Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Oh, Hi Chelsea, Welcome back to la.
Speaker 2: Oh Hello shallo.
Speaker 1: Chelsea. I have an update from one of our callers.
Speaker 1: This is from Emily. She called in on our Joel
Speaker 1: Kim Booster episode a while back. She was having some
Speaker 1: difficulty getting her writing done and we gave her some advice.
Speaker 1: Emily says, Hi, Catherine and Chelsea. Update about my no
Speaker 1: nonsense writing habits that I've been improving in the last
Speaker 1: few months since I talked to you guys. I actually
Speaker 1: ended up quitting my job and going back to school
Speaker 1: for graduate studies, and not surprisingly, that has really helped
Speaker 1: put me back into the writing headspace I was first
Speaker 1: in when I started the series back in my undergrad
Speaker 1: I took Chelsea's suggestion and I now dedicate the first
Speaker 1: hour or two of my day to writing. And you
Speaker 1: were right. Not only does it feel less like a chore,
Speaker 1: but the quality of what I'm putting out is a
Speaker 1: lot better. I'm no proud to report that the first
Speaker 1: three books in my series are done, and the first
Speaker 1: two we'll be ready for beta readers in the next
Speaker 1: time four to six weeks.
Speaker 2: There we go, Yes, there we go.
Speaker 1: My sister and I are trying to budget coming to
Speaker 1: see you soon, So I'm looking forward to seeing you
Speaker 1: live again. Thank you both so much. I really love
Speaker 1: the advice and continue to admire and religiously listen to
Speaker 1: the show. Emily.
Speaker 3: Ah, that's incredible, I know, love it.
Speaker 4: Well.
Speaker 1: Our guest today is already on the line, but she's
Speaker 1: been named one of Variety's ten Comics to Watch, and
Speaker 1: you can watch her first hour long special on the
Speaker 1: streamer Veeeps ve EPs and it's hysterical. So shall we
Speaker 1: let her on the line.
Speaker 2: Hi, Blair Saki Saki Sucki.
Speaker 5: Hi Chelsea, how are you?
Speaker 3: Oh cute, You're so cute. Well, we're happy to have you.
Speaker 3: Rosebud Baker texted me. She said, you have to have
Speaker 3: this girl Blair Saki on. I thought it was so chy.
Speaker 3: So it's Sucki, Suki Sucki. And she's like, you're gonna
Speaker 3: love her and she loves you, and I was like,
Speaker 3: oh my god, I love a young comedian that I'm
Speaker 3: not familiar with.
Speaker 5: Oh that's so nice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course. So it's so nice to meet you.
Speaker 5: It's so nice. I've been such a fan for so long.
Speaker 5: I was like, this is just a thrill for me.
Speaker 2: So what's your story? Tell me about yourself.
Speaker 3: I well, first I was reading that you got certified
Speaker 3: in a lot of different kind of wellness genres over COVID.
Speaker 3: So you are certified? What are you a mindfulness instructor?
Speaker 2: What are you?
Speaker 5: Hush?
Speaker 2: You know, how do you identify tell us?
Speaker 5: I guess I identify as comedian. But when we were
Speaker 5: in lockdown in LA, like just things got so weird.
Speaker 5: I just started taking on like courses compulsively. I took
Speaker 5: two levels of breath work. I did TM, I did tapping,
Speaker 5: you know, eft tapping.
Speaker 4: Uh huh.
Speaker 5: I did reiki. I'm still not sure what reki is.
Speaker 4: No one.
Speaker 3: I've also done raiky and left more confused than when
Speaker 3: I arrived.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but I just started taking courses I got really
Speaker 5: Rosebud was like, we're gonna have to tie you to
Speaker 5: the ground so you don't float away.
Speaker 3: So which what was your favorite thing that you got
Speaker 3: that you took a course in or got certified in
Speaker 3: over COVID.
Speaker 6: Uh.
Speaker 5: I guess breath work was the first one that I
Speaker 5: did that sort of started it at all, because I
Speaker 5: didn't know that breath work that you could just your
Speaker 5: body could feel like that just from breathing. It was
Speaker 5: really really bizarre.
Speaker 2: Who did you do it with?
Speaker 5: I did it with these people called Revelation breath work.
Speaker 5: They have a lot of classes. But yeah, I remember
Speaker 5: just being so shocked because we have DMT in our
Speaker 5: spinal fluid. So I don't know. I know you've done psychedelics.
Speaker 5: I've dabbled myself, and I was pretty shocked about how
Speaker 5: your body felt.
Speaker 2: You know, how did it feel?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 5: I mean it just feels like your your whole body's
Speaker 5: vibrating like you're high. It's it's bizarre. Ooh yeah, have
Speaker 5: you ever tried it?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 3: I'm not good at breathing, so I'm always a little
Speaker 3: put off. Like when I ski, I always notice I
Speaker 3: hold my breath. When I ever got I have to
Speaker 3: get like a chiropractic adjustment. They're like, you're not breathing,
Speaker 3: You're not breathing in your diaphragm. You're not And I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 3: I know, I don't.
Speaker 2: I'm not a good breather.
Speaker 3: So breath work always, like even meditation, when I have
Speaker 3: to do like four breaths in and then four hold
Speaker 3: and then inhale for four exhal for four Even that
Speaker 3: for me is challenging, So I probably need breath work
Speaker 3: more than the average person.
Speaker 5: I have to say, I'm exactly the same way, and
Speaker 5: I still resist doing breath work, and every other like
Speaker 5: person is always like are you breathing? You know, and
Speaker 5: I resist it because it's almost like more laborious to
Speaker 5: me at this point than going to the gym, Like
Speaker 5: you really have to be in the mood to do
Speaker 5: it. It's so physical.
Speaker 2: Yes, it is. It is physical.
Speaker 1: Is this breath work like different than what you would
Speaker 1: do typically when you're meditating? Is it more intense? What's
Speaker 1: the experience?
Speaker 5: Like, well, meditating is just like sort of regular breathing,
Speaker 5: and then like breathwork, is this really physical breathing technique.
Speaker 3: Where you're blowing in and out right it huge inhales
Speaker 3: and huge exhales. So in meditation, like you don't, Yeah,
Speaker 3: you're just supposed to breathe regularly, unless they'll be like okay,
Speaker 3: it's because sometimes guided meditations will go through a different
Speaker 3: form of breathing exercises. I wouldn't even call it breath work,
Speaker 3: but it's almost just to calm you, you know, it
Speaker 3: calms your whatever that section of your brain is that
Speaker 3: I can't think of right now because of mine isn't
Speaker 3: on yet.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know what's sick. I feel like a lot
Speaker 5: of it is from just like this lifelong unconscious sucking
Speaker 5: in your stomach. And I'm like, I think that's why
Speaker 5: I just don't breathe that much without realizing it, or.
Speaker 3: I notice sometimes if I'm in an uncomfortable situation that
Speaker 3: I hold my breath, which is actually very funny because
Speaker 3: I obviously don't hold very much back. But I find
Speaker 3: when I'm in an awkward or uncomfortable I'm my breathing
Speaker 3: is off too. Because I've started to become a little
Speaker 3: bit more aware of my breathing and the hopes that I.
Speaker 2: Can improve upon it.
Speaker 3: Yet I'm not really willing to do any of the
Speaker 3: exercises that would help me.
Speaker 5: I know me too, honestly, I don't do it enough.
Speaker 5: I need to do it.
Speaker 2: Also, what about when did you do ayahuasca?
Speaker 5: Well? I did it most recently two months ago.
Speaker 2: And how many times have you done it?
Speaker 5: I've done it three times.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, how about you just one time? I did it? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Well I did it twice actually, but it was for
Speaker 3: a special I was shooting for Netflix. Oh yeah, and
Speaker 3: I did it there. We went to Peru and I
Speaker 3: had one night with my friends, and then I did
Speaker 3: it the next night alone. So you said three, Like
Speaker 3: how different was each experience?
