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Speaker 1: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.

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Speaker 2: You may know us from posting funny videos.

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Speaker 1: With our voice and reading each other publicly as a.

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Speaker 3: Form of therapy.

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Speaker 2: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow?

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Speaker 3: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes.

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Speaker 4: Sir, we are.

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Speaker 5: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

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Speaker 5: li's most taboo topics.

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Speaker 3: Things most folks don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 4: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

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Speaker 4: is a term that we say every day. So when

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Speaker 4: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred

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Speaker 4: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 4: We about to take philosof to our whole new level.

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Speaker 3: Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 2: How y'all feeling DJ Executive? What's good? I didn't like

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Speaker 2: my sweater? Y'all say that right? Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Have a seat real quick shout out to Shari got

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Speaker 4: me dressed up. Internet was talking about something. Hey, the

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Speaker 4: Elysis are the new Cosby's. So she got me in

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Speaker 4: the fucking Cardigan. So I'd be talking to Caine like

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Speaker 4: it gang bringing that ass over a year. She'd be

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Speaker 4: like the vout stop. I'd be like, all right, all right,

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Speaker 4: I'll stop. How y'all feeling it's raining a lot?

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Speaker 2: That ass?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, somebody said that ass took us an hour to

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Speaker 4: get over here. Y'all can't drive in La boy. Y'all

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Speaker 4: ain't used to the rain. It don't rain. We lived

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Speaker 4: here for two years. It rained four times. It rained

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Speaker 4: four times since we've been here. We've been here since yesterday.

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Speaker 4: But I know why you here. Look look, look, stop

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Speaker 4: right now.

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Speaker 2: Stop, it's be over me.

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Speaker 4: Man hold look all right, all right, so today is

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Speaker 4: a little different. I have not seen KaDee since last night,

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Speaker 4: and I'm gonna tell you why we We went with

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Speaker 4: what you mean, what you do?

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Speaker 2: I didn't do nothing.

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Speaker 4: So every every year when we do the trip, I

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Speaker 4: submit my story times so that DJ executive knows what

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Speaker 4: the music we play, lights and sound.

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Speaker 1: No.

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Speaker 4: Right, So I submitted my story time for today because

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Speaker 4: the yance tickets came out and the minute I said

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Speaker 4: I submitted this story time, she looked at me with

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Speaker 4: that Kadeen face and she said, oh really, So I

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Speaker 4: was like, yeah, what's the problem.

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Speaker 2: She goes nothing to valve?

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Speaker 4: Then last night she checked out of my room and

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Speaker 4: got her own room. So introducing for the first time,

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Speaker 4: you did that. So so yeah, y'all, y'all, y'all traaring

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Speaker 4: and shit.

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Speaker 3: Because you got the story time to tell.

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Speaker 4: I do, and you're gonna miss it because you're going

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Speaker 4: to change. Yes, got the cheeks so long. They didn't

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Speaker 4: pay for this type of show.

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Speaker 1: I was gonna start the single ladies dance, but I

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Speaker 1: figured I shouldn't.

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Speaker 2: But you married?

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Speaker 4: What you mean, Sam, there's no single ladies, all the

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Speaker 4: married ladies, all the married ladies.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yes, I do that, all right.

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Speaker 1: So we were like trying to go for the whole lemonade. Look,

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Speaker 1: I had cherigoing crazy trying to find it. Big brim head.

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Speaker 1: Didn't quite work out. Don't got the praise, But y'all

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Speaker 1: get the picture.

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Speaker 3: You get the picture, all right. Well, continue with your

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Speaker 3: little story time.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, change, put the checks away, all right, I'll try.

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Speaker 4: That's my wife, y'all, she's the biggest troll ever. So

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Speaker 4: let me tell you about storytelling.

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Speaker 2: This was.

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Speaker 4: June twenty eleven. I remember because it was the day

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Speaker 4: that our marriage changed. Beyonce was doing a little performance.

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Speaker 4: I remember the day specifically. It was August fourteenth, sixteenth, eighteenth,

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Speaker 4: and nineteen. I was gonna go get tickets. Kadeen and

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Speaker 4: I were about to be celebrating our first wedding anniversary.

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Speaker 2: She just had our son, Jackson. I was like, yes,

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Speaker 2: some husband of the year. But to get these Beyonce tickets.

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Speaker 4: I said, Yo, Kaye, Beyonce got tickets coming out. I'm

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Speaker 4: gonna cop us some tickets. She was like, yes, baby,

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Speaker 4: you the best of all that right at the time.

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Speaker 4: If y'all remember, I was broke. Beyonce tickets be fucking expensive,

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Speaker 4: all right? Can I get an amen?

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Speaker 1: And that? Yes.

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Speaker 4: So I had just got finished paying for the wedding,

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Speaker 4: we just.

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Speaker 2: Had a baby.

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Speaker 4: We were living in my grandmother's apartment in Brooklyn. I

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Speaker 4: had no money, but I was gonna do this for

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Speaker 4: my wife. So I say, yo, remember that credit card

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Speaker 4: that you were supposed to pay off. I'm gonna use

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Speaker 4: that to buy the beyond the tickets. And I washed

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Speaker 4: her eyes go to the left and go up, And

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Speaker 4: I said, what was with that look? And she was like, no, nothing,

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Speaker 4: just check the car. Let me take y'all even further

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Speaker 4: back two thousand and seven.

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Speaker 2: I'm in that. No, this is not the American Express card.

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Speaker 4: This is the City Bank card I know, specifically the

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Speaker 4: one that ended four zero nine six, because I'll be

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Speaker 4: doing everything. The car limit was fifteen thousand dollars. The

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Speaker 4: car was up to fourteen thousand, nine hundred and seventy

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Speaker 4: two cents. I noticed, because I know numbers. I said, Yo, okay,

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Speaker 4: why the car's so high. I don't know, di valda

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Speaker 4: card just be high. What you mean, you don't know

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Speaker 4: you'll be spending it. That's not the way credit cards work.

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Speaker 4: You gotta pay it off, right. That was two thousand

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Speaker 4: and seven. It was two thousand and nine when I

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Speaker 4: noticed the car was still at fourteen thousand, nine hundred

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Speaker 4: and seventy two dollars. Were getting ready to plan our wedding.

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Speaker 4: I said, yo, I'm gonna cover the wedding. You got

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Speaker 4: one responsibility. You gotta get this credit card down. She said,

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Speaker 4: easy money, I got it. I said, cool, this is

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Speaker 4: your responsibility.

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Speaker 2: Boom.

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Speaker 4: Fast forward to twenty eleven June.

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Speaker 2: The credit card was a fourteen.

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Speaker 4: Thousand, nine hundred and sixty eight dollars. I go to

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Speaker 4: get the card to buy the tickets, and the card

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Speaker 4: don't got no money on it.

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Speaker 2: So I called kadem. I'm like, okay, man, come here,

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Speaker 2: first year.

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Speaker 4: Marriage, just had a baby, had a baby in April.

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Speaker 4: She goes, wet deval. I said, yo, white American Express

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Speaker 4: so high. She goes, I don't know. I've been paying

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Speaker 4: that car for two years. I said, how, how have

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Speaker 4: you been paying the call off for two years? Have

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Speaker 4: you been using it? She says no.

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Speaker 2: I said, that's cap.

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Speaker 4: Well, I didn't say cap because people weren't saying cap

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Speaker 4: in twenty eleven. But I said that's a lie. She goes, no,

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Speaker 4: it's not. I've been paying it. So I go to

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Speaker 4: look at the history, the payment history. The minimum on

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Speaker 4: the car was forty two dollars. Kate put sixty dollars

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Speaker 4: on the car every month.

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Speaker 2: No interesting, So I was living.

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Speaker 4: I was living because I did my part right, got

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Speaker 4: us in an apartment, paid for this wedding. Wedding was

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Speaker 4: seventy five thousand dollars in twenty and ten.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. Oh yeah, I paid for.

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Speaker 4: That because my wife says she wanted to have a

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Speaker 4: platinum wedding at the time.

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Speaker 2: That's what's happening. So I get pissed. I'm like, yo,

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Speaker 2: enough is enough.

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Speaker 4: No accountability, you don't understand the responsibility.

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Speaker 2: I put my foot down.

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Speaker 4: I'm not buying the Beyonce tickets. Look, look, look at

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Speaker 4: all of the Beyonce fans mad at me. Y'all don't

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Speaker 4: care about y'all.

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Speaker 2: Mortgages, y'all don't get out of nothing. Is Beyonce? Right.

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Speaker 4: I put my foot down, I go down. I'm not

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Speaker 4: buying the Beyonce tickets. Now here's the crazy thing. I

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Speaker 4: was not even not buying the Beyonce tickets. To be me,

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Speaker 4: I did not have the money. I just didn't have it.

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Speaker 4: So KaDee goes, wait a minute, you about to punish me.

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Speaker 4: And I did everything you asked?

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Speaker 2: I said, how you did everything I asked?

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Speaker 4: She said, you told me to pay off the credit card,

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Speaker 4: paid it off. You told me to pay more than

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Speaker 4: the minimum. I did that. I said, Kadeen, you paid eighteen.

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Speaker 2: Dollars more than the minimum. My guy, I said. I

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Speaker 2: literally said my gud too, because I was that pissed.

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Speaker 4: She was like, well, you need to have better details

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Speaker 4: if you want me to get shit done. So I said, cool,

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Speaker 4: here's detail number one. I'm not buying the Beyonce tickets.

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Speaker 4: The whole building started to shape whole building. Yo, whole building.

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Speaker 4: Kadeen didn't even lose eye context. You's looking right at

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Speaker 4: me like this. I said, what.

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Speaker 2: She goes what's in the room and slams the door.

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Speaker 2: So now I'm at the door. I'm banging on the door. Boom, boom, boom,

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Speaker 2: open the door. Caneen, open the door, Caneen. Right.

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Speaker 4: I hear screaming in the room. So I kicked the

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Speaker 4: door open. Ba, this is all the true story. When

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Speaker 4: she comes out, she is gonna co operate the story.

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Speaker 4: A bust in the door.

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Speaker 2: Boom.

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Speaker 4: She's on the windowsill, one foot out the windowsill, other

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Speaker 4: foot in the room.

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Speaker 2: I panic. I'm like, yoom, what are you doing.

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Speaker 4: She's just like, I can't believe you're gonna do this

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Speaker 4: to Beyonce. I said, I'm not doing nothing to Beyonce. Bro,

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Speaker 4: you about to jump out the window for Beyonce tickets.

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Speaker 4: She goes, not the Beyonce tickets, to vows the fucking principle.

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Speaker 4: I say, what's the principal? She pauses and she goes,

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Speaker 4: fuck the principle.

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Speaker 2: It's the ouzer.

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Speaker 4: Swear to God, I swear everything, Bro, That's exactly what happened.

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Speaker 2: So I go, you.

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Speaker 4: Have lost your mind. I am not about to do

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Speaker 4: this with you. If you want to kill yourself over Beyonce,

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Speaker 4: that's on you. But we got a son and we

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna live for our son. I was being mad, dramatic.

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Speaker 2: I turned and I walked away. What's our son name?

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Speaker 2: Kadeen then said.

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Speaker 4: To me, because I was ready to walk away, that's

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Speaker 4: why Beyonce is better than Michael Jackson.

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Speaker 2: Take that ship back, take it back right now. She goes. No.

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Speaker 4: I said, I will push you out that fucking window

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Speaker 4: if you don't take it back. She said no, I'm

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Speaker 4: run to the window. I grabbed Kate. We over rolling, rolling, rolling,

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Speaker 4: and tussle in the bed.

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Speaker 2: Bro Saint Michael Johnson's better than Beyonce. She goes, buy

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Speaker 2: man the tickets.

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Speaker 4: Y'all think I'm joking. This is really what happened. I'm

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Speaker 4: saying I'm not.

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Speaker 2: She goes, I bet you Beyonce would have brought me

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Speaker 2: the tickets.

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Speaker 4: I was like God, and then we had sex. Yes,

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Speaker 4: clap that up, Clap that up, because who here is married?

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Speaker 4: So who here has had a marverage argument like that?

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Speaker 4: Man raised his hand slow and looked at his wife.

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Speaker 4: He said, Oh you're back both in time. God damn it,

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Speaker 4: What the buck is going on?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I have no idea what's going on right there in

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Speaker 1: that corner right there. Shout out to Charie, Christina, Janelle

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Speaker 1: and Nelly for the quick change. So what kind of

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Speaker 1: lies he even telling y'all while I was back there changing,

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Speaker 1: because I was hearing thiss and pieces of the story,

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Speaker 1: all the lies.

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Speaker 3: Right, all the lies.

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Speaker 4: It's not lies, just I just I just want to

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Speaker 4: know what happened to the costume in the back.

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Speaker 3: You know it's in safekeepings for later.

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Speaker 2: It's in my face?

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Speaker 3: Do you know what?

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Speaker 2: Do you know why they're in safe keepings for later?

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Speaker 4: I got tickets to the Beyonce concert this year.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, listen, I follow instructions, y'all. He said, you

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Speaker 1: should be paying more than the minimum every month. So

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Speaker 1: the minimum is twenty five dollars A pay thirty?

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Speaker 2: No it was forty, it was forty eight. You paid sixty.

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Speaker 2: I remember like that, more or less.

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Speaker 3: But was I not paying more than the minimum?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 3: I follow the instructions.

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Speaker 2: Listen, don't don't co sign this bullshit.

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Speaker 4: Don't don't co sign it like this is not good

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Speaker 4: financial literacy.

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Speaker 2: But the people are trying to learn to be better.

