WEBVTT - GECKMAIL 2.0: “I AM A HEDONIST” 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.240 Hello, what's up? Happy New Year? Thank you again for 0:00:03.320 --> 0:00:08.319 tuning in to the Therapy Gecko podcast. This is a 0:00:08.440 --> 0:00:13.720 special edition of gek Mail. So gek Mail is a 0:00:13.840 --> 0:00:15.920 version of this show that I do where I don't 0:00:16.000 --> 0:00:19.760 take phone calls. I just read viewer emails. But last 0:00:19.840 --> 0:00:23.680 night I came up with a with a crazy idea. 0:00:24.320 --> 0:00:26.840 Came up with a crazy idea. 0:00:26.880 --> 0:00:27.440 What if? 0:00:28.280 --> 0:00:33.600 What if I somehow combined the two topics to create 0:00:33.760 --> 0:00:39.120 gek Mail two point zero, wherein I would read emails 0:00:39.640 --> 0:00:43.120 and then whenever I feel like it, take a phone 0:00:43.159 --> 0:00:48.120 call and get one of the get a caller's perspective. 0:00:47.800 --> 0:00:48.680 On the email. 0:00:49.040 --> 0:00:54.200 It's a genius idea. I'm excited to try it out today. 0:00:54.720 --> 0:00:57.760 And so if you're watching this live on Twitch as 0:00:57.800 --> 0:01:01.480 I'm recording it, please, you know, feel free to call 0:01:01.520 --> 0:01:05.440 in between emails and I may very well take your call. 0:01:06.959 --> 0:01:09.280 I hope everyone is having a good New Year. Before 0:01:09.280 --> 0:01:11.399 we get into the emails, I want to talk about 0:01:11.400 --> 0:01:15.240 something exciting going on in my life. 0:01:15.280 --> 0:01:17.200 This is cool. 0:01:17.280 --> 0:01:23.240 So tomorrow at nine am, I am going to Japan. 0:01:24.280 --> 0:01:28.360 I'm going to Japan and I'm gonna do a really 0:01:28.640 --> 0:01:32.880 interesting thing there. I don't know if you all recall 0:01:34.640 --> 0:01:38.240 an episode of this podcast I put out. I don't 0:01:38.280 --> 0:01:39.640 even know how long ago it was, maybe it was 0:01:39.640 --> 0:01:42.479 a few weeks or months or whatever, and it's called 0:01:42.520 --> 0:01:45.800 I Walked Across Japan, and in it I told the 0:01:45.880 --> 0:01:49.440 story of how so last time I was in Japan. 0:01:49.480 --> 0:01:50.720 It's about two years ago. 0:01:51.360 --> 0:01:54.600 I was in I was like IRL streaming, so I 0:01:54.640 --> 0:01:58.000 had this irl stream backpack and I was walking around 0:01:58.040 --> 0:02:00.560 as the Gecko, live streaming and talking to people, and 0:02:00.600 --> 0:02:04.480 somebody in my twitch chat was like, hey, man, I 0:02:04.520 --> 0:02:07.720 actually live in Japan and I know where you are. 0:02:08.080 --> 0:02:10.600 Stay right there. I'm gonna stream snipe you. I'll come 0:02:10.800 --> 0:02:13.600 say what's up. And everyone in my chat was like, nah, nah, 0:02:13.639 --> 0:02:16.480 that's that's not true. This guy's just fucking with you. You're 0:02:16.360 --> 0:02:18.440 waiting around for nothing. And I was like, no, no, no, 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:20.760 this guy's gonna show up. I'm gonna just wait here 0:02:20.800 --> 0:02:23.000 for like ten minutes. And then this guy form my 0:02:23.040 --> 0:02:25.680 twitch chat is gonna show up. And I waited about 0:02:25.680 --> 0:02:27.600 ten minutes and everyone in the everyone in the chat 0:02:27.680 --> 0:02:30.440 is like, wow, you're being trolled. Okay, this guy's not 0:02:30.440 --> 0:02:34.200 gonna show up. A guy shows up. He's sense a 0:02:34.760 --> 0:02:38.400 Martian in the chat, guy shows up. I'm like, are 0:02:38.400 --> 0:02:41.320 you sense A Martian. He's like, yes, I am, and 0:02:41.440 --> 0:02:44.200 uh me and this guy that I just met from 0:02:44.280 --> 0:02:47.679 my twitch chat. We walked around and talked and hung 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:51.919 