Speaker 5: I've done it three weekends, so however, I guess, yeah,
Speaker 5: that's six nights. Yeah, I don't know how like I
Speaker 5: they say it fine, you but someone, I guess everyone
Speaker 5: had always say like, don't ever do it in LA
Speaker 5: with white people, you know, And I was like, Okay,
Speaker 5: I guess I'm not doing it till I make it
Speaker 5: to you know, Peru. And then someone, a friend of
Speaker 5: a friend, just like had a good experience and I
Speaker 5: went and uh, yeah, It's funny that people always are like, whoa,
Speaker 5: You're like some druggie and I'm like, oh, there's nothing
Speaker 5: recreational about it. It is like the most hard core
Speaker 5: it's work. It feels like.
Speaker 3: And did you were each of the three experiences vastly different?
Speaker 5: Yeah? Every single one was different, but all of them
Speaker 5: I was, you know, shot into a different universe.
Speaker 2: Tell me about the last one. What was it about,
Speaker 2: Like what was the thesis?
Speaker 5: I would say, well, it's gonna get really deep, and
Speaker 5: it sounds whenever you're trying to disteal it down, people
Speaker 5: are like, Okay, cucko. But what I would say is
Speaker 5: like I was like, Oh, nothing's wrong with me. That's
Speaker 5: what I learned. And it's like, it's not even like
Speaker 5: I'm thinking every day something's wrong with me. It's probably
Speaker 5: like an unconscious thing. But then I was like, Oh,
Speaker 5: there's so much love, Like that's really what I felt.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, you're having this overwhelming feeling of love and
Speaker 3: positivity for sure.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I swear like I walked out of there
Speaker 5: with a different worldview that I think I had trying
Speaker 5: was trying to grasp for a while.
Speaker 3: It's yeah, it's not even positivity, it's peacefulness that ayahuasca
Speaker 3: gives you. Yeah, you're like you have a sense of
Speaker 3: peace about the world that you didn't have before.
Speaker 2: I would say, yeah.
Speaker 5: Because there's a lot of just letting go and sort
Speaker 5: of acceptance. I think that happens because you go into
Speaker 5: these dark crevices and sort of I feel like aspirate
Speaker 5: those wounds, and then you leave and you're like, oh,
Speaker 5: I'm good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Please don't use words like aspirate on this podcast. Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm a.
Speaker 3: Medical professional and I'm the only one who can throw
Speaker 3: around that kind of vernacular.
Speaker 5: An accident forgive me.
Speaker 3: Did you have any like in the previous two sessions
Speaker 3: with ayahuasca. I'm trying to avoid saying journey because that's
Speaker 3: another word that I don't want to hear it same.
Speaker 3: Did you have any like mind bending like epiphanies?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean there was crazy things like one aliens
Speaker 5: came in my head and talked to me. One I
Speaker 5: was went in my parents' bodies and felt how they
Speaker 5: felt about me. That's cool. Yeah, And I was like, whoa,
Speaker 5: they love me so much, you know, because you sometimes
Speaker 5: you just have a disconnect with those things, and then
Speaker 5: to be able to feel someone's perspective was crazy.
Speaker 2: Did you tell them that? Did you talk to them
Speaker 2: about it?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 5: No, they do not know that I have done ayahuasca,
Speaker 5: and so hopefully no one tells them, but.
Speaker 2: You know, well they'll find out now. So that's what
Speaker 2: happens when you talk about it publicly. It gets back
Speaker 2: to the people that you are hiding it from. So
Speaker 2: congrats on that and welcome to my life.
Speaker 5: I think they're used to it, you know, with comedy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, So tell me about are you single, I'm single.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you seem single. How can you tell the
Speaker 2: hat happy? You know, buoyant? I mean people, Yeah, people don't.
Speaker 3: Single people don't get enough credit for how fun and
Speaker 3: happy they are, Like they're fun.
Speaker 5: Oh thanks, I think.
Speaker 3: I mean a lot of married people are fun too,
Speaker 3: but it's a very distinguishable quality for a single person
Speaker 3: because they're just up for more fun adventure, like that
Speaker 3: kind of vibe.
Speaker 2: I catch that from single people.
Speaker 5: Yeah, well I feel the same about you. I mean,
Speaker 5: I do hope I meet the right person, but I
Speaker 5: have just so far been like I don't need anyone.
Speaker 5: I'm like, I'm not gonna do it unless they're really
Speaker 5: like really really really good.
Speaker 3: So unless they add a whole part of your life
Speaker 3: that you don't already have an addition.
Speaker 5: Yeah, which hasn't yet been I can't say that has
Speaker 5: totally been my experience, but you know what.
Speaker 2: Hasn't been your experience a guy adding.
Speaker 5: To you to your life or yeah, which I have
Speaker 5: to take responsibility for, you know, people that I've chose.
Speaker 5: But now I'm just like, oh, I just yeah, I
Speaker 5: just want someone who's like brings peace, fun, you know.
Speaker 2: Ads, Yeah, and no drama. Yeah, I've been around a
Speaker 2: lot of drama lately and I'm pretty wiped out from it.
Speaker 5: Isn't it so hard in this business? Because like, for me,
Speaker 5: I'm always like, I want to date a regular person,
Speaker 5: And then I'm like, but when am I going to
Speaker 5: find a regular person when I'm doing comedy every night everywhere?
Speaker 3: That's why you have to get out of Hollywood. That's
Speaker 3: where you meet regular people is away.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's just like doing stand up all the time,
Speaker 5: you know.
Speaker 3: I know, I know, and fucking male comedians is just
Speaker 3: not on my bucket list.
Speaker 5: Like that is not gonna work for me.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, that is not hot or alluring
Speaker 3: at all.
Speaker 5: Yeah, if you find the one who doesn't have gout,
Speaker 5: I mean, I still don't think it's worth it.
Speaker 3: Well, they either have gout or they're sober, so two
Speaker 3: things that don't interest me. I don't want anyone with gout,
Speaker 3: which would indicate that you do drink, And I don't
Speaker 3: want anyone sober.
Speaker 5: Yeah, seventy five percent of comedians are sober. Now I
Speaker 5: would say, I really, I think that's my estimation.
Speaker 2: And I also I'm like, I want to put out
Speaker 2: like a PSA, Like hey, guys, I've gotten away with
Speaker 2: using drugs and alcohol all this time and I didn't
Speaker 2: have to get sober. So why are you such a pussing?
Speaker 5: Yeah you quitters?
Speaker 2: Yeah, twitters.
Speaker 3: It's like if you just don't ever let anything, if
Speaker 3: you never ever abuse anything too much, you never have
Speaker 3: to give it up. So just remember that in your
Speaker 3: alcohol and drug use journey, like you have to temper yourself.
Speaker 3: Sometimes you can't party, sometimes you can't drink for periods
Speaker 3: of time, or sometimes you have to tone it back.
Speaker 3: But always just be open to that and be like, yeah, okay,
Speaker 3: I'll take it easy so that.
Speaker 2: I don't ever have to quit. But you know what,
Speaker 2: that's irresponsible to some degree because I know a lot
Speaker 2: of our listeners are are sober, and so a lot
Speaker 2: of people do have an addiction and a disease, and
Speaker 2: so you know, I want to respect that and also
Speaker 2: remind people that I don't have that.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's an interesting I know, when you're a new
Speaker 5: early twenties you're like, oh my god, like I can
Speaker 5: never read friends with sober people, and now I'm like,
Speaker 5: literally all my friends are sober.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know it's the world of comedy, so you
Speaker 3: have you dated any comics you don't have to mention names.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I have dated comics. Those are sort of my
Speaker 5: few long term relationships in the since I started, but
Speaker 5: not for a while. I've been off that train for
Speaker 5: a while.
Speaker 3: And I is it hard for you to I mean,
Speaker 3: I guess it is hard for you to meet regular guys.
