WEBVTT - Baby Marathon 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:04.640 Hell I Suck at Dating with Dengler and Dared Haven 0:00:04.920 --> 0:00:10.799 and I heard radio podcast What's going on everyone, And 0:00:10.840 --> 0:00:14.680 welcome to an all new episode of help Suck At Dating. 0:00:14.760 --> 0:00:17.280 And we've got Don Dais who's joining us, who actually 0:00:17.320 --> 0:00:20.360 writes books about having children, the first and the second 0:00:20.480 --> 0:00:22.319 and even if you want to run a marathons, you 0:00:22.320 --> 0:00:25.360 can give you a little bit of input on that too. Um. Don, 0:00:25.400 --> 0:00:26.639 I know we kind of talked a little bit at 0:00:26.640 --> 0:00:29.840 the top of this, but Phillison on everything you've been doing, 0:00:29.880 --> 0:00:33.760 because the main reason you're here was to talk Jared 0:00:33.800 --> 0:00:36.360 through a lot of the probably the parenting crisis that 0:00:36.400 --> 0:00:38.320 he's facing right now. But Philip put through all the 0:00:38.320 --> 0:00:41.680 listeners on what you go on, what you help people with. Um. 0:00:41.720 --> 0:00:44.239 I've written in a series of books called Vision No 0:00:44.320 --> 0:00:47.440 One Tells You. I started off writing a book. I 0:00:47.840 --> 0:00:49.840 knew that I wanted that to be the title before 0:00:49.840 --> 0:00:51.960 I knew what the book was actually going to be about. 0:00:52.080 --> 0:00:54.760 It was about a week after I had my first baby, 0:00:54.960 --> 0:00:56.560 and I was like, I know my next book is 0:00:56.600 --> 0:00:59.920 going to be all the No One Tells You About baby. 0:01:00.480 --> 0:01:02.640 So I wrote that one, and then I wrote about 0:01:02.680 --> 0:01:06.280 toddlers and baby number two and pregnancy, and so that's 0:01:06.319 --> 0:01:08.880 kind of been my jam for a little while. So 0:01:09.000 --> 0:01:10.760 how often does it happen where you be, where you 0:01:10.760 --> 0:01:13.440 get the title before you get the meat of the book. 0:01:14.319 --> 0:01:18.040 Very rarely. That title just sort of hit me like 0:01:18.520 --> 0:01:21.160 eight five times a day, and then the first couple 0:01:21.160 --> 0:01:24.720 of weeks so and there's a often you'll come up 0:01:24.720 --> 0:01:26.560 with the title and when the publisher want to change 0:01:26.560 --> 0:01:29.560 it because it just doesn't like work for marketing or whatever. 0:01:29.760 --> 0:01:32.400 And I was like, we're writing this into my contract 0:01:32.440 --> 0:01:34.320 that this is the title of this book, and I 0:01:34.360 --> 0:01:37.720 finish you that it will sell because every parent, like 0:01:37.760 --> 0:01:40.360 those first few weeks and months are like, oh my god, 0:01:40.880 --> 0:01:43.360 there's so much no one told me. So there's so 0:01:43.440 --> 0:01:46.000 much that no one told us. Yes, yes, I'm not 0:01:46.040 --> 0:01:49.480 sure that you can actually be I mean, people can 0:01:49.520 --> 0:01:51.320 tell you all of it. It's something about being in 0:01:51.360 --> 0:01:54.360 it that it just all becomes very really really really 0:01:54.440 --> 0:01:57.440 really quickly. So yeah, that's what I kind of wrote 0:01:57.480 --> 0:02:00.440 at that time. Well it's funny too, because there's a 0:02:00.560 --> 0:02:04.000 very popular child's book called Everyone Poops, and then there's 0:02:04.040 --> 0:02:06.520 also now this very popular adult book called that No 0:02:06.560 --> 0:02:11.880 One Tells Us Full circle. It's it's full circle. Very 0:02:12.000 --> 0:02:17.040 number two centric baby talking books. Um okay, so so 0:02:17.120 --> 0:02:21.400 what inspires you to write this first book? Then? Uh, well, 0:02:21.440 --> 0:02:23.760 this isn't your first This isn't your first book. And no, 0:02:23.919 --> 0:02:25.920 my first book was about training for a marathon if 0:02:25.919 --> 0:02:28.360 you're a lazy person, so basically just to do like 0:02:28.480 --> 0:02:31.400 ridiculous things and then I write books about them. So 0:02:31.919 --> 