Speaker 1: Are you leave in I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 1: Either way, we want to be there.
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us
Speaker 2: time and a terminol and gay a.
Speaker 1: We want to send you off InStyle.
Speaker 2: We want to welcome you back home.
Speaker 1: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 3: We scared her?
Speaker 1: Was it fine?
Speaker 3: Now? Porn?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride? Need to ride? Do you
Speaker 3: need with Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need
Speaker 3: a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 1: And this is Karen Kilgariff.
Speaker 3: We are not in a car. We're at home still,
Speaker 3: because we're.
Speaker 1: Really at home still. There's still a pandemic. Everybody stop
Speaker 1: pretending that there's not there.
Speaker 3: Most of the bars in my neighborhood have opened up
Speaker 3: at some level. They're yeah, and now they're probably going
Speaker 3: to have to close. It's they're going to have to yeah,
Speaker 3: it's but will they I saw that in Houston. They
Speaker 3: they were at one hundred percent capacity with all their
Speaker 3: ICU and the and the governor told them to just
Speaker 3: quit reporting that information because it looked bad. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I feel like that's a new way to do things.
Speaker 1: Is the Donald Trump approach, which is just lie while
Speaker 1: everyone dies except for you, who's so rich you live
Speaker 1: at the top of a skyscraper in New York City
Speaker 1: and nothing will ever touch you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's really I mean, this is no new news.
Speaker 3: But he's really setting a bad example for humans.
Speaker 1: I think he's I feel like he's not as ethical
Speaker 1: as I would want to.
Speaker 3: Wait, what, really, I'm sorry you.
Speaker 1: Look, I realize I'm really I'm churning the soup here,
Speaker 1: but I might as.
Speaker 3: Well spit in a veteran's face. Karen.
Speaker 1: It's so nightmarishly strange. It's all those people too, Like
Speaker 1: I was talking to somebody about this where I empathize
Speaker 1: with those twenty five year old who are like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm gonna go to a bar after three
Speaker 1: months being by myself and I'm not gonna wear a
Speaker 1: mask and I stand right next to other people, and
Speaker 1: I'm going to pretend that the world is not going
Speaker 1: the way it's going. That's what I would have dotten
Speaker 1: at age twenty five and in my full blown blackout alcoholism.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not.
Speaker 1: Like I'm judging those people, but they are killing people
Speaker 1: because of that denial and a substance abuse issue.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I mean my nephew is nineteen and he's like, Nope,
Speaker 3: I'm staying home playing video games and he should be
Speaker 3: out kissing girls. But he's responsible. So sometimes people are
Speaker 3: being great.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's there's some but but they still man those
Speaker 1: pictures of bars where people are just it's such uh
Speaker 1: you know, isn't there like five It's like five stages
Speaker 1: of denial. We have to now tack on the twenty
Speaker 1: twenty version. There's six where it's like anger right where
Speaker 1: it's like anger, depression was in there, depression's in there,
Speaker 1: and then acceptance is the last one. And now we
Speaker 1: have to tack on giving up putting your fingers in
Speaker 1: your ears and yelling la la la at a bar
Speaker 1: during a pandemic. Yeah, yeah, that's the new thing.
Speaker 3: Sammy Hagar is a example was I'm I think I'm
Speaker 3: willing to die for the economy. He said. Basically, he said,
Speaker 3: back in the you know, our grandparents died in the
Speaker 3: war to fight for our freedom. It's time for everyone
Speaker 3: to risk their lives for the economy, which is American freedom.
Speaker 3: According to him, like he's just saying this from a
Speaker 3: barstool in most Lawn or wherever he makes his tequila
Speaker 3: and falls off a stool every night.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's saying that from his from his lawyer's office
Speaker 1: where he's signing LLC papers because he has probably fifteen
Speaker 1: companies that are directly impact by people not going to bars.
Speaker 1: It's like my, but my automatic margarita maker. Yeah, you're
Speaker 1: being sold, and my salt company isn't. My margarita salt
Speaker 1: company isn't flourishing. I mean, talk about conflict of interests. Sammy, Sammy,
Speaker 1: and you.
Speaker 3: Have to be drunk to enjoy any of his Van
Speaker 3: Halen songs.
Speaker 1: It is true. But then if you're junk enough that
Speaker 1: right now, that can really get it be an anthem
Speaker 1: that gets you through the night.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, there's a reason Coca Cola or PEPSI used
Speaker 3: it in that car, one.
Speaker 1: Of those slow mo cans smashing into each other I
Speaker 1: was in.
Speaker 3: I was in Mazet Lawn for uh. It was like
Speaker 3: a furlough during a cruise. You get to be in
Speaker 3: Mozet Lawn for four hours. And I really was wanting
Speaker 3: to see Sammy Hagar there somewhere, because that's or no,
Speaker 3: it was Cabo San Lucas, Cabo Wabo Tequila. I guess
Speaker 3: he really lives there, and I was looking for him
Speaker 3: because I just wanted to push him off a stool.
Speaker 1: I saw a picture of him recently when he did
Speaker 1: make that announcement that he was willing to die for
Speaker 1: the economy, which just means he wants you to die
Speaker 1: for the economy, right that he's going to do anything.
Speaker 3: But yeah, he's willing to be the middleman to killing
Speaker 3: your grandma is basically.
Speaker 1: He wants to open the dye door and have you
Speaker 1: walk through it. He has different hair now, so he
Speaker 1: is very much not the keeping.
Speaker 3: Seventy two that. Yeah, yeah, God, the world just keeps turning.
Speaker 1: He looks like a woman who would be angry at
Speaker 1: a Joanne Fabrics. Yeah now what I felt the vibe
Speaker 1: I was getting from him, as opposed to before when
Speaker 1: he was kind of like he looked like the bad
Speaker 1: boy at the tire store.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, Now he's yelling because they don't have the buttons.
Speaker 1: He wants, see where's my zebra print? I've spent a
Speaker 1: lot of money at this store, Joanne.
Speaker 3: You know I sew my own tight pants. How am
Speaker 3: I supposed to do high kicks? Well, we know that
Speaker 3: was kind of David Lee Roth's thing.
Speaker 1: That was his thing. No one looked to you for
Speaker 1: any kind of gymnastics the way the DLR did it. Also,
Speaker 1: David Lee Roth isn't out there telling people to die
Speaker 1: for the economy. Another reason why you should have only
Speaker 1: liked the first Van Helen and not the second one.
Speaker 3: Totally.
Speaker 1: He never would do that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we can trust Diamond Dave I do. I saw him.
Speaker 3: I saw him at the Hollywood Bowl a couple of
Speaker 3: years ago, and he was he David Lee Roth ripped
Speaker 3: off his shirt and he was ripped and then he
Speaker 3: had two racing stripes on his body tattooed filled with
Speaker 3: coyfish and he had like this this this robe, this
Speaker 3: this Kimona. Kimona, thank you kimono. I've Kimona. That's a
Speaker 3: rope for ladies. I'd like to add the.
Speaker 1: Kimona is a girl that works at the theater who's
Speaker 1: trying to get backstage and meet David Lee Wrong, right.
Speaker 3: Right, Oh yeah, he was telling a lot of scandalous
Speaker 3: stories that he probably shouldn't have told. You know, that
Speaker 3: little gap between the Rainbow Room and the Key Club.
Speaker 3: We weren't back there smoking cigarettes, y'all. It was something
Speaker 3: else going on back there. Yeah, I'm talking about sex stuff.
Speaker 3: This one's called Panama Keep really and everyone's like, whoa.
Speaker 3: He was getting a lot of indiscretions.
Speaker 1: But meanwhile, if you would just go to the other
Speaker 1: side of the Rainbow Room, there's a beautiful Hilton right there,
Speaker 1: you would not have to be in the alley to
Speaker 1: have your sex. Just throw out two hundred and fifty dollars,
Speaker 1: you fucking rich bitch, and go get that poor woman
Speaker 1: a room and some privacy.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, things have gotten a lot easier for the rockers.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's why they built up Sunset stripped the way
Speaker 1: they did.
Speaker 3: I had a meeting across the street with my commercial agent.
Speaker 3: I think there's still my commercial agent. Commercials don't happen anymore,
Speaker 3: but they probably still have that office. And I was early,
Speaker 3: so I went to the Rainbow Room and sat next
Speaker 3: to Lemmy from Motorhead because he used to always be there,
Speaker 3: and I had like three or four drinks. The guy
Speaker 3: from Puddle of Mud was there, and it got Oh,
Speaker 3: his wife used to work for Fuel TV when I
Speaker 3: worked for Fuel TV.
Speaker 1: Lemmy's wife.
Speaker 3: No, I'm sorry. Lemmy was there, and then also this guy.
Speaker 1: From Puddle okay.
Speaker 3: And then I said, oh, she brought in that heavy
Speaker 3: metal sword. There was a sword that had in the
Speaker 3: in the handle it had remember heavy metal that animated. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it was a commemorative sword from that that was seven
Speaker 3: feet long, and she brought it in for some promotional
Speaker 3: photo shoot. They were going to make billboards at the
Speaker 3: Fox lot, so we just based it around this sword,
Speaker 3: and I said, and he got really upset and he's like,
Speaker 3: that's my sword. That's one of the reasons we got
Speaker 3: a divorce is she never gave me that sword back.
Speaker 3: Can you help me get that sword back? And I
Speaker 3: pretended to like text people. He was very upset, and
Speaker 3: he's someone that's been in and out of jail anyway.
Speaker 3: So I nervously drank and showed up for my commercial,
Speaker 3: like to meet possible new agents, and I was intoxicated.
Speaker 3: I know that I don't liked it. That's where the
Speaker 3: story went. But I'm just telling the truth.