Speaker 5: Well, I would say I'm a little shy. I'm also
Speaker 5: like a pretty sleepy bitch, and you know, just being
Speaker 5: on the road all the time, It's like, whenever I
Speaker 5: have a day off, I'm not really feeling like corny.
Speaker 5: I'm not really being like, wow, I can't wait to
Speaker 5: go meet a stranger and ask him how many siblings
Speaker 5: he has, you know, And then they find out I
Speaker 5: do comedy, and then they ask me if I've ever
Speaker 5: heard of Bill Burr.
Speaker 2: Oh tell me about it.
Speaker 3: I mean, someone just invited me to go see Bill
Speaker 3: Burr at the Rogers Arena in Vancouver because I'm in Whistler,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, know me less.
Speaker 5: I mean, I love Bil Berr. But it's like they
Speaker 5: immediately start educating you on your own job and they're like, Okay,
Speaker 5: thank you, but no, I'm trying to date now. And
Speaker 5: I've actually been because I try to change my attitude
Speaker 5: about it and I'm trying to enjoy it and like
Speaker 5: put on an outfit. It's been fine, it's been fun.
Speaker 5: Nice guys, I guess.
Speaker 3: So I was reading that you get trolled a lot
Speaker 3: on TikTok, that the people on TikTok you claim are
Speaker 3: very mean, which makes sense because they're all kids, aren't they.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, I just sort of enjoy it now,
Speaker 5: like what people say about my voice, them saying I
Speaker 5: sound like all the Ruggrats at once. But no, I
Speaker 5: wouldn't say I get trolled any more than anyone else.
Speaker 5: But I do have fun with it.
Speaker 2: Any more than any regular white girl comedian. And who's
Speaker 2: betting exactly? So you started an OnlyFans account? Or is
Speaker 2: that a joke?
Speaker 5: Oh no, that's real. It started as.
Speaker 2: It I can't wait to subscribe.
Speaker 5: I only had it for twenty four hours, oh because
Speaker 5: my reps made me take it down because I auditioned
Speaker 5: for a lot of children's you know stuff. But it
Speaker 5: started as a joke. I wrote on Twitter one day.
Speaker 5: It was just like hi or something, I don't know what,
Speaker 5: and I said like, oh no, this was two years
Speaker 5: ago before everyone had an OnlyFans and I was like,
Speaker 5: do you have to hang on OnlyFans? You have to
Speaker 5: uh can you just do feet or do you have
Speaker 5: to show a whole you know, innocent, just having a
Speaker 5: good time. And then and then it somehow got like
Speaker 5: fifty thousand retweets, so I was like, oh, yeah, I
Speaker 5: just I had no idea there was a market. I'm
Speaker 5: starting one immediately, and I got one within forty five minutes.
Speaker 5: And these people are freaks for feet. I always thought
Speaker 5: that was sort of a joke.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a lot of stuff that goes on on
Speaker 3: OnlyFans that I didn't even know was a commodity or
Speaker 3: a fetish. So you could basically have it without showing
Speaker 3: your Pikachu or your asshole. You can just show I
Speaker 3: guess you know that's your side boob. Like it can
Speaker 3: be as as as niche simple as that, or his
Speaker 3: niche as that.
Speaker 2: Yes, thank you couching.
Speaker 5: I say this in the bit. But like I made
Speaker 5: the title of my Only Fans Blair sack ankles down
Speaker 5: no hole, so literally everything was below my ankles and
Speaker 5: it was doing quite well, but then all my dreams
Speaker 5: and hopes got crashed down when I had to take
Speaker 5: it down after twenty four hours a shame.
Speaker 2: I know, are you fucking kidding me? Who gives a
Speaker 2: shit what anyone is doing on onlyfriends?
Speaker 5: What are we the church? I know?
Speaker 3: Yeah, America is getting really really embarrassing and hard to
Speaker 3: deal with quite frankly.
Speaker 5: I know. Are you seeing these young kids now that
Speaker 5: say like they don't want sex scenes in movies? I
Speaker 5: was like, God, you guys are dorks.
Speaker 1: I've heard about that. They want to see like scenes
Speaker 1: with friendships and stuff because that's what they don't have,
Speaker 1: Like that that's their porn. It's like they don't you.
Speaker 3: Know, right, So you think they want to see scenes
Speaker 3: with kids because they don't have their own friendship.
Speaker 2: Well like wait.
Speaker 1: What, Yeah, they're like, we don't care about sex scenes
Speaker 1: because they can see it all online. So they're like,
Speaker 1: we don't really that's boring and they really want to
Speaker 1: see like deep and meaningful friendships, Like that's what they
Speaker 1: really want to see in movies.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 3: Oh wow, it's so weird, And maybe that's headed. Maybe
Speaker 3: that is headed in a good direction.
Speaker 1: Then maybe that's right.
Speaker 2: If that's what they're craving, maybe that is a good thing.
Speaker 3: Maybe all the social media is good because it's taking
Speaker 3: us back to where we need to go, which is
Speaker 3: not where we are.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know where did you grow up? I
Speaker 5: grew up in Orange County.
Speaker 2: Oh, sorry about.
Speaker 5: And then I started comedy in New York, in which
Speaker 5: I didn't know I was gonna start comedy. I moved
Speaker 5: there to become a novelist in grad school and just
Speaker 5: like accidentally started comedy.
Speaker 2: Who are your friends within the comedy world that I
Speaker 2: know besides Rosebud?
Speaker 5: Well, yeah, me and Rosebud started together at the exact
Speaker 5: same time. We've been best friends ever since.
Speaker 3: But oh, you know who else I had up here
Speaker 3: this weekend? We're Sydney, Marie and Amina.
Speaker 2: Do you know them? Amina, Amani?
Speaker 5: Those are all my girls. I started with Sid and
Speaker 5: Marie too.
Speaker 3: Oh okay, of perfect. Yeah, they were the only black
Speaker 3: people on the mountain yesterday. We got them a ski
Speaker 3: lesson and then we took them to a prey and
Speaker 3: Amina was like, I think I could ski with you.
Speaker 3: She's like, look, showing me her video of her skiing.
Speaker 3: I'm like, no, no, I mean you have to fucking
Speaker 3: turn okay, just because you skied straight for third seconds.
Speaker 3: That doesn't mean you can ski on the terrain that
Speaker 3: we're skiing on.
Speaker 2: But we had them.
Speaker 3: They came for they came on Saturday night and they
Speaker 3: spent two nights here and yeah, they're all ridiculous.
Speaker 2: Three. Yeah, Catherine, we have to put them on.
Speaker 3: I'm going to do a counseling session for them in
Speaker 3: their relationship because they have a lot of beat between
Speaker 3: each other.
Speaker 2: So let's book them as well.
Speaker 3: I just really only should have comedians on because they
Speaker 3: provide the most joy and happiness.
Speaker 7: No.
Speaker 5: Us girls are so much fun. They're the best.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, they're so funny. Okay, So we're going to
Speaker 2: take a break and we'll be right back.
Speaker 5: Okay, and we're back.
Speaker 2: Okay. So we're going to take callers.
Speaker 3: Catherine has people that are calling in for advice, and
Speaker 3: you know, we're just changing lives, one life at a
Speaker 3: time here, that's what we're doing, and it's pretty serious business.
Speaker 1: I love it, Blair. You're gonna maybe help us hook
Speaker 1: some people up, break up some marriages. You know, we'll
Speaker 1: see what happens.
Speaker 5: Perfect.
Speaker 1: So our first caller is Sarah. She is from New Jersey.
Speaker 1: She says, Dear Chelsea. After a series of dumpster fire
Speaker 1: relationships and a lot of therapy to figure out how
Speaker 1: to break on healthy dating patterns. I finally found an
Speaker 1: amazing guy. He's communicative, empathetic, considerate, and loves making me happy.
Speaker 1: He has a great career, owns his home, and is
Speaker 1: financially stable. He has a big circle of great friends,
Speaker 1: and his family is so sweet. It's only been five
Speaker 1: months together, but I could really see myself marrying him
Speaker 1: one day. There's just one problem. Our sex life is horrible.