out for a couple hours and it was great and 0:02:52.000 --> 0:02:54.160 he kind of showed me around Tokyo a little bit. 0:02:54.560 --> 0:03:00.360 And then after the stream ended, we we kind of 0:03:00.440 --> 0:03:04.040 started chatting a little bit about like content creation and 0:03:04.560 --> 0:03:09.799 life and stuff, and then about like three I don't 0:03:09.800 --> 0:03:12.640 I don't know. Hevery many months ago, I get a 0:03:12.680 --> 0:03:18.079 call from sense Martian on the podcast. You can listen 0:03:18.160 --> 0:03:20.519 to this phone call. The episode is called I Walked 0:03:20.520 --> 0:03:21.720 across all of Japan. 0:03:22.160 --> 0:03:22.600 I think. 0:03:22.840 --> 0:03:24.760 So if you go to Spotify and you just search 0:03:25.320 --> 0:03:27.480 under therapy, get call I walked across all of Japan. 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:28.680 You can listen to this. 0:03:30.360 --> 0:03:32.959 And I get a call from him and he tells me, hey, man, 0:03:33.000 --> 0:03:36.280 our conversation. I felt really good about it, and it 0:03:36.400 --> 0:03:41.080 inspired me to walk all across Japan over six months 0:03:41.280 --> 0:03:46.320 and record it. And now I am going to go 0:03:46.360 --> 0:03:50.120 to Japan and I'm gonna meet up with sense Martian 0:03:50.520 --> 0:03:53.080 and We're gonna go on a long ass walk. 0:03:53.320 --> 0:03:56.520 I don't know, we don't know where yet. 0:03:56.560 --> 0:04:00.680 He's putting together a few ideas for roots and stuff, 0:04:01.160 --> 0:04:03.160 and it's I'm probably I don't think I'm gonna walk 0:04:03.200 --> 0:04:05.200 across all of Japan, but I want to go on 0:04:05.280 --> 0:04:07.200 a real walk. I've been talking a bunch of shit 0:04:07.320 --> 0:04:10.440 about uh getting into fitness and and how this is. 0:04:10.720 --> 0:04:13.920 You know, I really really want to pay more attention 0:04:14.000 --> 0:04:16.040 to my health than not be a piece of shit 0:04:16.120 --> 0:04:16.520 this year. 0:04:16.640 --> 0:04:17.800 So I told him. 0:04:17.800 --> 0:04:18.800 I was like, I want to go on like a 0:04:18.839 --> 0:04:22.320 seventy mile walk something crazy like that. And he's like, 0:04:22.360 --> 0:04:24.120 I got you. So I'm gonna meet up with this 0:04:24.240 --> 0:04:28.599 with with with sense Martian once again after two years, 0:04:29.200 --> 0:04:33.400 and we're gonna we're gonna walk some crazy walk. We 0:04:33.440 --> 0:04:35.839 don't know what yet, but uh, I think we're gonna 0:04:35.839 --> 0:04:38.640 stream a little bit of it. So UH, if you 0:04:38.640 --> 0:04:40.360 don't follow me on twitch already, you can follow me 0:04:40.400 --> 0:04:44.480 on twitch at twitch dot tv, slash lyle forever and 0:04:44.920 --> 0:04:49.039 uh in the coming weeks you may see uh me 0:04:49.200 --> 0:04:55.839 go live with sense Martin walking across some part of 0:04:56.040 --> 0:04:58.760 rural Japan. So I'm excited for that. That's what I'm 0:04:58.800 --> 0:05:03.400 doing tomorrow. But what what I am doing today is 0:05:03.680 --> 0:05:07.720 taking is reading emails, not taking calls, was reading emails. 0:05:07.760 --> 0:05:16.320 So I am going to start reading some emails a right. 0:05:16.440 --> 0:05:27.440 Let's see here. Okay, let's start with Facebook wants me sad. Okay, 0:05:27.480 --> 0:05:32.160 this is from Brackley. Subject line Facebook wants me sad. 0:05:32.400 --> 0:05:32.560 Hi. 0:05:32.760 --> 0:05:36.840 My name is Raffle Raphael. I'm gonna say Raphael. Love 0:05:36.920 --> 0:05:39.159 the gak mail thingy and the show blah blah. Let's 0:05:39.160 --> 0:05:41.440 get to the story. I had a really and I 0:05:41.520 --> 0:05:44.640 mean really good friend during high school. I considered her 0:05:44.720 --> 0:05:47.240 my soulmate and it was like that for all three years. 