1 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:14,640 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly 2 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:19,480 Speaker 1: conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small 3 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,680 Speaker 1: decisions we can make to become the best possible versions 4 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:26,800 Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor Joy hard and Bradford, 5 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:32,239 Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or 6 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:35,760 Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website 7 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:39,600 Speaker 1: at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you 8 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:43,639 Speaker 1: love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is 9 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:46,600 Speaker 1: not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with 10 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:57,760 Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much 11 00:00:57,760 --> 00:01:00,080 Speaker 1: for joining me for session three sixty seven of the 12 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:03,880 Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls Podcast. Before we get into our conversation, 13 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:07,280 Speaker 1: I'm excited to share that on Thursday, July eighteenth and 14 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:11,400 Speaker 1: Friday July nineteenth, we'll be holding our inaugural Therapist Summit 15 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:14,600 Speaker 1: in Atlanta. We're shining a light on our community of 16 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:17,600 Speaker 1: therapists and all those who dedicated their careers to holding 17 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:20,720 Speaker 1: space for others by gathering some of our favorite voices 18 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:24,120 Speaker 1: in the field to share strategies for scaling your practice 19 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:27,800 Speaker 1: and for some much needed networking in play. Visit Therapy 20 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:31,160 Speaker 1: for Blackgirls dot com slash Healers to secure your ticket 21 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,959 Speaker 1: and for more information. Now, let's hear a word from 22 00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:34,960 Speaker 1: our sponsors. 23 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:37,959 Speaker 2: Hi, I'm Christal West and I'm on the Therapy for 24 00:01:37,959 --> 00:01:41,920 Speaker 2: Black Girls podcast. I'm in session today unpacking my journey 25 00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:43,080 Speaker 2: to becoming a therapist. 26 00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:50,080 Speaker 1: This July, Therapy for Black Girls is bringing our yearly 27 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:54,200 Speaker 1: Minority Mental Health Month celebration in person to Atlanta, Georgia. 28 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:58,280 Speaker 1: Join us Thursday July eighteenth and Friday, July nineteenth as 29 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:01,160 Speaker 1: we shine a light on mental health profits and all 30 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:04,360 Speaker 1: those who dedicated their careers to holding space for others. 31 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:08,800 Speaker 1: Our inaugural Holding Space for Healers Therapists Summit will gather 32 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:12,520 Speaker 1: some of our favorite voices in the field for workshops, seminars, 33 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:15,560 Speaker 1: and opportunities to connect. You don't want to miss this, 34 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:18,799 Speaker 1: so secure your ticket to wellness by visiting Therapy for 35 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:28,600 Speaker 1: Blackgirls dot com slash Healers. Fans of the Red podcast 36 00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:32,119 Speaker 1: have followed co host's Crystal's journey as she went back 37 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:34,880 Speaker 1: to school in the hopes of becoming a therapist. Well, 38 00:02:34,919 --> 00:02:37,919 Speaker 1: she's graduated, y'all, so of course it was only right 39 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,720 Speaker 1: to have her join us to talk a little bit 40 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,639 Speaker 1: about her journey and what advice she has for other 41 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:47,440 Speaker 1: aspiring therapists. In case you're unfamiliar with Crystal, she's a 42 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:50,679 Speaker 1: TV and podcast personality whose work has been featured in 43 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:56,160 Speaker 1: The Washington Post, Essence, Slate, BuzzFeed, and several other media outlets. 44 00:02:56,760 --> 00:03:00,440 Speaker 1: As mentioned, she's half of the critically acclaimed comedy podcast 45 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:03,600 Speaker 1: To Read and considers meeting Beyonce to be one of 46 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:06,720 Speaker 1: the most thrilling events of her life. In our conversation, 47 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:10,200 Speaker 1: we discussed the challenges of navigating grad school as a 48 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:13,240 Speaker 1: public figure, how to take care of yourself when working 49 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:16,880 Speaker 1: with clients, triggers old wounds, and what she hopes to 50 00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:20,000 Speaker 1: do with her degree now that she's graduated. If something 51 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:23,680 Speaker 1: resonates with you while enjoying our conversation, please share with 52 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:26,880 Speaker 1: us on social media using the hashtag tvg in session 53 00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:29,960 Speaker 1: or join us in the sister circle To talk more 54 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:33,280 Speaker 1: about the episode. You can join us at community dot 55 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:40,760 Speaker 1: therapy for Black Girls dot com. Here's our conversation, Chris, So, 56 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:44,000 Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us today. I'm so 57 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,600 Speaker 1: so excited to chat with you. 58 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,480 Speaker 2: Thank you for having me, doctor Joye and Honor. 59 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:52,080 Speaker 1: Yes, it feels like such a full circle moment. So 60 00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:57,760 Speaker 1: congratulations on your recent graduation from your master's program. Look 61 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:02,040 Speaker 1: at you, it's so so excited. So I know I 62 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:04,360 Speaker 1: am not the only one who, of course, has been 63 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:07,160 Speaker 1: a fan of yours from the read and just seeing 64 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:10,280 Speaker 1: your trajectory and all the conversations about mental health that 65 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:13,040 Speaker 1: you've had to see you come all the way around 66 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:16,800 Speaker 1: to now being a therapist yourself. So I just would 67 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,960 Speaker 1: love to hear how did you make the decision to 68 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:24,680 Speaker 1: start a master's program? Is it in mental health counseling? Yes? Yeah, 69 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:28,320 Speaker 1: So was it one particular letter like a reader like, 70 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,240 Speaker 1: what started this trajectory? 71 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:33,520 Speaker 2: Well, I would say it was actually we were doing 72 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:35,360 Speaker 2: a live show. It had to be five years ago 73 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:39,200 Speaker 2: at this point. But one of the audience questions was 74 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,159 Speaker 2: about going back to school, and I was like, oh, no, 75 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:44,599 Speaker 2: of course, not not going back to school. And then 76 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:48,400 Speaker 2: I thought about it and I was like, actually I 77 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:50,560 Speaker 2: might go back to school. And I always said that 78 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,880 Speaker 2: I wouldn't unless there was something I was really passionate 79 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:54,599 Speaker 2: about or something I really wanted. 80 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,000 Speaker 3: To learn or do. 81 00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,960 Speaker 2: But this just came to me immediately because of course, 82 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:03,120 Speaker 2: or is finding my therapist through therapy for Black Girls 83 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:06,960 Speaker 2: really changed my life and I just wanted to know 84 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,080 Speaker 2: how she was able to do it. It's not like 85 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:11,800 Speaker 2: talking to friends, it's not like prayer, Like this is 86 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:16,120 Speaker 2: something different, and how did you do that to me? Like? 87 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:18,800 Speaker 2: How did you teach me to change the way I 88 00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:24,160 Speaker 2: think about myself? So yes, decided to go for it, 89 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:27,240 Speaker 2: and that's how we got here. But shout out to 90 00:05:27,279 --> 00:05:29,520 Speaker 2: whoever that was who asked me about going to school, 91 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:32,599 Speaker 2: because immediately I was like, ugh, but it planted the 92 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:34,760 Speaker 2: seed and so now here I am with a degree. 93 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:38,840 Speaker 1: Wow, that is so incredible. And I know you and 94 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:42,240 Speaker 1: Kifierry have talked so much about starting the podcast, and 95 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,880 Speaker 1: you know it kind of just being two friends chatting, 96 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:48,240 Speaker 1: but it really did turn into this thing that I 97 00:05:48,279 --> 00:05:52,680 Speaker 1: think made mental health more palatable for people to talk 98 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 1: about and like for people to be more honest. So 99 00:05:55,279 --> 00:05:57,680 Speaker 1: at what point or did this ever happen? Did the 100 00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:00,960 Speaker 1: two of you say like, Okay, we're gonna be open 101 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,080 Speaker 1: and sharing our own mental health journey used to kind 102 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:05,719 Speaker 1: of open the doors for other people? Did that ever happen? 103 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:09,200 Speaker 2: No, it wasn't like some conscious decision of let's talk 104 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:12,400 Speaker 2: about it now. Kid Fury has been really open throughout 105 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,600 Speaker 2: the years, and more so over the past couple of 106 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:17,800 Speaker 2: years about his personal mental health struggles. And I was 107 00:06:17,839 --> 00:06:20,039 Speaker 2: one of those people who was like, I'm good, I 108 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:23,400 Speaker 2: don't have no problems. Yeah, until I had a relationship 109 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:26,120 Speaker 2: that ended very poorly that sent me to therapy and 110 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:30,520 Speaker 2: that started my own awakening. That was maybe seven years 111 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:33,039 Speaker 2: ago now. So when I started going to therapy, I 112 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:36,200 Speaker 2: started talking bit by bit as I was ready to 113 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:39,159 Speaker 2: talk about what I was learning on the show. But 114 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,800 Speaker 2: it's never been like, Okay, we're a mental health podcast. 