Speaker 1: Karen, No I like it. I just want to say, well,
Speaker 1: there's so much to that story. I love that all
Speaker 1: of it happened before, like basically before seven o'clock, because
Speaker 1: you still went to a commercial agent meeting.
Speaker 3: Yeah it was around noon, but yes, yes.
Speaker 1: Well that was happening at noon. But when I worked
Speaker 1: at the movie theater in Sacramento on Saturday night, the
Speaker 1: midnight show was in one theater it was Rocky Horror,
Speaker 1: in another theater it was Quadrophenia, and then the third
Speaker 1: theater it was heavy metal. And then the best part
Speaker 1: was beforehand, these three very very disparate groups and clicks
Speaker 1: of people would be standing there trying to order popcorn
Speaker 1: and be so high and so drunk, and it would
Speaker 1: be the Mods with their you know, their bangs and
Speaker 1: their like bomber jackets. And then it would be the
Speaker 1: fucking stoner metal dudes. Then they all had long hair
Speaker 1: and they looked exactly like their girlfriends. And then it
Speaker 1: was the Rocky Horror people who no one wanted to
Speaker 1: interact with or deal with in any way. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's my favorite.
Speaker 3: That was. Were they already throwing toast and all those
Speaker 3: things that interactive things you do while watching Rocky Horror?
Speaker 3: It was yeah, it was real. It was fully it
Speaker 3: was because it's yes.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, it was the nineties yeah, but it was.
Speaker 1: I would go in and watch, like stand in the
Speaker 1: back on my brakes and watch each one, and it
Speaker 1: definitely heavy metal was the group I was more into.
Speaker 1: Except that movie is very because it's from the eighties, right,
Speaker 1: It's like the early eighties, and so the animation is
Speaker 1: you can almost see the individual cells as it cracks,
Speaker 1: like you know, you're flying on an eagle through but
Speaker 1: you can kind of see how they made it a
Speaker 1: little bit. It made me a little uncomfortable and it
Speaker 1: was super kind of dirty, but there wasn't really a plot.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's nudity in it. It's just a long video
Speaker 3: music video. Yeah, that's all it is.
Speaker 1: But at one point a sword gets raised up a
Speaker 1: little bit like he man style or she row. I
Speaker 1: don't know.
Speaker 3: Well, I have a photo and we can add it
Speaker 3: to the I have a photo of me with that sword.
Speaker 3: It is majestic.
Speaker 1: Let's add it. Yes, is Lemmy in the photo anywhere?
Speaker 1: Like even a.
Speaker 3: Shoulder or No. He was really sweet though, I mean
Speaker 3: I think he died shortly after that.
Speaker 1: But wait, so you did you talk to him? Oh?
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's just there's an outdoor bar there, and I'm
Speaker 3: just like Motorhead. I like, I like your band, like
Speaker 3: and he's like, thanks a lot. What's your name? He
Speaker 3: was just really sweet. He was the kindest.
Speaker 1: That's the best way to do it, because you're not
Speaker 1: going Lemmy Monster for his last name was. We're not
Speaker 1: basically acting like a super fan that's gonna to be
Speaker 1: high pressure and annoying. You're basically like casual fan that's
Speaker 1: also down to party. Yeah, Yeah, that's the way to
Speaker 1: do it.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And I think he had a pint glass of
Speaker 3: Jaegermeister or it was Coca Cola. I don't know if
Speaker 3: he was sober, but he was very straight. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Could he have Could Lemmy have been sober?
Speaker 3: I think he was. I think he was on a
Speaker 3: health kick and then you know, just got some gifts
Speaker 3: from God, cancer or something. I don't think O sit drinking. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I wonder if he was playing at the Whiskey or
Speaker 1: the Roxy that night, and like was just hanging out
Speaker 1: at the Rainbow filling time.
Speaker 3: He just I was looking for him because I heard
Speaker 3: he was just a fixture there and sure enough, I'm like,
Speaker 3: I'm going in here to see if Lemmy is here,
Speaker 3: and he was the only one there. It was the
Speaker 3: middle of the day. He was having a I think
Speaker 3: he was the bar back. Yeah, he was like washing
Speaker 3: some glasses. He's like, order up French fries.
Speaker 1: Now, can I tell I'm going to try to trump
Speaker 1: your story, because that actually is the best Hollywood bar
Speaker 1: story I think I've heard so far.
Speaker 3: Oh, like, that's good.
Speaker 1: That's the best star sighting in my opinion, in terms
Speaker 1: of true legitmus and like who's cooler than Lemmy? No,
Speaker 1: no one?
Speaker 3: And the fact that I was looking for him and
Speaker 3: found him. Yes, AD's credit.
Speaker 1: Because also he's findable, and then once you find him,
Speaker 1: you have to act correctly around him for him to
Speaker 1: want to party with you. And you did it like
Speaker 1: you basically got all the way through that video game Congratula.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I got all the way to the end
Speaker 3: and saved the princess.
Speaker 1: You did, You got the fucking sword up in the air?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I did? You did.
Speaker 1: But well, my story was that we were at the
Speaker 1: Coach and Horses back when it was just a straight
Speaker 1: up dive bar. It had it had a pool table.
Speaker 1: Did you ever go there in the nineties or two
Speaker 1: thousands where.
Speaker 3: I remember it existing? But no, I never went there.
Speaker 1: The pool table was too close to the right hand wall,
Speaker 1: so you had to use a shortened pool queue if
Speaker 1: you had to shoot from that side.
Speaker 3: It was that kind of Oh, that's great.
Speaker 1: And one time we got drunk there in the afternoon,
Speaker 1: went during the Malibu mud slides of ninety five or six,
Speaker 1: and we were super drunk watching just the entire mountain
Speaker 1: side pour onto the one I and then something came
Speaker 1: on and it was Sharon Stone. It was the height
Speaker 1: of Sharon Stone time, and Sharon Stone was on TV
Speaker 1: and I was like, I'm sick of looking at her.
Speaker 1: And I was just being bitchy about Sharon Stone and
Speaker 1: talk shit and the bartender told me to shut up.
Speaker 1: The bartender was this woman named Ginger. She was legendary
Speaker 1: and she wore sunglasses inside a very dark bar all
Speaker 1: the time, and she was super drunk along with everybody else,
Speaker 1: and she was just kind of like this old goal
Speaker 1: behind the bar. And when I talked shit about Sharon's side,
Speaker 1: She's like, shut up. She's a friend of mine. And
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my.
Speaker 3: God, yeah, she probably know her, she's her neighbor or something.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, it was really funny. That was she Ginger
Speaker 1: taught me that first lesson of like, if you want
Speaker 1: to talk shit about people in Hollywood, you gotta do
Speaker 1: it quiet and just to one person because people are listening.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Also, bartenders here everything. Yeah you think they don't.
Speaker 1: But usually they they keep it on the QT. They
Speaker 1: don't tell you to shut up to your face.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, no, I like that it. Yeah, yeah, it's
Speaker 3: pretty good.
Speaker 1: Oh, but that wasn't the story. The story was we
Speaker 1: would go there often to drink after comedy shows and stuff,
Speaker 1: and one night Ray Davies from the Kinks was there.
Speaker 3: Oh wow.
Speaker 1: It was either Ray Davies or Dave Davies, and they
Speaker 1: were They got so drunk by the end of night
Speaker 1: they fell off the barstool. All that he was amazing.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have recognized him myself, by every everybody that
Speaker 1: I was with was flipping it like all the There
Speaker 1: was a my friend, Laura's boyfriend, Mike, Mike King, the
Speaker 1: greatest guy who was also great guitarist himself. Immediately was like,
Speaker 1: holy shit, Ray Davies is here, Like this is insane,
Speaker 1: and everybody got to kind of like quietly and calmly
Speaker 1: party along with Ray Davies or Dave Davies. I can't remember.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, well maybe they're on the other side further
Speaker 3: up the street going west. Isn't that where Mark mothers
Speaker 3: Bo's famous recording studio. Is that round green building?
Speaker 1: The Oh yeah, yeah yeah that used that used to
Speaker 1: be near Bullwinkle and Rocky.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's why there's always rock stars around there, because
Speaker 3: I guess people record there.
Speaker 1: God, I love Hollywood and stars.
Speaker 3: Isn't it cool? One day I'm going to get in
Speaker 3: my car and rediscover it all. Go a little further
Speaker 3: and there's the car wash that I think Milton Martinez
Speaker 3: kick flipped off into a band.
Speaker 1: You love Milton, Milton Martinez, everybody, Let's bring it back.
Speaker 3: Let's bring it back. Let's talk about the hits.
Speaker 1: Let's let's talk about great moments on the Diner podcast.
Speaker 3: Felt normal the other night you and I did that,
Speaker 3: played Quiplash yep, and uh it was streamable. I guess
Speaker 3: people could watch it, but it felt afterwards. I was
Speaker 3: like on a little bit of a high for twenty
Speaker 3: four hours because I felt like I had been at
Speaker 3: a party with fun people entire.
Speaker 1: I loved that group of people. Everyone was so fucking fun.
Speaker 1: I mean like I started getting very competitive about joke
Speaker 1: writing because I just not so much that I wanted
Speaker 1: to win the game. I wanted to show the other
Speaker 1: people in that group because it was you and me.
Speaker 1: Gareth Reynolds of The Doll Up, Chase Bernstein, legendary stand
Speaker 1: up comic, Chase Bernstein, Juela Sharp, who's an amazing New
Speaker 1: York comic. She might, I don't think she has a podcast.
Speaker 3: And Jay. I had never met Jay before. What was
Speaker 3: his last name? He was sweet and funny.
Speaker 1: I the first thing I want to say is Jay Johnson.
Speaker 3: But that's because right it was Jay.
Speaker 1: And then at Jay it was a Jay that yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it might be Jamison.
Speaker 3: J Jameson Jason J Jason.
