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Speaker 1: This is the Fred Show. We have your chance to

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Speaker 1: win a trip for two to see Kelly Clarkson's return

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Speaker 1: to Las Vegas for her brand new residency studio Sessions

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Speaker 1: Live at the Coliseum at Caeesart's Palace on August first.

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Speaker 1: Text Sessions to three seven three three seven now for

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Speaker 1: a chance to win two tickets to the August first show,

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Speaker 1: two nights hotels day July thirty first to August second

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Speaker 1: at the Flamingo, Las Vegas and round trip airfare. A

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Speaker 1: confirmation text that we sent standard message to data rates

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Speaker 1: apply all thanks to the Live Nation. Ah Okay, So

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Speaker 1: here's our morality Monday, and this is from our friends

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Speaker 1: at Reddit. Am I the a whole eight five five

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Speaker 1: five nine one one oh three five you can call it.

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Speaker 1: Text the same number. My wife, who's twenty nine and I.

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Speaker 1: He's a thirty one year old male, have a three

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Speaker 1: year old son. I think some people can relate to this.

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Speaker 1: I work ten to twelve hour days as a contractor

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Speaker 1: while she stays home. Lately, she's been ventcing online and

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Speaker 1: to friends, saying that she feels like a single mom

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Speaker 1: because I'm never around. This is from the perspective of

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Speaker 1: the I'm the guy who works all the time. I

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Speaker 1: get this. She's overwhelmed. I am too, but I'm working

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Speaker 1: my butt off to keep us afloat. The other night,

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Speaker 1: I heard her refer to herself as a solo parent

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Speaker 1: during a zoom call with her mom. After she hung up,

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Speaker 1: I told her that I didn't appreciate that. I'm not partying,

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Speaker 1: I'm not neglecting our family. I'm working. She said, I'm

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Speaker 1: being defensive and that she feels like a single mom

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Speaker 1: because she handles everything alone at home. Now I feel guilty.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to invalidate her, but I also feel

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Speaker 1: like she's ignoring everything I do. Am I the ahle

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Speaker 1: for calling her out? I mean, she's not a single mom. No,

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Speaker 1: And if it requires ten to twelve hours a day

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Speaker 1: of this man working to provide their lifestyle, then it

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Speaker 1: sounds like they're both doing jobs right. He's doing his

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Speaker 1: job to make money, she's doing her job, which is

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Speaker 1: a job to raise the kids. But I hear this

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Speaker 1: argument sometimes when one person's at home and the other

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Speaker 1: person's at work, and that's a decision that was made

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Speaker 1: within the relationship that this is how we're going to

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Speaker 1: do this. And I hear this sometimes like, oh, it

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Speaker 1: must be nice, and I think that you can. I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I don't think one side always sees the

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Speaker 1: other side, you know, cause it's like my buddies that travel,

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Speaker 1: I pilot buddies. Right, they're gone for you know, a

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Speaker 1: week at a time. They've always been this for thirty years, right,

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Speaker 1: It's been this way forever. And then they come back

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Speaker 1: and it's like, it must have been nice to be

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Speaker 1: in you know, Dubai for a week. Must have been nice.

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Speaker 1: I was out here making lunches and driving a soccer

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Speaker 1: practice and it's like, well, first of all, you know,

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Speaker 1: maybe maybe it was nice in some regards, but in

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Speaker 1: other regards, like this is my life. I got. I

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Speaker 1: got aluminum, platinum, diamond, gold. You know, I'm the biggest

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Speaker 1: badass status at Hilton because I don't sleep in my house. Right, Like,

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Speaker 1: anytime you see somebody who'd like they when they check in,

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Speaker 1: someone hands them a bottle of champagne and like kisses

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Speaker 1: their feet. At first, I'm like, Wow, they're going to

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Speaker 1: get a really nice room. And then I'm like, in

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Speaker 1: order to get that, they don't ever get to go home, right, Right,

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Speaker 1: So my buddies. I talk about this all the time.