Speaker 1: Our attempts at intimacy have been awkward, unsuccessful, and leave
Speaker 1: much to be desired. I want this relationship to work,
Speaker 1: but his lack of experience and failure to launch make
Speaker 1: me think we're just not sexually compatible. Is it possible
Speaker 1: to turn things around? Sarah?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's really difficult. There's a lot of guys
Speaker 2: that can't get it up. What's going on?
Speaker 4: What is this?
Speaker 5: I think a lot of it's porn but also could
Speaker 5: be depression.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Hi, Sarah, we're just talking about your lack of
Speaker 3: sex life. Hi, welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 6: Hi, thanks for having me.
Speaker 2: This is our special guest today, Blair Saki.
Speaker 5: Hi, Sarah, So no sex at all?
Speaker 2: Did I hear that correctly?
Speaker 6: Limited limited sex, so penetration. So it seems like he's
Speaker 6: able to keep it up if we if he's laying down,
Speaker 6: so we're limited to me being on top, which is
Speaker 6: a lot of it's a lot of work for me.
Speaker 2: How interesting.
Speaker 3: Yeah, what does that mean that you can only keep
Speaker 3: it up while lying down?
Speaker 6: It's strange.
Speaker 5: So I don't know.
Speaker 6: I mean, it's been like a long process.
Speaker 2: How long.
Speaker 6: Well, so we've been together for like six months, We've
Speaker 6: been having sex or trying to have sex for like
Speaker 6: four but he was like slow in the beginning, like
Speaker 6: he was a slow mover. It took a long time
Speaker 6: for him to kiss me, It took a long time
Speaker 6: for us to have sex for the first time.
Speaker 1: And then I don't know.
Speaker 5: I thought at.
Speaker 6: First like he was just nervous, and there was always
Speaker 6: like an excuse or reason he was stressed out from work,
Speaker 6: or it was a long week, or it's been a
Speaker 6: long time since he had sex or whatever it was.
Speaker 6: So it's been a lot of attempts. We just can't
Speaker 6: he can't keep it up.
Speaker 3: I've had a lot of experience with this, but I
Speaker 3: usually just press on immediately after that infraction because I
Speaker 3: don't have time for that. But I'm so curious as
Speaker 3: to what is going on in society that men are
Speaker 3: having this issue.
Speaker 6: So it's funny that you say that, though, because I've
Speaker 6: never had this issue with any of my boyfriends before.
Speaker 6: But I've also dated some like real assholes that they
Speaker 6: have nothing to offer in my life romantically, but they're
Speaker 6: great in bed. And now I have the exact opposite,
Speaker 6: Like I've found my perfect unicorn and he can't have
Speaker 6: sex with me.
Speaker 3: Well, is there any scenario where you can have him
Speaker 3: as your boyfriend and just fuck other guys.
Speaker 2: On the side. I think that seems like the best solution.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I know it's a tough one.
Speaker 5: Also, I mean, if this is really the only issue,
Speaker 5: what about the pills? Like, just go to the doctor guy.
Speaker 6: Right, So that's something that we've talked about, like maybe
Speaker 6: go see a doctor and make sure everything's going on,
Speaker 6: Like everything's fine down there. He's very nervous around doctors
Speaker 6: and he hates doctors. He's like insistent that he thinks
Speaker 6: it's in his head. So he did offer to like
Speaker 6: go see a therapist, which is fine, It's just it's
Speaker 6: less of an immediate solution to the problem.
Speaker 5: Yeah, he could do both also, you know.
Speaker 6: So the other issue though is that he has high
Speaker 6: blood pressure, so I.
Speaker 1: Can't do that meditation for that.
Speaker 6: So I think there are some pills that you can't
Speaker 6: take when.
Speaker 3: There's cialisalis cialis, I think Sialis and then viagra, and
Speaker 3: one of them is you can't take with a heart condition.
Speaker 3: And I believe one of them you can. I don't
Speaker 3: know that for sure, obviously ask someone else.
Speaker 2: But you know for men.
Speaker 5: You know, for men that they made a pill that
Speaker 5: can go along with their heart condition, in their serious
Speaker 5: heart condition, No problem, We'll make another one for that. Yeah,
Speaker 5: you ladies wait for everyone everything.
Speaker 1: I wonder if there's something herbal that he could take though,
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure you have tried some goggling as
Speaker 1: far as verbal stuff goes.
Speaker 2: What about Earl gray tea?
Speaker 4: Does that? Have you try that?
Speaker 6: And that's kind of why I want to have him
Speaker 6: go see like a doctor so that he knows what
Speaker 6: is safe to try and to take. But he's really
Speaker 6: insisting on he wants to see a therapist and go
Speaker 6: down that route before he goes to see a doctor.
Speaker 6: I just don't know. How hard I should push because
Speaker 6: you know, it's like it's his body, so I feel
Speaker 6: awkward about it.
Speaker 1: But well, Sarah, did you mention when we talked, does
Speaker 1: he have some like body dysmorphia stuff or self consciousness
Speaker 1: around his own body that maybe therapy would help unravel.
Speaker 6: Yeah, he's he's been overweight for most of his life,
Speaker 6: and he doesn't have a ton of experience with women.
Speaker 6: I know, he's only been with like a handful of women,
Speaker 6: So I I think that's part of it, is he
Speaker 6: just gets in his own head because he wants to
Speaker 6: be great at it. Like I feel like he's sabotaging
Speaker 6: himself almost a little bit. But I don't know how
Speaker 6: we get him out of that loop.
Speaker 5: Maybe I should do mushrooms together.
Speaker 3: I mean they're all good suggestions, but I think, like
Speaker 3: you're clearly into him. You've been with him for six months, right,
Speaker 3: you care about him. I mean you can still go
Speaker 3: the distance a little bit further to try and find out,
Speaker 3: like exactly what it is. But I think he should
Speaker 3: be more willing to see a doctor in conjunction with
Speaker 3: a therapist so that you can get the ball rolling,
Speaker 3: because six months is a long time to be with
Speaker 3: someone and not having like a healthy sex life with them. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I would agree, And don't diminish your needs because of
Speaker 3: his Like you're meeting him more than halfway by by
Speaker 3: being on top all the time, by being okay with
Speaker 3: this whole thing.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 2: A lot of people wouldn't have stayed.
Speaker 3: They would have been like, oh, wait, you're not having
Speaker 3: we're not having sex, all right, I'm out. And it's
Speaker 3: been six months and it's not been as successful as.
Speaker 2: You would want it.
Speaker 3: I think he should be willing to go the distance
Speaker 3: a little bit, you know, deeper, not just say I'm
Speaker 3: going to see a doctor, I mean a therapist, because
Speaker 3: you're right, that isn't a quick solution.
Speaker 2: That's a long term solution.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, taking it step by step, ruling out
Speaker 1: like okay, is it an emotional issue, is it a
Speaker 1: physical issue? And like going step by step down the line.
Speaker 1: The other thing I want to ask too, is are
Speaker 1: you guys thinking like kids in the future, because you know,
Speaker 1: in addition to being a lack of pleasure, this could
Speaker 1: be really problematic for that if he doesn't get this figured.
Speaker 6: Out right, and that's he actually really wants kids. I'm
Speaker 6: sort of undecided on it, but he really wants to
Speaker 6: have at least one kid. And that's sort of something
Speaker 6: that I've brought up to him, is like we should
Speaker 6: kind of like maybe that's another reason why we should
Speaker 6: get this checked out now, so that we know if
Speaker 6: that's possible for our future.
Speaker 1: Not right. Sometimes it takes a little try in over
Speaker 1: a period of time rather than just a one and done.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think you take off right now. I
Speaker 3: think you give it, you know, a little bit more time.
Speaker 3: And I like what Catherine said, you know, just like
Speaker 3: issue by issue, like okay, rule out this, rule out that,
Speaker 3: but you can you don't have to do that literally
Speaker 3: once at a time, you know, you can do that.
