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Speaker 1: I hate my brother, but he recently did something to

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Speaker 1: change my mind.

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Speaker 2: What do you do?

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Speaker 1: Maybe he was as nice for once. Maybe they had

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Speaker 1: as like an older brother like Sid from Toy Story

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Speaker 1: where he just like burns little army men.

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Speaker 2: I don't just want your toys. I don't want to

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Speaker 2: be siblings to said bro. No, heck, it is scary psychotic.

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Speaker 2: Although if your brother's with Sid, then your brother is

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Speaker 2: a famous movie actor that is true.

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Speaker 1: Into adulthood, Into adulthood where the Miller's where the Miller's guy.

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Speaker 1: Other movies he's been in, He's been in. Uh he

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Speaker 1: was uh.

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Speaker 2: Oh, he was in a Marvel movie, Gardens of Galaxy.

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Speaker 2: He was in the Guardian of the Gallas.

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Speaker 1: He was he was in Guardians of gall I watched

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Speaker 1: that the The Rocky Raccoon seeing maybe cry.

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Speaker 2: Dude fire Riley's suggestion bear Hi, Sam and John because

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Speaker 2: this is a okop story posted in our slash Okop

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Speaker 2: Show by Zim chim Check Who Zim exit, I am Check.

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Speaker 2: I love that I listened to your podcast all the time,

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Speaker 2: and I'm always hearing these stories about people who are jerks,

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Speaker 2: and so I thought I wanted to change it up

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Speaker 2: a bit and give you a story with a happy ending.

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Speaker 1: Ooh, I'm ready. I'm sorry, ready, zimchim check. I appreciate

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Speaker 1: you to start. I just want to say that I'm

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Speaker 1: using all fake names for me and my family's privacy.

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Speaker 1: I fifteen male, have an older brother, eighteen male, with

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Speaker 1: high functioning autism. This made things really hard growing up

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Speaker 1: because he didn't know how to control his emotions because

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Speaker 1: of his autism, and I didn't either because I was little.

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Speaker 1: This led to us getting in a lot of fights

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Speaker 1: that I would usually lose for obvious reasons as in

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Speaker 1: OPB and little er yes OPI, And then I would

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Speaker 1: go cry to my parents, and then he would always

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Speaker 1: get in trouble. To my discredit, I was a little

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Speaker 1: shit back then and sometimes would aggam on so he

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Speaker 1: would hit me and get in trouble. Not like that anymore,

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Speaker 1: Thank god, my mom knocks some sense into me self.

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Speaker 2: We're a young king.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. And also that's like a classic little sibling thing

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Speaker 1: to do, Like my sister to this day will stub

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Speaker 1: her toe and then go Sam, and then my mom

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Speaker 1: will be like, Sam, what did you do to your sister?

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Speaker 2: Like I want to get in the other room, like

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Speaker 2: just minding my own business. That is too legendary.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Now, because of this, we had a horrible relationship

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Speaker 1: growing up, and every interaction we would end in it

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Speaker 1: was one of us getting in trouble and one.

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Speaker 2: Of us injured. Classic sibling rivalry.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Now, I wasn't the only one this affected. It

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Speaker 1: made life really hard for my mom and pretty hard

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Speaker 1: for my dad too. My mom just couldn't get my

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Speaker 1: brother to listen to anything she asked him to do,

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Speaker 1: so she spent all her time either cleaning up his

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Speaker 1: messes or trying to reason with him, leaving me to

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Speaker 1: be left alone and making me feel unwanted as a

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Speaker 1: kid because I got no attention. My dad was working

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Speaker 1: a lot when I was little. No one's winning, one's winning.

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Speaker 2: Sad.

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Speaker 1: Now, because I felt like my brother was getting all

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Speaker 1: the attention, I started to purposely get him in trouble

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Speaker 1: more to which he would respond by taking my things

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Speaker 1: or trying to hurt me. Now, this cycle obviously wasn't

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Speaker 1: good for either of us, and when my brother tried

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Speaker 1: to break my arms, my mom had to make the

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Speaker 1: really difficult decision and send my brother to a mental facility.