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Speaker 4: Okay, okay, But first of all, because I didn't get

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Speaker 4: a chance to reintroduce you, please give it up to

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Speaker 4: my beautiful wife for the.

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Speaker 6: Your husband though not the jail, not the jail poses.

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Speaker 4: No, we we appreciate y'all. But uh, for sure, you

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Speaker 4: got mines. You got mines looking like Beyonce. That was great.

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Speaker 2: That was great.

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Speaker 3: So what's up, l A.

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Speaker 1: All these beautiful faces in the building, some new ones,

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Speaker 1: some old ones.

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Speaker 3: What's up, y'all? How are you.

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Speaker 2: Talk him out? I just looked down here. Who do

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Speaker 2: we see? I see some of my BT casts out here.

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Speaker 7: That is a fact.

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Speaker 2: Hello, stary day, scary day. Come on, Maurice.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, hey, my man, do y'all come on Chase stand up,

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Speaker 8: Chase stand.

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Speaker 2: From big Yeah, Nate, my boy Nates come to whoa.

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Speaker 4: Hey, nobody better fucking clap for sorry guys.

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Speaker 9: Q All right, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on,

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Speaker 9: hold on.

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Speaker 2: Who is my arch numbers sist in the hand, salon.

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Speaker 2: Everybody give a shout out the bam.

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Speaker 4: Everybody give a shout out to kJ and Sky. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: come on, man, queen.

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Speaker 2: It be out big bet that's how that's all. That's

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Speaker 2: our Scott be, that's what's gonna be. We're not done yet.

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Speaker 2: Who ain't watch is ruthless? Come on, stand up, Josh

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Speaker 2: out of a. Let's right. This last person I'm about

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Speaker 2: to bring up, nobody probably know. Don't nobody probably know?

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Speaker 4: Anybody knows somebody named Fatima fans out Patimo. Yeah, one

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Speaker 4: thing I will say, My Tyler Perry BT family definitely

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Speaker 4: supports all the time.

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Speaker 2: Everybody out here always supports.

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Speaker 10: Man.

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Speaker 2: I love y'all.

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Speaker 4: I appreciate y'all. Yes, yes, yes, So who here listens

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Speaker 4: to the podcast? What normally comes after my wild last stories?

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Speaker 1: Carry yoke?

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Speaker 4: All right? All right?

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Speaker 3: So I changed before karaoke was not how to do?

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Speaker 3: What have you doing? Karaoke is Beyonce?

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Speaker 2: I may Sea.

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Speaker 3: I got out of that costume before karaoke time, for sure.

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Speaker 4: So we got the TJ executive said he got something

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Speaker 4: special for us. Let me see what you got. We

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Speaker 4: like to play that game for two reasons. First reason,

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Speaker 4: it's just an icebreaker, get everybody into the show before

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Speaker 4: we sit down and do the Q and A. But secondly,

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Speaker 4: to show you how couples communicate. This is the most

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Speaker 4: important thing. Communication in a relationship is important, right, who're

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Speaker 4: here in a relationship?

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Speaker 2: Everybody here?

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Speaker 1: Right?

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Speaker 3: How many single women in the house? Okay? Single men, Okay,

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Speaker 3: carrier you.

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Speaker 9: They are not their characters, ladies. He's not scary Gary

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Speaker 9: and he's not mess Q no real life.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yes, I say, guys normally have the game fucked up,

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Speaker 1: because if there's a lot of single women in the spot,

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Speaker 1: I would think like, if that's what you're too, like,

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Speaker 1: single guys should.

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Speaker 3: Be here or whatever you Oh, that's that's exactly to

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Speaker 3: go for it. So singles, mingle, mingle single.

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Speaker 8: Let me tell you something that is exactly why Cheeto

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Speaker 8: was here. Cheeto hit me up on FaceTime, right, Cheeto

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Speaker 8: goes hey, bro Bro. If y'all y'all don't know Cheeto this,

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Speaker 8: I'm gonna do cheto space right here.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, for Cheeto. Cheeto hit me up on

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Speaker 2: face some right. I'll be like, yo, he'd like it,

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Speaker 2: what's up?

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Speaker 4: D I'll be like, put a shirt on my nigga,

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Speaker 4: I don't want to see your nipples on face, tom.

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Speaker 2: Bey And he'd be like, no, no, I got you,

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Speaker 2: I got you, I got you, but you you you

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Speaker 2: n l A, right, you in l A. I'm like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: he had cool cool cool.

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Speaker 4: There'd be a lot of women at the podcast, right,

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Speaker 4: I'm like, yeah, why he goes cool cool, cool, cool cool.

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna need a ticket, I said, go buy one online.

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Speaker 4: He said no, no, no, no, no, I'm not gonna

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Speaker 4: do that. I know you get me a ticket, but

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Speaker 4: then he's gonna throw this at me. I'm saving for

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Speaker 4: my wife, So I need you to help me with

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Speaker 4: a ticket.

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Speaker 3: So about oh, well play?

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Speaker 2: I love that, Yes, I love that.

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Speaker 1: So a little something that we're gonna do for y'all

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Speaker 1: who watches Zatima.

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Speaker 3: And who knows when season two will be back.

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Speaker 2: Sixteen sixteen.

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Speaker 1: So I think this is the perfect opportunity, given the

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Speaker 1: space that we're in and giving who's in the building,

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Speaker 1: to introduce to y'all.

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Speaker 3: Mits christopherne come on, I.

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Speaker 4: See, we'll take a seat, we'll cook first and foremost.

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Speaker 4: I know people have a lot of questions. Look, look, look,

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Speaker 4: look at y'all. Messy, messy. That's why I like this

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Speaker 4: part of the show. People ask all the time, how

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Speaker 4: could Dean be so cool with all the sex that

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Speaker 4: be happening on a team up. If I was a wife,

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Speaker 4: I wouldn't be cool with all the sex that be

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Speaker 4: having it on the teamer. First of all, the sex

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Speaker 4: don't be sexy. Imagine you in the room. It's cold

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Speaker 4: as fuck. It's the pandemic. Tyler Perry is sixty five,

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Speaker 4: two hundred and sixty pounds.

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Speaker 2: He's scared of.

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Speaker 11: Getting sick with COVID, so he got on an astronaut

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Speaker 11: helmet and he's in the back like doll. Uh looked

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Speaker 11: up Crystal's leg closs it up. Okay, hold it, hold it, Okay,

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Speaker 11: get the shot. Get the shot.

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Speaker 2: Now, Krystal was a very voluptuous, thick woman, a nigga

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Speaker 2: be holding up like God, damn it, Tyler, get the shot,

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Speaker 2: Get the shot. There's nothing sexy about it.

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Speaker 4: But these two women here make it easy for me

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Speaker 4: to do my job because they're always on the same page.

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Speaker 2: So shout out to my wife and my coat conversation.

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Speaker 1: The first time the Valley, Crystal were working together with

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Speaker 1: the intimacy coordinator, right, and Deval calls me on FaceTime.

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Speaker 3: Look, you're real frustrated.

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Speaker 1: So I was like, what's the problem, bro? He was like,

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Speaker 1: can you talk to Crystal Pave can you talk to Crystal?

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Speaker 1: So I'm like, Devello, what happened so prior to that?

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Speaker 4: So what happened was for all of you people who

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Speaker 4: think sex is real on TV, I'm gonna break it down.

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Speaker 4: There is an intimacy coordinator, just like there is a

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Speaker 4: stunt coordinator, and for every stunt you have to practice

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Speaker 4: and do all of this stuff. For sex, it's the

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Speaker 4: same thing. There is a pad first of all, that's

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Speaker 4: about this thick that goes over everything that I have.

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Speaker 4: Then there's a sock where they put my joint and

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Speaker 4: my balls in the sock, they tie it up.

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Speaker 2: There's no circulation, so it's not comfortable.

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Speaker 4: They they put the same pad on Crystal, and the

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Speaker 4: pad comes from back here all the way up here.

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Speaker 4: Then by the use of CGI, you don't get to

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Speaker 4: see all of the pads and stuff. So when you

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Speaker 4: see it, they be like, oh my god, Devo was

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Speaker 4: eating help pussy. No, the vow was not, because I

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Speaker 4: know that's what y'all was thinking. Yea, that's a little

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Speaker 4: nasty asses.

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Speaker 2: Nasty asses, huh, it don't be happening like that.

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Speaker 4: So we're in there with the intimacy coordinator and they

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Speaker 4: have to show us all the positions we're gonna do.

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Speaker 2: So they have two gumbies.

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Speaker 4: One gumby is the color of crystal whatever she's wearing

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Speaker 4: that day, if it's red. The other gumby is the

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Speaker 4: color of the val whatever I'm wearing this black. They

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00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:48,040
Speaker 4: got the gumbies and this is what they're doing with

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Speaker 4: the gum bees. So now we two grown people. I

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Speaker 4: got four kids, and the intimacy coordinator, her name is Nikki.

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Speaker 4: She's like, hey, are you guys comfortable, So we're gonna

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Speaker 4: actually try the kids today. So I'm like, we're gonna

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Speaker 4: try and kids. Now I know how to kiss, I'm

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00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:07,119
Speaker 4: doing this ship. She's just like, no, there are ways

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Speaker 4: to kids on television. And she's she's dead serious. So

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Speaker 4: she was like, are we doing tongue or no tongue?

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Speaker 4: No tongue. I'm married. Christal was like, he got a wife,

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00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,760
Speaker 4: We're not doing no tongue. She's like, okay, so what

401
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,440
Speaker 4: you're gonna do is open your mouth and you're going

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00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:29,320
Speaker 4: to imitate. And she's doing the movements and I'm like,

403
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:35,080
Speaker 4: I'm like, this is serious. She's like yes, she said, okay,

404
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:39,040
Speaker 4: now you too do it. So I woke up on Crystal.

405
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:48,840
Speaker 4: Crystal walks up on me and she goes, So I opened.

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Speaker 2: My eyes and I'm like, what are you doing y'all?

407
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:55,880
Speaker 2: She goes, I can't.

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Speaker 4: I just I don't feel comfortable movie because you have

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Speaker 4: my wife and you have I said, all right, fine,

410
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:06,920
Speaker 4: what Deval?

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Speaker 2: Can you talk to Crystal? Please and tell Crystal it's

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Speaker 2: okay to kiss me to.

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Speaker 3: What should I say? You better kiss that man so

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Speaker 3: that chick can clean It is a good toy.

415
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:23,720
Speaker 2: We got to pay.

416
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:27,840
Speaker 3: We got kissed the beat, you better kissed that man ship.

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00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:34,240
Speaker 4: So for all you messy people who'll be watching the team,

418
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 4: we're talking about this shit is too real. It don't

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Speaker 4: be real.

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Speaker 2: It don't be real sex. It be thinkings hell, and

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00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:45,280
Speaker 2: it don't.

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Speaker 3: Make a good moment though, with Zach and the team

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Speaker 3: of a real sex moment for it.

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00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:52,440
Speaker 2: Oh yes, we do have a real sex moment.

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Speaker 3: Anybody see the blue Light? Shall I say? Baby?

426
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,840
Speaker 1: I was inspired so much that they were away locked

427
00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:03,280
Speaker 1: away filming that February.

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00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:07,040
Speaker 3: It's still COVID regulations and all that, So I missed

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Speaker 3: my man.

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00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:10,280
Speaker 1: I was moving cross country from California to Georgia with

431
00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:13,440
Speaker 1: the boys alone, hadn't had nothing about good two three weeks,

432
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:16,920
Speaker 1: so I was over it. Valentine's Day is approaching and

433
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:20,639
Speaker 1: the episode that airs that Wednesday before Valentine's Day is

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Speaker 1: the infamous blue Lights shower scene.

435
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 3: So I was like, oh, this is this is nice.

436
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:32,600
Speaker 3: It's like it's the art for me.

437
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:35,160
Speaker 1: So I was like, look at this blue lights. I said,

438
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:37,280
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm about to recreate this. So I

439
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:39,720
Speaker 1: go to Amazon, get my laptop out and I'm like

440
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:44,520
Speaker 1: blue light bulb and I was like, oh, they got

441
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:44,919
Speaker 1: that all right?

442
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:46,960
Speaker 3: Add the cart. Then I was like, shit, we just

443
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:48,639
Speaker 3: moved in. All we have is this air bed. I

444
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:49,640
Speaker 3: don't got no furniture.

445
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:56,320
Speaker 1: I was like, lamp, so add the cart and I

446
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:58,320
Speaker 1: was like we got the air bed. It don't even

447
00:26:58,320 --> 00:26:59,320
Speaker 1: matter because we got the shower.

448
00:26:59,320 --> 00:26:59,639
Speaker 3: All right.

449
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:02,159
Speaker 1: Good. So in about two days what comes to my

450
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:06,119
Speaker 1: door the lamp and the blue light bolt. He surprises

451
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,719
Speaker 1: me and comes home early because I wasn't expecting him

452
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:11,000
Speaker 1: until the fifteenth, the day after Valentine's Day.

453
00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:17,440
Speaker 3: He came home on the thirteenth and baby nine months later.

454
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 3: Dakota Bucks.

455
00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:26,920
Speaker 1: Yes, So I appreciate you, sis for a moment inspired

456
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:29,440
Speaker 1: and Crystal is one of Dakota's godmothers.

457
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:29,960
Speaker 3: How weird is that?

458
00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:30,280
Speaker 2: Yes?

459
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:32,720
Speaker 1: I can't tell him the story when he grows up though,

460
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:34,800
Speaker 1: how he was conceived, he's gonna be like, that's weird.