0:05:47.560 --> 0:05:50.800 After the graduation ceremony, when everybody was congratulating each other 0:05:50.839 --> 0:05:53.960 and saying goodbye, she was crying because, quote, it is 0:05:54.000 --> 0:05:56.400 the last time we would see each other, she said. 0:05:56.640 --> 0:05:58.799 I didn't think much of it. I thought our friendship 0:05:58.839 --> 0:06:01.480 was stronger than that, but I hate that she was right. 0:06:01.880 --> 0:06:05.120 There were a few meetups, and the daily chats became infrequent. 0:06:05.520 --> 0:06:08.960 Five years later, Facebook sent me a notification of unread 0:06:09.000 --> 0:06:12.120 messages with her profile picture. I was so happy to 0:06:12.160 --> 0:06:14.719 think that maybe she reached out, but it was just 0:06:14.760 --> 0:06:21.400 a glitch and I had no new messages since then. 0:06:21.880 --> 0:06:24.880 Every time I opened the FB messenger app, she appears 0:06:24.880 --> 0:06:27.040 in my hot bar for a split second and then 0:06:27.120 --> 0:06:29.960 is replaced by someone that should be there. Her name 0:06:30.000 --> 0:06:32.440 is Carolina, and if she is listening, tell her I 0:06:32.480 --> 0:06:36.320 say hi. Because of Facebook, I miss her every day, Brett. 0:06:36.320 --> 0:06:40.440 But okay, hold on, I hate this fucking what do 0:06:40.520 --> 0:06:40.760 you mean? 0:06:40.800 --> 0:06:41.080 Tell her? 0:06:41.080 --> 0:06:42.800 I said, what do you mean? If she is listening, 0:06:43.240 --> 0:06:46.600 tell her how you say hi? You fucking have her 0:06:46.600 --> 0:06:49.279 on Facebook? Tell her you say hi? Tell her you 0:06:49.320 --> 0:06:52.560 say hi yourself, my friend? Good God? 0:06:53.320 --> 0:06:55.080 What are you doing? What do you mean? 0:06:55.120 --> 0:06:56.719 Tell her you what do you mean? If she this 0:06:56.800 --> 0:07:00.479 is I gotta tell you, Raphael. If this is your 0:07:00.520 --> 0:07:02.760 attempt to reach out to this girl, it is the 0:07:02.800 --> 0:07:04.000 worst one you could have picked. 0:07:04.360 --> 0:07:07.360 Why don't you just message her? Here's the thing. 0:07:07.440 --> 0:07:09.560 Let me tell you something I feel for you. You 0:07:09.560 --> 0:07:10.920 you think that. 0:07:12.600 --> 0:07:13.160 You know. 0:07:15.240 --> 0:07:18.680 You got faked out, that maybe this girl reached out 0:07:18.680 --> 0:07:21.440 to you and that hurt. But why the fund dude, 0:07:21.440 --> 0:07:23.680 if you want to talk. I don't understand the conflict 0:07:23.720 --> 0:07:25.000 in here, because if you want to talk to her, 0:07:25.040 --> 0:07:28.880 why don't you just reach out? I don't understand this 0:07:29.760 --> 0:07:30.600 will why? Why? 0:07:31.000 --> 0:07:31.600 Okay? Hold on? 0:07:31.640 --> 0:07:34.120 Then it says, PS, I am the truck driver from Poland. 0:07:34.200 --> 0:07:36.360 You met at the Manchester show. It was awesome. Oh 0:07:36.400 --> 0:07:44.960 thanks man? Yeah, dude, why don't you why I'm so confused. 0:07:44.960 --> 0:07:47.000 Why don't you just reach out to her and and 0:07:47.360 --> 0:07:50.600 uh say hi? This is the worst way to communicate 0:07:50.640 --> 0:07:54.880 with this person. Her name is Carolina. You clearly like 0:07:54.920 --> 0:07:56.640 this girl. Why don't you just why don't you just 0:07:56.680 --> 0:08:00.160 message her on Facebook? That's what Facebook is for, It's 0:08:00.160 --> 0:08:03.520 for messaging people. This felt I felt a little cold 0:08:03.520 --> 0:08:05.480 in my response to this email, but also I just 0:08:05.560 --> 0:08:08.200 I'm like, if you miss her, why don't you just 0:08:08.320 --> 0:08:10.720 be like, hey, what's up? It's been five years. Facebook 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:12.320 told me a movie. You reached out, but I don't 0:08:12.360 --> 0:08:13.840 even say that. Just be like, hey, how are you doing. 