0:02:34.880 parents was far more ridiculous than a marathon. But there's 0:02:34.880 --> 0:02:38.600 a lot of similarities, I guess. I mean, having a 0:02:38.600 --> 0:02:40.880 baby isn't along a lot of ways like a marathon, 0:02:40.880 --> 0:02:45.320 I would imagine, rights, it's much longer, it's than a marathon. Yeah, 0:02:45.520 --> 0:02:48.840 eight thirty years. So yeah, the marathon went by a 0:02:48.840 --> 0:02:52.800 lot quicker than baby making thing has. So you're just 0:02:52.800 --> 0:02:55.679 like you're serial author in a lot of ways. Then yeah, yeah, 0:02:56.000 --> 0:02:59.120 nice nice. Okay, Well, so for Jared obviously, since he's 0:02:59.160 --> 0:03:02.799 not here, which is fortunate because he's he's the other 0:03:02.800 --> 0:03:04.160 reason why we wanted to have you on as a 0:03:04.160 --> 0:03:06.880 guest in part some of your wisdom for him? What 0:03:07.040 --> 0:03:09.160 is this that no one tells you about parenting? I mean, 0:03:09.200 --> 0:03:11.680 obviously say for you know, we want to buy your book, 0:03:11.680 --> 0:03:13.799 we want to read it like, don't spill too many details, 0:03:13.840 --> 0:03:18.040 but like I think, um, you know, I wrote my 0:03:18.080 --> 0:03:21.280 pregnancy version of the book and I included partners in 0:03:21.320 --> 0:03:23.840 it because I would get a lot of emails from 0:03:23.919 --> 0:03:26.840 dad's who read my first book, because you know, I 0:03:26.840 --> 0:03:29.160 think they were tracted to the word on the cover 0:03:29.320 --> 0:03:31.480 and they're like this sauce and my all in and 0:03:31.520 --> 0:03:34.200 it didn't speak really to the partners as much as 0:03:34.840 --> 0:03:37.320 the moms. Is kind of like surviving. But it was 0:03:37.360 --> 0:03:39.119 really cute because a lot of guys would reach out 0:03:39.120 --> 0:03:41.800 to me and they wanted to like figure out how 0:03:41.840 --> 0:03:44.280 to do it and how to help. And so my 0:03:44.360 --> 0:03:47.760 pregnancy one that I wrote, I brought in the partners 0:03:47.760 --> 0:03:50.440 and kind of gave advice to them. So, you know, 0:03:50.560 --> 0:03:54.160 for him, I think I wrote a list before I 0:03:54.240 --> 0:03:56.160 got on the call with you guys, and my number 0:03:56.160 --> 0:04:01.880 one rule was as a partner, never appear well rested 0:04:02.560 --> 0:04:08.200 like and then also never complain about being tired, because 0:04:08.640 --> 0:04:10.720 even if you're going to work and she's staying home 0:04:10.800 --> 0:04:14.480 or whatever, you're never as tired as she is. And 0:04:14.760 --> 0:04:17.200 for the partners, I think, you know, if the breastfeeding, 0:04:17.640 --> 0:04:20.440 it's really important to get up when that baby cries 0:04:20.520 --> 0:04:23.359 and like just misery loves company. I had a friend 0:04:23.360 --> 0:04:26.680 that we get so mad at her husband should be breastfeeding, 0:04:26.680 --> 0:04:28.600 Like what's he supposed to do? He can't do anything, 0:04:28.800 --> 0:04:31.080 and he'd he'd fall back to sleep and she'd just 0:04:31.120 --> 0:04:34.640 be like this guy and staring at him like how 0:04:34.800 --> 0:04:37.680 dare you? And so you know, my partner got up 0:04:37.720 --> 0:04:40.000 every time that baby cried and like got the baby 0:04:40.080 --> 0:04:42.080 changed and like hand the baby to me and like 0:04:42.160 --> 0:04:43.960 got me some water and then went back to bed. 0:04:44.040 --> 0:04:47.120 So we're all suffering, Like everyone needs to suffer together. 