WEBVTT - How to say no to your boss 0:00:03.560 --> 0:00:05.880 My colleagues will stop commenting on everything I get. My 0:00:05.880 --> 0:00:08.400 assistant rolls eyes at people and meeting Why does my 0:00:08.400 --> 0:00:10.879 coworker keep taking credit for all my ideas? Have any 0:00:10.880 --> 0:00:14.040 wisdom for me? Hi? I'm Alison Green. Welcome to the 0:00:14.040 --> 0:00:17.640 Aska Manager podcast, where I answer questions from listeners about 0:00:17.720 --> 0:00:20.440 life at work, everything from what to say if you're 0:00:20.440 --> 0:00:23.080 allergic to your coworkers perfume to what to do if 0:00:23.079 --> 0:00:26.000 you drink too much at the company party. Let's get started. 0:00:28.120 --> 0:00:30.840 My mail at the Aska Manager website is full of 0:00:30.960 --> 0:00:34.199 letters from people who are really unhappy about something their 0:00:34.240 --> 0:00:37.120 boss is asking of them, but aren't sure if they 0:00:37.120 --> 0:00:40.040 can push back, or very commonly, are pretty sure that 0:00:40.080 --> 0:00:43.440 they can't push back because they've internalized the idea that 0:00:43.520 --> 0:00:47.320 you're never supposed to say no to your boss. They're thinking, 0:00:47.600 --> 0:00:48.960 is that part of the deal when you have a 0:00:49.040 --> 0:00:51.000 job is that you're just supposed to put up with 0:00:51.040 --> 0:00:53.440 whatever is asked of you, or that if you do 0:00:53.479 --> 0:00:56.080 push back, you look like a prima donna or difficult 0:00:56.280 --> 0:00:58.720 or not a team player, or any of the other 0:00:58.840 --> 0:01:02.880 weird words that we hagged people with. But the reality is, 0:01:03.000 --> 0:01:06.520 in many cases, you absolutely can push back or say 0:01:06.560 --> 0:01:08.920 no to something that your boss is asking of you. 0:01:09.840 --> 0:01:12.560 It's just the weird power dynamics of work that are 0:01:12.600 --> 0:01:15.440 making you think that you can't, but really you can. 0:01:15.959 --> 0:01:18.640 You just have to do it judiciously, not every day, 0:01:18.680 --> 0:01:21.160 but you can do it. And on today's show, I 0:01:21.200 --> 0:01:23.560 want to talk about exactly how to do it and 0:01:23.640 --> 0:01:26.399 go through some examples of times where you might want to, 0:01:26.800 --> 0:01:28.760 and we'll talk about exactly how to do it, what 0:01:28.880 --> 0:01:32.920 to say, and what tone to use. The first thing 0:01:33.000 --> 0:01:36.200 to know about pushing back with your boss is that 0:01:36.360 --> 0:01:39.800 saying no doesn't have to be a really aggressive or 0:01:39.920 --> 0:01:44.280 hostile thing. In the vast majority of cases, it's not 0:01:44.319 --> 0:01:47.640 going to be no, I refuse to do that. It's 0:01:47.680 --> 0:01:52.000 about approaching the conversation in a collaborative way. There's a 0:01:52.040 --> 0:01:54.680 problem and you're hoping that the two of you, you 0:01:54.720 --> 0:01:58.280 and your boss can solve it together. So that means 0:01:58.320 --> 0:02:01.680 that you're going to say things like we'd originally agreed 0:02:01.720 --> 0:02:04.000 to X, and that was important to me. Is there 0:02:04.040 --> 0:02:07.360 a way that we can make that work? Or I'm 0:02:07.400 --> 0:02:10.800 concerned about why if we go that route, Or I 0:02:10.840 --> 0:02:12.880 don't have time to do why this week, but I 0:02:12.919 --> 0:02:16.560 could to X, or I have a lot of concerns 0:02:16.560 --> 0:02:18.760 about X. Could we talk about whether there might be 0:02:18.800 --> 0:02:22.640 other options? So you see, it's not just no, it's 0:02:22.800 --> 0:02:27.640 politely collaboratively conveying I'm not as on board with this 0:02:27.840 --> 0:02:30.240 as you might have hoped or expected. What can we 0:02:30.320 --> 0:02:34.160 do instead? And if your manager is a decent manager, 0:02:34.600 --> 0:02:36.880 she's going to want to hear this when you're feeling 0:02:36.919 --> 0:02:40.000 that way. She might not be delighted about it, but 0:02:40.240 --> 0:02:43.480 good managers don't want good employees to be miserable, and 0:02:43.560 --> 0:02:46.000 they want to know when they are risking that, and 0:02:46.040 --> 0:02:48.440 they want the chance to figure out if there's a 0:02:48.480 --> 0:02:51.440 different approach that both of you can live with now. 0:02:51.480 --> 0:02:53.720 To be clear, they don't want to hear that every day. 0:02:54.160 --> 0:02:58.400 And also, to be clear, the answer won't always be yes, 0:02:58.480 --> 0:03:01.760 we can change it. But when you feel strongly about something, 0:03:02.080 --> 0:03:06.080 you can, and you should speak up. Plus, sometimes you 0:03:06.120 --> 0:03:08.320 need to speak up when you disagree with something because 0:03:08.360 --> 0:03:11.720 the reason that you disagree is that you have information 0:03:11.919 --> 0:03:14.960 that your manager does not have. And this is something 0:03:14.960 --> 0:03:18.079 that I think people really frequently don't realize, Like maybe 0:03:18.080 --> 0:03:20.760 your boss is telling you to do X, and you 0:03:20.800 --> 0:03:23.440 think the client will hate X, and the reason that 0:03:23.480 --> 0:03:25.560 you think that is that you have been in meetings 0:03:25.600 --> 0:03:27.239 with the client where they have said that they would 0:03:27.280 --> 0:03:30.959 hate X, and your boss hasn't. In a case like that, 0:03:31.040 --> 0:03:33.760 you have a professional obligation to speak up and tell 0:03:33.840 --> 0:03:37.160 your boss to share the information that you have that 0:03:37.280 --> 0:03:39.840 she doesn't have, and that might change her perspective if 0:03:39.840 --> 0:03:42.960 she did another way. I see this come up all 0:03:42.960 --> 0:03:46.880 the time is about workload. So so often people who 0:03:46.920 --> 0:03:51.120 are overworked think, well, my boss must know how high 0:03:51.200 --> 0:03:53.280 my workload is. She's the one assigning me all of this, 0:03:53.400 --> 0:03:56.360 after all, and if she keeps piling things on me, 0:03:57.000 --> 0:04:00.280 she just must not care and she expects me to 0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:04.400 just somehow get it all done. When in reality, sometimes 0:04:04.440 --> 0:04:09.400 that's true. But sometimes oftentimes your boss doesn't realize how 0:04:09.440 --> 0:04:13.160 overloaded you are. She is probably not paying nearly as 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:16.240 much attention to your workload as you are. She's counting 0:04:16.240 --> 0:04:18.560 on you to speak up if it becomes a problem, 0:04:18.720 --> 0:04:21.200 and when you don't say anything, she has no way 0:04:21.200 --> 0:04:23.880 of knowing. I can't tell you how often I've seen 0:04:23.880 --> 0:04:26.560 this dynamic play out, with the employee becoming more and 0:04:26.600 --> 0:04:30.440 more frustrated and demoralized and burned out, while the manager 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:32.760 has no idea and would step in and fix the 0:04:32.800 --> 0:04:37.000 workload problem if she knew. Not always, of course, sometimes 0:04:37.080 --> 0:04:39.799 you get a manager who really doesn't care, but enough 0:04:39.960 --> 0:04:42.279 times your boss would want to know, and so you 0:04:42.279 --> 0:04:45.320 should speak up. And that could be anything from a 0:04:45.360 --> 0:04:49.039 big sit down conversation about your workload overall, or it 0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:51.440 can be a simple hey, to make sure that you know, 0:04:51.520 --> 0:04:52.920 it's going to take me two days to do it 0:04:52.960 --> 0:04:55.120 this way, but if we do X instead, it would 0:04:55.160 --> 0:05:00.200 just take a few hours. So not adversarial, collaborate of 0:05:00.440 --> 0:05:05.520 working together problem solving. Okay, that is the overall framework 0:05:05.600 --> 0:05:06.960 that I want you to have in your head as 0:05:07.000 --> 0:05:10.320 we talk about this, But let's go through some specific 0:05:10.360 --> 0:05:12.920 examples so that you can see what it sounds like 0:05:13.000 --> 0:05:16.800 in a variety of different situations. I dug into some 0:05:16.839 --> 0:05:19.960 past ask manager letters to find some examples of times 0:05:20.000 --> 0:05:22.520 when people did need to say no to the brass 0:05:22.560 --> 0:05:25.200 so that we would have some concrete scenarios to talk about. 