115 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:42,080 Speaker 3: Now. 116 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:46,760 Speaker 2: We just are open about the ways in which we struggle. 117 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:49,080 Speaker 2: And I think maybe that's what has resonated with so 118 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:52,040 Speaker 2: many people, because a lot of people don't. They act 119 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:56,080 Speaker 2: like they have nothing going on and there's no stress, 120 00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:59,719 Speaker 2: no depression, anxiety, any kind of mental illness, and we're like, no, 121 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,720 Speaker 2: we are really struggling sometimes, where we still get up 122 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:06,120 Speaker 2: and come to work like everybody else as much as 123 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:09,040 Speaker 2: we possibly can, and try to be real with people 124 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,600 Speaker 2: about what we're going through because we're not machines, and 125 00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:14,400 Speaker 2: it can sometimes feel like people expect us to just 126 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:18,200 Speaker 2: be pop culture machines, just press a button and get 127 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:20,360 Speaker 2: some hot takes out of us, but it doesn't work 128 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,560 Speaker 2: like that. We're people and we're affected by our mental 129 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:24,640 Speaker 2: health like everyone else. 130 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:27,680 Speaker 1: M h Yeah, I mean just so many compliments, and 131 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:29,520 Speaker 1: I feel like I've told you some of this, but 132 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:31,920 Speaker 1: I just feel like y'all have done such a beautiful 133 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:35,640 Speaker 1: job modeling like humanity, right like on those weeks where 134 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:38,240 Speaker 1: y'all feel like y'all just don't have it or we 135 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 1: need a mental health break, like we're just gonna be 136 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:41,880 Speaker 1: gone for a while and we'll see y'all when we 137 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:44,000 Speaker 1: catch up. I feel like y'all have done a really, 138 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,280 Speaker 1: really beautiful job of just letting people know like it's 139 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,600 Speaker 1: okay to not be okay and to check out, to 140 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,040 Speaker 1: take care of yourself when you need to. 141 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's kind of like practicing what you preach. It's 142 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,720 Speaker 2: one of those things that's really easy to say, but 143 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:56,640 Speaker 2: when it comes to you and your life, you're like, oh, no, 144 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,040 Speaker 2: not me, though I'm not taking a break from my 145 00:07:59,200 --> 00:07:59,760 Speaker 2: mental health. 146 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:02,440 Speaker 3: It's crazy, but it's like, no, girl, yes, you you. 147 00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:05,840 Speaker 2: Too, Like you deserve that same consideration that you're so 148 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:11,200 Speaker 2: ready and willing to give to others. So yeah, yes, yes, 149 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:15,240 Speaker 2: So now on the other side of graduation. Tell me, 150 00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:17,520 Speaker 2: and I feel like all students have this, But what 151 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:20,080 Speaker 2: do you wish you would have known about grad school 152 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:24,640 Speaker 2: that you didn't know before you started? Just how intense 153 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:28,520 Speaker 2: the practicum and internship was going to be, either that 154 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:34,480 Speaker 2: or family systems. That class about family systems and therapy 155 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:41,160 Speaker 2: for families, that was an extremely triggering class, and I 156 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,600 Speaker 2: think the whole program really can be is kind of 157 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:48,319 Speaker 2: like opening yourself up to revisiting your own past every 158 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:51,800 Speaker 2: week in class. But just how attached I would grow 159 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:54,280 Speaker 2: to my clients, and how hard it would be to 160 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,199 Speaker 2: terminate with them, and how much I would learn about 161 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:01,680 Speaker 2: myself while being a therapist, and how it can also 162 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:04,600 Speaker 2: help with my own healing, although that's obviously not the goal. 163 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:09,080 Speaker 2: Just relating to other people, showing them that same empathy, 164 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:12,360 Speaker 2: realizing just how common some of our experiences are, how 165 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:17,280 Speaker 2: much people really are not that different. I've seen clients 166 00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:22,240 Speaker 2: lots of different races, gender, sexualities, and a lot of 167 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:26,520 Speaker 2: the stories are almost universal. So there was a lot 168 00:09:26,559 --> 00:09:29,480 Speaker 2: about the experience that I really I don't even think 169 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:32,160 Speaker 2: anybody could have If somebody had warned me, I don't 170 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:34,160 Speaker 2: think it would have been enough. It's one of those 171 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,400 Speaker 2: things you have to go through to really know what 172 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:36,800 Speaker 2: it's like. 173 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:40,079 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that that is a very common experience 174 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,520 Speaker 1: for people who like studying psychology and mental health, like 175 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:45,760 Speaker 1: going through the DSM and diagnosing yourself with all these 176 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:48,720 Speaker 1: things and it's like, oh, I definitely got this right. 177 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:55,720 Speaker 2: Within arms reach. Yes, that I think. So, we only 178 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,760 Speaker 2: had one class about diagnosis because it's not something that 179 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:01,840 Speaker 2: at the master's level you are really focused on. But 180 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:07,439 Speaker 2: there's definitely when you're going through all these disorders, you're like, now, 181 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:12,439 Speaker 2: wait a minute, another one, Like come on, man, I 182 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:14,280 Speaker 2: already feel like I'm all throughout this book. 183 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:18,240 Speaker 3: But yeah, that's definitely a big part of it. Yeah. 184 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:20,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, to your point around like the family systems class, 185 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,600 Speaker 1: I think that is why grad program but to have 186 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:26,120 Speaker 1: such a focus on taking care of yourself as a 187 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:29,000 Speaker 1: therapist because all of the stuff that you are then 188 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:32,520 Speaker 1: holding for clients and learning about reawakens all of your 189 00:10:32,559 --> 00:10:35,000 Speaker 1: own stuff. Can you talk a little bit about how 190 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:38,319 Speaker 1: you had to take extra care of yourself throughout the 191 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:41,040 Speaker 1: training program kind of learning about all of these things. 192 00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:44,360 Speaker 2: Yes, I was really really grateful for the amount of 193 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 2: support that I received as a grad student. And I 194 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:51,800 Speaker 2: felt like, even in the moment, I could appreciate just 195 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:55,440 Speaker 2: how much students need this kind of support because you 196 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:59,000 Speaker 2: really don't know what you're getting into as a therapist. Thankfully, 197 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,640 Speaker 2: for me, I had already been a client for several years, 198 00:11:01,679 --> 00:11:03,720 Speaker 2: so I had an idea of how it worked. But 199 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,440 Speaker 2: some of my classmates had never been clients either, so 200 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:09,839 Speaker 2: I think for them it was an even bigger learning curve. 201 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:14,760 Speaker 2: But you take in other people's problems every day, and 202 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:19,479 Speaker 2: I'm hearing horrible things, like some of the most horrific, 203 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:23,560 Speaker 2: terrible things have happened to my clients, and so you 204 00:11:23,559 --> 00:11:26,400 Speaker 2: can't just sit there and hear back to back trauma, trauma, 205 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:30,400 Speaker 2: trauma and not do something with it. So I was 206 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:33,240 Speaker 2: very grateful to my supervisor at the clinic. He had 207 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:35,360 Speaker 2: like a twenty four to seven policy, hit me up 208 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:38,480 Speaker 2: anytime anything comes up, so I could always go to him. 209 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:43,880 Speaker 2: To the other therapists and interns at the clinic, and 210 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:48,600 Speaker 2: also within the program, all the instructors, it just was 211 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:52,880 Speaker 2: this constant reminding us that in order to be the 212 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,439 Speaker 2: most effective counsel you can, you have to take care 213 00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:59,360 Speaker 2: of yourself. You can't just take on other people's issues 214 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,080 Speaker 2: and listen to this sort of thing all the time 215 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:03,120 Speaker 2: and not do something with it. So one thing I 216 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,880 Speaker 2: got into the habit of that I still do now 217 00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:10,120 Speaker 2: is after a day of seeing clients, just going on 218 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:15,240 Speaker 2: a very long walk and just walking it out and 219 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:18,400 Speaker 2: doing like these butterfly presses, this sort of thing to 220 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:22,040 Speaker 2: soothe myself and like some sort of I don't know, 221 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:26,640 Speaker 2: somatic stuff, just whatever I could to get that out because, 222 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,880 Speaker 2: like I said, some of the things my clients told me, 223 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:32,560 Speaker 2: it's just like this is horrific. I just have so 224 00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:38,319 Speaker 2: much empathy for therapist. I knew it was a big job, 225 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,520 Speaker 2: but like, I only did it for eighteen months, and 226 00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:42,240 Speaker 2: towards the end of my program, I was like, Okay, 227 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:45,480 Speaker 2: I'm burns out, like I need a break, and I've 228 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:48,520 Speaker 2: only been an intern for a year and a half. Truly, 229 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:51,200 Speaker 2: my hats off to therapists, because if I had to 230 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:56,840 Speaker 2: implement all these self care measures, drinking less and exercising more, 231 00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,800 Speaker 2: that sort of thing. Journaling is another habit that I 232 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:03,200 Speaker 2: got more consistent with and then just talking about it. 233 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:04,800 Speaker 2: It was the sort of thing where you can't just 234 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:07,720 Speaker 2: keep that to yourself, Go tell your supervisor go talk 235 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:11,000 Speaker 2: to the other therapists you work with, talk to your professors, 236 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:14,160 Speaker 2: talk to your classmates, get it out. So yeah, that 237 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,680 Speaker 2: was a huge part of the program. They emphasized that 238 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:18,199 Speaker 2: to us over and over again. 