so you know, recognize me and
Speaker 4: I'm sorry. I got mad at you.
Speaker 1: Let me have a real apology.
Speaker 4: Here is what he did. He came in and he's like,
Speaker 4: I'm a I'm a man with a family. When you
Speaker 4: get the squirts, and.
Speaker 3: I was like, the squirts?
Speaker 1: The who is this guy?
Speaker 4: Read the read the board. It's on the board.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, I'm from an improv troup.
Speaker 1: As we speak.
Speaker 4: Well, I'm no ending you because I'm the director. I said,
Speaker 4: no ending.
Speaker 1: You got that address?
Speaker 3: Oh? Another one one south right? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 7: Another Another thing I hated about these fucking commercials was
Speaker 7: that they were always directed by Brits and these horrible
Speaker 7: little piece of ship spots and and and they would
Speaker 7: and and and this guy this, these British guys would
Speaker 7: always be like, all right, if you could just kind
Speaker 7: of look away when she says camcorder and like like
Speaker 7: like he had this to me, you had this like
Speaker 7: fucking attitude, like we're doing this, like amazing little thing.
Speaker 3: Did you get the address?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, it works out. This is a great route.
Speaker 4: I love this.
Speaker 5: And you've been You've been vexed by commercial auditions for
Speaker 5: so long because the first time I ever saw you
Speaker 5: at the Fake Gallery, you did that thing where it
Speaker 5: was the.
Speaker 1: Commercial edition when the Apocalypse.
Speaker 6: After the Apocalypse, Oh yes, well I find them so
Speaker 6: yeah and uh and at the end of that one,
Speaker 6: I said that at the end of that one, it
Speaker 6: was only like me, like I.
Speaker 3: Would say things to the casting person like, h it's
Speaker 3: just good.
Speaker 7: Like they would be like a disembodied voice, and I'd
Speaker 7: be I'd be yelling, can they they be saying, can
Speaker 7: you read the copy? And I'd be like, it's just
Speaker 7: good to hear another voice. Hey, you know, after this audition,
Speaker 7: a couple of us are gonna forge for food.
Speaker 3: If you want to come.
Speaker 7: And then the casting person answered, well, that sounds like
Speaker 7: just leave a flyer for that. Maybe I'll come to that.
Speaker 7: And then at the end they decided to go with
Speaker 7: the charred Corpse instead of me to sell cereal.
Speaker 3: Eddie, We're gonna go with the chart corpse.
Speaker 4: It's definitely a different not you, it's not you. It's
Speaker 4: just a different direction. Thank you, Karen.
Speaker 7: But you know, you know, everybody used to tell me,
Speaker 7: which I also found insulting, Eddie, you just you so
Speaker 7: look like the everyman.
Speaker 3: And I was like, well, thank you for that, thank you.
Speaker 4: That's not at all intr Your insults are so well worded.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you look like the plumber, and you're gonna.
Speaker 7: Work, and you're gonna work, and then you're gonna work some.
Speaker 4: More, but mostly plumbing, mostly lumber.
Speaker 7: Now, I'll never forget going in one time for a
Speaker 7: fucking Musins commercial and just that's the thing.
Speaker 3: We have to sit and go oh fl and old
Speaker 3: and I walked in.
Speaker 7: I did book at about three years running, but no,
Speaker 7: of course I didn't.
Speaker 3: But it would be fun to be the voice of
Speaker 3: the actual book. Yeah, you don't know the stuff.
Speaker 4: I packed on my book of clothing the.
Speaker 1: Worse.
Speaker 4: But yeah, oh that's the word. Yeah, you're sickly good.
Speaker 4: Oh you're doing it perfectly.
Speaker 7: But also also like what's really depressing is like what
Speaker 7: the industry saw me as. Like when I would walk
Speaker 7: into the room and see the people that I was
Speaker 7: their type, I just would always have to like read
Speaker 7: a self hell book after or something like that, because
Speaker 7: it was like, really, this is.
Speaker 3: What I am to you fucking people.