0:05:26.160 --> 0:05:28.560 I once had a letter from someone who had been 0:05:28.560 --> 0:05:30.960 in their job for a while but got a new manager, 0:05:31.200 --> 0:05:33.960 and the new manager kept asking them to do things 0:05:34.360 --> 0:05:36.960 that were really not their job and where there were 0:05:36.960 --> 0:05:40.200 actually specific reasons for why it wasn't their job and 0:05:40.279 --> 0:05:42.919 someone else was supposed to be doing those things. And 0:05:42.960 --> 0:05:46.320 the person writing to me, I didn't know if the 0:05:46.360 --> 0:05:48.960 new boss was giving them these assignments just because he 0:05:49.000 --> 0:05:51.480 was new and he didn't realize what the system had been, 0:05:52.160 --> 0:05:55.640 or if he was now changing things and specifically making 0:05:55.640 --> 0:05:58.720 it this person's responsibility. And so the letter writer was 0:05:58.760 --> 0:06:01.360 trying to figure out how do I raised this without 0:06:01.360 --> 0:06:04.479 sounding like I'm just flatly refusing to do it. So 0:06:04.920 --> 0:06:07.840 in a situation like that, you could say I wanted 0:06:07.880 --> 0:06:09.880 to check with you. You have asked me to do 0:06:09.960 --> 0:06:12.120 some projects recently, like X and Y, and I was 0:06:12.160 --> 0:06:13.880 of course happy to help out in a pinch, but 0:06:14.279 --> 0:06:16.159 because it's come up a few times, I wanted to 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:18.840 let you know that historically that type of work has 0:06:18.880 --> 0:06:21.400 been done by the X department, and the reason that 0:06:21.440 --> 0:06:23.880 people in my job aren't supposed to do it is blank. 0:06:24.560 --> 0:06:26.360 And I figured you didn't have that context yet, and 0:06:26.400 --> 0:06:30.559 so I should fill you in. So you're approaching this like, oh, 0:06:30.600 --> 0:06:33.839 here's this useful thing that you would probably appreciate, knowing 0:06:34.680 --> 0:06:37.840 you're not dancing around it or acting hesitant to say it. 0:06:37.839 --> 0:06:40.320 It's just, oh, here's this piece of info you probably 0:06:40.320 --> 0:06:43.960 don't have. And then if the boss pushes back anyway, 0:06:44.360 --> 0:06:46.880 you could say, well, of course, willing to try that 0:06:46.880 --> 0:06:48.320 out if you want to change that, but I want 0:06:48.360 --> 0:06:50.800 to make sure you know it would be a pretty 0:06:50.839 --> 0:06:54.799 significant change to my role, which would concern me because 0:06:54.880 --> 0:06:58.039 of blank. Before we make the change, could I tell 0:06:58.080 --> 0:06:59.960 you a bit more about why we ended up divided 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:03.240 things this way. But let's change the situation a little bit. 0:07:03.320 --> 0:07:05.680 Let's say that your boss is asking you to do 0:07:05.800 --> 0:07:09.000 something that you really don't want to take on. If 0:07:09.080 --> 0:07:12.800 you are a good employee who is generally helpful and accommodating, 0:07:13.440 --> 0:07:15.880 there is room for you to speak up. Now. If 0:07:15.920 --> 0:07:18.360 you are not a good employee, or if you have 0:07:18.400 --> 0:07:21.720 a track record of pushing back on everything, then no. 0:07:22.440 --> 0:07:25.200 But let's assume that you're in good standing. And let's 0:07:25.280 --> 0:07:27.640 say that the thing your boss is asking you to 0:07:27.720 --> 0:07:31.680 do is let's say heavy travel, and you don't want 0:07:31.720 --> 0:07:34.280 to do heavy travel. And maybe you even took the 0:07:34.360 --> 0:07:37.720 job in part because it didn't involve heavy travel. So 0:07:37.840 --> 0:07:40.920 you could say, you've been asking me lately to do 0:07:40.960 --> 0:07:43.160 more traveling, and I get why it would be useful 0:07:43.200 --> 0:07:45.360 to have another person on the team who can travel. 