Speaker 1: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.
Speaker 2: You may know us from posting funny videos.
Speaker 1: With our voice and reading each other publicly as a.
Speaker 3: Form of therapy.
Speaker 2: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow?
Speaker 3: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes.
Speaker 4: Sir, we are.
Speaker 5: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Speaker 5: li's most taboo topics.
Speaker 3: Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Speaker 4: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
Speaker 4: is a term that we say every day. So when
Speaker 4: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred
Speaker 4: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Speaker 4: We about to take philosof to our whole new level.
Speaker 3: Dead ass starts right now.
Speaker 2: How y'all feeling DJ Executive? What's good? I didn't like
Speaker 2: my sweater? Y'all say that right? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Have a seat real quick shout out to Shari got
Speaker 4: me dressed up. Internet was talking about something. Hey, the
Speaker 4: Elysis are the new Cosby's. So she got me in
Speaker 4: the fucking Cardigan. So I'd be talking to Caine like
Speaker 4: it gang bringing that ass over a year. She'd be
Speaker 4: like the vout stop. I'd be like, all right, all right,
Speaker 4: I'll stop. How y'all feeling it's raining a lot?
Speaker 2: That ass?
Speaker 4: Yeah, somebody said that ass took us an hour to
Speaker 4: get over here. Y'all can't drive in La boy. Y'all
Speaker 4: ain't used to the rain. It don't rain. We lived
Speaker 4: here for two years. It rained four times. It rained
Speaker 4: four times since we've been here. We've been here since yesterday.
Speaker 4: But I know why you here. Look look, look, stop
Speaker 4: right now.
Speaker 2: Stop, it's be over me.
Speaker 4: Man hold look all right, all right, so today is
Speaker 4: a little different. I have not seen KaDee since last night,
Speaker 4: and I'm gonna tell you why we We went with
Speaker 4: what you mean, what you do?
Speaker 2: I didn't do nothing.
Speaker 4: So every every year when we do the trip, I
Speaker 4: submit my story times so that DJ executive knows what
Speaker 4: the music we play, lights and sound.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 4: Right, So I submitted my story time for today because
Speaker 4: the yance tickets came out and the minute I said
Speaker 4: I submitted this story time, she looked at me with
Speaker 4: that Kadeen face and she said, oh really, So I
Speaker 4: was like, yeah, what's the problem.
Speaker 2: She goes nothing to valve?
Speaker 4: Then last night she checked out of my room and
Speaker 4: got her own room. So introducing for the first time,
Speaker 4: you did that. So so yeah, y'all, y'all, y'all traaring
Speaker 4: and shit.
Speaker 3: Because you got the story time to tell.
Speaker 4: I do, and you're gonna miss it because you're going
Speaker 4: to change. Yes, got the cheeks so long. They didn't
Speaker 4: pay for this type of show.
Speaker 1: I was gonna start the single ladies dance, but I
Speaker 1: figured I shouldn't.
Speaker 2: But you married?
Speaker 4: What you mean, Sam, there's no single ladies, all the
Speaker 4: married ladies, all the married ladies.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, I do that, all right.
Speaker 1: So we were like trying to go for the whole lemonade. Look,
Speaker 1: I had cherigoing crazy trying to find it. Big brim head.
Speaker 1: Didn't quite work out. Don't got the praise, But y'all
Speaker 1: get the picture.
Speaker 3: You get the picture, all right. Well, continue with your
Speaker 3: little story time.
Speaker 4: Yeah, change, put the checks away, all right, I'll try.
Speaker 4: That's my wife, y'all, she's the biggest troll ever. So
Speaker 4: let me tell you about storytelling.
Speaker 2: This was.
Speaker 4: June twenty eleven. I remember because it was the day
Speaker 4: that our marriage changed. Beyonce was doing a little performance.
Speaker 4: I remember the day specifically. It was August fourteenth, sixteenth, eighteenth,
Speaker 4: and nineteen. I was gonna go get tickets. Kadeen and
Speaker 4: I were about to be celebrating our first wedding anniversary.
Speaker 2: She just had our son, Jackson. I was like, yes,
Speaker 2: some husband of the year. But to get these Beyonce tickets.
Speaker 4: I said, Yo, Kaye, Beyonce got tickets coming out. I'm
Speaker 4: gonna cop us some tickets. She was like, yes, baby,
Speaker 4: you the best of all that right at the time.
Speaker 4: If y'all remember, I was broke. Beyonce tickets be fucking expensive,
Speaker 4: all right? Can I get an amen?
Speaker 1: And that? Yes.
Speaker 4: So I had just got finished paying for the wedding,
Speaker 4: we just.
Speaker 2: Had a baby.
Speaker 4: We were living in my grandmother's apartment in Brooklyn. I
Speaker 4: had no money, but I was gonna do this for
Speaker 4: my wife. So I say, yo, remember that credit card
Speaker 4: that you were supposed to pay off. I'm gonna use
Speaker 4: that to buy the beyond the tickets. And I washed
Speaker 4: her eyes go to the left and go up, And
Speaker 4: I said, what was with that look? And she was like, no, nothing,
Speaker 4: just check the car. Let me take y'all even further
Speaker 4: back two thousand and seven.
Speaker 2: I'm in that. No, this is not the American Express card.
Speaker 4: This is the City Bank card I know, specifically the
Speaker 4: one that ended four zero nine six, because I'll be
Speaker 4: doing everything. The car limit was fifteen thousand dollars. The
Speaker 4: car was up to fourteen thousand, nine hundred and seventy
Speaker 4: two cents. I noticed, because I know numbers. I said, Yo, okay,
Speaker 4: why the car's so high. I don't know, di valda
Speaker 4: card just be high. What you mean, you don't know
Speaker 4: you'll be spending it. That's not the way credit cards work.
Speaker 4: You gotta pay it off, right. That was two thousand
Speaker 4: and seven. It was two thousand and nine when I
Speaker 4: noticed the car was still at fourteen thousand, nine hundred
Speaker 4: and seventy two dollars. Were getting ready to plan our wedding.
Speaker 4: I said, yo, I'm gonna cover the wedding. You got
Speaker 4: one responsibility. You gotta get this credit card down. She said,
Speaker 4: easy money, I got it. I said, cool, this is
Speaker 4: your responsibility.
Speaker 2: Boom.
Speaker 4: Fast forward to twenty eleven June.
Speaker 2: The credit card was a fourteen.
Speaker 4: Thousand, nine hundred and sixty eight dollars. I go to
Speaker 4: get the card to buy the tickets, and the card
Speaker 4: don't got no money on it.
Speaker 2: So I called kadem. I'm like, okay, man, come here,
Speaker 2: first year.
Speaker 4: Marriage, just had a baby, had a baby in April.
Speaker 4: She goes, wet deval. I said, yo, white American Express
Speaker 4: so high. She goes, I don't know. I've been paying
Speaker 4: that car for two years. I said, how, how have
Speaker 4: you been paying the call off for two years? Have
Speaker 4: you been using it? She says no.
Speaker 2: I said, that's cap.
Speaker 4: Well, I didn't say cap because people weren't saying cap
Speaker 4: in twenty eleven. But I said that's a lie. She goes, no,
Speaker 4: it's not. I've been paying it. So I go to
Speaker 4: look at the history, the payment history. The minimum on
Speaker 4: the car was forty two dollars. Kate put sixty dollars
Speaker 4: on the car every month.
Speaker 2: No interesting, So I was living.
Speaker 4: I was living because I did my part right, got
Speaker 4: us in an apartment, paid for this wedding. Wedding was
Speaker 4: seventy five thousand dollars in twenty and ten.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. Oh yeah, I paid for.
Speaker 4: That because my wife says she wanted to have a
Speaker 4: platinum wedding at the time.
Speaker 2: That's what's happening. So I get pissed. I'm like, yo,
Speaker 2: enough is enough.
Speaker 4: No accountability, you don't understand the responsibility.
Speaker 2: I put my foot down.
Speaker 4: I'm not buying the Beyonce tickets. Look, look, look at
Speaker 4: all of the Beyonce fans mad at me. Y'all don't
Speaker 4: care about y'all.
Speaker 2: Mortgages, y'all don't get out of nothing. Is Beyonce? Right.
Speaker 4: I put my foot down, I go down. I'm not
Speaker 4: buying the Beyonce tickets. Now here's the crazy thing. I
Speaker 4: was not even not buying the Beyonce tickets. To be me,
Speaker 4: I did not have the money. I just didn't have it.
Speaker 4: So KaDee goes, wait a minute, you about to punish me.
Speaker 4: And I did everything you asked?
Speaker 2: I said, how you did everything I asked?
Speaker 4: She said, you told me to pay off the credit card,
Speaker 4: paid it off. You told me to pay more than
Speaker 4: the minimum. I did that. I said, Kadeen, you paid eighteen.
Speaker 2: Dollars more than the minimum. My guy, I said. I
Speaker 2: literally said my gud too, because I was that pissed.
Speaker 4: She was like, well, you need to have better details
Speaker 4: if you want me to get shit done. So I said, cool,
Speaker 4: here's detail number one. I'm not buying the Beyonce tickets.
Speaker 4: The whole building started to shape whole building. Yo, whole building.
Speaker 4: Kadeen didn't even lose eye context. You's looking right at
Speaker 4: me like this. I said, what.