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Speaker 2: Oh man, wow, that is such a hard decision. That's

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Speaker 2: really hard to make.

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Speaker 1: A Wow. A lot of time passed, and there would

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Speaker 1: be this cycle where he would act really good in

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Speaker 1: the facility and get released, only to be a complete

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Speaker 1: ass at home and get sent there again, and so

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Speaker 1: on and so forth. Now, with him being away all

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Speaker 1: the time, we really had no relationship other than him

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Speaker 1: beating me up when he was home. Then, when we

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Speaker 1: were both a little older, I started realize that I

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Speaker 1: was just as much to blame as my brother for

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Speaker 1: all these fights. So I decided to chill out and

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Speaker 1: not get on his nerves on purpose, because I guess,

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Speaker 1: like op is like, I mean, obviously you shouldn't be

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Speaker 1: beat out, that's wrong. But like, oh, he's realizing, like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was like kind of kind of like instigating a

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Speaker 1: lot of this stuff.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, and like and open out like he said earlier,

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Speaker 2: Like I realized that back then that I was I

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Speaker 2: was doing this. So this sounds like the inflection point

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Speaker 2: of him being like, maybe I'm part of the problem

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Speaker 2: and I could be part of the solution.

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Speaker 1: He chilled out with me too, and we started fighting less.

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Speaker 1: This led him to direct almost all his anger at

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Speaker 1: my mom because she was the one who was punishing

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Speaker 1: him when he did bad stuff. So they would argue

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Speaker 1: a lot, and it only got worse over time.

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Speaker 2: It seems like now op Is even at this point,

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Speaker 2: is like more aware, you.

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Speaker 1: Know, Opie's more aware, But it seems like even though

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Speaker 1: he's like, even though he's not doing anything to instigate

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Speaker 1: his brother anymore, his brother still has a lot of

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Speaker 1: anger that he's still taking.

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Speaker 2: Out, yeah, one hundred percent, which you know could be

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Speaker 2: from a large variety of things.

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Speaker 1: At one point, it got so bad that he actually

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Speaker 1: hit her, and so, like a good mom, fearing for

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Speaker 1: her and her other child's safety, she called the police

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Speaker 1: and then he got sent to a group home. Now,

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Speaker 1: at this point, I was about thirteen, maybe almost fourteen,

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Speaker 1: which means that Ope's brother was like seventeen.

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Speaker 2: Right, sixteen or seventy's about to become eighteen legal adults.

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Speaker 1: And so the only thing I could really think of

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Speaker 1: the time was good riddance. Op He's like, finally this

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Speaker 1: like kid that was beating me up is gone. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: really closed minded, I know, but I mean like, I'm

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Speaker 1: glad that you have this perspective now, But I think

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Speaker 1: it's understandable based on what you went through to have

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Speaker 1: that feeling, and you're only thirteen.

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Speaker 2: You're still a child trying to understand it. This is

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Speaker 2: like all you know, lots of siblings have like sibling

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Speaker 2: rivalries like this, so I think it's post part of

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Speaker 2: the process, it sounds like for you.

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Speaker 1: Now as we're catching up to the present, I see

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Speaker 1: him less and less for obvious reasons. But my mom

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Speaker 1: never gave up hope on him, and she always tried

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Speaker 1: her very best to make sure that he felt loved

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Speaker 1: and that he could always rely on her if he

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Speaker 1: needed to. Eventually this worked. In the group home, they

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Speaker 1: got him on medicine and he started to feel better

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Speaker 1: unless anger all the time, and he was better able

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Speaker 1: to control his emotions. Now, I forgot to mention this earlier,

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Speaker 1: but because he had such a hard time focusing and

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Speaker 1: everything going on in his brain, he had a really

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Speaker 1: hard time at school and we weren't sure he would

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Speaker 1: graduate high school. But again in the group home, they

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Speaker 1: got him to actually do good in school and raise

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Speaker 1: his GPA enough to graduate. Now, he finally graduated a

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Speaker 1: couple months ago, and I just felt so proud of him.