Speaker 1: Now J Jacob's the first name in fashion. Remember that
Speaker 1: store from the eighties, Yes, hold up.
Speaker 3: But we kept I think there's still a j. Jacobs
Speaker 3: in the Southgate Mall in Missoula.
Speaker 1: For real. I would kill to go there. I would
Speaker 1: kill to go there.
Speaker 3: They warned us to not play the game on our phones,
Speaker 3: and I wasn't sure why because I'm like, I think
Speaker 3: I type better on the phone and it's right in
Speaker 3: front of me. But I learned the reason. I kept
Speaker 3: swiping the game off. I did it twice. It was embarrassing,
Speaker 3: but I got in the habit of it because someone
Speaker 3: told me that if you get rid of all the
Speaker 3: open apps on your phone, it'll run more smoothly. And
Speaker 3: oh so I'm just in the habit of throwing away pages.
Speaker 3: And I did it twice. I threw the game away.
Speaker 3: But I swear I was doing pretty well. I was
Speaker 3: happy with my joke writing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you were killing it, and then I threw
Speaker 1: it away.
Speaker 3: I threw it away just.
Speaker 1: So people know. This is a game. It's called quip League,
Speaker 1: and it's hosted by Louie Kats. And who do you
Speaker 1: know the co host? His name's Greg and Grant.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Grant.
Speaker 1: Uh, his first name is Grant. Yeah, sorry, Grant Grant
Speaker 1: with a G right, Geez. Louie Kats and Grant g
Speaker 1: It was great. They were great hosts.
Speaker 3: They were great that it felt. Yeah, the production value
Speaker 3: it was great. But I mean, if only we had
Speaker 3: that kind that level of production value on this podcast.
Speaker 1: Don't hurt Stephen's feelings, No, No, I mean they had interstitialed.
Speaker 3: There was great music. I know, it's I was pointing
Speaker 3: the figure at myself I know there's video proof.
Speaker 1: That I was pointing back at you when I point
Speaker 1: at myself.
Speaker 3: Hey you, I know you, I know you like, did.
Speaker 1: You goo me?
Speaker 3: But we know what we're talking about.
Speaker 1: That game, though, I was like, it was really funny
Speaker 1: because we had a great time, great jokes were written,
Speaker 1: hilarious callbacks, wonderful interactions whatever. Chase Bernstein ended up winning it.
Speaker 1: But at the end, when we all said goodnight, thanks
Speaker 1: for being here, we went offline for the audience, but
Speaker 1: all the comics stayed on for like five minutes. We're
Speaker 1: saying goodbye for five minutes.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I did not want it to.
Speaker 3: End me too. Yeah, And that's what felt cool is
Speaker 3: everyone was enjoying themselves and it's like, Okay, I'm so
Speaker 3: used to using zoom, which is how we were communicating
Speaker 3: with each other on there, and how we're doing this
Speaker 3: right now where yeah, zoom is making money during this thing,
Speaker 3: but yes they are. But when you do a comedy
Speaker 3: show that way, there isn't usually a hangout afterwards. And
Speaker 3: it felt the same or as close as I confined
Speaker 3: to an actual party.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, because there was enough people that like I
Speaker 1: didn't know that well, but still was like this is
Speaker 1: interesting or this is you know, like we can all
Speaker 1: kind of socialize, and everyone was definitely like I just
Speaker 1: it just felt like everyone was trying to write their
Speaker 1: best jokes and so was the most hilarious. But I
Speaker 1: just so you know, I did a thing where a
Speaker 1: couple times where I was just staring at my phone
Speaker 1: and staring at like people's answers, so like I didn't
Speaker 1: vote on who I wanted to.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I did that.
Speaker 1: I missed cues so many times.
Speaker 3: Because you missed, you lost points when you didn't vote
Speaker 3: even yes, because the more popular answer you would get
Speaker 3: credits if you vote for that. It's really fun. It's
Speaker 3: called Quipblash. This game play it quick.
Speaker 1: Blash, and the game, the hosted version is quip League,
Speaker 1: So its like it's it's cool because everyone's doing versions
Speaker 1: of this kind of like it's an online game night
Speaker 1: and you can come and watch it or.
Speaker 3: And half of them were from New York, like we
Speaker 3: were just yeah, yeah, hanging out.
Speaker 1: It's yeah, that was the best part. It's got to
Speaker 1: be that online comedy shows get to books such a
Speaker 1: such a better mix of people because it's it can
Speaker 1: be anywhere. Yeah, it can be.
Speaker 3: If you're looking for a silver lining about the end
Speaker 3: of comedy.
Speaker 1: It's the end of comedy. Yeah, that's great.
Speaker 3: The geographic diversity of zoom shows. Yes, you could be
Speaker 3: doing a show with someone from Budapest.
Speaker 1: No longer can you use the excuse I can't book
Speaker 1: comics from Budapest because they're on the wrong timeframe. Yeah, yeah, nope,
Speaker 1: not anymore.
Speaker 3: I was, Yeah, I was it, so we all. I
Speaker 3: shut my laptop and I was like, that was fun.
Speaker 3: And I started playing music and I mixed up a
Speaker 3: drink and I kept the party going. And then I
Speaker 3: just you know, I set up silhouettes and I was
Speaker 3: interacting with them. I was I was having a real
Speaker 3: McCauley coke culcan and home alone. God. That was hard
Speaker 3: to say, but you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: It felt like you were trying to say you were
Speaker 1: doing coke and pretending you were mcauleay culkin.
Speaker 3: I ah, no, no more cocaine in my life. The
Speaker 3: hangovers are too harsh. Only reason.
Speaker 1: Not after Lemmy died.
Speaker 3: No, No, that was his one word of Wisbon when wed.
Speaker 3: I'm drinking coke but you shouldn't. Yeah, it was done.
Speaker 1: It was good.
Speaker 3: Can I tell you about something I did today please?
Speaker 3: I went skateboarding early in the morning and met with.
Speaker 1: My us Milton there.
Speaker 3: No, no, it's a forty and up crew, right yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: and uh it's funny. That's this friend of ours, Sarah,
Speaker 3: who skates with us. She made these signs. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: she's the coolest. And she made these signs that say
Speaker 3: drive like your parents are skateboarding here, that look like
Speaker 3: the drive like your kids live here signs. Because cars
Speaker 3: once that Costco opens, cars are just really they're gunning
Speaker 3: to go get toilet paper, I guess.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And yeah, it's a a slow skateboarding zone, like there's
Speaker 3: all these old guys skateboarding that are stuck in the gardening,
Speaker 3: like the planters around there, and people obey them. Yes,
Speaker 3: it's become. And the maintenance guy from Costco comes by
Speaker 3: and says hi to us, and it's great.
Speaker 1: It's how early do you go again? Like seven in
Speaker 1: the morning?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Seven am? Yeah.
Speaker 1: Do you are there any skate betties that sit there
Speaker 1: and watch you skate at seven in the morning?
Speaker 3: No, no, not not yet, but it's catching on where
Speaker 3: it is out there. There's the the whole parking lot
Speaker 3: is a buzz.
Speaker 1: I, skate betties and then also skate billies. I don't
Speaker 1: know what's the pool.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's the cool thing now. It's just there are
Speaker 3: a lot of women skateboarding there. Uh every day, not
Speaker 3: every day, but I've seen a lot of women skating
Speaker 3: with us.
Speaker 1: And every day of my life I see women skating.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a new I if that, oh man, my
Speaker 3: youth would have been differently if women were involved.
Speaker 1: I think that goes that's the case for pretty much
Speaker 1: every aspect of anyone's life. If they just would have
Speaker 1: let some women in, things right, gone much better, much different,
Speaker 1: much better now, Chris, would you be able to know
Speaker 1: if the guy who remember the guy who was skating
Speaker 1: up Western and turned around on his board and gave
Speaker 1: me the old salute. I wonder if he's skating with
Speaker 1: you in the morning, because he wasn't young.
Speaker 3: Oh when I, oh, I wasn't with you. That was
Speaker 3: another skate siding. He just that was I.
Speaker 1: Just told the story on the show. But I was
Speaker 1: driving up Western. It was miraculously empty somehow, and there
Speaker 1: was a guy on a skateboard, a longboard, going up
Speaker 1: the street, and he turned around. He heard my car coming,
Speaker 1: turned around on his board and saluted me as I
Speaker 1: went around to pass him.
Speaker 3: I'm not surprised, gentlemen.
Speaker 1: Yeah, truly chival wist.
Speaker 3: I did a peaceful protest skate from the Vista Theater
Speaker 3: to my nameighborhood with all these kids, and they everyone
Speaker 3: had a mask and they were, uh, you know, they
Speaker 3: weren't being defiant in any way. I thought. I was
Speaker 3: a little worried about hundreds of skateboarders getting together. I
Speaker 3: thought maybe someone had spray paint or kick over a
Speaker 3: trash can.
Speaker 1: No, or do it kind of like dirty rotten imbeciles thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah a d right, Oh that I'm so glad that
Speaker 3: you referenced that logo me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was my That was one of my early,
Speaker 1: very early exposure to punk rockers and punk. Was a
Speaker 1: kid that I went to camp with named Chris Johansson,
Speaker 1: who's I'm sure now like a dad or whatever. But
Speaker 1: he was the coolest when we were like twelve years old,
Speaker 1: and he had a dirty he had a dri sticker, yeah,
Speaker 1: and he brought a skateboard to camp, which is like,
Speaker 1: where are you on pine needles or on that dirt?
Speaker 3: Pat? Oh? I thought, I bought the album because it
Speaker 3: was called Thrash Zone.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and were they skate specific DRI.
Speaker 3: I think thrash was there was like a when a
Speaker 3: version of heavy metal and punk rock merging, I think
Speaker 3: is what thrash metal was. Oh okay, but Thrashing was
Speaker 3: skateboarding or that was the magazine, So that's why I
Speaker 3: bought it. So that was the first. It was like
Speaker 3: stand by Me soundtrack, Stevie Wonder, Dire Straits, and then I.