239 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:21,080 Speaker 1: And what kind of misconceptions about mental health do you 240 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,319 Speaker 1: feel like you had that were then cleared up by 241 00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:24,000 Speaker 1: your studies. 242 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:30,280 Speaker 2: Well, I think probably the biggest one maybe not a misconception, 243 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:33,480 Speaker 2: but I think I just did not really have an 244 00:13:33,559 --> 00:13:37,560 Speaker 2: understanding of how common all of this is. Like I 245 00:13:37,679 --> 00:13:40,720 Speaker 2: used to think that I was just this anomaly and 246 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:42,720 Speaker 2: I was the most messed up person in the world, 247 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:47,320 Speaker 2: and nobody had ever been as emotionally distraught as I have. 248 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:49,240 Speaker 2: And then I get to school and I'm like, oh, girl, 249 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:51,560 Speaker 2: you are a case study. You are literally textbook. There 250 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,640 Speaker 2: is nothing exceptional about this at all. You are a DSM, 251 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,959 Speaker 2: like you're right there. So there was that, And then 252 00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:01,960 Speaker 2: I guess with some of the other disorders, like personality disorders, 253 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:05,080 Speaker 2: mental illnesses, that sort of thing. I think that's one 254 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:08,160 Speaker 2: thing that the media gets wrong a lot, is depictions 255 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:13,160 Speaker 2: of bipolar borderline what is mania? And it's something that 256 00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:17,320 Speaker 2: social media is not necessarily helping with because there's a 257 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:19,680 Speaker 2: lot of mental health influencers out there who are just 258 00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:22,480 Speaker 2: saying whatever, and I had to This is veering off 259 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,640 Speaker 2: topic a little, but I can't tell you how many 260 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:27,920 Speaker 2: times I had clients come to session and say I 261 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,760 Speaker 2: was watching this TikTok and I found out that people 262 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:33,680 Speaker 2: pleasing means I'm actually a manipulator and I'm abusive, and 263 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:34,920 Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, wait. 264 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:39,720 Speaker 3: Wait, wait wait, TikTokers can really be a problem in 265 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:40,160 Speaker 3: that way. 266 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:44,280 Speaker 2: So yes, I think having a greater understanding of what 267 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:50,280 Speaker 2: some of the more taboo, less accepted, less understood mental illnesses, 268 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:53,320 Speaker 2: what that constitutes of, and the effect that that has 269 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,600 Speaker 2: on the client, and trying to fight the huge amounts 270 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,040 Speaker 2: of misinformation that are available on the internet. 271 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,240 Speaker 1: So this is very interesting because I feel like you're 272 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:05,040 Speaker 1: probably the newest therapist that we've had on the podcast, 273 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:08,120 Speaker 1: and so I'm really curious to hear. Okay, what are 274 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:11,200 Speaker 1: the graduate programs or maybe your programs just specifically, since 275 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,360 Speaker 1: you probably can only talk about that one. What kinds 276 00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:15,800 Speaker 1: of things are they teaching you about clients coming in 277 00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:18,520 Speaker 1: with social media stuff? Are like the impact of social 278 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:21,720 Speaker 1: media on the clinical relationship? What kinds of conversations are 279 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:23,640 Speaker 1: training programs having about that kind of stuff. 280 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,000 Speaker 2: It wasn't part of the curriculum. I think it was 281 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:28,800 Speaker 2: just something that came up because we're all on social, 282 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:32,800 Speaker 2: our clients are all on social, and I don't know 283 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:37,920 Speaker 2: that I got specific guidance about talking to clients about 284 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:42,280 Speaker 2: social media. I just developed my own approach of I'm 285 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:46,280 Speaker 2: very much person centered empathy first, trying to understand where 286 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:52,720 Speaker 2: you're coming from, but also a gentle correction, a gentle redirecting. 287 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:55,960 Speaker 2: And for me it was I'm obviously not going to 288 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,880 Speaker 2: tell my clients take TikTok off your phone, but I 289 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:02,160 Speaker 2: would say, if you're looking at mental health content on TikTok, 290 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,720 Speaker 2: click through to that person's profile. Do they call themselves 291 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:07,360 Speaker 2: a therapist? That's a very specific word that not everybody 292 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:10,000 Speaker 2: can use. Do they list their degree, do they tell 293 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:13,360 Speaker 2: you whether they're licensed? Or is this just somebody putting 294 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:15,840 Speaker 2: out whatever they think will earn them a few dollars 295 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:19,480 Speaker 2: through ad revenue. So that was the way that I approached, 296 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:23,040 Speaker 2: especially with my clients and their teens and twenties, really 297 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:26,200 Speaker 2: heavy emphasis on social media. But I can't say that 298 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:29,400 Speaker 2: the program really prepared us for that. It was just 299 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:32,480 Speaker 2: a lot of get ready because TikTok is out there, 300 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,040 Speaker 2: and your clients are going to come to you with 301 00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:35,400 Speaker 2: something they've seen on TikTok. 302 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, and that is not a new conversation. Lots of 303 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:41,320 Speaker 1: therapists are having that same conversation about, you know, like 304 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:43,440 Speaker 1: how do you talk with clients about what they see 305 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:45,680 Speaker 1: on social media and whether there's some truth to it, 306 00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:48,520 Speaker 1: and like let's talk more about what you saw kind 307 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:48,800 Speaker 1: of thing. 308 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:50,440 Speaker 3: Yeah. 309 00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:53,480 Speaker 2: I had one client in particular who was just really 310 00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:56,160 Speaker 2: big on TikTok, and so I would tell her anytime 311 00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:58,720 Speaker 2: you see something that has you thinking these things or 312 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,920 Speaker 2: questioning something about yourself, bring that to session, you know, 313 00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:04,399 Speaker 2: or text me the link to the TikTok if you 314 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:06,760 Speaker 2: want to, and I can tell you what I think 315 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:09,320 Speaker 2: they got right and what I think they got wrong, 316 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,960 Speaker 2: or how this is very general advice and so it 317 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,920 Speaker 2: doesn't apply to you. That's another thing about social media, 318 00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:17,280 Speaker 2: which I think is great that there are so many 319 00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:21,280 Speaker 2: therapists out there talking about these things. But everybody puts 320 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:23,520 Speaker 2: that disclaimer of this is not a substitute for your 321 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:27,800 Speaker 2: own relationship with a mental health professional, because the information 322 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:31,359 Speaker 2: on social media has to be generalized it has to 323 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:35,199 Speaker 2: be this is what such and such can look like 324 00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:38,560 Speaker 2: in order for it to mean anything, like, we can't 325 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:42,400 Speaker 2: talk about you in particular you this one user, because 326 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:44,760 Speaker 2: we don't know you. And so just because you see 327 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:48,400 Speaker 2: yourself in this graphic on Instagram does not necessarily mean 328 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,440 Speaker 2: that you have this disorder either. So it really is 329 00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:52,879 Speaker 2: important to go talk to somebody. But it's kind of 330 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:56,280 Speaker 2: like raising awareness, getting people to see that something could 331 00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:57,960 Speaker 2: be wrong in the first place, because if you don't 332 00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,920 Speaker 2: have that awareness, there's nowhere to go from there. 333 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:03,239 Speaker 1: So so you've shared a little bit about this on 334 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,480 Speaker 1: the read, but I'm really curious to know more about 335 00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:09,480 Speaker 1: how you navigated the program as a public figure, because 336 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:11,760 Speaker 1: I feel like when we hear like public figures like 337 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,399 Speaker 1: going back to school, like it's usually something like law 338 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:18,080 Speaker 1: school or advertising or journalistic, it feels like this is 339 00:18:18,119 --> 00:18:22,400 Speaker 1: a very different kind of program to navigate with somebody 340 00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,639 Speaker 1: who is a public figure. I mean, I feel like 341 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,359 Speaker 1: I've heard you say like your classmates didn't necessarily know 342 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,080 Speaker 1: who you were, So talk to me about like how 343 00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:32,240 Speaker 1: you navigated that, and like what kinds of boundaries you 344 00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:34,200 Speaker 1: needed to set to protect yourself. 