0:07:45.400 --> 0:07:48.280 But I want to be honest, I really dislike every 0:07:48.360 --> 0:07:51.520 traveling and I actually changed into this field to get 0:07:51.560 --> 0:07:54.120 away from doing it. I hadn't realized it would become 0:07:54.200 --> 0:07:57.360 part of my role here. Is it something that you're 0:07:57.440 --> 0:08:00.000 committed to having the person in my job do or 0:08:00.040 --> 0:08:03.760 is there any flexibility? So, in other words, just be straightforward. 0:08:03.800 --> 0:08:06.920 You're not going at it like like you're the opposition 0:08:07.040 --> 0:08:10.440 to your boss. You're not the adversary. And you're also 0:08:10.560 --> 0:08:13.480 not dancing around it and hoping they'll pick up on hints. 0:08:14.000 --> 0:08:16.640 You're just laying it out. The key to talking about 0:08:16.680 --> 0:08:19.800 this without being insupportinate is that you're not saying that 0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:22.920 you won't do it. You're just giving your boss relevant 0:08:22.960 --> 0:08:26.000 context that they might not have, some of which might 0:08:26.080 --> 0:08:29.760 be that it would significantly change your job satisfaction, which 0:08:29.800 --> 0:08:32.680 is something that any good manager will want the chance 0:08:32.679 --> 0:08:36.000 to at least factor into their thinking, even if they 0:08:36.080 --> 0:08:41.400 ultimately decide to make that change anyway. So, again, more language. 0:08:41.800 --> 0:08:43.720 To be honest, I took the role in part because 0:08:43.720 --> 0:08:47.160 it didn't involve acts or to be upfront, it's not 0:08:47.240 --> 0:08:50.360 a change I would be thrilled about because of blank 0:08:50.800 --> 0:08:54.800 or so forth. Of course, whether and when to do 0:08:54.880 --> 0:08:59.600 this depends on things like how reasonable or unreasonable the 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:02.960 request being made of you, is how much your employer 0:09:03.080 --> 0:09:06.160 values you and how much good will you've built up, 0:09:06.640 --> 0:09:09.400 and you do need to do it judiciously. If you're 0:09:09.400 --> 0:09:12.240 pushing back on every request, you're going to pretty quickly 0:09:12.320 --> 0:09:14.960 run through the political capital that you need. And of course, 0:09:15.040 --> 0:09:18.320 ultimately your manager does have the ability to say, sorry, 0:09:18.360 --> 0:09:20.080 this is the job, now take it or leave it. 0:09:20.800 --> 0:09:23.120 If that happens, you need to decide if you're willing 0:09:23.160 --> 0:09:25.240 to stay in the job knowing that these are the 0:09:25.240 --> 0:09:28.600 conditions you would need to accept. But much more often 0:09:28.600 --> 0:09:31.520 than people realize, there will be room to push back 0:09:31.600 --> 0:09:35.240 or renegotiate. Let's go to an ad break here, and 0:09:35.280 --> 0:09:36.960 then when we come back, I'm going to have lots 0:09:37.000 --> 0:09:39.200 more examples of times when you might need to say 0:09:39.200 --> 0:09:48.640 no to your boss and how to do it. So 0:09:48.720 --> 0:09:50.640 let's say that you're in a situation where you're being 0:09:50.679 --> 0:09:52.679 asked to take on something that you just don't have 0:09:52.760 --> 0:09:55.120 time to fit in with the rest of your workload. 0:09:55.760 --> 0:09:58.280 A decent manager is going to want to hear that 0:09:58.320 --> 0:10:01.320 you're concerned about it, so you should speak up. It's 0:10:01.360 --> 0:10:04.240 possible that when you talk it through, you'll find that 0:10:04.280 --> 0:10:07.040 the deadline is not as firm as it originally seemed, 0:10:07.160 --> 0:10:09.440 or that your boss is more open to pushing it 0:10:09.480 --> 0:10:12.319 back once she hears that it's causing problems. You might 0:10:12.360 --> 0:10:14.560 find out that it's fine to use shortcuts that you 0:10:14.600 --> 0:10:17.600 had assumed wouldn't be okay, or that it's really just 0:10:17.679 --> 0:10:19.680 one particular piece of the project that has to be 0:10:19.720 --> 0:10:22.000 ready on time. Who knows, maybe none of that