Speaker 1: Fucking I bought.
Speaker 3: I bought DRI and George Michael Faith on the same purchase.
Speaker 1: Was cr this band that sings Take the Skinheads Bowling.
Speaker 1: Take the Skinheads Bowling, Take that Bowling.
Speaker 3: I don't think that sounds more like a Dead Kennedy's
Speaker 3: song or something. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm going to look it up.
Speaker 3: It was all it was all like songs about coffins
Speaker 3: and stuff. It was like trying to be really morbid.
Speaker 1: Take the Skinheads Bowling. So it was their big solution.
Speaker 3: I went skating, and then I came home and I
Speaker 3: took a shower, and and then I put on the
Speaker 3: same pants because they weren't that sweaty, but I couldn't
Speaker 3: find my underwear and I'm out of underwear. I have
Speaker 3: three giant bags of laundry. I've gone two months without
Speaker 3: doing the laundry because I'm scared to go the laundromat.
Speaker 3: And the last time I paid to have it done
Speaker 3: it was like one hundred dollars. So it's like I've
Speaker 3: just waited until I was out of underwear. And I
Speaker 3: was on my last pair this morning, so I put
Speaker 3: on the pants. I'm like, where's that underwear? And I
Speaker 3: went down to get a coffee and the underwear was
Speaker 3: still in the pants. They were like in the pant leg.
Speaker 3: And I walked down there, and once I got down
Speaker 3: by families, my underwear was hanging out of the cup
Speaker 3: of my pants. It had fallen down my leg and
Speaker 3: it was so obviously underwear, yes, and no denying it.
Speaker 3: I just snatched it and grabbed it and put it
Speaker 3: in my pocket real quick and looked around. I don't
Speaker 3: think anyone saw, but I just had underwear hanging out
Speaker 3: of my pants.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, the best that is this is the most embarrassing.
Speaker 1: I first of all, I'm two things. When you finally
Speaker 1: do laundry, please wash all those clothes in hot because
Speaker 1: two months worth of being in a bag is going
Speaker 1: to have made dirty clothes even dirtier.
Speaker 3: You are very right. And also just a little up
Speaker 3: update on my my the bites on my penis, I
Speaker 3: think we're we're bed bugs. Oh no, so yeah, I
Speaker 3: put I I gassed my room with a flea bedbug
Speaker 3: bomb thing and I didn't find any on my mattress.
Speaker 3: But yes, I'm washing those sheets and I'm going to
Speaker 3: do a great job, and it's going to be hot water.
Speaker 1: And don't be afraid to hit that sanitized button, because
Speaker 1: that's what that's for a on an industrial wash.
Speaker 3: Seriously, yeah, I never I never hit the button. It's
Speaker 3: really intimidating.
Speaker 1: Don't be afraid. It's there for you for that reason.
Speaker 1: It's just going to use the hottest possible water and
Speaker 1: you throw some bleach in there, whatever you need to do. Wait,
Speaker 1: what was my second point?
Speaker 3: Well, they're bright red sheets, so it would be a
Speaker 3: classic situation where I turn all my whites pink.
Speaker 1: Threatening your manied. No, what if the skateboys saw that
Speaker 1: you had a pink shirt on? Oh that's what I
Speaker 1: was going to say. I was going to tell you
Speaker 1: that this is not my story, it's my friend Bradford story,
Speaker 1: but it made me laugh so hard. He was a
Speaker 1: producer on the Bonnie Hunt Bonnie Hunt Talk Show, and
Speaker 1: Bonnie Hunt used to be a nurse, so she had
Speaker 1: this thing she was very against and I actually was
Speaker 1: told this when in my teens or whatever, very against
Speaker 1: people using fabric softener and dryer sheets because dryer sheets,
Speaker 1: the chemicals that they used to make the static kling
Speaker 1: go away is actually this coating that they have linked.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure what the actual studies are whatever, but
Speaker 1: they've linked to different kinds of cancer that it's.
Speaker 3: Likely teflon or something.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not for human skin consumption, so it's really
Speaker 1: bad for you. So at one point they got onto
Speaker 1: this topic and apparently Bonnie Hunt kind of lect everybody
Speaker 1: like you cannot use it, and she's I think she's
Speaker 1: Irish Catholic. I'm pretty sure she is, because she reminds
Speaker 1: me of my family so much, where it's like, if
Speaker 1: we have a belief, we we are going to tell
Speaker 1: you about it now it's going to be your belief
Speaker 1: and if you don't adapt our belief, you're going to
Speaker 1: get in trouble. Is essentially the kind of uh outlook
Speaker 1: that she has, which I love and it comforts me,
Speaker 1: but a lot of people don't like it's any.
Speaker 3: Way she I know she is very funny. But what
Speaker 3: is what is Bonnie Hunt famous for?
Speaker 1: She's been like the mother, the sister. She's blonde, she's
Speaker 1: an actress. She's been in a ton of stuff. She's
Speaker 1: been on tons of TV shows. She originally, I believe,
Speaker 1: was some Second Cities Chicago. She's a famous Chicago actress.
Speaker 1: So she was like in Jerry Maguire, she was renee
Speaker 1: Zelwigger's sure. I think like she think.
Speaker 3: I just know from the Bonnie Hunt show how funny
Speaker 3: she was.
Speaker 1: She's hilarious. I mean, she's truly hilarious. She's also Mini
Speaker 1: Drivers friend or sister or something in a.
Speaker 3: Circle of boys kissing cars and boys kiss.
Speaker 1: Circle of Friend, Circle of Friend, return to me, the
Speaker 1: one where Circle.
Speaker 3: Of Boys is the porno version that they made afterwards.
Speaker 1: Don't go stand in that circle of boys.
Speaker 3: It's still heartwarming.
Speaker 1: Did you ever see the David du Coveney movie where
Speaker 1: Minnie Driver got a heart transplant and it turns out
Speaker 1: it was the donated heart of David Dukevney's uh dead wife,
Speaker 1: And then they fall in love because if you haven't,
Speaker 1: is it untamed heard it's no, No, that's the Christian
Speaker 1: Slater one.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he got a heart transplant from a monkey and
Speaker 3: it made him throw his ship.
Speaker 1: Yeah everyone, No, Oh, this untamed heart of mine. It
Speaker 1: makes me want to shit into my own hand all
Speaker 1: the time.
Speaker 3: I wish they could tame it.
Speaker 1: But the payoff of the of the Bonnie Hunts story
Speaker 1: is that one of the producer my friend was a
Speaker 1: producer on her talk show and she had given this
Speaker 1: speech very passionately and very like aggressively, I do not
Speaker 1: use this whatever. Yeah, And one day they're in her
Speaker 1: office and something had gone wrong. So everybody who's getting
Speaker 1: an earfull, you know, it was like a very tense meeting.
Speaker 1: And then my friend Bradford looked over and their EP
Speaker 1: had a dryer sheet sticking out of the bottom of
Speaker 1: his pants, and so they're like they they had to
Speaker 1: make sure she didn't see it before the end of
Speaker 1: the meeting, like basically making a bad meeting go even worse.
Speaker 1: Oh my, And they had to like sneak the dryer
Speaker 1: sheet out of the meeting. It was hilarious.
Speaker 3: All the things he could have dangling from his pants.
Speaker 3: He wished it was underwear.
Speaker 1: It was just a little paper that said, this is
Speaker 1: your pet peeve. I've not given it any regard. I
Speaker 1: love her, though, I'm truly her that I didn't mean
Speaker 1: that as a shitting on her.
Speaker 3: She cared, Wow, yeah, no, that's what I gathered from it.
Speaker 3: I'm going to see if Bonnie Hunt Show is on
Speaker 3: Hulu or Netflix servant Like a lot of things are
Speaker 3: hidden from the menu, you have to type it in if.
Speaker 1: Anyone from Hulu's listening. I've recently because of the TV
Speaker 1: show The Great, which, if you haven't seen it, the
Speaker 1: one about Catherine the Great that has Dakota Fanning's little
Speaker 1: sister in it, Ohanning.
Speaker 3: Sure, and doesn't that have the grown up boy from
Speaker 3: About a Boy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Nicholas Halt, I think his name is. It's so good.
Speaker 1: It's such a good show. It's a period piece, so
Speaker 1: it's amazing to look at whatever. But I hadn't really
Speaker 1: ever done a lot with Hulu before that, and the
Speaker 1: interface on Hulu is infuriating. Yeah, it really is, Like
Speaker 1: I don't understand why it's so bad.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's hard to find anything. It's just like, hey,
Speaker 3: here's our suggestions. You want to look for something, here's it. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and here's our keyboard. It's real fucked up, like it's
Speaker 3: really hard to type things into it. Yeah. Hulu is
Speaker 3: uh and you got to watch commercials even if you're paying.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well no, I'm on a level where I don't
Speaker 1: have any commercials.
Speaker 3: Oh you got Hulu Live, Hulu Rich, Hulu Max.
Speaker 1: But I was watching hunder Bee, which is a hilarious
Speaker 1: British Have you watched that? It's like a fake British
Speaker 1: the old seventies BBC series, but it's like it's Julia Davis,
Speaker 1: who's that woman from God. She's so fucking funny. She's
Speaker 1: had her own show.
Speaker 3: You dropped your Stress Mattress.
Speaker 1: I threw my stress Mattress on the ground. Hunder Bee
Speaker 1: watch it. But they Hunger be like hunder d e
Speaker 1: r ok. And it's like it's like a British period
Speaker 1: piece of like a girl that washes up on shore
Speaker 1: and then joins this rich family and it's so funny.