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Speaker 1: He's like, you know, I would much rather be here

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Speaker 1: with my family. I would much try to be here

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Speaker 1: on my terms. But I'm here because the boss needs

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Speaker 1: to be here. And if the boss calls me right now,

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Speaker 1: it says we're leaving, we're leaving, which means I'm not

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Speaker 1: at the bar. You know, I'm not partying, I'm not

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Speaker 1: on a I'm not riding a camel, you know, or whatever.

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Speaker 1: Like this is not my vacation. This is work, and

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Speaker 1: I don't get to choose when or where or how

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Speaker 1: or any of it. And so yeah, I guess I'd

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Speaker 1: get to sleep in a hotel bed and sleep in

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Speaker 1: sometimes and eat room service. But at the same time,

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Speaker 1: maybe I would rather be driving to soccer practice. And

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Speaker 1: then on the flip side, you know, you've got the

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Speaker 1: people going, you know, on the side of the person

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Speaker 1: who's doing all that, it's like, well, maybe i'd like

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Speaker 1: the night out sometimes or the night away, or maybe

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Speaker 1: I'd like the exposure to adults. Yes, you know, I'd

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Speaker 1: like to be able to go to I would like

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Speaker 1: to go to work for eight ten hours a day.

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Speaker 1: And you know, I know people who in this case

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Speaker 1: hits the man who goes to work and the wife

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Speaker 1: keeps a part time job, and it actually costs them

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Speaker 1: money for her to go to work as a flight attendant.

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Speaker 1: I've used this example before. But they do it anyway

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Speaker 1: because like, for him to stay home, he makes three

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Speaker 1: times what she does as a pilot, So for her

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Speaker 1: to go to work costs money. But they do it

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Speaker 1: anyway because for her, it's like, this is my independence,

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Speaker 1: this is my job, this is part of my identity.

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Speaker 1: I want to go on a trip, I want to

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Speaker 1: hang out with adults. I want to make a little

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Speaker 1: bit of money. He's cool for that, right, Yeah. But

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Speaker 1: I just I think that this sort of argument fundamentally

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Speaker 1: is based on one side not seeing the other, or

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Speaker 1: one side wanting some elements that the other sid. I

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Speaker 1: think everybody wants a little bit of the other thing.

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Speaker 1: But I'm just curious for those of you who deal

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Speaker 1: with this. If one person's primarily raising kids and one

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Speaker 1: person's primarily working, do you really think you could say that?

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Speaker 1: Is that a fair thing to say out loud? Because

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Speaker 1: it makes it solo parent kind of implies that the

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Speaker 1: other parent isn't involved or doesn't care. It's like deadbeat,

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Speaker 1: it's giving dead beat, it is, but it's the exact opposite.

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Speaker 2: Also, like, if you feel that way, it's not the

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Speaker 2: time to get it out on a zoom call when

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Speaker 2: it can just be overheard by your partner. And what's

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Speaker 2: sad is I think it takes both people to make

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Speaker 2: the raising the children work. It does, you know, And

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Speaker 2: comparison is the thief of joy.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I just I and if I heard, if

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Speaker 1: I heard, if this is me and I heard my

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Speaker 1: wife saying this to her mom, that's even worse because

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Speaker 1: it's like you're telling your mom that I'm basically about dad.

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Speaker 3: True.

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Speaker 1: You know, I don't like to el is it L

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Speaker 1: or Ellie?

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Speaker 4: This l.

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Speaker 1: How you doing? So this scenario here, it's like you've

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Speaker 1: got the dad working twelve hours a day. In this case,

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Speaker 1: you've got the mom at home and the mom feels

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Speaker 1: like she's a single parent, and the dad's like, hey,

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Speaker 1: at first he was upset, Now he feels guilty. But

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Speaker 1: I don't necessarily think that's a fair thing to say about.

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Speaker 3: Him, not at all as a truly solo parent. This

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Speaker 3: just makes me so angry. I'm actually shaking because she's

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Speaker 3: still like she's not has to work, she's not worried

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Speaker 3: about the bills herself. She's getting support in some way,

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Speaker 3: shape or form, even though he might not be present.