461
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:37,719
Speaker 1: You were like turned down by your turned on by

462
00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:40,000
Speaker 1: my father and uh my godmother.

463
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:41,720
Speaker 3: And the sex seen year I was. But you know

464
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:43,560
Speaker 3: that's another story for another day.

465
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:48,639
Speaker 2: You Wall, You know you all right?

466
00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:50,320
Speaker 1: You Wall.

467
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:52,680
Speaker 4: I wish y'all could have been there when I walked

468
00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:54,840
Speaker 4: in his room and seen this blue light and this

469
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:56,320
Speaker 4: air mattress in his lamp.

470
00:27:57,720 --> 00:27:59,480
Speaker 2: I wish y'all could have been there and see you

471
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:01,800
Speaker 2: could be face yo. She I walk in.

472
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:04,200
Speaker 4: She want to talk about something, so that's what we're doing.

473
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:09,239
Speaker 4: And I'm like, doing what And she turns off all

474
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:11,000
Speaker 4: the lights and I'm like, it's dark. I can't even

475
00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:14,000
Speaker 4: see you. Then she goes click and it's all blue.

476
00:28:14,119 --> 00:28:19,880
Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, but then she had on this negligent

477
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:27,199
Speaker 4: and I was like and it was a wrap after that.

478
00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:29,800
Speaker 3: So I think we should we should give them a

479
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:30,919
Speaker 3: little sleep.

480
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:44,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, So Crystal, yes, aka Fatima, what are you most

481
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:47,040
Speaker 4: excited about with season two? Oh?

482
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:50,520
Speaker 2: My goodness, the roller coaster it's a lot.

483
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:51,320
Speaker 4: It is a lot.

484
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:53,960
Speaker 2: Not for real?

485
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:57,240
Speaker 4: Are you all ready for another surprise? How many episodes

486
00:28:57,280 --> 00:29:00,280
Speaker 4: we had in season one? Guess I'm in he got

487
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:03,920
Speaker 4: in season two we got twenty episodes.

488
00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:08,600
Speaker 2: And that is because of you guys. Think see that's

489
00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:14,440
Speaker 2: my who here engages on Twitter? Who here like to

490
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:17,040
Speaker 2: engage on Twitter? Do you be arguing me on Twitter?

491
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:22,200
Speaker 2: I know you look Familion, Yeah, you look for me.

492
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 2: When I seen in your face when I came out,

493
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:24,480
Speaker 2: I'm like, dies, she go.

494
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:26,280
Speaker 1: No.

495
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:30,080
Speaker 4: The thing I'm most excited about with the team of

496
00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:32,960
Speaker 4: season two is that you learn a lot about why

497
00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:37,000
Speaker 4: Zach is the way he is. Like you get a

498
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:42,000
Speaker 4: chance to see in his past, his parents, his siblings,

499
00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:45,680
Speaker 4: his friends, and I guarantee you all the answers, all

500
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:49,480
Speaker 4: the questions you have from sisters. When you watch the

501
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:52,320
Speaker 4: Team of season two, you ain't gonna have no more questions.

502
00:29:52,640 --> 00:29:55,000
Speaker 4: You're gonna watch it. It be like that's why Zach

503
00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:57,840
Speaker 4: does things the way he does things. I'm excited for

504
00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 4: that so much. For sure, we're unpacking a lot season two.

505
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:02,239
Speaker 1: We are.

506
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:04,520
Speaker 7: I know a lot of people are like, we're ready

507
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:06,680
Speaker 7: for the team to give back to the happy it's

508
00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:09,520
Speaker 7: a team. But I think in order with any relationship,

509
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:11,680
Speaker 7: in order to get to the happy place, you gotta

510
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:12,800
Speaker 7: go through the low places.

511
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:16,840
Speaker 2: And we're gonna take you guys through it. So Gary, Yes,

512
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:19,640
Speaker 2: so listen, give a round of applause to my cold

513
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:20,320
Speaker 2: star plaster.

514
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:28,840
Speaker 4: I love you. It's hard to call somebody's system and

515
00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 4: y'all be doing sex scenes like the ship come.

516
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:48,280
Speaker 1: All right, man, time just flying with y'all'.

517
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 3: Like, wait, what time is this? Shoot? We gotta let

518
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:48,480
Speaker 3: y'all go.

519
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:49,480
Speaker 2: So we're trying to rush.

520
00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:51,720
Speaker 3: Take some listener letter questions.

521
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:53,960
Speaker 1: So if you listen to the show, we do story

522
00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:55,960
Speaker 1: time karaoke to meet of the show, and then we

523
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:57,920
Speaker 1: move into listen letters. This is our time to hear

524
00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:00,360
Speaker 1: from you. If you have any questions, do you want

525
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:03,200
Speaker 1: some advice? We can have the audience chime in. It'll

526
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:05,960
Speaker 1: be a good time. So where is trouble with the mic?

527
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:09,160
Speaker 2: I see trouble on the back pants.

528
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:12,120
Speaker 3: Nitor i'le So if you have a question, know me,

529
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:16,960
Speaker 3: shy raise your hand. Oh anybody purchased? We over me

530
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:23,920
Speaker 3: some book that I heard about. Oh my goodness, right there.

531
00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:24,520
Speaker 3: I love that.

532
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:27,160
Speaker 1: Thank y' all, Thank you so much for that man

533
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:29,960
Speaker 1: because of y'all. New York Times Bestsellers, isn't that crazy?

534
00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:34,360
Speaker 2: Yes, thank you, thank you, and yo, not for nothing.

535
00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:36,760
Speaker 2: That is a feat for all of us.

536
00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:40,720
Speaker 4: Do you know how many black people actually make the

537
00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:44,840
Speaker 4: New York Times Bestsellers list? And we made the most

538
00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:47,840
Speaker 4: difficult one self help, And it wasn't because of us,

539
00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:52,080
Speaker 4: It was because of you. This is a victory for

540
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:55,240
Speaker 4: all of us. When you look at that list, you

541
00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,880
Speaker 4: can say, now, we did that because without you, guys,

542
00:31:57,960 --> 00:31:58,800
Speaker 4: it would be no us.

543
00:31:58,880 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 2: So we honor.

544
00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:02,960
Speaker 4: We honestly really feel like that, like we wouldn't be

545
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:05,000
Speaker 4: what we are if it weren't for you guys.

546
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:06,200
Speaker 2: So we appreciate y'all.

547
00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 3: Love y'all so much.

548
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:12,160
Speaker 2: Oh we got a question, what's up.

549
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 3: Like yesterday?

550
00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:31,320
Speaker 12: Yeah?

551
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:35,320
Speaker 3: So for you it was different than it was for me.

552
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:36,560
Speaker 2: For you, it was different.

553
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:37,680
Speaker 1: For me.

554
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:43,240
Speaker 4: It was when I found out that well quick story

555
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:47,000
Speaker 4: me and Kate was arguing coming off of Christmas time

556
00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:48,960
Speaker 4: the American Express bill was high.

557
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 2: Sounds familiar, right.

558
00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:53,440
Speaker 3: I still didn't learn my listen.

559
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:56,680
Speaker 4: On top of that, if you guys know, when we

560
00:32:56,840 --> 00:32:59,240
Speaker 4: had our first son, Jackson, we almost lost Kay.

561
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:03,320
Speaker 2: They had a cervical tear. She had a cervical tear.

562
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,120
Speaker 4: She almost bled out, she almost had to get a

563
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:07,880
Speaker 4: blood transfusion, she had to have emergency surgery and get

564
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:14,400
Speaker 4: twenty six stitches. Twenty seven I'm not gonna just seven times, alright, right.

565
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:16,800
Speaker 4: So at that point I had made a promise to

566
00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:18,520
Speaker 4: God and to my wife. I said, if I could

567
00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:20,400
Speaker 4: get my wife out of this healthy and my kids

568
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:22,680
Speaker 4: be healthy, I don't want no more kids. I just

569
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:24,440
Speaker 4: want my wife and I want my son, and I'll

570
00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:27,080
Speaker 4: be good. After about four years, Kay was like, I

571
00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:28,880
Speaker 4: want to try it for another child, and I was like,

572
00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:30,960
Speaker 4: all right, as long as you cool, I'm cool. Like

573
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 4: I wasn't gonna push her for it, so we decided

574
00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:36,160
Speaker 4: we were going to do it together. At that moment,

575
00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 4: I started doing a bunch of studying about how to

576
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:43,280
Speaker 4: have a successful childbirth without an epidural, and because the

577
00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:45,840
Speaker 4: epidural is ultimately what caused us to have that issue

578
00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:48,000
Speaker 4: with her servex tearing, so we wanted to have a

579
00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:48,640
Speaker 4: natural birth.

580
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:49,960
Speaker 2: Even though we wanted to have it in the hospital,

581
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:51,120
Speaker 2: we wanted to have a natural birth.

582
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:53,680
Speaker 4: So I was researching all this stuff, and they were

583
00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:56,800
Speaker 4: talking about creating a positive space, but also constantly working out.

584
00:33:57,440 --> 00:33:59,600
Speaker 4: So Kate was like, all right, going into this pregnancy,

585
00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:01,320
Speaker 4: I'm gonna work out the strong the best I can

586
00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:03,480
Speaker 4: to get in the best shape. We're in the gym.

587
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:06,280
Speaker 4: And I owned the gym at the time. I'm in

588
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:08,239
Speaker 4: there eighteen hours a day because I'm taking a bunch

589
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:10,919
Speaker 4: of clients. I told, hey, listen, you don't have to work.

590
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:13,399
Speaker 4: Let me focus on providing and you focus on being

591
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:16,080
Speaker 4: a mom and building your body up to have another baby.

592
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:18,560
Speaker 4: She comes in the gym on this one day and

593
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:20,360
Speaker 4: she was there for about six hours. I watched her

594
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:23,400
Speaker 4: talk to a bunch of people. She was lolly gagging, bullshit.

595
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 4: And I'm getting ready to leave, and she's like, oh,

596
00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:25,880
Speaker 4: you're leaving.

597
00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:32,799
Speaker 1: To parents making tangible connections, promoting retention of the program, right, yeah,

598
00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:35,919
Speaker 1: bullshit and gag.

599
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:44,000
Speaker 2: So I go to my office. I go to my office.

600
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:45,600
Speaker 4: I'm like, y're I'm ready to go. I didn't been

601
00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:48,600
Speaker 4: there eighteen hours. She's like, oh, I didn't get a

602
00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:50,520
Speaker 4: chance to work out yet. Okay, let's work.

603
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:51,320
Speaker 2: Let's go.

604
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:54,160
Speaker 4: I said, you know what, this just messed up. I

605
00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:56,799
Speaker 4: got all these American Express bills to pay you ain't

606
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:57,239
Speaker 4: been working.

607
00:34:57,320 --> 00:34:58,040
Speaker 2: You had one job.

608
00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:00,200
Speaker 4: Your job was to come here and work out, and

609
00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:02,400
Speaker 4: you find a reason not to work out. We end

610
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:05,520
Speaker 4: up arguing, screaming and hollering. And the reason why I

611
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:07,839
Speaker 4: like telling the story is because, yes, we just wrote

612
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:10,400
Speaker 4: a book about how we're really good at communicating, But

613
00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:11,440
Speaker 4: it wasn't always like that.

614
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:14,320
Speaker 2: I said to my wife, you know what your problem is?

615
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:19,080
Speaker 2: You fucking lazy? Yeah. Yeah, this same divil that.

616
00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:22,960
Speaker 4: Wrote a book about how to communicate told my wife

617
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:27,680
Speaker 4: she was fucking lazy. She cussed me out, and then

618
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:32,520
Speaker 4: it said, I'm not fucking lazy, deval, I'm fucking pregnant.

619
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:39,400
Speaker 4: I go, well, why didn't you leave with that? Because

620
00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:41,279
Speaker 4: I didn't know. I didn't know what else to say

621
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 4: at that point, but I had egg on my face.

622
00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:46,920
Speaker 4: But also in that moment, I realized, like, damn, I

623
00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:49,839
Speaker 4: claim to be a provider and a protector and I'm

624
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:53,480
Speaker 4: not even aware of what my wife's body is going through.

625
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:55,520
Speaker 2: In this moment, I'm to find a.

626
00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:58,120
Speaker 1: Nice way to tell him that we were going to

627
00:35:58,160 --> 00:35:59,879
Speaker 1: be expanding our families. So you know, it's that big

628
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:01,759
Speaker 1: where you're trying to like wait it out and figure

629
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:04,439
Speaker 1: out something cool to do, and I was so sick,

630
00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:06,560
Speaker 1: and I was trying to camouflage it so I can

631
00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:09,200
Speaker 1: do a nice little reveal and your boy beat me

632
00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:10,960
Speaker 1: to it by call me fucking lazy, so I had

633
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:12,320
Speaker 1: to let him know what the fuck was going on.

634
00:36:13,080 --> 00:36:16,799
Speaker 2: So that moment, so, yes, I was not the same

635
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:17,600
Speaker 2: person I am today.

636
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:20,880
Speaker 4: I realized in that moment that as much as I

637
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 4: want to protect and provide for my wife, I wasn't

638
00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:26,520
Speaker 4: protecting and providing at all. I wasn't protecting her spiritually

639
00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:28,719
Speaker 4: and emotionally, and I wasn't providing a space for her

640
00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:31,000
Speaker 4: to be open and tell me what she needed and

641
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:34,280
Speaker 4: what she wanted. So after that, in that same argument,

642
00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:36,839
Speaker 4: I said to her, I said, you know what, during

643
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:40,880
Speaker 4: this pregnancy, whatever you need, whatever you want, I got you.