Speaker 1: Julia Davis plays the crazy maid. It's really good and
Speaker 1: it's crazy, like dirty and inappropriate, and there's really weird
Speaker 1: shit in it and it's so and it's like, but
Speaker 1: it's everyone's talking like it's an old school period piece
Speaker 1: British BBC show. It's so good.
Speaker 3: I've been I put my special on. It's out and
Speaker 3: it's on Vimeo on demand and a lot of do
Speaker 3: you need to ride? People have been watching it and
Speaker 3: sending me messages and it makes I feel great.
Speaker 1: That's amazing, So.
Speaker 3: Thank you to people who've been watching it. The end.
Speaker 1: We gave it a shout out during our last episode,
Speaker 1: but we didn't say what what website it was, yeah, because.
Speaker 3: You wouldn't know. Yeah that we're gnarly thing. It's hard
Speaker 3: to remember. But people if you google, I mean, if
Speaker 3: you just Chris Fairbanks special, it's like the second thing
Speaker 3: that shows up. So if they really want to see.
Speaker 1: It, and I think we put the link in, the
Speaker 1: link was on the website.
Speaker 3: Great, thanks for doing that. Yeah, of course, yeah, we
Speaker 3: believe we have the sweet Thank you. It's just the
Speaker 3: sweet people I've always like when I was opening for
Speaker 3: Daniel Tosh or the times I've opened for Doug Stanhope
Speaker 3: or you know, these are people I admire there that
Speaker 3: they have this audience and they're great comics. But it's
Speaker 3: usually like the people that go to comedy shows are
Speaker 3: usually drunk dudes. Yeah, and the audience that we have
Speaker 3: for this podcast that are going to my shows, I'm
Speaker 3: like so lucky that I haven't acquired them from being
Speaker 3: a comic or you know what I mean. Like from
Speaker 3: my dick jokes that I tell it's the best. I
Speaker 3: love it. I promise I'm going to be the kind
Speaker 3: of comic you want in the future.
Speaker 1: But look, I think everyone loves a dick joke as
Speaker 1: long as it's kind of justified, like you're not. Georgia
Speaker 1: actually mentioned the parents walking in on you masturbating as
Speaker 1: one of her favorites. It's not a standard. You're playing
Speaker 1: with the It's not just playground comedy, right some like
Speaker 1: some people seem to need to do. Yeah, you're doing
Speaker 1: other things.
Speaker 3: It's smart playground comedy. That's what I'm shooting for.
Speaker 1: You're the nerd section of the playground.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So the book where the book types are making dirty jokes,
Speaker 1: and that's.
Speaker 3: I'm with those kids, making them laugh, pretending. I also
Speaker 3: read look at my bookshelf. Haven't cracked one of them
Speaker 3: in a year.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's but it's also nice because comedy is
Speaker 1: a very hostile environment. Usually for women. Seventy percent of
Speaker 1: the time you're going to check on, like click into something,
Speaker 1: and whether the comic is a man or woman, you're
Speaker 1: going to get some shitty Hey, ladies, you only care
Speaker 1: about shopping or whatever. And so it is nice to
Speaker 1: be able to point to people toward comics who are like,
Speaker 1: you're going to like this, You're going to be happy
Speaker 1: that you participated.
Speaker 3: It's funny you bring that up, because I felt like
Speaker 3: there's you know, when we were originally going to put
Speaker 3: this thing out, it was during George Floyd's memorial, and
Speaker 3: it just wasn't the right time to be promoting a thing.
Speaker 3: And then right and then all these growing numbers of
Speaker 3: women are talking about terrible male comics that are sexually
Speaker 3: aggressive and rapists. And then it's like, is there ever
Speaker 3: going to be a good time for me to be
Speaker 3: I mean, I want people to watch the special, and
Speaker 3: I don't think there's a bad time to ever watch
Speaker 3: comedy and not think about what's going on in the world.
Speaker 3: But when it comes to like promoting it on my
Speaker 3: social media, where we should be talking about the important
Speaker 3: things going on, and I'm like, hey, everyone, it just
Speaker 3: felt gross and I try to balance it out with
Speaker 3: links to petitions and things that I care about that
Speaker 3: are happening right now. Stagger it a little bit, but
Speaker 3: I have been confronted. If anyone's been disappointed about me
Speaker 3: just promoting my comedy special, know that I've been doing
Speaker 3: it uneasily, but I want people to watch it so badly.
Speaker 1: Yes, you've been waiting a long time to.
Speaker 3: Release it, and yeah, yeah, it's it's it's it's time.
Speaker 1: It's a more nuanced conversation. But but I think that
Speaker 1: everybody what I really like about that, this whole movement
Speaker 1: that is, you know, it's completely just got underway and
Speaker 1: is now going. That's first of all, that's the cool thing.
Speaker 1: It's not a stop a stop start thing. It basically
Speaker 1: everybody had the good sense and and I think listen
Speaker 1: to black people enough to go, okay, it's not about
Speaker 1: us right now, it's not about our reaction to this
Speaker 1: even just everyone pull back and let and like amplify
Speaker 1: voices and let's listen to what people want and what
Speaker 1: is actually happening as opposed to here's how I process it.
Speaker 1: I think my black friends would want me to promote
Speaker 1: my comedytion it's like no, no, no, ye, just go
Speaker 1: just back hit the fuck up. Be like Homer Simpson
Speaker 1: going into the bush and the lift lift other people's
Speaker 1: voices up. And let's prioritize this as it is life
Speaker 1: for death. It is a life or death situation for
Speaker 1: black people, and let them have the floor, get some
Speaker 1: shit out there, let's focus in a meaningful way. And
Speaker 1: I think you know it. That's the reason that there
Speaker 1: has been traction and that things have begun at least
Speaker 1: to change a little bit.
Speaker 3: And I see it tapering off a little bit, but
Speaker 3: I have been impressed with how it's still going and
Speaker 3: people are still talking about it and it's still important
Speaker 3: to everyone, and it's been really really cool, and all
Speaker 3: the more reasons I feel weird. Oh, speaking of my
Speaker 3: special there is a scene. There is a moment where
Speaker 3: we did try and do me backing into a bush
Speaker 3: because I right, yes, yeah, yeah, and it didn't. It
Speaker 3: isn't in the beginning, but it's in the outtakes. At
Speaker 3: the end. We cut out a little shape for me
Speaker 3: to hide in the hedge and then put bushes in
Speaker 3: front of me so I could emerge from this bush
Speaker 3: after I do my karate kick and it's very funny.
Speaker 1: So but anyway, but that's just one of the many
Speaker 1: easter eggs that you'll find when you watch Chris.
Speaker 3: Fairbanks Rescue Cactus.
Speaker 1: Rescue Cactus. Can you just say what the other name.
Speaker 3: Was going to be? It was to be called cat Dix.
Speaker 1: No, the other one. You had a couple that had
Speaker 1: made it to.
Speaker 3: The Oh yeah, yeah, bad timing.
Speaker 1: But I loved bad Timing because it really turned out
Speaker 1: to be bad timing, right.
Speaker 3: Yes, I just got overwhelmed with the idea that people
Speaker 3: would think I was saying I have bad comedic timing.
Speaker 3: You should watch my comedy.
Speaker 1: Yes, but then your lower expectations. Then everyone likes it
Speaker 1: no matter what. Yes, I mean, Look, I tried to
Speaker 1: argue this already.
Speaker 3: I know I like that. I like bad timing too.
Speaker 3: I you know, I don't know if I picked the
Speaker 3: best title. But it's just a title. It's just work.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter.
Speaker 3: I wanted it to be a standout collection of two words,
Speaker 3: and I thought maybe bad timing would be like self deprecating,
Speaker 3: we get it, or if I called it not funny
Speaker 3: or yes, I'm not very I'm not very bad special
Speaker 3: insight wink, wink. Maybe you won't like it. I didn't
Speaker 3: want to play that game.
Speaker 1: That is kind of lame. I totally agree. And also,
Speaker 1: you know, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: It's like, if it's a restaurant that serves the best
Speaker 1: and most beautiful food, it doesn't matter how this sign
Speaker 1: is painted. And so basically, when you get into the
Speaker 1: Chris Fairbanks Special, if Rescue Cactus gets you there, or
Speaker 1: just the amazing artwork. I haven't seen this, when you
Speaker 1: get in there, you will have a full seven course
Speaker 1: meal of wonderful comedy and experiences.
Speaker 3: Thank you, Cared. Yeah, it's true. I like comparing it
Speaker 3: to food conversations.
Speaker 1: I like, you know, I'm a snob. You know, comedy
Speaker 1: means the world to me. I wouldn't be friends with
Speaker 1: you or do a podcast with you if you weren't
Speaker 1: the funniest person.
Speaker 3: Oh, thank you, you really are.
Speaker 1: So I think people can they know, they know after
Speaker 1: all this time with this podcast, exactly what you can
Speaker 1: do and how you do it, and that's why they
Speaker 1: show up you come to their town.
Speaker 3: It's yeah, and I will say it again, I love it.
Speaker 3: We have the best fans. Really, that's the last I'll say.
Speaker 1: Of it, we have the best fans who support. They're
Speaker 1: like they like to support. It's like whether you're doing
Speaker 1: stand up. It's like we used to have big groups
Speaker 1: of people that would come to that improv show. Me
Speaker 1: and April hosted that show and we would make Chris
Speaker 1: headline every time because it was one less person we
Speaker 1: had to book every show. But yeah, we had a
Speaker 1: great and they were in the beginning. They were clearly
Speaker 1: a podcast audience. They didn't laugh out loud, and they
Speaker 1: had to learn over a couple months of like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is how your live comedy audience.
Speaker 3: I've kind of gotten used to it. I just look
Speaker 3: out and I see it that they're all listening and
Speaker 3: they're happy. But yeah, they're politely. They don't want to
Speaker 3: get reprimanded at work. Still, Yeah, they'll tret a comedy
Speaker 3: blob exactly.
