1 00:00:01,520 --> 00:00:04,720 Speaker 1: Time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you need 2 00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:08,680 Speaker 1: advice on relationships, on dating, on work, on sex, parenting, 3 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:12,560 Speaker 1: and more. Please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM 4 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:16,319 Speaker 1: dot com and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be 5 00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:19,160 Speaker 1: reading your letter live on the air, just like we're 6 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:22,960 Speaker 1: gonna read this one right here, right now. Buggle up, 7 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:25,040 Speaker 1: hold on tight. We got it for you. Here it ease. 8 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:30,320 Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter. Thank you, nephew. Subject your single unless you're 9 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:34,120 Speaker 1: married is the subject? All right? Dear Stephen Shirley. I 10 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,440 Speaker 1: am thirty six years old and I've been in a 11 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:41,199 Speaker 1: great relationship for four years. A year ago, I noticed 12 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:45,720 Speaker 1: a change in my man and changes in our sex life. 13 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:49,519 Speaker 1: If I initiated sex, he made up excuses like he 14 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:52,680 Speaker 1: has acid reflux and he's scared sex might give him 15 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:56,000 Speaker 1: a heart attack. Then I saw a text on his 16 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:59,600 Speaker 1: phone that said I love you too. I asked about it, 17 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:03,160 Speaker 1: and he said he texted her some relationship advice that 18 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:06,199 Speaker 1: was only responding to her. He said, it's no big 19 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:09,640 Speaker 1: deal to love a friend without romantic involvement. I told 20 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:12,960 Speaker 1: him if he continued to send messages like that, he 21 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:16,360 Speaker 1: was going to need some relationship advice too. After that, 22 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:20,240 Speaker 1: he changed his password to his fingerprint to access his phone, 23 00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 1: so I had to be creative to find out if 24 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:26,040 Speaker 1: he was sneaking around with another female. I checked to 25 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:30,679 Speaker 1: social media direct messages and all of the proof was there. 26 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:35,039 Speaker 1: His advice in quotations to her was to leave her 27 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:38,200 Speaker 1: man and be with him. I found out he'd introduced 28 00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:41,280 Speaker 1: her to his mother as his future wife, and that 29 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:44,640 Speaker 1: broke my heart. I sat and wrote him a note 30 00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:47,520 Speaker 1: telling him what I had seen and told him i'd 31 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:51,000 Speaker 1: be at my sister's while I figured things out. He 32 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:53,680 Speaker 1: called me and said he loves me, but he's not 33 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:56,600 Speaker 1: in love with me. He also said he is not 34 00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:59,559 Speaker 1: in love with the new girl, but he's very close 35 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:02,680 Speaker 1: to it. He apologized to me and said I have 36 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:05,560 Speaker 1: every right to be hurt, but I shouldn't be upset 37 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:10,840 Speaker 1: because we were just dating, not married. He said, technically 38 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:13,800 Speaker 1: he's single, and so am I. Why did he stay 39 00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:17,720 Speaker 1: with me with four years and use me until something 40 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:21,320 Speaker 1: better came along. We talked about marriage, but I guess 41 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:24,440 Speaker 1: he had other plans. I was blindsided and I feel 42 00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:26,639 Speaker 1: like a fool. I am moving out of his house 43 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:31,760 Speaker 1: and his life. Where did where did I go wrong? 44 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:37,079 Speaker 1: While technically he's single and so are you. That part 45 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,959 Speaker 1: is true, and you do have every right to be upset. 46 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:41,960 Speaker 1: You can be upset if you want to be upset. 