644
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:42,920
Speaker 2: Just tell me what it is.

645
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:47,040
Speaker 4: And throughout the pregnancy I was doing it, and throughout

646
00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 4: the pregnancy she was reciprocating the same energy.

647
00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:53,719
Speaker 2: So I was like, wait a minute, why don't I

648
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:55,120
Speaker 2: do this all the time?

649
00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:59,120
Speaker 4: And then I started to focus on being It's real

650
00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:01,480
Speaker 4: I and then say, you know what, let me focus

651
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:04,680
Speaker 4: on being of service to my wife so I can

652
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:06,800
Speaker 4: create a space for her to then be of service

653
00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:10,120
Speaker 4: to me, and that's when I realized it happened when

654
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:11,799
Speaker 4: she was carrying our second child.

655
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:13,800
Speaker 2: I was not the best person.

656
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:16,920
Speaker 4: I was not the best father or husband, but in

657
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:18,560
Speaker 4: that moment, I had to find a way to make

658
00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:20,000
Speaker 4: sure that I got my wife back.

659
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:24,759
Speaker 1: So, yeah, for me, it was a little delayed, right,

660
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:27,080
Speaker 1: My little reaction was delayed in terms of when I

661
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:29,239
Speaker 1: found out that being of service made the most sense

662
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:30,600
Speaker 1: for our relationship.

663
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:31,000
Speaker 3: And things improved.

664
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:34,040
Speaker 1: It actually didn't happen for me, I think because I

665
00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:37,000
Speaker 1: was so accustomed to de Vo always saying, Okay, I

666
00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:40,160
Speaker 1: got it, I got it under control, don't worry about it.

667
00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:43,319
Speaker 1: We can literally the world can be crumbling around him

668
00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:45,640
Speaker 1: and he'd be like, I got it, and I'm like.

669
00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:47,480
Speaker 3: I know, like I got it, you got it, We

670
00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:47,840
Speaker 3: got it.

671
00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:51,279
Speaker 1: So it didn't really hit me until we had a

672
00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:54,760
Speaker 1: conversation one morning, and this was maybe in twenty twenty

673
00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:55,759
Speaker 1: or twenty.

674
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:56,759
Speaker 2: One, twenty twenty.

675
00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:58,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was going into the new year, and we

676
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 1: usually had like a recap of the year, and at

677
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:03,040
Speaker 1: the beginning of the year we talk about our you know, hopes, goals,

678
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:04,680
Speaker 1: dreams of the year, things that we want to kind

679
00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:07,759
Speaker 1: of just rehash moving into a new year, and he said,

680
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:10,839
Speaker 1: when you wake up in the morning, what's the first

681
00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:11,600
Speaker 1: thing you think about?

682
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:16,759
Speaker 3: So I was like, well, open my eyes, thank God

683
00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:17,480
Speaker 3: for another day.

684
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:20,440
Speaker 1: Then I'm thinking of instantly the kids, who has to

685
00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:23,359
Speaker 1: be where at what time, the schedule, work that has

686
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:25,560
Speaker 1: to get done, like all these things, like what's going

687
00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:28,000
Speaker 1: to make this day afloat? Because it's not just me,

688
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:30,480
Speaker 1: it's the family, it's the kids, it's work. We work

689
00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:31,120
Speaker 1: together a lot.

690
00:38:31,719 --> 00:38:33,239
Speaker 3: So he said, do you realize that you did not

691
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:40,200
Speaker 3: mention me one time in that And I was like, oh, yikes.

692
00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:42,200
Speaker 1: So I felt like in that moment I had egg

693
00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:44,760
Speaker 1: in my face because I'm like, wow, my husband literally

694
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:47,960
Speaker 1: who does everything to provide a space for me to

695
00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:51,120
Speaker 1: be protected and provided for our children. I not once

696
00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:54,800
Speaker 1: thought about him in the course of the day because

697
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:56,840
Speaker 1: why I just expected him to be okay.

698
00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:59,720
Speaker 3: I'm like, you're an adult. I'm an adult. We're adults.

699
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:00,440
Speaker 3: We know what it is.

700
00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:02,360
Speaker 1: We're both busy, we have kids, we have work, we

701
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:04,480
Speaker 1: have all these things were going on. You're supposed to

702
00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:08,920
Speaker 1: be okay because you always are, And in that moment it.

703
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:10,040
Speaker 7: Broke my heart.

704
00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:12,359
Speaker 3: She cried, and I cried, and I'm like, I could

705
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:13,200
Speaker 3: not believe that.

706
00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:17,040
Speaker 1: I really never took the time on an even semi

707
00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:20,200
Speaker 1: regular basis to think about what he may need. So

708
00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:22,560
Speaker 1: in that moment, sis, and at this point, if it's

709
00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:24,800
Speaker 1: talking twenty twenty, how many years in?

710
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:27,320
Speaker 2: Is that twenty twenty? So that was eighteen years eighteen

711
00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:27,719
Speaker 2: years in?

712
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:32,640
Speaker 3: How many years married? Nine nine years married?

713
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:35,360
Speaker 1: That's when it clicked to me that being of service

714
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:38,520
Speaker 1: to my husband was something so necessary because if I

715
00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:42,000
Speaker 1: just said to myself, you know what, let me ask him, devou,

716
00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:44,160
Speaker 1: what do you need today? How can I make your

717
00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:46,719
Speaker 1: plate lighter? What can I help you with? It could

718
00:39:46,719 --> 00:39:49,200
Speaker 1: be something as simple as he wants a pack lunch

719
00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:52,239
Speaker 1: to go to set. That's something that I'm doing for

720
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:54,800
Speaker 1: him that just makes his day a little bit brighter,

721
00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:57,080
Speaker 1: takes one thing off of his plate. So that way,

722
00:39:57,160 --> 00:39:59,560
Speaker 1: then he's more inclined to look at me and say, wow, kay,

723
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:00,800
Speaker 1: did that nice gesture for me?

724
00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:02,239
Speaker 3: I want to do this for her?

725
00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:04,719
Speaker 1: And then he does something nice for me, and I'm like,

726
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:06,400
Speaker 1: oh shit, look at you think about me? And then

727
00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:09,000
Speaker 1: I do something nice for him. So it's the reciprocal

728
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:11,160
Speaker 1: process that started to happen for me, and for me

729
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:13,680
Speaker 1: it literally just clicked. You know, sometimes you hear something

730
00:40:13,719 --> 00:40:15,480
Speaker 1: over and over again in different ways, it never really

731
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:19,400
Speaker 1: clicks to you. But that him asking me that question

732
00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:21,840
Speaker 1: in that moment, and I could see the hurt in

733
00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:25,800
Speaker 1: his eyes. He felt like, I'm always worried about everybody

734
00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:27,239
Speaker 1: else and no one's worried about me.

735
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:28,719
Speaker 3: That's my job.

736
00:40:29,239 --> 00:40:31,840
Speaker 1: I'm his wife, like who else is supposed to be

737
00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:34,719
Speaker 1: worried about him? So that's when it clicked for me

738
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:37,719
Speaker 1: that being of service to my spouse was the best

739
00:40:37,719 --> 00:40:38,560
Speaker 1: way for us to function.

740
00:40:38,719 --> 00:40:42,360
Speaker 3: And since then you can say things have been so much.

741
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:44,440
Speaker 2: Better now, since since then, it's definitely been better.

742
00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:46,240
Speaker 4: But I think the most important part of that story

743
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:49,160
Speaker 4: is the time, right, Like, we had been together since

744
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:51,759
Speaker 4: two thousand and two. It wasn't til twenty twenty that

745
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:53,759
Speaker 4: I asked her a question and she was like, oh shit,

746
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:54,680
Speaker 4: I haven't been doing that.

747
00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 2: That's eighteen years.

748
00:40:56,680 --> 00:40:59,319
Speaker 4: So often in relationships, people think after three months, if

749
00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:02,279
Speaker 4: this person has figured everything else about me, then I'm

750
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:05,400
Speaker 4: moving on. Meanwhile, we've been together eighteen years and it

751
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:07,520
Speaker 4: took me to point it out to her, And the

752
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:09,680
Speaker 4: reason why I say That is because as black men,

753
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:13,960
Speaker 4: oftentimes we're taught because of society standards, that if we

754
00:41:14,120 --> 00:41:16,680
Speaker 4: express our feelings or say what we want or what

755
00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:19,279
Speaker 4: we need, then we're weak or we're less than. So

756
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:21,120
Speaker 4: we sit back and say I'm gonna just take it,

757
00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:24,480
Speaker 4: and then when our significant other doesn't meet us at

758
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:27,239
Speaker 4: our needs, we either say fuck it, I'm gonna go

759
00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:29,879
Speaker 4: find my knees elsewhere, or we lash out.

760
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:33,319
Speaker 2: What I want to say to any black man that's

761
00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:33,879
Speaker 2: in this room.

762
00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:36,600
Speaker 4: If you are married or with a woman that you

763
00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:39,040
Speaker 4: love and you feel like that woman is responsible for

764
00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:41,880
Speaker 4: helping you be the best version of you, tell her

765
00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:45,200
Speaker 4: don't leave it up to her to figure it out.

766
00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:49,600
Speaker 4: It's easier to say, look, I need, I require, I want,

767
00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:51,960
Speaker 4: and I would like for you to do this, and

768
00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:54,520
Speaker 4: if she loves you, it's then up to her to

769
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:57,520
Speaker 4: make the choice to deliver on that. If you say

770
00:41:57,600 --> 00:42:00,600
Speaker 4: that to her and she chooses not to deliver on that,

771
00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:03,160
Speaker 4: then now you make You can make a choice and say,

772
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:04,160
Speaker 4: you know what, I got to do what's in the

773
00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:06,719
Speaker 4: best interest of myself. But to sit back and be

774
00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:09,040
Speaker 4: quiet like most of us do, like I did for

775
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:11,920
Speaker 4: eighteen years, and say she needs to figure out.

776
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:14,600
Speaker 2: It's unfair because she had no way of knowing.

777
00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:17,839
Speaker 1: And we've stopped doing this whole figure things out shit

778
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:20,759
Speaker 1: because that just wastes so much time. Yeah, what you

779
00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:23,880
Speaker 1: want tonight, my nigga? Tell me what I do for

780
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:27,239
Speaker 1: you tonight? You want a crop top in shorts, you

781
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:29,360
Speaker 1: want a sandwich? You want me to pack your bond?

782
00:42:29,520 --> 00:42:30,960
Speaker 2: Like, what is it that you want me to do

783
00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:33,600
Speaker 2: to make your night that she's not lying and.

784
00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 1: He's doing because it takes the guessing game out of it.

785
00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:40,200
Speaker 1: We don't got no time to be trying to figure

786
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:42,560
Speaker 1: shit out. We got kids, we got careers. There's too

787
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:45,120
Speaker 1: much going on. Tell me what she wanted, let me deliver.

788
00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:45,440
Speaker 2: It, yo.

789
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:49,000
Speaker 4: She's not lying though, like she legit asked me, was like,

790
00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:51,759
Speaker 4: what was you like when I when you come home

791
00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:52,759
Speaker 4: from when you are working.

792
00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:55,000
Speaker 2: I was like, well, you know them red co ed shorts.

793
00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:58,120
Speaker 2: I would like those. I would like for you to

794
00:42:58,200 --> 00:42:58,919
Speaker 2: pack my bond.

795
00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:01,200
Speaker 4: I would like for you to make a sandwich because

796
00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:03,760
Speaker 4: after I get the munchies, I would like a drink.

797
00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:06,480
Speaker 4: I would like a sports bra and I want to

798
00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:07,240
Speaker 4: watch BMF.

799
00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:13,160
Speaker 2: I walk in the house. All the kids in sleep.

800
00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:15,840
Speaker 2: She even put her parents to sleep.

801
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:24,280
Speaker 4: She legit told her pops, do not come upstairs, my guys.

802
00:43:25,040 --> 00:43:27,359
Speaker 4: And when I walk in the house, she has all

803
00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:33,040
Speaker 4: of those things ready for me. And in versely, I say, good, now,

804
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:35,799
Speaker 4: what do you want? And her shit be a little

805
00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:37,000
Speaker 4: bit different than mine. I want ship.

806
00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:41,600
Speaker 2: She'd be like, well, bermuda and a private chair.

807
00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:45,640
Speaker 3: Any other Sagittarius in the house.

808
00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:51,560
Speaker 1: Travel is our love language, book me a flight.

809
00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:57,680
Speaker 2: It's my wife, y'all, it's my wife. But here's the thing.

810
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:01,040
Speaker 4: Don't tell her mate, don't don't try to tailor make

811
00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:05,439
Speaker 4: your marriage to hours. Your your husband's wants in these

812
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:08,760
Speaker 4: maybe different than mine. Your wife's wanting these maybe different

813
00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:11,640
Speaker 4: from hers. The biggest mistake we made in our marriage

814
00:44:11,719 --> 00:44:13,440
Speaker 4: was I was looking at my friends who got married

815
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:15,640
Speaker 4: around the time of hours, and I used to do

816
00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:18,719
Speaker 4: stuff for k that my homeboys did for their wives, right,

817
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:20,680
Speaker 4: And I used to do it and I'd be like,

818
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:23,160
Speaker 4: look what I did, and she'd be like.

819
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:28,440
Speaker 2: And I'd be like, you know, you're fucking ungrateful, lazy.

820
00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 3: I'm grateful, and she'd be.