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Speaker 1: I was literally crying when he walked. He has just

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Speaker 1: grown so much as a person. And even though he

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Speaker 1: still did a bunch of horrible things when he was younger,

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Speaker 1: and even when he was not so much younger, he's

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Speaker 1: still my brother and I am so proud of him

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Speaker 1: and I love him so much. That's a really beautiful

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Speaker 1: perspective to have, Opi.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and OPI's still fifteen day, fifteen today, So I mean,

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Speaker 2: I think that's a I think you got to give

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Speaker 2: credit for growth first off, that this is a huge

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Speaker 2: progression from when he was like you know, thirteen fourteen,

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Speaker 2: like one or two years ago. And it sounds like

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Speaker 2: op On is on the path of like how can

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Speaker 2: I be the most supportive of the most empathetic.

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Speaker 1: And the best brother I can be? Best brother that

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Speaker 1: I can be? And like, op for someone so young,

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Speaker 1: I mean, like you're fifteen, like to have this kind

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Speaker 1: of perspective and this kind of empathy, like that's really mature. Yes,

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Speaker 1: And it seems like, you know, part of it is

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Speaker 1: maybe you've just had to grow up a little bit

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Speaker 1: quicker than other people. But it's it's really beautiful like

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Speaker 1: that you're accepting your brother and you're supporting him as

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Speaker 1: he gets better.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I hope, I hope you don't beat yourself up

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Speaker 2: too much. And you're just like as it seems already doing,

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Speaker 2: just pour that energy into into all the love and support.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and they're giving you so much for submitting your story, like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god when our community submits their story. So

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Speaker 1: if you want us to read your story and maybe

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Speaker 1: give some advice, go to our slash okop show and

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Speaker 1: submit it there, or you can call us now and

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Speaker 1: leave a message on our call line.

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Speaker 2: That's four four zero five zero eight six five six seven,

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Speaker 2: leave a voicemail. We might play it on the show.

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Speaker 2: We might just invite you on the show. Special note

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Speaker 2: for op here, what was it? Zig zim Zim? Can

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Speaker 2: I call you? Zim op zim Zim. I would love

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Speaker 2: for you to give us a call and just just

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Speaker 2: chat with you. Yeah, you know, I'm very poor, both

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Speaker 2: very proud of you. Thanks for being a fan of

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Speaker 2: the show, and thanks for everyone watching this this wholesome video. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: you know, mental health is very important something that we

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Speaker 2: take very seriously. So hopefully this improved your mental well

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Speaker 2: being a little bit. And don't forget to take care

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Speaker 2: of yourself, you know.

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Speaker 1: Amen. Amen, See you soon. This is an episode from

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Speaker 1: Deep Within the Archives.

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Speaker 2: Time for okop Rewlam today. Fed up because I hung

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Speaker 2: out with my guy best friend at three am.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if it's like a guy best friend

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Speaker 1: at three like at three am hang out is a

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Speaker 1: booty call?

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Speaker 2: You know, it is like what what what? What are

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Speaker 2: you going to do at three am? Other than called

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Speaker 2: that booty Yeah, that's it.

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Speaker 1: Theory, Like I think any if you are meeting up

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Speaker 1: with someone after definitely after midnight, probably even after eleven.

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Speaker 2: Unless unless it's like uh oh hey we're we're at

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Speaker 2: dinner at this place right a club.

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Speaker 1: But if you're going over one on one to meet

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Speaker 1: up with someone, dude, that's a booty call.

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Speaker 2: That's a booty call.

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Speaker 1: That's a booty call. I think before six, after eleven,

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Speaker 1: one on one booty call. That agree. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: At two am, I eighteen female get a text from

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Speaker 2: my guy best friend twenty male asking if I.

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Speaker 1: Was awake you up?

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Speaker 2: You up? Maybe?

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Speaker 1: Classic text?

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Speaker 2: Classic text, so classic, so thoughtful, especially when it's the

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Speaker 2: letter you. You know, it's like I'm being concise for you.

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Speaker 2: I'm saving you so much time.

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Speaker 1: Dude, I told you I got to pull a ride

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Speaker 1: camera for this old Yes, I've wrote a letter. I

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Speaker 1: got a polaroid camera for took it to North Carolina,

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Speaker 1: texted a tilely manner. I should have just set you up.