would 0:10:22.040 --> 0:10:25.400 be true, but it's worth having the conversation. The best 0:10:25.440 --> 0:10:27.720 way to approach it is to explain what you can 0:10:27.800 --> 0:10:31.200 do and offer some options for how to proceed. So, 0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:34.839 to give you an example, you could say, I can 0:10:34.880 --> 0:10:37.319 have an outline and most of a draft ready to 0:10:37.360 --> 0:10:40.720 go by Thursday. I probably wouldn't have it completely polished 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:45.280 until Monday. Would that work? Or so to get this 0:10:45.320 --> 0:10:47.400 done by Thursday, I would need to push pretty much 0:10:47.400 --> 0:10:50.520 everything else back, which means that I wouldn't finish up 0:10:50.679 --> 0:10:53.400 X and Y until next week. Would that be okay? 0:10:54.880 --> 0:10:56.760 A lot of times that's going to solve the problem. 0:10:57.440 --> 0:11:01.440 Sometimes managers give deadlines that sound reasonable to them, but 0:11:01.559 --> 0:11:05.199 they're very open to modifying them. When you explain what's 0:11:05.200 --> 0:11:08.520 needed and why. But what if your manager tells you know, 0:11:08.800 --> 0:11:10.880 you need to stick to the original deadline with no 0:11:11.000 --> 0:11:13.480 modifications and you can't push any of the other work 0:11:13.520 --> 0:11:16.280 back if you really don't believe that you can meet 0:11:16.320 --> 0:11:19.840 that deadline. Sometimes it can make sense to say something 0:11:19.880 --> 0:11:22.760 like I hear you and how important it is to 0:11:22.760 --> 0:11:24.040 get it done by that, and I'm going to do 0:11:24.120 --> 0:11:26.520 everything that I can to make it happen. But I 0:11:26.520 --> 0:11:28.960 want to be transparent with you that I am concerned 0:11:29.000 --> 0:11:32.360 that factors X and why. I mean, I think it's 0:11:32.400 --> 0:11:34.640 going to take longer. Let me really push on it 0:11:34.679 --> 0:11:37.200 over the next day, and then update you once we 0:11:37.240 --> 0:11:40.360 see where we are. So with that kind of language, 0:11:40.440 --> 0:11:42.760 you're showing that you get it, you're taking it seriously, 0:11:43.240 --> 0:11:45.559 but that you also don't want to promise something misleading, 0:11:45.840 --> 0:11:47.800 and you're going to see what you can do and 0:11:47.880 --> 0:11:49.440 come back and update her when you have a better 0:11:49.480 --> 0:11:54.160 idea of that. Okay, let's get into some more specific examples. 0:11:54.760 --> 0:11:56.719 Let's do one. This is the one that I hear 0:11:56.800 --> 0:11:59.640 from people about a lot which is being expected to 0:11:59.760 --> 0:12:02.880 you is your own personal cell phone for work. Some 0:12:02.960 --> 0:12:04.880 people are fine with this because they don't want to 0:12:04.880 --> 0:12:07.160 have to carry a work phone and a personal phone. 0:12:07.640 --> 0:12:09.960 But there are a lot of good reasons not to 0:12:10.080 --> 0:12:13.600 agree to use your personal phone at work, especially because 0:12:13.600 --> 0:12:16.160 some companies will have you installed an app which will 0:12:16.200 --> 0:12:19.640 allow them to remotely wipe your phone when you quit 0:12:19.880 --> 0:12:22.840 or your you terminate your employment for any reason, and 0:12:22.920 --> 0:12:26.320 that is not them just remote wiping their data. It 0:12:26.360 --> 0:12:29.080 can mean wiping all of your data from your phone. 