Speaker 2: In a succession pace.
Speaker 4: Exactly.
Speaker 3: You don't have to wait until he's in therapy for
Speaker 3: six months to be like, Okay, now we're going to
Speaker 3: try the doctor.
Speaker 4: Exactly.
Speaker 3: You should be like a little bit more adamant that
Speaker 3: he tried that more, you know, sooner than later.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, sounds like there's several different layers to it, but
Speaker 5: I think the most important thing is that he's working
Speaker 5: on it and taking initiative to work on it.
Speaker 6: Yeah, he is, And that's he did go ahead and
Speaker 6: schedule a therapy appointment. It was like a bunch of
Speaker 6: things that sort of happened that the therapist said she
Speaker 6: wasn't a good fit for him the first time, and
Speaker 6: then he had like a work trip come up that
Speaker 6: he had to like a meeting that he had to
Speaker 6: be part of that conflicted with the second time he
Speaker 6: was supposed to go see the therapist, and then he
Speaker 6: just recently had somebody really close in his family pass away.
Speaker 6: So it's sort of.
Speaker 5: All on the back burner right now.
Speaker 6: So I also don't know like how long I should
Speaker 6: sort of wait before pushing the issue again, because I
Speaker 6: definitely want to be sensitive to the fact that he
Speaker 6: just lost somebody and he's dealing with grief. But I
Speaker 6: don't know, do you have any advice on that?
Speaker 2: Well, I mean you can be sensitive to that, but
Speaker 2: I mean no, I don't.
Speaker 3: I honestly I wish I did, because you can be
Speaker 3: sensitive to that, But like it just seems like a
Speaker 3: world of excuses, Like, you know, people can have sex
Speaker 3: and grief, people can, you know, It's like anything he
Speaker 3: can use to make an excuse for him and his
Speaker 3: inability to perform.
Speaker 2: I think at this point he's.
Speaker 3: Going to take Yeah, so I kind of would say, no,
Speaker 3: that's not a great excuse, you know. I mean unless
Speaker 3: he's sitting every day in grief. Is he sitting there
Speaker 3: morning every single day?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 2: Right, So, no, I don't think so.
Speaker 3: And listen, we talked about this on our podcast, like,
Speaker 3: grief is something to always be respected, but it's not
Speaker 3: something that takes up your entire day like it comes
Speaker 3: in bursts.
Speaker 2: It comes in waves, you know.
Speaker 3: Yes, the first few weeks and months after someone very
Speaker 3: close to you died, it is. It is something where
Speaker 3: you could be almost handicapped in terms of being yourself
Speaker 3: and being able to physically be out.
Speaker 2: There in the world.
Speaker 3: But as far as you know, losing someone you love
Speaker 3: that comes in waves, and it's not an excuse really
Speaker 3: for anything. You know, it's a temporary kind of pause
Speaker 3: you can put on things.
Speaker 2: But no, I don't think so.
Speaker 1: And seeing a therapist during this time is probably something
Speaker 1: that's going to be beneficial anyway.
Speaker 6: Yes, yeah, so, I mean I'm excited for him to
Speaker 6: do that, you know, I'm in therapy. I hope he
Speaker 6: gets all the help he needs to feel better about himself.
Speaker 6: But I don't know that I'm convinced that that's what
Speaker 6: the issue is. I don't know that it's a mental thing.
Speaker 5: I don't know.
Speaker 6: I mean I feel like I should just kind of
Speaker 6: push a little bit more for him to go see
Speaker 6: a doctor.
Speaker 2: I think so.
Speaker 3: I think so because out of it, it's about respecting
Speaker 3: your relationship. You know, he needs to respect your relationship too.
Speaker 3: It's not just about him and his problem. It's also
Speaker 3: about you because you're in the relationship.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, pleasure aside, Like I just there's like an
Speaker 6: intimacy factor that I feel like is missing from the
Speaker 6: relationship that I know we both want. And he's very generous,
Speaker 6: like in the bedroom, so don't get me wrong, Like.
Speaker 2: What's he going to be selfish and not able to perform?
Speaker 5: I mean yeah, I mean otherwise you're just friends. And
Speaker 5: also it's like that's pretty early on to be dealing
Speaker 5: with that, you know.
Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, Okay, Well do you feel like you
Speaker 3: have mark, Like, what you're gonna do?
Speaker 2: Do you know what you're gonna do now?
Speaker 6: I feel like I definitely have to bring it up
Speaker 6: again about him seeing a doctor in conjunction with going
Speaker 6: to therapy. But I guess my concern is that at
Speaker 6: this point, like I'm so afraid of like making it
Speaker 6: worse or saying something like insensitively that I don't even
Speaker 6: know how to handle the situation. And when we're like
Speaker 6: in the situation, I sort of just shut down. So like,
Speaker 6: do it, like I guess, do I address it when
Speaker 6: we're not in a situation?
Speaker 1: Yeah, don't address it in bed.
Speaker 2: No, I agree with that, don't address it in bed.
Speaker 3: But I think, listen, it's very good that you are
Speaker 3: thinking about this, because a lot of people would be like,
Speaker 3: this is enough, I don't need the sex.
Speaker 2: It's very good that you know what you need and
Speaker 2: that you're.
Speaker 3: Asking for it. So that's positive already. And I think
Speaker 3: you don't say it in the bedroom. You say it
Speaker 3: to him in a loving conversation when you're talking about therapy.
Speaker 3: Hopefully you know, bring up the topic of therapy, bring
Speaker 3: up the topic of your therapist and what you've been
Speaker 3: thinking about, and that in order for you, you know,
Speaker 3: not like in an ultimatum way to phrase it or
Speaker 3: frame it, but like you want to be sexual with him.
Speaker 3: You like him so much, you want to have a
Speaker 3: deeper intimacy with him. The possibilities are endless for how
Speaker 3: close you guys can become once you have that kind
Speaker 3: of sexual intimacy and like fun playtime. I hate when
Speaker 3: people talk about sex as play, but I said that,
Speaker 3: and you know, like all of those things, but also like,
Speaker 3: I actually need more of an effort on your.
Speaker 2: Behalf to try and figure this out.
Speaker 3: I'm here and I'm waiting, and I'm totally willing to
Speaker 3: figure it out with you, but I actually need you
Speaker 3: to be a little bit more proactive. Saying you're going
Speaker 3: to see a therapist isn't an immediate solution, And what
Speaker 3: if there is an immediate solution, you know, we need
Speaker 3: you to see a doctor. Maybe we can figure it
Speaker 3: out in the meantime and then find out you know,
Speaker 3: you can get viagraa you can get see alis or
Speaker 3: whatever pairing is best for his medication that he's on,
Speaker 3: and just say, you know, you need just him to
Speaker 3: demonstrate a little bit more initiative. Yeah, in order for
Speaker 3: you to feel secure about where you're headed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's time to move from like, hey, do you
Speaker 1: think maybe you should see a therapist or a doctor
Speaker 1: or this to like, this is an issue and it
Speaker 1: has a solution, and let's take the steps to find
Speaker 1: that solution.
Speaker 4: I like that.
Speaker 6: That's a that's a good point I could forge.
Speaker 3: And at the front, the front wheel of this conversation
Speaker 3: is your desire to be with him in a relationship
Speaker 3: long term.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, definitely, And I think it would make both
Speaker 6: of us feel more comfortable. It's like, every time we
Speaker 6: have this awkward interaction, it just don't like you don't
Speaker 6: know where.
Speaker 4: To go out for that.
Speaker 2: No, I know it's so awkward. I get it. I
Speaker 2: have been there, believe me, and not with someone I
Speaker 2: really cared about. With plenty of people I didn't exactly good.
Speaker 6: I feel like good luck, so much good stuff going
Speaker 6: on here, Like I don't just want to give up
Speaker 6: on it.
Speaker 4: I want to work on No.
Speaker 2: I love it. Female empowerment all the way.