Speaker 2: She goes what's in the room and slams the door.
Speaker 2: So now I'm at the door. I'm banging on the door. Boom, boom, boom,
Speaker 2: open the door. Caneen, open the door, Caneen. Right.
Speaker 4: I hear screaming in the room. So I kicked the
Speaker 4: door open. Ba, this is all the true story. When
Speaker 4: she comes out, she is gonna co operate the story.
Speaker 4: A bust in the door.
Speaker 2: Boom.
Speaker 4: She's on the windowsill, one foot out the windowsill, other
Speaker 4: foot in the room.
Speaker 2: I panic. I'm like, yoom, what are you doing.
Speaker 4: She's just like, I can't believe you're gonna do this
Speaker 4: to Beyonce. I said, I'm not doing nothing to Beyonce. Bro,
Speaker 4: you about to jump out the window for Beyonce tickets.
Speaker 4: She goes, not the Beyonce tickets, to vows the fucking principle.
Speaker 4: I say, what's the principal? She pauses and she goes,
Speaker 4: fuck the principle.
Speaker 2: It's the ouzer.
Speaker 4: Swear to God, I swear everything, Bro, That's exactly what happened.
Speaker 2: So I go, you.
Speaker 4: Have lost your mind. I am not about to do
Speaker 4: this with you. If you want to kill yourself over Beyonce,
Speaker 4: that's on you. But we got a son and we
Speaker 4: I'm gonna live for our son. I was being mad, dramatic.
Speaker 2: I turned and I walked away. What's our son name?
Speaker 2: Kadeen then said.
Speaker 4: To me, because I was ready to walk away, that's
Speaker 4: why Beyonce is better than Michael Jackson.
Speaker 2: Take that ship back, take it back right now. She goes. No.
Speaker 4: I said, I will push you out that fucking window
Speaker 4: if you don't take it back. She said no, I'm
Speaker 4: run to the window. I grabbed Kate. We over rolling, rolling, rolling,
Speaker 4: and tussle in the bed.
Speaker 2: Bro Saint Michael Johnson's better than Beyonce. She goes, buy
Speaker 2: man the tickets.
Speaker 4: Y'all think I'm joking. This is really what happened. I'm
Speaker 4: saying I'm not.
Speaker 2: She goes, I bet you Beyonce would have brought me
Speaker 2: the tickets.
Speaker 4: I was like God, and then we had sex. Yes,
Speaker 4: clap that up, Clap that up, because who here is married?
Speaker 4: So who here has had a marverage argument like that?
Speaker 4: Man raised his hand slow and looked at his wife.
Speaker 4: He said, Oh you're back both in time. God damn it,
Speaker 4: What the buck is going on?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I have no idea what's going on right there in
Speaker 1: that corner right there. Shout out to Charie, Christina, Janelle
Speaker 1: and Nelly for the quick change. So what kind of
Speaker 1: lies he even telling y'all while I was back there changing,
Speaker 1: because I was hearing thiss and pieces of the story,
Speaker 1: all the lies.
Speaker 3: Right, all the lies.
Speaker 4: It's not lies, just I just I just want to
Speaker 4: know what happened to the costume in the back.
Speaker 3: You know it's in safekeepings for later.
Speaker 2: It's in my face?
Speaker 3: Do you know what?
Speaker 2: Do you know why they're in safe keepings for later?
Speaker 4: I got tickets to the Beyonce concert this year.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, listen, I follow instructions, y'all. He said, you
Speaker 1: should be paying more than the minimum every month. So
Speaker 1: the minimum is twenty five dollars A pay thirty?
Speaker 2: No it was forty, it was forty eight. You paid sixty.
Speaker 2: I remember like that, more or less.
Speaker 3: But was I not paying more than the minimum?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: I follow the instructions.
Speaker 2: Listen, don't don't co sign this bullshit.
Speaker 4: Don't don't co sign it like this is not good
Speaker 4: financial literacy.
Speaker 2: But the people are trying to learn to be better.
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, But first of all, because I didn't get
Speaker 4: a chance to reintroduce you, please give it up to
Speaker 4: my beautiful wife for the.
Speaker 6: Your husband though not the jail, not the jail poses.
Speaker 4: No, we we appreciate y'all. But uh, for sure, you
Speaker 4: got mines. You got mines looking like Beyonce. That was great.
Speaker 2: That was great.
Speaker 3: So what's up, l A.
Speaker 1: All these beautiful faces in the building, some new ones,
Speaker 1: some old ones.
Speaker 3: What's up, y'all? How are you.
Speaker 2: Talk him out? I just looked down here. Who do
Speaker 2: we see? I see some of my BT casts out here.
Speaker 7: That is a fact.
Speaker 2: Hello, stary day, scary day. Come on, Maurice.
Speaker 8: Yeah, hey, my man, do y'all come on Chase stand up,
Speaker 8: Chase stand.
Speaker 2: From big Yeah, Nate, my boy Nates come to whoa.
Speaker 4: Hey, nobody better fucking clap for sorry guys.
Speaker 9: Q All right, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on,
Speaker 9: hold on.
Speaker 2: Who is my arch numbers sist in the hand, salon.
Speaker 2: Everybody give a shout out the bam.
Speaker 4: Everybody give a shout out to kJ and Sky. Yeah,
Speaker 4: come on, man, queen.
Speaker 2: It be out big bet that's how that's all. That's
Speaker 2: our Scott be, that's what's gonna be. We're not done yet.
Speaker 2: Who ain't watch is ruthless? Come on, stand up, Josh
Speaker 2: out of a. Let's right. This last person I'm about
Speaker 2: to bring up, nobody probably know. Don't nobody probably know?
Speaker 4: Anybody knows somebody named Fatima fans out Patimo. Yeah, one
Speaker 4: thing I will say, My Tyler Perry BT family definitely
Speaker 4: supports all the time.
Speaker 2: Everybody out here always supports.
Speaker 10: Man.
Speaker 2: I love y'all.
Speaker 4: I appreciate y'all. Yes, yes, yes, So who here listens
Speaker 4: to the podcast? What normally comes after my wild last stories?
Speaker 1: Carry yoke?
Speaker 4: All right? All right?
Speaker 3: So I changed before karaoke was not how to do?
Speaker 3: What have you doing? Karaoke is Beyonce?
Speaker 2: I may Sea.
Speaker 3: I got out of that costume before karaoke time, for sure.
Speaker 4: So we got the TJ executive said he got something
Speaker 4: special for us. Let me see what you got. We
Speaker 4: like to play that game for two reasons. First reason,
Speaker 4: it's just an icebreaker, get everybody into the show before
Speaker 4: we sit down and do the Q and A. But secondly,
Speaker 4: to show you how couples communicate. This is the most
Speaker 4: important thing. Communication in a relationship is important, right, who're
Speaker 4: here in a relationship?
Speaker 2: Everybody here?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 3: How many single women in the house? Okay? Single men, Okay,
Speaker 3: carrier you.
Speaker 9: They are not their characters, ladies. He's not scary Gary
Speaker 9: and he's not mess Q no real life.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, I say, guys normally have the game fucked up,
Speaker 1: because if there's a lot of single women in the spot,
Speaker 1: I would think like, if that's what you're too, like,
Speaker 1: single guys should.
Speaker 3: Be here or whatever you Oh, that's that's exactly to
Speaker 3: go for it. So singles, mingle, mingle single.
Speaker 8: Let me tell you something that is exactly why Cheeto
Speaker 8: was here. Cheeto hit me up on FaceTime, right, Cheeto
Speaker 8: goes hey, bro Bro. If y'all y'all don't know Cheeto this,
Speaker 8: I'm gonna do cheto space right here.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, for Cheeto. Cheeto hit me up on
Speaker 2: face some right. I'll be like, yo, he'd like it,
Speaker 2: what's up?
Speaker 4: D I'll be like, put a shirt on my nigga,
Speaker 4: I don't want to see your nipples on face, tom.
Speaker 2: Bey And he'd be like, no, no, I got you,
Speaker 2: I got you, I got you, but you you you
Speaker 2: n l A, right, you in l A. I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 2: he had cool cool cool.
Speaker 4: There'd be a lot of women at the podcast, right,
Speaker 4: I'm like, yeah, why he goes cool cool, cool, cool cool.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna need a ticket, I said, go buy one online.
Speaker 4: He said no, no, no, no, no, I'm not gonna
Speaker 4: do that. I know you get me a ticket, but
Speaker 4: then he's gonna throw this at me. I'm saving for
Speaker 4: my wife, So I need you to help me with
Speaker 4: a ticket.
Speaker 3: So about oh, well play?
Speaker 2: I love that, Yes, I love that.
Speaker 1: So a little something that we're gonna do for y'all
Speaker 1: who watches Zatima.
Speaker 3: And who knows when season two will be back.
Speaker 2: Sixteen sixteen.
Speaker 1: So I think this is the perfect opportunity, given the
Speaker 1: space that we're in and giving who's in the building,
Speaker 1: to introduce to y'all.
Speaker 3: Mits christopherne come on, I.
Speaker 4: See, we'll take a seat, we'll cook first and foremost.