0:04:47.400 --> 0:04:49.600 So that's kind of like the biggest piece of advice 0:04:49.680 --> 0:04:53.560 for partners is like just go in there and you know, 0:04:53.680 --> 0:04:57.400 suffer with the mom basically. Well, and you kind of 0:04:57.440 --> 0:04:58.880 alluded to it a little bit there, but how much 0:04:58.880 --> 0:05:02.279 do you draw from personal experience for writing the book? Oh, 0:05:02.279 --> 0:05:04.480 it's it's a lot of my personal experience. But in 0:05:04.480 --> 0:05:07.080 this and all of my books, I bring in other people, 0:05:07.200 --> 0:05:08.720 Like I have my mom's on the front line, So 0:05:08.760 --> 0:05:10.520 I have all these different moms that I know, and 0:05:10.560 --> 0:05:12.400 I would kind of pose all the questions to them 0:05:12.400 --> 0:05:14.760 as well, because there's just no one way to do 0:05:14.839 --> 0:05:17.919 it and something that works today is not necessarily going 0:05:18.000 --> 0:05:21.240 to work tomorrow with your kids. So it's always good 0:05:21.240 --> 0:05:23.560 to have lots of options and ultimately just know that 0:05:23.600 --> 0:05:26.360 like we're all winging it and you'll figure it out. 0:05:26.400 --> 0:05:28.320 You'll figure out your baby. You're just kind of getting 0:05:28.320 --> 0:05:30.560 to know each other. And you know, it's just a 0:05:30.560 --> 0:05:33.240 lot of trial and error, especially at the beginning, well 0:05:33.600 --> 0:05:36.120 the whole process actually beginning middle and then it's all 0:05:36.160 --> 0:05:39.479 trial there and then also during COVID it's like a 0:05:39.480 --> 0:05:42.680 whole another added stress and aspect to it all. And 0:05:42.800 --> 0:05:45.880 his brother the first Ungler to have a baby. So 0:05:46.040 --> 0:05:47.719 his brother is having a baby. I think next week, right, 0:05:48.200 --> 0:05:49.840 he's not an ungler but he's a bell But yes, 0:05:50.040 --> 0:05:53.479 you will be. I'll be an uncle for the first time. Um. 0:05:53.520 --> 0:05:55.560 So I have to send this podcast episode to him 0:05:55.600 --> 0:05:57.520 to be able to prepare for it. February it is 0:05:57.520 --> 0:06:01.760 they're expected to day. So, um, is there any Is 0:06:01.760 --> 0:06:04.080 there any guidance in the book for being a good uncle? 0:06:05.760 --> 0:06:09.839 And no, I would say being a good uncle you 0:06:09.880 --> 0:06:12.039 want to give them as much space as you can. 0:06:12.480 --> 0:06:15.840 Being a good supportive friend or uncle is you know, 0:06:16.279 --> 0:06:18.520 kind of feeling out how much they really want to 0:06:18.520 --> 0:06:20.560 go and see the baby with COVID and everything. Now, 0:06:20.560 --> 0:06:23.520 it's that's a whole thing. But just give people as 0:06:23.600 --> 0:06:26.039 much space as they need at the beginning, and try 0:06:26.080 --> 0:06:29.560 not to crowd them because it's just it's super overwhelming. 0:06:29.720 --> 0:06:31.880 And if you're nearby, or if you're not nearby, you 0:06:31.880 --> 0:06:34.000 could send them like a meal, door dash or something 0:06:34.040 --> 0:06:37.520 like that. Be supportive, but like, don't show up on announced, 0:06:37.520 --> 0:06:40.120 don't like push yourself on them because they're just like 0:06:40.240 --> 0:06:43.560 barely hanging on. Usually. Yeah, it's it's it's funny you 0:06:43.560 --> 0:06:45.120 mention that too, because I was staying at my brother's 0:06:45.160 --> 0:06:46.839 house for like a week up until a week ago, 0:06:47.279 --> 0:06:48.600 and he was like, Dan, you gotta get the hell 0:06:48.640 --> 0:06:50.080 out of here, man, Like we have a baby coming 0:06:50.120 --> 0:06:52.360 on in a week, like we just need to prepare 0:06:52.480 --> 0:06:54.400 for it, and we just can't have you staying with 0:06:54.440 --> 0:06:56.120 us anymore. And then in the back of my head, 0:06:56.160 --> 0:06:58.039 I'm like, I totally understand where you're coming from, but 0:06:58.279 --> 0:07:00.000 pardon me. Was also like, oh crap, I can't belie 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:01.599 get kicked out of my brother's house right now. But 0:07:01.720 --> 0:07:03.320 I I fully agree with where you're coming from. I'm 0:07:03.320 --> 0:07:06.800 trying to give them as much space as I possibly can't. Um, 0:07:06.839 --> 0:07:09.159 how about for us, so Caitlin and I we we 0:07:09.200 --> 0:07:14.320 have no children, um, but we That's where I was 0:07:14.360 --> 0:07:17.000 going with that one. So we we bicker quite a 0:07:17.040 --> 0:07:20.360 bit about our parenting styles for our new dog. Um. 