Speaker 4: Around Christmas time, it's fun to go on them where
Speaker 4: they ask for a Santa Claus and every guy in
Speaker 4: town who professionally is Santa Claus to committed to where
Speaker 4: they have a big white beard and the more about
Speaker 4: they maintain a jollyiness. They're like, well, like if I
Speaker 4: just wait, I'm probably gonna not get as many gigs,
Speaker 4: be it in a a shopping mall or on a
Speaker 4: commercial or actually.
Speaker 3: Just weeks of desperation.
Speaker 4: Visiting of children's hospital. Yeah, nothing's more desperate than visiting
Speaker 4: sick kids. You said it.
Speaker 3: I visit sick kids all the time.
Speaker 7: Here, that's I'm visit sick kids for myself, just so
Speaker 7: I'm grateful. I just go in and I leave, Okay,
Speaker 7: Yeah I am. I am doing better than you, sir.
Speaker 4: That's your son visiting kids. It's your Murray perfect.
Speaker 1: I was actually just remembering I went on it.
Speaker 5: I only went on like three commercial auditions because I
Speaker 5: was so I was such a terrible auditioner anyway, but
Speaker 5: those ones, they would make you improv stuff. Yeah, and
Speaker 5: so I was always like out of my mind, uncomfortable
Speaker 5: just the second I got there.
Speaker 1: And one time I was waiting in the waiting.
Speaker 5: Room and two dudes who worked at the casting office
Speaker 5: got into a fist fight, and.
Speaker 1: I got up and left so quickly and called my agent.
Speaker 5: I was like, two dudes got into a fist fight.
Speaker 5: I'm not going back there. And it was like they
Speaker 5: were like my agent called there was like my client
Speaker 5: was very upset, but I actually wasn't.
Speaker 1: I just it was the perfect excuse. Oh they got
Speaker 1: in a fight.
Speaker 4: I'm not going back again.
Speaker 1: You never know much too fat.
Speaker 7: I would always be afraid that my agent, I swear
Speaker 7: to God, It's like just me being a little kid.
Speaker 7: I would always keep going, okay going. I would always
Speaker 7: be afraid of my agent getting.
Speaker 3: It would be like I worry about it.
Speaker 4: I worry about the other day I went in for
Speaker 4: one and yeah, I'm supposed to be a mean director guy.
Speaker 3: Actually, are you having fun with them now? Like you're
Speaker 3: going in.
Speaker 4: I like the I'm getting used to auditioning and I
Speaker 4: feel like.
Speaker 3: If it is, are you booking any Yeah?
Speaker 1: Commercials a lot, but that's cool.
Speaker 4: When was Canadian one was in the UK? What you
Speaker 4: know you wouldn't see that.
Speaker 7: That's even better. Nobody sees you do them exactly. I
Speaker 7: was pretty happy about that. But I want to be
Speaker 7: flown in Japan and do those few million dollar ones,
Speaker 7: but nobody knows.
Speaker 3: I got to go to Spain.
Speaker 4: You did as you went on the beach in Spain,
Speaker 4: and then I got to go to England.
Speaker 3: For a commercial. Yeah, and what with the product one?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah for Expedia dot c a Canadian and then
Speaker 4: for a Mini Cooper.
Speaker 3: That's cool when you could go to Spain ship.
Speaker 4: Right, So I think I got spoiled and I'm like,
Speaker 4: this is the best gig ever. I'm going to focus
Speaker 4: on this, but I I haven't booked anything right now,
Speaker 4: And like you mentioned before, i've been for long food. Yeah.
Speaker 4: For since I shaved my mustache, I haven't had a
Speaker 4: good audition. I've shaved it eight months ago.
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, yeah it is streaky like that though.
Speaker 4: Right, yeah, yeah, it's my mustache.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well no, it's.
Speaker 1: Had a streak.
Speaker 4: It was. I was getting callbacks all the time. I'm like, well, yeah,
Speaker 4: I'm in the groove, and where's this groove? Isn't going
Speaker 4: to go anywhere but straight.
Speaker 3: To the.
Speaker 4: Emperor's got a brand new club. But whatever, anyway it'll
Speaker 4: make I don't feel wildly uncomfortable anymore when I go
Speaker 4: into a room.