Speaker 4: I know people have a lot of questions. Look, look, look,
Speaker 4: look at y'all. Messy, messy. That's why I like this
Speaker 4: part of the show. People ask all the time, how
Speaker 4: could Dean be so cool with all the sex that
Speaker 4: be happening on a team up. If I was a wife,
Speaker 4: I wouldn't be cool with all the sex that be
Speaker 4: having it on the teamer. First of all, the sex
Speaker 4: don't be sexy. Imagine you in the room. It's cold
Speaker 4: as fuck. It's the pandemic. Tyler Perry is sixty five,
Speaker 4: two hundred and sixty pounds.
Speaker 2: He's scared of.
Speaker 11: Getting sick with COVID, so he got on an astronaut
Speaker 11: helmet and he's in the back like doll. Uh looked
Speaker 11: up Crystal's leg closs it up. Okay, hold it, hold it, Okay,
Speaker 11: get the shot. Get the shot.
Speaker 2: Now, Krystal was a very voluptuous, thick woman, a nigga
Speaker 2: be holding up like God, damn it, Tyler, get the shot,
Speaker 2: Get the shot. There's nothing sexy about it.
Speaker 4: But these two women here make it easy for me
Speaker 4: to do my job because they're always on the same page.
Speaker 2: So shout out to my wife and my coat conversation.
Speaker 1: The first time the Valley, Crystal were working together with
Speaker 1: the intimacy coordinator, right, and Deval calls me on FaceTime.
Speaker 3: Look, you're real frustrated.
Speaker 1: So I was like, what's the problem, bro? He was like,
Speaker 1: can you talk to Crystal Pave can you talk to Crystal?
Speaker 1: So I'm like, Devello, what happened so prior to that?
Speaker 4: So what happened was for all of you people who
Speaker 4: think sex is real on TV, I'm gonna break it down.
Speaker 4: There is an intimacy coordinator, just like there is a
Speaker 4: stunt coordinator, and for every stunt you have to practice
Speaker 4: and do all of this stuff. For sex, it's the
Speaker 4: same thing. There is a pad first of all, that's
Speaker 4: about this thick that goes over everything that I have.
Speaker 4: Then there's a sock where they put my joint and
Speaker 4: my balls in the sock, they tie it up.
Speaker 2: There's no circulation, so it's not comfortable.
Speaker 4: They they put the same pad on Crystal, and the
Speaker 4: pad comes from back here all the way up here.
Speaker 4: Then by the use of CGI, you don't get to
Speaker 4: see all of the pads and stuff. So when you
Speaker 4: see it, they be like, oh my god, Devo was
Speaker 4: eating help pussy. No, the vow was not, because I
Speaker 4: know that's what y'all was thinking. Yea, that's a little
Speaker 4: nasty asses.
Speaker 2: Nasty asses, huh, it don't be happening like that.
Speaker 4: So we're in there with the intimacy coordinator and they
Speaker 4: have to show us all the positions we're gonna do.
Speaker 2: So they have two gumbies.
Speaker 4: One gumby is the color of crystal whatever she's wearing
Speaker 4: that day, if it's red. The other gumby is the
Speaker 4: color of the val whatever I'm wearing this black. They
Speaker 4: got the gumbies and this is what they're doing with
Speaker 4: the gum bees. So now we two grown people. I
Speaker 4: got four kids, and the intimacy coordinator, her name is Nikki.
Speaker 4: She's like, hey, are you guys comfortable, So we're gonna
Speaker 4: actually try the kids today. So I'm like, we're gonna
Speaker 4: try and kids. Now I know how to kiss, I'm
Speaker 4: doing this ship. She's just like, no, there are ways
Speaker 4: to kids on television. And she's she's dead serious. So
Speaker 4: she was like, are we doing tongue or no tongue?
Speaker 4: No tongue. I'm married. Christal was like, he got a wife,
Speaker 4: We're not doing no tongue. She's like, okay, so what
Speaker 4: you're gonna do is open your mouth and you're going
Speaker 4: to imitate. And she's doing the movements and I'm like,
Speaker 4: I'm like, this is serious. She's like yes, she said, okay,
Speaker 4: now you too do it. So I woke up on Crystal.
Speaker 4: Crystal walks up on me and she goes, So I opened.
Speaker 2: My eyes and I'm like, what are you doing y'all?
Speaker 2: She goes, I can't.
Speaker 4: I just I don't feel comfortable movie because you have
Speaker 4: my wife and you have I said, all right, fine,
Speaker 4: what Deval?
Speaker 2: Can you talk to Crystal? Please and tell Crystal it's
Speaker 2: okay to kiss me to.
Speaker 3: What should I say? You better kiss that man so
Speaker 3: that chick can clean It is a good toy.
Speaker 2: We got to pay.
Speaker 3: We got kissed the beat, you better kissed that man ship.
Speaker 4: So for all you messy people who'll be watching the team,
Speaker 4: we're talking about this shit is too real. It don't
Speaker 4: be real.
Speaker 2: It don't be real sex. It be thinkings hell, and
Speaker 2: it don't.
Speaker 3: Make a good moment though, with Zach and the team
Speaker 3: of a real sex moment for it.
Speaker 2: Oh yes, we do have a real sex moment.
Speaker 3: Anybody see the blue Light? Shall I say? Baby?
Speaker 1: I was inspired so much that they were away locked
Speaker 1: away filming that February.
Speaker 3: It's still COVID regulations and all that, So I missed
Speaker 3: my man.
Speaker 1: I was moving cross country from California to Georgia with
Speaker 1: the boys alone, hadn't had nothing about good two three weeks,
Speaker 1: so I was over it. Valentine's Day is approaching and
Speaker 1: the episode that airs that Wednesday before Valentine's Day is
Speaker 1: the infamous blue Lights shower scene.
Speaker 3: So I was like, oh, this is this is nice.
Speaker 3: It's like it's the art for me.
Speaker 1: So I was like, look at this blue lights. I said,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm about to recreate this. So I
Speaker 1: go to Amazon, get my laptop out and I'm like
Speaker 1: blue light bulb and I was like, oh, they got
Speaker 1: that all right?
Speaker 3: Add the cart. Then I was like, shit, we just
Speaker 3: moved in. All we have is this air bed. I
Speaker 3: don't got no furniture.
Speaker 1: I was like, lamp, so add the cart and I
Speaker 1: was like we got the air bed. It don't even
Speaker 1: matter because we got the shower.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 1: Good. So in about two days what comes to my
Speaker 1: door the lamp and the blue light bolt. He surprises
Speaker 1: me and comes home early because I wasn't expecting him
Speaker 1: until the fifteenth, the day after Valentine's Day.
Speaker 3: He came home on the thirteenth and baby nine months later.
Speaker 3: Dakota Bucks.
Speaker 1: Yes, So I appreciate you, sis for a moment inspired
Speaker 1: and Crystal is one of Dakota's godmothers.
Speaker 3: How weird is that?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: I can't tell him the story when he grows up though,
Speaker 1: how he was conceived, he's gonna be like, that's weird.
Speaker 1: You were like turned down by your turned on by
Speaker 1: my father and uh my godmother.
Speaker 3: And the sex seen year I was. But you know
Speaker 3: that's another story for another day.
Speaker 2: You Wall, You know you all right?
Speaker 1: You Wall.
Speaker 4: I wish y'all could have been there when I walked
Speaker 4: in his room and seen this blue light and this
Speaker 4: air mattress in his lamp.
Speaker 2: I wish y'all could have been there and see you
Speaker 2: could be face yo. She I walk in.
Speaker 4: She want to talk about something, so that's what we're doing.
Speaker 4: And I'm like, doing what And she turns off all
Speaker 4: the lights and I'm like, it's dark. I can't even
Speaker 4: see you. Then she goes click and it's all blue.
Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, but then she had on this negligent
Speaker 4: and I was like and it was a wrap after that.
Speaker 3: So I think we should we should give them a
Speaker 3: little sleep.
Speaker 4: Yeah, So Crystal, yes, aka Fatima, what are you most
Speaker 4: excited about with season two? Oh?
Speaker 2: My goodness, the roller coaster it's a lot.
Speaker 4: It is a lot.
Speaker 2: Not for real?
Speaker 4: Are you all ready for another surprise? How many episodes
Speaker 4: we had in season one? Guess I'm in he got
Speaker 4: in season two we got twenty episodes.
Speaker 2: And that is because of you guys. Think see that's
Speaker 2: my who here engages on Twitter? Who here like to
Speaker 2: engage on Twitter? Do you be arguing me on Twitter?
Speaker 2: I know you look Familion, Yeah, you look for me.
Speaker 2: When I seen in your face when I came out,
Speaker 2: I'm like, dies, she go.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 4: The thing I'm most excited about with the team of
Speaker 4: season two is that you learn a lot about why
Speaker 4: Zach is the way he is. Like you get a
Speaker 4: chance to see in his past, his parents, his siblings,
Speaker 4: his friends, and I guarantee you all the answers, all
Speaker 4: the questions you have from sisters. When you watch the
Speaker 4: Team of season two, you ain't gonna have no more questions.
Speaker 4: You're gonna watch it. It be like that's why Zach
Speaker 4: does things the way he does things. I'm excited for
Speaker 4: that so much. For sure, we're unpacking a lot season two.
Speaker 1: We are.