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:22.640 And I'm sure obviously having a dog child and having 0:07:22.680 --> 0:07:25.600 a human child are incredibly vastly different things, but I'm 0:07:25.640 --> 0:07:27.560 sure there's a lot of similarities to like, what do 0:07:27.600 --> 0:07:31.720 you say when maybe parents have two different parenting styles, 0:07:31.760 --> 0:07:34.240 Like one is maybe like way too attentive and the 0:07:34.240 --> 0:07:36.200 other one's way to lax, Like is there any like 0:07:36.200 --> 0:07:38.680 type of balance they're able to find there. I think 0:07:38.720 --> 0:07:41.280 it's great to have a pet in advance of having 0:07:41.320 --> 0:07:43.120 a kid because it kind of gets you used to 0:07:43.600 --> 0:07:45.800 instead of being these two independent people, you have to 0:07:45.800 --> 0:07:48.040 work together on this project and ultimately that's what kids 0:07:48.040 --> 0:07:51.480 are of their group project and you have to get 0:07:51.520 --> 0:07:54.000 on this same page at least. You have to pick 0:07:54.080 --> 0:07:55.760 sort of one route forward, and there's a lot of 0:07:55.760 --> 0:07:59.360 compromise involved in that. And having a dog is a 0:07:59.360 --> 0:08:02.560 good first that you know, like because it's really not 0:08:02.640 --> 0:08:07.320 anything like having a baby. But our compromises, there's conversations there. 0:08:07.520 --> 0:08:10.360 You know, you you both are caring for one thing 0:08:10.400 --> 0:08:13.400 instead of being too independent people. So you know, there 0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:15.560 are similarities in that regard, but you know, you can't 0:08:15.640 --> 0:08:17.400 leave a kid in a crate and then like go 0:08:17.480 --> 0:08:21.800 out the night. It's not it's really looked down upon it. 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:24.280 So it's that's quite the same. But I did think 0:08:24.320 --> 0:08:26.320 it's a good first step because I remember I got 0:08:26.360 --> 0:08:28.560 a puppy before I had a baby, and it was 0:08:28.640 --> 0:08:31.840 just like mind boggling to me the lack of freedom 0:08:31.840 --> 0:08:33.480 I had once. You know, I'm like, oh, I gotta 0:08:33.520 --> 0:08:35.440 go home. This thing's gonna was living in a condo. 0:08:35.520 --> 0:08:37.960 So I'm like, this thing's gonna like pope all over 0:08:38.000 --> 0:08:40.280 my house. You know, like like I just had so 0:08:40.360 --> 0:08:43.160 much freedom, and then that animal brings you back to 0:08:43.280 --> 0:08:46.160 like responsibility and then a kid is just you know 0:08:46.320 --> 0:08:49.040 that times a million. But it's a good first step 0:08:49.080 --> 0:09:02.080 for sure. Well it's funny you mentioned too that having 0:09:02.160 --> 0:09:04.839 a child is kind of like the penultimate group projects 0:09:04.880 --> 0:09:07.080 from college or high school or whatever it is. I 0:09:07.200 --> 0:09:10.079 hated hated group projects, So I really hope that's uh 0:09:10.160 --> 0:09:12.720 that maybe in my older older age, I've gotten better 0:09:12.760 --> 0:09:17.240 with them. But so is there like generally one thing 0:09:17.280 --> 0:09:20.760 that newborn parents disagree on most like is there one 0:09:20.800 --> 0:09:23.360 thing that you've seen and I don't know your discoveries 0:09:23.440 --> 0:09:25.680 or your learnings that like people tend to like butt 0:09:25.720 --> 0:09:28.280 heads on the most about I think it's just like 0:09:28.400 --> 0:09:31.720 the sleep deprivation makestion into an insane person. And so 0:09:32.720 --> 0:09:35.760 you just like you fight over the stupidest stuff, and 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:37.760 you just have to be like you have to give 0:09:37.760 --> 0:09:40.040 each other a lot of grace because you are not sleeping, 0:09:40.080 --> 0:09:43.360 you're not bathing, like it's it's dark days, and so 0:09:43.760 --> 0:09:46.320 you can start fighting over just the stupidest stuff and 0:09:46.320 --> 0:09:48.559 you're having these arguments and whispers because you don't want 0:09:48.559 --> 0:09:52.000 to wake the baby, like and like it's just this 0:09:52.240 --> 0:09:55.680 like weird in lest psychotic time and so there's not 0:09:55.800 --> 0:09:59.319 you're usually not arguing over bid stuff. It's little tiny stuff. 