Speaker 3: You're asking for what you need and you're being firm
Speaker 3: about it, and you're already getting a lot, but you're
Speaker 3: not getting everything you need, and you should get everything
Speaker 3: you need, especially in the in the dynamic of this relationship.
Speaker 5: And he needs to meet your effort because you're, you know,
Speaker 5: being extremely compassionate and understanding and everything. Yeah, yeah, trying
Speaker 5: to be.
Speaker 1: And he needs to go down on you a lot.
Speaker 1: All right, Sarah, thank you so much for calling in.
Speaker 5: Thank you, Sarah, good luck.
Speaker 2: Thanks for calling in.
Speaker 1: Bye.
Speaker 3: That reminds me of a time when I was I
Speaker 3: was in New Zealand performing and I had met this
Speaker 3: guy on a boat and and I invited him to
Speaker 3: New Zealand to see my show. And then I saw
Speaker 3: him off the boat out of context and I was like,
Speaker 3: whoahoa whoa woa in Auckland and he showed up and
Speaker 3: I was like I can't fuck this guy, Like I
Speaker 3: just can't do it.
Speaker 2: And I had never had sex with him.
Speaker 3: We just like fooled around on he was like one
Speaker 3: of the crew on this boat that my friend, or
Speaker 3: yeah he was a crewman. And then when he was
Speaker 3: out of his crew outfit, it was not. I was
Speaker 3: like they were like Cavalricci jeans or something. And I
Speaker 3: just remember looking at his body and being like or
Speaker 3: no his outfit and I was like, oh God, like no.
Speaker 3: And so I brought him and he had come took
Speaker 3: Auckland to see me, and I was like I have
Speaker 3: to get out of here, like I can't sleep with
Speaker 3: this guy. And so we went up to my hotel room.
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, and he just went down on me
Speaker 3: like five times jeans exactly, and I was like, ah,
Speaker 3: that's a wrap, Like I can't even let you do
Speaker 3: that again.
Speaker 2: It's too much. And then I checked out of my
Speaker 2: own suite.
Speaker 3: I checked out of my own hotel suite, gave him
Speaker 3: the suite so I could just get out of his hair,
Speaker 3: and pretended I had to go home to LA for
Speaker 3: an emergency rehearsal for like the VMA Awards or whatever
Speaker 3: the fuck I was doing. I was, I mean it
Speaker 3: was and then yeah, so, yeah, guys, I love one.
Speaker 3: When they were like, well he's very generous, like that's
Speaker 3: like saying someone's like, of course he's generous.
Speaker 2: A bed can't fuck you.
Speaker 5: She was patient?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, I know. Well women are faatient.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: It took me a long time to not think it
Speaker 3: was me or that I was too intimidating. Men do
Speaker 3: get nervous. They have to perform. We don't have to
Speaker 3: get an erection. We just have to sit there and
Speaker 3: take it, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: We don't really have to.
Speaker 3: Perform if we don't feel like it, So they do
Speaker 3: have an added pressure. It is interesting that it seems
Speaker 3: to be an issue more in recent years for all
Speaker 3: men than it has been. So something's going on societally,
Speaker 3: and I'm sure it has to do with social media
Speaker 3: or sex or porn or whatever.
Speaker 1: Right, like Blair was saying, with porn.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and just like a lower overall quality of health.
Speaker 5: I feel like we're all like sedentary sitting inside at screens.
Speaker 5: It's not like outside like chopping wood, developing, you know,
Speaker 5: healthy muscle in the sun.
Speaker 2: Well speak for yourself, Blair.
Speaker 5: No, I saw you on I saw you in your bikini.
Speaker 5: I was like, this is incredible. This woman is out
Speaker 5: in the air just enjoying life. Oh my god.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 1: Well, our next caller is Hayden and she is twenty six.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: It's a bit of a you know, for lack of
Speaker 1: a better term, a journey. So I'm gonna summarize. But
Speaker 1: Hayden is twenty six. She was with her husband since
Speaker 1: she was fourteen. She was a bit unsure about her sexuality,
Speaker 1: and so they decided to bring other women into the bedroom.
Speaker 1: Her husband cheated and then you know, convinced her they
Speaker 1: could work it all out. But then an opportunity arose,
Speaker 1: she says, with one of her closest friends, and they
Speaker 1: did start having threesomes. Well as we can assume, the
Speaker 1: husband and best friend wound up kind of running off together.
Speaker 1: He moved in with her, like the night she confronted
Speaker 1: him about sleeping with his with her best friend without her,
Speaker 1: and so, you know, she feels like none of this
Speaker 1: should have happened. She's angry and heartbroken. And meanwhile they're
Speaker 1: now going on trips and doing things that were originally
Speaker 1: planned for the two of them and just openly enjoying
Speaker 1: their life together. So she says, how do I move forward?
Speaker 1: How do I trust anyone ever again? I want to
Speaker 1: be my best self and get healthy before starting to
Speaker 1: date again. But I'm a human and I'm lonely, and
Speaker 1: I miss the companionship so much. I liked being married,
Speaker 1: but even just being someone's girlfriend seems so far away.
Speaker 1: I've done a lot of hookups, but I'm not satisfied
Speaker 1: in that realm.
Speaker 2: Hayden, Hi, Hayden, Hi, nice to meet you, Hie Hi Hayden.
Speaker 2: That's Blair.
Speaker 4: Hi Blair.
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry that that happens to you.
Speaker 4: Thank you. It's it's been a rough ride.
Speaker 2: When did this happen?
Speaker 8: This happened last year at the very end of June,
Speaker 8: is when we separated.
Speaker 2: And they're still together. And are you divorced or what?
Speaker 8: Yeah, we're legally divorced now and yes they are still together.
Speaker 2: Yeah that hurts a lot. Yeah, And are you in therapy?
Speaker 4: I am, yes, thankfully.
Speaker 2: And how is that helping you?
Speaker 4: Therapy is helping a lot.
Speaker 8: Just realizing there was a lot of other unhealthy things
Speaker 8: throughout the relationship and being so young and getting together
Speaker 8: definitely created.
Speaker 4: A dynamic that as an adult, I don't think I want.
Speaker 2: Yeah, those are all good things to recognize.
Speaker 3: It's funny when things like this happen, you realize, like
Speaker 3: it's not that that's not the only incident. It's always
Speaker 3: something deeper and that there was already a lack of
Speaker 3: connection or trust or you know, something wasn't right to
Speaker 3: begin with. But I think it's these things that happened
Speaker 3: to us in our lives are big tests for us
Speaker 3: to see if we.
Speaker 2: Can level up and we can meet the moment.
Speaker 3: And it's always interesting to see how to people handle
Speaker 3: these kind of emotional takedowns that we experience. And you're
Speaker 3: in therapy, you now have some distance and time from it.
Speaker 3: Not as much as you're gonna get and as much
Speaker 3: as you want, I'm sure, but you have enough distance
Speaker 3: to even recognize that the relationship wasn't what you thought
Speaker 3: it may have been. You're divorced. Your kind of side
Speaker 3: of the street is pretty clean. You didn't cause any
Speaker 3: of this disruption. You kind of participated in something that
Speaker 3: ended your marriage, and I think that you learned a
Speaker 3: lot and that moving forward, you're going to have all
Speaker 3: this whole new kind of toolkit, especially with all the
Speaker 3: things you're picking up from therapy, which I'm sure are
Speaker 3: vast right, all of the different ways to deal with
Speaker 3: stress or the ways to deal with sadness and the aloneness,
Speaker 3: because right now you're missing something that you really didn't
Speaker 3: have to begin with. You know, you thought you had
Speaker 3: and you can have with someone else now that you're
Speaker 3: more aware and more tuned into what you need in
Speaker 3: a relationship, Like how do you now feel about moving
Speaker 3: forward in a relationship, opening up the relationship, and how
Speaker 3: having threesomes?
Speaker 2: Would you do that again?
Speaker 4: No? Right? Never again? Right?