821
00:44:31,239 --> 00:44:32,760
Speaker 4: Like, I ain't ask for none of this shit, nigga,

822
00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:35,399
Speaker 4: And I'm like, like, y'all, think my mouth is bad.

823
00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:37,160
Speaker 2: K mouth is terrible.

824
00:44:37,239 --> 00:44:37,359
Speaker 10: Yo.

825
00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:40,080
Speaker 3: He made me this way.

826
00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:42,239
Speaker 2: I didn't make up like this. I didn't make it

827
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:42,440
Speaker 2: like this.

828
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:45,600
Speaker 4: But we stopped tailor making our relationship to other people's

829
00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:48,680
Speaker 4: expectations and just doing what we want and then then

830
00:44:48,800 --> 00:44:50,880
Speaker 4: doing that, we were able to find.

831
00:44:50,640 --> 00:44:53,000
Speaker 3: Bliss because even when it came time to write our book,

832
00:44:53,120 --> 00:44:55,840
Speaker 3: we over me. We didn't want it to be something.

833
00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:57,920
Speaker 1: Where we're giving people the pillars to have the perfect

834
00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:01,360
Speaker 1: relationship or you know, five these five steps, because we

835
00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:02,360
Speaker 1: sure as hell don't know.

836
00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:04,279
Speaker 3: Half the time, we're figuring the shit out on our own.

837
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:06,360
Speaker 1: But we want to just share our love story with

838
00:45:06,480 --> 00:45:08,600
Speaker 1: hopes that whether you're single, whether you're in a relationship,

839
00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:11,360
Speaker 1: whether you aspire to marriage, whether you don't aspire to marriage,

840
00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:13,680
Speaker 1: at least you can walk away with something that you

841
00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:16,680
Speaker 1: can use as an individual for growth. So when y'all

842
00:45:16,719 --> 00:45:18,120
Speaker 1: dive in, we hope you like it. Make sure you

843
00:45:18,239 --> 00:45:20,040
Speaker 1: leave us a review and let us know what y'all think.

844
00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:23,120
Speaker 1: All right, that was very long answer to your question,

845
00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:25,799
Speaker 1: since but you got the point. Yes, you know one

846
00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:26,200
Speaker 1: thing about this.

847
00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:29,800
Speaker 3: We gonna be long winded. Any other questions come on.

848
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:33,280
Speaker 3: This is y'all part I have one here, one oora

849
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:34,200
Speaker 3: has a question down.

850
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:37,040
Speaker 2: I'm I'm not disrespecting y'all. There's something else I'm looking

851
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:38,640
Speaker 2: at right now. It's another surprise.

852
00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:40,400
Speaker 3: But horn, wait what happened?

853
00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:45,040
Speaker 2: That's a question? Okay, all right, hey girl.

854
00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:49,160
Speaker 7: First of all, I want to say thank you to him.

855
00:45:50,520 --> 00:45:55,400
Speaker 7: We missed y'all show in Houston and float. He flied

856
00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:57,000
Speaker 7: me all the way out here to see y'all.

857
00:46:04,640 --> 00:46:07,800
Speaker 2: I tell him all the time, y'all aspire us and

858
00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:10,560
Speaker 2: I love y'all the way. Y'all raise y'all boys. We

859
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:13,319
Speaker 2: have two boys. I want a girl, but he only

860
00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:14,160
Speaker 2: make boys, so.

861
00:46:16,200 --> 00:46:16,440
Speaker 4: It is.

862
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:22,880
Speaker 7: But my question is, I don't know if anybody have

863
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:27,320
Speaker 7: had a postpartum with kids, and how can your partner

864
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:31,640
Speaker 7: help you with like getting over there and to.

865
00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 2: Just do better like in your day to day. Missed

866
00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:37,680
Speaker 2: the first.

867
00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:43,080
Speaker 7: When my second son, I had postpartum, and I don't

868
00:46:43,120 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 7: know if you went through any of that, But I

869
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:47,360
Speaker 7: was like, do you have any advice to have Like

870
00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:49,799
Speaker 7: my partner like kind of helped me with the data.

871
00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:54,600
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you said, have I ever been through postpartum?

872
00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:57,800
Speaker 2: Did you not hear? She almost killed herself over Beyonce tickets.

873
00:46:58,760 --> 00:47:02,320
Speaker 1: Postpartum No, it's a very real thing and it manifests

874
00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:04,520
Speaker 1: itself in different ways in different people. And I think

875
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:08,160
Speaker 1: the rhetoric is that after you have a baby, the

876
00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:10,680
Speaker 1: baby comes out of your body, then everything should go

877
00:47:10,719 --> 00:47:12,399
Speaker 1: back to normal. But a lot of people don't speak

878
00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:15,560
Speaker 1: about that fourth trimester, which is the post part of

879
00:47:15,640 --> 00:47:18,799
Speaker 1: vase and there's no time frame on when it can exist, right,

880
00:47:18,840 --> 00:47:21,440
Speaker 1: because some people are okay off the bat and then

881
00:47:21,480 --> 00:47:23,320
Speaker 1: it kind of starts to fester around a six to

882
00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:25,880
Speaker 1: nine month mark, or it can last for a year

883
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:27,800
Speaker 1: or two. I think what we need to not do

884
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:29,879
Speaker 1: is shame women who are in those positions and feel

885
00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:31,560
Speaker 1: like there's a time frame or a time limit on

886
00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:33,760
Speaker 1: when they should be back to quote unquote normal.

887
00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:34,560
Speaker 4: Right.

888
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:38,160
Speaker 3: But the snapback culture, whether it's physically or just.

889
00:47:38,239 --> 00:47:42,880
Speaker 1: Even mentally, women don't take the time to understand that

890
00:47:43,120 --> 00:47:46,000
Speaker 1: it takes the body a full nine to twelve months

891
00:47:46,320 --> 00:47:50,120
Speaker 1: minimum for hormones to just get back to baseline, so

892
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:52,640
Speaker 1: who you are and the space that you're existing in

893
00:47:53,040 --> 00:47:58,880
Speaker 1: along with sleep deprivation, it's like a snowball effect. So

894
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:01,400
Speaker 1: the support that you get from your spouse and the

895
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:03,520
Speaker 1: people around you. Your village is super important. One thing

896
00:48:03,520 --> 00:48:04,800
Speaker 1: I can say about the Boom, I'll give him his

897
00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:08,560
Speaker 1: props for this with every child and which with each pregnancy,

898
00:48:09,200 --> 00:48:11,879
Speaker 1: he knew my body inside out to the point where

899
00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:12,080
Speaker 1: it was.

900
00:48:12,040 --> 00:48:14,680
Speaker 2: Almost inside of your body, baby man.

901
00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:19,040
Speaker 1: Clearly, clearly he knows, but to the point where he

902
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:21,439
Speaker 1: was telling me things about my body before I even

903
00:48:21,600 --> 00:48:24,080
Speaker 1: was able to figure it out. So you've been great

904
00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:27,000
Speaker 1: about making sure that you were invested in my process,

905
00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:31,359
Speaker 1: and not just prenatal and during pregnancy, but postpartum as well.

906
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:31,600
Speaker 2: Now.

907
00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:34,640
Speaker 4: Absolutely, I honestly, this is actually my favorite part of

908
00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:37,080
Speaker 4: the show when people ask this questions because I wish

909
00:48:38,040 --> 00:48:40,239
Speaker 4: a man from an older generation would have helped me

910
00:48:40,920 --> 00:48:42,920
Speaker 4: to understand this. And I want you to think about this.

911
00:48:43,960 --> 00:48:48,880
Speaker 4: Think about the most disciplined people in our country, Navy seals,

912
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:53,080
Speaker 4: Army rangers, marine corps. Right, think about all the most

913
00:48:53,120 --> 00:48:55,520
Speaker 4: disciplined people in the world. You know what, They spend

914
00:48:55,600 --> 00:49:00,840
Speaker 4: three to six months training for sleep deprivation. They spend

915
00:49:00,960 --> 00:49:03,920
Speaker 4: three to six months just focusing on how to be

916
00:49:04,080 --> 00:49:07,239
Speaker 4: present and being able to deliver your do your job

917
00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:13,239
Speaker 4: through sleep deprivation. But we expect moms to deal with

918
00:49:13,400 --> 00:49:16,520
Speaker 4: sleep deprivation and after six months, know how to deal

919
00:49:16,600 --> 00:49:20,840
Speaker 4: with being a wife, a mom, breastfeeding, get back to normal,

920
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:23,840
Speaker 4: and go back to work in certain situations six weeks

921
00:49:24,040 --> 00:49:26,720
Speaker 4: in six weeks. The reason why I think that's important

922
00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:30,960
Speaker 4: is because I didn't realize how much sleep deprivation affected

923
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:37,600
Speaker 4: a person's body physiologically, not sleeping message with your hormones.

924
00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:40,360
Speaker 4: I used to walk in the house and I'm like,

925
00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:42,440
Speaker 4: what's up baby? She's like hey, And I'd be like,

926
00:49:42,760 --> 00:49:44,360
Speaker 4: I'm hungry. You got something to eat? And she'd be like,

927
00:49:47,320 --> 00:49:50,880
Speaker 4: and I'm like, yo, what happens?

928
00:49:50,960 --> 00:49:51,719
Speaker 1: She's like, I don't know.

929
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:55,960
Speaker 2: Now I'd be like, hey, hey, I don't I'm good,

930
00:49:56,160 --> 00:49:57,880
Speaker 2: I'm not hungry. So now you're telling me you're not

931
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:00,960
Speaker 2: fucking hungry. So you're telling me I can't provide for

932
00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:04,520
Speaker 2: you as a wife. And I'm like, y'o, I'm a lunatic.

933
00:50:06,080 --> 00:50:08,319
Speaker 4: In my And honestly, I used to look at her

934
00:50:08,320 --> 00:50:10,000
Speaker 4: and I'd be like, yo, you act like you the

935
00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:13,879
Speaker 4: first woman to ever have a baby, Like why like why,

936
00:50:14,239 --> 00:50:15,000
Speaker 4: why why.

937
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:15,840
Speaker 2: Are you acting like this?

938
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:17,440
Speaker 3: No one told me.

939
00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:20,040
Speaker 2: No one told me.

940
00:50:20,400 --> 00:50:24,400
Speaker 4: And after Jackson and then Cairo and Kaz and Dakota

941
00:50:24,800 --> 00:50:27,920
Speaker 4: me doing more research on how sleep deprivation affects the

942
00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:31,360
Speaker 4: woman's body. But I don't need a woman's body the

943
00:50:31,480 --> 00:50:34,120
Speaker 4: man's body, because if you're a man, like I'm a man,

944
00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:35,480
Speaker 4: when my wife is up, I'm up.

945
00:50:36,360 --> 00:50:38,000
Speaker 2: So she's not the only one getting two and a

946
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:39,879
Speaker 2: half hours of sleep. I'm getting two and a half

947
00:50:39,920 --> 00:50:40,560
Speaker 2: hours of sleep.

948
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:44,640
Speaker 4: And if she's emotional and she's spazing because she's emotional,

949
00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:48,879
Speaker 4: I'm emotional too. But what happens is we never talk

950
00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:53,120
Speaker 4: about that. So and here's the truth. She got she

951
00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:58,520
Speaker 4: got engaged. All the women said, my god, you gotta engage.

952
00:50:58,680 --> 00:51:00,520
Speaker 4: They whisked her off and took her and did all

953
00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:02,640
Speaker 4: of this stuff, and they was talking about the wedding.

954
00:51:03,360 --> 00:51:12,160
Speaker 4: I got engaged, all the men said, and I was

955
00:51:12,239 --> 00:51:17,280
Speaker 4: just standing there and they were like, so you getting married?

956
00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:17,520
Speaker 2: Huh.

957
00:51:19,560 --> 00:51:21,399
Speaker 4: I was like, yeah, man, I love her. Man, she's

958
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:28,120
Speaker 4: my best friend. And they said, that's nice. How much

959
00:51:28,200 --> 00:51:29,799
Speaker 4: that set me back? Oh guy, you don't even wann

960
00:51:29,880 --> 00:51:32,600
Speaker 4: know how much that sent me back. But the truth is,

961
00:51:33,440 --> 00:51:36,640
Speaker 4: the men never prepared me. And I feel like if

962
00:51:36,640 --> 00:51:39,040
Speaker 4: they would have prepared me, I would have been more

963
00:51:39,080 --> 00:51:41,960
Speaker 4: inclined to do the research as well and be prepared

964
00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:44,960
Speaker 4: to be a partner that was supporting my wife and

965
00:51:45,040 --> 00:51:47,520
Speaker 4: help her get through it and help us get through it.

966
00:51:48,200 --> 00:51:49,840
Speaker 2: So the biggest thing I'll say to any.

967
00:51:49,719 --> 00:51:51,520
Speaker 4: Man out here, if your girl is getting ready to

968
00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:54,160
Speaker 4: have a baby, or any woman who your girl is

969
00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:55,960
Speaker 4: getting ready to have a baby, we have to be inclusive.

970
00:51:56,000 --> 00:51:58,840
Speaker 4: Now I'm trying to learn how to not speak and

971
00:51:59,120 --> 00:52:03,360
Speaker 4: from a heterosexual mindset. If you are dating someone and

972
00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:06,480
Speaker 4: they're about to have a baby, it is your responsibility

973
00:52:06,600 --> 00:52:09,920
Speaker 4: to make sure that you understand every aspect of that pregnancy,

974
00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:15,000
Speaker 4: pre natal, during postpartum. If you do that, you'll be

975
00:52:15,080 --> 00:52:17,200
Speaker 4: more prepared and you won't think your girl is crazy

976
00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:18,520
Speaker 4: and she won't think you're crazy.

