WEBVTT - Know what you're there for

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Morning. This is Laura, Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is to know what you're there for. Here's

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<v Speaker 1>what I mean. Right now, with the world in lockdown

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<v Speaker 1>and everyone engaged in social distancing, people are starved for

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<v Speaker 1>any sort of get together. But in normal times we

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<v Speaker 1>often wind up with engagements that are not intrinsically satisfying,

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<v Speaker 1>but that connect at a deeper level to what we value.

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<v Speaker 1>And sometimes this is obvious. I doubt anyone goes to

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<v Speaker 1>an elementary school orchestra concert for the music. We know

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<v Speaker 1>we're there to support our kids and to connect with

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<v Speaker 1>them as they do something they've worked hard to achieve.

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<v Speaker 1>These are good enough reasons, and so we're not agitated

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<v Speaker 1>when the violas and the violins appear to be playing

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<v Speaker 1>different pieces. Sometimes, though, when we need to show up,

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<v Speaker 1>it can take concerted effort to find or create a

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<v Speaker 1>hy to motivate the forced performance. We have to figure

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<v Speaker 1>out what we're there for. If we do, though, we

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<v Speaker 1>can feel far more effective and happier about this use

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<v Speaker 1>of time. Take a forced family performance. Perhaps in normal times,

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<v Speaker 1>your extended family would host an annual Easter egg hunt

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<v Speaker 1>at your aunt's house. Now this made sense when the

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<v Speaker 1>kids were six years old, but now that they are

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<v Speaker 1>all teenagers, there's a lot of whining about why exactly

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<v Speaker 1>they have to hunt in her bushes for plastic eggs

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<v Speaker 1>with candy that no one likes. Anyway, this is when

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<v Speaker 1>you need to get real about why you're actually there.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not because the Easter egg hunt will be fun

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<v Speaker 1>for the children. It won't be. You're there because your

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<v Speaker 1>aunt really loves the Easter egg hunt and you really

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<v Speaker 1>love your aunt. You tell yourself and you tell your

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<v Speaker 1>kids that the main reason you're there is to give

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<v Speaker 1>your aunt joy. With clarified people can perform their roles

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<v Speaker 1>with far more gusto. Next year, when the Easter egg

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<v Speaker 1>hunt is back on, don't be surprised if one of

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<v Speaker 1>your teen's gushes over your aunt's Easter egg decorations and

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<v Speaker 1>another feign's ignorance that your aunt has hidden an egg

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<v Speaker 1>in the watering can yet again, in actions and words

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<v Speaker 1>and facial expressions, everyone's main aim is to give your

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<v Speaker 1>aunt joy. It doesn't matter that it would be more

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<v Speaker 1>fun for most people if everyone just got together for

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<v Speaker 1>a meal that isn't the point. Your aunt's joy is

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<v Speaker 1>the point, So ensure that and let everything else go.

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<v Speaker 1>As you might imagine, work offers plenty of opportunities to

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<v Speaker 1>reframe things that we would rather not do take meetings.

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<v Speaker 1>People find meetings inefficient, demoralizing, boring, Fill in the blank

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<v Speaker 1>with your biggest grape. We're seeing now in these days

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<v Speaker 1>of social distancing, that a lot of meetings that people

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<v Speaker 1>claimed could have been emails actually could have been emails.

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<v Speaker 1>But no doubt, when people return to their workplaces, there

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<v Speaker 1>will still be boring meetings. You will still have to

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<v Speaker 1>keep showing up. So if you're not going to quit,

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<v Speaker 1>you can massively boost your happiness by coming up with

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<v Speaker 1>a more attractive reason to keep attending beyond your general

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<v Speaker 1>aversion to getting fired. Maybe your office has regular town

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<v Speaker 1>hall meetings where you get updates from different departments. You

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<v Speaker 1>find these town halls superficial, and they are, But why

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<v Speaker 1>not look beyond the superficial goal of receiving information and

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<v Speaker 1>reframe the town hall meetings as a chance to catch

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<v Speaker 1>up with your colleagues. If this is your goal, you

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<v Speaker 1>can arrive early, place yourself by the door, and chat

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<v Speaker 1>with everyone you know as they file in, You choose

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<v Speaker 1>a seat near someone you haven't spoken with in a

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<v Speaker 1>while and use the breaks between presentations to ask about life.

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<v Speaker 1>Now you've connected, and now you feel good. This wasn't

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<v Speaker 1>wasted time at all. For people who are task oriented,

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<v Speaker 1>this explicit reframing from tasks to relationships can be especially important.

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<v Speaker 1>That's because the world features a lot of inefficient sees.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe you have business with the neighborhood association that requires

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<v Speaker 1>your presence, but the meetings appear to be organized by

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<v Speaker 1>someone with all the time in the world. Rather than

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<v Speaker 1>lament spending three hours trying to solve what should be

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<v Speaker 1>a very minor issue, you can ask yourself if it's

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<v Speaker 1>worth it to you to spend three hours building much

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<v Speaker 1>stronger relationships with your neighbors. It very much will be

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<v Speaker 1>when the neighbor who knows you will knows that the

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<v Speaker 1>strange truck parked in front of your house while you're

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<v Speaker 1>on vacation should not be there. By viewing the relationship

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<v Speaker 1>goal as primary, you satisfy yourself that you've spent your

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<v Speaker 1>time well. Getting approval to build that shed is just

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<v Speaker 1>icing on the cake. When you feel you have to

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<v Speaker 1>do something that you're not excited about see if you

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<v Speaker 1>can come up with a different purpose that does serve

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<v Speaker 1>your goals or gets at your deeper values. It's easy

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<v Speaker 1>to spend time analyzing what's wrong with an activity and

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<v Speaker 1>feeling grouchy about having to participate, but it's more productive,

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<v Speaker 1>endless aggravating to know what you're there for at a

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<v Speaker 1>deeper level and to keep focused on that goal in

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<v Speaker 1>the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's

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<v Speaker 1>to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd

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<v Speaker 1>love to hear from you. You can send me your tips,

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<v Speaker 1>your questions, or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,

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<v Speaker 1>and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod. That's B the number four,

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<v Speaker 1>then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me

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<v Speaker 1>an email at Before Breakfast podcast at i heeart media

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<v Speaker 1>dot com. That Before Breakfast is spelled out with all

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<v Speaker 1>the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward to staying

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<v Speaker 1>in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>For more podcasts from my Heart Radio, visit the i

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<v Speaker 1>heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to

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