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Speaker 3: So it's just it's just not something that you can

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Speaker 3: just say like that, because she's just not even realized

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Speaker 3: in the impact she's getting from having that man in

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Speaker 3: her life.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that would trigger me too, because what

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Speaker 1: about the people who are in fact solo parents and

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Speaker 1: it all falls on them. They have to somehow figure

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Speaker 1: out a way to pay for the you know, pay

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Speaker 1: pay the bills and the mortgage and the rents and

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Speaker 1: the food and carry at soccer practice and figure out

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Speaker 1: the logistics of the rest of that. I mean, and

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm not minimizing one or the other, but for you,

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Speaker 1: you have to figure out both.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and not to minimize it either, because she still

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Speaker 3: has to step up in ways that maybe she didn't

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Speaker 3: anticipate when they originally decided to have a child. But

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Speaker 3: I mean, I remember when I just had a three

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Speaker 3: month old and I couldn't even just go to the bathroom,

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Speaker 3: I couldn't just go down the street and get a coffee, Like,

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Speaker 3: there's just so much you don't realize that actually happens

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Speaker 3: when you are a truly solo parent.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, thank you so much.

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Speaker 3: She's definitely the a hole in this one.

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Speaker 1: Okay, all right, fair enough, I'll let her know. Thank

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Speaker 1: you anyway.

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Speaker 3: You guys love your show.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, love you too. Yeah.

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Speaker 5: I mean it's a good point that you've made though, too,

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Speaker 5: where it's like you look at one side you look

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Speaker 5: at the other side right like you got it better.

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Speaker 1: I know you got it better, but I think.

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Speaker 5: It's also like for my personal experience, from my experience,

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Speaker 5: I feel like I'm looking at it that what does

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Speaker 5: his husband do when he comes home? Is he playing

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Speaker 5: video games? Is he disassociating from his family. I know

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Speaker 5: the ten to twelve hour shifts are long, and they're

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Speaker 5: lengthy and hard, but I feel like they can at

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Speaker 5: least come home right, play with the kids, make dinner,

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Speaker 5: like help out, because I think then that would take

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Speaker 5: less off of the mom who is home all day

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Speaker 5: with the kids. You know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: But let me and Okay, So there's a question. I

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Speaker 1: don't know the answer. I'm asking like an open ended question,

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Speaker 1: but is it fair for someone who worked ten hours

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Speaker 1: a day to then come home and take an hour

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Speaker 1: to decompress. Yeah, because what I think. I think sometimes

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Speaker 1: it's it's like, yeah, you, yes, you were at home

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Speaker 1: with the kids all day, But then am I expected

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Speaker 1: And I don't know the answer, but am I expected

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Speaker 1: to just after my ten hour day walk in and

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Speaker 1: then just take over the parenting role and then you

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Speaker 1: get a break? I don't know the answer to that,

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Speaker 1: But like I think, sometimes there's not a respect for

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Speaker 1: what the other one's doing. It's like I just went

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Speaker 1: to work. I just sat in traffic for an hour, right, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I just had Spin up on me all day and

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Speaker 1: watched Miss Rachel for the thirty seven times. Sounds like me,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So it's like, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I've heard that one before where that guy comes home

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Speaker 1: he sorted he wants to go to bed. And it's

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Speaker 1: not that I don't know that he's a bad guy

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Speaker 1: or a bad girl or whatever, but like you're only

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Speaker 1: capable of so much.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, communicate, I think at a community with their partner.

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Speaker 5: How are you feeling this moment? Hey, I just walked

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Speaker 5: in the house, like, give me, you know, thirty minutes

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Speaker 5: and then I think, just you got to work.

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Speaker 4: It out.

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Speaker 1: It's hard, but you got to balance it some way. Melissa. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: good morning, Melissa, good morning, Welcome.