0:12:29.600 --> 0:12:32.480 So if you are using your personal cell phone at work, 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:34.520 make sure that you read what you're agreeing to. And 0:12:34.559 --> 0:12:37.120 if you're not sure about the remote wipe, ask your 0:12:37.160 --> 0:12:40.800 I T people. Anyway, if your employer suggests that you 0:12:40.840 --> 0:12:42.520 do this, that you use your personal phone as your 0:12:42.520 --> 0:12:44.240 main work phone, and you don't want to do it, 0:12:44.640 --> 0:12:47.240 you can just be very matter of fact, Oh, I'd 0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:49.280 rather not use my own phone. Can I use a 0:12:49.280 --> 0:12:53.240 company provided one instead? And if that doesn't work, then 0:12:54.400 --> 0:12:56.840 you know I'm not comfortable with the stipulations that are 0:12:56.840 --> 0:12:59.320 attached to this, like the remote wipe. What do I 0:12:59.360 --> 0:13:02.520 need to do to get a company phone instead? Okay, 0:13:02.559 --> 0:13:05.640 how about a situation where you're being asked to do 0:13:05.720 --> 0:13:08.720 something unreasonable. Let's say that you're being asked to work 0:13:09.040 --> 0:13:12.200 around the clock day after day. Sometimes you can just 0:13:12.320 --> 0:13:14.600 use a very simple statement that you just aren't going 0:13:14.640 --> 0:13:17.400 to do something the exact way that it has been requested. 0:13:17.520 --> 0:13:20.559 So you might say, well, i can't work twelve hour 0:13:20.600 --> 0:13:22.800 days every day this week, but I'll be able to 0:13:22.840 --> 0:13:25.200 do A B and C this week, not D an E. 0:13:25.600 --> 0:13:28.079 Let me know if you want me to prioritize those differently. 0:13:29.160 --> 0:13:31.760 So just matter of fact with that one and see 0:13:31.800 --> 0:13:35.640 what happens. Or how about a situation where your boss 0:13:35.720 --> 0:13:39.040 is asking you to do personal favors for her, things 0:13:39.080 --> 0:13:43.080 that really aren't your job or anyone's job, like running 0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:47.200 personal errands or even leaning her clothes. I say that 0:13:47.240 --> 0:13:49.559 because I've actually had a fair number of letters over 0:13:49.640 --> 0:13:53.840 the years about varieties of the situation. I once had 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:57.679 someone whose boss was asking her to write his papers 0:13:57.880 --> 0:13:59.760 for a class that he was taking on his own 0:13:59.760 --> 0:14:02.800 time him and I had a letter from someone whose 0:14:02.800 --> 0:14:06.120 boss would ask her employees to do really personal favors 0:14:06.160 --> 0:14:09.920 like driving her to the dentist or borrowing her shoes. 0:14:10.120 --> 0:14:13.360 That shoes is a real example stuff that you might 0:14:13.440 --> 0:14:17.680 ask a close friend, but which definitely isn't appropriate for 0:14:17.720 --> 0:14:22.040 a manager to ask employees. So with something like that, 0:14:22.160 --> 0:14:25.720 where someone is so oblivious to boundaries, sometimes the best 0:14:25.760 --> 0:14:28.200 thing to do is to just always have reasons why 0:14:28.240 --> 0:14:31.600 you're not available for the thing, like oh sorry, I'm 0:14:31.600 --> 0:14:34.800 just about to get on a conference call, or no, sorry, 0:14:34.840 --> 0:14:36.840 I've got plans at lunch so I can't drive you. 0:14:38.040 --> 0:14:40.320 But you can also address it more big picture, if 0:14:40.320 --> 0:14:43.760 you're up for that. You could say something like, you know, 0:14:43.800 --> 0:14:45.960 I don't know if you realize that you often ask 0:14:46.080 --> 0:14:49.280 us for pretty personal favors like borrowing clothes or driving 0:14:49.320 --> 0:14:52.600 you places, and because you're the boss, there's pressure to 0:14:52.640 --> 0:14:55.400 say yes. That wouldn't be there if you weren't the boss, 0:14:55.440 --> 0:14:58.440 And that's a tough situation to be in, especially when 0:14:58.440 --> 0:15:02.040 it would conflict with something work related. I figure you 0:15:02.080 --> 0:15:05.200 didn't realize how often it was happening, so I wanted 0:15:05.240 --> 0:15:07.360 to mention it to you. It can be a tough 0:15:07.400 --> 0:15:10.840 one to pull off. You won't always be comfortable doing it, 0:15:10.920 --> 0:15:14.440 depending on the dynamic with your boss, but some relationships 0:15:14.440 --> 0:15:17.920 are going to allow for it. Or with that boss 0:15:17.920 --> 0:15:21.440 who wanted the employee to write a paper for his class, 0:15:21.760 --> 0:15:25.360 you could say, hmm, I don't really feel right doing 0:15:25.360 --> 0:15:27.680 work for a class outside of the