47 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:44,640 Speaker 1: I'm sorry this happened to you. Four years is a 48 00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:47,800 Speaker 1: long time for this to be the outcome. And you know, 49 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:51,320 Speaker 1: I'm sure you were hoping for way more, something a 50 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:54,440 Speaker 1: little more permanent, like marriage, since you mentioned marriage in 51 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:57,600 Speaker 1: your letters that you guys talked about it. But you know, 52 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:01,280 Speaker 1: I say this better late than never, because it is 53 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:04,520 Speaker 1: clear that this man is not for you. He said 54 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,560 Speaker 1: he loves you like you can I guess love a 55 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:09,919 Speaker 1: pet or something. But he's not in love with you. 56 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:12,720 Speaker 1: So the best thing for you to do is to 57 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:15,160 Speaker 1: let him go. The quicker you do that, the sooner 58 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,839 Speaker 1: you can get on with your life. But the lead, 59 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:22,480 Speaker 1: the learning process is gonna be gonna be hard for you. 60 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:26,080 Speaker 1: You say, where did you go wrong? That's the hard part. 61 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:30,680 Speaker 1: He was getting everything he wanted from this relationship, sex 62 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:34,280 Speaker 1: with you, all the benefits of marriage. You were living together, 63 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:38,240 Speaker 1: you know, and and even with that, he still considered 64 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:42,440 Speaker 1: you guys single. So these are the lessons that you 65 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:46,920 Speaker 1: gotta that you gotta, you know, watch and learn so 66 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:50,640 Speaker 1: you won't make these same mistakes again. You weren't getting anything, 67 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:54,960 Speaker 1: You weren't moving toward a commitment from him. Uh, So 68 00:03:55,280 --> 00:04:00,520 Speaker 1: you know, I just don't. I mean, you know, how 69 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:02,400 Speaker 1: did you play a part in this? I guess is 70 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:04,800 Speaker 1: what I'm trying to say. You've played a part in 71 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,280 Speaker 1: this because you allowed this to go on like this. 72 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:10,640 Speaker 1: You're just dating a man and living with him for 73 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:13,520 Speaker 1: four years. You were hoping for something more, but you 74 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:16,160 Speaker 1: didn't get that. You wanted to marry him. You know, 75 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:20,160 Speaker 1: you guys never disgusted only when he brought it up. 76 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:23,360 Speaker 1: What about what you wanted? And what about you know, 77 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:26,640 Speaker 1: what he thought about what you wanted? You could have 78 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:29,440 Speaker 1: found these things out a little earlier in the relationship 79 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:32,480 Speaker 1: if you just, you know, done some digging like you 80 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,320 Speaker 1: did when you were trying to find out if he 81 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:37,080 Speaker 1: was sneaking around cheating on you. So I guess what 82 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:40,320 Speaker 1: I'm saying is let this be a lesson. I think 83 00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:43,280 Speaker 1: you should let this one go. Hopefully you have since 84 00:04:43,279 --> 00:04:46,200 Speaker 1: you moved out and everything. But next time, you know, 85 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,600 Speaker 1: you have a right to speak your mind and let 86 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:52,080 Speaker 1: them know what you want and like Steve says in 87 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:54,040 Speaker 1: his book Act like a lady, Think like a man. 88 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:58,080 Speaker 1: Makes some standards and requirements so you won't end up 89 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:00,520 Speaker 1: in the same position giving four years years of your 90 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:03,880 Speaker 1: life to a relationship that really is going nowhere and 91 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,160 Speaker 1: you're not getting what you want, but they get everything 92 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:09,680 Speaker 1: they want. So learn from this and move on. Steve 93 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:16,080 Speaker 1: subject you're single unless you're married. That's complete and utterble. 94 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:21,240 Speaker 1: Every adult knows that if you're not married, you can 95 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:25,680 Speaker 1: be in a relationship. You're not single, y'all live together. 96 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:31,919 Speaker 1: Single people can do single things. The problem you have 97 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:35,279 Speaker 1: is when you're not single, but you're performing as though 98 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:38,960 Speaker 1: you are single. If you're in a committed relationship, living 99 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:43,160 Speaker 1: with a person is a committed relationship. Marriage is a committed, 100 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:48,640 Speaker 1: committed relationship. So y'all in a relationship. He ain't single. 