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Speaker 4: What do you think so, I think that the dad here,

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Speaker 4: it's definitely not be a hole. She just needs to

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Speaker 4: reorganize her thinking to be able to include him or

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Speaker 4: incorporate him with more parental responsibilities. Like you said, they're

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Speaker 4: both performing a job. Here is the financial income, the

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Speaker 4: financial stability, the security there. She is providing the parenting here,

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Speaker 4: whether she wants it or not. If that's something that

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Speaker 4: she kind of normally agree to that that's just the

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Speaker 4: way it is. If she's not reporting somewhere to go

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Speaker 4: to and provide the same way he does, then she's

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Speaker 4: not the solo parent here. She's just they're just providing

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Speaker 4: different job aspects of the family part the being at home,

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Speaker 4: that being the parent like the absent or the present parent.

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Speaker 4: She's just the main go to right now for him physically,

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Speaker 4: but the dad is definitely there to provide for them.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Melissa, thank you. Have a good day. Absolutely, because

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Speaker 1: I feel like sometimes people would switch roles even like

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Speaker 1: I know, I'll tell you what you think. It's you

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Speaker 1: think it's so great, you know doing this and the

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Speaker 1: other that you think it's so great, you know, going

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Speaker 1: to work and dealing with these idiots, Like how about

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Speaker 1: I stay home and I'll take care of my kids,

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Speaker 1: because you know, I think the other thing that's sort

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Speaker 1: of negated here is like maybe he loves I'm sure

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Speaker 1: he loves his kids too, and I'm sure he would

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Speaker 1: rather be at soccer practice or being the coach, or

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Speaker 1: going to the games, or or feeding the kids or whatever.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure there's bonding time that he's missing, right, So

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Speaker 1: it probably has moments where it's like, Okay, cool kids crying,

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Speaker 1: I gotta go to work by you deal with it.

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Speaker 1: But then I'm sure it also has moments where it's like, man,

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Speaker 1: I can't believe I'm missing that. But if he were there,

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Speaker 1: then who's making the money to pay the bills in

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Speaker 1: this case? You know, can you could flip it and

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Speaker 1: it could be the other way around. It's like the

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Speaker 1: grass is always greener. I feel like Ashley hi O

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Speaker 1: in this scenario, if you're just tuning in, there's a

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Speaker 1: woman and this is from the male perspective, but he

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Speaker 1: heard his wife saying that she is a solo parent

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Speaker 1: because he works ten to twelve hours a day and

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Speaker 1: she's telling people this, like her mom and friends, and

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Speaker 1: he's offended, and then he sort of vacillates on Well,

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Speaker 1: so I feel bad for saying something to her or not,

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Speaker 1: But this is the agreement that we came up with.

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Speaker 1: I work in a traditional setting. I pay the bills

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Speaker 1: and you take care of the kids. That doesn't make

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Speaker 1: you a solo parent. What do you think?

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Speaker 6: No, she is absolutely wrong saying that she's a solo parent.

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Speaker 7: I think is just really hurtful.

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Speaker 1: Have a two year.

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Speaker 6: Old and a baby on the way in three weeks,

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Speaker 6: and my husband has a traveling job and his travel

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Speaker 6: is sporadic. He can up and go and I only

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Speaker 6: have a week or a couple of weeks notice, and

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Speaker 6: sometimes he's gone, you know what seems like half a

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Speaker 6: month and sometimes it's less.

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Speaker 4: By no means am I a.

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Speaker 6: Solo parent at all? It is very hard, especially with

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Speaker 6: two small kids. But we had a conversation, and I

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Speaker 6: knew his work before we made these decisions, and we

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Speaker 6: have to continue to have conversations about, hey, is do

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Speaker 6: we need to make a change? And I know job

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Speaker 6: changes and things like that they're not easy at all,

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Speaker 6: but is it do I need to go part time,

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Speaker 6: do we want does he want to be home or

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Speaker 6: do we need to make a change there or do

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Speaker 6: we need to make a lifestyle change, you know with

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Speaker 6: you know home or otherwise, And those are big change

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Speaker 6: and really tough decisions.

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Speaker 4: But if it's.

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Speaker 6: Bothering her that much, it's definitely a conversation.

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Speaker 4: Because she's not a.