0:08:15.320 --> 0:08:18.960 It's not like she blocked you. All right, let's keep going. 0:08:20.680 --> 0:08:23.400 This is from Elias subject line I want to buy 0:08:23.440 --> 0:08:29.960 a bird. Hey, gek, I've been wanting to buy a bird, 0:08:30.600 --> 0:08:33.640 something like a little budgy. My girlfriend seems open to 0:08:33.640 --> 0:08:35.480 the idea, but not completely on board. 0:08:35.800 --> 0:08:38.800 I had a bird before, a cute little blue budgie. 0:08:38.840 --> 0:08:40.320 Hold on, before I go for any further, I'm going 0:08:40.400 --> 0:08:43.000 to google what a budge is because I don't Oh, Okay, yeah, 0:08:43.000 --> 0:08:43.600 these are cute. 0:08:43.640 --> 0:08:44.240 I like these. 0:08:46.000 --> 0:08:50.080 Unfortunately it died from overeating culture salt that was left 0:08:50.120 --> 0:08:54.439 on the countertop. I don't have anything more deep or 0:08:54.440 --> 0:08:56.560 philosophical to talk about, but I would like to convince 0:08:56.600 --> 0:08:59.840 my girlfriend to get this bird. So that's about it. 0:09:00.640 --> 0:09:03.120 I'm curious why your girlfriend doesn't want the bird. Is 0:09:03.160 --> 0:09:07.160 it because you kind of killed one of the birds already? 0:09:08.800 --> 0:09:11.520 I feel like I feel like in life, you get 0:09:11.559 --> 0:09:15.360 I don't know. This is an interesting conundrum. How many 0:09:15.760 --> 0:09:20.160 passes do you get to kill a bird? I think 0:09:20.160 --> 0:09:22.120 if you have a pet bird and you kill it, 0:09:23.559 --> 0:09:26.720 maybe you get to try one more time. If you 0:09:26.760 --> 0:09:29.680 have a pet bird and it dies because you left 0:09:29.840 --> 0:09:38.640 salts out, maybe you get another bird. I'm not a 0:09:38.679 --> 0:09:44.720 big fan of pet birds. I think it's kind of sad, right, Like, like, 0:09:44.720 --> 0:09:48.040 if you're like a domesticated like if you're a dog, right, 0:09:48.200 --> 0:09:52.400 you're gonna have your best life in domestication, hands down, 0:09:52.520 --> 0:09:57.560 you're gonna have your best life in domestication because you know, 0:09:57.640 --> 0:10:03.200 you get food and you get walked and all this stuff. 0:10:03.240 --> 0:10:04.959 But a bird, I feel like you have your best 0:10:05.000 --> 0:10:06.720 life in the wild because you can like fly and 0:10:06.800 --> 0:10:07.240 do shit. 0:10:07.840 --> 0:10:09.440 You know, somebody the. 0:10:09.480 --> 0:10:13.360 Chest said birds are super easy to kill unfortunately salt 0:10:13.640 --> 0:10:15.080 ceiling fans, etc. 0:10:17.400 --> 0:10:19.040 Yeah, I don't know, man, I would say. 0:10:22.960 --> 0:10:24.880 I would say, I'm I would love to talk to 0:10:24.880 --> 0:10:28.079 your girlfriend about why she thinks you shouldn't get a bird. 0:10:29.840 --> 0:10:31.400 Why don't you get like a hamster something? 0:10:31.920 --> 0:10:33.839 Why don't you I think you should say, I think 0:10:34.000 --> 0:10:36.120 you'd kind of botched it with the bird the first 0:10:36.120 --> 0:10:36.760 time around. 0:10:37.000 --> 0:10:38.120 Why don't you try something else? 0:10:38.120 --> 0:10:40.640 Why don't you get like a chinchilla, or like a 0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:45.960 lizard or something like that, something like a like some 0:10:46.120 --> 0:10:48.560 I want you should get an animal that you know 0:10:48.640 --> 0:10:51.240 it's better off with you than wherever the fuck else 0:10:51.280 --> 0:10:54.280 it would be. And I would say, no bird. Maybe 0:10:54.280 --> 0:10:56.800 not no bird, but I feel like whatever bird that 0:10:56.880 --> 0:10:59.040 you would have in captivity is worse off than if 0:10:59.080 --> 0:11:00.960 it was just in the wild. But I wouldn't say 0:11:00.960 --> 0:11:04.120 that about a gecko or like if you want to 0:11:04.120 --> 0:11:08.720 get a frog, something like that, something like that. Okay, 0:11:09.720 --> 0:11:12.000 all right, I'm feeling good about this gek mail today. 