Speaker 7: I know a lot of people are like, we're ready
Speaker 7: for the team to give back to the happy it's
Speaker 7: a team. But I think in order with any relationship,
Speaker 7: in order to get to the happy place, you gotta
Speaker 7: go through the low places.
Speaker 2: And we're gonna take you guys through it. So Gary, Yes,
Speaker 2: so listen, give a round of applause to my cold
Speaker 2: star plaster.
Speaker 4: I love you. It's hard to call somebody's system and
Speaker 4: y'all be doing sex scenes like the ship come.
Speaker 1: All right, man, time just flying with y'all'.
Speaker 3: Like, wait, what time is this? Shoot? We gotta let
Speaker 3: y'all go.
Speaker 2: So we're trying to rush.
Speaker 3: Take some listener letter questions.
Speaker 1: So if you listen to the show, we do story
Speaker 1: time karaoke to meet of the show, and then we
Speaker 1: move into listen letters. This is our time to hear
Speaker 1: from you. If you have any questions, do you want
Speaker 1: some advice? We can have the audience chime in. It'll
Speaker 1: be a good time. So where is trouble with the mic?
Speaker 2: I see trouble on the back pants.
Speaker 3: Nitor i'le So if you have a question, know me,
Speaker 3: shy raise your hand. Oh anybody purchased? We over me
Speaker 3: some book that I heard about. Oh my goodness, right there.
Speaker 3: I love that.
Speaker 1: Thank y' all, Thank you so much for that man
Speaker 1: because of y'all. New York Times Bestsellers, isn't that crazy?
Speaker 2: Yes, thank you, thank you, and yo, not for nothing.
Speaker 2: That is a feat for all of us.
Speaker 4: Do you know how many black people actually make the
Speaker 4: New York Times Bestsellers list? And we made the most
Speaker 4: difficult one self help, And it wasn't because of us,
Speaker 4: It was because of you. This is a victory for
Speaker 4: all of us. When you look at that list, you
Speaker 4: can say, now, we did that because without you, guys,
Speaker 4: it would be no us.
Speaker 2: So we honor.
Speaker 4: We honestly really feel like that, like we wouldn't be
Speaker 4: what we are if it weren't for you guys.
Speaker 2: So we appreciate y'all.
Speaker 3: Love y'all so much.
Speaker 2: Oh we got a question, what's up.
Speaker 3: Like yesterday?
Speaker 12: Yeah?
Speaker 3: So for you it was different than it was for me.
Speaker 2: For you, it was different.
Speaker 1: For me.
Speaker 4: It was when I found out that well quick story
Speaker 4: me and Kate was arguing coming off of Christmas time
Speaker 4: the American Express bill was high.
Speaker 2: Sounds familiar, right.
Speaker 3: I still didn't learn my listen.
Speaker 4: On top of that, if you guys know, when we
Speaker 4: had our first son, Jackson, we almost lost Kay.
Speaker 2: They had a cervical tear. She had a cervical tear.
Speaker 4: She almost bled out, she almost had to get a
Speaker 4: blood transfusion, she had to have emergency surgery and get
Speaker 4: twenty six stitches. Twenty seven I'm not gonna just seven times, alright, right.
Speaker 4: So at that point I had made a promise to
Speaker 4: God and to my wife. I said, if I could
Speaker 4: get my wife out of this healthy and my kids
Speaker 4: be healthy, I don't want no more kids. I just
Speaker 4: want my wife and I want my son, and I'll
Speaker 4: be good. After about four years, Kay was like, I
Speaker 4: want to try it for another child, and I was like,
Speaker 4: all right, as long as you cool, I'm cool. Like
Speaker 4: I wasn't gonna push her for it, so we decided
Speaker 4: we were going to do it together. At that moment,
Speaker 4: I started doing a bunch of studying about how to
Speaker 4: have a successful childbirth without an epidural, and because the
Speaker 4: epidural is ultimately what caused us to have that issue
Speaker 4: with her servex tearing, so we wanted to have a
Speaker 4: natural birth.
Speaker 2: Even though we wanted to have it in the hospital,
Speaker 2: we wanted to have a natural birth.
Speaker 4: So I was researching all this stuff, and they were
Speaker 4: talking about creating a positive space, but also constantly working out.
Speaker 4: So Kate was like, all right, going into this pregnancy,
Speaker 4: I'm gonna work out the strong the best I can
Speaker 4: to get in the best shape. We're in the gym.
Speaker 4: And I owned the gym at the time. I'm in
Speaker 4: there eighteen hours a day because I'm taking a bunch
Speaker 4: of clients. I told, hey, listen, you don't have to work.
Speaker 4: Let me focus on providing and you focus on being
Speaker 4: a mom and building your body up to have another baby.
Speaker 4: She comes in the gym on this one day and
Speaker 4: she was there for about six hours. I watched her
Speaker 4: talk to a bunch of people. She was lolly gagging, bullshit.
Speaker 4: And I'm getting ready to leave, and she's like, oh,
Speaker 4: you're leaving.
Speaker 1: To parents making tangible connections, promoting retention of the program, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: bullshit and gag.
Speaker 2: So I go to my office. I go to my office.
Speaker 4: I'm like, y're I'm ready to go. I didn't been
Speaker 4: there eighteen hours. She's like, oh, I didn't get a
Speaker 4: chance to work out yet. Okay, let's work.
Speaker 2: Let's go.
Speaker 4: I said, you know what, this just messed up. I
Speaker 4: got all these American Express bills to pay you ain't
Speaker 4: been working.
Speaker 2: You had one job.
Speaker 4: Your job was to come here and work out, and
Speaker 4: you find a reason not to work out. We end
Speaker 4: up arguing, screaming and hollering. And the reason why I
Speaker 4: like telling the story is because, yes, we just wrote
Speaker 4: a book about how we're really good at communicating, But
Speaker 4: it wasn't always like that.
Speaker 2: I said to my wife, you know what your problem is?
Speaker 2: You fucking lazy? Yeah. Yeah, this same divil that.
Speaker 4: Wrote a book about how to communicate told my wife
Speaker 4: she was fucking lazy. She cussed me out, and then
Speaker 4: it said, I'm not fucking lazy, deval, I'm fucking pregnant.
Speaker 4: I go, well, why didn't you leave with that? Because
Speaker 4: I didn't know. I didn't know what else to say
Speaker 4: at that point, but I had egg on my face.
Speaker 4: But also in that moment, I realized, like, damn, I
Speaker 4: claim to be a provider and a protector and I'm
Speaker 4: not even aware of what my wife's body is going through.
Speaker 2: In this moment, I'm to find a.
Speaker 1: Nice way to tell him that we were going to
Speaker 1: be expanding our families. So you know, it's that big
Speaker 1: where you're trying to like wait it out and figure
Speaker 1: out something cool to do, and I was so sick,
Speaker 1: and I was trying to camouflage it so I can
Speaker 1: do a nice little reveal and your boy beat me
Speaker 1: to it by call me fucking lazy, so I had
Speaker 1: to let him know what the fuck was going on.
Speaker 2: So that moment, so, yes, I was not the same
Speaker 2: person I am today.
Speaker 4: I realized in that moment that as much as I
Speaker 4: want to protect and provide for my wife, I wasn't
Speaker 4: protecting and providing at all. I wasn't protecting her spiritually
Speaker 4: and emotionally, and I wasn't providing a space for her
Speaker 4: to be open and tell me what she needed and
Speaker 4: what she wanted. So after that, in that same argument,
Speaker 4: I said to her, I said, you know what, during
Speaker 4: this pregnancy, whatever you need, whatever you want, I got you.
Speaker 2: Just tell me what it is.
Speaker 4: And throughout the pregnancy I was doing it, and throughout
Speaker 4: the pregnancy she was reciprocating the same energy.
Speaker 2: So I was like, wait a minute, why don't I
Speaker 2: do this all the time?
Speaker 4: And then I started to focus on being It's real
Speaker 4: I and then say, you know what, let me focus
Speaker 4: on being of service to my wife so I can
Speaker 4: create a space for her to then be of service
Speaker 4: to me, and that's when I realized it happened when
Speaker 4: she was carrying our second child.
Speaker 2: I was not the best person.
Speaker 4: I was not the best father or husband, but in
Speaker 4: that moment, I had to find a way to make
Speaker 4: sure that I got my wife back.
Speaker 1: So, yeah, for me, it was a little delayed, right,
Speaker 1: My little reaction was delayed in terms of when I
Speaker 1: found out that being of service made the most sense
Speaker 1: for our relationship.
Speaker 3: And things improved.
Speaker 1: It actually didn't happen for me, I think because I
Speaker 1: was so accustomed to de Vo always saying, Okay, I
Speaker 1: got it, I got it under control, don't worry about it.
Speaker 1: We can literally the world can be crumbling around him
Speaker 1: and he'd be like, I got it, and I'm like.
Speaker 3: I know, like I got it, you got it, We
Speaker 3: got it.
Speaker 1: So it didn't really hit me until we had a
Speaker 1: conversation one morning, and this was maybe in twenty twenty
Speaker 1: or twenty.
Speaker 2: One, twenty twenty.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was going into the new year, and we
Speaker 1: usually had like a recap of the year, and at
Speaker 1: the beginning of the year we talk about our you know, hopes, goals,
Speaker 1: dreams of the year, things that we want to kind
Speaker 1: of just rehash moving into a new year, and he said,
Speaker 1: when you wake up in the morning, what's the first
Speaker 1: thing you think about?