Speaker 3: So you know, I mean, this is a very common
Speaker 3: thing that happens. It's not the reason why your relationship
Speaker 3: had its demise, but it's a very common thing that happens,
Speaker 3: and I think you you have to like look at
Speaker 3: this time as like, Okay, I'm like, it's almost like
Speaker 3: an armor, but it's not a defensive armor. It's like
Speaker 3: a protective like you're filling yourself up with all the
Speaker 3: tools and all.
Speaker 2: Like the energetic vibrations.
Speaker 3: You need to move forward into your life in a
Speaker 3: more positive, healthy, and more joyful direction. Like that's done,
Speaker 3: and that's over, and thank god it's over, because now
Speaker 3: you can open up to the possibilities of everything else.
Speaker 3: And I would really encourage you to try to start
Speaker 3: meditating in order to stay in the moment that you're
Speaker 3: in instead of thinking about all of the stuff that
Speaker 3: happened in the past or what's possible in the future.
Speaker 3: Because as present as you can be is going to
Speaker 3: be the biggest kind of therapeutic aid in moving forward.
Speaker 3: As present as you can be, whether you're upset one
Speaker 3: day or you're happy the next day, or you have
Speaker 3: a bad date or you have a good date, be
Speaker 3: present with all of those emotions, because that takes you
Speaker 3: in to the moment you're in and then it the
Speaker 3: past and the future kind of become irrelevant.
Speaker 4: That's such good advice, honest. Yeah.
Speaker 3: So I think I think download a meditation app if
Speaker 3: you don't have one already that is really about mindfulness
Speaker 3: and being present, because I have to. I was just
Speaker 3: writing about this in my book, Like the most blissful
Speaker 3: moments I've experienced in my life were because I was
Speaker 3: paying attention to what was happening, good and bad.
Speaker 5: Yeah, right, yeah, And I think when you have a
Speaker 5: big betrayal like that, it's really sometimes, uh, it's it's
Speaker 5: much more difficult not to be like they did this
Speaker 5: to me. And then I think, like whenever I've been
Speaker 5: really really hurt after a breakup, I go into sort
Speaker 5: of like Avengers mode where I'm just like, Okay, how
Speaker 5: can I make myself happy? What have I been wanting
Speaker 5: to do that I haven't gotten to? What trip have
Speaker 5: I been wanting to do? What goal have I been
Speaker 5: wanting to? What have I been wanting to write? And
Speaker 5: just like try and fill up that vacuum too, of
Speaker 5: like you know, making reminding myself what makes me happy,
Speaker 5: trying new stuff, like trying to bring newness into my
Speaker 5: own life, Like even though you're sad, fine, find things
Speaker 5: that can bring you joy and make and make you happy.
Speaker 1: And having been with your husband since you.
Speaker 4: Were what fourteen fourteen, Yeah, you grew up.
Speaker 1: In this way where you were like figuring out who
Speaker 1: you were with him, you know, it was always in
Speaker 1: the context of this other person. Now you get to
Speaker 1: figure out what you like, what does bring you joy
Speaker 1: without another person, Like what's just like your straight up
Speaker 1: like this is kind of fun, you know, discovering that
Speaker 1: on a day to day basis. I think it's going
Speaker 1: to be really a revelation if you pay attention, as
Speaker 1: Blair and Chelsea were.
Speaker 8: Saying, yeah, definitely. I mean it's been hard, but I
Speaker 8: have learned a lot and I do think in a
Speaker 8: lot of realms.
Speaker 4: I'm happier on.
Speaker 8: This side than I was looking back.
Speaker 2: But and you're only going to get happier.
Speaker 3: You're getting happy and now you're going to get happier
Speaker 3: and enjoy this singletom.
Speaker 2: You're not going to be single forever.
Speaker 3: It's rare that anybody is so enjoy this time getting
Speaker 3: to know yourself and invest in yourself with everything that
Speaker 3: Blair said, you know, books and exercise and finding out
Speaker 3: what interests you and you know, whatever that is, art,
Speaker 3: culture or fucking women's volleyball, whatever you're into, just get
Speaker 3: into it, you know what I mean, and pour yourself
Speaker 3: into that because you're going to get so much back
Speaker 3: from actually like finding out who you are now that
Speaker 3: you don't have this person that is like making up
Speaker 3: half of your personality so to speak.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you're still so young, like you can fully reinvent
Speaker 5: yourself if you feel like it. You know, you can
Speaker 5: make it like whatever you want it to be.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's very true.
Speaker 8: I'm just trying to figure out what that looks like,
Speaker 8: what exactly I want.
Speaker 4: But I just have to give it time.
Speaker 3: Give it time, give it space, and be very gentle
Speaker 3: with yourself. But if like you know, start this meditation
Speaker 3: practice and just do this every morning just to ground
Speaker 3: yourself for the day, be like, okay, today's another day
Speaker 3: where I'm going to find out something new about myself.
Speaker 3: Like set that kind of intention for yourself. And if
Speaker 3: you practice, you know, like I promise you, after two weeks,
Speaker 3: you're going to start to feel differently.
Speaker 2: There's going to be a shift in you.
Speaker 3: It's impossible not to feel it when you really dedicate
Speaker 3: yourself to something.
Speaker 2: And I think that's just what you need.
Speaker 4: Okay, after this, I will download one for sure.
Speaker 2: Okay, I love it. Keep us posted, Okay.
Speaker 4: I will thank you guys so much.
Speaker 2: Bye, Hayden, thanks for calling in.
Speaker 4: Bye guys.
Speaker 5: My brother's name is Hayden, and I really had a
Speaker 5: heart attack for a second.
Speaker 2: We're doing an intervention. He's going to confront you about
Speaker 2: your iowascad use. He thinks you've done it too many times. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I was like, Wow, I know. Wait till you wait
Speaker 2: till your parents hear this. They're calling in next.
Speaker 1: Well, our next color is Jane and Blair. Are you
Speaker 1: somebody who smokes weed at all? Since we just want
Speaker 1: to tell your parents everything.
Speaker 5: Yeah, well I'm a gummy girl. Sometimes.
Speaker 3: Where have you ever done anal? I think that's also
Speaker 3: something we want to make sure your parents know about.
Speaker 5: Yes, I haven't. I don't think I'm gonna get there.
Speaker 1: But you don't think you'd like that, Jane says, Dear Chelsea.
Speaker 1: My sister in law is the worst. My brother and
Speaker 1: this nightmare have been married for seven years now and
Speaker 1: they have three beautiful children whom I adore. My mom, sister,
Speaker 1: brother and I have always been very close. My sister
Speaker 1: in law seems to resent this aspect of our family,
Speaker 1: as she grew up in a very different situation, leaving
Speaker 1: her with some serious attachment issues. She's very, very attached
Speaker 1: to my brother. Although, to be fair, my brother is
Speaker 1: a fucking catch. He had his years of overdoing it
Speaker 1: when he was drinking and a bit of a temper,
Speaker 1: but he's a really great guy that any girl would
Speaker 1: be lucky to have. In the last year or two,
Speaker 1: my brother has stopped drinking, which has been great for
Speaker 1: him and for their relationship. He has, however, started up
Speaker 1: a new habit of using marijuana. I'm the youngest in
Speaker 1: my family and have always been a big of the
Speaker 1: weed and was looked down upon because of it. He
Speaker 1: says he's much calmer and present with his family three
Speaker 1: little kids, and doesn't fly off the handle when he's frustrated.
Speaker 1: He and his coworker will enjoy an end of day
Speaker 1: joint on the way home to unwind and relax before
Speaker 1: they both have to go home to kids and questions, responsibilities,
Speaker 1: and all the things. His outwardly liberal wife is now
Speaker 1: giving him an ultimatum, family or the weed. My brother
Speaker 1: has obviously said he would pick his family every time,
Speaker 1: but how can we help educate her on marijuana's benefits.