0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:13.760 I'm feeling good about this gak mail today. 0:11:13.800 --> 0:11:14.000 Okay. 0:11:14.040 --> 0:11:18.480 This is from Victor, subject line one of your callers 0:11:19.000 --> 0:11:23.880 changed my life, yo, GHEK fun story for you. I 0:11:23.920 --> 0:11:26.080 met a girl on Facebook dating in June. 0:11:26.400 --> 0:11:26.959 I quit my. 0:11:27.000 --> 0:11:29.480 Job just to see her for five days, and they 0:11:29.480 --> 0:11:31.480 were the greatest days of my life. 0:11:31.960 --> 0:11:32.679 At that point. 0:11:32.720 --> 0:11:34.480 I wanted to move to where she lived, and I 0:11:34.480 --> 0:11:36.680 was pretty hell bent on doing it. I took a 0:11:36.679 --> 0:11:39.000 shitty job at Olive Garden, and I put myself through 0:11:39.040 --> 0:11:41.280 a lot of physical and mental trauma for a month 0:11:41.360 --> 0:11:44.199 until my body couldn't take it anymore. She wasn't very 0:11:44.200 --> 0:11:47.120 supportive of me losing that job, telling me she told 0:11:47.120 --> 0:11:49.600 me so and all that, and then proceeded to cheat 0:11:49.640 --> 0:11:53.760 on me with two dudes in one night. I forgave 0:11:53.840 --> 0:11:57.040 her and still visited her for her birthday, on which 0:11:57.120 --> 0:12:01.439 she got insanely drunk and tried hurting her herself, which 0:12:01.480 --> 0:12:05.839 I was lucky enough to stop. She actually called into 0:12:05.880 --> 0:12:08.199 the show while I was there. Iight o K if 0:12:08.200 --> 0:12:12.080 you remember the girl who cleans toilets for Cohler, but 0:12:12.200 --> 0:12:14.560 that's her. She's a pretty cool gal. I think I 0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:17.080 kind of remember her. I loved her to death, but 0:12:17.320 --> 0:12:19.280 she broke up with me a week or so after 0:12:19.320 --> 0:12:21.360 her birthday and told me she didn't want the relationship. 0:12:21.400 --> 0:12:24.120 After July with that, I did a lot of soul 0:12:24.160 --> 0:12:26.920 searching and realized I wasn't the person I thought I was. 0:12:27.200 --> 0:12:32.280 So I'm starting my transition to be a woman. If 0:12:32.320 --> 0:12:35.040 this gets red on air and she hears it, I 0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:38.199 forgive her for everything because it took me losing her 0:12:38.320 --> 0:12:41.040 to find myself. Sometimes that's what it takes, and I 0:12:41.040 --> 0:12:44.120 wouldn't change a thing about my past. Thanks for letting 0:12:44.120 --> 0:12:59.160 me share this. GEK much love, Vivian. Well, interesting, huh interesting? Interesting? 0:13:01.040 --> 0:13:03.439 Uh yeah, I wonder. 0:13:05.360 --> 0:13:05.680 I don't. 0:13:05.760 --> 0:13:07.320 Yeah, that's cool. 0:13:07.760 --> 0:13:08.280 I like that. 0:13:09.160 --> 0:13:11.439 I think that's cool. I like this story because this 0:13:11.520 --> 0:13:16.560 is a story of, like, you know, something bad happens 0:13:16.640 --> 0:13:19.280 to you and it helps you kind of figure out 0:13:19.640 --> 0:13:24.160 who you actually are, right, Like, that's I think when 0:13:24.240 --> 0:13:26.720 bad I think, I think when bad things happen to you, 0:13:27.600 --> 0:13:31.680 it's actually uh good sometimes because it helps you figure 0:13:31.679 --> 0:13:37.440 out that maybe you're a woman, or maybe you uh 0:13:38.160 --> 0:13:42.480 something else about you? You know, are you still friends 0:13:42.520 --> 0:13:47.120 with this lady? It seems it took me losing her 0:13:47.240 --> 0:13:48.160 to find myself. 