Speaker 3: So I was like, well, open my eyes, thank God
Speaker 3: for another day.
Speaker 1: Then I'm thinking of instantly the kids, who has to
Speaker 1: be where at what time, the schedule, work that has
Speaker 1: to get done, like all these things, like what's going
Speaker 1: to make this day afloat? Because it's not just me,
Speaker 1: it's the family, it's the kids, it's work. We work
Speaker 1: together a lot.
Speaker 3: So he said, do you realize that you did not
Speaker 3: mention me one time in that And I was like, oh, yikes.
Speaker 1: So I felt like in that moment I had egg
Speaker 1: in my face because I'm like, wow, my husband literally
Speaker 1: who does everything to provide a space for me to
Speaker 1: be protected and provided for our children. I not once
Speaker 1: thought about him in the course of the day because
Speaker 1: why I just expected him to be okay.
Speaker 3: I'm like, you're an adult. I'm an adult. We're adults.
Speaker 3: We know what it is.
Speaker 1: We're both busy, we have kids, we have work, we
Speaker 1: have all these things were going on. You're supposed to
Speaker 1: be okay because you always are, And in that moment it.
Speaker 7: Broke my heart.
Speaker 3: She cried, and I cried, and I'm like, I could
Speaker 3: not believe that.
Speaker 1: I really never took the time on an even semi
Speaker 1: regular basis to think about what he may need. So
Speaker 1: in that moment, sis, and at this point, if it's
Speaker 1: talking twenty twenty, how many years in?
Speaker 2: Is that twenty twenty? So that was eighteen years eighteen
Speaker 2: years in?
Speaker 3: How many years married? Nine nine years married?
Speaker 1: That's when it clicked to me that being of service
Speaker 1: to my husband was something so necessary because if I
Speaker 1: just said to myself, you know what, let me ask him, devou,
Speaker 1: what do you need today? How can I make your
Speaker 1: plate lighter? What can I help you with? It could
Speaker 1: be something as simple as he wants a pack lunch
Speaker 1: to go to set. That's something that I'm doing for
Speaker 1: him that just makes his day a little bit brighter,
Speaker 1: takes one thing off of his plate. So that way,
Speaker 1: then he's more inclined to look at me and say, wow, kay,
Speaker 1: did that nice gesture for me?
Speaker 3: I want to do this for her?
Speaker 1: And then he does something nice for me, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh shit, look at you think about me? And then
Speaker 1: I do something nice for him. So it's the reciprocal
Speaker 1: process that started to happen for me, and for me
Speaker 1: it literally just clicked. You know, sometimes you hear something
Speaker 1: over and over again in different ways, it never really
Speaker 1: clicks to you. But that him asking me that question
Speaker 1: in that moment, and I could see the hurt in
Speaker 1: his eyes. He felt like, I'm always worried about everybody
Speaker 1: else and no one's worried about me.
Speaker 3: That's my job.
Speaker 1: I'm his wife, like who else is supposed to be
Speaker 1: worried about him? So that's when it clicked for me
Speaker 1: that being of service to my spouse was the best
Speaker 1: way for us to function.
Speaker 3: And since then you can say things have been so much.
Speaker 2: Better now, since since then, it's definitely been better.
Speaker 4: But I think the most important part of that story
Speaker 4: is the time, right, Like, we had been together since
Speaker 4: two thousand and two. It wasn't til twenty twenty that
Speaker 4: I asked her a question and she was like, oh shit,
Speaker 4: I haven't been doing that.
Speaker 2: That's eighteen years.
Speaker 4: So often in relationships, people think after three months, if
Speaker 4: this person has figured everything else about me, then I'm
Speaker 4: moving on. Meanwhile, we've been together eighteen years and it
Speaker 4: took me to point it out to her, And the
Speaker 4: reason why I say That is because as black men,
Speaker 4: oftentimes we're taught because of society standards, that if we
Speaker 4: express our feelings or say what we want or what
Speaker 4: we need, then we're weak or we're less than. So
Speaker 4: we sit back and say I'm gonna just take it,
Speaker 4: and then when our significant other doesn't meet us at
Speaker 4: our needs, we either say fuck it, I'm gonna go
Speaker 4: find my knees elsewhere, or we lash out.
Speaker 2: What I want to say to any black man that's
Speaker 2: in this room.
Speaker 4: If you are married or with a woman that you
Speaker 4: love and you feel like that woman is responsible for
Speaker 4: helping you be the best version of you, tell her
Speaker 4: don't leave it up to her to figure it out.
Speaker 4: It's easier to say, look, I need, I require, I want,
Speaker 4: and I would like for you to do this, and
Speaker 4: if she loves you, it's then up to her to
Speaker 4: make the choice to deliver on that. If you say
Speaker 4: that to her and she chooses not to deliver on that,
Speaker 4: then now you make You can make a choice and say,
Speaker 4: you know what, I got to do what's in the
Speaker 4: best interest of myself. But to sit back and be
Speaker 4: quiet like most of us do, like I did for
Speaker 4: eighteen years, and say she needs to figure out.
Speaker 2: It's unfair because she had no way of knowing.
Speaker 1: And we've stopped doing this whole figure things out shit
Speaker 1: because that just wastes so much time. Yeah, what you
Speaker 1: want tonight, my nigga? Tell me what I do for
Speaker 1: you tonight? You want a crop top in shorts, you
Speaker 1: want a sandwich? You want me to pack your bond?
Speaker 2: Like, what is it that you want me to do
Speaker 2: to make your night that she's not lying and.
Speaker 1: He's doing because it takes the guessing game out of it.
Speaker 1: We don't got no time to be trying to figure
Speaker 1: shit out. We got kids, we got careers. There's too
Speaker 1: much going on. Tell me what she wanted, let me deliver.
Speaker 2: It, yo.
Speaker 4: She's not lying though, like she legit asked me, was like,
Speaker 4: what was you like when I when you come home
Speaker 4: from when you are working.
Speaker 2: I was like, well, you know them red co ed shorts.
Speaker 2: I would like those. I would like for you to
Speaker 2: pack my bond.
Speaker 4: I would like for you to make a sandwich because
Speaker 4: after I get the munchies, I would like a drink.
Speaker 4: I would like a sports bra and I want to
Speaker 4: watch BMF.
Speaker 2: I walk in the house. All the kids in sleep.
Speaker 2: She even put her parents to sleep.
Speaker 4: She legit told her pops, do not come upstairs, my guys.
Speaker 4: And when I walk in the house, she has all
Speaker 4: of those things ready for me. And in versely, I say, good, now,
Speaker 4: what do you want? And her shit be a little
Speaker 4: bit different than mine. I want ship.
Speaker 2: She'd be like, well, bermuda and a private chair.
Speaker 3: Any other Sagittarius in the house.
Speaker 1: Travel is our love language, book me a flight.
Speaker 2: It's my wife, y'all, it's my wife. But here's the thing.
Speaker 4: Don't tell her mate, don't don't try to tailor make
Speaker 4: your marriage to hours. Your your husband's wants in these
Speaker 4: maybe different than mine. Your wife's wanting these maybe different
Speaker 4: from hers. The biggest mistake we made in our marriage
Speaker 4: was I was looking at my friends who got married
Speaker 4: around the time of hours, and I used to do
Speaker 4: stuff for k that my homeboys did for their wives, right,
Speaker 4: And I used to do it and I'd be like,
Speaker 4: look what I did, and she'd be like.
Speaker 2: And I'd be like, you know, you're fucking ungrateful, lazy.
Speaker 3: I'm grateful, and she'd be.
Speaker 4: Like, I ain't ask for none of this shit, nigga,
Speaker 4: And I'm like, like, y'all, think my mouth is bad.
Speaker 2: K mouth is terrible.
Speaker 10: Yo.
Speaker 3: He made me this way.
Speaker 2: I didn't make up like this. I didn't make it
Speaker 2: like this.
Speaker 4: But we stopped tailor making our relationship to other people's
Speaker 4: expectations and just doing what we want and then then
Speaker 4: doing that, we were able to find.
Speaker 3: Bliss because even when it came time to write our book,
Speaker 3: we over me. We didn't want it to be something.
Speaker 1: Where we're giving people the pillars to have the perfect
Speaker 1: relationship or you know, five these five steps, because we
Speaker 1: sure as hell don't know.
Speaker 3: Half the time, we're figuring the shit out on our own.
Speaker 1: But we want to just share our love story with
Speaker 1: hopes that whether you're single, whether you're in a relationship,
Speaker 1: whether you aspire to marriage, whether you don't aspire to marriage,
Speaker 1: at least you can walk away with something that you
Speaker 1: can use as an individual for growth. So when y'all
Speaker 1: dive in, we hope you like it. Make sure you
Speaker 1: leave us a review and let us know what y'all think.
Speaker 1: All right, that was very long answer to your question,
Speaker 1: since but you got the point. Yes, you know one
Speaker 1: thing about this.
Speaker 3: We gonna be long winded. Any other questions come on.
Speaker 3: This is y'all part I have one here, one oora
Speaker 3: has a question down.
Speaker 2: I'm I'm not disrespecting y'all. There's something else I'm looking
Speaker 2: at right now. It's another surprise.