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Speaker 6: Solo parent at all. I will say that like, oh

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Speaker 6: I'm I'm I'm solo this week. My husband's gone and

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Speaker 6: we have a village that helps me out. So it's

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Speaker 6: just you got to talk about options, there was ways

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Speaker 6: to work things out. I'm with her, it's not easy,

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Speaker 6: especially with two kids being super pregnant, but by no

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Speaker 6: means am I solo mom? And that's really hurtful to

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Speaker 6: say about her husband.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you for sharing. Congratulations by the way on

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Speaker 1: the new one in a couple of.

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Speaker 6: Weeks making more listeners, we got to.

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Speaker 1: Get you in. My understanding is as soon as that

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Speaker 1: baby's boy, is it boy or girl girl?

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Speaker 7: This time?

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Speaker 1: Apparently Jessica listener number eleven is moving to like microneese

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Speaker 1: or something and like the John. I don't know if

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Speaker 1: there's a jungle there, but I'm understanding it's some form

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Speaker 1: of jungle and there's no internet, so we lost her.

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Speaker 1: So the baby just so we'll never be more than thirteen.

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Speaker 1: So don't even try and get greedy.

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Speaker 4: Okay, Okay, you gonna start. We'll let you guys start

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Speaker 4: the whole Matt Lee, I like it.

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Speaker 1: Thanks, you have a good day, Ashley. Thank you. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we keep adding cities and we only have the same

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Speaker 1: number of listeners. Hey, Linda, good morning. Hi doing great,

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Speaker 1: Thanks for calling, Thanks for listening. So I'm gonna give

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Speaker 1: you the final say here. And someone brought up military

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Speaker 1: families too, by the way, which I mean there's one.

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Speaker 1: It's like people gone for you know, Shelley's husband gone

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Speaker 1: for two three months at a time, longer years at

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Speaker 1: a time, sometimes depending on what's going on. And does

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Speaker 1: that make that person any any less of a parent?

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Speaker 1: Would I would argue, No, they're they're they're doing what

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Speaker 1: they gotta do.

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Speaker 7: What do you think, right, Well, I think the hardest

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Speaker 7: part of this, this whole argument, is that the role

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Speaker 7: of motherhood is always somehow less stressful than going to

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Speaker 7: work for twelve hours. My ex husband was an air trafficker,

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Speaker 7: broke one of the most stressful jobs in the world, as.

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Speaker 1: You might know.

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Speaker 7: And you know, I'm at home with two kids under two,

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Speaker 7: and all I want to do is take a shower.

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Speaker 7: That's all I want to do is take a shower.

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Speaker 7: And so you know, he comes home from work and yeah,

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Speaker 7: he wants to unwind, and yeah, you know, he's not

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Speaker 7: really interested in two screaming, you know, two year olds.

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Speaker 7: But at the same time, I need you to acknowledge

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Speaker 7: that my job is as important as yours, and I

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Speaker 7: just need to take a shower. And so there was

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Speaker 7: always that it was there was always that argument of

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Speaker 7: whose job is more important, and they both are.

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Speaker 1: They both are important.

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Speaker 7: But for me, I felt that as a mother, a

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Speaker 7: stay at home mother, my job was made less important

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Speaker 7: because of the importance of his job in the world.

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Speaker 7: And so I was just like, you know, can I

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Speaker 7: have five minutes to him. He's like, well, you know,

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Speaker 7: I've been busy all day and you know, my brain

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Speaker 7: I can't even think. And I'm like, I understand that,

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Speaker 7: and he's like, well, you've been home all day, you

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Speaker 7: know if that's a vacation. So I think in the

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Speaker 7: world in general, we need to give mothers credit for

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Speaker 7: how hard it is to be a mom full time,

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Speaker 7: and it is just as important, and it is just

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Speaker 7: as taxing at times, especially with two under two.

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Speaker 1: I agree, I agree, but you know I hate. In

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Speaker 1: his defense, he's been dealing with you know, screaming pilots

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Speaker 1: all day that are just the same as babies audible hair. Yeah.

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Speaker 7: Right,