345 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:38,199 Speaker 2: Ah, well, I was very nervous. I'll say this. I 346 00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:41,600 Speaker 2: was so scared that I would be recognized. And actually 347 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:46,760 Speaker 2: every semester I did get recognized by one person in 348 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:50,840 Speaker 2: each class, but they wouldn't say anything until like maybe 349 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,640 Speaker 2: the middle of the semester or at the very end. 350 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:56,840 Speaker 2: One classmate wore the Reads T shirt like wore our 351 00:18:56,880 --> 00:19:01,040 Speaker 2: merch and I was like, Okay, you ain't have to 352 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 2: do that, you ain't have to do that. But the 353 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,520 Speaker 2: people who did recognize me were very low key about it, 354 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:09,960 Speaker 2: very cool. Even at graduation, a girl came up to 355 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,479 Speaker 2: me and was like, congrats, and I was like, I 356 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:15,000 Speaker 2: just need you to not tell nobody. Just don't tell 357 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:20,040 Speaker 2: nobody until the ceremony is over, because I really wanted 358 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:24,480 Speaker 2: to do this program anonymously. I did not want Crystal 359 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,679 Speaker 2: or the Read This entertainment industry side of it to 360 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:31,040 Speaker 2: be a part of it, because I took this so seriously, 361 00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:33,440 Speaker 2: like I know what it means to have a really 362 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,960 Speaker 2: great therapist, and I wanted to try to be that 363 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:38,520 Speaker 2: for other people and learn as much as I possibly could. 364 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:42,919 Speaker 2: And I just did not want my job to infiltrate 365 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:47,600 Speaker 2: any aspect of it at all. So I was very deliberate. 366 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:50,520 Speaker 2: I did have a couple of close calls with Sometimes 367 00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:54,200 Speaker 2: clients would be like, oh, I was just watching Insecure 368 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:56,560 Speaker 2: and I saw that they have a recap podcast, and I'm. 369 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:57,800 Speaker 3: Like, I wouldn't listen to that. 370 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,480 Speaker 2: Or they would like name drop people that I've worked 371 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:10,359 Speaker 2: with and I'm like, oh, wow, that's so interesting. And 372 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:13,320 Speaker 2: one time my supervisor even said that he was thinking 373 00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:14,800 Speaker 2: of starting a podcast, and I was like, well, I 374 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:15,960 Speaker 2: don't know much about that, but. 375 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,600 Speaker 3: Good lush, it sounds great. 376 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:24,359 Speaker 2: Just lying, but it was a necessary lie. Yes, I couldn't. 377 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,159 Speaker 3: I couldn't. I can't believe that. 378 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:28,600 Speaker 1: I mean because the Read is such a huge podcast, 379 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,679 Speaker 1: Like it feels like there needed to almost be something 380 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,679 Speaker 1: in place to kind of screen your clients. 381 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:34,639 Speaker 3: So it just happens. 382 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:37,879 Speaker 1: Ace worked out that none of your clients had any 383 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,320 Speaker 1: knowledge of who you were or what you did for work. 384 00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:44,240 Speaker 2: Yes, wow, And I don't know how I got that 385 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:47,560 Speaker 2: fortunate because most of my clients were black women, and 386 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:53,200 Speaker 2: so I was quite nervous. I was quite nervous. But no, 387 00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:56,480 Speaker 2: none of them recognized me. None of my coworkers recognized me. 388 00:20:56,600 --> 00:21:00,000 Speaker 2: Just a small handful of classmates, maybe four or five classmates, 389 00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:03,080 Speaker 2: and that was it, so I know I was knocking 390 00:21:03,119 --> 00:21:05,239 Speaker 2: on wood the whole time. I think what saved me 391 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:08,320 Speaker 2: is that the read is not a video podcast, so 392 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:10,960 Speaker 2: even as long as we've been around, our faces don't 393 00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,040 Speaker 2: get passed around social media that much, so maybe people 394 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:14,679 Speaker 2: don't really know what we look like. I think that 395 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:17,160 Speaker 2: is my saving grace. But I knew if that one 396 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:20,040 Speaker 2: person listened to that Insecure, I said, oh no, you 397 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:20,560 Speaker 2: can't do that. 398 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:24,879 Speaker 3: Thankfully, I was just like, oh, yeah, Insecure, that's a 399 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:25,320 Speaker 3: great show. 400 00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:27,199 Speaker 2: Tell me about the episode that you were about, you know, 401 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:31,639 Speaker 2: trying to readirect But thankfully, either she never listened, or 402 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:32,800 Speaker 2: she's listened after. 403 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:34,600 Speaker 3: We've terminated, so it's not my business no more. 404 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,160 Speaker 1: That is incredible. I just knew that they had put 405 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:41,320 Speaker 1: some stuff in place for you so that you like, 406 00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,600 Speaker 1: didn't have clients who knew you or any of that, 407 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:47,480 Speaker 1: so they just looked out that way. No, I'm very 408 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:49,880 Speaker 1: grateful for New York City being as huge as it 409 00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:54,120 Speaker 1: is and nine million people, everybody's not gonna know who. 410 00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:55,320 Speaker 3: Chrystal is, Thankfully. 411 00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,240 Speaker 2: Thankfully, because I was quite nervous about that, I really 412 00:21:58,400 --> 00:21:59,840 Speaker 2: was so talk. 413 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:03,040 Speaker 1: To me about any difficulty you had besides keeping your 414 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:05,960 Speaker 1: fingers crossed that nobody would recognize you were there. Anything 415 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,919 Speaker 1: you had trouble navigating continuing to host the read and 416 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:10,880 Speaker 1: being in grad school at the same time. 417 00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:12,200 Speaker 3: Not really. 418 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,199 Speaker 2: Maybe the biggest issue would sometimes just be I just 419 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:17,080 Speaker 2: got out of a session with a client telling me 420 00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:20,240 Speaker 2: about their trauma, and then twenty minutes later I have 421 00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:22,600 Speaker 2: to go record the show, So it's like I don't 422 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,399 Speaker 2: have a lot of time to try to shake that 423 00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:26,719 Speaker 2: off and get into the mode of joking around and 424 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:30,240 Speaker 2: having fun. But other than that, No, the show didn't 425 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:34,400 Speaker 2: really conflict with school very much or vice versa. Very 426 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,000 Speaker 2: grateful that we were able to change the days we 427 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:41,800 Speaker 2: record or whatever based off my class schedule. So yes, 428 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:45,840 Speaker 2: I took the program extremely seriously. And so even when 429 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:49,800 Speaker 2: I would make references to school on the show or 430 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:53,560 Speaker 2: talk in very general terms about a client, it was 431 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:57,199 Speaker 2: always this like, let me be very careful to not 432 00:22:57,320 --> 00:23:02,000 Speaker 2: break confidentiality, let me be very careful about privacy. And 433 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:05,360 Speaker 2: that was not a joke from me at all, And 434 00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:08,080 Speaker 2: so yes, took all that extremely seriously. 435 00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think you even ever mentioned the name 436 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:12,920 Speaker 1: of the school you were attending all the specific program. 437 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:14,600 Speaker 3: No, I did not. No, I did not. 438 00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:18,080 Speaker 2: I did that on purpose. People asked all the time, 439 00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:19,760 Speaker 2: and I would be like to do pretend I don't 440 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,919 Speaker 2: see that. I'm not telling y'all where I go, and 441 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,560 Speaker 2: I'm not telling y'all because I do not want y'all 442 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:30,240 Speaker 2: to find me. I want to do this as my 443 00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:31,560 Speaker 2: own self, Doctor Joe. 444 00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:33,440 Speaker 3: You just don't know. I used to be so nervous. 445 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:36,400 Speaker 3: Oh my goodness. 446 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:39,280 Speaker 2: I'm very grateful that it's all official now, the degree 447 00:23:39,359 --> 00:23:42,639 Speaker 2: is conferred, it's done. I don't think I'll risk anything 448 00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:43,280 Speaker 2: like that again. 449 00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:46,760 Speaker 3: But yeah, more. 450 00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:50,040 Speaker 1: From our conversation after the break, But first, a quick 451 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:52,280 Speaker 1: snippet of what's coming next week on TVG. 452 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:57,200 Speaker 4: In personal relationships, I do notice this dynamic online as well, though, 453 00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:00,879 Speaker 4: that when therapists show up and have problems with certain 454 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:03,879 Speaker 4: things or feel annoyed by stuff, there's a sense that like, 455 00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:07,480 Speaker 4: you shouldn't have quote unquote the negative feelings you're a therapist, 456 00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:10,520 Speaker 4: or you shouldn't struggle with things because you're a therapist. 