0:13:48.600 --> 0:13:49.040 I like that. 0:13:50.240 --> 0:13:55.920 I like that. Yeah, all garden sucks. I don't have 0:13:55.960 --> 0:14:01.520 any more commentary on this. I'm gonna read another email. Hello, sir, okay, okay. 0:14:01.520 --> 0:14:08.280 Subject This is from cl Frost. Subject line father issue. Hello, sir, ma'am, 0:14:08.400 --> 0:14:12.320 my name is Max parentheses, don't say my name. I 0:14:12.360 --> 0:14:13.440 am just kidding. I don't care. 0:14:13.520 --> 0:14:15.320 I just said that to piss you off. Okay. 0:14:15.640 --> 0:14:18.320 I am having some troubles with my dad as of recently. 0:14:18.880 --> 0:14:21.440 I am currently a second year at a university and 0:14:21.480 --> 0:14:23.320 studying mechanical engineering. 0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:26.119 Uh. 0:14:26.320 --> 0:14:27.600 My dad had asked. 0:14:27.360 --> 0:14:29.240 Me for my grades, and mind you, I was taking 0:14:29.280 --> 0:14:33.240 some really hard classes. I'm taking calculus, physics, and a 0:14:33.320 --> 0:14:35.560 history class that I don't really care about. All of 0:14:35.600 --> 0:14:39.520 my classes I have a's except for Calc. Anyway, he 0:14:39.560 --> 0:14:41.400 asked for my grades and I showed him my grades 0:14:41.440 --> 0:14:42.520 and immediately went for the C. 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:45.880 And he asked me why I have a C. 0:14:46.080 --> 0:14:47.440 And I told him it is the class that I'm 0:14:47.440 --> 0:14:50.000 struggling with and told him what I was gonna do 0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:50.640 to bring it up. 0:14:51.000 --> 0:14:52.840 What I didn't like is that he completely. 0:14:52.440 --> 0:14:54.880 Dismissed the a's that I have, and I legit was 0:14:54.920 --> 0:14:57.160 so pissed off because I've been working my ass off 0:14:57.200 --> 0:14:59.720 in these classes and it honestly is a lot. I 0:14:59.760 --> 0:15:01.880 want to be proud of me because there has never 0:15:01.920 --> 0:15:04.080 been a moment in my life where he told me 0:15:04.160 --> 0:15:05.920 that he is genuinely. 0:15:05.480 --> 0:15:06.000 Proud of me. 0:15:06.760 --> 0:15:09.480 By the way, this is a Mexican dad, so you 0:15:09.520 --> 0:15:14.640 can use those racial stereotypes because they are real. Okay, 0:15:15.000 --> 0:15:18.040 I get the comparison where let's say one kid is 0:15:18.080 --> 0:15:20.680 sick and one isn't. Who are you going to look 0:15:20.680 --> 0:15:25.080 at more whoever is sick or isn't. I don't know 0:15:25.120 --> 0:15:27.640 what that was the point being. How do I approach 0:15:27.680 --> 0:15:29.280 this because it honestly makes me upset? And I know 0:15:29.320 --> 0:15:31.480 you should be proud of myself for everything I have accomplished. 0:15:31.680 --> 0:15:33.880 I just want some sort of validation, I guess I know. 0:15:34.000 --> 0:15:36.920 I hope you have a good rest of your name. Yeah, Max, listen, 0:15:38.720 --> 0:15:42.120 I'm really genuinely I'm really sorry that your dad. You're 0:15:42.160 --> 0:15:44.040 feeling like you have issues with your dad where he's 0:15:44.080 --> 0:15:48.120 like not proud of you. But you said a lot 0:15:48.120 --> 0:15:50.440 of stuff in this email that I liked. Right, you 0:15:50.480 --> 0:15:53.640 were like, I know I should be proud of myself 0:15:53.680 --> 0:15:56.200 for everything I have accomplished. Let me tell you something, Max, 0:15:56.280 --> 0:16:00.480 Let me speak some fucking let me let me let 0:16:00.560 --> 0:16:03.760 me speak some uh, some motivational jizz in your ear 0:16:03.840 --> 0:16:11.200 all right. You don't need anyone's permission to be proud 0:16:11.240 --> 0:16:14.560 