Speaker 3: But horn, wait what happened?
Speaker 2: That's a question? Okay, all right, hey girl.
Speaker 7: First of all, I want to say thank you to him.
Speaker 7: We missed y'all show in Houston and float. He flied
Speaker 7: me all the way out here to see y'all.
Speaker 2: I tell him all the time, y'all aspire us and
Speaker 2: I love y'all the way. Y'all raise y'all boys. We
Speaker 2: have two boys. I want a girl, but he only
Speaker 2: make boys, so.
Speaker 4: It is.
Speaker 7: But my question is, I don't know if anybody have
Speaker 7: had a postpartum with kids, and how can your partner
Speaker 7: help you with like getting over there and to.
Speaker 2: Just do better like in your day to day. Missed
Speaker 2: the first.
Speaker 7: When my second son, I had postpartum, and I don't
Speaker 7: know if you went through any of that, But I
Speaker 7: was like, do you have any advice to have Like
Speaker 7: my partner like kind of helped me with the data.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you said, have I ever been through postpartum?
Speaker 2: Did you not hear? She almost killed herself over Beyonce tickets.
Speaker 1: Postpartum No, it's a very real thing and it manifests
Speaker 1: itself in different ways in different people. And I think
Speaker 1: the rhetoric is that after you have a baby, the
Speaker 1: baby comes out of your body, then everything should go
Speaker 1: back to normal. But a lot of people don't speak
Speaker 1: about that fourth trimester, which is the post part of
Speaker 1: vase and there's no time frame on when it can exist, right,
Speaker 1: because some people are okay off the bat and then
Speaker 1: it kind of starts to fester around a six to
Speaker 1: nine month mark, or it can last for a year
Speaker 1: or two. I think what we need to not do
Speaker 1: is shame women who are in those positions and feel
Speaker 1: like there's a time frame or a time limit on
Speaker 1: when they should be back to quote unquote normal.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 3: But the snapback culture, whether it's physically or just.
Speaker 1: Even mentally, women don't take the time to understand that
Speaker 1: it takes the body a full nine to twelve months
Speaker 1: minimum for hormones to just get back to baseline, so
Speaker 1: who you are and the space that you're existing in
Speaker 1: along with sleep deprivation, it's like a snowball effect. So
Speaker 1: the support that you get from your spouse and the
Speaker 1: people around you. Your village is super important. One thing
Speaker 1: I can say about the Boom, I'll give him his
Speaker 1: props for this with every child and which with each pregnancy,
Speaker 1: he knew my body inside out to the point where
Speaker 1: it was.
Speaker 2: Almost inside of your body, baby man.
Speaker 1: Clearly, clearly he knows, but to the point where he
Speaker 1: was telling me things about my body before I even
Speaker 1: was able to figure it out. So you've been great
Speaker 1: about making sure that you were invested in my process,
Speaker 1: and not just prenatal and during pregnancy, but postpartum as well.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 4: Absolutely, I honestly, this is actually my favorite part of
Speaker 4: the show when people ask this questions because I wish
Speaker 4: a man from an older generation would have helped me
Speaker 4: to understand this. And I want you to think about this.
Speaker 4: Think about the most disciplined people in our country, Navy seals,
Speaker 4: Army rangers, marine corps. Right, think about all the most
Speaker 4: disciplined people in the world. You know what, They spend
Speaker 4: three to six months training for sleep deprivation. They spend
Speaker 4: three to six months just focusing on how to be
Speaker 4: present and being able to deliver your do your job
Speaker 4: through sleep deprivation. But we expect moms to deal with
Speaker 4: sleep deprivation and after six months, know how to deal
Speaker 4: with being a wife, a mom, breastfeeding, get back to normal,
Speaker 4: and go back to work in certain situations six weeks
Speaker 4: in six weeks. The reason why I think that's important
Speaker 4: is because I didn't realize how much sleep deprivation affected
Speaker 4: a person's body physiologically, not sleeping message with your hormones.
Speaker 4: I used to walk in the house and I'm like,
Speaker 4: what's up baby? She's like hey, And I'd be like,
Speaker 4: I'm hungry. You got something to eat? And she'd be like,
Speaker 4: and I'm like, yo, what happens?
Speaker 1: She's like, I don't know.
Speaker 2: Now I'd be like, hey, hey, I don't I'm good,
Speaker 2: I'm not hungry. So now you're telling me you're not
Speaker 2: fucking hungry. So you're telling me I can't provide for
Speaker 2: you as a wife. And I'm like, y'o, I'm a lunatic.
Speaker 4: In my And honestly, I used to look at her
Speaker 4: and I'd be like, yo, you act like you the
Speaker 4: first woman to ever have a baby, Like why like why,
Speaker 4: why why.
Speaker 2: Are you acting like this?
Speaker 3: No one told me.
Speaker 2: No one told me.
Speaker 4: And after Jackson and then Cairo and Kaz and Dakota
Speaker 4: me doing more research on how sleep deprivation affects the
Speaker 4: woman's body. But I don't need a woman's body the
Speaker 4: man's body, because if you're a man, like I'm a man,
Speaker 4: when my wife is up, I'm up.
Speaker 2: So she's not the only one getting two and a
Speaker 2: half hours of sleep. I'm getting two and a half
Speaker 2: hours of sleep.
Speaker 4: And if she's emotional and she's spazing because she's emotional,
Speaker 4: I'm emotional too. But what happens is we never talk
Speaker 4: about that. So and here's the truth. She got she
Speaker 4: got engaged. All the women said, my god, you gotta engage.
Speaker 4: They whisked her off and took her and did all
Speaker 4: of this stuff, and they was talking about the wedding.
Speaker 4: I got engaged, all the men said, and I was
Speaker 4: just standing there and they were like, so you getting married?
Speaker 2: Huh.
Speaker 4: I was like, yeah, man, I love her. Man, she's
Speaker 4: my best friend. And they said, that's nice. How much
Speaker 4: that set me back? Oh guy, you don't even wann
Speaker 4: know how much that sent me back. But the truth is,
Speaker 4: the men never prepared me. And I feel like if
Speaker 4: they would have prepared me, I would have been more
Speaker 4: inclined to do the research as well and be prepared
Speaker 4: to be a partner that was supporting my wife and
Speaker 4: help her get through it and help us get through it.
Speaker 2: So the biggest thing I'll say to any.
Speaker 4: Man out here, if your girl is getting ready to
Speaker 4: have a baby, or any woman who your girl is
Speaker 4: getting ready to have a baby, we have to be inclusive.
Speaker 4: Now I'm trying to learn how to not speak and
Speaker 4: from a heterosexual mindset. If you are dating someone and
Speaker 4: they're about to have a baby, it is your responsibility
Speaker 4: to make sure that you understand every aspect of that pregnancy,
Speaker 4: pre natal, during postpartum. If you do that, you'll be
Speaker 4: more prepared and you won't think your girl is crazy
Speaker 4: and she won't think you're crazy.
Speaker 2: So that's the way I try to tell as many guys.
Speaker 2: We have friends.
Speaker 3: That has like a whole support group.
Speaker 4: Now I have a support group. Yes first time parents
Speaker 4: with my friends. Say you know I'm having a baby,
Speaker 4: I don't go, I go, let's go to dinner. I
Speaker 4: drop a little something in their bank account because it's
Speaker 4: all about building generational wealth first and foremost so that
Speaker 4: he can feel more comfortable. But then I also tell
Speaker 4: him everything your wife is about to go through or
Speaker 4: your girlfriend is about to go through, is going to
Speaker 4: make her a different person than the person you know.
Speaker 4: It is not your girl, It is every girl who
Speaker 4: is dealing with having a baby. So give your girl
Speaker 4: grace and be prepared for the roller coaster. And it
Speaker 4: doesn't end when that baby comes. Give yourself a year
Speaker 4: after that baby comes and you'll get your girl or
Speaker 4: your wife back. And for the most part, our friends
Speaker 4: have been prepared. So there now you know what. It
Speaker 4: ain't my girl. And they work with each other. And
Speaker 4: then Kay also talks with the wives and be like, yo, listen,
Speaker 4: you asking your man to do all of these things.
Speaker 4: You running him, ride, get take care of your man.
Speaker 4: Kay does that too, So it's not one sided because
Speaker 4: a lot of times the it's always one sided. The
Speaker 4: men are always supposed to understand and the women get
Speaker 4: to walk around and be crazy. No, Ky be telling
Speaker 4: them women too, like you have a responsibility even in
Speaker 4: his time, to take care of your man because he's
Speaker 4: the one that's going to take care of you. So
Speaker 4: that's the ministry we share to people. Hopefully that helps
Speaker 4: you in that journey. We got one over here, Oh
Speaker 4: we got a brother.
Speaker 10: What's going on. My question is specifically for Darvell. I mean,
Speaker 10: excuse me, yes, sir, get my name right.
Speaker 2: My mother can do on his own.
Speaker 4: What is my mother?
Speaker 2: Fucked you up?
Speaker 10: I'm here with my wife right now. We've been together
Speaker 10: thirteen years, since we was nineteen thirty two.
Speaker 2: Now shout out to y'all. Yes as well.