101 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:51,719 Speaker 1: I'm a thirty six year old. I've been in a 102 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:54,800 Speaker 1: great relationship for four years. Boy, it is when went 103 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:59,680 Speaker 1: down here pretty fast, though, been a year ago, changing 104 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:03,600 Speaker 1: your sex life. If I initiated sex, he made up 105 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:08,119 Speaker 1: excuses like he had acid reflex and he scared sex 106 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:13,159 Speaker 1: might give him a heart attack. Wow, this is called 107 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:21,560 Speaker 1: pre existing conditions. Who let's acid reflex stopped him from 108 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:26,800 Speaker 1: having sex. I don't know, I've vomiteded and won't it six? 109 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:36,279 Speaker 1: Oh good Cross, I've had diar real sex on that night. 110 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:42,000 Speaker 1: On that note, we'll have part two of your response, sir, 111 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:45,640 Speaker 1: get yourself together coming up in twenty three minutes after 112 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:50,240 Speaker 1: the hour. Today's Strawberry Letters subject you're single unless you're married. 113 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:54,200 Speaker 1: We'll get back into it right after this. You're listening 114 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:59,159 Speaker 1: to show, all right, Steve, come on, let's recap today's 115 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:06,440 Speaker 1: Strawberry Letters subject your single until you're married. Well, okay, 116 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,839 Speaker 1: that's how you want to go with it, but I 117 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:11,800 Speaker 1: think it's bogus the way he played this woman year 118 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:15,600 Speaker 1: agold had a wonderful relationship. She thirty six that sex 119 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:18,400 Speaker 1: in the chap had a change in a sex life 120 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:22,160 Speaker 1: if she initiated sex. The dude made up excuse like 121 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:25,480 Speaker 1: he had acid reflux and he was scared that sex 122 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:27,760 Speaker 1: might give him a heart attack. You thirty six, First 123 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:30,760 Speaker 1: of all, how old is he? Because if he's the 124 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,760 Speaker 1: same age as you, he in bad shape. He's scared 125 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:37,200 Speaker 1: sex gonna give him a heart attack. I have had 126 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:42,400 Speaker 1: sex to try to have a heart attack. Prince Rod 127 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:51,040 Speaker 1: a song that says, when we make love crazy in love, 128 00:07:52,760 --> 00:08:00,360 Speaker 1: having a hundred million look too high attax, damn you. 129 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:06,040 Speaker 1: That was a song. When we make love is like 130 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:11,559 Speaker 1: having a hundred million little heart attacks. That's a song 131 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,040 Speaker 1: you make love to have a heart attack. Now he 132 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:20,239 Speaker 1: don't want to have set because he's scared attack my heart. 133 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:25,760 Speaker 1: It's not about you, sir, No, I'm telling you how 134 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:29,560 Speaker 1: wrong this dude is. All right. Then you saw a 135 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:32,120 Speaker 1: phone at text on the phone say I love you too. 136 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:35,160 Speaker 1: Then you confronted the man about it, and he said 137 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:36,840 Speaker 1: it ain't no big deal. He was giving her some 138 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:40,240 Speaker 1: romantic advice, which he was. But the thing of it 139 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:42,240 Speaker 1: is is you told him if he continued to see 140 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:44,439 Speaker 1: a message like that, that she was gonna need some 141 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:49,240 Speaker 1: advice too, all right. So he changed the pass where 142 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,719 Speaker 1: he put his finger on and everything right now. So 143 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:55,480 Speaker 1: now she got creative and went through his messages and 144 00:08:55,679 --> 00:08:58,200 Speaker 1: found out on social media that he had advice to 145 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:02,280 Speaker 1: her was to leave her man and be with him. 146 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:05,120 Speaker 1: And you find out here and induced her to his 147 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:11,360 Speaker 1: mother as his future wife. That broke her hard. Then 148 00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:15,480 Speaker 1: you wrote him a note. You told him that you 149 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:18,080 Speaker 1: be at your sister's house while while you figured this out. 150 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:21,439 Speaker 1: Then he did it hit the whole crux of the 151 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:25,160 Speaker 1: whole letter. Right here. He called you said he loves you, 152 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:29,720 Speaker 1: but he's not in love with you. You need to 153 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:33,000 Speaker 1: be in love to marry somebody, and everybody on this 154 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:36,080 Speaker 1: show can tell you that you got to be in love. 155 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:41,400 Speaker 1: Both show definitely you got to get to marry somebody. 