Speaker 1: They've been They've trained themselves to basically while they're doing
Speaker 1: their data processing job, not get in trouble and pretend
Speaker 1: that they're focusing. So totally, but it's great. It's like
Speaker 1: there's nothing more exciting. And I mean we've talked about
Speaker 1: this before, but it's like it us when when my
Speaker 1: fervorit Murder went on the road and we had like
Speaker 1: screaming fans that were going insane. It was the most satisfying,
Speaker 1: beautiful gift of all the gifts that that podcast has
Speaker 1: brought to my life, the live show gift that that
Speaker 1: was a dream come true that I thought I was
Speaker 1: never going to get to do again because to get
Speaker 1: to play theaters that size you have to be like
Speaker 1: a road comic for twenty five years that I couldn't. Yeah,
Speaker 1: when I did the road, I was like, this is
Speaker 1: going to break me mentally. I'm also going to drink
Speaker 1: myself into the hospital, which I did and I was
Speaker 1: like I can't handle it. So it was like it
Speaker 1: was a huge dream and live performance is my very
Speaker 1: favorite that I just had to get rid of. So
Speaker 1: like this pod, that podcast enabled me to go back
Speaker 1: to doing this thing and like the idea that then
Speaker 1: you get to have some too because I know that,
Speaker 1: like that's your best because we're the same that way.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, live shows are the for comics. That's the real drug.
Speaker 1: Like that's the good stuff.
Speaker 3: And I haven't had it for a while and it's hard,
Speaker 3: it's it's not replaceable, but I'm just looking forward to
Speaker 3: when I have it again. But yes, that's the point.
Speaker 3: I didn't mean to talk shit about Doug Stanhope's crowd
Speaker 3: or not, but it is there. If I was well
Speaker 3: known because I used to be unpunked or something, or
Speaker 3: you know, like the time I was all excited to
Speaker 3: open for Davittel in Houston and because of that show Insomniac,
Speaker 3: all these people came over and he was trying not
Speaker 3: to drink at the time, He's trying to not kill himself,
Speaker 3: and they were all handing him Jaegermeister yeah shots, and
Speaker 3: he'd be like, oh, thanks, and then he'd hand it
Speaker 3: to me, and then I'd was sick until four the
Speaker 3: next day. But I was like, God, is this what
Speaker 3: being well known from stand up is? You're like, you're
Speaker 3: the party guy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're kind of in your box or whatever. So
Speaker 1: it's like people the idea that people would be your
Speaker 1: fans from this show where you get to highlight your
Speaker 1: like best part of your personality, not even the most
Speaker 1: presentational stage you know, seven minute set personality, but your
Speaker 1: real personality.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah. They come to shows and then after
Speaker 3: the show they want to talk about dollhouses. They don't
Speaker 3: want to give me tequila. It's great, it's going to
Speaker 3: save my life.
Speaker 1: It is going to say, should we do take some questions?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, another.
Speaker 3: Do act any ready?
Speaker 4: Oh sorry, no, no, I mean I have that doc
Speaker 4: from last time. There's still plenty of questions.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like you saving it to the end.
Speaker 1: Because that's like our that's our act too. First act
Speaker 1: one is catch up COVID Milton Martine.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we talked about Milton.
Speaker 1: Milton has to get mentioned. And then yes, let's naturally
Speaker 1: transition into act two and then we talk about our
Speaker 1: dreams for a while. Old bars let me boom. Here
Speaker 1: we are act to Q and it season two act too.
Speaker 4: This person mad for sharks asked, would you rather have
Speaker 4: finger sized legs or leg sized fingers?
Speaker 3: Discuss? Oh god, those are those are in a dead
Speaker 3: heat for horrifying. Oh my god. I think finger sized
Speaker 3: legs and I would just cover them up with a
Speaker 3: blanket because leg sized fingers.
Speaker 1: Yes, I think legs size unless.
Speaker 3: You're playing that game where it's a folded up piece
Speaker 3: of paper and it's a football that I mean, you
Speaker 3: would be amazing at that.
Speaker 1: I feel like in these times of COVID nineteen. Leg
Speaker 1: sized fingers enable you to keep social distancing while at
Speaker 1: the same time poking, prodding, tickling.
Speaker 3: So gross, wait, so gross, But I think you're doing
Speaker 3: the more I've thought about it, you and I both
Speaker 3: were just thinking of two fingers, because there's two legs
Speaker 3: on a human. It's all your fingers. So you're suddenly
Speaker 3: a spider. Well, imagine running with ten legs. Now your
Speaker 3: arms are just down and you're sprinting down the road
Speaker 3: like a like a millipede.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't like any of this, And I
Speaker 1: what's the name of the person that asked that question?
Speaker 3: They were mad for sharks? Yeah, mad for sharks.
Speaker 1: It sounds like you're fucking mad for sharks. Yeah you lunatic? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that wasn't really that wasn't a good slamp.
Speaker 3: You know what lunatic is? There is Elaine Bennis or
Speaker 3: Julia Luis Dreyfus, whether or not you want to live
Speaker 3: in reality went on that episode where someone bumped into
Speaker 3: her and she's like, yeah, lunatic. It made me laugh
Speaker 3: so hard. I hadn't heard that word lunatic until that
Speaker 3: episode of Seinfeld. She is the best.
Speaker 1: She is one of the most unsung like she should
Speaker 1: be up there with Seinfeld when people think about comedy.
Speaker 1: I guess she would be now because of Veep. But yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: she has been bringing it since the worst season of SNL.
Speaker 3: Yes that she was on.
Speaker 1: She has been bringing it so hardcore. And did you
Speaker 1: ever see when she was on mean tweets on Kimmel
Speaker 1: and someone said, oh my god, it's so fucking funny
Speaker 1: no or talking shit about her, and she's reading it
Speaker 1: and kind of laughing, and then it gets to this
Speaker 1: point and she does this laugh that like it made
Speaker 1: me love her so much. You just know she's a
Speaker 1: cool person to hang out with. Like the way she
Speaker 1: laughed at this slam on her her and Seinfeld and
Speaker 1: like it was some random slam and she thought it
Speaker 1: was the fun thing of all time. It made me
Speaker 1: love her.
Speaker 3: Oh that's great. Yeah, I she also just reminds me
Speaker 3: and my sister Lisa, and so yeah, I feel like
Speaker 3: I sort of know her, but I don't. I don't know.
Speaker 3: I don't know. I call her Elaine Bennets for God's sake.
Speaker 1: I know she's the shit. Okay. Also, I actually cancel
Speaker 1: my answer to that first question because I don't want
Speaker 1: ten leg sized fingers on both hands.
Speaker 3: I think I do. It's you're horrifying and you wouldn't
Speaker 3: have a normal interaction with a person or a sex
Speaker 3: life or anything. But I'd like the idea of just
Speaker 3: sprinting down the road on my hands.
Speaker 1: It would like your shoulders and upper arm muscles would
Speaker 1: become gigantic, yeah, having to deal with them.
Speaker 3: Sure it would be bad for your joints and things
Speaker 3: like that, But I just.
Speaker 1: I don't like this reality that Mad for Sharks has
Speaker 1: put us into. I'm really mad at mad person.
Speaker 3: That's what he wanted. He just wanted to spark a dialogue.
Speaker 3: And look, we're talking about it, so that makes it art.
Speaker 1: You must be okay?
Speaker 4: Moving on at sam du thirteen. Any reoccurring dreams?
Speaker 3: I yes, do you mind if I go first? This
Speaker 3: isn't but I this.
Speaker 1: Do you mind if I go first?
Speaker 3: Do you mind? Because something sprang to mind and I
Speaker 3: like to talk first. I used to have a reoccurring
Speaker 3: dream that has to be based I think it's based
Speaker 3: on me having convulsions as a baby. But I had
Speaker 3: this reoccurring dream where I am in a crib and
Speaker 3: the walls are closing in on me and I'm getting smaller,
Speaker 3: but the room is getting bigger and bigger. And it
Speaker 3: was affecting audio. I could hear background noises and this
Speaker 3: is going to sound crazy, but it started to happen
Speaker 3: in real in while I was awake. Background noise. I
Speaker 3: think there are little anxiety attacks that I was having,
Speaker 3: but background ambient. Otherwise, background noise would be amplified, like
Speaker 3: when I was taken to test in school and you'd
Speaker 3: hear the scratching of pencils. All of a sudden, it
Speaker 3: would sound like like voices. Oh yeah, and I would
Speaker 3: have to leave the room and I would have to
Speaker 3: out loud say go away. I thought I was being possessed.
Speaker 3: I think that I was having little panic attacks as
Speaker 3: a kid, maybe, but it was connected to that crib dream.
Speaker 3: It was the same feeling that I would have in
Speaker 3: that dream, and I thought I was going crazy. I'm like,
Speaker 3: this is going to be mental illness when I'm a
Speaker 3: grown up looking forward to that. And it just kind
Speaker 3: of went away as I learned to control it. But
Speaker 3: I went to child psychologists.
Speaker 1: I wonder if you had something in your ear like that,
Speaker 1: there was basically something affecting your inner ear.
Speaker 3: I remember a lot of talk of ear infections. I
Speaker 3: would they would put drops in there all the way
Speaker 3: up to having a childhood counselor talk about my feelings.
Speaker 3: His name, we've talked about that this. His name was
Speaker 3: Richard come Kumm. His name was Dick Com. But he
Speaker 3: would yes, yes, very much, yes.
Speaker 1: Nice, I promised everyone that kind of comic and here
Speaker 1: you are.
Speaker 3: It is when it's hidden in a true story. It's
Speaker 3: okay to say someone's name is Dick Com. It just is.