977
00:52:18,920 --> 00:52:20,839
Speaker 2: So that's the way I try to tell as many guys.

978
00:52:21,120 --> 00:52:22,239
Speaker 2: We have friends.

979
00:52:23,520 --> 00:52:24,839
Speaker 3: That has like a whole support group.

980
00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:29,200
Speaker 4: Now I have a support group. Yes first time parents

981
00:52:29,280 --> 00:52:31,120
Speaker 4: with my friends. Say you know I'm having a baby,

982
00:52:31,239 --> 00:52:36,040
Speaker 4: I don't go, I go, let's go to dinner. I

983
00:52:36,160 --> 00:52:39,319
Speaker 4: drop a little something in their bank account because it's

984
00:52:39,320 --> 00:52:42,480
Speaker 4: all about building generational wealth first and foremost so that

985
00:52:42,600 --> 00:52:46,520
Speaker 4: he can feel more comfortable. But then I also tell

986
00:52:46,600 --> 00:52:48,840
Speaker 4: him everything your wife is about to go through or

987
00:52:48,840 --> 00:52:50,320
Speaker 4: your girlfriend is about to go through, is going to

988
00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:52,120
Speaker 4: make her a different person than the person you know.

989
00:52:52,640 --> 00:52:55,080
Speaker 4: It is not your girl, It is every girl who

990
00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:57,600
Speaker 4: is dealing with having a baby. So give your girl

991
00:52:57,680 --> 00:53:00,200
Speaker 4: grace and be prepared for the roller coaster. And it

992
00:53:00,239 --> 00:53:03,279
Speaker 4: doesn't end when that baby comes. Give yourself a year

993
00:53:04,120 --> 00:53:06,400
Speaker 4: after that baby comes and you'll get your girl or

994
00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:09,040
Speaker 4: your wife back. And for the most part, our friends

995
00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:12,480
Speaker 4: have been prepared. So there now you know what. It

996
00:53:12,520 --> 00:53:14,239
Speaker 4: ain't my girl. And they work with each other. And

997
00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:17,320
Speaker 4: then Kay also talks with the wives and be like, yo, listen,

998
00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:20,239
Speaker 4: you asking your man to do all of these things.

999
00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:22,680
Speaker 4: You running him, ride, get take care of your man.

1000
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:27,000
Speaker 4: Kay does that too, So it's not one sided because

1001
00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:29,040
Speaker 4: a lot of times the it's always one sided. The

1002
00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:31,359
Speaker 4: men are always supposed to understand and the women get

1003
00:53:31,400 --> 00:53:35,200
Speaker 4: to walk around and be crazy. No, Ky be telling

1004
00:53:35,280 --> 00:53:37,719
Speaker 4: them women too, like you have a responsibility even in

1005
00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:40,200
Speaker 4: his time, to take care of your man because he's

1006
00:53:40,239 --> 00:53:41,520
Speaker 4: the one that's going to take care of you. So

1007
00:53:41,640 --> 00:53:44,560
Speaker 4: that's the ministry we share to people. Hopefully that helps

1008
00:53:44,600 --> 00:53:49,279
Speaker 4: you in that journey. We got one over here, Oh

1009
00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:49,959
Speaker 4: we got a brother.

1010
00:53:50,840 --> 00:53:55,279
Speaker 10: What's going on. My question is specifically for Darvell. I mean,

1011
00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:58,160
Speaker 10: excuse me, yes, sir, get my name right.

1012
00:53:58,920 --> 00:53:59,960
Speaker 2: My mother can do on his own.

1013
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:00,680
Speaker 4: What is my mother?

1014
00:54:00,800 --> 00:54:01,319
Speaker 2: Fucked you up?

1015
00:54:02,760 --> 00:54:04,640
Speaker 10: I'm here with my wife right now. We've been together

1016
00:54:04,719 --> 00:54:06,680
Speaker 10: thirteen years, since we was nineteen thirty two.

1017
00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:09,560
Speaker 2: Now shout out to y'all. Yes as well.

1018
00:54:10,800 --> 00:54:13,040
Speaker 10: My question is I'm a former athlete as well. I

1019
00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:15,239
Speaker 10: actually used to play for the La Rams back in

1020
00:54:15,280 --> 00:54:18,880
Speaker 10: twenty fifteen. I was undrafted. I used to play wide receiver.

1021
00:54:19,120 --> 00:54:24,480
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, okay. I seen you see that release? You

1022
00:54:24,520 --> 00:54:28,520
Speaker 2: see that release forty okay. I just want to My

1023
00:54:28,640 --> 00:54:33,879
Speaker 2: question is about like, as an athlete, stop laughing, as

1024
00:54:33,920 --> 00:54:34,880
Speaker 2: an athlete.

1025
00:54:34,560 --> 00:54:38,000
Speaker 10: As an athlete, like the transition to go from you know,

1026
00:54:38,080 --> 00:54:40,000
Speaker 10: an athlete to like, you know what you're doing now

1027
00:54:40,040 --> 00:54:41,920
Speaker 10: with the acting. It's kind of like an elephant in

1028
00:54:41,960 --> 00:54:44,040
Speaker 10: the room for a lot of guys. Guys go back

1029
00:54:44,040 --> 00:54:46,279
Speaker 10: to the hood trying to figure out whatever. Absolutely, like

1030
00:54:46,360 --> 00:54:48,319
Speaker 10: what was the mentality for you to go from where

1031
00:54:48,360 --> 00:54:49,600
Speaker 10: you was at then to now?

1032
00:54:50,280 --> 00:54:53,520
Speaker 4: So that's a great question, and I'm glad you asked

1033
00:54:53,600 --> 00:54:54,880
Speaker 4: us in front of your girlfriend.

1034
00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:57,560
Speaker 2: Orr Is she your wife now? Your wife? Yes?

1035
00:54:57,600 --> 00:55:00,680
Speaker 4: I got that title matters. It's because a lot of

1036
00:55:00,719 --> 00:55:03,799
Speaker 4: people don't understand what an athlete go through. No one

1037
00:55:03,920 --> 00:55:08,480
Speaker 4: experiences it like his woman. When an athlete is hurt,

1038
00:55:09,160 --> 00:55:11,040
Speaker 4: when an athlete is dealing with a fucked up coach,

1039
00:55:11,120 --> 00:55:13,120
Speaker 4: when an athlete is dealing with the media, the person

1040
00:55:13,239 --> 00:55:15,400
Speaker 4: that they complain to the most is this woman right here.

1041
00:55:16,200 --> 00:55:17,920
Speaker 4: That's why when you watch some of these wives go

1042
00:55:18,040 --> 00:55:22,000
Speaker 4: on Twitter rants and y'all be like, why, why don't

1043
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:24,600
Speaker 4: she mind her business? And it is her business because

1044
00:55:24,640 --> 00:55:26,040
Speaker 4: when her man walks in the house and is not

1045
00:55:26,080 --> 00:55:27,560
Speaker 4: in a good mood, she's the one that has to

1046
00:55:27,640 --> 00:55:30,080
Speaker 4: deal with it. But this is the biggest thing, and

1047
00:55:30,160 --> 00:55:32,239
Speaker 4: I think this is this important for anyone, even if

1048
00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:36,440
Speaker 4: you have children who are looking to be athletes. If

1049
00:55:36,440 --> 00:55:38,840
Speaker 4: you're an athlete that is considered to be a prodigy

1050
00:55:39,239 --> 00:55:41,040
Speaker 4: or an athlete that can play at the highest level,

1051
00:55:41,080 --> 00:55:44,080
Speaker 4: it doesn't matter if the highest level is the NFL, NBA,

1052
00:55:44,280 --> 00:55:47,759
Speaker 4: or college. There comes a point where other people recognize

1053
00:55:48,080 --> 00:55:51,160
Speaker 4: that you are the one, and from that moment they

1054
00:55:51,239 --> 00:55:52,840
Speaker 4: pretty much plan your life.

1055
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:56,400
Speaker 2: Go to high school, take these classes, go to college,

1056
00:55:56,480 --> 00:55:57,240
Speaker 2: take these classes.

1057
00:55:57,320 --> 00:55:58,840
Speaker 4: You're going to be in the NFL or the NBA,

1058
00:55:59,239 --> 00:56:04,040
Speaker 4: and when it does happen, all those people disappear, and

1059
00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:08,520
Speaker 4: then you're left with the real world. Yes, and what

1060
00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:11,719
Speaker 4: happens at this point is all the people who looked

1061
00:56:11,800 --> 00:56:13,279
Speaker 4: up to you and said you were the light, you

1062
00:56:13,360 --> 00:56:14,680
Speaker 4: were gonna be the one to do this, You were

1063
00:56:14,719 --> 00:56:17,320
Speaker 4: going to be the one. Those same people who cherished

1064
00:56:17,360 --> 00:56:19,840
Speaker 4: you and honored you are the same people who scrutinize

1065
00:56:19,840 --> 00:56:21,400
Speaker 4: you because they be like, how come he didn't make it?

1066
00:56:22,600 --> 00:56:24,719
Speaker 4: And then you have to deal with that, And if

1067
00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:27,480
Speaker 4: you're anything like me, you don't know how to deal

1068
00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:29,719
Speaker 4: with it because all you know how to do is win.

1069
00:56:30,640 --> 00:56:33,080
Speaker 4: And the hardest part about that is when you have

1070
00:56:33,200 --> 00:56:36,600
Speaker 4: to find someone to blame, and when there's no one

1071
00:56:36,680 --> 00:56:39,520
Speaker 4: to blame except for the woman that's been there for

1072
00:56:39,560 --> 00:56:42,640
Speaker 4: you the whole time. It can be a difficult transition

1073
00:56:42,800 --> 00:56:46,000
Speaker 4: for any athlete. Now here's the crazy part. I have

1074
00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:48,399
Speaker 4: a ton of friends who are Division one athletes as women.

1075
00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:51,640
Speaker 4: They go through the same thing, So it's not a

1076
00:56:51,760 --> 00:56:55,400
Speaker 4: gender thing. It's just the idea of being everyone savior

1077
00:56:55,800 --> 00:56:57,880
Speaker 4: and being the person that's gonna take everyone out of

1078
00:56:57,920 --> 00:57:01,160
Speaker 4: their situation, and then you fall short when the truth

1079
00:57:01,200 --> 00:57:04,560
Speaker 4: of the matter is only one percent of people become

1080
00:57:04,680 --> 00:57:08,480
Speaker 4: Division one athletes, and then one percent of the one percent,

1081
00:57:08,600 --> 00:57:10,840
Speaker 4: So now we're talking about one thousandth of a percent

1082
00:57:11,360 --> 00:57:13,680
Speaker 4: make it to be a professional athlete to make enough

1083
00:57:13,800 --> 00:57:15,600
Speaker 4: money to support everyone around them.

1084
00:57:16,680 --> 00:57:19,920
Speaker 2: So what I would say to you is, if you ever.

1085
00:57:19,920 --> 00:57:23,320
Speaker 4: Feeling alone, if you have a feeling down, if you

1086
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:26,080
Speaker 4: have a feeling disappointed, if you have a feeling like a.

1087
00:57:26,120 --> 00:57:27,880
Speaker 2: Failure, you are not alone.

1088
00:57:27,960 --> 00:57:32,600
Speaker 4: My brother, all athletes, regardless of whether they made the NFL.

1089
00:57:32,680 --> 00:57:34,600
Speaker 4: Because Kate can talk about this as well. I have

1090
00:57:34,680 --> 00:57:37,960
Speaker 4: friends who played fifteen years in the league, won Super Bowls,

1091
00:57:38,280 --> 00:57:41,320
Speaker 4: have seventy million dollars in a bank, and are dealing

1092
00:57:41,400 --> 00:57:44,760
Speaker 4: with depression because their identity has been stripped away because

1093
00:57:44,760 --> 00:57:48,520
Speaker 4: they are no longer devow Ellis from the Detroit Lions.

1094
00:57:49,360 --> 00:57:53,680
Speaker 4: Now they are that used to be devou Ellis. So

1095
00:57:53,840 --> 00:57:57,000
Speaker 4: what I say is, speak to your wife, let her

1096
00:57:57,120 --> 00:57:59,360
Speaker 4: know how you feel, tell her what you're going through,

1097
00:57:59,440 --> 00:58:02,960
Speaker 4: and include her in the process. I always include a

1098
00:58:03,040 --> 00:58:05,320
Speaker 4: k This is what I want to do. I want

1099
00:58:05,320 --> 00:58:07,720
Speaker 4: to I want to get into TV. I want to retire.

1100
00:58:07,840 --> 00:58:10,280
Speaker 4: Now I understand that we don't have money. And if

1101
00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:12,000
Speaker 4: you read the book, you'll hear this part of the story.

1102
00:58:12,360 --> 00:58:14,240
Speaker 4: I understand that we don't have the money we had

1103
00:58:14,280 --> 00:58:16,280
Speaker 4: when I was playing ball, But if you give me time,

1104
00:58:16,400 --> 00:58:19,240
Speaker 4: I promise you I will get us back to where

1105
00:58:19,320 --> 00:58:19,600
Speaker 4: we were.

1106
00:58:19,880 --> 00:58:22,640
Speaker 2: And this woman right here always said to me.

1107
00:58:23,520 --> 00:58:25,880
Speaker 1: I know she I was.

1108
00:58:26,520 --> 00:58:29,480
Speaker 4: Even now we are living in abundance, we doing a

1109
00:58:29,520 --> 00:58:31,440
Speaker 4: great job, and I'll be like, baby, I think we

1110
00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:33,400
Speaker 4: can make thirty million dollars next year, and we can

1111
00:58:33,440 --> 00:58:34,160
Speaker 4: do this, and we can do that.