0:09:59.360 --> 0:10:01.160 And some have if a bit, someone knock on your 0:10:01.160 --> 0:10:03.439 door and like make that dog start barking when the 0:10:03.520 --> 0:10:06.000 kid is sleeping. Oh, it's over. Like you're screaming at 0:10:06.040 --> 0:10:08.040 each other, screaming at the person, just like screaming at 0:10:08.080 --> 0:10:11.560 the dog, and it's just just super heightened time. So 0:10:11.600 --> 0:10:15.040 I think for guys, it's really important for them to 0:10:15.040 --> 0:10:18.439 get in there and learn and make time with their 0:10:18.480 --> 0:10:20.800 kids because I was I had no idea what to 0:10:20.800 --> 0:10:22.600 do with the baby when I had a baby, and 0:10:22.600 --> 0:10:24.800 I would instantly like hand the baby off because I'm like, 0:10:24.880 --> 0:10:26.599 I don't want to break her. I don't want to 0:10:26.600 --> 0:10:28.920 break her. And when she's learned, heads bobbling everywhere, and 0:10:29.000 --> 0:10:32.200 so you have nobody knows what they're doing. You're not 0:10:32.200 --> 0:10:34.560 gonna break the baby, So like you need to get 0:10:34.559 --> 0:10:37.240 in there. My partner would give the baby a bath 0:10:37.280 --> 0:10:39.640 every night, and just because I was breastfeeding, and so 0:10:39.720 --> 0:10:42.080 I would go have my time alone and they would 0:10:42.080 --> 0:10:45.360 connect with baby, do a feeding every once in a while. 0:10:45.480 --> 0:10:48.320 Like you, none of us know what we're doing, so 0:10:48.360 --> 0:10:49.800 you kind of have to get to know the baby. 0:10:49.800 --> 0:10:52.680 You gotta, you gotta, you know, do the learning curve 0:10:52.720 --> 0:10:54.839 early and often because it's not easy. It's not easy 0:10:54.880 --> 0:10:57.880 for anybody. So I think the biggest thing, especially for 0:10:57.920 --> 0:11:00.280 partners is to like really show up and show that 0:11:00.320 --> 0:11:02.480 you're trying, even if you're failing, Just like show that 0:11:02.520 --> 0:11:04.960 you're trying and help out around the house and contribute 0:11:05.000 --> 0:11:08.719 and don't appear to be well arrested. That's number one. 0:11:09.720 --> 0:11:11.920 Don't wait what is it don't tell you the other 0:11:11.920 --> 0:11:15.280 parent that you're well arrested, don't appear to be well arrested. 0:11:15.840 --> 0:11:19.840 And if mom is not showering, nobody's showering, like that 0:11:19.880 --> 0:11:21.880 would be That's been an argument before. It's like someone 0:11:21.880 --> 0:11:24.679 walks in, they've showered you, Like what when? When did 0:11:24.679 --> 0:11:27.520 you have time to shower? What's like it's like it's 0:11:27.640 --> 0:11:30.760 crazy new life that you're leading that Heaven forbid you 0:11:30.800 --> 0:11:32.600 take a time out of your day to shower and 0:11:32.600 --> 0:11:35.440 your partner hasn't had that opportunity, and all hell can 0:11:35.440 --> 0:11:38.040 break loose. It's just little stuff and how long does 0:11:38.040 --> 0:11:40.240 this last for? Like how long does that stage last? For? 0:11:41.640 --> 0:11:46.520 Um less for a while, Like I don't want to 0:11:46.720 --> 0:11:49.079 make anybody too scared, But once you get out like 0:11:49.120 --> 0:11:51.679 the toddler years. My kids are eight and ten now 0:11:51.920 --> 0:11:56.400 and they're great. I think probably maybe six and eight 0:11:56.720 --> 0:12:02.440 we really hit a stride where well, but there's there 0:12:02.520 --> 0:12:03.760 was two of them, so there would be a lot 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:06.240 of like you know, just poking at each other and 0:12:06.280 --> 0:12:09.080 being breast together. And so now they're just fine, they're 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:12.680 just they're good kids. But three or four year olds 0:12:12.840 --> 0:12:15.760 or not the funnest. So once you get past three 0:12:15.840 --> 0:12:18.920 or four years old, they kind of get into they're 0:12:18.960 --> 0:12:21.720 just they become little humans. They're just they're not quite 0:12:21.840 --> 0:12:24.160 humans until that age, and there's a lot of emotion 0:12:24.200 --> 0:12:25.599 they don't know how to process. There's a lot of 0:12:25.640 --> 0:12:28.120 screaming to them. You're living with like an insane person. 