Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Good Morning. This is Laura, Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Speaker 1: Today's tip is to know what you're there for. Here's
Speaker 1: what I mean. Right now, with the world in lockdown
Speaker 1: and everyone engaged in social distancing, people are starved for
Speaker 1: any sort of get together. But in normal times we
Speaker 1: often wind up with engagements that are not intrinsically satisfying,
Speaker 1: but that connect at a deeper level to what we value.
Speaker 1: And sometimes this is obvious. I doubt anyone goes to
Speaker 1: an elementary school orchestra concert for the music. We know
Speaker 1: we're there to support our kids and to connect with
Speaker 1: them as they do something they've worked hard to achieve.
Speaker 1: These are good enough reasons, and so we're not agitated
Speaker 1: when the violas and the violins appear to be playing
Speaker 1: different pieces. Sometimes, though, when we need to show up,
Speaker 1: it can take concerted effort to find or create a
Speaker 1: hy to motivate the forced performance. We have to figure
Speaker 1: out what we're there for. If we do, though, we
Speaker 1: can feel far more effective and happier about this use
Speaker 1: of time. Take a forced family performance. Perhaps in normal times,
Speaker 1: your extended family would host an annual Easter egg hunt
Speaker 1: at your aunt's house. Now this made sense when the
Speaker 1: kids were six years old, but now that they are
Speaker 1: all teenagers, there's a lot of whining about why exactly
Speaker 1: they have to hunt in her bushes for plastic eggs
Speaker 1: with candy that no one likes. Anyway, this is when
Speaker 1: you need to get real about why you're actually there.
Speaker 1: It's not because the Easter egg hunt will be fun
Speaker 1: for the children. It won't be. You're there because your
Speaker 1: aunt really loves the Easter egg hunt and you really
Speaker 1: love your aunt. You tell yourself and you tell your
Speaker 1: kids that the main reason you're there is to give
Speaker 1: your aunt joy. With clarified people can perform their roles
Speaker 1: with far more gusto. Next year, when the Easter egg
Speaker 1: hunt is back on, don't be surprised if one of
Speaker 1: your teen's gushes over your aunt's Easter egg decorations and
Speaker 1: another feign's ignorance that your aunt has hidden an egg
Speaker 1: in the watering can yet again, in actions and words
Speaker 1: and facial expressions, everyone's main aim is to give your
Speaker 1: aunt joy. It doesn't matter that it would be more
Speaker 1: fun for most people if everyone just got together for
Speaker 1: a meal that isn't the point. Your aunt's joy is
Speaker 1: the point, So ensure that and let everything else go.
Speaker 1: As you might imagine, work offers plenty of opportunities to
Speaker 1: reframe things that we would rather not do take meetings.
Speaker 1: People find meetings inefficient, demoralizing, boring, Fill in the blank
Speaker 1: with your biggest grape. We're seeing now in these days
Speaker 1: of social distancing, that a lot of meetings that people
Speaker 1: claimed could have been emails actually could have been emails.
Speaker 1: But no doubt, when people return to their workplaces, there
Speaker 1: will still be boring meetings. You will still have to
Speaker 1: keep showing up. So if you're not going to quit,
Speaker 1: you can massively boost your happiness by coming up with
Speaker 1: a more attractive reason to keep attending beyond your general
Speaker 1: aversion to getting fired. Maybe your office has regular town
Speaker 1: hall meetings where you get updates from different departments. You
Speaker 1: find these town halls superficial, and they are, But why
Speaker 1: not look beyond the superficial goal of receiving information and
Speaker 1: reframe the town hall meetings as a chance to catch
Speaker 1: up with your colleagues. If this is your goal, you
Speaker 1: can arrive early, place yourself by the door, and chat
Speaker 1: with everyone you know as they file in, You choose
Speaker 1: a seat near someone you haven't spoken with in a
Speaker 1: while and use the breaks between presentations to ask about life.
Speaker 1: Now you've connected, and now you feel good. This wasn't
Speaker 1: wasted time at all. For people who are task oriented,
Speaker 1: this explicit reframing from tasks to relationships can be especially important.
Speaker 1: That's because the world features a lot of inefficient sees.
Speaker 1: Maybe you have business with the neighborhood association that requires
Speaker 1: your presence, but the meetings appear to be organized by
Speaker 1: someone with all the time in the world. Rather than
Speaker 1: lament spending three hours trying to solve what should be
Speaker 1: a very minor issue, you can ask yourself if it's
Speaker 1: worth it to you to spend three hours building much
Speaker 1: stronger relationships with your neighbors. It very much will be
Speaker 1: when the neighbor who knows you will knows that the
Speaker 1: strange truck parked in front of your house while you're
Speaker 1: on vacation should not be there. By viewing the relationship
Speaker 1: goal as primary, you satisfy yourself that you've spent your
Speaker 1: time well. Getting approval to build that shed is just
Speaker 1: icing on the cake. When you feel you have to
Speaker 1: do something that you're not excited about see if you
Speaker 1: can come up with a different purpose that does serve
Speaker 1: your goals or gets at your deeper values. It's easy
Speaker 1: to spend time analyzing what's wrong with an activity and
Speaker 1: feeling grouchy about having to participate, but it's more productive,
Speaker 1: endless aggravating to know what you're there for at a
Speaker 1: deeper level and to keep focused on that goal in
Speaker 1: the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's
Speaker 1: to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd
Speaker 1: love to hear from you. You can send me your tips,
Speaker 1: your questions, or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,
Speaker 1: and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod. That's B the number four,
Speaker 1: then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me
Speaker 1: an email at Before Breakfast podcast at i heeart media
Speaker 1: dot com. That Before Breakfast is spelled out with all
Speaker 1: the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward to staying
Speaker 1: in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from my Heart Radio, visit the i
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