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Speaker 1: I'm not salty. I'm not salty. Maybe not salty. It's okay,

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Speaker 1: by the way, I'm fine.

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Speaker 2: You have to keep listening to every episode to follow

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Speaker 2: along in the SOCA because you never know when we're

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Speaker 2: gonna drop the updates.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, you gotta listen. I love live all right.

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Speaker 1: Back to the story Bax to story.

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Speaker 2: Uh and he responded, to which I responded, yeah, I'm awake.

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Speaker 2: We then proceeded to update each other on each other.

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Speaker 2: We then proceeded to update each other on each other's lives.

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Speaker 2: I'm currently having issues with my boyfriend, and I told.

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Speaker 1: Him that, dude, when you're when you're going to the

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Speaker 1: guy best friend from your relationship problems, like you're getting daneus.

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Speaker 1: That's like, to be fair, Oh, to be fair. One

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Speaker 1: of my girlfriends has been going to me for her

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Speaker 1: relationship problem.

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Speaker 2: But like I think generally, like it's it's not good.

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Speaker 2: I think it can be fine if you're if it's

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Speaker 2: the right person. Yeah, but still it's it's still dicey.

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Speaker 2: It's dicey territory, you know, Yes, it definitely is. He

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Speaker 2: tells me he wants to get out of the house,

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Speaker 2: and I tell him that I want to do the same.

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Speaker 2: He tells me he can pick me up and we

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Speaker 2: can go to the park, and I'm like, perfect, I

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Speaker 2: have a chance to clear my head. That's exactly what

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Speaker 2: he's thinking too. Let's go at three am and clear

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Speaker 2: our heads.

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Speaker 1: Yo, you're gonna be polished in that head. His head

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Speaker 1: is gonna be clear. His head's gonna be clear, I'll

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Speaker 1: tell you that much. He's gonna be just shooting ghosts

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Speaker 1: into that night. By the time he gets to my house,

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Speaker 1: it's around three am. We go to a park because

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Speaker 1: I wanted We go to a park because I wanted

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Speaker 1: to swing, but it was way too dark.

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Speaker 2: So then we go to a gas station. He buys

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Speaker 2: me snacks, and then we go to the park by

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Speaker 2: his house with no swings.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I think. Guess they were looking for swings.

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Speaker 2: I guess. So since there were no swings, we just

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Speaker 2: sat in the car talking like normal, and we even

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Speaker 2: played a little music. At this point, his seat is

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Speaker 2: leaning back and he looks to me and asked, if

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Speaker 2: I want to do it.

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Speaker 1: What's it?

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Speaker 2: Fuck?

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Speaker 1: I love I love when you just wait for us,

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Speaker 1: like and I just just don't beat around the bushes

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Speaker 1: straight through.

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Speaker 2: I look at him and laugh because he had to

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Speaker 2: be joking, right, sweetheart.

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Speaker 1: Sweetheart, it's three a.

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Speaker 2: It's three am.

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Speaker 1: You're alone in a park.

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Speaker 2: Read the room, Read the read the park, Read the car,

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Speaker 2: read the car. No, he was serious. I told him,

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Speaker 2: what the fuck you know? I have a boyfriend, and

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Speaker 2: he said, well, you guys are having problems anyways.

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Speaker 1: Just because there's a goalie, told me I can school.

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Speaker 2: I was in shock. He looked salty and I said no,

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Speaker 2: he looks salty that I said no, and that salty.

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Speaker 2: Oh he looks salty that I said no, But I

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Speaker 2: was salty that He even asked.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, she's thinking, oh my god, my guy friend, like

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Speaker 1: we're we're this is just my guy friend.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we're just we're just dishing. We're just spilling teat No. No, no, no,

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Speaker 2: no no no. Maybe if it was like, like, hey,

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Speaker 2: could we meet at like, you know, twelve on a

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Speaker 2: Sunday or something pm PM.

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Speaker 1: I always get my ams and p like why why

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Speaker 1: do they start at am at twelve It's dumb. That's

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Speaker 1: so dumb.