Speaker 10: My question is I'm a former athlete as well. I
Speaker 10: actually used to play for the La Rams back in
Speaker 10: twenty fifteen. I was undrafted. I used to play wide receiver.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, okay. I seen you see that release? You
Speaker 2: see that release forty okay. I just want to My
Speaker 2: question is about like, as an athlete, stop laughing, as
Speaker 2: an athlete.
Speaker 10: As an athlete, like the transition to go from you know,
Speaker 10: an athlete to like, you know what you're doing now
Speaker 10: with the acting. It's kind of like an elephant in
Speaker 10: the room for a lot of guys. Guys go back
Speaker 10: to the hood trying to figure out whatever. Absolutely, like
Speaker 10: what was the mentality for you to go from where
Speaker 10: you was at then to now?
Speaker 4: So that's a great question, and I'm glad you asked
Speaker 4: us in front of your girlfriend.
Speaker 2: Orr Is she your wife now? Your wife? Yes?
Speaker 4: I got that title matters. It's because a lot of
Speaker 4: people don't understand what an athlete go through. No one
Speaker 4: experiences it like his woman. When an athlete is hurt,
Speaker 4: when an athlete is dealing with a fucked up coach,
Speaker 4: when an athlete is dealing with the media, the person
Speaker 4: that they complain to the most is this woman right here.
Speaker 4: That's why when you watch some of these wives go
Speaker 4: on Twitter rants and y'all be like, why, why don't
Speaker 4: she mind her business? And it is her business because
Speaker 4: when her man walks in the house and is not
Speaker 4: in a good mood, she's the one that has to
Speaker 4: deal with it. But this is the biggest thing, and
Speaker 4: I think this is this important for anyone, even if
Speaker 4: you have children who are looking to be athletes. If
Speaker 4: you're an athlete that is considered to be a prodigy
Speaker 4: or an athlete that can play at the highest level,
Speaker 4: it doesn't matter if the highest level is the NFL, NBA,
Speaker 4: or college. There comes a point where other people recognize
Speaker 4: that you are the one, and from that moment they
Speaker 4: pretty much plan your life.
Speaker 2: Go to high school, take these classes, go to college,
Speaker 2: take these classes.
Speaker 4: You're going to be in the NFL or the NBA,
Speaker 4: and when it does happen, all those people disappear, and
Speaker 4: then you're left with the real world. Yes, and what
Speaker 4: happens at this point is all the people who looked
Speaker 4: up to you and said you were the light, you
Speaker 4: were gonna be the one to do this, You were
Speaker 4: going to be the one. Those same people who cherished
Speaker 4: you and honored you are the same people who scrutinize
Speaker 4: you because they be like, how come he didn't make it?
Speaker 4: And then you have to deal with that, And if
Speaker 4: you're anything like me, you don't know how to deal
Speaker 4: with it because all you know how to do is win.
Speaker 4: And the hardest part about that is when you have
Speaker 4: to find someone to blame, and when there's no one
Speaker 4: to blame except for the woman that's been there for
Speaker 4: you the whole time. It can be a difficult transition
Speaker 4: for any athlete. Now here's the crazy part. I have
Speaker 4: a ton of friends who are Division one athletes as women.
Speaker 4: They go through the same thing, So it's not a
Speaker 4: gender thing. It's just the idea of being everyone savior
Speaker 4: and being the person that's gonna take everyone out of
Speaker 4: their situation, and then you fall short when the truth
Speaker 4: of the matter is only one percent of people become
Speaker 4: Division one athletes, and then one percent of the one percent,
Speaker 4: So now we're talking about one thousandth of a percent
Speaker 4: make it to be a professional athlete to make enough
Speaker 4: money to support everyone around them.
Speaker 2: So what I would say to you is, if you ever.
Speaker 4: Feeling alone, if you have a feeling down, if you
Speaker 4: have a feeling disappointed, if you have a feeling like a.
Speaker 2: Failure, you are not alone.
Speaker 4: My brother, all athletes, regardless of whether they made the NFL.
Speaker 4: Because Kate can talk about this as well. I have
Speaker 4: friends who played fifteen years in the league, won Super Bowls,
Speaker 4: have seventy million dollars in a bank, and are dealing
Speaker 4: with depression because their identity has been stripped away because
Speaker 4: they are no longer devow Ellis from the Detroit Lions.
Speaker 4: Now they are that used to be devou Ellis. So
Speaker 4: what I say is, speak to your wife, let her
Speaker 4: know how you feel, tell her what you're going through,
Speaker 4: and include her in the process. I always include a
Speaker 4: k This is what I want to do. I want
Speaker 4: to I want to get into TV. I want to retire.
Speaker 4: Now I understand that we don't have money. And if
Speaker 4: you read the book, you'll hear this part of the story.
Speaker 4: I understand that we don't have the money we had
Speaker 4: when I was playing ball, But if you give me time,
Speaker 4: I promise you I will get us back to where
Speaker 4: we were.
Speaker 2: And this woman right here always said to me.
Speaker 1: I know she I was.
Speaker 4: Even now we are living in abundance, we doing a
Speaker 4: great job, and I'll be like, baby, I think we
Speaker 4: can make thirty million dollars next year, and we can
Speaker 4: do this, and we can do that.
Speaker 2: And all she says is, I know how we gonna
Speaker 2: do it.
Speaker 4: When it becomes a team and you don't feel alone anymore,
Speaker 4: it's easier to go out there in the world. And
Speaker 4: this is for anybody who's not an athlete. This just
Speaker 4: for anybody who has a dream. When you go out
Speaker 4: in the world and you know that, regardless of whether
Speaker 4: you fail or succeed, that person is gonna be there
Speaker 4: or rub your back when you get home, it's easier
Speaker 4: to take that chance and tell the world, fuck you.
Speaker 4: If you don't like me, you're gonna like me when
Speaker 4: I figure it out. But you know who does like me,
Speaker 4: my partner, And that to me is what marriage, why
Speaker 4: marriage is so important I've been able to take so
Speaker 4: many chances, and it takes so many gambles because regardless
Speaker 4: of what anyone else says, I got this beautiful woman
Speaker 4: right here, who and.
Speaker 2: This is not just hyperbole.
Speaker 4: When I was rich and in the NFL and everybody
Speaker 4: was loving me, she was right there when I got
Speaker 4: cut and nobody give a fuck and we had to
Speaker 4: move back to Brooklyn in my grandparents' apartment that had
Speaker 4: roaches and.
Speaker 2: Mice and was not done.
Speaker 4: This same woman that was kept in our home in
Speaker 4: Detroit was right there, like, all right, show what we're doing.
Speaker 1: When we got back to Brooklyn, right wedding, dival decide
Speaker 1: if he wanted to retire. He even had a chance
Speaker 1: to play in Canada, and I was like, I will
Speaker 1: learn the Canadian national anthem. I moved to Canada if
Speaker 1: that means you're gonna play another couple of years, right,
Speaker 1: Because for me, it was more so about seeing him
Speaker 1: fulfill his dream to the max. Though I knew early
Speaker 1: on that a career in the NFL or the the
Speaker 1: CFL CFL was not necessarily his ultimate dream. I felt
Speaker 1: like he was in a moment where he had to
Speaker 1: prove himself right. He was always the underdog. He was
Speaker 1: the undrafted free agent. He had to fight and scratch
Speaker 1: his way against first round draft picks just to even
Speaker 1: make the team. So in that moment, I felt like, Zval,
Speaker 1: you have to at least make your mark in the
Speaker 1: NFL to a point where you're satisfied and you can
Speaker 1: move forward to the next thing. He didn't have it
Speaker 1: in him, So I said, all right, we moved back
Speaker 1: to the apartment. We need health insurance. Came back from
Speaker 1: our honeymoon pregnant with Jackson. He has no job technically,
Speaker 1: he wants to start a business. He wants to start
Speaker 1: this training program for athletes in Brooklyn. I'm like, all right, cool,
Speaker 1: we still need health insurance because I'm pregnant. We can't
Speaker 1: just be winging it. So he was like, yo, what
Speaker 1: do you think we should do?
Speaker 2: I said, you know what.
Speaker 1: I took my ring off my finger, put it in
Speaker 1: a jewelry box, put makeup on, beat my face, put
Speaker 1: on all black. Was a makeup artist at the time,
Speaker 1: kind of doing a little thing here and there. So
Speaker 1: I went on the B forty four bus. Anybody from
Speaker 1: Brooklyn Nose that's the bus that go down to No
Speaker 1: stren avenue, got on the bus and went to the
Speaker 1: mall and said I'm looking for a job and was
Speaker 1: at the counter working as a part time artist for
Speaker 1: a little bit, then finally went to assistant manager, became
Speaker 1: a manager, and at least I felt like, Okay, I
Speaker 1: can do my part to hold things down so we
Speaker 1: could be comfortable with some income with health insurance while
Speaker 1: he figured things out. So there was never a power
Speaker 1: struggle here with us, and it was never about egos.
Speaker 1: Ever better equipped in that moment to hold shit down,
Speaker 1: is going to hold it down, And that's how we've
Speaker 1: always been.
Speaker 4: A'm not gonna lie of shit is always touching to
Speaker 4: me because I'm a very like hyper I don't know
Speaker 4: y'all follow me. I'm a very hyper masculine man. I
Speaker 4: like to feel like I got everything under control all
Speaker 4: the time, like most men in here do. But it's
Speaker 4: hard to be a man. And you a professional athlete
Speaker 4: and your wife is kept and she's in the house
Speaker 4: and now she gets on the B forty four to
Speaker 4: go to King's Plaza to work.