457 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:12,760 Speaker 4: And I literally have had people in my personal life say, 458 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,040 Speaker 4: but you know how to get out of that, you 459 00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:17,359 Speaker 4: know how to not feel that. So I don't even 460 00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:20,040 Speaker 4: really understand how you could feel anxious about this or 461 00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,800 Speaker 4: how you could feel upset about this because you can 462 00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:25,720 Speaker 4: work yourself out of it. It feels really dehumanizing when 463 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:28,600 Speaker 4: people do that, and they quite literally don't understand that 464 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:31,120 Speaker 4: we cannot work on ourselves in that way. 465 00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:39,760 Speaker 1: Why do friendship breakups sometimes hurt more than romantic ones? 466 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:43,119 Speaker 1: How do I make friends in a new city? Is 467 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,720 Speaker 1: it true that women can't actually be good friends to 468 00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:49,320 Speaker 1: one another. I'm exploring all of these questions and so 469 00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:53,600 Speaker 1: much more in my book, Sisterhood Heels, now available in 470 00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:58,080 Speaker 1: paperback at your local independent bookstore or at sisterhood Heels 471 00:24:58,119 --> 00:25:02,080 Speaker 1: dot Com for you and your girls, and let's talk 472 00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:10,320 Speaker 1: about it. So you in part of your support circle. 473 00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:14,040 Speaker 1: Friend and doctor Kia and Jaye joined me on the 474 00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:16,320 Speaker 1: Sisterhood Heels booked to her last summer, which I was 475 00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:19,119 Speaker 1: so grateful for. But can you talk to me about 476 00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:22,119 Speaker 1: your support system and how that was instrumental in you 477 00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:23,280 Speaker 1: kind of completing grads? 478 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:27,919 Speaker 2: Yes, I really do not know where I would be 479 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:32,639 Speaker 2: without my friends. They are such a huge support for me, 480 00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:36,440 Speaker 2: always encouraging me, because there were lots of times where 481 00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:38,000 Speaker 2: I was like I think I would like to drop out. 482 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:40,639 Speaker 2: What am I even doing? I'm not gonna take this 483 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:43,080 Speaker 2: degree and then go be a therapist. I'm not gonna 484 00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:44,919 Speaker 2: quit the read So why am I doing this? So 485 00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:49,000 Speaker 2: I'm stressing myself out? And they were just always especially 486 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,399 Speaker 2: Kia because Kia has like eight degrees, So Kia was 487 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:54,720 Speaker 2: always just like, I know you can do this. I 488 00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:58,879 Speaker 2: know it's hard, but you are doing such an incredible job. 489 00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:02,560 Speaker 2: I'm really so proud of you. And yes, the three of 490 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:06,080 Speaker 2: them and really all of my friends just made me 491 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:09,359 Speaker 2: feel so loved, supported, cared for a while I was 492 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:13,360 Speaker 2: going through this degree. And yeah, I mean literally more 493 00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:15,919 Speaker 2: of a support than my family. So I really do 494 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,600 Speaker 2: not know where I would be without those people. 495 00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:21,119 Speaker 1: So what was some of the moments that made you 496 00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:23,159 Speaker 1: feel like I want to drop out? Is anything in 497 00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:26,320 Speaker 1: particular coming to mind? I feel like most grad students 498 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:28,640 Speaker 1: have that experience, right, But is there anything more than 499 00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:30,359 Speaker 1: others that made you feel like I don't know if 500 00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:32,040 Speaker 1: I want to do this well? 501 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:37,879 Speaker 2: And this is my fault. I didn't take breaks. I 502 00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:44,280 Speaker 2: started my practicum in January of one year, and I 503 00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:46,879 Speaker 2: worked all the through that semester, and then I worked 504 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:50,680 Speaker 2: all that summer, no credits, no money, just kept working 505 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:52,640 Speaker 2: because I thought it would be best for my clients, 506 00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:56,679 Speaker 2: and then went right into internship that fall. Stayed at 507 00:26:56,720 --> 00:27:00,359 Speaker 2: the same clinics, so I kept my same clients, didn't 508 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:02,640 Speaker 2: take a winter break that month, were supposed to get 509 00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:05,800 Speaker 2: off five six weeks, didn't do that either, and then 510 00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:08,840 Speaker 2: worked all again. So it was like I didn't take 511 00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:11,000 Speaker 2: the breaks that a grad student is supposed to take. 512 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:16,800 Speaker 2: And I think around that one year mark, I was like, Okay, 513 00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:20,440 Speaker 2: I am getting kind of exhausted. It was really this 514 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:24,280 Speaker 2: last semester where I was like, y'all, I don't know 515 00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:26,359 Speaker 2: what it is about being able to see the finish line, 516 00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:28,920 Speaker 2: but I don't want to cross it. Like I could 517 00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:30,920 Speaker 2: just stop right here right now, and I would be 518 00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:32,840 Speaker 2: okay with that. Like I think I'm just worn out. 519 00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:36,720 Speaker 2: I'm burned out. I'm tired of school and the pressure. 520 00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:39,879 Speaker 2: This is a job that I take much more seriously 521 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:44,440 Speaker 2: because being a therapist is a position of power and 522 00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:49,159 Speaker 2: it was just so important to me that I honor 523 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:53,320 Speaker 2: the therapeutic relationship, that I show up as the best 524 00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:56,479 Speaker 2: possible therapist I could be, even as an intern. So 525 00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:58,600 Speaker 2: I'm taking it very seriously. But I'm also not taking 526 00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:00,240 Speaker 2: any breaks, and I'm putting a lot of pressure showing 527 00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:03,959 Speaker 2: myself to be my best. And so yeah, I was. 528 00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:06,200 Speaker 2: I was worn out. I was quite worn out. But 529 00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:08,919 Speaker 2: I think it's just regular senioritists. It's a lot of 530 00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:12,240 Speaker 2: responsibility in being a therapist, and I have a pretty 531 00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:16,880 Speaker 2: responsibility light life. I wanted these plants every couple weeks 532 00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:22,160 Speaker 2: and that's about it. So having this legal, moral, ethical 533 00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:26,080 Speaker 2: obligation to these people was a huge shift for me, 534 00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:29,720 Speaker 2: and I was ready to go back to my responsibility 535 00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:35,760 Speaker 2: light life. Were there any conversations with supervisors about like, hey, 536 00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:37,959 Speaker 2: we think you need a break, like you have not 537 00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:41,240 Speaker 2: taken any breaks, like, was there any encouragement from supervisor? No, no, 538 00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:43,959 Speaker 2: no no. They said, if you feel like it, go 539 00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:47,400 Speaker 2: right ahead. If you feel up for it, go right ahead. 540 00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:50,719 Speaker 2: And so I did take two weeks towards the end 541 00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:52,800 Speaker 2: of the year for you know, Christmas and New Year's. 542 00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:55,680 Speaker 2: I did that just this past year. 543 00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:56,880 Speaker 3: But that was it. 544 00:28:57,360 --> 00:29:01,600 Speaker 2: Otherwise I was working all the way through and maybe 545 00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:05,680 Speaker 2: somebody should have said, hey, don't see clients. Maybe somebody 546 00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:08,760 Speaker 2: should have put their foot down about that, but they agreed, 547 00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:11,080 Speaker 2: and the school kind of was the same way with 548 00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:13,520 Speaker 2: it's up to you if you want to work throughout 549 00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:17,080 Speaker 2: the summer. If I were you, I wouldn't, but that's 550 00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:20,000 Speaker 2: your decision to make. And so I thought it was 551 00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:23,120 Speaker 2: best for my clients that we not spend a whole 552 00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:26,240 Speaker 2: summer apart. But I wasn't really thinking about what was 553 00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:29,000 Speaker 2: best for me. Not that it was the end of 554 00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:31,800 Speaker 2: the world or anything, but you need a break. And 555 00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:34,640 Speaker 2: one of the things I noticed with my own therapist 556 00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:39,240 Speaker 2: before twenty twenty, she like, never took a break. We 557 00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:41,720 Speaker 2: had our little week or so at the end of 558 00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:44,200 Speaker 2: the year, and that was it once the pandemic hit. 559 00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:45,040 Speaker 3: I love it. 560 00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:49,800 Speaker 2: This lady is like okay, bye. She was like, yeah, 561 00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:53,760 Speaker 2: I'm going on vacation, see you in two weeks. I'm like, copy, 562 00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:57,240 Speaker 2: I got it. I love that she started modeling, like 563 00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:00,200 Speaker 2: oh yeah, actually, I need a break from this. This 564 00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:02,440 Speaker 2: is a lot, This is a lot of stress. So 565 00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:04,600 Speaker 2: I really don't know how therapists did in it, because 566 00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:07,280 Speaker 2: in twenty twenty I was just a student and not 567 00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:09,400 Speaker 2: even I don't think I had even started the program 568 00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:12,680 Speaker 2: yet then, So I really don't know how therapists held 569 00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:15,680 Speaker 2: it down. When the pandemic first hit because the stress 570 00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:19,600 Speaker 2: had to be through the roof as individuals and also 571 00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:23,200 Speaker 2: for your clients. And so starting in twenty twenty, she 572 00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:27,240 Speaker 2: was like, okay, now you say that, I'm thinking about 573 00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:31,240 Speaker 2: my own therapist. She also started traveling much more, like 574 00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:35,080 Speaker 2: long stints away and I mean, and we had conversations 575 00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:37,719 Speaker 2: about it, like her needing to kind of dig deeper, 576 00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:40,680 Speaker 2: and like the things that you were usually doing to 577 00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:43,280 Speaker 2: kind of manage weren't available to you anymore, and so 578 00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:45,840 Speaker 2: people had to kind of re route their whole kind 579 00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:46,880 Speaker 2: of coping strategies. 