office, especially when 0:15:27.680 --> 0:15:30.600 I've got my hands full with X and have X 0:15:30.640 --> 0:15:34.560 be a work related project. If your boss then offers 0:15:34.640 --> 0:15:37.080 to relieve you of ex so that you have more 0:15:37.080 --> 0:15:40.040 time for his paper, you could say, Oh, I'm sorry, 0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:43.280 I really don't feel right about doing that. Let's do 0:15:43.320 --> 0:15:46.360 another weird one. I had a letter a while back 0:15:46.440 --> 0:15:49.320 from someone who worked remotely but had to travel to 0:15:49.480 --> 0:15:52.400 the company headquarters once a month, and the company was 0:15:52.440 --> 0:15:56.160 trying to reduce expenses, and so instead of putting her 0:15:56.240 --> 0:15:58.760 up in a hotel while she was there, they were 0:15:58.800 --> 0:16:01.440 having her sleep in the office on an air mattress. 0:16:02.160 --> 0:16:03.960 And she felt awkward about it for all of the 0:16:03.960 --> 0:16:06.840 obvious reasons, but that's not even why she was writing it. 0:16:06.840 --> 0:16:09.200 And she wrote in because for her upcoming trips, someone 0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:11.200 else was going to be staying in the office, and 0:16:11.240 --> 0:16:13.640 so they were going to have her stay at the 0:16:13.680 --> 0:16:17.800 CEO's apartment. Well, he stayed in some other property that 0:16:17.920 --> 0:16:20.640 he owned. And this wasn't even the first time they 0:16:20.680 --> 0:16:22.200 had had her do this. They had made her do 0:16:22.240 --> 0:16:25.160 it one time before, and he would come by in 0:16:25.200 --> 0:16:27.680 the morning each day she was there to get ready 0:16:27.720 --> 0:16:31.600 for work. So super uncomfortable, not something that you should 0:16:31.600 --> 0:16:35.320 expect when you're traveling through business. So let's say that 0:16:35.360 --> 0:16:39.520 you're in that bizarre situation. Sometimes it's almost harder to 0:16:39.600 --> 0:16:42.280 figure out how to say no in a situation like 0:16:42.360 --> 0:16:45.360 this because it's so weird, and the fact that they're 0:16:45.360 --> 0:16:47.480 asking you to do it like it's no big deal 0:16:48.280 --> 0:16:51.280 tells you that they aren't playing by the same rule 0:16:51.320 --> 0:16:53.520 book as the rest of us, which can make it 0:16:53.560 --> 0:16:56.280 harder to know how to approach it. But you can 0:16:56.320 --> 0:17:00.600 be pretty straightforward and assertive. So in this situation, you'd say, 0:17:01.240 --> 0:17:03.000 you know, I understand that we're trying to save money, 0:17:03.040 --> 0:17:05.040 but I am not well rested when I sleep in 0:17:05.080 --> 0:17:07.720 the office, so I'd like to start booking an economy 0:17:07.760 --> 0:17:12.639 price hotel instead. And when they proposed the CEOs apartment thing, 0:17:12.720 --> 0:17:15.479 you could say, you know, actually, I would prefer not 0:17:15.560 --> 0:17:17.720 to stay in his house because last time he kept 0:17:17.760 --> 0:17:19.320 needing to come by to pick up his things and 0:17:19.359 --> 0:17:22.600 get ready, which wasn't really conducive to having a comfortable 0:17:22.640 --> 0:17:25.399 private place to stay. So I want to book an 0:17:25.400 --> 0:17:28.040 economy hotel instead, and I'll keep the price as low 0:17:28.040 --> 0:17:30.919 as I can. So just politely assertive, you know, this 0:17:30.960 --> 0:17:33.240 won't work for me, but I hear your concerns. Let's 0:17:33.240 --> 0:17:37.120 do this other thing instead. We'll do a final break here, 0:17:37.160 --> 0:17:38.560 and then when we come back. I want to talk 0:17:38.560 --> 0:17:41.960 about a really big important category of times when you 0:17:42.040 --> 0:17:44.280 might need to push back, and that is when your 0:17:44.280 --> 0:17:56.080 employer is doing something that's illegal. Stay tuned. I get 0:17:56.160 --> 0:17:58.760 a ton of letters from people who are wondering if 0:17:58.760 --> 0:18:01.760 that's something their workplace is doing that is likely illegal. 