Speaker 7: Yeah you know, next exit by the way, Yes, a
Speaker 7: quick little one on the right. You don't know where
Speaker 7: it is, folks listening, yes, because I already have people
Speaker 7: in front of my goddamn house constantly like, oh please
Speaker 7: sign this, well you used the Olean bag.
Speaker 1: And then there's that.
Speaker 5: One guy with the God hates fag sign, which doesn't
Speaker 5: make sense.
Speaker 1: Why is he there?
Speaker 4: I always want I want to go in in front
Speaker 4: of a grocery store with a God hates bags?
Speaker 3: What God hates bags?
Speaker 4: To get them?
Speaker 1: I just love Lately they're pretty great.
Speaker 4: Yeah, hugs, I'm tired of working for the Here we go,
Speaker 4: we're taking this sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet beautiful, and then
Speaker 4: we're gonna turn right.
Speaker 1: Are you so relaxed, Eddie because you're home now.
Speaker 3: You guys did that really? Well?
Speaker 4: Oh you did you have fun? Are you currently having fun?
Speaker 4: It's not. I'm glad.
Speaker 1: I are you ready for some more fun.
Speaker 4: Some of our episodes, I'll be honest, are kind of stinkers,
Speaker 4: and I think this one was up there with with
Speaker 4: Aaron Foley and some of the better. She was great,
Speaker 4: but I don't want to talk about her. Let's talk
Speaker 4: about you.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Does it end when you drop me off? For
Speaker 3: what do we do?
Speaker 4: It ends abruptly and awkwardly and we actually.
Speaker 3: That's actually kind of cool. Yeah, yeah, we'll end with
Speaker 3: you stop right here.
Speaker 4: No, he just wanted it to end the whole time.
Speaker 3: That'd be funny.
Speaker 7: Like I say, well, I came out the other day
Speaker 7: to my parents and then I'm like, stop right here.
Speaker 4: Wait, he could really this is where my house is.
Speaker 4: The podcast ends. When the podcast ends.
Speaker 3: Ends when we are really close though, by the way,
Speaker 3: very very very close.
Speaker 4: Well, then what did your parents say when you told.
Speaker 3: Him that when I came out?
Speaker 7: Yeah, well I did come out, and the biggest thing
Speaker 7: I ever came out as was an actor. When I
Speaker 7: told my dad, no, when I told my dad. I
Speaker 7: was going My dad was like a dean of high school,
Speaker 7: and he wanted and he kind of wanted me to
Speaker 7: be a dentist for some breason, like I didn't want
Speaker 7: to be a doctor. And then he's and then I said,
Speaker 7: all right, how about a dentist. I said that just
Speaker 7: to please him.
Speaker 3: And he was really excited that I was studying dentistry.
Speaker 1: And you actually studied it.
Speaker 4: That's the same pressure as the elf and Rudolph. He
Speaker 4: felt he wanted to be a dentist. Dentist, Yeah, but
Speaker 4: he was an elf. He was actually the elf in Rudolf.
Speaker 4: He was passionate about dentistry. He's like, why am I
Speaker 4: a miss? Why look at me making these toys. I'm like,
Speaker 4: that's a pretty good gig.
Speaker 7: My dad gave me a fucking Novicae needle for my
Speaker 7: sixteen Really you're kidding, I'm not kidding. It was a
Speaker 7: beautiful like like state of the yard, Like you don't
Speaker 7: get to se him because they always hide him.
Speaker 4: Now me, So did that then light a fire under
Speaker 4: your ass?
Speaker 3: It sure did. When you get a Novicaine needle.
Speaker 4: That are you let me reach into my stocking? Ow?
Speaker 4: What is this.
Speaker 7: It's a needle, Son, I'm sorry, Son, I was supposed
Speaker 7: to be covered with the tip.
Speaker 1: I had to put a wine cork on the end
Speaker 1: of the all.
Speaker 3: You'll probably for a couple of hours.
Speaker 4: Only a couple guys used it.
Speaker 1: Don't ride your bike behind works.
Speaker 4: There's a couple of guys in an alley that I
Speaker 4: let use the needle. But other than that, it's brand
Speaker 4: new sun and I'm not going to be a dentist.