0:12:28.320 --> 0:12:30.760 You're like, why are you screaming? They don't know what 0:12:30.880 --> 0:12:35.080 they're screaming. And then everybody's super stressed out. But as 0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:37.600 far as partners go, you kind of get into your 0:12:37.640 --> 0:12:41.960 groove early and figure it out. Hopefully by year three 0:12:41.960 --> 0:12:45.080 and four you're not still fighting over the same stuff 0:12:45.080 --> 0:12:47.840 because you figured it out. You know. Yeah, well, so 0:12:47.920 --> 0:12:50.160 you mentioned breastfeeding earlier to how like when the mom 0:12:50.240 --> 0:12:52.360 is breastfeeding and the dad can't really do much about it, 0:12:52.400 --> 0:12:53.920 Like the dad goes off and goes to sleep. Is 0:12:53.920 --> 0:12:56.000 there anything that the dad can do to like help 0:12:56.160 --> 0:12:58.760 either the breastfeeding process or like, let's say the mother 0:12:58.880 --> 0:13:01.559 is exhausted the baby is hungry, Like, is there anything 0:13:01.559 --> 0:13:03.640 like the husband can do or the father can do 0:13:03.800 --> 0:13:06.760 in that case? Like, you can always think it just 0:13:06.840 --> 0:13:08.560 kind of depends on the mom as far as what 0:13:08.640 --> 0:13:11.120 she wants to do. You can always encourage her to 0:13:11.160 --> 0:13:15.280 pump between feedings and freeze the milk, and then you 0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:16.800 can give a feeding. If you can give like one 0:13:16.840 --> 0:13:21.240 feeding a night, you'll be a godsend. Um. And also 0:13:21.480 --> 0:13:24.640 just if that's not a possibility, then do the dishes. 0:13:24.679 --> 0:13:26.960 Do the laundry, because stuff like, for some reason, this 0:13:27.040 --> 0:13:30.760 little thing makes more laundry than seems entirely even possible. 0:13:30.800 --> 0:13:32.640 But they're just like you put something on in there, 0:13:32.800 --> 0:13:35.360 if you're gone, you're like, all right, next thing, So 0:13:35.559 --> 0:13:38.320 do the laundry, do the dishes, do things to make 0:13:38.360 --> 0:13:41.080 it easier in other areas, and like I said, keep 0:13:41.120 --> 0:13:46.600 her a little like breastfeeding section well stopped water magazines. 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:49.520 I had, like make sure she has everything when she 0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:52.000 has because it's you basically are just like, change to 0:13:52.040 --> 0:13:54.679 that chair because at the breastfeed this kid for hours, 0:13:54.880 --> 0:13:59.160 you know. So yeah, and insist on trying to take 0:13:59.160 --> 0:14:01.640 a feeding down and again and if she'll if she'll 0:14:01.679 --> 0:14:04.160 pump and like or formula feed, if you guys want 0:14:04.160 --> 0:14:06.520 to formulate fly now and again. Yeah. Well, Jared, I 0:14:06.559 --> 0:14:07.839 hope you're listening to this because it sounds like a 0:14:07.920 --> 0:14:10.200 lot of very good advice. Um, it sounds like your 0:14:10.240 --> 0:14:15.360 firstborn was a girl. Was your second born also girl? Boy? Oh? Boy? Okay, 0:14:15.400 --> 0:14:17.800 so obviously it's different because you had the boy after 0:14:17.840 --> 0:14:20.080 already having the girl. But did you notice a difference 0:14:20.120 --> 0:14:22.560 in like the early stages with either the boy or 0:14:22.560 --> 0:14:25.600 the girl. Um. I noticed difference in early stages in 0:14:25.760 --> 0:14:28.960 me because I was a mess with my first one. 0:14:29.080 --> 0:14:31.080 I was just like I had no idea was doing. 