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Speaker 2: Why don't we start days when sunlight comes out? Because

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Speaker 2: you say early in the morning is two am. I'm

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Speaker 2: asleep at two am. Excuse me. Yeah, I'm awake at

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Speaker 2: like six thirty when the sun is out.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's no, it's night, it's night. Still we

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Speaker 1: need we need to fix these things. These are the

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Speaker 1: things that must change. That's right. Like how they like

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Speaker 1: change daylight savings?

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Speaker 2: You know? Yeah they don't.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what they got rid of it? Didn't didn't they

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Speaker 1: get rid of it? Said it's one hundred percent. I

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Speaker 1: think so I thought that's good. Maybe I heard that's

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Speaker 1: good on daylight savings.

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Speaker 2: I need my son. I was hurt and disgusted, and

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Speaker 2: I didn't tell my boyfriend until five pm, to which

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Speaker 2: he proceeded to be mad at me because I should

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Speaker 2: have told him earlier. She told She told him the

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Speaker 2: same day, same day, I think, is okay, Yeah, that's fine,

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Speaker 2: but there's an update.

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Speaker 1: What's the update.

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Speaker 2: A lot of you would be happy to know that

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Speaker 2: my boyfriend and I aren't together anymore. Wow, but don

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Speaker 2: big bruhs. Yeah, really, it's not due to this. It's

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Speaker 2: due to the past problems that we haven't solved. Makes sense. Okay,

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Speaker 2: both of us were too immature for an actual relationship,

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Speaker 2: and we both are at fault for many different things.

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Speaker 1: Okay, mature, I've been taking responsibility.

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Speaker 2: It sucks, though, because this is the first person I've

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Speaker 2: truly ever loved, and I know you guys are going

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Speaker 2: to be like, well, how could you love him? You're

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Speaker 2: like eighteen or like whatever.

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Speaker 1: I feel like some of like, the most intense emotional

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Speaker 1: experiences are when you're like super young and in love.

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Speaker 2: Facts. So yes, yes, honestly, to answer your question, I

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Speaker 2: don't know. But what I do know is that but

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Speaker 2: I do know that I have done and would still

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Speaker 2: do anything to make him happy. I don't even know.

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Speaker 2: I don't even know what to say. I wanted to

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Speaker 2: answer a lot of questions. I honestly thought it was

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Speaker 2: strictly botonic between me and my ex friend.

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Speaker 1: Oh ex friend, I am boyfriend and ex friend.

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Speaker 2: Bro, she's stacked and cut in all good God, it's

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Speaker 2: a tick tac toe up in this bitch. I am

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Speaker 2: no longer friends with that person. I don't know what

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Speaker 2: else to write now. My head is fuzzy and I'm

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Speaker 2: currently bawling my eyes out.

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Speaker 1: Oh. I love when everyone's like sad in the most

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Speaker 1: depressed state. They're like, I'm all like my eyes.

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Speaker 2: Either they're crying or they're like fucking fears Like, yeahs

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Speaker 2: bad because.

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Speaker 1: I'm slept keyboards.

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Speaker 2: I didn't break that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, that keyboard is kind of funky too, Like you're.

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Speaker 2: This is this is like straight from China, like not nice?

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Speaker 1: No, did treat it nicely? It will effect on you? Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: whisper sweet. Nothing's into its ear, John, But damn bro.

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Speaker 1: I mean like I think I think it is. I

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Speaker 1: think it is fine for you. M hmm, okay, well

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Speaker 1: question a question for you, John. If a friend has

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Speaker 1: feelings for that other friend and they're in a relationship,

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Speaker 1: is it always a dick move to confess those feelings.

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Speaker 2: I don't necessarily think it's a dick move. It definitely depends.

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Speaker 2: Like if you have like an awful, terrible like partner,

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Speaker 2: like an actually some of partners, actually the person has

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Speaker 2: a partner's actually terrible, and you're like, okay, look like

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Speaker 2: I just want to be honest and get the soft

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Speaker 2: man chest and like, let you know how I genuinely

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Speaker 2: feel I think that scenario could be fine, but this

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Speaker 2: guy's he was just trying to get it, So this

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Speaker 2: is not that. But I think there are scenarios where

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Speaker 2: it probably is okay. But I think most scenarios.