Speaker 1: He's not coming home hammered, drunk and pissed off. He's
Speaker 1: floating on a cloud of happiness. Please help. I'd love
Speaker 1: for them to call it quits, but for the sake
Speaker 1: of their family, I'd like for her to get some
Speaker 1: education and open her mind to the ways it's benefiting
Speaker 1: their relationship.
Speaker 5: Hi.
Speaker 4: How are you. I'm good? How are you?
Speaker 2: I'm good? Thank you. This is Blair, our special guest today.
Speaker 5: Hello.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she does need to get educated on marijuana. What's
Speaker 3: the best education for marijuana, Catherine.
Speaker 1: I mean, there are a lot of documentaries on This
Speaker 1: is Clearing the Smoke on YouTube, The Cannabis Question, and
Speaker 1: The Grass is Greener on Netflix, Weed the People, which
Speaker 1: I think is also on YouTube, and the CBC, which
Speaker 1: is great. Of course, they have a series called The
Speaker 1: Nature of Things, and they have an awesome episode called
Speaker 1: Science and Cannabis. You know, I would encourage her to
Speaker 1: kind of take a look at some of these things
Speaker 1: and reach her own conclusions.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's kind of everywhere.
Speaker 1: It is kind of everywhere. I would even say, How
Speaker 1: to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan is a great
Speaker 1: Buck it's more about psychedelics, but he does address weed
Speaker 1: and how it affects your brain specifically. That would be
Speaker 1: a good resource.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she needs like some sort of wake up call,
Speaker 3: like her husband quit drinking.
Speaker 2: To smoke weed is so much better.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's better for you in every way.
Speaker 2: What's her problem? Get backs?
Speaker 7: Yeah, that's the biggest thing with her, Like she just
Speaker 7: needs to relax. So she's so uptight and she's so
Speaker 7: like worried about what other people think. And we are
Speaker 7: from a pretty small town, so it's like you don't
Speaker 7: know what anyone else's lives are, like their husbands, your
Speaker 7: friend's husbands that you see on social media having these
Speaker 7: great lives and whatever, Like your husband's not doing anything terrible,
Speaker 7: and she just needs to relax.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean refer to Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey,
Speaker 3: Like do they seem like threatening people? They're both stoners, right,
Speaker 3: I mean start with that, and I mean everyone smokes
Speaker 3: weed now, it's just so lame to have to even
Speaker 3: educate somebody about the benefits of marijuana.
Speaker 2: Whatever. I mean, is she happy that he quit quit drinking?
Speaker 7: Oh yeah, yep, because I think that was one thing
Speaker 7: that she also did, the whole ultimatum thing like quit
Speaker 7: this or me and the kids are gone. And it's
Speaker 7: like that's just not the way to have a relationship.
Speaker 7: That's not healthy to constantly be like do this or
Speaker 7: I'm gone, or like they just need to go to
Speaker 7: like therapy.
Speaker 2: Yeah they do. They do need to go to therapy.
Speaker 2: Do they go to therapy?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 7: She well used to and they just really need you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they should go to a couples counseling to discuss it,
Speaker 3: because it's not like he's smoking five joints tonight, right.
Speaker 7: Right, yeah, And he's even cut down since I wrote
Speaker 7: it in. But she's so rigid in everything.
Speaker 1: Sounds like she needs to smoke a little weed.
Speaker 6: Actually, yes, yeah.
Speaker 1: I do wonder if there is is maybe something that
Speaker 1: she changes her mind about over time. It may not be,
Speaker 1: but I wonder if it's something that you can kind
Speaker 1: of drop into conversations about, like some of the benefits.
Speaker 1: I mean, people use this as medicine. It is something
Speaker 1: that reduces anxiety for a lot of people. And I
Speaker 1: wonder maybe if it's about educating yourself on some of
Speaker 1: like the specific studies that have been done and that
Speaker 1: you can kind of drop into conversation here and there
Speaker 1: about like, oh, here are some of the benefits.
Speaker 7: Yeah, my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer a few
Speaker 7: years ago and she's gone through chemone radiation and used
Speaker 7: medical marijuana. She used are A soul oil for a while.
Speaker 7: And so it's like, how is this judgment coming to
Speaker 7: my brother?
Speaker 2: Can you have a conversation with her?
Speaker 4: Or no?
Speaker 2: Does that not go well?
Speaker 7: I'm not usually the one that brings it up. It's
Speaker 7: my older sister she will bring it up. And I
Speaker 7: guess we've been avoidant of that because they have kind
Speaker 7: of butted heads this entire time.
Speaker 5: Yeah. I have older brothers and you know, they're married
Speaker 5: and everything, and what I've learned is that it never
Speaker 5: goes well. Like the more you stay out of their relationship, like,
Speaker 5: the better it is, because if anyone feels ganged up on,
Speaker 5: you know, if she's feeling ganged up on, because you know,
Speaker 5: you can feel those things sometimes. So I don't know
Speaker 5: if that's helpful, but maybe maybe you're just like se
Speaker 5: La Vie, you know, like they'll work it out.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it doesn't sound like you have the relationship
Speaker 2: to have the conversation with her.
Speaker 5: Excuse me, I would love to educate you want the
Speaker 5: incredible benefits about marijuana, so you can let my brother
Speaker 5: just puff that jay on his way home.
Speaker 1: Is there anything specific that she objects to or does
Speaker 1: she She just doesn't like the whole idea.
Speaker 7: That's what makes it even weirder. It's like this kind
Speaker 7: of just popped up when he started. Seems like a
Speaker 7: control thing, and she's never outwardly said anything that she
Speaker 7: disagrees about it with It's just like the minute he
Speaker 7: did it, it's wrong.
Speaker 5: How about next time she comes over, you just have
Speaker 5: like platters full of joints everywhere.
Speaker 7: I like that idea.
Speaker 1: Awesome. Well, thank you for calling in, Jane.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 2: Okay, take care, good luck, Jane.
Speaker 3: We'll see Okay, we're gonna take a break and we'll
Speaker 3: be right back and we're back wrapping it up with
Speaker 3: Blair Saki Clair, thank you for coming on today. It
Speaker 3: was such a pleasure to meet you. I hope I
Speaker 3: see you again in person.
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, this is it's just a thrill. I'm
Speaker 5: so happy I got to hang out with you.
Speaker 2: I love me too. I love you too, honey. Thank
Speaker 2: you so much. Thank you, okay, thank you okay, guys,
Speaker 2: so for stand up.
Speaker 3: And I'm coming to Maricopa, Arizona April twelfth, and then Brooks,
Speaker 3: California is April thirteenth. And we added a second show
Speaker 3: in Sydney. And we added a second show in Prior Lake, Minnesota,
Speaker 3: which is now going to be May twenty fourth. We
Speaker 3: added the Santa Barbara Bowl, which is so fun. I
Speaker 3: performed there last year. That's August seventeenth, the Santa Barbara Bowl.
Speaker 3: We added a second show at Santa Rosa on August second,
Speaker 3: and we added two dates at Hawaii. Guys, I'm coming
Speaker 3: to Hawaii on July nineteenth to.
Speaker 2: CA Who Louis. I'm going to be at CA Who Louis.
Speaker 2: And then I'm coming on July twenty at to Honolulu.
Speaker 3: And oh I just added another date on August first Auburn, Washington. So,
Speaker 3: and all my Australia and New Zealand dates are up,
Speaker 3: and I will be announcing a European tour shortly, so.
Speaker 2: I will be coming there. And I'm coming to Oklahoma.
Speaker 2: I have two dates in Oklahoma.
Speaker 3: May third, which is my mother's birthday, Norman, Oklahoma, and
Speaker 3: May fourth, I'll.
Speaker 2: Be in Thackerville, Oklahoma, So Oklahomians, Oklahomaans, Oklaham's come bye.
Speaker 1: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
Speaker 1: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
Speaker 1: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
Speaker 1: and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law and
Speaker 1: be sure to check out our march at Chelseahandler dot
Speaker 1: com