156 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:47,040 Speaker 1: So that that's a bummer right there. He also said 157 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,480 Speaker 1: he's not in love with the new girl, but he's 158 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:53,160 Speaker 1: very close to it. Did you not get a text 159 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:58,800 Speaker 1: that said I love you too? That's right, Steve, that's 160 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:04,280 Speaker 1: right it. I was in the tax So now he 161 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:07,360 Speaker 1: just trying to let you down soft. But then here 162 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:11,240 Speaker 1: he goes he apologized to you and said you got 163 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:16,000 Speaker 1: every right to be hurt, but I shouldn't be upset. 164 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:19,680 Speaker 1: See this, this dude right here, he knows how to 165 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:23,000 Speaker 1: draw the difference between upset and hurt. Like them two 166 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:27,120 Speaker 1: ain't the same damn thing. Whatever. You got every right 167 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,200 Speaker 1: to be hurt, but you shouldn't be upset because we 168 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:35,120 Speaker 1: were just dating, not married for four years, fool. We 169 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:40,559 Speaker 1: lived in your house, right, This ain't dating. We live together. 170 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:46,040 Speaker 1: In some states that's called common and law, So technically 171 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,520 Speaker 1: he's singling. So am I Why did he stay with 172 00:10:48,559 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 1: me four years and use me until something better came along? 173 00:10:53,559 --> 00:10:56,679 Speaker 1: First of all sins to stop beating yourself up. You 174 00:10:56,720 --> 00:11:00,600 Speaker 1: don't know that something better has come along. That's true, 175 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:04,160 Speaker 1: you don't know that. Let me tell you something else 176 00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:07,480 Speaker 1: I want you to do. We had talked about marriage, 177 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:09,880 Speaker 1: and I guess he had other plans. I was blindsided. 178 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:13,600 Speaker 1: I feel like a fool. I'm moving out of his house, 179 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:17,079 Speaker 1: in his life. Where did I go wrong? You didn't 180 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:20,800 Speaker 1: go wrong? Nowhere? You didn't go wrong. See that's what 181 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:24,160 Speaker 1: happens to a lot of ladies. Or dude becomes an 182 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:27,760 Speaker 1: a hole and then all of a sudden you take 183 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:31,800 Speaker 1: the blame and where it like you did something. You 184 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:35,679 Speaker 1: got a man that the lied. We wasn't we wasn't 185 00:11:35,679 --> 00:11:41,319 Speaker 1: we were single? Food, She lived in your house. You 186 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,600 Speaker 1: find a message that say I love you too. He 187 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:45,760 Speaker 1: tell you he ain't in love with her, but he closed. 188 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:49,640 Speaker 1: How the heir? Are you close in love? What is 189 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:55,839 Speaker 1: excuse there? What is that I'm not in love with her, 190 00:11:55,920 --> 00:12:02,160 Speaker 1: but I'm close? Kind That ain't songs about now? It's 191 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:05,040 Speaker 1: songs that say I believe I believe. I believe I'm 192 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:10,800 Speaker 1: falling in love. That's a song, but the key word 193 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:16,120 Speaker 1: he said, I believe I'm falling in love. Did the 194 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:20,240 Speaker 1: Ain't no song out there going? Stay with me? I'm 195 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:27,280 Speaker 1: almost damn I'm almost in love with you. Hey, come 196 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:34,520 Speaker 1: on now, stay with me. I'm almost dare I'm almost 197 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:42,840 Speaker 1: in love with you. Almost almost damn me damn kind 198 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:51,920 Speaker 1: of kind but I don't know when ho don't wait 199 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:58,320 Speaker 1: a while alone, I'm almost in love. Post your comments 200 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:02,120 Speaker 1: on today's Strawberry Letters back after you hit song I'm 201 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:06,120 Speaker 1: Almost in Love on Instagram and Facebook. Check out the 202 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:09,920 Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter podcast on demand as well. You're listening to 203 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,720 Speaker 1: the Stave Harvey Morning Show.