Speaker 1: He gave me a needle.
Speaker 3: That's the best get to the right.
Speaker 4: Okay, And well did your dad evere.
Speaker 3: Right behind this great car?
Speaker 4: Okay?
Speaker 3: Perfect?
Speaker 4: Yeah, No one's gonna bother for a little bit. So
Speaker 4: did your dad ultimately see you act and realize that
Speaker 4: you made a life for yourself?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 7: It took him so long because he heard about the
Speaker 7: Olean commercial heard he heard about a lot of this
Speaker 7: stuff because he had a friend in the commercial industry
Speaker 7: and dding that would be funny if like Bob, which
Speaker 7: I'm sure you got from that, but Bob, I don't know.
Speaker 7: He screwed up a couple of words and ain't a
Speaker 7: leakage product. It was perfect for him because he he
Speaker 7: looks like ship. You know what I mean, he's a
Speaker 7: kid who looks like ship and he's gonna go far.
Speaker 7: Just harness this everyman, which basically means, you know a
Speaker 7: person doesn't look well, you're.
Speaker 4: An everyman if everyone in America was a sick plumber.
Speaker 1: Now it's a compliment.
Speaker 4: Go Eddie, you're great. This was fun and yeah, this
Speaker 4: was good. Many delight. We're going to go back to
Speaker 4: the airport and pick up our nest guests like this.
Speaker 7: Is, by the way, That is so funny to me.
Speaker 7: Airports are the one place I hate going. I go
Speaker 7: there regularly. Do you now kind of dig it and
Speaker 7: I love it.
Speaker 1: It's hilarious.
Speaker 4: Maybe it's kind of my character, I guess, but I
Speaker 4: don't I get. I get a feeling of anxiety at
Speaker 4: the moment they.
Speaker 3: Know you do some of the cops know you at
Speaker 3: this point. You know that's the podcast. Let them throw folks.
Speaker 4: I'm sure they noticed that there's occasionally a car where
Speaker 4: people inexplicably have microphones in their hands.
Speaker 5: So you're going to get I just realized though, as
Speaker 5: we talked about that we might be uh suspects since
Speaker 5: we're at the airport so.
Speaker 4: Much size checking out that lady.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we could be we could be in serious danger.
Speaker 5: But no, look around at whatever you feel like looking.
Speaker 4: At had she wasn't wearing a brass here. I wanted
Speaker 4: to warn her of the that'll cause permanent hangage.
Speaker 3: All right, guys, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Coming out. You have a podcast. Do you want to
Speaker 1: talk about that?
Speaker 7: Yes, please listen to my podcast on the Old Things
Speaker 7: Comedy Network. It's called Pep Talks with the Bitter Buddha
Speaker 7: and you could subscribe to it on iTunes. I'm going
Speaker 7: to be at the San Francisco Sketch Fest fun kept
Speaker 7: coming up to February sixth, seven and eight, yahod and
Speaker 7: that's a green gravel fest. And I at the end
Speaker 7: of February, and then the punchline March like eleven. I'm
Speaker 7: gonna headline a punch That's great.
Speaker 1: That's a great the punchline in San Francisco.
Speaker 4: Yeah, nice, that's too. San Francisco trips or is it right?
Speaker 3: That's right, it's it's San Francisco.
Speaker 4: I will and then back to San Francisco.
Speaker 3: I like San Francisco.
Speaker 4: You gotta go back to go get your hearts. You
Speaker 4: got to go back a second time to get your
Speaker 4: heart everyone's leaving their heart there and.
Speaker 5: Singing about it.
Speaker 4: Well, go all right, guy, thanks for being on. Uh
Speaker 4: do you need a ride? D y n A R?
Speaker 1: Are you leaving? I? You wanna way back?
Speaker 4: Either way we want to be there.
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us
Speaker 2: time and they turning on and gage. We want to
Speaker 2: send you us inside.
Speaker 1: You want to welcome you back home. Tell us all
Speaker 1: about it. We scared?
Speaker 4: Or was it fine?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 5: Porn?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need ride? Do
Speaker 1: you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need
Speaker 4: With Karen and Cress