of yourself, my friend, You don't need anyone's permission to 0:16:14.600 --> 0:16:17.600 be proud of yourself. If you're proud of yourself, be 0:16:17.720 --> 0:16:20.640 proud of yourself. You don't need anyone's permission to fucking 0:16:21.800 --> 0:16:24.560 feel any kind of way about yourself. You get to that, 0:16:24.680 --> 0:16:27.520 you you, I you seem like, here's the thing. You're 0:16:27.560 --> 0:16:31.080 a second year at university, so like you're just now 0:16:32.560 --> 0:16:36.640 coming into like the universe of being an adult, and 0:16:36.800 --> 0:16:39.000 people shit on being an adult, but I think it's 0:16:39.400 --> 0:16:44.160 way way better than being in fucking high school. Because 0:16:44.200 --> 0:16:47.200 when you're in elementary school, midd school, high school, your 0:16:47.360 --> 0:16:52.400 whole fucking life is about asking for permission. You're asking 0:16:52.440 --> 0:16:56.640 for permission from your your teachers to give you good grades, 0:16:56.640 --> 0:16:59.680 and you're asking for permission from your parents to do things, 0:16:59.760 --> 0:17:02.960 and you're asking for permission from everyone for everything. And 0:17:03.280 --> 0:17:05.960 you finally, as an adult, like you just get to 0:17:06.040 --> 0:17:09.200 fucking the one thing you never have to ask permission 0:17:09.200 --> 0:17:11.560 for is like how you want to feel about yourself, 0:17:12.359 --> 0:17:15.760 you know, and deep into your fucking adult life, you're 0:17:15.800 --> 0:17:19.800 gonna find yourself trying to ask for permission from people 0:17:19.840 --> 0:17:23.280 around you and from society and from your job about 0:17:23.320 --> 0:17:26.080 like feeling good about yourself or feeling that you are 0:17:26.119 --> 0:17:29.120 a certain kind of way, like needing validation on that and. 0:17:29.040 --> 0:17:30.760 You never have to do that ever. 0:17:30.840 --> 0:17:34.719 You only fucking validate, like you know, look, check in, 0:17:35.560 --> 0:17:37.719 check in with the people around you, check in with 0:17:37.800 --> 0:17:40.800 society to kind of make sure you're not a total 0:17:40.880 --> 0:17:42.680 anti social, insane person. 0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:45.560 I think that's good. I think that grounds you in reality. 0:17:45.760 --> 0:17:48.000 You don't want to think you're like the hot shit 0:17:48.119 --> 0:17:53.080 amazing everything and have no external evidence to you know, 0:17:53.160 --> 0:17:54.560 tell you everything otherwise. 0:17:54.640 --> 0:17:55.240 But you don't. 0:17:55.640 --> 0:17:58.840 You know, you don't need your dad to validate you. You 0:17:58.800 --> 0:18:02.160 could look you. You know, you know that you worked 0:18:02.200 --> 0:18:06.840 hard on the classes. So just be proud of yourself, Max. 0:18:07.840 --> 0:18:13.600 You don't need your dad to be proud of you. 0:18:13.600 --> 0:18:17.960 You can just be proud of yourself. Okay. This is 0:18:18.840 --> 0:18:26.600 from hot Dog, a subject line name change surgery. Hello, Lyle, 0:18:26.680 --> 0:18:29.199 Please call me hot Dog if you read this email 0:18:29.240 --> 0:18:31.760 on the podcast. Me and my girlfriend have been talking 0:18:31.760 --> 0:18:34.840 about getting engaged in twenty twenty five and married probably 0:18:34.880 --> 0:18:37.040 in twenty twenty six, and have been thinking about the 0:18:37.080 --> 0:18:39.920 whole last name thing. I have my father's last name, 0:18:39.960 --> 0:18:42.399 but my parents split up when I was a baby, 0:18:42.680 --> 0:18:46.800 and my mom and my maternal grandparents raised me. Me 0:18:46.880 --> 0:18:49.159 and my dad reconnected in my childhood and are on 0:18:49.240 --> 0:18:52.000 good terms but not close. I see him maybe once 0:18:52.040 --> 0:18:54.920 per year. My girlfriend had the idea of us both 0:18:55.040 --> 0:18:58.280 taking my maternal grandparents' last name when we get married, 0:18:58.320 --> 0:19:00.639 instead of her taking my last name, and have it 0:19:00.760 --> 0:19:03.479 be a surprise for my grandparents at the wedding. I 0:19:03.520 --> 0:19:04.960 love this idea and think it would be a great 0:19:04.960 --> 0:19:07.399 way to show my appreciation for them and everything they've done. 0:19:07.560 --> 0:19:09.520 I would also like to invite my father to the wedding, 0:19:09.920 --> 0:19:11.680 but I feel like no matter what, this will hurt 0:19:11.720 --> 0:19:14.879 his feelings and maybe impact our relationship, even though he 0:19:14.920 --> 0:19:16.920 has to know realistically that he did not play a 0:19:16.960 --> 0:19:19.000 large role in my life. We are both in our 0:19:19.040 --> 0:19:21.080 late twenties. Love the show. Been watching for a couple 0:19:21.080 --> 0:19:26.000 of years. You bring great perspective. Thanks hot Dog. Okay, 0:19:26.040 --> 0:19:31.119 so this is Do you think your dad is going 0:19:31.200 --> 0:19:36.160 to be upset that you took your mom's name instead 0:19:36.200 --> 0:19:40.840 of his? Let me reread this is this really gonna. 0:19:42.200 --> 0:19:42.520 Okay? 0:19:42.560 --> 0:19:45.440 Both my mom and me and my dad reconnected. My childhood, wrong, 0:19:45.480 --> 0:19:47.280 good terms and not close. I see him maybe once 0:19:47.359 --> 0:19:51.280 per year. Oh so you know, bro, whatever, Look, here's 0:19:51.280 --> 0:19:54.040 the thing. You're in your late twenties. If this is 0:19:54.040 --> 0:19:56.400 what you want to do again, I mean, you don't 0:19:56.440 --> 0:19:58.800 need permission from your dad to like this is I guess, 0:19:58.880 --> 0:20:00.639 like a people pleasing thing. Like you don't want to 0:20:00.680 --> 0:20:05.000 hurt your dad's feelings, but like whatever, man, if this 0:20:05.040 --> 0:20:09.280 is what you want to do, then do it right. 0:20:10.240 --> 0:20:13.480 I feel like it's pretty simple, Like I get that 0:20:13.520 --> 0:20:15.640 you don't want to impact your dad's relationship. But here's 0:20:15.640 --> 0:20:17.480 the thing. If you sit down with your dad and 0:20:17.520 --> 0:20:22.320 you're like, Okay, yeah, this is what I'm doing and 0:20:22.400 --> 0:20:26.119 he gets like fucking pissed and offended, then you know 0:20:26.359 --> 0:20:30.760 that's that's his problem, to be honest, that's a him 0:20:30.840 --> 0:20:34.520 letting this impact your relationship because you know he's got 0:20:34.640 --> 0:20:37.040 to take the l on this one. He's got to 0:20:37.080 --> 0:20:38.760 be like, ah, you know, you're right, I kind of 0:20:38.880 --> 0:20:40.600 fucked up, but I abandoned you for a little bit 0:20:40.640 --> 0:20:41.880 and we're back, but we're not that close. 0:20:41.960 --> 0:20:42.320 I get it. 0:20:42.320 --> 0:20:43.639 I get it. I get it. And then you and 0:20:43.640 --> 0:20:45.399 then if he does that, if you tell him this 0:20:45.440 --> 0:20:47.119 and he's like, ah, yeah, you're right, I get it. 0:20:47.119 --> 0:20:47.520 I get it. 0:20:47.880 --> 0:20:48.760 Then you guys can have it. 0:20:48.880 --> 0:20:51.000 Then if he does that, then you guys can have 0:20:51.040 --> 0:20:56.960 a beautiful relationship because he's like, you know, accepts his 0:20:57.160 --> 0:21:00.639 place in your life, and then he can build on 0:21:00.720 --> 0:21:03.960 top of that and become even closer with you. But 0:21:04.040 --> 0:21:07.960 that's on him to accept, not really on you to 0:21:08.520 --> 0:21:13.320 care about whether or not this hurts his feelings. I'm 0:21:13.320 --> 0:21:14.760 going to take a phone call. I kind of want 0:21:14.760 --> 0:21:16.720