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Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, it's pretty tough.

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Speaker 2: You gotta let like, if you actually care about them,

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Speaker 2: you have to let them a be happy. And also

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Speaker 2: it's their life and decisions. Yeah, so like you can't

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Speaker 2: like make their decisions for them.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but like like if like if you, let's say,

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Speaker 1: in in a in a different scenario, right, like this

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Speaker 1: guy is like, Hey, you know, I know you've been

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Speaker 1: going through some relationship problems and I'm always here for you,

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Speaker 1: but I just want to let you know, like since

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Speaker 1: like talking with you about this stuff and and and

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Speaker 1: really like being there for you. I think emotionally, I've

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Speaker 1: I'm developing feelings for you, and I don't really know

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Speaker 1: what to do with those, and I don't expect you

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Speaker 1: to reciprocate. But this is how I feel.

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Speaker 2: That's how do you think about that. That's how you

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Speaker 2: have to say it. But the problem is, I think

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Speaker 2: the problem is you are unintentionally taking advantage of a

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Speaker 2: vulnerable scenary. That's the issue. So like this person is like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I'm having problems, even if you don't intend that to

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Speaker 2: be the case, you're kind of praying on a vulnerable situation.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. One of my one of my good friends had

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Speaker 1: that happen to her when she lives abroad. But like

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Speaker 1: she was going through some tough times with her boyfriend

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Speaker 1: and then one of her best guy friends that she's

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Speaker 1: known for years, like at that moment confesses his love

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Speaker 1: for her, and initially she was confused.

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Speaker 2: She's like, oh shit, yeah, it's really got to be

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Speaker 2: really hard for the woman. Yeah, she was just like, oh,

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Speaker 2: here's someone which is fair. Like friends help and support

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Speaker 2: each other. So it's like here's a friend that's like

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Speaker 2: listening hearing me out, and then all of a sudden,

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Speaker 2: right at the moment where it's like I'm in a

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Speaker 2: vulnerable place, they like put you in this awkward thing,

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Speaker 2: you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I think it would have to be like you,

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Speaker 1: it would have to be after the relationship ended.

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Speaker 2: That's that's the right I think that's the right move.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Now if it's like a really crazy, terrible scenario, maybe,

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Speaker 2: but like you should if.

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Speaker 1: It's a crazy terrible I think even if it's a

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Speaker 1: crazy terrible scenario, it's not like it shouldn't be.

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Speaker 2: It's really really really really bad then.

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Speaker 1: But but like you know, even if it's really really

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Speaker 1: really bad, I like, like, what does you can say, like, hey,

401
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Speaker 1: like this is for safety is in danger.

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Speaker 2: That's what I'm That's what I'm like.

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Speaker 1: I think I'm saying, even if for safety is in danger, Huh,

404
00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:50,760
Speaker 1: I think you can. You can. You should say like, hey,

405
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Speaker 1: like get out of this, get out of relationship, this

406
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:55,240
Speaker 1: is not good for you. But I don't think.

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Speaker 2: You confess your feelings there.

408
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Speaker 1: I don't. Yeah, I don't think you confess your feelings

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Speaker 1: there because that goes back to like, regardless of what

410
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Speaker 1: they're experiencing, they're still in an emotionally vulnerable spot, and

411
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:09,920
Speaker 1: to capitalize on that moment for your own like relational benefit, yeah,

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Speaker 1: feels feels a little wrong.

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Speaker 2: If the best way would be you you do that

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Speaker 2: and then afterwards and then you confess it and you're like,

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Speaker 2: you know, I wanted to make sure that I wasn't

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Speaker 2: like unintentionally like praying on your vulnerable Yeah, you know

417
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Speaker 2: what I mean. It's like I was trying to trying

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Speaker 2: to do the best I could buy you, you know,

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Speaker 2: at least make it yea too.

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Speaker 1: Hey, so now we got the blueprint.

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Speaker 2: There we go.

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Speaker 1: If you got feelings for your friend, just talk to

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Speaker 1: them at three am.