Speaker 1: And miild psychologists too.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yes, exactly. So everyone that he was seeing
Speaker 3: was snickering. Uh anyway, Uh. It gradually went away, but
Speaker 3: it was a reoccurring crib dream. I's so bizarre and
Speaker 3: I still sometimes have it. And I think it's just
Speaker 3: about anxiety.
Speaker 1: That makes sense because the walls closing in would definitely indicate.
Speaker 3: It, and me being in a crib obviously was an
Speaker 3: early memory based thing.
Speaker 1: I would hope. So, yes, yes, please assure me that
Speaker 1: that the crib stuff.
Speaker 3: Is when I say I got a new bed, or
Speaker 3: that I got myself an adult crib. It's the sole world.
Speaker 3: And I also wear diapers. We're a small group, but
Speaker 3: we're a strong group.
Speaker 1: I swear to God. My friend Laura, who was from
Speaker 1: the story where I talked about drinking and watching the
Speaker 1: malbu whatdsides, Laura Milligan got bless her soul. I miss her.
Speaker 1: She used to be she moved back to the Bay Area,
Speaker 1: but h okay. She when we would go drinking in
Speaker 1: the nineties and come home at two in the morning,
Speaker 1: blackout drunk. She would There was one of like five
Speaker 1: movies she would put on, and one of them was
Speaker 1: a documentary about people who are adult baby yeah there
Speaker 1: are men, yeah yeah, And but it looked this movie
Speaker 1: looked like kind of homemade, and I would it would
Speaker 1: be that kind of thing where we'd be home and
Speaker 1: be like, and it's I guess I get right whatever
Speaker 1: you And once I would like come to I'd be like,
Speaker 1: we're watching the adult Bay Everything again. And I would
Speaker 1: get really mad every time, I'm like, turn this off.
Speaker 1: It's so disgusting. It was so it was so disturbing
Speaker 1: to learn, like about that level of fetishism. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: kind of against my will.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because the diaper, I mean, not to get gross,
Speaker 3: but they actually act like babies and utilize said diaper.
Speaker 1: Correct, Yes, someone puts a diaper on them.
Speaker 3: And and they get changed. They get changed by a
Speaker 3: dominatrix or something.
Speaker 1: Or nanny someone.
Speaker 3: It's some cross someone in a leather nanny outfit like
Speaker 3: imagine fran dresser, but instead of mosquito plaid.
Speaker 1: Imagine missus doubtfire in leather.
Speaker 3: And now let us apologize for your imagining.
Speaker 1: That there's no one's ever going to come see us
Speaker 1: live again.
Speaker 3: That is like a background party video. My friends and
Speaker 3: I would that if you're hanging out just in the
Speaker 3: background men and diapers.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's funny to some people. For me, I
Speaker 1: was like, I didn't realize. I was like, oh, I
Speaker 1: know about S and M because of like some dumb
Speaker 1: random movie I've seen, But I didn't realize that all
Speaker 1: the side rooms of in that, you know, in the
Speaker 1: fetishism world that I it was a difficult way to learn. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and a very explicit, uh specific I'll never forget those
Speaker 1: men's faces anyway. My my recurring dream, I would say,
Speaker 1: and I think I've talked about this before, probably on
Speaker 1: this podcast, but I have I remember my dreams. They
Speaker 1: don't have to do anything specific. I remember them often.
Speaker 1: And my sister and I just had this conversation because
Speaker 1: she told me we both have it where there are
Speaker 1: dreams we remember and they seem very mediocre, were very
Speaker 1: like kind of standard dream. Oh I'm in high school
Speaker 1: and my friend keeps talking about you. Why did you
Speaker 1: ride a horse to school? And I go, I didn't.
Speaker 1: I look out and there's a horse and you, and
Speaker 1: it keeps coming up and you remember it, and then
Speaker 1: later on it happens in real life. And then my
Speaker 1: sister goes, has that ever happened to you? And she
Speaker 1: was really kind of like keyed up about it.
Speaker 3: And that's what deja vu is.
Speaker 1: No, it's different than deja vu because you know it's
Speaker 1: from a dream. It's not oh that I just thought
Speaker 1: this happened one second ago. It's literally the very benign,
Speaker 1: plain old, regular life. But in a dream dream, it
Speaker 1: sticks in your mind for some reason, and then all
Speaker 1: of a sudden you're like, oh, that's weird. I went
Speaker 1: back to my high school because Nora now goes here
Speaker 1: and we're standing in this thing and then I turn
Speaker 1: and there's a horse standing there. Oh.
Speaker 3: Literally, literally the thing happens, yes, because I think I
Speaker 3: don't know that my background noise amplified thing necessarily was
Speaker 3: happening in the crib thing. I think both were just
Speaker 3: examples of me being stressed out. Yeah, and so I
Speaker 3: made them about each But you're literally saying you had
Speaker 3: a dream about a horse and then later in life
Speaker 3: it's like, wait a minute, I've been here, there's going
Speaker 3: to be a horse, and then there was a horse.
Speaker 1: Yes, I've had not just that one dream. I've had that.
Speaker 1: That's how I've marked stages of my life where i
Speaker 1: know I'm on the right track. So I will have
Speaker 1: a dream that sticks in my head, it's very plain.
Speaker 1: I'll be like, that's weird, I'll think about it, it'll
Speaker 1: keep coming up. I'll keep like somehow being reminded of it,
Speaker 1: and then say, like, six months in the future, I'm
Speaker 1: at this. I'm now I'm sitting in this Italian restaurant
Speaker 1: from the dream that I'd never seen before, and suddenly
Speaker 1: up here's this very tall waiter that was in the dream,
Speaker 1: and it all happens.
Speaker 3: Is it ever? Has it ever been a dream where
Speaker 3: it's like about achieving something or something positive happening, and
Speaker 3: then you, oh, wow.
Speaker 1: That's honestly how I came up with the theory that
Speaker 1: it was Basically I started thinking of it as like
Speaker 1: road markers in the way, like the life I wanted
Speaker 1: to achieve that if this, like when the dream happens,
Speaker 1: then I'm like, okay, so this is what I should
Speaker 1: be doing. This is I mean, I'm on the right track.
Speaker 3: Wow. Yeah, that's amazing. There was a many years where
Speaker 3: I felt like I didn't dream, or I know dreams
Speaker 3: are happening, but the minute I wake up, I try
Speaker 3: and remember them and it's gone. So I wasn't remembering dreams.
Speaker 3: But I have been lately remembering them and trying to write,
Speaker 3: and that feels better. It feels like a wasted life.
Speaker 3: If you don't remember your dreams, that's like half your
Speaker 3: life not being recorded. Where is it? So?
Speaker 1: Much like there was a recurring dream I had where
Speaker 1: it was one long, really long highway. There was just
Speaker 1: two lanes, and the dream starts from the top of
Speaker 1: one hill going down toward a mountain or mountain range,
Speaker 1: and I can see the highway the whole way to
Speaker 1: the mountain range, and then up ahead there's a place
Speaker 1: you can pull off that's like a strip mall. And
Speaker 1: I've been to that strip mall probably ten times, and
Speaker 1: every time I go with, something different happens where I'm
Speaker 1: like up here we go, Now we go. Now it's
Speaker 1: the strip mall. One time, it's really upsetting and it's
Speaker 1: a we all have to grab as much stuff as
Speaker 1: we can and get back into the car and go.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's like, ooh, I've never been in this clothing
Speaker 1: store before, and it's like a different experience every time.
Speaker 1: But I in the dream and it doesn't always happen.
Speaker 1: This is like special occasion. But I become lucid enough
Speaker 1: to go, We're here again. Let's see what happens this time.
Speaker 3: Let's go into jj CPS here.
Speaker 1: The first name in fashion.
Speaker 3: Yes, wow, that's a yeah. Dreams are important. A lot
Speaker 3: of people put emphasis or importance on dreams my whole life,
Speaker 3: and I've always blown it off because I felt a
Speaker 3: little confronted by the fact I didn't remember my dreams.
Speaker 3: But I have been lately, and it's a good thing.
Speaker 3: I don't have nightmares anymore.
Speaker 1: I yeah, that's good.
Speaker 3: Those are a thing of the past. It seems I.
Speaker 1: Had the last time I had a nightmare. It wasn't
Speaker 1: because I almost have never had nightmares except for a
Speaker 1: couple really specific and they were like this one night
Speaker 1: where I had one time, and I know it's so
Speaker 1: boring to actually talk about dreams, but I had a
Speaker 1: dream that some there was a killer being chased right
Speaker 1: behind my parents' house, because my parents behind their house
Speaker 1: is just kind of like kind of big rolling hills,
Speaker 1: and it was like searchlights, police dogs, ah blah blah blah,
Speaker 1: all these things. And it was me and my grandpa
Speaker 1: walking behind the police chasing down this killer. And so
Speaker 1: we came up upon this guy getting wrestled to the
Speaker 1: ground and his handcuffed, and when he came up and
Speaker 1: turned around, he had filed all his teeth down to
Speaker 1: just like little things, but every single tooth.
Speaker 3: Okay, now, is that not about your the Terror Tales
Speaker 3: of Terror or whatever? The knife Lady with the voodoo doll.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, the Trilogy of Terror. Yeah, yeah, probably
Speaker 1: that's probably where the visuals from.
Speaker 3: The teeth the uhil the little nubs of teeth. Jacob's
Speaker 3: Ladder too, there's a there's a flash of some teeth
Speaker 3: in that. There's nothing scarier than little tiny teeth nibblets.
Speaker 3: That's why I was apprehensive to watch the movie Coneheads,
Speaker 3: because that's their little teeth.
Speaker 1: It's tour scary but yes, very scary, but also just
Speaker 1: that kind of thing where when I woke up, I
Speaker 1: was like, because it was then I realized, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: with an eighty five year old man, Like, no one's
Speaker 1: going to be able to fight this guy off somehow,
Speaker 1: and he clearly looked like a demon. It was like
Speaker 1: not normal crime. Yeah, it was amazing because yeah, so.