Speaker 2: Yeah, how hard that was.
Speaker 4: And it had nothing to do with her, but had
Speaker 4: everything to do with how I felt about myself and
Speaker 4: it was hard, but to look over like every day
Speaker 4: and look at where.
Speaker 2: We are now and be like this woman believed in.
Speaker 4: I don't want to say my dream because it was
Speaker 4: always our dream, but she believed the love in me
Speaker 4: to say I'm a rock through this and I'm gonna
Speaker 4: do this to make sure that we get there. That
Speaker 4: to me is the most powerful part of love. Like
Speaker 4: two things you can't tell me. You can't tell me
Speaker 4: God don't exist, and you can't tell me love ain't real.
Speaker 2: You can't.
Speaker 4: Like I've been in them dark places, brother, where you've
Speaker 4: been before sometimes making that transition and you like, I
Speaker 4: don't know how I'm gonna get through.
Speaker 2: I've been in them dark places.
Speaker 4: There was times where should sit in the bathroom and
Speaker 4: I would put the shower on and I would just
Speaker 4: sit on the toilet fully closed, and I would be
Speaker 4: crying on everything, and she'd be like, hey, baby, you
Speaker 4: all right, and this would I'd be crying. I'd be like, yeah,
Speaker 4: I'm good, I'm good. Yeah, and I'd be crying because
Speaker 4: I don't want her to see me weak. But bro,
Speaker 4: you not by yourself. You got athletes in front. Me
Speaker 4: and Brian have talked about this. Me and Cheetah have
Speaker 4: talked about this. Me and Chase have talked about this,
Speaker 4: Me and Native talk about this, AKA Cam. But we've
Speaker 4: all talked about that same transition, that same exact transition.
Speaker 4: Josh played basketball, same transition. Don't feel like you by
Speaker 4: yourself and whatever you do, don't give up and don't
Speaker 4: not include your girl. You have to, bro, don't don't
Speaker 4: do it by yourself. Talk to her and let her
Speaker 4: know what you're going through. That's gonna be the power
Speaker 4: that you have to go through.
Speaker 2: I have to she's already right here. I got one
Speaker 2: more question to We have time for one more?
Speaker 3: Yes, don't want to hold your hostage too long?
Speaker 2: Hi, Hi, so real quick.
Speaker 12: I more or less just want to give you your
Speaker 12: flowers because you inspiring me KK, because.
Speaker 2: You have four boys. I have four boys. Talk about it.
Speaker 2: Twenty twelve seven and one who.
Speaker 3: You started over, We are not doing that, So shout
Speaker 3: out to the thousands. The second to me.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I got to snip twenty and one. I'd be
Speaker 4: giving that one year old to that twenty old, like, hey,
Speaker 4: you better take care of your brother.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: That's where he is right now, It's I could be
Speaker 2: here with his brother.
Speaker 12: But I just wanted to say that, you know more
Speaker 12: orlans just watching you with the Dakota because they're around
Speaker 12: the same age. And then how you went through the
Speaker 12: ice bath that he put you through, and I like
Speaker 12: watch that. It was just it was inspiring though. This
Speaker 12: the relationship that you guys have, and then the love
Speaker 12: that you have for your sons. It was just like
Speaker 12: when you had the first one, when you had him
Speaker 12: there with the ball, playing the ball and telling him
Speaker 12: not to give up no matter how tired he was.
Speaker 12: I just want you to to know, you guys mean
Speaker 12: a lot to a lot of us. And I'm looking
Speaker 12: up to you guys, and I'm having my boys look
Speaker 12: up to you too. So thank you for just being y'all,
Speaker 12: and thank you for being here for us today.
Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you for that.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Thank you so much.
Speaker 4: I am.
Speaker 2: Y'all about to make cre y'all about to make Kate cry.
Speaker 3: Right, it's not only cancers that cry too. Shout out
Speaker 3: to my sister down front. Cry she seen me cry?
Speaker 3: She start crying. Shout my sister down front. No, honestly, y'all,
Speaker 3: you have no idea.
Speaker 1: There's so many nights when I look over at develop
Speaker 1: I'm just like, y'all, don't want to do this anymore.
Speaker 1: Like I just want to be all social media, delete
Speaker 1: all the apps, shut down YouTube, and just be with
Speaker 1: my kids and my husband, and I just don't want
Speaker 1: to do it. And then I have moments like this
Speaker 1: in front of y'all. I'll meet the random love you back.
Speaker 1: I'll see the random you know girl in the target
Speaker 1: that's just like Kadeen, Like you have no idea how
Speaker 1: much you inspire me with just getting back after kids,
Speaker 1: or you saved my marriage, like you know how many
Speaker 1: people have said I can finally get my husband to
Speaker 1: talk to me, I can finally get my partner to
Speaker 1: speak to me and say how they feel. So it's
Speaker 1: moments like that for me that just that the valid
Speaker 1: It's why we're doing this. And for so long I've
Speaker 1: been in search of what my purpose is, right, And
Speaker 1: I was asked this a couple of years ago. I
Speaker 1: want to say it was during the pandemic. I was
Speaker 1: doing some sort of interview and they said, you know, Giddie,
Speaker 1: what's your purpose? And I was stumped because I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm expecting at this age I should have this like
Speaker 1: eloquent statement of what my purpose is in life, and
Speaker 1: I didn't have anything to say. I was stumped for
Speaker 1: the first time, and I had to sit back for
Speaker 1: a while, and it took me to realize, like, I'm
Speaker 1: walking in my purpose.
Speaker 2: Yes, and I'm doing what supposed to do, and this
Speaker 2: is our.
Speaker 1: Ministry and my walk is not gonna look like everybody
Speaker 1: else's walk. But the fact that we can sit here
Speaker 1: and you guys are even interested to come and spend
Speaker 1: your evening with us on a rainy ass cold day
Speaker 1: in LA I thought for sure it was gonna be empty.
Speaker 1: I'm like, people are not gonna come because of the weather.
Speaker 1: But I thank y'all and it's moments like this that
Speaker 1: gives me the fuel to keep going because I never,
Speaker 1: in my wildest dreams could have imagined anything like this.
Speaker 3: So I love y'all so so much, and I'm so thankful,
Speaker 3: and I'm so grateful.
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful to my husband who even had the
Speaker 1: vision of what the Ellises would be. I could have
Speaker 1: never imagined any of this, So I love you.
Speaker 3: I love y'all.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for that. I appreciate you and
Speaker 1: that gives me fuel to keep going a little bit longer.
Speaker 3: So thank you for that.
Speaker 2: So I have nothing to say after that because that
Speaker 2: was perfect. My wife is a fucking bomb, bro.
Speaker 3: It needs to make the book a movie.
Speaker 4: Yes, my wife is a bomb. But this is the
Speaker 4: part of the show where I want everyone to stand. Okay,
Speaker 4: I want to share he's cracking.
Speaker 3: That was my niece, that was that was my He's
Speaker 3: so good.
Speaker 2: I want to share with all of you something that
Speaker 2: Kadeen and I do.
Speaker 4: Last summer, Cam said to me, Cam plays Nate the
Speaker 4: value the greatest manifesto I've ever met in my life.
Speaker 2: He said, everything that you say you're gonna do come
Speaker 2: to fruition.
Speaker 4: I told them while we were filling season one of
Speaker 4: Zatima that everybody's gonna love it.
Speaker 2: We're gonna get season two and it's gonna be twenty episodes.
Speaker 2: Did I not say that?
Speaker 4: Next year we get confirmation season two and season three
Speaker 4: is the team has already been greenlit and we about
Speaker 4: to start shooting.
Speaker 2: But that's not the part. I want everybody to close
Speaker 2: their eyes.
Speaker 4: I want you to think about your greatest dream, the
Speaker 4: amount of money you want to make your significant other,
Speaker 4: what they want to be what you want them to be.
Speaker 4: The biggest house your career. I want you to think
Speaker 4: about the biggest dreams you've ever had in your life.
Speaker 2: Can you see it? I need everybody to say, can
Speaker 2: you see it? It's there and it's yours. Open your eyes.
Speaker 4: The fact that you can see it mean that it's
Speaker 4: already happened, and now it's up to you to go
Speaker 4: claim it. You gotta do the work. But the fact
Speaker 4: that you can see it means it's already happened. And
Speaker 4: I know this to be a fact because I want
Speaker 4: you to think about this. If you take a child
Speaker 4: and put him in a white, padded room from the
Speaker 4: time he's born, is he gonna have any visions in
Speaker 4: his eyes? The only visions he's gonna have in his
Speaker 4: eyes is what God has showed him is there for him.
Speaker 4: So if you see it in your eyes right now,
Speaker 4: it is yours.
Speaker 2: Claim it. I want everybody to say, it's mine. I'm
Speaker 2: gonna get it, and I got it. It's mine. I'mna
Speaker 2: get it, and I got it and I got it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you got it.
Speaker 2: Yourself.
Speaker 5: Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast network, and
Speaker 5: it is produced by Donor, Pinya and Triple follow the
Speaker 5: podcast on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and
Speaker 5: never miss a thing