0:14:31.120 --> 0:14:34.040 I was so nervous. I was so wanting every stage 0:14:34.080 --> 0:14:36.040 to come quick, like I just when is she going 0:14:36.080 --> 0:14:37.360 to sleep? When she going to do this? When you 0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:40.760 and I was just like so crazy and so worried 0:14:40.800 --> 0:14:42.880 about something bad happening. And I noticed to do with 0:14:42.960 --> 0:14:45.840 kids or babies, like they're just completely foreign. So when 0:14:45.840 --> 0:14:49.080 my second came, I was just a completely different person 0:14:49.280 --> 0:14:53.360 and he was a different baby. Um, he was a 0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:55.280 little easier, but I'm not even sure if he was easier. 0:14:55.320 --> 0:14:58.600 I think I was just calmer. I was. If he 0:14:58.640 --> 0:15:01.920 didn't sleep, I was like, okay, asleep, eventually he's going 0:15:02.000 --> 0:15:04.040 to fall asleep. You're good. You're staying there. That's where 0:15:04.040 --> 0:15:05.640 you're staying. And when I'm not moving you, I'm not 0:15:05.720 --> 0:15:08.240 doing Like I wasn't trying to follow any rules. I 0:15:08.240 --> 0:15:09.880 was just like, we're just going to roll with it. 0:15:10.080 --> 0:15:11.680 And so I'd be up all night with him, but 0:15:11.720 --> 0:15:14.080 I wasn't like stressed out about it. I knew eventually 0:15:14.120 --> 0:15:16.720 he'd sleep and everything would eventually happen. So it was 0:15:16.760 --> 0:15:20.160 just much more present with him because I wasn't as nervous. 0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:23.280 I knew everything would be okay, less nervous, more callous. 0:15:23.320 --> 0:15:25.440 You've been through the ring of fire before, so you 0:15:25.480 --> 0:15:27.720 know exactly what to expect and you could deal with 0:15:27.720 --> 0:15:30.360 it no problem. Yeah. Yeah, And I mean there are 0:15:30.400 --> 0:15:32.960 different babies that have different issues, but like even things 0:15:32.960 --> 0:15:34.720 like breast being, I could do it the second time. 0:15:34.800 --> 0:15:37.480 It wasn't this learning curve. I knew, I knew how 0:15:37.520 --> 0:15:40.880 to operate a baby. He was different, but it wasn't 0:15:40.920 --> 0:15:44.600 as difficult. And there they are very different humans. It's 0:15:44.720 --> 0:15:47.800 very it's very fun um the difference between a boy 0:15:47.800 --> 0:15:49.320 and a girl, my boy and a girl. There's other 0:15:49.320 --> 0:15:52.280 people that have boys and girls that aren't you know, 0:15:52.400 --> 0:15:55.400 your standard boy and girl. But she's just a sensitive 0:15:55.440 --> 0:15:57.960 little ball of love and light. And he's just like, 0:15:58.000 --> 0:16:01.120 you know, fart jokes and like video games, and it's 0:16:01.160 --> 0:16:03.640 just so funny because he's such a sense of bloyment. Also, 0:16:04.120 --> 0:16:08.120 he realized heavily on fart jokes, and that's just I mean, 0:16:08.160 --> 0:16:10.040 as as a thirty year old man, I still rely 0:16:10.400 --> 0:16:12.360 pretty heavily on fart jokes. So I see where he's 0:16:12.400 --> 0:16:14.720 going from stuff he throws out. You're just like, all right, 0:16:14.800 --> 0:16:17.000 well that's just born in. That is just born in, 0:16:17.280 --> 0:16:32.160 but entertains me constantly. So yeah, it's funny. Full disclosure, 0:16:32.240 --> 0:16:34.760 I'm not really too keen on having kids, but Kalen is, 0:16:34.840 --> 0:16:36.480 and so I'm gonna. I feel like I've been asking 0:16:36.520 --> 0:16:38.360 all questions. I wanted her to ask some questions now, 0:16:39.000 --> 0:16:42.040 I mean my biggest thing, I don't know. I have 0:16:42.120 --> 0:16:45.240 feel like you asked them all. I also don't know 0:16:45.280 --> 0:16:46.560 if I want to have kids. I just did a 0:16:46.600 --> 0:16:48.600 