1112
00:58:34,240 --> 00:58:37,880
Speaker 2: And all she says is, I know how we gonna

1113
00:58:37,920 --> 00:58:38,120
Speaker 2: do it.

1114
00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:42,600
Speaker 4: When it becomes a team and you don't feel alone anymore,

1115
00:58:43,280 --> 00:58:45,120
Speaker 4: it's easier to go out there in the world. And

1116
00:58:45,240 --> 00:58:47,600
Speaker 4: this is for anybody who's not an athlete. This just

1117
00:58:47,680 --> 00:58:50,800
Speaker 4: for anybody who has a dream. When you go out

1118
00:58:50,840 --> 00:58:52,760
Speaker 4: in the world and you know that, regardless of whether

1119
00:58:52,800 --> 00:58:55,160
Speaker 4: you fail or succeed, that person is gonna be there

1120
00:58:55,240 --> 00:58:58,160
Speaker 4: or rub your back when you get home, it's easier

1121
00:58:58,200 --> 00:59:00,120
Speaker 4: to take that chance and tell the world, fuck you.

1122
00:59:00,200 --> 00:59:02,160
Speaker 4: If you don't like me, you're gonna like me when

1123
00:59:02,200 --> 00:59:04,680
Speaker 4: I figure it out. But you know who does like me,

1124
00:59:05,120 --> 00:59:08,680
Speaker 4: my partner, And that to me is what marriage, why

1125
00:59:08,800 --> 00:59:11,440
Speaker 4: marriage is so important I've been able to take so

1126
00:59:11,680 --> 00:59:15,400
Speaker 4: many chances, and it takes so many gambles because regardless

1127
00:59:15,800 --> 00:59:18,840
Speaker 4: of what anyone else says, I got this beautiful woman

1128
00:59:19,040 --> 00:59:21,960
Speaker 4: right here, who and.

1129
00:59:24,120 --> 00:59:26,360
Speaker 2: This is not just hyperbole.

1130
00:59:27,600 --> 00:59:29,960
Speaker 4: When I was rich and in the NFL and everybody

1131
00:59:30,080 --> 00:59:31,760
Speaker 4: was loving me, she was right there when I got

1132
00:59:31,840 --> 00:59:35,000
Speaker 4: cut and nobody give a fuck and we had to

1133
00:59:35,080 --> 00:59:37,840
Speaker 4: move back to Brooklyn in my grandparents' apartment that had

1134
00:59:37,960 --> 00:59:38,600
Speaker 4: roaches and.

1135
00:59:38,760 --> 00:59:40,240
Speaker 2: Mice and was not done.

1136
00:59:40,640 --> 00:59:43,920
Speaker 4: This same woman that was kept in our home in

1137
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:47,480
Speaker 4: Detroit was right there, like, all right, show what we're doing.

1138
00:59:47,920 --> 00:59:52,960
Speaker 1: When we got back to Brooklyn, right wedding, dival decide

1139
00:59:52,960 --> 00:59:55,840
Speaker 1: if he wanted to retire. He even had a chance

1140
00:59:55,880 --> 00:59:57,720
Speaker 1: to play in Canada, and I was like, I will

1141
00:59:57,800 --> 01:00:02,680
Speaker 1: learn the Canadian national anthem. I moved to Canada if

1142
01:00:02,760 --> 01:00:05,280
Speaker 1: that means you're gonna play another couple of years, right,

1143
01:00:05,800 --> 01:00:08,320
Speaker 1: Because for me, it was more so about seeing him

1144
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:11,720
Speaker 1: fulfill his dream to the max. Though I knew early

1145
01:00:11,840 --> 01:00:14,680
Speaker 1: on that a career in the NFL or the the

1146
01:00:14,760 --> 01:00:18,240
Speaker 1: CFL CFL was not necessarily his ultimate dream. I felt

1147
01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:19,520
Speaker 1: like he was in a moment where he had to

1148
01:00:19,600 --> 01:00:22,720
Speaker 1: prove himself right. He was always the underdog. He was

1149
01:00:22,760 --> 01:00:25,440
Speaker 1: the undrafted free agent. He had to fight and scratch

1150
01:00:25,520 --> 01:00:27,720
Speaker 1: his way against first round draft picks just to even

1151
01:00:27,800 --> 01:00:30,600
Speaker 1: make the team. So in that moment, I felt like, Zval,

1152
01:00:30,720 --> 01:00:32,480
Speaker 1: you have to at least make your mark in the

1153
01:00:32,600 --> 01:00:34,600
Speaker 1: NFL to a point where you're satisfied and you can

1154
01:00:34,640 --> 01:00:36,960
Speaker 1: move forward to the next thing. He didn't have it

1155
01:00:37,040 --> 01:00:39,560
Speaker 1: in him, So I said, all right, we moved back

1156
01:00:39,600 --> 01:00:45,240
Speaker 1: to the apartment. We need health insurance. Came back from

1157
01:00:45,240 --> 01:00:49,440
Speaker 1: our honeymoon pregnant with Jackson. He has no job technically,

1158
01:00:49,520 --> 01:00:51,360
Speaker 1: he wants to start a business. He wants to start

1159
01:00:51,400 --> 01:00:55,320
Speaker 1: this training program for athletes in Brooklyn. I'm like, all right, cool,

1160
01:00:55,480 --> 01:00:57,760
Speaker 1: we still need health insurance because I'm pregnant. We can't

1161
01:00:57,800 --> 01:01:00,040
Speaker 1: just be winging it. So he was like, yo, what

1162
01:01:00,120 --> 01:01:00,760
Speaker 1: do you think we should do?

1163
01:01:00,800 --> 01:01:01,280
Speaker 2: I said, you know what.

1164
01:01:01,840 --> 01:01:05,080
Speaker 1: I took my ring off my finger, put it in

1165
01:01:05,120 --> 01:01:09,320
Speaker 1: a jewelry box, put makeup on, beat my face, put

1166
01:01:09,360 --> 01:01:11,840
Speaker 1: on all black. Was a makeup artist at the time,

1167
01:01:12,040 --> 01:01:13,680
Speaker 1: kind of doing a little thing here and there. So

1168
01:01:13,800 --> 01:01:16,600
Speaker 1: I went on the B forty four bus. Anybody from

1169
01:01:16,640 --> 01:01:18,440
Speaker 1: Brooklyn Nose that's the bus that go down to No

1170
01:01:18,560 --> 01:01:22,000
Speaker 1: stren avenue, got on the bus and went to the

1171
01:01:22,080 --> 01:01:25,320
Speaker 1: mall and said I'm looking for a job and was

1172
01:01:25,360 --> 01:01:27,480
Speaker 1: at the counter working as a part time artist for

1173
01:01:27,520 --> 01:01:30,880
Speaker 1: a little bit, then finally went to assistant manager, became

1174
01:01:30,920 --> 01:01:32,840
Speaker 1: a manager, and at least I felt like, Okay, I

1175
01:01:32,920 --> 01:01:34,840
Speaker 1: can do my part to hold things down so we

1176
01:01:34,880 --> 01:01:38,760
Speaker 1: could be comfortable with some income with health insurance while

1177
01:01:38,800 --> 01:01:41,600
Speaker 1: he figured things out. So there was never a power

1178
01:01:41,640 --> 01:01:44,600
Speaker 1: struggle here with us, and it was never about egos.

1179
01:01:44,640 --> 01:01:49,280
Speaker 1: Ever better equipped in that moment to hold shit down,

1180
01:01:49,440 --> 01:01:51,360
Speaker 1: is going to hold it down, And that's how we've

1181
01:01:51,400 --> 01:01:51,880
Speaker 1: always been.

1182
01:01:58,200 --> 01:02:00,160
Speaker 4: A'm not gonna lie of shit is always touching to

1183
01:02:00,280 --> 01:02:04,120
Speaker 4: me because I'm a very like hyper I don't know

1184
01:02:04,240 --> 01:02:07,040
Speaker 4: y'all follow me. I'm a very hyper masculine man. I

1185
01:02:07,240 --> 01:02:09,520
Speaker 4: like to feel like I got everything under control all

1186
01:02:09,560 --> 01:02:13,320
Speaker 4: the time, like most men in here do. But it's

1187
01:02:13,400 --> 01:02:17,320
Speaker 4: hard to be a man. And you a professional athlete

1188
01:02:17,360 --> 01:02:19,840
Speaker 4: and your wife is kept and she's in the house

1189
01:02:20,000 --> 01:02:22,640
Speaker 4: and now she gets on the B forty four to

1190
01:02:22,720 --> 01:02:24,120
Speaker 4: go to King's Plaza to work.

1191
01:02:25,120 --> 01:02:26,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, how hard that was.

1192
01:02:27,520 --> 01:02:29,080
Speaker 4: And it had nothing to do with her, but had

1193
01:02:29,120 --> 01:02:32,400
Speaker 4: everything to do with how I felt about myself and

1194
01:02:32,520 --> 01:02:36,840
Speaker 4: it was hard, but to look over like every day

1195
01:02:37,080 --> 01:02:37,920
Speaker 4: and look at where.

1196
01:02:37,760 --> 01:02:41,720
Speaker 2: We are now and be like this woman believed in.

1197
01:02:43,880 --> 01:02:45,840
Speaker 4: I don't want to say my dream because it was

1198
01:02:45,880 --> 01:02:48,840
Speaker 4: always our dream, but she believed the love in me

1199
01:02:49,600 --> 01:02:52,919
Speaker 4: to say I'm a rock through this and I'm gonna

1200
01:02:52,960 --> 01:02:55,160
Speaker 4: do this to make sure that we get there. That

1201
01:02:55,360 --> 01:02:59,320
Speaker 4: to me is the most powerful part of love. Like

1202
01:03:02,920 --> 01:03:04,720
Speaker 4: two things you can't tell me. You can't tell me

1203
01:03:04,800 --> 01:03:07,560
Speaker 4: God don't exist, and you can't tell me love ain't real.

1204
01:03:08,960 --> 01:03:09,680
Speaker 2: You can't.

1205
01:03:11,080 --> 01:03:15,200
Speaker 4: Like I've been in them dark places, brother, where you've

1206
01:03:15,240 --> 01:03:17,880
Speaker 4: been before sometimes making that transition and you like, I

1207
01:03:17,920 --> 01:03:19,840
Speaker 4: don't know how I'm gonna get through.

1208
01:03:19,840 --> 01:03:21,040
Speaker 2: I've been in them dark places.

1209
01:03:21,240 --> 01:03:23,560
Speaker 4: There was times where should sit in the bathroom and

1210
01:03:23,640 --> 01:03:25,400
Speaker 4: I would put the shower on and I would just

1211
01:03:25,440 --> 01:03:27,600
Speaker 4: sit on the toilet fully closed, and I would be

1212
01:03:27,680 --> 01:03:31,080
Speaker 4: crying on everything, and she'd be like, hey, baby, you

1213
01:03:31,120 --> 01:03:33,160
Speaker 4: all right, and this would I'd be crying. I'd be like, yeah,

1214
01:03:33,160 --> 01:03:35,520
Speaker 4: I'm good, I'm good. Yeah, and I'd be crying because

1215
01:03:35,520 --> 01:03:37,640
Speaker 4: I don't want her to see me weak. But bro,

1216
01:03:37,920 --> 01:03:41,440
Speaker 4: you not by yourself. You got athletes in front. Me

1217
01:03:41,520 --> 01:03:43,960
Speaker 4: and Brian have talked about this. Me and Cheetah have

1218
01:03:44,040 --> 01:03:45,880
Speaker 4: talked about this. Me and Chase have talked about this,

1219
01:03:46,280 --> 01:03:49,160
Speaker 4: Me and Native talk about this, AKA Cam. But we've

1220
01:03:49,280 --> 01:03:53,240
Speaker 4: all talked about that same transition, that same exact transition.

1221
01:03:53,400 --> 01:03:57,600
Speaker 4: Josh played basketball, same transition. Don't feel like you by

1222
01:03:57,680 --> 01:04:01,680
Speaker 4: yourself and whatever you do, don't give up and don't

1223
01:04:02,280 --> 01:04:06,720
Speaker 4: not include your girl. You have to, bro, don't don't

1224
01:04:06,760 --> 01:04:09,480
Speaker 4: do it by yourself. Talk to her and let her

1225
01:04:09,600 --> 01:04:11,840
Speaker 4: know what you're going through. That's gonna be the power

1226
01:04:11,920 --> 01:04:12,880
Speaker 4: that you have to go through.

1227
01:04:13,800 --> 01:04:15,840
Speaker 2: I have to she's already right here. I got one

1228
01:04:15,880 --> 01:04:17,920
Speaker 2: more question to We have time for one more?

1229
01:04:18,080 --> 01:04:20,240
Speaker 3: Yes, don't want to hold your hostage too long?

1230
01:04:20,440 --> 01:04:22,680
Speaker 2: Hi, Hi, so real quick.

1231
01:04:23,000 --> 01:04:24,400
Speaker 12: I more or less just want to give you your

1232
01:04:24,440 --> 01:04:27,760
Speaker 12: flowers because you inspiring me KK, because.

1233
01:04:27,520 --> 01:04:30,680
Speaker 2: You have four boys. I have four boys. Talk about it.

1234
01:04:32,160 --> 01:04:35,000
Speaker 2: Twenty twelve seven and one who.