Speaker 3: One thing my dad and I have in common is
Speaker 3: we will both have dreams where we are not in it,
Speaker 3: no one recognized. Occasionally, someone's face for a second will
Speaker 3: become someone you know, and then they turn to someone else.
Speaker 3: But usually it's dreams like a boring movie and you're
Speaker 3: just watching these actors that you've made up in your head.
Speaker 3: M hmm. They're just new faces and they're they're just
Speaker 3: talking about business in a restroom and where they got
Speaker 3: a sweater, and it's like and then I wake up
Speaker 3: and I'm like, did I really just have a dream
Speaker 3: about two guys talking about a sweater and a bathroom.
Speaker 1: But I think it's good right that there's nothing in
Speaker 1: your subconscious that's being worked out that's really a because
Speaker 1: I used to have a recurring dream of driving in
Speaker 1: a big Bronco with big huge wheels, like a high
Speaker 1: up kind of like jacked up car and driving downhill
Speaker 1: and like laughing and then turning and looking and no
Speaker 1: one was driving, no one was in the driver's seats, and.
Speaker 3: That's awesome dream.
Speaker 1: That's like, that's what every rushing downhill. So then I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, things, I'm sure that's before I stopped driving.
Speaker 3: Was that a reoccurring dream of unmanned monster truck?
Speaker 1: Yes, going down hill and then having to like realize it,
Speaker 1: almost have a heart attack, then try to get into
Speaker 1: the driver's seat and put the brakes on. And of
Speaker 1: course many many times where I had dreams where you're
Speaker 1: you're pushing on the brakes and pulling the store.
Speaker 3: Oh sure, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's maybe what that
Speaker 3: dream is based in. That's a reoccurring dream for other people.
Speaker 3: Might be might be a little bit the breaks become
Speaker 3: the gas classic dream. Maybe should we do one more question?
Speaker 4: Or yeah, yeah, that's perfect for the record, I only
Speaker 4: have nightmares, so I don't know what that says.
Speaker 3: Really.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mostly have, like I have a lot of
Speaker 4: sleep paralysis sometimes too.
Speaker 1: That's tough.
Speaker 3: Well, thank god I never was a walker. I had friends.
Speaker 3: I had a friend. I was sharing an attic with
Speaker 3: a friend. I don't know. The rent was cheap. But
Speaker 3: one night I looked up and he he thought he
Speaker 3: was going to the bathroom. I think a lot of
Speaker 3: drunk people do this. He thought he was going to
Speaker 3: the bathroom, and I was watching him. I'm like, what
Speaker 3: are you doing. He's like going to the bathroom, And
Speaker 3: then he stopped in front of a pile of clothes
Speaker 3: that he just washed his own clothes, and he peed
Speaker 3: on his clothes. Yeah. Yeah, Kevin, Mark, say if your ops,
Speaker 3: I said, isn't. I'm sorry, buddy, that's Kevin. Ha ha, Kevin,
Speaker 3: you pissed on your clothes. I was there. Now everyone
Speaker 3: knows it.
Speaker 1: Uh, Kevin, You're not alone. I had a boyfriend that
Speaker 1: one time we went to a wedding. Everyone got insanely
Speaker 1: shit faced, but me because it was after I stopped drinking,
Speaker 1: and this guy that I was dating at the time,
Speaker 1: my friends got him really drunk on Jamison whiskey. So
Speaker 1: he was like out of his mind drunk, and he
Speaker 1: woke up in the middle of the night, opened one
Speaker 1: of my drawers and peed into my drawer, and I
Speaker 1: woke up and there was like slapping him on the back,
Speaker 1: like you're peeing and that that you're not in the bathroom.
Speaker 1: He was out of his mind.
Speaker 3: My favorite thing about people that these pea walkers will
Speaker 3: call him is that is that when you call them out,
Speaker 3: they're still sort of awake. Yeah, and they they're in
Speaker 3: their dream world, so they're in their mind. You're just
Speaker 3: going stop it, you're going in a drawer, but they're like, no,
Speaker 3: I'm not, I'm I'm in front of him. Imagine toilet.
Speaker 3: Quit slapping me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're totally in a bathroom. That suddenly then another
Speaker 1: person is in the bathroom with them slapping them.
Speaker 3: Oh god, this just makes me want to get drunk.
Speaker 3: That's great.
Speaker 1: I miss whiskey so much. I miss whiskey, like the
Speaker 1: best boyfriend that broke up with me. It was the
Speaker 1: best boyfriend and it did break up with me. Whiskey.
Speaker 1: Damn it.
Speaker 4: All right, So this question is from ken Zalila. She said,
Speaker 4: are you Kenzala?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Are you a corner to corner or a straight down
Speaker 4: the middle sandwich person?
Speaker 3: Oh? I wow, Karen, you want to take this?
Speaker 1: I will thank you. Chris. I I made a bunch
Speaker 1: of when I was staying with my sister just this
Speaker 1: last month.
Speaker 3: She's like, you know, a lot of people, by the way,
Speaker 3: not to interrupt, but a lot of people thought it
Speaker 3: was really funny when she was slamming cupboards in the
Speaker 3: like your color and like maybe didn't even know you
Speaker 3: were recording. She's just looking for something that was a
Speaker 3: big hit. Everyone was walking around the kitchen. Yeah that was.
Speaker 1: And she also was like, do not put me on
Speaker 1: that bunch.
Speaker 3: Oh I know, yeah, we know better memory. She came
Speaker 3: in on speakerphone. Yes, that one that did not end
Speaker 3: with a conversation. She is.
Speaker 1: It's the strangest thing in the world. How not interested
Speaker 1: in performing in any way she is when it's all
Speaker 1: I want to do twenty Yeah, yeah, it's very strange.
Speaker 1: We're complete opposites. But at her house, like she's their
Speaker 1: big sandwich family, so like making sandwiches is like basically
Speaker 1: what you did every day for lunch. So I got
Speaker 1: very into this question. It's funny, Kenzalila that this would
Speaker 1: come up like this because I discovered for myself straight
Speaker 1: down the middle is the most delicious sandwich when I'm
Speaker 1: making my very favorite sandwich because it's it's the most
Speaker 1: user friendly. It gets you right to the goods right,
Speaker 1: and you don't have to worry about like I think
Speaker 1: that the corner to corner.
Speaker 3: That's for grilled cheese. Yes, good corner to corner is
Speaker 3: grilled cheese. You know, it's consistent, it's the same shit throughout.
Speaker 3: It's kind of fun to start with that acute angle,
Speaker 3: the sharp and just stick it in like a food knife.
Speaker 3: But if you're if it's a sandwich that has oh
Speaker 3: my mouth is watering.
Speaker 1: I know mine too.
Speaker 3: If it has like you know, cucumbers and then cheese
Speaker 3: and then meat and it's all stacked, yeah, you want
Speaker 3: to hit that as a surface, a not and get
Speaker 3: everything all at once. So it's it's hard to get
Speaker 3: that in a corner.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't. And also the corner gives you too
Speaker 1: much crust at once. Sure it's whereas when you do
Speaker 1: straight down the middle, you're going right into the interior
Speaker 1: guts and the crust is much more parenthetical.
Speaker 3: Then.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if you the corners, you have to I guess
Speaker 1: that's not true. You still have the middle part.
Speaker 3: But well, yeah, but you know a tunameld or you
Speaker 3: know something where it's a substance on it, or like
Speaker 3: when my mom made me cat food sandwiches, you know
Speaker 3: what's going to be there, and you might as well
Speaker 3: just eat the cord. If it's a bunch of ingredients,
Speaker 3: it has to be down the middle.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it has to be down the middle. And also
Speaker 1: I think what I like is either ideally for me,
Speaker 1: it's a turkey sandwich that's on some kind of a
Speaker 1: bag get. So that's a different thing altogether kind of
Speaker 1: because what it doesn't matter how you slice it, you're
Speaker 1: still there's so much crust and bread is such a
Speaker 1: big element.
Speaker 3: Right and you're still pulling it from a basket on
Speaker 3: a bicycle.
Speaker 1: And my beret is still everything's working. But when I
Speaker 1: have to use soft bread for a turkey sandwich, it's
Speaker 1: too flappy. If you go diague, you have to go
Speaker 1: down the middle and hold everything together.
Speaker 3: I hate flappy bread.
Speaker 1: That your nickname?
Speaker 3: It's cool? Yeah, yeah, yeah, god, thank yeah they called
Speaker 3: me flappy white bread. Thank god that didn't catch on. Also,
Speaker 3: I'd like to thank everyone for calling me CJ and
Speaker 3: goosnack lately. That's really it's It means a lot to me,
Speaker 3: and let's keep it going. Have you met these adults
Speaker 3: that can't have they have to have their crust cut
Speaker 3: off and they're forty years old. No, those people are
Speaker 3: walking around wearing suits and going to work and paying bills.
Speaker 3: He thanks, This is the same thing. I have it.
Speaker 3: We're having fun and so we're going long, but we
Speaker 3: should wrap it up.
Speaker 1: Yes, let's wrap it down.
Speaker 3: Let's wrap it down. Let's wrap it up. Let's ship
Speaker 3: it off and make sure it's not late and keep
Speaker 3: it loose like the goose you've been listening to. Do
Speaker 3: you need a ride? D y n A? Are I leave?
Speaker 1: Then?
Speaker 3: You want to way back? You? Do?
Speaker 1: You want to be there?
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim. Give us time
Speaker 2: and a terminol and gay.
Speaker 1: We want to send you off in style.
Speaker 2: We want to welcome you back home.
Speaker 1: Tell us all about every scared he was it fine, Melbourne.
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need.
Speaker 3: With Karen and Kress mhmm