fertility test to see if I can even have them, 0:16:48.640 --> 0:16:55.160 but I found out I'm fertile enough. Maybe potentially step one. 0:16:56.200 --> 0:16:58.240 I don't know. I just have such a fear of children, 0:16:58.240 --> 0:17:00.520 and like hearing all the horror stories, but obviously like 0:17:00.600 --> 0:17:02.400 they do bring such a light into your life, but 0:17:03.400 --> 0:17:06.280 I'm just terrified and hearing these stories, I'm like, will 0:17:06.320 --> 0:17:08.320 we ever sleep again? Will we ever be able to 0:17:08.840 --> 0:17:14.160 lead normal lives again, have sex again. It's like, how 0:17:14.160 --> 0:17:18.160 old are you guys early thirties, he's thirty. Oh, you're 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:21.200 still very young. Yeah, I mean you know, like it's 0:17:21.359 --> 0:17:24.199 there's no rush, you know, it's not like your forty 0:17:24.280 --> 0:17:26.200 and you're like, oh, I literally I've got it, taking 0:17:26.359 --> 0:17:28.480 clock care. I mean, you have plenty of time too. 0:17:28.680 --> 0:17:33.160 I think on my second when I was thirty five. Um, yeah, 0:17:33.200 --> 0:17:35.680 there's pros and cons to doing it earlier and later. 0:17:35.800 --> 0:17:37.360 When you do it a little later like I did, 0:17:37.560 --> 0:17:40.399 you're very conscious of what you're missing out on because 0:17:40.400 --> 0:17:43.160 you had this amazing life before. And then it's kind 0:17:43.200 --> 0:17:47.800 of but like I said, if we all settled in, 0:17:48.160 --> 0:17:51.199 you know, like I always tell them there, they were 0:17:51.200 --> 0:17:52.960 a ton of work, and I always tell them like, 0:17:53.400 --> 0:17:57.040 I had to give up caffeine and sushi and that's 0:17:57.080 --> 0:17:58.879 about it. Caffeine and sushi were the big thing that 0:17:58.920 --> 0:18:01.640 had to give up to to have them. And they 0:18:01.640 --> 0:18:03.800 were like, oh, because I know that's like my whole life, 0:18:03.840 --> 0:18:08.600 that's my diet is katheine and sushi. So I always 0:18:08.600 --> 0:18:09.879 tell them, you know, the things I gave up. I 0:18:09.920 --> 0:18:12.120 didn't sleep for five years, and they know I love 0:18:12.200 --> 0:18:13.879 that too, and then I'm like, but you guys are 0:18:13.920 --> 0:18:18.040 worth every second of it, you know. They it's a 0:18:18.080 --> 0:18:21.399 weird thing because yes, it's so hardest thing you'll ever do, 0:18:21.560 --> 0:18:23.280 and then the best thing you ever do, you know, 0:18:23.480 --> 0:18:26.959 and it's definitely front loaded with the hard park, and 0:18:27.040 --> 0:18:31.360 then it gets into these really amazing times when you're 0:18:31.400 --> 0:18:34.680 just watching these little humans that you created become humans 0:18:34.680 --> 0:18:37.760 and you to like witness that. So I think it's 0:18:37.800 --> 0:18:39.639 worth it. But it is like you have to go 0:18:39.680 --> 0:18:42.119 into annoying. It's going to be really really hard in 0:18:42.200 --> 0:18:45.280 the beginning, and eventually it'll be worth it. I think 0:18:45.520 --> 0:18:47.720 people always say, you know, it gets better, it gets better, 0:18:47.760 --> 0:18:50.200 and you're just like, okay, if it's not better by 0:18:50.240 --> 0:18:52.560 like midnight, then I don't want to talk about it, 0:18:52.680 --> 0:18:55.160 you know, because like you're not helpful. I haven't slept 0:18:55.160 --> 0:18:57.520 the bathe in two weeks. Like I don't want to 0:18:57.520 --> 0:18:59.760 hear about it getting better right now. It's it's not 0:18:59.800 --> 0:19:02.680 all so so it does get better though, as cliche 0:19:02.720 --> 0:19:05.199 as that sounds, Yeah, And the crazy thing about it, it 0:19:05.119 --> 0:19:07.000 it seems to me from the outside looking in, is 0:19:07.040 --> 0:19:09.520 like you just you never get a break, Like when 0:19:09.560 --> 0:19:11.160 you go to work, you go to work for four 0:19:11.240 --> 0:19:12.879 year to sixty hours a week whatever it is, and 0:19:12.880 --> 0:19:14.359