580 00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:50,000 Speaker 3: Was meant being maybe more extreme in figuring. 581 00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:51,360 Speaker 1: Out how to take care of yourself so you could 582 00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:53,600 Speaker 1: take care of all of the problems. We were coming 583 00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:55,600 Speaker 1: to them right right, right. 584 00:30:56,360 --> 00:31:00,000 Speaker 2: So I've never talked to her about that. It's very 585 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:01,880 Speaker 2: much like that is my therapist, and I don't ask 586 00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:04,280 Speaker 2: her about her personal life or what she's doing. But 587 00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:06,520 Speaker 2: it was definitely something I noticed, like you never took 588 00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:09,560 Speaker 2: breaks before. And now I won't say all the time, 589 00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:12,320 Speaker 2: but maybe once a quarter or once every six months 590 00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:14,120 Speaker 2: she'll be like, yeah, I'm taking a break, and like 591 00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:17,200 Speaker 2: that is very reasonable, there's nothing wrong with that at all. 592 00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:20,680 Speaker 2: So yeah, yeah, I love it. 593 00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:23,200 Speaker 1: So you mentioned on the show before about like your 594 00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:26,680 Speaker 1: perfectionism and that showing up in other places, and of course, 595 00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:28,640 Speaker 1: I mean even in hearing you talking about client care 596 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:31,240 Speaker 1: now I can hear some of the like perfectionistic kinds 597 00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:33,560 Speaker 1: of things. Can you talk a little bit about how 598 00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:36,160 Speaker 1: you navigated that, maybe with a supervisor or in your 599 00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:39,240 Speaker 1: own therapy, to think about like how that then impacted 600 00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:39,920 Speaker 1: you clinically. 601 00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:42,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think most of that processing happened in my 602 00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:48,840 Speaker 2: own therapy because I've noticed that supervisors tend to love perfectionists. 603 00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:50,760 Speaker 2: I've never had a supervisor to be like, you should 604 00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:53,080 Speaker 2: chill out and not be so great. I've never had 605 00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:56,920 Speaker 2: anybody say that, but you know, realizing the harm in 606 00:31:56,960 --> 00:32:01,160 Speaker 2: my perfectionistic ways. It's definitely something that I uncovered while 607 00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:05,720 Speaker 2: working with my own therapist, and I remember what shifted 608 00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:10,160 Speaker 2: for me was her providing this understanding that being a 609 00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:14,400 Speaker 2: perfectionist is not necessarily like, oh, I do everything perfectly, 610 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:17,040 Speaker 2: like I refuse to have anything not be perfect. It's 611 00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:23,680 Speaker 2: more like realistic things are not the goal. The goal 612 00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:28,160 Speaker 2: is perfection, and you don't have a realistic understanding of 613 00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:31,480 Speaker 2: what things should be or how things should look. It's 614 00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:34,640 Speaker 2: more like if I get a ninety eight on a test, 615 00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:37,800 Speaker 2: I'm stressing out over the two points I missed, instead 616 00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:41,800 Speaker 2: of celebrating the ninety eight that I didn't miss. So 617 00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:44,320 Speaker 2: something about that whole conversation with her it made me 618 00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:49,239 Speaker 2: understand that my standards weren't realistic, and that was what 619 00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:52,200 Speaker 2: was causing all the distress for me, because there's no 620 00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:55,040 Speaker 2: reason for a person to be stressed out over a 621 00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:56,960 Speaker 2: ninety eight on an exam. But that was the kind 622 00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:02,680 Speaker 2: of person that I was. So her psycho education helped 623 00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:04,320 Speaker 2: a lot, and that was one thing I really learned 624 00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:08,120 Speaker 2: about school and loved so much about it, was going 625 00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:11,840 Speaker 2: to class and being like, that's what you did. I 626 00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:16,720 Speaker 2: see what you did, Like, oh, I see your ways? 627 00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:21,400 Speaker 3: Yeah. 628 00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:24,280 Speaker 1: How did that impact your relationship with your therapist after 629 00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:26,480 Speaker 1: you had more of those classes and you could figure 630 00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:27,719 Speaker 1: out what she was doing. 631 00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:30,080 Speaker 2: I don't know if she noticed the difference in me, 632 00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:36,240 Speaker 2: but I remember at first coming to session almost as 633 00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:40,400 Speaker 2: if it was like a mock session, almost as if 634 00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:43,960 Speaker 2: I'm trying to give what I think is the right response, 635 00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:45,680 Speaker 2: and then she's gonna say this, and then I'm gonna 636 00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:48,360 Speaker 2: try to respond in a therapy type of way, and 637 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:51,120 Speaker 2: then I let that go very quickly like no, no, no, 638 00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:54,440 Speaker 2: still the client and still just want to be like, 639 00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:56,400 Speaker 2: why am I taking on the role of the therapist. 640 00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:59,560 Speaker 2: Why am I doing that? You're not the therapist here, 641 00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:02,640 Speaker 2: and I'm not sure trying to respond in the therapeutic, mindful, 642 00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:05,800 Speaker 2: evidence based way. I'm just the client and I can 643 00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:08,880 Speaker 2: be messy and complicated and not always make sense, and 644 00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:12,279 Speaker 2: this is my space to do that. So I am 645 00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,319 Speaker 2: curious if she noticed any changes in me as a 646 00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:18,399 Speaker 2: client after I started the program, But like I said, 647 00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:21,759 Speaker 2: I don't talk to her about like her life or 648 00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:25,240 Speaker 2: anything to do with that at all, so I'll probably 649 00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:25,680 Speaker 2: never know. 650 00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:32,680 Speaker 1: So you've been very clear that your intention was not 651 00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:37,320 Speaker 1: necessarily to get this degree to practice, which I find fascinating, 652 00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:39,879 Speaker 1: and so I want to hear more about that and 653 00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:42,400 Speaker 1: how you do plan to then use degree. Is it 654 00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:44,600 Speaker 1: just something that you're going to have just for knowledge sake? 655 00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:45,480 Speaker 1: Tell me more about that. 656 00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:48,239 Speaker 2: Well, that was the point I literally was like, how 657 00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:49,799 Speaker 2: did you do this? I want to know how you 658 00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:54,400 Speaker 2: did this? And so now I know, now I understand 659 00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:56,520 Speaker 2: how she did it. What I'm going to do with 660 00:34:56,560 --> 00:35:00,319 Speaker 2: the degree is really the million dollar question. The obvious, Oh, 661 00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:03,040 Speaker 2: start a mental health podcast is like right there. But 662 00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:06,040 Speaker 2: also I don't really know that that's needed from me. 663 00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:07,799 Speaker 2: I feel like there are lots of great voices in 664 00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:11,239 Speaker 2: that space already, especially yours, and so I'm like, I 665 00:35:11,239 --> 00:35:13,680 Speaker 2: don't really know if that's what I feel called to do. 666 00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:17,160 Speaker 2: But being a therapist is very hard work, and being 667 00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:21,319 Speaker 2: an entertainment podcaster is not anywhere near as hard, Like, 668 00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:24,600 Speaker 2: not anywhere near as hard. Being a therapist is a 669 00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:28,240 Speaker 2: lot of labor, and like I said, a lot of responsibility. 670 00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:30,880 Speaker 2: Even as an intern, I felt the weight of the 671 00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:37,400 Speaker 2: responsibility as a therapist. So I think very quickly I realized, like, 672 00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:41,000 Speaker 2: this is great. I'm glad I have this education. I 673 00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:43,239 Speaker 2: love that I have a master's degree now to fall 674 00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:43,800 Speaker 2: on if. 675 00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:44,239 Speaker 3: I need one. 676 00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:48,279 Speaker 2: But I would much rather, you know, make fun of Drake. 677 00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:56,840 Speaker 2: I would much rather, you know, make fun of Drake 678 00:35:56,880 --> 00:36:00,400 Speaker 2: and then have listener letters come in where people us 679 00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:02,680 Speaker 2: questions and I kept saying, I want to graduate, go 680 00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:04,400 Speaker 2: back to being a hoorad. I don't think I can 681 00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:06,560 Speaker 2: really ever fully go back to the way I used 682 00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:09,440 Speaker 2: to be. I think the education is always in the 683 00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:13,279 Speaker 2: back of my mind informing my thoughts, behaviors, actions, and 684 00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:16,319 Speaker 2: things I say. So I'm fine with using it in 685 00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:20,440 Speaker 2: that way and maybe finding other avenues. I'm still trying 686 00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:22,880 Speaker 2: to figure out exactly what I'm gonna do with the degree, 687 00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:27,080 Speaker 2: but I'm sure it will be integrated into my work somehow. 