0:18:02.720 --> 0:18:05.280 They're often wondering what their next move should be. And 0:18:05.440 --> 0:18:07.920 because most people don't know what to do if their 0:18:07.920 --> 0:18:11.679 employer is violating their legal rights at work, they often 0:18:11.880 --> 0:18:14.560 either threaten legal action too quickly or they know what 0:18:14.680 --> 0:18:17.840 speak up at all because they're not sure what to say. 0:18:18.320 --> 0:18:20.800 So first, before anything else, you want to make sure 0:18:20.800 --> 0:18:24.680 that your employer really is breaking the law. People sometimes 0:18:24.720 --> 0:18:27.760 assume that the law entitles them to things that aren't 0:18:27.800 --> 0:18:32.040 actually enshrined in law, particularly in the US, like fair 0:18:32.080 --> 0:18:36.800 treatment or paid vacation days, or a warning before being fired. 0:18:37.680 --> 0:18:40.560 So first make sure that you really are facing a 0:18:40.640 --> 0:18:44.720 legal violation. If you are, sometimes people think the first 0:18:44.760 --> 0:18:46.720 step must be to talk to a lawyer and file 0:18:46.760 --> 0:18:50.480 a lawsuit, but much of the time that won't be necessary. 0:18:50.600 --> 0:18:54.520 It might be, but jumping straight there can really poison 0:18:54.560 --> 0:18:57.720 your work environment when you don't need to. To To be clear, it's, 0:18:57.760 --> 0:18:59.879 of course you're prerogative to talk to a lawyer and 0:19:00.000 --> 0:19:02.240 persue legal action at any point if you want to, 0:19:02.840 --> 0:19:05.000 but often you can get what you want in a 0:19:05.119 --> 0:19:08.560 more low key way. Often the first step is to 0:19:08.640 --> 0:19:10.639 just talk to your employer, because a lot of the 0:19:10.720 --> 0:19:13.240 time they genuinely don't know that what they're doing is illegal, 0:19:13.400 --> 0:19:17.159 which I know sounds ridiculous, but it's often true, especially 0:19:17.200 --> 0:19:20.880 with smaller employers, and often they will back down when 0:19:20.920 --> 0:19:23.600 you point out the law to them. That even if 0:19:23.640 --> 0:19:25.800 you don't think that's the situation, you know, even if 0:19:25.800 --> 0:19:27.840 you're pretty sure that they are well aware of the 0:19:27.920 --> 0:19:31.080 law and they just don't care about following it, it 0:19:31.119 --> 0:19:34.440 can still be helpful to approach the conversation as if 0:19:34.440 --> 0:19:37.359 you're assuming that they don't know and you're just helpfully 0:19:37.440 --> 0:19:40.320 bringing it to their attention, and that you're assuming that 0:19:40.480 --> 0:19:42.320 of course they would want to know if they are 0:19:42.320 --> 0:19:46.280 breaking the law. Approaching it that way will usually get 0:19:46.359 --> 0:19:49.000 you a better outcome. Then, if you go in making 0:19:49.000 --> 0:19:52.119 it clear that you think your managers are flagrant lawbreakers 0:19:52.160 --> 0:19:55.240 right from the start. And when I say better outcome, 0:19:55.920 --> 0:19:58.920 that means not only the legal problem stops, but also 0:19:59.000 --> 0:20:03.200 that you preserve reasonably good relations with your employer. You 0:20:03.240 --> 0:20:05.520 won't always be able to do that, but when you can, 0:20:05.960 --> 0:20:08.840 it's usually in your best interests too. And I want 0:20:08.840 --> 0:20:10.879 to be really clear, I'm not suggesting that you tolerate 0:20:10.920 --> 0:20:15.120 illegal behavior in order to maintain good relationships. I'm saying 0:20:15.119 --> 0:20:18.199 that you can often get both things, the illegal behavior 0:20:18.200 --> 0:20:22.199 stopped and preserving the relationship. Not always, but enough of 0:20:22.240 --> 0:20:24.520 the time that it usually makes sense to try, and 0:20:24.560 --> 0:20:27.199 then if that doesn't work, you can escalate if it's needed. 0:20:28.359 --> 0:20:31.639 So let's take a really common example. In the US, 0:20:31.800 --> 0:20:35.720 all jobs are classified as either exempt from overtime or 0:20:35.880 --> 0:20:40.000 non exempt from overtime. If you are classified as non exempt, 0:20:40.200 --> 0:20:43.119