1235
01:04:37,600 --> 01:04:45,720
Speaker 3: You started over, We are not doing that, So shout

1236
01:04:45,760 --> 01:04:47,080
Speaker 3: out to the thousands. The second to me.

1237
01:04:47,920 --> 01:04:50,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, I got to snip twenty and one. I'd be

1238
01:04:50,640 --> 01:04:52,560
Speaker 4: giving that one year old to that twenty old, like, hey,

1239
01:04:54,160 --> 01:04:55,400
Speaker 4: you better take care of your brother.

1240
01:04:55,520 --> 01:04:55,640
Speaker 1: Now.

1241
01:04:56,400 --> 01:04:58,600
Speaker 2: That's where he is right now, It's I could be

1242
01:04:58,720 --> 01:04:59,760
Speaker 2: here with his brother.

1243
01:05:00,560 --> 01:05:02,920
Speaker 12: But I just wanted to say that, you know more

1244
01:05:02,960 --> 01:05:06,120
Speaker 12: orlans just watching you with the Dakota because they're around

1245
01:05:06,160 --> 01:05:09,280
Speaker 12: the same age. And then how you went through the

1246
01:05:10,080 --> 01:05:12,440
Speaker 12: ice bath that he put you through, and I like

1247
01:05:12,560 --> 01:05:15,680
Speaker 12: watch that. It was just it was inspiring though. This

1248
01:05:15,880 --> 01:05:18,320
Speaker 12: the relationship that you guys have, and then the love

1249
01:05:18,480 --> 01:05:21,160
Speaker 12: that you have for your sons. It was just like

1250
01:05:21,600 --> 01:05:24,680
Speaker 12: when you had the first one, when you had him

1251
01:05:24,720 --> 01:05:26,600
Speaker 12: there with the ball, playing the ball and telling him

1252
01:05:26,640 --> 01:05:28,280
Speaker 12: not to give up no matter how tired he was.

1253
01:05:28,320 --> 01:05:30,240
Speaker 12: I just want you to to know, you guys mean

1254
01:05:30,280 --> 01:05:32,560
Speaker 12: a lot to a lot of us. And I'm looking

1255
01:05:32,680 --> 01:05:34,320
Speaker 12: up to you guys, and I'm having my boys look

1256
01:05:34,400 --> 01:05:36,439
Speaker 12: up to you too. So thank you for just being y'all,

1257
01:05:36,480 --> 01:05:37,960
Speaker 12: and thank you for being here for us today.

1258
01:05:38,440 --> 01:05:43,760
Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you for that.

1259
01:05:49,800 --> 01:05:52,480
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Thank you so much.

1260
01:05:54,720 --> 01:05:55,120
Speaker 4: I am.

1261
01:05:56,680 --> 01:05:58,840
Speaker 2: Y'all about to make cre y'all about to make Kate cry.

1262
01:06:01,400 --> 01:06:06,720
Speaker 3: Right, it's not only cancers that cry too. Shout out

1263
01:06:06,720 --> 01:06:09,480
Speaker 3: to my sister down front. Cry she seen me cry?

1264
01:06:09,560 --> 01:06:13,640
Speaker 3: She start crying. Shout my sister down front. No, honestly, y'all,

1265
01:06:13,760 --> 01:06:14,600
Speaker 3: you have no idea.

1266
01:06:15,120 --> 01:06:18,160
Speaker 1: There's so many nights when I look over at develop

1267
01:06:18,160 --> 01:06:19,800
Speaker 1: I'm just like, y'all, don't want to do this anymore.

1268
01:06:20,560 --> 01:06:24,040
Speaker 1: Like I just want to be all social media, delete

1269
01:06:24,080 --> 01:06:27,680
Speaker 1: all the apps, shut down YouTube, and just be with

1270
01:06:27,840 --> 01:06:29,600
Speaker 1: my kids and my husband, and I just don't want

1271
01:06:29,640 --> 01:06:35,280
Speaker 1: to do it. And then I have moments like this

1272
01:06:36,360 --> 01:06:39,640
Speaker 1: in front of y'all. I'll meet the random love you back.

1273
01:06:39,680 --> 01:06:42,240
Speaker 1: I'll see the random you know girl in the target

1274
01:06:42,320 --> 01:06:44,280
Speaker 1: that's just like Kadeen, Like you have no idea how

1275
01:06:44,360 --> 01:06:47,040
Speaker 1: much you inspire me with just getting back after kids,

1276
01:06:47,200 --> 01:06:49,760
Speaker 1: or you saved my marriage, like you know how many

1277
01:06:49,800 --> 01:06:52,600
Speaker 1: people have said I can finally get my husband to

1278
01:06:52,640 --> 01:06:54,520
Speaker 1: talk to me, I can finally get my partner to

1279
01:06:54,600 --> 01:06:57,040
Speaker 1: speak to me and say how they feel. So it's

1280
01:06:57,120 --> 01:06:59,960
Speaker 1: moments like that for me that just that the valid

1281
01:07:00,120 --> 01:07:02,960
Speaker 1: It's why we're doing this. And for so long I've

1282
01:07:03,000 --> 01:07:08,320
Speaker 1: been in search of what my purpose is, right, And

1283
01:07:08,400 --> 01:07:10,040
Speaker 1: I was asked this a couple of years ago. I

1284
01:07:10,080 --> 01:07:11,720
Speaker 1: want to say it was during the pandemic. I was

1285
01:07:11,840 --> 01:07:13,760
Speaker 1: doing some sort of interview and they said, you know, Giddie,

1286
01:07:13,760 --> 01:07:17,600
Speaker 1: what's your purpose? And I was stumped because I'm like,

1287
01:07:18,560 --> 01:07:21,400
Speaker 1: I'm expecting at this age I should have this like

1288
01:07:22,480 --> 01:07:26,000
Speaker 1: eloquent statement of what my purpose is in life, and

1289
01:07:27,040 --> 01:07:28,760
Speaker 1: I didn't have anything to say. I was stumped for

1290
01:07:28,800 --> 01:07:31,600
Speaker 1: the first time, and I had to sit back for

1291
01:07:31,680 --> 01:07:33,880
Speaker 1: a while, and it took me to realize, like, I'm

1292
01:07:34,440 --> 01:07:35,920
Speaker 1: walking in my purpose.

1293
01:07:35,800 --> 01:07:38,840
Speaker 2: Yes, and I'm doing what supposed to do, and this

1294
01:07:39,040 --> 01:07:39,439
Speaker 2: is our.

1295
01:07:39,440 --> 01:07:42,720
Speaker 1: Ministry and my walk is not gonna look like everybody

1296
01:07:42,760 --> 01:07:45,280
Speaker 1: else's walk. But the fact that we can sit here

1297
01:07:45,360 --> 01:07:47,400
Speaker 1: and you guys are even interested to come and spend

1298
01:07:47,440 --> 01:07:49,440
Speaker 1: your evening with us on a rainy ass cold day

1299
01:07:49,480 --> 01:07:52,280
Speaker 1: in LA I thought for sure it was gonna be empty.

1300
01:07:52,320 --> 01:07:54,200
Speaker 1: I'm like, people are not gonna come because of the weather.

1301
01:07:54,920 --> 01:07:57,880
Speaker 1: But I thank y'all and it's moments like this that

1302
01:07:58,000 --> 01:08:00,920
Speaker 1: gives me the fuel to keep going because I never,

1303
01:08:01,080 --> 01:08:03,280
Speaker 1: in my wildest dreams could have imagined anything like this.

1304
01:08:04,480 --> 01:08:08,800
Speaker 3: So I love y'all so so much, and I'm so thankful,

1305
01:08:08,880 --> 01:08:10,000
Speaker 3: and I'm so grateful.

1306
01:08:10,560 --> 01:08:12,600
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful to my husband who even had the

1307
01:08:12,720 --> 01:08:15,680
Speaker 1: vision of what the Ellises would be. I could have

1308
01:08:15,800 --> 01:08:17,920
Speaker 1: never imagined any of this, So I love you.

1309
01:08:18,560 --> 01:08:19,280
Speaker 3: I love y'all.

1310
01:08:19,960 --> 01:08:23,120
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for that. I appreciate you and

1311
01:08:23,240 --> 01:08:25,639
Speaker 1: that gives me fuel to keep going a little bit longer.

1312
01:08:25,880 --> 01:08:26,640
Speaker 3: So thank you for that.

1313
01:08:27,560 --> 01:08:31,120
Speaker 2: So I have nothing to say after that because that

1314
01:08:31,360 --> 01:08:36,080
Speaker 2: was perfect. My wife is a fucking bomb, bro.

1315
01:08:36,560 --> 01:08:37,679
Speaker 3: It needs to make the book a movie.

1316
01:08:37,840 --> 01:08:41,280
Speaker 4: Yes, my wife is a bomb. But this is the

1317
01:08:41,320 --> 01:08:44,160
Speaker 4: part of the show where I want everyone to stand. Okay,

1318
01:08:47,120 --> 01:08:48,799
Speaker 4: I want to share he's cracking.

1319
01:08:48,840 --> 01:08:52,639
Speaker 3: That was my niece, that was that was my He's

1320
01:08:52,680 --> 01:08:53,120
Speaker 3: so good.

1321
01:08:54,800 --> 01:08:58,880
Speaker 2: I want to share with all of you something that

1322
01:08:58,960 --> 01:08:59,640
Speaker 2: Kadeen and I do.

1323
01:09:01,560 --> 01:09:06,560
Speaker 4: Last summer, Cam said to me, Cam plays Nate the

1324
01:09:06,680 --> 01:09:10,040
Speaker 4: value the greatest manifesto I've ever met in my life.

1325
01:09:11,360 --> 01:09:13,720
Speaker 2: He said, everything that you say you're gonna do come

1326
01:09:13,800 --> 01:09:14,280
Speaker 2: to fruition.

1327
01:09:14,720 --> 01:09:17,360
Speaker 4: I told them while we were filling season one of

1328
01:09:17,439 --> 01:09:19,760
Speaker 4: Zatima that everybody's gonna love it.

1329
01:09:19,800 --> 01:09:22,280
Speaker 2: We're gonna get season two and it's gonna be twenty episodes.

1330
01:09:22,320 --> 01:09:23,000
Speaker 2: Did I not say that?

1331
01:09:24,520 --> 01:09:28,080
Speaker 4: Next year we get confirmation season two and season three

1332
01:09:28,240 --> 01:09:30,360
Speaker 4: is the team has already been greenlit and we about

1333
01:09:30,400 --> 01:09:31,080
Speaker 4: to start shooting.

1334
01:09:34,479 --> 01:09:37,479
Speaker 2: But that's not the part. I want everybody to close

1335
01:09:37,560 --> 01:09:37,920
Speaker 2: their eyes.

1336
01:09:40,360 --> 01:09:46,120
Speaker 4: I want you to think about your greatest dream, the

1337
01:09:46,200 --> 01:09:49,599
Speaker 4: amount of money you want to make your significant other,

1338
01:09:49,720 --> 01:09:52,360
Speaker 4: what they want to be what you want them to be.

1339
01:09:53,000 --> 01:09:55,639
Speaker 4: The biggest house your career. I want you to think

1340
01:09:55,680 --> 01:09:58,160
Speaker 4: about the biggest dreams you've ever had in your life.

1341
01:09:59,000 --> 01:10:02,519
Speaker 2: Can you see it? I need everybody to say, can

1342
01:10:02,600 --> 01:10:08,679
Speaker 2: you see it? It's there and it's yours. Open your eyes.

1343
01:10:09,720 --> 01:10:11,680
Speaker 4: The fact that you can see it mean that it's

1344
01:10:11,720 --> 01:10:15,479
Speaker 4: already happened, and now it's up to you to go

1345
01:10:15,640 --> 01:10:19,960
Speaker 4: claim it. You gotta do the work. But the fact

1346
01:10:20,000 --> 01:10:22,479
Speaker 4: that you can see it means it's already happened. And

1347
01:10:22,600 --> 01:10:24,240
Speaker 4: I know this to be a fact because I want

1348
01:10:24,280 --> 01:10:26,160
Speaker 4: you to think about this. If you take a child

1349
01:10:26,240 --> 01:10:27,840
Speaker 4: and put him in a white, padded room from the

1350
01:10:27,880 --> 01:10:30,120
Speaker 4: time he's born, is he gonna have any visions in

1351
01:10:30,200 --> 01:10:32,800
Speaker 4: his eyes? The only visions he's gonna have in his

1352
01:10:32,880 --> 01:10:35,160
Speaker 4: eyes is what God has showed him is there for him.

1353
01:10:36,520 --> 01:10:38,280
Speaker 4: So if you see it in your eyes right now,

1354
01:10:39,240 --> 01:10:39,960
Speaker 4: it is yours.

1355
01:10:40,479 --> 01:10:43,680
Speaker 2: Claim it. I want everybody to say, it's mine. I'm

1356
01:10:43,720 --> 01:10:49,000
Speaker 2: gonna get it, and I got it. It's mine. I'mna

1357
01:10:49,080 --> 01:10:52,760
Speaker 2: get it, and I got it and I got it.

1358
01:10:53,720 --> 01:10:54,559
Speaker 3: Yeah, you got it.

1359
01:10:59,400 --> 01:10:59,839
Speaker 2: Yourself.

1360
01:11:01,360 --> 01:11:04,400
Speaker 5: Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast network, and

1361
01:11:04,439 --> 01:11:07,560
Speaker 5: it is produced by Donor, Pinya and Triple follow the

1362
01:11:07,600 --> 01:11:10,360
Speaker 5: podcast on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and

1363
01:11:10,520 --> 01:11:11,240
Speaker 5: never miss a thing