688 00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:29,839 Speaker 2: But leaving entertainment to go be a therapist full time, 689 00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:33,399 Speaker 2: I don't, especially because then it really would become an 690 00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:37,480 Speaker 2: issue of clients recognizing me. That would really and I 691 00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:39,920 Speaker 2: have had to tell so many listeners I am not 692 00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:43,120 Speaker 2: going to be your therapist. There is no sign up sheet, 693 00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:45,440 Speaker 2: there is no no, no, no, no no. You all 694 00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:48,440 Speaker 2: know way too much about me. You're not supposed to 695 00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:51,719 Speaker 2: know this much about your therapist at all. You know 696 00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:55,800 Speaker 2: too much about me, my life, my family, my opinions. 697 00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:57,920 Speaker 3: None of that is your business. 698 00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:01,640 Speaker 1: So I talk a little bit more about that because 699 00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:04,000 Speaker 1: I think earlier you made the point about like talking 700 00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:06,040 Speaker 1: to your therapist is not like talking to your friend, 701 00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:08,800 Speaker 1: not like talking to your past or like it's very different. 702 00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:11,480 Speaker 1: But I do think because so many people love you 703 00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:14,640 Speaker 1: and they hear your thoughts like every week, it's like, oh, 704 00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:17,040 Speaker 1: I really want her to be my therapist. Can you 705 00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:19,279 Speaker 1: talk about why it would be a bad idea for 706 00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:21,760 Speaker 1: you to just have a sign up sheet for people 707 00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:23,040 Speaker 1: to then become your client? 708 00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:26,440 Speaker 2: Oh man, Well, first of all, because I think some 709 00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:28,080 Speaker 2: of y'all would show up just to be like, oh 710 00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:29,359 Speaker 2: my god, Crystal, I love you so much. 711 00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:32,359 Speaker 3: I'm like, that's not what we're here for. 712 00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:36,440 Speaker 2: But also, I think the thing that gave me so 713 00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:40,040 Speaker 2: much pause and still does is the idea that a 714 00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:44,040 Speaker 2: client will modify what they say or not be fully 715 00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:48,440 Speaker 2: honest or omit certain things because they know how I 716 00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:51,120 Speaker 2: feel about like my dad, for example, or a strained 717 00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:54,440 Speaker 2: relationship with my mother, or you know, any number of 718 00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:57,000 Speaker 2: things that I've talked about been open about on the show. 719 00:37:57,600 --> 00:38:01,480 Speaker 2: I didn't and still don't want client to know these 720 00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:02,800 Speaker 2: things about me and be like, Okay, well maybe I 721 00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:05,600 Speaker 2: shouldn't talk about how great my dad is, or maybe 722 00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:08,479 Speaker 2: if I talk about X y Z about my mom 723 00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:10,880 Speaker 2: that'll upset her. Things like that, you're not supposed to 724 00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:14,560 Speaker 2: be thinking about my feelings. This time is really about you. 725 00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:18,319 Speaker 2: And so the idea that a client would come to 726 00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:21,759 Speaker 2: therapy and not be fully honest about what was going 727 00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:24,200 Speaker 2: on because they know or they think they know how 728 00:38:24,239 --> 00:38:27,200 Speaker 2: I might feel or how I might react. It's like, 729 00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:31,680 Speaker 2: you're just not supposed to know these things about me. 730 00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:34,439 Speaker 2: What if I talked really bad about Drake and Drake 731 00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:38,080 Speaker 2: is your cousin, Like you know, it could be anything, 732 00:38:38,719 --> 00:38:42,640 Speaker 2: but yeah, it was especially the idea that people would 733 00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:45,600 Speaker 2: adjust what they bring to therapy based off how they 734 00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:48,319 Speaker 2: think I would respond to them, Like, no, I do 735 00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:50,760 Speaker 2: not want you to do that. And also, you're getting 736 00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:53,960 Speaker 2: Crystal that you see for two hours or less on 737 00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:57,000 Speaker 2: a podcast every week. But that is not the entirety 738 00:38:57,120 --> 00:38:59,440 Speaker 2: of me. And even the things you know about me 739 00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:00,960 Speaker 2: are only things I've told you. 740 00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:02,520 Speaker 3: But still it's too much. 741 00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:05,919 Speaker 2: It's been eleven years now of content of me being 742 00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:09,279 Speaker 2: open about my life and yeah, unfortunately y'all just know 743 00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:10,520 Speaker 2: too much about me. 744 00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:13,399 Speaker 3: For me to be a therapist. 745 00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:25,680 Speaker 1: More from our conversation after the break, Yeah, and I 746 00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:28,000 Speaker 1: really appreciate you sharing that because I think that that 747 00:39:28,239 --> 00:39:31,040 Speaker 1: is one of the misconceptions and that people don't really 748 00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:34,880 Speaker 1: understand the power balance, imbalance and the dynamics that happen. 749 00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:38,680 Speaker 1: There's so much we are holding in any given session 750 00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:41,680 Speaker 1: that you knowing so much about your therapist, even if 751 00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:44,799 Speaker 1: it's not conscious. You are thinking through like, oh, did 752 00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:47,000 Speaker 1: I hear Crystal say something about that? Maybe I need 753 00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:49,680 Speaker 1: to modify what I'm saying or I can't say this 754 00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:51,600 Speaker 1: because what if it ends up as a listener letter? 755 00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:53,440 Speaker 1: Like there are all these things that you may not 756 00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:58,520 Speaker 1: even be conscious of that then impact the therapeutic relationship. Yeah, 757 00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:01,279 Speaker 1: from the beginning, I knew that a listener could not 758 00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:04,480 Speaker 1: be a client, and so I was just constantly praying, 759 00:40:04,680 --> 00:40:06,920 Speaker 1: just please do not let a listener show up. And 760 00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:09,120 Speaker 1: I thank God because it worked out for me in 761 00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:11,680 Speaker 1: that way. But I knew from the beginning that would 762 00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:15,200 Speaker 1: be a bad idea. I don't need you going on 763 00:40:15,280 --> 00:40:17,719 Speaker 1: TikTok being like a Christly is my therapist. And this 764 00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:25,839 Speaker 1: is what she said. But I wonder if you are 765 00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:28,840 Speaker 1: aware because I have been able to kind of track 766 00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:32,960 Speaker 1: the way you respond in listener letters now versus the 767 00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:38,520 Speaker 1: first year of the ready Are you conscious of how 768 00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:41,120 Speaker 1: that has impacted, like your clinical training has impacted the 769 00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:42,960 Speaker 1: way you listened or respond to letters. 770 00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:47,040 Speaker 2: Absolutely, I think you can really tell the difference. Even 771 00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:51,040 Speaker 2: starting from when I started therapy, the way I started 772 00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:55,080 Speaker 2: responding to people shifted, but definitely once I got into 773 00:40:55,080 --> 00:41:00,880 Speaker 2: the program, it really expanded my empathy and my understanding 774 00:41:01,719 --> 00:41:06,160 Speaker 2: that really we're all dealing with something and none of 775 00:41:06,239 --> 00:41:09,360 Speaker 2: us are this blank slate where nothing bad ever happened 776 00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:11,760 Speaker 2: to us and there was never any trauma or anything 777 00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:16,080 Speaker 2: like that. People are coming at life from their own 778 00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:20,920 Speaker 2: experiences and operating out of their own understanding, and so 779 00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:25,040 Speaker 2: there's a lot more patience now with the letters. I 780 00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:27,840 Speaker 2: think there's actually even a little less of the breakup 781 00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:30,080 Speaker 2: with him. We used to automatically go to break up 782 00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:33,759 Speaker 2: with him, and there's a little more understanding now, a 783 00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:36,960 Speaker 2: little more Well, maybe have this conversation or consider this 784 00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:39,440 Speaker 2: other thing, but don't take breaking up with him off 785 00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:39,920 Speaker 2: the table. 786 00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:42,600 Speaker 3: So it's always always, it's. 787 00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:46,960 Speaker 2: Always an option, like you might be trying a little 788 00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:48,120 Speaker 2: too hard to make this work. 789 00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:51,560 Speaker 3: But yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. 790 00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:52,480 Speaker 1: I love that. 791 00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:55,319 Speaker 2: So what advice would you give to other people who 792 00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:58,400 Speaker 2: are maybe considering going back to school or considering starting 793 00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:00,680 Speaker 2: a program to become a therapist. I think my number 794 00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:02,920 Speaker 2: one piece of advice would be to go to therapy first. 795 00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:05,960 Speaker 2: I can't believe it's not a requirement to go to 796 00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:08,839 Speaker 2: therapy in order to get this degree, but it's not 797 00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:12,399 Speaker 2: every now and then classmates would say something or ask 798 00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:14,359 Speaker 2: a question, and I would just think if you had 799 00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:17,960 Speaker 2: been a client, you would know the answer to this. 800 00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:20,000 Speaker 2: I just think you need to know what it's like 801 00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:23,680 Speaker 2: to be on the other side of this dynamic. And 802 00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:26,160 Speaker 2: also you probably have some things you need to work 803 00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:30,560 Speaker 2: through with a therapist, like you. Sometimes classmates are talking 804 00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:33,319 Speaker 2: about like, well, how do I figure out my blah 805 00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:35,719 Speaker 2: blah blah or how do I determine this? And it's like, Oh, 806 00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:37,719 Speaker 2: you need to go talk to your own therapists, what 807 00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:41,359 Speaker 2: do you mean. I think that's probably the number one 808 00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:44,040 Speaker 2: thing you need is to know what it's like to 809 00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:46,360 Speaker 2: be a client before you decide to go be a therapist. 810 00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:50,120 Speaker 2: And also, you know, consider just being a client, like 811 00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:56,520 Speaker 2: it's cheaper and a lot less work. But one thing 812 00:42:56,560 --> 00:43:00,120 Speaker 2: I was always super mindful of was counter transference in 813 00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:05,240 Speaker 2: any possible counter transference happening with me. Is especially because 814 00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:07,960 Speaker 2: I had one client in particular who it was like 815 00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:10,080 Speaker 2: I was staring at my twenty five year old self, 816 00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:15,759 Speaker 2: and so I had to be so mindful constantly with 817 00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:19,400 Speaker 2: this person that I was not responding to her as 818 00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:22,600 Speaker 2: if she were me, that I was not talking to 819 00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:25,719 Speaker 2: her or trying to guide her as if it were 820 00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:27,959 Speaker 2: the things I needed to hear, but like being very 821 00:43:28,280 --> 00:43:31,120 Speaker 2: clear and remaining very mindful, like this is a separate person, 822 00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:34,719 Speaker 2: her own life, her own circumstances, And I think that's 823 00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:38,080 Speaker 2: another thing that maybe you're not prepared for or you 824 00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:41,320 Speaker 2: don't think about before you start the program. It's like, oh, 825 00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:44,520 Speaker 2: what if these people say something that triggers me or 826 00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:49,200 Speaker 2: reminds me of my own upbringing, Like yeah, just really 827 00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:52,920 Speaker 2: staying mindful of occurrences like that. Not even just with 828 00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:56,840 Speaker 2: younger clients. I also had older clients of my parents generation, 829 00:43:57,440 --> 00:44:00,000 Speaker 2: and sometimes talking to them would bring up those same things, 830 00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:03,399 Speaker 2: like you are really reminded me of my mother right now, 831 00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:06,360 Speaker 2: or it's giving my dad right now, but you know, 832 00:44:07,640 --> 00:44:12,440 Speaker 2: remaining in a therapist's place and responding to the client 833 00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:16,919 Speaker 2: and not to my own trigger or whatever was brought 834 00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:20,520 Speaker 2: up in me. So be aware before you start this program. Then, 835 00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:24,320 Speaker 2: working with clients, you will almost certainly work with somebody 836 00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:27,759 Speaker 2: who brings up something deep within you, and you have 837 00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:29,920 Speaker 2: to know how to handle that, how to manage that. 838 00:44:29,960 --> 00:44:32,719 Speaker 2: It's not something you can avoid entirely, but it is 839 00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:34,480 Speaker 2: something that you can handle. You just have to be 840 00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:35,720 Speaker 2: ready for it and aware. 841 00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:38,239 Speaker 1: I've heard you say on the read that some of 842 00:44:38,239 --> 00:44:40,400 Speaker 1: your gen Z clients were kind of like your favorites, 843 00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:42,239 Speaker 1: like you really really enjoyed. 844 00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:42,760 Speaker 3: Working with them. 845 00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:45,480 Speaker 1: What's so special about then, What did you love most 846 00:44:45,480 --> 00:44:47,440 Speaker 1: about working with that population in particular? 847 00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:49,759 Speaker 2: Oh, my goodness. Well, first of all, they are so fun. 848 00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:54,560 Speaker 2: They're slang Like sometimes I would just, you know, give 849 00:44:54,560 --> 00:44:57,560 Speaker 2: an intervention or something like that, an interpretation or whatever, 850 00:44:57,719 --> 00:44:58,759 Speaker 2: and my client would be like, you know. 851 00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:05,880 Speaker 3: What, I hate that. It's just like they are fun 852 00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:06,920 Speaker 3: in that way. 853 00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:10,920 Speaker 2: It's just such a great time this sort of late teens, 854 00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:14,120 Speaker 2: early to mid twenties, it's just such a great time 855 00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:17,880 Speaker 2: to be in therapy. I found that they were some 856 00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:22,040 Speaker 2: of the most enthusiastic clients, Like they really wanted to 857 00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:24,919 Speaker 2: understand why they do things a certain way, or why 858 00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:27,600 Speaker 2: they're feeling things, why they feel stuck in a certain 859 00:45:27,640 --> 00:45:32,600 Speaker 2: pattern or whatever. So it's definitely the intensity the intentionality 860 00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:34,520 Speaker 2: that they brought to therapy. But then also they are 861 00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:39,680 Speaker 2: just fun. Like every gen Z client I had asked 862 00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:44,759 Speaker 2: me what my sign was, Nobody else but gen Z 863 00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:47,920 Speaker 2: would be like, you know, you're big three. I'm like, 864 00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:52,400 Speaker 2: I sure do girl, And what about it? They talk about, 865 00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:56,759 Speaker 2: you know, things like astrology and TikTok and they're you know, 866 00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:59,960 Speaker 2: they're fun. So I just really loved working with them 867 00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:01,680 Speaker 2: younger population really did. 868 00:46:03,719 --> 00:46:03,799 Speaker 3: So. 869 00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:06,040 Speaker 1: Is there anything that you feel like you learned about 870 00:46:06,040 --> 00:46:08,400 Speaker 1: your own mental health through grad school that we have 871 00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:09,880 Speaker 1: not touched on yet. 872 00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:13,200 Speaker 2: I think, just going back to what I said earlier 873 00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:16,720 Speaker 2: about being an actual case study, like a literal textbook example, 874 00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:19,839 Speaker 2: I think maybe that is what I learned is that 875 00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:25,480 Speaker 2: I am not special damaged snowflake. This is what happens 876 00:46:26,080 --> 00:46:31,120 Speaker 2: to people who have been emotionally mistreated. This is quite 877 00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:33,240 Speaker 2: literally what can happen to a person. 878 00:46:33,360 --> 00:46:33,520 Speaker 3: You know. 879 00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:35,839 Speaker 2: I just always thought I was so messed up, But 880 00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:40,880 Speaker 2: I actually responded in a very textbook way to the 881 00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:43,160 Speaker 2: things that happened to me. I was not so messed 882 00:46:43,239 --> 00:46:46,680 Speaker 2: up and so far gone and such an anomaly for 883 00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:49,280 Speaker 2: what happened to me. I was right in the middle 884 00:46:49,320 --> 00:46:52,480 Speaker 2: of the norm for the people that that has happened to. 885 00:46:52,719 --> 00:46:56,120 Speaker 2: So it just gave me a lot more peace of mind, 886 00:46:56,200 --> 00:46:59,120 Speaker 2: I guess, because I had always felt so different. There's 887 00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:00,919 Speaker 2: been lots of times in every where I'm like, maybe 888 00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:03,239 Speaker 2: I am just too messed up, and maybe I just 889 00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:06,840 Speaker 2: cannot get to a place of being okay, being happy. 890 00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:08,759 Speaker 2: Some people are too far gone and maybe I'm one 891 00:47:08,760 --> 00:47:12,560 Speaker 2: of those people. And I think it definitely helped with like, yes, 892 00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:15,680 Speaker 2: this is hard, it is, but this is not impossible 893 00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:16,279 Speaker 2: for you. 894 00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:19,320 Speaker 1: Well, thank you so much for sharing all of this, Crystal. 895 00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:21,919 Speaker 1: It has just been such a delight to follow your 896 00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:25,520 Speaker 1: journey and again just celebrate you and your graduation. Just 897 00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:27,759 Speaker 1: such a cool experience. So thank you for spending some 898 00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:31,680 Speaker 1: time with us today. Let people know if they don't already, 899 00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:34,720 Speaker 1: how can they stay connected with you to everything happening 900 00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:36,919 Speaker 1: with the Read, the website, as well as any social 901 00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:38,360 Speaker 1: media handles you want to share. 902 00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:39,640 Speaker 3: Okay, well, yes, you. 903 00:47:39,560 --> 00:47:43,080 Speaker 2: Can find me every week on the Read, available on 904 00:47:43,239 --> 00:47:47,240 Speaker 2: all podcasting platforms. We're at this is the Read across 905 00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:50,240 Speaker 2: social media, and you can find me on Instagram at Crystal. 906 00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:55,120 Speaker 1: That's cri ssl E beautiful. Be sure to include all 907 00:47:55,120 --> 00:47:57,160 Speaker 1: of that in the show notes. Thank you so much, Crystal, 908 00:47:57,400 --> 00:48:03,319 Speaker 1: Thank you, doctor Joy. I'm so glad Chryssel was able 909 00:48:03,360 --> 00:48:06,320 Speaker 1: to join me for this conversation to learn more about 910 00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:08,680 Speaker 1: her and the work she's doing. Be shure to visited 911 00:48:08,719 --> 00:48:11,400 Speaker 1: the show notes at Therapy for Blackgirls dot Com slash 912 00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:14,880 Speaker 1: Session three sixty seven, and don't forget to text this 913 00:48:14,960 --> 00:48:17,560 Speaker 1: episode to two of your girls right now and encourage 914 00:48:17,600 --> 00:48:20,239 Speaker 1: them to check it out. If you're looking for a 915 00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:23,920 Speaker 1: therapist in your area, visit our therapist directory at Therapy 916 00:48:23,960 --> 00:48:27,480 Speaker 1: for Blackgirls dot com slash directory. And if you want 917 00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:30,160 Speaker 1: to continue digging into this topic or just be in 918 00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:33,120 Speaker 1: community with other sisters, come on over and join us 919 00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:35,799 Speaker 1: in the Sister Circle. It's our cozy corner of the 920 00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:39,120 Speaker 1: Internet designed just for black women. You can join us 921 00:48:39,160 --> 00:48:43,120 Speaker 1: at community dot Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. This episode 922 00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:46,960 Speaker 1: was produced by Elise Ellis and Zaria Taylor. Editing was 923 00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:50,240 Speaker 1: done by Dennison Bradford. Thank y'all so much for joining 924 00:48:50,239 --> 00:48:53,000 Speaker 1: me again this week. I look forward to continuing this 925 00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:55,919 Speaker 1: conversation with you all real soon. Take care 926 00:49:00,280 --> 00:49:00,920 Speaker 3: What